Fairy Tale Fix - 43: Trolls Don’t Like To Be Thanked

Episode Date: May 10, 2022

Abbie reads a seriously traumatizing (yet super relatable) tale about a teenager who falls hard for the wrong person (sound familiar?) from Peru called The Snake’s Lover, and Kelsey lightens it up with a super cute story from Sweden called The Old Troll of Big Mountain.

An evil snake. Evil snake. People don't like snakes and that makes me very sad because I love them. Well, hello. I'm Abby. I'm Kelsey. And this is Fairytale Fix which we haven't done

in a few weeks because between one thing and another happening to me I have kept putting it off the first one was my fault

I was deeply hungover and so I postponed recording I was hungover for two days because I'm 30 and now if I sound rough gentle listeners it's because I'm 30. Yeah. And now if I sound rough, gentle listeners,

it's because I am now recovering from a cold that was not COVID, but was shitty. Yep. Basic sucks. It sure does. And I got my, I got a COVID test on Wednesday this week and it came back negative, which is good. But at the same time, do you kind of get this weird feeling where it's like you just kind of want to get it over with?

Where you get sick and you wonder like, okay, is this COVID? Is this it? It sucks. I feel miserable. Did it finally happen? Yeah. You know, I don't think I've been like sick since 2020. Have I been sick? I don't know if I've gotten a cold since 2020. I don't remember you telling me about it. If so.

Yeah, I can't remember. Definitely. I would want to know if I had COVID for sure. Yes, absolutely. Because you don't want to pass it on to other people. Yeah. I've only gotten one COVID test and that's because I was exposed and that was kind of early on in 2020.

So haven't gotten a test since. Oh yeah. I don't think I've been sick. You must not have been. I don't remember you getting sick a lot before 2019 either. Yeah. The last time I was really sick was in 2020. It was actually right before the pandemic started. So everyone kept asking me if I had COVID and that was before anybody thought it was like a real thing. We've had so many scares for pandemics. Right. It was like saying like, oh, is it bird flu?

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I, but I was really sick and that was the sickest I had been in a really long time. Part of me still wonders if it was COVID. Was that COVID, do you think? Because it was in March, 2020. Yeah. I was super sick.

I will never know. And I had a fever and I felt like shit and I actually had to take time off work and I work never know. And I had a fever and I felt like shit. And I actually had to take time off work. Uh, and I work from home. So if I'm taking time off work, working from home, like, you know, it's serious. Yeah. You know, you're really sick. Like, Oh, I can't actually just sit on my computer at home and work. I have to lie in bed because I can't move. But yeah, I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better. I'm feeling much better. I just sound rough. Also, my immune system is like a weak little baby and it catches literally everything. So I guess we're back to pre-pandemic times where

if somebody in my vicinity is vaguely ill, I will catch it. Oh, I'm sorry. It's fine. Oh, no, but it was the, like, but I know what I did wrong. Right. I went to a career fair for work because I work for a talent agency now. I went to a career fair at a local university and nobody was wearing masks and, like, and we were just supposed to wave like you're not, you weren't't supposed to touch but a lot of the college students wanted to shake my hand

and I shook their hands because it felt rude not to. Because you're a fool. Because I'm a fool. So I let them shake my hand and I did not have hand sanitizer at my station. Yeah.

So that was where I went wrong. I forgot that touching strangers is very 2019 and we shouldn't be doing it anymore. And now, and then I paid the price. I'm sorry. It's okay. Well,

I hope you're feeling better. You sound okay to me. Like I can tell a little bit. Thank you. You know. Excellent. I can just feel it now, but I'm actually in a really, really good mood because conversely, I found a story that is so fucking fucked up and I am so excited to read it to you. I'm excited to hear it. It's a Peruvian story, right? Yes, it's a Peruvian story. I read it like a month ago when I was sort of perusing one of my folktale books and it was too long and we were also doing Irish stuff. So I, you know, I skipped over it. I saved it for later and I reread it again this morning and I was like, oh, yeah, this is so fucked.

Well, I am terribly excited. I also found a really cute story that I like very much from a new book that I got. Which book is it? Yeah, and this is also an episode that we are dedicating to Chadwick Tree, who is at mossy.fables on Instagram. He is an artist, and he's so incredible. I'm absolutely obsessed. If I were a tattoo person at all, I would have already drove down to Santa Cruz and gotten a tattoo from him. Yeah, his tattoos are incredible. His art style

is beautiful and the designs go so well on people's skin. It's so great. Definitely check out his stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Chadwick reached out to us and wanted to do some sort of collaboration. So this episode is dedicated to you, Chadwick. We hope you love the stories and hopefully we'll get some cool art from it. But he had suggested. Don't draw from my story, Chadwick. Don't draw from my story. Do Kelsey's story. They had suggested a Swiss story with trolls.

And that's perfect because I actually had just bought a Swedish fairy tale book and almost all of them are about trolls. Perfect. Which we have never read a fairy tale with. No, we have. We've totally read a fairy tale with trolls. As Beyonce and Mo stories tend to have a lot of trolls

in them. But they're usually side characters. These are a little bit more focused on them. So I'm very excited. Oh my god. I'm so excited to hear it. So before we get into our stories today, it's been a while since we have thanked our patrons on the show.

And we've actually got a couple of new ones since the last time that we did this. So I'm going to read them off. Thank you so much once again. And for the first time for some of these people to Sarah, Hannah, Nick, Olivia, Melissa, Sonia, Ellie, Caroline, Jordan, Jeremy, Lisa, Madeline, Kaylee, Zach, Kelsey, Dami, Christopher, Jen, Julia, Adam, Noah, Ricky, Elizabeth, and Angel. My parents aren't on here anymore.

Oh, no. Elizabeth and Angel. My parents aren't on here anymore. Oh, no. I am going to be writing them a very stern talking to. Okay. Well, it's official, everybody. Aunt Julie is my favorite family member. And Madeline. And Maddie. Yes. My sister and my Aunt Julie are my favorite family members. No others may stand in their way. But all of you are our favorite people, just in general.

