Fairy Tale Fix - 17: The Boss Ass Dragon

Episode Date: May 11, 2021

Abbie reads the best fairy tale of ALL TIME, hands down, The Wonderful Shirt from A Choice of Magic. This is really the tale that started the idea for this podcast and we are so excited for you to hear it! Kelsey tells a very short springtime tale about a Goblin Combe from Botanical Folk Tales.

Pepsi? Pepsi? Not sponsored by a fairy tale. How crazy would that be, man? Someday. I mean, if we dream big. Pepsi, I will take your money. I will become a Pepsi person in exchange for money. you know i really like diet pepsi because it reminds me because my dad used to drink diet

pepsi so every time i take a sip of diet pepsi it just takes you back yeah takes you back to childhood which is not like i like i don't think the soda actually tastes like great but like the memory is good so i don't know if everybody knows this but we have a discord channel um so if you're on discord you can actually be part of the conversation and talk to some people about fairy tale fix and i really loved coogs the other day was like or last night i think it was he's like i love it when Kelsey makes Abby laugh unwillingly and then it just followed by like a few minutes of laughing and that made me laugh because I was like that's pretty much the whole podcast I feel like is just us giggling yeah and then we just kind of

intersperse it with like sentences about witches and stuff but and Dustinin's like and i cut a lot of the giggling he does cut a lot of the giggling out believe it or not that made me laugh so much i was just like enjoying that conversation oh god i'm glad other people are enjoying it we're glad that you're getting a lot out of it coogs yeah thank you for the giggling like yeah and for talking to us yeah if you want to join us on the discord it's it's the discord for the for our entire production company is the fantastic worlds productions discord and there is a channel in there for fairy tale fix we're not quite big enough to like splinter off and do our own yeah i'll post it on like our twitter and facebook page later just so if you want to

be a part of that conversation and we talk about some fun stuff it's a great group i love everybody in there like yeah come join us over there it's so much fun so i've been enjoying that i'm not on it as much as i should i will try but yeah it's just fun like if you just got a little thing to say I guess yeah there's a lot of cool nerds in there if you have like your own it's a great place to like give us your listener tales if you've got them or just or just a chat like yeah we got

an amazing we have it we got an amazing email the other day we did we did get an incredible email I think it's my favorite one that we've gotten so far me too and it was the entire uh the entire message was in the subject line which is my favorite thing and it's uh it's from loretta and loretta we love you thank you so much for she said i am your most like fave fan i love you guys please make more my Hello, Loretta. She said, I am your most like fave fan. I love you guys.

Please make more. My name is Loretta. Please give me a shout out. Loretta, this is your shout out. We love you too. We love you. Thank you so much for emailing us. You're the best. Thanks for loving our show. Thank you for emailing us. Yes. Thank you for talking to us. No lie. Any talking to us, lie uh any talking to us any amount of talking to us we we love it so much yeah that just made my whole day i was so happy when i read that so thank you for the message and yeah if you ever ever have anything i mean we just love hearing from anybody yeah come hang out with us on the discord. Keep talking to us, Loretta. In particular, I'm talking to you.

We'll link it in the show notes. Absolutely. Kelsey will link it in the show notes. I don't know if you had like something you wanted to talk about at the top of the episode. I kind of just want to get into it because I'm so excited. So Abby and I kind of planned what fairy tale we're doing next. And it's one that we both really love. And I think it's one that we have definitely referenced a lot in the show.

And we've referenced it to each other, I guess, a lot just because it's one of our favorites. Yes. But it's also, I feel like, one of the fairy tales that kind of started the podcast idea like so you know way back when i was like oh we should we should start a podcast we could totally do that it'd be great back when we were i think trying to figure out topics and subjects i guess i was really late to podcasting i I didn't discover podcasts until way later. And I was like, we should start a podcast. Everyone should start one.

This is so great. I was so excited about it. Yeah, this is definitely one of the fairy tales that hands down inspired us to want to want to do a podcast about fairy tales in particular. Because, you know they're they're we we could cover a lot of topics we have a wealth of of passions and interests and opinions but fairy tales in particular our our love for them is heavily based off of this fairy tale which is the wonderful shirt which we definitely have referenced it before especially in episode one when we were talking about how we were going to be hunting for perfect fairy

tales, if such things exist. And I said, well, I mean, we already have one, the wonderful shirt. Yep.

Because it is a perfect fairy tale. It's a perfect fairy tale. I read it again today as prep for the show. And yeah, once again, no edits. It's perfect. It's got everything I love about fairy tales in between its pages. It's the best. It's the best one.

It's so good. It's in A Choice of Magic by Ruth Manning Sanders. It's also in that book of Russian fairy tales that I bought. Is it really? Yeah, it is. It's in Russian fairy tales by Alexander Afanasov.

So this is one of those stories that you read and you're like, I want more information on this. So you like, you know, internet search it and you get nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing at all. I, I looked at, I tried, cause I tried again today with a bunch of different other keywords, but all I get is a bunch of advertisements for wonderful Russian shirts. I see it's still, I'm like, I'm not mad and I might've bought some, but there's a lot of great, there's a lot of great shirts out there, but none of them is this story or information about how old this story might be or anything else aside from the fact that it's from the Russia-Ukraine area. Oh, sorry. It's called The Magic Shirt in Alexander Afanasyev's book. It's pretty much the same it's a lot shorter it's so

much shorter it is only um no it took out so much of the detail that ruth banning sanders added to her version so obviously ruth banning sanders version is the version it's the better one no offense to no offense to alexander the actual russian. We're not telling him he did his own story wrong, except I kind of am because Ruth Manning Sanders made it so much better. It's so good. Is A Choice of Magic going to be for reprint? Are they reprinting that book? I don't know.

That sounds like a really good question for Mab Media. I don't. We That sounds like a really good question for Mab Media. I don't. We should write them. Okay. We'll have to find out because people need to buy that book because it is so good. It's just one of those tales. There are so many in A Choice of Magic. We mentioned this before that just they're not on the internet. You can't just find these fairy tales and they're so good they're they're better than you know the fairy tales that you're used to i feel like i feel like anyway and definitely more embellished because you find you you can find versions of these in a lot of other places but but these are are written to be read out loud yeah um that's's the best part about them. I love, I was telling Adam this morning, like, I love Ruth Manning Sanders because she'll like write it in a way where it's

like, she asks a question like, and what did you think he do? Did he want to give that thing back? No, he did not. Well, because you're almost supposed to pause and let any children that or whoever that you're reading to go no yeah like that's right he didn't i also love that oh ho oh oh like it's it's brilliant it's so it's so wonderful and hey i love this story oh my gosh okay presto and our other favorite line in all stories across all time which we will get to yeah i know exactly what you're like talking about and i'm so excited god i'm so excited i just wanted to say that this is probably going to sound a little different to everyone because this is a story that Kelsey and I know well.

