Fairy Tale Fix - 48: Cats Are Always Magic

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

At last, an episode all about talking cats (sort of)! Abbie cracks open a new book to tell the Japanese tale of the Vampire Cat of Nabeshima, which is pretty much just as cool as it sounds. After, Kelsey brings you the adorable palate cleanser The Small, Small Cat.

You're wearing a ghost t-shirt? Yeah, I got. That's cute. It's my boobies shirt. It's got two little ghosts. Your boobies. That's right. They're boobies.

They're, yes, they're supernatural. Hi there. I'm Abby. Hello, I'm Kelsey. And this is Fairytale Fix, a what-the-fuck fairytale podcast where we read classic stories to each other and then fix them for a modern audience. Absolutely, we got this intro down. We're going to do it professionally from now on like people who know what show they're doing absolutely so right before we started recording i was uh just about to tell abby this story about fairy rings so i don't know if any of you have noticed but we have been trying to uh pump out more video content for you. And I feel

like I need a little bit of praise because it's so much fucking work. When Kelsey says we, she's being extremely diplomatic. She means her. She means herself. She means doing it alone because Kelsey's a queen and she works really hard. Yeah. You know, it's just like the algorithm wants videos. They want video content. So I'm trying to cater to that. And so I got an idea for a video to do, which it probably will take like a million years to get. But I wanted to do some videos of fairy rings because I actually have one that shows up by my house. Really?

And I think this is really terrifying. Yeah. And hilarious. So this fairy ring is, it's like a little mushroom ring, right? And it always pops up in the same spot and is gone like in a day. But it pops up right at the like's playground, right by the basketball court. And I think that's really creepy. That is really creepy.

Also that it's like there and gone in one day is also really creepy. Because isn't it like a fairy ring where they dance? Like it's a little dance floor for them? Yeah, it's usually like the portal into the fairy world, I think. Oh, oh my God. It's where they're stealing children. Yes. That's exactly what it is. Basically. It's how they're getting changelings. Oh my gosh. I was thinking about that. I was watching this little kid on the basketball

court and I was like, oh my God, he's definitely a changeling. Did he look just sort of unnaturally pale? He did look very pale. Like a clammy kid. Which was odd because it's still like a hundred degrees outside. And it's odd that there are mushrooms in a hundred degrees. There weren't very many today, but I did take a short little video and I don't know. It's just so weird that it always pops up in that same spot. Yeah. I'm sure there is a biological, botanical reason why that would happen. Probably. I don't want to know. If there is, I don't care.

It's definitely because of the fairy ring. And the fairies are stealing children from that playground right under their parents' nose. And stay away from fairy rings. Public service announcement rings public service announcement public service announcement and if you know the answer to why these mushrooms appear and that your answer is not fairy rings and maria i am mostly talking to you right now don't tell us we don't want to know also thank you Maria for joining our patreon yeah we have a new patron Maria thank you so much for joining we hope you enjoy the bonus episodes

and keep your botanical knowledge to yourself thank you precisely absolutely Obviously. Absolutely. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I also see like fairy, like little fairy doors for sale. Yeah. I actually bought a couple. Why would you, you want fairies? That's how you get fairies. I don't know why I want, because if the idea behind them is that if you lay out offerings for them and you generally treat them with respect, having a fairy door in your house can be good luck. I think that's a very dangerous game to play, but... I'm rolling the dice on it. Do you?

I've always wanted more fairies in my life somehow. But I know you. And I plan on being thoroughly respectful. I know you, you are definitely going to drink that fairy wine. If you get the chance. Absolutely. If if one of my new friends slash new roommates decides to offer me some fairy wine, I will drink it. They can hear me the one of the fairy doors is on my vanity table in the next room so oh my gosh they're listening right now and they put out some fairy wine for me please right now i'm not

drinking fairy wine i'm drinking um normal human beer that's what it's called normal human beer normal human beer i love that it's not actually called that it's called it's called dankful ipa it's a sierra nevada ipa thing but it should be called normal human beer norman normal human beer we should make we should make our own human beer norman's beer norman's beer wants to we'd get sued by the creators of Cheers. I'm drinking a Nebbiolo from a little local winery I visited while I was in Solvang. Oh, nice. Toccato, I think is what it's called. It looks delicious. It is delicious. It's really good. I've been saving this bottle of wine and I went and I really wanted wine and I didn't

have any cheaper like bottles available. So I said, fuck it. Life's too short to not drink. Exactly. Drink your nice wine. What if you died in a car crash tomorrow and you never drank the nice wine? God, I have a really, really fucking good white wine that i've been saving and i want to save it for a special occasion i like to save my nice wine for when i can share it with people sometimes that occasion doesn't arise as quickly as i want it to it's harder to say like i save nice whiskey for sharing with people it's's easier to save whiskey, and I rarely want to drink whiskey alone. Yeah. The same way?

I kind of lost my taste for whiskey. I'm not going to lie. I still enjoy it, but it just automatically tastes like a bad idea, unless it's Lagavulin. Well, that's why I only drink nice whiskey now. Nice whiskey. On special occasions. I also have lost my taste for, like, casual. Yeah.

Casual whiskey drinking. I drink it if I'm feeling fancy or it's an especially good. Uh-huh. That's really when you want to drink whiskey. Exactly. So I'm also really excited because we have a new review. Thank you. This is,

it's coming out a little bit late. This person left this review on August 2nd. Super chick LA said, can't get enough. i honestly love so many things about this podcast including the inane chatter and giggling which is a reference to a bad review we got thank you um she says might actually be my favorite part reminds me of me and my best friend love you girls and your work just as it is. Thank you for introducing me to Baba Yaga. Legendary.

Also, I think I'll start having a brew of choice while I listen. Cheers, ladies. Cheers to you. Thank you so much for that review. We really appreciate it. The inane giggling is our favorite part too. And we couldn't stop it if we tried.

There's absolutely no way.'s no point it's the reason we started this podcast actually we just so you know we just constantly make each other laugh way too much so yeah we're glad that you we're glad that you all appreciate it uh yeah thank you for writing that lovely review we really appreciate it if you have a if you haven't left us a review yet you can do so on apple podcasts and i think like pod bean i'm not even sure where it takes um reviews at this point it's not many it's mainly apple podcasts not i thought that google podcasts did it but because i i thought i vaguely remembered leaving one on google podcasts at one point, but I guess not. It's go to Apple Podcasts or iTunes.

