Fairy Tale Fix - 116: An End To Nonsense

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Come gather around the yule log and listen to some holiday tales: one with a big dose of colonialism (boo) before our favorite sad bisexual Victorian boy (yay!), Hans Christian Andersen brings the mood up for a change. Abbie tells a Mexican Christmas story about the poinsettia, or as we shall call it henceforth, cuetlaxōchitl (kwet-lah-SHO-shee-tl). Kelsey closes out 2025 with HCA's new year's tale, The Twelve Who Came by Mail, followed by The Snail and the Rosebush as a reminder to all of us to keep blooming and pay those who refuse no mind. Happy Holidays and see you next year!

And in perfect weather corner news, California, it has been foggy. Like, so California, I guess, or the valley anyway, is under like this big blanket of fog. It was called like Tupperware fog or something. Tupperware fog? That's probably not right. The what? What? Why a 400 mile long fog bank lingered over California.

California for a week. Yeah. So tool fog. Tool. I don't know where I got up there. Had a T and a U in it. I was close. You were so close. Tool fog. It's like tool, like the fabric? Just one L. Maybe I'm saying it wrong. Oh, yeah. But yeah. 400 mile long fog bank. Wow, the Washington Post reported on it and everything. I know. And it looks cool. It looks like a big lake of fog. And it has been, it's been so foggy. I haven't seen this sun for days. It's so weird because it's never foggy like that here. No. That's super weird. I hate that for you. I have kind of been enjoying it because it's kind of like eerie, spooky. And I've had time off. So I went running in the park when it was all foggy and misty. And I felt like I was right at, I was out of twilight. Like I even listened to super massive black hole. I was really. Yes, I am a vampire. Okay. You know, in that case, I can see it being fun.

It was fun. I mean, I'll probably get sick of it if I don't see the sun in the next few days. Or if it doesn't rain, it's also kind of a bummer when it's like there's no sun, but it's also not raining. Right. And we're like the clouds are thick and depressive and you can't see the sun, but they're just holding on to all of that, like, moisture. Yeah.

It's been really interesting. So fun. I think it's been fun. I've enjoyed it. I don't think I'll enjoy it for much longer, but anyway, how are you? How is it? Thanks for the Weather Corner update. You're welcome. I figured everyone needed an update. Everyone, I mean, we haven't done Weather Corner in a while. I feel like I have to do Weather Corner for Baltimore now. Please do. In Baltimore News, it's fucking cold. It is 40 degrees outside right now, which is fucking cold to me with my California sensibilities. I don't like it. It's fucking cold. And it's not even snowing.

I feel like if it's going to be fucking cold, it should be snowing. Agreed. So that I could admire how pretty being fucking cold can be. Yeah, you get all cozy inside. But if it's just cold, is it sunny? It's just cold. It's not even sunny. it's it's at least it's okay it's at least doing us the courtesy of being oppressively gray outside

and cold so it's not like a sunny a deceptively sunny day um so that's good but you're a Victorian person and Victorian times and you have to carry around a little light with you everywhere you go and put like a bunch of blankets all over oh yeah I mean and that's what we do like I like you know we talked we talked in our bonus episode about like how are we staying huga. And like the, now that it's officially cold, like, we're turning our radiator on. As everyone who listens to know, I am a big fan of radiator heating. It gets so toasty.

I love it so much. And it's, I'm never going to be able to live in a house that doesn't have it again comfortably because I've gotten used to the background noise. Like right now my radiator is whistling so loudly and like planking. Yeah. And making these poppins. noises that used to be really alarming, but now it's just like, mm, winter. Nice.

Yeah, it's like a nice cozy. Plus they, don't they like kind of smell like something's on fire and it kind of a They smell like hot metal. So it shouldn't be reassuring, but it is because I've, I've lived with it for six years now. And I just, I like it. Everything gets so warm. And I've been embracing, um, nap time and. just general hibernation and everywhere I go curling up under a blanket, even if I'm not really

that cold. Yep, that sounds so good. Yeah, it's so nice. I wish. It is nice. I wish we could hibernate in winter. Like, we're supposed to. Like we're supposed to.

I really don't like that we still have to go out and, like, do our little jobs. I took a week off of work, basically, for the Thanksgiving holiday. And I have to come back to work tomorrow. And it's not just going back to work because we have an event next weekend that's both Saturday and Sunday. So I'm possibly, I'm very quite possibly looking down a six to seven work day, work week. And because our hours end on Friday, I can't like take any of for that Friday off and then use it and work Saturday or Sunday.

It's like Saturday is the reset day. that's I mean yeah I mean that's at least it's a really fun event that I'm looking forward to but I'm like but I am looking down the barrel of a long work week and I am so sad yeah oh my goodness especially after a week off uh so nice I still I feel like I had a million things to do and I still feel like overwhelmed I'm easily overwhelmed but I I feel like I still have so much to do that I haven't done. For like preparing for preparing for Christmas or? Um, just no, more like household stuff like laundry and having lunches like prepared and like, you know, grocery shopping and all that stuff. And my house is kind of a mess. Yeah.

