Fairy Tale Fix - 117: Interspecies Elopement

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

We're back from our winter break to start off 2026 with a couple of fairy tales our wonderful listeners suggested! Kelsey reads the Japanese tale, The Cat's Elopement, and it's as adorable as you'd imagine. Next she regales the Portuguese fairy tale, The Enchanted Maiden, and it's not exactly the story our listener suggested and we're sorry. Abbie cold-reads an absolutely delightful German tale from Schleswig-Holstein that follows an old woman minding her own business before heading to bed called One, Two, Three.

Hey, everyone. This is just a quick, a quick little intro that we wanted to throw out there before we put out. I think this is like our first main feed episode of the year. Yep, it is. Yeah. And we recorded this episode way earlier in this month. And New Year's Eve. I might have been New Year's week. Yeah. Before, before a lot of the fuckery that's happening right now started. So. Yep. we were different people back then a lot more hopeful a lot happier and naive maybe naive possibly um and i think we i just i think it's important for us to put to put this out there before we get into the main episode we don't we try not we try to keep this as like a break from doom scrolling for us and for all of you but But every once in a while, I think it's important that we just kind of check in and restate sort of how we feel about how things are going. Oh, and how we feel is fuck ice. Absolutely.

Fuck ice. Fuck all of this. This is absolutely insane. Is how we feel. And we should all say so. Yeah. So also to help us all stay sane and to stave off feelings of. hopelessness, there are a few things that Kelsey and I have been doing to help us feel like

we're making any little bit of a difference. Yeah, you can call your reps, tell them that you're not okay with this, tell them that you're going to like remember how they vote. You can donate to the ACLU, you can donate to different, I mean, there's a million nonprofits out there working to help abolish ICE. Absolutely. There's also, if you want to keep your money like hyper local you can like there are several mutual aid organizations or just direct giving platforms in every single city uh highly encourage you to do that if you have the extra funds that's what we've been doing um and then also look into seeing what community organizers are doing in your in your communities to uh see what you can do yeah and we'll be donating um

100% of the proceeds from our Patreon to these organizations. We haven't really discussed yet which ones exactly, but I'm sure we'll keep you updated. Yes, absolutely. And we'll post donation links and everything like that in our show notes for the next couple of months. That's it. We're trying to keep trying to keep it short,

but we'll also put other links down in the show notes for different ways that you can get involved. And we'll all do our best to, keep each other safe, which is all we can do. Yeah, finally, this is for our U.S. listeners for the most part, obviously. But to all of our listeners outside the U.S., we're also really grateful for you. Keep your eyes on us, too. Keep us in your thoughts.

If there are ways that you also feel compelled to help us out, feel free to click any of the links below. If there's anything you can do, I'm really not sure what any of that could be. But we also really appreciate and love all of you too and appreciate your support during a very, very shitty time for us all. So we love all of you. Stay safe. Fuck ice. Fuck ice.

Fuck Trump. And fuck all of this generally. Yeah. Enjoy the episode. Because my main problem is I went too crazy over the New Year's holiday. Yeah, you did. And I stayed up too late. And now my circadian rhythm is crazy pants.

It's crazy bananas. I don't feel tired until 2 a.m. anymore. And so I stayed up really late last night finishing a book that I could not stop reading. and I still had to get a natural night owl. Oh, God, I wish I wasn't a natural night owl. Was it the, hold on, what was it, what was your book called? I was, the one that I was reading is, um. Demons and Angels.

It's called Heavenly Rivals or something. I don't even remember the name anymore. It's, it's, we just talked about it. We just talked about it. And I've been reading it, but it's just not grabbing me really because the main, the main, it's a romance. And unfortunately, the male partner is boring as fuck. And I just don't care if these two kids ever work it out. But God, what is it called?

Rivals. I'm not going to because we were just talking about it. Demon night rivals. Demon night rivals. No, it's... I'm looking through our chat because I think you sent me a picture of it. I did. But we talked so much. It's a purple book.

If people got a hold of our chat history, divine rivals. Divine rivals. Thank you. I knew it was starting with a D. I was thinking dastardly rivals. Ooh, you should write a book and call it that. because I like that way better. I like that way better. And honestly, if the man was dastardly as opposed to so fucking boring, that would be way better. So what did you actually stay up to read? Crazy Rich Asians.

Nice. Nice. Have you seen the show? I've seen the movie. Her movie. Not show. They changed a lot from the book. They do that.

Do you like those changes or indifferent? No? For the most part, yes, I think the movie made some excellent revision choices. Mostly having to do with like, and I think that they made these changes mostly because they cast Michelle Yo to play The Mother. You've seen the movie, right? Nope. Oh, oh, it's great. Highly recommend.

Okay. Fantastic film. Very cute. I know I was going to watch it and then I just did it and I forgot about it. So if you're in the mood for a really fun like Cinderella-esque romance, it's, it's great with a lot of like Chinese cultural like Malay like specific like Singaporean Malaysian Chinese cultural stuff. I mean it's definitely on my list now that I remember it exists. Cute as hell. I thought it was a TV show for some reason.

I wish because see, if they done it as a TV show, they told me they, they should have loved. the book completely unchanged because the book is mostly the reason why it was so fascinated was because the book it gets very into like because you know like the premise is American girl meets um meets and starts dating cute guy doesn't know cute guy's whole family is insanely rich like um Singapore Singaporean yeah uh essentially like royalty and and he brings her to Singapore to meet his family and she's just like completely blindsided by this whole world of crazy rich Asians that she had no idea existed.

And in the in the movie they have to really streamline the story to make it fit. But in the book it's all about all of his cousins and shit. So like all of his cousins get like their own chapters and have their own like little side things. And like you like his, you meet all of his mom's friends and they're, his mom's friends all have their own neuroses. And in the book, he also puts like cultural notes because I'm, which I really appreciate as someone who has no idea what any of this means.

So that anyway, it's great. And genuinely finds it fascinating. Like, love it. Yes, absolutely. Tell me, tell me more about what that. And because it'll give you, it'll give you the context for like the underlying subtext of what's happening to Rachel, who is an American, like a Chinese American character.

So she also doesn't understand sort of some of the underlying undertones of what's happening around her, which is part of the plot. But the author graciously explains to me what is happening. I love that.

