Fairy Tale Fix - 36: Go Off, Queen

Episode Date: February 1, 2022

Abbie reads us the Ruth Manning Sanders version of Tatterhood, the story of a badass heroine who is absolutely perfect just the way she is and we wouldn’t change a thing. Kelsey dips her toes into some Greek mythology and reads a story of The Queen of the Gorgons.

I'm not going to do dry January. I'm doing damp January. What is damp January? Damp January. Moist January. Moist January. Welcome to Fairy Tale Fix. I'm Abby.. I'm Abby. And I'm Kelsey.

And we do that now where we introduce ourselves. Good for us. It's so weird. It's so weird. I'm still not used to it. It sounds so unnatural. Yeah, well, because it is just the two of us sitting here staring at each other. By the way, if I sound a little different today is because I am in a different room. Yes, yes you are. I'm recording from my bedroom because I have a guest taking over my regular office.

So if I sound a little echoey, the ceilings in here are much higher. So that might be why and I apologize. I don't hear a difference. Okay. I think you sound lovely. But yes, just in case that ends up coming through, that would be why. You know what is really nice about recording in here is I have my window open. Because my window in my office is on my back.

This, the window is just to the left of me. And I can see this little black Phoebe that's been hanging out in my backyard and what's a black phoebe it's like a bird with uh it has like a little mohawk it's black on the top and has like a white stomach and they're one of my favorite birds they're so pretty they are like super graceful the way they fly around oh i love them they're one of my favorite birds of all time. So it's kind of nice. Well, a little change of scenery. I'm happy for you. Other than it's very uncomfortable. I'm sitting on my piano bench instead of like an actual chair.

I just had this. I know, which I'm a little worried about you because, you know, my story is long today. I'm so excited, though. Abby's been telling me about this story for a while or telling me that she wants to tell me it. I have wanted to read you this story for years. So we're going to keep the opening chitchat a little short today. Oh, also, because I think the last time it was just the two of us, we talked for almost a half an hour about The Witcher. last time it was just the two of us we talked for almost a half an hour about the witcher i mean i love that conversation i don't feel like it got too in depth but yeah yeah but we're gonna

keep it shorter and sweeter today and get into the meat of it a little faster uh also the the order i just i do think it's cute because you mentioned right before we started recording. And I know this comes out on what? February 4th? February 1st. February 1st, which is the Lunar New Year. And I just think that that's very cool and charming because also we've been recording our episodes wildly out of order. So we're sitting here on New Year's Eve 2021

recording an episode that will come out on the Lunar New Year 2022. So Happy New Year for two different New Years. That's so funny. I didn't even think about that. Yeah. Happy, Happy New Year. So this is the year of the tiger. Year of the tiger. 2022. Yeah. Happy, happy Lunar New Year and happy, you know, other New Year. Happy. Yeah. Happy 2022 and happy Lunar New Year.

It's the best. Yeah. Lots of reasons to celebrate. Mm hmm. Yeah. So I hope whichever New Year you're celebrating, well, I guess everybody's done celebrating the Roman New Year. I don't know. We use the Roman calendar, I think. I don't know. But that's over. It happens already. Now we're on to Chinese New Year, which is also super exciting and a lot of fun. So happy New Year.

It probably already has been the longest year. I'm guessing. That's my prediction also. January always seems like a really long month to me. January is a very long month. And then also if you live in the United States, like Kelsey and I do, there is one more sort of federal holiday in January,

Martin Luther King Jr. Day. sort of federal holiday in january martin luther king jr day and then there is a drought of federal holidays from the end from like mid-january until may yeah so we go into the long slog of just work yep but i am really i don't know i am excited for the spring. I know it's already, it's only New Year's when we're recording, but I do like this time of year because it always makes me excited for spring. Like there's St. Paddy's Day and everything turns really green and it's really pretty. So it does where you are. Yes. Yeah. I get a good spring. I don't know about you. yes yeah i get a good spring i don't know about you february february is really nice in northern california because all of the the nut orchards start blooming and everything is super beautiful and it does and in february we get the february fake out so it feels like spring for like two

weeks in february so this will be coming out right as that's starting oh i'm so excited amazing i'm really happy for you for me uh february can be like pleasantly snowy i like i like february in maryland uh it's it's you know as i've said before i hate march i hate it so much march weather lose just dumb stupid march uh it coming. It's right around the corner. I'm sorry. I'm already dreading it. It's fine. It's only the 1st of February. So I'm being a real downer about it.

I feel like we talk a lot about weather on this podcast. We do, anyway. It's interesting to us, I think, because we live in such different climates now. Comparing and contrasting. Yeah. I think. Is that interesting to us, I think, because we live in such different climates now. Comparing and contrasting. Yeah. I think. Is that interesting to anyone else? Literally no one else.

We make this podcast for other people nominally. So I'm going to cut the weather talk short and do something we haven't done in a while. I wanted to plug our Patreon shamelessly at the top of this episode. We haven't talked about it in a minute. Hello there, listeners, gentle listeners, beautiful listeners, wonderful listeners. terms of our time and also in website fees and server hosting fees for our many, many hours of audio that we have submitted so far. And we sure would appreciate it if you've got any extra change, if you wouldn't mind tossing it our way. We'd love that. Toss a coin to your fairy tale fixtresses. toss a coin to your fairy tale fixtresses yeah and it's not for nothing if you sign up for our patreon you get bonus episodes we release one every other month previously we release them every month so there are at least what 12 bonus episodes by the time this comes out maybe 11 11 bonus episodes that's 11 hours of listening to our beautiful voices telling you

the most wild fairy tales i don't know why it and we don't do it on purpose necessarily but i feel like all of my i feel like all of my favorite fairy tales end up on the patreon bonus episodes me too um some of our some of our best ones are on our Patreon feed, and it's been a source of a lot of inside jokes. So if you want to be cool and get the inside joke, then you should head on over to fairytalefix.cash and sign up at the $6 Patreon tier or higher if you want access to those bonus episodes. We'd really appreciate it. You can be a witch's apprentice, which who doesn't want to be a witch's apprentice? if you want access to those bonus episodes. We'd really appreciate it. You can be a witch's apprentice, which who doesn't want to be a witch's apprentice?

And even if you don't necessarily want to sign up for a Patreon, at least go to the website and read the tiers all the way through because Abby made the best. Basically, all the tiers are like you're going through a little fairy tale and it's so much fun. She did such a great job creating the tiers. I i really i love them very funny i think they're so cute i love the way that she made it basically like you were walking through a fairy tale i made a fairy tale out of our patreon tears so at least go look at them read them and uh yeah consider consider signing on to support us if you don't have any extra cash right now,

that is totally fine. We love you anyway. We are planning on keeping most of this podcast free forever. And you are welcome to listen to it for as long or as little as you like. We think you are still the best people because you have good taste. But if you would like to support us in a different way that doesn't involve spending

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Absolutely. While I'm here, I'm going to go ahead and thank our current patrons. Just to give them a little shout out on the pod, let them know how much we love them. And if you want to hear your name read, then you should definitely go sign up thank you so much to all of our witches apprentices job creating dragons and our fairy overlord angel angel angel we also have one cats familiar who is adorable he is is Kelsey's husband. So thank you very much to Ellie, Caroline, Jordan, Jeremy, Lisa, Madeline, Kaylee, Zach, Kelsey, Dami, Christopher, Jen, Julia, Adam, Noah, Ricky, Elizabeth, Cynthia, and Bill, and Angel. We love you all so much and thank you very much for your

support. Yeah, thank you so much for your support yeah thank you so much for being a patron it means absolutely the world to us that you support the silly show and we love making it we have so much fun telling each other these stories and sharing them with you we really do it has made our life so uh and that's that's i think that's gonna do it on the opening patter because as i, my story is super long. And Kelsey is sitting on a piano bench. And I want to give her as little time left as possible. I actually think sitting on a piano bench gives me better posture than normal.

