Fairy Tale Fix - 3: Times is REAL Hard

Episode Date: October 27, 2020

Just in time for Halloween, Abbie covers the classic Brother’s Grimm Hansel & Gretel, while Kelsey retells the lesser-known but equally thrilling Golden Hair. They also discuss their best Halloween costumes and favorite candies.

Because my cat is so spoiled, she was sitting in my podcasting chair and she's like fast asleep. I can't kick her out. That's so rude. Holy shit, Kelsey. She's so cute. I can't wake that sleeping beauty. That cat has you whipped, dude. So I'm ridiculously excited because halloween is coming up yes so close and i have a question for you abby what was the best halloween costume you've ever had oh my god that is such a good

question uh thank you i have an immediate answer i would not have been able to answer before last year but last year's costume was my absolute favorite. I dressed up as Fiona Good from American Horror Story Coven. Oh, yeah. It was your Twitter profile pic. It is my Twitter profile pic. I will also post it to our Instagram so that everyone can see how glorious I looked. But I got a big black umbrella. I wore a flowy black top, black pencil skirt, black tights, black heels, red lipstick. I looked amazing. And I looked like my idol Jessica Lange, who is a goddess on this earth. You absolutely nailed it. Thank you. I thought I looked so good. And my co worker, I work on a fancy university campus,

you know, I or I, I used to before the pandemic forced us all to work from home. But it had these very old fashioned lamps, and like iron railings on one of our buildings. So I did a little photo shoot with my co workers. So the setting also looks slightly right. It was so good. It was so much fun. Anyone that hasn't seen American Horror Story Coven, if you like witches and, and Halloween and some other just wacky nonsense, highly recommend. Best season of American Horror Story ever, as far as I'm concerned. I know you disagree. I don't know.

I don't know if I disagree. It is a great season. I don't think it's my absolute favorite. It is definitely for Fiona's character. She's just a goddess. That's true oh she's just a goddess that's true she's such a goddess she's so and so is sarah paulson and just every every woman is always amazing oh my god um angela bassett angela bassett oh my god she's so good every and oh my gosh even um her character is awful oh Oh, Kathy Bates.

Yes, Kathy Bates is such an amazing actress too. Who did, I mean, who like it was a historical figure that did a lot of awful, awful, awful things in the 18-somethings. And she plays the part so well because Kathy Bates is just an amazing actress. So is Angela Bassett, Jessica Lange. I mean, can you ask for a better cast? Okay, so pretty much everyone on that show is incredible. Yeah, it's ridiculous. But anyway, that's my top Halloween pick. I think the only... Nope, that's it.

That's my... I did dress up as Severus Snape for my birthday once, which my birthday is October 16th. And so we had like a Harry Potter themed party and I dressed up as Severus Snape. Wow. Which my birthday is October 16th. And so we had like a Harry Potter themed party. And I dressed up as Severus Snape. Wow. Now I think I just changed my answer on what my best costume was.

And I think it was Dumbledore. Was it Dumbledore? That was your best costume. I think that was my best costume. That's not what I was going to say. But now that I think about it, I think that was. Because not only did I look like Dumbledore, i became you really embodied him but you but like but the potter puppet pals version or the uh or the um that comic that comic strip where he just basically screams your exams are

canceled and 10 points to gryffindor that is my absolute favorite version of Dumbledore and I can't say the Tumblr name because it's like a million letters long. We will also post that to our Instagram because it is glorious. We will give them due credit because it's so funny. I do have a picture of you and me as Snape and Dumbledore together. I love it because I also did like the flouncy

swooshy Snape and I did my best Alan Rickman accent. Yeah. Good times. To be clear i'm not a snape apologist but we will we will have a harry potter discussion some other time oh yeah that's just a whole other long conversation long conversation also fuck jk rolling i want to throw her into the sun but oh yeah that's also a separate conversation for another time what was what were you going to say i was gonna say my favorite costume that i ever did was the mask wearing serial killer thing we did as a group abby you were in on that too so oh my god that was a great

costume it was so good so we basically did we had like a group of five people and we all wore business suits and then we wore white masks and we walked around not quite being like the purge but that's what everyone thought it was but it was so creepy and it was fun because we were walking around in our downtown area and we scared everybody it was was hilarious. Because there were four or five of us all wearing business suits and blank white masks. Yes. God, it was so fun. That might have not been the best costume, but that was my best Halloween ever. It was so much fun because people were legit scared of us. They were like running away and like freaking out whenever we came near them. It was so much fun. And we got an amazing photo of all of us with a photobomb by Jason in the background.

Yes, that's right. Okay, we're going to have to do a Halloween slideshow. Yeah. On our Instagram. But that like absolutely best Halloween ever. That was so much fun. Yeah, I still like my witch costume the best. That was still a good time.

That was pretty great. God, I love Halloween, you guys. My favorite movie is Cabin in the Woods. Which is kind of what inspired that business suit costume. That's right. Yeah, because there's just like a small clip of them. I forget about that because they're only on screen for like two seconds, but we were like, oh, that makes such a good ominous like they've got someone down and they're just ominously slowly

opening a suitcase and you're like oh god they're gonna do to them and then the camera cuts away so if i ever did another podcast it would probably be about horror movies because i love horror movies and halloween and everything scary creepy which is probably why I love fairy tales. Cause let's be real. They're pretty fucked up. They really are. Honestly, I was going through all of the fairy tale books that I have and I was trying

to find a, a horror themed fairy tale. And the problem wasn't that I couldn't find one. The problem was that like horrible stuff happens in all of these that would happen in a horror movie so instead i went with a classic what did you go with so if we're ready to move on to the fairy tale portion of this i picked i think so i'm so excited i decided i was gonna do a classic i'm doing hansel and gretel because small children which is candy i feel like that's a pretty that's a pretty

halloween story to me that's the perfect halloween themed fairy tale yes so i think so that's what i'm going to go with uh do you want me to make predictions yes no no no because we all know this story we all know this story but what I love is with fairy tales. I mean, I'm assuming you read the original Grim Fairy Tale. So it's probably not exactly what we're expecting, although this one I think is less made for kids these days. I don't think Disney's done a version of it. No, I looked around for other versions of it,

and no one really does Hansel and Gretel just because it's it's pretty dark there's really no there's really no way to spin it in a way that's cheerful yeah it's pretty it's pretty fucked up the first the first half of it is their parents are trying to kill them and there's and the second half of it is a witch is trying to kill them it is truly a what the fuck fairy tale it's a what the fuck fairy tale for sure so even though i think most people um who kind of grew up who kind of grew up in like the on the the west the quote-unquote western canon of fairy tales i think most people know the story but it doesn't get repurposed in media a lot. If someone's listening and they know of a great Hansel and Gretel media retelling, please let me know.