Yeah. Anyway, I stayed up until two in the morning reading that and I shouldn't have done that. And then I still got up at a reasonable time to go to work with a responsible grown-up. The first thing Abby messaged me this morning was just like, showered or exercise, showered, a breakfast, drinking coffee that I made, and you still made it to the office at 9.30. 9.30. And you were up until two.

Like a professional grown up. How does she do it? The hustle. The energy. Yes. What are you in your 20s? I know. Amazing.

It shan't happen again. But I'm trying to get back on a better schedule. I could never. Not even if I had gone to bed at 9 p.m. Could I have done that? Well, it's hard to feel motivated when you don't want to go to your job. Yeah, it's been rough. It's rough coming back.

Happy New Year, everyone. Happy 2026. In which the nonsense didn't even. even wait until the second day to get started. We still have nonsense. But hopefully most of it this year will be the fairy kind. The fairy kind of nonsense. And that's what we're here for.

This is fairy tale fix. Sure is. How good was that segue? I didn't even play that. That was a great segue. Look at you. Segway queen over here. I can't get up on time, but I can segue

the hell out of that. This is fairy tale fix. She's an artist. What the fuck fairy tale podcast where we, your hosts, read fairy and folk tales to you from around the world. I'm Kelsey. I'm Abby. It's great. Yeah, welcome.

Welcome back. It's good to be back. It is good to be back. I forget how this podcast goes sometimes. We did record a very special Patreon bonus bonus episode. bonus like half bonus yeah what are we calling it we're calling it like point five like bonus 32.5 we're also calling it the wise and beautiful series where we basically tell everybody else how to live their lives because we're perfect at it read each other some and we didn't read fairy tales we decided

to read some am i overreacting and am i the asshole from reddit and just and just talk about our opinions it was very fun it was a good time So if you're interested in listening to that, head on over to patreon.com forward slash fairy talefix pod. And giving us your own opinions. Tell us if we're disgusting. A lot of food stuff. We had a lot of food. Food related questions.

Spoiler alert, we'll eat anything. We will. Anything. Just give it to us. We want to eat it. Just give it to us. Does it smell good? I'll eat it.

Anyway. And I'll ask no questions about where it came from or who cooked it. You can also hear all of our 2026 resolutions. We already talked about that. So we're skipping it. Yeah. We got it out of the way. This is coming out until like early February anyway.

Yeah, there you go. Late January. I'm going to be, I'll do it. Late January. You know what? As far as I'm concerned, just whenever, whenever you can. This, our podcast, we're playing it fast and loose. Fast and loose.

we you know things have changed within fairy tale fix very sadly we no longer have our beloved editor and producer Dustin so abby and I are as the kids say are raw dogging it raw dog in it just doing our best and staying up till 2 a.m. but getting to work on time I'm proud of you Thank you. That's a feat. I'm proud of myself. What did you get up to during your break? Oh, gosh.

I stayed home a lot. It's been really, really rainy. Weather Corner, real rainy, real foggy, real don't leave your house weather. And I didn't. And I also got like, Adam got me another heater blanket for the, the holidays. Aww. So now I have like five.

And this one's battery operated. So I don't even have to plug it into a wall. I can just put it on like a cape and carry it around with me. Fancy. Yeah. Comfortable. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Normally around the New Year I have this like urge to go on a hike or do something. But this year I did not. I was like, you know what? I'm good. Just going to stay inside and craft. Oh, my gosh. That's right. Kelsey is an artiste, an artisan.

Yes. What did you make? I made some clay earrings. And I made a clay, like an air dry clay dish. And I painted it to look like a papaya. I like it. It's beautiful. I love it.

Especially for like, I looked at it. I looked at your papaya dish and I was like, damn, it's Kelsey's first time making something like this. And she already knocked it out of the park. It looks beautiful. I had an air dry on some paper towels. So the whole bottom is like all wrinkled and like looks like paper towel. It's fine. Nobody's looking at the bottom.

I tried, but the wrinkles were too deep. And you know what? I think it gives them character. It's just part of it. Exactly. It's part of the art now. Yeah. I don't want it to look perfect.

Yeah. makes it rustic if there's flaws. You know, that's actually something I feel like I get from my dad. My dad collects, like, antique fruit jars and bottles and stuff, and he loves it when there's, like, an air bubble in it. And he's like, look for like a little mistake. And he always points out. It's how you know people made it.

Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, look at that. Like, this is different. I actually have a little shot glass. I'm assuming it's still machine made, but it has like a little. little dip that's obviously like a mistake, but it's still smooth. So they just sold it anyway. And I bought it because I was like, oh, this one's got a little like imperfection. So anyway. Like you said, it gives it character. Yeah, a little whimsy. Whimsy.

Well, speaking of character and whimsy. Yeah. Yeah. Nailed it. Nailing it. Do we just want to? I get right into our... Let's do it. Into our fairy team. Now, we're doing an unhinged evening recording. It's in the unhinged evening. Yes, exactly.

I mean, so it's very late where Abby is. And she needs to get to bed because she got no sleep last night. I do. Onwards to a story that one of our beautiful, wonderful listeners sent us. Thank you. Roz. Or Rose. It's R.O.Z.

Well, how would you pronounce that? I would say Roz. Ross. Thank you, Roz. So much for sending this. This is The Cats Elopement. It is a Japanese fairy tale. Ooh, okay.

Yeah. So I guess that's right. That's all you need to know. That's all I'm allowed to know for now. The Cats Elopement. And it's a little bit short. I actually have two. fairy tales I'm going to read. So let's do, I'm going to give you two predictions for each story.

And oh, I also haven't read it either. Oh, right. I really have forgotten to this. Every time we take a break, it's always like, how does podcast go? Yeah. I also, it's a cold reading for me. Ross sent it over and I was like, yes, I will definitely read this. I'm very excited. Okay. I love that we're both going in not knowing. Yeah. Um, the, it's not, hmm. Does elopement imply a wedding on its face? I mean, an elopement is kind of a wedding, right? Like, that's, like, it is a wedding.

Like, if I predict there's a wedding. Oh. Is that too easy, do we think? I mean, no, because you could also be like, there is no wedding. Well, but that's kind of what an allotment is. I don't know. What do you think? What's your prediction exactly?