It's going to be a bit different in terms of how we talk about it and how familiar each of us are. Because as we said, this is the story that inspired the podcast. We both love the story a lot and are very familiar with it. So just, you know. Definitely no no fixes we're not doing predictions we're not doing fixes we're just telling you the greatest story of all time you're welcome you're welcome this is our contribution to the planet earth that was already contributed to the planet Earth by the people of Russia. But we're contributing again.

We're recontributing it because you can't find it anywhere online. And you just need to know the story. So we'll be back to our usual shenanigans um with kelsey's story at the end of this episode and in future episodes but just sit sit tight enjoy while kelsey and i just vibe hard with this story we love so much i'll also say i love stories where the main character is ivan i love that name me too and i love that that Ivans always have a lot to learn in these stories. They do. And they're almost always kind of like simple guys. Like they're not really thinking about it too hard. He's a simple lad. Yeah. The best kind. The best kind

of simple lad. And I love it. Wouldn't change a thing. So I think we're just going to get into it. It's a long one. I feel like I had more to say about this story as a preface, but I'm sure we'll think of more things to say as we get into it. So this is The Wonderful Shirt by Ruth Manning Sanders and Alexander Afanasov. And in general, just sort of like the people of russia and ukraine god it's so good it begins there was a lad called ivan who went to be a soldier and on his birthday his granddad sent him a hundred rubles and ivan was stoked he got that gold baby he got that gold baby he danced and shouted and told all of his fellow soldiers tonight oh won't we have a feast and then they all begin to dance and shout and yell a feast a feast oh won't we have a feast well who should come along but their field marshal and if there's

a mean stingy man on earth it's that field marshal it's that field marshal it's that field marshal in particular attention what's all this noise about yells the field marshal and so ivan tells him about the hundred rubles and the field marshal hums and haws and grins at him and goes oh my gosh I mean now that you mention it I am just now in need of a hundred rubles myself so if you'll put off your feast for like a week and lend me the money I will give it back to you with interest. Uh-huh. Okay. Ivan, you know, he's a simple guy.

Trusting. Good old Ivan. Good old Ivan. He doesn't want to put off his feast, but he figures, you know, it's not wise to go against your field marshal. So he hands over his hundred rubles. A week goes by. The field marshal hasn't paid back that money another week goes by and ivan dawdles in the field marshal's

way he clears his throat as the field marshal passes him by his eyes are anywhere but on our friend ivan i know scoundrel scoundrel mean, but also like that's just like when you borrow anything from anyone and you've forgotten to give it back to them. Do anything but look them in the eye. I promise at some point. Relatable. Yeah. Yep. I was just going through my bookshelf and I've got a couple of books that I like borrowed from a professor in college that I gave back. I'm sure Dizzy's fine with it. I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure he doesn't miss them. Anyway, but that's not what's going on here. A third week goes by. Can the field marshal have forgotten about those hundred rubles? Well, then Ivan must remind him. He walks up to the field marshal, stands straight in front of him and salutes. If you please, sir. The field marshal scowls at him. Well, what is it?

What is it? If you please, sir, may I have my hundred rubles? Your hundred rubles? What hundred rubles? The hundred rubles I lent you. I have no memory of the hundred rubles. What are you saying, scoundrel? I know nothing of your hundred rubles. Be off with you. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. You sheisty bastard. But Ivan won't be off with him. He wants his money. Oh, does he want it. He begs and he prays the field marshal to let him have it. So then the field marshal turns let him have it so then the field marshal turns purple in the face and begins to shout and scream he accuses ivan of going about

to abuse him with a made-up tale bastard bastard just trying to cover up his own bullshit i've done this to my sister i have no idea what shoes you're talking about it's fine she's also done it to me so we're amazing we're even but he's not ivan's brother so he can't get away with it it's it's uncool i also really like that so far you're relating more to the field marshal that's true i'm just saying that I forget to give people their stuff back a lot. And that in certain cases, I also weaponize other people's forgetfulness against them. And by in certain cases, I mean my sister. So it's fine. It's fine, right, Maddie? It's totally fine. I'm sure she would say. I'm sure she'd say that. But I don't empathize with the field marshal. He's a

bad man. And we're about to find out exactly how bad he is. A hundred rubles, yells the field marshal. It's a hundred lashes you shall get my man one lash for each ruble so there's poor ivan with his back over a form being given a hundred lashes whilst the field marshal looks on and grins and oh but ivan's back was sore and oh but ivan was angry as soon as they let him go he walked out of the camp walked walked walked till he came to a dark forest. And there he sat down under a tree and sulked. Oh, poor Ivan. I know.

The book says sulk as if he doesn't have anything to be upset about. He's got every right to sulk about this. And he vows that he will never go back to the army never never well he hadn't been sitting there long when a dragon came flying through the forest and lighted on the ground beside him the dream the dream the absolute dream. The best. It's what we all want. Where are they? Can I be Ivan in this scenario, please? No, because I want to be Ivan in this scenario.

I guess we'll have to share. We'll both be Ivan. Can we both be Ivan, please? Thanks. Thanks. Can we just get fed up with our jobs? Like walk off and then... Yes, let's just go find a deep dark forest and just sit there until a dragon finds us.

I'm 100% on board. I'm not even kidding. I could do it tomorrow. It's gonna happen. Who are you, says the dragon. What are you doing here and where are you going? So Ivan told him all about the hundred rubles and the field marshal and the hundred lashes and the dragon was most sympathetic.

Tell you what, and the dragon was most sympathetic tell you what says the dragon you hire yourself out to me for three years i don't mind if i do said ivan so he climbs onto the dragon's back and the dragon takes him back to his palace and takes him to his hearth where there's a great fire and a big black cauldron hanging on a crook over the fire. And the dragon says, that's my porridge pot. I'm going away for three years. What you have to do is keep the fire going and the porridge simmering so that when I come back, it may be well cooked. You'll find food and drink in the larder. Help yourself to anything you fancy. I mean, that sounds like a sweet job. It sounds like the easiest job ever. Also, do you think after three years of simmering that porridge, like, wouldn't it just be done?

It would be gone. I think that it would be boiled down to nothing at three years. But I mean, nothing at three years. But I mean, you know, I mean, is it is it porridge? Or is it? It's magic dragon porridge. Is it magic dragon porridge? Is it, you know, rendered man? Who knows? Who knows what dragons consider porridge? That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. It's not your ordinary porridge. It's I don't It's not your ordinary porridge. I don't think it's your ordinary porridge. But anyway, it's a really easy job. Ivan just finds great stacks of wood out in the palace yard that he just has to drag in whenever he needs a fresh supply.

