Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder - We gotta talk… Love Island, sexy chocolates & Mallorca debrief

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

The girls are BACK from Mallorca and they have a lot to unpack! 🍸🌞 Hallie and Lauren recap every unhinged moment from Lauren's bachelorette getaway, from Bloody Marys and tanning to finding a house with “character” (whatever that means) and debating the ethics of posting men. They get into sexting, "sexy chocolate," being a human vacuum, and what’s going down in Fiji with Love Island. They also deep dive the word "slut," plus plenty of unfiltered conversations about sex. It's messy and exactly the kind of post-vacation debrief you'd expect. Pour yourself a drink, grab your girlfriend, and don't forget to subscribe on YouTube!!! Muah! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

All right, let's talk about Love Island now. Like, what would you say if you were coming in as a bombshell? I'd be like, I'm Hallie, and I don't give a fuck who's watching. Turn off the TV, parents. Your man's about to get clipped and cracked. I have no moral ethical foundation. What's up, y'all? Let's get Extra Dirty.

Welcome back to Extra Dirty. I'm here with Lauren. We just got back from... Fresh off a Bachelorette trip. Majorca. Majorca. Did you have fun? I had the best trip of my life.

Did you have fun? I had, I was, I hit flow state. You actually did. No, like, I've never been so relaxed my life. I want to go there on many retreats. It honestly, it honestly wasn't even like, I kind of anticipated me like going out to the club, but I should have known better with your business that we'd be staying in. But like, I kind of like, just like, boat days and relaxing and like, and then we'd go to a

nice dinner and then we'd call it a night. I think it was like great. And everyone was, this is going to sound really bad? but I don't mean it like this. I just feel like I never really try to. I obviously like doc all the time, but like I don't try to make myself like the center of attention. And I felt very special to everyone on the trip,

which I've never really like, you know? Yeah, I feel like that's important. Yeah, like everyone made it about me and I was like really like that. It was like an elongated birthday. Well, at least you, yeah. And I was nice to this time. You were nice to me. I actually was very pleasant towards you towards this whole trip.

Holly was quite lovely. I was napping half the time. Hallie slept probably 75% of the trip. I'm worried for her now. I kept working up at 4 a.m. because I was on. My clock was off. Is that why? And then I was just like so like the ocean and like the fresh air.

You were relaxed. I guess that's what you relaxed looks like. And I kept passing out. I mean, it was the Bloody Mary. I'd have her breakfast every day. Yeah, it was probably that. I mean, Hallie would. Actually, it was never too drunk ever.

I'm actually shocked that you found Bloody Mary's there. They were really good. Like, we stayed in a town of probably 20 people. Somehow you found a Bloody Mary at 10 in the morning. I mean, that town, the town we stayed in, so we stayed in Dea, right? It's a very small, cute, like, it has a lot of character in the town. And it's bougie, though, at the same time. I feel like there's a five-star hotel down the street from our Airbnb.

Hallie, before she got there, split up on my story and goes, the house has a lot of character. It does. That was coming off of me being like, nice right no I thought it was really nice I thought it was cute I could picture the Instagrams in my head which I felt was important to you as well very what I wasn't I didn't arrive with you what it would it look like Airbnb B they shoot on like point five when they like photograph it do you that okay so pretty much like that they shoot in point five so when I got there and it was like six in the morning it was done

dark. I walked in and I was like, they cat house to you. Like, I didn't say a word to live. Like, we walked in and I needed like 10 minutes to process and I was like, we didn't have like the room situated in our heads. We were like, fuck. And then it got really sunny and we opened up all the windows and we walked to town. I didn't know how close it was to town. And when we came back, I was like, nice. No, it's really nice. It was perfect. I would go back to that same way or me and me.

You were mugged by bugs. I was mauled. by bugs. I was getting bug-mogged. I actually knew that would happen. I think that's why I gave you the downstairs room. You were punishing me. I was.

There was no bugs in... No. Was there bugs upstairs? Yeah. There was like those roly-polys everywhere, but I guess that's like... Yeah, they were like ingradens ass. I was like, oh, I thought they were like pebbles. Wait, literally, they looked like pebbles.

And I was like, they were like ingradens bathing suit bottoms. No. Shut up. I was like, damn, you shit his pants. But it was the... the roly polis and then they'd like they would come out and they'd like yeah you know i mean have you wake up i don't i don't like a bug fanatic i don't watch roly polly sleep when i have downtime they sleep on their back like they look like they're dead so i kept walking and i was like oh

dead roly pulley and then i would pick it up and it would just go into a ball i'd be like keep snapping like green we wake up wake him up from a nap yeah he like rolls into a ball yeah my only qualm was the bugs in the bugs in the pool yeah just like but i was just like but i was just like That's just that's just, my orca, it's buggy. I was topless the whole time. I feel like it was topless the whole trip. I was very worried for her chest. I kept walking over to her being like, Hallie.

Honestly, I needed to tan it. It looks better now that it has a little tan on it. Honestly, it kind of does. No, it does. I think you needed that. I think I needed that. It was like pale pink. Like, I'm so tan.

Like, it's not. It's crazy. Can I tell you something? Yeah, I'm scared. I went bed tanning today. Okay. That you? I don't want to lose it.

Paige is going to tan-mog me this weekend at her bachelor's. My friend's sick. She's sick. She has a disease. No, I can't have Paige tan-mog me all weekend. She tans too. I need to keep it at least of the weekend. But now my ass is burnt.

