Fairy Tale Fix - 29: Children are Always Scary

Episode Date: October 26, 2021

In this special Halloween episode, Kelsey covers two terrifying Grimm fairy tales: How Children Played At Slaughtering and The Juniper Tree, which has it all – murder, possession, cannibalism, REVENGE! Abbie tells the origin story of Jack O’ Lanterns by covering The Legend of Stingy Jack. For more spooky folklore and legends, make sure to check out An Aloreing Halloween Playlist.

Long ago in a small village, Abby still couldn't talk for longer than two minutes at a time. so new fairy tale fix a podcast where kelsey and i drink wine and dance at each other silently for one whole minute and then we're done 60 second silent dance party i'm okay i think we've talked about this before but we have to spend one whole minute being quiet for audio purposes. Uh-huh. It's very difficult. Glorious Dustin, our lord, our king. Our king. Dustin can remove any obnoxious background noise from our recording. A little behind the scenes. So we decided to have a little dance party.

Yep. Ordinarily, we awkwardly avoid each other's gazes. So we don't start giggling. So we don't start laughing. But today, we had a dance party. Because it was glorious. It's almost Halloween. And that means life is good. Because it's the right it's the correct time of year. At last, it's once again, best, absolute best time of year. So excited. Just our favorite. Hands down. It's spooky season. Do you have your costume picked out this year? You know, that's a really good question. Oh my

gosh, I haven't even thought about it. I have like great costume ideas. But I never have anything to do on Halloween, or right before. So no. You know, actually, okay, so I do have anything to do on Halloween or right before. So no. You know, actually, OK, so I do have something like I have a last minute Halloween costume in mind. I have a wolf mask that I bought last year. So I'll probably wear like a red hoodie. Yes. With my wolf mask and then boom. Yes.

I love that idea. That is such a great costume. Because as you know about me, I love a great werewolf red riding hood trope. Yes, you do. It's my favorite thing in the world. I think that's perfect. That is also, I think, one of my favorite tropes is a werewolf Red Riding Hood retelling. Oh, yeah.

But only one that ends with Red becoming a werewolf. Mm-hmm. If that's not happening, why are you teasing me? Why are you wasting my time? I'm Amanda Seyfried. I'm talking to you specifically. Oh, gosh. We were just talking about that before we started recording. We were. I'm sorry. I'm still stuck on it.

I also have a fun costume idea that I really want to do with Adam, but I haven't done it yet. I want to be John and Liz from Garfield. I feel like that would be really fun. Yes! like yes if i got a black bob wig a nurse's outfit and then or like a vet outfit i guess and then adam could just wear a blue shirt with his garfield literally he looks exactly like john from garfield so he could just go as himself i know he would pull it off super well yeah just put a blue polo on him and you're set. I have big ideas, but not enough follow through. Would you have any Halloween plans?

No, I don't have any Halloween plans. There's a bunch of bars within like a block of our house. We'll probably just wander down to one of them if we do anything at all. I have two costume options. One of them is the medieval peasant maiden costume that I wore for our photo shoot, which thank you very much for mailing that to me. You're welcome. It's glorious.

I can't wait to wear it again. I don't know if any of you have seen on our Instagram page, we did a little photo shoot while Abby was out here in California with Jessica Bartlett, amazing NorCal photographer. And she took gorgeous pictures. And she had a million ideas. She was so much fun to work with. Thank you, Jessica, so much if you're listening.

It was really fun. It was really fun. Like we had the best time. Even though it was 100 degrees outside. We still managed to make it work. Yeah. Yeah, that is a great costume choice. What's your second?

I might wear that if I'm feeling like really dressing up. My second costume option, this also has a lot to do with how cold it is that night because it could go either way. My second costume option is Stephen bought me a dragon onesie for my birthday. Yes. Amazing. So I might just wear that. It's essentially like it looks a lot like Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon. So it's black with these purple spikes on it and big electric blue eyes and a cool little tail. And then it even has like little wings attached to the arms. Oh, I want to see that so badly.

It's like so amazing. And I love it so much. I will put it on and take pictures for you because it's also so very comfy. That sounds like the cutest thing ever. I love that. I love the onesie Halloween costume. Me too. Steven bought himself a dinosaur one.

Nice. Perfect. What kind of dinosaur, though? Something vaguely stegosaurus-y. Okay. Or vaguely T-Rex-y. I think it's a T-Rex. I think it's a T-Rex onesie.

He also bought himself, I can't remember which pokemon he bought he bought himself too he bought himself a pokemon one i can't remember which pokemon it is but he got very excited so i assume it's one of the cool ones i don't know i don't know anything about pokemon damn now i want a onesie yeah get a onesie they're obscenely comfortable and they count as a Halloween costume. So. I love it. I need a picture. I feel like you should do that

because that sounds like low effort, comfortable, but also like just damn adorable. But yeah, but I'd also be, I would be the cutest thing

at the bar. And I mean, you are essentially a dragon. Yes. An iridescent interplanetary space dragon oh if only that is that is the dream that's the eventual goal I want that to be my final form if I can somehow like achieve that metamorphosis that is what I'm going for in life oh so good that's what you are to me anyway so thank you that's what that's what's beneath the skin on this stupid fleshy pink meat sack

it's actually a beautiful iridescent dragon so i'm glad that we all know that no one acknowledge this it's very exciting this is um it's not our first recording since you've been to california we did a bonus episode for this month but it is our second recording so it still feels kind of fresh we went maybe a like almost a whole month without recording i know it was really weird because we've been pretty faithfully recording an episode every other weekend for a year. And then we did a month of no recordings, partially because I was sick for a little while. And then travel, you know, travel. I hadn't been outside my house in a year and a half. And so my

immune system was shot. It wasn't COVID. I got tested like four times just to make sure because naturally I freaked the fuck out as soon as I started feeling sick. But you know, I'm fine. Everything's great. I was just a regular miserable for a couple of weeks. My body didn't remember how to be sick. Honestly, I'm still a little sick. If I talk for too long at if I go for too long at length, I'm still coughing, you know, and that just happens like during travel. And while you were here, so I became to California for like two weeks, or so maybe like a week and a half, like a week and a half. But we hung out for three or four days. And I was tired. I was feeling like we partied so much. And just, you know, try to do all of that hanging out in person that

we missed the last two years in four days. So I can't even imagine how tired you must have been. I was pretty tired. I was toward the end there. And I feel so bad because the day that I really started feeling sick, like the day that I was really out, I was down for the count. I couldn't,

I could do nothing was the day that Dustin and I had planned to spend all day together and like drive through Napa and go wine tasting. And we drove and I was like, no, it's just allergies. I'm sure it's just allergies. And we drove into Napa Valley until eventually we got past Napa, the town.