And from time to time, he rakes the ashes out from under the fire. He has to drag in. Yeah. He rakes the ashes out from under the fire. He has to drag in. Yeah. Dustin, cut that out. No, leave it in.

It's the content. It's the content the people are here for. So he keeps the porridge hot and simmering. And at the end of the three years, the dragon comes flying back into the kitchen and says, well, soldier, is the porridge ready cooked? It should be ready cooked, says Ivan. The fire hasn't gone out under it for three whole years. Good, says the dragon. And he lifts down the cauldron from its crook over the fire, tips it over his snout and swallows down the porridge, all boiling as it was. And the dragon is pleased with it.

Seems to taste pretty good. He wipes his mouth with a clawed foot and tells Ivan, now I'm going to sleep for three days and three nights. Meantime, amuse yourself, friend. And when I wake, we'll have a little talk.

Then the dragon laid down on the kitchen floor, laid his great head down on his front feet and wrapped his tail over his snout. And in less than no time was asleep and snoring. Oh, well, thanks, Ivan. Give me dragons before field marshals every time. Every time. Every time. Field marshals suck i love that line so much because like it like it happens so often that it's every time every time every all one field marshal that he's met. And all one dragon. He also thinks this dragon is pretty dope.

After three days and three nights, the dragon wakes up. He's alert and fussing around the kitchen, pouring fresh water into the cauldron and dropping in the oatmeal. So must have some porridge. Yeah, no, I mean, you know, quote know quote unquote the oatmeal whatever that is the oatmeal i must be off now for another three years says he are you content to stay in my service soldier ivan says yes the dragon says you won't regret it but mind you keep the fire going and the pot boiling ivan says you can trust me so the dragon flies off and the pot boiling. Ivan says, you can trust me. So the dragon flies off and the next three years were like the past three years with Ivan bringing in fuel, raking out the ashes and keeping the porridge simmering.

And at the end of the three years, the dragon comes back, praises Ivan, swallows down the porridge and sleeps for another three days and three nights. So it's been six years at this point. I just want to know what that dragon is doing like so maybe the only fix for the story is our use is our kind of some of our usual fix with like can we get a companion novel what if this dragon has like other people boiling other porridge in different areas all over? He's got bros in different area codes? That was the lamest thing I've ever heard. Thank you. Thank you.

He's got bros in different area codes. Nice. Thanks. That was almost as good as your dragon pun oh gosh oh boy but yes I would also like to know what he's doing for three years yeah Ivan I

guess is just kind of like chilling reading you know eating whatever he wants I imagine it's on like a mountain and there's like a little mountain town that he goes into every now and then and you know he hangs out at a pub and all of the you know everybody knows him there yeah i haven't seen her hey i haven't hey what do you do like oh you know live in the woods i'm just up in the mountain.

Don't worry about it. So when the dragon wakes up from the second sleep, he engages Ivan to serve him for another three years. And he says nothing about wages, but Ivan doesn't trouble his head about it. He's happy. You know, this is a pretty good life for ivan yeah so the dragon flies off for the third time ivan keeps the fire going and as the days pass and the weeks pass and the months pass and the years and just as the third year is drawing to an end one evening as ivan sits watching the flames flickering on the hearth, he says to himself,

well, now hang it all. I live nine years with the dragon. All that time I keep his porridge cooking and never have I so much have had a lick of the porridge myself. It's high time I tasted it. Agreed. He's earned some benefits at this point. I mean, he has a lot of benefits with this job because so far there's no pay. This job is all benefit. There's no wage. That's all benefit. He gets free rent, free food. Uh-huh.

And I mean, I guess that's it. I don't know what else he does in his life. He doesn't get anything else. Maybe he goes to that mountainside pub, but. I mean, left the heck alone is i think the the major benefit here so ivan stands up and he lifts the lid off the cauldron and i can tell you he got the surprise of his life for who should be sitting in the pot but the field marshal Field Marshal. The Field Marshal! That bastard.

That bastard. The dragon. So I think by our initial theory that, like, porridge, dragon porridge is really just like rendered man fat. Uh-huh. It's accurate. Does it still look like the Field Marshal? Yeah, apparently. I have so many questions has it i i like i mean i do too how did the field marshal get in there without ivan noticing it has the dragon just been consuming all of ivan's enemies for the past like nine years

and i love to think that yeah right but like the first two cauldrons were like the guy like maybe the kid who bullied him in school and this dragon it's really just a metaphor for ivan's anger and rage and revenge and does ivan feel bad about having selected the having chosen someone for death no hell no oh ho says ivan oh ho very good my friend i'll work extra hard for you my little friend i'll thank you for your hundred lashes and he claps the lid on the cauldron piles wood on the fire to the flames leap and the fire roars and the lid of the cauldron bounces up and down with the steam rushing out of it. Bye, bitch!

Bye! And whatever was in that pot was soon melted to a jelly. Ooh. Ooh. I don't think Ivan took a taste. I don't think so. I'm glad he looked before he just went for it.

Before he just like stuck a spoon in there. Uh-huh. So the end of the three years, the dragon comes back. Soldier, is the porridge cooked? It should be, said Ivan. Best taste in sea. The dragon unhooks the cauldron, tips it over his snout, and gulps down the porridge. Soldier, says he, wiping his snout with a clawed foot.

The porridge was good before, but this porridge beats all. There was never better porridge cooked in all the world. Again, heavy quotation marks around porridge. So what's the opposite of it was made with love? It was made with rage. It was made with love. It was made with rage. It was made with rage. It was made... And it tastes...

At least to a dragon, it tastes better this way. Yeah. This is like... This is how you want it made. It has to be burned not only in fire, but also in like

the fiery flames of vengeance that exist at the heart of this man. It gives it an extra little saltiness. Little zip to it. A little zip. It gives it that pow. Yep.

Exactly. And if you think about it, that's what gives life its spice. You know? Yeah. Not love. Justice. Justice. I like that. That's i was gonna say revenge i mean revenge revenge is tasty but it it it's especially good when it comes paired with justice this is also a russian fairy tale just to remind everyone. Can you tell?

Oh boy. Okay. But it just gets better. It just keeps getting better, friends. So Ivan says, glad you liked it. And the dragon says, like it. Like isn't the word. But you shan't be my servant any longer, Ivan.

Waiting on an old dragon's not good enough for a lad such as you. You must go out into the world and find your fortune. So before I sleep, come with me and I'll give you your wages. I just love this dragons. Why would a dragon hire me? I know. It's what I want. I just want to live alone on a mountain watching porridge for nine years. That sounds perfect.