Just that there's a wedding? That's it. That was my whole thought. It's the cat's wedding. Okay. But it's called the cat's... But the cat might be eloping in a different way for a different reason. But I just googled it and the word elopement is highly conflated with weddings specifically.

Yeah, so specifically, it's the cat's elopement. I don't know. No, I think you've got to get more creative than that. I know you're tired, but I believe in you. Don't use my brain. The cat talks. Okay. You can predict that.

There are only animals in this story. They're only animals. Boom. I love it. Those are perfect. You're doing great. Thank you. I need the validation.

I'm going to predict that there's a problem with the elopement. Okay. There's like some sort of issue that has to get resolved. I thought you were just going to predict there's a problem. There's a problem. No, a problem specifically with the elopement. Like it gets delayed or they have to like do something before they can get a loat. I hear you.

I gotcha. I kind of want to predict that the cat elopes with a non-cat, but that's not going to... Ooh. You know what? I'm doing it. Interspecies elopement. Interspecies elopement title episode. Title of the episode.

All right. I want to put that in the title ideas in the show. Yes. All right. Oh. Oh. I mean, let's take... Kelsey.

Kelsey, I keep making mistakes. That's okay. We already talked about this. We don't like perfection because that means, yeah, I did it. Right, exactly. I really hope all of your predictions come true. Me too. And mine.

I think if both of ours came true, it would be a great story. Okay. Okay, do it. Once upon a time. Oh, I should mention this was rewritten by Andrew Ling. Oh, okay. Our old buddy Andrew Lang. Yes.

From Andrew Lang's fairy books. But it is a Japanese folk tale. And we're off. Once upon a time, there lived a cat of marvelous beauty with a skin as soft and shining as silk and wise green eyes that can even see in the dark. His name. This is a sphinx cat? I don't know. He's got skin?

It's got beautiful skin. Oh, yeah. Oh, I see. Like a skin. hairless cat. Yeah. Now that's what I'm imagining. Me too. Soft skin, wise green eyes. I love a hairless cat. Me too. They look like chicken cutlets. They're so cute. His name was gone and he belonged to a music teacher who was so fond and proud of him that he would not have parted with him for anything in the world. And I also feel that way about my cat. And she feels that way about me.

She does. Now, not far from the Music Master's house, there dwelt a lady who possessed a most lovely little pussycat named Coma. She was such a little deer altogether and blinked her eyes so daintily and ate her supper so tidily that when she finished, she licked her pink nose so delicately with her little tongue that her mistress was never tired of saying, Coma, coma, what should I do without you?

Aw. Aw. Cat lovers. Coma sounds cute. Yeah, I'm already loving the story about a bunch of cat people. Well, it happened one day that these two went out for an evening stroll and met under a cherry tree and in one moment fell madly in love with each other. I think that means the cats. I would imagine.

I was thinking it could be like a meat cute for the owners too, like in 101 Dalmatians. Yes. Oh, my God. So cute. That would be cute too. I mean, adorable. Then we can get a cute little double wedding like in a Jane Austen novel. That's a fix.

Potential fix. Potential fix. Potential fix. Double wedding. Gone had long felt that it was time for him to find a wife. For all the ladies in the neighborhood paid him so much attention that it made him quite shy. But he was not easy to please and did not care about any of them. Now, before he had time to think, Cupid had entangled him in his net.

and he was filled with love towards coma. She fully returned his passion, but like a woman. I don't like where this is going. She saw the difficulties in the way and consulted sadly with Gahn as a means to overcoming them. Gone entreated his master to set matters right by buying coma, but her mistress would not part from her. Then the music master was asked to sell Gone to the lady,

but he declined to listen to any suggestion, so everything remained as before. So they can't be together because their owners aren't together. I feel a double wedding. I feel like we have hit on the solution. Parent trap. Parent trap them. Parent trap your owners. At length, the love of the couple grew to such a pitch that they determined to please themselves

and to seek their fortunes together. Oh, where they're going to run away. That's good. Yeah, they're going to 11. because they can't get married because neither of their parents are willing to give them a good dowry.

Or bride price? Whatever one it is. So the moot. This is a metaphor. So one moonlit night, they stole away and ventured out into the unknown world. All day long, they marched bravely

through the sunshine till they had left. their homes far behind them. And towards evening, they found themselves a large park. The wanderers by this time were very hot and tired. And the grass looked soft and inviting. The trees cast cool, deep shadows when suddenly an ogre appeared in this paradise. Oh, an ogre. Oh, an ogre. Oh, in the shape of a big, big dog. Oh, cute, cute. He came springing towards them, showing all of his teeth and Coma shrieked and rushed up a cherry tree. Gone, however, stood his ground boldly and prepared to give battle, for he felt that Coma's eyes were upon him and that he must not run away. My hero! My hero! But alas, his courage would have availed him nothing had his enemy

once touched him, for he was large and powerful and very fierce. From her perch in the tree, coma saw it all and screamed with all her might hoping that some might hear and come to help. Luckily, Wow! Luckily, a servant of the princess of whom the park belonged was walking by, and he drove off the dog and picking up the trembling gong in his arm carried him to his mistress. There's a princess. But they left coma behind. Yeah.

Yep, that's the next sentence. So poor little coma was left alone. Nailing it. Yep. I read a story or two. So poor little coma was left alone while gone was born away, a full of trouble, not in the least knowing what to do. Even the attention paid him by the princess,

who was delighted with his beauty in pretty ways, did not console him. But there was no use in fighting against fate, and he could only wait and see what would turn up. I guess I'll stay here and let this princess pamper me. There's nothing to be done. Gosh, I'm now imagining a sad, a hairless cat. It's making me so sad.

Forlornly sighing on a silken pillow. While a beautiful woman dressed in silks is trying to feed him tuna. out of like a glass, no, a silver gold dish. What's something like? Out of a silver dish. And he'll despondently sigh every once in a while before nibbling a little bit of it. He is heartbroken, Abby. All right.

The princess, Ghan's new mistress, was so good and kind that everybody loved her. She would have led a happy life had had not been for a serpent who would find. fallen in love with her and was constantly annoying her by his presence. A human serpent or a... It just says a serpent. Okay. Bit of a story pivot. Mm-hmm.