The only thing that I found was an opera that was produced. Yeah, but that's because operas are usually about fucked up stuff. Well, I do think I want to make some predictions on how you would change it yes tell me what you think my fixes are all right because i think the obvious fixes are like their parents don't leave them in the fucking woods the obvious fixes their parents don't feel don't leave them in the woods or but then but then you wouldn't have a tale yeah you wouldn't have a story so here is one of my predictions for that i think you would make okay here's how i would change it just based on uh you know you not retelling it to me yet i would love to see the witch kind of become a

mother or grandmother figure to at least the the girl uh gretel and make her a witch and then they eat hansel together because i think that would be a really fun story i think i made it worse but that's honestly how i would fix that tale okay all right i'll take i'll take that one as uh i'm just gonna tell you right now you are correct madam oh fuck yes exactly yes exactly how i would fix this fucking story is that what you wrote in your notes yep that's literally what i wrote in my notes so i don't really i don't feel like waiting until the end to tell if you were right that is correct uh i would fix it exactly that way but oh without further ado and i i haven't decided whether or not hansel gets to

live and the witch like takes both of them on as her apprentices nah but i kind of i kind of like it better if hansel gets eaten and gruddle becomes a witch i just think that's so funny which is actually really sad considering what a bamf and amazing older brother hansel is so i feel a little bad about saying it. But anyway. Let's hear it. Hansel and Gretel, a little background about it. It's a German folktale. It is also sometimes called Little Brother and Little Sister.

Collected by the Brothers Grimm, published in Grimm's Fairy Tales in 1812. But folklorists think that it likely emerged as a cohesive story in the late Middle Ages. I have a question about the Brothers Grimm. I've read a lot of their fairy tales, but I'm pretty sure they, it's not that the Brothers Grimm wrote these fairy tales. They collected oral fairy tales as a way to preserve German oral fairy tales, right? Yes. And it was strictly from their region of Germany. Yeah.

I believe. I'm pretty sure that's the background of the Grimm brothers. But I think that's a big misconception is that they wrote the fairy tales themselves, which I think they you know, they did write them down, but they heard them from other people. Yeah, because I think that they wrote down a lot of the stories that their families told a lot of the stories that they'd heard from other people in their region they went out and they asked people to tell them their stories but most of these stories were um an oral tradition before like council and gretel is is a story that folklorists think originated in the 1250s yeah and then that's so neat i i think that's and i think it's important to note because i think we

give the brothers graham a little too much credit. They merely collected the stories. They didn't write them. Unlike Hans Christian Andersen, who actually wrote the stories. He was an author. He was like in Dickens' time. Yeah. So German folktale, late Middle Ages. There's a couple of themes that it has in common with a bunch of other folktales, including like it's got a lot of themes in common with a couple of classic french folktales like the leaving of breadcrumbs

and stones it might have roots that go back to an the ancient greek myth of ariadne giving theseus thread to guide him through the labyrinth in in that story which that's one of my favorite greek greek myths so i might get around to that one at some point. That's the background on Hansel and Gretel. I've got, I've got more, but maybe that'll come up after the story is over. We're just going to do story time now. So tell me a tale.

We all more or less know the tale, but it's always fun to hear it again. So we start in the classic fashion. Once upon a time, there dwelt on the outskirts of a large forest a poor woodcutter with his wife and two children. The boy was called Hansel

and the girl Gretel. He had always little enough to live on, and once when there was a great famine in the land, he couldn't even provide them with daily bread. It's very sad. So, obviously... times is hard times is hard so you got to start killing cats and making them into pies that is a sweeney todd joke if you haven't if you haven't heard or

seen that please do um also i've been saying that a lot lately because of covid times is hard times is hard mr todd so there's a famine in the country he's really concerned about how he's going to be able to put food on the table for his family and he's fretting about this one night to his wife who says i'll tell you what husband early tomorrow morning we'll take the children out into the thickest part of the wood. There we shall light a fire for them and give them each a piece of bread. Then we'll go on to our work and leave them alone. They won't be able to find their way home and we shall thus be rid of them.

Damn. Damn. That's cold. I know. Right off the bat, it hits you with a what the fuck? This person is a sociopath. Times is real hard. Times is real, real hard. Also, I'm not going to lie. I want to do this to my dog sometimes.

I think all parents can. The difference is they don't actually yeah i mean that yeah i would never actually do it is the point so i do get the impulse he has the same reaction we had he's he's pretty much like what the fuck woman and they argue about it and she calls him an idiot who's gonna make them starve she even says that he might as well go out and just make their coffins now she makes these sorts of arguments and then eventually she gets him to agree to abandon his kids in the woods well see all the versions i've ever all the references anyway like you know like tv versions or whatever they usually have it as the man the husband the father wants to leave the kids in the woods oh really the mother finds out about it later and she's

like all pissed off so it's interesting that it's the in the original it's the mother's idea yeah um i i don't know i guess i've only i've only ever heard the original i suppose it's either that or or she's not present at all and i guess then it would be him who goes and leaves them in the woods but it's but it's she's not there and he's a single dad but i've never heard it where like their mom is still around and loves them yeah i've always heard it that it's the father's idea and he just does it and doesn't tell the mother until he gets back and then she's all pissed off about it you know i kind of like that version better in a weird way it's more realistic it sounds more realistic well not realistic in that a father would care less about his kids i mean that one of the parents you know it's just all it just saw you know it just also we shouldn't leave our children alone in the woods

and i think that that's a pretty firm moral line that is our stance and it's a hot take we know but we're sticking to anyway so he agrees to abandon his kids in the woods and the thing about the houses of poor woodcutters is they have terrible soundproofing. The kids heard all of this. Oh, shit. Gretel, very sensibly, bursts into tears. And Hansel, very bravely, because he's a stone-cold, badass little kid, comforts her. He says, don't worry.