Did you put some luck on your show? I did, I did. But I was like trying to do it sneakily. And then I went in and like the girl behind the desk, I was take a picture with me. And I was like, fuck. You're like, my friends are. going to see this. I'm like, this is going to be on the internet tomorrow. Oh my I mean,

you look you my skin's never been better because of GHK peptides and all the things. And all the things. And MediCube. And MediCube. Thank you. I have been the biggest advocate for Korean skincare in the past month. I've been getting really into skincare. It feels like therapy to me for my face. You need to give me all the tips then. Well, I, you can send me a video. I'm about to post one tomorrow for MetaCuban actually does work and I use it. Perfect. But it's a big tool. It has mask mode.

You put a mask on and then you go on top with the mask. I'm not over the fact that you had into a tanning bed. I'm sorry. I can't think about anything else right now. Listen. How long? How long? The longest.

Which honestly, I was going into it thinking like I don't have a profile with them. So they're gonna be like, you can only go in for six minutes. They let you go in for like, what? But I think because she, like, knew who I was. She let me go in for the whole time. What's the whole time? It's like 15 minutes? 12.

10. Thank God. You definitely. Imagine you were like, oh, one more. Run it back. She goes, how much time do you want to go in? I was like, as much time as you love me. Where'd you go?

Beachbone tanning. The girl was so cute, sweet though. And shout out of that girl because she hooked it up. Oh, my lord. Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to. go tomorrow. You're probably going to go tomorrow. No, I have a hair appointment tomorrow because I look like a bald ferret right now. My extensions are so chopped cheese and I can't do it. Oh, my

I canceled my date yesterday. Oh, with the guy who's an aspiring influencer. I don't know if he's in it. I want to give him a fair shot because I'm starting to think that I'm the problem because he's so nice to me. Okay. But like that gives me the ick. To give it backstory. there is some back story. There's a guy that Hallie has blessed. And naturally when she blesses them, she

loves to post a photo of them. That's not what I do. I don't do that. I accidentally do that when I am drunk at the afters or drunk with my friends. No, it's like when you're drunk at the bar, you'll like pretend to like his thumb. It's funny because if I actually hooked up

with all the guys I pose. Like, but like mine, kind of thing in my head is like if I actually like a guy I won't post them I've actually I've seen there's a pattern there's a pattern so you know I don't like him when I he's on what she's posting apparently we have since learned that he moved here with the intent right that the word intent to be an influencer then claims he doesn't know Hallie please he posts TikToks like of course he knows exactly he knows he knows he

He basically recited one of my TikToks back to me when I went out to dinner with him. He's doing the thing that we do and we see people like slabs and we're like, what do you do? Like as if we don't know who they are. We do that, you know? But now, like, and also, like, I'm assuming he has a 23-year-old sister. Right. And you don't think that, like, she's sending him the TikToks? No, it would be better if he was like, oh, I've seen your stuff.

Like, it would have been better than being like, oh, who are you? I mean, I don't really have any male fans. So they're all gay males, which I love you guys. Love my gays. But like, I don't have straight. Whenever a straight man comes up to me and is like, I love your TikToks. I'm like, either you're gay and you don't know it yet or you're trolling my ass. Yeah.

Fuck you and fuck your mother. But the straight guys see your stuff. I don't know. Yes, they do, Holly. I don't know if I'm like hitting Algo for them. You for sure are. Because my ex has seen your stuff. Well, fuck him.

And has some of them. He blocked me. He blocked. Damn. I guess we said some. Is that the one? He said, I said it was weird.

Yeah, and I said it was boring. He is weird and boring and chopped. Goodbye. Goodbye. Sometimes I forget there's cameras here. One, two, three. And I talk and I just, you know,

forget that there's real people out there that hear the shit. That are, yeah, that are offended by the things that we say. But it's the truth. Sometimes I get lost and I'm like, just having a conversation with you and like, we're just like yapping about, you know.

We're just yapping. We're just yapping. And then I get a text saying, What the fuck would you say that? That happens all the time to me. That happens a lot, actually. I need to be more proactive vote D. I can't even say that.

I literally invited you to a dinner party tonight with hot guys. There's going to be hot guys there. But they're all going to Shay after and I'll see that shit. I know, I know, I know, I'll see them at Shia. I don't want to talk to them with lighting in the room. You know what I mean? Yes. And like Omikaze, like I'm nauseous.

Oh my Gossi. Oh, my Kossi. Oh, Maca, babe. Omikaze. Oh, Maca Kossi. Oh, my Kossi. Oh mycosi. Lauren's like, do you want to have endless espresso martini

and omacasi? Well, I left out the omacose part because I was like, let me just tell her that there's endless flow of martinis and dirty martini. Sorry, let me eat raw fish in 90 degree weather and talk to strangers. Honestly, though, I should.

I will scope it out for you and I'll tell you if there's any hot men and then I will bring them to Chey and everything. You know, you should do. You should make your background on your phone, me. Like the best picture of me. And like just go up to all these guys at the Omicococococon.

say, do you want her? And say, do you want this pussy? That's perfect. Do you want, what do you call it? This pussy. No, no. How do you, how do you say that again? This pussy.

No, what do you, you say something crazy? You're like, how do you say fuck sometimes? Hello, law. You're like, I got, oh, do you want to crack my, oh, yeah, do you want to crack her? Do you want to get cracked? Do you want to get clipped? Do you want to get, um, what, what's the photo that I would, what's the photo that I would show? Don't jump on that.

And honestly, I probably lost most interest in every single guy on my roster from posting that today. Maybe like this. Yeah. I like this one. No, I feel like, all. They're all hot. I'm a hot girl. Please.

Um, what about? Oh, this one's hot. Okay. I'm not that blonde. I know. Do you want to be? Yeah. Make that your background.

Do you want to be him for my friend? They want to be him. I just think that instead of opening my legs, I should start opening my heart more. I love that. But like, also my legs. Also your legs. Maybe legs and heart at the same time. Maybe lead with heart, follow with legs.