Because you have to sit up. You're probably right. You have to sit up straight. And I'm super stoked to hear this story. I have heard that it's amazing, but I have avoided reading it. Oh, you have? Because like, it's in A Choice of Magic. I'm really surprised you didn't read it. I don't think that's one of the ones I read. Or if I did, it was right when you first gave it to me. Yes. Oh, I'm so excited. So all of my predictions are going to be based off of what i think i know but i'm not totally sure and i only really have one prediction that i think might be right

okay well then give me your predictions for tatterhood okay which is a uh norwegian fairy tale as an additional clue i will let you know there is also a version of Tatterhood in Asbjornson and Moe's collection. Oh, I love that. That's awesome. But I'm reading the Ruth Manning Sanders version today because of course I am. Yeah, Ruth Manning Sanders are the superior versions, in my opinion. I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. Sorry, not sorry. Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry about. RMS just was the absolute best. Fairytale goddess.

Absolutely. I think that there is a good witch. And because I think there's a good witch is my first prediction. I'm going to guess that there are. I'm going to guess that there's a good witch and there's a bad witch. And they're in like a battle of some kind. Okay. Or like, you know, competition or something like that.

Are those all three of your predictions? No, no, no, no. That was my second prediction. So first prediction that there's a good witch. The second prediction is that there is also a bad witch. Oh, yeah. I guess that could be it. That there's competition.

No, I don't want that. I don't make it all about that in case that's wrong you want to hedge your bets a little more yeah okay good witch okay i guess just bad witch and a talking cat there's a good witch a bad witch and a talking cat i love it i love every fairy fairy tale that has a talking cat in it. It's always so much fun because the cat's always super sassy or it's an imp or it's I just I love it. It's my one of my favorite fairy tale themes. I totally agree. I love I love a talking cat. I love how most of the time it really is just someone's random pet cat who does not care at all they are not invested in this story but they are here to like cause trouble yeah they're here to walk up say something sassy probably something important yeah go meow meow meow i'm off to stachelia's wedding

so fucking good um also i'm just gonna throw out there since i predicted that one of the very first fairy tales we ever read we did like a trial run for fairy tale fix back in like 2016 or 17 that's on our patreon feed by the way it is on our patreon if you ever want to hear it and it has it's a terrible like sound because we didn't have like a nice setup it was just a trial run but yeah my story was so much fun and it's basically yeah or nuri murray i don't know how you're murray i have no idea it's it's an it's an irish nonsense one but it was one of my absolute favorite stories that we've told so far so you predicted that there's a good witch, a bad witch, and a talking cat. Yeah. I will say

that you're lucky I'm reading the Ruth Manning Sanders version of this story. Oh, okay. Because the Norwegian version of this story is a little different. Or I guess the Asbjornson and Moe version is a little different. There's a talking cat in RMS's story, huh? Where there are witches guess the asbjonson and mo version is a little different there's a talking cat in rms story huh

um where there are witches in tatterhood in the rms version they are trolls in the asbjonson and mo version that's crazy yeah that's such a big difference that's so interesting i wonder why it switched i don't know i think maybe ruth manannings Sanders just liked using witches more, maybe. No idea. Well, I am stoked. Well, I did know they were witches because it's in a book of witches as well. Yep. So it would have to have witches in it. Yeah, absolutely. It's got to be. But specifically a good witch. And the bad witch is part like their enemies or frenemies. Oh my gosh, that would be so cute. Frenemy witches.

Frenemy witches. I bet they are. Okay. Tatterhood. Once upon a time, there lived a king and queen who had no children. The queen mourned all day and nothing would make her happy. One day she went out to walk in the forest and came to a little house and she sat down outside the little house and wept. And a little old woman came out of the house and said, why do you weep?

I weep because I have no children, said the queen. Now, this old woman was a witch. Yes, she was. But she was good and a kind one. For such witches do exist in the world, although their number is but few. Ding, ding, ding. I'm so excited. This is the first good witch we've had

in a fairy tale fic story. Yeah, they are never good. And so I'm really excited. It's one of the things, this is my second favorite story in A Choice of Magic. Definitely one of my favorite fairy tales ever overall so yay and this is partially why because it's a good witch in it i love it so this good little witch said to the queen i can promise you a child if

you will do as i say i will do anything said the Go home, said the good little witch, and at bedtime take two pails of water and wash in each of them. When you have washed, throw the water from both pails under the bed. Look under the bed next morning and you will see that two flowers have sprung up, one fair and one ugly. The fair one you must eat, the ugly one you must not touch. Remember especially not to touch the ugly one. And may all go well with you. Are there any ugly flowers though come on there are definitely ugly flowers poor flower yeah flowers that are too uh they don't have nearly enough petal to go with the amount of um middle part okay whatever you know the bit that the bees eat from then the bit of the bees those are ugly flowers i declare okay fine i say very confidently

you need to send me some pictures of ugly flowers. I will find some pictures of ugly flowers for you. And we will post. Please do. Listeners, aka Maria, when you come across some ugly flowers, send us pictures. Please, Maria, send us some ugly flowers. Maria, send us some ugly flowers. Okay. So I wanted to pause here and tell you that the beginning of this entire section in the story, in the Asbjornson and Moe version, is so super different. It's still a king and queen that couldn't have children. But they adopt a kid to help take the edge off their loneliness.

Yeah. And so they raise the edge off their loneliness. Yeah. And so they raise this girl as their own. And then one day the queen sees her adopted daughter playing with a beggar girl. And so she goes and she scolds her daughter and tries to shoo the poor girl off until the beggar girl says that her mother knows a way for the queen to become pregnant. And then the beggar woman is the one who tells her about the two flowers and the washing herself in two different pails. And then the adopted daughter is never mentioned again. That's fucked up. It's pretty fucked up.

I like, I like the, it's one of the reasons why I just, I like the Ruth Banning Sanders version better, even though they're very similar. But the beginning is wildly different and they have to bounce in and no version anyway in this version it's a good witch and she tells the queen to bathe in two pails of water throw the water under the bed and then there will be a pretty flower and an ugly one when she wakes up the next morning the good little witch went back into her house and the queen went home that night she had two pails of water brought into her bedroom and washed herself in both of them when she had washed she emptied the water from both the pails under the bed and lay down and slept in hope and in the

morning when she looked under the bed lo there were two flowers one flower was ugly with black petals and a pinched and starved look about it the other flower i know the other flower was silvery white and softly shining most beautiful like a risen star the queen took up the beautiful flower and ate it its perfumed flavor was very sweet so sweet that the queen longed for more. And before she thought what she was doing, she had eaten the ugly flower as well, and had no taste about it at all.

Oh, no. Come on, you had one job. Oh, yes. Or maybe like two jobs, I guess, but still. She had two jobs. It was to eat the pretty flower and not eat the other one, and she has no self-control. Oh, geez. Oh, what's going to happen? Are you remembering the story at all? Did you ever read it? No, I don't think I did, which is so weird. That's perfect. I know. I thought that you'd read the whole book, but. No, I definitely haven't read the whole book.

I'm glad that you hadn't read this story because it's so fun. So I'm so glad I got to read it to you for the first time. I'm excited too. Well, well, sure enough, a few months after that, the queen gave birth to a baby girl. The baby had a mat of ragged black hair and an ashen gray face. It was very ugly. And as soon as ever that baby was born, it bawled out, Mama! If I'm your mama, said the queen, God give me grace to mend my ways.

