Fairy Tale Fix - 53: I Don’t Speak Poor

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

Abbie & Kelsey record an episode of Fairy Tale Fix IN PERSON! Together! In the same room!! We have a ton of fun recording under a big blanket fort in Abbie’s house, and Kelsey rolls some dice for her story, Dough, which is a very random tale about a witch’s obsession with an eternal dough-based object, probably. Abbie reads from A Book of Magic Horses and rolls dice for a tale called Master Billy, which leaves us very disappointed and wondering… where is the magic horse!?

And... Hold on, I have to think about my fix. What was it? Oh, yeah. Hello! Hello! And welcome to Fairy Tale Fix! I'm Abby. I'm Kelsey.

Welcome to Fairy Tale Fix. I'm Abby. I'm Kelsey. And this is the podcast where we read each other and you classic fairy tales and fix them for a modern audience. And we are actually in the same fucking room. It's fucking weird. We're staring right at each other. I also just realized I probably don't need these headphones on.

You really don't. Take them off. Should I also turn off the video? I probably don't need these headphones on. You really don't. Take them off. Should I also turn off the video? It's just going to be recording you. Very dark. I know. It's super weird.

We were a little, not completely prepared for this idea, but we thought it would be really fun to actually record while we're together. I'm visiting in Baltimore. Abby has graciously lent me her spare bedroom and we made like a little blanket fort. Such a burden. A true imposition on my hospitality. Yes, it's been. She's a gracious queen. Yeah. So obviously that happened a while back. It's October right now, but we're recording for a late November episode. And we hope you enjoy it.

Theoretically, if this ends up sounding okay. Yeah, that or it's going to be extra great Patreon content. Exactly. But hopefully, I think it'll be good enough for the Patreon feed. We've learned a lot since the last time we tried to just share one microphone. Yeah, which was back in, I think it's 2018. Was it 2018? Yeah, I think we came up with the idea for fairy tale fix in 2016 because it was when I, right before I got married

and it was when I was working at Chico state. Right. Right. Right. Right. And then we didn't really like actually plan to do it until around maybe 2018. We're like, well, let's just try it and see how it sounds without having any idea how to do anything in my head. Adam is like a musician, so he already had a Yeti mic. So we just kind of like, yeah, if you're a patron, you know, we have our very first episode if you want to listen to it. In all of its echoey glory. But we did tell, I think, two of our favorite stories of all time on that one. I mean, it's I loved my i loved yours god yeah mine was mine was incredible if you want to know more about that

you'll have to go to our patreon feed but but yeah but here we are again this time instead of plonking it down on a table in the middle of kelsey's spare bedroom yeah we have it plonked down on a table inside a blanket fort in my spare bedroom. And I think it's going to work out better. Yeah, I hope so. I also don't think we knew how to do it. Like there's a setting for duel. So yeah, I think it was just, I don't know.

It was a mess. It was a mess. It was a hot mess. It's still a fun episode. I stand by it. Yeah. a mess. It was a mess. It was a hot mess. It's still a fun episode. I stand by it. Yeah. We've learned so much since then. Oh,

but yeah, we went to the Renaissance fair. That was really fun. Yes. Kelsey's visit has been so fun. It's so, and it's so great that I can just reach across the table and just touch you. It's very nice.

We've been drinking a lot. Yes. Um, ales and mead and wine as we should. As is proper when you were on vacation. Yes. Or a staycation for me. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, it's like it's been we half doing stuff and also half just chilling at home. Absolutely. We watched a lot of movies and a lot of Supernatural. Yep. A lot of Lord of the Rings too uh rings of power yes which i think is pretty good i love it i stand by it i i think i don't know if i've said this on the pod i don't think yet we haven't talked a lot about rings of power but um no it's not very topical i know this is gonna come out way after oh season ends. But it made me realize how much I just fucking hate Game of Thrones.

Like, I just hate it. It's anxiety-inducing. And I like Rings of Power. It was more the, like, classic Lord of the Rings fantasy, wholesome. There's not someone dying in every fucking episode. Yeah. It was a really interesting experience. Because Kelsey had already seen

a bunch of the episodes. And Stephen and I had not we were behind. So we caught up on all of the episodes that we'd missed. And we were all laughing just realizing just how much watching Game of Thrones has, I think, collectively scarred what we expect from fantasy. Yep. Because we were just like, Oh my gosh my gosh stupid move this person is obviously going to die now and no yeah no they're not like is his head gonna fall off and i'm like no what the fuck is wrong with you this is a game of thrones thank god yeah not that i guess i did i didn't hate game of thrones I liked watching it with a group, but I much prefer just the nice. I like the niceness.

I'm not scared constantly. Well, and it's not like there are no stakes and no consequences. It's just the consequences are emotional. Yeah. Instead of you physically die. Yeah. Which is still interesting, but also relaxing yeah it's fun i love it i love the harfletts and the dwarves obviously dwarves are my fucking favorite yeah so good the best

storyline in my opinion but the dwarves are the harfletts or both both but the dwarves are top see for me i think the harfletots edge out the dwarves by just. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. I just think the dwarves are so funny. And I love Disa. Disa. The dwarf queen.

Yeah. Her singing. Well, technically a princess. Oh, okay. That's right, right. Yeah, Prince Durin. Because there's still a king. There's still a King Durin.

Yeah. They're so cute, though. I love them. I know. They're fucking funny. It's so cool. And I love seeing, like, actually a bit of a dive into dwarf culture on this show. Yeah. Like, you actually get to see, like, a bunch of dwarves, not just one.

And how they organize themselves and the kinds of things that they enjoy. And you get to see Khazad-dûm slash Moria at sort of the height of its grandeur. Yeah. Which is beautiful, by the way. Oh my God, it's gorgeous. Yeah. It's so cool. Anyway.

Yeah, so basically- I like that show. We've just been nerding out. We also did a haunted pub tour. Yes. Yes, we did. Which was really fun. The person who took us on the tour was really adorable and reminded us so much of Abby's

mom. Yeah. So we automatically all and reminded us so much of Abby's mom. Yeah. So we automatically all fucking loved her so much. Absolutely. It was the weirdest thing ever, though. Just she was talking and she was giving her opening spiel and telling people like sort of what the rules for the tours were. And I was just, is my mom here?

Yeah. Is Cynthia possessing this woman somehow? Mm-hmm. Because it really seemed that way, the way she, like, she was very, she had a lot of, like, flair for the dramatic and really excellent diction. And she also was kind of, like, short and redheaded, like my mom, and just stared at people directly in the eyes. And she called it asserting her dominance.

Following to the mars of hell. Absolutely. Just fucking. So confident. Loved telling us all about the history of the Fells Point neighborhood in Baltimore, which is apparently a lot of like building ships and whoring and drinking. Yeah. Excellent.

And then she spread her hands around and said, and as you can see, not much has changed. Except for the building ships part. Yeah. Now it's a party district. Yeah. Which, thank goodness for that. Yeah, that's good.