If you don't have Apple, I don't have Apple. Honestly, if I want to leave a review for a podcast, it's such a pain. I have to sign into this really old Apple ID I had a million years ago on my old computer. Yeah. Which I do, by the way, because I want to be supportive. I do it in batches I'll save up I'll like I'll like save up a list of like five or six new podcasts that I'm really enjoying and then I'll leave like six reviews yep so that I don't have to think about it for another span of

months anyway save us up in your next batch of doing reviews and yeah or there's also spotify we're up to 29 five star reviews which is amazing like that's awesome thank you thank you very much we really appreciate that i know five stars for us keep doing it what was the handle for this first that left the review? Super Chick L.A. L.A. Letter L, letter A? Yeah, L.A. Okay. Louisiana or Los Angeles.

Gotcha. I thought Los Angeles at first. But yeah, I guess L.A. also could be Louisiana. That's true. But the point is Super Chick L.A la is now our favorite listener the best and if if you want to be our favorite listener then you should go leave a review but right now it's super chick la they are the bomb the bomb.com yes i know i said uh i said she because it said super chick so i hope i got your pronouns right. If I did not,

I'm sorry. I mean, it's a solid guess if the word chick is present, but erring on the side of caution. Yeah, it's always a good plan. Everybody's a they. Everybody's a they until they tell me otherwise. Yeah. That's my new rule. And even when you know differently, you're still a they. You're still a they. Because that always works. I feel like that's always a good. It's a good baseline. Right? Anywho, what have you been up to?

Do you have any updates for me? No. All I had was the fairy ring thing. I was really excited to tell you about that. No, no, no, like fairy tale related updates.

I had jury duty yesterday. I was not put on a jury. That was, that was sweet. It was an experience because before I, I've never really, I've never really had to be part of the jury selection process. I've just shown up, hung out for a few hours and then was,

I was then dismissed because the last time I did jury duty was in Northern California, which is just, it's a bit of a shorter process unless, unless you actually have to go through the whole process. But this time was there all day, like went to a courtroom, broke for lunch, came back. They were still asking us questions and still deciding who was going to be on it. It was interesting. But I'm really glad that I don't have to stick around.

For real. Yeah, I did. My last jury duty lasted three days and I got to the very, I was the second to last person to leave. I was on the, in the box as an alternate before they started like asking me questions and I was just so nervous. And I think that's going to let me go. She's not capable of making any decisions whatsoever. That's,

that's probably true. Would have been interesting. I wouldn't have hated it but um yeah three days jeez i'm glad like not and that's not even the trial that's just them deciding who's going to be on the jury the the lawyer the defense attorney or whatever i don't know he looked like that guy from ferris bueller's day off that one actor not um matthew broderick but the one that's all shy i can't remember his name but he was really really mean and he scared me a lot he was like i don't know i felt like he was badgering the jurors just like i don't know asking them really mean questions and then like kind of judging them.

I don't know. He was like, oh, so you don't want to do this because you're lazy. I don't know. He like literally said stuff like that. And I was like, rude. Yeah. Rude. Yeah.

No, they didn't let either of the attorneys address us directly. We all we all talked to the judge. Oh, nice. Who seemed he seemed like he seemed like a nice guy uh i i he seemed he seemed gentle and he didn't ask any rude questions gentle judge which was which was nice he was so corny though because like we we came back from lunch and there were still a few stragglers that hadn't made it back to the courtroom at the time that he told us we had to come back. And he just he sat down at his they called I think it's the bench.

He sat down at the bench and he shuffled some papers in his hands for like 30 seconds. And then he spoke into his little microphone. He was like, I hate awkward silences. I can't stand them. So while we're waiting for everybody else to get back, I'm going to tell you the biography of all of the paintings in this room. Because there were paintings in the room of people who had previously been judges in this courtroom. That's kind of fun. It was kind of fun. He's not a very he wasn't very good at delivering the biographies in a way that wasn't really dry. I'm surprised because it sounds like

he's done that before. Like, yeah, he has that in the back of his head, like ready to go. Well, he had it on papers. Like it's like he printed off the Wikipedia bios of all of these guys. Oh, yeah. He might not know right away because it's probably a different room that he's in every time. Nope. Those are his. Those are his. That's his courtroom. He didn't know. And his chambers, his chambers are attached to that courtroom. Like, that's his spot. That's hilarious.

But he's still, he's like just reading. He's just reading off of his little sheet and telling us about like, that's what that guy did. And that's what that guy did. And then this guy over here, this is what he did. And it just. That's cute. it was cute you know uh you live in a really old city was the courtroom i mean it was not a courtroom but was the courthouse area like really old and cool looking well we we were in a courtroom for a little, for a while. Was it like all old and really fancy? Yeah, actually.

It was very fancy. Yeah. Except, but it's also, but the age was betrayed by like, so the courtroom we were in for this particular trial, its air conditioning had broken recently. No. So, so hot in there because you know like about 70 people get packed into this room to like figure this out and they had like the air the air conditioning was broken the paint was kind of peeling it's you know

it was a little shabby i was looking around that room and it was kind of like oh my god like someone is going to have like the worst or most relieving day of their life in this shitty hot kind of weird little room that's rough it is rough it's super rough anyway the judge was cute though and they didn't they didn't let the attorneys say anything to us which is nice because they looked stern and i don't want to talk to them yeah really anyway um let's let's turn now to the realm of fantasy and not reality yeah absolutely let's turn to the fairy courts instead or in our case uh i'm going to be reading to you from a new book that i got that i am so excited about. I am thrilled to announce that I have gotten a book called Kaibyo, The Supernatural Cats of Japan. Oh, that's so cool. It is super

cool. It's by Zach Davison, who is an English translator, writer, lecturer, and scholar of manga and Japanese folklore and ghosts. So he's written a couple of books about Japanese folklore. So like this book is mostly like about supernatural cats with a couple of stories interspersed throughout its pages that are more specific example of a story, but the rest of it is just kind of the general folklore. I love that. I wish there were more books like that, honestly, because we were talking about how we have a hard time finding stories with the cryptids in it, basically.

