Fairy Tale Fix - 56: God Dammit Susan

Episode Date: January 17, 2023

We’re here for satisfaction ONLY on this episode of Fairy Tale Fix. In pursuit of a magical horse story that actually contains a magical horse Abbie tells the Russian folktale The Straw Horse. Kelsey follows up with The Witches on the Lake, from Scotland, and while the end of the story itself is trash we think you’ll find we fixed it pretty perfectly.

Do you feel satisfied with magic horses? Yes. That was a magic. That was a sufficiently magical horse for my purposes. Sufficiently magical horse. Hello! Hello! Hi, this is Abby. And I'm Kelsey.

And this is Fairytale Fix, the show where we read a bunch of wild ass fairy tales and then fix them for a modern audience. Sometimes. Sometimes we don't have to fix them. Sometimes they're so good and so perfect. But sometimes they're really, really also not. It's very fun. And sometimes they're very nothing, which is why I'm really excited about this episode. Spoiler alert.

Oh. I'm going to be taking another run at a book of magic horses because the one that we did back in November was very light on the magic horses and I felt jilted. Yeah. It left us wanting. It did. Why was that story in? I mean, it was a great,

it was like a good story on its own, but it was fine in that book. And speaking, I'm just going to get right into it. Speaking of Ruth Manning Sanders books, Melissa upped her pledge on her Patreon. And I just wanted to thank you. I know you did that back in November, but like, yeah, we record we record like a month and a half in advance usually. So we just saw it this week.

Thank you so much. She is now a job creating dragon. Um, so thank you. We love you. We do love you so much. And we also want to thank our newest patron, Michelle. Uh, thank you so much for joining our Patreon. I hope you love the bonus episodes. Um,

I have been having the best time talking to Michelle on Twitter and talking to Michelle over email. Michelle is like, uh, the best time talking to Michelle on Twitter and talking to Michelle over email. Michelle is like, I've been sharing some of her original work with me, writing like fractured sci-fi fairy tales. It is super fun. Okay.

I know. Need to. Oh yeah. I'll share. I'll share them with you. She does post, she posts really fun stuff on Tik TOK. It's twig and feather.

I believe it's the username. She does like a lot of herbalism and stuff. It's twigandfeather, I believe is the username. She does like a lot of herbalism and stuff. It's very, very cool. So check that out. Thank you. Michelle, you're awesome. You're so fun. Thank you so much for joining the Patreon team.

We really, really, really appreciate you. Woohoo. Woohoo. So I have just a quick little story. I'm going to try not to get like upset but I did cry so I called Abby crying the other day yeah because I happen to have some family

in town and of course when like you get you know family together sometimes you don't agree on stuff and sometimes some people maybe me get a little too drunk some people um and talk about how i don't know the one thing they didn't like about rings of power was was that there's a black elf. Like that's the biggest takeaway

from all the deep, all the like things that were different about the series and the Silmarillion. That's, that was your problem. So I just, I don't know. I mean, I've been talking about it a lot

and I just wanted to say it on the podcast because we also have The Little Mermaid coming out soon. And it's like if your whole thing is like it's not accurate to the time or the like it's fiction. Fantasy fiction. Oh, yeah. Moreover. If you're upset that there is a black actor and not upset about the fact that they just like changed the story.

Especially with The Little Mermaid. Like people who are like it's not historical to Denmark. upset about the fact that they just like changed the story especially with the little mermaid like people who are like it's not historical to denmark it's like hilarious i know we talked about it a little on our little mermaid episode but i just think it's worth noting again um racism has absolutely no place here and in fantasy in my my opinion, in our opinion. Definitely, definitely in our opinion. In this podcast opinion, if that's your big problem with something that's coming out, you can see yourself out. Fuck off. We don't want to hear from you. You sound pretty racist. Yeah. And if you come to my house and I'm drunk and I tell you that either you need to shut the fuck up or get the fuck out, I am absolutely serious. I did have to kick some family

members out of my house and it was very hard at the time. I was, there was a lot of crying, a lot of like, I was really upset. Well, it's, it's, it's so sad when family reveals to you who they really are and the things that they really think without. And then when you point out why that's kind of a silly thing to think or feel, they get defensive about it. Double down. Yeah. And come up with all these reasons. And I don't know. Lord of the Rings especially is so nostalgic for me.

And that's one of the people that when I was little, I used to go watch Lord of the Rings with on like Christmas or Thanksgiving or whenever it came out. Yeah. So especially like you thought you were introducing a safe topic. I did. I was really genuinely excited to hear their opinion on this. I was really excited. And I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe we haven't talked about this.

Tell me all your thoughts. And the first thought that popped out of their head, just, anyway, I'm not going to get super, super into it because I will get upset. But, Yep.

Just be cool, people. I don't know. Damn. Damn. Relax. Quit being fucking racist. It's so easy. it's so easy it's so easy i don't know maybe it's not i'm just i i genuinely can't understand also he was the best elf okay it wasn't like all the things

you could complain about all the hairstyles the fact that gal Galadriel looks like she's 15 compared to elves. She's supposed to be centuries older than. Mm-hmm. The entirely made up Harfoot storyline, like of all the things that you're like, it's just not true to this. Them are really in. They made so many canon changes.

They smushed the timeline up to an inconceivable place. They did a lot of really silly stuff with an elf's hair. The middle management haircuts. The middle management haircuts were not it, Amazon. Do better. I know. I saw this whole TikTok about how they should have just had more sideburns, and it actually made a big difference.

I'm curious to see how they're going to change stuff up in season two. Depending on audience feedback. I mean, if they do at all. Maybe they won't. And it's fine. I very much enjoyed it. Anyway, this is not going to be a referendum on the Rings of Power as a whole. Yeah, I just.

And we should move on. Yeah, I don't know. It's just been on my mind. And I wanted to yell about it. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think it's an important topic and an important place for like us to kind of talk about when we have to kick family members out of our house slash out of our lives. And it was hard, you know, really hard. It's hard. Very alone in that moment, too. It was rough.

