Fairy Tale Fix - 127: Kiss My Snake Face, Don’t Be Afraid

Episode Date: June 30, 2026

The Wedding of Mrs. Fox & The Leeshy Cat and The Snake’s Treasure Strap in for a Jumbo Sized #HotGoblinSummer kick off as Kelsey tells the unhinged Grimm’s fairy tale, The Wedding of Mrs. Fox, and then a listener recommendation from our favorite: Ruth Manning-Sanders, The Leeshy Cat. Abbie finishes up perfectly for our summer break and leaves you with The Snake’s Treasure.    Fairy Tale Fix will return in August 2026. Make sure to rate, review, and subscribe. You can find us on Instagram @fairytalefixpod, and chat with us on our Discord channel! Join our Patreon at patreon.com/fairytalefixpod and visit us at fairytalefixpod.com. Fairy Tale Fix Podcast is a Fantastic Worlds Production. Fairy Tale Fix is performed and produced by: Abbie Lammel (@bonanzafamine)Kelsey Horne (@monsieurcheval)With tremendous thanks to our good friend, Dustin Alexander In partnership with our Patreon producers: Angel EspinozaGisselle M. InganCynthia LammelWilliam JohnsonElizabeth MasoudDami SchlobohmCaroline DonhamMelissa BuronRabia SadiqTamra DerryLinda Kay PardonnetDana DomkoCait Williams Books and other media mentioned in this episode: Check out all the books from the show here!Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics: The Marriage of Mrs. FoxGrimm’s Complete Fairy TalesA Book of Cats and CreaturesThe Turnip Princess and Other Newly Discovered Fairy Tales Fairy Tale Fix Podcast is a Fantastic Worlds Production.

Ah, hello. Hello. I'm dying to know how was the Evanescence concert that you went to? Oh my gosh. Just last night? The night before? It was two nights ago, but it all kind of runs into each other because I was out very late. Yeah, you were.

Did you drive home, like, right after? We drove home right after. Yeah. I figured two hours, like, you wouldn't get a hotel. Exactly. Like, two hours is just inside where you would actually, like, make a day of it. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. You know? So we drove. So anyway, so listeners, I went to the Evanescence concert. With Spirit Box and Nova Twins. With Spirit Box and the Nova Twins. Amazing. It was phenomenal.

It was a nion, like, religious experience for me. It was, it was so beautiful. The Nova Twins rock really hard. They are so fun to watch. They are incredible performers. Spirit Box was also. fun. I feel like their performance bit of it wasn't as like dialed in. And I think they were having some trouble with their audio because I couldn't really hear Courtney over the instruments.

That sucks because she's so good. She's amazing vocals. She's got a beautiful voice. For those that don't know, she's an amazing singer and screamer. And screamer. Honestly, hearing her scream in person actually was really cool. Like that really blew me away. It was only when she was singing that I couldn't quite hear her. Yeah. I bet that would be hard, too, to get right in the microphone, because, like, screaming is, like, tends to be louder and then singing. She has such, like, in contrast, she has, like, such delicate vocals.

Yeah, exactly. Which is one of the reasons I really like Spirit Box as a band is because of that switchup. And she's equally competent at both things. Like, she's, but I agree. Like, I think that's partially. what it is, it's probably hard to get the calibration right for the audio mix. Maybe they need two mics. That'd be fun.

Oh, maybe. And she just bounces back and forth between them. Oh, gosh, what song was it? One of their songs, she was so funny where she kind of flipped back and forth between like hardcore metal screaming and then like girly pop dance moves during the singing bits. She does that a little bit. I think with Circle with me is one of my favorite songs from them. No, wait.

Is that it? Yeah. Circle with me is one of their most popular songs. And she goes back and forth between the screaming and singing, which is what I love about it. I used to think that there was like a dude in the band screaming. Nope. And I was so stoked to be like, that's the same girl. And she's like doing it in one take. She's amazing. She was really cool. So, you know, I actually take that, like, I take that back that their performance bit wasn't as dialed in. I mean, but that could be true. Like maybe like maybe they need two

microphones or maybe it just because they're also like an opening band so maybe the production value wasn't like as big. That was Steven's conspiracy theory because when when Evanness when Evanescence came on yeah the audio was crystal clear. There was

no lag between like Amy's singing versus versus us hearing it like there was with spirit box. So Stephen was like Stephen had a conspiracy theory that he's like, the opening band never sounds good. And I think they do it on purpose. You know what? I feel like Stephen's probably right. He's probably right. Stephen. Oh my gosh. But like, yes, that like I cried my entire way through Evan essence's

set just because it was looking transcendent. I was expecting a video from your social media account during evanescence and there was nothing. It was like two, like one picture of you, which you looked, you looked beautiful. Amazing. I loved your lipstick. My lipstick. You look great with lipstick, by the way. Thank you.

I've been told us you wear it more often. Yeah. Maybe I will someday. You have like the perfect mouth for lipstick. Really nice teeth. Just got nice teeth. Pretty lips. It's one of my best features.

Every time you wear a red lipstick, it makes me think of, you look like that girl from the magicians. What was it the kind of like mean hedge witch? Julia? Oh, I don't know, but was it? I can't remember any of their names. Oh, is it the blonde?

Girl? That always wears the red lipstick? Was she blonde? You know what? We're going to look it up. We're going to look it up. Cast. I never finished that.

Not the blonde one. but it wasn't the girl who played Katie definitely not Alice she wasn't a main character was it okay maybe this will take me too long to figure out because there's a lot of people and by um was it Marina

yes okay Marina wait let me double check yeah totally Marine Okay. Well, thank you. That's super sweet. Yeah, because I've seen you with that like the cat eye and the red lip, the red like ruby lip totally makes me think of that anyway. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. That's a blast in the past. I forgot about the magicians until just now. She finished the magicians. If you want, I really enjoy it. That's probably a whole sidebar. Yes. You know what? I'm going to watch it and then we'll sidebar next time. Excellent. But okay, so anything else about the concert that I. I don't want to... Without spoilers? I'm avoiding the set list.

Exactly. So I'm not going to spoil anything for you. I'm debating saying one thing and I'm not sure... You know what? I'm not going to because I want you to freak out the same way I did. So I'm going to not tell you one... I will tell you I do know a lot of the songs that they're playing, just not in what order. I was going to try not to watch them because I was like, I don't want to know the set list.

but then I wanted to watch the videos and it was going to be like a whole month and a half before I get to see them. So I know that they're playing like you for the first time ever. Okay, that was the bit. That's the one. Because like she said just kind of like, you know, it's a 20th anniversary of the open door.

And so I thought it'd be fun to play a song that we've never played live before. And I screamed. Amazing. I know. I found that out so early because I'm just like on every Evanescence. forum and

see you can't avoid getting spoilers for the show. I can't. I don't know what order they're playing the songs in and I've avoided looking at the set list. But I feel like, none of it's really going to be a super surprise unless they like switch it up. I'm in this case, in that case,

then I'm going to say nothing. And then when you see it, you can tell me what they played and what order and we'll compare it. But yeah, that's why I didn't, I was going to take more video. But the thing is, I was too transported.

I was having far to, good at time. Like, I was, I was busy. Like, I'm actually really proud of myself for being in the moment and not doing that. It also helped that the group right behind me was two drunk girls who know every word who were screen singing it. I love them. And my microphone, the one time I tried to do a video, the microphone picked up them singing it off key instead of Amy singing it. That's so good. I love it. I'm a fan of other people singing at concerts.

Oh, yeah. I love it. I love the energy. Dancing and screaming. Yeah. I don't know. It was amazing. People get really mad.

I've been like, I don't know. I've seen some people get really mad about like other people singing during concerts. And I'm like, that's what you have the music for. Like, I don't know, listen to it on your. You have the studio recording. If you want to listen to the pure. song where the point of going to the concert is we're all having this magical experience together.

Yeah, the band wants you to sing along. It would be so boring if you didn't. Amy literally encourages people to at various points. Like, you think you know, you would think you know what Amy wants better than Amy? Yeah, exactly. I remember at Aftershock, I saw there was a girl in front of me that knew every single word to all the Evanescent songs and I ended up giving her one of my bracelets that I made. because I was like, you know all the words.

I love you. By the way, we're both wearing Evanescence T-shirts right now. We are. I'm so glad you like this fan too. I'd be so sad if you didn't love Evanescence. I don't know if we could be, I don't know if we'd be able to be as close as we are if I didn't also love Evanescence. I mean, like, we'd be different people.

I totally understand. And like, everybody has different music. and I love all music. But I love Evanescence the most. I've been ginging out so hard. That's why you should have known you already. Of course, Kelsey already found out, like, that they're playing like you. I don't lurk on every single subreddit and all of the Facebook groups.

Uh-huh. Totally. Totally. Totally dork. But it's my favorite anyway. I'm so excited. I'm so happy for you that I'm glad. you went. Oh gosh, me too. I'm so glad that I went and thank you for like telling me like that

you were going and like kind of like feeling so hype about it that I was like, damn, have they already left? Did have I missed my chance to see them like over here? And I hadn't. And even though it's two hours away and I was like, fuck it. I'm going to go anyway. And I'm really, really glad I did. It was absolutely magical. Stephen had a magical time too. He likes evanescence but hasn't listened to a lot of them. It's like a fun show. Even if you're just a casual. fan. Yeah. Well, Stephen kept going, wow.

Amazing. Well, because he kept going, wow, during like every, like, amazing note that she so effortlessly hits. Like, honestly, if you've seen them live on like the internet or, you know, just videos, it doesn't do it justice. It doesn't do them justice. They're amazing live. And like the, like the musicians are also obviously like incredible.

Mm-hmm. But it's just really special watching Amy get up there and do her. thing. She is such an incredible singer. And just in general, for me, like live music, you, feeling the vibrations of the music, I feel like it just takes you to another planet. Like, it, like, there's a reason the church has so much kick-ass music. I mean, it just like the vibrations and music just brings people together. It's like a religious experience. It's, it feels spiritual and magical. It's so fun. So anyway, I'm really excited. But yes, it was amazing. I'm so excited for you to go so we can compare notes. And I love that we're both wearing our sanctuary tour t-shirts. I know. I bought one at Hot Topic, so I had something to wear. Hell yeah. I wore, this was all, sorry, this was one final cool tidbit is I wore my Evanescence concert t-shirt from their 2011 tour. amazing that you and I went to

I remember it and that's back when bands used to like come out and meet yes people at the side door and do you remember you were the okay so this was in 2011 it was their third album and it hadn't technically come out yet we went to their concert and it was like

the day before that their album dropped and of course they were still selling it at the concert so we all bought copies and you were the I think you were the first person in line with the album? Because I remember, Amy Lee specifically grabbed your album and was like, I haven't seen it in person yet. Yes, I remember. Oh my God. I forgot that story. How did I forget that story? I don't know. I remember it so specifically because she was just like, I haven't seen it. And she was like looking at it because it's all like iridescent and cool. And then,

and then our friend Morgan, so they kept saying like, no pictures with Amy, no pictures with Amy, but then Morgan was like, can we get a picture? And she was like, yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. She was so cool. And so she handed, so she handed her phone to some random person behind us who was the sweetest, but literally zoomed in on like just Morgan and Amy Lee's face. You can see like a quarter of mine. And I know you're on the other side somewhere. Like. So we did not get our photo with Amy Lee, really, which is so funny. It was so funny. Actually, love that. Like, it was hilarious. Oh, that's sweet baby. Oh. But it was so fun because she was so, like, nice and.