And we finally got to like this little winery slash like golf club sort of thing where we were planning to have lunch. And then I was just sitting there. I remember just sitting there at the table with Dustin looking at the menu and just going like, nah, bro, I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm so sorry, but I legitimately can't do this. I'm so sorry but i legitimately can't do this i'm so sick i just i want to go cry and like lie down and take all of the drugs and get a covid rapid test right now immediately because i'm

freaking the fuck out sorry dustin i'll make it up to you but yeah i guess i guess you'll just have to come back out again or I'll just have to come back. Well, we had such a good time hanging out together and we have a huge shout out for our patrons who helped us actually make that happen. Thank you so much to all of our patrons. Be on the lookout for more pictures. We had a really silly idea for a photo shoot. idea for a photo shoot. Basically, we are Lost Maidens in the Woods and we have

some thoughts and we have some feelings about how people treat Lost Maidens in the Woods in these fairy tales. So be on the lookout for that. Follow us on Instagram. I'm sure that's where we'll post most of them and Facebook and Twitter. It's all

at FairytaleFixPod. If you don't already follow us, please do. We post really fun stuff, I promise. We really do. I love like watching like Kelsey just finds the best art to repost. Oh, my gosh. There is so much great like fairytale inspired art out there. I want to share all of it.

It's like there are so many talented people. It want to share all of it. It's like, there are so many talented people. It blows me away. Like it's one of my favorite things about social media is just people sharing like their cool art. Well, um, yeah.

Should we get to these really fucked up, spooky, horrible, spooky, awful stories that honestly, like we were trying to find halloween related stories but it's actually kind of harder than you might think because most fairy tales are already yeah pretty horrifying i scoured my fairy tale books for some like spooky Halloween themed ones. And we've actually already told several that are like, just, just horrible, just very scary ghost stories, witches. But I did find a couple of like really, really awful, terrible ones that I have saved for you today. I'm very excited to hear them. I'm very excited to tell you these stories. I did want to mention before we get started with our stories that we're really

excited because we are part of Alluring's Halloween podcast Spotify playlist. So if you haven't checked Alluring out, they are such a fun podcast. They do all sorts of folklore, encrypted stuff. Like they're super fun. They actually did a Headless Horseman episode this month, which is more of the American Headless Horseman. And it's so good. It was such a fun episode. Yeah.

Just kind of more of the like lore behind the Headless Horseman. And it's really fun. It was such a great episode i enjoyed it a ton they're really fun definitely check them out and i also wanted to give a little shout out to like other creepy spooky podcasts i like if yeah do it go for it so basically i don't i love spooky scary stuff all year long i'm'm a crazy, nerdy horror fan. So basically all the podcasts I listen to are horror podcasts. Or like true crime. That does not surprise me even a little bit.

I've really been enjoying this new podcast called Ghost in the Attic, Bodies in the Basement. Yes, that is such a great title. in the attic bodies in the basement yes that is such a great title yeah they do like true crime and ghost stories and some folklore stuff it's really fun i absolutely love them they are a riot so definitely check them out abby actually introduced me to this podcast it's so good it's called but make it scary oh my god i love Make It Scary. But Make It Scary is such a good show. Tell everybody what it's about. Okay, so But Make It Scary is basically the host, Sequoia Simone, has a guest on every week.

I mean, I honestly, I want to ask Sequoia if we can come on this podcast because I want to do it so bad. But they take a romantic movie and then rewrite it on the show to make it a horror film amazing it's the best and then every year on halloween they take a horror film and make it a romantic movie oh that's cute i didn't know they did that yeah that's really fun it's very fun i'm really looking forward to this year.

I don't know what horror film they're doing this year, but I'm – anyway, that's a great show. Love that show. I just saw that they are doing a Cinderella story with like Hilary Duff for this month. So definitely check them out. They're hilarious. I really loved Clueless. Their Clueless episode was great. Although I love – they took it in a direction that I wasn't expecting.

Yeah, but you want to turn everything into a teen slasher movie I really do I love a teen slasher movie speaking of I just watched all of the original Halloween movies from the 70s and tonight I think I'm gonna watch Halloween Kills the new one that came out like last week so I'm really excited I mean Jamie Lee Curtis. The original Scream Queen. What more do you want? Best time of the year. Did you know she hates horror movies? No.

Isn't that funny? She's in so many horror movies. Yeah. She is a Scream Queen and she does not like horror movies. So I find that very conflicting. And interesting. Maybe she just didn't want to be typecast anymore. Maybe.

Or maybe she just doesn't like watching them. She likes being in them. I get that. I get that too. I get that too. Oh, I also wanted to mention, because I feel like we haven't given credit for it on this podcast before, but speaking of Sequoia Simone, who hosts But Make It Scary, she also does another podcast. When you were when you and I were talking about our doing our podcast, I totally lifted the idea of making predictions from it's fantastic fix and where to find them. so that because they only read fan fiction from that era when we when like we were all 12 and writing about harry potter characters kissing each other but none of us had ever kissed anyone before so we weren't writing it especially well um it's a phenomenal podcast i also highly recommend that one that sounds very fun it's very stupid and a lot of fun and i got the predictions idea from that and And I just I don't

I can't remember if I've ever given them actual like credit for that before. Oh, nice. I actually didn't know that's where you got it from. So that's where I that's where I got it from, because I thought it was so funny. And I was like, Kelsey, and I could totally do this with fairy tales, and it would be pretty funny. I love it. Well, thank you, Sequoia. Yep. She's, She's just a genius. Yeah. So definitely check those podcasts out.

