Fairy Tale Fix - 4: Falada Deserved A Fair Trial

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

Kelsey covers The Goose Girl from the Brothers Grimm (story told to them by Dorothea Viehmann), and Abby covers one of the many Russian folk tales of Baba Yaga (who is NOT John Wick but an old witch).

Hi, this is Kelsey and Abby with Fairytale Fix. We're kicking off our November Fantastic Fun Drive and Cahoots with our podcast network, Fantastic Worlds Productions. So making this podcast is absolutely a dream come true for us. We've literally been talking about doing this for two years at this point, and it's incredibly fun to make. But did you know that it's also really expensive to make podcasts? That's right. Our website upkeep, hosting fees, audio equipment, editing software, and just our time really add up when it comes to keeping this thing going. As our producer says, it pays in the negative bucks.

Dustin does say that a lot. That's why we pay you the no bucks. Justin does say that a lot. That's why we pay you the no bucks. So we could really use your help with it. But it's not for nothing. If you join up, you get extra content like extra episodes. We'll also be releasing our original pilot, some other behind the scenes type stuff. Shout outs to people who join at our producer level.

Cool swag, probably with my cat hair on it. Yep. All starting at $3 per month. You have to pay extra for the cat hair at the cat hair tier. Or Abby's dog hair tier. Or you can have some of Obie's hair. You know, for anyone who joins at one of the higher tiers, I will sprinkle some of Obie's hair on top of your shipment just so you can feel extra good about it. Also, extra incentive for this month, every person who signs up for our Patreon from now until the end of November will get entered to win a gorgeous, illustrated, complete first edition copy of the original Folk and Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm, in addition to some podcast swag. This book is gorgeous. And the swag is dope. Yep. Gorgeous yep gorgeous book dope swag and all you have to do is pay us like a cup of coffee a month to get all of this stuff we've got some great patreon

content coming for you this month so follow us on instagram twitter and facebook for updates and check out all of our patreon perks at fairytalefix.cash goodbye goodbye enjoy the show and thank you and they lived happily ever after the end give us that gold baby so tell me again what right you look very excited i'm very something i'm very something today because i am very excited about bouncing around you look happy i'm very jazzed i'm very excited. I'm very something. I'm very something today because I am very excited about the story. You're bouncing around. You look happy. I'm very jazzed.

I'm very excited to tell you about the story that I'm going to tell you. Good. I honestly feel the same about mine. I'm really excited because I kept reading it and I was like, that's what this is. Our what the fuck fairy tale podcast. What the fuck? What the fuck? What? What's happening?

Why is this happening? It's so exciting. So much. Oh, boy. You know, I guess we could talk first about other much. Oh, boy. You know, I guess we could talk first about other stuff. Yeah, for sure. Probably. I actually have a very, I mean, I don't know if I should get right into it, but I do have a very important question for you today, Abby.

And I feel like we should just get this out of the way. Okay. Who is your favorite Disney princess? You know, this is a very important topic that we definitely need to clear up before we get any further into this podcast about fairy tales. And I think I know the answer, but Disney princess, not cartoon princess.

First of all, definitions please. Not cartoon princess, not... But define who counts as a Disney princess. are we talking like any female protagonist of their movies or do they actually have to be a princess because you know how they they added mulan to the princess group even though she's i think they just felt bad about how white all of their princesses were and they're like let's stick the only asian character that we've

got so far into this about About time. Yeah. Okay. Well, then I'm just going to, since that is a very important question and I agree, I'm just going to tell you my answer is Nala. Because she is 100% a Disney princess and I will fight, I will die on this hill. Okay. Okay. She is betrothed to the prince of Bifari. You know, I thought you were going to go in a different, much grosser direction for why Nala is a princess.

Nala is my favorite Disney princess, and no one will tell me otherwise. If I have to choose a human, then— You don't have to choose a human. I'm not going to make you do that. Well, I will because I love Princess Tiana. Actually, like, that's one of my absolute— She's amazing. The Princess and the Frog did not get the credit it deserves as a Disney film.

It was such a good movie. So, music. Oh, my gosh. And jazz music is my absolute favorite thing. I sing those songs constantly. Mm-hmm. So, but Nala is a Disney princess and I will die on that hill. If you disagree, you are entitled to your wrong opinion.

You just stand there in your wrong opinion. You just stand there in your wrongness and be wrong about it. Exactly. How is she not a princess other than the fact that she's not human? She's betrothed to the prince. I don't disagree. Just the thing is, I'm an asshole, and so my

justification for why Nala counts as a Disney princess is very gross and has to do with how actual lion prides work. Oh, yeah, because they're brother and sister. I mean, that's just how lion prides work. It's fine. They're lions. She's still a princess.

It's fine. She's still a princess. She's like double princess. She's still a sassy queen and I love her. Wait, so why do you like Nala so much? Why is Nala your favorite Disney princess? Well, The Lion King was always my favorite Disney film growing up. The little Simba was like my favorite character in that movie.

And, you know, everybody would always be like, oh, it's your favorite Disney princess or what Disney princess are you? And I honestly related to Simba and Nala the most because I don't really relate to any of the others. I like them. I just don't feel like I am this character. So we actually had a high school disney princess party at one point and remember i dressed up as if nala were a human disney princess yes that's right that's true kind of trying to go like african princess style which i did not do blackface i just want to like throw that out there because that's not cool

obviously she would be a black princess. Right. But yeah, no, because it's Africa. She was like, if Nala was a human person, she'd be a black woman.

Yeah. But also I was the white dressing up as a dressing up as a lion is fine. And then not doing blackface is always good. Always good. That's always a positive. Never do it. Just don't. That is my hot take.

But I love her so much. But I want to know what your favorite Disney princess is. I think I know. But that was an interesting. Now I want to know why you asked that question. What counts as a Disney princess? Oh, I was just wondering like who we were who we were choosing from. Not for really any particular reason. Because honestly, my favorite Disney princess is about as straightforward

as they come. And I know many people who know me probably think my favorite Disney princess is Belle. That's what I was gonna guess. Is it not? It's not. oh my god my favorite disney princess and in fact my favorite disney princess movie of all time i love sleeping beauty i am a sucker for sleeping it's not i cannot believe it's not bell don't get me wrong i adore bell and i love beauty and the beast but as far as a princess movie that feels like a fairy tale and has a lot of my favorite shit in it I'm so love Sleeping Beauty and I have always loved Princess Aurora Princess Aurora has always been like just my oh and I'm not genuinely I'm not sure if it's because like I want to be her or I want to date her it It's one of those two things. She is super hot.

She's so hot and I'm very into her. Oh my God. I did not know this. I'm so excited to know this about you. We've been friends for so long. How did I not know this? Honestly, I don't think we've discussed our favorite Disney princess before. You know, you showed up as Belle to that party and I think it's because you look like Belle. You have the like pretty brown hair and... Yeah, I've got the brown hair and I've got the blue eyes. And I'm bookish, so I had a lot of books.

