Fairy Tale Fix - 34: The Fishy Godmother

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

Abbie & Kelsey talk *The Witcher season 2! Oh, and I guess they also read some stories. Abbie randomly chooses a story from the Russian Fairy Tale Pantheon and stumbles upon The Golden Slipper, which most definitely should have been called The Fishy Godmother, while Kelsey chooses a random story from A Book of Sorcerers and Spells and reads about a daring adventure in The Sleeper.

And this is the first fairy fail. The first fairy fail fix. It's the first fairy fail. Of the new year. It's a new show about fairy failing. Welcome back, gentle listeners once again to fairy tale fix welcome welcome i'm kelsey i'm abby what is this show about i don't know anyway it's 2022 happy 2022 um we're going to say it's our year because it's all of our year right this one this year

for sure will be all of our year probably knock on woods or that that really will be a fairy tale we really hope you had a wonderful new year we hope it was safe and fun and filled with whatever you wanted to actually be

doing. Yes, yes, yes, indeed. That's what that's what we really should all be doing this year. In 2022 is what we actually want to be doing. I mean, what I actually wanted to be doing on New Year's isn't what I actually did. But given what my options were, given what my options were given what my options were it was it was uh what i wanted to do out of the choices i had what'd you do i've stayed stayed alone inside yep with just my just my partner and drank champagne and fell asleep at like 11 gosh that sounds like what i wanted to do because i don't know that sounded great I had a really busy holiday season so like new year's I'm glad that it was chill and quiet and and I spent a week doing nothing it was wonderful that does sound it does that did sound incredible uh super jealous I highly I highly esteem that i think we should i think

you should do that every year the last week of the year should be a time for doing nothing at all like so uh for christmas adam gave me a heated blanket and socks and all the things that are hygge and wonderful and i just like laid on my couch in my heater blanket. I watched The Witcher. Of course. Excellent. I'm so mad. There were only eight episodes.

I know. It should have been longer. Quick warning. We are going to discuss spoilers for The Witcher. We'll put a show note in it somewhere in the show notes about the times that you can skip if you don't want spoilers for The Witcher. Fast forward if you don't want that. Yeah. If you haven't seen The Witcher yet, stop this.

Go finish it. Go finish it. And then it's so good. But also so short. So short yasgir got his apology which i know is what you wanted that's all i wanted honestly he deserved that apology you know but there wasn't enough yasgir in it he's my favorite character of all time they didn't seem to know what to do with him in the last episode he just kind of like rolled around under tables and and said

quippy things he was the comedic relief and then he's perfect something out of a bowl in the witcher laboratory like a fool like a fool i was expecting something terrible to happen to him because he was just like jennifer is like grinding up like unknown concoctions to make some kind of poison. And he's eating stuff out of a bowl of leaves that was just sitting around. Oh, yes. You know, my favorite thing actually about this season, it's not always,

it's never like the story arc. It's just the, the characters interacting with each other. And I really loved Yasgir and Yennefer becoming frenemies. I know. They're so cute. As soon as they started running around together, I was like, yes, they're going to be friends. They're going to be best friends.

Best friends. I love that. Best frenemies ever. Yeah. I love that. I love that for them. Absolutely. I thought that was so cool that it actually gave them a little time to bond.

Yeah. It was really cute and just so much fun you know i was really weirded out by unifor not having your super dark eye shadow the whole time like yeah well you know because she was a scraggly babe that's on the run for most of the season two there's not a lot of time to put on her makeup and get that right all right i was like wow she looks so different without like just all black eyes. Like, yes. Like, which made her eyes look a little less purple. Yeah, that's true.

It didn't have the dramatic backdrop of all of that black eyeshadow. Oh, my gosh. And Siri was just adorable all season. Like, she's so kick-ass i love the actress that plays her like yes yeah she was wonderful she did a great job cute and and she and she and gerald have like great chemistry and great uh i loved i loved that they actually got to i i love that they actually were together in this season and not i'm glad as much as I enjoyed season one, I'm glad that it wasn't three separate timelines. I heard, wasn't it like, um, some guy making fun of Yaskier's song.

And he's like, he's like, the timelines are really confusing. I love that as a joke for, uh, all of the writers who saw all the commentary on the witcher season one. And they're they're like oh if you're so fucking smart you write a show I'm sorry it was confusing for you which it was really confusing pro tip if you ever

get confused I actually learned this from Abby if you ever get confused by a show like that like you know Game of Thrones The Witcher Entertainment weekly writes these like little snippets like a show recap and they tell you all the important stuff that you were supposed to catch yep they'll give you an episode by episode recap so that you don't miss important details while you're busy uh admiring a henry cavill in his incredibly cool looking armor. It was distracting.

He looks incredible. His extremely thick thighs. Oh, those thighs. So good. I mean, that whole show is just filled with the most beautiful people. I know.

They're all so gorgeous. Oh my gosh. I love daddy Witcher. Oh, Vesemir. Yeah. Yeah. I, yeah, I really, I really enjoyed him. I thought he was really good. I thought that all of, I'm so, this is a, this is actually a spoiler. We've been doing very light spoilers up until now, but this is actually a spoiler. I really hated that all of like most of the witchers die. I know that that was really sad i was really worried that they were all gonna die like i genuinely thought that was gonna happen and i was like oh if they're

trying to because like this season was sort of trying to line up so that we can begin the story of like with the witcher three the game in the next season so i knew that there were only like four witchers left alive during during the witcher three games so i kind of like figured that they were all toast the only thing that kind of like and this this was just this is just something i noticed it doesn't necessarily ruin the show for me or anything but i did notice that all of the that that all of the survivors were the white men and one very light-skinned black guy and that all of the dark all of the survivors were the white men and one very light skinned black guy.