Yeah, absolutely. And to kind of give you a lot more context about where these legends are from. about where these legends are from. Speaking of cryptids, just a little heads up. We've got a really exciting guest episode coming up. Yeah, we have some possibly really exciting guests coming up soon. So look out for that. It is very folklore and cryptid heavy. Yeah, it's going to be awesome. Guess who it is.

We talk about them a lot so it's really exciting for us i feel like we're we're meeting we're meeting celebrities absolutely pretty much excited about it but today we are talking about the supernatural cats of japan uh this book is really. It's also got a lot of like, it's also got a lot of art interspersed throughout it. So a lot of like paintings and stuff of Japanese cats, as always, I guess take like, take it with a,

take some of this with a, a bit of a grain of salt because it was, it was a book written by a british guy and not a japanese person but it was real it was real wow it was well reviewed by japanese people so i'm hoping that it's a fairly accurate book and he he had a lot of cultural consultants on it and stuff so i want to read you like a little preface before we actually get to the story. Just like kind of give you some of the context on supernatural cats in

Japan. I love it. So during his intro, Zach kind of talks a little bit about the, the history of cats in Japan, the history of how cats are traditionally thought of and treated. So he's kind of good. He kind of goes into a bit of a paragraph about how cats are considered to be

yokai in Japan. And yokai is the Japanese word for the supernatural. It is devilishly tricky to translate and define. There's no direct translation from Japanese into English for it, but it means something approximating a mysterious phenomenon. So yokai is sort of a blanket term that encompasses monsters, spirits of rivers and mountains, various deities, demons, goblins, apparitions, shape changers, magic ghosts, animals, and all manner of mysterious occurrences can be labeled as yokai. While any individual animal can transform into yokai given exceptional circumstances, there are only a few species that are innately magical. Of these, the most famous are Japanese foxes called kitsune, the indigenous raccoon-like dogs called tanuki, and of course, cats called neko in Japanese. Cool.

So cats are inherently magical beings in japanese culture life and everywhere absolutely knew this well i mean he also has a little passage about like how like this is not like this is not uncommon there are so many cultures that yeah uh that think of that think cats are supernatural entities in some way like whether they're worshipped or whether they're considered just a magical being yeah i also see that with foxes that's in a lot of different cultures absolutely it just it just seems it just seems right it's you do this is kind of an otherworldly being and a lot of different cultures agree that that is true so uh along with tanuki and kitsune, cats are classified as a type of yokai called henge. And this word essentially means shapeshifter and refers to animals who are able to change form, taking on various shapes and identities. Japan's cat lore is vast and deep,

equally sacred and profane. They traditionally guard Buddhist scriptures, but were disdained for their indifference. When the Buddha died, the only animals that did not weep were venomous serpents and cats. Their reported powers are myriad. Cats can change shape. They manipulate corpses like puppets. They bring good luck. They inflict curses. And it was said that to kill a cat resulted in seven lifetimes of inauspicious rebirth. Ooh, seven. Seven. Like breaking a mirror, killing a cat.

You will have seven somethings of bad. Yeah. Yeah. And collectively, magical cats are known as Kaibyo. So that's why the title of the book is Kaibyo. So that's the title. That's why the title of the book is Kaibyo, which just translates essentially to strange cats. Do you know if that's a belief that's like still held? Or like a superstition, I guess?

The book is definitely focused on older folklore and not necessarily modern opinions about cats. But like obviously cats are still a huge part of Japanese culture. Like, so there is a paragraph about modern Japan. It's a Yeah, he says, in modern Japan, it's difficult to go anywhere without seeing cats either waving at you from restaurant windows, springing from the pages of manga, or hiding in the shadows at Shinto shrines. Cat cafes are everywhere. Hello Kitty is beyond ubiquitous. It seems like every new animated series has a magical cat or two,

yet they remain multifaceted and mysterious creatures and they retain an aura of dangerous power and caution. Cool. Yeah. He has like a little section about the cat that was the station master at a train station for many years. Yeah. That like they,

they had this cat as the station manager, the station master. This cat was named Tama and they promoted Tama several times. And they promoted Tama several times. Oh, I love that so much. She, Tama was eventually promoted to operating officer and oversaw a staff of two feline assistant station masters. Oh, my goodness. When Tama died in 2015, she was enshrined as a goddess, rechristened Tama Daimyojin.

Her holy shrine still exists today, where pilgrims travel to ask for her blessing. Wow. I'm surprised we haven't heard more Japanese cat stories. Me too, considering like how magical they are. But we've just been finding the wrong stuff, I guess.

Yeah. So I don't want to read you the whole book. It's a very good book. I highly recommend it. I have learned a lot about magical cats. But the magical cat we are talking about today comes from the Bakuneko chapter, which is the changing cat. Bakuneko are the most common of Japan's supernatural cats.

bakaneko are the most common of japan's supernatural cats they are specifically able to take human shape and blend seamlessly with society they can imitate living people or create entirely new personas some bakaneko maintain a cat form but they speak human languages and wear human clothes and these cat-shaped bakaneko are among the most prominent legends gonna end on some bakaneko are among the most prominent legends. I'm going to end on some bakaneko maintain a cat form, but they speak human language and wear human clothes, and they are among the most prominent legends. I'm getting animal bridegroom from this a little. A little bit. You would not be wrong. So for the origins of most supernatural beings in Japan, it's very fuzzy what the actual origin of these legends are. But Bakuneko actually have a really specific and accurate origin story.

Everyone's pretty sure they know this is where these legends came from, why people believed that cats were like this or that there were such a thing. So in the era when cats became widespread in Japan, because they're not indigenous to Japan, there's a lot of different theories on how cats came to be there. Most people lived on a diet of vegetables and grains. There's very little supplementary meat or protein. Cats were fed whatever leftovers were available, and this rarely included meat. But cats are carnivores, and they don't do well on vegetarian diets typically. And when hungry, they take their protein where they can get it, and they aren't too fussy about the source. Oh, my.