He'll find a way to fix it. He slips out of the house. He fills his coat pockets with these little white pebbles that line the walkway up to their front door that shine like silver in the moonlight. And he goes back to bed. The next morning before dawn, the stepmother comes to wake them up, tells them that they're all going into the forest to fetch wood. She gives them. Yep. They know better. That's a pretty thin, pretty thin excuse. She gives them yep they know better that's a pretty thin pretty thin excuse she gives

them each a little bit of bread she tells them not to eat it all in one place because that's all they're gonna get ever if her plan goes the way you know what i mean that's all you're gonna get wink forever so fucked so fucked up they all go into the forest hansel keeps stopping and turning around to look back at the house just over and over and over until his father finally asks why to which he replies he is looking back at his kitten who was sitting and waving him farewell from the roof of their house that's cute very cute also if they are so poor that they're considering leaving their kids alone in the woods to starve to death, why do they have a cat? He wanted to keep the kitten, but not the cat. I get that.

Me as a mom. Hey, that's fair. It's fair. But also, like, practically speaking, you figure that, like, eating all your pets would come before abandoning your children in the woods. You would think. On any way. But whatever. Apparently he has a kitten and the cats, he says the cats waving to him from the roof of the house.

So we all know what he's really doing. He's familiar. Exactly. Because he's going to be a witch's apprentice, maybe. I hope so. We all know what he's really doing. He's dropping pebbles on the ground so that he and Gretel can find their way home later. And that's a pretty thin excuse, but his mean stepmother totally buys it.

And she tells him that he's such a donkey. It's the morning sun shining on the chimney, Hansel. What a bitch. I know. She's such a bitch. Like, you couldn't have at least abandoned your kids in town so somebody else might take care of them well no but then the people in town probably know them and they'd probably take them back to their farm be like hey you left your fucking kids in the middle of town asshole that's true called out yep exactly they don't want to be this they

don't want to be the shame of the village. They just want to go kill their kids in the woods. Can't do anything in private anymore. This world is too interconnected. And this was pre-internet, you understand. So they get to the middle of the forest. The father tells the kids to go fetch as much wood as they can carry and then he'll light a fire for them so they won't be cold, which I think is a dead giveaway that he's planning on, even if they didn't already know. Obviously planning on abandoning them in the woods. But anyway, they rest by the fire all afternoon.

They eat their bread. And they think that they hear the thump of their father's axe a short distance away. They lie down and they go to sleep when they get tired. He's not there. It's just the bough that he had tied on a dead tree to be blown about in the wind and sort of make banging noises. Wow. It's really... It's very elaborate.

Yeah. Yeah. But he and their stepmom have totally split. Okay. Wait, stepmom? Yeah yeah she's their stepmother she's their stepmother in the brothers grim version in earlier versions she is their mother mother okay not that being a step parent doesn't make you a kid's parent but you know what i mean step parents especially in fairy tales get such a bad rap they get a really bad rap which is not earned in most cases yeah i wonder if that's why there's such a bad rap they get a really bad rap which is not earned in most cases yeah i wonder if that's

why there's such a stigma towards step-parents like i honestly wonder but i don't have step-parents so i honestly can't like yeah my husband has a stepfather who he grew up calling dad he he loves that guy and that guy like loves him back like they they have a great relationship so but i think that i think that the the fear of step-parents is definitely something that fairy tales instill in children because it's almost always a step-parent who's trying to kill you right evil especially evil stepmothers especially evil stepmothers case in point this stepmother bitch what a bitch another fix for this would be the husband says, nah, bitch, not going to leave my kids in the woods. I'm going to leave you in the woods. And then she becomes the witch too. And then maybe she becomes the witch's apprentice. Sorry, go on, go on.

Anyway. God, that would be a great fix though. I know, it would be amazing they're long gone the kids have fallen asleep by the fire they wake up to discover that they are indeed abandoned gretel starts to cry but then hansel says hey don't worry about it who's your big brother i got it figured out oh i love hansel's amazing this is why I feel bad about my fix involving him being eaten. About him getting eaten. He's pretty cool. He's a pretty cool guy. So he says, wait a bit until the moon is up, and then the moon will illuminate the stones that I took from our front yard and we'll be able to find our way home. I thought it was breadcrumbs, but...

That's later. This process is repeated. I've never heard the stone thing, so... Yeah, so that's... That's cool. I'm glad that I'm telling you heard the stone thing. So yeah, so that's interesting. That's cool. I'm glad that I'm telling you a version of the story that you haven't heard before. You are for sure. And I'm glad that I am in turn getting a version of the story that I haven't heard before. This is why I want to do this podcast.

It's like this is so much fun for us or something. I know. It's almost like this is what we would talk about normally. They walk through the night they see the pebbles they are illuminated by the moonlight they make it home and they knock on the door and when their stepmother answers it she exclaims you naughty children what a time you've slept in the wood we thought you were never going to come back. Holy shit. She's a bitch.

Yeah, I've never heard this version either, where they went home. Like, she just completely pretends. Oh, hey, you. Oh, hey, kids. Man, you were real bad kids just sleeping in the woods, in the middle of the woods, where we totally left you. Here's a hint, by the way, everyone. Usually when people get really angry at you when you're right about something it's because you're calling them out that's usually a really good sign that you're right

as if they get really self-righteously angry about it and defensive it's usually a sign that they've got a point good advice for you know all of us including including me i've been noticing that in myself when someone tells me when someone like checks me on something that i'm like oh i i never in all my life has i have i heard such a slander upon my my name in person and then i go and i think about it for a little while and I go like, oh, I'm an asshole. Oh, I'm the asshole. Oh, okay, I'm the asshole. Aren't we all sometimes though?

We really are. But I think it's important growth to be able to admit it after you've gotten over your huffy face. Yes, exactly. It happens to all of us. It's okay's okay it's okay but just learn from it and accept it at some point growth therapy maybe the stem mom could have used some therapy she really probably could have i'm sure i know hansel and gretel are gonna need some yeah which is i mean hansel won't because he's going to get eaten in the dream version of this. She yells at them for being late coming home,

but their father rejoiced, for his conscience had reproached him for leaving his children behind by themselves. I love it. I'm glad you felt at least a little bad about it. Not bad enough to go back into the woods and look for them, but bad enough that when they came home, you were like, oh, this is good. for a while. But not long afterwards, there was again a great dearth in the land, which means that they survived the first famine just fine with the kids, you know, not being abandoned in the woods. And then there was no famine for a while. And then not long afterward, they had another famine.

So there's like a long break in between them trying to leave their kids in the woods. Yes, there is a long break in between leaving their kids in the woods. But anyway, so this is famine number two. Reminder, they survived the first famine just fine. But the children once again heard their stepmother address their father thus in bed one night. Everything is eaten up once more. We have only half a loaf in the house and when that's done, it's all up with us.

The children must be gotten rid of. We'll lead them deeper into the woods this time so they won't be able to find their way out again. There is no other way of saving ourselves. Wow. Okay. There is no other way. None. I mean, leaving your kids in the woods to die, couldn't you just, like, mercy?

