Fairy Tale Fix - 51: The Final Girls Episode

Episode Date: October 25, 2022

Just in time for Halloween, Abbie & Kelsey find some folk tales featuring two brave and cunning final girls. Kelsey reads The Skull, a spooky tale about a disembodied (non-floating) skull with a twist! And Abbie reads a Seneca folk tale, The Vampire Skeleton, that needs to become the latest indigenous horror hit following Prey (are you listening, Hollywood?).

Oh my god. I love this so far. Oh, I can't hear you. Can you hear me? Oh shit, okay. Oh, that was my fault. No, that was my fault. My headphones popped out. Okay, I was wondering because I was talking. I was making... I was trying to comment and you kept

rolling through it. I was like, oh, okay. I was wondering why you were so quiet. You know I'm not usually that quiet. Oh shit. When you said skimple scramble, I tried to make comments about it. Oh, my gosh. Should I start over at some point? No, no, no, no.

Keep going. We can keep in the bit where you realize your headphones were. I was genuinely wondering why you're being so quiet. I was like, wow, Abby's getting through like a whole page without saying anything about the story. That's usually not how this goes. I usually interrupt you like 20 times. Oh, that's so sneaky. And I tried. Hello and welcome.

Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. Halloween. I'm Abby. I'm Kelsey. And this is Fairytale Fix, a what the fuck fairytale podcast. Where we take classic stories and we fix them for a modern audience we're doing times when we remember when you remember and when it's needed which is too

yeah you know sometimes it's only needed sometimes and you know what we've been doing spooky stories recently and very few of them have needed fixes. I have thought the people who die tend to be the people who should die. Yep. It's been good. You know, the spooky fairy tales, which if you think about it, are kind of all of them, or most of them. There are so many. Why the fuck are fairy tales so terrifying?

I mean, think back to all of these tales that we've read to each other. Do you really read these to your kids or do you make amendments? Well, I think if they're ones you read to your kids, and do correct me if I'm wrong listeners with children because I don't have any of those but do you do you read them kid-friendly versions because I know that there are a lot of oh because you know I was wandering around my neighborhood today and I was I was going to all of the little free libraries that have sprung up in my neighborhood and I've been putting books in it I love because I'm trying to clear up space on my shelf. And I found in one of them, there was this really big, like a huge, really nicely bound fairy tale book that I was thinking about taking with me. But it was clearly like the

children's versions of Cinderella and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and The Little Mermaid and The Goose Girl. Although i was curious to see how you can make the goose girl kid friendly not scary it's not terrifying with a dead talking horse head yeah um i should have read that one more carefully i was just skimming through it and i decided to put it back because it was clearly like it we'd already read most of the stories in the book and and it was clearly for children beautiful illustrations they didn't do any of the any of the horse head nailed to the city gate or any of that yeah that shit is wild illustration yeah yeah no you're right most of these stories are like they're fucking awful yeah they're already

they're wild that's you know i remember right before i remember before we started the podcast which by the way we we missed talking about this but we've been doing this for two years now we hit our two-year podversary and we didn't even talk about it because we've just been on our grind baby whipping them out um i think technically the episode with alluring was our two-year podversary episode which was really fun so i think it was a great anniversary episode i wish we mentioned it while we were on with them yeah we made such a big deal out of last year and this year. We're just like, whatever. Well, we made it. Yeah. But I think we've been doing it for two years. And this is episode 51. I thought it was episode 50, but it's not. It's episode 51. I know. We hit like two milestones and we didn't even mention it until now.

Last episode was episode 50. Oh, God. It's been busy. We're tired. We're tired. But I remember right before we started the podcast or before actually,

I think we even, like, I think maybe we had, we had talked about starting a podcast. This was a long time ago, like in 2016. But I remember reading this fairy tale books and sending you like quotes of them and every time i would just put like what the fuck like just wtf as like a text to you i remember these yeah

namely the very ending of the little mermaid which made me what the fuck just a lot and then also a couple of the ones from a choice of magic that you gave me yes i do remember the choice of magic ones because that's partially why i bought you the book was because so many of them are so wild yeah do you remember which stories in particular you were freaking out about? I definitely remember the Little Mermaid, which we might be talking about sooner than later. Yeah, well, we should. It would be timely. Maybe.

But and if you listen to the podcast, you know our thoughts on the Disney's version of Little Mermaid. So I'm not going to rehash that. the podcast you know our thoughts on the disney's version of little mermaid so i'm not going to rehash that but um it's very exciting very exciting but yeah no i can't i remember laughing a lot at the word buttonhole because there's a lot of lines in that one where it's like he puts the flower in his buttonhole and i just like read it as butthole and I could not stop laughing. He put the flower in his butthole. Yes, I'm five. I was just so, no, I read it sincerely that way. I read that he puts the flower in his butthole and I could not stop. Like I read it. I remember,

I think I read it twice and I was like, what's happening. And I had to like, wait a minute. This was on the podcast. Yeah. I think we might've talked about this, but I think Dustin might've cut it out of that episode.

I can't remember. Oh, okay. I know I went on a tangent. I was probably embarrassed at that point two years ago when we first started the podcast but you don't care now because here you are bringing it up again the buttonhole just i don't know i remember looking at it over and over and just being like i cannot comprehend this my brain it was not computing and i had to take a picture and send it to Abby and then my brain registered. So welcome to fairytale fix.

Quick, quick confession. And I think Kelsey, Kelsey definitely has a similar confession. Part of my wandering about my neighborhood before we started doing this episode was a little bit of a bar crawl i used the excuse of putting books in the little free libraries in my neighborhood to also uh patronize several breweries that are also in my neighborhood and i am also still currently drinking a beer. So I. Oh, so that was today. I'm in the altered state. Oh, that was today. That was right before.

That was I got home right before we logged on. Amazing. Wow. Queen. I was having a beautiful fall afternoon full of breezes and beautifully colored leaves that had fallen on the floor and delicious fall beer. Hell yes. Yeah. It was delightful.

Oh my God. That sounds like the perfect way to spend an afternoon. It was lovely. And now I get to hang out with you as part of my evening. It's been a good day. Good day for Gabby. And visiting Little Free Libraries is so good. I am not going to lie. I would have 100% taken those books and thought about putting them back later.

Just, yep. You're coming home with me. Oh, it's a fairy tale. It's obviously meant for me. Obviously meant for me. I will take it back later. I do save – I donate so many books to the Little Free Library. I only have one near my house. I guess technically two, but there's another one that's just like kind of really in the middle of nowhere. I don't think any – I don't think anybody looks at that one because it always has the same books. And they're all – If it's out in the middle of nowhere, then probably not. Yeah.