But I don't know. Stick to your convictions and don't let people fucking be racist, I guess, is probably easier said than done. Nope. But it's important. It's important to do. Normalize yelling at your family and kicking them out of your house when they're being fucking hurt. I like how I talk about it. That was actually probably the only time I've ever gotten

in a fight with my family like that. Yeah, I guess what I'm just saying is if we meet, I'm going to yell at you. I'm going to yell at you about something. Kelsey's got a lot of feelings.

I do. I have a lot. So many. And she's going to yell at you about them but not you abby never you sometimes me in a friendly way oh my goodness with passion i am so passionate i i can't help it. I wish I weren't sometimes. Oh, I don't wish that. It's one of my favorite things about you. Well, you are such a supportive friend and thank you for, I literally was like crying into the phone at Abby for probably an hour or so. Thank you. This is what best friends are for it's what we it's what we do oh yeah oof anyway i do have more exciting news topic change oh oh what are you gonna talk about i was gonna talk about thumbelina the movie that i actually watched since we um but you had news

first did you want to share your news no let's definitely talk about thumbelina um i'm okay about this so i had not actually watched it which i believe i mentioned on the episode with sequoia from but make it scary last time we're talking about the cartoon movie by the way yes like the animated disney film i think it's on disney plus now so i'm assuming it's i think it's disney owns it now i think it's the same people that made Anastasia. It's definitely the same artist. Yeah, it's like a Don Bluth movie or something. Like the guy behind The Secrets of NIMH and basically any movie that had a very frightening anthropomorphic animal as a child that you were frightened of. This guy probably made that movie.

I think Pebble and the Penguin was also one of his. like i remember liking that one oh now i have something else on my watch list pebble and the penguin is a great movie i haven't watched in a while but i do i do remember really loving it and also tim curry plays the villain in it again i fucking love tim curry yeah uh pebble and the penguin is a great film i think that's okay on the list literally i have a list of movies i've been wanting to re-watch that's going on it uh do that one and you know what i'll do that one too we'll talk about that next time okay yeah because i really enjoy that one but this is about thumbelina i re-watched it immediately after that episode like that day after we recorded and i texted abby all my

thoughts and feelings and now i need to text sequoia too yes we need to we need to send sequoia an email about it um because i remember like one of the movie was both like better than i remembered and worse than i remembered okay in so many ways okay so i feel like as i mentioned i hated them bolina i mentioned that on the show like as a kid i hated it and when i rewatched it it was so much worse than i remembered i just hated it even more but i do i do have an addendum um i did not hate cornelius cornelius is fine he's whatever i fucking hated them bolina and it all came back to me as soon as I was watching it she's like I don't know I little Kelsey

and adult Kelsey I guess hate that hated that like giggly people pleasing and probably like I was just talking about how I yell at people but like people are so inappropriate with her

and I don't think she has the right reactions and I hated her so much. Just fuck that bitch. I don't know. She was pissing me off. Everybody was pissing me off and I don't know why I remembered hating Cornelius. He was fine. I think I was

thinking of Dimitri from Anastasia. But who I also do not understand. He's just kind of a dick. In a hot way? He is hot. In a hot way. Oh, you know, maybe personality is really important to me. And that annoying fucking leg. Okay. Have you seen Anastasia in a while i did i remember re-watching it and i liked it more than i thought like because i used to also hate anastasia i was a hater as a kid i really was i was a hater i hated everything Not everything, but like a lot of things as a kid. Well, you as ever are a very passionate person. And you have been since you were little.

You are passionate in your loves and passionate in your hates. It's true. Very true. Oh, gosh. I just stopped talking. Everybody's going to get me. You are not wrong about why Thumbelina is a really troubling movie. She's so annoying.

I felt annoyed with her, but also really bad for her. Well, yeah, I feel bad for her. It's hard to- But I think just the way she acts like a child, essentially. To me, she seems very childish, and I got really annoyed with that. for her it's hard but i think like just the way she acts like a child essentially and like to me she seems very childish and i got really annoyed with that and it was just it was too romantic like they're in love immediately even though i spent zero time together and he promises her anything she wants and then she's just a which ordinarily those are fuckboy lies. And you should. She's so naive.

Okay, maybe I do. Maybe I should have. I don't know. It's more like the character to me is such an archetype of everything that I feel like people who were assigned female at birth are trained to be. Definitely. And trained to do. So it's more like i watch thumbelina and i feel bad for us yeah that that this is that this is some of the messaging we were getting as a as children absolutely it's more like i feel i feel mad at the i feel angry and annoyed with

the people who wrote the movie and bad for the character okay as always because you're looking at things with a much kinder heart sometimes there are things that i am a fucking hater about like house of the dragon and i will never stop being a hater about it no matter how good it gets but for thumbelina like i don't know like i i felt for her and also like she tries to make the best of every bad situation she ends up in where she's like the frogs are singing to her about like yeah you could be a star. Why not? Okay. What? First of all, yikes on the toads.

Yikes. Yikes on the toads. Yikes, yikes, yikes, Sequoia. A thousand yikes out of however many there are. I can't remember. Five or ten, but fucking a thousand yikes. Like the charro of it all playing the mama toad aside because she is fabulous. Oh, man. And Thumbelina definitely had some feelings about her.

She saw her like big ass toad boobs and was just like, whoa, I'm getting some weird feelings. That part made me laugh, but that was just the most like, I did not remember that part at all. And it was like, Oh,

I did. My, my eyes were bursting out of my face like just what what the fuck that was the most racist like just problematic certainly problematic i like a caricature of a latino man men one of them was actually named gringo yep what well because that's that's where because like they're they're supposed because like it takes place in paris so they're supposed to be like spanish toast so why is it taking place in paris that was i don't know erasure it made me really mad erasure for sure i sure. I was so fucking pissed. That was the first text I think I sent to you.