I mean, there's or if i mean i just assume if i were a mother and my kids were starving i would kill my husband to feed them and then cut off my own arm killing the children wouldn't be the first thought maybe not if i were a step i think i think that there also was sort of like a system in place where you could i mean and this this also sucks but it's not as bad as killing your kids but you could essentially sell them off as indentured servants to wealthier families so that they didn't live with you anymore but they were being fed and clothed by people who could afford to do that i feel like this lady is just lazy yeah that's not a great option but it is one rung up from like abandoning your kids in the woods the man's heart smote him

heavily and he thought that surely it would be better to die with one's children sharing one last bite together but his wife wouldn't listen to his arguments and did nothing but scold and reproach him and as we know kelsey if a man yields once he's done for and so because if he had given in the first time he was forced to do so the second that's so fucked up. I know. That's so fucking sexist. Damn. All right. So he's a spineless asshole. The kids, again, they're awake. The walls are thin. They heard the whole conversation. And Hansel, once again, tries to go get pebbles.

But this time, the stepmother has figured out his racket and she has barred the door. Damn. Yeah. has figured out his racket and she has barred the door damn yeah so he isn't able to do it but he still reassures gretel that she should sleep peacefully for god is sure to help us he says and or lead them to a witch or feed them to a witch god is fickle or is bigger fish to fry i guess yeah that probably well anyway anyway uh so at early dawn the woman came again she makes them get up they repeat the whole spiel they take them out to the woods she gives them each a bit of bread again much smaller portions this time and once again hansel keeps turning back to stare at the house and this time

when his father asks him what he's doing and what are you looking for he says i'm looking at back at my little pigeon who was sitting on the roof waving at me farewell oh yeah that's again sweet also i wonder what happened to that cat maybe Maybe that's how they survived. Yeah, I like that. It's not the cat. No, it's a pigeon now. No more pets. Hansel. No more. Hansel, stop getting pets.

This is why your family is starving. Should be eating this pigeon. Again, the wife totally buys it, calls him an idiot, tells him it's the morning sun glittering off the chimney. But Hansel is crumbling his bread along the path to help get them home again so they basically repeat the same pattern as they tend to do in fairy tales the you know the woodcutter goes out he's chopping wood the kids uh sleep by the fire hansel and gretel share gretel's bread since he crumbled all of his on the walk out into the woods. And they fall asleep.

The evening passes away and they wake up once again in pitch dark to find that they have once again been abandoned in the woods. But Hansel says, don't worry about it. We're going to wait for moonrise and we'll be able to get home. it we're gonna wait for moonrise and we'll be able to get home but as i think you know you know this part of the story all of the birds that live in the forest have come and eaten all of the bread that he has laid as a trail between their house and because they're also even deeper in the woods now as as per their stepmother's suggestion that they really try to abandon him. Didn't want to mess up that time. Yeah.

So they're really, really, really deep in the woods now. Hansel is still trying to keep a cheery, sunny disposition on it. He tells her, like, don't worry, we'll figure a way out of this. He's being such a good brother. But they're not doing so hot. They actually end up wandering for about three days in the woods with with no food and very little water, only a little water that they could actually find. So is it possible that what comes next is all a hallucination from being so dehydrated and starving to death? I mean, very possibly, very, very possibly.

But also, I hope not, because that wouldn't be fun. Very, very possibly, but also I hope not because that wouldn't be fun. Because now we're getting to the part of the story that is the best part of the story. So on the third morning after they left their father's house, they get up and they start wandering again. But this time they just go deeper and deeper and deeper into the woods. And at midday, they see a beautiful snow white bird sitting on a branch, singing at them very sweetly. They stop and they listen to it.

And when its song is finished, it flies away from them and they follow it. And they come to a little house. What's in the house? What's in the house? Oh, it's what's on the house that is really capturing their interest at the moment tell me everything okay when they came quite near they saw that the cottage was made of bread and roofed with cakes while the window was made of transparent sugar oh my god that sounds so good like when i hear, when I used to hear this part of the story as kids, that was always what I thought that I'd do.

I thought that if when I go, if I'm going to run up to the witch's house, I would immediately try to shatter a window pane and try to eat the, and just try to eat just the pure sugar. That was literally my plan. I would have been all about those roof cakes. Those roof cakes, trying to get those roof cakes.

Mm-hmm. I wanted that mainline direct hit. Just the pure sugar. I don't know. This just cracks me up because this just sounds terrible in modern vernacular English. But what Hansel says is, now we'll set to and have a regular blowout. Have a regular blowout. I want to start using that.

Oh, boy. I'll eat a bit of the roof and you, Gretel, can eat some of the window, which you'll find is sweet morsel. So Gretel is my girl. She and I have the exact same idea. They run up to the house. They're grabbing bits of house. They're grabbing bits

of it. They're eating as much because they've been wandering in the woods for three days. They're so hungry. And then from inside the house, they hear, nibble, nibble, little mouse, who's nibbling on my house? And they answer, tis heaven's own child, the tempest wild, And they answer, tis heaven's own child, the Tempest Wild, and they go on eating. They're not worried about it. Nope. By the way, excellent witch voice. I love it.

Thank you. I was practicing. Hansel, who thoroughly appreciated the roof, tore down a big bit of it while Gretel pushed out a whole round window pane and sat down the better to enjoy it. Suddenly the door opened and an ancient woman hobbles out on a staff and asks, Oh, ho, you dear children, who led you here? Just come in and stay with me. No ill shall befall you. Okay. Okay. shall befall you. Okay. Totes believe her. How can we not believe you? Your house is made of candy.

It's the ancient version of don't take candy from strangers. Come on. And we have to keep telling kids that because kids fucking kids are dumb candy honestly i fucking love candy and that would actually be a good way to kidnap me now i'll remember that as a 30 year old because i'll be 30 by the time this episode drops what that's true oh Oh my gosh. But as a 30-year-old woman, you could probably still kidnap me if you had the right piece of candy. Ooh.

Just a glass pane of pure sugar. Yes. If you held out to me a glass window pane full of pure sugar, I am yours. I don't care what you want. Just eat me after I finish this.

For real though, what piece of candy would be tempting to you what's your favorite piece of halloween candy halloween candy is different than my everyday candy and i feel like that's a really important give me both like distinction to make but my favorite halloween candy is definitely kit kat or oh you know my my all-time favorite candy is Junior Mints, though. I love dark chocolate and mint together. That's my shit.