Are her eyes blue? Yes. No, they're hazel. Never mind. I'm projecting. I would assume Disney would give everybody blue eyes. I know. And that's kind of what I assumed.

I guess I would like put ariel's eyes in bell's face because actually aurora has black eyes like they're so dark they are aurora is gorgeous like god she's so pretty she's so pretty and i think she's really cute and sweet and has a nice singing voice and gets involved with fairies. And that's cool. Isn't her real name Briar Rose? We're going to go over Sleeping Beauty eventually. That's why I went on our list that we're keeping of who gets to cover what big one. Oh, is that one you chose? I claimed Sleeping Beauty because that is my favorite.

Also, I have a lot of opinions about the culture of medieval fairies. And I want to talk about it. And do you have a, do you like Maleficent or Sleeping Beauty better? As a person? As a person, Maleficent, obviously, because. She's all mad she didn't get invited to a party. And then she turns into a dragon.

Okay, all right. We're going to get into this, into the Sleeping Beauty episode, but I actually have opinions about why Maleficent being mad is not actually a petty thing to be mad about we will get there yes we will get into it but then we're gonna right now this is not about that but so can i ask who your least favorite disney princess is or is that too much no we can absolutely talk about that and i've already ariel same yeah and why my why is a i think

a lot of people complain about this i am just one of them the most the the forefront person who i remember instilling in me a a dislike of ariel is my dad for obvious reasons in that it's a movie about his worst nightmare, which is his 16 year old daughter's falling in love with some boy and then not listening to him and then running away and never coming back. Fucking same. I think we're both daddy's girls. We are definitely daddy's girls. Also, I think he makes a I think it's every parent's worst nightmare about what's going to happen with their teenagers not to pick on teenage girls too much. I think teenage boys definitely do this too. Or teenage anyone of any gender is is the absolute hormonal mess in high school and so prone to think that their parents know nothing and to go running off with big pair of very beautiful blue eyes.

You've never even met him. You've never even met him. You saw him. That's crazy, girl. You threw him on a beach. Tweet at us and tell us who your favorite Disney princess is and why. And who's your least favorite Disney princess and why at FairytaleFixPod. Yes. Yeah.

That's our Twitter handle. If you think that we're being jerks about Ariel, I'm happy to have that argument. Oh, for sure. There's nothing I love more than fighting about Disney princesses. Do you think Nala isn't a Disney princess? Don't message me. I don't. I just don't care about your opinion. But if you want to tell me why you love Ariel, that's fine. But sorry, no, she's a Disney princess. Maybe not like in the maybe not in Disney's eyes, but in the sense that she's from Disney and she's a princess.

But in the sense that she's from Disney and she's a princess. Yeah, they never include the animals. I have no argument. Although this is actually a tangent. This is breaking Disney princess news. But did you hear they were doing another Disney princess movie? What Disney princess movie is that? Raya and the Last Dragon.

I just wanted to briefly mention it just because it's really cool. So there's a dragon in it. It's also, I believe, the first time that Disney is doing a full-length animated feature that features Southeast Asian mythology. Cool. So this is also kind of groundbreaking.

I don't know if the main character is a Disney princess or not but if so she'll be the first southeast asian that's awesome yeah which is which is awesome and it's uh it takes place in a fictional ancient civilization inspired by southeast asia both in its themes of community and hope and in its design and the the five clans of this land form the land of the dragon, but dragons are long gone because the land has been invaded by a dark, sinister force, which sounds awesome. That's how it usually goes. Yeah, that's how it goes. Kelly Marie Tran apparently plays a lone warrior who's out to find the last dragon and save her country. And it

sounds really fun. So I'm just promoing that for free. And Disney can pay me later, I suppose. Except I'm paying Disney probably instead. Yep, definitely. Because I have a Disney Plus subscription. That actually reminds me our amazing editor, Dustin, who is the man. Hi, Dustin. Hi, Dustin. So we did Hansel and Gretel two weeks ago. And he actually sent us a trailer that's called Gretel and Hansel. It's a movie. I don't know when it's coming out. It says 2020. It might already be out. It's COVID and things are really crazy. So I don't I have no idea when things are happening, but that trailer was awesome. It kind of looked, this is just a guess, it kind of looked like our fix, which was that Gretel becomes a witch.

Yes. Oh, I hope that's what actually happens. I'm really excited to check that movie out. For sure. It looked scary, though. It wasn't like for kids. Yeah. No, I wouldn't show this to any tiny people.

What are you drinking today, by the way? A gin and tonic, as usual, for the restorative properties, you understand. My drink today is actually inspired by the story. Oh, how so? So I'm really excited to tell you the tale of the Goose Girl. So I'm really excited to tell you the tale of the Goose Girl. So I think this is one of the more popular lesser known fairy tales. There have been a couple novels written about it.

I think there's one out called Thorn that's really popular. It's based on the Goose Girl. I haven't read it myself. But this is from Grimm's Fairy Tales, collected in 1815. So I looked this up. I thought this was really interesting. It was collected by a German storyteller, and her name was Dorothea Wieman. Many of her stories were written down by the brothers Grimm, according to Wikipedia, about 40 stories or so.

I think this might be the most popular one. And they loved the way that she could retell each fairy tale over and over without ever changing a word. So I'm totally imagining this like older woman that's like just constantly telling her tales over and over. Basically, I'm imagining my great aunt Frony telling me all of her stories. Did Frony always have the same cadence and use the same words? And she had these stories down pat. Yeah. Man, just oral stories is something that is or was, I think, taught in previous generations and just isn't taught as much anymore. So I think that's really cool.

Yeah. Of reciting stories from memory as opposed to reading them out of a book. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So I had to look up a little bit more about Dorothea because I thought that was really interesting. Yeah. So a quick bio. Dorothea lived from 1755 to 1816. I think she died when she was around 60 years old. You can do the math. I won't. I think I did earlier and I was like, oh, that seems kind of young, but I'm still imagining her as like 100 years old. Wasn't it the 1800?

Yeah, 1816. The 1816. I feel like 60 was probably average-ish. She was the daughter of a tavern owner. She picked up many folk stories throughout the years from guests of her father's tavern, which is so fucking cool. I love that she just gets all these fairy tales and folk tales from like drunk people at her father's tavern. I love it.

Also, flashing back to Nerdy Brain right now, she's a total bard. That would be her Pathfinder dnd class nice i didn't know that was a dnd class yeah you could be a bard uh where you just rove around and sing songs and that's how you help in battles as you as you sing mean songs about the other is that what i would be at the enemy yeah you would just make really cutting remarks which demoralizes the enemy. I love that so much. Or you encourage your companions.

