Fairy Tale Fix - 14: Justice for Horses

Episode Date: March 30, 2021

Kelsey retells The White Snake from the Brothers Grimm, reminding us that demanding justice for horses is going to be a recurring theme in this podcast, while Abbie tells two beautiful creationism stories, The Creation of the Amazon River and How The Night Came To Be from her newest book Brazilian Folktales.

Let's do it. Let's talk about fairy tales. on a totally different total tone change of movies that he hasn't seen that i really want him to watch he has not seen the brandy whitney houston cinderella and i know i don't know if you guys know this it's roger and hammerstein's cinderella is now on disney plus i don't want to constantly advertise for disney plus because i hate disney disney is the devil but also i really love this movie the only cinderella live action that has ever mattered. It has Whitney Houston as the fairy godmother. I mean, just full stop. Not even to mention that it has Whoopi Goldberg and Brandy.

Yep. Whitney Houston is the fairy godmother. Yep. Full stop. It's got Whitney Houston. It's got Victor Garber. It's got Whitney Houston. It's got Victor Garber. It's got Jason Alexander. It's got Bernadette Peters.

Oh my God. I forgot about Bernadette. How did I forget about Bernadette Peters? I don't know because she's amazing. She is amazing. She plays the witch in Into the Woods. Paolo Montalban playing the prince. He is so handsome.

If anybody says Ever After with Drew Barrymore. Dumb. Stop it. Nope. Garbage. Except for Angelica Houston. Angelica Houston is incredible in that movie. Go watch this version of Cinderella with Brandy.

It is so good. And the music is amazing. And we all wanted that dress. I still want that dress. Brandy is my favorite cinderella of all time i love everything about that movie we need to do a cinderella episode soon because there is so much cinderella stuff to talk about like a part one and part two i love drew barrymore though don't get me wrong i absolutely adore drew i did not love drew barrymore's bad English accent in that movie. Yeah, I did not love that movie.

Brandi's the one true Cinderella. She is. Forever. Thank you. I'm glad somebody gets it because these are the things that are important to me. It's about to get real nerdy up in here. About to do some witch voices. I don't necessarily need you to know these things about me. Half-hearted witch voices, honestly, because I- No, your witch voice is great. Thank you. That's the only one I can do voices for. I really want to do voices for the other ones, because that's how I hear it in my head, but I can't.

That's not what this podcast is about. You don't have to do extra voices. I will say, Dustin does a absolutely fantastic villainous old lady voice. Oh, okay. It's very good. I need to listen to more Fantastic Worlds pod. I think I gave you this particular episode and gave you the timestamp for Dustin's creepy old tree.

I didn't write it down. Voice? Yes, that's exactly the one. I'll give it to you again. It's a murderous, carnivorous old tree. And Dustin does a great job. Fair warning. I also do my Southern accent a lot in that particular timestamp. So you're just going to have to get over it. It's different.'m like abby what are you doing oh you know what i do have one requirement for you okay to to get you out of the being a bad friend hole okay thank you uh tell me what i can do um i do require that you listen to at the very least the

first episode of the sci-fi one that we're putting out because i'm gming that and i'm fucking great oh yeah abby's starting yet another podcast called far beyond the stars that's out in like a week i'm so excited that's actually you know what that would be a good one to listen to for me i think because it's starting in april so i can listen to it from the beginning and be a part of it because you know what a little bit of it i'm not gonna lie is also jealousy oh really also like why is abby hanging out with all these people she's having so much fun with all these people i don't know them i mean i i'm starting to get to know them and I totally get it they're the best now you get to have fun with all these people yeah everybody go listen to Fantastic Worlds Pod um but and

definitely listen to Beyond the Stars which is coming out in April Far Beyond the Stars and it's super super good Dustin and I are crazy freaking proud of it it It sounds amazing. It sounds like no other improvised audio drama out there right now. We're very proud of it. And if that's not if that doesn't sound like your thing, you know, it's not really mine either. But join me on this journey and listen to it as well, because I'm really excited to check it out and get to be a part of it from the beginning. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, and I'm excited to hear it. It sounds fun. It will be fun.

Actually, do you have a synopsis real fast since we're talking about it, like just what it's about in general? I mean, I know, but... Happy to talk about it. Happy to promo. So it's basically a space opera. It's set in sort of like this... What?

Space opera. I'm sorry. I didn't... Opera. Wait. No, but I mean, but space opera in the sense that like Dune is a space opera and Battlestar Galactica is a space opera. It's not actual opera. It's like space opera is a term for a sci-fi story that is really wide in scope. That usually takes place on several different planets. And the themes of the story and the drama of the story is very operatic. Yeah. We're like, the costumes are huge. The characters are huge.

I was imagining you guys bursting into songs. Yes. No, we do not do that. You should. For one episode, I think you should do a musical. All great shows have a musical. You know what? I have been saying this for years.

