Fairy Tale Fix - 105: Back On Our Bullsh*t

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

Fairy Tale Fix is back! This week we thank our listeners for your patience as we navigate the loss of our good friend and podcast editor & producer, Dustin. We miss you dearly, buddy. Abbie reads a story that would have tickled him pink–Ride A Cockhorse to Banbury Cross, and follows it up with a tale about putting yourself first and taking that well-deserved nap, The Giantess' Burden. Kelsey reads a Japanese folk tale called How An Old Man Lost His Wen, where he pops it, locks it, and drops it.

By the way, I bought a book. Hold on, I got to go grab it so I can remember what it's called. You were actually here with me when I bought this book. Oh, yeah. I was supposed to call it The Lore of the Unicorn, which I haven't read it yet, but I feel like everyone will really appreciate some excerpts from the book. Let me just read a little bit. It was supposed to be extremely difficult to catch but it had an unfortunate and touching weakness for virgins

whom it could apparently detect by instinct. When it came across one of these pure maidens, preferably naked, it would trustingly nestle into her lap and allow itself to be lulled to sleep, thus becoming an easy victim for the hunter. Of course, if by chance she wasn't a virgin, the incensed unicorn would naturally kill her, which seems only fair in the circumstances. Absolutely. It's like a very humorous history and lore of the unicorn, and I'm really, really excited to read it. I am so excited to find out what you find out from it because- I think I might just have a month of nothing but unicorns while I read this book and I'm

going to rewatch this movie. There's that horror movie that just came out that was like Paul Rudd and Jenna Ortega. Yeah. That's like about unicorns. But like meat eating ones. Yes. It's like someone heard our cries for wanting a full movie about the murder unicorn from Cabin in the Woods and they said, I've got you. Abby, do you know what it is? Is it the simulation? It's the fucking simulation. I'm not kidding.

We were just talking about this. We're talking for an hour and a half before we started recording because it's been a while and we were just talking about how everything is the fucking simulation. I swear to God. It's just… It's just… I'm okay with it if the simulation keeps feeding me, if the simulation algorithm keeps bringing me things that I want.

Yes. Harpies, unicorns. Harpies, unicorns. Fuck yeah. We'll definitely post a picture of your new amazing tattoo. I love both of them so much, but I am really excited that the green one's yours because I love the look on its face where it's like, I'm going to fucking eat you. She just looks so over it and she's going to eat the next person who speaks to her and I love it. I actually, I've decided Chadwick, if you're listening, if we ever meet in person, I need

you to give me a gnome. That's the only time I feel like I will get a tattoo or a toad. I feel like a toad. I think if we should go get toads from Chadwick in Belgium. Yeah. By the way, this is Fairy Tail Fix. Hey. Hey. The What the Fuck Fairy Tail podcast where Abby and I, Kelsey, oh my God, I forgot how

we did this. It's been a couple months since we've done this. Where we talk about fairy tales, we read them. Sure do. Yep, yep. All true. We talk about nonsense. Mostly nonsense.

And then some fairy tale. And then more nonsense while we decide what would make that fairy tale more fun for us personally. And what do you say? What do you say when your friend, longtime friend, producer, podcast, partner in crime passes away very, very suddenly. I don't know.

You say that fucking sucks. That fucking sucks. Yeah. So, listeners, if you are rejoining us after our couple of months hiatus, that's kind of where we are right now with everything. So I guess that's kind of the way that we're starting off the podcast today is, we even said before we started recording,

wow, this feels kind of weird. Yep. We're excited to be back and we're excited to be getting production on Fairy Tale Fix going again. Hopefully you're listening to be back and we're excited to be getting production on Fairy Tale Fix going again. Hopefully you're listening to this sometime in June. But I'm nervous laughing just because like, what do you fucking say? Like that, like it was, that was so surprising

and a huge surprise to everyone. It was, it was very sudden. If you're wondering what the, if you're wondering what it was, our dear friend and podcast producer and just so many things to so many people. Dustin has passed away. He passed away in mid April.

Yeah, if you don't follow us on social media and you're not sure why we haven't been around for as long as we have, or we haven't been on our regular schedule, we took some time to grieve and to figure out what we are even doing. So we're doing this on our own at this point. And Dustin has been so instrumental

and not only in like our lives personally, but also 100% in this podcast, it wouldn't exist without him. Truly. And it was really fast. Like he passed really fast. It was a surprise to all of us and it sucked. It was really hard and we miss him and we love him dearly.

Yeah. And we thank everyone for your patience and waiting for episodes and everybody that's reached out to say something nice about Dustin and just understand where we're coming from and why it took us a little bit longer to start the episodes up again. We appreciate you and thank you for your kindness and understanding. Absolutely. It's weird.

It sucks and it's weird, but also all of you reaching out and talking about Dustin and sharing your own feelings about it for those of you that knew him and then also just offering us your condolences. It really meant a lot, even if we didn't reply to every single person. That always means a lot. We just really, really appreciate you. We're going to kind of take the top of the episode here to talk about him a little bit and. Do do a little toast if you all want to go grab an iced coffee or a stronger beverage or just like water.

Yeah, I don't know. So I, you know, we had a whole episode where Dustin was on with us. But as a which, which I honestly like, man, I'm so it was fun to record at the time. And now in retrospect, I'm, I'm really glad we have that because it's just he is immortalized exactly the way he was, which was man oh man, did that man love a dad joke or 12. He would recommend titles for our episodes and I hated most of them. Every single one. I feel like he did get a couple that I was like, okay, damn, that's good. That's funny.

But almost all of them was some kind of bad pun or a dad joke. So cheesy. Yeah, so Dustin. So Dustin. I don't know. I was thinking a lot yesterday about what I wanted to say during this episode about him. You know, and then I think I'm over it.

Yeah. And then I start crying again. Well, it's because you guys have been friends personally for what like 15, 20 years or something? It was about 13 years. Dest and I were good friends. Yeah. So Abby actually came. Our patrons know, I don't know if I posted on social media, but our patrons know that Abby came out to California. So they got to see the entire Fantastic Worlds crew. If you don't listen to the other podcasts, Abby has... How many other podcasts did you do, Dustin? Dustin and I did three other podcasts together at various times. They were all tabletop RPG action or actual plays. That's how more than a few of our

listeners have found this podcast was they listened to our other ones first, like at the Fantastic Worlds pod or Far Beyond the Stars, which is the sci- sci-fi edition. And then we also had a Patreon only podcast going for a little while too that was running like Pathfinder second edition. So we had a bunch of podcasts together. Dustin, sorry. No, that's okay. Take your time. Man, I really thought that I was going to be able to be cool about it, but like… Yeah. Oof.

I know. It comes back. Death is hard. It's really hard. I don't know if you know this, guys, but death really… Death is really hard. Death is really hard. And kind of weird.

It's like you have this person. It's so weird. You have this person in your life for so long, and even if they annoy you and all of a sudden they're gone and it's just surreal. It honestly doesn't feel real. Yeah, it doesn't. I feel like I've already heard you click your tongue a couple of times and I'm seeing Dustin messaging you about it.

Absolutely. He would get so annoyed. I counted. I mean, not that he said that all the time. He did not nag us about anything editing wise. He was an amazing editor. He was great. But he would sometimes tell us how many times we clicked our tongues. And now that's going to be me. That's what I'm doing. Except I'm mostly going to be telling myself because it's mostly me that does it. Or if you know any good editors, I still feel like we could maybe pay someone to do it.