Yeah. So I go to the popular one and I always put books that I'm finished with in it. But people put really great shit in there. Like I take everything that looks even slightly interesting to me. And if I don't read it, you know, in a little bit, then I just put it back. It's fine. You're using it properly then. It's the correct way.

I actually have one right now. It's called slew foot. actually have one right now. It's called Slew Foot. Tell me you wouldn't grab this. I love it. And she's got hooves. So it's like a beautiful girl on the cover. She's on a witch broom or broom. She's got red hair and a flower crown.

And she's got hooves for feet. And it's called Slewfoot, A Tale of Bewitchery. Yeah, I would have grabbed that. And I think it's a series. An ancient spirit awakens in a dark wood. The wild folk call him Father, Slayer, Protector. The colonists call him Slewfoot, Demon, Devil. Okay.

I love that so far. It sounded amazing. So I had to grab it. I don't know if I'll actually end up reading it, but it looks really fun. So why not? I mean, it does sound like a perfect October read. Yeah. You can add that to your list.

I had to grab it. So maybe I'll have an update next time. Probably not. Probably not. Probably not. Because when this episode comes out, I think I will hopefully be done with Camilla and can report about it in a November episode. I know I'm still supposed to be reporting about Fairytale by Stephen King, and I have not read any of that yet. Haven't started it. But in my defense, I got completely derailed by the third book in the Locked Tomb series came out, which I forgot that it was supposed to be coming out right around now.

And I read the entire thing in about in about a week it's very good i i really can't recommend this series enough like if you're if you're into it's like it's it's about lesbian necromancers in space i mean that sounds epic as hell it's epic as hell but it's also like it's so well it's the the series is by tamsin muir i can't recommend it enough um it's epic as hell it's gross as hell like i genuinely gag a little bit just as they describe some of like the necromancy parts and like there's some good body horror in there that's like pretty fantastic but it's also it's also one of the most softly devastating series I've ever read in my entire life. It's a story that the author has said it's about the horrors of love, that love is awful. And people do awful things for it.

I don't know. That turns me off a little. Yeah, I don't know if you things for it. I don't know. That turns me off a little. Yeah, I don't know if you'd like it. It's not necessarily fun. It's super – I mean, it is fun and it's super funny. I've never laughed louder or harder than reading this book, but it's also pretty angsty. But if that sounds good to anybody else, if you enjoy reading like softly devastating things that will make you think about how love is horrifying and like that,

that being truly like known and loved by another person is both wonderful and the most devastating thing that can ever happen to you. I cannot recommend this series enough. Also it's gross. not recommend this series enough also it's gross so that's my defense it was very halloweeny body horror gross gross body horror lots of shit with bones lots of shit with like reanimating dead flesh lot like lots of lot like it's just it's gross nice that makes me think of like zombie fiction like zombie romance fiction there are some there are some zombies in it it's very interesting it's very interesting it's a good series i love it so much i have been binging

uh textual tension it's a podcast i know i've mentioned it on one of our patreon episodes but I love it so much. I have been binging Textual Tension. It's a podcast. I know I've mentioned it on one of our Patreon episodes, but they do romance novels. Like one of them reads a romance novel and then like describes it to the other person. And they are just fucking hilarious. And I've been kind of binging a few of their episodes. And they're so funny. And they do a lot of different romance novels

and there are romance novels for everything. Like one of them is about Mothman. Like it's like, I think the book is called like a Mothman to a flame. And they also do Twilight and they're like romance novels that I would never read so it's really fun listening to them basically tell each other what these stories are about and they're

fucking hilarious so that's what I've been doing instead of reading the books that I actually have I've just been listening to people talk about books that I will never read so I definitely recommend if you like that kind of thing,

go check out Textual Tension. They are hilarious. Amazing. Speaking of horror stories and spooky, scary stuff. Fantastic. Alluring is doing their Halloween playlist. It's a podcast playlist. So if you want more spooky, scary folklore, definitely check it out. We'll post a link on our social media soon. They always put together like a cool playlist of different podcasts that do like scary episodes.

So it's very fun. I absolutely, I found some really fun podcasts last year from it. so definitely make sure to check that out and also uh this is months overdue but I wanted to mention uh thank you Brittany for emailing us your pirate story this is this is so long by the time this comes out, this will be so overdue. So overdue. But thank you. So one of our listeners, Brittany, sent us a pirate fairy tale. And we actually haven't had a chance to read it yet because we've just had so many episodes planned for spooky season and collaborations and things like that.

But we want to let you know, Brittany, thank you so much. We are so excited to read it. And that's going to be on the podcast very soon. So, um, yeah, I mean, we just love you for sending us a pirate story because we were complaining about it nonstop and then we still haven't thanked her for that yet. I think she sent us a story back in August or something. So thank you. You are the best.

You're amazing. Yes. Thank you so much, Brittany, for sending that in to us. I think we, I think we may do like a, a random, a random reading of that where neither of us knows what's going to happen and we'll just pick who's going to do it and go for it sometime, sometime next, sometime in the spring, I think, because we've got, we've got November through December pretty well planned out at this point yeah we've got some really exciting fairy tales for everybody yeah but can't wait to read the pirate story and we just we just appreciate it when anybody writes to us really the other thing that we wanted to go over

before we get into the, the bulk of the episode today was it's been a while since we have thanked our patrons on the air. So I just wanted to go through and do that real quick. Thank you so much to Maria Shantae, Sarah, Hannah, Nick,

Olivia, Melissa, Ellie, Caroline, Jordan, Jeremy, Lisa, Maddie, Kaylee, Zach, Kelsey, Dami, Christopher,

Jen, Julia, Adam, Noah, Ricky, and Elizabeth and Angel. We love you so much. You have the clearest skin. You're helping make sure that this podcast can stay on the air and we really we just really appreciate you thank you so much uh in particular i want to also just call out uh call out lisa we love you so much lisa upped her pledge uh this past this past month and we we so appreciate you thank you so you might notice i'm uh i'm drinking out of a very special mug it's very beautiful um we've had a little bit to drink i know you went on your beer run i went on a little wine um i don't know i had half a bottle of wine right before this and was watching some spooky uh shows but i had this mug that i've been drinking out of wine right before this and was watching some spooky shows. But I had this mug that I've been drinking out of and it has you and me on it. It's so cute. It's actually in our merch store. We don't talk about our merch a lot, but we do have some new merch items out in the last couple of months. So if you want to check it out, we've got some

great artwork from Vet V on Instagram. She does amazing work. And she did that really cute portrait of us as mermaids. And like our general fairy tale fix cartoon. So you can actually get that on a mug and a tote. And we have some cool stuff. So definitely check out our merch. We'll leave a link in the show notes. But it's also just fairytalefixpod.com.