I enjoyed that very much. Yeah, all the bars were really fun. And it's very interesting being on the East Coast. Lots of cobblestone and just old buildings, much yeah all the bars were really fun and it's a very interesting thing on the east coast lots of lots of cobblestone and just old buildings which i'm i like that stuff so i'm just kind of walking around like wow yeah well especially in that in that neighborhood because they've made sort of efforts to preserve it in in sort of a um so you can kind of get a bit of a colonial yeah colonial vibe off of it it is it is very cool very fun yeah it's been a dream having you here yeah thanks it's been so much fun

i love it i'm actually leaving for home tomorrow no i was kidding about it being an imposition on my hospitality you really can't live in this room forever if you want to, which I know you've got like a husband and a cat or whatever on the other, on the other coast. So you don't have to, but yeah, I miss my kitty and Adam and, and I guess my family and I guess,

yeah. You know, also just being home and like do it, you know, just like doing nothing and being home. I understand. Yeah. You know, also just being home and like doing, you know, just like doing nothing and being home. I understand. Yeah. I understand.

You know, just laying on my couch in my spot, like my, my cozy spot. Oh, and actually when I get home, I'm getting new couches. You're getting new couches? I'm very old and things like a new couch makes me really excited. No, this is genuinely exciting. You didn't tell me any of this. We've been, we've been hanging out for four days. Well,

it's actually really funny because I have a really old futon that has served me well. And it was actually Abby's like childhood bed. Well, as a teenager. Okay. Okay. It wasn't my childhood bed. It was my was my teenage bed but yes it's a futon yeah and they they give they graciously gifted it to me and i've used it for so long and i'm just now starting to get to the point where like maybe i should buy real furniture yeah it might be time i'm 33 i should probably have an actual couch. So we finally did that.

So I'm really excited because it's very pretty. It's kind of like a dark gray, blue, like color, I guess. And it's just, it's going to be nice. I'm really excited. I'm proud of you. What an amazing adult milestone. Yeah, it really feels like it. Yeah, getting real couches.

Huh? Because mine, like, I i mean i don't know now my couches are still like an old futon that the previous owner of this house left us that we keep in the basement that our dog has destroyed because he jumps on it so much yeah i don't know if you've seen it but one of the legs are like actually bent out. We've had to duct tape it back to the frame. That's funny. And then like an old couch from Wayfarer that was cheap. And so thus the dog has also pretty much ruined that one too. Yeah.

You can't really have like nice furniture when you have a dog that's like Obie. Not really. Yeah. I got to meet Abby's pet's pet yeah it's been very exciting she has wonderful children they are wonderful children one of them is an adorable dog who is just like this adorable rambunctious toddler that is never going to grow up yep and that has its pros and its cons yeah Yeah. And the other one is my beautiful, sweet, smart kitty. Yeah.

And they're so cute because they play together. The peas in the flower box. Yeah. I love watching them play together. Bree, the cat, definitely antagonizes Obi. She like paws at him and will like run around and run at him and then run away. It's very cute. It is very cute.

They love each other. It's fucking adorable yeah as we were setting up the little podcast room we had to we walked out to grab our beers i think and obi and brie were both just like sitting there at the door both of them together just waiting patiently like why can't we come in we want attention yeah it was really cute brie wants up in her window no she has a little window shelf thing that's attached yeah you know to one of the windows and she likes to watch the street from up there i have been bogarting her space look at you so rude my bad i'm sure she's ready to come back in. Yeah, maybe. Just for her window swap. Yeah.

Yeah. She's so cute and so fluffy. I'm definitely a cat person. Like, being around such a, like, a puppy dog has definitely solidified my idea. Like, no, I don't want dogs. Like, I love dogs. I think they're very cute. But I also like to be left alone. and that does not happen with a doggo they don't do that yeah not especially not because obi's a pit lab mix

like there are breeds of dog that will leave you alone yeah like like I grew up with standard poodles yeah and they're happy to leave you alone in fact they'd actually prefer not to be bothered most of the time they're not nearly as like cuddly yeah but pit bulls and this is why i wanted a pit bull uh because i am a dog person and i wanted i wanted a dog that wanted to be touching me all the time and he does and he does oh my gosh that's okay I remain the person in Obi's life who loves him the most and who was the most dog person outside of our friend Camille

who watches him when we go out of town she's also a dog person and likes it when he jumps on her so he's got two people good for him good for Obi sweet boy he needs it so bad oh he's very cute though he sure does he's got the sweetest like puppy eyes just the like

looking at you so huge and brown and needy yeah like please touch me please touch me touch me touch me touch me touch me uh i don't know i feel like i always feel like a big sister like with dogs make me think of like annoying little brothers i'm like go away like you're so cute i love you so much but also like you're annoying yeah i feel like that completely tracks with like your general feelings about children yep yeah and dogs are the most like human children, I think out of all possible pets. That's why I think like a lot of people like a lot of the advice online says that like getting a dog is a good test run if you're if you are planning on having kids. Yeah, like get a dog and see if you have like compatible co parenting styles or if you even like having a being around

that needs you this much. Yeah. If you don't like that, parenting a human child is probably not for you. No, not for me. Not for me either. I like it well enough coming from my dog, but like, I can't imagine something that can actually like talk back to me. Yeah, I feel like I could handle like a teenager that is a little snotty but also like loves you sometimes maybe i'll adopt if i ever really really want so you are a cat person yep i am definitely maybe you could like foster teenagers or something right if i ever if

i ever get that lonely or bored i don't know yeah i don't know if it ever comes up lonely or bored I don't know yeah I don't know if it ever comes up probably not let's just get more cats that sounds like a better solution god I love them I miss my cat so much it really it was I was gone during her birthday and that was very sad for me I'm so grateful that you spent your cat's birthday here with me it's funny I. I was, I was like genuinely thinking about like, when I was like booking the plane tickets, I'm like, I don't need to be there for my cat's birthday. Am I insane? Like, I don't need to be there. It's fine. Were you trying to plan around? I was thinking about it. It crossed my mind enough to where I was like, stop it. She doesn't know what's happening, but I love her.

I know. She's my little soulmate. She's your baby. I would kill anyone for her. And everyone. She's so sweet. Dooling fucking noted. I love her so much. Is it your anniversary also soon?

It's like the 14th right yep yeah i'm headed back before that so okay so at least that's that's an important day i think not to miss with your with your partner yeah oh i don't know we're not like huge anniversary people though we have i think we i've mentioned this before but our one tradition we don't do like gifts or anything but we go to like a new restaurant or something um yeah you have told me about this before like you you try and you try a new thing yeah it's like we go eat somewhere we've never gone before and that's kind of our way of like i don't know making it like doing something i guess i don't know how many years will it be six

six married six years married yeah 14 years together yeah we got married on the anniversary of our very first date uh which was we went to see that movie with Shia LaBeouf called Eagle Eye oh god it was very action-packed um and what a terrible start we had Chinese food at the rice bowl uh-huh it was fun it was a good first date i mean it led to more so the relationship has survived it was fine yeah we used to go to just the rice bowl um the eating at a new restaurant is kind of a new thing in the last few years because we're like maybe we should do something other than go to the rice bowl because they're good, but it's not something that we're like. It's aggressively fine.