Yes, absolutely. I think I have zero family members that even listen to the podcast. So it's fine. That's probably for the best. Probably. You know, yeah, they tell me I talk too much anyway, so I don't think they want to listen to me talking in their free time. Fair enough. Thank you, beautiful patrons. And again, thank you, Chadwick, for reaching out and, you know, suggesting some stories.

So I'm really excited. Yeah, super, super excited. uh let's let's do it I am so stoked I know nothing about this story okay what's it called this story is called the snakes lover I love it already. I love snakes. From Peru. So it's like an animal bridegroom story maybe? Oh my gosh. So we don't adopt a snake. We have to provide for our son, the snake. I think about that story every day. I swear to God. Oh my God. It's such a good story. You can predict that it's an animal bridegroom story. All right. Prediction number one.

I predict that the snake is evil. I forgot to give you, like, the other clue that I was going to give you for this. Sorry. Okay. I mean, it's not a huge clue, but I am reading. I'm reading, once again, from Favorite Folk Tales from Around the world edited by jane yelen uh which aunt julie gave me and uh this is i because i did so many i did a lot of shapeshifter stories for our bonus episode for april uh this one is also from the shapeshifter section because that's what i was browsing through about a month ago. I feel like that changes.

That does help a little bit. Okay. Because now I don't know if the snake is evil. The snake is probably a human. Hmm. All I'm going to keep the snake is evil. Evil. Evil.

I wrote it with a bunch of E's too. I love it. Prediction number two, I'm going to predict that the snake tries to eat someone. Love it. Okay. Excellent. And prediction number three, I predict that the snake dies. Oh, crap.

These are all snake-based predictions. Well, the story is the snake dies. Okay. These are all snake-based predictions. Well, the story is the snake's a lover, so you really only have two things to go off of. It's true. Yeah, I did not make any predictions based on the lover, but who cares about that? I care about the snake. Let's hear it.

The snake is the important part. All right. Brace yourself. I guess content warning For Abusive relationships Which It's a folk tale so that kind of goes without saying

But Oh gosh Abusive relationships Body horror Yay all my favorite things And I'm also going to say And then this is I think kind of more of the Actual Body horror. Yay. All my favorite things. And I'm also going to say, and then this is, I think, kind of more of the actual, I guess, content warning-y bit in this thing. There is a reference to like a forced abortion.

Oh, yikes. Like a vague, a very vague sort of reference to it. But I just, brace yourself if that's not the kind of story that you are prepared to hear today uh maybe maybe fast forward through that episode until you get to the cute one with the trolls holy shit okay yeah i'm glad i'm going last i think i've got a good palate cleanser yeah no i i we're gonna get a palate cleanser after this story this one's like like i said this one is fucked up so if you're not in the mood to hear something that's really screwed up, skip this story. I'm always in the mood to hear something fucked up. I figured it would actually cheer you up to hear something super messed up. Okay.

I do like to watch horror movies to relax. Exactly. So this is for you. Yay. The Snake's Lover from Peru. There was once a young girl who was the only daughter of a married couple because her mother and father had no other children they would send her up the mountain every day to take the cattle to pasture the girl was now old enough to be married well developed and very beautiful well developed as it says welled in the text. Oh, gosh.

One day, at the top of a hill, a very refined and very thin young man approached her. Be my lover, he said. And he kept on talking to her of love. Seeing that he was tall and strong, the girl consented. From then on, they met on the mountain, and there they made love. Wow. It actually says it. I love it. It does say it. I know. It's very sexy. Also, I like that it says the girl consented. Yes, absolutely. The girl was like, you are hot. So yes, absolutely. So yes. So they made love on the mountains every evening. I wish that you would bring me freshly toasted flour to eat, said the young man to the girl.

She did what her lover asked her and brought him freshly cooked flour every day. They ate together and served each other. They lived like this for a long time. I'm really hoping she turns into a snake and kills him. I don't know why. That would be cool. That's not what happens though. Oh no. Okay.

The young man walked and ran with his nose to the ground. He crept along because he had many tiny little feet. This was because he was not a man. He was a snake. Oh, I was hoping she would be the snake. No, it's an animal bridegroom. Fine.

It usually is. It usually is. Well, I don't know. Like, you know, we've had several. We've had like crane wives and spawn maidens. Yeah, you're right. I don't know why I said that. Well, because, you know, most of the time, I think most of the time it still is true.

Monkeys, toads, etc. I'm just always thinking about the toad for a groom. It's my favorite story of all time. Why wouldn't you? It's the greatest story ever told. He is a snake, but in this young girl's eyes, he seemed always to be a tall and thin young man. After some time had gone by, the young girl told her lover, I'm pregnant. When my parents find out, they will scold me and ask me who is the father of my child.

We must decide whether we will go to your house or mine. And the young man answered, well, we'll have to go to your house, but I can't enter it openly. That's not possible. Tell me, is there a hole in the wall by the mortar where you grind the flour in your house? Isn't there always a hole next to the mortar to hold the rag for cleaning the stone? Yes, there's a hole next to the mortar, she answered. Then you must take me there, said the young man. But what will you do in the hole? I will live there, day and night. Where you belong. where you belong it's where he belongs he wants to live in the hole by the mortar as every tall thin young man does so wait he's just like a regularly a snake but she just doesn't see it yeah so like her parents would see him as a snake yes that is the implication is that she is the like the implication i think is that she is under some

kind of enchantment where she perceives him as a handsome young man but the enchantment only works on her i love it so much yeah so he has to hide from everybody else because everybody else would That's so good. You won't fit, she said. It's a very little hole. It will do. It will serve me for a house. Now I want to know where you sleep, in the kitchen or in the storeroom? I sleep in the kitchen, she said. I sleep with my parents. And where's the mortar? In the storeroom.