I have been saying it for years that we should have a musical episode. Yes. But Jess hates musicals. So we have to get him on board before we can actually have a musical episode. Jess, what the hell? I know. Why don't you like musicals? All great shows.

We're going to have a Fairytale Fix musical. Yes, we will have a Fairytale Fix musical. This is definitely something that needs to happen. Yes, please. Oh, my gosh. Space yeah definitely that the story is very epic and the characters are often larger than life and there's there's just a lot going on so this is a space opera set in a sci-fi fantasy galaxy and our main characters are four sort of down on their luck blue collar cargo freight haulers they're space truckers and they a deal goes south that they have been contracted to pursue

they get blamed for it by their company and get stiffed on their bonuses. And then they basically are currently scrambling to recoup the loss. But the tagline where we've given this show is rags to riches to ruin to revenge is the general theme of this story. And it's going to be amazing. That sounds amazing. When does it launch? April? April 1st. April? Oh my gosh. Yeah. It does it launch? April. April 1st. April? Oh my gosh.

Yeah. That's so soon. Okay. I'm GMing it, which for those of you who are unfamiliar with this kind of storytelling, that means that I am the narrator of the story. Dustin is playing a space cowboy. Jess is playing a anime cat girl android. Heidi is playing a anime cat girl android heidi is playing a living crystal and angel is playing a shape-shifting goo monster that is currently taking the form of a six-armed granny

as i mentioned i haven't really listened to this kind of podcast before, but I do know for a fact that these are all the coolest people I've ever met. Thank you. I have been so lucky to join the Fantastic Worlds crew, and we get to play games every now and then on Twitch and stuff together. And they're just the best. So definitely check it out. Thank you. April 1st. April 1st.

Far Beyond the Stars. It's April 1st, but it's not a fool. That just happened to be the day. Tell me a story. I have been waiting to tell you this one. For a long time. That's what happens if I read a fairy tale too early and I take my notes. I get really excited about it.

And then I have to wait to tell you. So actually in a couple of episodes, it probably got edited out, but I accidentally almost told you a spoiler from this story. I remember you caught yourself. Like, no, I haven't told you that one yet. That totally reminds me of that one princess. Oh, wait.

So you might have a couple of clues. This one is called The White Snake. It is from the original folk and fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm. And I would like you to give me three predictions. The White Snake. Man, I'm trying so hard to remember what episode it was that you almost spoiled it. And I can't. Good. I can't good i can't it's not about a dope rock band either that is too bad prediction number one the snake talks

at some point during the story okay prediction number two the main character is a princess. And prediction number three. There is a cursed piece of jewelry. Oh, I love that prediction. Thank you. I thought that was a fun one. My other two were really basic, so I wanted to put one fun one in there. I love them. Once upon a time, there was a very beloved king who had a super weird quirk.

I mean, don't we all? Yeah. Every day at lunchtime, a covered dish was placed on the king's table. Then, only after everyone left with the king eat alone from this dish, and nobody in the entire kingdom knew what food he was eating. Oh my God, he's eating a white snake, isn't he? The snake is already dead and it's not going to suck.

That is an excellent second prediction. God damn it. So, as you probably guessed, one of his loyal servants became so curious about what the cover dish contained that one evening, after the king had ordered him to take the dish away, he could no longer refrain himself.

I really sympathize right this kind of curiosity right what is in that dish okay what's in the dish though so he took the dish to his room and uncovered it and as you predicted as he lifted the cover he found it a white snake lying inside. And once he laid his eyes on it, he felt a great desire to taste it. Oh my god. Would you have a desire to taste it? Hmm.

Yes. Absolutely. Maybe it keeps him young forever. Maybe that's what makes the king so beloved. Possibly. I mean, that's not why I would want to taste it, though. It's more, wow, the king really loves this dish, and he apparently has some leftover. What's so great about it? I've never tasted white snake before. I've heard that snake meat is actually kind of flaky and delicious. You know, fun fact, when I worked at a wildlife center,

like a nature center, I had an old man come in and tell me that if you ate rattlesnake, like cooked rattlesnake, it would cure any disease that you had. And what was really exciting about it was he was also Mexican and he spoke zero English. So actually his granddaughter had to translate all of this to me. So he's like telling me all this information in Spanish. I don't speak

hardly any Spanish. And she's just translating for me. And she's like, yeah. So my grandpa says that like he's telling me this like really in-depth story and she's really embarrassed and bored because she's like, yeah. So my grandpa says that, like, he's telling me this, like, really in-depth story. And she's really embarrassed and bored because she's like a young teenager. He says crazy stuff all the time. Yeah. It was great. It was actually one of my favorite memories. And I didn't remember that until just now. I love that. Thank you. That's great. I love that, man. That's an excellent folk legend.