It's in Paris? This is in Paris? Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. But the thing that I think I didn't remember as much about, because I remember the toads.

I remember the toads. I remember the beetle ball because I remember being scared of the beetle ball as a kid because because they rip her dress off and they start mocking her and i could not watch that as a child like could not do it needed to fast forward through that scene i actually thought that scene was pretty cool yeah i think this time i think it was they were ripping her dress off on purpose to show the outfit underneath right that was like part of the show. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Well, but because part of the show is to mock her for that she doesn't have any legs like in the fairy tale. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's so funny. And then they start calling her ugly. Yep. Oh, she gets all sad about it. And this poor girl has been told all her life that her only value is that she is really pretty. told all her life that her only value is that she is really pretty these days i feel like she'd just be like relieved that finally someone doesn't think

i'm just really pretty and wants to marry me you know what i mean absolutely there's a there's a modern take on thumbelina like waiting to happen. Please somebody do that. That'd be fun. That someone should do. But the part of this movie that I like mostly did not remember as well from being a child that I didn't even remember when Sequoia was reading the story was like, oh, this movie

is chock-a-block full of sexual predators. Like, this girl's in danger. That's the whole story. Girl, you in danger. She was. She was in danger.'s the whole story girl you in danger she was she was in danger and like she did i feel like she did handle it like i don't i didn't like her giggly people pleaser attitude about it but also that's from her being naive which i totally relate to and get like i

feel like i have been very naive oh i like that's partially why I sympathize with her so hard, because like I have feel like I have absolutely been in situations where like I have not felt safe. You just go with it. Especially in interactions with with some men where I have not felt safe and I but I also don't know what to do about it. Yeah. safe and I but I also don't know what to do about it yeah like so you just like ignore it or smile through it or like do whatever you've got to do to get out of this situation or to like make this situation more bearable for yourself and I I don't know I felt so bad for her she didn't annoy me so

much as just kind of like you poor baby see i would feel bad for her if i just heard the story and not that i was watching her be so annoying i think yes she was super giggly and like a child i really i found it awkward and creepy but i mean that's probably maybe that's part of the point i don't know that's like a disney though or that like for a kid's film that was weird to me there's a whole thing everybody go watch the belina if you haven't already and tell us what you think all about please please one person email us and tell us what you think because i'm very curious i just i was actually kind of proud of little Kelsey being a hater because I still hated it. Actually, absolutely.

I also really hated – I shouldn't say hate. That's such a strong word. The animation wasn't for me. I really didn't like all the weird bug eyes on the animals. I didn't think any of them were cute. I didn't even like the mouse, which normally I do. Like the animation style wasn't for me. So that's like just a personal, obviously, like thing.

But no, absolutely props to little Kelsey for not liking this movie as a child. Like 100%, she was right. All glory, all glory to little Kelsey. Well, I don't know about that. I also do remember like being in kindergarten and singing about finding my one true love and you know, like. Sure. Romantic is fine. A movie, a movie about like how this young person, you know, gets passed from man to man and just tries to, it just kind of goes along with it.

And that's good. One last thing that I really hated. And I did hate this. She still doesn't like find her mom. Like she misses her mom in the movie, but she still doesn't see her. Like that doesn't happen. She doesn't find,

she does like, like she doesn't go back to her mom in the end. Oh yeah. She marries the Prince immediately. And her mom's at the wedding. Is her mom at the wedding? I don't remember to her mom in the end. Oh, yeah. She marries the prince immediately and her mom's at the wedding. Is her mom at the wedding? I don't remember seeing her mom at the wedding. Her mom's at the wedding. Her mom is like tossing flowers on them.

And then Thumbelina like waves at her and says like, hi, little mother. Oh, shit. I missed that part. Maybe I was just like. I think you were really over this movie at that point. I think I just gave up. Yeah. Yeah.

I was because I remember thinking like, now she's just married and that's it. She doesn't, there's like, they don't ever talk about her mom again. Nope. Her mom was at the wedding. I'm sorry,

but like romantic love isn't the only kind of love that exists. And I don't know. Yeah. But it's the only kind of love that really seems to matter in this movie. Yeah. But it's the only kind of love that really seems to matter in this movie. Yeah. Which is also

a lot of movies. Anyway. Yikes. I think we talked about Thumbelina for a long enough. I think we settled down. It's good.

I just I wanted to get because like I hadn't watched it and I wanted to get some feelings out about it. So this is the feelings episode we're having feelings misogyny and racism are everywhere

oh my god stop it it is upsetting stop it please stop stop it anyway I segue am a crazy horse girl yes I want to read some crazy horse girl shit please do I am I must I want it this one is this one going to satisfy? It's freaking better.

Did you read it? Is it a random one for you? Oh, it's going to be a random one. Oh, I didn't know. Okay. I thought you would pick. Because I feel like the last random, no, I feel like the last random reading upset me. And so I want, just because, not because the story was bad.

It's just that there, you know. Zero magic horses. There weren't any magic horses. There were zero. There was a magic calf. There was one magic calf. Yeah.

For two seconds. Ooh. So we're going to try again. I love it. Kelsey got me these really cool, like, dice rollers

for my birthday this year that are in these like potion bottles. So I'm going to use my mana potion because it's a magic horses book. Fuck yeah. To decide what we're going to read today. And it's so pretty. It's so like it's glittery and blue and it has like this black D20. Yeah, it does like the magic eight ball kind of thing. Yeah.

Um, and it rolled a six. Ooh. I mean, we'll be reading story number six. But maybe it's a really good story. Um, yeah,

it's fine if it's a low, get your low rolls out now, mana potion. Okay. This is the straw horse from russia oh dude that is one that a listener recently not recently it was a while back actually but they told us that that was one of their favorite cryptids and or fairy tale creatures oh straw horse i'm pretty sure it's the straw horse. Okay. That or actually, you know what?