Well, I mean, that just means that it sounds like you took part, you took a part of this week as actual rest and not the other. productive things that we're supposed to do quote unquote yep yes i was not very productive i mean i was productive just in other ways yeah so it was fine i just like not working yeah oh i just like being at home especially when it's cold and it's dark at like four o'clock i watched a million videos last night of how to make pasta from scratch amazing And then I was like, well, if I'm going to watch a million, if I'm going to learn how to make pasta. I have to learn how to make pasta sauce. Okay. So I watched a million videos of how to make pasta sauce or scratch. And I, do you think that I'm going to make pasta ever? Do you own one of those little pasta cutter things? No. See, it was like how to make pasta by hand. Like, oh. Yeah. I, I mean, I mean,

I will never do this, Abby. You may get that board someday. But if I didn't have a job, I might. Right. Exactly. Exactly. We need every with everybody works too much now to make pasta from scratch by hand. That sounds like it takes fucking hours. And if you are making pasta by hand, I'm assuming you're a content creator and that is your job. Yes, exactly. Like you're a content creator or one of those like,

like trad wife accounts where like you talk like this. My husband woke up this morning and he really wanted some fresh made pasta. So I'm decided to make it from scratch. And then you go into your like spotless kitchen that you clearly have a made service clean for you. I've never seen any of those videos. My algorithm does me. Have you not? Oh man. Does me well. My algorithm rage bates me with them sometimes. I feel like I hear about that stuff, but I never see it. And I'm like, does that even, like, are those counts really there? But I guess they are.

They exist. Although sometimes, okay, there was one that I saw that I actually thought was fucking hilarious. I'm saying fucking a lot today. I'm tired. I just, I just woke up from an afternoon who good nap. I'm very unfiltered at the moment. I did see one that was really funny because I think they're making

fun of trad wife accounts and it was a woman who woke up and said my children were really hungry today and they really wanted hot Cheetos as a snack so I'm going to make hot Cheetos from scratch and then she proceeds to fussily make

like hot Cheetos from scratch I kind of want to watch that funny yeah I mean, anyway, whatever brings you happiness, as long as it's not hurting somebody else. Do that. The point is, you and I will probably never make pasta from scratch, for real. I'm going to watch 100 videos about it, though. Did you learn anything interesting about the process? Like, was anything surprising to you? It doesn't look that hard. It's just egg and flour, and then you mix it together, and then you, like, you let it set. But then you roll it out, like, really thin, and you just cut it.

Cut it. Mm-hmm. Or you can, like, take a fork and, like, like, whch-hm. Great sound effect. Yeah. That probably doesn't sound like that. No, it's very visceral. It was very soothing to watch.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I love watching cooking videos. This is why people used to have the cooking channel just on in their home, even if they don't cook. Yeah, it's just like, oh, and now I know. I don't know. I feel like I could do it, but yeah. would you though? Probably not.

Unless I was home all day and got bored. I did one of my days off. I spent the first three-fourths of the day making breakfast burritos. Because I am always late. I'm late every day. I cannot wake up when I'm supposed to for work. So I need to like grab a breakfast and take it to work that I can eat at my desk. So I made frozen burritos.

That's so, that's such a good idea. Yeah, but it took for fucking ever. Literally, like, a whole three-fourths of my day was spent. I was, like, watching movies and making, prepping. I made 10 frozen burritos. Okay, it probably wasn't that long, but it felt like it. And then I wanted to eat one. Of course.

And it's been really hard for me not to, like, eat them before I go work. I was like, dang, I want another one. what are you putting them so it's like and you make it on a sheet pan which is great so like it's um potato peppers onions and then you like bake it on a sheet pan and then you add a mix and then you add a like turkey ground turkey on top with a bunch of seasoning that makes it supposedly taste like breakfast sausage which it kind of does it's really good okay also send you the video please the hard part is you have to I don't think this is hard I just don't like having to take out my food processor or blender but you have to like blend cottage cheese and

eggs together cleaning uh huh yeah it makes so much they're like I don't know you just have to anytime I have to pull out my blender I'm like do I really want to do this do I care that much yeah okay but you can wash but yeah but yeah you blend up eggs and cottage cheese together and you like pour that over and then you bake it and then you wrap them and toast them it's easy and I did it while watching

I watched Hot Frosty again because it's such a good movie. Hell yes. It's so ridiculous. I'm mad that there is nothing like that this year that's just like campy as hell. That's like stupid on purpose. What the hell Netflix?

What am I paying for my subscription for? We're supposed to be getting at least one very stupid holiday movie that or the advertising isn't working so i might have to go look for it so anyway i spent one of my days doing this well how was you send me the video how is your thanksgiving what did you do it was good um did you take any time off or was it just like thursday i was just thursday i had thursday and friday off and then i had to work saturday and and now it's Sunday. But I had today off.

Ew, indeed. No, but my work on Saturday was me being virtuous and a very, very good friend and co-worker because my coworker that was supposed to work Saturday had originally planned on taking that day off. And then she found out that someone had planned on coming to the market to do an event for small business Saturday and she was like fine I guess like all because like that's her job as to facilitate these things and I was like no girl I'll take care of it you take that day off you deserve it you never take a vacation you're a hero I know I am a hero I swept in and I saved the day

by basically doing nothing she'd already made all of the arrangements for the event I basically I basically just sat there and made sure nothing went wrong yeah but anyway I love that. So it was not a hard day of work, but I do feel very virtuous about it. As you should. As I should. My Thanksgiving was good. Otherwise, like my parents came on Thanksgiving morning and hung out.

Well, they came the night before and hung out for a little bit because they spent the previous couple days in New York. And then they stopped at my house on their way home. And then they left in the early afternoon. and then I had some friends over to do a sort of Thanksgiving meal. None of us felt like making a turkey. So we had no meat dish. We had, I made mac and cheese and she made mashed potatoes.

Hell yeah. And we had some roasted veggies on the side, and that was Thanksgiving. It was fucking great. That sounds awesome. It was. What did you do? Yeah, I had, I did a Thanksgiving with my parents. and Adam, and we just went over and well, mom did most of the work, which is great.

Oh, love it. Yeah. And then a Friday, we go over to Adam's dad and stepmoms and, like, see people. And we worked on a puzzle and ate some food. And I ate so much food. It was great. That sounds really nice. It was really nice.