So fucking good. But yeah, I also love a Kit Kat. I love a crunchy chocolate. What about you? My favorite Halloween candy? I think I know this. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Is it? Yes! I fucking knew it. Good guess. And then my favorite fancy candy, if I'm actually going to like a confectioner, is chocolate covered peanut brittle.

Oh, that is fancy. There's peanut in both. I like peanut. And delicious. Yes. There's peanut in both like me. Oh, God. I just love candy. What about a fancy candy fancy candy i really love peppermint bark

hey like so there's mint in both of your choices too uh-huh yeah mint and chocolate especially if it's dark chocolate it has to be dark chocolate right to balance out the dark chocolate but yeah the peppermint bark is my favorite okay for answers, we have the cheap version of what we like and then the expensive version of what we like. If they made a dark chocolate mint KitKat bar, which they probably do in like Japan or something, I might like die because I need it in my life. It's good to know. Maybe I'll send you a box of candy for Christmas. I was just thinking that for your birthday. It's like, i wonder if i

could just get plain sugar like just send me a pile of sugar and it looks like a little window satisfied but yeah shaped like a little window and i'll be quite i might have to make you something special soon okay sounds good to me but anyway back to the story to this totally nice old lady who is not shady at all even though she lives in a house made of candy so she takes them both by the hand she leads them into the house and she puts the most sumptuous dinner before them she gives them milk and pancakes and apples and nuts and after they're finished she lays them to two beautiful little white beds that have been prepared for them they're so soft they're finished she lays them to two beautiful little white beds that have been prepared for them they're so soft they're so comfortable and they just fall down onto them

and they pass out after days in the woods that just sounds amazing i know yeah they have a delicious feast and then they just pass out so she appears to be very friendly, but she's really an old witch. No. I know, a twist. I never saw it coming. She had only built the little bread house in order to lure children in. Oh God, what a horrible thing to do.

What a horrible and really like it's so cool and and awful and awesome and bad what a really smart thing to do so smart so whenever anyone came into her power she killed cooked and ate them and then held a regular feast day for the occasion so all witches have red eyes and so they can't see very far but like beasts they have a keen sense of smell and they know when human beings are passing by so that's how she knew that hansel and gretel are out there eating her house that's good information i didn't know that about witches and red eyes all of them they all have red eyes and they can heat sense they're like snakes children yes yes just like snakes when hansel and gretel fell into her hands she laughed maliciously and said jeeringly i've got them now they shan't escape me early in the morning she gets up and she goes and she's like starts kind

of pinching the children like in their bed sort of measuring the fat that's still on their bones seeing how much she needs to fatten them up and don't want to get them too fat well no but you do want to have some nice like fat on it so it's not just gristly. Some good marbling. Yeah. What's a good marbling on that meat? So she seizes Hansel and she carries him into a little stable that she has out back and she bars the door on him. And he might scream as much as he likes, but it does him no good. Then she goes to Gretel, wakes her up and says, get up, you lazy bones. Fetch water and cook something for your

brother when he's fat I'll eat him up I love her she lays it out straight in my fix it this is how this is where I imagine she says and you'll eat him too and then I'll teach you how to make magic candy houses and then Gretel says awesome fuck yes i want to hear that story except she wouldn't say awesome because hansel's a really great older brother and she probably wouldn't want him dead then so what she says instead is she says like alternate plan you let hansel out of the barn and we go and we get my parents and we kill them that's i, eh. I still like Hansel getting eaten. I don't like it's very... You're a vicious monster,

but that's fine. I do, I just love witches. So the best food was cooked for Hansel, but Gretel got nothing but crab shells. Every morning, the old woman hobbles out to the stable and she has Hansel put a finger out so that she may feel if he's getting fat

but again remember she doesn't see very well so he always holds out like a chicken bone or something and and she pinches that and she's like oh my gosh why is he not getting chubby why is this not working because Hansel's a clever boy and when four weeks had passed and hansel was still so so thin even though he so so was not probably at that point because i would be eating literally everything that came through that door because i mean it sounds awesome poor gretel i mean if you had nerves about being eaten though that might maybe it might ruin it just a little that might put you off your appetite slightly i suppose just a little bit she loses her patience and she decides i'm gonna eat him anyway whatever i've got a whole second kid to fatten up i mean she's starving too obviously she can't eat the candy

or maybe she just doesn't enjoy it but i think she could i just think that she prefers eating children maybe she's just lost in the woods and starving to death if you think about it aren't we all lost in the woods so she tells gretel to go get some water and she's just gonna kill him tomorrow and cook him and oh how the poor little sister sobbed as she carried the water and how the tears rolled down her cheeks she cries if only the wild beasts in the tears rolled down her cheeks. She cries, if only the wild beasts in the wood had eaten us, then at least we should have died together. The witch tells her to shut up and get the oven going.

God, I love this witch. I know. So Gretel prepares the oven. She hangs up the kettle full of water. She lights the fire in the oven. The witch says, first we'll bake. I've heated the oven already and hangs up the kettle full of water she lights the fire in the oven the witch says first we'll bake i've heated the oven already and needed the dough so i'm guessing she plans to bake hansel into a pie oh tasty sounds good a tasty little boy pie she pushes grotto out to the oven from which fiery flames are already issuing and she tells her to go into the oven to see if it's properly heated so that then they can shove in the bread she does intend to shut the oven on gretel and let gretel bake in there too oh shit as an aperitif crafty you understand because she is a very crafty crafty witch

but gretel um is not stupid good for Gretel now that she's not heard much from her yeah I know it's mostly been Hansel but she's not she like her brother is not stupid and now that she's been at least a little bit fed and she's had a lot more sleep than after wandering in the woods she knows I feel the same way actually i feel like i feel much more mentally able when i've had some food yeah and some coffee me too so i get it i get it gruddle you couldn't be blamed for when you were sticking this woman's entire window pane into your mouth instead of thinking about why this might be a trap so gruddle plays dumb she oh, man, I don't know how to do that. Maybe you could show me.

And the witch says, you silly goose. The opening is big enough. See, I could get in myself. And she crawls toward it because she's not so smart. Pokes her head into the oven. Gretel shoves her, slams the door shut, draws the bolt. And just the old woman just starts screaming.

The book says it was quite horrible, but Gretel fled and the old woman was left to perish miserably. Oh, damn. Gretel is savage. She is savage. Don't mess with a woman who's had some food. And sleep!