Just kidding. That was the little humpbacked horse. So maybe that's different. We shall see. Yeah, we're going to have to reach out. If you're listening, I'm sorry, I can't remember who it was, but let us know. Let us know if it was you. Okay.

Do you want to make predictions first or shall i um i will go ahead and make predictions predictions first let's see uh my first prediction is that oh it's a russian fairy tale so i'm gonna guess that somebody is trying to do something to please the czar okay Okay. Love it. I think that happens a lot in Russian fairy tales. Please the czar. Secondly, I'm going to predict that there are three siblings. Okay. I'm going with safer stuff here.

But this one, I'm going to guess that the straw horse is magical as fuck. Can I do that? Well, it's a book of magic horses. Oh, I'm going to guess that the straw horse like comes to life. Like it's a straw horse that comes to life. Yeah, fair enough.

Okay. As a real – I'm a real horse. to life. Yeah, fair enough. Okay. As a real, I'm a real horse. My prediction, my first one, is that the straw horse is a horse and not a different kind of animal. I'll allow it.

It's a horse. Wait, but like. It's a fucking horse. A real, like a horse, but it could be's a fucking horse a real like a horse but it could be like as like a like a straw horse like made of straw yes it's like i i i yeah okay yeah i mean it is a book i know i know i know that was mostly that was mostly a joke just because in that other one it was just kind of like that is not not a horse. That is a cow. That's so funny. Yeah, I know. I love it.

It's a horse. Oh, boo. It's a horse. God damn it. You deserve that. We all deserve that. Thank you. We all deserve that.

I think it is – I think the straw horse becomes a real horse at the end of the story. I'm a real horse. I'm a real horse. Nay. All right. Third prediction. If it was someone's favorite cryptid, I'm really tempted to say the straw horse drinks blood. Or something. I know. Okay. to say the straw horse drinks blood or something i know okay no but i do have that fairy tale

saved in my in like a little folder on my computer and it says the little humped back horse so i think i got it wrong but i feel like the straw horse and humpback horse might just be the same fairy fairy tale with different names the different name yeah i'm not sure though i i'm probably wrong that's probably a different story we'll see either way yeah we'll find out it's definitely one that I've been I've obviously saved

okay my third prediction then is that the straw horse is evil evil that's what I'm hearing evil

okay tell it to me I'm so excited oh my god I'm wearing. Evil. Okay. Tell Jimmy I'm so excited. Oh my God. I'm very excited about this. All right. Once upon a time, there lived an old man and an old woman. They were so poor. They had nothing. There's an exclamation point on they were so poor. They were so poor. They were so poor. Got it. What they earned, they ate up. And then again, they had nothing. One day, the old woman said to the old man, make a horse for me out of straw, old man, and smear it with tar.

What are you talking about? Said the old man. What can we do with a horse like that? You just make it. I know very well what I shall do with it. She's a fucking witch. Oh my God, I'm very excited about this. Is this going to be like an old woman rides around the countryside adventure?

Because I don't think we've had one of those yet. I hope so. This is amazing, if so. All right. So the old man made a straw horse and smeared it with tar. They slept through the night. In the morning, the old woman took her knitting and drove the straw horse out

to graze. So I guess it's already like moving maybe? Okay. But like what does their knitting have to do with it? She just took her knitting and drove the straw horse out to graze and she sat by a hillock and she knitted. Oh, OK.

I like her style. And she sang, graze, graze, little horse in the sweet green grass. While I knit, graze, graze, little horse in the sweet green grass. And as she sang and knitted, she fell asleep. sang and knitted, she fell asleep. Then out of the dark wood, out of the great forest, came a bear bustling along to the straw horse and said to him, Who and what are you?

Speak up, tell me. Why is this bear so like? I don't know. I love this bear. That sounds very like, pip pip. Pip pip. Hey, all. Yeah, here I am.

Yeah, the bear am. Yeah. The bear is very demanding. I'm also a little confused. So the straw horse says, I am a three-year-old horse made of straw and smeared with tar. You're three? Okay. I know. Based on the size that they were made, I bet.

I guess so. That makes sense. My other question is like, why didn't you do this before? My question is why didn't I predict a talking horse? That would have been so smart. Neither of us predicted the horse

would talk. Stupid. I thought about it for half a second. I was like, no, I want it to be like a straw horse that comes to life, which is true. It has. Yep. It has. But now it has to become a real horse.

Okay. Anyway, sorry. I hope so. Okay. So the horse is a three-year-old horse made of straw smeared with tar. Then said the bear, if you are made of straw and smeared with tar, give me some of your tar to make me look as nice as you do.

You can always like slick back the bear hair and... Maybe. Must do. I don't know. I don't think the tar look is super attractive. Is he coming on to the straw horse? Maybe. I want to look as good as you. Hang on. Ooh, take some, to the straw horse? I want to look as good as you. Hang on. Ooh, take some, said the straw horse.

Then the bear sank his teeth into the tar. Oh my God. And tried to pull the tar off the straw horse, but his jaws stuck fast to the tar and he couldn't get away. So the straw horse goes home home dragging the bear along with him oh my goodness okay okay when the old woman woke up the straw horse was nowhere in sight alas old fool that i am said she i forgot she was even there where is my straw horse ah perhaps he has gone home so she took up her knitting and she went home and there was the

straw horse standing by the door with the bear stuck oh no this is a winnie the pooh situation oh my god i wonder what's gonna happen to bear. Do you think the bear is going to get killed or that the bear is going to become a family pet? I don't know. I don't want anything bad to happen to the bear. I think this is very cute. I think they're going to kill me. Oh no. Are we finally going to get like bear violence instead of horse violence?

Instead of the horse doing violence to others. Maybe the horse is evil. That's right. Okay. Old man, old man, cried the old woman. Look, look, our straw horse has brought us a bear. Come and catch it. They're all stoked.