And that all of the dark, all of the darker skinned, uh, black men were the ones who got killed first. So the witcher should do better. Colorism is bad. Uh, yeah,

that's, ain't that the way that is something I noticed that i didn't care for yeah that sucks but the rest of it was super fun like i i loved the baba yaga stuff oh yeah it had i can't believe we haven't talked about that yet the deathless mother right the deathless mother of like the endless forests or whatever um and they actually had to do the little the little rhyme that uh appears in russian folk tales where they say like you know turn your back to the woods hut hut and your front to me yeah maria on our discord channel was saying that this was kind of the polish version of that which i didn't know there was a polish baba yaga i think baba yaga has made her

way into a lot of different yeah uh a lot of different mythologies um like she just she just kind of shows up in a bunch of cool stuff and at the end of the witcher books are they're based in polish mythology but a lot of that is just kind of like Slavic mythology in general. Okay. I haven't read any of The Witcher books or played the games. The Witcher 3 is an incredible game, and I liked it. I liked it very much. But you're going to get kind of the same story from season three of The Witcher, I think. Yeah. Isn't Henry Cavill like a huge

nerd that he's read all the books and played all the games and he takes it all really seriously? Oh, he's a giant nerd. And he 100% copied. The voice actor who does Geralt for the games has a very distinctive growly sound. And Henry Cavill 100% copied what that voice actor did for the games. Nice. Yeah. So good. I love that he loves it so much. You can tell there's a lot of love put into the show.

Mm-hmm. You can. That's always fun. The people, yeah. The people who make it clearly really, really like it. And that makes me really happy. My only issue is I just i want more i want more episodes i finished it so fast i thought i was going to be spending that whole week that i had

off well not the whole week obviously but nope yeah they go they go way too fast but they pack a lot in they pack a lot into that time what did you think about the reveal at the end uh that uh king amir is series dead oh um i'm not gonna lie i thought it was a little boring i mean it was it was good like i'm excited for the next season but like i said i really don't watch that show so much for the story arc i am am a very, and this goes for most shows and things I watch, I'm a very monster of the week kind of gal. Yeah. I prefer the one-off episodes that are more funny and just kind of for fun

than I am about the whole story arc. So I actually wasn't a huge fan of like the entire thing it it went on a little bit I thought it dragged I wanted more episodes like the what was it the first or second where he runs into his friend and they have to defeat a oh yeah that was a cool fucking that was a cool episode awesome and I was like I want more of that. But they only make eight episodes. So they couldn't really spend a lot of time on that. There's less time for Monster of the Week. And that's what I like.

My favorite monster from this season was definitely the tree. Was it called an Eshel? A Leshy. A Leshy. Fucking awesome. Yeah. Carnivorous trees will never not be my favorite spooky thing what was the girl monster called i'm gonna look that up because that was she was so creepy she was like some kind of vampire wasn't she striga sure oh yeah it's in it's a polish

polish monster a woman transformed into a monster by a curse okay yeah it's on witcher wiki witcher wiki i don't know i don't know if you say it's draga or striga i think he said striga in the show fucking it was she was so good and so creepy and i like how she was like watching siri like she didn't look like she wanted to kill her no no she's a complicated monster she was a very complicated monster and gerald had a very uncomplicated uh solution to the problem well i think that it seems like that was a necessary decision since she killed the whole town but yeah uh she can't she can't be allowed to live but you know but it was really fun to watch and i want more episodes like that putting it out there

anyway and i really appreciated the depth extra depth on yennefer this oh yeah season where she kind of learns has to learn how to cope justice herself yeah I think that actress is so great and I love her character. I loved her. She was still kind of kick-ass, you know? Yeah, well, that was my favorite part of just all of the ways in which she is still an absolute bad bitch, even without her powers,

that this woman is crafty as fuck and she will figure it out. As Jaskier said, that woman is crafty as fuck and will figure and she will figure it out uh as as yaskier said that woman is so scary and i that was such a good scene i love her i love them together i want more yaskier and yennefer have to work together yes more yask more yaskier and yen team ups i'm i hope in season three we get a little at least a little bit of like Jaskier, Geralt and Yen all like being serious parents. Oh yeah.

Oh my gosh. It was so cute. Like the little family like. Little family scenes. Yeah. So cute. Because in the game in the Witcher 3 like Yenneifer is very much like siri's mommy um siri's also a lot younger where she was like they actually raised

her from like childhood and not as like a young teen but i understand why they aged her up for the show yeah um well they had to also because of COVID. So they like missed a whole year, right? Yeah. Yeah. So she couldn't be quite as young. Yeah. I liked Siri and Yennefer together a lot too. It was fun. I mean, the whole show is just really fun.

So that's probably, probably enough Witcher talk. That's probably enough. But I thought it was great. I think most people are prepared for spoilers after the show's been out for it will have been out for a little more than two weeks when this episode drops but whatever if you haven't watched it yet shame on you you're probably not a huge you're probably not a huge fan uh go watch some fun Baba Yaga spooky Slavic mythology related stuff and it'll be

a good time so wonderful there's some there were so many little fairy tale elements to that show that I really love even Yasge talking to the mice I don't know it's just very very cute oh my god him with his little mice chorus was so funny just be like you two were a little pitchy

and the nilf guardian you two were a little pitchy um the nilf guardian prisoner with the cheekbones you fight like fairies he's like you would know you killed them all or whatever i don't know it's just like i feel like there's so much more story to that that I want to hear, too. Yeah. Well, they're coming out with an Elven prequel. Yeah, that looks really cool. That looks so good. Starring Michelle Yeoh, who I love.

