Fairy Tale Fix - 129: Bad Person, Good Character

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

The Boy and the Dragon & The Dragon Princess We are keeping the dragon stories coming this week! Kelsey kicks off this episode with The Boy and the Dragon, likely originally by the Micmac and Blackfoot indigenous peoples of Canada, written down by Cyrus Macmillan. Abbie follows it up by taking us deep into the sea, where she reads The Dragon Princess, a Chinese tale that has everything Abbie’s been hoping for in a dragon story, minus the story part. It’s a good thing we’re here to fix it. Make sure to rate, review, and subscribe. You can find us on Instagram @fairytalefixpod, and chat with us on our Discord channel! Join our Patreon at patreon.com/fairytalefixpod and visit us at fairytalefixpod.com. Fairy Tale Fix Podcast is a Fantastic Worlds Production. Fairy Tale Fix is performed and produced by: Abbie Lammel (@bonanzafamine)Kelsey Horne (@monsieurcheval)With tremendous thanks to our good friend, Dustin Alexander In partnership with our Patreon producers: Melissa BuronTamra DerryDana DomkoCaroline DonhamAngel EspinozaGiselle M. InganCynthia LammelElizabeth MasoudLinda Kay PardonnetRabia SadiqDami SchlobohmJosie The Mountain Troll Books and other media mentioned in this episode: Check out all the books from the show here!The Boy and the DragonGlooskap’s Country and Other Indian Tales by Cyrus MacmillanNative American Legends: Chenoo (Chenu)Kyle Gordon – Mr. Jambo (feat. Barry Bergen) [Official Music Video] Fairy Tale Fix Podcast is a Fantastic Worlds Production.

Before we get started, though, so I just told Kelsey that I've been editing the episode that we just recorded. That's our like our comeback from our summer break episode. And I edited the whole intro and you know what we don't do? Do we not introduce the show? We don't introduce the show. We take a break for one month. It's so easy to forget. Yes.

It is so easy to forget. So I'm just going to put the theme song at the very beginning of the episode, I think. We should just, we should just do the intro now on this episode and you can cut and paste and use the exact same intro for this episode. I love it. I love it. Okay. That's what we're doing.

Welcome to fairy tale fix. We are back from Hot Goblin Summer. Yeah, we are. I'm Kelsey. And this is the, uh, What is this? It's a podcast. It is a podcast. Where we read each other classic fairy and folk tales from all around the world and quote unquote fix them for you. So you can get your fairy tale fix.

Boom. We did it. Yeah. And we've been doing this for five years, six years. Almost six years. Almost six years. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. It doesn't feel like six years. Still nailing it. Yeah. It doesn't. It really doesn't. And, you know, because we take breaks and release episodes every other week for the most part, this is, you know, we've been doing it six years.

And we're only on episode 128. So, or 29? 29. 29. 29. Did you hear that? I've been hearing rumors that new girl. might be coming back. I don't know if that's true, but I have seen a couple of places where

like Max Greenfield has been quoted as like there's definitely a script out there somewhere, but I'm not sure how much I believe them. That would be cute. I would be down for even just like a one episode like catching up with the crew. I would love to see like where are they now, however many years it's been since the last one. Although in the very last episode, didn't they kind of do like a time lapsey thing where they kind of? I think they did. I think it like jumps three years into the future, but I didn't the last season like take longer to come out or something?

I can't remember. I don't remember either. All I know is I hope Winston is happy because he was my favorite. That's all that matters to me. Is Winston still having a good time out there? Yeah. That's all the matters. And his cop wife who I can't remember that actress's name, but I love her.

She's so funny. I don't remember either. She does a bunch of voices in Bob's Burgers and it makes me happy. Anyway. Damn, now I can't remember. Now I'm going to have to. Winston. I love Winston.

Oh, that actor who plays Winston. New girl. It's going to be the voice of Garfield in something coming up. And I think that's very funny. I love that for him and for all of us. Oh, Nassim Pedrad is his. is the actor that plays his wife. And Lamorne Morris is his name.

He's so great. I follow him on Instagram. Yeah, he's going to be the voice of Garfield. He's going to be perfect. Yeah. He's so funny. I just adore him. Anytime he comes up in anything, he's very funny.

I love him. They're all so funny. That was what a great cast. Hell yeah, new girl. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, new girl. It's one of the few shows where I think I'd actually be happy to have like a little reunion. Right.

I think it's, I think what does that too is they're all actually friends in real life, which is my favorite. Oh, how are you doing on psych? I've been, that's one of the reasons I love psych the most is because they're all like best friends in real life. I just love shows like that. The chemistry is so good. I took a break after the musical. Uh-huh. Yeah.

So, and before I do the, before I finish the final season. because I just, I was like, okay, I need a little, I need a little breaky break before I move on to the final bit, especially since like we're heading into an era of the show that like I feel like I can already sense is going to be a little annoying because it's like they got rid of the chief. Yeah. There's like some weird guy who is in charge of the department now. Yeah. Certain actors at that point had taken other roles, so they're not like in every episode. Yeah. So you could kind of sense like it just, you could just kind of sense that it's all starting.

It's kind of coming apart a little bit. Yep. It does. There's still really good episodes in that last season. Yes. I see that the next one apparently is Pierre Despero part four. So I'm so I'm very excited. I'm very excited for you to watch that because I have very big opinions.

Oh my goodness. I'm very excited to talk to. to about. I will get on it. I took a break to watch House of the Dragon. Oh, nice. Is it good? I'm probably never going to watch that one. Yes and no. I am watching it because I can't not watch it. And because it's one of those things where people talk about it on threads every Monday. And I wasn't going to watch it. But then the discourse was getting so intense that I was like, okay, fine. I'll watch this season too. I always say I'm not going to watch the next season and then the next season comes out and I always end up watching it. I don't like it. The performances are very good. The costuming is very good. I think the writing sucks. I hate how

they wrote it. I wasn't a big fan of the source material either. Because it's a story, like, I don't know. It's also the thing is like, I love tragedy. I love angsty stuff. I love stories that end badly. But I don't like it when they try to do stories that end badly in a way that makes you, that makes the characters likable. Oh, interesting. You know what I mean?

Like, I feel like they really softened the sort of central character. That's the woman that's, that's, was named heir to the Iron Throne. And everyone's resisting her. and so she has to conquer it to take it. And they really softened her character in an effort to make her likable. And so it annoys me that she has to be likable to anchor this show when her tagline in the book

is Renira the Cruel. And I was kind of looking forward to Renira the Cruel. Yeah. And her main opposition is her evil stepmother who wants her sons on the the throne and not Reneira. And this and that woman is a political operating mastermind. And and so they're both these kind of like evil women.

And I was really excited to watch them be pitted against each other. Yeah. Yeah. And instead they made, they softened Reneira to the point that it's like, okay, I guess she doesn't want to kill anybody, which that's so then why does she want the throne so bad? Uh-huh.

like if she doesn't want to kid anyway. And then they made the other character, her stepmother, they decided to make her, instead of her stepmother being a woman who was older than her, they made her stepmother her childhood friend. And, and so they have like a,

and this is the part that I like, they definitely have a lesbian subtext going on here, which is, which is fun to watch. But anyway, they're both just greatly softened, greatly, greatly somethinged.

And ultimately this is a story about how all the dragons die, that the Chargarians fight each other to the point that all of the dragons are dead now. And so I also know what, like, we're heading into the part of the story where all the dragons die and I don't like it. I wouldn't want to watch that. Yeah. Like, no, thanks. I'm good. Honestly, even with Game of Thrones, I enjoyed it while it was coming out.