That's when we get you! Holy fuck. So she runs out to the barn, she frees Hansel, and Hansel springs like a bird out of a cage and the door is opened and they, you know, they're happy and they're hugging and they're crying, falling on each other's necks. And as they no longer had any cause for fear, they went into

the old hag's house and they found in every corner of the room boxes with pearls and precious stones. Ooh. Yeah. Which Hansel declares

to be even better than pebbles. Tell me he doesn't take it. They don't take it to their parents. Oh, they do. They cram their pockets full of them. And Gretel says, I too will bring something home. even better than pebbles tell me he doesn't take it they don't take it to their oh they do they cram their pockets and gretel says i too will bring something home she fills her apron full

of gemstones and they decide to get the fuck out of there and go to anybody's house and go to literally anywhere else that's my other fix that's the fix yeah the other the that's the other fix for this story. That's the fix? Yeah. That's the real fix. The other fix for the story is they don't go home. When they had wandered about for some hours, they came to a big lake. And Hansel says that we can't get over. I see no bridge of any sort or kind. But Gretel says, look, there's a duck over there. I'll ask him for directions or ways to get over. Does Grettle need some more

food no it works she calls out here are two children mournful very seeing neither bridge nor fairy take us upon your white back and row us over quack quack oh my goodness i've never heard this part of the story this is this is one of sort of the more original Brothers Grimsey touches to it that definitely came from like a more oral tradition. This is definitely a piece of another story that someone added on to this one for no fucking reason. Because it could have just said, and then they went home. But instead, they have this whole thing with a duck. Anyway. I love it.

We're almost done. That's a cute little quack quack. Quack quack. The duck swims over. Hansel gets on her back and tries to get Gretel to sit with him, but Gretel is like, duh, Hansel. We're gonna sink if we both get on the duck's back. Ducks are

obviously big enough to carry one small child, but not two. Especially since you've gained all that especially since hansel uh has some nice marbling on him probably that was just her nice way of saying you've gained a lot of weight on she's such a polite child so and talks to ducks the duck ferries them both separately across the lake. And so they get across the lake and they're going through the woods.

The trees eventually thin out and they eventually see their father's house in the distance. They bound over. They bound inside. They fall on his neck. They all have a really happy reunion somehow. It says the man had not passed a happy hour since he left them in the wood but the woman had died well honestly good good fuck you dad yeah who cares you honestly you should spend the rest of

your life miserable and the kids should have just not gone home yep gone to someone else and been like will you be our new mom and dad look at all the money we brought with us anyway gretel you know shakes out her apron hansel empties his pockets just pearls and precious stones all over the place and thus all their troubles were ended and they lived happily ever afterward that was beautiful oh i loved all the stuff i didn't know yeah it was so good i'm glad you i'm glad you enjoyed that i like enjoyed it thoroughly i'm glad that this is a version you didn't know yeah there were a lot of things about it i didn't know yeah it's much longer this way i think that other versions have been edited for time yeah well and you know we were earlier we were talking about different versions of hansel and gretel but i have thought of a couple while you were talking i thought of

a couple that i had heard of were like hansel and gretel actually kill the witch i think these are like really modern though i think one of them the one i'm thinking of might be from uh disenchanted or disenchantment or something like that it's like a cartoon on netflix is that matt graining oh right yeah yeah yeah um yeah it's the same guy who did the simpsons and it's like hansel and gretel killed the witch and they become like they're the ones that are eating all the kids which i love like i don't that's an excellent like change to this story i think maybe that's how maybe that's his fix for the story uh send us or tweet at us like your favorite hansel and gretel versions yeah if you've heard any like different versions of the story or if you like our fixes or have a different one

although i really think those are the two i think those are the two. I think those are the two. Gretel becomes a witch's apprentice or in the version where Hansel, who is a good kid, lives. They just take all those gemstones to like literally anyone else. And their father dies alone. Yeah. Don't go back to your dad who abandoned you in the woods. At least the stepmom died. Yeah, at least she died.

But I don't like that we pretend that he's fine. Yeah. Because after leaving his kids in the woods. You still left your kids in the woods to die, so you're out. You're out, you're done. No gemstones for you, buddy. We're over.

But yeah, that is Hansel and Gretel. That was amazing. Oh, you get a point because you did guess. We're over. But yeah, that is Hansel and Gretel. That was amazing. Oh, you get a point because you did guess one of my fixes. Yay! I'm so excited to tell you this story. It is called Golden Hair. Okay. And it is in A Choice of Magic.

And I actually picked it based on length. It's only like four pages, but it's wild. And it's so absolutely perfect for halloween time oh my god okay i'm so excited so give me some background details on golden hair okay so golden hair is from a fairy tale from corsica which is the french region it's a mediterranean island it didn't say when i mean it's just kind of a traditional Corsica fairy tale. Okay. That's pretty much it. Damn it.

It's sort of French. Yeah, I know. I'm going to let you know that there's somebody in there. The main character has golden hair. Well, that was going to be my first prediction. Curse you. God, there's not a lot to go on. Can you give me some genre tags?

Okay, that there is a beautiful maiden with golden hair. Okay. And there are two potential lovers in this story. Golden hair, golden hair, golden hair. French folktale. Two potential lovers. She's a beautiful maiden with long golden hair. Three predictions. Prediction one. Golden hair cuts all maiden with long golden hair. Three predictions.

Prediction one, golden hair cuts all her hair off. Okay. Prediction two, she marries neither of her suitors. Prediction three, golden hair is a peasant girl. I'll take it. Okay. Tell me the story. I want to tell you first of all, okay, so there is actually a really great oral retelling that you can listen to on the internet by Dale Gilbert Jarvis. He is a storyteller, an author, and a folklorist from Newfoundland, Canada. He has his bachelor's in anthropology and his master's in folklore. Okay. And I do have the link.

I'm sure the way I'm going to tell this, he did it so well that I'm definitely going to steal some of his inflections because he did such a great job. So if you want to listen to this tale or have like your kids listen to it without cursing and interjections from me and Abby, a more traditional retelling, definitely listen to the retelling by Dale Gilbert Jarvis because he did an amazing job. It was really fun. Okay, that's cool. I'll definitely listen to it. Yeah. And I haven't looked too much on his blog but he's still doing some things he's written some books um i mean he's into anthropology and folklore so i already think he's just the greatest yep our kind of guy yeah exactly okay so once upon a time there was a beautiful young maiden who had long golden hair.

Well, I guess no one in this town was very smart or clever or respectful for that matter. So everyone, including her parents, just called her golden hair. Including her parents? And so seriously, what is up with fairy tales not giving women actual names? At least she's not just named the girl. not giving women actual names. At least she's not just named the girl. But what's with the crappy descriptions and why is it always about their looks, not like Smart Rain or Quick Wit?

