Fairy Tale Fix - 54: The Little Mermaid: Hot Legs

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

It’s sad bisexual boy Christmastime and Kelsey & Abbie deliver an ocean-sized episode with one of Hans Christian Andersen’s most popular tales, The Little Mermaid.

Hey there, Fairytale Fix listeners. Abby here. I'm introducing our Little Mermaid episode and announcing that this will be the last regular feed episode of 2022. If you've ever read The Little Mermaid before, you know the story is super long and Kelsey and I had so much to say about it. This episode clocks in at a little over two hours. So enjoy your incredible, supersized, sad, bisexual boy holiday episode. And if you're a patron, you'll also be able to enjoy

our December bonus episode as well, where we cover the German Christmas witch, Perchta, and the backstories for a couple classic Christmas tree decorations. From both me and Kelsey, happy holidays

and a very happy new year to you all. See you in 2023. Yeah, I'm totally better except for my voice. So as long as nobody minds me being a little raspy. The little mermaid loses her voice too. So there you go. So you can empathize with her hardcore. Hardcore. Hello, I'm Abby. I'm Kelsey. And this is Fairy Tale Fix.

Welcome to the podcast where we read each other fairy tales and then fix it for a modern audience. That we do consistently. We fucking nailed that intro. Yeah, we did. Right out the gate. Bam! We're getting it. How are you? I'm doing great. I was just looking at myself in the webcam and just thinking about how

my hair today, because I've got bangs and i'm not good at bangs and i'm just looking at my hair today i'm just thinking about how it's a very um it's a very mid-2000s like skater boy look at the moment just because i've got got some very floppy bangs that are sort of pushed over to the side and i do like that head toss a lot to get them out of my face you know that's making a comeback though. The 2000s are back in. I don't want them. I didn't like them when they were happening

and I don't want them to be back now. Oh, well, I think your bangs look fantastic. Thank you. Bangs are hard. I have had bangs. And I'll probably get them again at some point because do you ever like like see sometimes I see pictures of myself with bangs in the past and I'm like dang I should do that again and then I do it and

I'm like that was so dumb uh-huh they're so annoying they're so annoying and hard to style like you have to you have to actively style your bangs if you want your hair to look good um and i don't like doing that are you uh growing them out i've been thinking about it because i'm growing the rest of my hair out out of the pixie cut that i had it in so and i've been keeping the bangs because like because like you say i think i look cute with bangs when i bother with them like when I bother to do something with, the bangs look really cute. It's just that, like, and I have a good face for bangs, I think. It's just I hate dealing with them so much. Yeah.

I think I'm about to give up. I'm about to give up on them. The thing that I will, going back to the conversation about 2000s things coming back, there are things though because like even if i grow my bangs out i'm keeping my side part damn it oh yeah i am never surrendering my side part i am never surrendering my high-waisted jeans because they make my hips and thighs look incredible yeah they do um And I'm never getting rid of them. And you can't make me. You can't make me fashion trends. I hate the 2000s are coming back. Yeah, the 2000s were trash. It's

funny because I only ever got like a few pieces of clothes that were like, you know, in the trend in 2000s. And I got rid of them so fast after I got them because I just, I hated that whole look, that whole thing. Except I did like, I did like, no way. In the 2000s is when we started wearing skinny jeans. I do like skinny jeans. I didn't at first. I hated it. Well, skinny jeans had like the, in order for skinny jeans to work, on me anyway, the waistline had to come up. Like I love high waisted skinny jeans. The skinny jeans that didn't work for me were the ones that were like, you know, low rises, like low rise, low to mid rise skinny jeans. I just, I don't know. I'm not, I wasn't a fan. Yep. It's fun watching the trends change. I'm definitely going with a few of them,

but for the most part, just wearing, I don't know, whatever makes me comfortable. It's funny you mentioned the side part because I'm just like, my hair only has one part. I have tried to do other parts and my hair says no. Absolutely not. It's just a natural side part like you did. It is. I will try to part it on the other side and my hair throws a fit. Absolutely throws a fit and yells at me. I don't even understand a middle part. It's just the same thing.

My hair specifically has this one part. It's where the break is in the hairline and that is where the part is damn it i didn't even realize honestly i didn't realize a like where you part your hair is a fashion trend i'm just like doesn't your hair just naturally go in that part because that's what mine does you can make it do other stuff my hair doesn't give a fuck about what's trendy. So, yeah. Fair enough. Although I will say, I guess I did do like the zigzag thing in June High.

Yes, you did do the zigzag thing. I tried. My hair was also mad at me then, too. It didn't last. It would like flip over and I would only have half a zigzag. So what mid-2000s trends are you going to pick up then? You said you were going to pick up a couple. Oh, I like the white sneakers.

White sneakers are cute? Just the idea of wearing sneakers, honestly. I love that. Just fuck heels. I'm bad at heels. i've never gotten into like especially tall heels i like tall boots like i can do boots but heels i'm not great at say like the sneaker thing and oh i like that flares are back that's fun oh flare jeans yeah I got a pair and it's been very fun I because okay so it gives if I have ultimate flashbacks of being in high school and I'm

short right I'm 5'3 so the ends of my jeans would just be frayed and I remember sitting there with my friend Morgan in high school with a lighter and we would light the ends of our jeans on fire and it was like to get rid of the like raw edges. Amazing. So every time I wear flare jeans, I have them tailored to like actually fit me now because I'm just better at clothes, I guess. But like, you get your stuff tailored now. Well, I, I, or I'll do it myself. Like I can have my own jeans. Oh, look at you. That's so fancy. I can't do that.

All off. So they're all raw. Um, I mean, surprise, surprise. And, um, but I, every time I wear them, I've been seeing that like flashback of like me in a sierra nevada hoodie with my flare jeans and i'm like i wore this in high school and i kind of like it it's fun i it's a very flashback like it's and it's so comfortable it's so comfy you know what you're convincing me you're convincing me to embrace it a little more i'll send you more pictures of the outfits I have that I really like too, but I also agree. No, no low rise. I like the mid or high. I like more mid rise, high rise, high rise, high waist, high waisted. Yeah. I like, I like mid a little bit better, but yeah, anyway.

I feel that. I like the high-waisted ones because then I feel like I can get away with crop tops. Yeah. Oh, my God. And everything's a fucking crop top. Jeez. Yeah. I don't love that.

I know we've talked about the crop tops before. We have. We've replaced weather corner with fashion corner. about the crop tops before. We have. We've replaced weather corner with fashion corner. Which, by the way, it's super rainy

in California right now. Weather and fashion corner. These are the things we talk about when we're just talking. So, it's fine. Deal with it. There are two

of our favorite topics. Yeah, what does everybody else talk about? There you go. We also just got done watching Bleak House Guest. Yes. Guest. God.

Bleak House Guest. Which is about when. It's on Showtime. And it's about the time that Hans Christian Andersen dropped in on Charles Dickens and stayed for five weeks as a very dramatic, socially awkward, very much unwanted house guest in the Dickens household and may or may not have facilitated the divorce of Charles Dickens from his wife. have facilitated the divorce of Charles Dickens from his wife. So yeah, we just watched that. We actually recorded our reactions. So if you want to listen to us react to Bleak Cow's Guest, you can go on our Patreon. We just randomly kind

of decided this might be fun Patreon content. we recorded our reactions um a la like you can press play at the same time as us and then it's like we're all in a living room watching the movie together with way too much commentary as abby and i enjoy we we talk we talk through movies that's what that's what we do yeah it's how we watch them so feel free to watch it with us we've never done anything like that before um we just we've heard of other podcasts doing it one of my favorites textual attention has said that they do that stuff on their patreon and i was like that sounds like so much fun let's try that so uh if you want to do that you can go to fairytalefix.cash and sign up to be a patron. And that you also get like, what do we have?

Like 15 bonus episodes? We're at 16 bonus episodes. Yeah. But like by the time this comes out, it will be no, it'll be 17 bonus episodes by the time this one comes out. Nice. Yeah. So definitely go check that out if you're interested.

Yeah. Which, of of course you are yeah you'll get you'll get the uh reaction audio and 17 bonus episodes for six dollars if you go sign up at our patreon right now at fairytalefix.cash um and you know part of the reason we started bleak house guests bleak house you're so good at segues today i love it what did like i can see where you're going with it and i'm just admiring you that's thank you um it's the holidays christmas time This time is here. And it always makes us think of our favorite, favorite bisexual disaster. Hans Christian Andersen. Hans Christian Andersen.

Our king. Our absolute. He is the Christmas king for me. He is our Christmas king. Specifically like. Absolutely. specifically like absolutely like even even when his stories are not explicitly set during winter i still think of hans christian anderson when i think of of winter holiday stories yeah uh which which brings us to our topic uh our story for today because we figured like

it's winter and on fairy tale fix that means we're going to do some haunts, Christian Anderson. And it's also timely because a couple of months ago, Disney announced that they are going to be doing a live action Little Mermaid. We're doing the Little Mermaid. We're doing the Little Mermaid. We're so stoked. I'm so excited. This is one of the original fairy tales that I remember reading. You know, like reading the Hans Christian Andersen version.

I remember reading and sending a message to Abby. I think I sent, I retyped out. So I had my Hans Christian Andersen book and I decided I'm going to read it. It's been a long time since I read the HCA version and I read it and I had to retype out the last couple paragraphs to Abby because I just was like, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? So it's one of our original What the Fuck Fairy Tales. It it's a true story this is way before we started the podcast that was one of the things that kind of inspired us like if we started a podcast what would it be about yeah so like i am so excited that we are

finally doing this and i'm also nervous to finally be doing this one because like as you say like this is this is a huge one it is one of the ones that inspired the podcast because the story does not go the way you think if you're just basing it off of the Disney adaptation which I think most of us most of the most of the kids that were growing up in the 90s have the Disney movie as the you know that's the the little mermaid for us. Yep. Definitely. And,

and like this, this story goes in a much different direction. It does. And I'm, I'm so excited to finally be doing this one and finally reading it. I honestly don't remember it that much. I would like when you, like I was having like a little bit of an ADHD moment where like you were

talking about it and I kind of like did the, did the JD like look up thing just a bit because like, I was like, I don't remember her sending that to me. Yeah. I did. I remember just being like my, like John,

the floor, like what the actual fuck did I just read? And I sent it to you. So I'm excited to read it to you today. Yeah, because I don't think I've ever actually read the original story. I know some stuff about it, including how it ends, because you sent me that paragraph. And it's just kind of in the water. And I know a couple of things about it. But I don't know a lot of the specifics of how it happened. So I'm really excited to actually hear the story.

I did get some spoilers when I was looking it up. But I don't. That's fine. I mean, honestly, the Disney version is really close. They really stuck to the story. So it is very much The Little Mermaid. All right. I am excited to talk about the differences and obviously how I would fix it.

But it is very similar. They did a good job for making it into a kid's film without having really like preachy religious overtones. Right. Because I do remember that that was a big religious overtones. Right. Because I do remember that that was a big, big thing. Yeah. That just gets me. And I will talk about that more as we read it. But yeah, it's very, they did a great job.

I love the Disney version. It is very cute. And I am really stoked to see the live action version. I am cautiously excited to see it. I, I'm a little nervous just because I don't know every other Disney live action. Yes.

No, that's a book. Of course. It's so it's not Danish. It's, uh, people saying that like, Oh,

it's a Danish story. She can't be black. Um, in case you weren't aware, that's the dumbest thing either of us have ever heard. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard because like, A of all, she's a mermaid.

So she's not Danish. B of all, I don't know how to tell racist this, or maybe I do. This is what I would, this, I mean, if, you know, there are black Danes. I don't know what I like. Africa did not like, like the continent of Africa did not spring into being. When the British decided to get this transatlantic slave trade going.