What do you think about that? Do you believe that, like, if you hook up with someone on the first date, that, like, they won't take you seriously? No. Because I believe that you should. I've never, like, been on a day first. Like, it's always the opposite. Yeah. Like, you got to like, everyone's like, they're not going to.

Exactly. What if he sucks in bed? Those are the most important things. Everyone's like, they're not going to buy the cow if they can get the milk for free. I say, fuck the milk. Who's going to buy a car they have in test drive ever? But they can also get attached to the cow. You boss me.

What do you mean they got attached to the cow? Like, digmatized, pussymatize, whatever you call it. Like the milk is so good. Like the milk is so good. going to get attached to the cow. You know, I've been doing them recently. Where's this going? Tell me.

Drinking milk? No, I got to have nothing. But, like, it's just getting attached to milk and guys. Okay. Yeah, wait. The past few guys I've hooked up with, I have these, like, shrooms in my fridge. Mm-hmm. They're, like, sexual arousal little chocolates.

Okay. And I take, like, a bunch of them before I have sex. Oh, it's, like, a bunch of them, like, an entire bar. Like an entire, like half a bar, yeah. What do they do? It just makes you like really, it feels like you're like on like a healthy Molly, like kind of. What are they like drugs? You just feel sensitive to the touch.

Are they drugs or are they like? No, they're like I got gifted like on Shopmai. It's called Sprint Alice. Got, oh, it's Alice. It's Alice, yeah. Oh. It's really fun. Wait, I, are they new?

Because if not, I think I've bought them before, but I've never used them. Well, they're on Shopmine. I know Alice Mushrooms. I haven't bought them. I know how. But I try. them and I really like them. I got two.

I got one for like getting horny and another one for like being social. Oh, oh. Yeah. That's new. Yeah. I know they had one for, I'm going to look it up. I know they had one for focus. I know they had an arousal one.

Yeah, I OD on that basically. But you just take so. I definitely like taking one before, but I didn't feel anything but you're taking like. No, I took a couple just because I knew I would take it would take a couple. Wait, let me see. What's it called? The dosing is. Sensual mushroom.

chocolates but they're not like real shrew i think they're like legal like they're like they're like herb yeah they're like herb it's like a mushroom herb but me and me and the most recent guy we both took them and we're both like holy fuck we're so horny how long did it take to hit like 10 minutes and then he hit wait speaking of which jordan yesterday did you crack you come had not literally no because Not yet. I've been falling asleep since. I haven't seen him. I've been falling asleep at 8 p.m.

and he comes home at, like, he came home at 2 a.m. the other night. He was at the NBA draft. And then yesterday, I didn't see him either. I fell asleep. Yeah. But. He's a happy in relationship. But he comes home, the one time that I saw him before he went to the draft.

He goes, the draft, the draft, the draft. He goes. The NBA, not the war. Yeah, the NBA, yeah. Jordan can't go. We can't go there. Either. Basically, my friends, we got drunk at the dinner table.

were making me sexed and I don't I'm not a sexster like I I can't I probably am the worst flirt in the entire world I don't know how I have a I love that you brought this up because I forgot about and they were making me sexed Jordan Jordan's like on the plane lives texting her boyfriend they're like Jordan's fully facing the window like like this and he comes home yesterday comes home yesterday he's like so like when do you want to go get your new toys and I was like what Like, what are you talking about? He's like, like, you wanted to go to the pleasure chest. I was like, oh.

You guys have a fucking, like, reoccurrence at the pleasure chest. I love the pleasure chest. No, like, I haven't, I haven't gotten a new toy in, like, so long. They're just, like, sent to me. I love, I love, I also just love walking in there. My apartment is the pleasure chest. I love walking in there. Like, the people that you see, you're like, what are you getting?

And then you, like, see, like, a random old guy, like, walk out. You're like, hmm. Yeah. But he was, I was like, oh. I think Jordan we were fucking with you and he was so upset. You shouldn't have said that. I was going to tell him. Like we'll still do it.

I'm still down. What were you guys talking about doing? I was telling him that like he goes, yeah, the caviar thing was weird. I guess I told him to like caviar off me. I was like, I have caviar in the fridge. I mean, not that weird, but he was like, hmm, a little strange. I don't see him doing that. I don't know.

I feel like I could see you doing like a, fun role play thing. Me in a wig. Yeah. At a bar. At a bar. But like, what do people recognize you? And they were like, what are you doing your, what are you doing at Sartianos with the wig on, Lauren?

Why do you have a pixie cut wig, red hair? No, like, I'm like in a trench, naked. Naked. Naked. What would Jordan be wearing? Jordan has like an eye patch on. Yeah, but you really need to step up your sexting game. I think it's so fun.

I like, I think I genuinely. My posies wet. My pussy's jumping one. I want it to be on your do it. And now I just like, I can't. I don't know why. It makes me giggle. Like, when I think about sexting him.

I don't know why. We used to, obviously, in the beginning. But now I'm just like, mm-hmm. You're like, oh. It's just, right. It's like, oh, yeah. Talk about this later. Yeah.

I mean, you guys are going to be swingers in like 10 years anyway. So, I mean, the spice will come at some point. His mom. What? Sorry. For my birthday last summer, his mom gave me... For my birthday last summer, his mom gave me a book about Swingers from New Canaan. It's some book called, like, I don't know.

It was written, it's like a fiction book, but it's like written about like actual families, I guess. Swing in New Canaan. Was she trying to tell you it's okay? I don't know. And to embrace your shoes out. I was like... She definitely thinks you're a fucking freak ass. She definitely thinks that we're a freak.

But she loves me. Does she love me? She loves you. She loves all my friends. She's actually like obsessed with all my friends. She likes you guys. Yeah. I do love Jenny.

Think about it. Like all she wants to do is hang out with us. She wants to set her house. She wants his barbecue. Yeah. He loves us. I see that. Loves me.