And then it's at the top it says merch yeah or shop or shop it's a shop it's a shop we're very professional we know how to sell ourselves but if you want fairytale merch it exists it is out there it's another great way to support us uh i am very excited to very soon receive my t-shirt that says just say chicken. Yes. I made it especially for Abby. It says just say chicken and there's a gorgeous silhouette of a rooster on it. So go check it out. So go check it out. Perfection.

And I think we are ready. I am ready to tell you a very spooky story. I'm dying to hear it. We did a lot of housekeeping today, I feel like. But I want to thank Chris again for sending us these Ruth Manning Sanders books. I'm reading again out of a book of ghosts and goblins because it is so good. Chris said in one of his letters to us that this was like in his top five Ruth Manning Sanders books of all time. And I agree. This is probably also in my top five. There's been some

golden stuff in this. Like just as Chris said in his his note more kind of halloween spooky scary than fairy tale and that is what i like about it so yeah today i am reading you a story it's called the skull perfect can't wait tell me all about it. Give me three predictions for the skull. The skull. The skull is floating above the ground.

Excellent. The skull is haunted by the spirit of a creepy man of some variety. Thinking I've got a bit of a blue beardy vibe. That's such a good prediction.

I'm going to write in there blue, blue beard vibe. This might just be because I'm just going purely off of, because the story I read most recently on the regular podcast feed is the the goblins of the bathhouse i want another helpful critter of some kind helpful critter a helpful animal that's always fun i love a helpful animal that helps whoever is being chased by the skull of this creepy man. Who doesn't? Okay.

The skull is floating above the ground. It's haunted by the spirit of a creepy man with a blue beard vibe. And a helpful critter. I love it excellent predictions i'm going to read you this skull a little orphan girl was sent to live with a grown-up cousin the cousin didn't like children she scolded the little girl for every small fault and made her so unhappy that one morning she ran away she ran and she ran and she came to a thick wood and then indeed she was quite lost the wood seemed to have no end to it and by and by night came

but she was a very brave little girl and though she was all alone in the dark she wasn't really frightened only a bit anxious as to where she could sleep. Aw. Okay. Nice. All right. Not so bad. He then saw a light in the distance and ran toward it and came to a great castle. The light was coming from a window in the castle.

The little girl knocked at the door and looked up at the window. The window opened and something looked out. It was a skull. I don't like something. Something sounds bad. What do you want? Said the skull. Oh, please. I'm lost. Said was a skull. I don't like something. What do you want, said the skull. Oh, please, I'm lost, said the little girl. And the skull answered. I can roll down, but I can't roll up. If I come down and open the door, will you promise to carry me upstairs again?

Yes, yes, I promise, said the little girl. So the skull came down and opened the door, Yes, I promise, said the little girl. So the skull came down and opened the door, and the little girl carried it upstairs again in her apron. Now, said the skull, put me on the table and go into the kitchen. You'll find eggs and flour there, so look sharp and cook me a pancake. And if anything comes down the chimney whilst you're cooking, don't you take any notice. Oh my god. The little girl did as a skull bait her she put the skull on the table and went to the kitchen found the eggs and the flour and made ready to

cook the pancake she was just going to put the pan on the fire when there came a skimble scramble in the chimney and a lot of dead bones fell down into the room. The bones gathered themselves together and stood up, and there was the whole of a skeleton except the head. The skeleton went poking about the kitchen, lifting things with the bones of its hands and putting them down again, as if it was searching for something it couldn't find. but the little girl took no notice of it she put the pan on the fire and cooked a pancake and while the pancake was nicely cooked and golden she put it in a dish carried it into the next room and set it on the table beside the skull oh my god i love this so far oh gosh i like that she has to make a pancake. That's like the most wholesome.

I like that. So imagine you're dead and somebody comes and you're like, fuck, yes. Make me my comfort food. Make me my comfort food. A pancake is a great choice. Oh, my God. Yes, a pancake's a good choice. Although, like, so do you think it's like a potato pancake or like a sweet pancake?

A sweet pancake. It's a flour and an egg. True. I imagine like maple syrup, butter, the whole deal. I mean, I'm Danish. There's got to be lots of butter. Lots of butter and honey probably is my guess. What's your prediction for this whole skeleton?

This whole ass skeleton is looking for something. Fell down the chimney. Um, did the, and hang on, I'm sorry, but did the skull float downstairs? It doesn't.

No, it said it like rolled. Damn it. And she had to carry it back up. Crap. It might float later. I actually read this like a little while ago, so I don't remember everything.

I hope it floats later. I actually read this like a little while ago, so I don't remember everything. I hope it floats later. I don't remember the details. So the skeleton fell down the chimney. But she ignored it and she's making a pancake. It's like the body, but the skull told her to absolutely ignore it. And now the skull is like rifling through the bones or whatever? The skeleton's just like looking for something oh this oh okay well i mean it's to me it seems pretty obvious that it's like

it's the body that goes with this skull and it's trying to re it's trying to find the skull that's supposed to go on the body but the skull doesn't want to be found for some reason yeah it's interesting right also like how how brave is this little girl to just be like all right i'll make you a pancake fine like you told me to ignore it so so i am but i mean if you've already seen a talking skull today that's true how much worse could it get the skull told her this would happen yeah exactly it's a surprise and it's better than an abusive family member at home in any case she's seen worse oh that's so sad i know that was really dark actually i

as soon as it came out of my mouth i was like oh no so the skeleton's poking about the kitchen and she's cooking the pancake. And once it's finished, she carried it to the next room and set it on the table beside the skull. Now to supper, said the skull. Cut the pancake in two. You shall have half and I will have half. So the little girl cut the pancake in two. And immediately the skull's half of the pancake turned black. But the little girl's the pancake into and immediately the skulls, half of the pancake turned black,

but the little girl's half remained golden. The little girl stared. You may be sure, but the skull said, eat, eat. And the little girl did eat because she was very hungry. And the skull ate to snatching up the black half of the pancake into its