I love that man. That's an excellent folk legend. That was such a great job. We got really fun people in that place. Yeah. So anyway. Anyway, I would eat the snake. Does the servant eat it too?

Yes, he does. Would you? That's such a good question. I don't know. I don't have an answer, honestly. I would be really curious about what the king was eating, but if I opened it and saw it, if he was so secretive about it, I'm... Especially, you know what, if it's a fairy tale kingdom, I feel like something might be wrong with that snake.

Maybe he has like a curse and he has to eat it every day to stay alive or... I'm excited to find out. But luckily, the servant does try it he cuts off a piece and begins eating it and no sooner does his tongue touch the flesh of the snake and he immediately understands the language of all animals oh yes he can even hear the birds on the windowsill talking to each other and i can only assume the birds are probably gossiping about how weird the king is with a secret lunch snack. Mm-hmm.

So later on this very same day, the queen happens to lose one of her most beautiful rings. And for some reason, the suspicion falls on this loyal servant. The king said that if he was not able to find the thief by morning, that this servant would be punished as the guilty person. Yikes.

Yeah. Being able to talk to animals has not made this king a wiser, kinder person. Not as far as we know. I don't know. He says he's a beloved king

and then it constantly calls this servant loyal. But is he so loyal that he, you know, disobeys the king and eats his lunch? His leftovers? Canipers, canipers. Is he that loyal? I don't know.

There's a lot of gray area in this story. Okay. So the serpent was totally freaking out and he decided to freak out in the courtyard where some ducks happened to be resting on the water. he just so happened to hear one of the ducks say there's something heavy in my stomach i ate the ring that the queen had lost and that's pretty convenient but a duck ate it how i don't know the ducks just hanging out she loses her ring by the lake in the courtyard and ducks probably eat everything ducks are dumb that's true that's my assumption so the

servant quickly grabbed the duck carries it off to the king's cook and says kill this one it's fat enough which is fucking rude so the cook does it the cook cuts off the duck's neck and when he begins cleaning it the queen's ring is found lying in his stomach so the servant brings it to the king who is so astonished and so happy to have the ring back and sorry that he had threatened the servant unjustly i should hope so he's like demand whatever you would like and whatever position of royal honor this king is super moody he goes from death threats and then any position of royal honor that you'd like and what does that mean like you can appoint yourself a member of his advising council or yeah i proclaim myself a knight now because i found the queen's ring in a duck stomach

must have been a pretty good ring maybe it was her wedding. Must have been a pretty good ring. Maybe it was her wedding ring. Must have been a very good ring. Possible. Possible. Okay, I've never lost my engagement ring, but I have, I take it off at night when I'm going to sleep. I've like placed it somewhere in a drunken stupor after I come home and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna put this here.

Then I like think I lose it the next day and I totally freak out. So I get that. I've never lost it though. I just, you know. Sometimes misplace it. Sometimes I put it in a candle instead of the dish by my bed. Yeah.

Happens. Because drunk Kelsey's cracking up about. This is close enough. I have no idea where my wedding ring is right now. I just realized. I actually stopped wearing it last March because I just wasn't leaving the house ever anymore. And honestly, I put on the quarantine 15 and it didn't fit really well. It didn't fit so well anymore.

Same. So I just stopped wearing it. And actually at this moment, I just just realized I don't know where it is it's fine because it's it's one of the it's one of like my wedding ring is one of those really simple it's just a simple silver band so I'm not yeah I mean it would be it was expensive so I'd be sad if I never found it again but yeah mine is too mainly it's like the idea of disappointing your partner that you lost something so important.

I don't think Steven knows where his is either, to be honest. Like, I can only imagine the like absolute disappointment Adam would have if I lost my ring, the symbol of your bond and your union. And you just kind of like, it's gone.

But anyway, this is the ring that was in the duck yes there was a ring in the duck and the servant found it and now he gets to appoint himself royal vizier or something yeah yeah so basically the king offers him any royal position and the servant he's smart you know he's not interested in any of that so he declines every offer even though he's young and he's handsome and all he asks of the king is a horse and some money to travel to go see the world and he was provided with everything in the best way and the next morning he rode off during his, he came upon a pond where some fish were trapped in the reeds and they were wailing that they'd have to die if they couldn't get back to the water.

Being very passionate, the young man dismounted, took them out of the reeds and put them back into the water. And the fish cried out in happiness, we'll remember you and one day we'll repay you. I can't help but think I'd do the same. I'd feel terrible for those poor fish. Yeah, if you can understand all of the animals around you, it's bound to make you like a more compassionate person. Although he did take that duck to get murdered. He did. But he was

also going to get murdered himself. I mean, you know, it was a morally complicated choice for sure. It is a complicated choice. But just wait. So the young man rode on. And a while later, he heard an ant king crying out, Get away from us. Your enormous beast is trampling us with his large hooves. Yes. But excuse me, ant king?