That looks amazing. Hopefully, because I was surprised by how much I liked the Elvish Nilfgaardian storyline. Yeah. by how much I liked the elf the elvish Nilfgaard Nilfgaardian storyline yeah because I was like well this is a boring distraction from my beloved grumpy monster hunter dad uh and his adorable traumatized monster hunter daughter story that I was enjoying so much yep but I actually surprisingly I liked I liked it a lot I thought I thought that was really interesting yeah it's fun it's it's a good show it is more and that that guy has cheekbones for days he's got all the cheekbones he went around and he stole everyone else's cheekbones because his are so pronounced that man has evil queen cheekbones and i love it then we spent way too much time talking about the

witcher probably uh do you do you have any new year's resolutions i know we talked about it a little bit on our bonus episode for patreon yeah uh no new ones yeah no no new ones for me. I mean, you know, we talked on our Patreon episode about how well my last New Year's prediction went, which for those of you who don't listen to our Patreon episodes, it was that instead of redoing my yard, I let it grow and grow and grow and grow until I got a fine from the city because my weeds are too high. And so that was what I did instead of like planting flowers on it, which was my New Year's resolution from last year. So I'm keeping it simple. With my I will do one pull up. Yeah. That's a good resolution. Thank you. I like it a lot. Check in on that later. It'll be one pull up with a really thick resistance band maybe, but I will. I'll get it done. Still hard. It's still hard. I'll make it happen. What about you? Yeah. I just want to listen to more music this year, I think.

I think just listening to more music, more new music that I haven't heard before. Yeah. I really feel like that's something I'll enjoy and something that's kind of easy. Yeah. Set a low goal. Well, no. I believe I am a firm believer and a New Year's resolution should be an easy victory. Right?

So that you feel good about yourself. And that gives you the confidence to go forth and do more things that are good for you. So set yourself an easy victory for your New Year's resolution. You deserve it. And you should tell us about it you should give shoot us an email into info at fairytale fix and tell us all about your new year's resolutions because we would love to hear them and maybe uh read them out loud on the pod oh and by the way what uh we have a really exciting episode coming two weeks from now

so we have a couple of really exciting guests on next week's or not next week, but the week after episode. We have our friends from the podcast Ghosts in the Attic, Bodies in the Basement. Lindsay and Anna are going to come on the show and tell us a couple of fairy

tales. So definitely look out for that. We're really excited to have them on the show. It's going to be a really fun episode. It's been a while since we've had guests too. So we needed some social interaction. Yeah. So if you haven't listened to ghost in the attic bodies in the basement, definitely do that.

They are a really fun podcast. They talk about like ghosts and true crime. And sometimes they even talk about about folklore stuff. One of their last was a little bit about Krampus. Good. Okay. Well, and then because that's good, because we haven't recorded our episode with them yet. But they will definitely be doing a folklore focused podcast when we come on. Yeah, yeah. So check them out. So check them out. They're hilarious. They were adorable. And we had And we had a good time giggling together. Yeah. So we're really excited for you guys to hear that one. For today, we're kicking the new year off with something super easy. We're doing randomized

readings today. So no preparation necessary. So I am going to be reading a selection from Russian fairy tales today because The Witcher got me in the mood for Slavic folklore. Yes, absolutely. I have been hoping one of us would do a randomized reading from this book because I know there's so much fun. There's so much fun. It's just the thing is that that book is that there's so many and not all of them are bangers that I've been reluctant to give it a try, but I'm sure we'll find a good one. And because there are so many stories in this one, I'm going to roll a percentage die. Oh, okay. Cool. And I will get a number between one and 100. 41. Kelsey, do you want me to read Salt or The Golden Slipper? Oh my gosh. I don't know. You can't make me decide. That's too much.

I want to know what the golden slipper is about. So I'm going to read the golden slipper. Do that one. That's what I was thinking anyway. It's too much pressure. Okay. So we both get to do predictions because it's a randomized reading. Neither of us have read the story. Here is my prediction for the golden slipper. The protagonist is a royal girl. I think she loses her golden slipper in the woods on some kind of adventure. The golden slippers are magical. The golden slippers are magical. Okay, I love those. How long is this story? It's two, three-ish pages. Two, three-ish pages. Okay.

So your predictions were the protagonist is a royal girl. She loses her golden slipper in the woods and the slippers are magical. Yes. Okay. I want to predict that there's an Ivan in the story. Okay. Love it. I want to predict that somebody's trying to impress

the Tsar. I wanted to predict that somebody's going to say there's a Russian smell because that happens so much in that book. It does. It does happen a lot. It always makes me laugh. But I think that usually only happens in their longer stories.

So I'm going to predict that somebody dies a horrible death. Beautiful. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Yay, I'm so excited. All right, let's do it. The Golden Slipper.

This is from Russian Fairy Tales by Alexander Afanasov. An old man and his old wife had two daughters. Promising start. Once the old man went to town and bought a fish for the elder sister and a fish for the younger sister. The elder sister ate her fish, but the younger one went to the well and said, little mother fish, what shall I do with you? Do not eat me, said the fish, but put me into the water. I will be useful to you.

The maiden dropped the fish into the well and went home. Wow, this is so much different than I thought I was going to be already. Now, of course, naturally, God damn it. The old woman had a great dislike for her younger daughter. Oh, no. They always do. Yeah. She dressed the elder sister in her best clothes made ready to take

her to mass and gave the younger one two measures of rye ordering her to husk it before they return from church i don't know i'd rather husk rye than go to church i was gonna say it sounds like she dodged a bullet there yeah it sounds like the younger sister gets the better end of that deal personally The younger sister gets the better end of that deal. Personally. The young girl went to fetch water. She sat on the edge of the well and wept. She really wanted to go to church. Okay.