I just did it again. If any of you happen to know any good podcast editing services, please do let us know. Not that you don't do an amazing job, but you're great. Thank you. I am. Amazing. Did you know it just takes a lot of work to edit podcasts? To edit podcasts. Oours is relatively simple. We don't even do a lot of music cues and it's just the two of us talking, so I only have to edit two tracks

of people talking. Yeah. I don't really know what much more there is to say here, outside of a, I knew this a long time, I credit him with a lot of the things that I currently love about my life. I credit him with almost all of my nerdiest interests. I wish I could give you a big hug. Thanks. He was a little bit like having a really annoying older brother. No one can piss me off more.

But I also see him everywhere in my life. He really changed my life in a lot of ways. And I'm probably going to have to stop talking about it, but he was our friend. We miss him a lot. We love you, Dustin. We love you, Dustin. I picked a story specifically because it would tickle you so much. I did. It's actually not that. I picked it based on the title and it's actually... Oh, no. That's a preview of the… I'm doing two stories today. I'll probably talk more about it when we actually get to the stories later. We're just going to do a little toast, unless, Kelsey, do you have anything else you wanted to say?

Oh, gosh. Just that, yeah, Dustin impacted so many lives so positively, and also negatively a little bit sometimes, but mostly positive. Like I said earlier, this podcast would not exist without him. He was a great guy. He was authentically himself all of the time.

Every single day. Yeah. And I really respect that. And man, I'm really gonna miss that guy. So to Dustin. Here's to a real one. Hell yes. Rest in peace, big guy.

Cheers. Cheers. I do think it's funny that that's what people keep coming back to when they talk about him as a, that he's just, like, you could never accuse the man of being inauthentic. Nope. He was exactly himself.

What a dork. And he was exactly himself every single day, unrelentingly, whether other people liked it or not. That is so admirable. Yeah, it really is. It is. And it also made you want to strangle him. A little annoying in the moment, but in retrospect, god damn it.

Like respect. God damn it. Respect. What a guy. Fucking A. I don't know. What a mensch. Do you break it all? I'm going to go blow my nose and then I think- Yeah. I think we need a minute of silence anyway, right? We do need a minute of silence. So right here listeners is where we're gonna put

both our minute of silence for the podcast that Dustin insisted upon every single episode. That is a good idea and we will continue to do it. And then also a minute of silence for Dustin himself while we all reflect on what he meant to us. Yeah. Thank you. You're so rude. So I wasn't going to, but this apple cider drink really needed some bubbles. And the only bubbles I have in my whole house

is this bottle of Prosecco. Oh no. Suddenly, ah. What choice did you have? Exactly. Truly. That's it, that was the only choice. More bubbles.

More bubbles. Tell me a tale. And we went to the Bookery in Placerville. Yeah, when I came out for Dustin's memorial. Which was so fun, by the way. And we got the whole Fantastic World crew together, which has only happened once before in my lifetime. Probably in yours. I can't imagine it's happened very often because you live- We don't get together a lot because I live in Maryland and everybody else was in Sacramento. And then for a time we also had Heidi and Heidi lives in Kansas.

Yeah, I'm forever sad. I've never gotten to meet Heidi in person. I know. I never met Heidi in person either. But maybe someday. Heidi is still alive. We love you, Heidi. We love you, Heidi. Have you ever listened to this? We missed you a lot. So much. We were in Sacramento. It was just so cool hanging out with everybody, Jess, Logan, Angel. Obviously you. I'm not forgetting anybody, right? Nope. That was it. Yeah. Logan, Jess, Angel, me and you.

Dustin, again, Dustin just had the coolest friends ever. He had great elite taste in people. Impeccable. He was so good at bringing cool people together. Hell, yeah. It was so much fun, even though it was in the saddest of situations. But we, I don't know, we shared some pretty great stories about Dustin. Like, I love that we've, like, I went trolling through his Facebook and I found a bunch of old photos of him from high school.

I didn't know he played, what is it, the trumpet? He played the trumpet, yeah. He didn't tell me about that. And he still had his trumpet. the trumpet? He played the trumpet. Yeah. He didn't tell me about that. And he still had his trumpet. Still fucking cool. Damn it. Now I'm mad that I never had him play the trumpet for me because he could have played the theme, the fairy tale fix theme on the trumpet. But I think that he did not suggest that himself probably means that he did not want to do that. I don't care. Just do it. I just want to hear it. That's so cool. But I love that picture. So we found his old high school band photo. Maybe we should post this photo.

I think we should because it's so good. We'll post some of the photos of Dustin that we talked to because we just had a slideshow of photos from his Facebook page and we just told stories that we recollected based on the photo. And there was this little band photo of him from high school. And we were just all talking about how he has always had that twinkle in his eye when he's so pleased that he has information you don't have. What an angel call it. It wasn't like-eating grin, but a little bit.

It was. It was a little bit of shit-eating grin. That grin where it's like, he-he, he-he-he. There is some joke here that he knows and you don't, and that tickles him. So accurate. And that's, I don't know, that's just like, so I just loved seeing that picture of him from high school and it's like, wow, you were always like that. That was just, that was just who he was from the very beginning. And his humor was so juvenile, as is mine.

I mean, can't order a fish taco around Dustin. He would start giggling like a child. It's one of those things that you just remember about people that is simultaneously, oh my God, dude, get it together, but also something I think of so fondly. Yeah, me too. So after Sacramento, after we hung out, we ended up going to the Bookery in a very tiny town called Placerville, which is- A magical town. Magical and Madeline, Abby's sibling was there and it was magical and the bookery is like this very cool little bookshop.

It's amazing. It's a literal like labyrinth of books. It's so much bigger than you think it is. Yes. It's like the next three houses over. And it's just crammed with bookshelves. It's amazing. And there's the softest sleeping cat that usually hangs out by the fairy tale fantasy section. Which is perfect. That cat has a bed in that

window and it just hangs out there next to all the folklore. And it knows things. And it definitely knows things. Knows things you can't comprehend. So Kelsey and I each found a couple of books. Kelsey found that Unicorn Lore book. I also found one called like Shape Shift, wait no, Shape Shifting Woman, the one that you- No, no, you got the Shape Shifting One.

Okay, because I remember you lost a book. Did you ever find it? I lost a novel that's about an alien abduction. And no, I didn't. I never found it. I don't know where it's lost. Honestly, it might be on the ground by that brewery. Quick story, Abby also lost her suitcase. All of my clothes.

Because she grabbed somebody else's off the train. I grabbed, no worse, I grabbed someone else's clothes off the bus. Oh yeah, it was the bus. I took a Greyhound bus from my sister's house to Kelsey's house. When I got off that bus, I took someone else's suitcase. That was so funny. Kelsey found me in her guest room that night having gone to change into my pajamas staring forlornly into someone else's luggage.

You were just staring at the wall in front of you and I was like, is everything okay? You're just like, it's not my stuff. It was so, I mean, it was probably, I'm sorry you lost your pretty dress. Me too. You just bought it. There's a cute jumpsuit in there that I tried to buy a replacement for. They don't make it in that color anymore. I'm also sad that whoever's stuff you stole, they lost all their cool Mexico t-shirts because they were clearly, oh wait, should we not say we opened their suitcase?