Her servants had orders to drive him away as often as he appeared, but as they were careless and a serpent very sly, it sometimes happened that he was able to slip past them and frighten the princess by appearing before her. I'm imagining a real serpent, so... Yeah, seems to be a real serpent. That's how I'm, that's how I'm picturing it. And also, like, don't, don't be too hard on your servants, ma'am. They are very busy attending to the needs of your new cat.

Your new cat. It sounds like everybody loves her. Okay, yeah, it's totally a real servant. Okay. So one day, she was seated in her room playing on her favorite musical instrument when she felt something gliding up her sash and saw her enemy. I know. Okay, perv.

And saw her enemy making his way to kiss her cheek. She shrieked and threw herself backwards. Which cheek? He's coming up her skirt. Her butt cheek. Yeah. She shrieked and threw herself backwards. And gone, who had curled up on a stool at her feet, understood her terror.

And with one bound, seized the snake by its neck. He gave him one bite and one shake and flung him on the ground. where he lay, never to worry the princess anymore. And she took on in her arms, praised and caressed him. Good kitty! As he deserves. And saw, praised and caressed him and saw that he had the nicest bits to eat and the softest mats to lie on.

And he would have nothing in the world to wish for if only he could have seen coma again. Okay. So, yeah, life is good, but he would. really misses his lady. Of course. Time passed on and one morning gone lay before the house door basking in the sun. He looked lazily at the world stretched out before him and saw in the distance a big ruffian of a cat teasing an ill-treated quiet little one. He jumped up full of rage and chased away the big cat and then turned to comfort the little one when his heart nearly burst with joy to find that it was coma. Oh my god! At first, coma did not know.

know him again. He had grown so large and stately. That's one word for it. But when it dawned upon her, who it was, her happiness knew no bounds. And they rubbed their heads and their noses again and again while purring might have been heard a mile off. Paw and paw, they appeared before the princess and told her the story of their life and its sorrows. I think this is the first time they've been like talking. No, they asked their owners to buy the other cat at the beginning of the story. I remember. I was like, yeah, you're right. You're right.

Yeah. So they told her the story of their life. Why couldn't he have told her like, oh, Koma's still out there. Let's go look for her. The princess totally would have been fine with that. She probably would have been like, oh, another kitty gray. I love cats, clearly. The princess wept for sympathy and promise that they should never be parted, but should live with her to the end of their days. By and by, the princess herself got married and brought a prince to dwell in the palace in the park. She told

him all about her two cats and how brave gone had been, and how he had delivered her from the enemy, the serpent. And when the prince heard, he swore they should never leave them, but should go with the princess wherever she went. So it fell out as the princess wished, and gone and Coma had many children and so had the princess and they all played together and were friends to the end of their lives. The end. Wow. That was so cute.

Roz, that was a great suggestion. That was adorable. Thank you so much. I absolutely needed that for the start of my year. Oh. What? So cute. Perfect first story of the year.

I fucking love it. It had everything. That was. Adorable. Oh, my goodness. I don't even know. I have a fix for it. There was a problem with the elopement, but there was no interspecies allotment.

Almost. Unfortunately. With the princess and the snake. So close. So close. And you got one point, the cat talks. Yeah. But there weren't with your other prediction was there were only animals.

So, yeah. No score in that. But it was. very cute um do we want do we i don't know like i'm i'm i'm i guess there was like a little there was a double wedding i suppose in the sense that like the princess also married her like oh yeah a prince i mean i don't think it says specifically but it doesn't and it wasn't like i predicted that either i'm just trying to think of like do we still want like our fix idea uh yeah that the prince shows up earlier and they have a double wedding.

Cute. I love it. I don't know. Maybe the prince saves the cat in Coma instead and brings her in and is like, look, I found this kitty cat out. I found this cat. Oh my God. Here's the fix. Okay.

Abby's got it. Because the story forgets about coma as soon as the princess picks gone up. So we get the other half of the story, which is Coma's adventure. And she and the prince. live together and have their own adventures and then eventually the prince comes to the palace and then... Yeah.

Yeah. I like that idea. That's great. That's how Koma arrives. I think Koma should also get a little action where she meets the snake before he goes into the palace to like try to get the princess. And she bites him.

So the snake already has like a little like bite on his tail or something. Yeah. That's like they're both beat him up. I like it. I like this. in my cartoon movie head idea. She's already clawed him up a little bit. She softened them up for you.

Yeah. She just needs like a little fun story. I like it. I like it. I was shocked when I saw the word ogre. And I was like an ogre. Oh my God. Oger.

And I was like, that's so cute. I love it. And that would be, that would be, you know, Yeah, horrible ogre for kitties. Dying to know how Andrew Lang like changed it from the original. Uh-huh.

You know, just curious, just curious. If he like, you know, added a little a little flare. Yeah. Yeah. That was very fun. Thank you for sharing that, Roz. We appreciate that.

Good choice, Roz. Yeah, if anyone ever has a story that they want us to read, please send it to us. And if you did send me a story and we haven't read it yet, please send it again because my brain is made it. We are bad. It's all mush up there.

It's just sloshing around. Sloshing around. Kind of like how I forgot the crazy rich Asians existed. Right. And I wanted to watch it. And then I just didn't. The knowledge fell straight out of your head. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. So yeah, please send us stories. I have a second one that another listener sent to us, but what do you think how are we doing on time? Do you want to just go for yours? Oh, we're doing great on time. Okay. You and I have hung out so much over the past couple of weeks that we didn't have nearly as long of an intro. Okay.

Because we usually, too. Unless you want to do like a shorter episode. No, read me a second one. Okay. I'm going to read you another one. I'm loving it. I love the sound of your voice and I love it when you read me stories. And I just want to keep hearing it.

Thank you. Okay. Um, this story was also sent to us by a listener. Yes. I love it. Read, read those all. Today.

Uh, thank you Robin for sending this. So Robin actually sent like a reel of another creator, um, kind of telling this story. And I listened to the first part, but I didn't want any more spoilers. And I was like, I'm going to try to find this. And I was like, man, I wish you had like, because she also doesn't say what fairy tale it is, like, right at the beginning of her video.