She was so nice. And it was really, it truly was an honor to be the first ones to show her. Yeah. The finished album. I still, I need to see if I can find, I know I have it around here. Like, I've got all of my memorabilia, like, around here somewhere. I need to find it and maybe we can take a picture. I know you've got yours still.

I have all of my stuff on my piano right now. I have like a little evanescence shrine. Mm-hmm. Oh my gosh. That is so cool. Good times. Oh, I love. That was such a fun night too.

It was. And I felt like such an OG, like being there in my, just kind of like, I've been a fan forever. she's talking about 20 years ago the open door came out I was there yep it was cool

anyway anyway so thank you for getting me into evanescence I don't know if I'd be as into them if you and I hadn't become friends like I bought their album I had bought Fallen before we ever met and listened to it

pretty obsessively in my room but like I don't know if I necessarily would have like been as into seeing them live or have like have followed the band as closely as I have. And that would have been to my detriment. So thank you for keeping the evanescence love in my heart alive.

I know I've given you some pretty sweet CDs. Do you have any of those like mixtapes? Yes. I still have I still have underground mix. I really want you to like, I want to know what songs are on that list so badly. I still have the list. I'll send it to you. or we can make a little playlist and share it with people or something on YouTube.

I know it has glass eater. I listen to so like... There's lots of glass eater. I feel like some good music, but also some really cringy emo music because I was very influenced by my boyfriend at the time. A little bit. But some of the songs that are on it, like I still put them on so many playlists to this day. Like Driftwood by Cursive has been a favorite of mine for forever.

And also like, I don't know, you, that, that mixtape introduced me to Billy Talent. And I have never regretted it. I honestly forgot about Billy Talent until just now. So I have some. See, this is why I need to know what's on it. I'll tell you what's, I'll tell you what's on it. Because like, at least like half of it wasn't really my speed, but half of it was so my speed that I am still listening to it all these years later. Man, listeners, honestly, send us your best music. Like we want, because. It's, you don't like, you don't know about all these, all this great music until you hear it from your friends and like, you just hear the stuff that gets regurgitated, regurgitated on the radio. Regurgitated. And I want, I want to have more people to send me music that I should be listening to. Because also, um, I will say that we both got off Spotify.

Mm-hmm. Because they, well, I can. I guess I shouldn't talk shit about Spotify when our podcast is still on Spotify. Maybe you might be listening to this on Spotify right now. Which I don't blame you. Spotify was amazing. Their algorithm nailed it. Actually, you know what, Spotify?

Please listen because I loved that app. Your algorithm was kick in. Every single song that they recommended to me from a weekly playlist or whatever was the best. And I had to fucking cut you off because you're sharing. shitty ice ads and your CEOs out of his fucking mind spending all Spotify money on like military drone shit. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

So, I mean, and unfortunately, I'd come back in a heartbeat if any of that stopped because I love Spotify. I'm currently on co-buzz and it's great. I really like it except the algorithm doesn't have it down yet and it's bumming me the fuck out. So please, anyway. I agree. I switch to title. And I like it. It's good. It works. But you know what? It doesn't have some of the features that I loved about Spotify and the algorithm for predicting what I like isn't as good. I would come back Spotify. If you weren't fucking crazy. I will say this for title though. I just got an email today saying we've updated our AI policy.

And I clicked on it with dread in my heart thinking about, oh, no, are they pulling an A24 on us? And it's actually really awesome. They said, like, yeah, we hear you. AI is bad for art. It's bad for music generally. We're going to get a lot more restrictive with what kind of AI art we allow on our platform. Like, we're going to tag everything AI if we can detect that it was significantly AI generated. We're going to prevent it from being monetized.

if it was AI generated. And once we get a sophisticated enough program to detect when, even when it was partially AI generated, we'll implement that as well. So like, okay. That's something, but I still. I don't know. I would prefer you banned it completely.

Hell yeah. We live in really interesting times. We do. So I don't. But I'll take what I can get. Yeah, that's true. I'll take not pumping out AIA artists with my ear quotes. Exactly.

And I'll take not allowing people to monetize that of like you didn't pay for it. You didn't come up with it on your own. You stole it from somebody else. You can't make money on it. Yeah. It's literally stolen. It's, ugh. Anyway.

Anyway. Anyway. But still, please put together playlist. I still have a Spotify account for free. Like you can still send us your music. You can send us YouTube links. You can do whatever. Yeah, please do.

Please send us music because I love music. It's the best. Anyway. Also, I have a whole thing where I've been spending a lot of time with my parents recently. And my mom's always like, there's no good new music. There's no good new. That's just not true. There's so much good new music.

Yep. So help me prove her wrong by sending me all your best stuff. What kind of music does your mom like? She literally listens to like that one, I come from the land down on down. That's like her favorite song. Okay. Hey, I like that song too. It's a good one.

Yeah. You know, I think she likes like slow 60s. pretty guitar, piano singer. Singer songwriter in that. Okay. Send all your good singer-songwriter stuff and we'll convince Kelsey's mom that people are still out here making good music every day. I think so.

All right. We got a show to do. Let's get into it. This is fairy tale fix. Oh, this is fairy tale fix. I forgot. That's what we were. doing.

I'm Kelsey. And I'm Abby. And this is the show where we talk about music and we talk about our feelings, about the world. I promise we never talk about evidence this much usually. Usually. But we do sometimes. Not sorry. We're not sorry about it, though.

You're welcome. Yeah. I'll listen to their new album. Sanctuary is a bang and album. It's so fucking good. And if you're going to the Mountain View show coming up in July. Yes. Hit me up.

I want to meet you. Let's hang out. Also on this show, we read each other classic fairy and folk tales and then we quote unquote fix them for our pleasure and yours. Yes. Yes, we do. What do you want to do first? We have a little, we have a, we have a little, oh, you know what, let's do this part. I'm going to get this part out of the way.

Okay. This is an announcement that this is the beginning. This will be the final episode that Kelsey and I produce. Ever. Ever. That's not true. I'm quitting the show. It's a free country for now.

so you totally can. But please don't. Just for the month. We got to go on summer vacation. We're going on summer vacation. We are tired. We have boggwitched a little too close to the sun this year. As always.

And it's time for us to take our usual summer vacation. We have not decided what we're naming the summer yet. Or this vacation. We'll find out. but we're going to be taking July off, maybe a little bit of August. We'll announce when we're coming back on our Instagram. And we'll also be releasing two episodes from our Patreon feed to the main feed. Episodes TBD, patrons keep an eye out because we will be asking you to vote on which episodes you think the general public deserve to have made available.

Absolutely. Speaking of what kind of summer it should be, because we need a break so badly. Okay, so I have an extra Ruth Manning Sanders book called A Book of Ghosts and Goblins. And I think we should do a giveaway. Yes. So in honor of that, maybe this summer could be ghost and goblin. summer. I feel like that's not that creative, but I'm so tired. It's fine. Hot Goblin Summer, it is. Hot Goblin Summer. Let's fucking do it. Mm-hmm. So it's a Hot Goblin Summer and we'll post about it on our

Instagram and Facebook page. I don't know. It'll probably be like comment and tag your friend and or post it to your story. Just interact with it in some way and you will be entered to win and I really hate to have to do this. I'm so, sorry, but I really have to keep it USA-based. Shipping to, I swear, Australia loves us, and we love you, Australia. But you win every time, and the shipping is, like, way more than the book on. I cannot afford it. I'm so sorry.

But we love you, Australia. We're so sorry. I mean, we really do. But I do have to keep it based in the U.S. because, yeah, last, like the last couple times, it's always been Australia who wins our giveaways. And then it costs like $100 just to ship it out. Yep.

Which we do happily because that was not previously a restriction. And we're very appreciative of our non-US based, non-US based fans. We love you so much. We can't believe you're even interested in this podcast. And we appreciate you a lot. We really do. But I just can't afford it out. I'm sorry.

So anyway, be on the lookout for that. Cool. We're also put in some other things to go with the book. It's like stickers. I have this cool little grims, fairy tales, like, kind of wallet-looking book thing. Yeah. So, yeah, check that out. Is there anything else?

Oh, I do. Just FYI. So we mentioned that we are going to be. on the podcast Rowan and Pine. And because we yapped so much, they're actually going to split into two episodes. That's on brand. Yes.

And that's probably, I feel like that's what's happening right now because we're not just getting to it. But our episodes are going to premiere through Rowan and Pine on July 8th and again in July 15th. So you'll have plenty of fairy tale fixed to keep you covered all month long. I got to tell. the people, Abby and has influenced me and I bought some torpedo.

How? Yes. And that's what I'm drinking right now. That's the best beer. Budweiser claims to be the king of beers and they're wrong. It's Sierra Nevada torpedo. Agreed. Agreed.

So I wanted to read. This is just a quick little intro because we had a very special guest, Madeline on, which Madeline's also coming to me with it. to the of an essence concert and I'm really excited about. And also so is Caroline shout out. Woohoo! Woohoo!

But Maddie talked about one of their favorite fairy tales being the marriage of Mrs. Fox. So watch this on YouTube. You just search the wedding of Mrs. Fox and it's Grimm's Fairytale Classics episode 21. But I wanted to read the original, I guess it's not the original, but the Grimm's fairy tales from Barnes and Noble classics.

Yes. Oh my gosh. I'm really excited to hear it. As soon as she told us about it, I had to watch it and then I wanted to read it. And honestly... Because they're a little different, right? Yes. And the cartoon is much better.

The Grims' Ferry Tail one is unhinged, so enjoy. Please, please lay it on me. The Wedding of Mrs. Fox. First Tale. And also it has like the first tail in a second account, but it's literally only three pages. So okay. There was once upon a time a fox with nine tails who thought his wife was not faithful to him and determined to put it to the proof. So he stretched himself under a bench and keeping his legs perfectly still, he appeared if quite dead.