You opened it because you thought it was yours. They were like identical. I thought it was my suitcase, so I opened it because you thought it was yours. They were like identical suitcases. I thought it was my suitcase, so I opened it. I have no shame. Abby, learn the importance of having a luggage bag. I did. I learned all about luggage tags and how you should always have them because I did not. Oh, man. Neither did the person whose bag I stole, so we had no way to get in touch with each other. I don't know who ended up with my suitcase.

Greyhound sent me an email a couple of weeks ago saying, we didn't find it. Too bad for you. Sorry. Who knows where it is? I hope that whoever took my suitcase is enjoying their super cute floral jumpsuit. Yeah, me too. Man, I want to see this jumpsuit. I have a couple. I think I have a picture of me wearing it somewhere. It's great. I'll miss it dearly.

RIP. RIP floral jumpsuit. Man, it was so funny. I'm sorry. No, but it is funny. It's hilarious and it's so me. Abby wore some of my clothes for the rest of her trip. Exactly. Kelsey generously gave me some of her clothes for the rest of the trip. You can have anything. I shouldn't let you come in my closet and just take anything you want.

No, because the problem was like you and I have very different sized bottoms. Your tops fit me just fine. Your bottoms did not. Yeah. Well, I had a bunch of bags that I was donating and it was mostly because like, anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah. And the stuff in there was so cute. Like it was so cute.

I wanted to keep a lot of it, but it just couldn't get your jeans up over these thighs. I think that's why I was getting rid of them. I think that's why I was getting rid of them. Why am I still holding on to these jeans? I can't fit into them. It's, yeah, you know, and they're great. But Kelsey was so sweet. Why am I still holding on to these jeans? I can't fit into them. Yeah, and they're great. But Kelsey was so sweet. She gave me some of her old clothes.

And honestly, the green tank top, it's a hit. I love it. People love it on me. Nice. Looks great with the jacket that I was wearing and did not get lost with my legged. I'm so glad you didn't lose. Abby was wearing the best jacket. A cute jacket. I'm so glad you didn't lose. Abby was wearing the best jacket. It's a cute jacket. I'm so glad you didn't lose that. Me too. Me too. Hashtag wantable. Use code.

Use code. Oh my God. We should be sponsored. We should be sponsored. Anyway, this is a fairy tale podcast. What are we even talking about? So the book I bought from the Bookery in Placerville before I lost that novel that I'm still kind of sad about and I have to look it up and bite into the copy. This book is called Wise Women, Myths and Stories from Midlife and Beyond. Well, yes. Curated by Perry Black. It's different from the other one that you have, but it sounds similar, right? Yeah. So the other one I have is...

Is it the same author or not author, but translator, production company? The other book that I have that no, totally different editor, curator, whatever. But this one is Catherine Reagan and it's called Fearless Girls, Wise Women, and Beloved Sisters is the other book that I have, which I haven't read out of it in a while. I need to get back to it. But this was a book that my mom had on her shelf for a long time and she let me have it when I moved out.

Hell yeah. It's a great book. It's a very nice lady. And it's a great book. But no, so this one is Wise Women, Myths and Stories for Midlife and Beyond. The editor is Sharon Blackie and Angharad Nguyen. I loved it just because Kelsey and I are in our mid-30s. We are midlife.

We are midlife. We are getting older. There are things to reckon with. I also know that just, good stuff to think about to demystify aging and think about aging in a different way. Before anybody jumps in, I know we're not old. You don't have to say, well, I'm 55. Talk to me when you hit menopause. I get it. We're not old yet. But hopefully someday we will be.

It's an honor to age. And what was, there was a title in there. What was one of the titles that was like your deciding factor in buying that book? Oh, okay. And this is the story that I have decided to read because I opened the title page and Dustin in particular would have really appreciated this because he bought me a chicken calendar every year of handsome looking cocks. Amazing. This is Ride a Cock Horse to Banbury Cross.

It's an English thingy. Wait, wait, wait. Wasn't there another title in that? Oh, yeah. So these are the different sections of the book. There's Finding Ourselves Older, which is the one that Ryda Cockhorse to Banbury Cross is from. Yeah. Then the one that I really wanted was a section called Don't Mess with Old Women.

Yes. Amazing. I will definitely be reading from Don't Mess with Old Women extensively, because I fervently believe that this is a truth, a universal truth. I don't mess with old women, nor should anyone else. Old women are tired. Old women are witches. Old women are powerful. Absolutely. Also, I just checked. It is on bookshop.org. So if you would like to purchase this book for yourself, it is in our show notes or even DM us. I will send you a link. Yes. Amazing. And bookshop.org supports local indie bookstores.

Yeah, bookshop.org is the coolest. If you haven't got on there yet, definitely check it out. Definitely do it. And they have free shipping days too. We usually try to post on it on our Instagram. It's a great Amazon alternative. If you like to order your books and have them shipped to you, bookshop.org is a great way to do it without supporting Jeff Bezos, who is a fuckhead and we hate him. I hope he gets in his very own submarine. He's a dummy bitch. He's a dummy bitch.

As my coworker loves to say. All right. Okay, Kelsey. How many predictions do I get? You just get one. Honestly, I'm debating even having you make a prediction for this. How short is it? It's a poem. It's four lines. Oh, shit. No, I get a point. I get predictions. What do you think? Ride a cockhorse to Banbury

Cross. Ride a cockhorse to what is it? Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross. Banbury Cross. I think it's a short poem about... Oh, not right. I get this, don't take this away from me. I'm sorry. Oh, we got one shot. I'm sorry.

Riot a cockhorse. I love that it's a cockhorse. Okay, obviously. What's a cockhorse? That's going to be my prediction because I don't know what it is. I'm not going to look it up. My one prediction for this is that- I did look it up, so I happened to know the answer, but- A cock horse is a very tiny horse. A very teeny tiny horse. Ooh, unless it's like a darned horse. That's my prediction.

Amazing. Okay, great. Here is the very short rhyme about riding a cock horse to Banbury Cross. Sounds fun. Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross to see an old lady upon a white horse, rings on her fingers and bells on her toes. She shall have music wherever she goes. Queen icon. She's a queen. Why is it called that? What is a cockhorse? I found an article that says that question, what is a cockhorse and where is Banbury?

All legitimate questions. Inquiring minds want to know. So a cockhorse is a phrase from around 15th century England, and it can mean either a high spirited horse, like a cocky horse. Oh, okay. Or an uncastrated horse. I like that one better. Man, that's what I should get. A horse in full possession of a cock.

A stallion. Can I tell a really inappropriate story? Please. I feel like our listeners will appreciate this. I think they will. Once someone I know on Facebook got their account hacked. I'm pretty sure it was hacked, but sometimes I wonder, you know what I mean? And they sent me a video and it was literally a woman fucking a horse, like a full horse dick. And I only saw it because it was someone I knew pretty well.

And I clicked on the video for like two seconds and I went, that horse can't consent to this at all. No. And I closed out of it in like terror and confusion and like holy shit. I didn't know that type of bestiality was like a thing. Oh my God. I tried not to kink shame, but also that seems dangerous. Absolutely. And I think anything involving animals or children is- They can consent.