Um, and then I, mentioned like, oh, I wish I knew like what story was before I got like the spoilers for it. And so Robin actually sent it to me because she's amazing. That's so sweet. Thank you, Robin. So this story is from Portugal and it is called the Enchanted Maiden. Oh, my goodness. And since I watched like a quarter of a video on it, I do know a couple things, but I'm still going to make a prediction. Hell yeah, as you should. It's very short so I think I'm just going to do like one prediction each. Okay. The Enchanted Maiden.

I love that you're reading two, uh, listener suggestions. Makes me, makes me happy. Me too. I was so excited. I was like, oh, I know what I'm doing today. Yeah. Have we ever read a Portuguese fairy tale? I'm sure.

I feel like we have. We definitely have. It's the one with like the king's ugly daughter, I think. Oh, yeah. Was it Portuguese? The ugly princess. The ugly princess, yeah. Was a Portuguese one.

It was great. Oh, man. I was back in September, 2024. Mm-hmm. Nice. So just one. So this is our second Portuguese fairy tale. Ever.

That's crazy. Magic slippers. Ooh, magic slippers. I want to predict because I really want this in every fairy tale, but also this one, a cranky wizard. Yes. Yes. I really want that. Okay.

Note to listeners, find cranky wizard stories. Hell yeah. The enchanted maiden. There once was a man who had three daughters. In the country where he lived, it was the custom to hang up a gold ball at the door when they wanted husbands for the girls who were single as assigned to the young men.

Come and get us. Yeah. Come get a boys. Get these freeloaders out of my house. When the eldest daughter's, when the eldest daughter wished to get married, the father hung a gold ball over the street door. Many persons pass the door and they saw the gold ball hanging up. They did not dare enter and would say, oh, no, it's too rich for me. evidently it's not meant for me. One day, however, a prince passed the house and seeing the ball as he knew the custom of the country,

he entered the house and asked for the father to give him his daughter in marriage. Surprise wife. Just like that, huh? Yeah. Surprise wife? I could pick up a wife today. Hey, there's one.

There's a one available. A gold ball. Never go to the grocery store when you're hungry. Excellent advice. Never look for a ball and a door when you're horny. Exactly. That's the equivalent. You get it.

It's a metaphor. The girl was delighted. Everything was arranged and they were married. After a time, the father again hung up a gold ball outside the door to find a husband for their second daughter. Another prince passed and saw the ball and married the girl. Man, they are on a great ball. Great.

Just inter-country highway full of roving princes. I know. How many princes are there in this area? A bunch. The third daughter, seeing that both of her sisters, had married princes. One day told her father that she also wanted to get married. She's like, I want to marry a prince. I want to marry a cranky lizard.

Mid-prediction. Okay, sorry, mid-story prediction. it's going to be an animal of some kind. It's going to be like a bear or frog. Ooh. Okay. Or better yet, a cranky wizard. Yes, I think that's, she wants to do one better.

They got princes. I want a sorcerer. Mm-hmm. A la Howl's Moving Castle. Yes. Yes. The father replied that he had no money left in order to, the father replied that he had no money left to order another.

gold ball to be made. Oh, so they like take the gold ball. I get it. Obviously they take the gold ball with them, but I just thought it was the same one. Just for using that ball. How, how, like, if you live in a cottage in the woods, you can really only afford one golden ball to attract suitors for your maidens. Or two, or two, I suppose.

So maybe he uses a wooden ball. Sorry. The father said he had no money left to order another one, but she said that she did not doubt him, but at least he might have one made of silver. So the father did. A prince passed. Hold on. I'm sorry. I'm fucking this up so bad right now.

You did some fascinating things with pronouns. The father did so. A prince then passed and seeing the silver ball said to himself, oh no, this is too poor for me. Oh, no, poors. Ooh, poors. not for me. After that, a man passed and looked toward the ball and said to himself, this in truth is meant for me.

Hey. Hey, I can afford silver. Mid range. Mid range. He went into the house and asked the girl in marriage. And then he espoused her after which he went with her to a distant land. He's going off. He espoused her.

He espoused her. I don't know. I like that as an action word. I don't know how she feels about it. When the two girls had married princes knew of this, they were very displeased and would have nothing to do with the sister. They disown their sister because they got married to Princess First so she couldn't marry a prince.

It's awfully snooty for two girls that were raised in a hut in the woods. Mm-hmm. At the end of nine months, the girl gave birth to a daughter. At the moment, at the moment the father went out to get some medicine for her, oh my God, I'm sorry. Doing great. Take a fortifying sip. Yeah, baby. What kind of wine is that?

Let me live vicariously through you. I got a rosé from Australia. Ooh, Australia. Australia loves us. And I got, it's a wine. It's juicy. It's good. Probably wasn't, I got it at a local market, so it probably wasn't worth the $28

price tag, but whatever. Treat yourself. What is it? It's doing it. Okay. It's also hard to read because it's all one giant paragraph. There have been no, like, spaces yet. So it's messing me up.

Okay. You're doing great, though. Thank you. You love you. At the moment, the father went out to get some medicine for her. some fairies passed by the house and asked for shelter. I was wondering when the enchantment part of this was going to... Yeah, really?

Crop up. The girl replied that it would not be as... The girl will... What the for? Oh, okay. They asked for shelter. The girl replied that it would not be as she was very ill. But they so begged and treated to be allowed to remain,

the mother at last allowed them to remain. It's also one of those words. it's like translated kind of hot. Yeah. So the fairies want to stay, but she's like, oh, I'm not feeling so great. I feel like that's a lie because it doesn't, oh, wait, no. It's not a lie. No, it says that she, because like her husband had to go out and get medicine for her.

It sounds like like this pregnancy is not easy on her. Yeah, yeah. Don't listen to me. I don't know what I'm talking about. It's all good. You got me. I'll tell you what you're talking about. I don't remember what I just said.

Can you reveal back to me? Thank you. She let the fairies stay. Yes. The fairies thank the girl very much for her kindness. And when they were on the point of leaving, they approached the child and stroking her with a divining rod. One said, I now throw a charm over you that you may be the most beautiful woman in the world. And the next fairy said, I endow you with all the riches that you may be the richest woman in the world.