It existed for it's existed this entire time and black people and Europeans and people from all over the globe have been talking to each other and visiting each other's hometowns for, you know, thousands of years. So and also there have been black people in denmark forever and i would also just like to throw out that mermaids exist in cultures outside denmark too there is that as well like mermaids mermaids the like folklore behind mermaids and fish people exist all over the world in like every country ever so anyway i just i don't know it's just such a hilarious like um complaint from racist people

yeah oh we haven't like ever specifically addressed i don't think but i just you know like that that's so funny to me yeah so funny so superfluous um you're making up excuses for why you're really fucking racist and you just don't like seeing black people have fun yeah oh i am i'm super stoked and like especially after all the like viral tiktok videos of little black girls reacting to a black aerial just i'm probably more excited about this live action than any other because most of them have been terrible and I totally interrupted you why are you so skeptical no totally that's totally fit I just I wanted to say one more thing on this topic and then and then we'll close it and we'll and we'll move on um I also wanted to say that like just the reactions that some people have had

to the casting announcement and not not not just of the little mermaid, but also of like, like there's a, a Disney plus show that's going to turn the Percy Jackson novels into a TV show. And they've changed the, they've changed the race of the main character of one of the three main characters,

Annabeth to like a black girl is going to play her and so people said the exact same thing they said about um casting hallie bailey as ariel of like oh well you know then i mean how would you like it if we cast like t'challa as a white guy um and it's yikes so many characters and so many movies over the years have changed the race of a character from a person of color to a white guy and you're only like just now caring because it went the other way it's gone people like it's gone the other way for so many movies over so many decades. We already know how we feel about characters of color being played by white people. It's been ubiquitous. That's the norm.

So fuck off. Go away. What an excellent point anyway i just wanted to get that off my chest i knew we had to bring that up at some point so i figured yeah just get it out of the way immediately but anyway that's not why you weren't sure what our thoughts were on that whole situation because obviously if you listen to this you know by now our thoughts are boo go away if anything black girl magic is going to save this live

action yes it's honestly it's the only reason I'm even kind of optimistic about it because like I feel like because like I watched the trailer and we were talking about how the music already kind of has like they've they've she was singing um part of your world and a more r&b style which i'm all i like that a lot because i think that that that that makes the live action at

least a little different from the cartoon so it's not just going to be like a live action frame by frame recreation of the cartoon which i think is really annoying when that happens but i am also a little like i'm a little nervous just because like i don't know all of the all of the live actions like you said like we've talked about this before have been kind of lifeless and really boring i really liked mulan until that actual chinese woman explained why it was so bad i really liked it you can listen back uh obviously we did an episode in mulan and after we watched the new one uh come out and then i really liked it until this person made really wonderful explanations of like here's where they could have gotten it right and they got so close and they decided not

to do it yeah yeah that was a for for for reference that was she that was shiron jay's uh sorry shiron jay's zou thank you um and they're actually non-binary. Yes. And so, yeah, go watch their video. It's on YouTube. It's hilarious and also a little humbling because I think our initial impressions of the movie were very positive.

Yeah, we both liked it a lot. And then they explained all these reasons like, oh, they could have done this to make like just these like really small things that they could have changed that really wouldn't have changed the movie that much and made it more like accurate to where the like origin story Mulan came from. And it was just so lazy that it kind of soured it for me a little. So, you know, it's probably still a great movie. It's probably been my favorite live action, though, so far. I still think it's the best live action that they've put out, like, despite all of the cultural inaccuracies. I still, that was the one that I had the most fun watching.

Right? Me too. So. That I can think of. Anyway. So, enough about uh disney we're excited for that but um we're excited to tell you the original story the og hans christian anderson um and a little bit of background because i don't know any of the background abby abby so graciously offered to like be like oh i'll tell the. Abby so graciously offered to be like,

oh, I'll tell the history because obviously this is going to be one episode, one fairy tale for this one. Yeah, yeah. Just the one because this one's going to be long. And this episode is probably going to be supersized as it is. So there's definitely no space for a second story. It's real long.

So tell me a little bit about the history because I have no idea okay so honestly like the the history bit is not going to take as long as i thought it was going to um there isn't there isn't as much to go into as i thought there might be but um this tale was originally published in 1837 as part of a collection of fairy tales for children by Hans Christian Andersen. And it has been the subject of just multiple analyses from various folklorists over the years. We're going to tell like the actual, the actual story. So I'm not going to go into sort of too much of what the analysis of this story has been but i am going to focus on two of sort of my

favorite of the interpretations that uh different folklorists have had for the story so um one folklorist maria tatar uh in her book the annotated classic fairy tales, uh, really, really thinks that like the little mermaid is less about, it's less of a love story to her and more about the, the mermaid reflecting Anderson's engagement with mutability and changes in identity. And the way that she sees this framed is that she doesn't think the Little Mermaid actually gave up everything for love alone.

She thinks that the Little Mermaid had such like a deep need to explore, to understand things that were different from her, to see different parts of the world that she allowed herself to be transformed into, into something else. And so it's,

it's kind of about growth and a willingness to learn and grow and change with, with new, just become new iterations of yourself. Yeah. She also says that uh partially this is demonstrated in some versions of the story where the prince has a page boy's costume made for the little mermaid so that she may ride on horseback and explore the land with him and here her willingness to cross dress implies a willingness to transgress gender boundaries and take risks to be able to see the world. And Tatar felt that that was sort of emblematic of Anderson's interests and identity

changes. And then this is my favorite interpretation of The Little Mermaid and what it means and why it was written. We have said many times on this podcast that Hans Christian Andersen is a bisexual disaster. The classic, the original bisexual, the original bisexual disaster. And this this really is this really just continues to cement that view of him. So Richter Norton, who wrote the book, My Dear Boy, Gay Love Letters Through the Centuries. Oh, I need this book i know i really want this book now um theorizes that the i'm reading from the wikipedia page by the way so okay theorizes that the little mermaid was written as a love letter by hans christian anderson to edvard Collin. Based on a letter Anderson wrote to Collin upon hearing of Collin's

engagement to a young woman around the same time that The Little Mermaid was written. And Edvard Collin, by the way, I believe was a childhood friend of Anderson's that he was just, like, obsessed with. He wrote to him and said, I languish for you as for a pretty Calabrian wench.

My sentiments for you are those of a woman. The femininity of my nature and our friendship must remain a mystery. I'm actually looking up Hans Christian Andersen lover's timeline. up Hans Christian Anderson lovers timeline because our buddy Hans just loved so many people in his life that I just kind of want

to get like a good I would like to have like an actual timeline of his lovers. I'm not seeing one automatically, but I'm just curious, you know, weren't actual lovers of his. They were like people he was obsessed with like yeah because edvard edvard collin um they were they were never together unlike the the

dancer that he fell in love with that inspired him to write the snowman yeah because they were at least they were at least together for a brief time edvard collin was someone that hans christian anderson pined for but never got i mean i guess that's true i guess lover's timeline isn't accurate but like but he has so many lovers that are written down like names of lovers so i would just be really interested to have a timeline of like when he wrote the little mermaid. Cause he was 30 ish or rather the little mermaid was published in 1837 when he was around like food,

32 years old. So I'm just, I'm just curious. That's all. Yeah. I'm also, I am also very, I'm also very curious.

I'm probably going to go through and make a timeline and then post it after this episode comes out. Yeah, I think that'd be a fun piece. That'd be something fun for the two of us to put together. Yeah, just like a little timeline. I'm just curious. When he was obsessed with these people and when he was in love with them. And what stories he wrote, like when and... Based on these

obsessions. Hang on. I'm going to see if maybe... I just went to Hans Christian Andersen's Wikipedia page. We can always figure it out later and post it. Yeah, we're going to have to... I was hoping somebody had already come up with a timeline. Yeah, we're going to have to. I think that's, I was hoping somebody had already come up with a timeline. Yeah, but it doesn't look of their lovers, but it's just

timelines of his life and not really of the lovers. So I think that's something fun that we should do or I'm probably going to do. Wait, hang on. I did find one paragraph that I want to continue reading. Okay. So like, so, you know, he wrote to Edward Collin, I languish for you as for as for a pretty Calabrian woman. My sentiments for you are those of a woman. The femininity of my nature and our friendship must remain a mystery. And then Wikipedia says, Collin, who preferred women, wrote in his own memoir, I found myself unable to respond to this love and this caused the author much suffering oh that's a really kind way to put it too though it's a very kind way to put it like it's very it's he couldn't respond to that kind of love like i just like i didn't feel that way about him and that like that really hurt him yeah but he didn't like he didn't disparage him or say or say that like you know yeah yeah i find your feelings disgusting it's just i just i don't reciprocate yeah and poor baby baby i know oh i know um so the little mermaid is um like one interpretation of the little of the little

mermaid is like it's an allegory for how hans christian anderson felt about edward collin and felt like he was pining away for someone who belonged to a completely different world like a world that he could not enter and could not participate in in the same way that he wanted to and then watching edward marry someone else um so that that's one that's one possible interpretation for the little mermaid. Both of those sound really accurate and interesting. Honestly, like, and probably there's probably truth to both. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Cause I think that like, what, what we've seen from reading Hans Christian Anderson's work so far is he, he was like a really complicated, very like conflicted person who was sort of constantly struggling constantly struggling with his identity um yeah and I I like that interpretation of of the little mermaid also being representative of that with of that element of his his personality I also love that you use the word complicated because I wrote in my notes,

just that, did you know Hans Christian Anderson was an Aries? And I was like, what is an Aries like? And the first thing that popped up would know the first thing that pops up for Aries is extremely uncomplicated. And I was like, not,

not true of Anderson. But they also fall in love very quickly, the most quickly out of all the signs. Really? That's accurate. That's accurate. But everything else that I was reading about Aries, especially Aries men, I guess,

was like, they're very masculine and uncomplicated and oh and i was like no that does not sound like our boy like no but that's also why like that's also partially i think like feet just that's partially why hans christian anderson is such a queer icon like he just didn't really he just didn't really fit into any particular box. A queer and probably neurodivergent icon. Very possibly neurodivergent. And that's purely armchair psychology

based off of absolutely nothing but just from everything that we've read about him. In case you weren't sure, Abby and I are not psychologists and we have absolutely no business diagnosing anybody. But I mean, that's just what we get. I'm also just going to throw out there, as I just wrote in my notes, if you did end up listening to our reaction video to Bleak Houseguest.

I thought this was interesting. So Hans Christian Andersen visits Dickens in 1847, which is 10 years after The Little Mermaid was published. So I don't know. I think it's interesting, like the ages and the years. And again, I'm going to put a timeline together. I'm absolutely sure I'm going to do this. I know.

I'm so excited. a timeline together. I'm absolutely sure I'm going to do this. I know. I'm so excited. I want the timeline. I want it. I want a whole series based on Hans Christian Andersen's love life. I just want some gossipy drama thing of his life because it sounds – I don't know. It's interesting to me. Absolutely. of his life because it sounds it's i don't know it's interesting to me so absolutely i want to know everyone he was in love with how they felt about him back which fairy tale he wrote specifically about his doomed love for them yes i want to know i want to know i want that series

i want that that soap opera. Absolutely. What a strange man with so much feeling. Well, should I get into it? Yes, yes. Please, please, please, please tell me the story. First, I'm going to make you give me three predictions for how you think the HCA story is different from the Disney version. Okay. And obviously, you know, a lot of stuff, but you know, I avoid those.

There are things there are things that I already know quite a bit about it. We can also skip it if you don't want to do the No, no, I do think because I think it's going to make me think deeper because I already know some of the broad strokes. So I'm going to I'm just going to think a little. Okay. Differences from the story versus the Disney animated version. So my first guess is that no one has a name. Okay. That's a great prediction. That's a great prediction.