Yeah, exactly. You know? Yeah. And I'm just also not a huge like, you know, I used to fucking be obsessed with Chinese food. That was like my favorite. And as I've gotten older, it's a little too sugary and there's always just too much food. I don't know. I'm weird. My brain doesn't compute too much food. Too much food doesn't make,

doesn't make any sense to me. It's like, yeah. How can that be? So yeah, it was the same way. He always wants the portions to be bigger. I-huh. I want them to be like, what a normal person, well, what normal person would I eat? Right. What's normal for you to eat within one sitting. But the reason why I like lots and lots of food is because I know you're not a leftovers person, but I am.

I always get a to-go box and then I can stretch that into two or three meals usually, depending on the portion size. Yeah, see, I'm not like against leftovers. I won't stick my nose up against leftovers, but i'm not like the biggest fan of taking food home because then it always gets soggy it's never as good i mean chinese food is it's good if you heat it up in the oven that's true you're much you're much better at that than i am i'm discovering that as i get older and as like i have taken on more and more responsibility for being the person in charge of food and like solely in charge of food that I am discovering I care so much more than I ever thought I would.

Yeah, Abby has made me some delicious meals while I've been here. Thank you. Like a corned beef hash, which was fucking phenomenal. It was out of a can. But it was also so delicious. And she took leftover fry, like French fries from having like a burger and then like chopped them up and stuff. Yeah, like leftover fries and then like also some jalapeno and spring onion went into it. Steaks and veggies, which to be fair, I think Stephen did do the steaks.

Stephen did the steaks. I roasted the veggies in the oven. But then you made a steak scramble this morning, which was delicious. And I think we are hungry. We're doing this right before dinner. We're going to go get dinner. Like there's like one more pub that I want to take Kelsey to before she leaves that I think it's like it's a place that does like just hazies.

Yeah. And I think you will love it there. Their food is also really, really freaking good. So yeah, I'm stoked. With that in mind, do we want to get to the story so we can go eat dinner? Yeah, we are doing a random reading with some of the books that our great friend Chris Otto sent us. We will never stop thanking him for because we love you. Chris, we love you so much.

You are so incredible to keep sending us these books. It's amazing. Like I cried a little bit when I got my half of them because Kelsey gave me a book of magic horses, which is what I'm going to be reading from today. And I'm so excited. Okay. So I am going to be reading from a book of Kings and Queens. Okay. By Ruth Manning Sanders.

And do you, Hey, you know what? You're in my house. You have to roll some dice. Okay. Let's do it. Get out my dice box. I love this dice box so like my grandfather actually gave me this like wooden wooden just like little wooden keepsake box it's really pretty yeah flowers engraved on it yeah it's really beautiful all right here you go okay

13 lucky 13 so that's story three. That'd be story number three. Which is, oh, unless I've read it before. I don't think I've read any of these though. Yes, this is the one I wanted to read. So I did look at the content earlier. It's just called Dough. Dough.

Dough, a deer, a female deer. It's from Sicily. And no, it's like dough, like bread dough. Again, probably because I'm hungry. I was, my very first prediction was going to be like, it's a lady who gets turned into a deer. Nope. It's called-

Okay, dough. Dough. Dough, as in D-O-U-G-H. I'm so excited. I kind of wanted to read that just based on the title. I love it. You are hungry. Yeah.

Stop looking at it. You have to make predictions too. Oh, yeah. How do we do this podcast again? I'll go first. Okay. The last time we did a bread-based one, it was like a loaf of bread that could be broken off and like ground down into more into money like he had like a loaf of stone bread or something like that yeah yeah and every time he bit it um actually just

i've been re-listening to some of our my favorite stories just because i enjoy them so much absolutely i do that sometimes too i feel like, I feel really dumb being like, I listen to my own podcast. Our podcast is really good, but I like the stories. Um, Dustin, cut that out.

Leave it in. I don't want to admit that I listened to it sometimes. Yeah. You like, he, he bites into it and it's like every time it feels like he chips a tooth, but then a coin comes out. Okay.

That's right. That's because of the giant gave him that bread. Okay. Because they're friends anyway. So my guess for this story is that it's going to be an actual loaf of bread. Okay. That never, that like will always keep feeding you. Like it's going to be an eternal loaf of bread.

Okay. Or eternal dough of bread. Okay. Or eternal dough-based object. It sounds like you're trying to be vague, but that's still like basically the same thing. That was fun. I liked it. An eternal dough-based object. So maybe it's not bread,

but it's like a muffin or something. Yeah, I also want to leave room for if the dough never gets baked somehow. Okay, perfect. That's funny. Prediction number two, the protagonist is a prince. Okay.

I was looking off in the middle of this and probably should have said that closer to the microphone. It is a book of kings and queens i don't know if you want to make a prediction you know what thank you for reminding me the protagonist is a queen queen okay gosh the final my final prediction is there will be a talking animal oh i love it talking that's what i'm always hoping for. I always want that. Yeah.

I never don't want that. I also always want dragons, but I know not to expect them very often. I know they're kind of rare. Yeah. Okay. Since you did the talking animal one, I want to guess that there's going to be a talking cat.

Hell yeah. I have to be right. One of these days. a talking cat. Hell yeah. I have to be right one of these days. I want to guess that something's going to happen three times. Okay. All right. And my third prediction is going to be that I kind of want to predict that the dough isn't bread, but I feel like that's a bad. I feel like that's a huge swing. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably bread. I wouldn't.

Okay, you know what? I'm going to go the opposite and be like, it is bread. It's bread. It's bread. That's my third prediction. That is not a huge swing. Let's find out. Let's find out.

I have no idea. Okay. Okay. And without further ado dough an old woman had a beautiful niece called nanetta which i love that name okay and they lived together in a little house one day the old woman made some dough put it in a basin and said now niece i'm off to market. Take care of the dough. Heat up the oven. When I come back, I'll bake a cake. Ha!

Damn it! It is not bread. Shit! But it still might be an eternal cake. Oh, dang it. Okay. Should have went with my first one. Well, off trots the old woman.

Left alone, Nanetta stoked up the fire. Then she took a pitcher and went to the well for water. And as she was coming back from the well with a full pitcher, what did she see? She saw a dog running off with a basin of dough. No. Hey, stop. Stop. But the dog didn't stop.

What a surprise. Yeah. He runs all the faster. So now here's Nanetta racing after him. See, dogs do that. Keep Away is the best game. Is this dog named Obi? This dog might be named Obi. Obi thinks Keep Away is the funnest game that he's ever played ever and he loves to play it. Stop, stop you naughty dog.