Check out Alluring, Ghosts in the Basement, Bodies in the Attic, and... Oh, it's Fanatical Fix and Where to Find Them. Oh, my gosh. That's better. I like that. That is better. Anyway. Yeah.

And make sure to check out the Alluring spotify playlist of all the spooky folklore and fairy tale stuff they also have great podcasts in it like the fairy tellers and just a ton of podcasts that we love and adore so check it out we'll post the link in our show notes i have an idea for our october episodes uh or at least our bonus episode, and then this episode where we're kind of explicitly telling horror stories. So we're going to do our prediction segment like usual, but then after we make our predictions, the other person is going to tell us

what horror movie genre these stories fall into. I love that idea. Let's definitely do it. Perfect. All right. What story are you telling me? So like I said, I scoured my fairy tale books to find a spooky one. And I ended up just going with the original folk and fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm.

I looked at a lot of like Russian fairy tales because I assumed those would be the darkest. I looked at a lot of like Russian fairy tales because I assumed those would be the darkest. But I think, you know, you just really can't go wrong with a good spooky Brothers Grimm story. Agreed. I also like I also looked at the Russian ones, FYI, because I was like, those have to be the dark ones. Right. But honestly, they're more fantasy than horror. Like they have horror elements, but most of them are pretty like, they involve like wizards and sorceresses and firebirds. And it's very fantasy. So.

Except for Baba Yaga, who we decided on our bonus episode last time we recorded that Baba Yaga did invent Halloween. Actually, she clearly invented Halloween, but we've already done a bunch of baba yaga so so um so i actually i'm going to tell you two stories one just because it's so short and it's horrifying so i'm only going to give you one prediction for this and it is the second so there are actually two stories in here, but I'm only going to tell you the second or the first one. And it is called How Some Children Played at Slaughtering.

Which is very promising. How Some Children Played at Slaughtering. Mm-hmm. Okay. Give me one prediction. Is it too obvious to predict that the children play at slaughtering each other with a haunted knife? Oh, with a haunted knife. Okay.

Just a knife. Never mind. I take it back. Just a knife. They play with a knife. This is a bonus prediction because I'm going to give you three for the next one. Okay. I'm going to stick with it.

I'm going to say that the children play at slaughtering each other with a knife. Okay. I'm going to stick with it. I'm going to say that the children play at slaughtering each other with a knife. Okay. Without further ado, how some children played at slaughtering. In a city named Freniker located in West Friesland, some young boys and girls between the ages of five and six happened to be playing with one another. They chose one boy to play a butcher. Another boy was to be a cook. And the third boy was to be a pig one another. They chose one boy to play butcher, another boy was to be a cook, and the third boy was to be a pig. And then they selected one girl to be a cook and another girl to be her assistant.

The assistant was to catch the blood of the pig in a little bowl so they could make sausages. As agreed, the butcher now fell upon the little boy playing the pig, threw him to the ground, and slit his throat open with a knife while the assistant cook caught the blood in her little bowl.

Wait, did she really do? Is it real? Did like... Yes. Point for Abby. Oh my God. A councilman was walking nearby and saw this wretched act.

He immediately took the butcher boy with him and led him to the house of the mayor who instantly summoned the entire council. They deliberated about this incident and didn't know what to do with the boy for they realized it had all been part of a children's game. One of the councilmen, a wise old man, advised the chief judge to take a beautiful red apple in one hand and a rhenish gold coin in the other. Then he was to call the boy, I'm sorry. In what world does that make any goddamn sense like like oh they were just playing that's why he split like slit his friend's throat open with a knife

and the way we can prove that it was just playing and so therefore like no big deal is if he takes an apple instead of money i so he was innocent because he was just playing and the apple proved it. If he wasn't playing, he obviously would have taken the gold coin. Because he was paid off to kill the other child. I just...

By that way, that world was Germany in the 1800s. Jesus. I guess that makes sense in Germany in the 1800s. Do you want to hear the second one? Yes. It's only two paragraphs. Tell me the other version. There once was a father who slaughtered a pig, and his children saw that. In the afternoon,

when they began playing, one child said to the other, you be the little pig and I'll be the butcher. Then he took a shiny knife and slit his little brother's throat. Jesus Christ! was so enraged that she stabbed the heart of the other boy who had been playing the butcher. Then she quickly ran back to the room to tend her child in the bathtub, but while she had been gone, he had drowned in the tub. Now the woman became so frightened and desperate that she wouldn't allow the neighbors to comfort her and finally hung herself. When her husband came back from the fields and saw everything, he became so despondent that he died soon thereafter. The end. Oh my god!

It must be a German fairy tale. It's pretty dark. My jaw is on the floor. Spooky. That's not spooky, that's just fucked up like really sad i'm sorry i feel like i'm nervous giggling a lot yeah no me too like it's not funny but it's also it's also so hilariously awful it's yeah both of those were the worst. Top. I mean, the second one was way worse. Only

one child died in the first one. That's true. I was actually couldn't remember which one I was going to read. I feel like the second one was way better. The second one is so fucked. The whole family died. If you are wanting more Halloween lore, legends or spooky ghost stories in your life

like the one you're listening to today, look no further hi everyone my name is kimmy and i'm here with my co-host ryan hey guys we're the hosts of the podcast alluring and we're currently hosting an alluring halloween so we went ahead and collaborated with some of our favorite podcasts to create a special playlist with a collection of halloween lore legends and ghost stories just for you and throughout the month of october we will be adding episodes to get you all in the spooky season mood. Think of it as your go-to Halloween podcast playlist. You can listen to it today by going to Spotify and searching Alluring Halloween. That's A-L-O-R-E-I-N-G. Or simply go to our website alluring.com and we'll have a direct link there. So go check it out and enjoy the collection

of spooky halloween lore legends and ghost stories today spooky halloween oh my god okay please next story move on let's all right so so this is my real story i just really wanted to lead with that because it's halloween in a spooky time cue the music. And this story is called The Juniper Tree. And it is by far one of the most fucked up fairy tales that I have ever read. So I'm really excited to tell it to you. I'm glad we're finally doing the story. I actually hadn't read it yet, but it was requested. I don't know.