Anyway. Smartass. Big nose. No, anyway. I digress. The wicked Count Rinaldo fell in love with a young maiden's hair. Not her, mind you, just her hair, and planned to take her for his bride. Well, Golden Hair's parents were really into this idea because, hey, Count.

Is he rich? He's got gold, baby. He's got gold, baby. It's the best reason to marry anybody. But Golden Hair did not love the wicked count wait so was he just into her for the for her hair yeah he was really into that hair all right is she a peasant girl yes yes nailed it good job point for happy all right continue she loves who who does she love so the golden Hair did not love the wicked Count.

Golden Hair was in love with a peasant lad called Pietro, and Pietro loved her. Also, Pietro sounds very Italian, so I think this region is also really close to Italy. If it's in the Mediterranean, then probably. Oh-ho, said Golden Hair's mother. Now her little daughter will be a countess. How fine that is. And oh-ho, said Golden Hair's father. hair's mother now her little daughter will be a countess how fine that is and oh ho said golden hair's father count ronaldo shall have her but he shall pay me a bag of gold which is great parenting

good a plus so her mother wept and her father cursed and raged because she would not marry the count ronaldo and the wicked count, I will soon remove this worm from my path. The Count lies and wait for Pietro one dark evening with murderous intent. And the Count sees him and jumps on Pietro and draws his sword while Pietro draws his hunting knife to defend himself. Oh, a knife versus a sword?

I know. Doesn't look good. But they squabble and they struggle. But it's not Pietro who is killed, but the Count. Go Pietro. All right. I know. Damn.

He can really wield that hunting knife. Well, that seems like a quick fix to the problem. Just kill the other guy. Okay. But there's a problem. Oh, okay. Because Count Ronaldo is in high status. He's a count.

Pietro knows that if he doesn't get the hell out of Dodge, as soon as humanly possible, he'll be hanged. Question. Does he call her Golden Hair? He absolutely does. That is her name in the story. She should change villages. Go on. Golden Hair.

But before he flees, he tells her to wait for him while he sorts out a shit and builds them a home. And she's young and in love so of course she agrees okay golden hair waits one year with no sign of pietro golden hair waits two years with still no sign of pietro and golden hair waits three long years because she is a sucker well one day after waiting three years for her love to come rescue her and in my notes i have golden hair is definitely a teenager such a teenager also very princess bride yes that's true true true love so one day golden hair is in the marketplace and a young boy runs up to her and hands her a slip of paper and is off. She pockets

the letter and runs home to read it alone. The letter reads Our home is ready, Golden Hair. Look for me tonight at midnight. Outside your window on my gray horse. Fucking finally. Took you long enough. You couldn't write? Golden Hair

waits until midnight and she looks out her window to see a hooded rider on a gray horse waiting outside. Sus. And the rider calls. What? Sus. And the rider calls out to her. Golden hair, golden hair, come down and go with me. And golden hair

cries out. Pietro, Pietro, my love, I will come. How long I have waited. That ain't Pietro. He runs down to meet him. Why? He's so romantic. He's wearing a hood. That's a dead giveaway in a fairy tale. Well, he thrusts her up on the back of his horse and they're off into the night. Patata, patata, patata. They ride like the wind. Golden hair clasps her arms around him. The moon is shining bright above them. Patata, patata, patata. Faster and faster they ride.

Uh-huh. Okay. And by the way, it actually says patata in the story and I'm totally imagining like Monty Python coconuts. Perfect. Okay. perfect okay so after a while of writing they pass a churchyard and a voice calls out from the graves the clouds part the light of the moon shines clear like day a youth rides with his maiden living maiden are you not afraid what should i fear when i plighted my troth replies golden hair oh yeah well you said

living maiden yeah yep why would you uh focus don't worry i you know i i just picked that word out of that phrase for no fucking reason please please do continue on into the night patata patata patata they ride and faster. They pass a second churchyard and again a voice cries out from the graves. The moon shines bright as day and a youth rides with his maiden. Living maiden, are you not afraid? Golden hair clasps the body, the rider's body, even tighter. What should I fear? I ride with my love, she calls out. Faster and faster. Patata, patata, patata. They pass a third churchyard and yet another voice cries out from the graves. The moon shines as bright as day and a youth rides with his maiden.

Living maiden, are you not afraid to ride with the dead? Dun, dun, dun! Golden hair clasps her lover tight and calls out, what should I fear? I do not ride with the dead. I ride with my lover. Laughter rises up from the graves of the churchyard, and the hooded rider laughs and calls out, truly, you ride with your lover. But truly, you ride with the dead. And the rider flings the cloak from his head and turns to lyric Goldenhair. The rider is not Pietro. No. It is the ghost

of the wicked Count Ronaldo. Say it's not so. It is so, so. Oh, no. In hell I have burned. In hell I have waited. The ghost screams at golden hair. In life you escaped me.

In death you are mine. So he's ghost writer. He's totally ghost writer. Is it Nick Cage? I i wish now i can only imagine this is nick cage so obviously golden hair screams and tries to fling herself from the horse but the ghost of the count grabs her by you guessed guessed it, her golden hair. God damn it. And she swings violently to and fro from the horse. Patata, patata, patata. They ride toward the world's end at the iron gates of the City of the Dead.

And golden hair cries out, but who will save her? Well, none other. Who do you think saves her? Pietro! None other than Pietro, of course. Even from far away, Pietro hears Goldenhair cry out, and he rides on his horse to save her. Patata, patata, patata.

They both ride, two horses galloping into the night toward the gates of hell where a red glow of fire can be seen beyond the ends of the earth that's so cool what a great it's not just the most two writers barreling down on the gates of hell like cool this is just like the most wild epic short four page fairy tale ever yeah patata patata patata pietro rides as fast as he can watching golden hair bouncing wildly back and forth as the iron gates to the city of the dead open as they draw nearer pietro is now now rides abreast with the ghostly count ronaldo he leans in with his hunting knife and cuts that glorious

golden hair from the young maiden as they ride. Point for Abby. Point for Abby. The beautiful golden hair still clutched in the Count's ghostly hands as he rides straight through the iron gates into the City of the Dead. And the gates shut behind the wicked ghost, Count. And he had what he truly loved, her golden hair. Which is the creepiest kink ever. So creepy. I mean, like creepiest kink ever. So creepy. I mean, like, not kink shaming, not kink shaming, but you have to ask for it. But I mean, if that's all you want, if it gets cut off and you still have it.