I will shame you for that. Okay. Thank you. I think you can be shamed for anyone that cannot consent. Yes. I will shame you for that. But it was like, just kind of blew my mind a little that that was like a video that existed. Well, and also that your friend sent to you unprompted with no explanation, that also fucked like I side-eyed that person.

No, they said their account got hacked. Oh, okay. So it probably did. But sometimes I want to cut this part out. I will cut this out. Who was it? You're right. I can't believe I haven't said the word kink shame when it's literally a fucking animal. Well, I mean, no, no, because I know- She's like on a bench about to- It was so wild. Anyway- She was like bent over a bench and like-

No, like on a bench, like on her back and this giant horse stick. I didn't watch- I closed out of it as fast as I could when I realized it was happening. I was also extremely intrigued and like, right? Absolutely. Because I was like, what the fuck is happening? And also horses have dicks the size of an arm. That sounds dangerous. How do you fit that? Ma'am, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you consenting to this? Because there's like, that's the whole story of like, pacifay in the bowl of like, that really fucked her up on the inside. Have I ever told this story? No, I don't think so. It haunts me to this day. You've told me this story before. Okay, okay.

Yeah. It haunts me to this day. But also, I understand, I just wanna say, I fully understand where you went to kink shaming, cause like there are people, like furries. Yeah, yeah, I don't wanna make anybody feel bad for like, but also like a real horse. But that is still sex with a consenting adult who was also into pretending to be an animal. Like, that's, you know.

An actual animal who doesn't. It's not an an animal. Like that's, you know, an actual animal, an actual animal. And it's, it's dangerous for everybody. That's so dangerous. Yeah. Oh, it makes my stomach hurt thinking about it actually. You can cut that out if you want. No, I think it's honestly, I, you know me, very few topics are actually off limit for me. That was a very what the fuck. That was a what like, wow, what the fuck.

Video of my life. So anyway, the cock horse that she rode to Banbury. Love, love this woman. Amazing, she sounds great. Wait, will you describe her again since it was only four sentences? She's an old lady upon a white horse, rings on her fingers, bells on her toes. She shall have music wherever she goes.

Witch. She's a witch. She's a witch. She's on a white horse. She's riding her white horsey. She's got rings and bells and she shall have music. Damn it. Where?

Ever. Wherever she goes. Clearly we need more information on this queen. We need more info on her. But also I don't need more info on her. She sounds like she's having a great time. Good for fucking her. And so an interesting note about its inclusion in this book is that the notes with this story are, this well-known nursery rhyme more commonly sets a fine lady on the white horse.

Most nursery rhymes have regional or local variations though, and this one happily makes an old woman the subject of the rhyme. I love old women. Obviously, all the old women in every fairy tale, every fairy tale, is our favorite character. The three aunts, Baba Yaga, the old woman in the wood, the Jorin and Jorindle. If I'm saying that right, Jorin and Jorinkle? Jorinda and Jorinkle? It doesn't matter because they were the most boring ones of that whole story.

Whatever. Who cares who they were? The old witch who was keeping ladies. The old lady turning all those maidens into birds. She is the person we are interested in. We support women's rights. And women's wrongs. Especially women's wrongs. Especially women's wrongs.

Love that for her. All right. Tell me a full story now. That was a riding a cockhorse to Banbury. RIP, Destin. I hope you really enjoyed that. I know he didn't. Where's Banbury?

Okay. So Banbury Cross is located in the historic market town of Banbury on the River Cherwell in Oxfordshire. There's a statue of the fine lady on her cockhorse at this very spot. Are you fucking kidding me? Nope. Oh my God, there she is. Yeah.

Oh my God, you guys. She's hot. She's hot. To Banbury Cross to see a fine lady. I want her to be older. I know, she's... The more common version of the rhyme is, she's a fine lady. I'm really not mad about it,

but that's so cool that there's an actual statue. I know, it's really cool. The article that I'm reading, that I read about this, by the way, says, no one quite knows who the fine lady of the rhyme is. The speculation has pointed towards Queen Elizabeth I, Lady Godiva, and Cecilia Fiennes. The horse's identity also remains unconfirmed, probably because he was embarrassed about his nickname. The cock horse. The cock horse.

That's so British. It's very British. It's like he has nothing to be embarrassed about because nobody cut his balls off. That's what it needs. The statue needs to have a big horse cock. The horse should have huge balls. I know. What the hell, come on. You cowards.

We'll post a photo of the picture. Amazing. Tell me a real one now. The next story that I'm telling you is the one right after this, which I think you will enjoy. I enjoyed it. It's pretty low key though, so just keep that in

mind. Okay. It's called The Giantess's Burden, and it's from Wales. The Giantess's? The Giantess's Burden. Oh, Giantess. Because she's a giantess. I love that for her. I heard giantess. A giantess. I was like, oh, tess. How many predictions do I get for this one? You can have two. It's pretty short too.

The burden. Man, you guys, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be this person, but the burden is a man or a boy, a male. A masculine individual. Exactly. Is the problem. The burden is men. My second prediction is that she figures it out.

She takes care of shit. She takes care of business. She takes care of business. I love it. Takes care of business is my official, what I'm writing in our notes. Hang on. I'm looking up a couple of pronunciations for some Welsh words that I forgot. I looked them up earlier, but I have now forgotten how you're supposed to say them. You know what? I'm just going to do my best because there's a lot of Welsh words in here, and I don't feel like looking them all up. So Welsh listeners, correct me if you want to.

Sorry. Sorry. I am genuinely sorry. That sounded sarcastic. I said it's sarcastic. But I'm also, I don't feel like looking it up. I'm so sorry. But I'm also, I don't feel like looking it up. I'm so sorry. So this is the giantess's burden from Wales. And God, I just want to say right here and right now, she's a relatable queen.

I'm so excited. Especially to me in this moment. Okay. In the spellings. Okay. Okay. In the old times, there was a giantess who lived high in the mountains of Errery in North Wales, and she was built just as craggily as those great peaks of Cambrian rock. God, I love her already. I don't know if you know this about me, Abby, but I love giants. That's why I picked this story.

I love giants. Her hair was like a forest of stag-headed oaks entwined with lengths of trailing ivy. Her eyes were as dark and as deep as the pools that nestle in the high hollows. And her skin, well, it was rough as a cliff face and mottled with lichen and moss on account of her great age. She sounds amazing. She's amazing. I love her so much. Just an old, basically an old mountain that moves. Cool as hell.

Cool as hell. Cool as hell. Cool as hell. One morning, on waking, she stretched and yawned, sending tremors throughout the land. It came to her mind that it might be a good day to build a bridge across the Manay Strait, that deep crevasse of churning, swirling, sucking water that separates the Isle of Anglesey from the mainland so that she could more easily visit the giantesses who lived there. Oh, she wants to hang out with her friends. She wants to go see her friends. And so- For brunch, you know.