When I come, you must sleep on the ground next to the mortar. And how am I to get away from my parents? She asked. They won't want me to sleep alone. You must pretend to be afraid that thieves will come and steal from the storeroom. Tell them that I'll sleep there to keep watch. And you must be the only one to use the mortar. Don't let your parents use it. Every time you grind the flour, you must throw a little into the hole where I'll be living. I won't eat anything else. And you must take care to cover the hole with the cleaning rag so nobody will see me. Then the young girl asked, can't you just present yourself openly to my parents? No, it doesn't work that way. It does not work that way, girl.

Especially if you're like a teenager. Yes. No, I can't, he answered. Little by little, I will appear to them. And how are you going to live in that hole it's so small that only a tuft of wool would fit you'll have to make it bigger from the inside all right she said i guess you know what's best for you yeah i have no idea where this is going i don't think she does either no she has no idea poor thing that like The reason why I kind of did a content warning for abusive relationships is just that I know that it sounds ridiculous, the things that he's telling her, but I have absolutely been in this relationship where you believe you're young and impressionable and you just kind of believe anything anybody tells you

if they tell you this is how the world works then sure and if they tell you this is what you have to hide from your parents then like yeah okay you're worldly you you know better i guess and then they and like so i just understand like i just i feel for her i feel for her being just sort of gaslit into this awful situation this is definitely taking me back. Yes, in a bad way. Yeah, to teenage relationships. Teenage relationships, relationships in your early 20s. When you date guys that are like, yeah, something.

Anyway. That are older than you, that are better at lying than you. Yep. are older than you that are better at lying than you yep all of those things that specifically dated you because you just don't know enough about how the world works yet and they can manipulate you more easily woof all right anyway i just i'm just saying i feel for this girl so i'm not like i get it it. Poor thing. You'll have to take me there, the young fellow said,

and leave me behind the house. Then at night, you can take me to the storehouse. Okay, his lover answered. That night, the young girl went home alone. She sneaked into the storehouse and made the hole by the mortar bigger. The next day,

she went to the mountain with the cattle and met her lover in the usual place. I've made the rag hole bigger, she said, and at nightfall, they went to the mountain with the cattle and met her lover in the usual place i've made the rag hole bigger she said and at nightfall they went to her house she did as he bid her left the young man behind the house by the corral and at the night she came for him and took him to the hole by the mortar and as the young fellow went into the hole the girl said impossible he'll never make it but the young man slid in smoothly because he's a fucking snake. See, this is also why snakes get such a bad rap. Yes. Bewitch young women into falling in love with them or?

Well, I don't know. I don't know if that's why snakes get the bad rap. But like people saying like, oh, he's a snake. You know what I mean? Yes. Yeah. That makes me very sad. I don't know.

But saying people are like snakes come from stories like these. And I think it's because snakes can slither into any hole you leave open for them. Yeah. That very night, the girl said to her parents, father, mother, it's quite possible that thieves may come to steal everything we own.

From now on, I'm going to stay in the room where we keep our food. And her parents nod and are like, okay, do that. The girl took her bed to the storeroom and spread it out on the ground next to the mortar. The serpent slipped into the bed and the lovers slept together and they were together every night from then on. When there was flour to be ground on the mortar, the girl wouldn't allow anyone else to do it. She would throw handfuls of flour into the rag hole and before going out, she would cover the hole with the cleaning rag so neither her parents nor anyone else could see what was in there. The parents suspected nothing. They didn't think to uncover the hole and look inside. Only when they realized their daughter was with child did they begin to worry and decide to speak of it. It looks like our daughter's pregnant, they said. We'll have

to ask who the father is. So they call her to them and said, you're pregnant, who's the father? But she would not answer. And then the father and the mother each asked her separately one by one, but still she kept silent. I also have a hard time believing the parents weren't suspicious of anything because I feel like... Yeah, they are very trusting. Your daughter suddenly going like, oh yeah, I have to sleep in the storeroom instead of with you where you can watch me. I guess maybe she just needs her privacy. Maybe. But it also doesn't sound like, you know, it sounds like communal sleeping is sort of the way things are done in this particular culture.

So that is probably super weird. It's like, why do you want to sleep alone? You want to be alone? Yeah, exactly. Who wants to be alone? Yeah, no, I also find a little sus that her that her parents like are like all right whatever like it's only when she's obviously pregnant that they start going like hey hey wait a minute something's different something's different about you missy okay so she won't tell them who the father is and then soon she began to feel birth

pains and she felt them night after night but were on it but just seemed absolutely unable to give birth her parents took care of her and on those nights that she was experiencing birth pains the snake wasn't able to slide into her bed the serpent no longer lived in the hole in the wall. He had grown so enormous that he couldn't get into it. Uh, and apparently, cause like this, the story just has like a random, it's just,

it just comes out of nowhere, but apparently he's been sucking her blood every night. What the fuck? The, the story just randomly says like, by the way, by the way, he's been sucking her blood.

He had grown so enormous that he couldn't get into his hole. Sucking the young girl's blood had made him red and swollen. Wow. Yeah. This is definitely a metaphor for something. Yeah. Yikes. Yikes.

He scratched out a cave in the base of the mortar and moved in there. In this new home of his, the serpent grew so fat that he spread out a cave in the base of the mortar and moved in there in this new home of his the serpent grew so fat that he spread out sideways he was all bloated but still in his lover's eyes he was no snake he was a young man a young man getting larger and larger the lovers were no longer able to cover their cave under the mortar so the girl folded her blankets every morning and piled them around the stone base in this way they were able to hide the serpent's nest from the mother and the father. Because their daughter remained so stubbornly silent, the parents decided to question the people of the Elu. And so I looked it up. It's spelled A-Y-L-L-U. Definitely

pronouncing it wrong, but the best I think I can do is ALU or ALU. But it is really cool. So apparently this is a traditional form of indigenous local government that is still prevalent in the Andes region of South America and Bolivia and Peru today, where essentially it's people that have a defined territory together and they're usually extended family or kin groups, and they communally own and work all of their land together. Cool. That's really cool. Our daughter has gotten pregnant out of nowhere, they said. Have you ever seen her talking to anyone, anywhere,

maybe in the fields where she tended the cattle? But all of the people answered, no, we've seen nothing. Where do you let her sleep, one of them asked. She used to sleep in the same room with us, but now she insists on sleeping in the storeroom. She makes her bed on the ground next to the mortar and she doesn't want anyone else to grind the flour. She won't let us come near the mortar. And why won't she let you come near it? The people asked. What does she say about this? She says, father, mother, don't go near the mortar. You'll get my bed dirty.