I've never played a single game of D&D. We're going to fix that at some point. I'm going to make you do it. We're also not going to play D&D because I play Pathfinder. That's actually nothing. There's no reason to be snobby about it. We'll get there. But we'll get there.

We'll make you do it sometime and you can be a bard and you can. Okay. Anyway, continue telling me about Dorothea. By the way, I looked up, I forgot her last name. So I just typed in Dorothea into Google and it came up with a serial killer, a novelist. Probably the novelist. vina vman vman it's v-i-e-h-m-a-n-n for sure it's not dorothea puente the american serial serial killer very sure but now i'm gonna definitely look her up after this okay so uh i also i'm probably gonna pronounce a lot of these words wrong well two of these words wrong because they're in german okay she lived in

niedertzvien niedertzvien okay and which they actually renamed after her uh which means the fairy tale quarter in honor of dorothea and the tavern owned by her father is now run by a local microbrewery. Okay. Called Huta Brauerei. And I need to go there someday. So I couldn't find it. We'll make it a Patreon goal. Yes.

We get a certain number of patrons and we take a trip to Germany. Send us money to go drink in Germany. That'd be fantastic. That would be fantastic. That would be amazing. Thank you. Maybe we'll get a lot of German fans and they'll pay to bring us out there. Yeah, I'm sure German fans are going to be listening to Americans talking about their history. Yeah, who wouldn't?

So obviously I can't. It's a microbrewery. So I couldn't go and buy one of their beers which you know is sad because it sounds amazing so i actually went to one of my local micro breweries called secret trail brewing company and i got their pineapple bout it bout it okay so that's what i'm drinking today nice in honor of dorothea and her tavern-owning father, which I think is, like, the coolest. I love it. That's a great theme. So that

is probably where she heard the goose girl. So without further ado... Oh, wait! What do you think the goose girl's about? It's a German fairy tale. It was one of the Brothers Grimm ones that they wrote down? Yes. Yeah, Brothers Grimm wrote it down.

It's about a goose girl. That's my first prediction. What's a goose girl in your opinion? I imagine it is similar to being a shepherd, except you're not shepherding sheep. You're herding geese, maybe? Okay. Prediction two. Oh, you're going to let me have that one two oh you're gonna let me have that one i'm gonna let you have that one because i when i started this i was like what the hell is it i

am terrified that i am wrong now okay the goose girl makes a bargain with the devil that's an interesting guess and one of her geese features very prominently in the story okay and maybe saves her from the devil. That's my prediction. Okay, I like it. That's an interesting prediction. Thank you. I know absolutely nothing, so I'm just, you know.

This story is quite crazy, so I am excited to tell it to you. Oh my God. Please tell me. Once upon a time, there lived a queen whose husband had passed. As in fairy tales,

these things happen quite often. The queen had a beautiful daughter that was betrothed to a king's son in a faraway land. And since the queen loved her daughter so much, a refreshing twist. Yeah, I was just about to say, I love that. Just right off the bat, I love that. Not that dad's being dead make me happy, but most of the time it's the mom. But the mom is still alive and she loves her daughter. And I'm already really thrilled.

Yeah, yeah. Usually in fairy tales, the mother hates her daughter. Yeah. Or it's a stepmother that hates her daughter. Yeah. So this is a vast improvement already. Yes. already so yes so she loved her daughter so much that she planned to send her daughter away with expensive furniture gold and silver and anything she could think of for a grand bridal treasure

the queen was also to send a maid and two horses with the princess the princess's horse was a beautiful talking horse named falada and i love that the horse is the only character with a name so far and also that it's a talking horse falada wow cool probably so on the day of her daughter's departure the queen took her daughter into a chamber and cut her own finger and let three drops of blood fall onto a napkin and she said dear child preserve this well and it will keep you out of trouble. After the sorrowful goodbye between the queen and princess, the princess placed the blood-stained napkin in her bosom and rode off to her betrothed. On her talking horse. On her talking horse.

Why do you need any other kind of dowry if you have a talking horse? I don't know. I think the gold and silver is pretty cool. That's pretty cool. I guess so. Then I guess you don't have to sell the talking horse. You can keep the talking horse. Since the horse can talk, does the horse have more agency over its life?

I'm thinking about Shrek. It's a talking donkey. Now I'm a flying talking donkey. And they all wish he wasn't talking. Sorry. This totally changes the story for me now. I'm making waffles. God, I want that horse.

So good. Doggy. Okay, anyway. Okay, please continue. So after an hour or so of travel, the princess says to her servant, Dismount and procure me some water from yonder stream in the cup which you carry with you, for I am very thirsty. And the maid replies, If you are thirsty dismount

yourself and stoop down to drink the water for i will not be your maid oh oh okay i'm sorry i'm sorry but someone's getting cursed okay i'm just saying the princess also didn't say please so i didn't hate the maid at this point you don't have to say please to the help i mean you could be polite to your maid but whatever so why why on earth would you do that well the princess obviously is very taken aback but she's also very thirsty so she dismounts and drinks the water straight from the brook. Is the maid going to kill her? Sorry, go on. You're going to find out. Okay. Maybe the maid is the devil.

The maid is going to smack her on the back of the head with one of the silver plates and then take all of her fine clothes and then get on the talking horse and take her place. That's my prediction. It's a new one. Well, it's too late for that. But that is somewhat accurate. Okay. Keep telling me. While she drinks from the brook, the three drops of blood say,

Ah, if my mother knew this, her heart would break. So first of all, what the fuck? Talking horses and talking blood. Talking blood drops? Yep. So the princess doesn't reply, but she feels humbled by the blood's words and continues to travel.

So after a few more hours of traveling, the princess has already forgotten that the maid isn't so fond of her and asks her again for a drink of water. And the maid replies, even more naughtily than before, If you wish to drink help yourself i will not be your maid so does the princess say but you are my maid though because she doesn't

she's distraught and you were hired by this to be my maid but she's also real thirsty so she goes to drink from the stream and while she does this she cries oh, Oh, woes me! And without her noticing, the three drops of blood fall from her bosom and float down the stream. Uh-oh. While the princess does not notice this because she's in such anguish, her saucy servant does notice. Saucy. And she's glad for it because she knows without these drops of blood, the princess is powerless. So the servant goes and gets on the

princess's talking horse falada and when the princess comes back the maid tells her no falada belongs to me and then makes the princess take off her royal clothes and put on her peasant clothes and she makes the princess promise that she won't say anything that's happened or she will be murdered and falada pays attention to all of this with great detail okay at least the talking horse is on it since the princess won't wink so now the servant girl is mounted on falada while the princess rides upon and i quote upon a sorry hack until they come into the king's palace. Rude. I feel like that's really mean. Rude. I mean, sure, Volata can talk, but she's not been very helpful so far. So of course, when they arrive, there's a great rejoicing and

merriment, but the prince picks up the servant girl thinking she's his bride to be. Is the servant girl pretty? I mean, it doesn't say. But usually that's, you know, all it really takes. Well, she's wearing the princess's royal clothes and she's on the talking horse. So the true princess is mistaken for the servant. But the king notices how beautiful and delicate she is. He bids, give the wench some work to do that she may not grow idle.