Uh-huh. The ant king. And the young man looked down to see his horse had stepped on an anthill so he turned his horse away and the ant king called out we'll remember you and one day we'll repay you soon the servant entered a forest where two ravens were throwing their young ones out of the nest and they said that they were now big enough that they could feed themselves but the poor young birds just lay on the ground flailing about and screamed that they would die from starvation because their because their wings were too small dramatic and yet they couldn't fly to search for food that's pretty sad right or are they just not trying hard enough again back to my working in a wildlife nature center honestly the best advice leave leave the baby birds alone or you can also put them back in the nest birds can't smell like

squirrels can or anything so right so that like won't old wives tale like that that if a bird can smell a human's touch on their on their babies they won't interact with the baby anymore that is true for like squirrels yeah for mammals i guess but baby birds that's not true at all so you can scoop them up and put them back in the nest yeah if you put them back in the nest the birds will you know keep taking care of them but also parent birds will also keep feeding their babies on the ground. Oh, really? If they fall out? If they fall out and they're a little bit too young, they'll actually keep feeding them on

the ground. But it just leaves them more susceptible to, you know, like predators and cats and things like that. So it is better to put them up in the nest. But this guy, hearing these poor baby birds cray out, he dismounts and he kills his poor horse with his sword. What? And throws the horse to the young ravens. What? What? They eat their fill and said,

What? We'll remember this and one day we'll repay you. So my question is, what did the horse have to say about this? If you can listen to animals talking, why isn't he talking to his horse? And why would you kill your horse? Why are these ravens more important to you than your trusty companion that you've ridden with? All of this, I don't understand. Thank you.

I agree. You broke my brain. What? Also, do baby ravens need a whole horse? Are you sure? There was nothing else? Like you couldn't have tossed him some bread from your saddlebags? He kills his horse to save these baby crows. I'm sorry. Why? What? Didn't the horse have something to say about it? This reminds me of Porphyllata. I was just about to say, this is the second instance of someone just summarily executing a horse they could communicate with, and the horse apparently has nothing to say about it.

Was the horse super annoying, and he just kind of wanted to kill the horse anyway? I guess so. I guess the horse wouldn't like shut up. I mean, honestly, with horses, it was probably a running monologue on how hungry they are, how much they don't want to keep running and how much they wish they could just buck you off. And with probably some extra stuff thrown in there of what was that what was that what was that it's fine it was a bush rustling no no it's a wolf it's trying to kill me that was definitely a cougar still you think he would have some sort of like relationship he can talk to animals but yet he kills his horse to save these little ravens. Like his horse has been his trusty companion through all of his journeys. Maybe this horse was a total asshole.

Must have been. That's the only explanation. This horse must have been a giant jerk. Okay, well, go on with your story. I'm going to sit here and just think about justice for horses and my fix for this story. I bet you can think about my fix. Yeah. So the young man carried along on foot because he killed his horse to feed two raven babies because they needed a whole horse. Okay, go on. And he came upon a city where he heard a

proclamation that whoever wanted to marry the king's daughter would have to perform a task given by her, and if he didn't complete it successfully, he would forfeit his life. What in the hell with these fairy tale rules? What kind of six sadistic bastards? Yeah, I don't know if that's worth it. So many princes had already been there and had lost their lives trying to get the princess. And there was nobody left who dared to try the princess had the proclamation issued again because she is a sick

and twisted individual or no maybe the princess were jerks i don't know still this whole story is just like bananas okay is the trial you have to survive a night with her because she's a serial killer? It's anything she wants. Like whatever task she gives you, she probably looks at you and then decides. I love this part of the story a lot. I think she's evil. I agree that she is probably a serial killer evil person, but I do think that's interesting and I have not heard this one before. So the young man thought about it and he decided to declare himself as a suitor.

You really want to marry this sadistic bitch? I know. I mean, I guess. Whatever. She's got gold, baby. Like, let's move on. So for his task, he was led out to sea where a ring was thrown into it. He was to fetch it, and if he came out of the water without it, he'd be pushed back into the sea and he would have to die in the water. It's a good thing he can ask the fishes for help. Interesting. Interesting you say that because

as he was standing on the shore of the sea, who other than the three fish that he had taken from the reeds and thrown into the water came swimming toward him. Yay! One fish held a small shell in its mouth, and inside the shell, the ring. The fish set it down on the beach at the feet of the young man who was so full of joy. And when he brought the ring to the king, he demanded the princess.

Why do you want her? She, however, was not into the idea that he wasn't a prince. Maybe you shouldn't have killed all the rest of them. Agreed. So because he's not a prince, she gets to give him another task. Sure. All right. Classism.