The old man sprang up, tore the bear away from the straw horse and put the bear in the cellar. Oh. That's creepy. It's not dead yet, I guess. No, but I feel like it's almost worse. Like, I don't know. If you're going to kill it, kill it.

They're going to eat it. They're starving. That's fine. No, no. No, no. It's just this straw horse is actually just a giant, like, fly trap type animal. Maybe. I mean,

it looks, it looks like that might be exactly it. So the next morning, the old woman once again took her knitting and drove the straw horse out to grace. She sat herself down and by a little hummock, she began to knit and she sang gray's gray's little horse in the sweet green grass. Will I knit gray's gray's little horse in the sweet green grass. And it gray's gray's little horse in the sweet green grass and once again she falls asleep then out of the dark wood out of the great forest what

animal do you think comes next kelsey yes you're right it's russia it's gotta be a wolf a bear it's a wolf there's gotta be a, right? Some kind of predatory bird. A cock. A cock. A nice big cock comes out of the woods. I'm actually now really excited to see what it is. Okay, anyway. Wolf. A great gray wolf came running and said to the straw

horse, who and what are you? Speak up now. Tell me. I am a three-year-old horse made of straw and smeared with tar. If you are smeared with tar, said the wolf, then give me some tar too so that I can smear my sides and the watchdogs will

not bite me. Oh, so this is more strategic instead of just about looks for this wolf. Yeah, this is a practical reason. And something that makes more sense to me, honestly, because I don't get why the tar looks so good to the bear. Bear's very vain. I just like imagining as a greaser where he's got this licked back fur

and like, I don't know, snapping. I can see that. The snapping. I can see that. Snapping. All right. Take it, said the straw horse. The wolf sprang at the side of the straw horse and tried to pull off the tar. He sank his teeth into the tar and pulled and pulled,

but his jars were stuck and he couldn't let go. He couldn't get away no matter how much he fumed and struggled. Oh no. Also, okay. Are they going to put the wolf in the cellar and they're both alive? I think so. Are all that? Okay.

Sorry. Go on. Yeah. I mean, I believe that is what we're doing. I'm just feeling nervous about the situation. If you have a bear and a wolf in your cellar, maybe that's not a good idea. Maybe. Maybe. I thought they were just going to kill the animals, eat them or something.

But apparently not. Anyway, so when the old woman woke up, the straw horse was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps my straw horse has gone home, she thought, and she went home too. Then she saw the straw horse standing by the door with the wolf stuck to him she called her old man and the old man put the wolf in the cellar do you think this is part of her plan like she knew this was going to happen i hope so because like the old man says what do you want a straw horse for and she's like don't ask me questions just i don't know because it's like she seems surprised every time that the straw horse is gone.

Yeah. But what is she? So many questions. So many questions. No answers so far. Okay. So the wolf is now in the cellar. And on the third day, the old woman again drove the straw horse out to graze.

She sat by a hillock and fell asleep. And then a fox came running. Oh, fox, of course. That makes much more sense. Yeah, I think I like that better than like I was imagining some kind of like eagle or an owl. Yeah. Or something. Definitely.

That's also what came to my mind was like a bird of some sort, but a fox. Mm-hmm. Who and what are you? He asked the straw horse. I am a three-year-old horse made of straw and smeared with tar.

Give me some tar, my old dear, said the fox, and I will smear my sides lest those ugly greyhounds skin me. So it has some similar ideas to the wolf.

Yeah. I wonder if the bear only was worried about looking good because like what greyhound in its right mind is going to attack a bear? Uh-huh. Yeah, definitely. So the straw horse says, take it. And the fox sprang up and seized the tar with his jaws and couldn't let go.

The old woman woke up then and so she drove the straw horse home with the fox still sticking to him. And the man Okay. Woohoo! Woohoo! Now that they had all these creatures in the cellar, the old man sat down by the cellar door and began to sharpen his knife. I don't feel like this is going to end well for the old man. I mean, that's a lot of... Well, maybe not so much.

You should have killed them when they were stuck to the horse and couldn't move if you were going to kill them. Just one at a time. Yeah. Okay. Not that I want any of them to die, but it's like they're starving to death. Yeah. Okay. Not that I want any of them to die, but it's like they're starving to death. I get it.

It's Russia. I get it. Times is hard. Times is hard. You do what you got to do, but you should have done this in a smarter way. Yeah.

I think. I think all these animals are going to get loose. Definitely the bear. Yikes. Then the bear said, old man, why are you sharpening your knife? to skin you and make nice jackets from your

fur for me and my old woman? Ah, don't skin me old man. Let me go and I will bring you honey. Ooh. Okay. All right. Then the old man let the bear go.

Nice. Also, I feel like that's a lie though. I mean, absolutely. What idiot returned? Like, you've escaped. Why are you going to return to the house of your kidnappers? I also love the idea that the bear is just like, hey, buddy, what you doing with that knife?

What you doing, bud? Hey, I see you over there. What you doing? What you doing? And then he just straight up. Okay, anyway. Amazing. So he lets the bear go.

Then he sat down again by the cellar door and began to sharpen his knife. And the wolf said, Old man, what you doing? Oh, I'm planning to skin you and make a warm jacket for the winter. Aw, don't skin me, little grandfather. I will bring you a whole flock of sheep. Ooh. Deal.

All right, then. And you can use the wolf. And he let the wolf go. Yeah, deal. And also eat the sheep and eat the wolf. Yeah. Smart. Get that skin uh so the wolf goes and the old man sits down again and sharpens the knife and then the fox put out his little snout and said

be so kind grandfather as to tell me why you were sharpening that knife oh i don't know why i feel worse for the fox i think because they're so small. You're so small. I feel the worst of all for the hair. Well, I forgot about the hair. You're so small. Well, yeah, the hair didn't get a story. It doesn't matter.

Poor hair. My prediction is that they don't want you to get attached to the hair because they actually are going to eat that. Oh, interesting. That's what I think. Okay. The fox has a beautiful fur just right for coat collars, said the old man. So I'm going to skin you. Oh, don't take my skin off, grandfather dear.