Oh, what will Auntie say? Away races the dog. And after him races Nanetta. Along the road and into the town. Along the streets till they come to the king's palace. Into the palace races the dog. Into the palace races Nanetta after him. And comes to a grand room where the young king is

sitting on a golden throne and when the young king sees nanetta he jumps down from the throne and takes her in his arms oh i mean wow instant i mean as long as it's consensual that's kind of hot i guess but like it doesn't say she ran into the throne room he leaps down and he's like ha ha oh my beautiful one my beautiful one cried the young king how long i've waited for you now we must get married this is the first page i understand that this was like from like from a peasants telling stories sensibility that this would be like fucking amazing and that everybody wanted this but like from a malt from like a modern woman sensibility this is like oh god i mean we haven't heard from nanetta yet that's true let's find out

nanetta only has feelings about the naughty dog so far well you may be sure nanetta was quite willing to marry a king oh all right well but then what about auntie so she said yes your majesty but i have an old aunt i can't leave her lonely the king said she's all live at the palace which is awesome oh okay and he sent a golden coach to fetch her meanwhile the king's ladies led annetta away, dressed her in beautiful garments, and brought her back to the king. The king was delighted. He said, you were lovely before, my darling, but now your loveliness dazzles my eyes. Oh my goodness. And he put a diamond ring on her finger. Woo. Okay. I love it. I didn't know this was going to be a romance. Oh, my. Well, it's a very quick romance. Now, here comes Auntie Pleased as Punch riding in the king's coach.

She hops out of the coach and into the palace, running up to her niece and catching her by the arm. What did you do with the dough, says she, giving Yanetta's arm a little shake. Oh, God. I'm so glad the dough is still important because for a moment I thought it was going going to be at the white snake situation oh yeah where it doesn't make any sense we're like it's only in the very beginning and then it's never we never hear about it ever again so i was like oh god damn it we're never gonna like but she cares about the dough i'm very pleased that makes me think she's a witch yes the king asks what says my lady aunt oh says nanetta she wishes she had a dress like mine she shall have one she didn't say that so i'm not sure where that's coming from

she shall have one says the king and he called his ladies the ladies take the aunt away and dress her in silks and satins meanwhile a feast is spread and the young king leads nanetta into the banqueting hall and now here comes auntie wrestling into the hall in her silks and satins. She skips up to Nanetta, catches her by the arm, and says, What did you do with the dough? Okay, all right. What says my lady aunt? asks the young king. Oh, answers Nanetta, she says she wishes she had a ring like mine.

A diamond ring? Is Nanetta also a witch? Okay, so now I'm wondering, is Auntie trying to angle to marry the king? How alike do they look? So the Auntie keeps asking Nanetta about the dough, and Nanetta's like, oh, she's asking about the dress or a ring. No, you're right, you're right, you're right. She's ignoring it completely, so I'm suspicious's embarrassed i don't know he's like what a peasant thing to ask about now that we're fucking royalty you auntie you sound like a poor you sound like a poor we're no longer poors

who cares about the dough? You want a cake? We'll get you a cake. Well, just for him, Sarah. I think it's a witchery. All right. She shall have one, says the king, and he ordered a diamond ring to be brought from his treasury.

He put the ring on Auntie's finger, but Auntie never glanced at it. She took it out of by the arm and mumbled, what did you do with the door and the king says what says my lady aunt oh said nanetta she wishes to sit beside me at the banquet so she shall so she shall said the king see i like this king yeah he's very accommodating and i like that he's i like that he's like giving auntie the respective like he's already calling her his lady aunt yeah like he's already giving her the like honorifics and he must really nanetta must be very pretty

very very pretty very very pretty i love it and then they all sat down to dine. And Auntie, who sat on Annetta's right hand, kept nudging her and muttering, What did you do with the dough? What did you do with the dough? Be quiet, hissed Annetta. Don't you see what I'm trying to do here? Damn, baby, be cool. Damn, baby, be cool.

I'm marrying a king but auntie wouldn't be quiet every other mouthful she was nudging nanetta and whispering but the dough the dough what did you do with it and by and by the young king asked again what says my lady aunt is she not comfortable then nanetta losing all patience answered no she she not comfortable? Then Nanetta, losing all patience, answered, no, she is not comfortable. She wishes to be thrown out of the window. A strange request, said the king. But so be it. He's so, what a himbo. And also just like, that's savage.

What the fuck? Nanetta! She's just an old lady. Be nice to her. Sometimes they get fixated on stuff. And he ordered two strong serving men to take up the old woman and put her through the open window. Whatever she wants. But be careful, said he.

Drop her gently, lest she come to harm. Oh, he's got golden retriever energy i like him me too so wonderful king then the two strong serving men picked up the aunt and dropped her out of the open window and she landed in the branches of a tree that was laden with ripe pears which there is actually a little drawing of it that's the same drawing on the back of the book oh shit you've been looking at i've been looking at this whole time that's so crazy i would not have expected that to be connected with something called the dough so we're gonna find out we're gonna find out she looks happy to be there she's eating a pear yeah she looks chill unless that's dough now nanetta was able to enjoy the feast and the old aunt sat in the tree contentedly

munching pears this is very silly well after they had eaten their fill the young king said sweetheart let's go walk in the garden so they went out arm and arm and as they passed under the pear tree the old aunt shook some pears down on them and called out but what did you do with the dough what says my lady on can he not understand her i know like he's too busy looking into the gorgeous eyes of neneba and he's like what what does she keep rambling on about i don't speak poor he doesn't even know what dough is what what is dough i don't know i don't know cried anetta who was near to tears don't listen to her she rambles in her speech but the young king thought it was only polite to listen oh what a babe he stopped under

the tree looked up and said i beg beg your pardon, my lady aunt. I didn't quite catch. What did she do with the dough? Shrieked the old woman. Dough? Said the king. What is that? Yes, dough, I said.

And dough, I mean, shrieked the old woman. I don't quite understand, said the young king. Cake just magically appears in front of me as it should what is dough it doesn't oh my gosh this is a great story i like it a lot it doesn't matter whether you do or don't said the old woman. It's the girl I'm asking. The young king turned to Nanetta.

Please explain. He said. He's so tired. Nanetta didn't want to explain. She didn't know what to say. But fortunately, at that very moment, along came the dog with the basin of dough. Oh, that's good. The dog put the basin on the grass under the pear tree

and said, Oh my God. Yes! Yes! Yes! I want to high five you. Yes! Score!

I'm so mad it's not a cat. I'm really fucking this one up. Okay. The dog put the basin in the grass under the pear tree and said, down you silly old woman here's your dough the old woman clambered down from the tree and picked up the basin what did the dog do then he turned a somersault and changed into a little goblin oh my god i knew there was some

witchery happening okay okay i only did it to help you get a handsome husband, said the goblin to Nada. Oh, okay. What did she do to deserve that? Because, though you do sometimes tell a naughty little lie, on the whole, you're a good girl and a pretty girl, and the kind of girl I like. Okay. Thanks. Thanks, bro. I guess.