During the Edo period, it was believed that cats ate butterflies. Many pictures at this time show cats fancifully hunting butterflies or having some sort of butterfly motif incorporated into the illustration. But in truth, cats had a readier supply of protein. Because houses at that time were lit by oil lamps and fish oil was one of the most common fuels. So to a protein starved cat, this was a feast. Cats would stand on their hind legs to reach up to the lamp to lick out the fish oil. That's cute. It is cute.

It's also like what those little cat wines are made of. Fish oil? Basically like fish oil. My cat hates them, by the way. She will not drink like Pinot Miao or whatever it's called. Your cat's weird. Yeah. But yeah, that's what those are made out of that's so funny that makes sense maybe yeah that makes perfect that makes perfect sense i love that that's still something we're feeding cats to this day uh-huh as any cat owner

knows cats can stretch their bodies to almost unnatural cats can stretch their bodies to almost unnatural proportions and are persistent when they want something. So frightened pet owners looking at the lamplight cast shadows would see their tiny cat suddenly elongate and stand on two legs as if transforming into a human as they reached for the lamp oil. And on top of this, the cries of cats have also been known to mimic human words and sounds. That's true. To, yeah, demand food and attention. That's just an absolutely true cat fact.

Absolutely. They are manipulating you by sounding like little babies. It totally works. 100%. It totally works. It's adorable. Uh-huh. It totally works.

It's adorable. With their ears already disposed to think their little tabby is shape-shifting at night, imaginations ran wild. People heard their cats speaking Japanese, and thus the bakaneko was born. Oh, that's so cool. Oh, it's giving me Nuri Murray or Nirmir vibes. A little bit yeah absolutely which is a it's a bonus episode

we have on our patreon but it's literally like the very first fairy tale I ever read for our I think it was like back in 2016 or maybe 18 maybe 2018 but um yeah it was when we did like our demo yeah we did a demo we were like let's even see how this would work.

It was just kind of an idea. And that's the one I read. And it's a troll that basically turns into a cat or yeah. And he just lives with humans because it's dope and they feed him. And humans are dumb. Humans are so dumb. It's such a great story. Definitely. If you're a patron or a Patreon, you can go listen to it.

It has bad audio quality, but it's a fun story. Yeah, I think we were – were we sharing a mic? Yeah, we only had one mic. We used, like, my – I don't know. I had a crappy – Yeti. It's not a bad mic. Like, a Yeti mic that we just put in the middle of a desk in my echoey room.

Yeah. But it's actually one of my favorite episodes. I know. It's a fun listen. Uh-huh. I love talking cats. I love any cats in fairy tales are usually always hilarious and basically like humans i'm in the spooky mood well then i think you will very much enjoy this story i'm so excited so this story is the vampire cat of nabashima oh my god okay and it was collected from The Tales of Old Japan, which was published in 1871 by an Englishman, of course, named A.B. Mitford. The Vampire Cat of Nabashima. Okay.

What do you think this story is about? Obviously, my first prediction is that the cat tries to eat someone. Obviously. Yeah. I feel like that is a very safe bet. Yeah. about obviously my first prediction is that the cat tries to eat someone obviously yeah i feel like that is a very safe bet i also would like to predict that you know what i am gonna stick with my first prediction that i was gonna throw out i think it's an animal bridegroom okay love it but it also tries to eat someone i kind of going, now I'm kind of going with the snake's liver theme. Not mad about it. And I'm going to guess that this cat is the most beautiful cat someone has ever seen.

I am honestly a little shocked you're not going with there's a talking cat. Oh, yeah. Should I should I predict that it talks instead of that? It's really beautiful. Were you hoping I would do that? Because it's wrong. Well, here's the twist. I don't actually know. I was going to read the story and then I got distracted reading the rest of the book and then it was time to record. So I actually don't know what happens in this story. So are you making predictions too then? I am also going to make predictions. Amazing. Because I have no idea. Well, then I want to predict that it is a beautiful talking cat. Okay. I love that. I want to put it it is a beautiful talking cat. Okay.

I love that. I want to put it in one prediction so I can get it wrong. Okay. What are your predictions? That's hilarious. I was also going to predict that the cat was going to eat someone. Okay. That it wasn't going to be fish oil it was going after.

Specifically, because it says vampire, I'm going to say the cat is going to suck someone's blood instead of licking up fish oil the cat will shape change into a handsome human man oh i hope so because because remember it says that bakaneko are shapeshifters oh yeah why didn't i predict that's okay. Uh, my third prediction is that the Bacaneko survives the story somehow that it is not killed. I hope so. It goes on to continue terrorizing the human populace. Fuck yeah. I hope.

All right. Give it to me, baby. Let's do it. I'm so excited. This is awesome. There is a tradition in the Nabashima family of the Hizen Daimyo that many years ago, the prince of Hizen was bewitched and cursed by a cat that had been kept by one of his retainers. The prince had in his house a lady of rare beauty called Otoyo.

The prince had in his house a lady of rare beauty called Otoyo. Amongst all his ladies, she was the favorite, and there was none who could rival her charms and accomplishments. One day, the prince went out into the garden with Otoyo and remained enjoying the fragrance of the flowers until sunset when they returned to the palace, never noticing that they were being followed by a large cat. Yes! Having parted with her lord, Otoyo retired to her own room and went to bed. At midnight, she awoke with a start and became aware of a huge cat that crouched watching her. And when she cried out, the beast sprang on her, and fixing its cruel teeth at her delicate throat the rottled her to death oh my god oh my god someone's already dead and this is the first paragraph of the story

i love it so excited action what a piteous end for so fair a dame the darling of her prince's heart to die suddenly bitten to death by a cat yeah that is an absolutely like the worst way to die yeah that's that fucking sucks that sucks i i could think of worse ways to die being lit on fire or being swallowed by a whale are my two being swallowed by a whale i don't know what that would be like. I can't even imagine. I can. And it taunts me. Then the cat,

having scratched out a grave under the veranda, buried the corpse of Otoyo and assuming her form, began to bewitch the prince. I should have said the cat turns into a beautiful woman. You should have.

Or person. What was I thinking? You should have just said human. I should have a person what was i thinking you just said human i should have just said human i should have just said person yeah i damn it i was thinking about that when you mentioned that they take that they can like uh control corpses mm-hmm that's so creepy i it. But my lord the prince knew nothing of this, and little thought that the beautiful creature who caressed and fondled him was an impish and foul beast that had slain his mistress and assumed her shape.