And I think I enjoyed it watching. I enjoyed watching it with a group. Mm-hmm. But I would never, I would never want to watch a show like that again. it was just too many storylines. It never gave me enough of the storyline that I actually fucking wanted to watch. Right. For the dragons.

They would tease them for like 30 seconds and that was it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It pissed me off. And like I understand they're expensive. Make it less expensive. It doesn't have to look amazing to me to enjoy it. Right.

Like it a fucking puppet. I don't know. I don't care. Or cut some of the other storylines. to free up budget. Yeah. I don't care about brand. Too many storylines.

It's so... And also just so many characters dying. Like, I get that was the point of the show, and it really did shock me. But as we mentioned, when we started watching Lord of the Rings or Rings of Power, I was traumatized by it. I kept expecting everyone to die in the horrible ways, and I was like, what the fuck? Oh, no. Oh, my God. That's so funny.

Um, no, I'm totally, I'm totally with you on like it was, it was a fun shared experience to have. Yes. Yeah, that was it. It was being part of the cultural moment. Yeah. And, and the, the shock value of it was fun to experience as a group. Yes. Yep. And, but like, but it does make it hard to like go back. Yeah. I've never rewatched it. Yeah. I don't know. I rewatch parts of it. Like there are certain storylines I really enjoy that I'll go back for. And I always stop around season five. Yeah. But yeah. Anyway.

You should tell everyone, what are you doing today? You look gorgeous. Thank you. Before we started recording, I was telling Abby how it was stunningly beautiful. She looks. She's got like this hot little red tank top on, showing off all of her tattoos. Absolutely. Looks summery and gorgeous as hell.

Thank you. I am going to a rock concert, as the kids say. I'm going to a rock show. A rock show. Which means rock and roll and not actual rocks. Both are good. Both are great. Both are valid choices.

Rock and roll show at a rock mineral show. They should. Oh my God. Rock squared. Rock squared. The ultimate rock festival. Or this festival rocks. Yeah.

I don't know. Anyway. We'll workshop it. I love it. Anyway, so I was supposed to go to the rock show yesterday, which is why we're having. Which is why we're recording today. So Stephen really likes this band. It's not that he likes his band so much as he really likes.

this genre. It's like a subgenre of metal. It's called, it's a swan core. Swan core. Swan core. Swan is very metal. Or Swan is extremely metal. But it's named after the guy that kind of founded this subgenre, Will Swan. It's got, it's like very distinctive in terms of like how the guitar is played or something. I have no idea. So we're going to see Royal Cota. And, and there are some other bands that are opening that I'm excited to see, which is a marionette and dwellings and strawberry milk cult, which I think is the coolest name for a band. We were supposed to go to this show yesterday. Stephen and I got all dressed up. We went downtown. We got some drinks. We got many drinks. We were prepared to be quite drunk at this show so that we wouldn't need to buy any drinks

on premise. Uh-huh. So right around the time. we're finishing dinner and taking, we each decided that it was a good idea to do a, to finish off with a beer and a shot. Hell yeah. We had our shots. We were finishing our final beers. We were going to get ready to go to the show. I pulled up our tickets and discovered that they had changed the date. They had changed the date two days ago. And just, this is the problem with indie artists. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. They changed the date two days ago. And I, and they had also changed the venue. So when I got the notification, it said, it said venue change in big letters. And I was like, okay, heard.

Venue change. We'll go to the new venue. We still showed up on the wrong fucking day. Yeah, you wouldn't assume. Smaller type, it's, it's had a date change. Yeah, that's ridiculous. Well, it was ridiculous. It's lucky that you can go.

Like, good thing you didn't have plans or whatever. Yeah, it's a good thing. But I also just like, but now it's on a Sunday night. I have to work tomorrow. I know, it's not as fun. I cannot get gloriously drunk. And I wouldn't be able to anyway because that was last night and I'm still feeling it. Yeah, so now you're at a show hungover.

So now I'm a little hungover going to this show. But damn it, I'm going. It's going to be fun. So that's what I'm doing tonight. I'm doing tonight what I was supposed to do yesterday night, but in worse shape. But at least Kelsey says I look beautiful and that's the important part. You look amazing. You don't look hung over at all.

Thank you. That's very important to me. How are you? I'm okay. You've had a week. I've had a week. Chival, my little kitty has like a UTI or something. Something's going on.

So we had to take her to the vet. I had to take her the urgent care vet on Friday morning. and she was a spicy little tortie so she has to go so they couldn't get all of the stuff they wanted to done so we have to go back on Monday which is tomorrow with drugs and she's she's going to be miserable so she's miserable I'm miserable it's been a rough few days um gosh it was right on what was it Thursday night I had I was so tired Thursday I did not get anything. sleep the night before. I don't know why. So I was like 8.30. I was like, I'm going to go to bed early. I just like got up and started getting ready for bed. And right around then, we noticed

some like blood in her near her litter box. And it was just like, fuck. No. So I called the like emergency vet to figure out if I needed to go in. And they kept saying like, no, it's not an emergency. And I called again around 4.30 a.m. because she was having some trouble. So I just got zero sleep. It was awful. My poor little baby. She's 14. Your poor little baby. 14 going on 15.

So I worry about her because she's old. I know she can't live forever, but I would like her to. Please, thank you. Please and thank you. Please listen, universe. This cat. Or at least as long as I'm alive, that would be great. Yeah.

We can die and be buried together. It doesn't have to be forever, but it does have to be significantly longer than a cat's typical lifespan. Yeah. If she at least gives me to 16, I'd be grateful. Mm-hmm. Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry you had such a, you had such a rough, rough week.

It's okay. It's, you know, being a pet owner and it is. That's tough. We love our little fur baby so much. Mm-hmm. And then especially like at nighttime, like, and if you're hearing them having difficulty, like, how are you supposed to be able to fucking sleep? Yeah. And that makes it difficult to actually deal with the problem.

And I think it's so funny that the emergency vet told you like, it's not an emergency. Yeah. She was like, she was really not. Well, the first woman wasn't very nice. But the second one around 430 a.m. was really nice. And she was like, it's usually, she's like, it's really unlikely that it's an emergency, especially because it's a female cat. They're like, if it were a male cat, she might have different opinion. But she's like, it's almost never an emergency. and you can call it 6.30 a.m. and come to the urgent care. Yeah. I mean, I kind of like that, though, that like she tried, because she definitely saved you some money. Yeah. Well, she said that. She literally told me how much it would cost. She's like, and urgent care is only this much. So she's like. And it's highly unlikely that the cat will

like suffer extreme complications between now and 630. Like you can wait two hours. Yeah. And I'm glad we waited. And she's been, she's been fine. She's doing a lot better than she was Friday. So she's, she's peeing again. That's good. That's good. A little bit, no blood.

But it's just scary. It is. That's all that's been on my mind of the past few days. I can't even think of anything else. Just sort of, I'm just sort of hanging out. I'm hanging out with my baby. I'm following her everywhere. You're being a very good familiar.

She hangs out with me when I'm sick. Yeah. So we've just sort of been, I just been hanging out like on the floor wherever she is. Trying not to pet her the whole time. She gets very annoyed by that. Yeah. I mean, that's more for you than it is for her. But just being around, you know.

It's nice. So anyway, yeah, that's pretty much it. Well, I mean, you know, now we can distract you with some fairy tales. Yes, I did some research and found one. Oh, good. Okay. I am excited to tell you because I'm going first today. Yeah, you are.

Let's give Port Chivala break from your anxiety. Yeah, really. Let's see. So what are we, what are you telling me? This is a Canadian fairy tale. It's an indigenous folk tale, actually. Oh, cool. Okay.