Oh my gosh. Lady, she sounds like the worst kind of person. Yeah, absolutely. She's very shallow, the queen. Yeah, absolutely. She's very shallow, the queen. I also would just like to take a moment to say your looks are the least interesting part about you as a person. So that's why I just I fucking hate stories like this where it's like always about. Well, I don't know. I'm sure it gets better.

But like the beginning. There are reasons that I love this story so much. and you will you will see they're they're better than the last time I said that when I said that about the coat of many furs I'm like why was this your favorite that was because I only half remembered it and I only remembered the beginning and then the rest of it was you know the happy animated version where the prince is a nice name yeah except for the first five minutes of that animated version was also uh horrifying and awful all fur is the fairy tale we're referencing or the coat of many furs and that was a patreon episode that was a patreon episode

go listen to those they are bonkers bananas um but anyway back to back to Tatterhood. So the queen is very rude to her hideous little child. God give me grace to mend my ways. I know. Oh, never worry yourself about me, said the hideous little baby. The one who comes after me will be better looking. Somehow or other, this hideous little baby got hold of a wooden spoon and a goat. And before she was a week old, she was riding about on the goat and banging with the wooden spoon hell yeah hell yeah she's a badass the queen couldn't bear the sight of her and was as unhappy as she had been before

until she had another baby girl this second baby was as beautiful as a new risen star her eyes were as darkly blue as the night sky and her hair shone like silver. The queen called this second baby Berenice, which is the name of a star, and she loved her beyond all telling. But the elder sister they called Tatterhood because she would go about in a ragged hood to cover up her lank locks of black hair. I know. It's very upsetting. It makes me so mad. Hang in there.

Okay. Hang in there. Fine. Wait, what was the pretty daughter's name? Berenice? Berenice. Berenice. That is a really pretty.

It is a pretty name. Very beautiful. I've never heard that, so. Neither had I. And I just, I like it. And maybe it's Bernice and i'm just saying berenice because yeah i've heard bernice yeah bernice is a name that i know but but it's spelled b-e-r-e-n-i-c-e so i'm saying berenice because i think that sounds pretty the queen did not love tatterhood any better

as the years passed and the royal nurses tried to shut her up in a room by herself. But it was no good. Wherever Berenice went, their Tatterhood would be also. And though the queen could not understand it, Berenice loved her ugly sister dearly. Aw, yay, sisters! I know! It is a story about sisterly love, and that's why I love it so much. Yeah. Okay, now it's coming together. Well, one Christmas Eve, when the sisters were nearly grown up, Tatterhood was writing about the palace on her goat and banging away with her wooden spoon, pretending no doubt that she was a knight in armor. When she heard a screaming and a clattering in the gallery outside the queen's bedroom, she galloped off to the queen and said, what is all this racket going on up there? Whatever it is, said the queen it has

nothing to do with you go away and keep quiet if you can bitch bitch but tatterhood wouldn't go away and keep quiet she said that whatever it was she was going up there to fight it so then the queen told her that it was a pack of witches who had come there to keep christmas awesome i know a pack of witches that come shouldn't that be coming there to keep christmas awesome i know a pack of witches a pack of witches that come shouldn't they hang out there on christmas they come and they go she said we can do nothing about it oh can't we said tatterhood like hell go away said the queen yes i am going said tatterhood i'm going up to the gallery to drive the witches out but you must keep all the doors that lead into the gallery shut and locked while i am about it

go away said the queen again i know i know i love tatterhood she sounds like such a badass oh tatterhood is the baddest ass and she rides also a badass. She has a goat. She has a goat. A goat sidekick. That's the best. I know. She's great. Tatterhood is my hero.

Tatterhood went away. She went up to the gallery and the gallery was swarming with witches. They leaped upon Tatterhood in a fury, but she banged about her with her wooden spoon and swept them along like autumn leaves before her. The whole palace creaked and groaned as if every joint and beam were being torn out of its place, but the witches fled before Tatterhood's wooden spoon. Of the whole pack of them,

there was but one witch left. When one of the doors of the gallery opened softly, for the silly queen had not heeded what Tatterhood had said about locking them, Berenice peeped in. There's an illustration of Tatterhood chasing a bunch of witches around with a wooden spoon. It's fantastic. With a wooden spoon. I love that so much. I know. Oh, it's so good. What's happening began Berenice, but the last witch had seen the shining head and before Tatterhood could stop her, that witch had snatched the shining head from Berenice's shoulders and put a calf's head in its place. Now poor little Berenice could say nothing but moo.

rounded on them with fierce words for not locking the gallery doors and they fell silent give me a ship in full trim said tatterhood i will set my sister free if i can i want no captain i want no sailors my sister and i must set out on this voyage alone oh fuck yeah i know it's sister adventure sisterhood adventure there was no denying her that ship she must have, and she got it. Tatterhood took her goat and her wooden spoon and went aboard. Her poor little calf-headed sister followed her, and away they sailed, Tatterhood steering her ship to the land where the witches lived. When she came to the landing place, she told Berenice to stay on board, but she herself got astride her goat, took her wooden spoon, and rode up to the witch's castle.

But she herself got astride her goat, took her wooden spoon, and rode up to the witch's castle. And when she got there, one of the windows was open, and she saw Berenice's lovely head hung up on the window frame. In through that window she leapt on her goat, snatched the head, and leapt out again. Now the witches were after her, thick as a swarm of angry, buzzing hornets. But she banged about her with her wooden spoon, and the goat leaped and snorted and butted with his horns and so fierce were they the pair of them that the witches fell back hell yeah hell yeah i really want to see this made into a movie me too i think it'd be so good tatterhood reached the ship took the calf's head off her sister put berenice's own lovely head back in its place again and flung the calf's head after the

retreating witches. It sounds wild. I know. I know. I love it. I want the TV show. I want the show. Yes, please. Oh, this would make an incredible miniseries. Absolutely, it would. Now, my lovely one, she said to Berenice, I'm going to take you on a long, long voyage. I will go anywhere you like, dear sister, said Berenice. They sailed on and on and on. They sailed for a year and for two years and for three years. In the third year, they came to the shores of a new country, and Tatterhood drove her ship into harbor. Now, the palace of the king of that country was near the harbor, and this king was a widower with an only son. The king looked out of a window and saw the strange ship. He sent

messengers to the harbor to find out where the ship had come from and who owned it, but when the king's men came to the ship, they saw not a soul on board, but Tatterhood. There she was, waving her wooden spoon and riding her goat round and round the deck at top speed. What a sight. What a sight. Her hood had fallen from her head, her lank black hair was streaming out behind her, and her ugly face was all a grin like a goblin's. It was the strangest sight the men had ever seen that sounds strange and i just love that the protagonist isn't like the beautiful young maiden no it's so exciting she is this gloriously queer looking person just riding around on her goat just like raising hell. I love it. It was the strangest sight the men had ever seen. Hello, hello, they shouted.

Is there no one but you aboard? Where's the captain? Where are all the sailors? Before you, before you, cried Tatterhood as she galloped round. Is there no one but you aboard, they shouted. There's also my sister. Then let us see your sister, shouted the king's men. No one shall see her unless the king comes himself cried tatterhood and she galloped her goat until the

deck thundered the goat's my favorite honestly i know the goat seems amazing just like the perfect sidekick the men went back to the palace and told the king of the strange sight they had seen and the king was absolutely up for seeing this for himself and he hurried down to the harbor as soon as she saw him tatterhood called to him to come aboard and as soon as he had come aboard she got off her goat and went down to the cabin to fetch berenice never in his life had the king imagined that a maiden could be so beautiful yeah now it's starting to sound like a fairy tale here's where the fairy tale bit comes back in. Yeah. As opposed to Tatterhood's a boss.