He didn't notice that his wife was now a cat. I'd be so upset at Adam if I died. Someone took over my body. You know what? I have talked about this on the podcast before, but sometimes I have like this theory that Cheval is planning to take over me. Like, oh my God, take my place. I'd be really upset if Adam didn't notice, but he probably wouldn't because we're basically the same person. We're just always like yelling at him about how we're hungry and we're bored. And we want cuddles.

Bacchanico. Literally zero difference. Oh, my God. This is terrifying. I love it. Well, attend the tale of your future. Because this prince has no idea that Otoyo has been replaced by a cat bastard bastard day by day as time went on the prince's strength dwindled away the color of his face was changed

and became pale and livid and he was as a man suffering from a deadly sickness uh-huh because he's losing all of his blood in the middle of the night. Well, because literally, because it says here that the cat had assumed Otoyo's shape in order to drain his life's blood. So that is a point for me. Yep. Also, you referred to Otoyo as his wife. She is not his wife. Oh, okay.

She is his mistress. Because it says in this next sentence i was making the story about me sorry i gotcha i got it but the very next sentence says seeing this his counselors and his wife became greatly alarmed so they summoned the physicians oh okay oh yeah she's she's his side piece wow then he deserves this yeah that's like an okay thing in that culture i don't know i think i think it's i think it's it it may be one of those in cultures where you could keep concubines is that like like you had a wife for political reasons but you kept but you kept concubines for fun interesting okay yeah concubines for fun. Interesting. Okay. Yeah.

Concubines for fun. So anyway, so Otoyo is his favorite concubine. Okay. Anyway, he's dying and Otoyo is already dead. So his wife and his counselors are greatly alarmed. So they summoned the doctors who prescribed various remedies for him. But the more medicine he took, the more serious did his illness appear and no treatment was of any avail. took, the more serious did his illness appear and no treatment was of any avail. But most of all,

did he suffer in the nighttime when his sleep would be troubled and disturbed by hideous dreams? Yeah. In consequence of this, his counselors nightly appointed a hundred of his retainers to sit up and watch over him. But strange to say, towards 10 o'clock on the very first night that the watch was set, the guard was seized with a sudden and unaccountable drowsiness which they could not resist until one by one every man had fallen asleep i want this horror story this would be such a good movie i want to watch this movie yeah then the false otoyo came in and harassed the prince until morning that's a funny way to phrase it like i know i know that like the cat's drinking his blood but it just sounds like this woman comes in and is like mean to him until morning yeah also cats just you know having

the zoomies at 3 a.m and me you. Oh, this is exactly what this is. This is demon cat zoomies. He's not even losing any blood. He's just like, can't get any sleep because his cat won't let him. Oh, I love that. The following night, the same thing occurred and the prince was subjected to the imp's tyranny while his guards slept helplessly around him night after night this was repeated until at last three of the prince's counselors determined themselves to sit up on guard and see whether they could overcome

this mysterious drowsiness but they fared no better than the others and by 10 o'clock were fast asleep the next day the three counselors held a solemn conclave and their chief one ishaya buzen said this is a marvelous thing that a guard of a hundred men should thus be overcome by sleep of a surety the spell that is upon my lord and upon his guard must be the work of witchcraft now Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Now, as all of our efforts are of no avail, let us seek out Ruiten, the chief priest of the temple called Mioin,

and beseech him to put up prayers for the recovery of my lord. And the other counselors approving what Ishaya Buzan's had said, they went to the priest Ruiten and engaged him to recite litanies that the prince might be restored to health. So it came to pass that Rui Teng, the chief priest of Miao Yin, offered up prayers nightly for the prince, one night at the ninth hour, which is midnight, according to the book. Oh, it says that in the book? It says midnight in parentheses. Oh, okay. I thought

you were telling me nope anyway so at midnight when he had finished his religious exercises and was preparing to lie down to sleep he fancied that he heard a noise outside in the garden as if someone was washing himself at the well deeming this passing strange he looked down from the window and there in the moonlight he saw a handsome young soldier oh my gosh maybe i do get my point some 24 years of age washing himself who when he had finished cleaning himself and put on his clothes stood before the figure of buddha and prayed fervently for the recovery of my lord the prince oh okay oh i mean it could still happen. I think he's sincere. Boo. It could still happen.

Don't worry. It's not over yet. Rui Ten looked on with admiration and the young man. Oh, yeah, I bet he did. He's a naked hottie cleaning himself in the well. You can look. Who wouldn't? So Rui Ten looked on with admiration and the young man, when he had made an end of his prayer was going away but the priest stopped him calling out to him sir i pray you tarry a little

i have something to say to you at your reverence's service what may you want pray be so good as to step up here and have a little talk with me and the young man goes upstairs and Rui-ten tells him, sir, I cannot conceal my admiration that you being so young, a man should have so loyal a spirit. I am Rui-ten, the chief priest of this temple and am engaged in praying for the recovery of my Lord. What is your name?

And he says, my name is Ito Soda and I am serving in the infantry of Nabashima. Since my Lord has been sick, my one desire has been to assist in nursing him. But being only a simple soldier, I am not of sufficient rank to come into his presence. So I have no resource but to pray to the gods of the country and to Buddha that my lord may regain his health. She's just

super loyal and crushing on his prince a little bit. really everybody's gay everybody's gay when rui ten heard this he shed tears in admiration of the fidelity of ito soda and said your purpose is indeed a good one but what a strange sickness this is that my lord is afflicted with every night he suffers from horrible dreams and the retainers who sit up with him are all seized with a mysterious sleep so that no one can keep awake. And then the book here says it is very wonderful, which I guess I take it they mean like the original sense of the word. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Definitely. But it does to a modern sensibility. It does come off as it's great. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like using the word awesome. Yes, yeah. Is it really awe-inspiring? Are you really awed?

Anyway, but he says, it's very wonderful. Yes, replied Soda after a moment's reflection. This certainly must be witchcraft. If I could but attain to leave to sit up one night with the prince i would fain see whether i could not resist the strowsiness and detect the goblin uh-huh you just want to watch your prince sleeping like a handsome angel you just gotta get a big old crush a handsome rich angel who is down one concubine. I will just point out.