I drink a lot, too. Oh, also delightful? So I'm taking a little break right now Because as we mentioned earlier in our conversation Before we started recording, I think I have a drink now And I'm tired and I need a nap We're getting old

It's terrible We're in our mid-thirties now Oh geez It's disgusting We take back everything we ever said about youth it's just a learning process it is um i do oh yeah by the way this is this is fairy tale fix Oh, hi. I'm Kelsey. Oh, hi. I'm Abby. If this is your first episode of fairy tale fix, that would be A, crazy, and B. Welcome. Hi. Welcome. Yeah. Are you interested in fairy tales? Because we read those. We do. We're going to read some right now, probably. But we read classic fairy tales and then we fix them.

for ourselves and it is the holidays ah so you know what that means it's our what are you go on it's time for what it's time for some sad victorian boy um tales i think your first this week though am i um great because the last one yeah i started off started us off started us off with the barrel bong. Oh, that's right. Okay. Very fun. Yeah. It is sad bisexual Victorian boy Christmas. Yay. Our favorite time of the year. Kelsey will be reading us an HCA story or two, I imagine.

I do not have a submission for sad Victorian bisexual boy Christmas this year. So I'm just going to stick with a Christmas legend. Yes. Just telling the story. of one of the things that we see for Christmas all the time. I think before we get into the stories, like there's one note of housekeeping that we have, which this will be our final episode of fairy tale fix for 2025.

So listen attentively, enjoy yourself. And then we are taking a Christmas break or a winter solstice break because the holidays would be crazy. And we'll come back sometime in like mid to late January. Sounds good. I think is the current plan. Yeah, get a little caught up and... Exactly.

Exactly. Boom. Housekeeping accomplished. On to the story that I'm going to tell you. which I have some on my phone and some on else some on the Googles. But I'm going to be telling you the legend of the poinsetta today. Oh, I love that. Wait, we haven't done that, have we?

I don't think so. But like, do a quick, do a quick search. I don't have the show notes up. do a quick control F, maybe. Okay, no, I don't think so. I'm like, that sounds so familiar, though. I know, it sounded familiar to me too, but the story didn't. But I've also forgotten stories that we've done before.

Yeah, me too. It's been six years, so. It has. I know, it's not crazy? Mm-hmm. Okay, yeah, I know. We just have one. And that's the one I just did.

we're good we're good i don't see poinsetta on awesome great in our show notes i probably maybe i maybe i read it i don't know well also i'll i'll i'll tell you about it and then you let me know if it sounds really familiar to you okay um it's not a very long story uh because i figured you'd be doing two hcAs or so yes yes I've got some nice, meaty ones for us. Excellent.

So we've got some background to go through, though. Christmas colors have been red and green for a long, long time, because it was originally the Winter Solstice Festival before it became Christmas. And in Celtic and other pagan parts of the European world, people would bring holly plants into their houses to decorate because it's pretty it's a pretty plant that fruits in winter uh so red and green have been associated with winter winter festivals in europe for long long long long time um but moving on to the other red and green plant associated with christmas uh kelsey do you know where the poinsetta is from

no excellent then i'm not going to tell you okay until after I've read you the story and then I'll kind of do more of the background. So tell, give me, it's a really short story. Give me two predictions about what you think the legend of the poinsette is. Okay. You may also guess like how you think it came to be associated with Christmas if you want. Okay. I love it.

It sounds so familiar. I feel like I might have read it at some point. At points. Edda. Sorry. Gosh, all I remember, I think there was a Mexican folk tale about a flower. Wasn't there? Ding, ding, ding, ding.

Okay. Are we sure we haven't? It's really short. If I read it and we've heard it before or you've heard it before, I will pivot to something else but okay yeah then i'm gonna guess it's from mexico it is from mexico when ding jing jing so hard to get it yep yay yep oh gosh something okay is this familiar something about like a sister losing her brother

Nope Okay Well that was my second prediction was sister Sister and brother story I mean I don't know It kind of is But it's not like about loss

Okay Why don't you read it In that way I'm just going to read it to you I'm just going to tell you about it Yeah I'm very excited Okay

So first I guess a little more background on Poinsetta the Flower is they are Poinsettas are native to Central America especially in area of southern Mexico and the reason why they have been associated with winter festivals

is because they flower during the winter. The name that they had before they were brought to the United States was I have to re-look up how do you say this? Because it's a word that's a word in Nahwadal. Quetla Shoshi is the Nahwadol word, which is the language of the Aztecs spoke. And

the Aztecs would use this plant for making a reddish purple dye. And then they also used the sap in various medicines to control fevers, skin conditions, and other ailments. So it's a pretty plant. It's a really useful plant. And it's been a really important part of of indigenous Mexican culture for years and years and centuries and centuries. Very cool. FYI, it's also extremely poisonous to cats and I think dogs. Oh, I did not know that. That's a good FYI.

Yeah. Because you have, oh, that's right. You can't have them in your house because Chival will chew on them. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Actually, I'm just checking, double-checking. It looks like they're just mildly toxic to dogs.

Okay. But I'm pretty sure they're like super toxic to cats. Well, that says mildly, mildly, but not deadly. Anyway, I never keep them in the house because Chival chews on every single plant that we bring in. So you have to be doubly careful with her. Yep. Yep. They have to be non-toxic to bring into my house.

That or if they're like, I have some, not ivy. What's the one that like droops down? Spider plants? spider spider plants are not toxic but they are a little bit hallucinogenic to cats oh basically anything that's like trying to get high but basically anything toxic as long as it's like up high if I can like hang it then then it'll make an exception but I'm pretty I'm pretty rigid about like not having any toxic plants because she just like she wants to eat it immediately.