And the king says, I didn't want that. There is a boy who keeps the geese. She can help him. So the princess is sent away to work with a boy named Conrad. Okay, good. Good, good, good, good, good. I was just about to comment like, Kelsey, I can't help but notice, but there are no

geese in this story yet. I know, right? I was like, how is she a goose girl? Wait, this is about a princess? What? Did I misunderstand what a goose girl is? Does she get attacked by a goose? Because that's very likely. That's very funny.

Or goose is like a slang term for servant of some other, I don't know. That would be fun. That goose, that silly goose girl. But no, it's quite what you predicted. Okay. All right. That's's good i'm appeased the true princess is sent away to work with conrad the goose boy wait i'm sorry one more interruption before you continue and then i'll interrupt you several more times as we continue the story the horse is saying nothing yeah the horse hasn't said anything

nothing doesn't say that in the story anyway. Okay, fine. All right, so she becomes a goose girl. So the true princess is sent to work with Conrad, while the servant girl actually tells the prince to have Volata's head cut off for, and I quote, it has angered me on the way. What a bitch! But she obviously does this because she knows Volata knows that she's not the true princess.

Right, she's afraid she's going to talk. Yeah. Can't have her talking. There's no better way than to make sure that horse is going to talk than to have a guy walk up to her with a sword. But it's fine. It's fine. Go on. So the true princess hears of this and begs the knacker, which the knacker is a term for someone who kills horses, like slaughters horses. That was a job? Makes their meat into dog food.

Yeah. That was a whole job? Yeah. That was a whole job that had a whole name? I know. And like an apprenticeship, presumably? Like you're an apprentice hacker? Knacker.

Knacker. Okay, thank you. I was like, no, hacker's not right. I mean, sounds right though, hacker. Because it's about hacking off horses' heads. So the true princess, you know, she's distraught. She loves Falada and she asks the knacker to nail the head of Falada over a large and gloomy arch through which she passes by daily. Wait, so they do hack off the horse's head.

The horse is dead. Wait a minute. No. I'm getting to that. I know this is very upsetting to you. But she wants the knacker to nail Falada's head to the arch that she has to pass through every day to get to her geese so she can see Falada.

And she offers the nacre a piece of gold and he agrees so the nacre kills falada as the servant girl fake princess asks and nails the head over the archway but he does that part it was a it falada was a talking horse how many of those are there are you concerned about preserving the species of talking horses at all obviously not because she upset the fake princess on the way over you should have said something so the next morning the princess and conrad pass through the arch on their way to the geese and the princess says in passing ah falada that you should hang there and the head replies ah princess that you should pass here if thy mother knew thy fate then

her heart would surely break the talking horse is still talking it's a dead horse head and it's talking to the princess and apparently conrad doesn't notice this doesn't notice at all they pass through to the field of geese conrad is so enamored by the princess's beautiful golden hair that he tries to pull out a couple of locks which is another weird hair cake the theme here that's i mean it's fine, but you should ask first. No, that's not fine. He's like just... So I'm imagining Conrad

is like this little brother figure and he's just like, oh, her hair is pretty and he tries to like pull on it. Yeah, sure. But I guess I was thinking about it more from like a... I guess if hair is your thing.

Also... You should ask first. Did you not notice the dead horse head talking? No! Does that not interest you? There's a pretty girl there! We know!

We know. We have read. Princes and kings don't notice shit if there's a pretty girl there. Okay, that's fair. I didn't think about that. They have ignored

so many things if there's a pretty girl there. Well, anyway, the princess doesn't like him trying to pull her hair so she sings blow blow the wind blow conrad's hat away it's rolling do not stay till i have combed my hair and tied it up behind which i would like to remind everyone that in German, I bet this rhymes. Yeah. It rhymes a little bit. I bet in German it probably rhymes really well. But immediately comes a strong wind and it takes Conrad's hat off his head and he's running all around the field to catch it. He doesn't catch his hat until the princess is done tying back her hair, which makes him quite angry that he isn't owed some of her hair.

All right. I hate him. So he doesn't owed some of her hair. All right, I hate him. So he doesn't speak with her all day. Good. I bet she's grateful. Also, does she have, like, weather powers? Sorry, I blew right past that. Yes.

How does she call the wind? I was too busy focusing on the fact that, A, why is Conrad there? Like, is it common for the prince to start wandering around with the goose girl i mean i'm focusing on the wrong stuff she has weather powers no no no wait so conrad is the goose boy oh conrad is a goose boy sorry sorry he's not the boy yeah why did i think conrad was the prince no he's not the prince he's not the prince that's why conrad is and i was okay i was totally thinking about this sorry i don't know how like i don't know what i don't know how that happens okay uh hashtag drunk fairy tales

that makes it that makes it much more annoying and weird yeah he's so annoying he's not oh so that also contextualizes all of my... That's why I thought... That's why I said the princes don't notice things. No. This is just... But that would be Goose Boys. A Goose Boy. Apparently.

Okay, sorry. Do continue. I'm not even a drunk. I'm just bad at listening, I guess. No, you're good. All day long, they tend the geese in silence. He's all mad that his new coworker has some seriously cool weather powers, which, you know, I'd be jealous, too. Mm-hmm.

So the next morning. I'm jealous over if coworkers have better hair than me. And he just wants to grab it. He just wants to pull on it a little. I feel Conrad a little bit. But, you know, go on. So the next morning, they pass through the arch on their way to work. And the true princess says, ah, Falada, that you should hang there.

And the dead horse head replies, ah, princess, that you should pass by here. If thy mother knew thy fate, then her heart would surely break. And Conrad still doesn't know that there's a dead Horace talking to the princess. And once again, he tries to snatch her golden locks. And she sings, Blow, blow thou wind, blow Conrad's hat away. Its rolling do not stay till I have combed my hair and tied it up behind.

So the wind does the princess's bidding once more and blows Conrad's hat away so by that by the time he catches it her hair is combed up and he can't pull any strands out so this is where it gets really annoying to me after the day's work conrad goes to the king and complains that his new co-worker hexes him how and refuses to work with her any longer he just had the goose boy just has access he's so mad he can't have any of her hair and that she has cool weather powers so the king asked for a play-by-play and i guess conrad was paying attention okay he was okay paying attention so we did notice the talking horse.