He's down a concubine. His favorite. I know. It's too bad. I feel bad for Otoyo. Nobody noticed that she is not herself anymore. Yeah. So the priest says that, you know, I know the prince's counselors.

I will speak to them of you and will intercede with them that you may attain your wish. And Ito Soda thanks Rui Ten and says, I am not prompted by any vain thought of self-advancement. Should I succeed, all I wish for is the recovery of my lord. And the priest tells him, okay, well, tomorrow night I will take you with me to the counselor's house. On the following evening, Ito Sota returned to the temple, Mio-in, and having found Ruten, accompanied him to the house of Ishaya Buzan. Then the priest, leaving Sota outside, went in to converse with the counselor and inquired after the prince's health. The counselor says,

no, his illness is still very severe. We are certain that he must be the victim of some foul sorcery, but we cannot catch sight of the goblin. So we are in the greatest trouble. Uh, the counselor is, um,

he's a plebeian. He's such a pleb. I don't know if I can actually let him into the presence of my prince it is true he is but a common soldier urge the priest but why not raise his rank in consideration of his fidelity and then let him be there you go finding the loopholes making it happen the counselor says it would be time enough to promote him after my lord's recovery but come let me see this ito soda that i may know what manner of man he is and if he pleases me i will consult with the other counselors and perhaps we may grant his request so ito soda is presented to the counselor

who looks at him attentively and being pleased with his comely and gentle appearance. So I hear you are anxious to be permitted to mount guard in my Lord's room at night. Well, I must... That's such a sexy way to phrase it. Well, I must consult with the other counselors and we will see what can be done for you. So the next day, the counselors have a meeting.

They meet Ito Soda. They are likewise impressed with him. And they say that he may keep watch with the other 100 guards that very night. So he goes away in high spirits. He makes his preparations. And then he takes his place among the guard who were on duty in the prince's bedroom. I also love that the prince's bedroom is large enough that it can accommodate 101 people besides the prince himself. That's awe-inspiring.

That's awesome. That's awesome. Absolutely. I wish I had a bedroom that could fit 100 people. Then again, I don't know. I don't spend that much time in my bedroom. Yeah. Yeah, no, bedrooms are for sleeping.

Do you have to clean it all? I don't know. Yeah. Well, he doesn't have to clean. That's true, huh? He's the prince. If you're that rich, you don't have to do anything. You really don't.

Maybe he does hang out in his room all day. I mean, he's hanging out in his room all day now. Because he's sick. Poor guy. Eh. What, did he have it coming? I don't know. I just, you know.

He seems very loved. He is well loved. According to the story. That's what it sounds like you know that's true i shouldn't i shouldn't be so judgy okay so the prince sleeps in the center of the room of course and the hundred guards around him sat keeping themselves awake with entertaining conversation and pleasant conceits like playing cards and shit but as 10 o'clock approached they began to doze off as they sat and in spite of all their endeavors to keep one another awake by degrees they all fell asleep ito soda all this while also felt an irresistible

desire to sleep creeping over him and though he tried all sorts of ways to rouse himself he saw that there was no help for it but by resorting to an extreme measure for which he had already made his preparations. Wow. Yeah. What is it? I don't know. Let's read on. Drawing out a piece of oil paper, which he had brought with him and spreading it over the mats, he sat down upon it.

Then he took the small knife, which he carried in the sheath of his of his dirk. What's a dirk? This is very old timey English language. What the fuck is a dirk? It's a short dagger of a kind formerly carried by Scottish Highlanders that this Japanese soldier also has. Uh-huh. Maybe a little bit lost in translation. Oh, you're talking about people falling asleep and it's making me yawn.

Slap yourself. Okay, so he takes a small knife and he sticks it into his own thigh. That's what I need to do. Yes, Kelsey, go get a knife. Get a dirk. For a while, the pain of the wound kept him awake. But as the slumber by which he was assailed was the work of sorcery, he became drowsy again. Then he twisted the knife around and round and round in his thigh so that the pain was becoming very violent.

So he was having a lot less trouble staying awake. He had a plan. He did. The oil paper he had spread under his legs was in order to prevent the blood, which might spurt from his wound, from defiling the mats. Is the cat going to reveal itself because of all the blood spurting? Also very clean. I think so.

Like in Dracula? Like in Dracula. It might the um parody of parody of it but he accidentally cuts himself and anyway is that is that in you know it's probably it's probably in the like Leslie Nielsen parody I'm thinking of the Dracula dead and loving it yeah probably because I don't remember that scene in like the like the Gary Oldman movie it's been a while I need to re-watch those me too it I've all I haven't seen it in a long time so I don't know maybe that scene is in there I do remember that Gary Oldman's old man makeup is very creepy

anyway so he's a very neat person in addition to being a very smart person because he has put down mats to soak up all the blood so that he doesn't stain the prince's rugs what a nerd what a nerd so he is able to stay awake because no one else was this bonkers yeah and suddenly the sliding doors of the prince's room were drawn open and he saw a figure coming in stealthily. And as it drew nearer, the form was that of a marvelously beautiful woman, some 23 years of age. And when she saw that all the guard was asleep, she smiled an ominous smile and was going up to the prince's bedside when she perceived that in one corner of the room, there was a man yet awake. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. You're in trouble. Run. Kill it. And you're bleeding already. Yes. In front of a vampire cat. That's not good.

No. in front of a vampire cat that's not good no so she's a little startled but she goes up to soda and said i am not used to seeing you here who are you and he says my name is ito soda and this is the first night that i have been on guard office. Truly. Why here are all the rest of the guard asleep? How is it that you alone are awake? You are a trusty watchman. I stabbed myself in the leg. I stabbed myself real good. There is nothing to boast about.

I'm asleep myself, fast and sound. What is that wound on your knee? It is all red with blood. Oh, I felt very sleepy, so I stuck my knife into my thigh, and the pain of it has kept me awake. Like you do. Just like a matter of fact. Oh, I was tired, so so i jam my knife into my leg

that's what i tell my boss whenever i go how are you still up like i've been stabbing myself works better than coffee right what wondrous loyalty said the lady. Well, is it not the duty of a retainer to lay down his life for his master? Is such a scratch as this worth thinking about? He's very loyal.