That sounds like all I've ever wanted. In fact, I probably wouldn't leave the dragon at this point. That sounds perfect. That sounds like all I've ever wanted. In fact, I probably wouldn't leave the dragon at this point, but go on. No, I mean, why would you? But anyway, because the dragon is a good mentor in addition to a job creator. He wants you to reach your full potential. And so he won't just let you coast with him forever. Once you've really maximized everything he has to give you. This is really the kind of boss that you should be looking for. Exactly. Not even like no lie, this is exactly the kind of boss that you should be looking for. This is probably why we love this story so much. I think so.

So the dragon takes Ivan to a barn behind the palace and in the barn, a plain white shirt is hanging on a peg and a white horse is munching oats. The dragon takes a shirt from the peg and says, here are half your wages. It's a plain white shirt, such as one might buy anywhere for a ruble. It doesn't seem like much reward for nine years work but ivan takes a shirt and says thank you but he must not look too pleased must be showing on his face because the dragon says aha think i'm an old skin flint do you think i'm trying to get the better of you i'll tell you something young fellow there's no king in the world but would give his crown for such a shirt it's a heroic shirt put it on you'll see ivan takes off his coat and he puts on the shirt and heavens what strength flows through him he felt as if he could lift the

universe and spin it round on one finger he felt he could toss barn horse dragon and all up into the air and catch them again on the palm of his hand and he was about to try when the dragon said none of that soldier whoa whoa whoa whoa take it easy save some save something for your enemies but i mean the ones i haven't eaten already yeah for your upcoming enemies your upcoming enemies but now take this horse the second half of your wages he's a heroic horse he will understand all that you say to him and answer wisely he will serve you in peace he will serve you in war and never weary so up on his back soldier and be off with you I shall keep an ear cocked

for news of you as I fly around the world. I'm just now realizing this too. This is one of the first stories that I really don't feel like we need to seek too much justice for horses because this horse is respected. Exactly. That's another reason why this story is the best. No need to seek justice for horses. That's a great point. Spoiler alert, but I feel like that shouldn't be a spoiler, but in fairy tales, apparently it is. Yeah. Spoiler alert.

This horse is awesome and everybody knows it. And gets the respect he is due yes good horse i love this horse and the shirt i guess and the shirt the shirt's cool i read this story to steven earlier when i was reading it um as prep for the show i described the shirt to him and he was like so he's on he's on drugs now like no every it was just all inside him the whole time. It was all inside him the whole time. The strength was... No, this is really a dope ass shirt and everybody would want this shirt.

I want this shirt. I want the horse more. But... Yeah. I would take the shirt. The horse? So Ivan thanks the dragon and rides away on the heroic horse. And if you know where we're going, my horse, I'm sure I don't, says Ivan.

And the horse says, where should we be going but to the king's city? And what shall we do when we get there, my horse? We shall enter the king's service and fight his enemies, to be sure. Her-duh. Her-duh. God, I have to do everything for you. I want a horse just to tell me where I need to go and what I need to do. All the time.

That'd be great. Ivan's so lucky. So he yells and beat them all, feeling the heroic strength flow through him. And what then? Marry the princess? That's as maybe, said the horse oh this horse so wise it should be called the wonderful horse right like the shirt's okay but i feel you know what the only fix the only fix for the story is it should be called the wonderful horse or the boss-ass dragon or something the boss-ass dragon yes oh the boss-ass dragon you

know what that's what we're gonna call that's the name of this episode that's the title of this episode it's the boss-ass dragon boss-ass dragon anyway like the shirts the shirts the least wonderful part about it but it's fine it's fine the Ivan enters the king's service and the king being then at war Ivan goes into battle for him did Ivan scatter the enemy I tell you he did yes such was his heroic strength that none could withstand him when he came back to the king city he was leading a whole troop of defeated generals and chains behind him so after that i mean the the the ronnie from the ronnie's revenge should be proud of him absolutely 100 she would be like okay okay okay so after that the king couldn't make enough of Ivan. You shall be my heir and marry my only daughter, cried the king to Ivan.

Didn't I tell you I should marry the princess, said Ivan to his heroic horse. That's as may be, the horse says again. Well, the wedding day was fixed and all set and trained for a grand ceremony. And it seemed to Ivan that he walked on air. He was so happy. The princess was beautiful. fixed and all set and trained for a grand ceremony and it seemed to ivan that he walked on air he was so happy the princess was beautiful and it seemed to ivan that he loved her with all his heart he prattled away to her for hours told her all his life story told her about the hundred rubles and the field marshal and the dragon and the porridge and his heroic shirt and his heroic horse

and the princess smiled and tried to look loving she's like yeah no go on i'm i'm listening i'm listening it's really cool sweet how could she not love this story i don't know it's the best story ever. That's how we know she's a bitch. That's how we know she's like the bad guy. She's a bitch. Oh my God. Absolutely dying. Cause you're so right.

Right. How could you not be enthralled by this story? She's distracted by petty shit. She doesn't love Ivan. She hates him, in fact, because he's a common soldier and she's a princess. And so she is determined not to marry him because she's a classist bitch. Boo. So there was a young man, a young count, whom the princess had long loved in secret.

And when she next found the count alone, she took his hand and wept. What can we do to get rid of that horrible Ivan? Oh, not Ivan! Um, Ivan's the best. He's not horrible. A dragon loves him. So, you know, he's good. They're the epitome of good taste.

What can we do to get rid of that horrible Ivan? She says to the count. And he whispers an answer. Steal the heroic shirt. Tonight, when Ivan sleeps, creep into his room, take the shirt and put a like one in its place and give the shirt to me so the princess does just that the count got the heroic shirt and put it on and Ivan poor fool put on the one the princess had left in its place never guessing the difference because he is trusting and wonderful no true he felt a bit dull and unheroic, you know,

and he wondered why that should be. I, I must've slept too long. He said to himself, I'll take a walk out into the field to freshen up. And he walks out into the field and who does he meet there? But the count, I have long wished to try a wrestling match with you. Says the count bowing to him.

It would scarcely be fair. says Ivan, but as you please. And he thinks to himself, I will put forth but a fraction of my strength. I will let the silly fellow off lightly. Because he's a good dude. Yeah. So they begin to wrestle. Ah, what's this? The Count has Ivan in a grasp of iron.

