Fairy Tale Fix - 115: Old Jerkin’ It Johnson

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

Is anyone else having an existential crisis? No? Just us? Well strap in because it's real clear on Fairy Tale Fix this week! Kelsey tells a Swedish fairy tale about how we humans keep having to learn the same lesson of not allowing people to hoard wealth over and over again in The Barrel Bung. Abbie's story also has a strong message about the importance of taking care of people who some might deem unworthy in Japanese folk tale Ubasute-yama (Mother-Rid Hill). Our fix for both stories? Eat the rich.

Let's do it. And we don't have to do our weird minute of silence. Well, I was, you know what? You and I, you read my mind. You and I are on the same wavelength consistently. But I think to different ends, because what I was about to say is we have to remember to actually do a minute of silence at some point today. Because when it was going through editing 114, I was.

Did we forget? We, well, you didn't. You left to go. like use the bathroom or get another drink or something. I always have to take a break. And I clicked and clacked and clattered and made a bunch of noise during your break. So your minute of silence was pristine and mine. And mine was like barely usable. I was able to get 20 seconds where I wasn't making any goddamn noise. And that was sufficient. It was fine. Like neither of our rooms are loud enough to where it matters that much and yeah yeah that much background taken out but I still

just thought it was so funny because I was just thinking to myself like damn dusty would be so disappointed me he would have given you so much shit for that he would have given me so much shit for this it feels disrespectful to his memory see this is the benefit of having to pee at at least once every half hour. Absolutely. A very small bladder. You leave the room for at least a couple minutes at a time, every recording. Yeah, I have to.

But it's, I also did it with, we also did it with Chadwick when we were recording with Chadwick because both of us forgot to tell him to be quiet when. Oh, yeah. We left the room. Oh, that's good stuff. Oh, well. It's working out. It is. I don't think, I don't, no disrespect, no disrespect to Dustin. He wanted to do everything the right way.

Mm-hmm. He was on top of it. He was like, everybody get your shit together. Get your shit together. And he wanted to do all of the edits so that everything would have the best possible sound quality. And he was right. However. I have not noticed a huge difference in just, you know, using like 20 seconds of silence for noise production. Yeah, a minute was pretty painful. Maybe we should start doing it again just to just for Dustin. Just a minute of silence for Dustin. Mm-hmm. Every episode. And the veil is finished today, technically yesterday.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, it's all hallows day today. So, you know, Dustin, I really hope you've got better things to do at this point, my man. But if you're listening, we're doing our best. If this message gets to you, we are soiling this podcast. We are fucking it up so hard. Don't tell him that. Dustin, don't haunt us.

Oh, I miss you, buddy. I know. I miss him a lot, too. That's why I'm just thinking about him today. Fucking cheers to Dustin. Cheers to Justin. Clink. How is your Halloween?

It was good. One of the markets that I work at, we put on a little trick-or-treat with all of the merchants. And then we had like a party outside with one of the other businesses in the neighborhood. Like they had a DJ and they had like a treat street sort of situation set up. and then when it started getting cold outside they sent all of the kids back into the market and we gave them free popcorn and screened the nightmare before Christmas. Yeah, you sent me a picture. That looked really cool.

It was really cool. It looked like a high, but it was fun. Pickle Rick was dancing and it was incredible. Pickle Rick had moves. That was the business outside had like, like they had their MC and, DJ was he had a big pink wig. And so he was like dancing around and hyping everybody up. But then there was also, I don't know if this is someone who works for the business or if it's just a random neighborhood guy and a pickle wick costume with moves. But good dancer.

Hell yeah. Yeah. I like to think he's just a random neighborhood guy that was just getting down. Me too. It's fucking Halloween. Let's do this. You weren't wearing a costume, but you looked fucking amazing uh tell everyone what you're like a month this comes out like a month later so everybody already knows two weeks it'll come out i mean yeah but like they may have forgotten but i was like kelsey bought me these amazing wiji board planchette earrings i thought it would be so funny it was so did you buy those before or after i said i don't use wichie boards definitely after definitely after I was, like, looking around because I had already gotten you like a tarot card necklace, and I saw those and I was like, these would be perfect. Maybe she'll accidentally summon a demon.

It don't really work that way, though. It doesn't really work that way, but I just thought it would be funny. So a little, because your gift was very late. It came on Halloween. I mean, but that made it feel like such a special Halloween present. It was awesome. I loved it. I was like, it's a trick so much.

And a treat. Which reminds me that like, so one of the things that Kelsey also got me was a, um, it's, it was sort of like a, it was like a mystery stone and bones bottle. Yeah, it's cool as fuck. It was cool. It's cool as fuck. Uh, I need to post a picture of all of the things that are, were in that bottle and tag the brand, uh, so that they can tell me what stones they were, what bones they were.

And then it also came with a run stone. And I want to know more about. with that ruin. Yeah, it's a very witchy lady. I think it's the Raven collection. Uh-huh. And I, she pops up in random like pop-up markets around town. And I just love her so much. She has like the coolest, spookiest shit. Um, a lot of bones. So I really want to know it kind of like, it looks like a jawbone. It looks like a jawbone to something. And it's got a really long fang. Yeah. It's cool as hell. On it. Which may be like, like, But like, so I was thinking a cat of some kind, like it's a cat jaw.