The fish swam to the surface and asked her, why do you weep? Lovely maiden. How can I help weeping? Answered the maiden. My mother has dressed my sister in her best clothes and gone with her to mass, but she left me home and ordered me to husk two measures of rye before her return from church.

And the fish said, weep not. Dress and go to church. The rye will be husked. And so the maiden dresses. Helpful fish. I know. I love this story. All all right we are continuing the vasalisa trend though of getting animals slash anthropomorphic dolls to do your work for you

yep helpful sidekicks in russian fairy tales that happens a lot in russian fairy tales i like it okay so she dressed and went to mass her mother did not recognize her and toward the end of mass the girl went home very soon her mother too came home also and said well you ninny did you husk the rye so mean you ninny you ninny i did the daughter answered what a beauty we saw at mass her mother went on the priest neither chanted nor read but he looked at her all the time and just look at you you ninnies see how you're dressed i don't know which is i don't understand why she's being so mean to her younger daughter because she doesn't like her i know but it. It's a fairy tale. But why?

For the, I don't know, probably for the same reason all like mean fairy tale mothers don't like their younger child. It's not us. She's probably pretty and nice. It's not a stepmother, right? No, it's her mother. But we had this in Toads and Diamonds. uh what uh toads and diamonds where it it was the it was the biological mom for both kids but the older one looked more like her so she okay doted on her and and yeah anyway maybe that's why my mom likes me the best i think i look look more like her. You're the younger daughter. You're the younger daughter, so it doesn't quite track. That had to have been true for Callie. I'm totally kidding.

Anyway. Anyway. So her mother is calling her a ninny and talking about how there was a very pretty girl at mass and then is making fun of how her daughter is dressed. I wasn't there, but I know all about it, answered the maiden. How could you know, asked her mother. And the next day, the mother dressed her elder daughter in her best clothes, went with her to mass two days in a row. Is that how is that? Is that a thing? I don't know. Normally it's like once a week, but maybe this is like- I thought mass was once a week. Maybe this is fairytale time. It's got to happen three days in a row.

Masses every day. Maybe masses every day in like Orthodox Russian Christianity. I don't know. Maybe. I'm going to have to Google it later, or Dustin will, and he'll send us his notes so they go to mass again and they left three measures of barley for the younger for the younger girl saying while i pray to god you husk the barley so she went to mass and her younger daughter went to fetch water at the well and of course she sits down at the edge and weeps the fish swims to the service and asks why do you weep lovely maiden how can i help weeping the maiden answered my mother has dressed my sister in her best clothes and taken her to mass and she left me at home and ordered

me to husk three measures of barley before she returns from church and the fish said weep not dress and go to church after her the barley will be husked are the fish doing all the work must be because okay i haven't turned the page yet i'm just imagining all this stuff getting super wet and soggy i feel like the fish probably shouldn't be doing this work maybe the fish are getting because like right no well it's only one fish oh it's just one fish okay it's the fish that she it's the fish that the old man who has mysteriously disappeared from this story yeah and there have been zero golden slippers in it so far thus far there have been no golden slippers i think that the fish is an enchanted fish and

maybe a prince in disguise that's my prediction I haven't turned the page yet, though. So, OK, we'll see. I also love how the father is just gone now. Like he just gives his daughters two fishes and then has nothing to do with the rest of the story. Well, bye. Not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. Okay, so the fish offers to husk the barley, presumably.

And the maiden dresses, goes to church, and began to pray to God. The priest neither chanted nor read, but looked at her all the time. Now that day, it just so happened the king's son was attending mass. What? Huh. Huh. Huh. And our beautiful maiden pleased him tremendously, and he wanted to know whose daughter she was. And to marry her right away.

And to marry her straight away, probably. He takes a note from the Cinderella's Prince playbook, and he takes some pitch and throws it under her golden slipper. Oh, goodness. The slipper remained when the girl went home. I will marry her whose slipper this is, says the young prince. Soon the woman, too, came home. What a beauty was there, she said.

My own daughter that I don't recognize because she just washed her face and put on some clean clothes it's a really different look for her it's so wildly different i had no i thought she was super pretty but so this is just like a shortened version of cinderella it's a very short cinderella the priest neither chanted nor read but all the time looked at her and just look at you. What a tatterdemalion you are. I love that. I need to incorporate that into my vocabulary. That's not what I was thinking when you said ninny.

You ninny. You ninny. In the meantime, the prince was traveling from one district to another seeking the maiden who had lost her slipper, but he couldn't find anyone whom it fitted. Probably because she is the daintiest lassie in all the land, with the deaniest, diniest, most precious feet. He came to the old woman and said, Call your young daughter hither. I want to see whether the slipper fits her. Oh, my daughter will dirty the slipper, answered the old woman. The maiden came, and the king's son tries the slipper on her. And it fits.

He married her and they lived happily and prospered. Oh, and now here is the best part, Kelsey. Our favorite part of any fairy tale. I drank beer at their wedding. Oh, that was going to be one of my predictions. You should have done it. It ran down my lips but never

went into my mouth. I was given a flowing robe to wear but a raven flew over me and called, flowing robe, flowing robe, and I thought he was crying, throw the robe, so I threw it away. What the fuck? I asked for a cap. Throw the robe. So I threw it away. What the fuck? I asked for a cap,

but received a slap. I was given red slippers, but the Raven flew over me and caught red slippers, red slippers. And I thought he was crying, robbed slippers through. So I threw them away. The end.

What the fuck? That was a whole separate story itself. Oh my God. I love it so much. I'm so happy that that was the end of the story. It was better than the story itself. I want to know more about the fish. Doesn't matter.

It was like the fairy godmother, basically. Yeah. And that I think is an excellent fix for this story. I want the fish to have been in it more and for the mythology of the fish to have been deepened a little bit. Yes. Yeah. I think that would make for a much better story.