You know what? I don't even know if she requested it. I asked my co-worker uh lisa what her favorite fairy tale was and she said that this she she said this one not because it's like her favorite but it's the one that i think really freaked her out the most as a child and so it's the one that's really stuck with her lisa like correct me if i'm wrong you can yell at me at work or something but yeah like so i'm excited to finally hear it. I'm excited to hear the story now. Whatever. Good call, Lisa. I love it. Sorry, total sidebar. Isn't gin just vodka with juniper berries?

Yeah, it's distilled liquor, distilled grain alcohol distilled with juniper berries and other botanicals but juniper berries are most often nothing seems scary about this story but just wait uh give me three predictions yeah we missed the genre tags on the last one but i'm gonna say um gore and kill like serial killer or murder thing oh my my gosh. Just pure tragedy. I don't even know. That's just like, children are always scary. Tragedy porn? On that last one?

Was it a Hans Christian Andersen story? Jesus. Okay. I'm so sorry. Give me three predictions for the juniper tree okay what do i think happens in the juniper tree a child dies um someone is hung from the juniper tree you love it and that's that one's going to come back to bite me in the ass because brothers grim stories never have anything to do with what they're titled after really. I feel like that last one did.

Like very much so. That was, you know what, that was shockingly straightforward. And my third prediction is that the genre is going to be somewhere in the realm of like the paranormal supernatural horror film genre. Alright, I'm so excited to tell you this one.

But now you have to tell me, like, what are the tags? Yeah, I'm going to go with supernatural. Yeah. Paranormal supernatural. Awesome. Final answer.

Yeah. Points for Abby. Tell me if you agree afterward because I feel like there's also just so much to this story. Okay. Tell me the juniper tree. And this version, by the way, again, just for everybody's references from the original Folk and Fairy Tales of the Brothers Graham, translated by Jack Sipes.

The juniper tree. All this took place a long time ago, most likely some 2,000 years ago. That's a while ago. They specify. I like that. Mm-hmm. Odd. Yeah, I don't feel like stories usually,

they're usually like in the now. So I thought that was interesting. There was a rich man who had a beautiful and pious wife and they loved each other very much. Though they didn't have any children, they longed to have some. Day and night, the wife prayed for a child, but still none came and everything remained the same.

Now in the front of the house, there was a yard, and in the yard stood a juniper tree. One day, yep, the juniper tree is there. It exists in the story. Great. Great. One day during winter, the wife was under the tree peeling an apple, and as she was peeling it, she cut her finger and her blood dripped onto the snow. Oh, said the wife, and she heaved a great sigh. While she looked at the blood before her, she became quite sad.

If only I had a child as red as blood and as white as snow. I'm not really sure what that means. Okay. Sounds familiar, familiar though from some other fairy tales i've heard it does it does but usually they specify like which body part they want to have these attributes but yes go on upon saying that her mood changed and she became very cheerful for she felt something might come of it then Then she went home. After a month, the snow vanished. After two months, everything turned green. After three months, the flowers sprouted from the ground. After four months, all the trees in the woods grew more solid and the green branches

became intertwined. The birds began to sing and their song resounded throughout the forest as the blossoms fell from the trees. Soon the fifth month passed, and while the wife stood under the juniper tree, it smelled so sweetly that her heart leapt for joy. Indeed, she was so overcome by joy that she fell down to her knees. And when the sixth month had passed, the fruit was large and firm, and she was quite still. In the seventh month, she picked the juniper berries and ate them so avidly that she became sad and sick. And after the eighth month passed, she called her husband to her and wept. If I die, bury me under the juniper tree.

So that was just like a little montage of time passing. Uh-huh. Like very cool. That's a very unusual thing for a fairy tale. I like it. Yeah. Well, I bet you can guess what happens coming the ninth month.

She dies and gives birth to a juniper child? A juniper child. After that, she was quite content and relieved until the ninth month had passed. Then she had a child as white as snow

and as red as blood. When she saw the baby, she was so delighted that she died. She was so happy she died? Yep. Damn. No, that's nonsense. Don't worry. It gets worse.

Oh, my God. Her husband buried her under the juniper tree, and he began weeping a great deal. After some time, he felt much better, but he still wept every now and then. Eventually, he stopped, and after more time passed, he took another wife. With his second wife, he had a daughter. That's how it goes, you you know that's just how it goes no no no judgment like i mean especially it's it's fine that's that's how in fact you know you shouldn't be alone your whole life it's just that usually that person in fairy tales ends

up being pretty shitty to the first kid that's a really that's a really good prediction while the child from the first wife was a little boy who was as red as blood and as white as snow. How, what does that mean?

I did ask that question in my head, but I didn't care enough to like find an answer. Okay. So if you know, please tweet at us at FairytaleFixPod

or email us. Whenever the woman looked at her daughter, she felt great love for her. But whenever she looked at the little boy, her heart was cut to the quick. She couldn't forget that he would always stand in her way and prevent her daughter from inheriting everything, which is what the woman had in mind. Gradually, the devil took hold of her and influenced her feelings toward the boy until she became quite cruel. I like that we get an explanation for where the bad vibes are coming from. Because usually the wicked stepmother just starts off with shoving the child into a barrel full of

oil or whatever. Yep. This is pure influence from the devil himself. Gosh, that's the devil. Okay. She became quite cruel toward him. She pushed him from one place to the next, slapped him here and cuffed him there.