I will bring you geese and hens as well. All right, said the old man. And he let the fox go. Only the hair was left. The old man began to sharpen his knife again the hair asked him why and he said the little hair has a lovely soft warm fur to make me warm gloves for the winter oh don't skin me grandfather i will bring you ribbons earrings too and lovely necklaces only let me go to to which my question is,

all of the other stuff that the animals say they'll bring makes sense because it's what those animals hunt or scavenge for anyway. Yeah. The hare is fast and can just steal stuff and then

hop off. Right? I don't know. I guess we'll take it. My question is, is the little grandmother going to be super pissed with little grandfather for letting everything go? We'll see. I think it definitely depends on whether or not the animals actually bring anything back. Which I wouldn't. Yeah. because you kidnapped me sir so the old man lets the hair go so i'm wrong the old man and woman went to bed and slept through the night next

morning when the sun was rising something scratched at the door what the old woman woke up. Old man, old man, someone's scratching at our door. Go and see who it is. The old man went out and there was the bear who had brought a hive full of honey. Oh, they're following through on their problem. I mean, fairy tale rules always help animals. Exactly.

Well, right? That's a fairy tale rule. Would we call kidnapping the animals helping the animals? That is the fairy tale rule. Would we call kidnapping the animals helping the animals? That is the fairy tale rule. But I think this is the exception that proves the rule. Kidnap animals and make them do things for you. The old man thanked the bear, put the honey in the larder, and went back to bed. But no sooner had he laid down, then again there was a scratching at the door.

The old man looked out the window and saw that the wolf had driven a whole flock of sheep into the courtyard. That's nuts. Soon after that, the... I just, I can't believe they're all following through. I'm shocked. I'm so surprised. Like, why? For what reason just don't do anything a straw horse tells

you to do ever again and you'll be fine go soon after that the fox came driving in flocks of geats ducks and hens and last of all came the hair bringing ribbons earrings and lovely necklaces the old man was overjoyed and the old woman was overjoyed too. My word, they felt rich. Then the straw horse said, You don't need me anymore, so I'm going home. Where the fuck is that? Does it just like the straw just like turns into a pile?

I don't know because it's on the next page. So it says, where is your home, my horse? Asked the old man. And there's a little illustration of the straw horse like kicking up its heels.

Oh, I cannot wait. Wouldn't you like to know, said the straw horse, that he kicked up his heels and galloped off. Nor did the old man or the old woman ever see him again.

The end. I guess that was awesome. Wouldn't you like to know? Wouldn't you like to know? Bye. What? What? How did you create the straw horse?

Wouldn't that tell you where it comes from? What? I have so many questions still. I love the chaotic energy of that horse, for one. Yes. I love it. Absolutely. Okay.

Yeah. Any fixes? I want those animals to stick up for themselves. I mean, but not really. Like, it's nice, I guess. It was a nice story, right? Like, it was really nice. It's a nice story.

Nobody died. That's good. I guess the only problem I have is, like, the straw horse, like, kidnaps these animals. But not on purpose. I mean, they're, like, basically, hey, give me this thing. And the straw horse is,naps these animals but not on purpose i mean they're like basically hey give me this thing and the straw horse is like it's true and the stars doesn't say anything about it they just do it right yeah the horses does give me some of your time why why does the why did the old couple not do this decades ago um if this was a thing that they could do uh how was the horse made

how was the horse animated i like they knew i don't feel like the old woman knew i feel like she just i have no idea that was a real weird that was real weird i i just my fix is the fix that I often have, which is. What? What? I'd like some more. Why? How? Who?

I don't know. I am not convinced that she knew what was going to happen because there was zero gloating. Uh-huh. Also, I expected her to get mad at little grandfather for letting all of the animals go. Uh-huh. And she was just more like

surprised by everything. It seemed like, oh, they're scratching at the door. You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. That like like it would have been like I would have wanted I guess because the old woman kind of disappears from the story at like the halfway point

yeah like she's just surprised a lot yeah like oh it seemed very on purpose in the beginning I wish yeah I just more context mm-hmm more more what's happening. More story. Not more at the end. I love the horse just saying, wouldn't you like to know,

and then kicking its heels and running off. That's the best. Yeah. Wouldn't fix it. Love that. No fixes there. No edits. That's great. Wouldn't you like to know? Which yes, I would, but I also am delighted that you didn't tell me um do you feel satisfied with magic horses yes that was a magic that was a sufficiently magical horse for my purposes sufficiently magical horse that horse was a horse, A, and it stuck around the whole story and did magical horse things. I feel like initially you got one point for it was a horse. It was not a real horse.

Yep. It did not become a real horse. It wasn't evil. That is questionable. I did think, but I think that only would have been a strong argument if I think it had done something, if it had done these things more consciously. Yeah. I think the horse was just there.

Actually, that would have been, I think that would have made the story funnier for me. I would have liked it to be trying to like entice the animals. Yes. Oh my gosh. You're right. That would have been a to be trying to like entice the animals. Yes. Oh my gosh. You're right. That would have been a cool like fix for me. Oh, just no,

no, you're right. That's the fix. Look at this. It could, it could, you want to sink your teeth into it. Wouldn't you want to make your hair black as black?

Like mine. I don't know. Just like, maybe it'll keep the, the Greyhounds away from me. I don't know. Just like maybe it'll keep the greyhounds away from you. I don't know. Just making a little bit more. Which I still have questions about if it were evil or not. But.

No. But that's the that's exactly the fix is the horse. The horse is more like more of an active trickster. Yeah. Yes. Oh. That would be awesome about this yeah and agreed but i do feel it wasn't evil though i do feel like there was some witchcraft happening between little grandmother and little grandfather absolutely it's like a very folksy it's like a very folksy kind of magic that i love i think it

counts cool that was fun i like that that was that was a good one i enjoyed that too i think um i think the horse would have been evil if the old man had actually killed the horse killed the animals yes like then it's you've lured all these animals to their doom yep definitely but it was a cuter story than that yeah it was very it was a very nice story i wasn't expecting that from russia i was expecting a lot more death and something a little grimmer yeah that's fine that was cute i loved it yeah that was nice. All right. I feel appeased. I feel satisfied.