He tells the king everything, including the conversations between her and the talking horse head. And I love this king because he's not interested in Conrad's petty bullshit, but he is interested in the dead talking horse head and the weird weather powers. So finally someone I can relate to in this story. Yes. And he tells Conrad to get the fuck back to work. But the next morning, the king himself follows them out to the fields and sees everything. Okay. So he sees for himself the servant talked to the head of Falada and then he hears her sing her song and watches Conrad try to get his hat. The king grows suspicious.

He thinks that's weird, and he bids the goose girl to come in and tell him everything. And she says to the king, that I dare not tell you or any other man, for I have sworn by the free sky not to speak of my griefs, else I had lost my life. Ooh, that's very poetical. So the king presses her to no avail, but tells her, So the goose girl, you know, she's not sure, but she eventually creeps into the fireplace. So I'm assuming it's like a huge fireplace. She walks into it and she starts weeping and moaning and she just lets it all out. And she says, here's that I forsaken by all the world.

And yet I am a king's daughter and a false servant has exercised some charm over me, whereby I was compelled to lay aside my royal clothes. And she has also taken my place at the bridegroom side. And I am forced to perform the common duties of a goose girl. Oh, if my mother knew this, her heart would break with grief. She tells all of that to the fireplace. Yeah. All of it. All of it.

She lets it all out. She's probably crying, just so upset. Aw. She finally has a moment to herself to just be like, why me? I love that she constantly thinks of her mother in this whole story. Yeah, me too. Yeah, because I don't know. Just in fairy tales, it's usually like an evil mother or something.

Yeah, she's got connections in this world. She's not totally forsaken by everyone in her life. Although I do, I will talk about this more at the end, but I do think that maybe she could have written her mom a letter. No, but she can't tell anyone her grief. She could tell the fireplace. And, of course, the old king is sitting outside the room and he's listening to everything because he's no dummy. She kind of is, though, because that was clearly his plan. Or maybe she's also, you know, she's like, no, I get it.

Yeah, maybe she was in on it and she's like, oh, finally. The king hears everything. And once she finishes, he comes in and calls her away from the fireplace. And he gives her royal clothes and calls the prince down to see his true bride. The prince saw her beauty and virtue and was overcome with joy. And a great feast was announced. Saw her beauty and virtue and was overcome with joy and a great feast was announced. And at this feast, the prince stands aside the two maidens, one the true princess and the other the servant girl.

Uh-huh. Which, here's a point in the story that I would really love if they had, like, names because I was getting confused. About which was which? Yeah, like the priest girl, servant girl, the true princess. They all have these like vague names. You could just give them names. They could just have names. I love that Falada has a name.

And Conrad has a name. Yeah. The goose boy and the talking horse. But the main story doesn't have that. Okay. Nope. All right. That's fine though.

Go on. But anyway, servant girl, maid girl. She's so dazzled by the true princess's beauty in her royal clothes that she doesn't even recognize her at the feast. And so she doesn't even realize what's going on. And the king messes with her by asking her what should happen to one that deceives her masters. And he relays all that has happened to the true bride. And the servant girl obviously doesn't realize the story is about her. she's not very smart and the king is baiting her so she replies i do love that he's a tricksy old man and that he just instead of instead of just like being like oh um you're an imposter and i'm throwing you in the dungeon now he's gonna mess with her first

yeah he's like what do you think should happen to someone like this? I feel like a lot of parents do that. They're like, so what's the punishment you think someone deserves if they hypothetically if someone steals something from a mall? So she has no idea what's going on. She's not very smart. She's not paying attention. And she says, such a one deserves nothing better than to be put into a cask, stuck all around with sharp nails, sled by two horses to be dragged through the street till the wretch be killed. Harsh. Okay.

Well, this isn't going to turn out so good for her then. Wow. All right, go on. Yeah. So the king replies, thou art the woman then. Thou hast proclaimed thine own punishment, and it shall be strictly fulfilled. And her punishment was carried out, and the young prince married the true princess. And together they ruled the kingdom long in peace and happiness.

Aw. The end. That's great. That's good. It's a good lesson that whenever anybody presents hypotheticals to you, you should always be as generous as possible. And that's the real moral guys. Just be real nice. It could be you.

Could be you. Could be you. Could be you. Be careful. Amazing. So you got one point. There was no devil. Yeah. And the geese did, and the geese had no prominent role

uh at all they were they you know they didn't even mention geese they just said that she was a goose girl now yeah she was tending geese and that's about it right so okay kind of a bummer well i will take my one pity point but i but i feel like it was pretty obvious what a goose girl that's true so i don't actually think i should actually get that one but i will take it though you take it i will what are your fixes for this story man other than them having names which would have actually helped me reading this book, I feel like switching on and off between the true princess and servant girl

was kind of confusing. And also just in fairy tales in general, I'd like them to have names. Yeah, I think that's like a fix we've had for every single one of these so far. Falada has a name. Yeah, why does the horse have a name that dies in the first?

I mean, she is a talking horse my fix is that i really feel like it should have ended with the king talking to the dead horse head i really thought the whole time i was reading it i was like oh falada is gonna be the one that tells the king that the poor goose girl was actually a princess because she can still talk even though she's dead so i thought once the king went and saw like would go and talk to falada and be like hey dead horse what's up that would have been better also if falada was a talking horse why doesn't she get a trial before being killed by the knacker yeah why isn't anyone else in this story interested in this talking horse maybe the kingdom is just flush with talking horses.

Somehow. They're so annoying. Yeah, and people, and they just kind of like are around and people hate them. Maybe that's why Falada didn't feel empowered to speak up in her own defense in the very beginning. Like she's a talking horse. Yeah, why wasn't she like,

whoa, whoa, that's not the true princess. I mean, when they said she paid attention to this in great detail, I thought for sure Falado was going to be the one to tell the king or the prince or someone or Conrad what's going on. Yeah. I thought it was going to be like in the wonderful shirt, which we still have to tell people about. But that's a Russian fairy tale that also features a talking horse that dispenses just absolutely fabulous advice i thought falada was gonna do that yeah she was

kind of useless i'm not gonna lie yeah i thought she was just gonna teach the princess about empowerment or something i also want to know more about her mother's blood magic yes and how the true princess can control the weather by singing to it. These are all really good points. Because that blood thing was such a throwaway thing. They never mention it again after she loses the handkerchief with the blood on it. Yeah, I thought she was going to find it again or something. So what we need is the novelization of this that fills in a lot of these magical details.

Which, you know what? There's actually two. Are there? Yeah, there's two novels. Actually, there's probably more. There's one called Thorn and there's another called The Goose Girl. Okay. That are actual like books based on the story.

Thorn, I wouldn't have expected being related, but. Yeah, I don't have expected being related, but yeah, I don't know. Thorin, maybe that's how the mother pricks her fingers to get the blood. I don't know. Sure. I just don't know. Uh, if you know,

tell us, email us. Yeah. Cause I want to know without reading the book. Cause I probably won't. Anyway, that was the goose girl. It was so.

