Fairy Tale Fix - 111: Rapunzel: Am I Pregante?

Episode Date: September 23, 2025

Kelsey takes inspiration from her trip into the woods and reads Rapunzel from the Brothers Grimm. Abbie follows it up with another tale about an old woman in Watching for the Milk Stealer from her Wise Women book. We also learn What Old Women Are Made Of – if you think you know the answer you’re WRONG! Find out on Fairy Tale Fix!

Where is he going? Why is he going? Why is he leaving you? He's going to band. Band us back. Boo. Just like school starts up again. Adam goes back to band. Gotcha. And I have a very lonely, free.

Don't put that in there. I don't want my stalker to know I'm alone. You mean when this comes out like months from now? It's every beep. I love it. Perfect. Put that in there. Excellent.

We'll do. I just don't want my stalker to know I'm alone. I understand. I'm never alone with my. Have I ever told you? how when I am in an Uber alone, like somebody driving my house, I have accidentally mentioned that I have like a vacation coming up. I will automatically regret saying that. And I will make up my fake pit bull Penelope, who is a very sweet girl to me. She's a very sweet pit bull to me, of course.

But to everyone else, she's a killing machine. She really. doesn't like men. She really doesn't like men. Oh my goodness. Anytime she sees a man, she tries to tear his hand off. Relatable as a hell. But yeah, I have a name for my fake pit bull. You have a real one. That must be nice. I do. I do. Um, I have a, he's like scared of his own shadow. I really have to play up his fierceness when I am, I mean, I've never actually mentioned to an Uber driver that I was going on vacation, so I've never had to play up Obie's ferocity. Oh, yeah.

I'm a real Uber chatterbox. I sit up front and talk to the person who's driving the whole time. See, that fills me with dread and anxiety. I can't imagine doing that. I hate it when they talk to me. I sit in the back and play on my phone and pretend that they don't exist. That really surprises me because you're so inquisitive. You ask everyone one million questions.

So that really surprises me that you're not like, so tell me about this weird religious symbol that's hanging off of your mirror. A legit Uber conversation I have had, by the way. What's that? Yeah, I asked that. And it was like a religious symbol. And he told me all about it. And I can't remember a damn thing.

Damn it. Now I'm curious that I want to know. He's really nice and excited to talk about it, though. Well, see, because that's the thing is I feel like if someone's Ubering me somewhere, like they're, I don't want to bother them because they're contractually obligated to talk to me. Well, you're also in a big city where the driver probably should actually be paying attention. I'm in a little city where literally, Abby, I have had an Uber driver offer me a hit off of his bong. hell yeah and I genuinely loved that

I thought it was the greatest absolutely gave him a huge chip I thought he was funny as hell I am so homesick at this moment that's so California isn't it that is so extremely redacted but

I want to know if anyone has any interesting Uber ride stories What's the weirdest thing your Uber driver's ever done? Do you have one? I mean, I actually do have a story from the... So it was when I went to the ghost concert and Chris and Elizabeth were staying with us.

And our Uber driver down to the concert was hella chill because Chris is the kind of guy that always talks to the Uber driver. He always sits up front and asks the bagelian questions. So they had a really like fun chill conversation. Our driver was a chill fun guy. We got dropped off. Concert was great. We got picked up by a guy who seemed high as balls and was on the phone with his girlfriend

the entire time. So we just kind of sat there and listened to him and his girlfriend Bicker for the 30 minutes that it took to get us home. It actually was kind of exciting. I know. I'm like, oh, they're in a fight. Was she at least on speaker or could you like hear her? Oh, she was on speaker.

It was so wildly out in the open. crazy. Amazing. I wish the fight had been juicier. Unfortunately, that is the juiciest element, was that they were bickering with each other on speakerphone for the entire card here. Oh, boring fight. At least make it more interesting.

I know. It was a boring fight about like child pickup or something. I don't even remember, like, I don't even remember the full contents of the fight because it wasn't interesting and I was drunk. So just to be fair. the guy who offered me a hit off of his bong, he did not seem high. I think he was just planning on getting high later and had it. That would have freaked me out a little, maybe, but. And there's also varying degrees of being high. And it wasn't really apparent until we were like in the car and on the

way that this guy was like, high, high. And like, we finally, because we, because like, it was just kind of all came together while he was talking to his girlfriend. And he had just, just sort of hit my, he had just sort of hit right before my street before like, you know, we were like, hey, so what are you up to after, after this? He got more ride tonight. Are we your last one? Like, like, like, tell us all about it. And he's like, oh, I don't know, I'm probably going to go smoke weed and pick some more people up. Honestly, you got to, you got to have better questions. You got to ask. You got to ask. You got to start off with, you got to hit him hard and fast with the, what does that mean?

Absolutely. To point to something in the car. Or judge their music. Start taking sides in his spite with his girlfriend? Yes. Ooh, that would have been perfect. Or another of my favorite icebreaker questions. What percentage do you think we might be living in a simulation?

It's one of my favorites. Because I'm at least like 80% we're in a simulation for sure. I see the same people every, like, I don't know. I know a girl. I see the matrix nonstop. Pretty sure. Pretty sure.

But it's fun to ask other people and freak them out. Absolutely. But also if I'm taking Uber, you know, I've been drinking. That's probably why I'm Gatti. Okay.

Do we have any business? I have an announcement. Abby got me the best birthday gift ever. Oh my gosh. That is business. we should discuss. Yes. It was so cute.

And this is hashtag not sponsored. Hashtag not an ad. Because I've heard this. I've only heard of this from other podcasts ads. From podcast ads. That's actually how I heard of it. Shout out I hi-bye by live for giving me the idea. Nois, nois, noise.

I've made it, but I love it, by the way. That's just the abbreviation. But go on. Thank you. I do not know. what that podcast is, but Abby got me the song, but I'll probably check it out. Maybe. I have been listening to Sinisterhood, literally nonstop.

That is my absolute favorite right now. Valid. It's very funny. Okay, so Abby got me a song, a custom song from Song Phid by Emmy Gray's, and it's like a rock skater boy fast song but it has like the nicest lyrics anyone's ever written me is like so sweet and nice is because I love you it's so cool it's called I know this and I love you and you can actually go listen to it if you want on Spotify you can we can absolutely drop the link if you want to go listen to it and I bought the song I might go ahead and stick

end of the end of the episode. Ooh, I love it. Yeah, you totally should. So people can listen to it. It was great. It's so cute and nice. And the lyrics made me tear up. And every time I listen to it, I'm like, I almost get uncomfortable with how many nice things, like, are being said about me.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean. I hope, like, while I was writing the lyrics, I was like, I hope this isn't too much. But I'm going to say it anyway, because I love Kelsey. It's so sweet. It's like, I don't know. She made a lot of references to stuff we've, like, done and nights that we've had and just cute things. So, yeah, definitely.

Thank you. I love my birthday. Oh, you're welcome. Happy birthday. I meant every single world. Every single, wow. I meant every single word. It's a good thing.

We have a podcast. What is it? It's so good. We're very good at talking. Red, yellow, yellow, yellow leather. Red leather. Tommy had a head like a ping pong ball. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Never do my warm-ups. Never drink tea. You get what you get. You get what you get, damn it. But yes, I meant every word. I love you so much. You're my favorite person.

You're my favorite co-creator. You're my favorite person to do anything with. You're literally an inspiration to me. Oh, stop it. Again, you may be uncomfortable with all the nice things you're saying. Tehee, I love you so much. Suck it up. I also think it's relevant to the podcast to mention that I saw Into the Woods live in Ashland, Oregon.

I went to the Shakespeare Festival and saw Into the Woods and it was fucking awesome. It was so good. I love that play so much. It's so brilliant and it has, I don't know if you guys know about Into the Woods, but there is a Broadway play that. you can watch. Watch that instead of the movie. I mentioned into the woods like a bajillion times on this podcast. I don't know if you've ever heard about it.