Yeah. You're trying to keep that bitch alive. Yeah. She my baby. Yeah. She love you. But she also love plant. She really does.

I used to have a palm tree and she would, like, she knows she's not supposed to eat it. And she would actually like pick off the like leaves and then hide them behind is like a little table I have essentially. She would like hide them behind. She had, like, a stash that I found once. It was just like, you little shit. She's very cute. She's very cute, but I love these, I love stories about mischievous pets. One hundred percent she knows she's not.

They know they're not supposed to do. Uh-huh. And so they hide it. Yeah. It was very funny. Yeah. Poinsettas. Anyway.

Okay, so they've been important to indigenous Mexican traditions and culture for time immemorial. And then when Spanish colonizers came, wow. When Spanish colonizers came to Mexico, they also really liked the plant, enjoyed its red and green colors, and renamed it Floor de la Noche Buena, which is flower of the Holy Knight, due to its resemblance to the star of Bethlehem. And so that's also just partially how it became involved as part of Christmas traditions. Yeah. The way it ended up in the United States is a typically annoying and disappointing story about United States colonialism and racism. So it was brought to the United States by Dr.

Joel Roberts Point-Set, who was the first U.S. ambassador to Mexico in 1825. And he argued a lot of racist shit that Mexicans were fully capable of Republican self-governance, but only if white Creoles maintained their place at the top of the social order. So this guy fucking sucks. It sucks that this plant is named after him. I, boo, I think we should all go back to calling it either Flora della noche Buena or we should go back to calling it its original name, Quetla Shoshi. Yeah. Because this guy fucking sucks.

But anyway, Mr. Poinsette saw the Quetla Shoshi during Christmas celebrations in Mexico and he sent plants back to the United States where capitalism did its thing. And now they're sold as a popular Christmas plant all over the world. So that's how we ended up with them and why they're called Ponsetta. And as usual, it's to honor a son of a bitch. Yeah. Yep. Sounds about right. Sounds about white.

That's for sure. But, and so that's kind of all the background on this plant. which all of this was news to me. I didn't know that Poinsettas were native to Central America. Okay. So I'm, you know, I feel like I've, I feel like maybe I've read that story before. So I did know. I was like, I'm pretty sure they're like from Mexico in that area.

Maybe you read it and then decided not to tell it as a. I think that might have been it. But I swear I'm getting like the most like deja vu of us. talking about it, too. Then you've definitely, then you've definitely at least heard this story before because it's like, it's, it's not, it's not long. And it does involve a brother and a sister. It just no one dies. But.

Oh, I didn't mean like, like, I mean like, I think she's like following him or like looking for him. I don't think he dies. Why don't you? Spoiler alert. I was going to tell it to you. Cut that out. Spoiler alert. I'm just going to tell it to you because I hadn't heard this story when I read it to my knowledge, but I lie to myself all the time.

But then any of our listeners who haven't heard it before will enjoy. So there was once a poor Mexican girl called Pepita, who had no present to give the baby Jesus at the Christmas Eve services. As Pepita walked to the chapel, sadly, her cousin Pedro tried to cheer her up. Papita, he said, I'm not sure that even the smallest gift given by someone who loves him will make Oh no, that's, wow. I was saying not was really going to change

the entire tenor at that sentence. Pepita, he said, I'm sure that even the smallest gift given by someone who loves him will make Jesus happy. Papita didn't know what she could give, so she picked a small handful of weeds from the roadside and made them into a small bouquet. She felt embarrassed because she could only

give this small present to Jesus, and as she walked through the chapel to the altar, she remembered what Pedro had said. She began to feel better, knelt down and put the bouquet at the bottom of the nativity scene, and suddenly the bouquet of weeds burst into bright red flowers, and everyone saw them, and everyone who saw them were sure they had seen a miracle. From that day on, the bright red flowers were known as the florist in Noce Buena. The shape of the poinsette of flower and leaves are sometimes thought as symbol of the star of Bethlehem, which led the wise men to Jesus. Oh, it also says that this plant is the national emblem of Madagascar as well.

So that's cool. Oh, very cool. That's the whole story at the end. 100%. If I read that, it's because it was so religious as where I decided not to read it. Yep, 100%. Not our usual fair. But I do like knowing the history of the history of.

trying not to call it Poinsetta because I hate that man now that I know more about him. Yeah. But I'm sure. There is probably so many things like that. Like just, I mean, there are already that we know in our daily lives. Yep. But I'm really just like, I think it's really, I just really liked knowing more about quit Leshoshi. Mm-hmm.

Quet Leshoshy. How do you spell that? That's what it says in this article anyway. It also might be quateless O-C-T-L-C-L-C-L-C-H-E-L-H-I-T-L. Yeah, that's, I can see quitless show. Never mind, you know what. You could just... Nahuatl is hard to cite read

for English speakers. I guess it is. I always assumed... I don't know why, but like Poinsetta, I was like, oh, it's like point, like, has points. Because like star points. Yeah. Yeah, because it looked like little stars. Somebody's name.

Yep. What was his name again? Joel Poinsettel. set. Joel Roberts Poinsette. Is he ugly? Is he ugly on the outside? Is he in the inside?

Nah. I bet these paintings made him look harder than he is. Actually, this one kind of, he kind of makes me think of the guy who owns Facebook. The dead eyes. He does have. a Zuckerbergie of a cast to him. But yeah. What are you going to do?