It's Beyonce. The third fairy then said, throw a sweet spell over you, that when you speak, flowers may drop from between your lips. No, thank you. That's, no, that's worse prize. Nobody wants that. Yeah. And they struck the furniture with the rod and everything became the richest form and material. And the house was also transformed into a palace.

Of course. When they had done all this, the three fairies went away. When it transforms into a palace, I hope they don't live in a city because then I just imagine. crushing all of the houses around them. That'd be so funny. Everyone around them died. The town burned and was crushed and screams and wailing. All right.

Well, as you can probably predict, when the two sisters knew of this and the poor sister had now become very rich, they were reconciled and became friends again with her. Bench Huh Gross You can also just not be friends with that Those sisters

Like yeah Obviously their love is based on money Which is Fucked up The stupidest thing in the world For love to be based on Mm-hmm The enchanted maiden grew

Day by Day and more and more beautiful There was a prince Who lived quite near to them and was engaged to be married to the daughter of one of the two sisters who had espoused the princess the princes but when he saw the enchanted little maiden, he liked her better and no longer paid any attention to the other who felt very jealous but pretended that she didn't care.

Wow. All right. Beauty and money, that's all you need in this world, I'm telling you. It's almost like that's all society is geared for. It's the beautiful and the well-fing. Yeah, it's funny. It's still, still is like this all the time.

Boo. Oh, my God. I'm so tired. One day after this, the prince became very ill, and the physician and his physician ordered him to travel. That's interesting.

He's like, get out of here. Yeah. What's what does that mean? I'm sick of you. In your face. Get out of here. That's so fucking stupid. So weird.

The enchanted maiden went up to the highest tower there was to take leave of him and to be able to see him from a long distance as he went along. Whilst the engaged girl went behind her and when the enchanted maiden was looking out toward the prince, the other girl went behind her with a pointed rod and pierced her eyes with it and plucked them out. Holy shit. Jealous. jealous, bitch. After which she ran away. Yes, she did. The enchanted maiden

was very much distressed to find herself blind and began to weep. A man passed who took compassion upon her and led her to his own house. I mean, what happened to her rich parents? What about all of her servants? Was she not in a tall tower and a castle? A man?

Just a man. How did she end up wandering, crying in the woods, so that some man could find her. Was it a cranky wizard? Oh, God, I hope so. Let us pray. That could be the fix. Yeah. A man passed who took compassion upon her and led her to his own house.

After some time, the prince returned from his travels, feeling much better, I guess. Maybe he had to go to the seaside. Yeah, he needed some vitamin C. He needed some vitamin C. Get it. Yes, yes, I do. me a second. I'm tired. The engaged girl presented herself

to him saying that she was the enchanted maiden, but the prince said that she was not, and she persisted that she was. He's like, you don't have eyes. You look different. Meanwhile, the enchanted maiden was told that the prince had arrived, but she was blind and she did not dare.

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm confused. Who said that? The engaged girl presented herself. Okay, so the jealous bitch said she was the enchanted maiden. Okay, you probably got that. I'm having a heart. And then the prince said, you're clearly not because my eyes are still in my head

and I can see that you don't look like her. Meanwhile, the enchanted maiden was told that the prince had arrived, but as she was blind, she did not dare to go see him. But when she knew that the prince was at last going to marry the other girl, she sent to ask if she would like to have a... A nosegay of flowers to present the prince with. A nose gay. There are also so many typos in this.

Is that a bouquet? A small sweet, am I having a stroke? It says cemented. Is that a sweet cemented handheld bouquet of flowers? I'm having a stroke, everyone. This is cemented. I think, no, I just think the AI overview

is fucking it up fucking it up it up it can't spell my head hurts and there's so many typos in this fairy tale

I'm such a okay but no you're not having a stroke the AI overview on Google is thank you cemented I'm like that's not a word sweet scented

it's a small bouquet okay okay great so anyway And I also just, I love the implication, by the way, that the jealous bitch is like, I'm her. And he's like, no, you're not. And she's like, yes, I am. And he's like, all right.

Like, close enough. Close enough. She sent back to say that she would very much. Okay. Hold on wait. Yeah. So she sent back to say that she would very much. very much. The enchanted girl then reply that she should send her, her eyes, and she on her part would send her the flowers. And so it happened.

The way this is written, I do, I don't know what's going on. I'm so confused. I'm just going to keep going. Just keep going. Because I'm also just kind of like, I don't know if that's a fair trade. Like if you went to the trouble of plucking her eyes out in the first place. Yeah. Do you not have servants in your palace that can also fetch you a nosegay? A nosegay? Oh, rich? And isn't that girl living with some random man in the woods now? Why are she living with a woodcutter? A cranky wizard. It's fucking ableist nonsense is what it is.

It's like she's blind so she can't live in her fancy hassle of her servants anymore. She has to go shamefully go run into the woods with a, it didn't say woodcutter. I just, I said that. It doesn't say that I made that up. It might as well. Why are you adding stuff? You're confusing me even more. I'm sorry.

I'm not even the one who's tired. The other girl who's very desirous of presenting the prince with a nosegay sent the enchanted maid in her eyes. What did she do then? Next day, just before marriage, was to take place she dressed herself in deep black and put a veil on. finally some cool witchy shit excellent she knocked on the door of the palace but they would not admit her at last after many entreaties she was allowed she was allowed to enter the story the fairy tale says allowed to eat her so it's not just me unless this took a turn for the better

I'm just saying it's not just me not eat her but eat er like eater It's just spelled wrong. There's so many typos in this. Okay. Well, whatever. Fix alert. And Fix alert.

After many entreaties, she was allowed to eat her. And she went not straight into the prince's room and paid him most facetingly not to marry. Woof. The prince replied that he could not put off the marriage as she, as the invited guests had arrived. We can't put it off the merit. Everybody's here already. We already got the wedding gifts.

We can't put it off. It has to take place to save face at this point. I get that. You know what? I totally get that. Plan a wedding. You go through with it. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. The maiden reiterated her demand and stretched out her hand to the prince. The hand which had the ring that he had, had given her, the prince seeing which he raised up her veil and at once recognized her. Ah! Oh! Oh! She was your real girlfriend!