Exactly. How do they do? She wants to go brunching in France. Hell yeah. And so she took herself off to search for suitable boulders with which to build the bridge. She crossed great distances with each stride, fast flowing rivers were no more than trickles tickling her gigantic toes, and Lynn Bidarn was just a puddle splashing around her ankles as she strode through it. Her skirts swept swaths of leaves from the ancient woodland that clung to the mountainsides, and the giantess brushed away soft clouds from her eyes so that she could see her way more clearly through the vast and undulating landscape. I know, it is kind of beautiful. She pressed on over high mountains and along deep valleys till finally she arrived at a place

called Welsh word. Cymdwythwych is what I'm going with. Okay. There she gathered up the corners of her apron and began to fill it with great boulders that she planned to use to construct her bridge. She filled her apron, then filled it some more. She was strong. She could carry heavy burdens. And so she filled, then filled it some more. She was strong, she could carry heavy burdens, and so she filled it just a little bit more. Her apron strained under the weight of the enormous chunks of rock, and her arms and back ached as she lifted it higher and began to make her way slowly, steadily back toward the coast.

Just as she came down the north side of Mole Elio, the giantess slipped and slid, and her great heels gouged two deep water channels in the side of the mountain. She landed on her bottom with a resounding, earth quaking thud. Been there, done that. Been there, done that, because I was carrying too much. I overestimated how much work this project was going to be. I tried to take a shortcut and I fell on my butt. To this day, that place is known as Gafel-i-Widen, the witch's lap. The witch's lap?

A little shaken and really quite bruised, she staggered to her feet. Undeterred, she gathered up her apron full of stones again and continued on her way. But a few great heaving strides later, snap! The cord of her apron broke and her bundle of boulders tumbled to the ground. Oh no! I know, But again- She's working so hard. She's working so hard and it's just not going her way. It's not even working.

So the giantess gave up on building her bridge that day. She's like, you know what? I need a nap instead. I need a nap. Fair enough. That was so hard and it didn't even work. That's two signs that are like, you know what? Take the day off. Two signs that it's time to give up. She gave up on building her bridge that day and that week and indeed, as far as we know, she never built the bridge at all because that's where the stones lay for a long, long time. That pile of boulders became known as the Giantess's Apronfall,

the end. That's so cool. I love folk tales from an actual geographical thing. There's a giant pile of fuck-off boulders here that seem to have come from really far away. We don't know how they got here. A giantess was trying to build a bridge, I guess. It just wasn't working, so she gave up. Yeah, and she's like, you know what?

Fuck this. I don't need this. I don't need this. It just wasn't working, so she gave up. Yeah, and she's like, you know what? You know what? I don't need this. I don't need this. I'm going to go take a nap. Love that for her. Me too. And honestly, especially like, and I just found this so relatable, especially like,

I'm sure everyone finds it relatable, but I also, I start so many projects that I never finish because they seem like a good idea at the time, and I'm so excited about them and I gather up all the materials that I need to complete them. And then I hit like a roadblock and I'm like, nevermind. I have other stuff on the ball.

Life is hard, life is long. I'm abandoning this. You know what, sometimes it's not worth is long. I'm imagining this. You know what? Sometimes it's not worth it. It's not worth it. It sounded like a lot of work. It was too much work. And for what? To see people? No, thank you. Man, I got zero points too. Zero points on that one and on the one before.

The burden was not a man and she did not take care of business, but you know what? I love that for her. I love that she didn't take care of business and decided, you know what? Not worth it. Not worth it. I'm happy for her. Me too. Good for her. I feel like more people could take an example. I hope she's still napping to this day.

She just needed to nap for a millennia. She did. And she'll try again later. Or she won't. She'll do a different project. Yeah. Maybe she'll get into like, I don't know what a giant, knitting trees. Anyway. What? Knitting something out of all that ivy she has trailing through her hair. I know it probably doesn't need to be said, but just in case, my story, either one of them, no notes. No fixes. Oh yeah, fixes.

I remembered for the first one, which is more information on that queen. Yeah, I want to know more about her as ever. But also, I don't need to either because she's doing great. Both of these women are doing amazing and I respect them. Okay. My story I picked, I really wanted to pick a Japanese story because in Dustin's immortal life from beyond, his family is sending him across the globe. Yes. Like sending his ashes across the globe and I think that's really cool.

Like, hell yeah. What a great- Absolutely. I'm excited for Dustin to go on these adventures. Me too. I think his first stop is Japan, isn't it? It is. And he was actually learning Japanese. Yeah.

Like, he really wanted to go to Japan someday. And so his family is like... One of his old friends from high school is visiting Japan this summer anyway. And so they're sending some of his ashes along with him to be spread in Japan somewhere. Very cool. Very cool. I picked a Japanese story. The story has nothing to do with Dustin. I don't know if you would like it. I think you will like it though. Oh, that's more honestly, I mean, I'll respect Dustin. That's more important. So it is called, How an Old Man Lost His Wen. Abby, do you know what a Wen is? W-E-N.

I know that yen is a form of money. Is Wen also a form of money? No. And I didn't know this. I had to look up. I mean, you can guess it from the story, but also a when, W-E-N, is a boil or other swelling growth on the skin. What the fuck? Okay. Well, thank you because that was a very different option for this story. How an old man lost his when. Incredible. How many predictions do I get about this? I'm going to give you three. Incredible. I think it's like medium-ish length.

It was fun though, and I think you're really going to like it. He pops it. He locks it. He drops it. He pops it. He locks it. What was the third one? He drops it, he locks it, he drops it. He pops it, he locks it. He drops it. Okay. I love that.

Best predictions so far. Okay. Oh, and this story is from that new book I got, Japanese Spoke Tales, classic stories from Japan's enchanted past. It slaps. This book is amazing. This is the one that The Crab and the Monkey came from. A plus story.

Okay. Without further ado, many, many years ago, there lived a good old man who had a WEN-like tennis ball growing out of his right cheek. Ew. So just a giant boil on his cheek. This lump was of great disfigurement to the old man and so annoyed him that for many years, he spent all his time and money in trying to get rid of it. He tried everything he could think of. He consulted many doctors far and near and took all kinds of medicines both internally and externally. But it was

all of no use. The lump only grew bigger and bigger till it was nearly as big as his face. And in despair, he gave up all hopes of ever losing it and resigned himself to the thought of having to carry the lump on his face all his life. I am having such intense and awful flashbacks to the story that you read me from Scary Stories Till in the Dark. It's not spiders, I promise. It's not spiders, right? It's not spiders. You're going to love this story.

Okay. All right. No, it's really just he has a boil on his face. It fucking sucks. Okay. All right. I feel like from the context of the story, this man is very beloved, but he's just insecure. Very self-conscious, yes. One day, the firewood gave out in his kitchen. So as his wife wanted some at once, the old man took his ax and set, you see he has a wife for one.

Right, see someone loves him. He's got his wife. He took his ax and set out for the woods among the hills, not very far from his home. It was a fine day in the early autumn and the old man enjoyed the fresh air and was in no hurry to get home. So the whole afternoon passed quickly and while he was chopping wood, he had collected a goodly pile to take back to

his wife. When the day began to draw to a close, he turned his face homeward. The old man had not gone far on his way down the mountain pass when the sky clouded and rain began to fall heavily." Which, I just love rain in a story. I know. Me too. It just puts me in a place. Atmospheric. He looked about for some shelter, but there was not even a charcoal burner's hut near. At last, he saw a large hole in a hollow hunk of a tree. The hole was near the ground, so he crept in easily and sat down in hopes that he had only been overtaken by a mountain shower and that the weather would soon clear. It could soon clear, Abby.