What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Except tell people far and why the true story of Quetla Shoshi and, and, you know, all its cool properties outside of its cat killing potential. I also didn't like anything about. the story that you read I'm sure I think I was like

oh this is so cool a Mexican folk tale about the points oh I'm 100% sure that's what I read and I was just like never mind yep because it's also kind of a nothing story

it's just it's very short and it's just some weeds turned into flowers that's kind of cool The magic. It was. It's the magic of Christmas. It's the magic of Christmas.

So nice. Okay. Well, thank you for telling us that. You're welcome, even though you disliked it. I'm really putting us all in the holiday mood with that super depressing story about colonialism. That's me. It's the last day. of Indigenous People's Month when we're recording this.

So I just want to make... There you go. Hey, you know what? The more you know. Make sure I got one last one in. Well, then I'm going to bring us home with a couple of sad Victorian boy's stories from Hans Christian Anderson. Happy holidays.

Okay. The first story, I'm going to tell it to you and then I'm going to take a quick break. The first story I'm reading is called 12 by the mail. This is a Christmas gifts related story? No. I think we've read, okay, so what's interesting about Christmas related ones? I think we've heard most the big Christmas stories from Hans Christian Anderson, although he does have a lot of stories that briefly mention like Christmas Eve and stuff like that.

So, no, it is not a Christmas. story per se um i would say it's more of a new year's story oh but it's definitely i wouldn't have made any good predictions about it so like no no 12 days of christmas related no the word christmas is in it though that's good 12 by the mail and it's um m a i'll Like, I don't think that's a good, you know, one of my fixes I'm telling you right now is I would change the title of the story. Fascinating, okay. I was pleasantly surprised by it, though. Okay.

12 in animate objects. Ooh. In animate objects. What else? Oh, yeah, you get three. Toys. Toys. And naughty behavior.

Oh, I love that. Nottie behavior. Okay. So I was pleasantly surprised by this story. I thought it was rather cute. Okay. I was desperately hoping for something weirdly sexual and horny. I was actually, what I did to pick the stories that I did was I was reading all the

stories that Hans Christian Anderson wrote in 1861, the same year as the Snowman. Oh, my God. I love it. Unfortunately. When he was sad and pining. There's never, nothing is ever going to hold a candle to the snowman. but no the snowman was perfect in every way i did think it was very cute okay it was a very frosty starry clear weather quiet and calm

oh i already messed that up hold on it was very frosty starry clear weather quiet and calm bump a pot was thrown against the door bang fireworks were shot off into the welcome the new year for it was new year Eve, and now the clock struck 12. Okay, and then there's a word that's like, Trey to Trah. I think it's just like a sound that's like, Tara, Tara.

Oh, okay, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to look at it. I did read it, but I didn't take any nouns. Tratitra. Oh, now it's. Hold on. Hmm.

Well, my guessing is turning up nothing. Yeah, it's an Anamonopoeia. Okay. Oh, it imitates the sound of horses' hooves on a road. Okay, sure. There came the mail. The big mail coach stopped outside the gate to the town. It carried 12 people and couldn't hold more, for all the seats were taken.

Hurrah, hurrah, rang out in the houses, where people were celebrating New Year's Eve. They rose with full glasses and drank a toast to the New Year. Health and good wishes for the New Year, they said. A pretty little wife, lots of money, an end to nonsense. Which is excellent. Yes, these were there. No more nonsense. No, an end to the nonsense in 2026.

Absolutely. I think that is what the, I hope that's what the new year brings us. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, these were their wishes for one another, and glasses were struck together while the male coach stopped in front of the town gate with unknown guests, the 12 travelers. At midnight? Mm-hmm. What kind of people were they? They had passports and luggage with them, yes, even presents for you and me and for all of the people in the town.

Who were these strangers? Okay. What did they want? And what did they bring? Good morning, they said to the sentry at the town gate. Good morning, said he, as the clock had struck twelve. Your name, your profession, asked the century when the first of them stepped out of the carriage. Look at the passport, said the man.

I am myself, and a splendid-looking fellow he was, too. Dressed in bare skin and fur boots. I am the man on whom many people pin their hopes. Come to see me tomorrow, and I'll give you a real new year. year. I throw dollars and cents about, give presents, and yes, I even give balls. I think like dances. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 31 of them. That's all the nights I have to spare. My ships are frozen tight, but in my office, it is warm. I'm a merchant, and my name is St. Nick? January. January. Oh, okay. Oh, is this like one month every one person for every month?

Of the year? Yes, it is. I love this. It's very cute. I loved the story. I thought it was so adorable and like pleasantly chipper for H.T.A. My goodness. It's like, I was like, oh no, they're here to, these are like the ghosts of New Year's future or something.

Right. Then came the second. He was a comedian, a theatrical director, the manager of masked balls, and all the amusements you could think of. His luggage consisted of a great barrel. We'll beat the cat out of the barrel at Carnival Time, he said. And I'll amuse others and myself too, for I have the shortest time to live of the whole family. I get to be only 28 days old.

And they're going to, and as one of the things he wants to do is beat the cat out of barrel. I'm thinking that's like an idiom. It must be, it's a foxy saying of some kind. Beat the cat out of a barrel. We're going to look it up. Yes. We're going to learn

some stuff, you and me. Beating the cat out of the barrel is a traditional Danish celebration known as Faustalaun. Faustalon, where children and sometimes adults Hit a barrel with sticks until it breaks open, spilling out candy. Aw.

The person who breaks the barrel becomes the cat king or queen and is crowned with a paper crown. Oh. Cute. Okay. That sounds nice. Why is there a cat in there and the idiot? No, they're the cat king or cat queen. Gotcha.