There was at least a magic horse in this one. I still feel like the best magic horse is from The Wonderful Shirt, a.k.a. The Wonderful Horse. A.k.a. Yeah. A.k.a. The Boss House Dragon. A.k.a. The Boss House Dragon.

But The Wonderful Horse is a much more appropriate name because that horse is wonderful that was a very wonderful very magical horse absolutely right it was magical right yeah because it was

they called him the scarecrow because he looked all old and then he yes yeah the horse transforms into like an old

an old nag yeah and then also talks to him and gives him good advice. This is your first episode of fairy tale fix that you've listened to. Or if you're listening out of order, uh, go make sure to listen to the wonderful shirt.

Which I think the episode title is the boss ass dragon. Cause it is fucking awesome. That is the, it's just the best fairy tale. It's so good. It's, it's the best fairy tale. It's so good. It's, it's one of our favorites. It's episode 17.

So. Go check that out for one of the greatest stories ever told. Oh, it's so good. So, I, I don't know.

I had a rough week. I'm feeling tired. So, I decided also to do a random reading. Hell yes. But I did already pick, I picked the story based on the title because you know what?

There are no rules. I don't have to just pick a random one. I kind of, I looked at the length and I was like, this one's kind of short and I like the title. Yeah. This is our podcast. We could,

we do what we want here. Yeah. This is our podcast. We do what we want here. And I also really wanted a Ruth Manning Sanders story. I just wanted something fun and nice and something that I felt like I could just rely on because it had a rough week. So I chose out of a book of marvels and magic. Yay. Oh, I'm so excited. Very, very generously. We haven't done this one before yeah very generously donated by uh chris otto thank you so much for these books and i chose uh witches on the lake oh yes oh my god i have not read but i love that title that sounded fun yes and it's not very long on the lake uh so but you can still

make three predictions it's long enough okay okay prediction one um the lake water is magical. I love it. It's a good one. The witches literally live on an island on the lake. Okay. Live on an island. So I love that it's witches. That it's like a coven.

It's not just like the witch on the lake. It's like witches. They're good witches though. That it's like a coven. It's not just like the witch on the lake. It's like witches. They're good witches though. That's my prediction. That's a good prediction. Good witches. I'm going to predict the opposite. Well, I guess, I don't know.

Is it too easy if I say that they're bad witches? I just wanted to be contrary. No, I guess, I don't know. Is it too easy if I say that they're bad witches? I just wanted to be contrary. No, I love it. Go for it. They're bad witches. They're bad witches. Bad witches. I don't know.

I feel like that's kind of a cop out. But you know what? I had a hard week. It's fine. You do whatever you want. You let me predict that it was a horse from my story. I need this. You get to do whatever you want you you let me predict that it was a horse from my need this you get to do whatever you like i'll probably still get it wrong they will be good witches um i predict that they're on a lake that's literally all i know about the story uh which is on a lake i like that

title i just like immediately imagine like which vacationing, like they're getting some sun. Like they're on a boat on the lake. Yes. I'm going to guess that they're on a boat. Because they're just doing, I'm on a boat. because they're just doing i'm on a boat oh look at me and look at me i love that yeah they're basically vacationing on a boat but i'm leaving the vacationing part out i don't think that exists oh wait will this tell me where it's from hold Hold on. It does. Okay, let me know if anything changes, but it's from Scotland. I don't think anything changes for me. Okay.

I think my predictions stand. I want to predict that there's a lake monster. Hell yes. Because it's a lock. Okay. Are you ready? I am ready. Lay it on me.

I want to know all about it which is on the lake once upon a time there lived in scotland three neighboring farmers farmer gray farmer brown and farmer black okay they were good men all three they worked hard they worked well but whereas farmer gray and farmer brown prosperedmer Black, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. His cattle died in the moraine. His sheep of the rot. The summer rain played havoc with his hay. The autumn gales beat down his corn crops.

Which is very sad. Poor Farmer Black. If this goes on much longer, said Farmer Black to his wife, Susan. She has a name. She has a name! Susan! Susan! Our queen!

You and I will be begging our bread. Susan I love this so much. I love it. Susan did her best to comfort him but there poor woman she was sorely troubled and one day she went to borrow some porridge oats from her neighbor Mrs. Brown she's just Mrs. Brown Mrs. Brown doesn't get a name oh she couldn't help but shedding a tear or two I'm ashamed oh Oh, man.

I want to do this in a Scottish accent so badly if I were good at it. I'm ashamed to come, Barowin, she said, wiping her eyes. But my man must eat. Now, sitting in Mrs. Brown's kitchen, drinking a neighborly cup of tea, was

Mrs. Gray. Mrs. Brown looked at Mrs. Gray and raised her eyebrows. Mrs. Gray nodded, and Mrs. Brown said to Susan, Well, my dear, if you would like to be as well off as we are, you can be. I can show you the way to make your fortune, but you must keep the secret. Witches! There are witches! Oh, my God. Oh, I will, I will, cried Susan. Then come here tonight, said Mrs. Brown. Come half an hour before midnight and bring a sieve with you. A sieve, said Susan.

Yes, a sieve, said Mrs. Brown. And since you don't want all the world knowing your business, said Mrs. Brown. And since you don't want all the world knowing your business, you'd better veil your face. And one other thing, before you leave home, lay a broom in your bed, lay it on the side that you sleep, be it the right hand side or the left, and say as you lay it down, broom, broom, if he wake, my likeness do you take? Witches! I love this so much. So far they're good. I know. So far they are good witches. Well, we'll see if they kill anybody in the effort.