You're a good girl and a pretty girl so you deserve to marry a king a little weird but okay it would have made more sense if it was like her dog then the young king laughed and the aunt laughed and annetta wiped away a tear or two and laughed also the young king ordered out his golden coach again to take the old woman home after all he thought my lady aunt had better not live at the palace she'd only worry my beautiful bride but i'll give my lady aunt a little servant girl to look after her so away rolled the old aunt and the golden coach clutching to her basin of dough and with a little servant girl sitting opposite to her and the young king andnetta went on walking in the garden,

arm in arm, very lovingly. The end. Wow. That was a weird. That was so funny. I really liked it. Yeah. Dang it.

It wasn't Brad. It wasn't Brad. It didn't happen three times and it was a talkie talkie. It had no magical properties,'t Brad. It didn't happen three times and it wasn't talking to Doc. It had no magical properties, this Brad. Well, they hadn't gotten married yet. So I don't think we can say it was about a queen. No, it wasn't about a queen. Because they were just affianced.

And it wasn't, I mean, it didn't say it was an eternal dough-based object. I think maybe the queen was just, or maybe the aunt was just like. Just kooky and obsessive. A little wacky. Yeah. Okay. So, but,

but there was a talking dog. Yeah, there was. Talking animal. Yeah. One point for Abby. I love random goblin does good turn for local beauty. So just so random.

That was so random. I really liked it though. It was very fun. That was a very fun little story. I liked it. I would fix it in that. I think the dog should have been like their dog. Yeah.

I don't like that. It was a goblin. I think it should have been their dog who loves Nanetta. Yeah. And thinks she's the best girl in the whole world because she always gives him like extra extra like scraps off of her plate or whatever. Yeah. And so he fixes her up with the king.

And it should have been magic dough. It should have been magic dough it should have been magic dough for how obsessive she was about it yeah and ninana knew it too so it's got to be like the aunt knew it was magic dough and really wanted to get it back because she needed it for a spell or some shit i don't know a spell or to like feed her neighbors or something because it's eternal yep it's an eternal toe faced up should have been for sure that's the fix i think so that was very cute that's it that was adorable though i liked that it does just make better sense if it's the family dog yeah yeah just some random goblin like coming by i'm like pretty pretty nice girl pretty nice girl deserve king yes

i don't know i kind of like that the more you think about it yeah um i just want to say that first of all this is a very good a very good illustration at the very beginning of the book. Ooh, yes. It's like a knight on a horse, like a dapple horse. It's got lots of spots. It's very pretty. And it's fighting a fucking awesome dragon, which actually that might be my favorite dragon that Robin Jacques has ever drawn. Yeah, it's actually a decent dragon.

It's not kind of the derpy looking one. Although the eyes are a little big yeah i think but this is a very good dragon for robin chuck yeah he usually does dragons real dirty they're very like cute this one looks more fierce yeah which i really like we'll make sure to put a picture of it up yeah i'll make sure to get a picture in better light after this yeah and i'll do the picture of auntie just chilling out munching on pears i like that she just like gets thrown out a window lands in a pear tree and just starts eating them just just eating them i love her yeah that i mean here's the thing fucking at a mary no wait yeah fucking out of mary the king kill the auntie

she's so cute i don't want to kill any of them um fuck mary condemned to eternal spinsterhood yes okay perfect i think i feel like that's what she would want anyway i don't think she wants us Fuck Mary condemned to eternal spinsterhood. Yes. Okay. Perfect. I feel like that's what she would want anyway. I don't think she wants us. Yeah. She's really concerned about the dough. That was weird. She's been craving cake all day.

And I can relate to that. I know. I know. But like, why wouldn't you stay at the palace where like, stop worrying as much about the dough. They can make you cake. The king doesn't even know what dough is cake just cake just happens as far as he's concerned yeah what is that that just fucking incredible okay pick a story

I'm very excited so the book of magic horses has 16 stories okay so I highly doubt I will roll above a 16 because I never do it is my curse the one time you do though yeah

well whatever if I do roll above a 16 then I get because I never do. It is my curse. It's the one time you do though. Yeah, well, whatever. If I do roll above a 16, then I get to pick whichever one has the funnest title because I haven't read any of these. I like it. Okay. That's a fun. 11. So I don't get to do that.

We're going with Master Billy. Master Billy. From Cornwall. Oh, hell yes. Which is a region of England for those who do not know. Master Billy. Cornwall. Oh, hell yes. Which is a region of England for those who do not know. Master Billy. Master Billy. Okay. On page

84. So predictions from you first. I predict I'm gonna guess that Billy is the pro- I think Billy being the protagonist is pretty obvious. I was thinking like Billy's a good guy. Okay, Billy's a good guy.

Yeah, Billy's a good guy. Prediction number one, yeah, Billy's a good guy. Prediction number two, oh, it's about magic horses. I know, it's the book of magic horses. So you can't guess that there's a magic horse in it. I predict that there's a magic horse. What do you think the magic horse might do in this one? What's the function of the magic horse in this story?

I know. I'm trying to think. This is so exciting because I'm really excited to hear a story from this book. Me too. I'm very, very excited. I'm curious. Because all I can think of is Irish stuff and it's not an irish tale no i'm like it helps him get home when he's drunk um you know i'm i am gonna predict that billy loves a drink.

Billy loves a good drink. I mean, who doesn't? And my third prediction is that oh my gosh that there is there is another important animal besides a horse. Okay.

I still want a talking cat. That's fun. But I'm trying to be more vague because yeah all right what do you what are your predictions i predict that billy's a little on the younger side i think billy's a child oh billy's a child i like it. I predict that the magic horse gets Billy into a lot of shenanigans. Does that make sense? Yes. Okay.

Like, I'm just vaguely thinking that it's going to be one of those kinds of magic horses that talks and is going to be like, now, Master Billy, we're going to go over here and do this fucking thing. You'll be a king someday. Oh, Billy becomes king.

Oh, perfect. Billy becomes king. Once upon a time, there was a poor man who lived in a cottage all by himself, and his name was Zach Penbeagle. Oh, great name. Great name. Penbeagle. No, Penbeagle. Penbeagle. Pagle p-e-n beagle pen beagle

well one cold night as zach was sitting over the fire there came a knock at the door zach went to open it and there stood a little small dwarfy boy wearing a red cap. Oh my gosh. It's like a leprechaun, right? A red cap. It just says a little small dwarfy of a boy. Yeah. Well, that's – well, red cap is a type of –

Yes. Red cap is a type of fairy creature. So. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. It's possible possible we'll see i'm very excited shall i come my ways in said the little small dwarfy why yes if you've a mind to said zach but we'll shut fast the door for tis a droughty old night to be sure yeah just come just come in, stranger.