Ivan feels like a poor, weak little rabbit crushed in the coils of a boa constrictor. The count crushes Ivan's bones in his heroic grips, lifts him off his feet, and flings him high, high over his head. Ivan crashes to the ground and lies still. Yes. Ivan is dead. No. No. No. Just no no i knew this was coming it's still very upsetting poor ivan oh i know baby i know the count runs to where he lies flips his fingers in ivan's face and laughs so much for

you common soldier who would steal my princess from me oh just the worst but what to do with ivan's body it can't lie in the open field for all the world to see and the count looks around and sees an old scarecrow of a horse grazing nearby like has that horse been there the whole time he hadn't seen it when he walked into the field but whatever it doesn't matter the the count carries ivan's body over to the horse rolls it up in the sacking that's placed by its feet lifts it onto the horse's back and fastens it there with rope that had also been conveniently nearby huh Huh. Huh. Then he beats the horse and shouts,

be off you scarecrow. Oh. And the horse breaks into a feeble gallop. There he goes away across the field still he has lost his sight behind a wood and the count laughs and goes back to his princess. Now in the wood, the old scarecrow of a horse gives himself a shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake and kicks into the air.

And what is he now? None other than Ivan's heroic horse. I can just imagine just like the horse like sparkling, tossing his mane. Also, if I ever get a horse, which will never happen, but if I i did i would definitely nickname it the scarecrow because i feel like that's a that's like a cool that sounds like a badass name that's a badass yes but also like you would have to name the horse hero it would have to be yeah the scarecrow yeah oh my gosh that's so good i know hero the scarec. That's what I would name my horse. My future horse.

Your future horse is Hero the Scarecrow. Just like my future golden retriever is Prince. Is Prince. Things I probably won't ever have, but if I do, I've got the names down. Ready. You've got them. Uh-huh. ready you got them uh-huh okay so the heroic horse gallops off to carry his dead master back to the dragon and when the horse reaches the dragon's palace the dragon is asleep so he must

it must have been about three years the dragon's just gotten back from his you know that's lucky lucky for three days and three nights the heroic horse stood at the palace gates neighing and stamping and for three days and three nights the dragon sleeps on but on the fourth morning the dragon wakes up hey what's all this noise at my gate the dragon goes to look and he sees the heroic horse he sees the bundle of sacking on the horse's back and he lifts the bundle down and opens it oh how he weeps the tears roll down his scaly cheeks in huge silver drops he loves this kid this this is what made me love this dragon me too like the dragon was good before but now this dragon is great now this dragon is invested and not only

did he just give Ivan a job but he loves Ivan that he cries when Ivan died ah it's just so such a beautiful like wonderful story exactly the wonderful story i just love everything about this me too that he like is so sad that he's dead and he carries ivan into the palace and rushes right out again still crying but also roaring with rage he spreads his wings and flies off where is he going he's going to the world's end to fill a bottle with the water from the fountain of life this is the companion story also that i think i'd want of like world's end water fountain of life dragon hero horse tell me more i just yeah and when the dragon came back with the water of life and poured that water over ivan's face and body, Ivan sat up and stretched himself.

Oh, dear. How long have I slept? You dumb little bitch. You dumb little shit. Just like the dragon's about to say exactly that, pretty much. You would have slept forever if it hadn't been for your good horse, said the dragon. And now, stupid, what do you mean by falling in love with a worthless baggage who's... you would have slept forever if it hadn't been for your good horse, said the dragon. And now, stupid, what do you mean by falling in love with a worthless baggage who stole your heroic shirt and had you murdered? Uh-huh. I like how the dragon cares so much, but the dragon's

also very parental and like, what were you thinking? What were you thinking, idiot? I gave you this, goddammit damn it i had to i had to fly ruined my whole three-year plan that i had exactly totally missed my trip like what are you what were you thinking fool i barely got to enjoy my porridge the other guy is no good at all where is the new guy by the way that's a that's a question i just want to point out that the dragon called the princess a worthless baggage i love it that's how i'm going to be referring to people i hate from now on worthless baggage you're a worthless baggage yep this dragon knows what the fuck is up

i'm just saying. He does. What do you mean by falling in love with a worthless baggage who stole your heroic shirt and had you murdered? I repent me of that love, says Ivan. We must get back the shirt, said the dragon. But for a year, you must stay with me that I may instruct you in magic. That is, if you're willing to learn. For another year. Not three, just one.

Just one. I'll teach you magic. Why didn't you offer this before? I think he thought Ivan didn't need it or wouldn't be interested before. Like he's like, here's your shirt and your horse. Go off and do great deeds. But clearly Ivan needs all the extra help he can get. And the dragon loves him.

Ivan's always need lots and lots of help. Ivans always need help. But do they ever think they need help? No. Yeah, that's true. The Ivan from the frog was just kind of like, shut up with your directions. And then... I'm just gonna run straight into these giants. Don't worry about it. I got it. I got it. Right into these giants. Don't worry about it.

I got it. I got it. But this Ivan is he is the superior Ivan because he has learned his lesson. I have been very stupid, said Ivan meekly, but I will now do all that you tell me. Good. Yeah. Also, fanfic time. What if the old man from the frog is the dragon from this story at a different time.

Oh my God. Maybe that's what he was doing for three years. Okay. I'm going to write this fan fiction. Yes. I have to write that fan fiction. Because what else would a dragon be doing for three years other than pretending to be an old man and helping another Ivan? I don't know.

And hanging out with giants? That's what he does. And figuring out exactly what the pub owner does, like, with his cock? Don't do this to me. No, that's what he does. He spends his three years

traveling the world, helping out, like, wayward peasant lads. And third king's sons you know i love figure it out this is perfect every year it's like every year he's helping a different fairy tale ivan it doesn't have to be ivan all the time but but it's all it's yeah but it's always some like wayward fairy tale hero that just really needs someone to just kind of step in and lay it all out for him. Oh, man. I love this idea. Incredible.

Incredible. New headcanon. Yes. Thank you. That's what it's called. Headcanon. That's what I want. That's what I need.

It's a headcanon that needs a fan fiction. Yep. He's studying magic. Yes. He's going to study magic with the dragon for a year. Magic. Yes. He's going to study magic with the dragon for a year.

The dragon took Ivan up into a room at the top of the palace, a room that glowed with changing light and flickered with changing scenes. Now it was a forest of tall trees. Maidens sat under the trees and up to each maiden came a softly stepping unicorn who laid down with his head in her lap. And then all at once, Ivan himself changed into a unicorn, stepping on noiseless feet through the forest. But where was his maiden? He couldn't find her. He was still searching when the scene changed. Now it was a sandy wilderness where lions roared, and Ivan himself was a lion

and roared with the best of them. Then the roaring of the lions turned into the roaring of the waves of the ocean. And what was Ivan now? Why a stately white sailed ship carrying hundreds of living souls and safety across the ocean. The imagery is just like so pretty and dreamy. Yes, I know. It's incredible. It makes me so happy. Yes, Ivan was being instructed in magic. And though at first he himself seemed to have no hand in directing that magic there came a day when the power that had seemed outside himself became a part of him and on that day the dragon said change your world and become a giant and Ivan changed his world into a land of snow-capped mountains and himself into a giant striding from mountain peak to mountain

peak change your world and become a drop of dew. Ivan changed his world into a garden and himself into a dew drop sparkling in the heart of a flower. Change your world and become a field mouse. Ivan changed his world into a harvest field and himself into a furry mouse nibbling on an ear of corn.