You know, what you should do is Google search that image of it and image of it. And it might tell you what it is. The almighty Google AI robot overlords that we're dealing with. Oh, but it'll be fun to have the Raven Collective do it for me. I also want to know what rocks I got. Is anyone else having like a fucking robot AI meltdown? right now because it's just like freaking me the fuck out so bad how prevalent it is. It's just like booming and popping up everywhere. Yeah. Like you can't go you can't turn a corner on

the internet without seeing an AI generated image. Like we are in an episode of Black Mirror now hard. I've been watching a couple of videos and I'll be like, oh neat, that's cute. And then I like, I always go to like read the comments. I don't know. I'm a comment reader because people are really funny sometimes. And there'll be, everybody will be like, this is AI. And I'm like, I didn't clock it at all. I'm not looking that hard. Fair. Yeah. I'm bamboozled. Ease of it. Easily bamboozled. Oh, you got me. And I am also a huge part of the problem. I was at work. And I was, I used this website called freepick.com. It gives you like free illustrator graphics and things like that. The artist's uprode. A lot of.

AI art now, which is really a bummer. But you can also, you can like select, exclude AI, which I always do, but sometimes they still pop up. But I found an image I wanted, I liked that I wanted to use possibly for an event we have coming up on my, one of my like event posters. And I internally struggled with this, but I used the AI option and said like remove text because there was a bunch of fucking stupid text all over this image. And I was like, I don't want the fucking text on this picture. and it did it so well and it was so funny because I like it worked perfectly for what I needed it for and I just I I let off the biggest sigh that my coworker works in the same offices we went wow that was a big sigh Kelsey and then I just had to explain that I was having an

existential crisis and also I'm a moral quandary because like I hate it. AI, but I also like have, I've used it for work things that I don't want to have to do myself and like, or can't do. I simply don't have the skills and it just like to remove the text or I guess I have the skills. It just takes for fucking ever. And I don't know. It just sort of like, fuck. I don't know. Yeah, I don't like I, the reason why I'm just making faces over here is because I don't have, I don't know.

I don't have any easy answers, especially in like marketing related. jobs like this is becoming an expectation that we know understand and use these tools to save everybody time useful sometimes it's really useful like and also there's different kinds of like because of the the big curve the big thing that everybody is resisting is like generative AI there are other tools that use like assistive technology like I don't know like I feel like removing words from something was something that existed before. Yeah. Maybe.

I don't know. I don't know enough about it. It's one of those things that like also are we so old that like we're like, I don't like this new technology. Like I remember like people hated microwaves too. Yeah. People resisted the sewing machine. People resisted the microwave.

People resisted electric lights. Like. And so on and so forth. I think it's just that like the environment. mental impact of those things wasn't as huge. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And then like the, like, literal. And we just don't know.

And we just don't know that. Like it's, and that's kind of, but like that put people out of work, that put, that changed the landscape of how people do their jobs. Like, so like, you know, I thought these same thoughts, which is also a massive environmental burden. So the thing is, it's like, I don't know. We're so fucked. That's all.

We're just fucked. I don't know. It's really hard to feel anything. but just fucked. So, like, for me, it has to, it comes down to it being a personal choice because, like, what can, what do you personally find to be a meaningful action? Kind of the same way that, like, I don't fuck with Harry Potter anymore at all. I'm not going to stop HBO for making a Wizarding World TV show just by myself.

But as a personal choice, I don't fuck with it anymore because it, it upsets me. yeah me too and that upsets me too yeah whole thing's so fucked god damn it we can't have anything nice no but you can have like a consistent moral philosophy for yourself yeah and that's all you can do that's all you can do Welcome to fairy tale fix, a podcast where we read each other. Fairy fairy fairy foothills from around the world. I'm Kelsey. No, this is a moral philosophy podcast now.

We're going to start reading Kant. I'm Abby. Honestly, you know, fairy and folk tales are a very good, that's like a good thing to look to when you are thinking about morality and the world. I think there are a lot of lessons. There are a lot of lessons in fairy and folk tales. And I think maybe the answer to all of our problems is to read more of them and to listen to our podcast. I love it. Oh my goodness.

Well, I don't, like, because you're also, like, that's extremely true. Like, fairy tales, like, used to be a method through which morals were transmitted. Hmm. And some of those are relevant today and some of those are very not relevant today. And I love that that's what our podcast kind of gets to explore a little bit. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Does Fireball whiskey make me very, uh...

It makes you so deep. So deep. It makes me... smart brain very smart brained you're so smart brained right now i'm doing my absolute best not to mention other horrible things happening the world right now so let's good because i'm going to do that right now let's do something else tell me a story fairy tale from swedish fairy tales oh yes please i need this It is called the barrel bung by Anna Wallenberg. Do you want me to tell you what a barrel bung is real fast?

Please, I have no idea what that means. I love that word bung. It sounds dirty. I don't know why. Well, it sounds like dung, so it sounds literally dirty. And I think it's often associated with the word bunghole because it's like the stopper that goes into a barrel, I think, to stop things. Hold on it.

It says in the book. See, I can't hear anything but butthole. Bung hole. That's me every time I see the word buttonhole, which isn't often, but it's enough that I think about it often. Yeah, the casks, like it's like a cask, like imagine a barrel. Okay. And it's bunged before delivery. so you put something in it to stop it from like from all the wine pouring out essentially.

See, there is a dirty joke in there somewhere. Bunghole. The barrel bung. Uh-huh. This is so give me. Okay. So it's just, it's called the bunghole. No, it's called the barrel bung.