Come on in, stranger. What a time. Yeah, Zach is a nice guy. So the little small dwarfie stepped in, and Zach shut the door fast, and the dwarfie sat down by the fire. I don't know, as I have the pleasure of your acquaintance, said Zach.

No, said the dwarfie. You don't know me, but I know you, andance, said Zach. No, said the Dwarfy. You don't know me, but I know you. And I'm thinking you're not so well off as some folks. Oh. That's rude. Well, I feel like he's going to help. He probably is. I feel like he's like, you're not so well off and I'm here to help.

Yeah. Is what I get out of that. But also that is kind of rude. It's rude to say. I don't complain, said Zach. But I'll own i could do with a bit more well now you listen close to what i'm going to tell you said the dwarfie and if i don't put you in the way of getting a big bag of gold my name's not master billy so is he a little boy or is he just i? I don't know. It says a small dwarfie of a boy.

Let's keep reading it. Maybe it'll become clearer. We'll decide at the end, I think. Might that be your name then, said Zach? I wouldn't say it wasn't, said the dwarfie. You've heard tell of a country called Spain maybe. I have, seems so, says Zach.

Well then, said Master Billy, the king of that country has a daughter, and that daughter is sick nigh to death. Now I have a bottle here in my pocket, and in the bottle is the medicine that will cure her. I was ready for the bottle. Yeah. You got so excited.

Dang it. Medicine. It's medicine. That's boring. Boo. But it must be given her by a mortal man, not by the likes of me. So do you take the bottle and be off with you to Spain

and give the lady three drops from the bottle each morning for three days? It's a longish way to go, said Zach doubtfully. So tis, said Master Billy, but I'll see you safe there and back again. And there's a bag of gold in the reward for curing her. There's been many a doctor trying his hand on that poor lady, but each one has left her worse than he found her, which that makes sense. Yeah. They're probably bleaching her or something. Exactly.

Here, let's just try to drain you and see if that helps. We'll drain the bad blood out of her, and I'm sure that'll fix it. Yeah. What she doesn't need is a lot of rest and to drink a lot of water maybe sleep some vitamins some vitamins maybe to be left the hell alone yeah

okay so each doctor has left this girl worse than he found her and the king he's in some way about it all and swears he'll have the head of the next one that comes with the cure that's no cure at all i'm not willing to lose my head for a lady said zach not yet the dwarf he made a fierce face at that am i telling you you're going to cure her am i not telling you said he god he's definitely a leprechaun definitely i think you're i think you're right we're getting there i think i think you're i think you're correct i mean he's already said he's not a mortal being so well to talk a bit more and in the end zach agreed to go for the little small dwarfie of a boy that calls himself master billy had a persuasive way with him though

zach couldn't see what the dwarfie was going to get out of it for himself. He wants to marry the princess, obviously. Ooh, I love that. That's my guess. Yeah. Leprechauns are always trying to marry pretty ladies. Yeah. Without telling them. Without telling them. Usually they like to be around for a millennia or so first

though before they decide to settle down. According to the last story we read that featured a billy that got caught up with a leprechaun intent on marriage that's true well it still hasn't said how old i feel like maybe he looks like a boy that isn't maybe or he's like an older boy like he's a teen boy and not a small boy yeah like that's my that's what i'm kind of thinking he's a leprechaun so maybe he just looks like a boy like he's short yeah but he's i don't know what's this no i think i think that's probably that's probably right you get half a point

he looks like a boy okay so zach can't tell what the dwarfie is going to get out of it for himself however zach took the bottle and set out and though the journey should have been a long one it seemed a short one and that must have been owing to master billy's magic so zach came to spain and called up the palace as you do super easy to get an audience with the king and told the king he was come to cure his daughter what said the king don't you know that all the doctors in this world have failed to cure her and the next one that fails is to lose his head now go your ways home again for i'm not willing to cut off your head and that's a fact oh i don't know why he's not willing to cut off his head yeah right just not sure mom's still

waiting for the horse i know when does the magic horse come into this lack of horse in this story is concerning for most like i mean the story's not long like where's the horse anyway so zach said that if the lady would take his medicine she'd be ready to ride out hunting in three days time and he seemed so certain sure about it that at last the king said he might have a try hunting that's we're gonna move the horse so zach was taken up to the princess's room and there she lay on the bed flat on her back with her eyes shut as if she were dead zach asked for a spoon and they put the spoon between the princess's teeth and dripped three drops in the bottle down her throat. And she opened her eyes and sat up.

We there now said Zach. What did I tell you? Next morning she was sitting up waiting for him. And when she had swallowed three more drops in the bottle, she rose from her bed and asked her some food. She's doing good. Yeah. On the third morning, when she had taken three more drops, she called to her waiting women

and bade them bring her riding habit, for she had a mind to go out hunting with the king. She's definitely feeling better. She's feeling way better if she's, like, ready to go horseback riding. Yeah. Like, it takes a lot of energy. Yeah, and i'm just trying to think like the the few times when i have been really sick like the like cannot leave my bed sick

it takes me a lot longer to even want to go sit outside much less go riding so this must be some medicine magic it's. It's magic. It's magic. You can fancy what rejoicing there was throughout all the kingdom of Spain. The king wanted to keep Zach with him as court physician. But Zach said no. He had a mind to go home. So home he went carrying a great bag of gold with him. Why? Oh, why?

Where is the horse? That happening why are we getting a horsey if we don't get a horse i'm gonna be real mad it's the book of magic horses we're getting a horse but it's got a page and a half or so left to go so where is this thing okay so zach goes home and the first evening after he got back as he was sitting by the fire in came the little small dwarfy master billy wearing his red cap well zach said he did your errand content you it did more than content me said zach and it's you i have to thank for it all. Would you like to have another bag of gold as big as that one, said Master Billy?

Heck yes. Yes, yes, please. Zack does not think the same. Thank you all the same, said Zack, but I don't know that I'm needing it. He's just not greedy enough, is Zack. Yeah, Zack's just like, I'm good.

He's humble. I like Zack. Yeah. He's like, I'll do the damn thing. God, leave me alone. But now he just wants to, like, chill out, enjoy his bag of gold, and the magic horse. Master Billy made a fierce face again. And me, by way of making you a rich man, he said,

don't be so stupid. Now hearken, there's a wrestling match up to Devonshire with a bag of gold for the champion. And there's a great bragging bully of a man gives out that he can beat the whole world, but you shall beat him, Zach. For I shall be there to help you. This is where the magic horse comes in.

I bet. I fucking love leprechauns too. Yeah. Just like, just mischievous in, I bet. I fucking love leprechauns, too. Yeah. Just, like, just mischievous. And I just, I don't. Confident. Confident. And who knows what the hell they want out of this?