Well, I'd hope so. You're about to steal her daughter's name. Yeah. How was that going to go? You're going to like, like, give me the fucking handle bitch give me the IG handle Jordan's sister's name is Lauren I used to fuck with her and I was like well I know someone at meta so your name's fine she'd probably cry she would get so mad she would get so mad and then she would tell your brother and then your brother would inevitably be

mad at me because I lied about knowing someone at meta to take her name it's like the damage I should have ever she would get so upset but now I've come to terms with I'm gonna let her have it until she gets married and why don't you just put like an F in between it I like my name I'll change it like for other stuff, but like I like fish. Or Lauren F. C. Chin. Lauren F. Cian. Lauren F. Cichin. Lauren Fish Cichin.

It's kind of hard to say. I don't like it. Okay. What are we pre-gaming tonight? It is Thursday. I'm going to a dinner party. And you're going to... You're going to a dinner party.

You're showing everyone my picture. Yeah. And bringing the suitable bachelors to... Yeah. To... I come over with like a line of men. He wants to crack. He wants to crack. I would love to, like, be the Bachelorette on, like, and have just, like, a bunch of guys just, like, fight.

You'd be good for that. I honestly be great for that because, like, I'd be also bad for it because I would, like, hook up with all of them, like, night too. You would also catch no feelings. So you would just be like, you would literally, I actually don't even know who you would catch feelings for. A very toxic evil guy. I feel like it's sexual. You've seen. It's not sexual. Yes, it is.

You always get dignitized. God forbid. No. No, I'm saying that, but that's how you're... That's how I communicate. Do dick. Impose. You would...

So you need a little bit more of an... So maybe actually going on the bachelor, it would be good for you. It would be like exposure therapy. I couldn't find a way. I'd find their hotel rooms. We'd make it fucking work. I mean, we'd crack for sure. But...

I don't know. Maybe I should go on Love Island or something. You know, they asked me to go on a couple years ago, and I didn't say yes. I'm trying to think of like what. I feel like... What was the show that Jimmy was on? Perfect match.

They also asked me to do that. I feel like Love Island would be good for you. But I can't see you doing the challenge. And I can't see you doing the opening dance. Like, what would you? Hallie. Say you do. If you love me.

Yeah. Tell me that. Say you do. So if I need to get an ick from a guy, I would just like, imagine you do. Imagine your ex-boyfriend was like one of the guys like rolling their body in the opening scene. I actually can't believe that they like that they filmed that intro. Like and then some guys like do-do-d-do-do. They're like, do-do.

All right, let's talk about Love Island now that we're on the subject because I have a lot of fucking thoughts about Love Island. I've been ranting on TikTok about it. I was watching this morning. What episode are you on? Casa Moore. I was watching the last two. All right. Let's go through every couple right now.

Okay. Let's start with Casey and Anaya. Okay. They used to be. Day one, they were one of my favorite couples. But as things progressed, I could see a wandering eye from Casey. And I feel like Anaya is so sweet. So sweet.

And I feel like that new guy for her. And I feel like Casey was like kind of on vacation. I don't understand why he's saying that like there was something missing in their connection. Like you literally are whirps off the air. He just, I think he's the type of guy that's like the grass is always greener. So he's, I feel like he's waiting for a bombshell or waiting for like a new hawk girl to come in. that will like pique his interest but i don't fucking like him and anaya is coming out of her shell at casa amore i feel like with this new guy i'm obsessed with him he seems respectful and like i don't

even see i don't think i've even seen like her kiss casey like like like that like he grabbed her and was like i know i think he's cute i think he's he used to work on nantucket what yes he had a summer job at like one of the golf clubs oh he was like a trainer yeah i i saw a girl make a video about it Wait, he's really, really cute, and he's big for her and she needs that. No, yeah. He's a manly man. Zach and Keda. I don't like him.

I fucking hate him so much. He's so annoying. This is why I hate him. I don't think they should ever bring on siblings. He has way too big of an ego. No, it's not even his ego. He's fucking gay. He's gay.

For what's the other guy's name? He looked at the other guy's chub. His half hard cock. What do you mean? Like, what's happening? Also, like, you can see post nut clarity in real time. That was insane. Like, they went to the hideway and he was like, what if a bombshell comes in?

How many times did he fucking say that? I know. He was like, what if a bombshell comes in when he got an intimate? I know it all. Like, what do we get in? And a lot, a bomb shell comes in and like, what? And she's like, what are you saying? I feel like he's like exaggerating his act.

I just hate him. I don't like him. Despise. And it's awkward because I've been talking so much shit like I am right now. And he's just going to be a fucking minfluencer. after this. Literally, you'll be on this show.

And he's gonna be like, what would you say that about me, love? What? I love. Hello, Poppet. Wait, am I doing? He's gonna come to Halley's apartment. Hello, Poppet.

He's not Jack Zero. Literally. And Kada has one of the most lethal face cards. She's insane. Have you seen all the videos of her, like, surfacing of like her being a mean girl in high school? Whatever.

I'm, like, I would be fucked if I got in love violent. Let's just say that. For sure. I would be absolutely destroyed. I'm shocked that people aren't online talking hate about my friend Halley Batchelder. Trust me, they are.

You should see my filter word sections. They're so funny. They're like a bunch of guys' names. They're like words like bald, chopped. A section, I would not like to be in. No, I would not like to review those comments. No. Keep it going. Let's keep going.

So we hate Ada. Sorry, sorry. We hate Zach. Whoa. We hate Zach. Wow. I need him to leave immediately. But I also think Kada, I just feel bad for her.

I feel like she's really young and kind of just like googly-eyed right now. She's, yeah. She likes the accent. She needs to move on. Then we have Kenzie and Corby. I. Corvin could get it any day of the week. Isn't it crazy that I don't think he's that hot?