As the maiden had with her, the divining rod that the fairies had left her, she touched her clothes with it and immediately found herself richly dressed. The prince went in to meet his invited guest and said to them, I lost something and instead I bought another. I have now recovered which I have lost. which I ought to make use of that, which I lost or what I bought. And they all exclaimed with one accord, surely make use of what you have recovered.

The prince then went to his room to seek the enchanted maiden who relayed all that had occurred to her to the guests. And it was she whom he married the end. Ooh, I really don't like the phrasing, make use of. Why is he asking them? So that was definitely different than the reel that was sent to me. So the story in the reel started with a maiden is in a tower and all these men want her.

And she's like, yes to all of them. So I think this is a different story. I must be a different story. It was a wild ride, though. really was a very poorly written wild ride a lot of mistakes you know probably a lot of issues translating i bet probably and it might have been like a google translate situation like i can see like some of these mistakes being a yeah yeah and you can see them because we will add the link in our show notes you can know i'm not like why why kelsey struggled so hard

This is from Sir Laloon fairy tales.com. That was. I struggled hard. Yeah. But you got through it really, really well. And I, yeah. And I enjoyed it. It was a good story.

I told you, but then I couldn't remember what was happening. Yeah. Because it was kind of weird. I think there was too much going on in that story. I want the one where she accepts all of the suitors. All of the suitors. I don't know, I guess that would technically be her cousin, right? The jealous girl.

Yep. I don't want that. No, we don't want that. No first cousins. Yeah. Anyway, so that was a story that happened. Yeah, I have a lot of potential fixes for this one. One of them is just that the first girl at the beginning of the story wants to marry a wizard.

And that's how their baby girl gets enchanted because the wizard can do that. And then there would be a cranky wizard. And then there would be a cranky wizard. My second fix for the story is everything happens, except then the eaten typo is real, is that she shows up and she says, look at what that woman did to me. And then the crowd says, feel free to make use of her as dinner. And she was allowed to eat her.

Yeah, there you go. Perfect. I love a little bit of cannibalism. And eating the ridge, two of my favorite folk tale things. Delightful. Oh. Okay. Do you have a different fix?

No. I think that was perfect. I don't want to think about that story ever again. You did a great job. You communicated the story very well. It gave me a headache. Thank you, Robin, for sending us. the reel and the link.

It was a doozy. Send us more. Please. Mm-hmm. Please. More unhinged crazy shit is always what we want to see. We love it. Okay.

Gonna wrap up with a cold read. Yay. Of a Ruth Manning Sanders book, because I feel like that's what we both need. and also what we could all use right now is a hero. It's not magic horses. Don't get me wrong. I love the magic horses.

It's never like the story we're looking for. It never is. So instead, I think I don't know if I've read from this one before. This is a book of heroes and heroines, heroines. He loves that. Because I think we can all use. a hero right now. I need a hero.

Ro. It's going to be fast and strong. But now we can't sing anymore because we're going to get saved. That's right. You can only sing like what? Seven seconds of a song. Yeah. But you all you all get it.

And in this day and age, someone save me. Us, all of us. Um, there's 13 stories in this. I don't believe we've read any of them. Well, we've read Jack and his master. So there are functionally 12 stories in this. Excellent.

Excellent. Are you going to roll or do I pick? I'm just going to have you pick because I don't feel like doing the thinking. Not that there's a lot of thinking required, but you get it. Yep, I get it. All right. Give me a number between 1 and 12. Eight.

Awesome. I'm so excited to tell you that we're reading a story called The Laughing Apples. Oh, my God. And it's from Sicily. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about that. It sounds creepy. I hate talking flowers and laughing apples seems very talking flowers adjacent.

Mm-hmm. How long is it? is it. Look at it and make sure you actually want to read how long of that story is. It looks like it's pretty long. Do you want to pick a different one? I'm really curious about the laughing apples. You guys read it next time. Let me count. You'd be locked and loaded for a... Oh my God. It's got sections. It's got section one, section two, and section three. We're going to read something else. Yeah. Okay. Um, oh, uh, um,

six. Cool. Dick and Spookland. What the fuck? How long is that one? Just double check. That one's shorter. You know what?

How about I just do the shortest one that I can see on here? I think that's a good idea. Which is either one, two, three or the colored mice. That sounds one, two, three. One, two, three. One, three, it is. and this is from Schleswig Holstein. Okay.

Which I don't know what that means. That sounds German. Sounds German. Sounds like we might have a geography corner on our hands. Schleswig Holstein. Okay. Because sometimes, like, it's so funny because this is a German state. Mm-hmm.

Um, but like there's a story on here that just says Germany. So I love it when some of these are, some of the, some of her, regions are hyper region specific and some of them just say North America. This one is specifically to Slicewig Holstein.

Slicewig Holstein. It's Germany's northernmost state. Germany itself is sort of like center Europe, like north center Europe. It's bordered by the Netherlands,

Belgium, France, Switzerland, Austria, Chechnya, and Poland, and Denmark. And Schlais-Speak Holstein. I'm so sorry, German listeners. I love that. I feel like that sounds pretty good. I hope that sounds pretty good. Do we have any German listeners? If you do... I think we have one. Send out a message to us somehow.

Please, correct our pronunciation. I beg. Or tell me I nailed it and I'll work it. Yeah. Very sorry. Thank you, actually, for all the fair tales. Thank you. German fairy tales are great.

Schleswig Holstein is kind of like up on this, up on like a little peninsula jutting out of Germany and Denmark is the rest of that peninsula right above it. Nice. Yeah. It's like the bridge.

Yes. It's like the little bridge. All right. Okay. Let's, oh yeah, predictions. Oh, yeah. This, this one is three pages. I'm going to say we can each have three.

Yes. Predictions for page. Because it's one, two, and three. Oh my God. I love that. It's magic. Perfect. I love it.

Okay. I'll go first. That's all I know is one, two, three. I'm rolling over cranky wizard. Hell. Yes, queen. Give me a cranky wizard. Um, one, two, three.

Uh, three wishes. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. And I'm also going to predict It's one, two, three.

And it's German. Talking sausage. Hell, yes, dude. Repetitive rhyme. Nice. Three witches, or magic, users of some kind. It's like the politically correct way of saying that.