Yeah, what's they getting out of this? Zach wasn't willing to go to Devonshire and wrestle with a big bully, to be sure he wasn't. He who had never wrestled in his life but it seemed he had to do what the dwarf he told him so to devonshire he went yeah you don't you don't say no to the usually it's always a mistake yeah well you just don't be rude i'm gone sometimes you just got to drink the fairy wine out of politeness you just just give into peer pressure every time i mean the thing is i really do i'm a very weak willed individual i mean i always say i wouldn't drink the fairy wine but i love wine wine and

dancing and and in a fancy goblet absolutely hot people are giving it to you i love a party parties are great okay so he went to devonshire and when he got into the ring and saw the great big bully dressed up in his wrestling jacket and looking down his nose at all the world zach's knees felt as if they'd turned to water. And when the bully gave him a shake of the hand before they began to wrestle, Zach thought for sure he'd broken every bone that was in his fingers. So fierce was that hand grip.

But then he looked down and saw Master Billy standing at his feet. And the next thing he knew, he had that great big bully fast by the shoulders of the jacket, and he lifted him over his head and thrown him flat on his back on the turf in a fair fall billy and that was the first round to zach incredible here's the picture that goes with it so wait that's zach not yes okay so it's a very

skinny man holding a much larger more more muscular man over his head. But look at his mustache. He looks like he does magic or I don't know. I just, I love it. I love him. It's not the facial hair you'd expect to see on this guy. Just a simple dude. He has like literally like a mustache that you could twirl. Yeah. He's got a handlebar mustache. Just a simple dude. He has like literally like a mustache

that you could twirl. He's got a handlebar mustache. It's pretty great. But is otherwise clean shaven, which I feel like is a little weird. It's a choice. It's a choice. And he's got a kerchief.

Robin Jacques makes choices. I fucking love that. Yeah. I love Robin Jacques. Me too. I love it. It's beautiful. The crowd roared

and cheered and Zach and the big bully went at it again again Zach threw the bully over his head and laid him flat and that was the second round to Zach nice good sound effect and so it happened a third time after that Zach was carried through the town by a shouting

crowd who declared him to be the world's champion wrestler and so at last he found himself back home with another bag of gold and feeling quite bewildered as to how it had all come about and why where is the horse? So anyway, he goes home. He got another bag of gold. Good for him. There's still no goddamn horse. And that evening, as he sat by the fire, came a knock at his door, and when he opened it, in skipped Master Billy.

I smell something. It's a horse. In skipped a horse. Evening to you, Zach you zach said he waving his red cap two bags of gold and a third for the getting i'm rich enough already said zach and grateful i am to you for it please leave please go please go away i don't want to do any more fairy things. Nope. Well then said master Billy, would you be willing to do me a kindness? I would. So said Zach,

this is the way of it. Said master Billy, me and my brothers are planning to pass over to Spain this night as ever is to pay a visit to the King's daughter and bring her back with us. Yeah. Nice. Nailed that. Yeah. Nice. Nailed that shit. Here we go.

But tis you must persuade her to come for the likes of us can't do it. Me to persuade a lady, said Zach. You will. He's got that mustache. He's cute. He's good. I assume he's. Like a skinny Tom Sullen. Yeah.

He's got this. Oh boy. Wow. Yes. I mean the mustache is fabulous. We'll post it on the Instagram. We shall. So Zach says me to persuade a lady you will soon as you take her by the

hand said Master Billy. I'll see to that. Don't love that. That sounds date rapey. So will you come? I will, said Zach. In return for your kindness, I'm happy to kidnap a girl. It's not kidnapping, it's magic.

It's magic. I don't think that makes it better you fucking called that i sure did so the two of them went out the door and across the lane and into a field in the field there were hundreds of little dwarfies like billy and red, and they were scampering about all over the place and calling out, Get me a horse! Get me a horse! Finally. Horse!

Horse! Horse! Horse alert! About goddamn time. They were cutting down the ragworts that grew in the field and getting astride of them. This is exactly like that Irish story we read. Yeah. Well,

not exactly. Wait, which Irish story? The one, the one with like, it was, it was also a guy named Billy, but it was a guy named Billy and not a fairy named Billy.

And he like became like the servant of this leprechaun who he'd lost a drinking contest to or something. Yeah. And that was the leprechaun that like they lost a drinking contest to or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was the leprechaun that, like, they'd go on adventures. Yeah, yeah, and they'd, like, drink in fancy lords' wine cellars, and they also, like, cut reeds that turned magically into horses.

I don't remember that part. I remember that part because it was horses, and I thought that was cool. And then that was the leprechaun that also was trying to get a lady to marry him. Yeah, I definitely remember that part. I can't remember what it was called. I think it was called Master and Man.

Yeah, I definitely remember that story. Yeah. That's interesting parallels. Yeah. It's not exactly, but it's definitely like the parallel. Close enough. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. but it's definitely like the parallel. It's close enough. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So as soon as each one got a strider ragwort, that ragwort turned into a little yellow horse and galloped away with its writer. Is that it? There is one page left. Is that it? Yes. I want my money back. No, I'm just kidding.

Zach was just about to call out, get me a horse too, for he thought he mustn't be left behind. But he remembered in time that he wasn't to speak and shut his mouth tight. Just then, Master Billy came galloping up on a little yellow horse

and leading a yearling calf as white as milk. A calf. As in a cow's baby. Yep. Here's your horse. Savage. He said to Zach. Wow.

So up you get and off we'll go. That's not even a horse! That's not a... Is that it? We're very close to the end. Zach got up on the calf's back and away they went, galloping,

galloping, galloping, the whole company of them, over fields and hedges and dishes they went till they came to a great lake with an island in the middle of it with one leap the little horses and their riders landed on the island and with another leap they left off the island and landed on the opposite shore i mean that's pretty fucking cool that is a pretty magic damn horse and calf and calf cow baby yeah i know they don't call what do call... Like, what do you call a baby horse? A foal.

A foal. Yeah. Or a colt. Yeah, okay. So, yeah. No, just... Yeah. Or a filly if it's a girl baby.

You would never call it a calf, right? No, you would never call it a calf. Poor fucking Zach. A calf is very specifically like a cow baby. I'm just trying to like make sense of it. Poor Zach. I think calf is also what you call like

a whale baby. Yeah. I know calf isn't like exclusively a cow. Mm-hmm. But yeah, it's definitely not a horse. You would never call

a baby horse a calf. Yeah, a colter fool. Mm-hmm. Oh my a coulter full. Oh my God. Amazing. Okay. God. So with one leap of the white calf, with Zach astride of him, the calf was on that island.

And with another leap, he was on the opposite shore. That's still cool. It's still cool. It's fine. Like, damn. It's just, it's not a fucking horse. The book of magic cows. I'm a little,

I feel a little, I would have kept that book. The book of magic cows. I love cows. Grass puppies. My God. My grandfather was a rancher and had cows. So I got to see cows a lot.