So the poor child lived in constant fear. When he came home from school, he found no peace at all. One day, the woman went up to her room and her little daughter followed her and said,

Mother, give me an apple yes my child said the woman and she gave her a beautiful apple from a chest that had a large heavy lid with a big sharp iron lock huh mother said the little daughter he's a little foreshadowing yeah mother said the little daughter shouldn't brother get one too the woman was irritated by that remark but she said yes as soon as he comes home from school and when she looked out of the window and saw him coming the devil took possession of her and she snatched the apple away from her daughter you shan't have one before your brother she said and threw the apple into the chest and shut it meanwhile the little boy came through the door and the devil compelled her

to be friendly to him and say, would you like to have an apple, my son? Yet she gave him a fierce look. Mother, said the little boy, how ferocious you look. Suspiciously. Give me an apple. I love the little boy's just like, you look, you look weird, but yes, I would like an apple, please. Then she felt compelled to coax him. Come over here, she said, as she lifted the lid. Take out an apple for yourself. And as the little boy leaned over the chest, the devil prompted her and crash. She slammed the lid so hard that his head flew off and fell on the other apples.

What the fuck? Then she was struck by fear and thought, how am I going to get out of this? Oh my God, that's your first thought? Yep. She didn't give a fuck about this kid. She went up to her room and straight to her dresser where she took out her white kerchief from a drawer. She put the boy's head back on his neck and tied the neckerchief around it so nothing could be seen then she set

him on a chair in front of the door and put the apple in his hand okay sometime later little marlene her daughter came into the kitchen and went up to her mother, who was standing by the fire in front of a pot of hot water, which she was constantly stirring. Mother, said Marlene, brother's sitting by the door and he looks very pale. He's got an apple in his hand and I asked him to give me the apple, but he didn't answer and I became very scared. Poor baby girl. Yeah, that's terrifying. Yeah. poor baby girl yeah that's terrifying yeah especially since like they this story doesn't seem to be doing like the sibling rivalry thing uh that she also wanted her big brother to have an apple yeah marlene is like marlene loves her brother also love that marlene has a name

yes absolutely i think in german it's like's like Marshallin or something like that. It's a little bit different. But it's Marlene in this one, which is really cute. Poor Marlene. Go back to him, said the mother. And if he doesn't answer you, give him a box on the ear. Why would you say that knowing that the head's going to fall off as soon as that happens? Because she's fucking evil.

Okay. Like absolutely just the most evil little marlene returned to him and said brother give me the apple but he wouldn't respond so she gave him a box on the ear and his head fell off yep a little girl was so frightened that she began to cry and howl then she ran to her mother and said, oh mother, I've knocked my brother's head off. And she wept and wept and couldn't be comforted. Marlene, said the mother,

what have you done? No! Oh my God. I hate this woman. I mean, I guess I hate the devil. Well, I mean, she kind of hated him anyway.

I feel like that's, I feel like that's like a veiled excuse. But now she's pinning it on the kid. Like she's making the kid believe that somehow she had the strength to knock her brother's head off. Like, come on.

What have you done? You're not to open your mouth about this. We don't want anyone to know. And besides, there's nothing we can do about it now. So we'll make a stew out of him. The mother took the little boy and chopped him into pieces. Oh my god.

I should have guessed cannibalism. Uh-huh. This story has it all. Possession. Murder. Cannibalism. Fuck yeah. Holy fuck.

Okay. Okay. She chopped him into pieces put him in a pot and let them stew but Marlene stood nearby

and wept until all her tears fell into the pot so it didn't need any salt which is the saddest thing I've ever heard yeah

that's really that's a bummer I don't like that when the father came home he sat down at the end of the table and asked

where's my son the mother served a huge portion of the stewed meat and Marlene wept and couldn't stop. Where's my son? The father asked again. Oh, he's gone off into the country to visit his mother's great uncle. He intends to stay there a while. What's he going to do there? He didn't even say goodbye to me, said the father. Well, he wanted to go very badly and asked me if he could stay there for six weeks. They'll take good care of him. Oh,

that makes me sad, said the man. It's not right. He should have said goodbye to me. And then he began to eat and said, Marlene, what are you crying for? Your brother will come back soon. Without pausing, he said, oh, wife, the food tastes great. Give me some more. This story is killing me. It is killing my spirit. My soul is dying

listening to this story. Happy Halloween. No, it's terrible. I'm so sad right now because his father actually like misses him and wants to know where he is and is sad that he didn't say goodbye.

Now he's eating him. This is awful. Lisa, what the fuck? Lisa, damn. Oh, wife, the food tastes great. Give me some more, he said. I'm not going to share this with you. Somehow I feel as if it were all mine. And he ate and he ate and he threw the bones under the table until

he was all done. Meanwhile, Marlene went to her dresser and took out her best silk knickerchief from the bottom drawer, gathered all of the bones from beneath the table, tied them up in her silk kerchief and carried them outside the door. There she wept bitter tears and laid the bones beneath the juniper tree. As she put them there, she suddenly felt relief and stopped crying. Okay. Now the juniper tree began to move. The branches separated and came together again as though they were clapping their hands in joy.

Okay. Hmm. Okay. At the same time, smoke came out of the tree, and in the middle of the smoke, there was a flame that seemed to be humming. Then a beautiful bird flew out of the fire and began singing magnificently. He soared high in the air, and after he vanished, the juniper tree was as it was before, yet the silk kerchief was gone.

Marlene was very happy and gay. It was as if her brother were still alive, and she went merrily back to the house, sat down at the table, and ate. Meanwhile, the bird flew away, landed on the roof of the goldsmith's house, and began to sing. My mother, she killed me. My father, he ate me. My sister, Marlene, she made sure to see my bones were gathered secretly found nicely in silk and need is kiffy and lay beneath the juniper tree tweet tweet what a lovely bird i am oh my god that literally gave me chills it was great i'm pretty

sure it's just like the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out. But I was trying to think of something creepy to sing because it kind of needs to be sung for the rest of the story. Okay. The goldsmith was sitting in his workshop making a golden chain. When he heard the birds singing on his roof, he thought the song was very beautiful. Then he stood up and as he walked across the threshold, he lost a slipper. Still, he kept on going right into the middle of the street the threshold, he lost a slipper. Still, he kept on going right into the middle of the street with only one sock and a slipper on.