Have you ever heard of End in the Lins? The most popular fairy tale play to everything since, probably. But it was so good. It was so well done. All of the actors and actresses, everybody just had the most amazing voice. the set the set was fine the set wasn't really the focus it was more than music like the live music and the acting which was really great and the costume changes were really cool oh yeah describe the costume change concept because when you told me about it like yeah

that was so cool it was so cool frick i forgot i actually took a picture of them at the beginning before it was like you know before you put your phone away so that i could send you yeah oh okay did i send that to you i don't think i did posted it to your instagram story so i saw it there but i didn't know what i was looking at like i thought that they were still setting up the stage well yeah it was the play it was like the stage area but the people who weren't already on there so i want to send that picture to you oh yeah send me the picture please uh but anyway they started out wearing like modern day kind of like beige beach clothes and i was a little scared because it was like, I don't know, it's a fairy tale play.

Like, they're really going to wear, like, a beige suit and be peachy. Is this going to be boring to look at? Yeah, I was really worried. I was concerned. And all the actors were, like, hanging out on the stage before the play began, like, right before the play began, like, just talking to each other and talking to audience members and, like, being really chill. And I was like, obviously, this is, like, a director decision.

and I'm going to trust the process. Because this is, like, this is Ashlyn, Oregon. Like, it's a huge theater town. Like, they have the Shakespeare Festival. Like, they know what they're doing. But I was worried. And so as the play started, they, like, as things became more fairy tale-esque, they slowly started getting more colorful costume changes.

Like, it became more colorful, more old-school fairy tale. Little Red Riding Head has like, she had like a lacy black overcoat on at first before they start like talking about her red cape. And then she like puts it, she's like putting it on. There were a lot of like really fast, colorful, fun costume changes. And it was the best. That's so cool. It just kind of like you, it's almost like you were diving into the magic. Like it was transforming in front of your face.

as the songs were going the magic was happening right then and there and that's probably the best way to like imagine it is like you're watching like a regular show and then all of a sudden like magic starts happening and it's like via costume change that is such like that is such a simple concept and also a really brilliant concept

I'm yeah and it was direct good director I love it so excellently executed the costumes were so much fun it was a fun mix on like modern and kind of medieval fairy tale-esque looks. So, who, yeah, I don't even look up. Hold on. Okay.

Who even was the director? I've read her name a hundred times, but I can't remember. So excellent direction and music direction by Amanda. dinner. I don't know if I'm going to say that. Oh, and choreographed by Eleanor Scott. So, hell yeah. Two women. Badass. Love it. Doing it right. Doing a great job. Hell yeah. They're never going to hear my review, but great job. They might. I loved it. What if they'll listen to this podcast. They might be listening to this podcast right now. Oh, my God. My favorite was Milky White. Ooh, I'll give you one example of the costume change was Milky White was my favorite. Milky White's a cow. And it started off as a cardboard box with like a face drawn on it. And then... Just like plunked down on set and then the actors had moved around. Yeah.

And they're just like holding it. Okay. That's very funny. And then the next was like it was like a cow puppet head. And then after that, I mean, at the end I was hoping they would bring out a real cow because that would have like blown my fucking mind. Can you imagine? But it was one of the actresses, the actress that played Cinderella's mother, came

out like as milky wipe but she was like holding the puppet head so like she was still making faces and it was hilarious so funny um such a great like adding great depth to kind of a non character

which in the Broadway play if you've watched it it's just like a cardboard cut out the whole time yeah it's just it's a plastic cow prop the entire time so that's such a funny that's such a fun idea to have the cow actually be played by someone. Yeah. And she was great. She was so funny. She was amazing as Cinderella's mother too.

So, um, gosh. It was so good. I'm so jealous and so happy for you. And it rained on my birthday. Anyway, I wasn't talking about it. But. So before we got into today's story, which if you already saw the title of this episode, you already know what it is. We're finally tackling. Rapunzel. Yes, Kelsey. Do it again. I was trying to have it in the background. Was it too loud? No, it was perfect. It was the perfect amount of loudness. I'll let you know when I edit the episode. I might make it louder. But before we actually got into doing Rapunzel, just a little bit of business to take care of mostly in the form of just thanking everyone who's been reaching out to us. We want to thank Tabith. who sent us a lovely email wanting to offer us like a Italian folktales book, Tabitha, we will absolutely be taking you up on that.

And assuming you haven't already decided you want to keep it, that is also totally fine. But we love it when people send us books. Even just telling us about books so that we can seek them out on our own is wonderful. So thank you, Tabitha, for your email and reaching out to us about that. We also have a bunch of other people

who have been responding to our Patreon polls and helping us name episodes and giving us amazing, hilarious predictions on our Patreon. Did you see on one of our Patreon posts? It's Butterflies. Uh-huh. Butterflies actually stabbed our partner. Hold on.

Let me read the post. Oh, my God. Hang on. I'm reading it now. Okay. I was listening to this. Okay. I'm going to read it out loud.

Butterfly says in response to our a light stabbing episode, your predictions were right. A light stabbing did occur. I was listening to this episode last night. And when my husband came home, he told me about something that happened at work. He works at a turkey processing plant. He got lightly stabbed by a turkey bone.

I have a bone. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wasn't it? Yes. No, you said somebody gets stabbed by a bone. Yes. Lightly stabbed by a bone.

I was right. Do I get a point for that? yes I feel like I should have two points for that so it's the mate it's because we're in a simulation of which you're the main character apparently because these things only happen to you I mean all the evidence is starting to buy out there I told him about the episode and he said he was disappointed the fixerces, which powers were so strong that you could curse him from there. Oh my goodness, Kelsey. I'm sorry. I didn't know. But obviously, as Tish said, he probably deserved it. I mean, I don't know. That's what she said, no, me. That's so funny.

Did you also see her email from Sarah? No, which one was that? Sarah sent us. a very cool email apparently her aunt is celebrated picture book author deborah underwood and completely unrelated unrelated to us her latest book is a graphic novel called fairy tale fixers Cinderella isn't that crazy it's about mice that go around fixing broken fairy tales oh my god um i need that immediately i need i need the other book Debra wrote, which is a sci-fi fairy tale picture book, including a story called Interstellar Cinderella, which was adapted into a musical. I need it. I need it real bad. I'm looking at up right now. Sarah, thank you so much for emailing us. We're so glad you love

the podcast. And I mean, obviously we got to check out Deborah's work. That sounds awesome. It looks awesome. Your aunt's very cool. Hell yeah Andrew Steller Cinderella has pink hair I love her Incredible Our listeners are the coolest people

and know the coolest people They really are Yeah thanks so much for reaching out And we don't always reach back out timely or totally making sense And that's because we're so tired We have full-time jobs

We are Cinderella. That's how our bosses treat us. It's just work, work, work, and work and work some more. But we have so much fun making this podcast. We do. Oh, my goodness. And we really appreciate all of you. Yeah, thank you so much.

And final housekeeping, not final housekeeping note, final heartfelt thank you from the bottom of our soul. We're so grateful to just be a part of this community. Thank you very much, Linda, for upping your pledge to the job-creating dragon level. You are literally creating this as a job for us to do. Thank you. We love you so much. Thank you.

Yeah, and we will reach out. Actually, by the time this comes out, we will definitely have already reached out about your swag. If you sign up as a $20 job creating dragon, you get merch, whatever you want from spreadshirt.com with our logo on it. Just let us know. Just let us know. We're going to tell a story now, or Kelsey is. I can't do it perfectly because I'm not a trained singer-actress, but Rapunzel.

You sounded pretty good to me. has a great voice i so as i mentioned previously i watched into the woods live and repunzel is one of my favorites even though i feel like she has such a small role but the singing is so beautiful and the storyline is so important to the story i absolutely loved repunzel and i was thinking why haven't we read repunzel yet great question Amazing question. What are we waiting for? What are we waiting for?