My second guess is that the sea witch doesn't confine the little mermaid to just three days to win the prince over. Okay. And my final prediction is that it does not have to be sealed with a kiss. Wonderful. Excellent predictions. Oh, um. Oh, what? Did you want to make a bonus prediction?

I want to make a bonus prediction. You can. This doesn't count for points. This one doesn't count for points. But my bonus prediction is that the woman the prince marries is not the sea witch. Like, he's not under a spell it's just you know he actually meets some lady that he really likes and okay marries that lady but there's no but there's no like interference yeah she's not like disguising herself and coming up and yeah and i i actually watched the little mermaid last night i watched it this morning

oh nice nice so you're fresh fresh on it i watched 10 minutes of it while i was on a treadmill the other day so you didn't watch the whole thing no i saw it while i was at the gym and i was like oh yeah i guess i should watch that again and then didn't. So, but I've seen it so many times in my life. I think you get it. It's, you know, you know it, you know, the story already. The little mermaid was my sister's favorite fairy tale. Um, or at least her favorite Disney movie and favorite Disney princess. So I watched the little mermaid a thousand times. also fun fact had uh like hans christian anderson style stickers on my wall or maybe it was on my sister's wall for a long time so i'm really really familiar with this one also i'm danish i don't know if

i've ever mentioned that on the podcast you've mentioned it once or twice it's come up but i'm danish so i'm just, very familiar with the story. But it's always fun to read the actual one from Hans Christian Andersen. So I am reading The Little Mermaid. I put together a few different versions from different books. I have a bunch of Hans Christian Andersen books. And I kind of went through each one to make sure they all kind of meshed but I also cut out a lot I cut out so much from this book it was like 16 pages and I think I got it down to like just under 12 or just what was all the what was all the stuff you cut? So all the stuff that I cut out, I will summarize, but it is very poetic in true HCA fashion.

He waxes on and it's very pretty and a lot of like descriptions. So I cut a lot of shit out because it's very long. Okay, fantastic. So if you want to read it, it's available online for free.

You could read it pretty much anywhere if you want to get all it's available online for free you could read it pretty much anywhere if you want to get all of it but i'm just going to give you like mostly the important parts hit me because it's real long so let's do this the little mermaid far out in the ocean the water is as blue as the petals of the loveliest cornflower and as clear as the purest glass, but it is very deep too. It goes down deeper than any anchor rope will go and many, many steeples would have to be stacked one on top of the other to reach from the bottom to the surface of the sea.

It is down there that the seafolk live. Now don't suppose that there are only bare white sands at the bottom of the sea. No, indeed the most marvelous trees and flowers grow down there with such pliant stocks and leaves that the least stir in the water makes them move about as though they were alive. All sorts of fish, large and small, dart among the branches, just as birds flip through the

trees up here. From the deepest spot in the ocean rises the palace of the sea king. Its walls are made of coral and its high pointed windows of the clearest amber, but the roof is made of mussel shells that open and shut with the tide. It is a wonderful sight to see for every shell holds glistening pearls, any of which would be the pride of a queen's crown. Oh my gosh. Oh, I love this description.

Hans Christian Andersen was a fantastic fucking writer. Just this whole story is gorgeous from start to finish like the imagery of fish flitting through the tops of like undersea trees the way birds do just oh i love it yeah it's very pretty the whole story is like this and that's why i cut out so much of it so i hope that gives you an idea. Yeah, absolutely. The sea king down there had been a widower for years and his old mother kept house for him. She was a clever woman, but very proud of her noble birth. Therefore, she flaunted 12 oysters on her tail while the other ladies of the court were only allowed to wear six. Except for this, she was an altogether praiseworthy person,

particularly so because she was extremely fond of her granddaughters, the little sea princesses. Wow. Oh my gosh. There's more characters than I thought. I love that. The little mermaid has a grandmother. She has a grandmother and she gets more decorations than everybody does. Of course she does. What a queen. She's an absolute queen.

Just wait. They were six lovely girls, but the youngest was the most beautiful of them all, as always. Of course she was. As all the youngest are. Her skin was as soft and tender as a rose petalal and her eyes were as blue as the deep blue sea but like all the others she had no feet her body ended in a fishtail each little princess had her own small garden plot where she could dig and plant whatever she liked the youngest was an unusual child quiet and wistful like some bisexual disasters we know. Some sensitive artist types that may have written this story.

And while her sisters decorated their gardens with all kinds of odd things they'd found in second ships, she would allow nothing in hers except flowers as red as the sun and as pretty as a marble statue. That's so interesting. as the sun and as pretty as a marble statue. That's so interesting. That's already like a huge difference, like from the film to the, um,

to the actual story is like, it's her sisters that collect things that are found in sunken ships and she wants plants. Except this marble statue of a handsome boy. Oh, oh, nevermind. Nevermind. That she'll allow. But Oh, oh, nevermind. Nevermind.

That she'll allow. But also, um, I cut out a lot of talk about the red flowers, but I kind of wonder if that's why they have her hair be bright red in the movie, the Disney film. Cause she's really obsessed with these red flowers.

Cause they remind her of the bright red sun. Gotcha. Okay. Nothing gave the youngest princess such pleasure as to hear about the world of human beings above them. When you get to be 15, her grandmother said, you will be allowed to rise up out of the ocean and sit on the rocks in the moonlight

to watch the great ships sailing by. You will see woods and towns too. Ooh, so she has to wait to be 15. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so it's like a rite of passage to be able to go to the surface and observe the humans. Okay, not like totally forbidden,

100% at all. Yeah, absolutely. Because in the movie, it's like, no one does that. No one's allowed. Yeah, all right. Next year, one of her sisters would be 15 but the others well since each was a whole year older than the next the youngest still had five long years to wait until she could rise up from the water and see what our world was like

but each sister promised to tell the others about all that she saw and what she found most marvelous on her first day their grandmother had not told them half enough, and there were so many things that they longed to know about. The eldest princess. What? This is cute. I'm just, I'm enjoying it. That's all.

Oh, it's adorable. I love it. I love the sisters. They play a much bigger role in this story. The eldest princess turned 15 and heard music and church bells and the third sister swam up a river to see green hills palaces birds and in a small cove she found some human children she wanted to play with them but they took fright and ran away and the little block dog ran up and barked at her so she swam back to the sea. The fourth sister had stayed closer to home and she told them of the skies, ships from afar.

She saw some dolphins and whales. And finally, the fifth sister got to see the human world during the winter. So she saw huge icebergs, each glistening like a pearl and saw some sailors that happened to see her too. Ooh. But when they became grown-up girls who were allowed to go wherever they liked, they became indifferent to it. They would become homesick, and in a month, they said that there was no place like the bottom of the sea

where they felt so completely at home. This kind of reminds me. It's like rumspringa. Yeah, right. Yeah, go wherever you want. Experience whatever you would like to experience. But eventually, most people go home. You're going to come back.

Yeah. Yeah, totally. On many an evening, the older sisters would rise to the surface, arm in arm, all five in a row. They had beautiful voices, more charming than those of any mortal beings. Oh my God. Which is creepy as fuck. That's amazing. That's creepy as hell. Actual s against coming down to them. Oh my God. But people, which is creepy as fuck. That's amazing. That's creepy as hell. Actual sirens.

I love them. Yes. But people could not understand their song and mistook it for the voice of the storm, nor was it for them to see the glories of the deep. When their ship went down, they were drowned and it was as dead man that they reached the sea King's palace.

Okay. On the evenings when the mermaids rose to the water like this arm and arm the youngest sister stayed behind all alone looking after them and wanting to weep but a mermaid has no tears and therefore she suffers so much more wow oh yeah such a traumatic thing to say. We get into it. It gets real deep. Oh, how I wish I were 15, she said. I know I shall love that world up there and all the people who live in it. And at last, too, she came to be 15. she came to be 15. The little mermaid swam right up to the window of the main cabin of a ship and each time she rose with a swell she could peep in through the clear glass panes

of the crowd of brilliantly dressed people within. The handsomest of them all was a young prince with big dark eyes. He could not be more than 16 years old. It was his birthday, and that was the reason for all of the celebration. Ooh. Up on deck, the sailors were dancing,

and when the prince appeared among them, a hundred or more rockets flew through the air, making it as bright as day. These startled the little mermaid so badly that she ducked under the water, but she soon peeped up again, and then it seemed as if all the stars in the sky were falling around her. Never had she seen such fireworks. Oh, how handsome the young prince was. He laughed and he smiled and shook people by the hand.

While the music rang out in the perfect evening, the little mermaid could not take her eyes off the handsome prince. Ooh, of course not. Mm-hmm. That was going to be another one of my predictions that I was toying with and decided not to go with, which is like,

I don't, like, I can't remember, I didn't know if she actually met him on like a birthday cruise. Yeah, she totally did. But apparently he did. It's, a lot of it is like very, similar all right cool like it's pretty true to the story in my opinion

now the ship began to sail lightning flashed in the distance they were in for a terrible storm the tall ship pitched and rolled as it sped through the angry sea. The waves rose up like towering black mountains. To the little mermaid, this seemed good sport, but to the sailors, it was nothing of the sort. Now, the little mermaid saw

that people were in peril, and that she herself must take care to avoid the beams and wreckage tossed about by the sea. One moment, it would be as black as pitch, and she couldn tossed about by the sea one moment it would be as black as pitch and she couldn't see a thing next moment the lightning would flash so brightly that she could distinguish every soul on board she watched closely for the young prince and when the ship split in two she saw him sink into the sea at first she was overjoyed that he would be with her but then she recalled that human people could

not live under the water and he could only visit her father her father's palace as a dead man no not ideal he should not die uh-uh not my man so she swam in among all the floating planks and beams completely forgetting that they might crush her. She dived through the waves and rode their crests until at length she reached the young prince who was no longer able to swim in that raging sea. Oh, he got tired. I know, his arms and legs were

exhausted, his beautiful eyes were closing, and he would have died if the little mermaid had not come to help him. She held his head above the water and let the waves take them wherever the waves went. At daybreak, when the storm was over, not a trace of the ship was in view. The sun rose out of the waters,

bright and bright, and its beams seemed to bring the glow of life back into the cheek of the prince. But his eyes remained closed. The mermaid kissed his high and shapely forehead a high shapely forehead shapely forehead oh sexy as she stroked his wet hair in place it seemed to her that he looked like the marble statue in her little garden she kissed him again and hoped that he would live so yeah it's it's so much like the marble statue in her little garden. She kissed him again and hoped that he would live. So yeah, it's so much like the story, the Disney movie.

The longing. The absolute pining. The pining. She swam to shore with the handsome prince and stretched him out on the sand, taking special care to pillow his head up high in the warm sunlight. The little mermaid swam away behind some tall rocks that stuck out of the water. She covered her hair and her shoulders with foam so that no one could see her tiny face, and then she watched to see who would find the poor prince. In a little while, a young girl came upon him. She seemed frightened, but only for a minute. Then she called more people.