I will do all the grinding myself, the father answered. She has already begun to suffer birth pains, the mother said. Then the people told them, you'll have to go to the guesser and ask him to look at this. We common folks can't tell what is going on. So I tried to look up what a guesser is. I think that this translation might not be the best way to describe it, but I could not... I couldn't find what that's supposed to mean. If anyone's more familiar with Peruvian culture, please

let us know. The best that I could come up with from context clues is that the guesser is sort of like a local wise man or like wise elder who might know more. Yeah. Uh,

like about myths and legends and, and stuff like that. So that's about as good as I could come up with, but it is, the person is referred to as the guesser for the rest of the story. Okay. So the mother and father went to see the guesser. They gave him a little package of coca leaves and begged him to find out

about their daughter. She's not feeling well, they said, and we don't know what the trouble is. She has become pregnant. We don't know by whom. She keeps on suffering birth pains night after night, but she cannot give birth and she won't say who the father is. The guesser consulted the coca leaves and after a while he said, I can see something, something under the mortar in your house. And that thing is the father. You see, the father is not like us. He's not a man. Then what is he, cried the old folks,

very much frightened. Keep on guessing. Find out more, we beg you. So the guesser went on, what's in there is a snake, not a man. As you do. As happens all the time. I've seen it a million times. But what shall we do? The parents asked. The guesser pondered a few minutes and spoke again to the father. This is the part where it gets a little fucked, gang. Your daughter won't want to kill the serpent. She will say, kill me before you kill my lover.

So you must send her away someplace a day's journey away. And even that she will refuse. So you must tell her like this, using the name of some town. They say that in this town, there is a remedy that will help you give birth, go and buy it and bring it back to me. And if you don't obey me,

I will hit you. I will beat you to death. Tell her that it's the only way you can make her go. Okay. Next, you must hire some men armed with sticks with machetes and big clubs. Make your daughter carry out your orders. And when she is far away,

you and the men go into the storehouse and push over the mortar. Underneath it, you will find the snake. You must beat it to death. Take care it doesn't jump on you, for if it does, it will kill you. Chop off its head, then dig a grave and bury it. Very good, sir, said the father. We'll do just as you tell us. And the father went at once to look for strong men who would help him kill the serpent. He hired ten men armed with clubs and sharp machetes. Tomorrow when my daughter is

gone, you must come to my house, he told them, but don't let anybody see you. And then the next morning, the parents made the girl get up early and fix herself a lunch basket. To make it look good, they gave her money and said, here is money to buy the remedy we told you about. You will find it in Sumak Marka, that town on the other side of the river. But the girl didn't want to obey them. I can't go, she insisted. I don't want to. So the parents threatened her. If you don't go, if you don't fetch the remedy, we'll kill you with our sticks.

We will beat you until we destroy what you carry in your belly. Jeez. I know. Such a violence. Super fucked up. They frightened the girl and she took off. They watched her until she was out of sight. And when she vanished on the horizon, the hired men came to the father's house and gathered in the yard.

They shared their coca and chewed it a while. Nice. They're just chilling. They're like, well, we've got some time to kill. Just waiting for her to be gone. Afterwards, they went into the storehouse and carried everything out into the yard. Last of all,

they took out the girl's bed. Then with their clubs in their shoulders and gripping their machetes, they entered the storeroom. They surrounded the mortar and they waited and then they pushed it over. A fat snake was stretched out there

with a big head like a man's. Oh my God, that's terrifying. Isn't that disgusting? I'm getting like Beetlejuice a little bit. It's so creepy.

Absolutely. When he turns into the snake but he still has his own face. Yes, I forgot about that. That was super gross.

Yes, this is like that, I bet. Oh my God. Nasty. I hate it. When it saw it was discovered, but tech when it's heavy body,

as it reared itself up, the men beat it with their clubs and slashed it with their machetes. They chopped it into pieces and threw the head out into the garden plot. And there it writhed. It jumped. It bubbled around on the ground. The man, I know it's not gross.

I love it. The men ran after it and pounded it with their clubs they tried to flatten it blood ran out all over the ground it gushed and spouted from the mutilated body but still the serpent would not die i love the description i know isn't it just it's really nasty yeah like very very horror movie level of gross description. At that very moment, the young wife, the snake's lover, returned. When she saw all the people gathered in the yard, she ran at once to the storeroom. The mortar was bathed in blood and the serpent's nest was empty. She turned her face toward the yard and there she saw them hitting her lover's head with their clubs.

She screamed as if she were dying. Why there she saw them hitting her lover's head with their clubs. She screamed as if she were dying. Why? Why do you destroy my lover's head? Why do you kill him? This was my husband. This was the father of my child. You're better off, sweetie. Sweetheart, this was a snake.

Yeah, I totally relate to her. Totally been blind, and everyone's everyone's like yeah this person fucking sucks yep and you're just like no but i but i love him but i love him but because to you he looks like a thin handsome man when he's actually a giant bulbous snake that has been sucking your blood yeah yep oh my gosh And sometimes it takes your parents dragging him out into the yard and beating him to death in front of you for you to realize what your mistake was. Why is this story

so relatable? This story is hella relatable. So when she saw the blood, she screamed again. Her voice filled the house. She screamed and screamed till at last the effort caused her to give birth. A swarm of little snakes came wriggling out onto the ground and spread all over the yard, jumping and crawling.

Isn't that the most disgusting thing you've ever heard? I don't know, baby snakes. I love snakes. No, that you gave birth to that came out of your vagina? Less cute. Oh, gosh. That's awful. Well, at least she doesn't have to raise them, probably.