And Rapunzel is one of those ones where I don't think it's as big as Cinderella. Like sure, it has its own Disney movie, but I think that's kind of like it in popular culture. Yeah, I was even Googling, Googling around to try to see if there were any other like Rapunzel related things that we could maybe look into. and most of what I found were like young adult novels. Yeah, like Jack and the Beanstalk.

Jack and the Beanstalk is another big one that I think will take a while to cover because that's like a huge, I mean. Well, it's just a super long story. Yeah. First of all, I mean, not Jack and the Beanstalk specifically, but Jack the Giant Killer is like a longish. saga of sorts.

And there's like a million, not a million movies, but there's a lot, there's quite a few that I am going to watch. Yeah, including one starring Nicholas Holt, which I'm very excited to watch because I love him. And I didn't realize that that movie came out before he was on my radar.

Yep. Yeah. Nicholas Holt is great. Weren't there other people in the movie that you mentioned? Oh, everyone. Ian McShane's in it. Bel Nye is in it. Hell yes.

Who is it? Like, what British actor? You texted me like a bunch of names and I was just like, we are 100% watching that. And we're probably going to add our commentary to Patreon because that sounds like. Stanley Tochie's in it. Ewan McGregor is in it. Ewan McGregor is. Warwick Davis is in it.

Dreamy. He is dreamy. Dreamy. Maybe that's because. because I really, really loved Big Fish. By the way, don't I tell you I rewatched Big Fish recently to see if it holds up? And for me, in my heart, it really did.

Oh, good. I'm glad. Anyway. Yeah, anyway. Anyway, what were we talking about? How did we get here? We were going to do... Rapunzel.

Repunzel. I do want to talk about the one other Rapunzel thing I've ever seen, and that's from Disney. And I'm going to give you my full review. I like the horse. And is that your whole review of Tangled? That's kind of it. I am not a huge fan.

Not a huge fan. It's okay. What is it about Tangled that doesn't work for you? It seems like it's trying too hard. Maybe I'm a little bitter that they stopped doing the like real. hand-drawn animation. Mm-hmm. I'm not a huge fan of the 3D.

Very fair. I'm not a huge fan of Mandy Moore. I... She seems... She seems great. Mm-hmm. Like, as a person, as a human. Hell yeah, Mandy Moore.

Like, hell yeah. Totally. But her acting and her singing, she does that, like, kind of like... She, like, kind of just like a... Like, right. And I'm singing up. Yeah.

Yeah. Just like, that was bad. You know what I mean? Yeah. Where she kind of like goes, she kind of sings like in a hot. She goes from like her voice to like the head voice like really fast and kind of unnecessarily. And I just.

Yeah. She really, she really has to heave her voice up there. It doesn't sound supernatural. I don't want to talk shit. But definitely as a kid, I was a Mandy Moore hater. Maybe it's because she played the mean girl in too many movies too well. Maybe she's too good of an actress. Usually if someone's really good at being the mean girl,

it's because they're a really sweet person. Is that what that means? Or is it because they know how to be a mean girl? I think they're good at observing mean people. saved fucking hated her princess diaries fucking hated her you were supposed to she was i know maybe that i don't know and i was young and very malleable when i watched very impressionable yeah so i'm just saying i like again i bet man anymore is the coolest don't care for and also the whole tangled movie was like just okay again it's like the 3d the songs

were all right. I thought the horse was funny. The horse is hilarious. If Disney does anything well, it's an anthropomorphic horse. That's really what they nail. Excella. Ever since Prince Phillips horse in Sleeping Beauty. The OG, they really killed it.

What's his name? He has a name, I'm pretty sure. He does. I don't remember what it is. Prince Phillips horse. Samson. Samson. Samson is an excellent horse. Oh, yeah, I don't know. That's super fair. I don't know.

I'm kind of, I'm kind of with you. I think my feelings toward it are slightly warmer because Mandy Moore doesn't bother me. But like, the animation's just okay. The song, like, there are a couple, there are a couple pretty good songs and the rest of the songs are just okay. No. I love, obviously, the villain because I love a witch. she wanted to stay young and beautiful. She kept that kid alive, you know?

See, okay, now we're getting into it. So one of the things that I don't like about Tangled is like they have a pretty good relationship at the beginning. Like that's still her, like to her, that's still her mother. And then all of a sudden when she's like, you are not my real mom? And then she's like, okay with her dying. And I'm like, that seems a little extreme, doesn't it? It's a pretty quick flip.

Like, because the thing is, like, we, the audience know that, this woman is gaslighting the fuck out of this kid? Yeah. Like, we know that. Yeah, yeah, sure. But she just discovered that this woman's been gaslighting the shit out of her. And now she's suddenly cool with pushing her out of window. And as two daughters, maybe your mother has gaslighted you a little, but you don't fucking

hate her and want her to die. And you're like, okay, well, I guess I'm going to go to my real mom who is rich. I feel like that's a more complicated transition than the movie Like not to say that there aren't Because I also don't want to I don't want to say that there aren't circumstances Where cutting ties with your mom

Isn't the right choice Sometimes that's the right choice But I don't know Like it's also the movie It's a very quick flip Very quick switch flipped I just didn't buy it For that girl

And also based on a boy And I didn't like Flynn writer that much. I don't know. I don't know. I was also probably an adult when it came out. When did Rapunzel come out? We were elder teens.

Yeah, 2010. Mm-hmm. We were older. Less impressed by a boy who's like, but I look good. Do you? I don't know. You can't see, but I'm making a face.

Well, and they were trying to do like an anti-prince thing. with him that didn't quite I don't know it worked fine the thing is I don't I don't hate that movie if it's on I'll watch it but it's not like it's not a favorite it's not a go-to yeah but it's all right I'm not into it I feel like it could have been a lot more fun I don't know I don't know I don't know

I feel like if you don't like Mandy Moore that's she's in the whole movie so that really will ruin it for you it's not just that it's not just like me like being a hater it's also like their eyes are too big i don't even like the villain like i don't like mother gothle i think she's like i don't know it's like boring and she's not evil enough she's not evil enough she's so she's pretty nice to repunzel and she like gets your stuff for her birthday and like I just I feel like she's really interesting I really liked her in the first part of the movie

and thought that that was an interesting way to go and then she's not in it except when she's lurking in the corners in a cape and then suddenly she's in it again just to die so boring yeah I don't know Um, okay. The review of Tangle is, eh, it's fine.

Yeah, I'll watch it. Like if someone's like, oh my God, don't watch it. Let's watch it. I'll be like, all right, cool. Yeah. You're not missing anything if you don't watch it. If you did watch it, I don't think you wasted your time. If I do watch it.

Yeah, I like the bad guy song where they're like, I have a dream and it's like they're not so bad. That was cute. Okay. I think that's kind of all I have to say, but. I'm sure there's much more to say about Rapunzel. You can go listen to our great way. Actually, I don't, hold on, let me say this, but then I never know. I'm like, do our great friends that the fairy tellers have an episode about Reponzel?

I don't know. Katrina, you've done Rapunzel yet. I'm sure they do. If not you should, because you're the smartest. You know, the smart things to say about things. Tellers. I really do love her so much. She's the absolute best.

She's pretty awesome. I don't want to talk about smart things. I just want to talk about fuck Mandy Moore. I don't know. She's boring. And I need to like rewatch, listen to her music and like, because I can emulate it.

And it's so un-fucking annoying. I hate it so much. But it's just, it's like, And I dream. Like she had and it's like, why the fuck are you? I don't know. She's a very breathy singer. She's very,

there's not a lot of power there. I didn't like her singing when I was a kid either. Yeah. I think that's fully valid. Thank you. You're welcome. I feel mean talking shit about anybody because I'm sure she's the fucking coolest. She's hot as hell.