Yeah. How was the fish husking the barley? husking the barley. What if the fish like did that like fairy godmother thing where like all the magic goes around it and then it like has like a little dress and wings but still a fish head? Yes. Yes. Nice.

Fishy godmother. So weird. What a weird little story. I love the ending. I love when they end like that. The ending speak. The ending is exactly what I love about them because it's like, I was there and it sucked. And it ran down my mustache and not into my mouth. And none of it got in my mouth and I got fine clothes, but I was kept giving it to a raven who flew overhead.

So good. And then someone slapped me. As they should. So all in all, it rather blew the end. Oh, gosh. Amazing. Okay. Well, there you go.

That was the golden slipper. Thank you for telling me that was a wild ride. It was very nothing up until the end. So that is one of the reasons it's always hard to find a story from that Russian fairy tale book. Uh-huh. That I want to read to you because I'm like, okay, it's basically Cinderella with a fish. Yes, like with a fish instead of a fairy godmother. But it doesn't have as much detail so it's kind of boring

this one was about like a girl who really wanted to go to church and yeah and let a fish husker let a fish barley and rice yes so i want to know more about that there we go i wanted the mom to come back and be all mad that the bread was like soaked i don't know that girl sounds like she has some sort of mental illness talking to fish yep she's hearing voices it's she needs a little she needs some therapy perhaps maybe she needed to go, perhaps. Maybe she needed to go to church. Maybe she did need to go to church. That girl needs to hit the confession booth right now.

Because she is hearing whispers from the devil. That would have been an amazing story. What if the fish had been the devil instead? That's the new fix. It's actually a story about demonic possession. Okay, but the devil wouldn't have offered to do her chores to let her go to church. So there's something there. We'll workshop it.

We'll workshop it. We'll workshop it. That was such a stupid one. Okay, it was to make sure that she caught the prince's eye. Oh, or the priest couldn't stop looking at her it was to tempt the priest and the priest into sin yeah i thought that was a little weird like that was creepy that was really creepy i didn't understand that part at all i was like that doesn't sound like a good thing i don't know like oh the pre the priest couldn't stop staring at her. That's. Ew.

Happy New Year. Okay. Happy New Year. Okay. None of us got points. Right? No, because she lost her shoe, but it wasn't in the woods. I said in the woods. It was not.

And it wasn't a magical. And she was not a royal lassie. Slipper. The slipper was barely in it. It should have been the talking fish. The fishy godmother. The fishy godmother. And it gets its own song.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I want a fish to talk to me. I want more talking fish in fairy tales. I really did like that. I liked it instead of like being a talking mouse. Mm-hmm. Because I love fish. No, I think it was kind of magical.

I love fish. Fish are kind of one of my favorite things of all time. I love fish. You're a fish person and a bird person. I like mice too, though. I just like them all. You're a regular Disney princess over there. Exactly.

So for this randomized reading, I decided to go with good old ruth manning sanders yay and it's from a book that i haven't read from yet from our beloved chris auto who has donated uh several ruth manning sanders books to us he's just the greatest patron saint of our podcast we love you so much all hail chris otto and it is a book of sorcerers and spells yes yes this is a book that is out of print i don't think this is one of the ones that mad media is bringing back not yet anyway yeah not yet but But it does have stories that are in other books from Ruth Manning Sanders. And I was looking through them and I don't think I know any of these stories. So.

Perfect. So I am really stoked to tell you one of these that I have never read. So I'm going to just kind of do the same thing I usually do. Flip the pages like it's a card trick. Wait, I'm not doing it yet. I got excited. I'm explaining to our kind of do the same thing I usually do, flip the pages. Like it's a card trick. Wait, I'm not doing it yet. I got excited. I'm explaining to our listeners how it's working. I flip the pages like it's a card trick.

Like pick a card, any card. And then I read that story. Okay. Okay. Ready? Yes. Stop. Okay.

It is called The Sleeper. The Sleeper. It's from Ireland. Ireland. And it's from the Book of Sorcerers and Spells or? Okay. Yep. A Book of Sorcerers and Spells from Ireland.

From Ireland. And it is a little bit, it's medium long length, I'd say. Yeah. These are smaller pages. The Ruth Benning Sanders ones are, yeah, longish. But's medium long length, I'd say. Yeah. These are smaller pages. The Ruth Fenning Snyder's ones are, yeah, longish. But yours was pretty short, I think. Mine was super short. Mine was like six paragraphs.

So I'll start. Redemption time, because we both got zero points in that last round. I'm gonna predict that there are fairies in it okay nice I feel like it's a little cheap to keep predicting

that there's going to be an angry landlord in Irish fairy tales because it's just so likely hey you know what go for it take a freebie if you want

there probably won't be one if I predict that Hey, you know what? Go for it. Take a freebie if you want. There probably won't be one if I predict that. The story is just going to change. The words on the page are going to shift as soon as I predict that. Yeah. Okay. So the sleeper is a sleeping person from a curse. Okay.

That there's a helpful fish. No. Ha! That's such a weird one i'm gonna predict that there are three siblings in this story that are important to the story excellent all right let's hear it what are your predictions for this leaper i predict that the the the protagonist runs afoul of a fairy sorcerer. Okay. So I guess that means I'm predicting that there is a fairy sorcerer in it. And I predict that the sleeper is not the protagonist.