Super loyal. Too loyal. Very respectable in it to win it. Just let him die. Just let him die. Just let him die. I would not stab my leg. I would not stab myself in my leg

for my boss. You know, if you're a soldier and it's all about honor and shit, you're stabbing yourself. I thought it was gonna be... I don't know why I was expecting it to be like ice or a tea or something yeah yeah like he just like none of the other guards have thought of that

like just keeping themselves awake okay anyway so the lady goes up to the sleeping prince and said how fair is it with my lord tonight but the prince worn out with sickness made no reply but soda was watching her eagerly and guessed that it was otoyo and made up his mind that if she attempted to harass the prince he would kill her on the spot it's not funny it's very serious it's i know but it's just such a funny phrasing harassing the prince she's gonna harass the prince the goblin however which in the form of otoyo had been tormenting the prince every night and had come again that night for no other purpose was defeated by the watchfulness of ito soda

for whenever she drew near to the sick man, thinking to put her spells upon him, she would turn and look behind her. And there she saw Ito Soda glaring at her. So she had no help for it, but to go away again and leave the prince undisturbed. Hmm. I want to know why she didn't try to kill, try to kill,

try to kill Ito Soda. Yeah. I'm wondering why, like he's already bleeding. He's wounded. Yeah. I'm wondering why like he's already bleeding. He's wounded. Yeah. Stab him more. Yeah, really.

I don't know. Maybe they're not that powerful. Maybe you can't you know, go up against someone who's awake. There might be rules that we don't know about.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So at last the day broke and the other officers when they awoke and opened their eyes saw that Ito Soda had kept awake by stabbing himself in the thigh and they were greatly ashamed and they went home crestfallen. Yeah, good. I can't believe you didn't think of that. You should all have been mutilating yourselves. I bet someone's feeling pretty good about himself right now heck yeah that morning ito soda went back to the house of ishaya buzan and told him all that had occurred the previous night he limped back to the house the counselors were all loud in

their praises of ito soda's behavior and ordered him to keep watch again that night. At the same hour, the false Itoyo came in and looked all around the room and all the guard were asleep because they're still not stabbing themselves in the thigh. They're like, fuck that. I don't get paid enough for that shit. Hell no. They're not as loyal as Ito Soda. That's true. He was wide awake again. And so being again frustrated, she returned to her own apartments. Now,

as since Soda had been on guard, the prince had passed quiet nights. His sickness began to get better and there was great joy in the palace and Soda was promoted and rewarded with an estate. Oh, love an underdog. Yeah. Good for him.

He deserves it. He stabbed himself in the thigh multiple times. Damn right you're going to give this man an estate. It probably had to go on for weeks for him to get better. Yes, that's a lot of blood loss to recover from. Now he's going to start getting sick. Yeah, probably. probably yeah because he's been stabbing himself in the thigh multiple nights and no one else is doing it they saw how he stayed awake huh yeah they've got zero excuses at this point everyone else is fired there's a hundred guys in this room and no one wave of wave after men or uh anyway so yeah damn straight he gets promoted and they give him an estate in the meanwhile otoyo seeing that her nightly visits bore no fruit

kept away and from that time forth the night guard were no longer subject to fits of drowsiness this coincidence struck soda as very strange so he went to a shy abuzen and told him of a certainty that this otoyo was no other than a goblin and a shy abuzen reflected for a while and said well then how shall we kill the foul thing uh stake through the heart oh chop up his head um i'm gonna say they're gonna light it on fire oh i love that i will go to the creature's room as if nothing were the matter and try to kill her but in case she should try to escape i will beg you to order eight men to stop outside and lie and wait for her also wasn't it i thought it was bad luck to kill a cat is it this a different type of cat i guess so because it's

like actually like a demon cat. Yeah. It's in human form too. Yeah. Yeah. Like you can, I think you can't kill like a house pet cat. Okay. Having agreed upon this plan,

Soto went at nightfall to Otoyo's apartment, pretending to have been sent with a message from the prince. When she saw him arrive, she said, what message have you brought me from my Lord? Oh, nothing in particular. Be so good to look at this letter. And as he spoke, he drew near to her and suddenly drawing his knife, he cut at her. But the goblin springing back seized a halberd and glaring fiercely at Soda. What the fuck is a halberd?

I'm assuming some other kind of medieval weapon. A halberd, also spelled halbert or halbard, weapon is a weapon consisting of an axe blade balanced by a pick with an elongated pike head at the end of the staff. Cool. So she's got a halberd. Oh, damn. Yeah, that's badass. Which is cool as hell, yeah.

Finish him. Finish him. This has to be in the movie. A whole epic fight scene yes oh i want it so she seizes a halberd glares fiercely at soda and says how dare you behave like this to one of your lord's ladies i will have you dismissed and she tried to strike soda with the halberd but soda fought desperately with his knife and the goblin, seeing that she was no match for him,

threw away the halberd and from a beautiful woman became suddenly transformed into a cat, which springing up the sides of the room, jumped onto the roof. Ishaya Buzan and his eight men who were watching outside shot at the cat, but missed it

and the beast made good its escape. Fuck yeah. Point for Abby. Point for me. the cat but missed it and the beast made good its escape. Fuck yeah! Nice! Point for Abby. Point for me! So the cat fled to the mountains and did much mischief among the surrounding people until at last the prince of Hezen ordered a great hunt and the beast was finally killed.

Oh, never mind. Never mind. Take my point back. oh never mind never mind take my point back oh i was hoping it lived that would have been funnier to continue doing much mischief but the prince recovered from his illness and ito soda was richly rewarded at the end beautiful i loved that story it was full of action full of i don't know full of action and body mutilation yeah i love how much of like a serial killer story it was like the vampire shit was actual was actually like really good that would be a really fun like horror slash

i'm imagining it also kind of is like a cheesy action like i don't know fight scene movie absolutely yeah like a fun cheesy action horror film yeah or or anime or something it would be yeah yeah it kind of makes me think of that oh that was fun any fixes for it? Besides the cat lives for much mischief. Someone being sad to discover that Otoyo is dead. Yeah, that would be my fix because like, she's the cat clearly killed her. The cat clearly killed her. I'm sure that happens. Just it wasn't in the story because it ended so abruptly after they discovered what it was. Yeah, I'm sure like I'm sure they were sad.