I'm sure she's nicely. God damn. Have you seen her recently too? She looks amazing. No. okay now i'm googling pictures i know she's so i think she's like she's like pretty or like now when she wasn't her teen she's just like so gorgeous oh 100% i think she is aging like a fine damn wine absolutely wear a red lip more mandy more okay

wapunzel yes abby do you how well do you know this story because if you think you know it which i think you do I still want predictions, but I want your predictions to be about how you think I would fix Rapunzel. Right. Yes. I feel like I know the story fairly well because this was honestly one of the ones that I re-read a lot.

I really liked this story for some reason when I was a kid. Well, and Into the Woods did a pretty legit job. And then Into the Woods does a pretty legit job of telling this. And like Rapunzel is such a small part because Rapunzel is pretty, short story. It is. So I know, I know a bit about it. Um, yeah, it's like three pages. I think, I think you would fix it. Like, there's a few different ways I can see you wanting to fix it. Well, you get three predictions, so. Okay. Prediction number one, um, you would fix it by saying no pregnancy. Bluh. All right. Okay. Hang on. I'm trying to think

about what I remember about how the story actually goes. Our classic, the witch teaches Rapunzel everything she knows because that's why she's kept her locked in a tower. Okay. She's a witch's apprentice. Witch apprentice? Yeah. Classic.

A classic fairy tale fix-fix. A very, very, it's like you know me so well. Mm-hmm. Gender Flip the Prince, third prediction. Am I going to change my fix based on your predictions? I hope so. Because honestly, I think you could combine all three of those and do a pretty cool story. You know, I have seen they do have gender flipped Rapunzels where it's like, instead of his hair, it's like a dude's beard that's really long.

That's funny. I love. But don't you also love the idea of a swashbuckling lady knight who dashes up to that tower to rescue that girl climb up her hair? Me too. I mean, there are so many ways you go. And I think that's one of the reasons that Rapunzel is so well known yet not adapted as much is because it's kinky. It's kinky as hell. People really love long hair. And it's, it's, it's kinky. People really love long hair and it's a little fetishy pulling on it yes there is something there it's very sexy it's a sexy sexy story and she even ends up beep Abby maybe we should move all this

conversation after her first maybe or not I don't know spoiler alert Beep! Beep! That's the title this fucking episode. It's just beep! Or spoiler alert. Fuck. Okay.

So this is Rapunzel from the original folk and fairy tales from the Brothers Grimm. Cool. I'm laughing because I flipped it over to look at the title and literally I took the sleeve off. But I remembered it. That's good. But I was still looking at it like I could see it. Anyway. Rapunzel.

Once Upon a Time It's a good start Everybody go listen to the woods It's so good God that music gets stuck in your head for fucking ever The Broadway cast version Once upon a time There lived a husband and wife Who had been wishing for a child for many years

But had all been in vain Finally the woman became pregnant well wasn't that fast I feel like there may be there's a couple paragraphs in here that might be missing I don't know if we need the details yeah you know maybe not

you get it we're all adults here I've had the birds and the bees explained to me let's explain that real quick on the podcast just a case when a mommy and daddy love each other very much

or if a mommy and a mommy love each other and there's a third party or if somebody throws their baby in the woods and a p. Anyway, which sounds like more like a fairy tale. Yes, it does. Now, in the back of their house, the couple had a small window that overlooked a fairy's garden filled with all kinds of flowers and herbs, but nobody ever dared to enter it. Hmm. She's a fairy. It's interesting. I I don't feel like you see a lot of fairies in German fairy tales. No, I feel like I've always heard it witch, witch before. Right?

And not fairies. That's interesting. Cool. Spoiler alert, she is not referred to as a witch at all in this story. Ever. Oh, interesting. Not that I remember. I read it the other day.

She's a fairy sorceress instead. Okay. Or, I mean, you know. She was a fairy. Same diff. Pretty much. One day, however, when the wife was standing at the window, one day, however, when the wife was standing at the window and looking down into the garden,

she noticed a bed of a wonderful Rapunzel. So I've definitely read the story before, but I did not remember. Rapunzel is like lettuce. Yeah. It is a type of lettuce. I forgot that entirely Because if you If you Google Rapunzel

It's like everything about the fairy tale princess Not Repenzo Plant Yeah Rapunzel lettuce Campanula Rapunculus

Common name Rampian bellflower Looks delicious And even In that search It's like the German salad linked to a classic fairy tale. But yeah, it's just like it's a leafy green. You eat it, you eat it in a salad. That's like you're getting pregnancy cravings for like banana and you name your child banana.

Banana. Pickles and peanut butter. Yeah. Watermelon. Watermelon. I ate so much watermelon when you were gestating. Like an alien There's a lot of pregnancy in this story, isn't there?

I don't like it. So anyway, she saw this Rapunzel and went ape shit for a repunzel. She had a great craving to eat some of the lettuce, and yet she knew that she couldn't get any. So she began to wait. Waste away and looked wretched. Her husband.

Wasting away. Because she can't get lettuce. I mean, also, but like way back then. But also, wouldn't you be, I would love to hear, like, pregnancy cravings from, like, ancient times. Mm-hmm. Like, what were you craving? Potatoes? Well, and I don't know.

We have a lot of listeners who have been pregnant at one time or are pregnant currently. Do you crave salad? Oh, yeah. Let us know. Yeah. Let us know. Let us know. But yeah, I'm just so curious.

Is that a common thing? Yeah. I know my sister craved banana. Okay. But, and I think that's kind of all I remember. I don't know. When people talk about stuff like that, I usually don't know. I've had, I've had some pretty weird cravings before, namely milk chocolate Hershey's.

Did I tell you, I was very worried for a minute I was pregnant because, one, because I wasn't getting enough sleep, so I had to, like, an anxiety attack about it, but also. I had been eating like a ton of Hershey's milk chocolate, which I don't like milk chocolate usually. I'm like all about dark chocolate if I'm eating chocolate. And I was like ravenous for like just like milk chocolate. Shitty Hershey's chocolate. Yes. So not even good milk chocolate. Like you did. That's all I want it. And I was like and milk chocolate Hershey's candy bar. And I had this like anxiety panic attack in the morning and I was like, am I pregnant? Am I prigante? Am I pregnant? The answer was a no.

I think it was I think just as I get older, I think my like period symptoms are just getting worse and more like a pregnancy symptoms. I'm sorry. Oh, it's weird. Get that shit yanked out. Have you noticed that? Have you gotten yours yanked out yet?

No, because you need a medical reason. like endometriosis or fibroids or some kind of lady disease. It's not just, I don't want to. Yeah. You'll give me boobs if I want to, but you want to see. They don't take, I don't want to as a answer. Yeah. It's too bad.

Anywho. Anywho. Leave all that in. I'm going to. And to answer your first question, no, not really, because I've been on hormonal like the full hormonal birth control for about 15 years and so it's just lucky lucky son of a vestant yep it's pretty normal i can't do that so i'm just going all crazy i'm a special baby girl i feel like a teenager again okay back to the story oh my god so she began

to waste away. Good. Excellent. Wretched. Became a real ego and her husband eventually became horrified and asked what was ailing her. Aw.

But it's because he loved her. Yeah. If I don't get any of that Rapunzel from the garden behind our house, I shall have to die. And her husband loved her very much and thought, no matter what it costs, you're going to get her.

some repunzel See, I like him already Yeah, the baker Yeah, I love the baker Aw, aw Because like if he didn't like her He'd just let her die As husbands are allowed to

I can get a new one I can get a new one That's what I was just thinking I was saying so neat So one evening He quickly climbed over the high wall into the garden, grabbed a handful of Rapunzel, and brought the lettuce to his wife.