Oh. I wish you were called the bunghole. I probably would have read it away. The last time I read from this book was 2023. So it's been a minute and I felt like I wanted maybe some trolls and Tomtas and my, oh, sorry, can't predict, you can't predict troll or Tompta now. Damn it. Because I honestly. Oh, that would have been a home run for Swedish fairy tales.

I need to shut me up. Abby, give me three predictions. Kelsey, shut up. Sorry. Um, damn it. Sorry. Oh, that's so stupid. Why did I say that?

Do I get free? If you were going to predict that, you can. No, it wouldn't be right now. Telsie, shut up. God. There is an important bunghole. I love that. Important bunghole.

Tile the episode. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Okay. So I want that. And then I also want, um, that's all I can think about now. Strong spirits. Strong spirits. By which I mean liquor, alcohol, the kind one might find, and a cask with a bunghole. Okay. I'm going to laugh every time you say that.

Because I'm five. Yeah. In the most delightful possible way. Oh, gosh. A person gets stuck in a barrel. Okay. A person gets stuck in a barrel. I have made many barrel-related predictions.

I am ready to hear the story. I love it. I want to tell you a quick side story about how immature. Adam and I've been playing this game called like the planet crafter and there are these little beacons you can put so you can see where your home base is essentially like anywhere you are on the map it just like has like a little red label in that direction so you can find it and I accidentally changed I went up to one of the beacons and I changed it to just boobes

because I thought it was funny so all day yesterday when we were were playing um every now and then we just turn around and see boobs on the map and made his I love it. Oh, it was very fun. I'm glad it tickled both of you to see boobs. I was like, what's a funny word? Because I did it like as a surprise. I didn't tell him.

It just just covered on his own. And then I was relieved when he laughed. I thought he would like roll his eyes at me. But no. He's the perfect man. So he laughed a lot. Absolutely. And we still laughed about it today, actually.

He also has a Jehovah Nile sense of humor, intermixed with being a complete nerd who knows all the things. Thank goodness. Yeah, absolutely. He's wonderful. Okay. For nearly five years now, the people of Bowling Parish had suffered from famine. At last, even the milk from the cows, which they had lived on, was gone. The cows had run dry at both farms and the crops.

But while life was hard for the parishioners, at the manor, house of rich, elderly, Lady Skinflint, there was plenty. Lady Skinflint. Yeah, gross. I don't know why it sounds nasty. It is not. I mean, because Skin Flint isn't an insult for people who are cheap. Oh, I didn't know that. That's not her government name.

That is not her government name, no. name. Well, they called her that. Okay, this next part makes more sense then. They called her that because she was so mean and miserly to everyone. She had bought the manor house five years before and moved there with her tall, ugly daughter whose face was so ugly, it was enough to scare you. Boo. We hate old, oh, I thought you were booing her. I was initially. She's ugly because she's so horrible. Don't worry.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. So the insides are just reflective. Mm-hmm. Or the outside is just reflective of the insides. Exactly. Yes, there was always plenty at the manor house. Even though the old lady and her daughter had only four poor cows, they had hundreds of cheeses and churned big tubs of thick butter to cart off and sell.

It was as if all God's blessings had left the farms and crofter's cottages and gone to the manor house. people shook their heads and said it wasn't right yet no one quite understood how it had happened they have a magic barrel bung that attracts good things to them interesting a magic barrel bun I should have said the barrel bung is magic you said it wasn't important so I said there was an important Bungle. That's a very important distinction. I feel like that's close. At last, when Starr, a splendid cow belonging to wife Johnson, who lived in one of the cows has an air.

Hell yeah. Star only gave half a pint of milk. Yerker Johnson. And it's spelled Jerker Johnson, like jerker. Jerker, ER, which made me laugh a lot this morning too. Jerker Johnson. Again. Old jerking it Johnson.

But it's pronounced, because it's Swedish, so it's pronounced Yerker. Okay, Yerker Jonsen. Oh, okay, so I have a sidebar already. Okay, because it's Jerker Johnson, like J-J, but it's Yerker Johnson, because it's not Yonzen, right? In Swedish. It'd be Johansen. There's no H, it's just like J-O-N-S-O-N. I'm basically going off of, so my father's last name is Johnson, and he got that from his great-grandfather, Johan, who changed his name.

No, his great-father was, his great-grandfather was Goost, but Goost's father was Yohan. So he was Goose-Yoanssen, and what he changed to Johnson when he came to the United States. So maybe, Yerker Jonson. Okay. The quick sidebar, which you can totally cut out if you want. but there is a musician that pops up on Adam's radio every now and then and his name is, I think it's

Jesus Jones, but I'm like, it can't be Jesus Jones, and it can't be Jesus hones. But I don't feel like you can be Jose. Like, Jesus. Without, like, Jesus Jones, just like, but wouldn't you also use the, the, huh?

Like, yeah. So, Jesus hones. I just, and I've never looked it up. because it makes me laugh every time it's i mean in that case is jones it'd be jesus hones i want to be hones no if it's spanish because doesn't the e have r e sus well it would have it would have a little thingy over it oh exactly anyway anyway just a sidebar something but i like i like hesuz hones a lot me do okay So, so I'm just going to say Yerker Johnson, because that's what I've read in my head.