They just slither away, I assume. That's not the problem here. The problem is that she gave birth to a bunch of wiggling tiny snakes. But are they like people snakes like no like they're just regular snakes they're snake snakes finally the men killed the big snake then they went after all the little snakes and squashed them too oh that's so sad i know it's not their fault and snakes are really good for the ecosystem. They're like pest control basically for your house. I don't know. I've got a lot of feelings about this.

I get it. I love snakes too. I think snakes are great. It's not like the spider situation where we're on two sides of a very strong line. I adore snakes. I think snakes are great, but I also would not want to give birth to like a clutch of snakes. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah. I mean, they're so small though. I wonder. I just have a lot of questions, I guess. Probably wasn't super painful. Maybe it was really easy. That's true. It's actually probably was easier than giving birth to a human child. Yeah. Giving birth to a human child sounds worse, honestly. True.

Unless there are mean snakes in there biting you as they come out. Because little corn snakes do that. I'll bite the shit out of you. Anyway, so the point is all the snakes are dead now. Some of the men dug a hole in the ground and others swept in the blood. They swept out all the blood from the house and into the hole and buried all of the serpents and the bloody mud. They brought the young girl to her parents' room so they could care for her. Then they cleaned and straightened up the house, fixed the storeroom the way it had been.

They lugged the mortar down to the river and put the stone under a waterfall and left it there. And when everything was in order, the girl's father gave each man fair payment for his work. The men took their pay and left. I wish my parents had gotten a bunch of people to beat up my ex. And beat some sense into me. I get it. Oh my god, why do

I relate to this story so much? I relate to this story really hard. That's how they do it in Peru. They actually just beat their their daughter's boyfriend this man is no good for you and we are going to beat the shit out of we're just gonna fucking kill him we're just gonna fucking kill him and you will thank us later oh i love it oh boy after a time the parents asked their daughter in what way could you live with a serpent? He was no man, that husband of yours.

He was a demon. And only then did the young girl tell her story. She told them about her first meeting with the snake. Everything came to be known and was cleared up. The parents cared for their daughter and healed her, her body and her soul. Then much later, the girl married a good man and her life was happy. The end. Aw, it had a good ending good ending i know it has a happy ending and it has like a ending based on like her parents really caring about her yeah absolutely wanting to heal her body and heal her mind and heal her spirit

and make sure that she's okay before she goes off and she marries a good person. And they fucking killed a man. And then they fucking... Because the thing is, they trusted her to know her body and believe in her own... And they trusted her to have her own autonomy and do what she wanted to do right up until the point where they're like, okay, something

weird is happening here. And then they found out what was weird and then they destroyed the problem and then they took care of their daughter. I love this story. These are the best fairy tale parents so far. Yeah, these Peruvian parents win. They are the best fairy tale parents we've met so far. Oh my gosh, that was awesome. I love that story. I 100% want to watch that movie. I would watch this movie. Yeah. This movie would be so scary.

It would be awesome. That would be such a cool, like, dark fantasy movie. Yeah. Very dark. Especially if you leaned into the body horror elements of it. Which I would love. Yes, please. Yes.

That'd be fun. But it's also, but I love that it has a happy ending. Yeah, yeah. Me too. I'm glad she eventually, I don't know. Oh my God, that was too relatable. Why'd you read that story about me? And you.

And probably everyone who's been in, you know, a toxic relationship at least once. I think everybody. I think anyone, yeah. Yeah. Anyone who's been in a toxic relationship, I think, I think, I think everybody, I think anyone, yeah. Yeah. Anyone who's been in a toxic relationship, I think relates to that story pretty hard. Yeah.

At least when you're like a teenager and your parents are there telling you that he's a fucking snake. What's the matter with you? Baby, that's not a man. That is a snake. Well, I think I got two points,

even though, okay. So the snake was evil. The think I got two points, even though. Okay. So the snake was evil. The snake was evil. And he did die. I'm not giving myself the point for snake trying to eat with someone, even though he was drinking her blood. He was technically eating her. But I was thinking I was imagining the snake unhinging its jaws and like eating.

Like consuming her flesh. Like trying to eat someone, yeah. Yeah. I see where – I mean, I'm happy to let you have the point because he was eating her. And he was getting – he was growing because he was drinking her blood. Oh, my God. That's so awful. Okay.

I'm going to give myself the point. I love it. I'm so excited. Give yourself the point. He was god, that's so awful. Okay, I'm going to give myself a point. I love it. I'm so excited. Yeah, give yourself a point. He was eating her. That was amazing. I love that story. Yeah, no fixes. I think I

would have let the little snakes just slither off into the fields. I think it was sad that they killed them. But I also think it's really funny. I don't know. That was really fucked up. It was pretty. It was pretty.

Because like then like what if those what if this particular what if this is how this particular breed of snake reproduces. So you're just going to let all those little snakes free to grow up and then do the same thing to some other girl. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of what I was wondering. I'm like, are they just regular snakes or are they also snake people? No idea. Maybe all snakes are this way.

Who knows? I guess I take it back. I do have one fix for it. I get that they had to make her go away. for it uh i get that they had to make her go away but also like telling your daughter you're gonna beat her until she like yeah until she miscarries is pretty fucked up that is very fucked up that that sounds very like old timey like you know what I mean? Like the story is probably older. Yes, absolutely.

Probably really common back then. But to fix it for a modern sensibility, I would definitely replace that with like, maybe they tie her up in another, in like the kitchen or something. And then they're just like, honey, this is for your own good.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, geez. Or maybe she has like a friend or someone, like her mom or her friend or aunt or somebody convinces her to go instead of the threat. Yes. And she doesn't go alone. I don't know.

Something a little bit more wholesome like that would be cute. Yep. Just something that's not threatening to beat her to death. Yeah, Jesus. We'll kill you too. We'll kill you and your baby. Like, yeah. So that's, I think, the fix for the story.