Wow. Okay. Much. What the fuck? The only fix I would add't. Anyway, that was the goose girl. It was so much what the fuck. The only fix I would add to that is you should write your mother a letter letting her know what has happened to you because your mother loves you so, so, so much. And she's a queen. And I'm pretty sure she could get the army down there pretty fast. And I'm pretty sure she would recognize which one was her daughter and which one wasn't. So maybe she would even show up. Wait, what was she allowed to tell her mother her griefs i think that was actually

charmed was it actually a charm or was the servant girl just gonna murder her was she just threatening it sounded to me like the servant girl was just threatening her but then the princess later mentions that like she's been charmed so so maybe that was it where she literally couldn't tell anyone. But I don't know. To me, it sounded like the servant girl said, like, don't tell anybody about this or I'll kill you. So many questions. I have a lot of questions about the story. I'm glad that it worked out, though.

It's so good. It was such a good story. I really enjoyed it. That's a great story. And I like the poetical elements of it and then also the fact that a goose boy had direct access to the king to go complain about his co-worker yeah i don't want to work with her anymore she's got crazy weather powers you can just walk right into the throne room and be like your majesty this i don't like working with her

anymore hello i'm your goose boy she won't let me have any of her hair. She won't let me have her hair. And she has weird weather magic. So she's also a witch. And the king's like, get back to work. Get back to work. What the fuck are you doing here? Who let him in here? I don't care. What do I pay my guards for if they let the goose boy in here?

The king is definitely my favorite character in this whole story. Mine too. Especially that he wants to fuck with the servant girl instead of actually. He's a little tricky. He's like, you know what would be funny? When you first said the king noticed that the real princess was really pretty, I was a little afraid that it was going to turn into a story where like, so the king decides to marry her. Like one of those. She would have liked that better than being a goose girl she obviously wasn't into it it's true i don't know i wasn't super rooting for the goose girl

she was kind of passive a little passive didn't really do much on her own behalf a little passive i feel like she could have had a stronger personality yeah but i mean that's so many fairy tale protagonists a lot of oh for a Oh, Falada. Or poor Falada. I feel the worst for the talking horse. Me too. But also, she could have spoken up. I am so excited about all of this. I know you were dancing earlier.

I was dancing earlier just because I adore Russian fairy tales. They're just very bonkers. And they also feature a lot of the same characters. There's ThruLine, where very common names are repeated throughout most of them. Is Ivan one of them? Ivan is one of them. I love Ivan. There's also a name that is commonly used for princesses.

Every boy is named Ivan. Every girl is named Vasilisa. And... That's pretty. Yeah, it's a really pretty name that I'm probably butchering. Did you look up how to pronounce it? I did not. So feel free to yell at me.

What's the fairy tale? The fairy tale that I'm telling. So I'm telling one of the stories of Baba Yaga today. John Wick. Yes. I am telling a story about John Wick. It's my favorite movie. It would be your favorite movie because there's very little talking.

It's just so good. It's scene after scene of Keanu Reeves beating people up. It's so good. Well, my favorite thing about it is the fact that everyone else knows how badass he is so they're like oh oh no you you messed with john wick like i love it because like i if i recall correctly like the the main dude doesn't really care that much until he finds out who his son messed with. Then he's like, what? You killed John Wick's dog?

We're dead. You're so fucking fucked and it's too late to run. God damn it. I love that. Me too. Anyway. I do mean a different Baba Yaga. So does that mean the boogeyman though?

No, not exactly. So Baba Yaga is, again, a character that appears in multiple Russian tales. So is this fairy tale called Baba Yaga? Yeah, this one's just called Baba Yaga. The thing is, is that there are a lot of stories that are just titled Baba Yaga in this book. stories that are just titled Baba Yaga in this book. So the book that I'm reading from, it's Russian fairy tales by Alexander Afanasyev with an apostrophe in it. I'll post the link to the book in the show notes if anybody's interested in picking it up for themselves. But it is just everything from Baba Yaga, the Swan Maiden, the Firebird, and a bunch of other classic Russian fairy tales

and characters interspersed in between. And there are a bunch of stories in here that are just titled Baba Yaga, because most of these come from an oral tradition. This is one of the books in which stories that Russian grandmothers tell their grandchildren has actually been written down. It's very loose, and there's a lot of it that just seems to happen really suddenly that I'm excited to get into. But just a little background on Baba Yaga. She is a supernatural being or a trio of sisters, who usually appears as a deformed or ferocious looking old woman. And she flies around in a mortar and wields a pestle, pestle, around in a mortar and wields a pestle, pestle, whatever, and usually dwells deep in the forest in a hut that is mostly described as standing on chicken legs. So it's Baba Yaga's chicken-legged hut. I love this imagery so much. It is amazing. Folklorists have described her as just a many faceted figure. And she's usually

associated with clouds, the moon, death, winter, snakes, birds, pelicans. She may be an earth goddess, a totemic matriarchal ancestress. So all the good stuff. All of these different instances. Yes, all of the good stuff is Baba Yaga. All the great things in life. She also plays many different roles, depending on how she is approached or what they need the story to do. Baba Yaga is very much a deus ex machina character that gets inserted into a lot of these fairy tales to play a maternal role or to put curses on people or to eat them or to... So it's almost like its own mythical creature. Yes.

Yeah, Baba Yaga is a mythical creature unto herself. She's not actually a witch, which I think a lot of stories characterize her as one, but she's just a supernatural demigoddess that might be your mother or a child-eating monster or both. God, I love it so much. So I am on another podcast called the Fantastic Worlds podcast. We essentially use the rules of the Pathfinder tabletop game to create an audio drama. And Baba Yaga is heavily featured in that story.

And the story itself is actually pretty faithful to Slavic lore. I actually wanted to read a passage from the very beginning of that story. And the story itself is actually pretty faithful to Slavic lore. I actually wanted to read a passage from the very beginning of that adventure that also really describes what Baba Yaga is and some of the associations with her. So Baba Yaga likes to keep her eyes on all her children, and she does so through her chicken-legged huts and their resident guardian dolls. According to the legends, if a hut dances around and refuses to let you in through its tiny door, you must stand in front of it and loudly call out, Oh hut, turn your back to the woods and your front to me. And that's how you get Baba Yaga's attention and get her to pay attention to you if you are in fact seeking her out, which is a big part of the story that we're playing through in our other podcast. So I just wanted to, but that's actually what we are about to get into. So this is one of the

stories of Baba Yaga that again, it's in Russian fairy tales by Alexander Afanasov. And we'll link it in the show notes. Wait. Yes. I don't mean to interrupt, but I haven't made any predictions. Oh, shit. Kelsey. You heard none of that. None of that happened yet.

I know. I feel like you gave me so much good information. That was a lot of information because the story is two pages long. Okay. Prediction one. Somebody calls to Baba Yaga for help. Okay. Prediction two.