Yeah, you did. And I, I find them very, very sweet. Cows are sweet and big dumb grass puppies yeah really big very intimidating anyway yeah but you know what a cow is not it's not a fucking horse it's not a fucking horse this book of magic horses so i feel used and misled cheated and cheated well i think that

just means the next the next one we have to read has to be out of this book i'm gonna do this book again because i'm going to just keep doing it until i get a magic horse god damn it okay anyway so the calf also does some impressive leaping. My days, cried Zach before he could stop himself. That was some leap for a yearling calf. And no sooner had he said those words than something gave him a great blow on the head and he tumbled off the calf and lay senseless. When he came to himself, it was morning and there he was lying lonely by the lake and no horses or riders or yearling calf to be seen anywhere.

So we got up and he walked around the lake and made his way back home on foot and weary he was before he reached his home. Master Billy must've been angry for he never came to visit Zach again, but he didn't steal away the bags of gold. So perhaps wasn't so very angry after all I'm confused and he didn't get the princess no I'm very confused something hit him on the head he fell off the calf and like the spell was broken I guess so anyway and then he walked home I guess over. Anyway, and then he walked home, I guess, over like Hill and Dale and all the stuff that they'd done. Okay. Yeah, okay.

But the bags of gold are still there. And when Zach had sat by his fire and thought it all out, he decided that it was just as well he had spoken. Oh, he wasn't supposed to speak. Right. I remember that, but he remembered it too. And then they started kind of acting like, well, let's just keep going. So I thought it wasn't a big deal, but okay. So it just broke the spell.

Okay. Okay. It broke the spell. You're right. You're right. Something's right. I'm just repeating what you said. I mean, I don't, I think I didn't hear that part, even though, even though like my voice

was saying it, I think that like, I was so bummed out about the cow. Yeah, you mentioned it. And then it didn't seem like it was a big deal though. They kind of pushed past it. Yeah. Because Billy shut his trap really fast. So he's like, oh. Now that I go back, it's like, you know,

me persuaded later, you speak no word good or bad until I bid you or else all our plans were come to naught. I totally didn't. I just wasn't listening. Well, he said something, but then they kind of kept going. you speak no word good or bad until i bid you or else all our plans were come to not um i totally didn't totally i just wasn't listening well he said something but then they kind of kept going like yeah maybe i don't know anyway so he he that's why he thought master billy might be angry anyway so zach sat by his fire he decided that it was just as well he had spoken for it wasn't likely that the king of spain's daughter would have wanted to be brought away fair i'm glad zach realized that good for

you that won't bare minimum but good for you zach some did clear it yeah bless her little heart thought Zach I reckon she's better off safe and sound in her father's palace than going gallivanting round about the world with master Billy and his kind the end okay I'm gonna give that story

zero out of ten for magic horses. Yeah. What? There was no horse. You know, is it because you're just such a bad roller? It is. It is. This was the punishment that I deserved. I mean, I know my fix for that story. What's your fix? It's a horse. she's a fucking cow that still wouldn't be enough horse for me to fix the story no it needed to have a lot more horse in it

like in a story in itself i think yeah i think i wish you know my fix is that billy or not billy um zach would have spoken on purpose to save the princess which is kind of what happened in that one story the other story we were talking about yeah with the leprechaun yeah we're that billy that like the billy in that story like was like oh shit like she's actually gonna have to marry this like yeah leprechaun um and so he sneezes or makes a really loud noise i can't remember yeah i like that i think that's a good i think that's a really good fix for the story is that zach decides to save the princess by talking and it's a conscious choice i think adding that story to a book of magic horses was a stretch kind of bullshit real a real stretch yeah you know what next time um actually i think our next episode is in december so it might be a very special one

that or it might be horse based which is also very special maybe for the january episodes i'll do something horse based and we'll we'll we'll return to a book of magic horses because i also really want to read uh the straw horse which is from one of our listeners mentioned that that was yes their favorite fairy tale creature and i've never heard of the straw horse which is in here by the way is it um so actually maybe you should read it because Ruth Bannick Sanders is it is the straw horses in here I have that one saved though I think it's the same okay one but maybe I'll find a different horse one and we just have it or I can read that one and you can read another horse one. Just make it a horse heavy. January can be horse month.

I love it. Magic horse month. Anyway. Anyway. Well. That was fun. That was fun. I liked your story much better than mine.

Me too. Mostly because I think we were just so disappointed in the lack of magic horse. I feel very misled. Yeah. And cheated. Was the horse even magic or was it just leprechaun magic? I just. Yeah.

No. You know. Ruth, that was kind of a miss for you. You know, I don't think the story. I think just whoever put it in this compilation of stories. Yeah. Well, I think she arranged her own collections. Well then, yeah. Ruth Awesome.

Ruthie, I'm not impressed with this one, wherever you are. I'm not mad, just disappointed. I'm not mad. I'm sorry. Do better, Ruth. We hope you enjoyed this uh probably a little echoey different sounding version of fairy tale fix yes yes we do it was very fun getting to record in person

yeah and now we're gonna go uh walk over to a brewery and have some food and drink more beer we're gonna get dinner and more beer and it's gonna be fantastic so thank you so much for listening to fairy tale fix i'm attempting to do this from memory because i don't actually have my laptop in front of me at the moment um if you want to give us dollars we would really appreciate dollars we do like money on this show because it's expensive to produce it doesn't sound like it at the moment because we're a little echoey today but usually it sounds great and that's because reasons anyway please give us money if you would like to get merch books uh extra episodes all of our patrons get stickers and a handwritten note and extra episodes and extra episodes of the show um and you can you can also listen to our

original pilot for this show on our patreon account uh all of that is at fairytalefix.cash so go check that out if you don't want to give us dollars that's totally fine we very much understand you will still be able to listen to most of the podcast absolutely for free forever and that's a totally valid choice but if you would

also like to support us in some way there's a free way you can do it you can leave us 5 stars on Spotify you can give us a review on Apple Podcasts. That really helps us out. It really helps other people find the show. You can also follow us at Instagram and Twitter at Fairytale Fix Pod. Yeah. And like our posts. Yes. Like our posts and comment, please. Engagement. To please the algorithm gods thank you we desperately need

that and you can also email us anything you care to let us know uh we're your own favorite stories weird things your grandparents told you about any other random stray thoughts you may have you can email us at info at fairy tale fix pod.com And the dog, the little naughty dog was actually just Nanetta and the auntie's dog that had lived with them for many years and just remained a dog instead of turning into a goblin and was like

I guess the ultimate wingman for Nanetta? Yeah! And the old auntie was a witch! And the dough that was bread and not cake had magic powers and then and uh the auntie went on to be like just a the fucking witch of the woods and caused all sorts of trouble for everyone so we fixed the entire story with that one and the story of master billy is pretty much the same except for the calf was a damn horse

and actually billy was a horse too billy was also a horse yes that's a good fix billy was actually a mischievous horsey and uh zach realized that abducting women was wrong and spoke out loud on purpose so that the king of Spain's daughter would not be abducted by a crazy talking horse. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.