He was also wearing his apron and in one of his hands he held the golden chain and in the other his tongs. The sun was shining brightly on the street as he walked and he stopped to get a look at the bird. Bird, he said. I love that. Bird. Bird that bird bird how beautifully you sing sing me that song again no said the bird which i also love i never sing twice for nothing give me the golden chain and i'll sing it for you again all right said the goldsmith here's the golden chain now sing the song again the bird swooped down grasped the golden chain. Now sing the song again. The bird swooped down, grasped the golden chain in his right claw, went up to the goldsmith, and began singing.

My mother, she killed me. My father, he ate me. My sister, Marley, she made sure to see. My bones were gathered secretly, bound nicely in silk and neat as can be, and laid beneath the juniper tree. Tweet, tweet, what a lovely bird I am. And the bird flew off to a shoemaker,

landed on his roof and sang, My mother, she killed me. My father, he ate me. My sister, Marlene, she made sure to see. My bones were gathered secretly, bowed nicely in silk and neat as can be, and lay beneath the juniper tree. Tweet, tweet, what a lovely bird I am. When the shoemaker heard the song, he ran to the door in his shirt sleeves and looked up at the roof, keeping his hand over his eyes to protect them from the bright sun.

Bird, he said, how beautifully you sing. And then he called into the house. Wife, come out here for a second. There's a bird up there. Just look how beautifully he sings. Then he called his daughter and her children and the journeyman, apprentices and maid. They all came running out into the street and looked at the bird and saw how beautiful he was. He had bright red and green feathers, and his neck appeared to glisten like pure gold, while his eyes sparkled and his head like stars. Wow. I feel like, I don't know what kind of bird this is, but I'm imagining it as a European starling

because they're like black, but also really sparkly and have iridescent kind of feathers. I can see that. He sounds like a beautiful bird indeed. Very impressive. Bird, said the shoemaker. Now sing me that song again. Burb. No. Burb. I love it. I love the bird. No, said the bird. I never sing twice for nothing. You'll have to give me a present. said the bird. I never sing twice for nothing. You'll have to give me a present. Wife, said the man, go to the shop. There's a pair of red shoes on the top of the shelf and get them for me. The wife went and fetched the shoes. There, said the man. Now sing the song

again. And the bird swooped down, grasped the shoes in his left claw, flew back up on the roof and sang. My mother mother she killed me my father he ate me my sister marley she made sure to see my bones were gathered secretly bound nicely in silk and neat as can be and lay beneath the juniper tree tweet tweet what a lovely bird i am it delights me when the bird finished the song, he flew away. What a fucked up song. So pretty, though. Thank you.

I practiced right before we recorded this. Yeah, you did. I like it. When the bird finished the song, he flew away. He had the chain in his right claw and the shoes in his left, and he flew far away to a mill. The mill went clickety-clack, clickety-clack, clickety-clack. The miller had 20 men sitting in the mill, and they were hewing a stone. Their chisels went click-clack, click-clack, click-clack, and the mill kept going clickety-clack, clickety-clack, clickety-clack.

The bird swooped down and landed on a linden tree outside the mill and sang, My mother, she killed me. Then one of the men stopped working. My father, he ate me. Then two more stopped and listened. My sister, Marlene, she made sure to see. Then four more stopped. My bones were gathered secretly, bound nicely in silk as mean as can be now only eight kept chiseling and laid beneath now only five the juniper tree now only one tweet tweet what a lovely bird i am then the last one also stopped and listened to the final words bird how beautifully you sing let me hear that too sing your song again for me. No, said the bird. I never sing twice for nothing.

Give me the millstone and I'll sing the song again. I would if I could, he said. But the millstone doesn't belong to me alone. What's a millstone? Do you know what a millstone is? I don't actually. Let me look it up. That's a good question.

So the millstone is a stone used in gristmills for grinding wheat or other grains. So it looks like a big wheel, basically. Yeah, they're huge. How is the bird supposed to carry it? I mean, I think I'm pretty sure, yeah, fairytale rules. Okay. For this bird. Okay, he wants the millstone.

It doesn't belong to just that one guy alone. Nope. And it's huge. So you are correct. And it's probably too heavy for this bird. But I would if I could, he said, but the millstone doesn't belong to me alone. If he sings again, said the others, he can have it. Then the bird swooped down and all 20 of the miller's men took some wooden beams to lift the stone.

Heave ho, heave ho, heave ho. Then the bird stuck his neck through the hole, put the stone on like a collar and flew back to the tree and sang once more. My mother, she'd kill me. My father, he ate me. My sister, Marlene, she made sure to see. My bones were gathered secretly found nicely in silk and neat as kithy and lay beneath the juniper tree tweet tweet what a lovely bird i am after the bird had finished his song he spread his wings and in his right claw he had

the chain in the left he had the shoes and around the neck he had the millstone and he flew away to his father's house which i love that he says his father's house so this is the little boy it's definitely his yes yeah i love that but it just it definitely is the kid i mean but he's he's been singing about himself the entire time so yeah i mean it's i just love that it says like his father's house in the book. So it's like, I don't know. Yeah.

It's a little bit more clear. Yep. Absolutely. The father, the mother and Marlene were sitting at the table in the parlor and the father said, Oh, how happy I am.

I just feel so wonderful. Not me. So the mother, I feel scared as if a storm were about to erupt. That's called guilt. I bet you do do. Yeah, exactly. Feel guilty. It's your evil. Meanwhile, Marlene just sat there and kept weeping. The bird flew up and when he landed on the roof, the father said, Oh, I am in such a good spirits. The sun's shining so brightly outside and I feel as if though I were going to see an old friend again. Not me, said his wife. I'm so frightened that my teeth are chattering.