I get it. So for this second task, she scattered 10 sacks full of millet seeds in the grass. And he was to pick up all of the millet seeds before sunrise the next day. And every single grain was to be gathered or else he'd lose his life because you know she's sick and twisted not just you know you can't marry me but like no you're also gonna die now i actively wish you ill all at once who other than the ant king came with all of his little ant subjects whom the man had protected from his poor murdered horse. Yeah.

And they picked up all of the millet seeds during the night and poured them back into the sacks. So by morning, they had finished the task. That's cool. So when the princess saw that the sacks had been filled,

she was astonished. And the young man was brought before her. Since he was handsome handsome she liked him but she is an evil sadistic princess so she decided to give him a third task sure of course she did he was to fetch an apple from the tree of life so as the young man stood there and thought about how he might get it one of the ravens who he had fed with his poor dead horse came and brought the apple in its beak this is how he became the prince's husband and when her father died he became king of the entire country the end oh my god

is it just me or do all of these end like crazy abruptly yes that's the end i need backstory on this princess and how these trials came to be and what their married life was like considering she tried to get him killed that's what i want to know. What is their married life like? He is not exactly a wonderful person, in my opinion. Yeah. He is also somewhat murderous. He was okay until he killed his horse. Yeah. He was fine until he killed his horse. But at that point, if you can talk to animals and they can talk to you, then the relationship between man and beast has changed. And you now have to deal with them as like individuals in their own right like if he was not a vegan instantly after being able to talk to

animals i don't understand anything but i like to imagine that the two of them since they're both twisted have sort of a twisted cat and mouth evil marriage, but they find that really sexy about the other person. I kind of like that too, actually. I could get into that. Maybe that's why he kept doing the trials. I can see he brings her the ring and he's standing there all cocky about it. She looks him up and down and she's like,

that's not good enough. I'm going to need to do the second one. And he's like, oh, okay. Now it's a weird sex play game and i'm into it yes like now it's a kink thing between the two of them way to make it sexy abby i have a very sexy brain and i can't help it well i feel like the obvious fix is like don't murder your horse. Yeah, still help the ravens, you know. Put them back in the nest. If you can talk to animals, talk to their parents,

maybe just mind your own business when it comes to nature. Yes. I mean, no, but he was specifically rewarded for not minding his own business, you know. So I think that like, yeah, talk to the raven parents, you know. Put the birds back in the nest, feed them with something from your saddlebags, like, literally anything besides killing your horse. They don't have to eat meat.

They can eat berries or grains, like. Yes. Exactly. Killing your horse should not have been your first option my guy my other fix is that i feel like as soon as he he becomes king he should let the families of the deceased princes give her impossible tasks killing her in a horrible horrible way because i think she's super statistic although no then now it's just part of their games. Yeah, now I like that better.

Actually, that changes my fix. I feel really bad for their subjects. So I hope you liked that story. I was really excited to tell it to you. I really enjoyed that story. I am a little mad that the snake never got a chance to talk before it got eaten. You got zero points. I got zero points on that one. I really felt like I had a couple of winners. Those were very fair predictions, though.

I wouldn't have called this the white snake. It's not about the snake at all. problem with these stories is they're often I just I need to start remembering that most of the time the thing that the title says is in the first two paragraphs of the story and is never mentioned again that does seem to be a theme doesn't it yes the iron stove was like the first page of like a six page story yeah that was a lot of fun. I appreciated that. The only other thing that I want that I wish we had more information on from this story, why does the king have to eat the white snake every night? Oh, that's a good point. When to get this special ability, the young man only had to eat it once. Maybe he just tasted it once and he just liked it. He's like, Maybe he just tasted it once and he just liked it.

He's like, mmm. And that king is also sadistic because he can talk to animals. Maybe if you eat it more than once, you get different powers. That would be a fun fairy tale. So depending on how long he's been eating white snake every night, is he God now? I mean, he's a beloved king, which is pretty rare, right? That's true. these are all excellent questions none of which i have answers for i have so many questions if only i could go back to 1500s germany and and like really interrogate some of the women that were telling these stories

they would be like please please stop why are you asking so many questions about a stupid story? Here, take this spindle. Make yourself useful. Get to work. You have so many questions. What are your stories? Yeah. You got a better one?

You ready for me to tell you a story? I am so ready. I'm so excited. Oh my gosh, you're going to make predictions. All right. Because I'm telling you two Oh my gosh, I gotta make predictions. All right. Because I'm telling you two stories. They're very, very short. So I am going to be reading you two stories from Brazilian Folk Tales.

That's right, your new book. Yeah, I got a new book. Oh my God, I'm so excited. So this is Brazilian Folk Tales by Livia de Almeida and Ana Portela. And it was edited for English in Rio is really lively. Thanks in large part to Livia de Alameda, who does a lot of work organizing festivals and storytelling series at museums and such. It's super cool. I can imagine how lively that might be based on the very limited knowledge I have about Brazil or Rio. It's specifically because Brazil is pretty large.