Mm-hmm. With a goat and a wooden spoon. That should be the name of the story. Tatterhood's a boss. Tatterhood's boss. So the king falls in love with Berenice on the spot, and he takes both of the sisters back to the palace with him and makes much of them. Now nothing would satisfy him, but he must have Berenice for his wife.

But Tatterhood said, certainly not. You shall not have my sister unless your son will have me. I love it. I love her. What is it? Girlboss gatekeep? Girlboss gatekeep. That's a bad thing.

I don't know. I saw it once and it made me laugh. It's girl boss gaslight gatekeep. Oh, okay. Girl boss gaslight gatekeep. And it's bad. But Tatterhood. This is a good version of that.

Sorry. Tatterhood is not girl bossing too close to the sun. She is girl bossing entirely appropriately at everyone else's level. Yes. But better. Just the right amount. She is girl bossing the correct amount. It sounds like it.

I love it so much. I know. It's fantastic. I love how much agency she has in this story. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. It's still a very traditional fairy tale in the kind of plot beats. But the difference is it's not a king riding past in the woods and saying, I'm going to marry you.

It's her being all like, what do you give us for it? Yeah. She's making plans. She's making plans. She's arranging it all herself. I love it. With her goat and her wooden spoon. I know my Halloween costume for 2022.

Right? And the king sent for the prince and oh dear, the prince gave one look at Tatterhood and covered his eyes. No, no, I will not have her. Nothing shall induce me to marry that fright. Aw.

Bastard. Shout out to the boy. Yeah. As you please, said Tatterhood. And she took Berenice back to the ship. In a week we set sail and you will never see us again, she said to the king. The king was in despair. He threatened to disinherit his son.

The prince sulked. The king raged. The whole court was in turmoil. The days passed. The week was nearly up. And there was Tatterhood galloping her goat round and round the deck of the ship with no sign of Berenice. Okay, but I also just love the idea that this whole like town, the whole kingdom is in shambles because of a pretty woman. Because of like women's looks. I feel like that's so

telling. Absolutely. I think so too. Well, and I think it's also just such a fun part of like the agency of the story is Tatterhead's like, all right, bye. All right. And everybody pitches a fit. But she holds firm until she gets what she wants. Hell yeah, she does. Which is for some reason this prince's hand in marriage. I don't understand it. It's my only quibble. She yeah, she does. Which is for some reason, this prince's hand in marriage.

I don't understand it. It's my only, she just wants to be queen. She wants to be queen. She wants to be rich. She doesn't want to be queen. She wants to be king. She has a very king vibes about her.

She does for sure. She is an absolute king. The king went down to the Harbor. Let me look upon her once again he cried to tatterhood but she shouted back you know my terms and went on madly madly galloping about on her goat the king went back to the palace and said to the prince if you do not yield by tomorrow i will cut off your head whoa okay good lord oh god over a girl he like had a half an hour's long conversation with uh-huh losing his mind losing his mind she's so pretty he's lost it god he's threatening to kill his son because he won't marry someone. The prince stuck out his jaw and said, I will not marry

that fright. I am not doing it. I would rather die. I really would. She seems crazy. I feel like I want to marry Tatterhood a little. She sounds so awesome. I absolutely want to marry Tatterhood a little.

She sounds so awesome. Tatterhood. It could step on me. Absolutely. And she would. The king's counselors came to the prince. The courtiers came to the prince. The lords in waiting and the ladies in waiting came to the prince. They knelt before him.

They entreated him. Do not throw your precious life away. They entreated him. Do not throw your precious life away, they implored him. Marry her, and when she is your wife, you can shut her up in a palace by herself. They sound a lot smarter than the prince. I mean, that's obviously awful, but why didn't he think of that already? I just, I don't know. You don't have to see her. Married royal couples don't see each other all the time. He's being a little precious about it. He's being a little precious about it. Very well, said the prince at last.

I will bury her. And when she is my wife, I will shut her up in a dungeon. For what can she be but a witch? Eye roll. Huge eye roll. Now the king was all smiles. He would have embraced his obedient son, but the prince pushed him away. And the king didn't care even a little bit. He hurried to the harbor and bade Tatterhood bring Berenice to the palace. He hastened on the preparations for the wedding.

There was such a baking and a brewing, such a running about of tailors and dressmakers, such a dressing up of lords and ladies, such a preening before mirrors, such a trying on of jewels and coronets, such an arriving of musicians and singers, a gilding of chariots and a grooming of horses as the realm had never seen before. But the prince would have no new clothes. And as for Tatterhood, there she was, prepared to go to church riding on her goat and waving her wooden spoon. And that's the way Tatterhood did go to church. First, the king drove off with his bride in a golden coach drawn by ten prancing white horses. And the bride was so lovely that the people crowded the streets to see her pass and gazed after her till she was out of sight.

that the people crowded the streets to see her pass and gazed after her until she was out of sight then came the coaches with the counselors and the lords of the ladies a very grand procession and last of all came the prince on horseback with his head down and beside him rode tatterhood on her goat waving her wooden spoon she's awesome she's so awesome she's really she's found a look and went with it she really did she loves it it's her entire aesthetic uh-huh i i also want to say i just hope berenice is happy because we haven't heard her like point of view on this at all i don't think from the way the story is presented i don't think tatterhood would ever do anything to make her upset or that she didn't want i think my headcanon because they you know they don't into it, but my idea of what happened is they sailed for three years and Berenice probably expressed a wish to settle down.

Yeah. And so Tatterhode was all like, absolutely, my favorite person ever. I will find you a king to marry so that you have everything you fucking deserve they need to make this a series this would be epic because they spend three years sailing around the world together i want all of the stories that they possibly encountered this and east of the sun west of the moon have just endless like fairy tale adventure opportunities they really do i'm so sad that people keep making new versions of like cinderella when there's stories like this out there exactly there are so many good stories to draw from you don't have to fucking read cinderella every like two years

again yeah robin hood i feel like there are enough Robin Hoods. We've revisited some of these stories so often, and there's so many good ones. I couldn't agree more. So Tatterhood and her prince are riding along. The prince is being super sullen, and Tatterhood says to him, Why don't you say something? And the prince answered gloomily, what is there for me to say? Well, you might at least ask me why I ride upon this ugly goat, said Tatterhood. Okay. Why do you ride the ugly goat, said the prince. Is it an ugly goat,

said Tatterhood. Oh no, it's the grandest horse that ever a bride rode upon. And lo, the goat became a horse and that horse was the most magnificent animal that ever trod the earth. I mean, that's exciting, but also, aw. I know, I know. I loved that goat. Well, I just think of that goat as like Donkey when Donkey gets turned into that horse in Shrek 2. I'm sexy. I'm sexy i'm sexy oh as long as the goat's happy i knew she was a witch thought the doleful prince but he said no

word and they rode on in silence until tatterhood said again why don't you say something and again the prince answered gloomily what is there for me to say you might at least ask me why i ride with this ugly spoon in my fist all right why do you ride with that ugly spoon in your fist asked the doleful prince is it an ugly spoon why it's the loveliest silver wand that ever a bride carried said tatterhood i was hoping a little that it would be like a fucking big-ass sword. I know.