Mrs. Fox, meanwhile, had ascended to her room and shut herself in and had her. her maid, the young cat, stood near the hearth cooking. As soon as it was known that Mr. Foggs was dead, several suitors came to pay their respects to the widow. Yes, their respects. The maid. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Did he die? Hot sexy Mrs. Fox is single. I mean, shoot your shot. Absolutely. And it's like, it kind of reminds me of that how I met your mother. episode. I was just thinking like the door is open. The window is open.

But not for long. Mm-hmm. So you have the time it's like, you know, you have the time it doesn't, you can't wait too long. You can't wait a respectful amount of time until she's done her grieving because that's too late she will have already found her next man. Yep. Whof.

That's, it's complicated. It's a delicate science. It is, yeah. Because you show up too early and she's going to kick you out of here. She will. The maid, hearing someone knocking at the front door, went and looked out and saw a young fox who asked, How do you, Mrs. Kitten? Is she asleep or awake?

And I like that it's kitten instead of cat. Yeah. Mrs. Kitten. Young miss. Mm-hmm. The maid replied, I neither sleep. Oh, wait. Yeah.

I neither sleep nor awake. Would you know about my business? Beer and butter both I make, come and be my guest. Okay. I really don't know what any of that means. Come on in, I guess? Come on in. I don't fucking know.

I just work here. Uh-huh. I'm obliged, Miss Kitten, said the young fox. But how is Mrs. Fox? The maid replied, she sits in her chamber, weeping so sore, her eyes red, crying, Mrs. Fox, or Mr. Fox is no more. Tell her then, my maiden, that a young fox is here. Who wishes to marry her? said he.

So the cat went pit-pat, pit-pat up the stairs and tapped gently at the door, saying, Are you there, Madam Fox? Yes, my good little cat, was the reply. There is a suitor below. What does he look like? Asked her mistress. I mean, fair enough. Has he nine as beautiful tales as my late eyes?

husband? Oh no, answered the maid. He only has one. Then I will not have him, said the test. Tell him to go away. Yeah, fuck that guy. The young cat went down and sent away the suitor, and soon after there came a second knock at the door from another fox with two tails who wished to marry the widow. He fared, however, no better than the former one. Afterwards came six more, one after the other, each having one tail more. than he who preceded him. But these were all turned away. At last there arrived a fox with nine tails.

Like the deceased husband, and when the widow heard of it, she said, full of joy to the cat. Now you may open all the windows and doors and turn the old fox out of the house. Wait, does that mean like go dump the body? I think so. Or something?

You have to move on some time. You do. You do. And I, the thing, the story, it's an economic proposition. Mrs. Fox has no other means, you know? She has to marry. Yeah, I don't think not, I don't think the amount of tails equals like attractiveness. Nine tails equals like the amount of money that this Fox has. Yeah, exactly. And like his overall power and virility and whatever. Although in the cartoon, it's both. It's both.

But just as the wedding. was about to be celebrated. The old fox roused himself from his sleep beneath the bench and drubbed the whole rabble together with his wife out of the house and hunted them far away. A second account. Narrates that when the old fox appeared dead, the wolf came as a suitor and knocked on the door. And the cat... The wolf!

Dun dun dun dun! That's a twist. I know. We love a wolf. I love a wolf on any German fairy tale. Absolutely. Is he pretending to be a fox? Is he going to get his belly filled with rocks?

I didn't mean for that to rhyme, but it did. It was great, though. I loved him. So he knocked at the door and the cat who served as a servant to the widow got up to see who is there. Good day, Miss Cat. How does it happen that you are sitting all alone? Hello, little girl. Okay, sorry.

Hello, little girl. What could are you? Your rush. The cat answered, I have been making some bread and milk. Will my lord be my guest? Thanks, many thanks, replied the wolf. Is Madam Fox not at home? And the cat sung.

Oh. She sits in her chamber weeping so sore. Her eyes red with crying, Mr. Fox is no more. Ooh, oh my gosh. It said she's saying. I wasn't planning on doing that. You did a great job, though. Sing more.

I'm feeling very sing-songy today. Yeah, you are. Then the wolf said, if she wishes for another husband, she had better come down to me. So the cat ran up the stairs, her tail trailing behind. And when she got to the chamber door,

she knocked five times and asked, is Madam Fox at home? If so, and she wishes to have another husband, she must come downstairs. I like this is much more urgent. She's like, It is. If you ever want to get married again, this is your chance.

This is your one chance. Mrs. Fox asked, does the gentleman wear red stockings and has he a pointed mouth? Oh. No, replied the cat. Then he will not do for me, said Mrs. Fox to shut the door. And a pointed mouth. Are fox mouths pointier than wolf ones? I think they are.

Maybe a little, because they're smaller. Mm-hmm. After the wolf had been turned away, there came a dog, a stag, a hair, a bear, and a lion, and all beasts of the forest. I feel like there's so much more to this than what's happening in just this. In the previous one. Version. One after another, but each one was deficient of the particular qualities in which the old fox had possessed.

Red stockings and a pointy mouth. I mean, you're into what you're into. And the cat was obliged, therefore, to turn away every suitor. At last came a young fox. And when the question was asked whether he had red stockings in a pointed mouth, the cat replied, yes. And she was bid to call him up and prepare for the wedding. Then they threw the old fox out of the window.

And the cat caught and ate as many months. as she could in celebration of the happy event. Good for her. I love this version. After the marriage, they had a grand ball. And as I have never heard to the contrary, perhaps they are dancing still. Oh my God. I prefer that version. In that version, they throw the like suspicious, old jerk, like the jealous asshole out the window. And then you, never hear about him again. Like, who cares? And Mrs. Fox gets to stay in her house and the cat gets as many mice as she can catch.

You know what? Hell, yes. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I kind of like that second version the best. I feel like that's a really good fairy tale fix for it, the second version. They already fairy tale fixed it. You know what?

Yeah, that's it. It's like a bunch of different animals and not just like a fox with like, more tails. Like, that's boring. Yeah. But like, what about all these other suitors that have like different qualities?

I feel like that could be a longer story of like, well, I've got these pointy antlers and it's good for fucking. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh my God. I love the idea of the other suitors

like making a case for themselves. Yes. A hundred percent. Or the cat does. Maybe the other suitors don't really say anything. and the cat's trying to explain why they, like trying to extol their virtues. You know,

it would be also funny if the cat got more and more turned on by each suitor and was like, I'm available. I'm available. And they're all like, you, no. Oh.

Poor kitty. Oh, except for the last one. Yeah. Second to last one. That's like, I'll marry you. Yeah. The bear, maybe.

Who besides another cat would marry? a cat. That's tough. It's tough. The lion. Didn't it say a lion? A really lion. A big cat. It's just another cat. Anyway, I don't have enough time to think about this. But anyway, I loved that. That was so cute. Love that a lot. Maddie, I loved the Grimm's fairy tale classic, like cartoon. It was so cute. I love the cartoon because the cartoon makes it more of like a metaphor about letting your own insecurities ruin your life. Yes.

This was just like really random and unhinged. Yeah. Yep. Which is also really fun. As many German fairy tales are. But I like that the, I like that the cartoon tried to add like a lesson. Yes.

Yeah. It's nice to have a moral. All right. What's the next story? The next story I am reading today is from a book of cats and creatures. Ooh. And this is a cold read. I've never read this.

I know. I'm feeling the cats. Yeah. Actually, that really wasn't on purpose. The other one was just because Maddie mentioned it in one of our last episodes. This, our amazing friend, Roz sent us, has sent us so many story recommendations. And I haven't read all of them, but I want it to. So I'm going to start with one of your first recommendations.

You said you really liked the leashes cat from a book of cats and creatures. Oh, amazing. Okay. And so you're going to cold read a rouse recommendation. Yes, I am. I'm going to let you know how to feel. I'm very excited for us. I don't know if I got that, but does book smell so good.

So I have a book of cats and creatures by Ruth Mending Sanders. Thanks to our wonderful friend Chris Otto, who sent us these amazing old library books. Thank you, Chris. This is one that I'm a little scared to read from because it's so delicate and the pages are old. Yeah, because they're so old. I'm always a little scared to crack them open. But I stick my face in it and smell it because they smell so good. Nothing smells better than a good old library book.

So, but this book is all. also for sale again for everyone through Mabbs Media. Woo! I know. I'm, it's, I need to buy myself a couple copies, so I stop using this one because it's the best. Okay. So I got a message from Roz that said, she really liked the leashes cat. Okay.

That is the story I'm going to read today. It's a medium-ish, so we each get like three predictions. And it says this story is from Archangel. But it might be time for a geography corner. How do you spell it? A.R. C.H. Angel, A-N-G-E-L. Okay.

The story's from heaven. Archangel most commonly refers to a region of northwestern Russia. Oh, a Slavic story. So it's a city, I guess. This is also, this is from like the fucking AI overview. So maybe I should. Who knows if that's right. Who knows if that's right?

So on Wikipedia, Arkhangelsk, historically called Archangel in English, is a city in Archangel oblast Russia? Wow, I am not doing good with this. It lies on both banks of the northern Devina River near its mouth into the white sea.

Okay. So. I think Russia is probably, or just Slavic. So like, yeah, Russians, but I guess very specifically like northern Russian. Hang on. Now I'm going to look at a map. Oh, Russia. I'm seeing something that says Frankenstein, Archangel, Russia.

Arkangelsk. Okay, this is from narf. English. u. upen. dot edu Archangelsk originally Novo

Colomalgory a northern settlement named after the Archangel Michael who established the major port

for the Russian trade by the English yeah so like in Russia okay is a remote location on the Arctic coast

Wow, okay that's kind of crazy that's cool that is cool this is an old book yeah or maybe not maybe not like an old book necessarily just like very specific in the region that it's from yeah well it's so funny like when you get a very specific like when she labels a very specific region versus whether it just says northern united states right or just Russia I actually love that because I mean Russia is huge mm-hmm it's

And huge. So it's kind of close to, it's just to the, wait, just to the right. It's like northeast of St. Petersburg. Of Finland. Okay. Yeah. East of Finland. Just that?

Yeah. St. Petersburg. And northeast of Estonia and Latvia. Okay. Cool. Damn. Okay. Cool.

I'm excited. Yeah. Ross said they like the story. So let's hear it. Give me three. predictions for the leashes cat. And this is cats and creatures? Yes.

I mean, I'm going to predict talking cat. I feel like it's going to be an obvious one, right? I feel like that's a slam dunk. Are we both predicting talking cat? Yeah. Well, can we both predict the same thing? Did we ever establishes the rule? Okay.

Talking cat. Why not? Fairy cat. Oh, fairy cat. Like that. Like it's a supernatural cat. Okay. Which I feel is also probably a dove, but also might not be.