There's not actually a cat. Okay. Oh, no. wait okay first hold on hold on first I really need to say

something important okay um AI overview on Google is not always correct so when you do Google things so there was something that happened like an AI video

that was popular recently circulating a fish raining like of it raining fish it was very clearly an AI video but if you Google did it really rain fish in like some town in Michigan the AI overview was saying yes it did

because there's a video of it yeah so AI is back the robots are backing up the other robots yep yep they this is how they will conquer us because they will tell us they'll close ranks so careful

but it is also saying originally a real cat was placed in the barrel and beating it was a way to symbolically drive away evil spirits. That's fucked up. I hate that. I hope that's not true. I hope that that is the AI being dumb. Oh my God. Hold on. What does Wikipedia say? Wikipedia says the thing we were told not to trust before. Yeah. The people who, oh gosh. Yeah. Historically, there was a real cat, the bear.

That's terrible. It was practiced up until the 18th. What the fuck, Denmark? It says the cat was not killed but allowed to escape when the barrel was broken, but that's still fucked up. I'm very glad that the Danish have transitioned to candy. It was also a practiced in Holland and Germany known as Katzenschlangen. What?

Cats and schlangen. but candy but today candy is used instead of a cat oh my god and there's a popular children song you guys oh no oh god i'm going to read you this long this is going to be a long episode oh my god please english translation shrovatite is my name buns i want if i get no buns then i make trouble buns up buns down buns in my tummy if i get no buns then i make trouble Oh, dude, those buns look good, too. Wait, they're... I'm so hungry.

It looks like a cream tough. Those do look good. Oh, I just... Foustin, Lausch, booger. Oh, my gosh, guys. A round sweet bun covered with icing and sometimes filled with whipped cream. The poor cat! Oh, my God.

They're like, we don't kill it, though. Okay. okay February is fucked up anyway um anywho where was I even Jesus I'm really glad that we went on that detour though because I feel like we learned so much that was very fun uh I get to be only 28 days old yes sometimes they throw in an extra day but that doesn't make much of a difference hurrah you must not shout so loud said the century. Yes, I may, said the man, for I am Prince Carnival and traveling under the name of February.

Now came the third. He looked very much like fasting himself, which I should have looked this up. I'm feeling like, I just read it and thought it was cute. is fasting like a god or something is it spelled like fasting not eating yeah no it's not like that so it says he looked very much like fasting himself

or itself and maybe it is for he was related to the 40 nights and was a weather prophet I don't know what any of that means, but. But that is hardly fattening employment. For that reason, he approved of fasting.

He had a cluster of violets in his buttonhole, but they were very small. I'm just going to keep going. Please. March, march, march, shouted the fourth and pushed the third. March, march, march. Into the guard room.

There's punch there. I can smell it. But it wasn't true. He only wanted to make an April fool of him. HDA is being very funny in this. Thus, the fourth began his career in the town. He looked very jolly, did little work, and had lots of holidays. Good humor one day and bad the next, he said. Rain and sunshine and moving out and moving in.

I am also moving day commissioner. I am an undertaker. I can both laugh and call. cry. I have summer clothes in my trunk, but it would be very foolish to use them now. Here I am. When I dress up, I wear silk stockings and carry them up. And now a lady came out of the carriage. Miss May, she called herself, and wore summer clothes and overshoes. She had on a beach tree green silk dress and anemones in her hair and was scented with wild time that the sentry and was scented with wild time that the sentry had to sneeze.

God bless you, she said, and that was her greeting. That's it? No, this night. May gets a little bit more. Okay, all right, great. She was beautiful. She was a singer, not of a theater, but a singer of the woodlands, not a county fairs, no. She roamed through the fresh green forest and sang there for her own entertainment.

In her handbag, she had a copy of. Christian Winther's woodcuts, which were like the beech tree forest itself, and also little poems by Ricard, which were like the wild time. So I think he's just shouting out books he likes. Okay. I haven't heard of either of those, but I've never heard of any of those. But she sounds very pretty. I like her. Now comes the mistress, young mistress, shouted those inside the carriage and then out came the lady young and delicate proud and pretty you could easily see that she was born to be a lady of leisure she gave a great feast on the longest day of the year so that her guests might have time to eat the many dishes of food at her table she could

afford to ride in a carriage of her own but still she traveled in the mail coach like the others for she wanted to show she wasn't too proud okay but she didn't travel alone she was with her elder brother, July. So that was June. He doesn't say it's June, but that's... I was just about to say. I know, it's not weird. Yeah.

He doesn't say all of the months, but... But we get it. That's June. Yeah. Yeah, she's a lady of leisure. Yeah, June's Ridge. Which I love. Yeah.

July was a well-fed fellow in attire with a Panama hat. He had but little baggage with him because it was a nuisance in the heat. he brought only his bathing cap and swimming trunks and that isn't much i love him he's the chillest of all very chill kind of himboesque yeah totally now came the mother madame august a wholesale fruit dealer proprietor of many fish tanks and landowner wearing a great crinoline is that a kind of oh it's a skirt skirt oh it's one of those big ass petticoats like a hooped skirt oh okay i love that for her she sounds very fancy she does she sounds like she takes up a lot of space too as she should uh yeah the next sentence is she was fat and hot

Which I love. Okay, Hans. She was fat and hot and took an active part in everything. She herself even carried beer out to the workmen in the fields. In the sweat of thy face shall... In the sweat of thy face shall thou eat bread, she said. That is written in the Bible. Afterward, we can have picnics and dances in the woods and harvest festivals.

She was the mother. I love her. Mother is mothering. Yes. And she's fat and hot. She's fat and hot, and she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This part's in the Bible. After that, we're going to go feast and dance in the woods.