So if I'm wrong, please yell at me at info at fairy talefixpot.com. Do it. Yerker Johnson, the eldest son, decided that matters had gone far enough and that he would find out what was happening. That evening, when he went to bed, Yerker did not bother to blow out his candle, but instead placed it close to the wood shavings on his workbench, so that the shavings would surely catch fire when the candle. burned down. Yerker lay there waiting, pretending to sleep. He knew that if the Tompta or Goblin, who looked after the house was still in the

cottage, he would come and blow out the candle. Ooh. Which I love it so much. See, he just knows there's a Goblin in there? Yeah, everybody's got a Tomta. They take care of things. Tight? Awesome.

Cool. I think they also played pranks. I should have done some research about the Tompta and had a whole. thing ready, but I didn't. I'm sure I've talked. I feel like I've talked about them before, but I don't remember. So anyway. But I'm not.

So now I'm just going to keep reading the story. Just keep going. If they come up again, then we'll do research. Okay. Yerker had almost given up hope and was just reaching out to do it himself when the little Tompta in his gray smock and red tassel cap tiptoed from the one corner of the room with two fingers pinched the burning wick and snuffed out the flame. Good evening, said Yerker, jumping from the bed and bowing to the little Tompta,

who he could see plainly in the moonlight that was shining through the window. I thought you had moved to the manor house since all blessings seemed to have left us and gone to them. The Tomta looks solemn. So having a Tomta is a blessing. Oh, absolutely. That makes sense. The Tompta looks solemn and stroked his long beard. It is not my fault, he said.

"'Whose is it then?' Yerker asked. The Tomta eyed him doubtfully. Then he stood on a tiptoes and whispered in Yerker's ear, "'If you can get yourself hired as a farmhand there "'and do well enough to be allowed to look in their storeroom, "'perhaps you will find out what is wrong.' "'And quick as a mouse, he darted back into the corner.' "'Oh, I love it. Intel.'

"'Mhm!' "'Yer got up at dawn at the next morning. "'He told his mother he wanted to go out into the world, and find his work as a farmhand, and he went off with his Sunday clothes tied by a leather strap across his shoulder. When he reached the village, however, Yerker exchanged all of his fine clothes

for some soft-bri cakes with plenty of butter and a few fine sausages. He stuffed these into his pockets, for it was sensible to take food when you went to the manor house of Lady Skinflint, where there might not be enough to eat. Oh, my God.

Oh, she just does sound awful. Like, she and her horrible daughter have plenty of food, but they don't even feed the servants. Mm-mm. Boo! Yep. Eat the rich. Eat the rich.

After this, he set out straight for the manor and knocked on the kitchen door. Come in, a voice squeaked. Yerker entered. He saw an old man servant, who was the only help at the manor house. The servant was so frail and miserable that he could not get work anywhere else, so he had stayed on. He was sitting by the fire eating dinner. That is a meal of potatoes and well water. Do you know if the manor house needs a farmhand?

Yerker asked. The old servant responded with a loud guffaw. I love a loud guffaw. Me too. Apparently, he could not imagine anyone wanting to work there. They wouldn't like you in any case, he replied. Even I seem expensive to them. But suppose you became ill, Yerker.

said, Don't say it. Then I would starve to death. Yerker pulled forth a sausage in a rye cake and held them up to the old man. Oh, no, I must be in paradise, said the man's servant, and his eyes were sparkling. Yerker held the sausage in his right hand and the right cake in his left. Go and pretend to be ill, he ordered. You'll have more to eat if I get the job.

Ooh. The old man obeyed him at once. Crawled to a corner near the fire, pulled a quilt over his head, made himself self-comfortable and began to chew on the sausage and cake. Yerker crept outside and hid near the corner of the house. It's like, you're going to feed me and I get to pretend that, like, I'm too sick to work. Huh? I love being too sick to work.

Especially it's because I'm sick because I'm so full of food that I haven't eaten for weeks. I don't know if you can tell why I might have chosen the story for this particular time. Or just busy and tired and feeling a little overworked. No. Like, okay, no, I won't keep going. Wait, wait, wait. I don't get it. Like, all those snaps benefit being cut and people being hungry, like maybe a political message.

Okay, yeah, absolutely. Let's talk about it. Anyway, he did not have to wait long before he heard a terrible noise. Old Lady Skinflint and her scarecrow daughter had come into the, the kitchen and were quarreling with the old man for being idle. They shouted and howled worse than seven dogs fighting 11 cats, which I really love that imagery. Very specific numbers.

Very specific. Seven dogs fighting 11 cats. Yeah. Right in the midst of the upheaval, Yer knocked on the kitchen door a second time. Does the gracious lady of the manor house need a farmhand? He asked as he entered. No, get out. out of here shrieked ladies kid Flint shaking a poker at him but her daughter tugged at her mother's skirt

now that the old man was ill they could use the hand for a day or two and so one way or another yerker was allowed to stay at the manor house the first thing yurker was told to do and his new job was to carry cheese from the storeroom to the larder outside the cheeses were big and heavy and there were so many of them that it seemed as if the manor house had a hundred cows instead of just four Oh, God. Okay. But don't think for a moment that Yerker was allowed to set foot inside the storeroom. Oh, no. The daughter brought out every single cheese herself and handed it to him on the front porch.