That is an excellent, that's an excellent fix for the end of the story. Oh yeah, that's my fix, that it turns into a big two-handed sword. A big-ass sword. And lo, the wooden spoon became a silver wand, shining so brightly in the sunlight that the prince's eyes were dazzled. But again, he said no

word, and they rode on in silence till Tatterhood said again, Why don't you say something? And the doleful prince answered, What is there for me to say? Well, you might as well ask why I wear this ragged hood on my head. Well, then, why do you wear the ragged hood? Is it a ragged hood, said she? why do you wear the ragged hood? Is it a ragged hood? Said she, why it's the brightest golden crown that ever a bride wore. And lo, that instant, the tattered hood became a golden crown. And I love how the prince is still not picking up on what's going on here. And how, I don't know, I feel like this is a good representation for how some people are just so bad at asking questions. Yes.

for how some people are just so bad at asking questions. Yes. Like, have you ever met someone so boring and you're like, so what are you, what do you like? And they like tell you what they like, but they never fucking ask you any questions and you're just like. Give me something. Hey, I'm a person.

I've got my own things going on. And then when you try to tell them about yourself, they're still not interested. Like they just lapse back into silence. And she clearly has the most interesting things going on. Everything's turning into magical items. And she was off adventuring for three years. I hate this prince. You're not interested?

Well, that's why I think Ruth ruth manning sanders is calling him like the doleful prince yep doleful sullen just the worst absolutely so her hood becomes a golden crown although now that you've mentioned the sword thing i now uh instead imagine that it's a big golden helmet. Fuck yes. With spiky, spiky crown things on it. That would be amazing. All of this is just going to change. Yeah.

They rode on in silence until Tatterhood said, why don't you say something? I have nothing to say, answered the doleful prince. Well, you might at least ask me why my face is so ugly and ash and gray all right said the prince peevishly why is your face so ugly and ash and gray i can't believe he doesn't get it bro bro how do you not see the pattern what's occurring here you were so stupid i cannot with this prince i know am. Am I ugly? Said Tatterhood. Why, you think my sister is beautiful, but I am more beautiful than she is. And lo, when the prince looked at her, there she was, a maiden more lovely than all the stars in heaven.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cloud in golden armor. Is what I would change that to. Yeah. Or just, I don't know, making him finally see her inner beauty and all the other great things

about her that she's a fucking badass. Yeah, that she's a very interesting person. Yeah, like, that's the only thing I don't, yeah. No, 100% agreed. I did love this part when i was a

kid though oh yeah i'm sure because it was magical and i thought it was great but uh but no girl the pretty i know i'm the prettiest girl yep and then he says oh my beautiful one, gasped the prince. Who and what are you? As you see me, so I am, said Tatterhood, and she left. And then she sliced off his head with her giant sword. And then she cut his head off with her giant sword, because he's a sullen bastard. That's what I want the ending to be. There are so many great potential, like, rewrites of this ending.

You may be sure the prince didn't hang his head or wish to tarry after that the pair of them rode on at a brisk pace and soon caught up with the bridal procession now the people who were crowded in the streets were not looking at berenice any longer they had eyes for no one but the beautiful tatterhood they cheered and cheered as she and the prince rode by so they all arrived at the church and were married the the king and Berenice, the prince and Tatterhood. And Berenice said, now you see my sister as she really is. She was always beautiful to me. They rejoiced together. They held the bridal feast and all went merrily. The end. Oh, I did love that. That was a great story. I am so glad you liked it. The ending is, I love the ending so much that Berenice is just kind of like, I've always thought she was beautiful. Mm hmm. Yeah, that was absolutely gorgeous.

Like now you see her as I see her. I love that. Although I do. That's the only fix I have is that the prince would just see her for how fucking badass she was and not make it about like, now that she's pretty he's willing to marry her like maybe he could gain a little more interest each time and like you know i feel like that would be such an easy fix and not make it all about a fucking woman's looks which is ugly and so that's why he you know is sad yeah it. Yeah. It's so irritating and so kind of toxic to keep spouting off that rhetoric. I know, you know, I feel this way.

We've actually had recent conversations about this. We have. Yeah. Yeah. And I 100% agree. I think that that's the best. There are a lot of potential fixes for the end of the story, but that's my favorite one is that like the more magical feats she reforms on

their, yeah, on their ride to the church, the more interested in her, he becomes that he doesn't stay like super sullen until she becomes beautiful. Or it could even be like, he,

he likes her instantly, but he's like super scared of her because she is terrifying. I love that too. Like she is a wild and he's just like, way too intimidated, but eventually gets to know her and yeah, finally gives an I don't know, it could just be there are so many ways you could fix that. Yeah, I also really like a potential ending where she doesn't become beautiful um yeah yeah it should like you said armor or like something just clicks in him where he sees how fucking awesome she is yeah and gets excited about about all of the interesting possibilities of getting to know her um that don't involve her

just becoming pretty. That does bother me now more as an adult than it did as a kid. Or that she just slices his head off. Another fabulous potential ending. But this story will always be very precious to me because it's a story about just this badass girl who loves her sister.

Yep. Just because so many of these fairy tales like badass girl who loves her sister. Yep. Just because so many of these fairy tales are about sisters who hate each other. Yes. Or one sister is cruel and awful. I like that it's a story about the ugly sister who is an awesome badass person all by herself and isn't agreeable and does all those things that that fairy tale women get punished for in other stories but she uses them to protect her her younger sister yeah and i just i love it so much i have some issues with the ending it's why it's not my favorite fairy tale ever unlike the wonderful shirt but it's not a perfect fairy tale. No, but, but it is up there as,

as just one of my favorites of all time. Yeah. Very close. Very wonderful. I, I loved everything about that except for, you know, the importance of beauty.

I just, you know, it's a little, yeah. How she suddenly becomes worthy of this Prince's affection when she becomes beautiful, not when she accomplishes any of these magical feats or no what the fuck like yeah i guess oh geez so major eye roll at the very very

end otherwise awesome otherwise a fantastic story i love the idea of a mini series where instead of being like it's not that he it's not that he's so shallow that he refuses to marry her because of her looks. I love the idea of she just scares the piss out of him. Yeah, that's kind of fun, right? I think that's kind of fun. I think that's a much more fun dynamic to explore. Well, I think I only got the one point because when I mentioned a bad witch, I was genuinely thinking that the story would be about like a good witch and a bad witch kind of battling it out. And that definitely wasn't what happened. No, I do think that the witch, the second witch we encounter is bad. She snatches Berenice's head off.

Yeah, but that's not the way I was like imagining the bad witch. We can we can. Yeah, we'll say we'll say you got one point. Because there was definitely no talking cat. And there was no like singular bad witch. It wasn't a story about a good witch and a bad witch. Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking like that it would be like about a good witch and a bad witch. But it really wasn't about it really wasn't about the witch at all not at all unless uh i mean if you think about it tatterhood is a bad witch oh my gosh she is an absolute baddie the absolute baddest oh that was so good i loved it i love her i love the goat i'm kind of sad it turned into a beautiful style i know tatterhood with her on on her goat with her wooden spoon is an image that I love so, so much.

And I'd like to imagine that she can resume that form whenever she pleases. I hope so. Because, I don't know. I just love that. That's the whole point of why I liked Shrek 2 so much is because they do become beautiful. But then they realize that they want to be to be themselves or at least Shrek. Yeah. I don't know about Donkey.

Donkey was upset. Donkey was very upset. He did not want to be a donkey. He loved being like a beautiful white stallion. Oh, but you know, I like Donkey better as himself. Because you should like people for who they are and not just what they look like. I don't know. Just, ugh.

Yeah. I could wax on forever about that topic. I absolutely hate it. How you look. Well, go off, queen. How you look is just the least interesting part about your whole being. You are so much more than what you look like. And I hate that societal – the importance that society puts on your looks just makes me bananas. Bonkers bananas.