The little mermaid watched the prince regain consciousness and smiled at everyone around him. But he did not smile for her, for he did not even know that she had saved him. She felt very unhappy, and when they led him away to the big building, she dived sadly down into the

water and returned to her father's palace. Aw, it's okay, girl. Like, he was delirious and probably like a little hypothermic because he'd spent the night in stormy water. Also, he has no idea what a mermaid is. No idea. And also the ship split in two. Did anybody else survive? He's just thinking it's a freaking miracle at that point.

he's just thinking it's a freaking miracle at that point also like he is a prince he probably like thinks he is directly descended from god so probably god saved him he's probably a huge dick yeah he's just probably an asshole and he's also 16 i just got i'm just saying it's true teenagers man teenagers man sorry if you are a teenager but you are the worst you will get I'm just saying. It's true. Teenagers, man. Teenagers, man. Sorry if you are a teenager, but you are the worst. You will grow out of it. You'll grow out of it. We did. She had always been quiet and wistful, and now she became much more so. Her sisters asked her what she had seen on her first visit up to the surface, but she would not tell them a

thing. Many evenings and many mornings, she revisited the spot where she had left the prints. She saw the fruit in the garden ripened and harvested, and she saw the snow on the high mountain melted away, but she did not see the prints. So each time she came home sadder than she had left. It was her one consolation to sit in her little garden and throw her arms about the beautiful marble statue that looks so much like the prince. Oh my gosh. Wow. This is a very

long timeline. Seasons have been passing. Yep. Big, big feelings. The more the story goes on, the more i'm just kind of like oh yeah this is absolutely a story about like pining after a boy oh for sure big time but i also can see the other interpretation so you'll see that eventually finally she couldn't

bear it any longer she told her secret to one of her sisters. Immediately, all of the other sisters heard about it. No one else knew, except for a few more mermaids who told no one, except their most intimate friends. And one of these friends knew who the prince was. She, too, had seen the birthday celebration on the ship, and she knew where he came from and where his kingdom was. And in perfect Mermaids Are the Ultimate Hype Friends fashion, they all said, Come, little sister. Arm in arm, they rose from the water in a long row, right in front of where they knew the prince's palace stood.

This is so sweet. Mermaids are hype girls yes they are drunk girls in the bathroom that are here to validate you yes i absolutely love mermaids they're the best perfect so they're in front of the palace it was built of pale glistening golden stone with great marble staircases one of which led down to the sea magnificent gilt domes rose above the roof and between the pillars all around the building were marble statues that looked most lifelike through the clear glass of the lofty windows one could see into the splendid halls with their costly silk hangings and tapestries and walls covered with paintings that were delightful to behold.

Now that she knew where he lived, many an evening and many a night she spent there in the sea, pining for that human D. Oh. I added that last part. Amazing. Yes. Good rhyme. I like it.

amazing yes good rhyme i like it increasingly she grew to like human beings and more and more she longed to live among them there was so much she wanted to know her sisters could not answer all of her questions so she asked her old grandmother who knew all about the upper world, which was that she said was the right name for the countries above the sea. Did they replace the wise grandmother with Scuttle the seagull? Definitely. Who doesn't really know, but like knows. But like knows, kind of knows. Like knows the same way like an archaeologist knows about yeah ancient civilizations

exactly if men this is such a wild part if men aren't drowned the little mermaid asked do they live forever don't they die as we do down here in the sea yes the old lady said they too must die and their lifetimes are even shorter than ours. We can live to be 300 years old, but when we perish, we turn into mere foam on the sea, and haven't even a grave down here among our dear ones. We've no immortal soul, no life hereafter. We are like the green seaweed, once cut down, it never grows again. We are like the green seaweed once cut down and never grows again.

Human beings on the contrary have a soul which lives forever long after their bodies turn to clay. It rises through the thin air up to the shining stars. Just as we rise through the water to see the lands on earth. So men rise to the beautiful places unknown, which we shall never see. Okay. Uh, okay. Uh-huh. All right. Why weren't we given an immortal soul? The Little Mermaid sadly asked.

I would gladly give up my 300 years if I could be a human being only for a day and later share in that heavenly realm. Ew. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Well, here. All right. being only for a day and later share in that heavenly realm ew yeah okay well here all right now we're getting to sort of the more overt christian themes yep which like i'm trying i'm trying to not knock it like i it's not my thing for sure not my so this is definitely a part um a couple parts where i wrote in the notes, what the fuck? Yeah. You must not think about that, said the old lady.

We fare much more happily and are much better off than the folk up there. I mean, the thing is, I totally believe that. Under the sea. So she basically replaces Flounder Sebastian Sebastian, and the seagull. What was his name? Scuttle. Scuttle. And the Little Mermaid says,

Then I must also die and float up as foam upon the sea, not hearing the music of the waves and seeing neither the beautiful flowers nor the red sun. Can't I do anything to win an immortal soul no her grandmother answered not unless a human being loved you so much that you meant more to him than his father and mother if if his every thought and his whole heart cleave to you so that he would let a priest join his right hand to yours and would promise to be faithful here and throughout all eternity, then his soul would dwell in your body

and you would share in the same happiness of mankind. He would give you a soul and yet keep his own. But that can never come to pass the very thing that is your greatest beauty here in the sea your fishtail would be considered ugly on land they have such poor taste which is true true that to be thought beautiful there you have to have two awkward props which they call legs i mean again true absolutely legs are terrible the little mermaid sighed and looked unhappily at her fish tail can i i need to interject real quick yes please do just for a sec because that's a lot that's that was a lot that yeah yikes i don't know i hate that part a lot of that is pretty well. I don't know. I hate that part.

A lot of that is pretty. Well, the thing is like, as you're reading it, I like it as a metaphor for. Again, kind of like as a metaphor for queerness and queer and queer love. And like,

especially, especially like at the, in that time period when like that wasn't that wasn't like allowed in an open way i mean it was like during during that time period like obviously like homosexuality has always existed and people have always been gay and they've always found ways to like express that depending on sort of like what the what the cultural norms of their society were at the time. you could be valid if he loved you enough to forsake his parents and his society and every, and everything else that usually enforces certain rules upon you. Yeah.

And if he could love you enough, then, then you could be like valid and real and get like an immortal soul and i i don't know i love that you bring that up because literally the next part the old lady says come let us speak and my notes say yes queen and then it also says wait is hans christian anderson saying he thinks gay people don't have souls because that's definitely like the metaphor that i'm getting here i don't like i don't think that's exactly it i just i just think that like and i would need like we like obviously you and i are not like scholars about

christianity during the victorian period and how like people thought about gay people but but like if if it's if it's any if like our current climate um with like very religious people is anything to go off of yeah then like then yeah maybe not like that might be that might be sort of more what the thought was at the time and something that he was grappling with i don't know i love that though that's very much in line what i was thinking with this whole metaphor yeah or i don't know just kind of analyzing the story i don't really love analyzing stories that much. I really try to just take them and enjoy them. But this obviously, like, knowing enough about Hans Christian Andersen and how he was feeling at the time and...

Who he was pining after. Yeah, exactly. It makes it so interesting. It does. It adds another layer. It does. Absolutely. To what adds another layer. It does. Absolutely. To what this story means.

Yeah. No, I, I, I like it. So that's, I don't know. That's very interesting.

Well, come let us be gay. The old lady said, which I love, let us leap. And I mean, obviously it's meant to be like, you know,

let's gay, happy party. But also let's just be like you know let's gay happy party like but also let's just be gay let's be gay let us be gay everyone let us all be gay let us leap and bound throughout

the 300 years that we have to live surely that is time and to spare and afterwards we should be glad enough to rest in our graves we are holding a court ball this evening so there's a big party coming up excellent this is a much more glorious affair than is ever to be seen on earth i don't know i feel like i love the idea like that mermaids are like a metaphor for queer folk because also like it. Yes. Because also, like,

it immediately goes into, like, they're having a big party and, like, celebrating their 300 years. I don't know. It's just... The way, like, the ways in which they're different and will live life

differently and... Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Just a thought. I, too, love mermaids as a potential metaphor for gay people.

The little mermaid sang more sweetly than anyone else, and everyone applauded her. For a moment, her heart was happy because she knew she had the loveliest voice of all, in the sea or on the land. But her thoughts soon strayed to the world above. She could not forget the charming prince nor her sorrow that she did not have an immortal soul like his. Therefore, she stole out of her father's palace and while everything there was song and gladness, she sadly sat in her little garden. Then she heard a bugle call through the water and she thought, that must mean he is sailing up there, he whom I love more than my father or mother.

He whom I'm always thinking. And in whose hands I would so willingly trust my lifelong happiness. I dare do anything to win him and gain an immortal soul. While my sisters are dancing here in my father's palace, I shall visit the sea witch of whom I have always been so afraid. Perhaps she will be able to advise me and help me. Yeah, she will enter the sea witch, which I couldn't cut almost any of this out because it's just so great.

Excellent. Keep going. The little mermaid set out from her garden towards the whirlpools that raged in front of the witch's dwelling. She had never gone that way before. No flowers grew there, nor any seaweed. Bare and gray, the sands extended to the whirlpools, where like roaring mill weeds,

the waters whirled and snatched everything within their reach to the bottom of the sea. Between these tumultuous whirlpools, she had to thread her way to reach the witch's waters. This is cool is and then for a long stretch the only trail lay through a hot seething mire which the witch called her peat marsh nice nice nice nice this is so cool oh yeah oh yeah the description of this is like good imagery incredible beyond her house oh by the way this is basically um the ocean version of baba yaga

fantastic okay beyond it her house lay in the middle of a weird forest which i love weird forest i love that he used the word weird for that yeah where all the trees and shrubs were polyps half animal and half plant another thing that disney yes did they looked like hundred headed snakes growing out of the soil all of their branches were long slimy arms with fingers like wriggling worms they squirmed joint by joint from their roots to their outermost tentacles, and whatever they could lay hold of, they twined around and never let go. The little mermaid was terrified, but thought of the prince and summoned her courage. She bound her long flowing locks closely about her head so that the polyps could not catch a hold of them, folded her arms across her breast and darted through the water.

She saw that every one of them held something that had caught with its hundreds of little tentacles and to which it clung as with strong hoops of steel. The white bones of men who had perished at sea and sunk into the depths could be seen in the polyps' arms. Ships' rudders and seamen's chests and skeletons of land animals had also

fallen into their clutches but the most ghastly sight of all was a little mermaid who they had caught and strangled oh shit that's so gnarly it's so spooky this is a bad place it is a it is you shouldn't be here i also have some cool artwork from one of my older books um that i'll post to the instagram i'm so excited to see it oh my god she reached a large muddy clearing in the forest where big fat water snakes slithered about showing their foul yellow, yellowish bellies. In the middle of this clearing was a house built of the bones of shipwrecked men. Fuck yes. And there sat the sea witch, letting a toad eat out of her mouth,

just as we might feed sugar to a little canary bird. She called the ugly, fat water snakes her little chickabitties and let them crawl and sprawl about her spongy bosom oh my god fucking ursula baby hell yeah calling flotsam and jepson her poopsies it's so good amazing yes i love that her house is built from bones like yes that's like drowned sailors i think hell yes i want more artwork of this yes absolutely because she does she sounds he sounds like he got this straight from folktales from baba yaga yeah i know exactly what you want,

said the sea witch. It is very foolish of you, but just the same. You shall have your way for it will bring you grief, my proud princess. I love that she's just like, yeah, I'll give it to you.

I'll give it to you. Because I hate you. Yeah. I hate everything about your whole deal. And this, this will make you miserable. So I am going to do this for you. Yeah. I hate everything about your whole deal. And this will make you miserable. So I am going to do this for you. Again, the best part of The Little Mermaid in the original book is also

the sea witch. Yeah. Yep. The sea witch is the best part of any Little Mermaid retelling. Yep. Absolutely. You want to get rid of your fishtail and have two props instead so that you can walk about like a human creature and have the young prince fall in love with you and win him like an immortal soul besides. At this, the witch gave such a loud cackling laugh that the toad and snakes were shaken to the ground where they lay writhing. Also, there's a toad at the bottom of the sea. I love toads. Toads have to be in fairy tales. Me too. But also, wow, this toad is holding its breath for a while.