It would soon clear. It would soon clear. Are you doing your best, Sean Connery? It'll soon clear, always. Oh, always. Oh man. But much to the old man's disappointment, instead of clearing, the rain fell more and more heavily. And finally, a heavy thunderstorm broke over the mountain. The thunder roared so terrifically,

and the heavens seemed to be so ablaze with lightning that the old man could hardly believe himself to be alive. Oh my God, okay, so intense. Yeah, he thought that he must die of fright. At last, however, the sky cleared and the whole country was aglow in the rays of the setting sun. The old man's spirits revived

when he looked out at the beautiful twilight and he was- I love a post storm sky. I know, so like, and also like how cool to to be kind of hiding in the hollow of a tree. While all of this is raging around you. We just talked about thunderstorms recently. We sure did. It's fun that it's a little scary. Not a lot where there's a branch that's going to fall and block out the whole block for three days. And black out my mom's house for three days. But someone that's like a little like, oh, what's going to happen? And he's super relieved and it's really beautiful outside. He was about to step out from this

strange hiding place in the hollow tree when the sound of what seems like the approaching steps of several people caught his ear. He once thought that his friends had come to look for him and he was delighted at the idea of having some jolly companions with whom to walk home. Which also again. Oh, yeah. He's got buds. He's doing all right. He's like, oh good. Yeah. He's insecure about this thing, but he's doing okay. That sounds like his life is really nice.

Yeah, totally. I mean, but also very valid, you know, to be in Zaheer. Anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But looking out from the tree, what was his amazement to see? Not his friends, but hundreds of demons coming toward the spot. Oh, okay. Now we're getting somewhere.

Yes, this is the part. I was like, Abby's going to love this. coming toward the spot. Oh, okay. Now we're getting somewhere. Yes, this is the part. I was like, Abby's going to love this. The more he looked, the greater was his astonishment. Some of these demons were as large as giants. Others had great big eyes, all out of proportion to the rest of their bodies. And others had absurdly long noses, and some had such big mouths that they seemed

to open from ear to ear. All had horns growing out of their foreheads. Amazing. So good. Just... That's so scary. I love and am scared of in animation or in horror or whatever, where something's mouth is just fucking huge. It's an ear-to-ear mouth. Just look. See, mine's the long arms. It's not because of our man Ross. Are you sure? Because that was also horrifying. Extra long arms is so creepy. L, like limbs that are proportionate in that way where it's just… Big mouths too though because then they can bite or swallow.

And you know being swallowed whole is one of my fears. Yeah, that's true. Anyway, but they're creepy and they've all got horns. But they're all here to have a really great time. Okay. Oh, are they here to party? They are. Love it. It's so good. The old man was so surprised at what he saw that he lost his balance and fell out of the hollow tree. Fortunately for him, the demons did not see him as the tree

was in the background. So he picked himself up and crept back into the tree. While he was sitting there and wondering impatiently when he would be able to get home, he heard the sounds of gay music. Yes. Because of course. We love the gay music. They were playing Lady Gaga. Absolutely.

Absolutely. They're playing- Lizette O'Chapelrone. Yep. Definitely. They're playing. Lizette O'Chapel round. Yep, they're playing. Definitely, they're playing the giver. They're playing dochi.

I love it. That's so funny. So some of the demons began to sing. What are these creatures doing? said the old man to himself. I will look out. It sounds very amusing. On peeping out, the old man saw that. I will look out. It sounds very amusing. On peeping out, the

old man saw that the demon chief himself, big dog, was actually sitting with his back against the tree, which he had taken refuge in. All the other demons were sitting around, some drinking and some dancing. Food and wine was spread before them on the ground, and the demons were evidently having a great entertainment and enjoying themselves immensely. I love this for them. I do too. This party sounds fucking awesome. I want to go. It rules. Sounds like rules. Sounds like rules. It made the old man laugh to see their strange antics. So he thinks. Oh, so he's having fun too. How amusing this is, laughed the old man laugh to see their strange antics. So he thinks. Aw, so he's having fun too. How amusing this is, laughed the old man to himself. I am now quite old,

but I have never seen anything so strange in all my life. He was so interested and excited in watching all that the demons were doing that he forgot himself and stepped out of the tree instead looking on. Yes, party with the demons. The demon chief was just taking a big cup of sake and watching one of the demons dancing.

In a little while, he said with a bored air, your dance is rather monotonous. Ooh, hold on. I mean, it's Japan. So obviously I feel like I'm imagining now George Takei as the chief demon. Yes, please. With his deep ass voice. Please, George Takei as the chief demon. Oh, yes, please. With his deep-ass voice.

Please, George Takei, yes. Do it. Oh, my. He thinks he'll be the old man. Okay, anyway. Oh, my God. That's true, too. Your dance is rather monotonous.

I am tired of watching it. Isn't there anyone amongst you all who can dance better than this fellow? Oh my. Now the old man had been fond of dancing all his life and was quite an expert in the art and he knew that he could do much better than the demon. Yeah. Shall I go and dance before these demons and let them see what a human being can do? It may be dangerous. You should, for if I don't please them, they may kill me. So he's like, should I?

Should I not? Should I risk death to show off what a great dance? Oh my God, Kelsey, is he going to pop lock and drop it? Fucking dying. His fears, however, were soon overcome by his love of dancing. Fuck yes. In a few minutes, he could restrain himself no longer and came out before the whole party of demons and began to dance at once.

The old man. Also, this made me think of like the old man from the like old Six Flags commercials where he's like break dancing. I never saw that, but. Are you fucking kidding me? Abby! Let me look at it. Let me look at it. Okay. Yeah. Please just look up old man. Six Flags commercial. Six Flags dance. Old man. Six Flags commercial. Six Flags dance.

Old man dancing. It's so good. Mr. Six, it's playtime TV commercial. It's so good. I'm watching it. Oh, there's a story. It's out of town

that works too hard. Oh, there's a story. It's out of town that works too hard. Oh, the Six Flags bus rolled up. It's a very 70s looking bus. There's an old man in a full suit with some fucking Bob Fosse ash shoes. And a bow tie. Oh my goodness. I think you're watching the first one, but there were like a bunch of them where he's like breakdancing. Oh my God. He is not breakdancing in this one,

but he is making the man mowing his lawn start moving his hips. It was the whole like early 2000s phenomenon, I feel like. Yeah, this is from 2004. I feel like you need to go into the rabbit hole of the old man in Six Flags. Oh, he looks like he's having a great time. OK, so now I know that Mr. Six is the name of the character.

OK, I will do this on my own time, but I am delighted that you told me about this. It's so good. Okay, anyway. Okay, sorry. Our man with the wand has come out of his tree and he is dancing. Yes. So he fucking gets out there and he realizes his life literally depends on his good dancing

and he brings it all to the table. But he's so into this party that he dances for his life. Yes. Oh, this is exactly what we always want. So he exerted his skill and wit to the utmost. The demons were at first very surprised to see a man so fearlessly taking part in their entertainment and then their surprise soon gave to admiration because they're like, fuck yes. How strange exclaimed the horn chief. I never saw such a skillful dancer before.

He dances admirably. When the old man finished his dance, the demon said, thank you very much for your amusing dance. Now give us the pleasure of drinking a cup of wine with us. And with these words, he handed him his largest wine cup. How fucking yes. Isn't this so good? This is so good.

This is literally my dream. I know we do. I want to party with the demons or fairies or whatever. You got to learn to dance. I got to learn to dance. I have to learn how to pop lock and drop it. I'm dying that that was your question. I can tell a good story.