Yeah. He just looks so boring. He talks like this, though. He's so sleepy. He's so sleepy Completely virgin And he's annoyed Do you think

Do you like Hermita Hermita? I don't The thing is I have to like warm up to Bombshell I was like When I first see a bomb chill

I'm like kind of like Not at them Yeah I don't like Fuck you I'm like Why are you I'm part you

I don't like Their entrance And what they say And they're like Little tidbits They're like I'm in here I'm Kayla

From Tennessee And I don't give A fuck who's in Relationship Like I'm gonna Fuck you guys Every man that I, like, relax. I'm coming for any man because my loyalty is to no.

Wait, can you, can you make like a, like, can you make your own? Like, what would you say if you were coming in as a bombshell? The thing is, if I was on Love Island, they would put me as a bombshell. Close your eyes, pretend no one is here. And what would you say? No, I can, there's two people in here and I'm comfortable with both of them. Like, please. I'd be like, I'm Hallie.

and I'm here to suck off your man and I don't give a fuck who's watching. Turn off the TV, parents. Because I'm about to crack your man. Your man's about to get clipped and cracked. And I'm from Boston. I'm from Boston and live in New York and I'm about to fuck.

And I'm about to suck your man And I have no gag reflex. And I was the human vacuum in college. I'm Hallie Batchelder. Some know me as the human vacuum. And I am here to get cracked by your son. And I have no moral ethical foundation. What's up, y'all?

Can I play for a chat? Can I play for a chat and take out your cock? You're going to be like this. Okay. Can I play you for a chat now? No, like, honestly, a guy. What would you do?

Yep, yep. If a guy was like, can I pull you for a chat? I'd be like, I'm fucking busy, obviously tanning. I just put fucking oil on my body. And you want to pull me for a chat? What do you want to talk about? I am tanning. Do you see my body?

I'm about to go in a reality TV show in a couple weeks. It's not like a real reality. It is, but like it's. Which one? Oh. I, I'm like, kind of ready to like. Let it. Let it lose.

Let it lose. Let it lose. I know a couple of people going on it. I'm like, all right, I'll just make out those people. Oh. I'll tell you afterwards. Okay. But like hot, mm-hmm.

I really like your intro. Yeah. And I... Oh, dear's feet. I'm Lauren Fish and I don't know how to sex your man, so I wouldn't be worried about it. But I'm here for a vacation and it's free. I'm here for a free vacation. And will you take pictures of me?

I can pose on Instagram. Why are we Southern? And will you take my outfit pictures for me? I'm Lauren Fishbought. And I worked at UTA at one point in time. I'm here because I worked at UTA. Yeah, and I pulled some strings. I used to literally be my greeting.

No, Lauren, because Lauren worked at UTA, which is kind of like how I met my agents. That used to be my greeting card. Hi, I'm Lauren and I work at UTA. She's like, hi, I'm Lauren and I worked at UTA. But you work in the music department. Yeah. Yeah, so you didn't hang out like a different type of

You hang out with like singers, right? Like that's when you go to events, it would be like artists. Yeah, it would be like singers. Let's do a second question. Wedding, Vobachery, life, everything from you guys. Let's start. Okay, let's go. Have you ever been the side chick before?

What? Have you ever been the side chick? chick before and what are your thoughts on it? I don't know, probably. Actually, yeah, 100%. But like unknowingly, like with what's his face in Florida? 100%. Yeah. I mean, that was pretty knowingly. I feel like he made it very

clear that he was looking up with other people. He would actually lay in bed and be like, Hallie, I got out this insane supermodel. You definitely know who she is. Here's a photo. It's fucked up because he's having a child now. And he's engaged. After he looked to me in the eye and said, I never want to get married again.

I don't think he's even divorced. I don't even think he's divorced. But that was insane. And RIP, damn. He looked older than he was before. You thought he was 45 the whole time. He was 35. I thought he was 40.

I thought he was almost 50. He didn't look bad. He just looked like tired. Like a leather couch, yeah. I always offset it. I was like, he's running a hedge run. Like, he's so stressed out. He's so busy.

Of course he has gray hair. And he looks like a fucking. worn in leather couch like of course he was also funny as fuck I like wish we could have remained friends but getting knocked up didn't help though

or chlamydia how about you I don't think so okay let's go on to the next one of us Queen Lauren best and worst thing about planning a wedding I'm a terrible bride I would just like to put it that way

she cheats all the time I'm like stop cheating on him it's really weird I'm like You're going to cheat on him Just break off with him Yeah, stop cheating on your man Worst parts is like Fucking figuring out the guest list

Like I'm sorry Like I love you all but you can't all come And the best It's fine I have wedding planners So like they just like I'm just like yeah fine do it Yeah I feel like you haven't really complaining about it

But I think also my sister Who's also planning a wedding Yeah how is she Because she has a 200 people cap And like these people have big families And it's just like That's a lot of people She's worried about a 200 cap?

Apparently, like, Peter's side of the family as, like, a million people. But I think they'll be fine. That's a lot. What is your cap? I mean, my venue can hold a lot, but I was like, I really don't want more than 150 invites to go out. So I want, like, a hundred. Have you sent out input? That's what I mean.

I'm like a really bad bride. That's what I mean. Like, I am a really bad bride in the sense of, like, honestly, I didn't even send a lot of people they saved a date. I sent your mom one. And I was like, you know you're invited because here's a saved. the date i i just i don't know it's in a few months yeah yeah i just ordered them they're coming they're on the way i think okay i'll just text people you know that's crazy hey hey do you want to come to my fucking wedding bitch see you there what would you like to eat yeah do you want chicken or

steak you dumb slut i miss you i figured out the lighting today so that's good well that's good okay need to know the origin story of your friendship i mean i feel like we've been over this probably a hundred times. Yeah. I'll tell it. I mean, it was like, love at first sight. We're going to a DJ Pauli D concert. Yeah.