grinning mouth and champing and champing with its rattling teeth how like how is it snatching up anything is it scooting along the table like it's hopping along the table i imagine it with its little skull and then it's just tipping itself onto the plate to go like fuck yes and it says champing and not chomping. Yeah. And it's just like, like just ripping it apart. Also, I don't know if anyone ever played this game called Monkey Island, but there's like an inanimate skull that talks to you the whole time. And it's great. I just, I love a, I love a talking skull without a body just being telling you what like telling you what's up and and now you're friends and now you're friends how lovely that's kind of the dream

speaking of pirates this feels very piratey this feels piratey it feels piratey to me i don't know being friends with a skull maybe it feels from playing too many pirate video games could be could be i feel like my brain my brain goes in much more of like a hamlet direction oh this also sounds like it could be like the Baba Yaga origin story so far. Kelsey, I love that. That's my fix for the story already. Mine too, because I forgot to fix it before we started recording. What is our show called? What is our show called what is our show about you know for me it's like fairy tale fix like i'm getting my fix fair so for me i feel like it almost has a different meaning anyway that's fair

enough so when they had both finished eating the skull said now we can go to bed you must take me into bed with you and hold me tight at midnight the skeleton will come to try to snatch me away from you but hold me tight hold me tight if you can hold me till morning i shall be saved and you will be the luckiest little girl that ever walked to the earth now follow me oh my god i love this so much i love this story then the skull rolled off the table and rolled out of the room and down a passage float damn it i like better than it's rolling that's so ridiculous and the little girl followed till they came to an open door open the door said the skull, and step inside.

The little girl opened the door and stepped inside, and the skull followed her. They were in a pretty bedroom now, all white and gold and lit up softly by a silver lamp. Take me up in your arms and get into bed, said the skull. Well, the little girl did that. The silver lamp went out, and the little girl lay still and drowsy, holding the skull well the little girl did that the silver lamp went out and the little girl lay still and drowsy holding the skull in her arms so by and by she fell asleep but at midnight she woke up to find something pulling the bedclothes off her and that something was the skeleton without any head no i knew it was coming and still know.

I don't like that. Ring, ring, ring, ring. It's spooky. Like any scene in any horror movie where someone's sleeping and the bedding is slowly being pulled off them, just like, fuck! No!

It's creepy as hell. Creepy as hell! And that something was a skeleton without any head and a voice came out from somewhere amongst its bony ribs and the voice said give me that skull i want that skull no said the little girl you shan't have it and she claps the skull close to her chest with both her hands. She's so fucking brave. She's so fucking brave. Like, this is ridiculous.

The skeleton lifted her clean out of bed and shook her and shook her. But still, she clung to the skull and wouldn't let it go. The skeleton flung her on the floor and slapped her and pinched her. But still, she clung to the skull and wouldn't let it go. Then the skeleton dragged her about the room by her heels, and all the time it was calling out, give me that skull. I want that skull. I would give it that skull. No, no. No. Yes. Here, take it. you got it hi yeah this is none of my business clearly this little girl is true to her words she is just like but these are fairy tale rules right you have to like she wants her reward she wants her reward then i'll carry you off skull

and all yelled the skeleton and it picked her up by its bony arms it was making for the door when all at once a cock crew out in the castle yard then the skeleton gave a great cry and vanished and the little girl still tightly clasping the skull got into bed again and fell asleep like no fucking problem just fell asleep after all of that wouldn't you be tired and you know you'd be like scared shitless here's a horrible illustration oh no i mean it's incredible it's by robin jock and it's just like an illustration of the skeleton picking up the little girl who's in this adorable little dress and she's clearly like when they because sometimes when fairy tales say little girl they they mean anyone. They mean any child from like five to 16.

She's eight. She's eight years old. This is a little girl. And she's got a cute little ponytail. I love it so much. This is one of my favorite drawings. She's got a sweet little dress. And she's just holding on to the skull for dear life.

Sweet baby. Good girl. So brave. Somehow she manages to fall asleep because she is, you know, years beyond her age. She's been traumatized by really by a lot of hardship. So somehow she manages to fall asleep. And when she woke, the sunlight was streaming in through the window she thought to find the skull still in her arms but it was gone oh dear oh dear had

the skeleton come back after all and taken it from her whilst she slept and she began to turn out to be a handsome prince maybe hold on i think she's too young for a handsome prince oh she's only eight never mind she's eight never mind never mind take it back a handsome prince Oh she's only 8 nevermind She's 8 Nevermind take it back A handsome 8 year old prince Okay so she wakes up Don't cry My brave little one said a sweet voice And the little girl looked up

And saw a snow white lady standing by the bed I was that skull Said the snow white lady And the skeleton is all that remains Of a wicked lord who by the bed. Ooh! I was that skull, said the Snow White Lady. Ooh! And the skeleton is all that remains of a wicked lord who,

when we both lived, tried to force me to marry him. Abby's face is just like, I love it! Shock. Oh,

I love it so much! When I refused to marry him, he stabbed me to the heart for that crime. He was beheaded and his head was taken and smashed to pieces by my angry father. And every night since then, he's followed me about and taken my skull each night to wear on his wicked

shoulders. But now you have freed me and I can go to my rest. Goodbye, little darling. I leave you my castle and all that is in it. You shall not be lonely for you. She'll have servants to wait on you and playmates to keep you company. And by and by,

who knows? Perhaps I will send a prince to marry you. The ultimate, the ultimate reward. We woman. the ultimate, the ultimate reward. We woman.

And when she had said that the white lady turned into a white cloud, drifted through the window and faded into the brightness of the morning. For a moment, the little girl felt very strange and lonely, but only for a moment. For the castle suddenly became filled with busy servants going about their work, and running into the room came a crowd of children laughing and skipping. With those children, the little girl lived merrily for many years, and sure enough, when she had grown into a beautiful maiden, a prince came riding by. The prince fell in love with her and she with him. And so they were married

and lived happily together in the castle ever after. The end. Oh! Your face is so good. I'm not even mad that I got no points! Wasn't that like really, really

scary? Like fucking terrifying at first. Yes! that was so creepy. But also, oh, what a great ending. I know, like so sweet. I totally, I'm so pleased. I don't know. I don't know why. I think I'm just like, we just read too many of these.