I love it so much. Crying at the trunk of a fir tree. on an ear of corn i love it so much at crying at the trunk of a fir tree i want all these fairy tales to come together into one big we're just it's like the fairy tale cinematic universe that we're trying to build right now oh my gosh copyright for this movie just kidding i just want somebody else to do it. I just want to watch it. I want to be involved. I want all the attention.

I want to star and act and direct. I want to star and act and direct. Give it all to me. I want it. Okay. You can have it. I'll give it to you. Great. Let me help you I want it. Okay. You can have it. I'll give it to you. Great.

Let me help you a little bit. Yeah, I just want to hang out on set and be like, yeah, we'll we'll go ahead and we'll call you an executive producer and you can just hang out. Yes. That's what I want. The dream. The dream. So he does all these changes. I love the dragon telling him to change his world and become something else. Yeah, it's so cool. Really cool. I love and I love the contrast, like going from a giant to a drop of dew. You know, like if you're watching this in a movie, that's why I was thinking like, oh, man, like that would just be such a cool scene because it would be such a drastic change, like from world world to like like you could just see it yeah it'd be so cool

mm-hmm yes said the dragon you'll do now change yourself into a dove and away with you so ivan changed himself into a white dove and flew off to the king's city the king had long ago given up all hope of seeing ivan again he had a new favorite now no other than the wicked count who had married the princess i know and strutting about in the heroic shirt performed such mighty deeds of valor that the king had named him heir to the throne ivan. Ivan is heir to the throne. Ugh. The count.

I mean, the fact that he calls himself the count. Yeah. I'm sure that's his name. So Dove Ivan, fluttering here and there about the city, soon found out where the princess and the count were living and a new palace that the king had built for them. Dove Ivan flew to this palace, alighted on the windowsill,

cocked his head sideways, and peered through the window. Inside the room, a young maid of honor sat sewing. Such a charming little maid of honor. Dove Ivan's heart went out to her. So how do you do, lady? How do you do?

Cooed Dove Ivan, tapping with his beak on the windowpane. And the young maid of honor looked up from her sewing. Oh, what a beautiful bird. She opened the window gently and said, come in, my dove, and I will give you some crumbs of cake. Aww. I know. She seems nice. She seems like me every time I see any bird ever.

Come in. A birb. A bird. I love birbs. Who's the cutest birb? It's a birb. Dove Ivan flies in. The little maid of honor holds out her arms.

She's very pretty, very gentle. Dove Ivan feels a great contentment to be nestling in her arms she's very pretty very gentle dove ivan feels a great contentment to be nestling in her arms oh but see there are tears in her eyes what is she saying stay with me my dove i am not happy i have an unkind mistress who slaps and pinches me stay with me my dove and comfort me in my sorrow yes indeed dove indeed. Dove Ivan will stay. See, just like it's just, we knew that this lady was a bitch from the start.

Uh-huh. And now we have even more proof. Yep. Ivan flutters down from her arms to the floor, turns a somersault and is no dove now, but a smiling youth. Oh, the young maid of honor stands staring.

If she's not frightened out of her wits,'s only because ivan is smiling is like just like a man suddenly standing there smiling you just because he's smiling is that necessarily cause for comfort but it depends on how hot he is come on ah the hidden truth. She's like, oh. Don't you remember me, little lady? Yes, I remember you. You are the heroic Ivan, he who came so strangely and departed so suddenly. Then help me, little lady, help me.

How can I help you listen then ivan tells her his story from the beginning and when he tells how the princess stole the heroic shirt and how the count wearing the shirt wrestled with him and killed him the young maid of honor's eyes flash and she cries out oh they are wicked they are wicked they are she's right they're wicked and she says i will help you kill them both another reason i love this story is she is just all in at the from like the get-go he finds the most ride or die yes new friend she's so ride or die. She's just like, oh yeah, I hate those guys too. I will help you kill them both.

That's exactly what I wish for the hunter from the donkey lettuce from one of our previous bonus episodes like i just wish he had a ride or die that was like fuck them both we're gonna both let's kill them let's kill him like she's kind of crazy a little maybe maybe if he treated the maidservant and that story with a little more respect she would have been his ride or die homie to like punish the other two that is yeah that's i mean there's so many reasons to love this story but that's

one of them for sure it's definitely one of the best if she's just like she's so sweet and she's sewing and she likes animals and she gives him some cake and then she's all like, oh, that's a really horrible thing they did to you. Let's kill them. Yes, girl. I just love it. I just love it. She's my queen. Uh-huh. Nay, says Ivan.

Help me to get back my heroic shirt. He's actually saying, whoa. I didn't say I wanted to kill them. i just said i wanted to get my shirt back oh i love her but how can i do that when he wears it always except when he goes down to bathe in the sea that's the only time it take he takes it off and at what hour does he go down to bathe in the sea little lady at midday and does your mistress go with him little lady yes she goes with him and i walk behind to carry her cloak lest the sea breeze chill her then tomorrow at midday i will be waiting for them my little lady ivan smiles sighs i would might say, my little sweetheart, says he. Oh, I know.

You crazy, but, but I love it. He's like, you are my kind of crazy. I like it. You crazy, but I'm into it. I'm so into it. The young maid of honor smiles, sighs. I think you may say that, says she, and tiptoes to give him a kiss. Then Ivan changes back into a dove and flies out the window. The next morning, the dove was hovering over the path that led from the princess's palace down to the seashore. And look, there they come, the princess and the count walking arm in arm, the young maid of honor walking behind them, carrying the princess's cloak. Oh, what a beautiful flower! The count stops to admire it. He will pick it and put it in his buttonhole.

Yes, so he wants to pick the flower and put it in his buttonhole. But this doesn't please the princess there's something about the flower that frightens her it is not beautiful it is a poisonous weed i tell you and she stamps on the flower grinds it under her heels stoops and begins to tear its petals to pieces that's kind of a good instinct on her part i'm'm just saying. Yeah, I know. She's a bitch, but she's not an idiot. She had an instinct. That was very strange. Yeah. She's not a foolish woman.