You're fucking killing me. The old man thanked him very humbly. I did not expect such kindness from your lordship. I fear I've only disturbed your pleasant party by my unskillful dancing. Again, he's being like super modest and like- You're too modest, my dude. Oh no. I hope you liked it. Oh, did you?

Was it good? I don't think it was any good. No, no, answered the big demon. You must come often to dance for us. Your skill has given us much pleasure. The old man thanked him and promised to do so. Then will you come again tomorrow, old man? Asked the demon. Yeah, I will. Certainly you come again tomorrow, old man?" asked the demon.

Yeah, I will. Certainly I will, answered the old man. Then you must leave some pledge of your word with us. Whatever you like, said the old man. Now, what is the best thing he can leave with us as a pledge, said the demon, looking around. Is it going to be as unsightly boil? Ha ha ha.

Then one of the demon attendants kneeling beside the chief said, The token he leaves with us must be the most important thing to him in his possession. I see the old man has a wen on his right cheek. Now mortal men consider such a wen very fortunate. Let my lord take the lump from the old man's right cheek, and he will surely come tomorrow if only to get that back. Oh my God.

See, this is so funny because this is like, this is a old-timey anthropologist thinking that they know. Fairy nonsense. Like, they don't know what's happening. They don't object. But also it reminds me of like, you know, when we learned about like Margaret Mead and how she did a whole ethnography on those Samoan girls who basically just lied to her about everything.

That's so fucking good. Yep. 100%. He's like, yeah, please. Yeah. He's like, oh, yeah, it means so much to me. You can totally keep it as collateral. Although I will say the story definitely goes in a different direction than I thought it was going to. Oh, okay. You are very clever, said the demon chief, giving his horns in a proving nod. Then he stretched out a hairy arm and claw-like hand and took the great lump from the old man's right cheek.

Strange to say, it came off as easily as ripe plum from the tree at the demon's touch. And then the merry troupe of demons suddenly vanished. Ooh. Oh! Oh, was the wen giving him magic powers? Like it gave him second sight or something? No. Okay. But I like where your head's at. Thank you.

The old man was lost. See, I also thought this was going to go in a much different direction. The old man was lost in the wilderness by all that had happened. He hardly knew for some time where he was. When he came to understand what had happened to him, he was so delighted to find that the lump on his face, which had for many years disfigured him, had been really taken away without any pain to himself. He put up his hand to feel if any scar remained, but found that his right cheek was as smooth as his left. Awwww. That's so sweet. That's great. The sun had long set and the young man had risen

like a silver crescent in the sky. The old man suddenly realized how late it was and began to hurry home. He patted his right cheek all the time as if to make sure his good fortune in having lost the win. He was so happy that he found it impossible to walk quietly. He ran and danced the whole way home. He found his wife very anxious, wondering what happened to make him so late. He soon told her all that had passed since he left home that afternoon. She was quite happy as her husband when he showed her that the ugly lump had disappeared from his face, for in her youth she had prided herself on his good looks, and I fed a daily

grief for her to see the horrid growth. But she still loved him. She was still worried about him. She stood by him. Yeah. But it's like, oh, good. But also, hell yeah, dancer. Hell yeah.

Now next door to this good old couple, there lived a wicked and disagreeable man. He too, for many years, had been troubled with the growth of a wen on his left cheek. And he too had tried all manner of things to get rid of it, but in vain. Interesting. Okay, so this is going to be like a Toads and Diamonds situation. Uh-huh. Not at all. Not at all. Okay. Kind of random. Do go on. I thought it was going to be like the old man won it. Okay, I'll tell you at the end. Okay, all right. He heard it once through the servant of his neighbor's

good luck and losing the lump on his face. So he called that very evening and asked his friend to tell him everything that concerned the loss of it. The good old man told his disagreeable neighbor all that had happened to him. He described the place where he would find the hollow tree in which to hide and advised him to be on the spot in the late afternoon towards the time of sunset. The old neighbors started out so like, he's also like trying to help him. Like,

he's a nice dude. Yeah, cause he's a good dude. He's a nice, he's a nice person and a great dancer. And I love him. I love him. The old neighbors started out the very next afternoon and after hunting for some time, he came to the hollow tree just as his friend had described. Here he hid himself and waited for the twilight. Just as he had been told, the band of demons came that hour and held a feast and dance

and song. When this had gone on for some time, the chief of demons looked around and said, It is now time for the old man to come as he promised us. Why doesn't he come? They were really excited about that. They were delighted with his dancing. They were so excited. That's so cute. Encore. When the second old man heard these words, he ran out of his hiding place in the tree.

Kneeling down before the oni, he said, I have been waiting for a long time for you to speak. ran out of his hiding place in the tree. Kneeling down before the Oni, he said, I have been waiting for a long time for you to speak. Ah, you are the old man from yesterday. I love that the demon chief doesn't recognize him at all. He's just like, yes. All humans look alike. Great.

Great, thank you for coming. You must dance for us soon. The old man now stood up and opened his fan and began to dance. but he had never learned to dance and knew nothing about the necessary gestures and different positions. He thought that anything would please the demons, so he just hopped about, waving his arms, stamping his feet, imitating as well as he could any dancing he had ever seen. The Oni were very dissatisfied.

So Oni is a new word that popped up. I'm pretty sure that just means demon, but hold on. I would assume from context, but yeah, look it up. Yeah, kind of yokai demon or orc or ogre or troll. And I think we have talked about them in the past, but it's been a while. The Oni were very dissatisfied at this exhibition and said amongst themselves, how badly he dances today. Like, man, what happened?

Oh my God, this is really bad. Then to the old man, the demon chief said, your performance today is quite different from the dance of yesterday. We don't wish to see any more of this dancing. We will give you back the pledge you left us with. You must go away at once. I love this demon because he's basically like, yeah, it's a little different, but we're okay now. You can have this thing back. Thanks for coming. You are not invited back.

You're good. You're good. And with these words, he took out from a fold of his dress the lump of which... Also, this whole time, I was imagining drag queens because it always feels like demons always feels like a metaphor for like, and it also like the gay music, you know? Absolutely. These demons are all a bunch of fabulous queers. That's kind of a little bit what I was imagining for fun. 100%.

There's glitter, there are fans, there's feathers presumably. And some old man who loves dancing is like, oh, I love, this is for me, clearly. And I love that for him. And he knows all the proper forms and positions. Yep. For the dance. And I love him. I love it so much. He knows how to hold his fan.

With these words, he took out from a fold of his dress the lump in which he had taken from the face of the old man who would dance so all the day before and threw it at the right cheek of the old man who stood before him. The lump immediately attached itself to his cheek as firmly as it had grown there always. All attempts to pull it off were useless. Yes. The attempts to pull it off were useless. Yes. The wicked old man, instead of losing the lump on his left cheek as he had hoped, found to his dismay that he had added but another to his right cheek in his attempt to get rid

of the first. He put up the first one hand and then another to each side of his face to make sure he were not dreaming some horrible nightmare. No, sure enough, there was now a great win on the right side of his face as on the left. The demons had all disappeared and there was nothing for him to do but return home. Yes. He was a pitiful sight for his face with the two large lumps, one on each side looked just like a Japanese gourd.