Baba Yaga does, in fact, help them. But prediction three is that the prediction is is that babayaga helps them not in the way that they expected okay i will take all of those predictions that's my guess i'm getting my inspiration from gins i i definitely used a little bit what you said but i wasn't trying to you know take all of that to make my predictions so i appreciate that it would have been totally fair if you had but i went out on a limb and that's kind of what i'm guessing happens but it's a little bit of like a trickster mama witch at least that's what i'm hoping let's see what happens a certain peasant and his wife had a daughter the wife wife died, as they do, and the husband married another woman,

as they do, and had a daughter with her also. So they have the typical fairy tale familial arrangement. His wife didn't like her stepdaughter and doted on her actual daughter the story refers to her as an orphan even though her father is very much still alive but like still alive living in the same house but somehow this girl is orphaned now the stepmother doesn't like the stepdaughter tale all this time literally and the husband again in the finest tradition of fairy tale peasant men, decided, I guess I could get rid of her. Yeah, yeah. My wife doesn't like her very much. So I'll just drive her out into the woods and leave her there. He's taking her deeper and deeper and deeper into the woods. And he beholds a little hut standing on chicken legs. The peasant says,

little hut, little hut, stand with your back to the woods and your front to me. And the hut turns around. The peasant enters the hut and finds Baba Yaga. He finds Baba Yaga, by the way, in a couple different pieces. He finds her head in the front of the house, her right leg in one corner of the house and her left leg in the other corner. The story doesn't mention where her torso is. That's not creepy at all. No, it's fine.

Her torso and arms, the story makes no mention of, but I assume they're around there somewhere. She says, I smell a Russian smell. I wonder what that smells like. I have no idea. I could make a lot of cheap jokes, but I'm not going to make them. Like vodka. Yeah, I was that was going to be the obvious joke. I didn't say you didn't have. Thank you. I appreciate you. The peasant bows to her and says, yaga the bony-legged one i have brought you my daughter to be your servant so more parents leaving their kids out in the woods yeah but this time he's

not leaving his kid out in the woods with no food he got her a gig you know he decided that even though he was getting rid of her he was like i will give her to baba yaga maybe hansel and gretel's father would have been more into that if he knew a witch lived in that woods at least you'll have a job you'll have a job fattening your brother up for the witch to eat regardless at least this father is doing maybe a little bit better by his kid i have no idea Baba Yaga takes the girl in and tells her that if she serves her well, she will reward her for it. By turning her into a witch? Maybe. Nobody asks the kid if this is what she actually wants to do. Baba Yaga and the father make this deal between themselves, and the father dips out back home. Yeah, who cares about the kid? No one.

Certainly not me. It's fine. How will you have adventures if your father doesn't sell you to baba yaga that's my question yep in fact dad if you're listening to this why didn't you sell me to baba yaga agreed i'm mad about it so baba yaga gives the girl various chores she gives her a basket full of yarn to spin tells her to make a fire in the stove and to make everything for dinner, which is a common theme in Baba Yaga stories. Okay. Housework. Housework. And in fairy tales in general. Ovens and stoves and stuff, too,

get brought up a lot. And Baba Yaga goes out, and the girl, she's doing her chores, and she's doing the fairy tale girl thing. She's crying over the food. I imagine just giving a little extra dash of salt to Baba Yaga's meat. And these mice run out of the walls.

Yay. I know. Fairytale mice are my favorite. They're the best. The mice run out and say to her, maiden, maiden, why are you weeping?

Fairytale mice are always so caring. They're always so helpful so why do we trap them and set cats on them and stuff but these mice are very lovely they they say that in exchange for a little food that they will do her a kindness in return and the woman gives them some gruel and the mice say stretch one thread on each spindle which i'm assuming that means that they did all of her work the story is actually not very clear they just say the mice said stretch everything on one spindle and then baba yaga comes back and the work was done so so the mice did the work the mice that's my assumption yeah the mice did the work. That's my assumption. Yeah. The mice did all the work. And then Baba Yaga comes back and sees that the girl had everything ready that she asked her to do.

And then tells the girl, give me a bath. And the girl gives Baba Yaga a bath for which she receives great praise. And all of her pieces? You know what? I'm assuming that Baba Yaga has reassembled herself at this point. But again, the story does not say. Does she give her a sponge bath in each room and different torso, leg? I like to think so now.

That Baba Yaga has just been wandering around in disassembled pieces. I love that. This is a tangent, but that reminds me of like Anastasia or Anastasia. Yes. In the Dark of the Night song. You know like how the bad guy turns into pieces. Yeah. When Rasputin falls to bits.

That's very Russian. Maybe that's a Russian thing. We have to look for that. We'll have to. I mean, I've got an entire book full of these things, so we'll see if it's a theme that repeats itself. I know.

I need to get that book so I can do a few. this is it's so fun you should definitely get it okay so she gives her a bath she praises the maiden and gives her several beautiful dresses and then you know the next day again she goes out she sets the girl even more difficult tasks than the day before she starts crying again the girl girl, not Baba Yaga. Baba Yaga is a boss bitch and she's got stuff to do. She don't give a fuck. She's not crying about anything. Hell no.

And then again, the mice run out. They say, lovely maiden, why are you weeping? Give us some gruel. We'll do something nice for you. She does so. And when Baba Yaga returns again, she praises her again because everything is finished. And she gives her even more beautiful dresses, which I'm wondering if

they were being made out of the same thread that the girl was spinning. You know, she's working and she's not starving to death. They're about to be eaten, supposedly. Yeah. No, in fact, this is a pretty good gig. Yeah. And she's got mice to do all the work for her anyway. Yeah. She's not even working. And also, she's got talking mice as friends. Yeah. I mean, honestly, this sounds better than living in the house with her stepmother. Yeah.

One day, the stepmother sent her husband to see whether his daughter was still alive. I guess she just got curious to see if she's still alive. So she says, you should go check on her. So he drives into the woods. He comes to the house on chicken legs. And he sees that indeed his daughter has become very prosperous. This is a good gig. With the help of the mice who are doing all the work. Yeah, all she has to do is make the mice some gruel every day,

and they do all her chores for her, and then Baba Yaga gives her rich clothes. Cool. So Baba Yaga wasn't at home, so he just takes her back. He takes her back to their house. Not with Baba Yaga. And as they approach their village, the peasant's dog, who was just there all of a sudden, begins to bark. Bow! Wow, wow! A young lady is coming, a young lady is coming. And the stepmother runs out of

their house and smacks the dog with a rolling pin. Oh, no, that's hard. Rolling pins are really tough. I know, I kind of hate the stepmother. It's really fucked up. Poor pooch. I know. She smacks the dog with the rolling pin and she says, you're lying. You should bark bones are rattling in the basket. But the dog kept barking the same thing as before, that a young lady is coming. And then the peasant and his daughter roll up, except his daughter not looking so peasant anymore. She is dressed like a fine young lady. And the stepmother does something very familiar from many other fairy tales in which there

is there are two children now she's all mad she's all mad and she tells wait wait wait she's gonna give the good clothes to her daughter that's my prediction wrong damn she does the same thing that the mother in toads and diamonds from a a couple weeks ago does. And she tells the peasant man to now take her daughter out to the woods and give her to Baba Yaga. I mean, I feel like, okay, yeah, that's similar to what I had in my brain but similar but not quite so the peasant man does as his wife asks once again just taking kids out to the woods giving them to you know forest demigoddesses that have a reputation for cannibalism and what is with these fairytale fathers they They bad. They're kids out in the woods. They bad. They bad.