She's just mean and classist. So she sucks, but she's not dumb. The flower changes into a little fly. The little fly creeps into the young maid of honor's sleeve and hides there. And so they all go down to the edge of the sea. The princess sits on a rock. The maid of honor wraps the cloak around the princess's shoulders and the count strips off his garments one by one, stands for a moment in his heroic shirt before stripping that off also, laying it on the rock at the princess's side, and he plunges into the sea. The little fly comes out of his hiding place. He changes himself into a bright falcon, and the bright falcon snatches up the heroic shirt and

away with it to the top of the beach. My shirt! My shirt! That bird is carrying off my shirt! The countess yelling and plunging about on the water the little maid of honor runs up the beach the princess screams and jumps up the rock but it is too late the bright falcon has changed himself into ivan and ivan is wearing the heroic shirt noise the one who comes a step nearer dies shouts ivan as the heroic strength flows through him. And no, they dare not come near him. Ivan takes the little maid of honor by the arm and walks away. So Ivan, with the little maid of honor, his pretty sweetheart on his arm, walks out of the king's city into the fields. And there, who should be waiting for them but the heroic horse?

Ah! I know! Ivan leaps onto the horse's back and lifts his pretty sweetheart up behind him. Where now, says the heroic horse. Home to my people, says Ivan. So merrily, merrily, they ride away. And merrily, merrily, they come home to Ivan's people. And merrily, merrily, they hold their wedding and live in happiness.

But to tell of all the heroic deeds performed by Ivan after this, ah, that would take a lifetime. The end. Ah, so good. I know. Everything about that story is the absolute best.

Greatest story ever told. Yeah. It just needs to be renamed the boss ass dragon or the wonderful horse yes either would be great either we find the wonderful horse would probably be more in keeping with the original spirit of the title but i personally think boss ass dragon is the correct title and i would say that like oh well none of the female characters have names but Ivan is the only named character so oh that's true huh so I'm fine yeah as if the only may if the only named character is the main character that's fine it's when everybody has a name except for the woman that I start you know getting pissy about it yep that's annoying so it's perfect a perfect perfect fairy tale. There you have it.

What did you think of this fairy tale? Did you think it was perfect? Do you have a fix? Enlighten us. Tweet at us at fairytalefixpod or email us at info at fairytalefixpod.com. I mean. Yeah. Do you have a story you think is better somehow?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Change our minds. Send it to us. But that one really like it, it checks all the boxes for me on what I enjoy in a story. I have a tattoo inspired very much in part by this story that I think Kelsey is going to post to the Instagram after this episode.

Uh-huh. Yeah. I was like, Oh, I need a picture of your tattoo. And I just, I love it. And it's, and it's a dragon with their legs crossed in front of them, like kind of lying on top of some treasure.

And it did the entire attitude of the dragon just really screams. Would you like a job? Amazing. That was so good. Thank you so much for reading that amazing story. You're welcome. I love reading that story, and I know that you love hearing it, so. I did.

I loved hearing it. Yep. It's been a while. You know, there's always, like, details I forget about that I just really love. I actually forgot a good chunks at the very beginning. Like, I forgot that the Field Marshal borrowed 100 rubles from beginning. Like I forgot that the field marshal borrowed a hundred rubles from him. And I forgot that the dragon teaches Ivan magic. I totally

forgot that part of the story somehow. Seems like I remembered more from the beginning than the end. Like I forgot that he turned into a dove and that's how he met his new sweetheart. Like I knew he had a sweetheart, but I just I love that. I love that so much that she's like let's kill them both let's kill them i'm pretty sure i remember like messaging you and being like what the fuck yeah i remember that too

because it's just such a surprise especially since like ivan doesn't particularly want to kill them like he will if he has to but he doesn't want to kill them you're like he's like whoa whoa okay like I like your I like I like where you're going but good energy good energy but let's let's rein in and just get my shirt and then we can just get my shirt back and I love that he finds his ride or die and I love that he is not there for revenge. Because, you know, also Ivan has had a lot of like vengeful moments. The dragon's obviously going to eat them next.

So. They are so appearing in that pot next because the dragon loves Ivan. Uh-huh. Yeah. Like he has taken Ivan under his wing. Ivan is his like special project now I love it so much I love everything about that story and I could talk about it forever tell me your story I'm ready I'm settled in I've got my water okay I'm ready for a story you know i'm actually excited because this is from a new book it is botanical folktales of britain and ireland by lisa schneido

the book is absolutely beautiful you can check it out in our show notes and i'll you know post a picture of it on our Instagram and everything. But so far, these stories are really fun. They're really cool. And they're pretty like – so they're like common folktales that you find in Britain and Ireland. And I love this book because it has intro where this is why this is interesting. And here's a common theme that you'll see in this book, Tale, and what it means, et cetera, et cetera. So it's really fun. And it's all about

plants and stuff. So I know one of our listeners, Maria, is really going to love it. I'm sure she has this book already. I would not be surprised at all if Maria already had this book. In fact, I think she mentioned it and I probably was like, oh, I want to see that book. And then I looked it up and then bought it. So I'm sure. I think that might be it. That might be it. Yeah.

Very inspired by her. But it's a great book. And this story is called The Goblin Coom. So Coom. A coom. What's a coom what's a coom it's spelled like comb but with an e and it means a short valley or hollow on a hillside or coastline okay so and this is very exciting for you abby because you get to make i'm gonna give you three predictions it's a short story but i'm gonna give you three

yeah i'm gonna give you three predictions anyway and these are okay like bonus because i knew the last story so i have no idea where we're out in points but i don't either we'll look it up someday it'll be fine we started this but we're also like bad at it um we don't keep score in friendships guys right it's because we're above it that's that's it i like to think i'm ahead i might be sorely mistaking and might be regretting this decision to let you make predictions but i'm going to uh okay so it's called the goblin coom and it's from a book of botanical folktales of britain and ireland okay there is going to be a herb of some significance in the story an herb yeah you want to you want to go with an herb i'm gonna go

with an um no i'm trying to give you a hint with my eyeballs but it's hard over why are you like with an herb okay Okay. A flower. There is a flower. I was trying to go fancy. Very interesting. Very interesting. Go on. There is a flower that,

and I want to, I don't, I don't want to like just take the, take the hint completely. So I want to, I want to say that there is a flower that can heal someone okay on the goblin coombe or in it or wherever around it around it it's in the story the goblins have happened upon an injured traveler in this story, but they weren't the cause of the injury. Okay. I like that.

Yeah. And then my final prediction, the main character is a peasant man. I'll take all of them. Okay. Tell me the story now. I really love that it starts off with this preface that primroses are the first flowers of the true springtime, widely gathered across the islands as Easter gifts. A bunch of fewer than 13 primroses is considered to be unlucky. Interesting. Yeah, primroses feature in a number of folktales, sometimes offering protection from fairies and sometimes causing fairies to be summoned. Cowslips, forget-me-nots, and stitchwort can also have similar effect.