On the package you come in. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely infuriating. There's so much more to you and so much more to everybody. And you got to keep that in mind. Because, you know, society teaches you that looks are so important and you trust people who are better looking and people who are better looking

get better jobs and somebody tiktok there was like a whole trend a pretty privilege was is a real thing it's a real thing absolutely yeah i've had friends who've lost like tons of weight and they get better jobs. People like them more and they just get treated better. It's fucking, it's awful. It's. Well,

especially when you factor in who gets to decide what pretty is and what pretty means and what features are considered pretty. Typically in this country, we tend to think of like more Western European features as that's the standard for what is pretty. And anybody who does not have Western European features is considered less pretty. I think that that might be, I hope that's changing. I think that that is changing a little bit, but ultimately in society writ large, like if you don't have certain features and you're not at a certain weight or body type, you will be kind of punished socially for that. And you know who makes money off of you thinking that way? Fucking old white dudes.

They make money because they own all the skincare and makeup companies and all the gyms and I don't know. All the companies that invented chemical relaxers for your hair and going in and getting tans or getting your skin lightened or getting whatever it is. Getting the plastic surgery to make your nose the shape that society tells you it should be. It's bullshit. It's bullshit. tells you it should be. It's bullshit. It's bullshit. It's also I want to say like, if you do want to, you know, modify your body in a way that makes you happy. Absolutely. Like, I'm all for that, too. It's not like, you know, like, if you want to get Botox, that's totally fine. But it's just something that you should want for yourself and not to like, please someone else.

And wear a lot of makeup for yourself but it's something you do because it makes you happy yeah so like no never any shame against people who want to look good like that's fine but it's just like you shouldn't put so much stock in how you look based on like your personality and who you are and your morals and like yeah what you're put on earth for like that's your looks are it should be real low on that priority on that priority list, as low as they can be trying to survive in a society that puts so much stock in them. Yeah, exactly.

It's not like I don't put on makeup every day and curl my hair and try to look good. It's like, yeah, but it is. But it does also like kind of suck at the same time. And I think it's important to remember that about other people too. Because I just people are so judgy. Like women can do nothing right. Yeah. Yeah.

Like you're either wearing too much makeup or too little or you're, you know, do or you're fussy about your clothes or you're not fussy enough. So I love that story. But there's so much conversation that needs to happen about why that story ends the way it does and how we can fix it. I have so like so many more opinions like we didn't we didn't even get into like, you know, how how that affects like, people who aren't ascribing to like the way men or women should look, quote unquote, that are that are that are also doing

something like fun and outside of the gender binary and what society is determined like looks good for women or looks good for men yeah but they're just they're doing something entirely fun and different um yeah i just so many so many feelings so many feelings. So many feelings. Tell us your thoughts and feelings. Tweet at us. Tweet at us. Do it. We want to hear from you. Or just email us and let us know how you feel about Tatterhood, how you would fix it. Or if you like the story for the exact way it is, you know, let us know.

Because that's allowed. That's allowed, too. You don't have to not care about being pretty you can care about being pretty so many feelings it's why i just kind of like that tatterhood is just kind of this incredible uh you know the the book the book literally describes her um as queer queer looking which i know i know like it's meant in the pejorative but uh but i also can't help but hear it a little bit as like she just she looks queer and yeah i love that for her and she was perfect the way she was damn it perfect exactly the way she was with her riding her goat wildly

waving her wooden spoon being the witch all of us should be and aspire to be in our lives. Okay. Abby. Yes. I am really excited to tell you a story from this book that I found. Hell yes. It's called Greek Legends and Stories. And I actually. Excellent.

I got this book for $3.93 from the little free library near my house in my neighborhood. I think I took a picture of it on Instagram when I got it and it's been way too long. I've been dying to tell you one of these stories. I love free 90 free books. Yes. Little free libraries are so cool. I don't know if you've ever seen one like around your neighborhood, but they're just like these little perches. They're like they're exactly But they're just like these little perches. They're like they're exactly what they're called. They're little libraries. You can take a book and leave a book.

Yeah, I've gotten some of my favorite books that way. I know. It's so much fun. I go through it every time I ride my bike by it or take a walk by it. I always take a look. And normally I end up leaving books. I love, you know, if I'm out shopping for books, sometimes I'll buy two just because I want to donate one because I think it's fun for like the kids in my neighborhood and also pushing the gay agenda.

Yes, Kelsey. Push the gay agenda in your neighborhood. I left my Cinderella is dead book there and And I was like, Oh, yes, it was gone like the next day. I love that because you can't tell just by looking at it that it's a lesbian book. Yeah, exactly. You just Oh, this is a fun like this is a fun little YA adventure. But it's a gay agenda book. Teenagers will get it and they'll read it and be like, oh my goodness. Anyway.

Excellent. I'm so happy. But I do. I love leaving books in it. It's really fun for me. And I love checking out the books. So I found Greek legends and stories. And today I am going to tell you the story in here.

It's funny because it's not all story like, so I can't read all of them. A lot of them read more like a history textbook. Sure. Because, you know, there are like multiple stories about all of the Greek gods, I think. Mm-hmm. But this one is called The Queen of the Gorgons. Oh, I'm so excited um oh my gosh i'm excited for you to make predictions because you were a little bit of a greek mythology nerd i'm high school right oh absolutely i love the greek gods like i and i and that was before i i was i loved i loved greek mythology when i was in

junior high school and elementary school and i only ever read the like the really cleaned up versions and then i got i got older and i read some of the some of the messier stuff this is and still loved it yeah this is a i, a Barnes & Noble book, I'm pretty sure. So I think this one's a little bit more cleaned up. Probably. Probably. Probably. I am currently – this is just a plug for someone that's not sponsoring us, it is on the the greek gods um theme i'm currently

reading a a comic series online called lore olympus which is the it's the hades and persephone story but done in a um really beautiful cartoon way and uh and kind of envisioning them as sort of like olympus being a modern place yeah like a modern city it's really really i've seen it online like i think they have done advertisements for the comic oh they've done they've done like because it's it's been on it's been on webtoon for free but you can but she is now actually uh putting the comic in print nice and it is super pretty highly recommend everybody go check out lore olympus uh but she is now actually putting the comic in print. Nice. And it is super pretty. Highly recommend everybody go check out Lore Olympus.

It's beautiful. Anyway, predictions for the Queen of the Gorgons. Isn't Medusa a Gorgon? She is. That's correct. And I don't know how to pronounce a few of these things. I might need your help. Well, we'll see if I know how to pronounce a few of these things i might need your help well we'll see if i know how to pronounce these things i know the way i've been pronouncing them in my head since i was 12 so

maybe i can help you with abby's 12 year old pronunciations of what these things are called um okay gorgons and it's the queen of the gorgons and this it kind of does read more like a fairy tale which is why i chose it for my for my first greek myth i'm going to guess that medusa is not the queen of the gorgons even once a beautiful maiden who ran afoul of one of the main 12 Greek gods. One of the big ones, one of the Olympians. And then my third prediction, there'll be two snakes fucking and somebody won't like that. Oh my gosh we already read that one though no i know i just it was so funny my third prediction for queen of the gorgons is she gets slain by a hero at the end. Okay, Medusa is not the queen of the Gorgons.