Not concert. A DJ Paul ID sat at the Grand in Boston. Remember our friend fell over railing. Yeah. It's really funny. So my best friend in college, or my best friend in middle school and high school, was one of her best friends in college.

And she introduced us. And then we kind of just like hit it off because we were both kind of unemployed at the same time. I think you got laid off. Yeah. From a startup. Yeah. I was unemployed. You got laid off.

She got laid off because of her work. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me because we became really close. It was a shitty startup. Is it even still around? No. Yeah. So I think they had to lay you off because they couldn't pay you. It wasn't because of you doing anything wrong.

No, they laid me off because they gave my job to one of their siblings. It was really weird. It was like started by like a son and then his like stepmom's son. came in and started running it, then his fucking sister came, and all these siblings kept coming in and coming in. It was just weird. Weird. And they laid me off and me and how they went out every single night.

Every single night. And like the thing is that was our child groupie era. Like that's where really shit got kicking. We were meeting so many people. We were going out every single night. We were with fucking celebrities every night. It was crazy. Saying, what do you do for a living?

Hi, nice. Who are you? Nice to meet you. It's like I'm talking to... What do you do for living? Scott DeSick. Yeah. Drake.

Where are you from? Yeah. What do you do for? He did not like that one. He was like, please remove this girl. You said that to Drake? Yeah. I was like, oh, hi.

Hi, what's your name? I'm Drake. That's what I said. I said, what's your name? He was like, what? I was like, oh, I remember when I DM to come, DM'd to come to shame or go. Yeah, and he was like, what's that?

What? He goes, what's that? Like, within a minute. Within a, so he's on there. He's on his, he's on his DMs. But I was like, come through. I think his album just came out. And I was like, come to Shay.

Go to Shay. And he was like, what's that, bitch? He didn't call me a bitch. He's very nice. We remember. We're really good to go out together. We were great to go out together. Yeah.

I still feel like I am great to go out with, though. Like, I'm a great. We're great go-outers. Yeah, but we're good, like, go-out duo because you're drinking for us and I'm talking for us. Yeah, you were networking, always. But hey. It got us to a lot of Vegas trips. It got us on a lot of.

private jet steens we think about how many people we know in new york no we know everyone in we know everyone we know everyone in new york and that happened because of that era no we had it was like almost like being in the mailroom at uta you kind of like had my mail room through it yeah to like get out on top we had to go through the judgment of our friends who thought we were hookers worth it people thought we were escorts for a really long time yeah and honestly looking back in hindsight I get what they were seeing. I totally know what they mean. We were on literally at fucking age of invocator being like.

That was a crazy. That I honestly fell uncomfortable with. But I got a blazer. I didn't. I was like, Jordan. Do you like my blazer? It was like pretty woman, honestly, a little bit. But we were on these PJs with these old men.

And it was just I get from like social media what that looks like. Yeah. trips even if a trip's free it's usually not free it was free for us it was free for us we weren't doing any sucking or we weren't doing anything the one time we were like remember when i tried to bring a guy back and you were like don't do that i'm not and the guy is like he came he came over and i didn't let him on the elevator you wouldn't let the door you wouldn't let the door he's like he's like he's like extremely famous very famous yeah but like i'm glad that didn't work out but yeah that's how we bet do you believe in hall passes during marriage will you have one probably with me

on a holiday weekend everyone was so upset that i wasn't there at memorial day weekend i was equally as upset they thought we were like beeping because you weren't there like no i just had my grandmother's funeral i was like i'm not going to like say that i'm not going to reply to someone random calling be like they're definitely fighting me like she was actually at her grandma's funeral bitch. I'm not going to apply that. I couldn't be there from a world. Yeah.

You were there in spirit. So was your grandma. Yeah. I literally was going to put on my story like pitch black. I sent Talia example. Like black and it was like, no, we are still friends. We are still like a press release. We are still friends.

I was like so mad about it. They're like she's not engaging. I'm like I'm literally at the cemetery. She's at the cemetery morning and you guys are being assholes. I'm reading. What were we talking about? Hall passes. Oh, yeah.

No, I don't believe in, like, hall passes. Like, you can't just, like, go out and... Yeah. I think that, like, if you, like... Let me know. If you're, like, in a relationship, just, like, let me know what's crazy. Just let me know what's happening, okay? But I think, like, if you are in a relationship and you're like, okay, like, I think, you know,

Duelap was so hot, like, in, like, that opportunity to present itself, like, that's not okay to just, like, pursue. Also, like, she just got married, so, like, that's all the... That was just an example. You know what I mean? No, I do. Like, you would have to be involved in the decision. Yes, of course. And she always is.

What are your thoughts about a child-free wedding? I'm having one. And that's all that. I would have one too. Yeah, of course. Unless I'm pregnant. I'm not going to let you get married pregnant. You will either have your child and then you will have your wedding.

Can we talk about my hair right now? This is extremely insane. Like, someone needs to, someone help me. Someone on a brush production? I'm just going to sit here and do this. But I would not let you get married pregnant. You will have your child and then you will have your wedding. You, I have an IUD that's stronger than Thor himself.

Well, God forbid you, God forbid. But honestly, like, I can see whatever I produce as a child. Surpassing, getting to my egg. And then my baby comes out, like, holding my fucking Moderna IUD. Yeah. Exactly. That's what I picture. I can see that for you.

Yeah. Horns. What do you do about sun damage? I feel like this is directed towards me. I don't appreciate it. This one seems. There's nothing you do about it until after summer. I was told by many asceticians and people that, like, do like the shit, whatever,

that I should wait until after summer because I'm getting tan all summer anyways. So, like. It's a summer. Anyway. I have a VBL laser. I don't want to. Sorry. Keep going.