Okay. Awesome. Let's do this. All right, let's do this all right let's do it I'm so excited once upon a time there lived in Ireland a poor widow who had three daughters

nice boom points for Kelsey the two elder were vain selfish hussies we needn't give names to no I love that it just comes right out

with it i love they don't need a name ruth manning sanders just gets it but the youngest was a brave kind little maiden called bridget oh yeah i know it's cute one day the eldest girl said i'll be hanged if i stop home to live in this poor way a day longer. Mother, bake me a cake, for I'm off to seek my fortune. So the widow baked a cake, and when it was ready, she said to the girl, Will you have half the cake with my blessing or the whole cake without my blessing? Interesting. Takes a life.

For what do you take me? Says the girl. The whole cake, of course. And that's little enough. Well, the girl gets the whole of the cake and off she goes, walking, walking. And by and by, she's tired and hungry and sits down by the wayside to eat her cake. There comes an old beggar woman holding out her hand, asking for a bite. Be off with you, you old baggage, says the girl.

It's scarce enough I have for myself. And she kicks out with her foot and surprised she is indeed when the old beggar woman vanishes. Yes! Very sorceress. Very sorceress. Maybe. After a bit, on goes the girl

walking, walking, and comes at twilight to a fine great house and knocks at the door rat tap asking for lodging yes says the noble lady of the house you shall have lodging and more than lodging you shall have a spade full of gold and a shovel full of silver if you'll sit this night and watch by my son's bed, he lies under the spell of a witch and sleeps and sleeps. I love it. Go on. Sorry, I'm still talking. He lies under the spell of a witch and sleeps and sleeps, but wake he must one time or another.

And when he wakes, there's something to do for him that only a maiden can do. You're sure the girl would have done more than sit up all night for a spade full of gold and a shovel full of silver. I know that's pretty generous. Me too. I do a lot for a spade full of gold. Especially just watch a kid sleeping at night. Sure. Yeah. So she agreed to watch and the noble lady took her to a room where the young lord lay sleeping the lord was handsome as you please and the bed he lay on was

none other than gold with covers of silk and satin there was a fire in the room and a chair by the fire and a table by the chair with two silver dishes on it nuts in one dish apples in the other and on a mat in front of the fire, a little brown dog and a little white cat were playing together. Which is cute. So the girl sat down on the chair by the fire,

and the noble lady went away and left her to watching. Well, the time passed. The girl ate an apple or two and cracked some nuts and kicked the little dog and smacked the little cat when they came too near her feet in their playing which okay well i hate her and she deserves whatever is gonna happen to her this is why she doesn't get a name yeah she really doesn't deserve one she's awful she's a dog and cat kicker a clock on the wall went tick tock tick tock and

as much as the girl could do to keep her eyes open after her long walk and all but keep them open she did thinking of that spade full of gold and that shovel full of silver and planning what she would do with the gold and silver and now and then casting a sidelong look on the young lord, who slept and slept and never stirred, till the clock on the wall struck midnight. And then, all of a sudden, the young lord opened his eyes, got up from the bed, and came to stand at the side of the girl. I don't know why. It's kind of creepy to me.

All alone, fair maid. Oh, that is creepy. Yep. to me all alone fair maid oh that is creepy yep i tell you the girl was frightened that she couldn't say a word for there was something wild and strange in the young lord's look the fair took her breath away she got a grip of the chair with her one hand and put the other hand before her face and sat and shivered all alone fair maid fair maid, he said again, and again she didn't answer. All alone, fair maid, says he for the third time. No, she didn't answer even then, but she just peeked at him from under her hand, and my word, his look was so grim and ghost-like that she made

a jump to run out of the room, but he gave her a tap with a cane that was leaning against the bedhead, and she turned into a gray flagstone and sank down into the floor. Well now. That's what you fucking deserve. That's what you fucking deserve. You deserve to be a piece of flooring beneath everybody else's boots, you bitch. Well, now, a week or two later, the widow's second daughter said she would also a way to seek her fortune. So she told her mother to bake her a cake. And rather than take half the cake with her mother's blessing, she took the whole cake without a blessing and set off walking on a fine, bright morning.

And not to weary you, it happened to this girl as it had happened to the other girl. For the second had no more manners and no more sense than the first. And she also ended up as a gray flagstone on the young lord's bedroom floor. I appreciate the courtesy of the story saying, not here to bore you. It happens exactly the same way i love that she just like cut it short she's just like yeah the same thing happened the same thing happens she's also a mannerless cur so now there's only the youngest girl bridget left at home and bridget thinks she'd best be off and see what's become of her sisters. Aww.

So she asks her mother to bake her a cake for the journey. And when her mother says, will you have half the cake with my blessing or the whole cake without eating it? What do you think Bridget says? She says, I'll take half the cake, thank you. And your blessing. Your blessing is the other half of the things that I need to make my way in the wider world, mom.

You are absolutely right. Bridget says, your blessing first and whatever you choose to give me after it. For without your blessing, little mother, I won't set foot out of the house. That is the answer. Sweetest girl. That's very sweet. So she gets her mother's blessing and half the cake. And off she goes, walking, walking, and by and by, sits down by the wayside to rest a bit and eat her cake. Then comes the old beggar woman, whining that she's hungry and asking for a bite.

Bridget laughs and says, it's lucky you came when you did. Five minutes more and I'd have eaten every crumb. But now take what's left. Cause she's the sweetest. Cause she's sweet. And she gave the old woman what she had left of the cake. And that was the biggest half of the half. Oh,

gobbled it up and smacked her lips and chuckled a bit and said, now you go on your way, dearie. And I go mine, but maybe we shall meet again. And in the meantime, here's a bit of advice for you to be going on with. Answer when you're spoken to, do what you are dared to do. Once on the track, never turn back. That literally gave me a little shivers. I am very excited about this. I am very excited about this. And should you find yourself in a fix and not know which way to turn to help yourself,

maybe that will be the very moment when an old, ugly body may thank you for the cake. And don't you believe, says she, wagging her finger at Bridget, that because the body's old and ugly, a body doesn't know what she's talking about. Wonderful. I love it. Then, before Bridget had time to say anything, the old women vanished and Bridget got up and walked on feeling a bit scared and yet proud because she now knew that she'd met with a fairy. And that's something that doesn't happen to anybody very often. happen to anybody very often. I love that so much. Fairies are the best. I love Irish fairy tales.