And it is called the boy and the dragon. And I'll tell you more about it after you give me three predictions. I love that we're still running with dragon stories. Yes. I specifically was like, you know what? Yeah, more dragons. I agree. Perfect.

That was an excellent suggestion. Who suggested that again? Franzi. Franzi. Yeah, thank you. I need more dragons in my life. Absolutely, me too. It was a good reminder.

We need to do more. So three predictions for the boy and the dragon. Okay, three predictions for a boy and his dragon. I'm going to try to not let the 1970s cult classic a boy and his dog influence me unduly. It was really fucked up, actually. Man, this is so exciting. I don't think we've done like indigenous North American dragon yet. I know.

Isn't that cool? I have no idea what to expect. Yeah, I have a lot. Not a lot, but I have some stuff to tell you after you make your predictions. First Nations dragon. What is that? Yeah. Um, um, mm, the dragon is chill.

Oh, dragon is chill. All right. The boy is not chill. Dragon is chill, boy is not chill. All right, one more. Important food. Important food. Okay, excellent, excellent.

Okay, so the first thing I want to talk about is this story. story was collected by, I have a bunch of tabs open up, sorry, hold on. Amazing. Okay. I'm excited to hear the research. Yeah, I did an okay amount of research. I didn't do a ton. So keep that in mind as I'm talking about this. I did minimal research. I found the story like this morning. Okay. So it was collected by Cyrus McMillan around like 1920s. Okay. And so you know that's. song that's been really popular lately. This is probably going to be a month late. But that, Hey there, Mr. Jombo out there in the African sun. Do you ever get tired? Tired.

Yes. I am very familiar with this song. So it's Barry Bergen and the song's called Mr. Jombo. Please go look it up. It's actually quite catchy. And it's very funny. It's very catchy. So it's like this white man that goes to Africa and he's like, he's asking like talking to a an African man and he like starts saying in his own language like I can't understand you do you have a translator like stop yelling at me yeah but but the guy but the the the uh white guy takes it as like African wisdom yeah the love you seek is in the valley and I've been seeing it everywhere as like white anthropologists in the first. Oh my God, it's perfect.

Like absolutely hearing what you want to hear. Yeah. It's so funny. So I tried really hard to find out what, like who and what tribe this folk tale is from. Do you think Cyrus McMillan who put this collection of Canadian tales together wrote anything about anyone? I don't think Cyrus McMillan gave a fuck. about the who, what, where, or why this story was originally told. That is not in the book at all.

Cool. So it really made me think of that song and I was laughing a lot. Hey there, Mr. Jumbo. Who are you? Do you have a translator? So something about what I decided. and I heard that he had said. So go listen to that song.

It's very funny. And it is exactly probably what happened here. So it's still a really fun story and I'm excited to read it. I'm excited to hear it, but the context is making me giggle so much. Yes. And I did find an article from ebsco.com. So it's called Glooscaps Country and Other Indian Tales by Cyrus McMillan or Sirius. Cyrus.

I don't know how he said it. And it talks about basically how he takes myths and legends from the Mick Mac and the Blackfoot peoples of Canada. So there's no like I don't, I'm not sure which one or if that's how accurate that is. But that was from this article I found. So I thought that was great. So the story is probably Mick Mac or Blackfoot. That gives us something. And I did try to find like, you know,

like a different version of the story and I couldn't find anything. But I did find some other stories written down by indigenous peoples. So I might read one of those next time because, oh my gosh, one of them, there's like a whole list in one of them sounded awesome. It says the Chinu are giant cannibal ice monsters. I want to know more about that. I know, right? As soon as I read that, I was like, oh, I'm very interested.

And gluescap, if I'm saying that correctly, probably not, is like a cultural hero of the McMack tribe, which I'm also probably saying Nick Mac wrong. I'm sorry. I did my best in like the few hours I had before. But anyway, so I'll probably read something like that later. But this article that we'll post in our show notes also talks about how McMillan probably changed. a lot of things about the story. So he probably heard the story and updated things to like, you know, for, you're a, you're a guineas. Colonized the story. He colonized the shit out of it. Yeah. So just keep that in mind. And now I'm going to read you the boy in the dragon. Oh my God. I'm still very excited about it. Yeah. It's still a really fun story. I liked it a lot. I think you'll like it. Okay. But thank you for the context. That's really helpful. Yeah. I hope so.

It didn't. We find to speculate about what we think he changed. Yes. I know. Was that okay? I feel like that's totally. I think that's totally good. Yeah.

I tried to do some research. Yeah. And acknowledge that like, this is probably not the original story as it was told to him. No. The love you seek. The love is in the valley. It's so funny. Okay.

And the man he's talking to looks so tired and confused. And like he's just kind of there because like he's like, isn't there another section where he's sitting on a bench or something and this this like dude in his suit is like dancing next to him and he's just sitting there like looking like heavily disassociating staring off screen. It's so funny. I actually genuinely love that song. It makes me think of Ilvis. I was like this song is so Ilvis coated. Very. I'm surprised they didn't come up with it.

Mm-hmm. Okay. The boy and the dragon. Once long ago, before the white man came to Canada, a boy was living with his parents in a village near the ocean. As he had, oh, sorry. Did I mention I found the story on fairy tales with a z.com. Oh, you did not mention that. Thank you.

Sorry. Yes. So the story I found on fairy tales with a z.com, awesome website. And I can already tell that Mr. McMillan updated this to say Canada. Yeah, right. Definitely not what they would have called it when they... Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, I'm going to start it over.

Okay. Once long ago, before the white man came to Canada, a boy was living with his parents in a village near the ocean. As he had no brothers or sisters, he was often lonely, and he longed for adventure and companionship. At last, he decided to set out to seek his fortune elsewhere. As they do. As they do.

Smart. He was just on the point of leaving his home when it was noised abroad one day that there had come into the land a great dragon who was doing great havoc and damage wherever he went. Is the dragon a metaphor? You know what? You're going to have to find out. Okay. Oh yeah. And I also forgot to tell you about dragons in indigenous lore.

I'll tell you later, though. Okay. All right. The country was incredibly. great terror for the dragon carried off women and children and devoured them one by one. And what was still more mystifying, he had the power to take on human form. And often he changed himself into a man of pleasing shape and manner. Yes, I like it. Okay. And came among the people to carry out his cruel designs before they knew what was near. Okay, so he's not chill, but he is

awesome. He is hot. Yeah. He is hot. Bad person, good character. Yes. The chief of the tribe was called for volunteers to meet the dragon man, but none of his warriors responded. They were strong and mighty in combat with men, but it was a different matter to encounter a dragon, which is fair. When the youth heard this dreadful story and saw the terror of his people, he said, here is my chance to do a great deed. For somehow, he felt that he had more.

more than human power, which I mean the audacity of a man. Sorry. This just reminds me of like I saw, this is a bit of a sidebar, but I saw a thread of like the two, two questions to ask men to see what they say. Yeah. And like how overconfident they might be. And one of them is do you think you could land a plane by yourself? Yes, I've heard that one. Do you think you could fight an ostrich?

An ostrich. I was going to guess goose. I was thinking, could you fight a goose? No, it's could you fight an ostrich? And the sheer and the sheer number of men like prevaricating and coming up with all of these scenarios in which they absolutely could land a plane by themselves with no experience or fight an ostrich depending on what the circumstances are. That's exactly what's happening here. That's what's happening with this kid. Oh my gosh. I love that guy. I had TikTok who would like come up with like ways like different things to say to make men mad. Yes, I love that guy. And one of them was I don't think you could win a fight with a goose. I think you could win a fight with a goose. But in this case, in this story, thank God for youthful, masculine audacity. You go. You go, King. Thank you.