Maybe it's dead. I don't know. It's a sea toad. Sea toad, whatever. It's magic. What does the witch have on her toad? Magic. I shall compound you a potion, said the witch with on her toad magic I shall compound you a potion said the witch and before

sunrise you must swim to the shore with it sit yourself on dry land and drink it down then your tail will divide and shrink until it becomes what the people on earth call a pair of shapely legs a pair oh yes make sure to include the word shapely legs. A pair? Oh, yes, make sure to include the word

shapely in there. I'm gonna give you hot legs. Ah, yeah, she is. But it will hurt. It will feel as if a sharp sword slashed through you. Everyone who sees you will say that you are the most graceful human being that they've ever laid eyes

on. But every step you take will feel as if you were treading upon knife blades so sharp that blood must flow. I'm willing to help you, but are you willing to suffer all this? Yeah. Yes. Oh,

no, honey. No, honey. She thought of the prince and of gaining a human soul. No, go back to the mer people b3 live to 300 become seafoam it's fine they add like she cares so much suddenly about gaining a human soul and she has

just heard of it like she had just discovered this thing about a soul that she doesn't really know what it is because no one does yeah and yet now she's obsessed with desperately wants one yeah yeah weird i don't love that i don't love it um i did know i did know i did know about the like the walking on needles and feeling like uh yeah like she's walking on knives yeah like feeling like you're walking on knives like i did know about that if it really felt like that she wouldn't be walking as much as she does i'm just saying absolutely not no nope but i feel like again that's probably anderson's like being really dramatic yeah yes like the being in that being in this person's presence is going to feel like you're walking on a thousand knives like anyway anyway remember said the witch once you have taken a human form you can never be a mermaid again you can never come back through the waters to your sisters or to your father's palace and if

you do not win the love of the prince so completely that for your sake he forgets his father and mother, cleaves to you with every thought and his whole heart, and lets the priest join your hands in marriage, then you will win no immortal soul. If he marries someone else, your heart will break the very next morning and you will become foam of the sea. I shall take the risk, said the little mermaid. No! No boy is worth it. As pale as death.

I agree. Also, I don't love the whole like he loves you more than his mother or father. I don't know. It's just like I don't like any of it I don't like I because I'm in I'm in such two different places with it like on one hand like taking this taking the story straightforwardly as the story of a girl who is throwing it all away for a boy like throwing her entire life away for a boy i hate it yeah as the story of a of

it being a metaphor for hans for hans's like forbidden love with this guy that doesn't love him back and that for him to love him back would require sort of forsaking his own community um i like it better that's true yeah like i'm but i'm but i but i keep flipping back and forth over how i'm interpreting the story because on one hand it's a very straightforward story about a mermaid who wants to marry a boy and she's willing to throw it all away and then the under the the subtext is like forbidden love. Yeah. That makes it, it hits different.

It does like forbidden love for which extreme constant pain might be worth it. Yeah. In a, in a metaphorical sense, like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

I keep, I keep flipping back and forth. The gaining the human soul is what gets to me the most. I don't know. I don't know. I keep, I keep flipping back and forth. The gaining the human soul is what gets to me the most. I don't know. It's just, it's, it's at that point, it seems like something different.

Like you're not really doing it for love. You're doing it to get us human soul, which I don't know. Yeah. It's so deep. I do. I mean, I don't know what Yeah. It's so deep. I do. I mean, I don't know what to think. I don't know what to think of the immortal soul bit.

Like, I don't know. Yeah. No reference point. Well, the witch isn't going to do all this for nothing. Of course not. So she says, also, you will have to pay me. And it is no trifling price that I'm asking. You have the sweetest voice of anyone down here at the bottom of the sea.

And while I don't doubt that you would like to captivate the prince with it, you must give this voice to me. I will take the very best thing that you have in return. I must pour my own blood in it to make the drink as sharp as a two-edged sword. But if you take my voice, the little mermaid said, what will be left to me?

You'll have your looks, your pretty face, and don't underestimate the power of body language. Body language. She basically says that. Okay.

Does she say the men up there don't like a lot of blabber? No, she doesn't. But she's probably not wrong. With these, you can easily enchant a human heart. Well, have you lost your courage? Stick out your little tongue and I shall cut it off. I'll have my price and you shall have the potion. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, I forgot that it was because she cut her tongue out. Yeah. It's not like a magic spell. She cuts her tongue out. She fucking cuts it right out. Ugh. So not even like does she just lose her voice and can't speak but she's also mutilated yeah like how do you eat with no tongue

like that's a good question like i mean you know just kind of the mechanics of it of trying to imagine not being able to move food around your mouth using your tongue right like you put you put food in like the empty cavity of your mouth socket and and like have to angle like have to like swish your have to swish your head around to get it into your teeth and then like knock it back once you're done like i'm thinking about it too much i mean it sounds it sounds really awful. It does sound awful. And also, if you take, it feels like knives. I mean, this deal doesn't- It's not worth it.

And also, you're banking on the fact that somebody's going to fall in love with you. I feel like that's just a bad idea. It's just a bad idea. Ooh. The witch hung her cauldron over the flames to brew the potion. Cleanliness is a good thing, she said, as she tied her snakes in a knot and scoured the pot with them. Which I really like. Then she pricked herself in the chest and let her black blood splash into the cauldron.

Spooky. Steam whirled up from it in such ghastly shapes that anyone would have been terrified by them. The witch constantly threw new ingredients into the cauldron and it started to boil. When the potion was ready at last, it looked as clear as the purest water. Which, I mean, which doesn't look like anything because you're in the ocean and you're already in a bunch of water. You're already surrounded by water. So it's just. Yeah.

Okay. There's your potion potion said the witch and she cut off the tongue of the little mermaid who now could neither sing nor talk if the polyps should pounce on you when you walk back through my wood the witch said just spill a drop of this brew upon them and their tentacles will break into a thousand pieces but there was no need of that for the polyps curled up in terror as soon as they saw the bright potion. They glittered in the little mermaid's hands as if they were a shining star. So she soon traversed the forest, the marsh, and the place of the raging whirlpools. She could see her father's palace. Her heart felt as if it would break with grief.

She tiptoed into the garden, took one flower from each of her little sister's plots, blew a thousand kisses towards the palace, then mounted up through the dark blue sea. Oh, this is so sad. It's very sad. What a sad story. Very appropriate for a fairy tale fix winter holiday story. It just gets sadder.

Because it's breaking my heart. It gets so much sadder. The sun had not yet risen when she saw the prince's palace. As she climbed his splendid marble staircase, the moon was shining clear. The little mermaid swallowed the bitter fiery potion and it was as if a two-edged sword stuck through her frail body she swooned away and lay there as if she were dead when the sun rose over the sea when the sun rose over the sea she awoke and felt a flash of pain, but directly in front of her stood the handsome young prince

gazing at her with his coal black eyes. Which I think coal black eyes is interesting for the prince. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. That's a choice. Different. Well, I don't know. Maybe, um... It's very specific, that's all. I'm wondering

what color eyes did, uh... Maybe Edward Colin probably had, like, very dark eyes. I'm wondering what color eyes did... Maybe Edward Cullen probably had like very dark eyes. Right. Lowering her gaze, she saw that her fishtail was gone and that she had the loveliest pair of white legs any young maiden could hope to have. I just, sorry, I just realized. I think I said, I said Edward Cullen. I meant Edvard Cullen. I said Edward Cullen. I meant Edvard Cullen. I think you said Edvard Cullen, but when you said that, I was thinking Edward Cullen and I was like, wow, with cold black eyes.

With cold black eyes. Sounds about right. Yeah, absolutely. Now I'm wondering, I just don't think Stephanie Meyer was that smart. Oh, right. So I don't think it was actually named that. But never mind. Anyway, sorry. I know. I heard the same thing. I was like, is that the vampire from Twilight?

Okay, go on. But she was naked, so she clothed herself in her own long hair. Oh, so very like Venus, like the Venus painting, like we're Aphrodite coming out of the sea yep which by the way uh that's probably one of my favorite parts of the movie is when she's

wearing that big like burlap sack and she's like she's like i don't know moving all around like she feels so sexy i feel like that's yeah like she's piling her hair on top of her head and like posing in this like dress made out of sailcloth. Yeah. Like she's so confident. Yeah, I love that for her. I do think that part's really funny. It's very cute. The prince asked who she was and how she came to be there.

Her deep blue eyes looked at him tenderly, but very sadly, for she could not speak. Then he took her hand and led her into his palace. Every footstep felt as if she were walking on blades and points of sharp knives, just as the witch had foretold, but she gladly endured it. Which...

Ugh. No. She moved as lightly as a bubble and she walked beside the prince. Once clad in the rich silk garments that were provided for her, she was the loveliest person in all of the palace. She could neither sing nor speak, but beautiful servants attired in silken cloth of gold came to sing before the prince and his royal parents.

One of them sang more sweetly than all the others, and when the prince smiled at her and clapped his hands, the little mermaid felt very unhappy. Yeah, of course. She knew that she herself could sing better. Which I think is really funny. She does get, like, really bummed about

it. It's like, oh, if he likes singing so much. She's like, oh, if he likes singing so much. She's like, oh, me. I can do it so much better. Oh, if only he knew that I parted with my voice forever so that I could be near him. It's also, she also has a lot of feelings of like, I gave up all this stuff and he doesn't even know it, which I think is a little bit toxic, but yeah,

that'll become a little bit clearer later. I think. Yeah, absolutely. I see what you mean. Yeah. Graceful servants now began to dance to the most wonderful music. And then the little mermaid lifted her shapely white arms,

rose up to the tips of her toes and skimmed over the floor. No one had ever danced so well. Each movement set off her beauty to better and better advantage. And her eyes spoke more directly to the heart than any of the singing servants could do. So I guess she thinks she's better than the servants. A little snotty, the mermaid. Yeah.

I guess she is a princess, though, you know? I guess. Yeah. Makes sense. She charmed everyone, and especially the prince, who called her his dear little foundling. She danced time and time again, though every time she touched the floor, it felt as if she were treading on a sharp-edged steel. The prince said he would keep her with him always and that she was to have a velvet pillow to sleep on outside his door. Understand that sentence very well, but it sounds like you're like, oh, you don't think.

Like a dog? Yeah. Outside your door. I don't, I don't, but, um, like a,

yeah. Oh no. I don't. Okay. So he's definitely not thinking of her as a romantic prospect then. Yeah. Cause he's calling her like a little foundling, of her as a romantic prospect then yeah because he's calling her like a little foundling which is practically calling her like a weird orphan child that i found yeah and he's he she's a

curiosity and a pet not a like actual person yeah he this is the part you mentioned earlier um he had a page's suit made for her so that she could go with him on horseback and they would ride through the sweet scented woods where the green boughs brushed her shoulders and where the little birds sang among the fluttering leaves oh that's cool i'm i'm happy for her to get the experience of going and seeing the upper world yes i think i cut some out right here but basically it's like a montage of their friendship and like they just become really really close and she gets to explore the world and she really loves it okay which is wonderful so she's she's really getting like the human experience and she she's just the happiest she's ever been

which is also in the disney movie where she like, you know, in the carriage and she, you know, like whips the horse or whatever and makes him ride a monster. So I do love that. I like that part. I think that's really sweet. I do love that it spends time on their like her relationship to him and yeah, that they actually spend a lot of time together. Yeah. They are inseparable.

They're besties basically. Again, just as a metaphor for like Hans feeling like he was really close with this other boy. Yeah. And it's romantic one way and not the other. Unrequited love is just, it's hard. It's so hard. Not that I would know because it's always required for you. I'm totally kidding.

That is not true. But it's rough for sure. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. I don't know why I made that joke. It's so funny. I love you so much. I know an idiot. I'm sorry. I don't know why I made that joke. It was so funny. I love you so much. I know, right?

At home in the prince's palace, while the others slept at night, she would go down the broad marble steps to cool her burning feet in the cold seawater. And then she would recall those who lived beneath the sea. This is my favorite part. One night, her sisters came by arm in arm, singing sadly as they breasted the sea. This is my favorite part. One night, her sisters came by arm in arm, singing sadly as they breasted the waves. When she held out her hands toward them, they knew who she was, and they

told her how unhappy she had made them all. Yeah! Which, good! Sisters have to kill you sometimes. You didn't even say goodbye? Bitch! Bitch! You didn't even say goodbye. What are you doing? Come on. It's also, it's the job of your sisters to tell you when it's like, for him? Yeah, for that guy. Are you kidding? Although I do also love that as soon as they were like, what, you like this guy?