Supernatural. Yeah, you never know. Cat steals something. Okay. Cat steals something. All right. I predict talking cat. And I predict.

Hmm. I need to read more of Roz's recommendations so I can start seeing what kind of stories. Yeah, what kind of shit is Roz into? Because that would really help inform our predictions. I agree. Hmm. Okay. Talking cat, I want to predict that there's like an enemy that's also an animal.

Ooh. Animal. I like that. And then because I have to go off of your predictions, instead of a cat steal something, I want to predict that the cat steal something back. Ooh. Love him. Yeah. Okay.

Amazing. All right. Here is the leashes cat. Oh, my headphones fell wet. Big stretch. I can do this. Sally sells seashells down by the seashore. I believe.

Sarah sells seashells down by the seashore. Does she? Sally sells she sells. Sally sells seashells and Sarah sells seashells. What about Sasha? Sasha. The Sasha sells. Sasha sells.

Sea shells. Hot dogs. Okay, I'm ready. Once upon a time and long time ago, there lived a merchant and his wife who had an only son called Vasily. Oh, okay. Vasily was a handsome lad and he was a happy lad until his father died. Oh, okay. Well.

No. I don't need to laugh. That's not funny. But, you know. It was such a quick turnaround. It was so quick. He was happy until his father died. Damn.

It's fucked up. But then what did his mother do? What did she do, Abby? She married someone else. Yeah, she did. And he sucks. And her new husband was jealous of Vasily and hated him. It's like a twist on the,

I like it. It's a gender flipping. Yeah. Okay. So one day, this new husband, Vasily's stepfather, said to Vasily's mother, Jesus. Hold on. Big sip.

That's really going to help me read this story. Okay. It will. So one day, this new husband, Vasily's stepfather, said to Vasily's mother that that lad Vasily is doing no good, lazing about here. Overseas there is an island that belong to your late husband and now which belongs to you.

The people on that island need a governor. Let us send Vasily there and install him as governor. It will be the making of this lad. Does that not feel like so many different plot twists in a row to you? It really does because it's like you think he hates him, but now he's like, here's a promotion. Right. Here's a status, but also probably to get rid of him.

It's definitely to get rid of him. But also, I feel like I do agree, that's kind of a weird move for like someone you're jealous of. Yeah. Is Vasily lazy too? Does he need to have some responsibility? Does he kicked out of the house? Here's my prediction. Okay.

I think Vasily's mom is a bit of a boy mom. and I think that her husband would like a little more attention and I want you to spend like a little more, a little less time obsessing about your layabout son and a little more attention on me, your partner. Also, can this kid not get a job? Also, this kid's old enough to be governor? Yeah.

I mean, he's 18. I get him out of this. He has a job. And you two honestly are kind of creeping me out with your dynamic. And I think it's time for him to leave. Interesting. Oh, no. Am I siding with the stepdad?

Also, I'm going to be really mad if the cat is in this, like not until the very end or something. Oh, my goodness. No, he's going to meet a magical cat on this island of which he is governor, I'm sure. It's going to be his little assistant. Oh, that's so cute. I hope that's true. Okay. Well, if you think so, said Vasily's mother.

But isn't he rather young? Maybe he's like 13. And his stepfather's like, he's a man now. Get the fuck out of my house. The island people would like him all the better for that, said his crafty stepfather. Those simple island people. I know. That's so racist.

I don't like it. Well, if you think so, said Vasily's mother again. So the stepfather ordered out a ship, and the ship carried Vasily across to the island and left him there. Oh, goodness me, poor Vasily. There was not a single human being on the island. Oh, my God. Please. What?

Tell me this is an island of cats. But he said there was a village. There was not a single human being on the island, and that wicked stepfather had known. And there was Vasily stranded without a bite of food. or a penny in his pocket. What to do? Fastly set off to walk across the island. Perhaps he could find some berriesies.

He's just stranded. He's just stranded. That's so crazy. That like his mom owns this island theoretically. You would think that she would know if there were people on it or not. And she doesn't.

Like she has not been paying attention. Oh, that's funny. And his stepfather is like, I hate this 13-year-old kid. Let's strand him on it. Never mind. I'm not on his side anymore. He's terrible. You know what?

He just wants all of her attention on himself. He's like an old male lion eating the cubs of the fathers that came before him. Sorry, what did you say? I still hope it's an island full of cats. Me too. Okay. So Vasily sets off to find food and water. Well, he hadn't gone very far when he heard a great noise.

Yells and screams and the thud, thud, thud of stamping feet. And turning a corner where trees and bushes grew thick, he came to a small meadow. In the meadow, two strange beings were fighting. One of these beings was a devil. Yes. Unexpected devil! And the other was a leashy. Oh my God, I'm just realizing leishy is like a very common Slavic, like, mushroom tree creature.

How could I forget this? Okay, hold on. Oh, it says. Okay. So the other was a leeshy, which is a creature shaped like a man, but with claws on his hands and claws on his feet and a bit of a curling tail. Okay, I can't believe I didn't realize this. Look up the word leashy. It's a very, or leshy.

Maybe that's why I'm confused. Oh, I've heard of leshies. Maybe that's, is that what it is? Which is like a tree monster. Yeah. Like with the claws? Okay, we got to keep reading. Oh my God.

That's crazy. I would have had different predictions if I had recognized that word. Now I'm not sure there's going to be a canon. it at all. Didn't I kill a lot of those in the Witcher three? Okay. And when these two strange beings saw Vasily, they both began to shout. Oh, that's crazy. That's okay. This is a haunted forest a little bit. Vasily, merchant son, yelled the devil. Help me to kill this leashy and I will give you much gold. But the leeshe shouted, Vasily, merchant son, help me to drive away this devil. And I will be your friend. Oh, I love friendship. Okay, I think on this deserted island, a friend is certainly worth more to you than much gold.

Okay, holy shit, that's literally the next line. Oh, shal. Vasily thought, what good is gold to me here on a desert island? But a friend I do need. He nailed it. And he drew, I like Vasily. We do. And he drew his sword and set upon the devil, wounding him sorely.

The devil shrieked, the devil howled, and he gave a leap into the air and vanished. And there was the leachy, panting and smiling and mopping his brow. Oh, my goodness. Okay. Glory be in thanks to you, my Vasily, panted the leashy. For 30 years I have fought this devil. Oh, my God. And it seemed that the battle would never end.

Oh, glory, glory, now I can have a little rest. With what can I reward you? I have nothing, nothing. But if you go along that path, you will come to a great house where my grandfather lives. Tell my grandfather what you have done for me and what thought I have sent you. He will offer you and reward 12 sacks of gold,

but don't take them. What could you, what use could you find for 12 sacks of gold on this accursed island? Vasily's already on the same page. I know. That's what he was already there. And so were you.

Because you're so beautiful and smart. And funny. I read a fairy tale or two in my time. See, I don't know. I love the devil. To play devil's advocate. But a cool tree monster? I know.

A cool tree monster offering to be your friend? Am I saying it right? Leashy or Leshy? It's two E's in the story. And Leshy like on Google is one E. So I don't know. Couldn't tell you. I'm going to keep saying leashy because.

Keep saying leashy. Okay. The listeners will correct us. Yes, please do. I really hope so. Yeah. Okay. He will offer you, oh yeah, so the 12 sacks of gold, but what can you do with that?

Ask my grandfather instead for the mirror with 12 knobs. You have only to turn those knobs and there will come out of the mirror. Twelve sailors who will say Vasily, merchant son, what do you wish? and then whatever you tell them to do that shall be done. Well. So that's 12 free wishes. Okay. I love it.

Okay. Yeah. Just 12 sailors being like, what do you need? What do you want? What can I do for you? Wow. So vastly went along the path that the leash he had pointed out to him. And by-bye, he came to a splenely.

landed great house. The front door of the house was wide open. Vasily gave a rat on the door and knocker, on the door knocker, sorry. On the door and the knocker. And when he walked in, he crossed a hall and came to a big room where a little old man with eyes that sparkled like diamonds rose up out of an armchair to greet him.

Heartily welcome, heartily welcome Vasily, merchant's son, cried the old, old man. Oh, you needn't tell me anything. I know what you have done for my dear grandson. And I have here 12 sacks of gold for you. Little grandfather, said Vasily, here on the island. Sorry. Little grandfather, said Vasily, here on the island are neither shops nor markets.

And I fear that 12 sacks of gold would be but a useless burden to me. if you really feel I deserve reward Give me, I pray you, the mirror with the 12 knobs. Ah, said the old man. That mirror is very dear to me. But there my grandson is dearer. Here, take the mirror and give it with my blessing. And yet I do not want to give it.

Okay. Why should I? It's mine. It's mine. It came to me. Oh my god, it's the best scene in Lord of the Rings. Why shouldn't I? Then the old man fumbled in his pocket, took out the small mirror, and handed it to Vasily.

It's just like the ring. Exactly. The mirror had an ivory frame and around the frame were 12 gold knobs. But you shall have the sacks of gold as well, said the old man. That's really sweet. Vasily thanked him I know hell yeah Vasily thanked him

took the mirror and went back to the little middle middle where the devil and the leeshy had been fighting and there on the grass were 12 sacks full of gold coins oh botheration what was Vasili to do with them

he sat down oh no oh no 12 sacks of money sure hate money I said I didn't want this. He sat down beside the sacks and turned the 12 knobs. Then out of the mirror jumped 12 sailors. You should do it one at a time, Vasily damn.

I was just thinking of the exact same thing. Like, the exact same thing. Then again, I'm still imagining him as 13 years old. Yeah. So he blew his wad immediately. He wants his little gang right away. I mean, also sailors like money. Maybe they want to be paid. You know what? I bet that's kind of come up. Then out of the mirror jumped 12 sailors.

Also exactly alike that there was no telling one from the other. That's very funny. Where are the cats? And they stood in a row before Vasily and cried out as with one voice. They're like a hive mind. Vasily, merchant son, what can we do? for you. It's creepy. Just this, said Vasily, carry me in these 12 sacks home to my parents' house.

And scarcely he had spoken these words when whiz, whiz, there he is standing before his parents' house with the sacks of gold at his feet. He wasted 12 separate services. Maybe they

hang out with him the whole time? Maybe. Let's find out. Vasily runs into the house. He is shouting, mother, darling little mother, I have brought you a present. And out comes the stepfather. The stepfather is scowling. He thought he had gotten rid of Vasily.

Yeah. And here he is back again. What, what, my lad, says he. So now you've turned a thief. The stepfather hurries off to the police inspector. Oh, my God. Police. Police!

Police! and says, I regret to tell you. My horrid stepson showed up with 12 sacks of money. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. To an island with no one around. With no one around.