They make me so happy. Me too. On with her then, walking, walking, and coming at evening to the same fine great house and knocking at the door, rat-tat, and asking if she might do some service for a night's lodging, and being told, just as her sisters had been told, that she would get a spade full of gold and a shovel full of silver if she'd watch the young lord's room for the night. So now there's Bridget, seated like her sisters before her, by the fire in the young lord's room with the apples and nuts and the two silver dishes on the table by her side and the cat and the dog playing together on the mat,

the clock on the wall going tick on the mat, the clock on the wall going tick-tock, tick-tock, and the young lord fast asleep under the silken covers on the golden bed. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Bridget helped herself to an apple and cracked a nut or two. Tick-tock, tick-tock. She patted the little dog and stroked the little cat. Tick-tock, tick-tock. She glanced around at the sleeper on the bed and thought how very handsome he was and pitied him with all her heart for being under a spell oh and wondered what if anything would wake him tick tock tick tock now the clock struck midnight and all of a sudden the young lord opened his eyes got up from the bed

and came to stand at bridget's side all alone fair maid it's no use to say bridget wasn't scared because she was but she remembered the advice of the old fairy answer when you're spoken to and she spoke up bravely all alone i am not i have little dog, Bounce, and Pussy, my cat. I have apples to roast and nuts to crack. And all alone, I am not. That's so cute. I want to know if she just named the dog and the cat like right then and there. She decided to name them. Well, she only gave the dog a name.

No, Pussy, my cat. Is Pussy capitalized? That was the name. The name was Pussy. Pussy. Bounce and Pussy. Bouncing Pussy. Amazing. Amazing.

Ho, ho, says the young lord. You are a brave lass, but not brave enough, I'll warrant, to follow me. I am now going to cross the quaking bog and go through the burning forest. I must then enter the cave of terror and climb the mountain of glass. Ah, and drop from atop that mountain into the Dead Sea. And through all of these perils, I dare you to follow me, says he, giving her such a wild look out of his shining eyes as made her heartbeat faster than it should. But she remembered the old fairy's advice.

Do what you are dared to do. And she answered, I'm engaged to watch over you. And so I must go where you go. Oh, she's so brave. I love her. Yeah, she's so amazing. This is giving me very John and his brothers kind of like adventure. Definitely going to rescue her sisters who I believe will not be half so grateful.

But scared and more scared she was when he gave her a scowling look and sprang out of the window. All the same, she sprang out after him and away they go. He kind of gliding and she scampering over fields and through woods till they came to a range of great hills that shone green in the moonlight. Then, said he, open, open green hills and let the light of the green hills through. Yes, says Bridget, and let the maiden follow too. And the green hills opened and they both went through. And now they were standing on the edge of the great bog with no way around it. The young Lord stepped onto the shaky bits of moss and sod and went walking

over them as if he had no weight at all. And there was Bridget at a stand looking after him and wondering, however, she was to get across when all of a sudden the old fairy was at her side. Yay. The old fairy, you know, Yay! Sorry. You know. The old fairy touched Bridget's shoes with her stick, and the soles of them widened out like blown-up bladders on each side.

I'm a little surprised that this is where the fairy comes in. I thought the fairy was going to come in at the 11th hour, like at the very end of the trip. I guess. I like that she's giving her like shoes to walk on the water now off with you says the old fairy giving bridget a poke in the back so off went bridget between a slide and a bounce over the bog easy as you please and when she got to the other side the soles of her shoes shrank in their proper size again. Then she caught sight of the young lord just entering a forest. But, oh dear me, the trees of that forest were all on fire, and the smoke and the flames were being carried by the wind to coil about Bridget's head.

And what to do now, she couldn't think. But suddenly, a thick, damp cloth was dropped over her head and the old fairy's voice was in her ear oh once on the track never turned back oh so through the flames bridget went and never a hair on her head was singed now when she was saved through the burning forest, but she hadn't done more than half of the things she must do, if she was to keep the young lord in sight, for beyond the burning forest was the cave of terror, and the young lord went into that cave with Bridget after him. I tell you, that cave was echoing with such screams and yells and roarings and howlings

that would have deafened the girl for life if the old fairy hadn't stopped up her ears with wax. Oh, so helpful. All for a bit of cake. So then she was spared to the sounds, but she still had to endure the sights. The faces of demons grinning out of a curl of blue smoke and giant hands moving about with no arms or bodies fast to them. Cave of terrors indeed. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. Cave of terrors, indeed. Mm-hmm. with snapping teeth appearing on the cave floor, just where she was going to tread. Indeed, her heart all befailed her, but since now to turn back would be as bad as to go on,

go on she did, and at last came through the cave of terror into the moonlight. So brave. And there is a, there's an illustration. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is very,

um, a very Robin shock illustration. is there a dragon there yeah is it i think it's it's a serpent uh-huh and did he do it dirty yes the serpents are very goofy looking you just didn't know how to do a dragon he i love his drawings they're just very like quirky and it's like it's really creepy though it's also like actual mouths on the floor you so yeah it's not like scary mouths it's just like regular human mouths with like round teeth on the floor which is worth for some reason absolutely okay so she's So she's gone through the cave of terror.