They immediately found out where he lived and then took her to him which is very cute very cute mermaids i just i love them so much i love it they came to see her every night after that and once far far out to sea she saw her old grandmother who had not been up to the surface in many a year with her was the sea king with Oh, dad finally shows up. And it's just, that's like really all they say about the king. Like he is not in it very much. And I wrote in my notes, fuck this little bitch for leaving her family for a piece of hot princess because it makes me so sad

like they all come up and they're like what did you do they just they miss her so much and it makes that that's like the saddest part of the story to me oh god it's heartbreaking like leaving that she left her entire family behind her entire community her entire like

way of being for someone who doesn't love her i don't know that just part really bothers me yeah oh it's so sad it's very sad because they love her so much they do her sisters love her they love her so much oh that's breaking my heart hans so day after day she became more dear to the prince who loved her as one would love a good little child but he never thought of making her his queen yet she had to be his wife or she would never have an immortal soul and on the morning his wedding, she would turn to foam on the waves. But don't you love me? Best of all,

the little mermaid's eyes seemed to question him when he took her in his arms and kissed her lovely forehead. Oh, oh, this, oh my God, it hurts. It hurts.

It hurts. It hurts. The, oh my God, like getting, getting a kiss, but it's not the kind of kiss that you want because this person doesn't feel about you like that like it's just yeah Hans fucking knew it absolutely like experience this 100 yes you are most dear to me

said the prince for you have the kindest heart. You love me more than anyone else does, and you look so much, I hate this, and you look so much like a young girl I once saw, but shall never find again. I was on a ship that was wrecked. She looks exactly like her! It's weird. You look like this girl

that saved me from a shipwreck. Maybe it's the same girl! Go on. Sorry. And anyway, now he talks about how the waves casted him ashore

near a temple where young girls found him. And he just basically recounts the day that he was saved by her. And he says, though I saw her no more than twice, she is the only person in all the world whom I could love. But you are so much like her that you almost replace the memory of her in my heart. She belongs to that holy temple. Therefore, it is my good fortune that I have you.

We shall never part. Alas, he doesn't know it was I who saved his life. The little mermaid thought probably like so frustrated. If it looks like her, don't you think? I think Abby's like shaking with rage or that's the screens really fuzzy, but it looks like you're just like, ah, yeah,

I am like, I'm just shaking my hands. I'm like, God damn it. Like, I know how it ends. I just want it to work out. Like. I don't know. That's not my fix for it. But we'll talk about that later.

All right. Go on. I think you can guess my fix as soon as you hear a certain part. Anyway. All right, go on. I think you can guess my fix as soon as you hear a certain part. Anyway. Alas, he doesn't know it was I who saved his life, the little mermaid thought.

I carried him over the sea guard where the temple stands. I hid behind the foam and watched to see if anyone would come. I saw the pretty maid he loves better than me. Asaya was the only sign of her deep distress for a mermaid cannot cry. She can't cry. She's still like a mermaid. She's still a mermaid in her heart, I guess. She doesn't have like an immortal soul either.

Oh, so she can't cry? Yeah. She still can't cry, which to Hans Christian Andersen is worse. Yeah. She still can't cry, which to Hans Christian Andersen is worse. Yeah. He says that the other maid belongs to the Holy Temple. She will never come out into the world, so they will never see each other again. It is I who will care for him, love him, and give all my life to him.

Now, rumors arose that the prince was to wed a beautiful daughter of a neighboring king, and that it was for this reason he was having such superb ship made ready to sail. The rumor ran that the prince's real interest in visiting the neighboring kingdom was to see the king's daughter, that he was to travel with a lordly retinue.

The little mermaid to make sure she's not an uggo. I don't know, I just like... You don't want to get Anna-pleaved. Yeah. mermaid to make sure she's not an uggo i don't know i just like you don't want to get uh and yeah everyone in fairy tales story wait what so uh when henry the eighth was like getting ready to marry again again he's the he's the english king that cut all of his wives' heads off, et cetera. Yes. Slash created the concept of divorce within Christianity. I didn't know that. Yeah.

England was a Catholic country until Henry VIII wanted to divorce his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, so that he could marry his mistress, Anne Boleyn. Well, he hadn't killed anybody yet. Oh, okay. could marry his mistress Anne Boleyn. Well, he hadn't killed anybody yet. He wanted to marry Anne Boleyn and the Pope would not grant him a divorce and so England seceded from the Catholic Church and created their own church of which the

king is the head of the church and so he pronounced himself divorced from Catherine and married Anne Boleyn. Anyway, later, after Anne Boleyn's dead and he's already married another lady and she died, he got a portrait of Anne of Cleves. I think it's Anne of Cleves. He got like an old school nude. Yeah, he got like a portrait because it was customary to exchange portraits. How long like Tinder would take in those times?

Yes, exactly. It's like Tinder. And then mail it off. It's like Tinder, but like it takes weeks before you can actually see someone's picture. And she was painted way hotter in her picture than she actually was. So that when she arrived. Exactly. But you Photoshop yourself and then you actually show up for the date.

You're only going to post the good pictures. Yeah, exactly. So he was actually very disappointed with her looks when he actually met her in person. Anyway, sorry, that's a total tangent, but yes. No, I missed it. That's so funny. I love that. So the prince wants to make sure he's not being Anne of Cleved. Definitely. Everyone in fairy tales is very shallow. I mean, I guess I would be the same way probably. Like, I want to see first who is this person. But it's just a nice way of saying it, I guess.

Okay. So he wants to see the king's daughter. Yes. To see the king's daughter. His real interest in visiting. Which, you know what? I'm being very judgmental. That's fair.

That's fair. You want to lay eyeballs on the person who you're going to marry? That's fair. Yep. Well, the little mermaid shook her head and smiled, for she knew the prince's thoughts far better than anyone else did. I'm forced to make this journey, he told her. I must visit the beautiful princess. Oh, no. I have to must visit the beautiful princess. Oh, no.

I have to go see the beautiful princess. This is my parents' wish. But they would not have me bring her home as my bride against my own will. And I can never love her. She does not resemble the lovely maiden in the temple as you do. Not like you. It's really weird. You remind me so much of her.

You look like her exactly. Which is also very true to the Disney version of the movie. Yes, he says pretty much exactly the same thing. Yeah, because the Ursula,

like, oh, but she uses the voice, not like the way she looks instead. Yeah, he recognizes the voice more than he recognizes the face. But that's a really,

that's such a clever way that Disney added this part into the story, I think. It makes it make more sense. Yeah, for sure. That he fell in love with the voice and not necessarily with the face. So even though she resembles that person, she can't speak, which means she couldn't possibly be her. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So anyway. Yeah. can't speak which means she couldn't possibly be her yeah yeah i'm right so anyway and and also i hate the prince for this because he's just very much stringing her along and if i were to choose a bride says the prince i would sooner choose you my dear mute foundling

with those telling eyes of yours and he kissed her the mouth, fingered her long hair and laid his head and laid his head against her heart. So that she came to dream of mortal happiness and an immortal soul. So just kind of springing her along. Yeah. So like, I love you. Asshole. Yeah.

Not a fan. I trust you. Aren't afraid of the sea my silent child he said as they went on board of the magnificent vessel that was to carry them to the land of the neighboring king and he told her stories of storms of ships becalmed and of strange deep sea fish and of the wonders that divers had seen she smiled at such stories for no one knew about the bottom of the sea as well as she did. Mansplaining the ocean to me.

Mansplaining the sea to a mermaid. I love that. Of course he would be mansplaining the sea to a mermaid. Naturally. She literally can't tell him. Yeah. He doesn't know that she's a mermaid. But I guess it's technically not mansplaining.

Technically not. He there was there's no way for him to know that she already knows. It's not a situation where like a woman has a doctorate in the in the subject that she is being educated on, quote unquote. But it is funny. It is is which is obviously why it's in the story anyway in the clear moonlight when everyone except the man at the helm was asleep she sat on the side of the ship gazing down through the transparent water and through the transparent water and fancy that she could catch glimpses of her father's palace. On the topmost tower stood her old grandmother wearing her silver crown and looking up the keel of the ship through the rushing waves. Then her sisters rose to the surface, looked at her sadly and wrung their white hands. She smiled and waved, trying to let them know that all was well and that she was happy.

Oh, she's lying. She's so sad. But along came the cabin boy and her sisters dived out of sight so quickly that the boy supposed the flash of white he had seen was merely foam on the sea. Next morning, the ship came into the harbor of the neighboring king's glorious city. The little mermaid was so curious to see how beautiful this princess was. Yeah, she was. Yeah, she was.

Bitch. And she had to grant that a more exquisite figure she had never seen. So she was pretty. She was pretty hot. The princess's skin was clean and fair, and behind her long dark lashes, her deep blue eyes were smiling and devoted.

It was you, the prince cried, because he's an idiot. You're the one who saved me when I lay like a dead man beside the sea. And she doesn't say anything either. He clasped the blushing bride of his choice in his arms. Oh, I'm happier than a man should be, he told his little mermaid. The little mermaid kissed his hands and felt that her heart was beginning to break, for the morning after his wedding day would see her dead and turn to watery foam. All the church bells rang out and heralds rode through the streets to announce the wedding. The priests swung their censers and the bride and bridegroom joined their hands, and the bishop blessed their marriage.

The little mermaid, clothed in silk and cloth of gold, held the bride's train, which I also really hate. Yeah. But she was deaf to the wedding march and blind to the holy ritual. Yeah. were lighted and the mariners merrily danced on the deck. The little mermaid could not forget the first time she rose from the depths of the sea and looked upon with such pomp and happiness. She joined the dance and her tender feet felt as if they were pierced by daggers, but she did not feel

it. Her heart suffered far greater pain. She knew that this was the last evening that she would ever see him, for whom she had forsaken her home and her family and for whom she had sacrificed her lovely voice and suffered such constant torment while he knew nothing of all these things which really isn't his fault but yeah that does fucking suck it does fucking suck like it just it just straight up sucks yeah the merrymaking lasted long after midnight yet she laughed and danced on despite the thought of death she carried in her heart

the prince kissed his beautiful bride and she toyed with his coal black hair hand in hand they went to rest in the magnificent pavilion a hush came over the ship only the helmsman remained on deck as the little mermaid leaned her white arms over the bulwarks and looked to the east to see the first red hint of daybreak for she knew that the first flash of the sun would strike her dead then she saw her sisters rise up among the waves they were as pale as she and there was no sign of their lovely long hair that the breezes used to flow it had all been cut off oh what we have given our hair that the breezes used to flow. It had all been cut off. Oh. What? We have given our

hair to the witch, they said, so that she would send you help and save you from death tonight. Because they're the ultimate hype girls. They're so good. They love her so much. The sea witch gave us a knife. Before

sun rises, you must strike it into the prince's heart. And when his warm blood bathes your feet, they will grow together and become a fishtail. And then you will be a mermaid again, able to come back to us in the sea and live out your 300 years before you die and turn into dead salt seafoam. Make haste.

He or you must die before sunrise. Our old grandmother is so grief-stricken that her white hair is falling fast just as our did under the witch's scissors kill the prince to come back to us hurry hurry so saying they gave a strange deep sigh and sank beneath the waves do it kill him can you guess my fix yes I can the little mermaid parted the purple curtains of the tent and saw

the beautiful bride asleep with her head on the prince's breast the mermaids bent down and kissed his shapely forehead I don't know why shapely forehead makes me laugh. I think Hans loved himself a nice forehead. Yeah, he did. That's the second mention of the forehead being

very shapely. You know, Danish people have very big foreheads. I do too. We call it our five head. Five head? Why five head? Because instead of four heads, it's five heads. It's really dumb. I'm sorry.