Should have been a better dancer. Oh my God. That was amazing. Every single story in this book fucking slaps. I'm so mad at you because he popped it. He popped it. He locked it. And he dropped it. You got all three points! When you first said he pops it, I was like, no points for Abby. No points for Abby. But no. He popped it. He locked it. And he dropped it. Yeah, he did!

I thought that I made... That was purely just a fucking joke. I didn't think I was getting any points at all. What are the odds that I caught the vibes of this story without even knowing? He popped, locked, and dropped it. And the demons loved it. So good.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. Three points for Abby. Yeah. Three whole ass points. I'm so annoyed. I really need to start getting my shit together. You just need to start making more unhinged jokes that have no chance of being true. And then they do come true.

So good. Oh, so for my thoughts, I thought the story was going to go, I didn't realize it was going to go like a Toads and Diamonds style. Like morality story. Yeah, which I'm not mad that it did, but I do feel like we didn't know enough about his wickedness to really like want something bad to happen to him. Fair enough. I mean, okay, the thing is,

and maybe this is me just being too extra. He is rich, I don't know. When did it, it didn't say he was rich, it just said he was his neighbor. He had a servant. That says rich man to me. Let me see, because I don't think it said anywhere that he was rich.

He's disagreeable and he has a servant that he can send on errands for him. Yeah, I just think it said he was a mean old man. I think they both- He's a mean old man with a servant. Maybe both have servants. Oh, that's fair. I mean, servants were pretty like common at one point. Hold on. Now next door to this good old couple, there lived a wicked and disagreeable old man. I think that's all they

say. I don't think they ever say he's rich. I feel like servants doing a lot of work in that sense. But he heard at once through the servant of his neighbor's good luck. Okay, no. So the servant, it doesn't say it's him, but anyway. Well then he sends a servant to the other man. I'm just saying. It doesn't explicitly say that he's rich. And that's what I, this isn't about you, Abby. This

is my fix. What are you talking about? Everything is about me. This is about me and my fix for this story. Okay. All right. I want them to explicitly say that he's rich and mean and the landlord and that would make it better for me. You're like his landlord or something? Yes, absolutely. Say landlord. Say it. Say it. Do it were like his landlord or something. Yes, absolutely. Say landlord. Say it. Say it. Do it.

That's what I need. I need him to be more of a bitch for me to hate him because honestly, he just seemed like he didn't seem even that wicked. He didn't do anything like actually mean. They just said he was wicked, which it's like, do I believe you? Yeah. I mean, no, fair enough. I agree with you.

They did not give a lot of evidence that he's a bad dancer. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, I thought it was gonna go in the direction that the old man would want to come back and keep dancing and would eventually, but like didn't want the wen on his face.

So he would have to like, he would be like, no, make sure to keep it as collateral, but I want to keep dancing. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. I thought that he was going to like trick them somehow. Or like trick them longer into hanging on to the when. Yeah, that's what I was going to like. That's what I thought was going to happen. I didn't expect that there was gonna be

a whole new character in the second half of the story. Cause like usually they introduce that in the beginning what they usually say like there once was a man, there once were two men who lived on this hill. One man was very nice and one with, had an ugly boil and one man was very handsome, but was very disagreeable. You know, they usually tell you these things. It needs more backstory about this neighbor's wickedness.

Tell us about, is he vain? Is he rude? Yes. Ooh, if he were extra vain. Look at him. He's holding both lumps on his face. Yeah, that's very funny. There are some illustrations. He's like, oh. But yeah, tell us more about his vanity. Tell us more about how he mistreats his servants. Tell us more about like- Yeah. Make him more wicked.

Make him more hateable. Make him a little more hateable. Otherwise, he's just a bad dancer. Which is hilarious. And so am I. What if he- Do I deserve a giant boil on my face? I also want to hear more about why he thinks he's such a good dancer.

This is partially what makes me think that he must be vain. He must be handsome, vain, and rich because people have probably been sucking up to him his entire life, telling him he's a great dancer. I need that more explicitly. Would make it more satisfying. I agree. I agree with you, but also I think reading between the lines, I see it. I see the vision.

Abhi's ready. Yeah, this guy sucks. Don't need to tell me twice. He deserves everything he gets. I love it so much. Anyway, so I guess that is sort of a fix, but not like- No, no, it's a fix. It's a fix.

It can't be fixed. So fuck it. It's a fix. It's a fix. It's a fix. It's a fix. It's a fix. It's a fix. It's a fix. It I guess that is sort of a fix, but not like. No, no, it's a fix.

It's a fix. It's so fun. I love that story so much. It made me laugh a lot. That was delightful. You are so right. I loved it so much. That was a story for Abby's.

The demon party just sold me immediately. Demon party that this guy participates in because he loves dancing so much that he just wanders out into the middle of their party. He's not even grumpy. Immediately, he's amused and he's like, what's happening? What's happening here? This is amazing. I love it.

I love it. What a cool dude. He deserves everything. So happy for him. So happy for him. So happy for him. He popped it. He locked it. And he dropped it. He dropped it.

I did not think you were going to get that as you were saying it. Did you have an oh no moment? When he started dancing, was like he really did Shit I need more points I Gotta start predicting better stuff, but I don't want to predict boring stuff That's why you make jokes and then your jokes turn out to be very true. My jokes never turn is you know, it's And then your jokes turn out to be very true. My jokes never turn out.

You know what? It's fine. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. I think that's about it though for us on this one. Yes. Thank you so, so much for listening. This is Very Tale Fix.

If you enjoyed the show. And also thank you again just for being patient with us. If you're still here and still listening, we know we kind of suddenly dropped off and we appreciate everybody's patience and understanding. Love you guys so much. We have the best listeners in the whole world. And honestly, that's all thanks to our great friend, Dustin. So, our IP buddy. We love you. The show would not exist without him. So anyway, if you did enjoy the show, please subscribe and leave us a review on Apple or

you can leave us a star review on Spotify. Anything you do to the algorithm is great. Follow us, send it to a friend, anything like that. We appreciate it. If you want to support us more, you can get extra bonus episodes and stickers and other cool content at our Patreon by finding us at patreon.com forward slash fairy tale fix pod. And you can get all of that for about what you pay for a latte a month. I know because I buy like a latte. Buy Kelsey's lattes for her.

I bought an espresso machine. So I actually have been buying them a lot less. It was only 150 bucks. Highly recommend. I have an addiction. Anyway, you can also find us on Instagram. We'll post all the pictures that we talked about earlier at Fairy Tale Fix Pod. They will probably show up on Facebook, but no promises. Also, if you have fairy tales or nursery rhymes or any cool story that you like and want to send us, please send it to us at info at fairytalefixpod.com. I'm so... Your stories were perfect. Two old ladies lived their best lives.

One of them rode her cockhorse all the way to somewhere, I forget. Branbury. Branbury, Banbury. Bambury. Bambury. Bambury. Bambury. One lady rode her cock horse all the way to Bambury and the other lady recognized that what she really deserved was rest and that some projects that you start don't necessarily have to be finished if it's kind of a hassle. She's probably napping to this day and we love that for her. And we learned so much more about the wicked neighbor and his dirty deeds.

Dirty deeds. Dirty. Dirty. Exactly. We learned all about it and you know, it was more satisfying that he couldn't pop it, lock it or drop it. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.