Like, yes, I love your idea. Have one of her aunts take her on a spa day or whatever. Right. Instead. But yeah, that's that story. I also, so I was looking, because I was specifically looking for more like animal bridegroom stories because I love them. Yeah. And I wanted to do because like I already knew about like one animal, like one animal bridegroom tale type, which is like like the pink dolphins in the Amazon, which are I couldn't find like a specific story about it, though. But it's essentially like there are pink. there are pink dolphins for real in the Amazon River. They are very pretty. They are very cute. And like the story goes that they can turn into these handsome men that go to

dances on Riverside in Riverside villages and impress the ladies with their dance moves until the ladies want to marry them and have children with them. And that if one of them marries, if one of them can get a girl to marry him, then he can stay human. But if she, uh, but if she doesn't marry him,

then he has to become a dolphin again. Um, so I think like those, those, like the, those, those, those,

those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those,

those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those,

those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those,

those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those,

those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those,

those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those,

those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those,

those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those, Those tale types are just really interesting. I love those too. If he gets her pregnant, the child she has is a pink dolphin. Kind of like in this story. Isn't there something where the dolphin also can make her turn into a dolphin and steal her into the river? Maybe? I think your mom did a play a while back. It was my dad. Your dad. Your dad did a play and it was so good.

It was based on that folklore. Yeah, because that's – I remember how I heard of it. But I think that they took creative liberties with the legend for the play. Because I don't – I didn't see anything about the woman becoming a dolphin. Well, we have some research to do. We do. You should definitely tell one of those stories because those are so good.

I'm going to try to find one that's a little longer. The only ones I found were just kind of like a general description of this type of creature. Yeah. But apparently there are a lot of animal bridegroom stories of this type in the cultures that live around the Amazon. Because there's the pink river, dolphins, there's the snake lover in this story.

And then I also found a story about like a condor who kidnaps a girl and brings her to his nest. And then she has a baby bird oh my gosh and then she lives up there in his nest with her bird son uh for a little while and then one day the condor comes back from hunting and both his human wife and his bird son have been turned into frogs um and then he's like oh no that's sad and so then he goes and he kidnaps another girl oh my god but again that story was super short and it was too short to really tell as a story on the podcast yeah definitely but i just do think it's interesting that like that these stories kind

of follow a similar pattern where it's like it's always a male creature that seduces a lady by being a handsome man. And then when she has a baby, it's not a human baby. I love that. I think that's really interesting. And that's something we actually a couple episodes ago we wanted with the crane. Why? If we were thinking about like little crane babies. Little crane babies.

Little crane babies are just so cute. I know. That would be adorable. I guess snakes aren't as cute as cranes. Whatever. They are not. I'm going to share some cute baby snake videos. I follow some Instagram.

I think it's called like Fanatics for Snakes or something. And they just post the cutest videos. Of the little teeniest tiny snakes are you gonna share them to our instagram i think i will you should so make sure to follow us it's at fairy tale fix pod on instagram i might post them to twitter too but they have a lot of really cute videos i don't know i like i like snakes but i you know, there's a lot of cultural implications on snakes. So yeah, whatever. Whatever.

Okay. So I'm going to tell you a Swedish fairy tale. I got this book while I was in Solvang at the Hans Christian Andersen Museum. Yay. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. It's connected to the Book Loft, so like a little bookstore. So it's really cute.

Cute. It's a Swedish fairy tales. Oh. And they're all by different people, but they are translated by Holger Lundberg. Cool. All these fairy tales are illustrated by John Bauer. So I'll post some of those

to our Instagram. Excellent. Yeah. And the story I'm reading today is called The Old Troll of Big Mountain. The Old Troll of Big Mountain. It is by Anna Wallenberg.

So I think this is really cool. I looked up who Anna Wallenberg is and apparently she was born in 1858 in Stockholm. And she started writing fairy tales when she was about 37, I believe. And she wrote over 200 fairy tales, dedicating some of the fairy tales to her two sons. Uh-huh. And I thought this was really cool. She was actually the first person to translate A Thousand and One Nights into Swedish. Really? Or The Arabian Nights, as it's also known.

Yeah. Yeah, isn't that cool? That is really cool. Go her. Go Anna. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. She sounds like she had a really cool life.

She wrote, you know, a few different kinds of books. She actually wrote about a novel that dealt with the failings in women's education and promoting financial independence for women. So Anna sounds like a badass. And when was she doing all of this again? she doing all of this again? She was born in 1858 and she started writing around 1882. Amazing. I love it. Swedish feminist writing fairy tales. Absolutely. I love that. Good for her.

All right. So give me three predictions for the old troll of Big Mountain. Okay. You did mention earlier that this story was a bit of a palate cleanser. Yeah. I shouldn't have told you anything. I always think I'm not going to give away any hints. So I think that the old troll of Big Mountain is going to become friends with the protagonist. But the protagonist, yeah. So I guess prediction one is the protagonist is not the troll. The second prediction is that the protagonist becomes friends with the troll of Big Mountain. Okay.

And the third prediction is the protagonist tries to steal something from the troll. Oh, I like it. Here is the old troll of Big Mountain. Once there lived a poor crofter and his wife who had nothing more in this world than their little cottage, two goats and a boy child of five whose name was Ollie. Oh, my God. Ollie. That's already adorable. I know.

I love it. The crafter and his wife worked far away from their cottage every day, so they had a paddock for the goats to graze in. They gave Ollie a bread roll and a mug of milk, and they locked the door behind them and put the key under the doorstep. One night when they came home, both goats were gone. Someone on the highway said he had seen an evil old troll of Big Mountain dragging them away. No. You can imagine their distress.

Now the crafter and his wife had even less to live on than before, and instead of goat's milk, Ollie got nothing but water in his mug. No, not water. I know, right? That made me laugh a lot. Not stupid, boring water. The worst. You know how kids hate water. But worst of all, no one could be sure that the evil old troll would not come back, put Ollie in a sack, and carry him away up the mountain.