Wow. Us Danes have big foreheads, though. The little mermaid looked at the sky, fast reddening for the break of day. She looked at the sharp knife and again turned her eyes toward the prince, who in his sleep murmured the name of his bride. His thoughts were all for her, and the knife blade trembled in the mermaid's hand. Yeah. over the bulwarks to the sea and felt her body dissolve in foam. The sun rose up from the waters. Its beams fell warm and kindly upon the chill sea foam, and the little mermaid did not feel the hand of death. In the bright sunlight overhead, she saw hundreds of fair, ethereal beings. They were so transparent that through them,

she could see the ship's white sails and the red clouds in the sky their voices were sheer music but so spirit-like that no human ear could detect the sound without wings they floated as light as the air itself the little mermaid discovered that she was shaped like them and that she was gradually rising up out of the foam oh who are you she asked and her voice sounded like those above her so spiritual that no music on earth could match it and this is how i imagine them sounding we are the daughters of the air they answered i'm not gonna say the whole line like that but that's how i imagine them a mermaid has no immortal soul and can never get

one unless she wins the love of a human being her eternal life must depend on a power outside herself the daughters of the air do not have an immortal soul either but they can earn one by their good deeds we fly to the south where the hot poisonous air kills human beings unless we cool the breezes we carry the scent of flowers through the air bringing freshness and healing balm wherever we go when for 300 years we have tried to do all the good that we can we are given an immortal soul and can share mankind's eternal bliss. You, poor little mermaid, have tried with your whole heart to do this. Your whore heart? Basically.

And that's not wrong. You're suffering. Sorry. Start over. This part's really hard when for 300 years we have tried to do all the good that we can we are given an immortal soul

and share in mankind's eternal bliss you poor little mermaid have tried with your whole heart to do this too your suffering and your loyalty have raised you up to the realm of airy spirits and now in the realm of airy spirits. And now in the course of 300 years, you may earn by your good deeds a soul that will never die.

The little mermaid lifted her clear, bright eyes towards God's sun. And for the first time, her eyes were wet with tears. time her eyes were wet with tears on board the ship was a stir and lively again she saw the prince and his fair bride in search of her they gazed sadly into the seething foam as if they knew she had hurled herself into the waves unseen by them she kissed the bride's forehead smiled upon the prince and rose up with the other daughters of the air to the rose-red clouds that sailed on high. This is the way that we shall rise to the kingdom of God after 300 years have passed. We may get there even sooner, one spirit whispered. Unseen, we fly to the homes of men where there are children, and for every day in which we find a good child who pleases his parents and preserves their love god shortens our day our days of trial oh my god this is the paragraph i

messaged to you i think i remember this i forgot this was in here the child does not know when we float through their room but when we smile at them in approval one year is taken from our 300 but if we see a naughty mischievous child we must shed tears of sorrow and each tear adds a day to the time of our trial the end jesus christ i forgot about the final paragraph oh where it becomes a meta, where it just becomes a cautionary tale to children about like, if you're not a good kid, the little mermaid is never going to go to heaven.

Little mermaid's not going to get into heaven because, or it's going to take her longer because of you. Because of you. Naughty child. Oh my gosh. Traumatizing. Wow. Whew.

That was very long. The original is much longer. It was originally 16 pages. I cut it down to like 11 and a quarter. I am so impressed with you because like that was already – like that felt really cohesive. Like it didn't really feel like anything – like nothing really missing okay to me so yeah i mean it's really just a lot of like beautiful poetic and he talks about the sisters and what they see in like much more detail so i really summarize that into one paragraph instead of five and i love that they give her an option like they went to the sea witch to ask for help like I love

that so much obviously that's my fix is that um not even necessarily that she kills the prince I also think it would be really funny if the sisters just decided to kill the prince themselves I do like that I love I love that of the sisters just killed friends. Like as soon as the little mermaid here turns to sea film, all of the mermaids just cause a shipwreck and kill everyone on board. I think that's a great ending. That's funny. I like that. For me? Yeah. It's terrible for a lot of other people. Absolutely. I don't know how that is for a modern audience. Because obviously, there's so much about it that I hate for a modern audience. I hate that the Little Mermaid gives up who she is. Apparently, with someone's analysis, it's't it sounds like that's not the way to let yourself grow is to like be obsessive over someone or give up who you are and try i don't know like give it all up for like religious beliefs too giving yourself a way to please you know a god or whatever to get an immortal soul that really

bothers me for me a little bit like of a metaphor of like i don't know maybe telling queer people that they need to be different in order to gain an immortal soul and i hate that yeah that they currently don't have one i don't know it't know. It's kind of hard to know. I don't know. That bit definitely makes me uncomfortable as well. I've always disliked the idea that people who – because that's the implication, is that people who aren't Christianian or observing observing christianity the way that i think victorian danish society are like don't have immortal souls like don't

don't have a guarantee of heaven yeah but they can potentially become worthy of heaven through good deeds or, or conversion maybe. Yeah. Um, I, I also, that also makes me uncomfortable. I don't,

I don't love that as a theme. I think I've always found that confusing and upsetting that like the concept that no matter how good you are in every other way, if you're not Christian, you're not, you're not really good. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, that totally makes me uncomfortable.

I think fixing it for a modern audience does include kind of getting rid of that theme and potentially replacing it with, I don't even know, something else, like something more self-actualizing yeah I mean honestly I think the Disney ending is really cute where they just end up together and it's like nice but if you had to have like a version where they don't end up together I just like the idea of her dying and then her sisters kill him. Like. You see, I don't.

I actually, I actually really love the, I love the way this story ends. I, I, I genuinely. Minus the ethereal beings part. Or do you like that too? Maybe. I don't even hate that really. I hate that it's in the pursuit of heaven. I don't even hate that really. I hate that it's in the pursuit of heaven. You know, I don't love that it's in the pursuit of a Christian idea of what a good person is. But I do love the idea. Oh, I'm such a sucker. I'm such a sucker for love that ends badly stories. I love them. Pining is one of my favorite tropes in romantic stories. And I love the idea of your – wow, I might actually get a little teary. I've had a lot of wine. Good. Excellent. It's Christmas episode. It's Christmas. I'm going to cry a little.

Your life didn't turn out the way you thought or the way you wanted, but it was still worth it to you? Yeah, yeah. And also, life in some form goes on. That's true. Yeah, in some form goes on. That's true. Yeah. In some form. I love that.

And you can continue to work on yourself, be a good person. It's just that like this particular dream didn't work out. Which they often do. You get a new dream. Like, and you work a new dream. Like, and you work on that instead. And,

and, and you can, and I love, I love the sort of like various transformations that she goes through in, in pursuit of, of new goals and new things that make her curious and new things that she wants to achieve. I'm uncomfortable with it being an immortal soul as the ultimate goal.

Like that's, that's very yikes to me, but I, but I do, I don't know. I love that. Like she loves him enough to let him go. Yeah.

And go be something else. Yeah. That is also fulfilling. Aw. I love it so much. You're so thoughtful. You're so sweet. I love it.

I'm just like, yeah, kill him. Ha ha ha. And you're just like. I think it's a beautiful story. Yeah, it really is. It's absolutely beautiful. There's a reason why everybody knows The Little beautiful story. Yeah, it really is. It's absolutely beautiful. There's a reason why everybody knows The Little Mermaid.

Yeah. I don't know. I like it. I don't know. The only part I would change is the end goal. Like, I don't – that's the fix for me is not making it like – Yeah, just kind of the wording yeah about about gaining a soul because that's like the the distinction of like a worthy person

but the rest of it i actually really like i love abby's wiping away tears if i could cry and I were feeling being Abby too. Well, because also my opinion of the story depends – like it depends on how I'm thinking of it, right? Like as a straightforward story of a girl who throws it all away for a boy and then jumps into the sea. Yeah. I don't like it as much as a story. That's a metaphor about probably helped Anderson like move on and move on and find some sort of closure. Yes.

Yeah, definitely. A story about like a story about unreciprocated love, Yeah, definitely. commit to this like you forsake your your community or and your family of origin um which like not all the time and and as like modern society progresses increasingly less but that's so very much a reality for a lot of people yeah um so so this story as a metaphor for sort of like a forbidden, unrequited, like queer love. I really like it. I like it a lot. I think it's a great story.

I don't love it as a straightforward story of a girl who like dies because the boy she likes won't marry her. I mean, those were just the rules. It's not necessarily that she like just straight up died because he didn't love her. No, but I do love – She just took the – she was willing to take the risk for it. She was willing to risk it. But as a straightforward story, that's dumb. Girls, don't do that. No boy is ever worth it. where the relationship itself causes you – the existence of the relationship has the potential to cause you daily pain

in a very sort of existential way. Yeah. But that might be worth it to you. I fucking love it. The Little Mermaid has so many layers, gang. It does. It really does. Bored ass.

Well, thank you for being so thoughtful. And I love that interpretation. And I love your fix. I would still like to see a siren version of them killing everyone on board because that would make me happy. I want both. Cause I also horrible person, but.

And vengeful, I guess. And just more, maybe more angry, but I really love that. I love that for the little mermaid that it's transformative and that she finds a way to keep going and find something else that gives her life meaning and importance yeah but i also genuinely your fix is

more fun like i want to i would want to watch that movie i just want to watch her angry sisters uh eating everyone on board absolutely drowning all of them that's what i want oh um because they're so mad because they i just i'm so mad at her book because her family loved her so much yeah and they were longing for her they were just like why did you leave us and then they gave up their hair for the like to the witch yes they found like they all braved going to the witch to save her i love that so much and i guess i just that hits me harder um than the little mermaid just being dramatic and flipping like oh i guess like i don't know it's harder that's that breaks my heart more than anything absolutely that her

that her family loved her so much yeah and and that she and that like her loss was like an aching hole in their lives and they like they go out and they find a way for they find a way for her to undo it yeah like oh i love that that's really really sweet. But I still love that she loved the prince and decides not to kill him. Like, I think that's really sweet. I just want some closure for the sisters, too, I guess. Me, too. Me, too. I think both of our fixes could work together, honestly.

Because, honestly, that prince is a fuckboy. Yeah, and he's stringing her along like that i love you my little like little dog i don't know yeah my little pet but he's also like kissing her and being romantic with her and spending like all of this time with her but but doesn't see her as a real person no honestly our fixes work together our fixes absolutely work together i don't care if he dies i just like it that she decides not to kill him i guess yes yeah yeah i do love that i love that um like it's a good for her transcending form into like an ethereal being like that's even kind of cool yeah yeah i agree like the the ultimate goal being like to i mean it doesn't even say necessarily heaven but it's just um heavily implied so yes

yeah which is probably great for a lot of people and i really hate i really hate that ending paragraph about and and we go into little kids rooms at night and if they're really good we'll get a whole extra year like that's absolutely that's just hilarious yeah yeah it ruined it like it tanked the story i was like i was with you i was there like that i i just yeah what the fuck what the fuck that was so funny so um so we wanted to talk like very quickly about adaptations because this is already like a super sized episode or maybe a two-parter or maybe we'll split it up into two we haven't decided yet um but uh for the disney movie i mean i'm not gonna talk about it too long maybe we talked about it during but i think they did a good job of making it into a kid's film it was fun i still like the

little mermaid i mean i think ariel's kind of annoying in the same way that the little mermaid's annoying she's a teenager but i wish i wish her sisters had been a bigger part of it like i love that so much you know probably because i have a sister and I feel so close with her most days not always but most days yeah so like you know it's it's it's hard to imagine not loving your family like that like she just feels so isolated from them and also like your grandmother and your father like I just love my family so much that it's hard for me to, and they care about her so much. I don't know. I wish that had been in the,

in the Disney film a little bit more. I guess the dad cares about her, but yeah, he does. He does. Like, so when I was watching it today, first of all,

I just want to give a quick shout out to my partner, Steven, who was convinced that Sebastian is a lobster. What? No. I know. And I told him there's literally a song about how Sebastian is a crab. Wait,

there's a song about that. He's a crab. It's not about how he's a crab, but like, you know, the Les Poissons song where the chef is like cooking seafood. Oh, yeah. And talks about how he's going to make a stuffed crab out of Sebastian. Oh, yeah. There is a song about him being a crab. I just didn't even think of it that way.