I feel as if a fire were running through my veins. Good. She tore open her bodice while Marlene sat in a corner and kept weeping. She had her handkerchief in front of her eyes and wept until it was completely soaked with her tears. The bird swooped down on the juniper tree where he perched on a branch and began singing, My mother, she killed me. The mother stopped her ears, shut her eyes, and tried not to see or hear anything. But there was a roaring in her ears like a turbulent storm, and her eyes burned and flashed like lightning. Oh my god.

Okay. She about to explode. My father, he ate me. Oh mother, said the man. Listen to that beautiful bird singing so gloriously. The sun is so warm and it smells like cinnamon. My sister Marlene, she made sure to see. Then Marlene laid her head on her knees and wept and wept. But the man said, I'm going outside. I must see this bird up close. But the man said, I'm going outside. I must see this bird up close.

He's, I mean, he's being charmingly oblivious right now. We're like, his wife is having a like demonic hot flash and his daughter is sobbing. Like, but whatever. Go see this bird. Oh, don't go, cried the wife. I feel as if the whole house were shaking and about to go up in flames. Nevertheless, the man went out and as if the whole house were shaking and about to go up in flames. Nevertheless, the man went out and looked at the bird. My bones were gathered secretly, bound nicely in silk, as neat as can be, and lay beneath the juniper tree. Tweet, tweet, what a lovely bird I am. After ending a song, the bird dropped the golden chain and it fell around the man's neck just right

so that it fit him perfectly. Then he went inside and said, look how lovely that bird is. He gave me this beautiful gold chain and he's just as beautiful as well. But the woman was petrified and fell to the floor. Her cap slipped off her head and the bird sang again. My mother, she killed me. Oh, I wish there were a thousand feet beneath the earth so I wouldn't have to hear this. My father, he ate me. Then the woman fell down again as if she were dead. My sister Marlene, she made sure to see. Oh, said Marlene, I want to go outside too and see if the bird will give me something.

Then she went out. My bones were gathered secretly, bound nicely in silk as neat as can be. All at once, the bird threw her the shoes and laid them beneath the juniper tree. Tweet, tweet, what a lovely bird I am. Marlene felt cheerful and happy. She put on the new red shoes and danced and skipped back into the house. Oh, she said, I was so sad when I went out and now I feel so cheerful. That certainly is a splendid bird. He gave me a pair of red shoes as a gift.

Not me, said the wife, who jumped and her hair flared up like red hot flames. I feel as if the world were coming to an end. Maybe I'd feel better if I went outside.

And she went out the door and a crash! The bird threw the millstone down on her head and she was crushed to death. Yeah. Yes. Vengeance. Vengeance shall be mine.

Twittery vengeance. This story has it all. Everything, including revenge. I love it. Love it. The father and Mar. I love it. Love it. The father and Marlene heard the crash and went outside. Smoke, flames, and fire were rising from the

spot, and when it was over, the little brother was standing there. He took his father and Marlene by the hand, and all three were very happy. Then they went into the house, sat down at the table, and ate. The end. Ooh. Woo. That into the house sat down at the tableibalism the cannibalism was the the real the real topper i think of just how messed up it could get it had a creepy song

it had just everything you could possibly want in a story. Nice. It all worked out. I feel like it needed the singing because there's so much speaking in between. I wanted to make sure you knew what was happening. No, it was also properly cinematic that way because the song is interwoven as part of the story. Yeah. So I decided to actually sing it it I hope it wasn't too cheesy no I loved it I literally I honestly um but also I love I love it when people sing to me it literally makes me feel like a like a small child again and

it makes me really happy um it's it's why if it's why uh you know you used to play the piano and sing evanescent songs in the cafeteria at butte college and listeners i would literally do that thing where i would sit with my chin in my hand and just gaze dreamily at kelsey while she played the piano and sang and it was just it was the best i love it when you sing to me oh goodness spooky halloween halloween spooky stories i think i got two yeah you got two points for that story so a grand total of three for this round three points good for me so my story is crazy short um i'm i was considering telling it alongside another story but i'm probably going to save the longer story that i had prepared for another time yeah the longer story i i'm we i don't think we have time for it i knew that you were going to

be telling something pretty messed up today so So I picked a palate cleanser. I love it. I love it. But I might save it for next time because it's just a palate cleanser story about like a really angry old woman who lives in the woods who. My favorite. It's the best. I'll tell I'll tell that one next time, I think. But the story that I am going to tell you, I am going to let you have two predictions for it.

OK. And it is the legend of Stingy Jack. Oh my gosh. I feel like I've heard this. Like I haven't but I feel like I've heard this or at least I've definitely heard the words like Stingy Jack.

I think people call people that like don't be a Stingy Jack. Do jack. Is that a thing? I feel like it is. But maybe, I don't know. I can see it from the story. I want to give you a little background on the story first, just because I think it's cool and I'm interested to see what predictions come from it. So this is allegedly the origin story of why we have jack-o'-lanterns. Oh, I love it. That's definitely why I've heard of it. Mm-hmm. So just it's a it kind of dates back to Celtic Samhain celebrations.

We're in place of because, you know, obviously, like at the time, because like pumpkins, were in place of because you know obviously like at the time because like pumpkins pumpkins come from from like the american continent so you know ireland didn't have pumpkins in medieval times so they actually used uh turnips as jack-o'-lanterns but it was essentially the same idea as they'd carve they'd carve a scary face into turnips and then put candles in them to celebrate Samhain. Amazing. So go ahead and give me two predictions for what you think The Legend of Stingy Jack is about. And keep in mind, it is an Irish folktale. Oh, I love it so much. I'm so excited and I feel nervous because I feel like I should know it.

I love Halloween. It's my absolute favorite holiday. I've definitely read The Origin of Jack-o'-lanterns on Halloween a million times. Well, and this is probably just one story, and it is, I will also say, this one is heavily Christianized. Okay. If that gives you any context.