I regret to tell you, Inspector. An inspector is capitalized. Oh, amazing. Oh, my gosh. Amazing. Inspector. Which I know this is Slavic, but that feels very French to me. It does.

I regret to tell. tell you, Inspector, that my worthless stepson has stolen 12 sacks full of gold coins. Damn. The inspector orders the 12 sacks to be sealed up and carried into the town hall. The government is stealing his

money. He says, tomorrow we will see into this matter. And in the meantime, Vasily, you must consider yourself under arrest. You will not leave this house. This is so random. Well, why should I leave it?

Says Vasily. I have butches come home. This is my house. Sounds good to me. Off goes the inspector, and Vasily takes the mirror from his pocket and turns the 12 knobs. So I... Oh! And Abby.

Hey, presto. Out from the mirror jump, 12 sailors. Yes. I love it. I love a hey, presto. Hey presto. And I imagine the sailors leaping out and there's like sparkles and glitter around them and they just like shake their hair out. And then like hands on their hips.

What can we do for you? Oh my God. You just reminded me. I really wanted to tell everyone that I watched Slay that drag queen. Oh my God. Because now I'm imagining them as drag queen. a little bit. It's fucking good, right? It was so good. It was so good. Really quick sidebar. Everyone go watch Saleh, the To Be Original. It was so fucking good. Oh my gosh. I'm going to watch that every year for Halloween or Pride. Both probably. Or both.

I'm excited to watch it again. Okay, anyway. Okay. Hey Presto. Out from the Mirror Jump 12 Sailors. And queens. Oh my gosh. Twelve sailors in drag. Yes. Vasily, merchant's son, what can we do for you? Oh my gosh. Oh, yeah.

They're also a hive mine, which is also kind of creepy. That's a little creepy. It's a little scary. Take those 12 sacks of gold from under lock and key, says Vasily. Carry them down to my mother's cellar. Unseal them, empty out the gold, fill the sacks up with soot. Seal them again and replace them. the town hall said and done fastly goes to his mother and says little mother you have given me but a scant

welcome home oh no it is very mama's boy oh no mother little mother i am hungry and thirsty little mother i need food and drink his mother sheds tears oh my dear son i am afraid i have married a bad man and i am friday I'm loving this sort of like Mid-Atlantic like black and white movie Marilyn Monroe accent you're doing Oh gosh Thank you

She orders I've never read this by the way So it's all just You're incredible You're just really killing it Everything about this is extraordinary to me So funny She orders food and drink

She sits by Vasily while he eats She strokes his arm lovingly. Poor little mother. Hashtag boy, mom. Vasily feels sorry for her. This is so good. Where is the cat? This is giving me magic, like the book of magic horses.

PTSD. A little bit. I mean, I feel like the story is better than what we have been served. That's true. From magic horses. But like, it's the same amount of cat we're getting. as we usually get. I'm a little nervous.

We actually have a lot of pages. This is longer than I thought, but it's fine. The type is small. I'm having an incredible time. Okay, get me too. That night, Vasily slept well, and the next morning the inspector sent a guard to march him off to the town hall.

Fastly's stepfather is there, grinning like a baboon. There. Sit the judge. jury. The judge orders Vasily to empty out the sacks. He laughs and does so. It all comes out

soot and a breeze blows through the hall and the wafts the soot into the eyes and up the noses of the judge and jury. Now they're all sneezing and coughing and mopping their eyes. Great. This is very funny. The judge turns upon Vasily's stepfather in rage.

You idle, mischief-making twadler. What do you mean by your sacks of gold. These sacks have been under lock and key, and no one has been able to meddle with them. The case is dismissed. But I warn you that if you bring any of your false complaints, you will find yourself under lock and key. Don, don't, don't, da. Wesley's stepfather goes home. He can't understand it. He wants to howl like a whipped dog. Servants come.

Horrible. Oh my God, Abby. Okay, he can't understand it. He wants to howl like a whipped dog. Servants come, clean up the town hall, and fling sacks out into the street. Vasily turns 12 knobs on the little mirror. Hey, presto, here are the 12 sailors. Hell, yes.

I love that this is a repeat, this is a repeat thing. You can do this as many times as you like. Hell yeah. That was like much better. Yeah. And I can see. why he didn't want to part with this mirror. He's so lucky that the first thing he finds on the island is a devil and a lushy fighting.

Yep. Amazing. Amazing. Vasily's so lucky. Everything works out for him. Vasily answers, fill these sacks again with gold. Take me in the sacks back to the island and there build me a palace of crystal. Said and done. There was Vasily back on the island in a crystal palace dressed up in fine garments

living like a lord and waited on by invisible servants. That wasn't even part of the wish. I know. These sailors are amazing. They're amazing. They go the extra mile. They can do magic. Yeah. Make me a crystal palace when there's no crystal. No crystal palace. I mean no crystal for the Crystal Palace, but also like, they'll add bonuses without you even having to ask. These are not sailors. Y'all, these are fairies. These are definitely fairies. But they don't seem murderous enough.

What are they? I mean, let's find out. Magic mirror slaves? Actually, that would be a really funny fix is that they revolt against that. I mean, let's keep that one on our back pocket because I think that's pretty funny. And we're fucking sick of doing everything you tell us to. Mm-hmm. Okay.

All very well for a time. But, oh, dear me, it became more than a dreary living there all alone with no friends to chat with. Sailors, go steal me a pretty woman. Oh, Jesus. Is my prediction for what happens next. And no one to love. Oh, my God. He turns the knobs on the mirror and out of the mirror leap the 12 sailors.

Hey, Cresto. merchant son what are your commands bring me here portraits of all the most beautiful maidens that did you be found from one end to the other end it's like tinder but old-timey magic fantasy right but it's also a little bit that movie passengers did you see did you hear about that one or see it i heard about it and know about it i haven't watched it but it's all also very like Shrek. Yeah. With Lord Farquod, like picking.

With choosing from an array of portraits. The way it's reminding me of passengers, this is the movie where Chris Brat wakes up, Jennifer Lawrence, and they're on like an arch ship that's going to be in space for like 80 years. And so they're going to live out their lives and die on this spaceship alone, just the two of them. And like he chooses her because he thinks she's pretty. and so he wakes her up. And that's what I'm thinking of with Facilita Spina. Like, hmm, which of these pretty girls am I going to have these sailors abduct

so that she'll have to live with me alone on this island for all time? Oh, gosh. That's my prediction anyway. I hope I'm wrong. I do feel like that's where it's headed. Mm-hmm. All right. said and

Okay said and done The walls of the great Holland Vasili's palace are hung with pictures of beautiful maidens Hundreds and hundreds of them Jesus

Almost the portraits seem to come alive as the beautiful maidens smile down on Vasili Vasili spends a thoughtful day He goes from one portrait to another He looks up onto the faces of the beautiful maidens

he feels he could love them all, but, well, there, a man can't have a thousand wives? Who says? I mean, by evening, in one day, by looking at just their portraits, he has made his choice. This is very Lord Farquod, you are correct. Oh, my God. Number three, my lord. Number three, my lord. He turns the 12 knobs on the mirror.

outleap the sailors What commands Vasily, merchant's son? Bring me here the daughter of the Emperor of China Off hurry the 12 sailors Oh my God Where is the cat? Now the Emperor of China

has shut up Okay sorry Now the Emperor of China Has shut up his lovely daughter behind 40 locked doors in a tower, 360 feet high. There she is to remain, the emperor says, until he has found her a suitable husband.

The lovely princess is not happy. Okay. She's not happy. Okay. I'm coming around. This might be an improvement in her current situation. But she has to make the best of it. She's asleep in her tower when the 12 sailors arrive.

They lift her. bed and all and carry her swiftly into a room in Vasily's palace. Vasily tiptoes into the room, goes over to the bed, and looks down upon the sleeping princess. Oh, how lovely she is. How lovely. He stoops and kisses her lips while she's sleeping. Vasily. Vasily, I was rooting for you. We were rooting for you. But she's going to love it. The princess wakes up from her deep sleep Where is she in her own bed to be sure But a strange young man is kissing her

She sits up and gives a strange young man a slap in the face Absolutely as she should Good for her Insulin fellow How dare you come into my room How dare you kiss me Yeah Amazing

Princess answers Vasili it is not I who have dared to come to you It is you who have dared to come to me And as for that kiss I will give it to you again And for a second time Vasily stopped and kissed her lips Ew

Poor little princess She had been shut up in her tower so long And she had so often wished for a lover And here was a lover Young, handsome, gentle voice She tried to be angry with him but no, she couldn't be. Soon they were sitting hand in hand,

chatting away like old friends and even daring to make plans for their wedding. Man, I was hoping she'd stay mad at him. Just at least a little way. Yeah. Okay, that's my fix for this part, is that she's so pissed at him and she starts kicking his ass so hard

that he has to call the 12 sailors to come take her back. To come take her back. Or, like, set her free, because it honestly doesn't sound like she was, doing great locked in a tower either. That's very true. Waiting for marriage. But still, I feel like that's just the excuse to kidnap her and be like, oh, well.

It's the story's excuse for why we're okay with this happening to her. Yes. I love that she slaps him. Amazing. Hit him again. Yeah. And again and again. And then she's the queen of that crystal palace.

Yeah. And then she has control of the 12 sailors. I love it. Steal the mirror, run into the woods. All right. Okay. But my father will be, oh, so angry, said the princess. Pooh, let him be angry, said Vasily.

Hasn't he treated you cruelly locking you up like a thief in a high tower? Yeah, that's true. The princess agreed. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. And in the morning, Vasily turned the knobs of his mirror, summon the 12 sailors, and said, Bring me here a priest to marry the princess and myself.

Said and done. There was the priest with his open... You know, the only problem I have with this is that he keeps using... He seems lonely, but he's also not trying to even to get to know the sailors. That's... I know. And they're all acting the same,

but I bet they all have very different personalities. They probably do. Like, summon them from the mirror to, like, have a beer or something. Yeah. Some of them to take a day off. Does he even know their names? I bet not. They're just utilities to him.

And so he's having them kidnap people from all over the world. But according to Robin Jacques's illustration, they're all look pretty similar, but also different. They all have different facial hair. It's a picture of them carrying the princess in her bed. That's amazing. I can't quite see it because it's a little blurry. Yeah, I'll have to send it to you. But I can't wait to get a picture.

All right. Yeah. Be friends with them. Geez. Jeez. And in the Munderterbury. Okay. Said and done.

There was the priest with his open book. There were the 12 sailors as witnesses. And though it was a very quiet wedding. it was none the worse for that. So for a while in their island palace, the princess and Vasily lived happily. But, oh, dear me, in the palace of the emperor of China. What uproar!