Then she immediately made a salad and ate it with great zest. Damn, that sounds good. However, the Rapunzel tasted so good to her, so very good, that her craving for it became three times greater by the next day. Her husband knew that if she was

ever to be satisfied, he had to climb into the garden once more. And so he went over the wall into the garden and was extremely terrified when he stood face to face with the fairy, who angrily berated him for daring,

coming to the garden and stealing her repunzel. Enter magic beans. It's such a catchy like. He excused himself as best he could by explaining that his wife was pregnant and that it had become too

dangerous to deny her the Rapunzel, which is funny because, like, too dangerous because he might die. Right. It sounds like she's going to eat him. All right, the fairy finally spoke. I shall permit you to take as much Rapunzel as you like, but only if you give me the child that your wife is carrying. I just say the laugh in the text, but I'm just guessing. that's such a wild request and in his fear the man agreed to everything and when his wife gave birth

the fairy appeared at once named the baby girl Opunzel and took her away like that's that's wild request that's that I guess the baby and the woman would have died otherwise but if she can't have the lettuce

you know it makes me wonder if they ever had more kids I'm honestly curious. That's the last you ever hear of them in this story. Because also, is it a spell? Because the fairy wanted a baby. Did the fairy enchant her Rapunzel to be extra enticing so that the woman had to have it or she was going to die? Like, was this entrapment? That's a great fix.

I think that that's like, that's canonically, that's what I think happened in this story. I love that. right um but no so i that's my head canon for what's happening there and then also is this just a story about how it's just this just get another story about how women ruin everything yes don't indulge your wife's pregnancy cravings otherwise the fairy will take your child away gosh but it's also thank god you only lost a girl on this one be more careful next time i mean let's keep reading. Okay. We can analyze

we can analyze it later. We can analyze it later. Cool. Okay. Neat. So she took Rapunzel away. And Rapunzel grew up to be the most beautiful child under the sun. But when she turned 12, the fairy locked her in a very high tower that had neither

doors nor stairs only a little window high above whenever the fairy entered what i was just saying interesting uh that she doesn't get locked in there until she's 12 12 right around the age you get the uh the puberty's the puberty's your first blood whenever the fairy wanted to enter the tower she would stand below and call out out. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair. And Rapunzel had radiant hair as fine as spun gold. Each time she heard the fairy's voice, she unpinned her braids and wound them around, a hook on the window. Then she let her hair drop 20 yards and the fairy would climb upon it. Cool. Beautiful. That is pretty cool. Long hair is pretty crazy. Like, it's pretty crazy. It's hard to

take care of. And I guess if you're stuck up in a tower with no stairs or doors, you probably don't have like a ton of stuff to do all day. Yeah. I mean, as, I mean, that's the whole point of the opening number of Tangled. She just have a lot to do. She spends a lot of time brushing her hair. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then she like goes around. Does art projects. Hell yeah. You know, she's keeping herself busy. I like that. Totally. One day, a young prince went riding through the forest and came upon the tower. He looked up and saw a beautiful Rapunzel at the window. When he heard her singing with such a sweet voice,

he fell completely in love with her. Immediately. Because beauty and a pretty singing voice is all that matters. 100%. Not her crazy trauma or crazy mama. Just, she's very pretty. Crazy trauma, crazy mama. However, since there were no doors in the tower and no ladder could ever reach her high window, he fell into despair.

Nevertheless, he went to the forest every day until one time he saw the fairy who called out, Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair. As a result, he now knew what kind of ladder he needed to climb up into the tower. Oh, he took, so clever. He's a very smart prince. What prince. He took careful note of the words he had to say. In the next day at dusk, he went to the tower and called out,

Repensile, Repenzo, let down your hair. Why are we doing such a squeaky voice on the prince? I'm imagining he's trying to sound more like the witch. Oh, okay, this is good. Wait. How do you, okay, I need to mimic a deep voice mimicking a high voice. Right. Repansel, repansel, let down your hair.

I can't help it. I have such a naturally high voice. I can't do it. I'm going to do one more go at it. Okay. Repencil, repunzel, let down your hair. That was it. That was really good. Okay.

So, sweet baby angel that Rapunzel is, and I don't want to think she's 12, let's say, at this point in her life, she's 35. Love it. She's 35 years old. A fully grown adult woman, yes, absolutely. So she let her hair drop And when her braids were at the bottom of the tower He tied them around him and she pulled him up

At first Rapunzel was terribly afraid But soon the young prince pleased her so much That she agreed to see him every day And pull him up in the tower Yeah This is such a sexy story It's such a sexy story Thus, for a while

They had a merry time And enjoyed each other's company Yeah, they did The fairy didn't become aware of this Until one day Rapunzel began talking And said to her Tell me Mother Gothel

And she calls her Mother Gothel So that's kind of cool Oh, I did not know that Yeah, me neither And this is in the original Folken fairy tales from Jack Zipes so incredible that's legit her name okay i think so i can't imagine he would add it because it is me no right i think it's the other way around has to be okay tell me mother gothall why am i close

becoming too tight they don't fit me anymore pulling such a loraleigh pulling a loraleigh oh my god Yes. Did you get to that episode? Yes. Like her debutante dress doesn't fit. Literally last night, because we're in a simulation. Oh my God. I should be like extra careful that I'm not pregnant right now. Like I'm checked.

Suddenly I'm checking my clothes. Yeah. Do they feel tighter than me? I'm just fat, right? Yes. Please. Okay. Tell me Mother Gothel.

why are my clothes becoming too tight? They don't fit me anymore. Oh, you godless child, the fairy replied. What's this I hear? Wicked hussy. She immediately knows that she's pregnant, but also, like, I feel like some others would actually have that reaction to their daughters

also just gaining a little weight. Yes, yep. This story is problematic as hell. Absolutely. You're committing one kind of sinner or another if your clothes are getting too tight. And she immediately realized that she had been betrayed and became furious. She grabbed Rapunzel's beautiful hair, wrapped it around her left hand a few times,

picked up a pair of scissors with her right hand, and snip, snap. The hair was cut off. Afterward, the fairy banished Rapunzel to a desolate land, where she had to live in great misery. In the course of time, she gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl. So much is happening so quickly in the story. This story is all plot, plot, plot, plot, plot, plot, plot, plot, plot, but not enough details, as usual. And it does so, and why did you cut off her hair?

I mean, I guess thank you for cutting up her hair and then sending her to a desert because having a long hair in the desert would be awful. How was she, I mean, you know, how are you also supposed to move her? But like, why both? I don't know. Just, I don't know. Seems like a lot. Also, maybe this is your fault for not talking to your daughter about the birds and the bees like we so kindly did to our listeners. 100%.

I hope you're going to keep it. Listeners. Well, you know what? We'll find out when I read it at the episode. If that doesn't make sense, Abby and I talk a lot because we really like each other. So true. But yeah, but no, this is always what confuses me about people who punish their. teenage girls for getting pregnant.

Maybe you didn't change them. You didn't give them the tools to not get pregnant. Mm. Because you're fucking ridiculous. Yep. You think that promising your parents, your virginity, is going to be what stops them from getting pregnant and it's not. Nope.

Nope. It just happened so. Mm-hmm. On the same day that the fairy had been banished Rapunzel, she fastened the brave, that she had cut off to the hook on the window. Oh, yeah, that's why she got her here. That's why. We got there.

I read this two days ago, I swear. She fastened the braids that she had cut off to the hook on the window. And that evening, the prince came out and called, Repensile, Repencil, let down your hair. And she let the braids down. But when the prince climbed up into the tower, he was astonished to find the fairy instead of Rapunzel.

And was probably like eh. She's probably if she's played by Catherine Zeta Jones. Hell yeah. But the fairy is pissed and she's like do you know what you villain?

The angry fairy said. Rapunzel is lost to you forever. And in his despair the prince, threw himself from the tower he escaped with his life but he lost both his eyes

from falling out of a tower I thought it was like specifically into some thorn bushes but I think that like they probably added that they must have added that I feel a lot of what I know about Rapunzel really does come from into the woods I guess

they really nailed I mean they nailed this version they did but I but they embellished and added some things. Yeah. So he lost both of his eyes. And sadly, I mean, he is really bummed. She was really pretty. Yeah.