Yeah. Brazil is very large. Brazil is a very big country. So based on the very limited knowledge I have, though, I would assume it would be pretty lively and like fun. Yeah, lively, fun, colorful. Is it like an oral fairy tale? Yeah, most of these come from sort of oral traditions. So storytelling instructors in Rio suggested that tellers didn't actually need huge repertoires of stories that they already knew. And if each teller knew one great story, five or six could do a program. And they formed a bunch of professional storytelling groups. And they formed a bunch of professional storytelling groups.

And so the two women who wrote this book are part of the storytelling group Mil y Umas. I've never heard of a professional storytelling group. Yeah. I don't even necessarily want to be a part of it. I just want to experience that. I just want to see one. Because that sounds awesome. Yeah, it does sound awesome. There are storytelling festivals that take place in Rio. and I now desperately want to go to one.

Okay, plans for 2023. 2023, we go on a trip to Brazil together, because that honestly sounds crazy fun. A little bit more about this book before we get in, because I really, really love it. This book has a really broad range of stories stories featuring tales from the indigenous population of Brazil, as well as stories from Afro-Brazilian and Portuguese traditions. And often several cultural influences can be found in a single story. And this book also has an introduction to Brazil, its many ethnic groups and storytelling traditions, and where some of those blended traditions came from at the beginning of it and i just cannot recommend it enough i

think this is a great this is a great resource yeah check our show notes we will post a link yes we will definitely post a link to it um it was it was published in 2006. So a while ago. Well, I mean, I feel like that's our most recent publication of books. Yeah. But it is kind of hard. Like I had to get this copy used from Amazon. It's just difficult to get your hands on it. So maybe don't check our show notes.

No, I mean, still do. Like check it out. Like definitely get a copy for yourself if you can. Because it's a really good book. It's a really good resource. It's a really good resource. It includes pronunciations for English speakers for some of the names just right there in the text. And I'm still going to butcher them anyway. So what's the first tale you're telling me?

So the first story that I'm going to tell you is the creation of the Amazon River. And this story is taken from the section entitled Magical Tales of the Rainforest Peoples. Do I make predictions based on this first one or the next one? You may make one prediction for this one because it is extremely short. I guess it's a creationism story.

It's too obvious. A little bit. The creation of the Amazon River. I'm totally basing this off of what I know in something from Japanese culture. Okay, I like it. We're doing some fusion. Yeah, I'm going to do a fusion

based on what I know about creationism because that's one of my favorite, favorite topics of all time. I am going to guess that the creation of the amazon river has something to do with a god's weapon or tool of some sort okay no that's fine i'm basing it off of a japanese creationism story where a god dips his spear into the ocean and that creates the islands of japan yeah which maybe we should do like an entire section on like creation myths at some point oh yes that's so much fun that's cool so i'm just going to read you the full text of this story because it's very short it's four

paragraphs a long long time ago jossie the silver moon happened to meet the golden sun while wandering by the amazon forest the sun was a strong fiery warrior as he set his eyes on jossie the sun realized that he had never beheld anything so beautiful they fell in love immediately and decided to wed so romantic i know, the sun realized that their passion could never be consummated. It would mean the end of the world. The sun's intense love would scorch all plants and burn all life on earth. The tears of happiness shed by the moon would flood the universe. Reluctantly, they agreed to part and never meet each other

again for the good of all the world's creatures. That is beautiful, though. Jossie, the moon, and sun never did meet again. Whenever one comes by, the other immediately retreats. But Jossie was so unhappy that she couldn't help but cry night and day her tears fell on the forest and filled its valleys they rolled on down to the sea in this way the great river came to be that's perfect wasn't that great that's a wonderful creation story i definitely got zero points but i do feel like zero points for you on that one but it wasn't the worst prediction ever. No. I mean, I think because that happens a lot in creation myths that the world is forged somehow. Yeah. Using tools.

With some sort of tool. But no, this is just the moon. The moon's really sad that she can never see her husband. I know. Actually, it's very sad. It's a very sad story. Did you pick a happier one for your next one? No, Abby's rolling her eyes like, no.

You'll see. Okay, so this story is How the Night Came to Be, which is a story from the Tupi people. You can have two predictions for this one. I predict that there will be some sort of chase Okay Involving the night and the day So like sun and the moon or light and dark Okay And then I predict that there will be some sort of Fairy tale creature

Some sort of magical fairy tale creature Okay I mean I feel like fairy tale creature kind of goes along with that It's good to have extra specifications though Yeah like a like Oh because that one's close, isn't it? Abby's raising her eyebrows. I wish you guys could watch Abby in a video because she has so much expression.

I give everything away on my face. I know that's why I can't look at you when you're telling me predictions. I always look over here. Okay. Tell me the story. Okay, how the night came to be. In the beginning, there was no night at all. Only the light of the day all the time. Night was asleep deep under the waters.