The troll was known to have stolen children before, though no one knew what he did with them because none ever came back. Which is terrifying. Yeah. Every day before they left home, the crafter and his wife warned Ollie never to sit by the window,

for who could tell the old troll might pass by and catch sight of the boy. If the troll ever knocked on the door, they told Ollie, shout, father, father, exactly as if his father weren't home, because that would surely scare the old troll and send him away. Which is really good advice. Yeah, good advice. Yeah, good tactics. My mom actually taught me that when I was – probably not even when I was a kid. Maybe when I was a teenager and she's like, if you ever open the door, just yell at somebody like you're not alone in the house. Pro tip.

Also pro tip. You don't have to answer the door at all to anyone ever. I utilize that one all the time. Yeah. Or you can yell at them through the door, ask who it is, and then say, I don't open the door to people I don't know. I've done that a lot. And it's like, how are you going to argue with that? Yeah. Because the door is closed and locked. I don't answer the door for people I don't know. Sorry. Bye. Bye. Super smart. Super smart tip. Yeah. These parents given Ollie all the good, all the good tips.

And so the Ollie would recognize the troll. His parents described him carefully. He was terribly ugly, had real bushes for eyebrows and a mouth that reached from ear to ear, a nose as thick as a turnip and and instead of a left hand, a wolf's paw, which I love so much. Wow. Yes. A wolf's paw.

Uh-huh. That's new. I don't think I've heard that one before. Right? Yeah. All of the trolls in this book are very ugly, I guess. Okay. According to our beauty standards anyway.

Yes. Ugly, I guess. Okay. According to our beauty standards anyway. Yes, Ollie would keep a lookout and defend himself. He promised them and he began to make some weapons. And remember, he's five. Oh my God. Is this just going to be a home alone? Story? Did they base home alone on this story? Oh my gosh.

That would be so funny. No, not quite. Ollie hammered a nail into a log and it became a lance. He ground an old knife meant for splitting kindling against a stone and it became a sword. That old troll had better watch out or he would be sorry. Heck yeah. One day as Ollie was busy polishing his lance and his sword, he heard someone groping at the door. Ollie looked out of the window and saw a man with a sack on his back crouching on his knees and poking his hand under the doorstep. It was none other than the evil old troll who had come to take Ollie away, but Ollie did not know it. What are you looking for? Said Ollie. Of course, the troll was looking for the key so that he could come and steal Ollie, but naturally he didn't want to say

so. Of course. I lost a coin, he said instead. It rolled up right under your step. Will you come out and help me look for it? No, said Ollie. Father and mother have locked me in so that I will be safe from a wicked old troll. The troll looked at Ollie at the corner of his eye and he wondered if the boy had any idea who he was. Well, I don't look like an old troll, do I? He said to test him. Uh-huh. Oh no, I'm not afraid you. And I'm not afraid of the old troll either, for if he comes in, he'll regret it. I have a lance and a sword in here, you know. Look!

The old troll peered through the windowpane, but pretended that he couldn't see anything. Then he asked Ollie where the key was, so that he could unlock the door and come in and see better. Which is just so creepy. Yes.

Oh, yes, said Ollie. The key is under the first broken step on the right side. Ollie. And indeed, there it was. And quickly, the old troll unlocked the door and stalked in. And to tell the truth, Ollie was glad to have company. Because Ollie is just a sweet baby angel. He's a sweet baby angel boy.

But this troll is going to regret it. Proudly and eagerly Ollie showed the old troll how finally he had ground his sword and what a wonderful lance, a nail and a log makes. He was

even rather wishing the old troll would come so that he could pay him back for stealing their goats. I believe I know where he hides his goats, said the old troll. If you come with me a little way into the woods, you might find them. Ollie, don't go. That's a great idea, thought Ollie.

Kids are dumb. Imagine if he could bring home the stolen goats. Well, shall we go then? Yes. Said Ollie. This is the opposite of what we were talking about. Yup. Yeah.

This is, uh, Ollie is very, very sweet and very stupid. Never let them take you to a second location, Ollie. Oh my gosh. Don't answer the door to strangers. Don't go into the woods with strangers. Anyway. What next? What fairy tale rule is he going to break next? Ollie wanted to bring along something to eat because the troll's pastures were probably a long way off. So he broke his bread into pieces and put them in his pocket. He offered the troll a piece, but the troll immediately said no. The reason for this was that trolls can never harm anyone from whom they have accepted something. Which I think is very interesting lore.

Very interesting lore. If the troll took the bread now, he would not be able to stuff Ollie into his sack. And that, of course, would never do. Would never do. I have very good, like, fairy rules here. When Ollie was ready, he reached for the old troll's hand, expecting to be led to where the goats were. That's so cute. I know.

But the troll pushed his hand away. You must take my right hand, said the troll. I have hurt the left one. And he showed Ollie his left hand, which was bandaged with a thick cloth. Because it's actually a wolf's paw. Uh-huh. Ollie felt sorry for him.

Oh my, you poor man. Let me blow on it. That will make it better, he said. I love Ollie so much. Ollie's the cutest little kid in the world but that didn't help his only thought was to leave without being seen it would have been quicker of course to stuff ollie into a sack right away but as he was walking along so willingly that saved the trouble of carrying him and so they walked hand in hand, Ollie with his lance and sword ready under his arm in case

they met the evil old troll. And after they had gone a little way into the forest, Ollie was tired and sat down on a stone. He began to eat his bread for he was hungry too. The old troll eyed him. He wondered if this wasn't the moment to put the boy in the sack. Besides, it annoyed him that Ollie was not afraid of him. That wasn't right. It would have been better to put him in the sack kicking and yelling all the way the other children did. It's how it's supposed to be. Yeah. And so he decided to scare Ollie. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. How? Tell me. Ollie, suppose I were the old troll. Oh no, Ollie said, looking at him. You don't look like him at all.

He has bushes for eyebrows and you haven't. He has a mouth that goes from ear to ear and you haven't. And he has a wolf's paw instead of a left hand and you haven't. So don't think you can fool me. How do I look then, asked the old troll. Like any other old man, of course. Ollie reassured him. Oh.