There's some very devoted men in this story. Sadly, he wandered around in the forest, eating nothing but grass and roots, and did nothing but weep. Aw. I'd cry, too, if both my eyes were gone. And you lost your pretty. pretty girl. Mm-hmm. And even if you found her, you couldn't see her again.

Some years later, he made his way to the desolate land where Rapunzel was leading a wretched existence with her children. Which, I don't know, that also says a lot about this story. Like, I'm sure she'd probably loved her children very much. well this whole story is so weird I think they probably mean wretched as in it's a desert not a lot of food not a lot of water it's survival subsistence level living with two infants

I think is probably more what they mean just came up with a new fix and I'm going to tell it she moves in with some local people and they take good care of her and she becomes a good community member I'm almost done sorry the story is almost done when he heard her voice I know I'm not doing it justice but I love that part

he immediately recognized it and she recognized him too and embraced him two of her tears fell upon his eyes then his eyes became clear again and he could see as usual the end that's the end

That's the end. It's a very quick story, very abrupt. Oh, we just kind of leave them there in the desert. I thought we were at least going back to the prince's home kingdom and they get married or something. I mean, and then his mother or his, you know, evil stepmother is actually half ogre and she wants to eat the kids. I feel like that's how it should end. It just ends right there. To steal an ending from Sleeping Beauty.

so man you've given me so much to think about because you did give me predictions I feel like maybe that wasn't the best because now I want to change my predictions oh change the ending well what were you thinking before I made those predictions my original my original fix is that uh you know she becomes a witch's apprentice obviously like obviously and then she gives birth to twins and their both daughters and they become witches. Just the whole coven. Oh, that's also real fucking good.

Wouldn't that be really cute? But Rapunzel is also pissed that he made her pregnant, so she wants to kill him. So he's not even in the story. They all like, they trick him together. But she pushed him out the tower. Ooh, yeah, no, she puts down her hair, and she climbs up, and then they both kill him. And then they just have a cute little cabin. But your, what you just said.

so it wasn't really anything about pregnancy that wasn't even really my brain it was mostly the witch's apprentice so you got one point i got one point because that was a part of your original fix but like but i think i think making i think making the prince a princess i know i didn't really like consider that because i wasn't thinking about romance at all because if we had gender flipped the prince and it was like a lesbian love story then she was would stay with them. They would both kill the witch. They become the witches. Uh-huh. And have a nice little witch family? Exactly. They go and chant some other lettuce and get some babies that way. But what you just said at the very end, it's like, no, it all

happens as is. But Rapunzel becomes like an awesome, crazy survivalist in the desert. And she's got like, You know, she's got, like, all the rags on her face because that's what you wear in the desert for sun, for like dust storms. Yeah. Sun protection, dust storms. Yeah. And she's like, she's a able huntress now. She knows how to find water. She's constructed her own hut.

Yeah. But it's very nice. Like she's done a great job with her kids. Yeah. They're all fucking badass. And then the prince comes along. And now he gets to be the princess. Yes.

Oh, my gosh. That's so cute. I love that. Yeah. The soft-handed little princess It's kind of a gender swap I love it Gender role swap

But yeah That would be kind of cool Wouldn't it? It would be kind of cool I'd be into that too Obviously she goes and gets her revenge Because now she's a badass And the prince can lead her

Sort of Although he was blind He's not very good at it That would make a great series Again I'd walk Ooh, and it's kind of John Wickie where she's just like, peo, pew, pew, like killing everybody. She gets guns somehow. Oh, yes.

No, she constructs her own bow. Yeah. Yeah, it's like old school John Wick. Right. Poo, peopo. Pew, pew. Medieval. I do like the story a lot.

I think it's very fun. I love how quick it is. Very classic folktale. Yeah. It's a good, it's a good, it's a good, it's a good one for a reason. I really, I like it. And I like that, and I like that the two kids still get like a happy ending. Or like the Rapunzel and her prints still get like get a happy ending. Yeah, it's sort of. There's definitely, it doesn't say they lived happily ever after, which I think. I suppose it doesn't, but like they find each other again and the kids are, the kids are there and she heals his eyes. Let me go get my updated Grims. I want to read the last paragraph and see if it's just okay. I think Ruth Manning Sanders might have done Rapunzel too, actually. I think you said it was in a book of witches. Yeah, I think it is.

I wonder how that one ends. Let me grab my book of witches. Yes, you read that one. I really want to know. I'm so curious. Okay, 66. Okay, so in my updated Grimm's fairy tales, this is like the Barnes and Noble's classic. Barnes and Noble classics.

It says Rapunzel recognizes him Falls upon his neck and wept And her tears brought his vision back Then he led her away to his kingdom Where he was received with great demonstrations of joy And where they lived long, contented and happy What became of the old witch

No one never knew So in the updated version it's a witch And yeah, it's more like Oh they go back to his place and they're happy. And in the RMS version, also a witch. Mm-hmm. Man, she really did a long one.

Oh, did she? Yeah, it's like, or is it just like a lot of spaces in those paragraphs? It's like 11 pages. 11 pages. But, I mean, the spacing is still, it's pretty far. Yeah, the spacing is super far. Holy crap This is the final two paragraphs

It's right like so Rapunzel heals him with her tears Rapunzel was all in rags But her glittering hair had grown again It streamed about her in a golden cloud Making even her rags beautiful The prince took her by the hand And they set off together for his father's kingdom

They wandered many a weary mile Before they reached it But reach it they did at last They were welcomed by the prince's parents With cries of joy And lived thereafter all their lives and happiness and peace the end. RMS just writes so beautifully.

Of course, like, our hair glitters and grows back. Exactly. Yeah. Like, I just, I really appreciate RMS as just kind of like world-building touches. She really is an excellent writer. She is. And then here's the picture, the Robin Jacques picture. Ooh, we should post it.

Oh, my gosh, that's so good. Mm-hmm. And it kind of looks like an old water tower. Shoot, should I have read that one? Eh, whatever. We're like a quick and dirty. It's quick and dirty. It's the same story either way, really.

RMS just embellishes a little more. Also, this is, okay, well, here's the selling point, kids. We read you the original Fokin Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grim one. If you want to know the embellished, probably better, more interesting, more lyrical version of Repunzel, you should buy a book of witches from Mab Media. who we love so much. And also, I haven't mentioned this yet, but I bought a book of magic animals to read soon. Because they're coming out with even more books. We can't even keep up with how many books they're like releasing. I am, I love it. I'm so excited for them. Melissa, if you're

listening, we love you. Thank you so much for bringing all these books back. It's so exciting. It really is. I can't wait to buy like a fresh copy of a choice of magic. Oh, I know. Oh, my gosh. I'm literally buying that for everyone I know for the holidays. Like, that's, once that's out, that's what everybody's getting. Hell, yeah. And then after that, it's all the other ones. It's a book of magic animals. Look, there's a cock. On the cover. Oh, a cock. Gotta have a cock. Lots of magic cocks all over. But, like, look at all the other animals, too. I mean, they're magic. They're so robin-shot coated. Yeah, some excellent Robin Jacques Dragons. God, I fucking, I love it. And antlered something or other. Yeah, an antlered something, maybe a cat with a banjo.

I'm so excited to read out of that one. Okay, are we ready for my story? Yes, we are. I wanted to continue the witch theme, or at least the cranky old lady theme, but then it turned out that this wasn't a cranky old lady, but whatever, who cares? I am reading today out of wise women, myths and stories from midlife and beyond. Yes. Edited by Sharon Blackie and Angharid Wynne.

You know what? That actually sounds perfect because the witch in Rapunzel, in my story, was actually like a fairy. Yeah. She wasn't a grumpy old witch. She was a fairy. She was a fairy. Which is great and good for her. But we really needed some old woman energy.