The goblin coom is in North Somerset. Okay, I love it. I am so excited. So this was actually written in Easter time, and it's definitely well after Easter, but I liked that it was kind of a springtime tale. Yeah. Very springy. Yeah. There's still like lots of flowers blooming and it's really beautiful outside. This episode comes out in May, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Like late May. So yeah. Perfect. Still spring. I thought it was in good timing. So yeah, it was a sunny spring morning at easter time and a group of children went out to pick primroses one little three-year-old girl wandered off into the wood distracted by the flowers as fairy tale children often are she followed her nose right

down to the goblin coombe being so little she didn't know any better and she didn't know the place's reputation which i love that this place has a reputation it's got one it's a goblin i want no i need more backstory as always how could you have a story called the goblin coom and not tell us how it got its reputation? Please and thanks. I need more backstory. So when she looked up and realized that nothing around her was familiar and that she was lost, she burst into tears. The tears ran down her little face. She put her big bunch of primroses down on a rock, and she sat down on the ground with her back against the rock and sobbed and sobbed, scared of being all alone, filling the air with her three-year-old's inconsolable grief.

Aww. Which is the saddest thing ever. That's so sad. Poor kid. Yeah. And she didn't know about the goblin coom. She didn't know that the rock she was leaning against was an entrance to the fairy realm. And that the primroses just happened to be the way in. Oh, I love it.

The rock opened up and there were all the little people rushing out and comforting her. They could see that she was innocent and hadn't meant to disturb them. So they gave her a ball made of pure gold to play with and they sang and danced so that she quite forgot herself and started to smile and then to chuckle and then to laugh and then to dance with them. Oh, I know it's so cute. Oh, this is a happy fairy story.

Maybe, maybe. Oh no no i take it back so the hours flew by and full of curiosity and merriment and in time though not even the most determined three-year-old can stay awake which is like hilarious i love that like not even the most determined three-year-old can stay awake because that i mean it's so true that's so true because they try so hard so the fairies put the bunch of primroses back in her little sleeping fist and transported her home her parents found her sleeping soundly in the bed late that afternoon with the prim roses and the golden ball beside her on the pillow oh they let her keep the golden ball it's so cute so when the little one woke up and told her parents of the story it became the wonder of the village and

everyone talked about it for weeks well there was a ne'er-do-well in the village. No! The kind of man who told everyone how much he knew it all, and he fancied getting a hold of a golden ball or two. And the more everyone else told him it was a bad idea and how dangerous the Goblin Coon can be, the more

he was determined to do it. Oh my god. We all know someone like that i mean whatever you're gonna get your you're gonna get your just desserts you know they they recognize a three-year-old isn't trying to harm them but yeah come on don't don't fuck with the fae don't fuck with the fae yeah i feel like we we should know that every irish person knew that why don't you sir well he picked a bunch of primroses and he went down to the goblin coom although his way was blocked at times by fallen branches and holes in the ground and a dark forbidding sound coming from behind the banks oh i love that of that like the way is

the way is kind of open and welcoming for people who the fairies like, but when they're trying to forestall you, the landscape just changes to be just spookier. Right? I know. I'm imagining it totally different than when the little girl was not even noticing, just picking her primroses. Picking her primroses. Yeah, I love it. Okay, keep going. Yeah, I love it.

Okay, keep going. So, he was glad enough to get to the rock after all he had seen and heard on the way down. And he still had his primroses and he set them down on the rock. Well, it wasn't the right day. He wasn't the right one. And he didn't pick the right number of primroses. As soon as the flowers touched the rock, it opened up and a black clad arm reached out, picked him up by the scruff of his neck and dragged him inside.

The rock closed with a crack. Yes. He was never seen again. Yes. At the end. Amazing. Yes. That is a great story. I love it.

I know. That's what I thought. No fixes. I think that's perfect. It's perfect. It's perfect exactly as it know. That's what I thought. No fixes. I think that's perfect. It's perfect. It's perfect exactly as it is. That is flawless. Another flawless story.

He was there for greedy reasons and the Fae know. I love the ending of it wasn't the right time. He wasn't the right one and he didn't pick the right number of flowers. So he got the goblins instead of like the fairies yes i love i love that everyone was like don't do it dude like don't do it no and he's like no i got i mean i'm gonna do it and do it i want a golden ball i want i want pretty fairies to come out and play with me all day. Give me a golden ball.

Yeah, I want that too. But yeah, you gotta. I thought, you know, originally I thought he was going to try to take the golden ball from that kid. That would have been safer. That would have been a lot safer. Jeez. He was greedy. He wanted more.

I'm glad he got what was coming to him. So yeah, I picked a super, super short one, but it was so good. And this book is filled. Oh, that is such a pretty book. Yeah, it's a gorgeous book and it's filled with so many awesome folktales. But yeah, this book is amazing. So definitely check it out if you get the chance. And Maria, I hope you enjoyed that.

Plant girl. Our plant fairy. Yeah, our little plant fae. Don't fuck with the fae. Stop doing it. It doesn't work out well. It's called the Goblin Coombe. Like that's terrifying.

Leave it alone like they'll give a three-year-old who wandered in by accident to pass but you're like not you i love the idea too that it's called the goblin coom even though it's like fairy like fairies and goblins obviously live there just a black arm reaching out and grabbing him and dragging him underneath like well because it is like a fairy court or like a fairy community or like the land of the fairies yeah entrance you know so like there's all kinds of a in there yeah like the elf mound except they weren't uh busy throwing a party they weren't they were it was a it was a normal day it was an average day they

weren't like waiting for the king of the fae of Norway to show up. Exactly. Do I get a point for my second prediction? They stumble upon a weary traveler, but they didn't cause the injury? You know what? I am going to give you that. She wasn't injured, but she would have been if they hadn't intervened. Okay.

All right. Thank you. You're very generous. You were on the right path for sure. And they weren't the cause of it too.ed. Okay. All right. Thank you. You're very generous. You were on the right path for sure. And they weren't the cause of it too. Right. Okay. Thank you.

Very magnanimous of you. All right. Well, I think we've gone a little long. Yes. Yeah, definitely. So as ever, thank you so much for listening to Fairytale Fix. If you enjoyed the show, please hit that subscribe button. Leave us a review on Apple or Stitcher. If you want to support us, you can get extra episodes,

merch, books, and other bonus content at our Patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash for about what you'd pay for a latte a month. And it really, really helps us out. You can find us on Twitter and Instagram at fairytale fix pod and please email us your favorite fairy tales folklore nursery rhymes and other such things at info at fairytalefixpod.com thank you and neither of our stories needed fixes because they were perfect as is and everyone lived happily ever after the end