She was so careful about the storeroom door that Yerker did not manage so much as a peep inside. Suddenly, however, as she handed him one cheese, he pretended to drop it on his foot. Then he began to jump up and down on one leg, howling. with pain. And of course, the daughter had to come and ask what was hurting him. And in the confusion, she left the storeroom door. Yerker himself grabbed it and leaned against it to study himself. And as he did so, he quickly poked a stick into the lock and broke it off so it was securely wedged in there. Yeah. He put a foot down, said he was better now, and carried the cheese away. Smort. Smort. S subtle. Yeah. Clever. Love Yerker. Yeah.

Jerker He's cool He's got a fucking plan He's ready He does He's like I'm gonna figure this shit out When we're all starving And these rich old bitties are fucking

These rich fucks Are deliberately starving Everybody around them I have caught onto the theme I love it When he returned The old woman and her daughter Were both standing there

Poking and prodding the lock both purple in the face from trying to shut the door. Yerker offered to help, but they refused. So the lock had to stay broken until the next day, when ladies skinflint herself would go to the country store and buy another. For the rest of the day, the old woman and her daughter took turns guarding the door. They did not leave until evening, when they sent Yerker to the hayloft of the night. He laid dozing a while, then he got up and crept down again.

Listening intently, he circled the manor house, and soon realized that the two women whom he had believed to be sound asleep were in the dining room having their supper. Quick as an eel, he went into the hall, opened the still-unlocked storeroom door, and glided in without a sound. Yes. It was still fairly light, but he could see nothing stranger than cheeses and milk buckets on the shelves. Suddenly, he heard the dining room door open. Afraid of being discovered, Yerger jumped behind a couple of apple barrels and lay on his house. his stomach on the floor. He had just hidden himself when old lady's skinflint and her

tall, ugly daughter came in, holding candles in their hands. The old woman set her candle down and began to dig in her pocket. Finally, she pulled out a big barrel stopper, which is called a bung. I like that it says that. Oh. And wedged it into a hole in the wall that Yerker had not noticed before. Then she found a milking stool and sat down on it with a milk pail between her knees just under the bung. What is happening? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Then she began to pat the bung and cry like someone calling cows in for milking. Come, boss, come, Brindlebell, come all you cows. Which one will you milk first today? asked the daughter. Oh, I think I'll have the parish clerk's bean. Come bean, come bean, come bean, she clucked. Yerker watched as a big cow's udder swelled from the bung on the wall. I know it's so gross sounding. Oh, I don't like that at all.

The woman took a firm grip of it and sang, Cow of gold, cow of gold, give as much milk as the pail will hold. Creamy white milk streamed from her fingers into the pail until it was full, and lady's skinflit emptied it into a big tub her daughter had brought in. then she put the pail between her knees again. Which one will you have now, then? asked the daughter. Now I think it will be the sheriff's buttercup, the old woman replied. And once more, she began to pat the bung from which the first utter had disappeared when she stopped singing before.

Now she called, come buttercup, come buttercup, come buttercup. Another utter appeared, and milk began to pour out as before, and the old hag sang along. Mm-hmm. This does kind of remind me of the story I told a few weeks ago, though, of, like, the witch who's milking everybody's cows. Yeah, totally. Yeah. It's very similar. It's a widespread European fear.

But this one, she has a very important bunghole. She has a very important bunghole. Oh. I'm going to take it. And clearly she's a witch. Clearly. Cow of gold, cow of gold. Give as much milk as the pale will hold.

and when the pail was full of milk this milk too was poured into the tub and the daughter asked as before which one will you have now well I think it will be Mother Johnson's star the old woman answered and again began her music with the bun come star come star come star

she called but when Yerker heard her coaxing the Johnson's own beloved star their beloved star oh hell no fuck that noise not my cow he became quite angry and before the woman had begun her song he stuck his head out and cried cow of gold cow of gold knock the hag out knock her cold and look instead of an utter a cow's long leg shot forth from the bung and kicked the old hag solidly

her daughter came in running and she got a kick to delightedly yger continued to sing cow of gold cow of gold knock the hag out knock her cold and the cow's leg kicked and old lady skinflint and her daughter screamed and whenever they tried to dodge away the cow's leg reached out and gave them an extra wallop yeah i love it thank goodness there is artwork for this yes can you see it okay it's like The cow leg is just coming out of, like, oh, my God. It's out of nowhere, basically. That's so crazy. That's a crazy part. I love it. Oh, I love it so much. That was really clever.

Your curse fucking on it. He's on it. He's been very clever so far. Mm-hmm. I love this line, too. You villain, you rogue, cried Lady Skinflint. Are you trying to kill us? Yes.

Yes. But Yerker paid no attention, so the old lady tried another way. Dear sweet, good Mr. Crofter, Yer. Don't sing anymore. We'll give you anything you want. That's more like it, said Yer, and stopped his singing. The cow's leg became a bung once more, and quickly Yerker took the bung from the wall and held it. Bring me all the gold you've earned by milking the cows of the village,

I shall tempered justice with mercy. No matter how the old woman and her daughter begged and beseeched, Yerker would not listen until they brought out almost all of the gold and silver they had. It filled a sack so big and heavy that Yerker could scarcely lift it. Then the old hag asked to have the bung back. The audacity. Can I get that bung back? What a bitch.

Yeah. No, absolutely not. No. Just because you paid someone off doesn't mean you can keep doing your evil things. No, said Yer, putting it in his pocket. This is mine. Snaps for Yerker.

Then he woke the old man's servant and asked him to help carry the sack. And all night long they struggled and strained to get it down to the village. What were they even fucking doing with all of that money? Just hoarding it? Just hoarding it. A fucking asshole, useless billionaire? Just hanging on to it so that they had it. Nobody else did.