The queen was once a beautiful maiden who ran afoul of one of the Greek gods, which happens in so many stories. It's a pretty safe bet. I read through so many of these this morning and like, yeah, man, people just keep fucking with gods. Stop it. Curse you for something like, like just spoiling a temple or insisting you could beat them in some kind of contest or saying that they're not the prettiest one of them all. Or they'll have maybe consensual but probably not sex with you. Or both. Yeah, all three. or all of those things could happen if it's a story about zeus uh-huh uh and then your last prediction is slain by a hero so yes i am gonna go ahead and tell you the queen of the gorgons or gorgons. Gorgons. Go with Gorgons.

I think I think I've mostly heard it said Gorgon with our stupid English mouths. Stupid English mouth. Part of me wanted to read this also because of that game Dark and Light that I used to play. that's so much fun is they have gorgons as like npcs that stand around with like spears and they'll kill you if you fuck with them but if you pay them they'll give they'll give you like good swag so nice nice nice nice nice it was really fun sounds very greek the queen of the gorgons the gorgon and classical literature were three frightful sisters called Steno, Urael, and Medusa. They were the daughters of Phorsis and Sado. Later tradition placed them in Libya. Instead of hair, their heads were covered with writhing serpents and they had wings,

claws, and large teeth. The only mortal one was Medusa and according to legend, she had once been a beautiful maiden but her hair was changed into serpents by athene as a consequence of having an affair with poseidon and in one of athene's temples medusa or athena is it spelled athene in there uh-huh oh all right yeah it was that the same person athena Athene? I think Athena, yeah, probably. It's Athene, like A-T-H-E-N-E. So I figured maybe they're different or maybe it's just different in this book. Yeah, I think it's traditionally, I think it's Athena.

Okay, I'll just say Athena then. Athena's fine. Same character. It says Athene in this book, but I'll change it. All right, fine. Because I knew Athena more. I thought maybe they were a different person. Nope, I think they're the same. same character it says athene in this book but i'll change all right fine because i i knew athena more i thought maybe they were a different person nope they're the i think they're the same they're just doing a different a different spelling the greek gods also each have like about 12 different

variations of their names medusa became the mother of cryosaur and pegasus the winged horse yes i didn't know that that's awesome yeah I didn't know there there's a lot of stuff about Pegasus in this book that's kind of interesting like I didn't realize Pegasus was like its own Greek god so after the snakes were added her head became so forbidding that everyone who saw her was turned into stone hence the great difficulty that Perseus had in killing her when he tried to do so by seeking out her reflection in his shield. And in later Greek folklore, the role of the Gorgons seemed to have entirely changed. They became more like the Nereids. Sure. Although no exact description of them exists, they can appear as beautiful women,

but may have another side to them. And like the Nereids, are connected with whirlwinds. And here's where the story begins. That's so fun. Oh my gosh. I already love that tidbit. I did not know that Medusa was Pegasus's mother. I know. I didn't either. I didn't even realize, like, I'd never even thought about Pegasus having a mother. Well, in the cartoon, Zeus makes him out of a piece of cloud. The Disney version of Hercules really isn't the most accurate. Super not. No, it is not accurate at all. Fun fact, I think that since she is the mother of Pegasus and she had an affair with Poseidon, that actually does weirdly make sense. Because I think I remember reading that Poseidon is also like, you know, one of his domains is horses for some reason. Like he's the god of the sea and horses.

Yes. Actually, that was another story I was reading earlier. It was the contest of Poseidon and Athena. So yeah, he did. He created the first horse in Greece out of a salt well. That's cool. Yeah. Poseidon made a well of salt water by striking the rock with his trident. Some say when he struck the rock, the first horse to ever have been seen in Greece appeared. So you are correct. Yeah. On to the actual story. On to the actual story.

On to the actual story. We're going to get through it. And this one reads so much like a fairy tale, which is why I really wanted to read it. There was once a king and queen who had an only son. Whereas the king was good, the prince was bad and ugly, which I'm taking that he just had an ugly personality. It has nothing to do with how he looked. He was just a bad guy. Mm-hmm.

His soul was ugly. The king had a vizier, and the vizier had a son who was good and handsome, as the prince was bad. They were of the same age, but the prince took every chance he could of ill-treating the vizier's son. One day, the vizier was out hunting with his tutor when he saw lying on the ground a splendid golden feather. He asked his tutor whether or not he should pick it up. The tutor said that whatever he did, he would regret, so he picked it up, put it in his cap, and rode on. As they returned to the palace, the prince who was looking through his spyglass saw something glinting in the sun.

It was the feather in the vizier's son's cap. As soon as the vizier's son got back to the palace, the prince sent for him and asked him what he was wearing in his cap. The vizier's son told him that it was only a feather and went on and got it and offered it to the prince. But the prince said he was not interested in the feather he wanted the bird from which it came the youth went down to his tutor and bemoaned his fate and told him what the prince wanted the tutor advised him to go to his father and ask his advice upon hearing what had taken place the vizier advised them to take some wineskins full of wine and go to a cistern in the forest. This they did, then retired behind some bushes and watched.

A beautiful golden eagle alighted, bathed in the wine, drank it, and flew away, only to return to drink some more. Which I totally love this eagle. You get it. He goes like, Hey, this is way better. This time when it tried to fly away, it could not and was speedily captured by the vizier son who took it to the

palace. You would have thought that the prince would have been delighted to receive the bird, but he was not. He fiercely resented the fact that it was the vizier's son who had caught it. Of course. Because he's a dick. I think it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't sort of situation.

I think that he just would have been upset either way. Yeah, I think that's why his tutor was like, you're going to regret it either way. Yeah. Yep, do what you want. Do whatever you do. What pleases you? The queen of the Gorgons and the birds was out walking when she heard the news.

In her distress, she tore off her girdle and flung it away and then shut herself into her palace to mourn. But she was very fond of the eagle. Queen of the Gorgons and of the birds. Uh-huh. Yeah. She's queen of gorgons and the birds i like it after some time the vizier's son and his tutor went out hunting again and as they were returning they saw something shiny in the grass under a tree it was a broad golden girdle with gorgons and fishes represented on it. The boy didn't know what to do. Should he take it or should he leave it? And he decided to take it.

Nope, never take a goddess's girdle. That's a stupid idea. He didn't know. But that's one thing I do love about Greek gods is like, I mean, back then they were like, everything could be a Greek god. So you have to be kind to everyone and just assume that it has to do with the gods and leave it alone. Be careful. You never know who is actually Apollo in disguise. Exactly. So he took the girdle and he decided to take it and put it on.

And again, the prince saw it gleaming as they returned. And the prince asked to see the girdle, admired it, and said to the youth, go fetch the woman to whom the girdle belongs. The vizier's son was very upset. He did not know what to do. And as usual, he asked the advice of his tutor, who told him it was no use weeping. They had better see if they could find her. So they went back to where they had found the girdle and cast around to see if they could find anyone. On a small side of the road in the deep valley, they came across a splendid palace half hidden in the woods. In the garden, a beautiful woman was walking home.

The youth called to his tutor and they rushed in and seized her. Oh, my God. Which, terrible plan. We don't even know if this is the right lady. She's like, here, here's a woman. She'll do. That's a woman. Yeah.

The youth put her on his horse and galloped back to the palace with her. On the way back, she contrived to break the pearl necklace that she was wearing, scattering the beads everywhere. Nice. Nice, nice, nice. Okay.

I like her. Yeah. You got to leave. If you get kidnapped, you got to leave your stuff so they can find you. Yep. When the prince saw her, he immediately fell in love with her.