Oh, my God. The emperor is stamping and raving and gnashing his teeth and blaming everybody for the escape of the princess, threatening to chop off this man's head and that man's head and to have this, that, and the other man burn to a slow fire, or torn up by wild beasts. But he's not able to find anyone guilty for the 40 doors of the 360 feet high tower

and which he imprisoned of Princess are all still firmly locked. And from its high windows, how could anything but a bird have flown? Now at the Emperor's Court, there lived an old woman who was a witch. Oh, my God. Oh, okay.

And this witch made a bird. brew of all seeing syrup and gazed into it. She gazed into that all seeing syrup long, long ago. Oh, wait. Surrup. Not long ago. Just long. She gazed into it for a long time. And then she went to the emperor and said, I have seen. I have seen. What have you seen? You silly old woman. Wow. You know what? I'm not going to fucking tell you then. I ain't seen nothing. Nothing. Nah, she's ready to get her gold. I have seen in a certain part of the world a great ocean,

and in the midst of that ocean, I have seen a desert island. On that island, the princess, your daughter, lives in a crystal palace of the young man who has married her. I don't know by what fate the young man came to that island, or how he managed to spirit the princess there. But let me be taken to the island, and I will find out these things and restore the princess to you. Boo.

Bo. Come on. Woman. No. So the emperor ordered out a ship and the ship set sail guided its way by the old witch. When they reached the island, the captain of the ship set the witch ashore. And then by her orders, he sailed away. The old witch watched the ship until it was out of sight.

And then what did she do? She dipped herself head and all into the shallow water. And she set up with a great wailing, betook herself all streaming wet to Vasili's palace and banged on the door. Wow. Okay. I love her. Me too. I think this is an excellent ruse.

Also, they've got to be getting a little bored of like just their own company at this point. They're like, oh my God. Thank God. Something's happening. Okay. Streaming all wet to Vasily's palace and banged on the door. Help, help, help. she screamed, help a poor old body who has been shipwrecked.

The princess heard the screaming. She looked out of one of the palace windows and she saw the old witch standing at the door. She ran, she opened the door. Little old woman, poor little old woman, she said, Come in, I will give you dry clothes and sit you by the fire and warm yourself. The princess took the old witch by the hand and let her in, set her before a blazing fire and fussed over her. gave her dry clothes and a bowl of soup.

Aw. And then the princess ran to Vasily. Vasily, darling. A ship had been wrecked and an old woman is washed up on our island. Let us take her to live with us. She will amuse me and tell me stories when you are out hunting. Wait, okay. Tell me stories when you're out hunting.

So, yeah, she's ready for a friend. Yeah, as you correctly assumed. Mm-hmm. For, though it is very convenient to be waited on by invisible servants, I do sometimes feel a tiny bit lonely. Vasily said, yeah. Yeah, totally. Having a partner that's wonderful is great, but it doesn't, like, that's not all you need. You also need other friendships and yeah.

Yeah, you need other people around you that mean something to you. Like, although I'm sure like this seems like a vast improvement over being locked in a tower by yourself. Yeah. But. Probably. Still. She wants more. Okay.

Vasily said, of course, she shall stay with us. I have been so selfishly happy that I did not realize you might be lonely. Oh, not really lonely. No, no, no, cried the princess. But only missing now and then a little foolish womanly chat. Yeah, so foolish when women talk and stuff. I know, God. It's stupid.

Definitely. Who needs that? So the old witch lived at the palace for a week, for two weeks, three weeks. She made herself very agreeable. She chattered to the princess and told her stories. And then one day she said to the princess, I would like to ask you a question much. lady, for there is something that puzzles me greatly. Ask then, said the princess. What puzzles me,

said the old witch, is how you came to this lonely island, for surely you cannot have been born here. Oh no, said the princess. Certainly I wasn't born here. I am the emperor of China's daughter. I'm very important. I am so important. And how I came here, I don't know myself. One night I went to sleep in the tower where the My father kept me shut up, and I woke up to find myself in this palace with my vassily leaning over me and kissing my lips. And I slapped his face. She added a little. Good, okay. I'm glad she included that detail.

Yeah, I like her. And you are content to be kept in ignorance, said the old witch. My days I wouldn't put up with such a state of affairs. A husband has no right to keep secrets from his wife. Well, I mean, she's not wrong, though. She's not wrong. Well, I suppose he would tell me if I asked him, said the princess. Oh, ho.

Will he? It's also crazy to me that she's never asked. Yeah, right? She's just so happy to be out of that situation. She must be. She must be. She, honestly, like, I don't know. She probably could do with, like, a friend that kind of is like,

Hey, are you actually okay? I know you're like happier than what you were before, but are you really okay? Do you want to spend the rest of your life here? And do you truly have no questions? Yeah. About the situation. Like it's better, but you're still kind of being held captive. You're on an island with just this guy.

Yeah. Are you cool? Mm-hmm. Really. So anyway. Yeah. My days, I wouldn't put up with such a state of affairs. A husband has no right to keep secrets from his wife.

Well, I suppose he would tell me if I asked him, said the princess. Oh, ho, will he? Snigger the old witch. Husbands like to keep their little secrets, my darling. It makes them feel superior. Oh, okay. My Vasily is not like that, said the princess indignantly. Aren't all men alike, said the old witch.

You just ask him now and you'll see. Will he tell you? Not he. The princess felt angry with the old woman. She's feeling defensive. Little defensive, yeah. That day, she wouldn't listen to the old woman's stories. And in the evening when Vasily came home from hunting,

and he and the princess were alone together, the princess said, Vasily, my darling, I have been thinking. I have a thought that troubles me and a question I should like to ask. tell me your thought, said Vasily, kissing her. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. I'm kind of on the witch's side.

Me too. I mean, outside of, like, her wanting to bring the princess back to, like, a situation I also think is bad. Yeah. I mean, this is. Yeah, but generally speaking, I also think that that's good advice, you know. I mean, a really good fix would be that the witch just gets her out of that situation and out of both situations. Mm-hmm. This woman have to take care of each other.

Absolutely. So anyway. Ask me any question you like. No thought shall trouble you if I can help it. How do I come here? Ask the princess. So then Vasily tells her all about the mirror. He takes out the mirror from his pocket and turns the 12 knobs.

And hey, presto, outleap the 12 sailors, crying out with one voice. Vasily, merchant son, what are your commands? Okay. I mean, so in his defense, he did tell her immediately. Yeah. I don't think Vasily's like a bad guy. I just think like... I think he's kind of a thoughtless guy.

Yeah. Exactly. I still feel like he's a 13-year-old boy. Yeah. I think he's very young. Yeah. Like, this kid is 16 if he's a day. And maybe the princesses do.

Yeah. I think they're both very, very young. So then, okay. So he takes out the mirror and all of this. sailors jump out. Just to make your best bows to my princess, says Vasily. And then to go back into the mirror, the 12 sailors stand in a row. Each one bows to the princess and then back into the mirror.

Why don't you ask any of their names? I don't know. Where are you when you're not in the mirror? I don't know. Vasily is also not a curious person. Because he had no questions for the Leshi. Right? Why aren't you asking more questions, Vasily? Vasily's not interested, really.

Well, the princess is delighted. What a wonderful mirror. May she just hold it in her hands for a moment? May she just turn the knobs? Yes, princess, turn the knobs and tell them what you want. Of course. Of course she may. Vasily gives her the mirror. She turns the knobs and hey, presto, there are the twas. 12 sailors. Most beautiful princess, what are your commands? Just to make your best bow to my Vasili, laughed the princess, and then go back into the mirror. Well, the sailors do that, and the princess says,

may ask you a dear favor, Vasily, or may ask you a favor, dear Vasily? Sorry. The doting Vasily answers, any and every favor is granted before you ask it. The princess says, would you let me have the mirror to play with tomorrow when you're out hunting? I think I should enjoy ordering the sailors about.

And I do find it a little dull, you know, dear Vasily, when you are away all day and I have nothing to do but listen to the old woman's chatter. Oh, foolish, foolish Vasily, he doesn't think. Yeah. We knew that. Yeah, he's not a thinker. He puts the, but also, I don't know, I like that he trusts her enough. Yeah, that he's like, yes, absolutely. What's yours is mine.

I feel like this is about to take a misogynistic turn that I'm not going to enjoy. I feel like the narrator is a little misogynistic. He puts the mirror into the hands of the princess. He can deny her nothing. Good. Good. She's your wife. You brought her here.

Yep. Without asking to live alone with you on an island forever. Where is the cat? Why didn't we predict that the cat wouldn't be in it at all? Oh my God. Next day, vastly goes out hunting as usual. The princess, all excited, shows the mirror to the old woman. She spends a merry morning setting the 12 sailors to perform this little task and this other little task.

And the old woman, that old witch, gets very excited and cries out, let me have a tone, let me call the sailors. The princess hands her the mirror. So trusted. I know. The old woman, the wicked old witch that she is, turns the knobs and outjump the 12 sailors. What commands, little old one? Oh, that's a way less cool title than they've been giving everyone else.

How about great, mysterious, awesome witch? Great mysterious witch. That would have been funny if they had mentioned which. And then immediately the princess is like, oh, fuck. Like, oh, shit. That was great, actually. The old woman answers in a great hurry. Let myself and the princess be carried back to the court of the emperor of China.

Let this palace be smashed to pieces. Smashed pieces. Let that good for nothing vastly find himself on a bare rock in the midst of the ocean. No, no, no, no, shrieks the princess trying to snatch the mirror. Too late. the old woman and the princess are lifted up in the arms of the sailors. They're whirling through the air. Hurry, hurry, hurry.

In her fright, the princess has fainted. And when she comes to herself, she and the old witch are back in the court out of the emperor of China. Vassely's palace lies in ruins and on a bare rock in the midst of the ocean with his gun at his side. That wasn't part of it. Sits the unhappy and bewildered Vasily. Oh, because he was hunting. All right. I guess that makes sense.

Yeah. The waves of the ocean are heavy. The waves of the ocean are heaving hugely all around the rock. And out of the waves, a very big gray cat is swimming. Thank God. What the fuck. Finally. Give me my cat.

I thought that that was never going to happen. I thought that for whatever reason, the leshy in the beginning, counted as the cat. I don't know. It has claws. But, okay. Thank God. Okay.

And it's swimming. Shark cat. Shark cat. And cat is also capitalized. The adventures of shark cat. Fuck, yes. At least, you know what? I'm going to save my comments for later.

Okay. The cat looks fierce. He is making straight for the rock. Vasily raises his gun. But the cat calls in a human voice, Vasily, Mergin, son. Don't shoot me. Don't you remember how you rescued you to a leashy from the claws of the devil?