This is a fairy tale. This is a fairy tale. Do you do you think he can beat this? Dragon? Yes. All right. I am just as Delulu as this boy. Uh-huh. So he said goodbye to his parents, and it says boy, but I think he's like 18.

He sounds like a young man. Yeah, he's a young man. He's a youth. So he said goodbye to his parents and set out on his adventure. He traveled all day inland through the forest until an evening he came to a high hill in the center of an open space. And he said, I will climb this hill, and perhaps I can see all the country around about me. So he went slowly to the top.

And I bet there's a real fucking mountain that is there that has a name that Cyrus didn't get. So we never going to know. So we'll never know. Bastard. As he stood there looking over the country, which he could see for many miles around, a man suddenly appeared beside him. He was a very pleasant fellow, and they talked together for some time. The boy was on his guard, but he thought,

thought, surely this man with the good looks, can not be the dragon. Yeah. This is a really handsome man, can't be the dragon. Can't be the dragon. And he laughed at his suspicions and put them from his mind. Fool. The stranger said, where are you going?

And the boy answered, I'm going far away. I am seeking adventure in the forest, for it is very lonely down by the sea. But he did not tell him of his real errand. Smart. Not that much of a fool. You're not completely democratized. Not a foolish fool. You may stay with me tonight, said the newcomer.

I have a very comfortable lodge not far from here, and I will give you food. The boy was very hungry and tired, and he went along with a man to his lodge. When they reached the house, sorry, yeah, you did. He's going to follow this handsome man home. Gay. When they reached the house, the boy was surprised. You can spend the night with me. Yeah, I'll follow you home.

Oh my gosh, that's the fix. That's the fix. That's the one. Did you see the shirt I'm wearing, by the way? I do. I love it. Kelsey is wearing a shirt that says nature is queer, and it's just, it's got all of these plants and animals in a variety of rainbow colors. Yeah.

Veronica got it for me. I love the shirt. I love it. All right. When they reached the house, the boy was surprised to see a great heap of bleached bones lying before the door. But he showed no fear, nor did he comment on the horrible sight. Inside the lodge said a very old and bent woman tending a pot.

She was stirring it with a big stick, and the boy saw that it contained meat stew. When she placed the stew before them, The boy said he would rather have corn, for he feared to taste the meat. Well, I bet he didn't say that he feared to taste the meat. I bet he was just like, I'm a vegetarian. I'm a vegetarian. Yeah.

Give me the corn. The old woman fried some corn for him, and he had a good meal. And that sounds, I don't know why, but fried the corn sounds so good. I think I'm hungry. That sounds really good. Also, a meat stew sounds really good. It does. I mean, why not?

I mean, how about both? How about you put the fried corn in the stew? We talked about how this is like our toxic trait. Yeah. We'll eat anything. We'll eat anything. Wow, my mouth is actually watering, thinking about it. Okay, continue with a story.

I like how she does make him an alternate meal. Yes, yeah. An old bent woman. I love her. Mm-hmm. That's not suspicious at all. Mm-mm. After they had eaten, the man went out together wood for the fire, and the boy sat talking to the old woman.

And she said to him, You are very young and beautiful and innocent. The most handsome I have yet seen in this place. And because of that, pretty privilege. Uh-huh. I will take pity on you and warn you of your danger. The man who you met in the forest and who you dined with tonight is none other than the dragon man

whom you have often heard he cannot be killed an ordinary combat and it would be folly for you to try tomorrow he will kill you if you are still here take these moccasins that I will give you and in the morning when you get up put them on your feet

with one step you will reach by their power the hill you see in the distance give this piece of birch bark with the picture on it to a man you will meet there and he will tell you what next to do. But remember that no matter how far you go, the dragon man will overtake you in the evening. It's kind of hot.

Yeah. Overtake you. I'll overtake you. Sorry, okay. I love that this is very similar to like the giant and the giant's grandma story. I can't think of what it's called right now, but I feel like we've heard this. I feel like this comes up, this comes up in fairy tales, like not, not super often, but like, yeah, like I remember hearing like a very, it's a very similar trope, but just kind of like, I got to tell you, like, I love my son, but he's a, he's a murderous bastard. And you should. He's going to get you. You should, he's going to get you. You shouldn't be here.

I love an old woman. Mm-hmm. Whether she wants to save you or eat you, you know, just my favorite. Yeah. The youth took the moccasins and the birch bark bearing the mystic sign and hit them under his coat and said, I will do as you advise. But the woman said, there is one more condition. You must kill me in the morning before you go and put this robe over my body. Then the dragon man's spell over me will be broken.

And when he leaves me, I will rouse myself with my power back to life. Oh, okay, never mind. That's awesome. That's so fucking cool. Love her. So she's obviously like under some sort of spell, but she has her own powers. She's got her own powers. I love her.

Ooh. Okay. Well, a new fix for the story. I need a side story. Uh-huh. About her. Definitely. And how did she come to be cursed and captured by this dragon?

And who was she before? And who will she be after? How long have they been together? How long have they been together? Yeah. Why does it keep her around? I guess she makes you. Why didn't you do that?

one. Yeah. Maybe he did. Maybe that's another story in the book. Maybe. Okay. The youth went to sleep and the dragon man slept all night beside him as to not let him escape. Yeah, that's why.

He's too handsome men just leaping side by side. Side by side. The next morning, when the dragon man was out to get water from the stream some distance away, the boy at once carried out the old woman's orders from the night before. first of all he killed the old woman with a blow and covered her body with a bright cloak for he knew that when the dragon man would leave this place she would soon rise again then he put the magic moccasins on his feet and with one great step he reached the distant hill here sure enough he met an old man he gave him the piece of birch bark bearing the mystic sign oh and there is there's actually an illustration oh my gosh okay that's that's a piece of birch bark bearing the mystic sign oh and there's actually an illustration oh my gosh okay that's I need to send to you. And I will post it to our Instagram page. So go check that out.

Oh, my God. I'm so excited. It's a really pretty illustration by someone. I can illustrate it. By Marcia Lane Foster. Isn't that pretty? That's really pretty. I love it.

So you can see he's like putting the shoes on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So. Oh my gosh. I love it.

Okay. The boy put on the mock. The boy put the moccasins on his feet and with one step he reached the distant hill where he met an, hold on. Did I skim apart? I did. Sorry. The man looked at it closely and smiled and said, so it is you I was told to wait for. That is well.

For you are indeed a comely youth. Everybody's talking about how hot this youth is. Yeah. And how hot the dragon is. Everybody's just hot in this story. Everyone's hot. I love it. Love it.

The man gave him another pair of moccasins in exchange for those he was wearing and another piece of birch bark bearing another inscription. He pointed to a hill that rose blue in the distance and set, with one step you'll reach that hill. Give this bark to a man you will meet there and all will be well. The boy put the moccasins on his feet and with one step he reached the distant hill. There he met another old man to whom he gave the birchisans. bark. This man gave him another pair of moccasins and a large maple leaf bearing a strange symbol and told him to go to another spot where he would receive final instructions. He did as he was told and here he met a very old man who said, down yonder there is a stream. Go towards it and walk straight

into it as if you were on dry ground. But do not look at the water. Take this peach of birch bark bearing these magic figures and it will change you into whatever you wish. and it will keep you from harm. Boy took the bark and did as he was told and soon found himself on the opposite bank of the stream. He followed the stream for some distance and at evening he came to a lake. As he was looking about for a warm place to pass the night,

he suddenly came upon the dragon man. Yes. Now in the form of a monster dragon. How? Yeah. Oh. I imagine like this is a huge dragon. hiding behind these tiny trees.