Yeah. Good point. So anyway, but Stephen was so convinced because he was like, no, I get that the movie is saying he's a crab, but he looks like a lobster to me in character design. He doesn't have the tail. Or the whiskers. I know. He doesn't have the tail, but Stephen was going off of the claws. Like he has one, he has like, his claws

are like, he's got a puncher claw and a pincer claw. Does he have a small claw? Now I gotta look it up, Sebastian. I didn't think so, but Stephen was convinced, and we argued about it the entire movie. Oh my gosh. No, his claws look the same size

to me. I thought so too. Well, but crabs also sometimes have a small claw and a big one. I'm sorry, Stephen. You're just wrong. And he doesn't look like a lobster at all. I'm sorry, Stephen. You're just wrong. And he doesn't look like a lobster at all. I think Stephen just thought he looked

bright red and that his claws looked bigger than a crab's claws usually. Anyway, shout out to... How satisfying was that? Shout out to my boo. How satisfying was it to like... Is he still not convinced still not satisfying because he said

i he said like no no i get that the movie says he's a crab but it doesn't look like one to me and it bothers me oh okay shout out to my boo but about king triton though like i realized that like um because i don't think i've actually watched this movie as an adult oh really really really fun it was really fun because the movie's so good like the movie's very good it's not my favorite disney princess movie by a long shot um i still have a lot of problems with it because i feel like they kind of take a lot of the more they take a lot of the more,

they take a lot of the stuff that I like about the fairy tale, I guess, out of it. Yeah. And it becomes a much more straightforward story. Uh-huh. For sure. But I realized like when King Triton comes to Ariel's grotto

and starts smashing all of her stuff, I was like, oh, I don't remember this scene because I'd never watched it when I was a kid. I made my parents fast forward through this scene every single time because it frightened me so badly. Her dad comes in and he's mad and then he starts smashing all of her stuff. Like, that really scared me as a kid. I fast-forwarded through it every single time. Like, it was hard to watch. Yeah.

Yeah, that is a very scary part. It's very, like, classic toxic masculinity dad being overprotective of his daughter. Stereotype for sure. Not a good parenting moment. And you can see that he regrets it as soon as he has done it. Like he feels bad. I'm sorry. I love Daddy Triton so much.

I could never be mad at him. Never ever in a million years. Look at those big bushy eyebrows those pecs those giant nipples i mentioned i saw it during um when i was at the gym with adam and we were both on a treadmill and i'm like look at those big eyebrows to adam and Adam's just like, I don't know, all grouchy like,

I don't even like guys with big muscles. And it's like, that's not it, bro. It's the eyebrows. But also, calm down. And the big beard and also just all of it.

I'm sorry. I mean, the arms, the pecs, the abs. King Triton's hot. And that tail is super sorry. I mean, the arms, the pecs, the abs. King Triton's hot. And that tail is super thick. His tail is thick

with two C's and I like it. I love King Triton so much. And then he makes her that pretty dress at the end. It's all sparkling. Did everybody want that dress as a kid or was it just me?

Oh, 100%. Oh, no. I wanted that dress so bad. How do you make a cartoon dress that sparkly? I don't know. It was gorgeous. I loved it so much. Because it's made out of magic. I love him. Well, I always kind of thought that it was kind of made out of seafoam, like he made the dress out of seafoam. I think it's made out of just the the top of the sparkling water like it's made from the sun reflecting in the water it's so god it's gorgeous pretty and her daddy made it for her as a way of apologizing i don't know it's very cute i liked it a lot i definitely i'm excited for the live action but I would love like a backstory on King Triton and Ursula

and their whole deal I know we've talked about that a little bit in the past but that would just be fun I think we have this actually leads me into something else that I wanted to talk about like sort of some of the briefly touch on Reel of the Little Mermaid was the inspiration for

Ursula as a character because the sea witch youula as a character. Because the sea witch, as we've just heard, is not a heavily involved part of the story. And she's not evil.

She's like, yeah, I'll do the thing you want. Yeah. I mean, I need something in return, but obviously you gotta pay her. Yeah, you got to pay her. Yeah, you got to pay the lady. Mm-hmm. But, yeah, but she's less of an antagonist and more, you know, like, a vehicle through which, like, the rest of the story is possible. Yep.

But with Ursula, they wanted her to be more of a, like, a direct catalyst for the story and so they they you know the script writers changed her into more of like an explicit antagonist um and the way they did it was uh so lyricist producer and writer howard ashman had originally envisioned ursula's relationship with king triton as a soap opera and thus drew inspiration from soap opera actress Joan Collins. So that's like kind of like the basis of Ursula's like big dramatic personality. Which is just fucking incredible. Yes. And Ursula was originally conceived as Triton's sister. I mean, I don't hate that.

Yeah, I don't hate that either. I do like sort of the implication there that there's a really that they do kind of have a long, very intense antagonistic history. I think I'd like it better if she was Ariel's mom's

sister. Oh. That would be's sister. Oh, that would be fun too. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Auntie, Auntie Ursula.

Auntie Ursula. But that idea was ultimately abandoned completely. Although they do, they do still have that line that implies that Ursula used to live in the palace. I don't remember that. She, she has this throw,

this throwaway line. When she's talking to Flotsam and Jetsam at the beginning of the movie about just kind of like, Oh, you know, I remember things were this way when I lived in the palace. I need to rewatch it. That's cool.

Yeah. Yeah. So like, there's definitely like the implication that there's something else going on there. Oh yeah. And I also just wanted to kind of mention that another, another facet of Ursula's overall design and,

and inspiration for kind of her, um and an inspiration for kind of her her entire character was uh the american actor and drag queen divine i feel like i've heard that before yeah divine divine is a was a very famous drag queen if you if you look oh yeah divine up, you will recognize him. Definitely. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Divine was, by the way, born in Baltimore. So good. And what's he doing? Yeah, the eyeshadow, incredible.

And you can kind of see in, like, the shape of Divine's body, kind of where they got the inspiration for Ursula's character design. And then also for Ursula's makeup. Yeah, definitely. Oh, I super see it. I love it. Yeah. That's something I wish for the live action was that they had hired a drag queen.

Yeah, which is sort of the original inspo. I think it's Melissa McCarthy. Yeah, they're going to have Melissa McCarthy do it. Which I like Melissa McCarthy just fine, but not for that role. I'm not stoked on it. I mean, I'm excited to have my mind changed or whatever, but... She'll do great. You know, it's like...

I don't know. I just wish that they'd gotten a drag queen because that was the original inspiration for Ursula's entire look. That would have been really cool. Which also I just wanted to just touch on a little bit. There's nothing specific about this. We just mentioned that Disney villains, especially from around this time period, tend to be queer coded. queer coded which is why a lot of queer people end up really simping for the villain in a lot of in a lot of movies and tv because like that was who uh we had to be represented by were these like clearly gay people but they were the baddies

but there are baddies there are are messy, murderous messes. We do claim them. Yeah. So I just thought that that was, I don't know. That was cool that just Ursula was directly inspired by a drag queen. Yeah, absolutely.

Hashtag villain sympathizer. Villain sympathizers. I've got an entire, I've got an entire like extra rant about that but that's for another that's for another episode I think we have one last there's one thing I want to say um you were talking about wanting Ariel's sisters to be involved more yeah

in the story did you ever watch the little mermaid tv show i did but i only remember that one episode with the deaf mermaid because pictures of it have recently shown up in my feed i like wouldn't have remembered it otherwise the death mermaid yeah in the tv show there's one episode where there's a deaf mermaid and she's like signing and she's also a deaf mermaid sorry i thought you were saying death mermaid i know that's middle as hell no she's deaf so she's signing and stuff yeah yeah and it only popped up because of all this like you know people freaking out about a black princess a bra Ariel, whatever. Or black mermaid. I don't know if the deaf mermaid was black or Latina, but...

Her name was Gabriela. So I think she was supposed to be Latina. Okay. Yeah. But there was a deaf mermaid of color. I know. It's fucking awesome. And I only remember that.

I even watched the show because I saw that and I was like, I remember that episode. But I don't remember literally anything else because I was very, very young. I watched that show a lot and so did my sibling. And we loved that show because Ariel's sisters are much more involved. They have individual personalities. She has specific relationships with each of her sisters. Oh, I love it. They had a deaf,

they had a deaf mermaid that actually like speaks in sign. They had like the, the episodes were genuinely really scary. A couple of them. Like there's one where like Ariel gets trapped by a cursed bracelet and some kind of like undersea like netherworld that she is trying to escape. That sounds awesome. It's awesome.

I'm going to have to check to see if that's on Disney Plus. It is on Disney Plus. Hell yes. Yeah. All right. We had one more thing we wanted to mention as far as Little Mermaid adaptations go. Yeah. Just one more shout out.

Abby, do you want to talk about it? Because you're the one who actually bought me this book. I did. I bought you this book for like, I think Christmas years ago. I don't remember. years ago. I don't remember. It's The Mary Spinster by Danny Lavery, who is a writer that I

just in general really enjoy. And he wrote a bunch of sort of reimagined fairy tales told from a very queer and a very trans in particular perspective. Because it

also was right around the time when he was transitioning himself. And so he obviously, you know, he was having a lot of feelings about it. And one of the stories in the book is called the daughter cells. And that is a retelling of the little mermaid and sort of like a, a queer horror. Oh,

it's a really dark, dark, super dark, very very fun very almost like i'm gonna go ahead and say more realistic like someone who is an of another world and doesn't understand humans kind of like how i love how in the little mermaid with hans christian anderson he go ahead he goes and mentions that the mermaids don't quite understand why they don't want to come into the sea. And then they're like, oh, yeah, I guess they die. But they're like, the water is totally fine. Why do you want to come down here?

It's beautiful. They're like, come check it out. And then they're like, oh, yeah. And that's very much the kind of whole vibe of the daughter cells is just the it's from the perspective of the little mermaid who doesn't understand the human world at all and finds it fascinating. And it's creepy. It's awesome. Yes. It's a spooky and the Mary Spencer also comes with a bunch of other great stories in the same vein, like retellings of fairy tales. So for sure, if you have not, absolutely check it out. We'll put the link to the book in our show notes.

Highly recommend. So good. So much fun. Yeah. And I think that about does it on talking about The Little Mermaid. I am talked out. Yes, that's going to do it for us. Thank you so much for listening to Fair tale fix if you enjoyed the show please subscribe and leave us a review on apple or you can leave us a star rating on spotify if you love the show and want to support us and get extra cool content you can visit us at our patreon at fairy tale fix dot cash you can find us on twitter and instagram at fairyytale Fix Pod. We're also on TikTok. Yeah.

You know, just if you want to actually see us talking, I'll post videos of us sometimes. Check that out. And please email us your favorite fairy tales, your favorite folklore, nursery rhymes, and other such things at info at fairytalefixpod.com. And so the Little Mermaid story progresses in very much the same way, continuing a lot of the same themes. But in the end, it wasn't a story about her pursuit of an immortal soul. It was a story about loving, letting go, moving on, and finding other things to give your life meaning. And the Little Mermaid sisters were so mad that some asshole who didn't really love her let her die, that they caused a shipwreck and drowned every soul on board.

And they all lived happily ever after. The end.