And so I was like, I was convinced that the skull was going to be like a prince or something. Yeah, it was way better than it wasn't i like because i don't know i i also for some reason kept expecting the skull to be a man yeah i love that it was like you helped a woman who had who had was trying to escape the attentions of like this man that won't fucking leave her alone even in death even in death you won't leave her alone and you you oh i'm so glad she hung on to the skull i know wasn't that so sweet oh i love it the perfect kind of twist but like it made me think very much of one of those are you afraid of the dark episodes where it's really fucking scary and creepy and like but then it has the most

wholesome ending and you're just like oh really happy oh where do all those other kids and servants come from though like are they made up are they also spirits why do they just appear there where are they from did a bunch of other kids get stolen from their parents she's also actually just a witch she's just a witch i think your ending was perfect i love the idea that it's actually just baba yaga yes and this is like the beginning of like so this this this happened again the witch apprentice that we a bajillion years ago oh we love a way we love a witch's apprentice on this show hell yes and i love the idea that it's another fallen witch that turned baba yaga into the wench like but she instead of offering her a prince she offered her

like powers and magic and the life the absolute life that she wanted to live and that was and babayaga chose that life i love that okay yes perfect um including all her sons who are apparently gotta be like the witch um or like the white ladies the snow white lady's sons or whatever who are the babayagas what are they Baba Yagas like four horsemen of the apocalypse yeah her night and her day and her dawn and her dusk I think were the

I think we need to read more Baba Yaga now the four writers yeah we need some more Baba Yaga it's time to dip back in but I just love that story so much. I'm glad you liked it. I adored that. Oh, that made me so happy. I'm about to ruin it. Oh, no. Please do. I'm ready. That's something that I think or not or not because I also found this story is also relatively empowering. So the story that I am going to tell you today is a story that I really, really enjoyed when I was a child.

It also scared the absolute bejesus out of me. It's called The Vampire Skeleton. What? I know. it's called the vampire skeleton. I know. And it's a story that is from the, uh, the peoples who made up the Iroquois Confederacy,

which, you know, was a, uh, indigenous group to North America who made up a group of people who lived in, in sort of like the Northeastern United States, uh, before horrible violent colonization.

Yeah. So I wanted to look up a little bit more about them and sort of where they are now and do just talk a little bit about them before we move on and tell one of their stories. I love it. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. It's one of the best horror stories I think I've ever read to this day. I cannot wait to read it to you.

And we haven't done an indigenous story in a really long time, it feels like. Yeah, because sometimes I feel awkward about it as we are two Mayo Sapien people living in the colonized United States of America. They are not our stories to tell. Not our stories. We act like the kind of the machine of the United States white supremacy actually forbade the telling of these stories in this country for so, so long. But also, these are some pretty great stories.

And the thing is, I want to tell you about them. Yeah. I think they're so fun. And I hope that if we ever do manage to attract any sort of Indigenous listeners, that they will be forgiving. And it's also a little, like, to not talk about the amazing cultural stories of the Indigenous peoples. It's a little like um it's it's like we're ignoring them or pretending that like we haven't heard any of this or that we yeah oh i know there's a really good word for it but it's totally not coming to my mind right now

we'll think we'll think of it maybe like halfway through the story but anyway i wanted so most of the information that i got about um the the the background about the Iroquois Confederacy, I got I got a lot of this information that I'm about to read off of the Onondaga Nation's website. O-N-O-N-D-A-G-A. And they are one of the peoples that made up the Iroquois Confederacy, or as they refer to it, the Haudenosaunee Confederacy, which translates to people of the longhouse and is an alliance of native nations united for hundreds of years by law, tradition, belief, and cultural values. The Haudenosaunee is also referred to as the Iroquois or the Six Nation Confederacy and consists of the Mohawk, Oneida, Onondaga, Cayuga, Seneca, and Tuscarora nations. So currently, the Onondaga nation is still governed by their traditional government. On their website, it says that the Onondaga is one of the

oldest continuous democratic governments on Turtle Island. And they're they are currently operating out of a chunk of their traditional lands, which is south of the city of Syracuse. And they have, there's just a lot of great information on their history, And there's just a lot of great information on their history, on their culture, on their traditions, and also a land back initiative that they are running against the state of New York, essentially suing the state of New York to get back some of their traditional lands that were stolen through treaty violations or tricks. And if you want to know more about that and how you can help them get their land back, they do have a couple of specific things that they are asking for from the community. If you're interested, go to onondaganation.org and you can find out all about that. Yeah. We'll put the link in our show notes. To what is one of the spookiest stories of all time.

Amazing. I'm so excited. So give me three predictions for the vampire skeleton. The vampire skeleton. I am so stoked. This is like the second story we've had on this podcast that you got to talk about vampires. I love vampires. I'm so annoyed that I haven't found any.

I like the scary stuff. How are you finding these? Anyway. Oh, by the way, just one more thing. Just what book I'm reading out of, this probably will give you maybe a helpful direction. I'm reading out of Fearless Girls, Wise Women, and Beloved Sisters, which is curated by Kathleen Reagan. Such a great book.

I'm super stoked. It's been a hot minute since you've read from this one. Yeah, I felt like going back. Well, just because this is one of my favorite stories in it. And I think Halloween is a good time to read it. Yes. Okay. favorite stories in it and it's an approach i think halloween is a good time to read it yes okay i predict that uh the vampire it's not like a traditional blood sucking vampire but like

eating of the organs and stuff oh okay i love that so not a traditional blood sucker that's literally what i wrote uh my second prediction is that of a fee it's a female protagonist yeah okay and then my third prediction is there's not just one vampire oh i love that but there's several or like a family i don't know this is not just one okay okay many years ago there was a man who is said to be an evil wizard though no one could prove it it was said that in the dark of the night he would turn into an owl and go about doing bad things when he died no one was unhappy oh i i love and that makes me a little sad no one no one he was a bad man nobody was sorry nobody was sad to see him go

he had no family and his body was placed as was the custom in those days in a box made of cedar wood and was left inside his lodge deep in the woods. That still seems pretty respectful though. Yeah, absolutely. They, they, they took, they took care of him according to the custom.

Many moons passed. It was the time of long nights. A woman, her husband and their small child came traveling through the woods. As they walked, the man complained, why is it that we must go visit your relatives why is it we must bring them food we have hardly food enough for ourselves and now we must walk through this deep snow and it's late that sounds like every family argument

ever ever appreciate dad wants to turn this car around Why do we have to go visit your family at the hive? Gross. This is the worst. Worst. The woman said nothing. She was embarrassed that he complained so about helping others. She trudged on ahead, breaking a trail through the snow. Their little boy rode in the cradleboard on her back.

Most of the food was in the pack she carried in her arms. Then they came to a clearing and there in front of them was an old lodge. No! Yes! Don't go in there! Oh, they're going in there. This is already the perfect horror movie setup. I love

it. Isn't it great? Oh, except for the fact that there's a baby. It always makes me really uncomfortable. Yes. Yeah. Having small children or pets is always a bit of a... I was just about to say either a baby or like a dog. Yeah.