That sounded so funny to the old troll's ears that he left out a loud guffaw. And in the same moment, Ollie threw a piece of bread into his open mouth. That's for being so good to me. Not like an old troll at all. Oh, oh, oh, oh. The old troll coughed with all his might, but however much he coughed, the bread did not come up. It slid further and further down his throat until he swallowed it. Yes. And now a strange thing happened. The old troll could not treat Ollie the way he had intended to. Now that he accepted something from Ollie, he could not wish him ill. So you think I look

like a man, said the troll. It's the first time anybody has ever said that to me. But if I look like a man, I had better act like one. Listen. He stood up and pulled a small pipe from his pocket and began to play it. Ollie listened. He thought he heard someone answering from the forest, and the old troll blew once more, and again, Ollie pricked up his ears. Now he could hear footsteps, some light and some heavy, running across the twigs and moss. The old troll blew one more time. Something white among the tree trunks, and Ollie saw his parents' goats, Pearl and Flower, running towards him. So the troll hasn't eaten them yet.

I know, right? Pearl and Flower running towards him. So the troll hasn't eaten them yet. I know, right? They recognized him and pushed and butted him. Ollie was so excited that he shouted for sheer joy and jumped from one leg to the other. But there were more steps. Behind Pearl and Flower came hundreds of little kids. And by kids, I mean baby goats. Oh, oh, okay. I was confused about that right at first.

Yeah. I was like, wait, so he doesn't eat any of the children he takes? Does he actually just have a little orphanage up there in his cave? So hundreds of little baby goats tripping about, tiny and delicate, just like tufts of wool besides the bigger goats. But whose other goats are these? asked Ollie, looking at the old troll. Troll ways are different from a man's ways, and goats have many kids when they stay with the old troll on Big Mountain, he replied, and patted Ollie on the head. But run along now, you must be home before your mother and father return. Ollie nodded, but before he had time to say a word, the troll had hurried in among the fir trees because trolls do not like to be thanked. Which I think is the cutest. Ollie stood quite still for a moment, wondering where he had gone. But then he patted the goats again, and they all set off for home. On the way, Ollie met some people.

They stopped amazed at the sight of a small boy leading two goats and many, many kids. They followed Ollie to his cottage, and as the herd was let into the paddock, they stood gaping, a ring of wide eyes around the fence. Just then, Ollie's father and mother arrived, and when they saw their boy in the midst of all the goats, they were so surprised that they had to sit down on a stone. Then Ollie told his story, and they wrung their hands and groaned. Who could have gathered all those goats? It sounded like magic. It couldn't have been the old troll, could it? No, it wasn't, said Ollie. He had big eyebrows, but they weren't real bushes. And he had a big mouth too, but it didn't go from ear to ear. And he certainly didn't have

a wolf's paw for a left hand. His left hand was all bandaged up because he had hurt himself. Gracious, exclaimed the crafter and his wife and all the others around the fence it was the old troll he always wraps the cloth around his paw as to not be recognized when he's passaging the cottages all i sat down and looked around at all the worried faces he still could not understand well then maybe even bad trolls are good sometimes he said at last and no one who saw I love that. That was so wholesome. Isn't that the cutest story ever? Yes.

That's the cutest story ever. Yeah. I have zero fixes. I thought that was so adorable. I love that the trolls don't like to be thanked. Yes, that was very funny. Like, as everyone knows, trolls hate being thanked. Uh-huh.

They're all cranky old men who live in the woods. So cute. So cute. And Ollie's so sweet. Like, the part where he takes the team wants to walk with the troll. So he wants to hold the troll's hand because he's five. Oh, and he's like all proud to show his little lance and sword that he made. Oh, super cute.

Super cute. I love that. And I love that like the troll is thinking the entire time like, oh, this is not how this usually goes. Yeah, he's all wanting to like have him be scared of him. Yeah. Why isn't he scared of me? So cute. Just adorable.

Yeah. I'm glad you like that one. I do. I love that story. That's an excellent pilot cleanser. Wholesome story. I think you got two points. I'm going to say the old troll definitely became friends with the protagonist, whether

he liked it or not. Yeah, I don't think he wanted to. It was certainly forced upon him by like ancient rules like governing human troll interactions. But still, I think it counts. And then the protagonist was not the troll.

It was Ollie. And then it was the opposite. The protagonist actually had something stolen protagonist was not the troll. It was Ollie. And then it was the opposite. The protagonist actually had something stolen from him by the troll. Yes. Yeah. Oh, that is so charming. I loved that a lot. Me too. Yeah. So cute. I want more troll stories. I actually have a few that I'm going to have to save for another show. Yes. I can't wait to hear them. Cute. So cute. More cute Swedish troll stories, please.

Absolutely. I will find more scary Amazonian animal bridegroom stories and you will find more cute Swedish Swedish trolls. Yeah. And we will reconvene. Oh, OK. So that's a fantastic, wholesome, wonderful

note to end on. So I'm going to bring this episode to a close. Thank you so much for listening to Fairytale Fix. If you enjoy the show, please subscribe and leave us a review on Apple or Stitcher. If you love the show and want to support us, you can get extra episodes, merch, books, other bonus content on our Patreon

by signing up at fairytalefix.cash and you can also on our patreon by signing up at fairytale fix.cash and you can also find us on twitter and instagram at fairytale fix pod posting art and other fun fairytale facts if you want to go interact with us there and as ever we really want to hear from you directly please email us all of your favorite fairy tales, folklore, nursery rhymes, and other such things at info at fairytalefixpod.com. And so instead of threatening their daughter who was just being preyed upon by a snake, as happens, unfortunately, all the time, the parents sent her off with an auntie or some other family member to go do something relaxing for a few hours while they beat her snake lover to death. And Ollie grew up and continued to be a sweet baby angel,

making even angry, evil old trolls friendly and kind with his kindness. Angry, evil, old trolls, friendly and kind with his kindness. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.