Mm-hmm. Love her. Now again came a man, a painter by profession, a master of colors, as the forest soon learned. The leaves had to change their colors, but had to change their colors, but had to How beautifully, whenever he wished it. Soon the wood glowed with red, yellow, and brown. The painter whistled like that of a black starling bird and was a brisk worker. He wound the brown green hot plants around his beer jug, which decorated it beautifully, indeed.

He had an eye for decorating. There, he stood with his color pot, and that was all the luggage he had. Which was September. which he doesn't say, but that's who it was. But that's who it is. In case you didn't get it. Thank you. I was confused.

Who could this be? Who could it be? Talking about beer and changing the leaf colors. Who could it possibly be? It's actually fall in September for some people, and that's wild to me. Weird. Yeah. Now follow it.

a land proprietor who is thinking of the grain month of the plowing and preparing of the land and yes also the little pleasures of field sports. He had his dog and his gun and he had nuts in his game bag. Crack, crack. He had an awful lot of baggage

with him and even his English plow and he talked about farming. But you couldn't hear much of what he said because of all the coughing and gasping. And that's all we get of November October. Wow, way to do October so dirty.

I think that's because in Denmark, September is like the October month that we're used to. You're probably right. It's probably not the best month of the year. It's probably in Denmark. It's probably when things start getting cold and dark. It was November coming. He had a, oh, no, you couldn't hear what he said because of coughing and gasping from November. Oh, okay, see.

Because November had a cold. Oh, he was sick as a dog. Such a violent cold that he used a bed sheet instead of a handkerchief. And yet he had to accompany the servant girls and initiate them into their winter service, he said. But his cold would go when he went out woodcutting, which he had to do because he was a master's Sawyer for the Firewood Guild. Oh, okay. His evenings, he spent cutting souls for skates, knowing that in a few weeks, there would be good use for these amusing shoes.

Now came the last passenger, a little old mother with her fire pot. Aw. She was cold, but her eyes sparkled like two bright stars. She carried a flower pot with a little fir tree growing in it. I shall garden nurse this tree so that it may grow large by Christmas Eve and reach from the ground right up to the ceiling

and be covered with light and candles golden apples and a little cut-out paper decorations. This fire Kelter warms like a stove. I take the storybook from my pocket and read out loud. So all the children in the room become quiet. But the dolls on the tree comes to life, which is creamy. I don't like that, yeah, no.

And the little wax angel on top of the tree shakes its golden tinsel wings, flies down from the green top and kisses of the tree shakes in. And the little wax angel on top of the tree shakes his golden tinsle wings who stand outside and sing the Christmas carol about the star of Bethlehem. And now the coach can drive again, said the sentry. We have the 12. Let another coach drive up. First, let the 12 come inside, said the captain of the guard. One at a time.

I'll keep the passports. Each is good for a month. And when that is passed, I'll write the report of their behavior on each passport. Be some good, Mr. January. Please step inside and in he went. When a year had passed, I shall be able to tell you what the 12 have brought you, me and all of us. I don't know it now, and they probably won't don't know it themselves. For these are strange times we live in.

The end. I love that. Wasn't that so cute? That's really cute. And so oddly hopeful? Yes. that is such a like what a what a cheerful hopeful little story about the coming year from our boy yeah yeah i thought that was perfect i'm glad he was feeling so good about it i know right

i really like um hc in this era of his life in 1961 i feel like he was really feeling himself yeah good for him i know wasn't that so cute i thought that was perfect that was super cute. I love the idea of like personifying each of the months and what they bring and the kind of like person that would be its avatar. Totally. I was really hoping that December would be like an old lady. I thought that it was going to be like a St. Nick type. Yeah. And instead I like that it's just like a cute old, cute old crone. An old mother. A little old mother. Isn't that so sweet? that was adorable thank you for telling me that I'm glad you liked it

I thought that was perfect for our um Yule Tide episode it is okay but I did want to tell you one more which we totally have time it's called oh and for that I don't think I got any

I don't know was there I think the only question for your points is was there any Naughty behavior? I mean, they were all pretty. No. They were all pretty well behaved. Everyone was good.

Ha. So dumb. I mean, that was a. Except for the fucking cat in the barrel thing. That's. You know what? Yeah. Can I have that point?

Noddy Danes. Fucking putting a cat in a barrel. Yeah. We don't kill the cat. We let it escape. We let it escape. We just beat it. scare it to death first.

No, that totally counts. It's naughty behavior. Good job. Excellent. Thank you. All right. And this next one is like, maybe like a page and a half. It is called The Snail and the Rosebush.

Oh. How many predictions do I get? You can make three. All right. It's short. but whatever. Go for it. This is a

springtime tale. Okay. The snail loses its shell. All right. One more. A rose bush is barely mentioned. Okay, the snail and the rosebush also written in 1861. We love this era.

I do. I love this era for him. This one feels a little more HCA to me. Okay. The other one was just so cute. Because it is sad bisexual boy winter. Mm-hmm. So.

Around the garden. ran a hedge of hazelnut bushes and beyond it lay fields and meadows with cows and sheep but in the middle of the garden stood a blooming rose bush and under it sat a snail who had a lot inside its shell

namely himself I think that's a very funny start wait till my time comes it said I'll do a great deal more than grow roses more than bear nuts or give milk Like cows and the sheep I expect a great

I know the snail's like Yeah I'm gonna do so much with my life I'm way better than any of these bitches You don't even No I expect a great deal from you said the rose bush

May I dare ask when this is going to happen I'll take my time said the snail You're always in such a Hurry. That does not arouse expectations. Next year, the snail laid almost the same spot in the sunshine beneath the rose tree, which was budding and burying roses as fresh and new as ever, and the snail crept halfway out of its shell, stretched out its horns, and drew them back in again. Everything looks just like it did last year.