There were no animals and all things talked. The daughter of the big snake got married to a young man. I don't understand how there are no animals, but there is a big snake, but I digress. The young man had three very faithful servants. And one day he called them and said, you must leave. My wife does not want to sleep with me. Sorry, what were you going to say? I just want to make a bad joke. I've got nothing specific, but that makes me laugh. No, me too.

Poor Chad. The three servants did what they were told and the man called his wife to sleep with him. And the daughter of the big snake did not agree no night has not come yet her husband reminded her that there was no night just day so how do they know what night even is i mean that that's a question but also how if there are no animals how is there a big snake? These are all excellent questions. Does that mean the daughter is also a snake? Your questions are excellent. I can't answer them.

Go on. So her husband reminded her that there's no night, just day. And she says, my father keeps the night. If you want to sleep with me, send your servants to the big river to find it. So the young man calls his servants back. He tells them that they should go to the big snake's house and bring back a special coconut for his wife. And when they arrive there, big snake gives them a basket with the coconut inside and says, Here it is. Do not open this coconut.

Otherwise, all things may be lost forever. Do you think the coconut gets opened somehow? I hope so. I'm crossing my fingers. Also, I love coconut. I do not. I think coconut is disgusting. So does my dad.

Two of my favorite people on this whole planet. So that's how you know you're wrong because... I love coconut i just don't i hate coconut water i don't like coconut in any of my food it's water it's food it's sweet it's fleshy that was a weird description it is i mean i stand by it that's fleshy that's what i like to hear about my food i do like coconut milk in curries i'm not a total monster but like what about just like shredded or have you ever just opened a coconut and like taken a spoon and i do not enjoy the meat of the coconut the fleshy part how dare you abby's

picky though guys she also doesn't like mushrooms or olives and i like pretty much everything else these are like the three things i don't like i don't like coconut mushrooms and i need you guys all to tweet at abby and tell her how wrong she is god damn it Abby and tell her how wrong she is. God damn it. Tweet at her at fairytale next time. And tell her how wrong she is. The servants started the return trip. However, they were constantly haunted by Kelsey being a bitch about coconuts.

Good. That's all I want in life. For people to be haunted by me and my opinions about coconut. That's the dream want in life. For people to be haunted by me and my opinions about coconut. It's the dream. It really is. However, they were constantly haunted by strange noises that seemed to be coming from inside the coconut. It was the noise of crickets and toads that sang in the night.

Yeah. Is the coconut like Pandora's box? What? After much walking, they couldn't resist anymore. They made a fire and opened the coconut like Pandora's box? What? After much walking, they couldn't resist anymore. They made a fire and opened the coconut. All of a sudden, darkness was all around. We are lost, they despaired. The daughter of the big snake must already know that we have opened the coconut.

They went on their way. At home, the girl told her husband, your servants have let the night go loose we must wait for the morning to come and at that moment everything that lived in the woods became animals and birds the things that rested on the rivers and waters became ducks and fishes the basket where the coconut was stored became a wild cat. Cool. I know. Hell yeah. And when the servants came back, the young man was furious.

You are not faithful to me. You opened the coconut and let the night go loose. The things that were free in the forest, now they are lost forever. From now on, you will become monkeys and you will be doomed to live in the forest, now they are lost forever. From now on, you will become monkeys, and you will be doomed to live upon the trees, swinging from one branch to the other. Oh, that was so good. So good. I really like Brazilian folktales, guys. Of course, coconuts hold the night.

The night. That is where the night was stored. That's why they're so hard to break into. And why they're so delicious. They hold the night inside them. And that's, so it's like, this is a folktale that does so much work as far as the creation of things. This is the origin story of darkness in the world. And also the origin story of how we got most of the animals. Except for the big snake. That is my fix for this story. the animals except for the big snake that is my fix for this story if if the big snake is not an animal what is big snake i guess that's not so much a fix as it is just a little clarification

i would like some clarification i do think though that considering we the big snake is not an animal because that's what it says in the story, I think we can consider big snake a magical creature. Oh, really? See, mine was the opposite. I was thinking I only got one point because there was definitely a chase. But you said between the sun and the moon. Or light and dark, night and day. And how's that? light and dark night and day who how and how's that night and dark chasing

the chase was that sexual desire oh yeah absolutely i mean there was some push and pull there but they were not the personification of night and day so i am i will still take the one point i am vetoing that one but you may have the big snake as a magical creature. Because I don't know what it is. So it must be some kind of like demigod deity or something. I don't know. Oh, definitely. Well, that has to be a creationism story.

Yeah. Right? Absolutely. Especially since he had the personification of knight in a coconut. That means that like it's a pretty powerful big snake. Yeah, that was so cool. That was amazing. I know. I love that story. Thank you. I thought that was really fun. I say thank you on behalf of all indigenous Brazilian people for coming up with that story.