Oh, yeah. We always do. Always. I still imagine there is old The first thing that I'm going to read you And we're to read you two little things Could have been an old fairy I don't know

Ferry's what I imagined Not like old old old just old Anyway Yeah The story I didn't specify Well Rapunzel was 35 in my head canon Right So

So you know That means the fairy is like 70 Oh but then I imagine Catherine Zeta Jones you know what age is time isn't real and fairies are magic so sometimes she's Catherine Zeta Jones at 25 and sometimes she's Catherine Zeta Jones from the future yeah exactly okay sorry go on okay Kelsey I'm going to read you a short little poem but first you get one prediction what are old women made of sugar and spice and everything nice

is that your prediction yes I mean you're definitely like on the right track with your thought do I have to be specific cardamom I really like that spice yours is way better

than what the actual poem is this is an English poem and we all know how much sugar and spice the English hate old ladies what are old women made of bushes and thorns and old cows

horns that's what old women are made of I love that you're damn right bushes and thorns and old cow's horns they will like all of these things stab the shit out of you yeah they do

if you step on them so stop yeah just look at them and go away all right this next story comes from the don't mess with old women section yes our favorite section and it's called watching for the milk stealer

you may have three predictions oh I get three okay this is an English folk tale, by the way. What are old women made of and what was it called the milk steeler? Watching for the milk stealer. Watching.

All right. Well, the first thing that comes to mind is I don't want to be that milk stealer when an old lady is watching. So I'm going to guess bad news for a milk stealer. Milk stealer. That's a good tongue twister. Yeah. I'm not looking forward to having to say it a lot. Milk Steeler

Bad It's bad news Two Beautiful eyes Ooh Great, okay You have beautiful eyes And I'm also predicting

Blood Hell yeah Blood. Somewhere. There's got to be blood. Well, Kelsey, there was no doubt about it. The cows weren't producing nearly as much milk as usual. The farmer glared at the half-empty pail,

took off his cap, scratched his balding head, and ran through it all again. The pasture was as lush as it had ever been around Common Dale in May, and the cows looked to be in fine fettle, just as good as any of the prize milking cows he had seen at the market the week before. But still, they just weren't responding to the milkers' fingers as they should be. And it was well past time to get to the bottom of it.

How is white as milk? Milk and things. La-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ha. Another possibility nagged at the back of the farmer's mind. And that was witches. I love that. God, why didn't I predict witch? I don't know.

I even gave you, I even said witch. You know, I've, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I'm not on my third glass of wine for the evening. It's lateish on a beep. Evening. I'm definitely not going to have any regrets tomorrow. Me neither.

I said as I looked at the almost empty bottle of wine in my fridge before I came up here. There were witches galore in the neighborhood, and everyone knew full well that if the fancy took them, they would happily steal milk to dry up udders. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. A few of his neighbors had suffered in such ways due to unfortunate encounters with witches, but as far as he could tell, neither he nor his wife had done anything to upset them. Still, Kelsey looks skeptical.

I just want those of you listening at home to know. I'm really wearing it on my face. Yeah. It'd be a great visual podcast. Kelsey, your face is so loud. Still, he wondered how he might find out whether some hocus pocus of theirs was causing this low yield of milk. He decided that there was nothing for it but to set a watch on his field at night. It's just a bunch of hocus pocus.

Just a bunch of hocus pocus. That same afternoon, he instructed a young farmhand to watch the meadow in which the cows were turned out to pasture at night and to report back on anything unusual he might see. One uneventful night followed another, and each morning the lad came back to the farmer and said that there was nothing to tell. The cows hadn't been approached by anyone and there were no signs of wily old crones nor even of a furtive maid with a bucket and stool. and yet morning after morning the cows gave little or no milk. One morning, a neighbor happened to be passing while the young farmhand was making his report

and he stopped a while to lean over the gate and listen as the farmer questioned the young lad. The farmhand was adamant swearing on his granny's life that nobody had even come into the field, let alone got anywhere near the cows. And then something occurred to the neighbor and he interrupted the farm hand. Aye, well, he said,

I know you're saying that no person ever came into that field with the cows, but is it true that nothing at all went into it overnight? Oh. Ooh. The plot thickens. I love where this is going. The young lad gazed down intently at his boots as he thought hard about the question. After a moment, he remembered seeing a hair come and go a few times,

through the gap in the dyke, it had hopped over to where the cows were feeding or standing and did it seem to enjoy grazing among them? The neighbor asked him whether the hair always came from the same side and entered the field the same way and the lad looked up at him in surprise.

Aye, it does. Oh, you sweet, sweet summer child. You idiot. You, you big fat idiot. Yep. You naive, little boy. At that, the neighbor and the farmer exchanged knowing glances. That's the side handiest for old Malley's house, the neighbor said, and the farmer nodded slowly. That old woman had an uncanny reputation.

Yeah, she did. I love that old woman. Me too. I reckon she's the one. who've been stealing your milk while taking the form of an old dewhopper, the neighbor said, with a self-satisfied smile. Now that they had a hypothesis, how to test it was their next dilemma. After much deliberation, they decided that the farmer himself would take the watch that night.

He would carry his gun with him, which would need to be loaded with silver slugs instead of lead pellets to combat any tricksy, hocus pocus. That's so English. I know. I love it. But it wasn't so easy. You got to read it with an English accent. Wait, that tricks.

Any of that tricks? But it weren't so easy to come by silver slugs in and out of the way place like Comendale. And besides, they didn't want to draw attention to what they were up to. I can't do it long time. It's already falling apart. I absolutely want this movie. Me too. in the end they decided

that the farmer would cut up a few silver buttons and load the gun with the pieces. That sounds dangerous. They're not the right shape. Anyway. That evening, as the sun was setting, the farmer took his shotgun and sat under a hawthorn tree

in the far corner of the field. He'd be hidden from view, but still have a good view of the gap and the grazing cows. He would watch very carefully because he didn't want to waste his precious shot on just any old hair, it was old mallee he needed to catch if she was indeed the villain

and to shoot her in the act of sucking the milk from the cows. I love the, I love the imagery, the specific being under the hawthorn tree. That seems very botanical folk tales. It does, doesn't it? Yeah, especially because it's an English folk tale. Yeah, and it's like, it's very like,

this is very naturey folk tales. And our hawthorn tree is kind of like protection, like a witchcraft protection kind of thing. I don't know. We've talked about this before, I'm pretty sure. From botanical folktales. Yeah. Love, protection, hope, and transformation. Cool.

Within the Celtic and druidic traditions. And then they also are associated with fairies and the other world. Hell yeah. I feel like that detail is very important. Yep. Absolutely. It's significant that it's a hawthorn tree. Yeah, it's cool.

The moon rose high over the woods, casting long shadows across the field. The farmer, alert to every sound, almost jumped out of his old tweed jacket when an owl hooted in a tree behind him. That's the witch! That's the witch! Get her! But eventually, he settled down to his vigil. Midnight came and went, but there was neither a whisker nor a whisper of hair anywhere nearby. The chill night slowly slipped by as the constable.

constellations came and went overhead. Dog foxes barked, vixen screamed, bats swooped from tree to tree, and in a hedge nearby, a lone nightingale sang his hopeful song to lure a mate. And still, it's quite a picture being painted. It was like a beautiful evening, though. Yeah. That sounds so dreamy. Mm-hmm.

And still, there was no sign of any intruder to the pasture. The farmer was just about to give up hope when he caught sight. of a hair approaching stealthily from the other side of the dyke. Her black-tipped ears were pricked and her eyes bulged as she sat up on her haunches every couple of minutes to listen for suspicious sounds. The farmer's heart beat faster and faster when the hair stood up again and seemed to glower at the spot where he lay on his belly now, hidden in the shadows. Soon though, apparently reassured by the stillness in the pasture, she resumed her leisurely

advance. She hopped right through the gap in the dyke and onto the moonlit field. But instead of bounding across to the feeding cows, she took a direct course toward the farmer. Yes. Hell yeah. Wouldn't that be so scary? Yes. Because you know that's a witch.