She's now outstanding in the moonlight and they're now shining silver in the moonlight rose the mountain of glass with sides as steep as a house wall. The young Lord was going up the mountain like a fly in a window pane. But when Bridget saw to follow him, it was one step forward and two steps back and slipping and sliding and landing at the bottom again in a heap. There's, I don't know, there's always a glass mountain in these, on these big, like, incredible journey style stories. I like it.

I love this world building. It's so fun, like, going through all of the different places. I love it. But yeah, the Mount of Glass is a really popular one. So then came the old fairy and gave Bridget's shoe soles a tap with her stick and made those shoe soles so gummy that she got up from the bottom to the top of the mountain almost as easily as the young lord himself. So there they were standing side by side on a mountain peak and half the mile below them was the deep, dark sea. The young lord turned to Bridget and said, Go home, my lady mother. Tell her how far you came at her bidding. Now farewell.

And with that he gave a spring, and down with him, head foremost into the sea. Well, what do you think? Bridget gave a leap and after him and that was and that is more than i would have done or perhaps you but she was all worked up to dare anything and the next thing she knew she was going down down down through clear green water until bump there she was below the sea sitting in a beautiful meadow with the young Lord sitting beside her, her head resting against his arm and the sea like a green sky above them. She would have spoken then, but he held up a finger and said, hush. So she stayed quiet.

And by and by, she fell asleep. Oh, I love this so much. For how long she slept, I can't tell you. But when she woke, she was back in the noble lady's fine great house, lying in bed with the lady and the young lord sitting beside her. The noble lady was thanking her with tears running down her cheeks,

telling her what a brave girl she was, and how the witch's spell was now broken, and how the young lord was only waiting his chance to marry her. That is, if Bridget was agreeable. Yes! I love this story. A plus story. Yes.

That's a first. That's a first. But Bridget said that first she must find her sisters because that is what she had left home to do. So now if she might crave a little food to carry with her, she would set out on her journey again. And when she found her sisters, it would be time enough to think about marrying. She's such a smart, brave, beautiful girl.

Oh, I love Bridget. Me too. The young lord laughed and told her that her journey should be a very short one, and he took her into the room with the golden bed where she had sat and watched over him. Then, with his cane he struck two gray flagstones and they rose up from the floor and turned into the two sisters the insolent things began shouting and scolding say saying that it was an unfair job and that they'd been badly treated well the young lord only laughed the more so, the noble lady said they should have their rewards, though they

hadn't really earned them, and she gave them each a spade full of gold and a shovel full of silver and sent them home. But Bridget stayed in the noble lady's house to prepare for her wedding with the young lord. The sisters sulked and wouldn't come to the wedding, but Bridget's mother

came, and so did the fairy not in the guise of an old baker woman now but all beautiful and shining the noble lady took bridget's mother to live with her in the fine great house yay the fairy gave bridget and the young lord her blessing and promised that they should live happily ever after and did they live happily may we live happily also the end that story was so good it was that was a sweet one oh i love the end i love the end of that of like and happy like they lived they did live happily and i and so should we and i also i mean i don't necessarily think it's right that the sisters like got the reward but i think that's funny like like and they got sent home i guess it was an unfair task and i am feeling generous so here you go like it was just a very happy positive story nobody died horribly

so which was my prediction the first one not this one but that that was your yeah no it wasn't on this one this that was so cute uh and i got three whole points you did my predictions came true there were fairies the sleeper was a sleeping person from a curse and there were three siblings oh there you go yes that's all three for you i think that's just one for me you got the protagonist run of runs a foul fairy sorcerer which was true there is a fairy sorcerer which is true and asleep no you got three two i got i think i know i got two because runs a foul is it's a negative thing it's bad i know oh wait the protagonist runs the protagonist runs a foul of a fairy sorcerer means like the protagonist probably gets cursed or something no i was thinking the sisters

oh yeah they certainly ran a foul of the sorceress but but two for me three for you not bad we were both very like tuned in to this story ah yeah ruth manning sanders is always always the best so good i also i love uh i love these um magic adventure stories yeah and i also i love like the old woman poking her in the back with her cane of like get on get on now like yeah cute but also being very very helpful the whole way through yeah so helpful uh and um i love that this like this lassie is just super brave she was in it to win it yeah i don't have any fixes for that story at all not me either that was perfect right down to um an explanation for why only one character has a name. And then the bit at the end where she's like, my son will marry you if you're into it.

Yeah. If she's agreeable. That was a nice antidote to kind of like the one that I read, which is just kind of nothing. You know, just, it was missing a few parts, I think. Definitely.

So two stories down, that means that that is going to be it from Kelsey and I today. So thank you once again, so much for listening to fairy tale fix. If you enjoy the show, drop us a subscribe and leave a review on Apple, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, wherever they'll allow you to leave a review. It really does help people decide if they want to give us a try. And the mysterious algorithm that governs those things may take greater note of us.

So we would very much appreciate that. If you want to support us in other ways, you can get extra episodes, merch books, and other bonus content on our Patreon. You can sign up at fairytalefix.cash. And you can also just follow us on Twitter and Instagram at fairytalefixpod. We tend to post a lot of really amazing art that from just kind of different

indie artists on Instagram that showcase the stories that we told. So it's a fun follow, and I highly recommend that you do that. And beyond that, email us your favorite fairy tales, folklore, nursery rhymes, and other such things at info at fairytalefixpod.com. And so the fish got a bit more play in the story of the golden slipper, either as a old helpful witch or Satan himself attempting to seduce a priest

into sin, just something, anything about the fish in the fishy godmother and the sleeper was perfect so yeah and reed manning sanders just uh went on to write more and more fairy tales and never ever stopped would be my fix oh my god could not imagine a better fix for just life in general and the world all the best stories all the best stories come from ruth manning sanders bless her and may we all live happily ever after the end