I'm getting a beep. I'm just, you know, binging on the sun right now while I can. And then in the fall, I'm getting it a BBL laser. Your rationale is. On point. Brightening.

Oh. I'm ODing on the sun because I'm going to go get a laser in September. So I'm going to OD on the sun now. My engagement was like kind of low in my orca because we were like away. Uh-huh. And I was super tan.

And I knew people would not like that I was tanning like that. So I was like kind of rage-weeting the internet. And I did like a makeup video. And everyone was commenting. It did really well. Yeah. I knew what you were doing. Yeah.

Yeah. You were like sitting at the dinner table and she was like, replying to all these comments. I'm like, someone commented, get ready with me on the sun. Someone goes, did you eat the sun? The comments are so funny. No one's funnier than people in the TikTok section. That's really funny. Did you get ready

on the sun? Yeah, no someone's get ready with me on the sun. That's good. I know what's cracking. I like that one. Entering my slot era tips, advice, experiences. I'm feeling low-key guilty slash judge, but I love it. Being a slot builds character. Character. One more time.

Being a slut builds character. There you. But not really. Go to the pleasure trust. Like, what a slut really? I don't like the word slut really. because we've called it a million times. But like, I'm just, I'm a free spirit.

I will say that. I think slut is a word used like for young kids that are like being used. Like a word, the word slut is used by like, massagenous males. I don't think, like, you're a fucking slut. Like, okay. But like when I'm in bed, like when I'm having sexually,

I like to be called a slut. I'm sure you do. What did you say the other day? We were all, we were like thinking of things to, we were collectively thinking of things. I get really dark. I mean, yeah. We're all like, you know, like, you know, I have my friend over there.

She's like, uh, tell him. Tell him what? Tell him you're what. Uh, tell him that your pussy missus and how he's like, tell him that you want to fuck yourself with a gun. And you want him to ask, like what like you want him to kick you down a flight of stairs, then fuck you with a gun. That's. And everyone at the table was like, oh.

Don't say that, Lauren. I was like, okay. Literally. I'll say the most outlander shit to see, like, if it sticks. And sometimes they'll be like, what? I feel like the guys that you find it sticks. They're like, oh, yeah. It always sticks.

They're like, fuck, yeah, girl. Yeah. Tell me how you want me to remember. Like, I was already a little line. We were saying, you know how, like, Alex has her fans, like, Daddy Gang. Yeah, fuck, yeah. Daddy Gang. We were saying.

how Hallie's fans would be like, Hallie, I'm a dirty little slut, and I love me so much. What if I was like, what's up? Dirty little slut. I'm a dirty little bit. But yeah, my sex thing's really off. Like, I'll be like,

I want to choke on your fucking fat throbbing cock until I'm bleeding out of my eyes. Right. You could have left it a big fat throbbing cock, but you added until I'm bleeding out of my eyes. Like, that's the problem. I didn't write a book. Yeah, of like things that grow, yeah, how to sex by Hallie bachelor.

No, like, I just want to write like, maybe all have a substack. I love that idea. Yeah. Like a really, really dirty things. Yeah. To sext. I mean, like. You've said some, like, crazier things before.

Like, the bleeding out of my eyes I've heard that one before, for sure. Like slapped and spit on and choked and pushed and hit and grabbed. No, those are all like mild. You've, those are mild. You've said things that are like, wait, what was the one I said to what to say? I was like, I want you to fuck my throat until like, it's coming out of the back of my hat or not.

You know, it means to death or blood. Until like something with your toes. Until my toes curl. But Hallie also like, sometimes you say those things just to like make a joke. Like you'll literally like say it's the bartender. But I at least have a dirty extra martini and also I want you to fuck me until my eyes bleed.

No, but I do really think I give great head. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying I have a way with words and the way to describe things is I just like to paint a picture. You have to include when you sacks, you have to include all the five senses. Smell, taste, like, you have to like paint the picture. Oh, my eyes. You want to feel like, you know when you're in a tanning bed and they put the mist on,

you feel like in Aruba and they have the music? It's like that. I've never been misted in a tanning bed. Mine just play really like. loud music. I'll go to Beachbum tanning on 13th. Really? I'm going to go. But yeah, I just, I love sexing.

It's an art. I was in creative writing when I was a sophomore in high school. And since then, I just like, just like to like be creative with my analogies and Hallie, that makes sense. Hallie would always like, even, great analogies. Even back in the day when we were like living in Miami, I would try and sex Jordan. Hallie, be like, give me that. She started texting him.

Jordan would be like, hello, Hallie. Jordan really, this is not you. Hello, Hallie. Can you please give Lauren her phone back? I just like you what did you say that one time? I can't. She goes, I want to jerk your cock with my pussy. I can't.

Jerk your cock off my pussy. And just saying it like the whimsical Lauren tone just like made it so fun. That's still our inside joke years later. I want to jerk your fucking cock off with my pussy bitch. If you said it, it probably would have like been better. But I don't like know if I could. Actually I could jerk off a cock with my pussy. But if I, it's the way that I say it,

It's the way that I said it in the moment to be my friends that made it an inside joke. You're like, I want to jerk his cock off my pussy. Yeah. I want to jerk his cock off with my pussy. And then let's get a bagel. What? Do you actually like 60-9ing? No, I feel like that's for the birds.

The who? I don't know. I feel like that's a JV move. Oh, I don't think I'm, like, I think it does it in college once. I mean, 69ing is fun, but like, I'm not. not going to enjoy you going down on me if I'm like having to focus on giving you the best fucking performance of my life down on your car. I won't be able to concentrate on this 69 if my eyes are bleeding because of your throat

fucking me so hard. Yeah. Also like it's not, it's hard to give head in that position. Like I have to like do a push up or a plank. And it like hurts my back a little. I don't get getting sore thinking about it. So the answer is now. No, I don't like it.