That's amazing. The old woman's words had come true, for his enemy had overtaken him before nightfall, as she had said. There was no time to lose, so the boy waved his magic bark, and at once he became a little fish with red fins moving slowly in the lake. Oh, cool. Smart. I know. Isn't that awesome? I like it.

When the dragon man saw the little fish, he cried, little fish with the red fins. Have you seen the youth I'm looking for? No. No, sir, said the little fish. I see no one. I have been a sea. I'm a normal fishy. Swimming around.

But if he passes this way, I will tell you, and he moved rapidly out into the lake. The dragon man moved down along the bank of the lake, while the youth watched him from the water. He met a toad in the path and said, Little Toad, have you seen the youth I'm looking for? If he passed this way, you surely would have seen him. I am minding my own business, answered the toad, and he hopped away into the moss. Excellent. Yes.

The toads is my favorite character. The toad is my favorite character. The toad is how we should all be. I am minding my own business. Oh, I am minding my, like you're looking for someone. I am minding my own business. I will be, I will hop over here. Good luck, I guess.

Nope, not at all. So good. this would make a great like cartoon I feel like absolutely like an animated short but like the ones they did for like all the brothers grim

stories I can see this being great for that collection yeah then the dragon man saw a very large fish with his head above water looking for flies and he said have you seen the boy I'm looking for yes said the fish

you've just been talking to him and he laughed to himself and disappeared That fish is a snitch, but I like his style. I think that fish is funny as fuck. That's all he gives. He's like, yeah, you were just talking to him. Bye. Yeah, you were just talking to him, loser.

The dragon man went back and searched everywhere for Toad, but he could not find him. As he looked, he came upon a musk rat running along the stream. And he said angrily, have you seen the person I am looking for? No, said the rat. I think you are he, said the dragon man. Then the muskrat began to cry bitterly and said, no, no, the boy you were looking for passed by just now. And he stepped on the roof of my house and broke it in. The dragon man was deceived again.

He went on soon and came upon old turtles splashing around in the mud. Oh, my God. You are very old and wise, he said, hoping to flatter him. Okay. I love the very old and wise. It's like a flattering thing for a turtle. Absolutely. They're like, thank you.

Yes, yes, I am. Yes, I am. Oh, let's see. Oh, you have surely seen the person I am looking for. Yes, said the turtle. But he is farther down the stream. Go across the river and you will find him. But beware, for if you do not know him when you see him, he will surely kill you.

Turtle knew well that the dragon man would now meet his fate. Oh, damn. I want to know all the drama between these pond creatures. Me? Because they all, yeah, they've got very interesting attitudes. Like, like, I don't know, I love it. I love the idea that fish is just trying to fuck with Toad and the Muskrat's like... I bet there's like community drama here that... Oh my gosh. It's fantastic.

Turtle knew well that Dragon Man would now meet his fate. The Dragon Man followed the lake till he came to the river. For greater caution, so that he might be less easily seen, he changed himself into a state. snake. Then he attempted to cross the stream, but the youth still in the form of a fish and still using the power of his magic bark with the mystic sign, was swimming around and round in a little circle in the middle of the river. A rapid whirlpool arose where he swam, but it was not visible on the surface. As the snake approached it, he saw nothing but clear water, and he failed to recognize his enemy, and as turtle had told him, he swam into the whirlpool before he was aware of it, and he was

quickly drawn to the bottom where he drowned. I know. Damn. RIP. RIP. RIP dragon. What a, what a sad, what a sad way to go out. Mm-hmm.

The youth fished him up and cut off his head. Then he changed back into his own form. He went to the dragon man's lodge to see how the old woman had fared and she had gone with her bright robe and the lodge was empty. Then the youth went back to his home and reported what he had done. He received. so, sorry, he received many rich gifts from the chief for his brave deed and the land was never troubled again by dragons. But from that time, the snake family was hated because its shape had concealed the dragon man.

And to this day, an Indian will not let a snake escape with his life if he meets one in his path. For they are still mindful of the adventure of their ancestor in the old days. They are suspicious of the evil power of the snake family secretly possessed. The end. Excuse you. And that's why all the D-Ns hate snakes. All- every last one.

So. Okay. Stereotyping. Also, also, if we hate snakes now, means of course the royal we. If snakes are bad, because the dragon concealed himself as a snake. I'm sorry, should we not all hate men?

Oh, I love that. He concealed himself as a man first. Uh-huh. For longer and more famously. He made himself a snake one time and tarnished snake people for the rest of eternity. And that's fucked up. That is, that's fucking rude. That's fucking rude.

I don't like it. I don't stand for it. racist it is god anyway so other than that kind of random i know that was kind of like a random yeah random detail i would love to hear like the original oral story that he actually heard or just even a better like currently you know like more accurately translated story yeah but but i liked it i thought it was fun it did not guess where it was going. Not at all. That was really enjoyable. Yeah. And I, I, it's, I do, oh man, I also think it's kind of, I'd love that like the dragon

dies because of his own like laser focus on a, and his own hubris. Like, yeah, like you could, you could have, you could have just gone home, bud. Yeah. You could have just got laser focused on capturing this youth and you couldn't see the, you know, world pool for the lake around it. Yeah, yeah, that's a good. Drown. I love, I love that. I think that's fantastic. Of course, I never like a dragon to be like the bad character, but.

No, but, you know, sometimes the dragon is the bad guy. Sometimes the bad guy looks like the bad guy. I know it. And speaking of that of dragons in indigenous folk tales, the article that I put up did have some more information about it, which I thought was really cool. I think it was this. No, maybe it was a different article. Hold on. It was definitely a different article.

And we'll look at it up as to dragons. It's the problem with having so many different things. Oh, I think this is it. I found, so there was another website called dragons in.net. And it's a little blogger article about dragon echoes in North America and indigenous lore. So it talks about how drag the world, the word dragon doesn't usually appear in indigenous traditions. There are some archetypes, dragon archetypes. So a lot of them look like horned serpents.

and they're underwater creatures. So I thought that makes sense with this one. Like it's like kind of equating a dragon to a snake. So I wonder in the original oral story that Cyrus or McMillan was hearing about, like maybe it was different and he just thought of it as a dragon, you know? Yeah. And that was and then he changed it to be something that was more familiar to him from his culture. But maybe it was just like a giant horned serpent thing.

Yeah. And that would make more sense to why, you know, people. ends with snakes. Yeah. Because it looked like a snake the whole time. Like, instead of looking like, you know, if you're picturing like a, what is it, a wyvern, like a

European dragon. Yeah. And not like a more like serpenty kind of creature. And then. That's probably it too. That like that makes a lot more sense. Right?

I think so too. With the ending. Yeah. So I think it's maybe it's just us putting our own like, European vision of a dragon into that word. Because there are also, it also talks about another kind of dragon. Actually, maybe this wasn't the right article either. I'm just going to go from memory. But another one was like a North American dragon, but it was like the had the body of a lion,

like a mountain lion, deer, antlers of a deer. And, oh, man, it was so cool. I'm going to find it. Because it sounded so cool. That already sounds really awesome. Indigenous dragon, lion body, antlers. Of course, now I'm not going to be able to find it. It's all Chinese dragons.

I also find it really, I find calling indigenous peoples Indian is so fucking annoying because that's a whole other thing. It's a whole other thing. a whole other culture. And it's just, I don't know. That bucks me the shit out of me. All right. I can't find it.