You're welcome. You're welcome you're welcome no i'm totally kidding um yeah that was that was a really great beautiful story i love creationism stories yeah i didn't know what to expect and i was perfect just gorgeous i'm really glad you enjoyed that because i i really did i thought this was so good i also desperately want to know, does she sleep with him? Oh, I mean, I hope so. He made night happen. I mean, they were really unclear about the end of the story.

Because then she moved the goalposts. Then she said, well, now we have to wait until morning. Yeah, that was hilarious. It was really funny. I do want to know. oh yeah that was hilarious it's really funny i do want to know so if you heard like those things coming from a coconut you want to open that right no toads and crickets and i mean you know what like a cricket is or what toads are but like if you think about the sounds that they make they're so beautiful like the sounds night, especially like a summer night. Because it's springy here.

So I'm just like imagining all the frogs outside and the riverbed behind my house. The sound of crickets in the summer. I mean, it's such a beautiful sound. It is. I think it's a beautiful sound in part because we associate it with nighttime and nighttime noises. And there's just something beautiful about that i'm not a super fan of night but i like those noises maybe maybe i associate it more with like the warm weather that's coming the warm weather i also think it's somewhat comforting to have

a sort of constant white noise that sort of fills that darkness because i'm also not a huge fan of nighttime. Like I'm not scared of the dark, but I am like low-key a little scared of the dark as I'm sure like. I like warm summer nights for sure, but I'm sure that does come with the association of having no school or like just vacation time. Yeah. summer nights for sure but I'm sure that does come with the association of you know having no school or like just vacation time and yeah I like it when it's warm out you and I we both like warm weather I know that yes god I hate being cold so much why did I move to a place that gets cold

it's funny Abby mentioned um or Abby sent me a picture of snow like not too long ago. Yeah. And it was funny because I was like, I wore a tank top today. Like I literally, it was so sunny in Northern California. It wasn't super warm, but it was like 68 degrees outside. So I wore a tank top and got some sun. It was so cold this winter. This winter is the snowiest that we've had since I moved here. This is my third Baltimore winter and this is the most it has ever snowed and I am cold.

But the snow isn't even that bad. It's right before the snow and right after. While it's snowing, it's beautiful and lovely and it doesn't even feel that cold. But then as soon as the clouds go away and it's just the cold, unforgiving, pale blue winter sky with the wind. I just don't want it to be cold ever. It's not even that cold here compared to other places. I have a hard time understanding why anybody lives north of here canada what the fuck are you doing up there it's not i wonder sometimes because you know i'm danish and i'm like oh how do people live in live how do people live in denmark or norway or iceland or literally by putting on their PJs

getting drunk and pretending that everything's fine for like six months a year I'm gonna enjoy my 70 degree weather and sunshine and enjoy that story thinking about summer that's beautiful

it's outro time are you ready it's coming right now thank you dustin leave this in this is our theme and it's amazing okay um thank you so much for listening to fairy tale fix if you enjoyed the show please subscribe if you haven't already and leave us a review on apple podcasts or stitcher if you want

to support us you can get extra episodes merch books other bonus content at our patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash and you can find us on twitter and instagram at fairytalefix.cash. And you can find us on Twitter and Instagram at fairytalefixpod. You can also, and please do this anytime, all the time, endlessly, forever, email us your favorite fairy tales, folklore, nursery rhymes, your fixes for stories that we've told on the pod,

and other such things at info at fairytalefixpod.com. Yes, do it. We want to hear from you. It's our favorite. It is our favorite. It's fun. We love building a little, well,

not building, but you know, entering the little fairy tale community, which is surprisingly or not surprisingly, I guess, adorable and filled with really cool humans. We're really happy to be here. So happy to be here. It's, we've met some really cool humans. We're really happy to be here. So happy to be here.

We've met some really cool people this way, and it's so much fun. So join in the conversation. The young man placed the baby ravens back into their nest and fed them some berries and grains, then found their parents and simply explained that they were not old enough to leave the nest just yet. Not killing his loyal and good horse, who lived on for many years, and even got to eat the apple from the tree of life for being so wonderful and loyal. And, once the young man was married to the princess and became king, he decided to let the families of the deceased princes give her three impossible tasks,

killing her horribly as she had killed the deceased princes give her three impossible tasks, killing her horribly as she had killed the many princes before him. And then he found a much nicer and less murderous partner to rule with him, along with his noble steed. That was really good. I like your fix so much. That's the longest fix I've ever had for a story.

My fix is a lot shorter. And we found out how is big snake if there are no animals was he a white snake no he was big snake i know but was he white no like from my story no i know i know i honestly I was actually thinking of the classic rock band when you said. Anyway, we found out. Is he a deity of some sort? We got clarification about the big snake and they all lived happily ever after. The end.