This was this was the prince's favorite mistress. So, you know, but that's kind of it. I don't know. The rest of it was really fun i liked it that was awesome thank you good for telling me that uh wonderful story i thought for sure the cat was going to attack hito soto because of all the blood nope oh well i probably should have now i need to go watch dracula dead and loving it hell yeah favorite slapstick comedies i love i've i've never seen it but i do love lesley nielsen it is hilarious it's one of my favorites amazing i quote it all the time it's a little ridiculous like way too much for like people who don't know what it is what's a quote from it oh adam and i always quote um like we'll drink something we'll go it's good because he he's like i don't drink wine and then he goes oh what the hell and then he like drinks it it's good i don't know it's it's hilarious. I don't know. It's

hilarious. That's funny. I love that. Very, very silly. Very my favorite kind of thing. That's a good joke. Definitely watch it. Please do. In fact, maybe I'll make you watch it when I can visit you. Hell yeah. Yes, we should watch together. You're going to be here in October.

It seems fitting. Tis the season. All right. Well, since I knew you were doing a haunted cats or not haunted, but supernatural cat story, I decided to read out of Cats and Creatures by Ruth Manning Sanders. This is the cat episode, everyone. Yes, cat episode. So my story is going to be very short it's only like two pages long which i love because it is also called the small small cat the small small cat yes so give me three predictions for the small small cat prediction number one the cat talks love it perfect A small, small cat. Prediction number one, the cat talks.

Love it. Perfect. Prediction number two, I don't know, like I'm loving evil cats right now. This cat is evil. A very small evil cat. A very small evil cat. And prediction number three, the very small evil cat trips someone. Tricks someone. I love it.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I'm so excited. Without further ado, the small small cat. Evil cat. The small, small evil cat. Once upon a time, there was a small,

small cat, and he was always wanting to be big instead of little. He said to himself, I'm going to ask the biggest creature in this neighborhood how I can get so big. So he goes to see Mr. Horse.

Yay! And he says, Mr. Horse, please tell me how to get big like you are. And Mr. Horse says, you eat a whole lot of corn and then you run and run and run. And after a while, you'll become as big as I am. So the small, small cat did everything Mr. Horse told him. But the corn made his stomach ache and the running made his legs ache and thinking made his head ache. And he didn't get any bigger. So he sat and wondered how it was that Mr. Horse's advice hadn't helped him at all.

And he said to himself, I must go and ask Brother Bull. So he went to Brother bull and said brother bull how do you manage to get so big and brother bull said well you eat a whole lot of grass and then you bellow and bellow and bellow and the first thing you know solid advice you're as big as I am. Hell yeah. So the small, small cat did just that. But the grass made his stomach sore and the bellowing made his throat sore and he still didn't get any bigger. Poor little guy. Little scamp. Yeah, he's so tiny.

So then he wondered why Brother Bull's advice hadn't helped him. Then he heard Mr. Owl hooting in the wood. And he said to himself, Mr. Owl is wise. I'll go and ask him how I can get so big. He went to see Mr. Owl and Mr. Owl said, but why do you want to be big? And the small, small cat said, I want to be big so that if I get in a fight, I can win. Yeah. Good reasoning. Which is totally fair.

I love that. This cat is smart. And Mr. Owl said, did anyone ever try to pick a quarrel with you? And the small, small cat said, no. But just in case, I want to be ready. Yeah, just in case. It reminds me of that scene in the Aristocats when the orange kitten Toulouse is like getting himself all puffed up and like hissing and pretending to fight. So cute. Cute.

so cute cute and then mr owl said well then you don't need to fight and you don't need to be any bigger than you are but the small small cat said i want to be big so that i can see a long way off mr owl said can't you climb a tree and see a long way when you've got to the top the small small cat said yes but the tree might break oh little fellow said mr owl you don't need to be any bigger in the body but you surely do need to be bigger in the brain mr owl serving up fucking roast. Perfect. Episode winner. You know, the owl just doesn't understand the small, small cat. I get it. Yeah.

You always want to, you know, be something you're not. Maybe you don't need it, but you want it. Yes, it is good advice. Like, it's a good lesson. I just love that it ends in like a fucking insult. Yeah. Like, oh, you're dumb. Yeah.

I was had enough of your shit, Kat. Enjoy the gifts that you have and stop trying. Stop trying, Kat. Pretty much. That's what I say. So cute. Zero fixes. I think that's what i say uh so cute zero fixes i think that's hilarious and a really that's a really cute like bedtime story for a little kid especially maybe a little kid who's kind of annoying or like a kid that spent all day trying to become a tyrannosaurus rex there you go and you're like you have to stop now it's time

to go to bed you don't need to be any bigger in the body but you definitely need to be bigger in the brain that should be on a t-shirt yes it should be we should get a little we should get a little graphic put it on something that was cute. Thank you for telling me that story. Yeah. Thank you, Ruth Minning Sanders. That was fun. It was a very sharp turn from your story. Yes. But I think it's nice. I think it's nice to have a palate cleanser. Always. All right. Well, I think that's going to do it for us. Mm-hmm. Thank you so much for listening to Fairytale Fix. If you enjoy the show, please subscribe, follow, leave us a review. If you enjoy the show, please subscribe, follow, leave us a review. If you love the show, you can support us and get extra episodes,

merch, books, and other cool content at our Patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash for, you know, I think the lowest tier is about what you'd pay for a latte a month. Sure do. Yeah. You can also find us on twitter and instagram at fairy tale fix pod we post photos and artwork of the stories we read and you know if you want to reach out to us email us your favorite fairy tales folklore and you know just pretty much anything you can reach out to us at info at fairy tale fix pod.com and so the bakaneko vampire cat

of nabashima escaped completely disappeared into the ether no one could find him and they continue to wreak absolute havoc on the village people in the surrounding towns forever it's still causing a ruckus to this day and the small small cat never probably wanted to stop being big and probably lived happily ever after the end