But it was really cool. It was just like really spooky sounding basically. I mean, imagine like a lion, like a mountain lion body with stag antlers. Yeah. I swear it's not like red glowing eyes. I remember thinking it was like really creepy sounding. But that's what they like referred to as a dragon. and like some myths.

So probably, again, I've probably rewritten by a white person is my guess. Yep, probably. With like the exact same of like lacking cultural specificity. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So if you want to definitely check out that article. It was really cool.

We'll have posted in our show notes. I thought it was well written. And makes me want to read more stories. of the Micmac and Blackfoot peoples. Me too. That was a really cool story. Especially the cannibal ice monster. I'm really excited to check that out.

I don't know more about that. Ooh, maybe I'll do that. Maybe I'll do a lore episode for our next bonus episode. Ooh, that would be fine. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Maybe we can both do a lore thing.

I love those. They're so much fun. All right. Let's do our minute of silence. Okay. I'm going to go get myself another water. And I will be, oh, points. I don't think I get any. Oh, yeah.

Dragon was not chill. The boy was pretty chill. Well, no, you said the boy is not chill. Oh, I said the boy is not chill. Yeah. And then you predicted the dragon is chill. And neither of that, neither of those are true. What about important food?

He did have some fried corn and some possibly mysterious human meat stew. Human meat stew. The food wasn't really important. Well, he also went with him because there was food. That's true. There was food specifically mentioned in the story. I don't know. I would give it to you.

It was specifically mentioned. And then also he specifically didn't eat the initial offering. Yeah. And it also made him fried corn instead. Yeah. And we were, so you know what? I'm going to take it. Yeah, I'm going to give that one to you.

Good job. Thank you. I'm so good at this. Hell yeah. Okay. The story I am going to tell you is also dragon themed. Fuck. Yeah.

Friends, you're going to be so happy. So happy. And I went with a story from my Chinese fairy tale book. Ooh. I love Chinese dragons. We didn't get the Chinese dragon last episode. because we had already done one. So I picked one that we had not done before.

So this one is called the dragon princess. Ooh. You sure we have this one? Yes, I'm very sure. Okay. The additional hint that I'm going to give you is that this fulfills a long-term prediction desire of mine. Okay.

I just, we have. I've done a tale called the dragon princess and a bonus episode in 2022. This is definitely a different story. Okay. I just want to make sure. I'm sure you did your due diligence, but. I believe that was a Japanese dragon story. Oh, yeah, because it had Hisidato.

How do you say his name? Heitasato. He didasato, the folktale hero. Yeah, exactly. Love him. Okay. So this is definitely, definitely a different story, just the same name. I love it. Okay. And it fulfills a fairy tale fix wish.

Of me specifically. You very rarely predict this. Is it a pearl? Is it an important pearl? I'm guessing important pearl. Is this that story? Maybe. Okay, okay. I'm going to guess. important to pearl. I'm just getting all my predictions now we're going to be based on things that we want. So befriending a dragon.

And also instead of like a witch apprentice, I'm guessing like a magic apprentice. You know what I mean? Like any kind of magic being apprentice. Great. Yeah.

Yay, I'm so excited. Yay. Okay. Cool. This is the dragon princess. In the sea of dunking, there is a hill. And in that hill, there is a hole. And this hole is so deep.

There's a hole. It has no bottom. There's a hole. There's a hole in the barrel of the bottom of the bottom of the river and the thog and a sea. Okay. Do you know that? Oh, okay. Like song?

I do not. I do not know that song Adam and I sing that all the time I don't actually know the words but hold on it's um there's a hole in the log on the bottom of the lake it's like a kind of like a I think it's a poem but there's also like a sing-along song

and it just keeps going and going I don't know if I can find it because I think you have to buy it it's like an actual book but it's like there's a hole in the log on the bottom of the lake or and then it keeps going like like anyway okay I'm going to stop sorry Adam and I just quoted to each other all the time and I realized I actually but every time we're like a hole

comes up we go there's a hole there's a hole okay got it that makes that makes so much more sense because I was like I mean it's so niche it's very niche that one was for you baby you can tell them about this later I will. So the hole is so deep, there's no bottom to it.

Ooh. In this hill. And once a fisherman was passing, once there was a, once a fisherman was passing there who slipped and fell into the hole. And he came to a country full of winding ways, which led over hill and dale for several miles. And finally, he reached a dragon castle lying in a great plain. Fuck yeah. There grew a green slime. which reached to his knees.

He went to the gate of the castle. It was guarded by a dragon who spouted water, which dispersed into a fine mist. And within the gate lay a hornless dragon who raised his head, showed his claws, and would not let him in.

Yeah, you tell him. Yeah. You shall not pass. You shall not pass. Does this dragon have a big white beard? Maybe. It doesn't have horns, so it needs to have something on the chival.

chin to even even stuff out. So the fisherman spent several days in the cave satisfying his hunger with the green slime which he found edible and which tasted like rice mush.

Cool. So it's a good thing the green slime is edible. And at last he found a way out again. He told the district Mandarin what had happened to him and the latter reported the matter to the emperor and the emperor

sent for a wise man and questioned him concerning it. just some wise man. You know, there's got to be a wise man. He were very old and very wise. Yes. The flattery. Exactly.

The flattery, exactly. The wise man said there are four paths in this cave. One path leads to the southwest shore of the Sea of Dungting. The second path leads to a valley in the land of the four rivers. And the third path ends in a cave on the mountain. of Lofu and the fourth in an island of the Eastern Sea. And in this cave dwells

the seventh daughter of the dragon king of the Eastern Sea who guards his pearls and his treasure. I chose the story immediately upon reading that sentence. I'm like, God damn it, an important pearl. I love that so much. Many important pearls.

Hell yeah. It happened once in the ancient days that a fisher boy died into the water and brought up a pearl from beneath the chin of a black dragon. The dragon was asleep, which was the reason the fisher boy brought the pearl to the surface without being harmed. And the treasure, which the daughter of the dragon king has charge of, is made up of thousands and millions of such jewels.

Several thousands of small dragons watch over them in her service. Dragons have... That's a lot of dragons. It's a lot of dragons. This story is like, it's kind of interesting. it's like less plot and more just like a lot of lore dumping about. I love it. Dragons guarding treasure under the sea.

Fuck yeah. I love that. It's awesome. So there are several thousand dragons in the dragon princesses service helping her guard the treasure. And dragons have the peculiarity of fighting shy of wax. I don't know what that means, but that's what is in the book. Hold on. We'll look it up. Okay.

Fighting shy of wax. Let's see if that. No, I'm not fighting anything. The robots do not know. The robots have no idea. Thinking of getting my first Brazilian wax. Yeah. That's what came up.

That is not what we were asking. Thanks, grandma. Yes. No. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. Okay. But they are fond of beautiful jade stones and of hollow green wood and they like to eat swallows. If one were to send a messenger with a letter, it would be possible to obtain precious pearls.

They like to eat swallows and they like gems. Make a trade? Yeah. Would you like a little bird? We'll bring you little birds and other stuff. The emperor was greatly pleased and announced a large reward for the man who was competent to go to the dragon castle. as his messenger. And the first man to come forward was named So Pelo,

but the wise man said, a great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather of yours once slew more than a hundred of the dragons of the Eastern Sea and was finally himself slain by dragons. The dragons are the enemies of your family and you can't go. Hey, they were just protecting their own. Like he slayed the dragons first. Yeah, absolutely.

But that also means that he's not a good ambassador because they still hate him. Oh, yeah, that's true. Because his great, his ancestors slew a bunch of their ancestors. You know what? And so he can't go. Maybe it's time to put the rivalry to rest. Maybe it is. But the emperor wants his pearls and they decide not to send this guy on the chance that he pisses everybody off.