Interesting. Weird. Weird behavior. In the morning, Yerker had the church bells rung, and when the villagers came running, wondering what had happened, he opened his sack and all of the gold and silver spilled out. Then it was divided fairly among all of those whose cows, mean old lady skinflint, had so thievishly milked. The rejoicing went on and on. I know I love that.

Thievishly milked. Yeah. The rejoicing went on and on. on. When everyone had received his fair share, each gave a tenth part to Yerker, feeling he had earned it well. This was so much that Yerker could afford to buy his own farm, marry the girl he liked, and take the old man's servant on his help. Aw. That's wonderful. Right? Yeah. Now they're best friends. And from then on, peace and joy returned to the parish, but not to Lady Skinflint and her daughter, who gradually became poorer and poorer as they could no longer live by their tricks.

As for the bung, it was burned in a big bonfire. Ooh, that's a hot take. Burn the magical object. Mm-hmm. Okay. Everyone watched to make sure it would never harm them or anyone else in the world ever again. The end. I love that.

Isn't that great? That was fantastic. And I love that the community comes together at the end To be like, damn, we should make sure that nobody is able to hurt anyone anywhere. Yeah, nobody should be that fucking rich and hoard wealth and like and then like literal, oh my God, yeah, wow. Hmm, what a wonderful metaphor for our current life and times. And apparently the life and times of every generation of human beings ever. Yeah.

a lesson that we must learn over and over again over and over again um so as usual i know it's like i feel like it's very cliche to be like in thanksgiving um but yeah it is do it anyway so uh donate food donate money to food banks um help people eat and not be hungry this year if you can if you can afford it You know, if you have extra wealth, right. Yep. Yeah, sorry, I cut you off. Oh, no, no, no. That was pretty much it.

You get it. Yep. I mean, you and I are just going to preach back and forth to the choir, but yes, absolutely. Donate to food banks. Research, like, a local one if you can, so then it goes directly to the people in your community. Yep. Yeah. Fuck ridiculous, egregious wealth.

Yeah. I guess. And old lady's skin flint. And old lady skin flint. Reject the old lady skin flint in your life. And her ugly act. And rejects the old lady's skin flint within yourself. Yes.

Yes. Yeah, that's very important for all of the billioners listening to this podcast. Absolutely. Or not to get too serious, but also like whenever like, whenever government assistance programs around food, like,

snap come up, people start talking about like whether or not the people on SNAP deserve to be on SNAP, don't worry about it. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. None of your business. Are you okay? You good?

Then don't worry about it. And give money to food banks and support food, emergency food resources in your community because people deserve to eat. Don't worry about whether or not they deserve it. It's none of your business. Release yourself from caring or worrying about it. Yeah, really. And also, you know, even if you personally think maybe they don't deserve it,

like everybody deserves food, everybody deserves to eat and not be hungry. Like, everybody. Yeah. So I've also been hearing a lot lately that donating money to, like, directly to food banks and things like that is better than donating, like, canned foods. I've heard the same. Because they're, you know, that's like part of their job is to, like, make the money go like the farthest it can to be supportive and get them like food that people actually like

eat and want and people also deserve to eat food that they want to eat yeah so like I think donating like you know like a can of peas like that's great but like you know people aren't usually going to like just open a can of peas and eat it you know yeah well I've also heard too that like food banks um have distribution deals worked out with wholesalers so they can make that dollar stretch a lot farther than you can at the grocery store. Yeah, totally. Cash if you can.

I ended up reading that by accident this morning and I was like, how very relevant. What a relevant, beautiful story about a community coming together and one clever asshole. Jerker Johnson. Good old Jerker Johnson coming in there.

Everybody be Jerker Johnson. What a hero. This Thanksgiving. Yeah, what a hero. Do we have any fixes for that story? No. I feel like it was pretty good. That was solid stuff.

Maybe the cow did just beat her to death would also have been funny, but no, I also like that's also funny. She also became like super poor and had to like deal with it. But then she also deserves food at food banks too. Exactly. There you go. She gets fed too at the end of the day. Perfect story.

What a great. Kelsey, great choice. love it. Thank you so much. I thought you might like that. You're a beautiful genius. I read that and I was like, holy shit. Holy fuck. Perfect.

Because we're living in a simulation. Yeah. Just kidding. It was the second story I read. There was a couple of, I mean, there's a bunch of great stories in that book. I really love it. Reminder, if you are interested in buying Swedish fairy tales, the book I just read from, you can buy it on.

on bookshop.org on our link. So we have links in our show notes. It's also nearing the holiday season, the Yule Tide time. Oh, yeah. Give people the gift of fairy tales. Bookshop.org is really great because they donate to local bookstores. It's like a nonprofit organization. And you can also buy, I know I'm buying all of my family members of Choice of Magic this year.

I'm so excited that it's out. Um, our bookshop is bookshop.org forward slash shop forward slash fairy tale fix if you want to check it out. We have all of the books, um, linked that we have referred from on our show. So yeah. Anyway, oh, wait, points. Oh, um, let me see. Uh, there was an important bunghole. There was, indeed.

need. No liquor. No liquor and no one got stuck in a barrel. Some cows udders got stuck in a bunghole, but that is not what I predicted. I like the idea that it's like a magic hole where just the utter comes out. Like that's so gross. That's, that was a really disgusting piece of imagery that I didn't really need. But I am, I am excited. excited. I'm excited for you to post the picture of our hero holding the bung with the cow's leg, just coming out. Get him, star. It's very fun. It's really good. Oh, I love that all the cows had names. Hell yeah. I know. All the people had names and all the cows had names. Been. That's such a cute name for a cow. Bean is a very cute name for a cow. Bean is just a fun word in general. Yeah. It's Cute, cute name for anybody. Bean. I have been treating myself to a couple new fairy and folk tale books.