Because they're dead. Tense moments. That's a horror movie, though. This is fairytale. It's different. Or folktale, rather. I'm still very nervous. I'm on the edge of my seat.

Ah, her husband said, this is a place we can spend the night it's a long walk to the nearest village the woman did not like the look of the place i'm not tired uh-huh because she's not an idiot uh-huh she's like yeah no i've seen this before and absolutely not bad vibes that, that's a no. That's going to be a no for me. God, I'd rather keep walking. So she says, I'm not tired. Let's keep walking.

But her husband would not listen. It is decided, he said. We shall stay here. This is literally every horror movie ever. This is every horror movie ever. Tale as old as time as they came closer to the place the little boy woke up in his cradle and began to cry it was very hard for the woman to soothe him if your child is not quiet said the husband as he

looked around the lodge i will not get much sleep notice how he says your child yeah your child this guy sucks yeah no that's not the vibe no guy classic horror movie man i don't know yeah class partner bad classic movie partner classic horror movie spouse he walked over to one corner of the room where a bed had been made of spruce bars near the bed was a large cedar box there is only one bed said the man i shall sleep in it since it is closer to the door then if any trouble comes i can protect you and the child. Uh-huh. Okay. Bye. Bye.

Hope you die first. This is me screaming at the theater, like, watching this horror movie. He climbed onto the bed, wrapped his blankets about him, and was soon asleep. The woman made herself as comfortable as she could on the floor in the middle of the lodge. It was cold, and she had only one small blanket, which she wrapped around her child. Kelsey's making the best like infuriated faces. I'm so annoyed. I'm trying not to talk through the whole thing.

This is watching a horror movie with me is just frustration. Grandmother Moon's bright face was just beginning to appear from behind a cloud when she finally fell asleep. How long she slept, she did not know, but a strange sound wakened her. It was like the sound of an owl crushing the bones of a mouse. She opened her eyes slowly and looked around. Grandmother Moon's light was shining in through the open door her husband still lay wrapped in his blankets on the bed but the woman sensed that something was wrong it was an owl it's an owl oh no she crept closer to look at him and saw a terrible thing her husband was dead good

fuck that guy his throat had been torn out near his bed the cedar box was bathed in moonlight and the lid was open she looked into it and saw an even more frightening thing. Within the box was the skeleton of a large man and the teeth of the skeleton were red with blood. It's so good. I know it's so good. Isn't it creepy as hell? I love it so much.

Like this story scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. Yeah. Definitely tell your kids this at night. Uh-huh. Ah, she thought, that is the body of one who was evil when he was alive. Even death has not stopped him from thirsting for human blood. He is satisfied for now,

but soon he will come after me and my child. I must not let him know that he has been discovered. So she crawls as silently as she can back to the place on the floor where her baby is wrapped in the blanket and cradleboard, and she pretends to go back to sleep. Then, slowly as a heron moves when it's stalking a fish, she began to move toward the open door, dragging her baby with her. When she was finally close to the doorway, swiftly as a leaping deer, she sprang to her feet and rushed through the door, the cradleboard in her arms. Her feet sank

deep in the deep snow as she ran. Now she was out of the clearing and on the trail to the village. She heard a terrible cry behind her. It was the scream of the vampire skeleton. It had discovered she was gone and of the vampire skeleton. It had discovered she was gone and was on her trail. On she ran and on. Then the cry sounded again. It was closer than before, but she kept running. I know, isn't it good?

I hate it. I mean, I love it, but I hate it. It was closer than before, but she kept running. She could see that the night was ending. The light which comes before dawn was beginning to paint the eastern sky. If only she could run just a little further. Again, that awful cry came right behind her. Her blood froze and she stumbled with fear, but she kept on running.

Her husband had said that the village was far away, but she knew his words were only an excuse to hide his laziness i'm sorry i was just calling him out like she sure is in the heat of the climax she's not sad that he's dead ahead she saw a tree marked with a circle and a cross it was the sign of the village's boundaries she could hear feet crunching in the snow behind her as she ran but she did not look back a clearing opened and she saw many lodges light flickered through the door of the closest lodge she stumbled inside men and women looked up in surprise at the wild eyed woman who stood before them holding a baby a monster she said outside it's chasing me several of the men stepped out clutching their war clubs there at the edge of the village the

creature stood its jaws covered with blood its eyes glowing like red flames. It came no closer, and as the dawn light grew stronger, it turned, went back into the trees, and was gone. Ugh! He he he he. It lives. It lives. For now. When the woman had finished her story, a wise old woman spoke up. I was afraid this would happen.

The lodge was the home of one whose name we do not speak. He was said to be a lover of evil. Now we must go to that place and dig out the root before it grows more wicked fruits. Classic horror story. Some old person speaks up and they're like, I fucking knew it. I knew it. This is going to happen. They go, well, then why didn't you do anything about it before?

I love it. Before the sun was two hands high, a group of warriors came with the wise old woman and the woman who had lost her husband to the lodge deep in the woods. Inside, they found the body of the woman's husband still on the bed. All of the flesh had been eaten from his body. Yeah, it has. Point for Kelsey. Yes, I like the, I love the non-traditional.

It's not just the blood, it's like all of it. Yeah. Within the cedar box covered with blood the skeleton of the wizard lay the wise old woman placed herbs inside the cedar box and in front of the doorway now she said pile dry wood all around the men did as she told them then she set fire to the wood stand in a circle all around the lodge she she said. Watch and see if anything comes out of the flames. Soon the whole lodge was burning. A noise like the screaming of a man began to come from within the middle of the flames. Something was running back and forth

within the lodge trying to get out. Then just as the walls of the lodge collapsed a huge screech owl flew out the circle of men struck at it but it flew into the forest yeah not today not today and a screech owl screech owls are like the tiniest cutest little like but this one's an evil that is the cute because they also have the fury of an evil centuries-old vampire too like i believe that a hundred percent like screech owls are tiny but mighty tiny but but mighty. And evil. So evil. So it was that the skeleton was destroyed. The woman who lost her husband found friends in the village. Eventually, she married a man who helped her and listened to her advice.