I like sitting on someone's face. That's fun. But like still, I don't like, can't really focus. I'm like kind of like looking at the wall. Like they came out like, what appointments I have the next day? I really need to be on my back and like not sitting on someone's face.

Who enjoy it? Enjoy what? Head. Oh, okay. Sorry, what were we talking about? 69. That's why I was like, what? What is she saying?

But no, I don't like it and I never will goodbye. Would you consider a boyfriend getting a happy ending during massage cheating? I just think that's weird. I mean, if it was talked about before, I feel like everyone should, like, check that box at some point. Didn't Denise Richards do that with her husband? I just think, like, they're a divorce now.

I just do it. Why do you need to go somewhere with some random person? Yeah. I feel like it's one of those things just like, oh, my God, like, be funny to, like, do. And, like, say you did. It's more of like a, ooh, like, I'm going to get caught. Like, I don't want to get finger busted.

That's weird. Like, you're going to a place where there's, like, a curtain between you or you're in a room with, like, a door and the next door, there's also a guide. It's weird. It's weird. Just like, let's get a massage to the home. Where do you get your massages? I don't know, but that's how I envision at the ending, massage places where there's like a curtain between you and the next guy. I will say my first, like the talks. Have you ever been there? Yeah, I've been to the talks. Yeah. Imagine that. And you all hear us. Yeah, like, ah! Imagine?

Dude. Yeah. I don't think I would do it either. I'm sick. Ew. What was it? But like I will say massage room porn was like the first porn I ever watched ever. Strangely like. I've been watching a lot of threesome. I've been watching a lot of threesomes recently. How are you? I don't know. I don't know how much where you want me to tell you.

What kind of threesomes are you watching? It kind of scary ones. Like you are getting their shit rocks and I'm like, yo. And you're like. I'm like, yes. Yes. Yes. I don't know.

there's this one guy that I accidentally scrolled upon. Who? I don't know, but he's hot. Send me a link. I mean, do you like watching three-sums? But the girls are kind of chops. I can't like focus on the girls. I just,

it's unfortunate that like the people that are in porn are so, but like, ugly. The guys aren't that bad. I like honestly like, respected the ability to multitask. Hmm. But the girls are honestly kind of bad at multitasking.

I mean, have you had a real threesome? No. A lot of multitask. asking I will say. I remember you calling me right after yours. It was Sunday. I was driving back from Nantucket, I think. Or maybe from Boston or somewhere.

You called me and told me and I was like, okay. Yeah, I didn't mean for that to happen, but it did. And like our talk up is such a big game. So like, you couldn't say no. And I've already hooked up with the guy that he was hooking up with another girl. And I was like, well, like, I've already like hooked up with him. Howley said yes, man. Like she will say yes.

Like, she's going to say yes to anything. And then my eyes will bleed and your dick will be sucked. But, you know. I'm Hallie Badchelder. I, what was it? I was called, I was named. The human vacuum. The human vacuum in college.

And I am here to get so throat fucked that my eyes will bleed. And I stand by everything I said. And I say my whole chest. My digital footprint when I'm an adult, like a real adult, I'm almost 30. I can't believe. I said like an adult. But like when I'm in my like 40s, my digital footprint will be fucking crazy.

I'll be like, remember that time I said I wanted to bleed through my eyes, sucking dick. Your husband's going to be like, I made her eyes bleed. They have to have a big dick that can make eyes bleed. He's going to be like, that's my girl.

Should we leave it on that? Are there any other questions? How exactly do you make or like your martinis? You know how you like yours? Extra dirty. Thanks for coming, guys. No, I'm kidding. We should do a different question.

Extra dirty, filthy. daddy issues martini what it's a story your friends will never let you forget probably when i said i want to i can't say jerk his dick off yeah that's one you definitely do like these funny you have funny moments but like you have so many of them i can't think of one off the top of my head right now i can't think of like one i just think of a lot of them like when i like randomly like did like finger guns at the restaurant yeah like shit like that like we're like we bully her kind of sometimes when she like does that but like i do that too remember one I used to be like,

Gra ta-ta-ta-ta-da-bao. Oh, yeah, that was a good one. That was a good one. Hallie pulled up to, like, a fully packed restaurant and unloaded, I guess. Like, at tables. Celebrities. At celebrities. They were honestly all like, huh?

They were like, what? She showed up. She's like, oh, hey, guys, gun. It was my hyperfixation at the time. Hallie, that was insane. Like, all of us were like, what? What the fuck? Do you have a story that you never let me live down?

It's also just so many. So many funny. There's so many funny things. I mean, you always bring up the one story about me Ubering and going to. Oh my God. I, that's my hero story of all time. It wasn't the worst. Well, it's, but she basically wanted to go see this guy.

I've told us a million times, but she wanted to go see this guy. I told her not to. So she literally told me she was going to punch me. She was like, I'm going to punch you in the fucking face. I'm leaving. I was like, okay, whatever. She goes. She's so mad going down an escalator like this.

Yeah, double fuck you. Double fuck you. And then goes to the garage and has to come right back up the same escalator and see me again. Yeah. That's my favorite story. And then she went and spent a lot of money. And the guy made her pay for the hotel herself. And I've heard story of all times.

You live and you learn. And sometimes you don't learn. Sometimes you live. But like you have to live to learn. Okay. And that's on period. On period. 100.

Okay. Well, I love you. I love you too. You do a heart. It's fun. Remember what we got in a fight and you came over and we did like a full body heart. We sent it to everyone. We sent it to everyone, notifying them that we were back.

We were back. We're so back. I love you guys. I love you. I will see you all next week and have the best fucking weekend ever. XO, XO, XO. Us. Thank you.