They so bad. They real bad. Baba Yaga takes the girl in, sets a task for her, goes out, and the girl, instead of, she's crying too,

but the book makes special mention that she was beside herself with spite. Same. The mice ran out. Maiden out maiden maiden why are you weeping but she didn't even let them speak she struck them with a rolling pin and scolded them roundly and then did not do her work poor mice i know and also like mother like daughter just smacking just smacking animals with rolling pins where are you you getting these rolling pins? Why do you just have a rolling pin all the time? Yaga needs rolling pins so that when she makes man meat pie

she has something to roll the dough out with. Sorry, little boy, little girl meat pies. Yes, excuse me. I'm sorry. Children pie. Is also, is her house made of candy with chicken legs? Nope, just the chicken legs on the bottom.

That's less enticing just just a little bit just a little bit uh so baba yaga comes back she's pretty pissed but she's magnanimous she's a magnanimous demigoddess cannibal witch you know she gives her a second chance she goes out the next day next day same thing happens baba yaga comes back and this time uh baba yaga breaks the girl into pieces and puts her bone in a basket yay do your chores kids also but i mean okay so that's not exactly fair because the first girl didn't do any chores either she had mice do it but as we've learned as long as the work is done who cares who did it this is like a very interesting fairy tale for kids like it doesn't matter if you don't do your chores but if you could get somebody else to do it

for you where it's a very Baba Yaga is a very outcome focused manager. Oh yeah. No, I'm on Baba Yaga's side. A thousand percent. As long as it's gotten done, who cares how it got done? She's about the destination and not the journey. She's the CEO. She's, she's busy.

Who cares? Baba Yaga is a late stage capitalist. Also, why would you? I don't know. Hitting mice that can talk. That's rude. Yeah. And so you deserve to be ripped into a thousand pieces by Baba Yaga.

And that's fine. I mean, if you're rude to Baba Yaga. And that's fine. I mean, if you're rude to people, I feel like that's less. I don't know. So I was so on Fanny's side in Toads and Diamonds. I know. I know. Like, I don't care if you're rude to.

Well, I don't. Yeah. If you're rude to rich ladies who come and they imperiously ask you for water. I don't care about that. You do. You Fanny. But don't hit mice with a rolling pin. I draw the line. I guess here's the moral.

If you're going to be sassy and rude, be funny. At least be a pert hussy if you're going to be rude. But wait, the story's not over. It's only almost over. Tell me more. I'm sure you can guess the ending. The stepmother sent her husband to collect their daughter, and he goes and he brings back only her bones. As he approaches the village, what are you laughing about?

I kind of forgot that she was just bones. Oh, yeah. Baba Yaga pulled her bones out of her body and i am assuming she and the mice devoured the rest oh what a fate what a fate don't be rude to witches this is a russian fairy tale guys anyway as he approached his village his dog began to bark from the porch bow wow wow wow! Bones are rattling in the basket. The stepmother came running out with a rolling pin and said, You're lying! You should bark! A young lady is coming!

It's funny, it's the opposite of before. Exactly. But she didn't hit the dog this time, which is good. But the husband arrived, and then the wife moaned and groaned and the story ends on what I think is the best finishing line for a fairy tale ever. There's a tail for you and a crock of butter for me. The end. God, I love that ending so much. What is your fix? Don't go home. Stay with Baba Yaga. And then once you have accumulated enough nice dresses, go to a city and bring the mice with you

and make a name for yourself as a star seamstress and never talk to your horrible family ever again. Ooh, and feed your mice better food instead of just gruel. Yes. Start feeding them

like really good stuff like pumpkin soup. Yes, feed the mice. Yes, because pumpkins is something that was in great abundance in like 1700s Russia or whatever when this was written yeah actually i think uh i think pumpkins are native to are they native to america yeah i'm pretty sure i don't know a lot about russian

culture i think just um vodka is really you know prominent and like right i'm not trying to make a joke like i'm serious i definitely need to look more stuff up about russia because russia does have the most amazing fairy tales like they're fun they really do they're all so fun and they're all kind of weird and dark but also so i'm excited at some point when we've got more time to do a couple of stories about the firebird yeah i want to hear that for sure favorite One of my favorite sort of Russian themes. Do you have a fix for the Baba Yaga story? Yeah, I think my fairy tale fix would be that she doesn't go home to the dad that left her out in the woods. She would just become an awesome Baba Yaga protege and learn the Baba Yaga ways.

Or, yeah, take her mice and make fancy clothes for rich people out in the town. Yeah. Anything but go home to a family that would give her to a cannibalistic demigoddess that lives in the forest. And Bombay predictions were wrong.

Baba Yaga didn't have much to do in that fairy tale. Nope. Something to remember for when I do Baba Yaga stories in the future. She rarely does. It seems like more people rely on Baba Yaga didn't have much to do in that fairy tale. Nope. Something to remember from when I do Baba Yaga stories in the future. She rarely does. It seems like more people rely on Baba Yaga, but she doesn't really do much.

Baba Yaga, like I said, is a deus ex machina. Like, we need things to happen in the plot. And so Baba Yaga happened. If you have any suggestions, you should tweet at us at FairytaleFixPod. Or you should Instagram us at FairytaleFixPod or you should Instagram us at FairytaleFixPod or email us at info at FairytaleFixPod.com. Yes. Please let us know what stories you'd like us to cover in the future, what your favorite Disney princess is, what your least favorite Disney princess is. We'd love to know weird stuff you tell your kids weird stuff your grandparents told you

if you'd like to educate us about russian culture we're also very open to that oh or if you have any good sources i would love to read that stuff yeah absolutely uh send all of that stuff our way so falada the talking horse got a fair trial and revealed everything to the king and then the servant girl received her punishment while Flora and the true princess lived happily ever after. And the maiden in the Baba Yaga story continued to serve as Baba Yaga's apprentice seamstress for a couple months. And then she and the mice moved to the nearest largish town where they became just the hottest seamstress in town, did all of the rich people's clothes, and never spoke to her family ever again.

And they also lived happily ever after.