And it is said that from that time on, people who died were no longer placed in cedar boxes above the ground. Instead, they were buried in the earth. This way, a wandering spirit would not find it so easy to escape and roam the night. The end. I love that. I love it so much. Isn't it good? Like great lore about why bodies are buried underground versus above and also um i know we've talked about this uh you and me but i love vampire lore vampire history and why people believed in vampires and just i mean so good so good and like and like pretty it's one of those things that it's just pretty much every culture has it sort of like animal bridegroom stories is pretty much every culture

has got some kind of like blood blood sucking monster yep out there somewhere because it's just such like a it's just such a deeply human terror yeah it. It's pretty like culturally like it's, it's across cultures that cannibalism is bad. I mean, obviously there are cultures where in a lot of instances it's really good. I love cannibalism. I know I've talked about this, but it's one of my,

it's one of the most interesting topics ever to me because it's also really like beautiful, like consuming someone to have their soul like put into you. Yeah. Yeah. It's also creepy as hell in so many instances. And I just, I love that.

I love that. I love it when there is cultural significance for both, like It's beautiful and terrifying at the same time or taboo. trying to consume the living to sustain its own undead life. We're in, we're in cultures where cannibalism is a, is it is kind of like a more sacred practice. It's more about the living consuming parts of the dead to honor them and to take their, their essence inside themselves to absorb the best parts.

Yeah. And then they kind of live on within you in a sort of like literal way. And then they live on in that way. Yeah, and then they kind of live on within you in a sort of literal way. And then there's the kind of, I don't know if it's medical, but the biological effects of consuming the dead, it's usually not good. And it's interesting that it's known that for so long.

Like back in the day when they didn't have like answers for these questions which is why i love the history of vampires or the science of vampires and why people believe that they exist um you know people dying without actually being dead like a false death yeah because wasn't it like didn't what didn't they usually then they used to leave like little bell bell poles in people's coffins in case they accidentally identified them as dead and they weren't? Or diseases where they were affected more by sunlight or foods like garlic and onions. Or were really anemic and so they just kind of got pale and their gums shrank away from their teeth. There's also a disease.

I'm pretty sure it's called porphyria, where you can actually drink human blood and like you get a nutrient. I think it's called the hymen. This is a long time ago. I used to be really, really into this topic. Isn't the hymen like you can't really you can't normally consume it through your stomach but if you have porphyria I think you can I think it's like something like that it's probably not the hymen because

isn't the hymen like that thing that like they use to prove whether or not girls are virgins yeah you're right. I'm totally thinking of something else. High – hold on. I don't think we got like – We don't have people running around eating people's hymens, I think. That's also very sexy. I wish they would.

Oh, gosh. What was it? Honestly, I think you get like iron through your stomach tissue or something like that. I can't remember. If anyone's really into vampires right now and you know, let me know. Please tell us what it is. Because I have forgotten. I used to know this stuff really well.

I had a whole book on the science of vampires. We just talked about that recently. And I used to be up on all the diseases. I did a whole college paper about why people believed in vampires and kind of how that became a cultural phenomenon in different cultures. And there are so many reasons, like even diabetes, like your gums receding and your, you know,

teeth look elongated. There are so many, there's so much evidence for vampires to exist. And that's why people believed in them. And it's the coolest. It's one of my favorite. And it's the coolest. It's one of my favorite.

I used to be really up on all that stuff and I have forgotten. Maybe it was like hemoglobin, something. Sure. Like hemo something. Like something that you could absorb through your stomach tissue by ingesting blood. that's like get like nutritional value out of it so you're literally craving blood or something i don't know also that book i read probably wasn't this was also before google scholar and before you could verify if something was legit or not.

But that story was so good. So creepy. Perfect horror story. Somebody make a movie. Oh, please. Because I was I was on edge and that was only like what 15 minutes or something.

It's a quick read, but it's so perfect. Like the setup, like the setup is perfect. The, the, the way, the way it works out is perfect. And then obviously there's always going to be some old person who's just

kind of like, I was afraid that evil wizard was going to rise as a vampire. Every fucking time. I love that. The vampire also didn't necessarily die. like a screech owl flew out yep and the fact that it's a screech owl because they're like the tiniest cutest but angriest owls ever that makes sense yeah if there were ever a vampire owl it would definitely be a screech owl. So I love that there's an extra sinister owl out in the woods somewhere.

Yeah. Very, very fun. So cute and so creepy. So mean. Incredible. Happy Halloween, everyone. Happy Halloween, gang. Send us more creepy folklore if you know it.

I think I got two points because it was not a traditional bloodsucker and female protagonist. Yep. No, two points for you. That was my guess. There was sadly just one vampire. Yes, but one was enough in this case. Oh, yeah. She barely made it to

safety alive i love that the husband died like he was trash immediately immediately like he was garbage and i love how the story is very quick to point out and then she met a good guy in this village she met someone who listened to her advice and actually helped her with shit. I love that. I hope that's in like the most original version of the story that you can find because. Me too. That's, that's so classic horror. I just, I love it.

It is. I mean, according, according to the, to the website that I was looking at earlier the um as soon as i look away like i forget like the onondaga nation's website they uh they they do kind of talk a little bit about how like their culture is very matrilineal um you you can only get like clan membership through your mother and And just in general, like women are pretty honored and have a pretty high ranking place in that society. So I think that that probably was part of the original story. Hell yes. I love it. I think I'm seeing an indigenous horror movie coming out soon. I would love it.

We should get more of those. Have you seen Prey yet? I have not, but I've heard amazing things about it. I need to watch it this week because it is almost Halloween. It is by the time this episode drops, October 25th. Peak spooky season. We hope everyone is terrified all the time constantly on the edge and i love that this was the episode of brave women

yeah oh my gosh of women being super brave fuck yeah and fighting scary skeletons this was the final girls episode the final girls episode suck yeah final girls perfect okay so um an alternate version of the vampire skeleton story that i found because that that's just the version that i i used to read all the time as a kid that was in that wise women beloved sisters um anthology what that like that's that's the one that i'm most familiar with but there is another one that that says that this is a specifically a seneca iroquois story oh and they they kind of live more in like the lake ontario region and so in this version of the story the the skeleton the evil wizard can kind of appear as a nice, normal-looking, super-friendly man. Oh, that's creepier. It's way creepier.

And then by night, he becomes a bloodthirsty skeleton. And it's kind of a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde situation. Oh, I love it. Where he, by day, is a um, totally normal person. And by night he's a bloodthirsty skeleton. You know, as you were telling me this story, I was almost thinking like, cause he kills the husband. I was like, oh, and then he takes her in as a sexy Dracula type as one of his sexy Dracula brides. Yeah. No. Because she deserves that. Not so much.