That's a little weird. And you're like, yeah. So everybody goes home happy is what I'm hearing. He is happy enough, so let him be satisfied. Is what Pietro says. Pietro rides off to a faraway land with his young maiden, for he loved her and not just her hair. Aww. He carried her into the country to their home, where they were married and lived in peace and happiness ever after.

Love. Oh, love. Oh, love. Oh, I love it so much. That's so good. That's such a great story. Isn't that perfect? It's a ghost story.

As soon as I figured that out, I was so excited. Yes. Wow. That is so fun. Okay. It was wild and honestly while i was reading it i was not expecting the writer to be count ronaldo no like it wasn't until the goat like the bodies and the graves and the churchyards kept calling her living girl that i'm like okay yeah i thought something was gonna happen i thought pietro had died or something. That would have been quite a twist.

Oh, man. Also, great Halloween-themed pics. Yes. Ghost Rider came out of hell to grab this lady by the hair. Yeah, I picked it based on length. And as soon as I read it, I was like, oh, man, I love it. This is going to be our Halloween. Our spooky season. Well done. Story. Wait, okay, man, I love that this is going to be our Halloween. Mm-hmm. Our spooky season.

Well done. Story. Wait, okay, so how would you fix it? I would fix her parents selling out her daughter for wealth and status and also give her a better nickname or use her real name. Yep. Like, it's fine that she has a nickname as Golden Hair, but, like, what, you could at least give us her real name. Yep. Like it's fine that she has a nickname as golden hair but like what

you could at least give us her real name. Also stranger danger is a real thing. Actually no that's a great fix I think. Check under the hood. Check under the hood

always. Check under the hood when you're buying a new car and check under the hood when a mysterious stranger who claims to be your boyfriend comes to pick you up in the middle of the night. when you're buying a new car and check under the hood when a mysterious stranger who claims to be your boyfriend comes to pick you up

in the middle of the night. Shine a flashlight in there. Just check. I wouldn't necessarily fix that about the story, though, because that's what makes the story so awesome. That's true.

That's true. But also, it's just, it's so convenient that Pietro just happened to see her. Yeah, right on by. Hear her. He just happened to see her, hear her. He just happened to be like right now. Like, why didn't he come earlier?

I have questions. I don't feel like Golden Hair should just marry him because of that one reason. She should have some questions. She also waited for three years. Oh, another potential fix. Find a different boyfriend. You know, you waited. Like, I think like around year one and you still haven't heard anything.

Yeah, that was before the internet. It's true. Maybe she really doesn't have a lot of great. I guess that's true. I guess it's not like golden hair had Tinder. She's like hooking up on a dating site. Yes. Then people would just get distracted by her glorious culinaire.

Apparently a lot of people have quite a thing for it. So what is the moral of the story for kids true love always wins don't hop onto the back of a ghostwriter stranger danger i think i feel like that might be the moral for both of our stories yeah yeah stranger danger real uh don't accept candy from old women in the woods unless you're trick-or-treating unless you're trick-or-treating then it's fine it's fine one night a year i love that story it was so much fun to read that's just what a what a fun story and also i think there's like a faithfulness

element of it is that she was rewarded waiting for him oh another moral of the story uh carry a hunting knife carry a hunting knife carry a hunting knife you never know you never know when you're gonna need to cut off your hair or someone else someone else is gonna need to cut off your hair that hunting knife came in clutch a couple different times over the course of this story. Maybe also don't be a jerk and maybe ladies will want to marry you. Oh, that's a good one. You know, that being rich is not a substitute for a personality.

Also, I mean, you couldn't find somebody else with golden hair that was into you. There's a lot of beautiful natives with golden hair. It's France. There's a lot of blondes.

Probably. I don't know. What if it's close to Italy? So I imagine that's a little bit blondes probably i don't know what if it's it's close to italy so i imagine that oh maybe anyway anyway that's that's an important it doesn't matter don't kidnap people you shouldn't try to force people into marrying especially not when you're ghostwriter because i feel like you have other things to do i love that he waited in hell just thinking about her just thinking about that hair thinking about her. Just thinking about that hair. Thinking about her hair. He's got to get that hair. He really just wanted to put it on himself.

He really just wanted that hair. He made himself a wig of her gorgeous hair. That's really all he wanted. I love the patata, patata, patata. Yeah, you told it very well, by the way. I was very tense. Thank you, everybody, so much for listening. Please send us your fixes,

you know, to either story. If you disagree with how we fixed it or love it, please let us know that too. Tell us any weird things your parents have ever told you. Yeah. What are some of your own personal fairy tales and folklore things that shaped you as a person?

Yeah, exactly. Like tell us your favorite folktales. Tell us like stories you want us to cover. Tell us weird stuff you tell your kids. We really want to know what you've been telling your kids. Oh my gosh, please send us all the weird stuff you tell your kids. We really want to know.

So in addition to like what grandma told you, we want to know what you're telling your children. Yeah, and tell us what fairy tales you want us to know. So in addition to like what grandma told you, we want to know what you're telling your children. Yeah. And tell us what fairy tales you want us to cover. Absolutely. You can hit us up on Twitter at fairytalefixpod. Same handle on Instagram. You can also email us at fairytalefixpodcast at gmail.com.

You can find me, Abby, on Instagram at bonanzafamine. And you can find me, Kelsey, at Instagram at BonanzaFamine. And you can find me, Kelsey, at Monsieur Cheval. Yeah. By the way, my Instagram handle is named directly after my cat. That is her name. Monsieur Cheval. Monsieur Cheval. Mr. Horse.

Yes, it's Mr. Horse in French. It's a long story. I'll tell you about it. We'll get into it some other time. Long story. I'll tell you about it. We'll get into it some other time. And yeah, so Hansel and Gretel did not go to their father's house after defeating the witch.

They took those golden gems to literally anyone else. Or Gretel helped the witch kill Hansel and became a witch's apprentice. Either would be fine. And Goldenhair actually had a name and much better parents and maybe moved on after just one year of not seeing her sweet pietro and they lived happily ever after fairy tale fix is a fantastic worlds productions podcast hosted by abby lammel and kelsey horn written by abby lammel and kelsey horn written by Abby Lammel and Kelsey Horn, produced by Abby Lammel, Kelsey Horn, and Dustin Alexander, edited by Dustin Alexander,

theme song by Kelsey and Adam Horn. Listen to the show, discover other fantastic world shows, reach out to the hosts, and donate to our Patreon on fairytalefixpod.com.