Uh-huh. Oh, man. I love this. Ever so slowly, he moved his gun into position at his shoulder and took. took aim. He closed one eye and with the other sighted the hair. Her eyes grew larger and larger with every jump. The farmer watched startled until almost upon him now the hair reared up growing taller and taller all the while glaring right at the place where he sat and finally she was right there in front of him, standing on hind legs, belly pale as the moon, towering over

him with shining eyes as big as saucers. wait as still as a hair still is a hair okay that's terrible now she's a huge hair I was expecting her to like become a naked like naked old woman which is also very scary it's a good fix it's a good fix for the story

oh I don't know giant hair that's so a giant hair so good with a scream of utter terror the farmer sprang out of his hiding place flung his gun away from him and ran headlong across

the field. He didn't stop till he reached the farmhouse door, hurled himself inside, and double locked and bolted it. And so ended the farmer's attempt to bring the milk stealer to account. Never again did he mention the hair or his suspicions about old Mally. And never again was he heard to complain about his cow's milk yield, though his neighbors would swear blind, it didn't ever improve the end. Oh. Don't mess with old women. Dumbass with old Malley. Fucking incredible.

She'll drink your milk if she fucking feels like it. I don't know. It still feels like to me that like it's like one of those scary stories where it's like he scared himself. Yeah, where it's like he fell asleep and imagined the hair or something. I think it could have been cooler if it was like a naked old woman. Mm-hmm. That was like like if I were making a. movie you know what I mean like that would be more terrifying than like a giant hair because that

would be like oh you're just hallucinating or the hair is coming up so quickly that you like imagined it being like bigger than it was yeah absolutely um but I do think so I think it's scarier if you like it was scarier at the time because hairs were like deeply associated with witches at the time it's like the way like owls are associated with um yeah like bad omens or sorcerers in some traditions yeah but like uh hares were definitely like a witch's familiar cool type thing so like i think they evoked a little more fear because like there's addendums to this that says many tales of witches reflect a suspicion that they could shape shift into hairs this belief was undoubtedly inspired in good part by

the hair's remarkable speed and agility which makes it seem capable of appearing and disappearing by magical means. These solitary creatures also often stand on their hind legs and in distress can utter a strange, almost human-like cry. Mm-hmm. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. I love watching the, like, I don't know, there's like videos where it's like animals that

sound like humans. And they're so many. Ooh, okay. It's pretty cool. I'll have to look it up because it sounds creepy. It is creepy. I don't know if you like it. And apparently stories about witches stealing milk and butter and drying up cows outers are super common.

Like that's a very kind of, that's a very specific kind of witch mischief. I think the way I would fix this story is I want to actually meet old Malley and I want old Malley to gaslight the farmer a little bit. Like I want him to try to confront her. And she's like, I'm just a harmless old woman. I don't know what you're talking about. That'd be so good. but she always has a lot of milk and butter.

Exactly. Like I think she's selling milk and butter like at market or something and he's like, you've been stealing my milk. Or what if she has hairs, like pet, like pet hairs? Ooh, I love that too. That's excellent as well. And I just want her to gaslight the shit out of him when he tries to confront her. I do.

God, I love it so much. That was so good. It definitely wasn't bad news for the milk stealer. No great news to the milkstealer. The milkstealer's having a time. Beautiful eyes. It did say biggest saucers. It did say biggest saucers.

But there was no blood. Huge eyes. I feel like that's up to you. Well, when I said that, I was kind of thinking I was making a direct reference from over the garden wall where Greg goes, you have beautiful eyes. Because it also comes in and it does have eyes like as big as saucers. I know. But that's up to you. do I get that point? Or no.

That's okay. As you were making, you totally get that point. Because that's totally what the farmer might have said when the hair is getting that close and its eyes are fucking huge. I don't know. That's kind of what I was imagining. Like the witch having like, you absolutely get that point. Big eyes.

Like big beautiful eyes. I don't know. Nope, you got it. Okay. I call it for you. Sadly, no blood. But lots of milk. So that's good.

Lots of milk for old Mellie, specifically. Love that for her. Hopefully. And I do think it would be like also a cool fix. Because I think your fix and my fix can dovetail together where that like she's the hair and then she does like kind of briefly change into a naked old woman. Oh yeah, exactly. Not that it's not like a hair the whole time or like a naked old woman the whole time. But like as the hair is getting closer and closer and it has like that like flash where it's like a naked old woman.

woman that's like staring at you and like yeah absolutely like and it rears up into its hind legs as a hair but then as it's rearing up it changes into uh-huh wouldn't that be so scary like that would be super fucking scary and then she also gaslights the shit out of him when he tries to yeah that should have been a scene before he before after like throughout before and after before and after is that he'd be like no I fucking saw I fucking saw her and she's like I don't know what he's talking about crazy

there's hairs everywhere they love the Rapunzel yeah they love the Rapunzel they love your milk or she says they love my Rapunzel they're always in my garden yeah hell yeah

just to tie it together why not perfect oh that was so good I think that was a really fun episode me too I'm I'm looking word to hearing that one back again. Yeah. And I'm also excited to do Jack in the Beanstalk and Jack the Giant. Hell yeah. Which will be coming probably after spooky season, but that was kind of like the start of spooky season. What I like, I feel like I also felt like it was a good kickoff.

Spooky season always starts early here at fairy tale fix. Absolutely. We love, in fact, it's kind of all year round because so many fairy tales are fucking horrifying. I wish my life was like. a fairy tale. Oh, you do, do. Oh, you do do. Oh, you do do. Well, exactly. I think that's going to do it for us. Thank you so much for listening to Fairy Tale Fix. If you enjoy the show, please subscribe. Leave us review five stories only, please. You can leave us a review on Apple or Spotify. You can also comment on this episode. what should the word be? Oh, beep! Beep! Comment beep on our Instagram or Spotify so we know you're listening. If you love the show and want to support us, you can get extra episodes, merch, books, and other bonus content at our Patreon, which we have some exciting Patreon content

coming up that we're going to create at Fairy Tale. Sorry, at patreon.com forward slash fairy tale fix. Yep, that's the one. Or is it fairy talefix pod? I think it's, it's, it's, is it very tell fix pod? Let me check. I'm pretty sure Patreon.com forward slash fairy tale fix. Nope. Fairy tale fix pod.

Yeah, always put the pod at the end, folks. Yeah. Just leave all that in. We don't know our own URLs. It's fine. We're super professional here. It's fine. for about what you pay for a latte a month or less because you can now enter at the $3 a month level.

Sure it can. Check it out. It is fun. And anyway, you can also find us on Instagram at FerryTale FixPod. And please email us your favorite fairy tales, folklore, nursery rhymes, and other such things at info at ferytalefixpod.com. And so, Rapunzel became an awesome. crazy desert survivalist badass bitch and so did her kids

hell yes and when her prince showed up she did cry and he became she cried because she was beating him so hard because she's such a survivalist she didn't even recognize him and then he's eyes and then he like oh no Rapunzel it's me and she's like oh shit

and then he became the princess and they all took care with him and got super awesome John Wickish revenge on Mother Gothel. Yeah. Absolutely fucking radical.

Would watch it. Pugh! I love that at the end, the prince is so baby girl. He's such a baby girl. We love that for him. Or he becomes a princess. Yeah, he just transitions and becomes princess.

He is baby girl. She is baby girl. They are baby girl. Yeah. And everybody just does it ever the fuck they want. And everybody loves each other because they're so happy. That's kind of beautiful. Yeah, I think so.

That's the fix. There are so many great options for the end of Rapunzel. It's so open-ended. Like, you could really take it any direction you want. You really could. And old Melly gaslight the fuck out of the farmer with all of her hairs and all of her hairs and all of her, lettuce growing and runs across the field right at his face and transforms into herself and then gas lights him more the next morning at the market and the farmer just you know he just he just takes it

he knows this place in the world which is far away from old Mellie in her business and they all live happily ever after the end