And the other version of the story, the husband and wife, they have a young daughter in the cradleboard and they go into the woods to hunt, not to go visit her family. They know that there's like a lodge out there where a friendly helpful old man lives who hosts hunters and other visitors when they're you know going through the

woods so instead of an old woman it's an old man no it's the old the old man is the is the crazy wizard oh okay okay who's been known to like that like oh it's just a friendly old man who like hosts people when they like are need to go hunting in the woods. In this version of the story, the husband is a more useful person. And they go into the house and they can't find the old man anywhere. And so they decide to go to sleep. They curl up on the floor in front of the fire. And the woman has very disturbing dreams.

And the woman has very like disturbing dreams. And then when she wakes up, she hears the sound of an owl crunching a mouse. And when she looks around, she sees a figure crouched over her husband's body. And it's the old man's skeleton chewing on her husband's neck and face. And then. I made Cheval freak out just she's by me she's been around so thinking on her feet she pretends to speak to her husband like she pretends that she doesn't realize that he's getting his neck and face crunched oh my gosh by the skeleton and says like oh our daughter is thirsty i'm gonna take her down to the stream and get her a little drink and she grabs up her daughter and goes into the woods

and then and then and then she gets chased through the woods kind of the same as in the story that i read um we're like she's she's running through the woods and like the skeleton is getting closer yeah that's terrifying. Super scary. So she runs into the village. The men of the village come out like with their clubs. They, they save the woman and the baby, the skeleton,

the skeleton leaves. And I guess, I guess like the evil wizard wasn't dead to begin with. It was just that the, it was just that the nearby people from neighboring villages thought that he was just a helpful old man not and so but he is like a living person and so they they go so like the the the village the village chief and his men go to the the lodge in the woods and they talk to the vampire skeleton in this version of the story. They say, we have come to discuss with you the problem that evil is overcoming good in this world. And we need to act to restore the proper balance.

Hey, so we heard some rumors that you've been eating people and we got to talk about that. You can't do that. So they close the box, like his bark box, his cedar bark box with a great sheet of bark and they tie it shut and then they i know it's wild and then they pile firewood around the bark box and set it on fire oh yeah creepy also creepy um and then it ends it ends the same way um a great owl flies out disappears into the woods before it can be burned. And it says that forever after this, the Seneca refused to put the dead in boxes above the ground, but buried them in the earth to keep them from rising and bothering the living. I definitely think I like the first version better just because it's always satisfying when a jerk gets killed.

Well, you want him to be a jerk. Yeah. But you also still want the suspense of the people you don't want to die and i feel like you had that yeah i also love i also love sort of like she's married to like sort of a lazy jerk and then she yeah she finds and she finds a new person at the end who's actually like respectful and a good partner and i i love that for her i love an old lady being like oh you weren't supposed to go there like you know the the the creepy old oracle person like telling you not to go somewhere i love that but i but from this version i also love that it's that it's a living old man who is an evil wizard who is Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hiding. That's true. Both are really fun.

I'll take either one. As long as it's purely indigenous and cast correctly with great indigenous directors would be really fun. I love that. It'd be so good. It'd be a pretty good time. Please Hollywood. If you're listening, that is what I would like you.

Thanks. Thanks Hollywood. Oh, so good. So I am definitely watching prey. Yes. That's something I need to watch too. I don't know anything besides it's an

indigenous thriller but that also really maybe want to re-watch 30 days of night which i haven't seen in ages oh and that's like where they're in alaska and it's the um i think it's alaska or is it norway it's somewhere where they have you know 30 days of night the polar polar day i can't remember what it's called but um the sun doesn't come up for 30 days and vampires just basically ransack this whole fucking town which is amazing because i also um i've actually follow a woman that lives in like the North Pole essentially. And she literally goes through polar night. So it's like literally a whole month without the sun.

And she tells you about it. And it's so interesting. That sounds awful. Is it as awful as it sounds to not see the sun for a month? She's pretty chill about it. And she has the cutest dog. I should tell you her name. But she also has a solar night or solar night.

So it's like there's a whole day. There's 30 months of nothing but sun, which she says is harder because it's hard to fall asleep with like the sun shining all the time. Yeah. Fair enough. I would just get super bummed out if it was like 30 days, 30 days of night.

But I do remember really enjoying, I remember really enjoying that movie. Like I thought that movie was a lot of fun yeah i don't think i saw it since it was in theaters um yeah i i'm also yeah i am really excited to watch prey i think that's like um i think that's like a comanche indigenous story hey uh also like predator if you have more like indigenous horror or literally any movies or stories send it to us we would love to check them out absolutely hell um quick quick also a follow-up note before we before we do the sign off, because I didn't not realize that this was a specifically Seneca occupied territory throughout the Finger Lakes area in central New York, the Genesee Valley in western New York, and sort of the Lake Ontario region. And today, they currently have a total enrolled population of about 8,000 citizens.

They have their own government. The nation supports its own people and benefits surrounding communities with a variety of cultural educational and economic efforts and you can learn more about them at sni.org see what they're up to learn about the history awesome thank you help them get their fucking

land back fuck yeah yeah yeah alright yeah Awesome. Thank you. Help them get their fucking land back. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So on that sort of like spooky note slash historical info. Thank you so much for listening to Fairytale Fix. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe and leave us a review on Apple or Stitcher. If you love the show and want to support us, you can get extra episodes, merch books, other bonus content at our Patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash.

If you pay us about what you'd pay for a latte a month, you will get a whole extra episode of our show per every two months or so. And we have a pretty large backlog at this point that you will get for just $6 at this moment, which I think is a pretty great deal. Yeah, we're on 15, 15 or 16 bonus episodes. Yeah, you will get 16 fresh episodes for $6 at this time. So worth it. $6 at this time. So worth it. If you don't want to give us money or can't give us money right now, totally fair. Absolutely got it. There are a couple of free ways that you can support us. You can follow us on Twitter or Instagram. You can join our Discord and become part of our little community. And you can also, please, oh, please, leave us a review and become our favorite human for the next, you know, however many months it takes us to get another review.

You can do that wherever and whatever podcast catcher will let you do it. But mostly, mostly Apple podcasts is where we can find those. We'd also love to hear from you in any other way. You can email us your favorite fairy tales, folklore, nursery rhymes, other such things at info at fairytalefixpod.com. And the little girl lived in happiness for many years, learning magic and harnessing her powers until she became a Baba fucking Yaga. Yes.

And the vampire skeleton story merged the two versions that I read so that it was the Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, old wizard, vampire skeleton. But the rest of the story was exactly the same as in the first version.

And they all lived happily ever after the end