Magic users. Magic users. People of magical consequence. Gifts. Yeah. I like that. Which is is good. Yeah.

Are you watching me type? Yes. For the prediction. I wrote three wishes. Ish. Ish. Why do I feel embarrassed that you're watching me tonight? Does it make you feel vulnerable?

Oh no, you caught me. I have the giggles now. Okay. And get up and take a walk. I'm so sorry. I don't know what overcame me. I started cry laughing without laugh where like you can. can't stop it.

Yeah. I do go stick my face in my cats for I'm better now. Okay, good. I'm glad. Welcome back. Yeah. Oh. Of the giggles.

Yeah. It's bad. I'm not going to do it again. Okay. My third prediction is important food. Important food. Like a talking sauce. Because I know I love important food.

Exactly. They go together. Talking sausage. I kind of want it to be, okay, if I're writing my own story based on these predictions, it would be a cranky wizard that turns somebody into a sausage as part of his three wishes. But he's like, it's like a genie situation. I love it.

Where he's like mad at someone for making dumb wishes and he wishes a certain thing. And he's like, I'm going to turn you into a sausage. I want that fairy tale. I'm just saying. I'm thinking about it. I want it to. Okay. It sounds good.

What if that's what it is? I hope this is the one. You never know. All right. One, two, three. An old woman lived alone in a little cottage. She earned her living by her spinning wheel, spinning wool, to make socks for gentlemen and pretty shawls afforded ladies. Nice.

She earned quite a nice little amount this way. And as she only spent enough to feed herself and very occasionally to buy a a new petticoat or the plainest of plain gowns for herself, she had a store of gold coins hidden away in a bag behind the plates and dishes in her kitchen covered. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. My grand anne did that.

And she always, like, forgot where it was. She would hide money places and then totally forget about it. Uh-huh. Oh, frony. Mm-hmm. She was saving up these gold coins as a present for her granddaughter on her wedding day. Aw. I know. It's super sweet.

It's so sweet. I love it. So wholesome. The old woman didn't remember that she had ever spoken to anybody about this little treasure of hers, but somehow the news of it got abroad and it came to the ears of three rascally thieves. Oh, okay. Uh-oh. The first thief said, why shouldn't the treasure be ours? The second thief said, she's only a weak old woman.

Stealing from her would be easy. The third thief said, well then tonight when the old woman is in bed, will prize open the kitchen window and get in. Wow. Stealing from an old lady saving up for her granddaughter's wedding. Shame on you. This is not, go steal from someone else, God. Go steal from the rich.

Exactly. This is reminding me, though, of the lady killers. which is a Tom Hanks movie where they, he and a group of unscrupulous fellows try to heist an old lady. Because she's got a bunch, she's got like a, I can't remember exactly what the premise is, but she's got something they want.

And so they try to rob her, but she keeps thwarting them, like home alone style, but like almost accidentally. How have I not seen this? Because it sounds. It's great. Incredible.

It's, it's fun. I hope that's what's coming up. I really hope that's what we're about to get in this story. Okay, so they plan to go rob the old woman and the first thief said, yes, but some people say she's a witch. The second thief said, what if she cast a spell on us? The third thief said, oh, rubbish, she won't even know we're there.

I hope she's a witch. I hope she's a witch too. Amazing. That evening, the old woman sat as usual at her spinning wheel in the kitchen, and outside under the window, the first thief crouched and watched her. The old woman was feeling sleepy, but she told herself that she wouldn't go to bed until she had gone three times. So she sat and span by and by, she yawned. That's one, said she.

That's so cute. She's adorable. Also, I like the idea of measuring when it's bedtime by how many times you've yawned. And having paused for a moment to glance around at the grandfather clock that was ticking away in a corner by the window, she went on spinning. But when the thief who was crouched outside her went, but when the thief who was crouched outside under the window saw her look in his direction and heard her say, that's one. He thought she must know he was there.

And so he tiptoed away. The second thief came to crouch outside the window. the grandfather clock went on ticking and the old woman went on spinning by and by she yawned again that's too said she glancing at the grandfather clock in the corner by the window oh heaven preserve us said the second thief to himself that old woman must have sharp sight he tiptoed away and the third thief came to crouch outside the window and the grandfather clock went on ticking and the old woman went on spinning and by and by she yawned for the third time that's three she said oh i can see you plain enough she chuckled glancing at the grandfather clock in its corner by the window and what you're telling is but the third thief didn't wait to hear any more he thought she must really be a witch and with his two companions he took to his heels the old woman got up folded her work neatly took her candle and went to bed nor did the three thieves ever come near the cottage to try and steal from her again

The end. That was adorable. So cute. It was so cute. Oh my gosh. I loved that. A very cute story to close out. A very cute episode, I think.

I think, yeah. This episode was such a lovely little palate cleanser. A nice way to start the new year of fairy tales. Yeah. No fixes for that one for me. No, none at all. Not even, yeah. Yeah, she's perfect.

And here's a picture of the three thieves running away. Nice. See, I would have seen that immediately thought pirates. I know they look like pirates. Scoundrels. They got sabers. Robin Jacques makes choices. Mm-hmm.

Yes, he does. This doesn't exactly scream bandit to me. He likes to toy with my emotions. He does. He does. Love to toy with our fans. also would like an illustration of the old lady spinning looking at her grandfather clock with the big old grandfather clock oh I adore her saving money to give her granddaughter she's so sweet all right well that is going to do it for us for our first episode back for 2026 baby Thank you so much for listening to Fairy Tale Fix.

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fairy tales. Let us know what you want to hear and other cool tidbits at info at fairy talefixpod.com. And so we got the second half of the story with coma and what she was up to out there while she was wilding it out in the park and hopefully yes uh causing some trouble to the serpent character and the prince found her and picked her up and then they had a double wedding and in the second story i don't even remember what her fix was for that she eats the jealous hussy yes excellent perfect fix um and the old woman uh continued to spin

and live her adorable little studio Jibli life and stockpile gold and was able to give it to her granddaughter and it was really nice. And they all lived. We totally got that movie or that short because that sounds like a perfect studio Jibli. It does.

Yeah. And then we got to see it in a little short animation of just cute, wholesome life. And we all lived happily ever after the end. The end.