Of course he did. Doesn't this read exactly like a fairy tale? It reads exactly like a fairy tale. Oh, humans love telling each other the exact same kind of story over and over again. Well, she refused to return his suit until all of the pearls, which were scattered on the road, had been returned to her. The vizier's son was sent to collect them, and when he and the tutor came to the place where the pearls had been scattered, they found it was near a large anthill, and the ants had carefully arranged the pearls in rows around the hill so that it was quite easy to pick them up. Hmm.

so that it was quite easy to pick them up. When the beautiful woman, who was really the queen of the Gorgons, Hell yeah! counted them, none of them were missing, she demanded that who had ever caused her all of these difficulties and pain be punished, and the prince was only too glad to agree.

Well, no, but technically it's him. Yeah. Technically? Technically he's the one. Mm hmm. I don't know. The vizier did steal the golden eagle feather and the eagle. And killed the eagle.

I mean, at the behest of the prince. So it's complicated. It's complicated. It's a Greek story. It's complicated. She had demanded that whoever had caused her all these difficulties

and pains be punished so the prince was only too glad to agree she said an oven should be heated for seven days and seven nights and on the eighth day

the vizier's son should be placed inside to be burnt alive okay which is fucking harsh jeez alive okay which is fucking harsh the prince gave orders for this to be done but there was consternation in the palace sure as the youth was very popular with everybody the next day the queen of the gorgons went for a walk by the seashore the prince went with her and he heard her repeat many strange magical

words while she was walking, which the prince could not understand. And when he asked her what she was doing, she replied that she was saying her prayers. So he left her. Meanwhile, the oven had been heating up for seven days, but on the queen's orders, the Gordons were pouring water in the back, just as the Scullions were piling wood on the front then the vizier's son was seized and put in the middle of the oven and left there all night when the oven door was opened at dawn he came out alive and well because the oven was quite cool oh so it's mysterious what yeah okay the queen of the gorgons then said that she had a trial for the prince to undergo to test his love. Yes. She's so dramatic.

I love it. He, too, should undergo the trial by fire, but for him, the oven should only be heated for two hours. She explained that her parents had insisted that whoever she married must undergo the trial by fire. Privately, the prince told the Scullions to put very little wood on so that the fire should not be too hot. And after two hours, the middle of the oven was opened and the prince got in.

As soon as he was inside, the queen clapped her hands and the Gorgons piled on more wood. Soon the prince was burnt to a cinder. Whereupon the queen hastened to the garden to the vizier's son, who was seated under a tree. She took his hand, then clapped her hands together, and a whirlwind immediately whisked them away to her palace. Yes. There the queen said to him,

Although you are young, you are brave and fit to rule with me over the gorgons and the birds, for I am their queen. Yeah. I'm actually a goddess. Because I loved you, I arranged with the gorgons to bring water to cool the oven when you entered it. I also arranged they bring fire to destroy the prince, as he was not worthy to live and reign after his father. If you want me for your wife, then marry me. If not, you are free to return to your own place. Which is also nice.

Yes, that's excellent. This is very good fairy tale behavior. That's odd for a god. Seriously. Usually it's just kind of like, I don't really care if you want me or not. You'll have me. The vizier's son readily agreed to marry her. The tutor, the vizier, and his wife were all invited to the wedding.

And for all I know, they are still ruling over the Gorgons and the birds. The end. That was great. You know, it never said if Medusa was the queen of the gorgons or not so it didn't say if she was queen yeah it didn't mention any of them like any of them by name yeah yeah so do you i don't know i feel like that's oh wait you said medusa is not the queen i said medusa is not the queen oh okay and then when i idly googled the gordon the gorgons just now oh um right it's it said that she that medusa is the queen of the gorgons yeah i don't think you got any points i don't think i got any points on that one sorry that's too bad for me but i

love that story though if she like whisks him away to her palace and like you can you are fit to rule beside me uh-huh i mean that's the ultimate compliment right yeah i'm already a pretty powerful queen um i'm a literal goddess so uh all right well i yeah i thought that story was really fun i wanted to know more about the gorgons because i i love that like whole idea although that didn't really tell you much about their history other than one of them used to be a mortal a mortal woman yeah athena's a pretty vindictive bitch she actually she, she has cursed multiple women. Oh, you know, one of the stories I was going to read, I'll have to read this one next time I pick her up from this book. But it's really funny because I think Athena, I'm not going to tell you which one it is,

but I think Athena does something really mean and vindictive. And it's funny because the whole last half of the book is like explaining, but she wasn't always this bad. She did a lot of good things too. And here are all the good things she did. It read like really strange. So that's why I didn't read that one. That's hilarious.

I love that. Because they were like making up for the horrible things she had done for this. I think that's so funny. Because like Athena, yeah, Athena is not a very nice lady. She does cool stuff too, though. Like they're not wrong. I feel like most of the gods in the stories, like the big ones, are problematic. They're not very nice people. In just so many ways. They are the world's meanest soap opera family

well what i really loved about this story was it kind of it read like a traditional fairy tale with the roles mixed instead of like a king it was a queen the young beautiful maiden was actually just the vizier's son yeah a young beautiful boy who everybody really liked yeah i thought that was fun yeah i love that i think that's a fun role reversal and then like she takes him away to her palace at the end and i love that it's all of her own devising as she she like she feigns helplessness and like oh i'll marry you if you do these things for me. But she actually rigs it to the way she wants it. Yep. And I love that.

And it also ended in that way, like, and who knows? I don't know. Maybe they're still ruling over today. Uh-huh. I love how, I love when stories end like that. That was great. Do you have any fixes for it? I feel like it would have helped if they had given more context to the story and that like the queen had fallen in love with the vizier's son.

Like it was just kind of abrupt that he that the Gorgons were placing water into the stove. So it didn't burn him alive. Like I kind of was starting to guess what was happening, but it wasn't explicit. I know it just seemed a little a little random at first. Yeah, definitely. And also also you know i just i kind of went i mean this story has a lot of background in the beginning i guess like this book in general kind of gives a lot of background but i would like more about like the eagle and

like how they rule over the birds i guess guess. And what the connection is there. Yeah. That would be my only fix as well, is a few more cultural context notes as the story went on, I think would have been helpful for that one. And just more story, I guess. It was a little...

Short and sweet. But I like that both of our stories had a had a big theme of protagonist agency. Yes, absolutely. And picking out the person you want to marry and then rigging it so that you get what you want. Absolutely. Hell, yes. Happy. Always, always one for the underdog is the queen of the gorgons really an underdog oh i was thinking the protagonist was the vizier's son oh i forgot about him it

wasn't the prince it was the vizier's son it was the vizier's son he was still semi-important but yeah not no you're right i forgot that he was technically the protagonist of that story and it was not actually the queen of the Gorgons. She should have been the protagonist. I want more stories just based on her point of view. Agreed. All right. Well,

that's going to do it for us today. Thank you so much for listening to fairy tale fix and happy lunar new year. If you enjoy the show, please subscribe and leave us a review on Apple or Stitcher. Or you can now rate us on Spotify. If you love the show and want to support us, you can get extra episodes, merch, books, and other cool bonus content at our Patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash for just about what you pay for a latte a month. Absolutely. So cheap. Yep. It's a latte a month. Absolutely. So cheap.

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and other such things at info at fairy tale fix pod.com trying to decide on my favorite fix for tatterhood it's difficult um but i think ultimately and so the prince became gradually less and less sullen with every incredible magical feat that tatterhood performed eventually uh deciding that she actually was pretty interesting and he wouldn't mind being married to her and not locking her in a dungeon because she's a boss. I love it. And the Queen of the Gorgons was actually the protagonist in this story. And we got her point of view and it just had a lot more about the Queen of the Gorgons and also about the Golden Eagle because I want a lot more about the queen of the gorgons and also about the golden eagle

because i want to hear more about that and they all lived happily ever after the end