All right. Well, I definitely feel like Stingy Jack is a person. I'm going to predict it's a non-fay person, a human. I guess I should say human. Okay. So you think Stingy Jack is a human person? My second prediction is that Stingy Jack is dingy. I don know geez hold on i really want these points catch up my second prediction is that there is a fey creature in the story can i guess that okay yeah you can work you can absolutely guess that we might have to argue a little bit about what constitutes a fey creature at the end of the story.

Oh, okay. I feel like any Irish creature is a fey creature, but we'll get into it. I would tend to agree. We will discuss at the end of my story. Okay. But here is the origin story for Jack-o'-lanterns according to the History Channel. This is The Legend of stingy jack long ago in a small village in ireland lived a drunkard named stingy jack one point for kelsey

yay he wasn't held in very high regard by the townsfolk one evening satan overheard stories of the devious deeds of jack and decided he just must have the fellow's soul oh damn two two i'm gonna i'm gonna go ahead and count us two i think that oh because i was gonna i was just really excited that we had the devil in two stories in one episode again we always seem to do that we like we you and i like we're like i'm in the mood for a devil something let's do something with the devil but no but i also would argue that i think that this is a heavily christianized version of what may have been an older story and i think that in in many irish folk tales fae and fairy like lords and creatures were often converted into demons or the devil after sort of more Catholic Christian influence took hold in Ireland.

I mean, I will take that point. So I'm just going to go ahead and say that the devil is a stand in for pre-Christian beliefs about the fairies. Awesome. Love it. beliefs about the fairies. Awesome. Love it. Anyway, so Satan really wants this drunk dude's soul because he seems devious.

But Jack, while he was pretty stingy, he was a pretty clever guy, you know? So when Satan came to collect his soul, he successfully made the case that the least Satan could do would be to allow him to have a final drink at his favorite pub. I love that so much. I love Stingy Jack, actually. And I love Satan in this story because he's like, all right, I'll allow it. I'll allow it, I guess. After which,

Stingy Jack left Satan on the hook for the tab. Amazing. Absolute icon. Icon Stingy Jack. Jack suggested he turn himself into a coin to pay the bill and they would be off on their journey to the underworld. Satan was an idiot and was fooled when Jack took the coin and put it into his pocket alongside a crucifix, thereby trapping Satan in his pocket. Genius. Stingy Jack is a hero. He's an absolute hero.

Basically. The devil begged and pleaded and only upon agreeing to leave Jack alone for 10 years was he released. and only upon agreeing to leave Jack alone for 10 years was he released. Exactly 10 years later, Satan found Jack stumbling home from the pub. With a heavy sigh, Jack looked at the devil knowing full well that he intended to drag him to hell. Jack made the request of Satan to climb a nearby apple tree to get him a final snack to eat before the journey's southbound. I just love this. I love stingy Jack so much. I mean,

but as is the case, as we discussed with the headless horseman episode, drunk Irish dudes are just prepared to encounter fairy creatures. They're just ready. All the ready for it. Satan, apparently still not as clever as Jack climbed the apple tree. And while Satan was climbing the tree, Jack carved not as clever as Jack, climbed the apple tree. And while Satan was climbing

the tree, Jack carved a cross into the trunk, thereby trapping Satan up the tree. And the devil begged and pleaded, and only upon agreeing to never take Jack's soul to hell was he released. Brilliant. Brilliant stuff. But, you know, here comes the turn.

Many years later, when Stingy jack took his last breath and died saint peter refused him entrance into heaven for all of his evil deeds boo come on this guy was a champ you should have let him in there come on pete i think i think it was really that he committed the highest sin of all which is he never actually paid his bar tab that is a pretty big sin everybody pay and tip your bartenders yep pay for your drinks halloween make sure tip your bartender they put up with a lot of nonsense. Oh, yeah. Especially from me. Yep. Kelsey's a menace.

So please tip all bartenders on Kelsey's behalf to make up for it. Please do. So St. Peter refuses Jack entrance into heaven. And then Satan refused him entrance into hell due to their contract. What do we call that? We call that purgatory. No, no. Like it's like malicious, malicious compliance. Oh.

Which is like you comply with the letter of the law in order to point out how dumb it is. I mean, just so good. I still love Stingy Jack jack so what does he do in one final parting gift satan gave jack and ember a blaze with hellfire and alas jack was stuck roaming the earth with only a carved turnip glowing with hellfire to light his way when stingy jack ceased to be jack of the lantern began on halloween, keep an eye out for a restless wandering soul every time you see a jack-o'-lantern, for it may just be the hellfire glow from Jack's lantern. The end.

I love that story so much. Me too. I'm definitely telling that to my niece every Halloween from now on. Yep. Tell her the story of Stingy Jack. Oh, my gosh. So good. And that's where jack-o'-lanterns come from, allegedly, according to the History Channel.

That is – honestly, I mean, it's short, but it's one of the best tales that I have heard so far. It's one of my favorites. It's a good one. It's a perfect Halloween story. I mean mean any fixes nope i think that was pretty solid hell yes i think maybe a few more details on um jack's many sins that got him barred from heaven i guess would have been good i love stories about tricking the devil but then i also love stories about about love stories about Satan maliciously complying with the contract.

It's like, no, you can't hang out here either. That's what you get. That's what you get. Thank you so much for telling me that wonderful Halloween story. You are welcome. I feel like that was very in the mood very setting the setting the tone for spooky season setting the tone for halloween yeah we hope you guys have a wonderful halloween definitely let us know if you have any fairy tale inspired costumes or costume ideas let us know

what you did for halloween pictures absolutely. Absolutely. Please send us pictures. And yeah, any of your favorite spooky fairy tales, they're all kind of spooky. They really are. Just keep sending us your favorite stuff. Yep. And make sure to check out the Alluring Halloween podcast playlist if you need more spooky stories in your life because I think we all do. Thank you so much for listening to Fairytale Fix. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe and leave us a review on Apple or Stitcher or wherever you can leave a review for podcasts. It helps other people find us and kind of gives them some incentive to listen.

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things at info at fairytalefixpod.com. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.