I am that leashy. And now it is my turn to rescue you. Are you putting that? You already got two points. Talking Cat and Supernatural Cat. Oh, I was putting Where's the Cat as a title before I forgot. That is a great title for this episode. Vasily lowers us.

His God. Finally, the cat's going to save him. Yeah, fucking finally. The cat scrambles onto the rock. The cat looks over the ocean, this way, that way. He sees a ship. He calls in a voice loud as thunder. Captain of the ship, to the rescue.

To the rescue, captain, to the rescue of an unfortunate man. The captain of the ship hears. He looks through his telescope and he sees a man and a cat, perched on a rock in the midst of the ocean. He steers his ship close to the rock, his sailors fling a rope, and Vasily and the cat catch hold of the rope and are drawn through the waves and aboard the ship. Please tell me we get to know the sailors outside of their mirror commands. Do you think these are the same sailors?

I hope so. Wouldn't that be cool? That would be cool, but like they're not coming out of the mirror. That'd be cool, though. I hope so as well. All right. Now Vasily must explain how he came to be on that rock. Rock. The cat tells him what to say and he stutters out a tale of being a ship's cook and how the ship was wrecked and he and the cat, the only survivors. Why then you could cook for us, says the ship's captain. Oh boy. For my cook. And lastly cook. He's got a supernatural leashy cat with him. I think he's got friends. I'm sure that helps.

Why then you can cook for us for my cook the scurvy villain. Desertes. us at our last port of call. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. The scurvy villain. Are these pirates? I'm just saying. Mm-hmm. Roz knows I love a pirate.

That's true. All right. Fasili doesn't know how to cook, but the cat does. The cat bustles about and prepares such a meal as the captain has not tasted for many a day. Everyone has the dish he likes best. The captain is delighted. He blesses the hour when he rescued Vasily from the rock. And so the ship sails on and comes to a port in the harbor of the capital city of the emperor of China.

Oh, wow. Okay. That's lucky. That's lucky. That's where the ship was going. He's so lucky. Everything works out for him. Lucky Vasily.

The captain is boasting to everyone about this marvelous cook. His boasting has come to the emperor's ears. The emperor sends for the captain. says, it is I, not you, who have the best cook in the world. We will hold two banquets. For the first banquet, my cook shall prepare the food. And for the second banquet, your cook shall provide the food. And the guests shall decide which cook is best.

Okay. All right. What a random take, but all right. Okay, fine. I mean, whatever. That would be fun to be a guest at that. Yeah, I'd be into that. Cook-off.

Yes, I love cook-offs. I would like to vote which cookie's best. Yes. I like that it also says, all right. All right. They hold the first banquet. The guests arrive and they sit down to the table. Princes and princes, lords and ladies, but the emperor's daughter is not there.

Poor little princess, the emperor has locked her up again in the 360 feet high tower. What's the point at this point? She's already married. She's not a virgin anymore. Like, you don't need to keep her locked up behind all these fucking doors. I don't know. And I'm not saying that there was a point in the first place, just to be clear. Yeah, yeah, but like.

But come on. What's the point now? She's used up. She's been tainted by a man's touch. Disgusting. Should have thrown to the ocean. A sullied hussy at this point. So she doesn't get to enjoy these feasts, which is fucked.

Wow. Thank. The guest declared that the food is excellent, the best food they ever tasted, and the emperor is triumphant. Now you see, Captain, can you or cook beat that? Assuredly he can, says the captain. And he sends for Vasily. Cook, prepare me such a banquet as shall put the emperor's banquet to shame. Vasily goes to the cat.

Now what am I to do? You are to do nothing. You leave everything to me. Hell yeah. Okay. And I'm just, now I'm imagining it's like a ratatooie, like the cat's on his. Yes. Tell me what to do.

This is a chef kitty situation. This story is so wild. Yeah. I love this story. This is so much fun. It's so fun. I literally can never guess what's going to happen next. No, this is wildly unpredictable in the best vein of Ruth Banning Sanders stories.

I know. I love it. And in some way or another, who knows in what way, the cat does produce such a banquet as to put the emperor's banquet to shame. And the emperor says to the captain, you must leave your cook with me. It is I, not you who must have the best cook in the last cook in the world. world. But the old woman, that wicked witch, still lives at the emperor's court and she is recognized Vasily. She bides her time. She would banish Vasily back to his rock, but she fears the power of the cat. That magic working leashy, it is good against evil. She goes to the emperor and

says, do you know who your new cook is? He's the man who stole the princess from her tower. The emperor is indignant. He snaps out. Hold your tongue, you foolish old women. You will find yourself in one of my dungeons. Damn. Don't talk shit about my cook. The food was really good though. How could such a good cook be a lying, stealing daughter thief? You bitch. You're the one who brought the daughter back in the first place, but I don't believe anything you have to say. I hate women. I hate women. God. I'm I'm going to lock you up in a tower next. Yep.

Or in a dungeon, I guess. In a dungeon. The old woman sulks. She still has the magic mirror. Well, if the emperor won't banish Vasily, she will call up the 12 sailors to do it. Man, she is so hooked on the emperor. Like, do your own thing, girl. Yeah.

You've got the mirror. You've got the mirror. Go do your own thing. Anyway. Take it. I don't know. Maybe take it out. on the emperor. She's too loyal to this man. This is, I think, my major problem with the story so far.

Everything else, fine. Sure. Fairy tales. They happen. I think this witch should really turn her evil offices against this emperor. Me too. Agreed. She goes to bed with the mirror tied by a black ripet around her neck. She chuckles and thinks how in the morning she will summon the 12 sailors out of the mirror and bid them fly away with Vasili. But she is too tired to bother about it tonight. In the morning, she will see to it. That's, I mean, wow. I mean, that's a little lazy.

Like, it's not like you're even doing any of the work. Oh, no, you won't, old woman. The leachy in the form of a cat is prowling about the palace. He sees a rat, pounces on it and gives it a shake. What the fuck? What? I didn't say, okay. Oh, oh, spare my life, cries the rat.

What have I done to you that you should kill you? kill me. Yes, I will spare your life, says the cat, if you should do an errand for me. Anything, anything, I will do anything, cries the rat. Then go up to the old woman's room, says the leashes cat. Climb up to her bed, bite through the ribbon. She is tied around her neck and bring me the little mirror attached to it. Sorry, for some reason I thought the rat was the old woman for a second. Oh, okay. I mean, that would be crazy. Yeah, I was like, what? I thought She's not too tired to turn into a rat, I guess. That would have been kind of sick, though.

It would have been pretty sick. Although they would have been silly to turn into a rat. But then it would have been a cool, like, Merlin, that Madam Mim. Yeah. Merlin, Madam Mim, like, different creature battle. That would be pretty sick, actually. That's a huge fix for. this story. I love that actually. That's fantastic. That's a good one.

Okay. That might be it. Okay. The rat scurries off to the old woman's bedroom. Ha ha. How she is snoring. The rat creeps up onto her pillow. He bites through the black ribbon around her old neck and snatches up the mirror and hurries to bring it to the cat. The cat turns the 12 knobs and Hey, presto, out of the mirror, jump the 12 sailors. Watch commands. Nelishi doesn't even get a title. Just doesn't even get a title?

What do you want? We are so tired. We are done. Carrie Vasily and the princess and myself back to our island, no sooner than, no sooner said than done. By invisible hands, the princess is snatched up and whirled through the topmost window of the high tower. By invisible hands, Vasili is lifted from his. bed and by invisible hands, the leagy cat is taken up into the air. And now they are all three gently, oh so gently, sat down beside the ruins of Vasily's Palace on Vasily's Island.

The sailors are going back into the mirror, but the cat turns the knobs again. What more commands? What? More isn't italicized. They are getting real tired. build a fastly's palace again and all its former splendor nay and greater splendor than before said and done the broken ruins of the valley palace rise up and peace themselves together and there stands the palace more magnificent than ever it's crystal walls and diamond frame windows and glitter in the rising sun right yes i mean it's probably a really great moment but i imagine these sailors are just like they're so tired they're over it They've, they have done three ocean crossings. Yes. And like a day. No one has even thanked them. Lump, said, what's your name?

What kind of things do you like doing? These poor sailors. And they're just sailors. Like, I mean, they're obviously. Magic sailors. They can fly. Jeez. Okay.

Vasili is laughing. The princess is shedding, happy tears. And the leechy cat is handing the mirror to Vasili. And if you lose this mirror again, says the leashy cat. Then Vasily, I wash my hands of you. Oh, oh, cries the princess. You must not blame Vasily. It was all my fault.

I'm just a silly little woman. I'm just a silly little woman. But no, Vasily won't agree to that. He assures her that she is fallless. Aw. Okay. We're back. But I think, says he, that it is not good for us to live all alone here.

And he turns the knobs of the mirror again. Hey, presto, there are the 12 sailors again. What commands? Let there be people on this island, says Vasily. Good, honest people. Let there be farms and farmers, villages and village folk, and a church with a merry chime of bells to gather us all together every Sunday. Let myself and the princess be a king and queen here.

and let us rule well and wisely over our happy island. How are the sailors supposed to make sure you rule well and wisely? Like, smack him every time he does something dumb. Oh my God, that's funny. I like that. The island has become a little paradise of good, honest, merry people. Have they happiness?

They look to the king, Vasily, and his beautiful queen to share it with them. Have they any problems or troubles? They look to the prime minister, leash. to guide them in the way of wisdom. But one day, the Prime Minister Leishi comes to Fastly with a very grave face. What is the matter, Mr. Leachie? What is the matter my Leashie? Not Mr. Lichy.

You are too forgetful, says Leashie. You have a mother. Yes, but then your mother is very unhappy, says the Leishi. Your stepfather is dead and she is all alone. She thinks of you and she mourns for you. Oh, poor little mother. cries Vasily. What a brood I am to have forgotten her. Go bring her here to me, my leashes. Go, go, go. That evening, Vasily's mother, sorry. That evening, Vasily's mother went to bed crying in her lonely

house and the next morning she woke up smiling in Vasily's palace with Vasily bending over her. And kissing her. Oh, my darling little mother. oh my dear son Vasily Now you are going to live with me And my lovely wife, little mother We are going to be so happy ever after And so they were the end

Oh my goodness That was a much Much longer story Than I anticipated Because the text was so tiny Super long But it was great Amazing

recommendation, Russ. Thank you. That was so good. That had pretty much everything you want in it. That was so full of magic. I loved it. Yeah. I could have done with a little more cat. Yes.

Just a little. More cat earlier. Like if the leashe had been a cat from the beginning, I think that would have been good. Okay. So points wise, you got talking cats. And supernatural cat. Woo! Did the cat steal something?