No progress at all. The rose tree sticks to its roses, and that's as far as it gets. Wow. Okay. the summer passed and on and came the rose tree still bore buds and roses still the rose tree bore buds and roses till the snow fell the weather became raw and wet and the rose tree bent down toward the ground and the snail crept into the ground then a new year began and the roses came out again and the snail did too you're an old rose bush nip bush you're an old rose bush now said the

Oh, my God. Yeah, he's so fucking rude. What an asshole. I kind of love the sassy snail. Me too. But like, what do you do all day, sir? I never pictured a snail being sassy, but I love it. I love it.

You must hurry up and die because you've given the world all that's in you. Whether it has meant anything is a question that I haven't had time to think about. Triple yoics. But this much is clear enough. you've done nothing at all for your inner development, or you would certainly have produced something else. How can you answer that? You'll soon be nothing but a stick. Can you understand what I'm saying? You frightened me, said the rosewood. I was just happy to blossom because I couldn't do anything else. The sun was warm and the air so refreshing. I drank of the clear dew and the strong

rain. I breathed. I lived. A power rose in me from out of the earth. A strength came from up. A strength came down from up above. I felt an increasing happiness. Always new. Always great. So I had to blossom over and over again. That was my life. I couldn't do anything else. You have led a very easy life, said the snail. Oh my goodness. Certainly everything was given to me, said the rose bush. But still more was granted to you. You're one of those with a deep, thoughtful nature. One of those highly gifted minds that will astonish the world. Don't flatter this snail. This fucking snail. I've no intention of doing anything of the sort, said the snail. The world means nothing to me.

What do I have to do with the world? I have enough to do with myself and within myself. But shouldn't all of us on earth give the best we have to others and offer whatever it is in our power? Yes, I've only been able to give roses, but you who are so richly gifted. What have you given to the world? What do you intend to give? What have I given? What do I intend to give? I spit at the world.

It's no good. It has nothing to do with me. Keep giving your roses. That's all you can do. Let the hazel bush bear nuts. Let the cows and sheep give milk. They each have their public, but I have mine inside myself. I retire within myself, and there I shall stay.

The world means nothing to me. And so the snail withdrew into his house and closed up the entrance behind him. That's so sad, said the rose tree. It is sad. Well, it's so funny because the rose tree is actually like saying I can't creep into myself. No matter how much I want to, I must go on bearing roses. Their petals fall off and are blown away by the wind, although once I saw one of the roses laid in a mother's hymn book,

and one of my own roses was placed on a breast of a lovely young girl, and another was kissed by a child in the first happiness of life. It did me good. It was a true blessing. Those are my recollections, my life. So the rose tree bloomed on in innocence, and the snail loafed in his house. the world meant nothing to him and years rolled by the snail had turned the snail had turned to earth in the earth and the rose tree had turned to earth in the earth even the rose of memory in the hymn book was withered but in the garden new rose bushes bloomed and new snails crept into their houses and spat at the world for it meant nothing to them shall we read the story all over again it'll never be different the end Wow

So introspective So I love that ending I love these endings That HCA has In this era But very much Just like

Some people will bloom And give roses And some people will loaf about In their houses Right Their old snails Yeah And be bitter

And complain and and think give the world nothing. Go on, girl, give us nothing. Yeah,

wow, that was really good. Wasn't that cute? He's such a good observer of just like everyday people behavior and I love the fairy tale way that he weaves it

into his little stories. Yeah. Be a rose bush, not a snail. Yeah. Or I don't know. I kind of love the snail, too. I love him, but I'm too afraid of becoming the snail.

Yes, that's true. Love the snail, but don't become the snail. Don't become the snail. And then we all end up dirt again in the end, which I think is another something else I like about the story. That was great. Very interesting. New snails as well. Yeah.

And we'll just all do it all over again. And then at the end of the day, it's like, it all comes to the same end. Do you like how you went about it, I guess, is? Yeah. So obviously, for me, no fixes for either of those stories. I thought they were perfect for the end of the year. Yeah, those are, I think both of those are like perfect closing notes for, well chosen, Kelsey, perfect stories for the end of 2025. and our thoughts and hopes about 2026.

I hope there is an end to this nonsense. Me too, and we'll keep blooming anyway, regardless. Thank you so much for joining us for fairy tale fix today. We hope you have an excellent winter holiday season. I hope you all accomplish rest and have a good time with whoever your loved ones may be and stay cozy. Or if you're one of our Australian listeners, enjoy summer and don't be cozy and go out and play in the sun. We love that for you too. if you would like to support our little show

you know how you can do it there are various ways you can go on your pod catcher and leave us a rating or a review I think the word what should the word be for people's reviews

quit let's shit how do you say yes oh my god not poinsetta but quitlish. Hang on, hang on. I have to re-look it up again. The word is quetlishoshi. All right, everyone. Go comment. We'll make sure to spell it in the show notes. Comment quatlishoshi. Um, uh, yeah, you, that'll really help other people find the show and it's a nice free 99 way to support us. If you would like to give us more 99, then you can go to,

Patreon.com forward slash fairy tale fixpod and sign up for one of our many tiers. You get bonus episodes starting at tier the bottom one for $3. Yep.

And $3 a month. What a steal? And we have what, 30 something bonus episodes? We got 32 of those things in there right now. And there's more in there too, I think. Yeah, we've also got other

just like little bonus tidbits and such. So go check it out. Go look at it. Yeah. Happy you all. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. We love you very much and we'll see you in 2026.

And so we all stopped honoring the terrible points at a man and started calling the flower by its original name, which I'm sure we'll all remember perfectly someday, Quetla Shoshi. and we all had an amazing 2026 and put an end to the nonsense and we all lived happily ever after the end the end.