One of them is Tabitha getting me the Italian Folktales book, but I also bought myself a book that's Folktales of Mexico. So I'll be reading from this at some point, possibly very soon. But the one that I wanted to read from today, because they're all. pretty short, and I'm on the short one today, is I bought a book called Folktales of Japan by Kyoto. Hell yes. So these are all, these are 28 Japanese folk tales with cultural commentary. Love that.

I highly recommend the book. I was only able to find it on Amazon for sale. So if you want it, that's where you can find it. Bookshop.org might have it, but I couldn't find it on any other site. Yeah. But I bought this originally because I've been following Kyoto for a while. I think I've sent you a few of his videos before possibly. He does a lot of like he'll wear like is it called a kimono if it's like men's wear I'm not sure.

but he'll wear like traditional Japanese dress and and then tell Japanese folk tales or stories from history from Japanese history. Like he knows a lot of like sort of medieval samurai history and scandals and various goings on. And he's just really funny and super charming. So highly recommend him as a follow. I think he's just at Kyoto Co. Yeah. On most platforms. Cool.

Did you find him? No. Okay. Don't worry about it. about it. I was not sure if you were looking at. Yeah. Um, so the story that I'm going to read you today, because and each story, he tells the story first and then he gives you the cultural context. Love it. For it. Um, so I love it. So this story is called Ubasuteyama or mother rid hill. Okay.

can you do you want to spell it or do you want to type it out into the i'll type it out or into the chat it works too how many predictions do i get i'm gonna give i'll let you have two it's like a page long okay i predict we haven't done a ton of japanese folk tales but i want to predict like tricky animal because that seems to be i was actually reading a little bit from my japanese folk tale book this morning and most of them have some sort of animal in them yep um that's the one the crab father is from right yes but those those stories are so good they're so much so fucking good okay so i'm going to guess uh tricky animal and because Mother Red Hill really doesn't do anything for me.

It'll make sense once you hear the story, but yeah, no. Okay. Hmm. Wizard type. That's all I got. There's a wizard type. A wizard type. Sometimes known as a magician.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Once upon a time, there was a place where anyone who reached the age of 60 had to be abandoned deep in the woods on a hill called Ubasuta Yama. That's terrible. The ruler of the region.

I know. It's pretty rough. It's terrifying. It's not an auspicious start. The ruler of the region thought that all the elderly did. was consume crops without making themselves useful. Rude. What a way to treat your seniors.

Come on. Exactly. I also may have or may not have picked my story based on thematic grounds. We really can learn from our fairy and folk tales. Like, did you know that a large, a large portion, perhaps the largest portion of SNAP recipients, are elderly? I didn't. Or children? Yeah.

or the disabled You know useless people who just eat food and don't do anything and this Riths ruler would have you leave them out there to die in the woods

Yeah A lot of people would A lot of people would One day a young man was trekking up that hill With his aged mother on his back His mother had turned 60 the son asked his mother why she kept breaking the branches of the trees as they passed by so that you'll know your way back home was her answer

even as they walked deeper into the woods the young man couldn't stand the thought of giving up his caring mother and so he ran home his mother still on his back and dug a hole beneath the tatami floor to make a place for his mother to live secretly a few months after the two had started off their new lives, the ruler of their county issued a notice. Whoever knows how to make a rope out of ash report to the castle. The samurai lord of a neighboring region had threatened to invade if the riddle could not be solved. When the young man told his mother about the notice over dinner, she said, that's easy.

You soak a rope in salt water, dry it, and then throw it in the fire. That way, the rope will stay together even after it all turns gray. Oh, ho. Oh, ho. Some nearly not. knowledge, some experience. Sounds like experience is a valuable resource. The young man reported the instructions to the ruler and returned with a handsome reward.

But then the neighboring county threatened to invade again and this time demanded two things. Threat a string through a bamboo that's bent in seven places and make a tycho drum that plays on its own. The young man brought up the topic at the dinner table to which his mother replied, that's easy apply syrup on one end of a length of this bent bamboo tie a string to an aunt and let it in from the other end and for the other catch a bunch of bees and let them go inside the barrel of a tyco drum genius absolutely absolutely and so the young man did just that and the ruler was amazed by how a single man had saved him twice he asked where the young man had learned to be so intelligent my mommy my mom Me, exactly. He can't say that. But he can't say that.

He actually, he does it. He confesses. He, after some hesitation, the young man confessed that he had hidden his elderly mother at home and that all the ideas had come from her. The ruler lifted the law to abandon the elderly in Ubasutayama and the mother and son lived happily ever after. Aw. That's really sweet. Yeah. It is really sweet.