Or did the cat steal something back? I think the cat stole something back because the cat gets the rat to steal the mirror. I mean, that's kind of what I was thinking. So I think we both got two because I didn't get animal enemy. Yes. And yeah. Or, I mean, but also the cat steals something and the cat stills. That's the same exact.

I'm giving you three points. Because it's like the cat didn't steal something to keep it for the cat's self. The cat stole something back that someone else had stolen first. Okay. We both got two points then. You both got two points. Awesome. Oh my goodness.

How would you fix it? Like, what's your ultimate fix for that story? Well, I hate how loyal the witches to the emperor. But like, I also do kind of like that the witch was like a true villain. Because in a lot of these fairy, well, maybe it's just me in a lot of these fairy tales. I don't view the witch as a real villain. Mm-hmm. Because the emperor is obviously like the true, true villain.

Yes. But the witch does serve him pretty blindly and like is seeking his favor the entire time. And like I feel like that's a soft fix. But I feel like the main fix for me is that at the end when they're asking for people to join their island that they specifically, that they specifically ask the sailors to, like, relieve themselves of their duties and join their village. Like, that's the main fix for me. I love that as a fix.

I think that's the one. That's got to be the one. Because I think it's like, it's kind of like the end of Aladdin when they freed the genie. Yeah, exactly. Like, they're, and you can tell they're getting tired. Like, they make it clear by italicizing what more commands. Like, what more? God.

And I think that'd be really nice that, like, when they're like, oh, we're actually a bit lonely here by ourselves, like, you can help populate or that you can become like our live in the palace and be lords or whatever. Yeah. And like, do whatever you like, have the job you prefer. Like, get a real ship and go be real sailors out on the sea somewhere. Like, yeah. I like that. I agree. That I think is the fix. That's the fix. Instead of vastly being like, oh, like, it's no, I love that he's like, it's nobody's fault, or it's definitely not her fault for using the mirror wrong, but also maybe we're both overusing the mirror and.

Yeah. I think the point is like this is an, yeah, we're overusing the mirror. Too many people want it and are going to try to steal it from us and it might fuck up our life again. So we're going to release the sailors. That's great. Yeah. Also, does the princess need a name?

Yes, 100%. I think the princess needs a name. I confess, I don't know a lot of Chinese women's names. Do we have any? Maybe May? I'm just Googling. I mean, I love May. Yeah.

It just means beautiful. Hell yeah. She is beautiful. There's, I'm going to say this wrong. I looked up Chinese emperor and daughter to see if there's any like real ones to pull from. Uh-huh. Princess Taiping. Okay.

Or Princess Heishau, I think is how you say that. But I like Mays also. Yeah. I'm seeing Shin Yu means joyful conversation. And I like that. Oh, I love that. Again, this is the AI overview. I know.

So, you know, do yell at us if we're wrong. Yeah. If anyone is, know some like dope-ass Chinese princess names, please let us know. We'll go with May for now. May it is for now. I love Chinese names. They're so pretty. And I like how like a lot of like Chinese language is like really specific in dialect

and like how you like go like up in certain. Like last half of the name, you know what I mean? Yeah. I love that. I think that's so cool. I didn't know that. That's really cool. Yeah.

I get a lot of like, in my algorithm, I get a lot of like how you say this name in Chinese or in Korean. And like a lot of the like Asian culture, like it's a specific like you go up at this or you go down. Upward inflection. Yeah, yeah. Upward inflection or a downward inflection and like means different things. That's really cute. That's really cool. I love that.

Me too. Because, like, we, I mean, I feel like all names do that, but you don't really, like, think about it. What's kind of? Well, it's different. Until someone points it out. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway.

Cool. Okay. So Queen May and King Vasily. Hell yeah. And over their island kingdom. That was such a fun story. Thank you so much, Raz for, uh, recommend. that.

Roz, thank you so much. That was a roller coaster. It was a roller coaster. I definitely did not correctly figure out how long that was going to be. That is okay. Because we're about to go on summer breaks, I feel like giving the listeners a supersized episode is only fair. Absolutely.

All right. Are you ready to read me one? I am ready to read you one. I'm going to do a cold reading from the terms. Burnet Princess. I'm really excited. I haven't gone here in a while. Collected by our friend Franz Javert von Schoenworth.

You're so good at saying that name. I love it. Thank you. I hope that's somewhere close to correct. It sounds great to me. Okay. Let's see if I can figure out length on some of these. Or does it matter?

Should I just fucking go for it? I'd say I pick the shortest one. Okay. Not because I don't want to hear a long one. I just have to get to the gym. Okay. I'm going to do a two-page one called The Snake's Treasure. I'm just picking it at random from this list.

It's from the Enchanted Animals section. Ooh. Treasure. The Snake's treasure. Okay. How many predictions are we each going to do? Let me. Okay.

This is roughly one page. Okay, so you want to go one. Two? Okay. I predict that the treasure's friendship. Aw. I love friendship so much. And my second prediction is that the snake is bad.

I don't want to predict that, but people are mean to snakes. I'm going to predict. that the snake is good. I love it. Just to be a counterpoint. To be contrary. I hope you're right. Mm-hmm.

And the snake's treasure is, man, I'm tempted to also pick something like ephemeral and emotional. But I think instead I'm going to say it's a magic ring. Magic ring. Or a magic object. Magic item. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Ring is too specific.

It is. Okay. Okay. Tell me. A shepherd was getting on in years, but he still spent a good part of each day in the woods with his flock. And every now and then, he would hear a wondrous melody, but he had no idea where it was coming from. One day, he discovered a beautiful woman up near the top of a mountain. She beckoned to him.

Oh, my God. I hope so. Or she's probably the snake's treasure. It's probably if the snake is keeping her captive. Oh, yeah, probably. Yeah. She beckoned to him and said, I want you to come back tomorrow and pick me out from among the snakes in this grotto. Oh, shit, she is a snake.

That's exciting. I love it. Hell yes. That's cool. Then you must give me a kiss. I will have a key in my mouth and you can take it out. Don't be afraid. Even if I leap into the air, it will only be out of pure joy.

And kiss my snake face. Kiss my snake face. Would you love me if I were a worm? They just met. We just met. That's perfect. We should meme that when we release this episode. Oh, that's so good.

If you think you're not up to the task, you can just leave. But better yet, bring three men with you tomorrow that will. There will be plenty for all four of you. Whoa. Are all the snakes hot ladies in the sky? Are all the snakes secretly hot women? I'm into it. I love it.

I like this. Kiss my snake face. And don't be, don't be afraid. Don't be, kiss my snake face and don't be afraid. I think should be the episode title. The shepherd decided against asking others to join him for he wanted the treasure all to himself. The next day he went to the grotto and found the snake there with the key right in her mouth.

She leapt into the air for joy and the shepherd became frightened. Oh, wah-w-w-womp. I don't blame to him. I know. If a snake is leaping at you, that is pretty scary. He tried to take the key out of her mouth three times, but each time she recoiled and discouraged. He went back home. We were supposed to kiss her, you idiot.

That's so funny. He tries like multiple times that he just can't do it. To just yonk the key. Ew, but like he has to kiss her face but also get the key so he's like tonguing a snake. Yeah, he's got a, he's got a French this snake to get the key to get the treasure. I love this book. I, this like, I feel like this book rarely disappoints with just what is this? this.

And there's more where that came from. Oh, God. Yeah, bring four more guys with you. I'll make out with all of them. Okay, anyway, he's unable to get the key because he won't kiss her. And so he goes back home. And while he was tending to his sheep the next day, he could hear a woman weeping in the distance.

And once again, he saw her high up on the mountain and she beckoned to him. Your greed kept you from bringing along a few other men. And she said, you would have all received more than enough of me. Yeah. She doesn't say of me. I added that part. I love it, though. You would have all received more than enough.

And now I will continue to suffer. Seeds will be sown in the forest. Then a tree will grow. And someone will saw boards from the timber and make a crib from it. What? What? I feel like she lost the plot a little bit. The first child who sleeps in that crib will be able.

able to lift the curse from me. She disappeared, all sobs and tears. She's still out in the woods waiting for each new baby because nobody wants to kiss a snake. When the shepherd turned around, he saw the snake slither into a crevice and the rocks the end. Oh my God. I love that story. No fixes. No fixes. That's fantastic. That makes sense to me. I suppose my like my, my almost. My, only fix would be he does bring four other guys. And she gets exactly the kind of party that she was hoping to have. I don't know.

I like the idea that they're all too afraid to kiss. They're all too afraid to do it. That is kind of funny. She's to this day waiting. She's waiting for someone to be brave enough to make out with her to get the treasure. Oh, shit. I want, what is, that was so good. Wow. But it sounds like she'll be okay eventually. I don't know.

I mean, someday some freak will come along and be willing to do it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She just has to wait. She just has to wait. Centuries for the right freak. It's not like freak, like freak freak, but like. Yep. So for someone to match her freak. Yeah. Someone that match her freak. Yeah. Wow. I am so glad that I, just picked that based off the title alone. That was an absolutely perfect way to end our sort of season-ish. Yeah, whatever season we're on. Yeah, before a little break,

we will be back. August-ish, whenever we can kind of get it together because life is hard. Life is hard, man. Life is hard. I think things, crazy right now. But we will be back. You can believe it. Please send us any stories that you want to hear. Raza's been sending us all the best stories. So somebody match her freak. We really appreciate it. And also, I don't know, also send us your best music recommendations. Please. Always need fresh music. send us some stars if you're on a if you're listening to us on a site that reviews us we always love that oh and go make sure to listen to us on rowan and pine too in july it was a really it was a really fun time and it was a great episode uh thank you for listening to fairy tale fix if you enjoy the show like i said please subscribe leave us a review if you want to get more stuff you can also get extra episodes and cool merch and books and like random stuff by signing up at fair at patreon.com forward

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And so the 12 sailors, I don't know, got their clout and got to be, got to be free and be a part of the community. And they were good friends and vastly finally learned their names and became good friends because they all seem like pretty cool people. here freaking here. And the princess. And I bet there were a few sailors that were also women. I'm just saying. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And ends and they.

It's just all sorts of the whole. Every gender in the gender rainbow and every flag in the pride flag pantheon. Yes, exactly. And they all lived. Well, I didn't do mine. Oh, did you have a fix? Yes. For what?

I thought we thought we said the snake's treasure was perfect. The snake from the snake's treasure did have to wait a couple more generations, but she did finally meet someone who was willing to match her freak. And kiss that snake face and get that treasure. And kiss the snake face and get the treasure. And the treasure was the snake's kiss all along. But since the freak was matched, Her lover was into it, I guess.

Now it's getting weird. And they all lived. Happily ever after. The end.