Okay, okay. But I do think it's ridiculous. It was your four times great-grandfather. Dragons hold a grudge. They sure do. sure. Yeah. They're like, yeah, better not.

I think you need at least six more generations in your family before the dragons will forget about this. So another man who comes from Canton, Losey Chun, with his two brothers. And he said that his ancestors had been related to the dragon king. Oh, that's a good thing, right? Hence, yeah, hence they were well known to the dragons and well liked by them. they begged to be entrusted with the message. The wise man said, And have you still in your possession the stone,

which compels the dragons to do your will? This was established nowhere else in the beginning of the story. I want that stone. I also want to be related to dragons. Yeah. They're related to dragons and they have a magic stone that makes the dragons feel like doing things for them. Yeah.

Sounds like a good thing. It does. And they say, yes, we do still have it, and we have brought it along with us. The wise man had... Steven! Sorry. Kelsey says hi. Sorry, I just saw I'm lurking in the background. No, no, absolutely.

He's about to take a shower, so he was closing the door. So does the walk by and naked? Mm-hmm. That was like our next. viral video. Absolutely. Like, oopsie. Oops.

Oops. Oops. Okay. I think you should be all that in. I'm going to. I keep interrupting so hard. I'm so sorry. It's totally fine.

Okay. So the wise man had them show him the stone. They do. And then he spoke, this stone is only obeyed by the dragons who make clouds and send down the rain. It will not do for the dragons who guard the pearls of the sea king. Worthless. Worthless.

Fucking water, rain, worthless. Worthless. Get out of here. We don't want anything from the fucking cloud dragons. It's not helping our crops or... Jesus. I want my fucking money. This emperor sounds awful.

Well, this is the wise man. The emperor. Oh, okay. You know, he's listening to the advice of a terrorist. of a terrible man. So I guess that also still makes him awful. Yeah. But your cloud dragon stone is bullshit.

Old wise man's just doing his job. He's like, no, Amber wants money. He doesn't give a fuck about rain or water. And the money. The money dragons aren't going to pay attention to you with this stone. So he questions them further. Have you the dragon brain vapor? What?

What? The dragon brain vapor? The dragon brain vapor, Kelsey. What is that? It's a well-known artifact. I want one. This is probably my fix for the story because I have so many questions about all of these items and how they were obtained and what storks wanted to all of it. And we don't find out. I don't think Googling dragon brain vapor is going to get to.

I'm putting this in as a possible title. Yeah, dragon brain vapor. Dragon brain vapor, well-known artifact. Well-known artifact. So the three brothers admitted that they do not have

the dragon brain vapor. They got fucking nothing. And they don't know what it is. And the wise man said, how then will you compel the dragons to yield their treasure? And the emperor said, oh no, what are we going

do. And the wise man replied, on the western ocean, sale foreign merchants who deal in dragon brain vapor. Oh, damn. That's lucky. You idiots should have bought some on the way over. They just deal in it. They're like, yeah, this is good stuff.

Yeah, exactly. They just, they know who makes it and they trade. What's on our grocery list? Milk, eggs, dragon brain. paper. She'd pick some up. Should have picked some up. So since none of you idiots thought to go shopping before coming before the emperor,

someone must go and seek it from them now. I also know a holy man who was an adept in the art of taming dragons and he was prepared 10 pounds of the dragonstone, whatever that is, and someone should be sent for that as well. I thought for sure it was just going to be like, give them a pretty girl. Right? But maybe that's just European dragons. Yeah, that's probably true. Chinese dragons are like, what are fucking with this?

I need some brain vapor. Yeah. Chinese dragons are like. What if it's just like dragon weed? They smoke it. They smoke it and makes their brains come. I love it. That's exactly what it is now in my head can.

I've decided what dragon brain vapor is. And it's just... It's dragon weed. It's dragon weed. They're like, oh, fuck yeah. We will exchange the good stuff. Yeah. For the pearls.

That's awesome. Okay. The emperor sent out as messengers and they met one of the holy man's disciples and obtained two fragments of dragon stone. And then several more months went by and at last, a pill of dragon, brain vapor had also been secured. A whole pale, nice. A pill, a pill, pill, sorry.

But instead, now I'm thinking of that it's like, it was like the flower has been obtained in like the little baggies. Oh, nice. The emperor felt much pleased and had his jewelers carve two little boxes of the finest jade. They were polished with the ashes of the wotung tree. And he had an essence prepared of the very best hollow green wood pasted with sea fish lime and hardened in the fire. Damn, I want that box.

It sounds cool. Now I feel like it's Coke. It's like a tiny pill that they got a crush up and snort. They got a crush up. Brain paper. They're being presented this thing in a very nice box. Bam. Yeah.

Anyway. I love it. This is amazing. Okay. So then the bodies and the clothing of the messengers were rubbed with tree wax and they were given 500 roasted swallows to take along with them. them. Nice. Oh, so maybe the wax thing is like they're afraid of tree wax or they don't like the smell or something. I don't know. Like they don't want to eat you because you smell like wax.

Because you smell like wax. Because you smell like wax or something. It's nice that they roasted the sparrows. Yeah, absolutely. That's a lot. That's a lot. A hundred chicken nuggets. A hundred chicken nuggets. Fucking weed and like chicken nugs. They brought up meat and chicken nugs. They brought meat and chicken nuggets in exchange for the pearls. That's so funny. That's amazing. Okay. That's perfect.

It really is. Okay. So they go to the cave. And when they reached the dragon castle, the little dragon who guarded the gate smelled the tree wax. So he crouched down and did them no harm. They gave him a hundred roasted swallows as a bribe to announce them to the daughter of the dragon king.

he got 100 chicken nuggies. Hopefully they brought that dip in sauce. They brought that dip in sauce. The dip in sauce. I love that. They were admitted to her presence and offered her the jade caskets, the vases, and the 400 roasted swallows as gifts. The dragon's daughter received them graciously,

and they unfolded the emperor's letter. In the castle, there was a dragon who was over a thousand years old. Fuck yeah. I know. He could turn himself into a human being and could interpret the language of human beings. Nice. And through him, the dragon's daughter. He also very handsome.

It doesn't say. I'm going to say yes. But I'm going to say yes. I think he's almost certainly a silver fox. Mm-hmm. I want this movie. Mm-hmm. Me too.

Specifically our version though where it's just like dragon trucks and munchy. And munchy. Where it's weed and snacks. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Okay. Through him, the dragon's daughter

learned that the emperor was sending her the gifts and she returned them with a gift of three great pearls, seven smaller pearls and a whole bushel of ordinary pearls. Wow. Nice.

I know. The messengers took leave, rode off with their pearls on a dragon's back, and in a moment, they had reached the banks of, oh, God,

I don't know how to say this river. name. Yangxi, Yangxi, Kangh, Yangsi. Okay. Or, you know, as close as, as my stupid English tongue can get. Yeah, okay. So they rode on Dragonback to the banks of the Yangtzee, and they made their way to Nanjing, the imperial capital, and handed over their treasure of gems. So the dragon princess

Was very happy with the offerings of weed and sacks And gave them much treasure in return Hell yeah She's a gay here they are The emperor was much pleased And showed them to the wise man And he said Of the three great pearls

One is a divine wishing pearl Of the third class And two are black dragon pearls of medium quality. Of the seven smaller pearls, two are serpent pearls and five are muscle pearls. The remaining pearls are in part

sea crane pearls, in part snail and oyster pearls. They do not approach the great pearls in value and yet few will be found to equal them on earth. I think he's got one of those eye things.