Um, the cultural context, uh, that follows is, um, and this is actually pretty long. I may or may not read the whole thing. If I can figure out a way to summarize it, I did not take notes either, but, um, most locations in Japan are named descriptively and literally. They tell you what grew in that meadow, how that valley was shaped, what people did in that mountain, or that there used to be such a geographical feature in the now urban location once upon a time. The name Shibuya, for example, as in the Shibuya Scramble Crossing, means bitter valley. Shibuya is indeed on a valley floor, and you can see that for yourself when you arrive at Shibuya station on the Tokyo metric Ginza line. You'll be puzzled as to how you went underground to take the subway at a previous station and ended up getting off on the third floor of the station building at your destination. It's because Shibuya is at the floor of a valley. Ubasutayama literally means a hill where old ladies were disposed. Jesus. What old lady specifically, too?

Old ladies, well, and he even explains why. As harsh as it sounds, there's a reasonable chance this practice actually existed. There are researchers who deny that it did, as there is little to no written record of such a ritual, because who would write proudly about it? But the history of the Kawana-Kawana-Kajima region and the mountains of Nagano Prefecture suggests otherwise. Life in Japan was hellish, especially for farmers living in poor villages in rural areas between the 15th and 17th centuries. Japan was in a state of nationwide samurai battle royale called the Sengoku period. The premise of the story, namely the ruler being threatened with invasion and his being able to set laws under his sole discretion, matches perfectly with the profile at this era.

For the sake of the survival of the household, there was a dire need to reduce the number of mouths to feed from time to time, like after a year of a bad harvest. While young men, young women, and children all worked in the fields. Many children died prematurely and men died in battle after being conscripted. So naturally, mothers probably had a better chance of living until an age that could no longer provide labor. So unfortunately, aged mothers might have seen, might have been seen as a liability and a likely target of disposal. He goes on to talk about which samurai ruler is most likely to have been the figure from this story, and it's probably the Takeda clan.

It discusses the history of the Takeda clan back and forth through a little while. Eventually, the clan was extinguished completely after the last Takeda samurai lord rushed into battle out of arrogance and overconfidence, neglecting his elderly staff's advice not to. And so the story Mother Rid Hill seems to throw some shade specifically at him. There are theories claiming that the Hill was a place where the dead bodies of old people were left, and of course I'd like to believe that that was the case,

but judging from how cruel Japanese people needed to be in order to survive back then, I cannot rule out the possibility that the folk tale took inspiration from real practices. Mother Rid Hill represents the Confucian and Japanese value of respecting elders and also the hope of people back in the Sengoku period for the day they wouldn't even have to consider the disposal of their relatives as an option. Most of us modern day people are living their dreams. And that's the end of the cultural background, which I just thought was really interesting,

which is why I wanted to read it. Yeah, super interesting and also super relevant. Again, super relevant. Not necessarily in the sense that like, but also like, because like he, kind of like Kyoto kind of explains like the the the reasoning behind why having a mouth to a mouth to feed around that wasn't doing any like physical labor might have been like untenable during certain periods of history but that is not the case now and like but we're acting but like like right now there's so much food that we throw away and we are.

quibbling over who deserves to eat it like and it's and it's just unfucking believable when it we're not even living in an age where anybody's dying in battle or like I mean you know it's not that I mean that's probably that's not in this way yeah yeah it's we have so much food to go around there is there there is no reason to leave our community members out in the woods to fucking die. Absolutely. Like,

and then also I just like the story because it just, it does demonstrate that it's like, um, people have value people like people have value inherently beyond what their labor can produce. And like this like, like and we just live in a society that doesn't believe that like we think that we're only as valuable as what we can produce for our yeah for capitalism or also that we need like that

we as people need to have value yeah like even if you have nothing to contribute like that doesn't mean you deserve to starve or die right like your life isn't I don't know it just the whole idea that you need to be valuable or like contributing somehow to be deserving of food or right shelter or water is just ridiculous ridiculous so you exist therefore because her her value also was that like her son just loved her yeah exactly before she even started spouting wisdom he couldn't bear to leave her on the hill yeah So, like, absolutely. That's why I like the story.

Great story. Also, no fixes. No fixes. Yeah, that one, it was also, it was another excellent one. Yeah. I also just like, I can't recommend this book enough because like, Kyoto's doing what I wish every single book did, which is like, I loved reading that story having a bunch of questions and then having all of those questions immediately put

into a culture into like a cultural context for me to like help interpret and understand the story so um folk tales of Japan by Kyotoco go buy it it's really good awesome that's it's it let's let's close this out yeah thank you so much as always for listening to fairy tale fix we appreciate you so much and if you enjoyed the show please subscribe you can also leave us a review um on whatever platform you're listening to, five stars only please. Oh, what should we have everyone comment

for this episode? Bunghole. Bunghole. Just comment bunghole. We'll love you forever. If you love the show and want to support us, you can also get extra bonus episodes and merch and books and other things like that

at our Patreon by signing up at patreon. dot com forward slash fairy tale fix pod for as low as three dollars a month you can get all of our bonusodes so treat yourself treat yourself you can also find us on instagram we post cool pictures from we post like artwork from the fairy tales and things like that and other fun things at the fairy tale fix pod and please also email us your recommendations and what fairy tales you would like to hear and folklore you would like to hear about from us and nurse rhymes and other random things at info at fairy talefixpod.com

and so everyone went and donated as much money as they can to their local food banks and we ended world hunker. Oh my gosh. And billionaires stopped hoarding wealth. And we changed hoarding money. Society so people wouldn't even need to like worry about food.

Yeah. basic life necessities that's a fucking great fix that's my love it that's the best fix possible and then we all lived happily ever after the end the end