He's looking at them all up close. He's like, oh, yes, yes. I love that he is appraising. Medium quality. Medium quality, magic. pearls from the dragon king's palace. The emperor also showed them to all his servants. They, however, thought the wise man's words all talk and did not believe what he said.

You're like, whatever, dude. Okay, old man. Pearls are pearls or pearls or pearls or pearls. I mean, how much value can a pretty little rock really have? Mm-hmm. The wishing pearl sounds promising. It does. And the wise man says, the radiance of wishing pearls of the first class is visible for 40 miles,

that of the second class for 20 miles, and that of the third for 10 miles. And as far as their radiance carries, neither wind nor rain, thunder nor lightning, water, fire, nor weapons may reach. So that's how I know it's a third class pearl and not a first or a second class pearl. He's like, I went to Pearl Appraisal School. Yeah, that's how I became so wise. I love a magic pearl. Me too.

And this guy knows all about them. Come close me to his finger. Exactly. Oh, my goodness. Everybody go watch the 10th Kingdom for the billionth time. Just do it. Just do it. There's a magic pearl.

It's a very important pearl. It's a very important pearl. He's so cute. The pearl. of the black dragon are nine colored and glow by night. Within the circle of their light, the poison of serpents and worms is powerless.

The serpent pearls are seven colored, the muscle pearls, five colored, both shine by night. Those most free from spots, those most free from spots are the best. They grow within the muscle and decrease and decrease in size as the moon waxes

and weights. This wise man is just a gem appraiser. He found him with the local jewelry store down the street. He's not really that wise. He's not that wise. He just really knows his burles. He has a very specific area of knowledge.

Well, he also knows about how to like charm dragons. That's true. He knew about the brain vapor. The brain vapor. He's also into drugs. I feel like that makes sense. That totally tracks though. Yeah.

Yeah. In the dragon castle, the messengers had a joy dainty fair, which tasted like flowers, herbs, ointment, and sugar. They had brought a remnant of it with them to the capital, yet exposed to the air it had become as hard as stone. The emperor commanded that these fragments be preserved in the treasury, and then he bestowed high rank in titles on the three brothers and made each one of them a present of a thousand rolls of fine silk.

He also investigated why it was that the fisherman, when he chanced upon the cave, had not been destroyed by the dragons, and it turned out that his fishing clothes had been soaked in oil and tree wax, and the dragons had dreaded the odor. The end. Amazing.

I feel like a jewelry appraiser, especially one who's really into pearls, might really enjoy this story. Or might really hate it. I don't... Or am I really hate it? I don't know. Or be a tormented.

by the fact that they have not seen a radiant pearl of the first class ever in their lives. And how can they get down there to the Dragon King's Palace? And Fembe, if you've learned anything, it's that all you need to do is smell waxy, bring some weed and nuggies, yeah. And you can walk out there, out of there with untold riches. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. I am going to forget that story immediately after we start recording. Probably. Except for the dragon brain vapor. The dragon brain vapor. I'll remember that forever. Well, I mean, there really isn't much to that story to latch on to. It's just basically, it's a long lore dump.

Yeah. About dragons. So there's no story to it really, per se. Because it's also, it's just about trading. It's just a peaceful trading mission. Nothing really happens like... Nothing happens at all. So, I mean, they got their pearls.

They got their pearls. The emperor seemed pretty happy with it. He was stoked about it. And the guys that went and did and accomplished the trade got lands and titles and silk. I love the lore of the two people that were rejected. Yeah, I know. From being allowed to go. Oh, dang.

Oh, damn it. I feel like their stories were, like the story of the story. of his, you know, ancestors. Many times, slaying these dragons. Yeah, was a dragon killer. Yeah.

Me too. And that the dragon, the dragon king still has beef with your family. Mm-hmm. And he's a thousand years old. He's a thousand years old. He was there. He was there.

I feel like they should have sent him for a better story. I know. I think it would have been much more interesting. Oh, that's a good fix of this, of the guy successfully says like, yes, but I have the dragon vapor, which will buy me time. Yeah, and then they can squash their beef and become besties.

And then we have my befriending a dragon point, which would have been way cooler. Honestly, I think you still get that point because they did befriend the princess enough for her to send him. I guess. I feel like it was, they were like, here's, it was a pretty basic trade. I don't know. Were they friends? I feel like in just being allowed in the gate. All right.

I'll take it, but it's not as friend as I wanted. Yes. It was not a beautiful friendship. It was we've agreed not to kill each other and to trade stuff instead. Yeah. Yeah. That's definitely my fix. Yeah, that the first guy ends up going anyway.

Like they tell him no, but he sneaks in with the rest of them. And they squash their beef and then he decides to. live there with the dragons and their friends. And the dragons teaching magic. So there's all three of my... It's very different story. I love it a lot. Agreed. Cool. Yeah, I liked all the different dragons in it, though.

Yeah, I thought the dragon lore dumping was cool. I liked the wishing pearl. I just liked that there were a lot of important pearls. That's why I've settled on telling the story, even though it's kind of a nothing story. I just really like it. I don't know. Like nothing happens, but I think it,

but I still thought it was very cool. It is. It is very cool. Hell yeah. Dragons, dragons, dragons. All right. Oh,

and I'm on the outro today. Mm-hmm. I think that's going to do it for us for this second episode back from our little break. You're welcome. Dragons abound. Yeah. That was awesome.

Some cool lore. And, thank you so much for listening to Fairy Tale Fix. If you enjoy the show, please subscribe, leave us a review, give us five stars, leave a comment, all that good stuff. If you love the show and want to support us, you can get extra episodes and merch and other cool bonus content at our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash fairy talefix pod. You can also email us or DM us, your favorite fairy tales and folklore and other cool

stuff. We're at Instagram at fairy talefix pod. And we do have a Facebook. I forget to check that, those messages a lot, but you can message us there too. And we love you. Thank you for commenting on Facebook. I just forget to check it. Usually I'll go and there'll be a comment from like five weeks ago. And I'm like, oh, sorry. But thank you. We love you. And so we didn't talk about my fix, did we? For the boy and the dragon. We talked about it during the episode. So I feel like the fix was that obviously the two very handsome youth and Dragon Man. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a little fun. Mm-hmm. It's very, it's enemies to lovers back to enemies. Yes. Yeah, I love it. It kind of, I feel like the story should still happen in the same way that it does, but with a little more lovers, enemies to lovers to lovers to.

lovers to enemies again. Mm-hmm. And more about the old woman. I feel like we had another fix for the old woman in there, but I can't remember what it was. Oh, we get more background on her and how long she's been with the dragon there. How long she's been there? How'd she get there? Where did she go?

What did she do after this? Yes. What is her deal? How does she have magic powers? I want to know everything. And that's it. For my fix for that one. And for the dragon princess.

So Pee-Loh, who is the first guy that volunteers to go down to the Dragon's Castle, sneaks down there even though he's told that his family's ancient beef with the dragons precludes him from going on the mission. He goes down there anyway. He brings excellent dragon snuff and snackies. And he, like, legit does befriend the princess and they squash their family's ancient beef. also the princess is in it way more. I did not like that this story was named the dragon princess when she was

in it for two sentences. Yeah, should have predicted. He and the dragon princess are become excellent friends and he actually, you know what? He doesn't take anything back up to the greedy emperor. He just brings down all of the treats. Oh, yeah.

And they get high and eat and dwell in the cave, beneath the earth for the rest of his days and the beef is squashed. Fuck yeah. And they all lived happily ever after the end.