But I love this so much. They're inviting her to join their coven. That's so sweet. Oh my God. And Susan! I just, this is this is very susan what did susan do then she went straight home and told her husband oh don't do that oh you ruined it immediately ruined damn it fuck susan damn it susan Damn it. Fuck, Susan. Damn it, Susan. These ladies wanted to be sisters with you.

I agree. I'm disappointed in you, Susan. Susan, you're bumming me out. She knew that a secret was as safe with him as with her, and never since she married had she done anything without his knowing it, which is, like, as cute, but, like, ugh. That's sweet, I guess should like you can keep a secret from him sounds dangerous to me said farmer black oh but my man said susan isn't it a bit of danger

worth risking i'm sort of trying to do an accent i don't think it's working it's working it's working fine isn't a bit of danger worth risking when we're in such a desperate need veil up your face was it said farmer black oh my god that sounds like adam he'd be like the same thing he'd be like and probably be right this sounds dangerous and weird and i don't think you should do and he And he's probably right. He's wrong. She should totally do it. Very well. Go be a witch, goddammit.

It's I that will veil up my face. Oh, so Farmer Black is saying it's him that's going to veil up his face. Oh, no. And it's I that will put on one of your gowns and it's I that will take a sieve and go to Brown's Farm tonight. But you needn't lay the broom on your bed,

whether on my side or your side. You can go to bed, say your prayers, and sleep soundly till I wake you. Oh, my man, says Susan. Suppose harm comes of it. Bah, says he. I'm not afraid of two old women. Oh, no. I hate this story.

I have already decided how I would fix it. Oh, no. I hate this story. I have already decided how I would fix it. Oh, no. It's none of this happens. Susan! Susan joins the witch coven without telling this jerk anything. And they all

live happily ever after. This interfering man. Yes, because they're all rich now. God damn it. Okay. I'm scared. There is such a thing as being too honest with your spouse. I'm scared, though. This is, I'm terrified for Farmer Black.

Yeah, he's going to die. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Or he's going to kill the witches. I'm scared for everybody. So he says he's not afraid of two old women. So he says he's not afraid of two old women. So that night, dressed in one of Susan's gowns, wearing one of Susan's bonnets with a veil drawn over his face and carrying a sieve, goes off Farmer Black to Farmer Brown's house. He found Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Gray in the kitchen.

So you've come, said Mrs. Brown. And Farmer Black nodded. And we have your word that you're not going to blab, said Mrs. Brown. And Farmer Black nodded. And we have your word that you're not going to blab, said Mrs. Brown, and Farmer Black nodded again. Lost your voice, seemingly, laughed Mrs. Gray. Well, it takes some folk that way when they're faced with the unusual, but it's

time we've got going. See yourself in your... They seem so nice. I know. They offered her everything, I feel like. They were about to offer her everything. And she fucked it up. I'm so disappointed in Susan. Oh, Susan.

All right. Keep going. See yourself in your sieve and take this fur torch. It'll light up itself once we go out into the dark. Now up we go and off we fly. Merrily riding, merrily riding, merrily riding under the sky. And there is a little like illustration of the two old women holding their fur torches in a boat. In a boat.

In a boat. And when she had said that, there they were, all three of them, whizzing up the chimney in their sieves and away through the night above the farms above the fields above the rolling waters a fast-flowing river on and on until they came to the shores of a big lake my word what a sight the lake seemed if it were on fire the water darting to and fro were hundreds and hundreds of little boats. And in every boat sat two or three hideous old women holding up lighted torches that flashed and glittered and sent their reflections flickering brightly down into the water. Oh, I love it.

My kind of party. I want to go there. Yes, please. Susan. Susan. In the middle of the lake was a rocky island and seated on the island was a huge black wolf wearing a color of flickering fire this fairy tale is fucking awesome i love this so much oh i want to go every now and then the

black wolf would throw back his head, open his mouth, and give a loud howl. And then, from every old woman in every boat came an answering scream of, Hail! Hail! Hail to the master!

Hail to the crafty, the all-powerful lord of hell! Yes! I fucking got it! Hail, Satan! Susan, you are missing out what were you doing what were you thinking oh my god

now said Mrs. Brown to the disguised Farmer Black you wait quietly here while we go and pay our respects to the master and get his permission to add your name to the number of his servants for we're all his servants here and as his servants we prosper aha how we prosper and all he asks of us in return is that we should do him honor which still seems

ambiguous to me. Very ambiguous. I'm sure doing him, I'm sure doing him honor involves something bad. Lord of hell. But, but, um, awesome. Awesome.

This, and they're being so sweet by inviting her. Oh man. I am like, and they trusted her. Susan. Susan. Go serve Satan!

Get rich! Go serve Satan, damn! Now mind, once we are embarked on the water, you must bid us good speed in the name of our master. Call after us and let your voice ring out. Call, go in the name of the master, the cunning, the crafty, the all-powerful lord of hell.

Shuddering with horror, disguised farm yeah poor farmer black lame he just realized that he is in way too fucking deep he made a mistake he's also thinking god damn it susan god damn, Susan. Shuddering with horror, the disguised Farmer Black watched his two companions slide in their sieves down into the water, saw them holding aloft their fur torches, saw the sieves turn into little boats, and saw those little boats gliding across the lake and drawing nearer and nearer to the island. He tried to cry out, but his throat was parched. He gasped. He threw back his head. He found his voice again. And with all of his voice, he shouted.

He shouted so loud that the woods and the island and the shores of the lake all echoed with his shout. Go, go, go in the name of the best. What happened? Go in the name of the best? Yeah, the best. And the best is capitalized. So I'm thinking he's talking about God.

So this is probably like – He's obviously talking about the Lord. Yeah. Not the Lord of Hell, the other one. Not the Lord of Hell. The other one. What happened? From every little boat – oh, no.

Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. Tell me, tell me, tell me tell me tell me what happened from every little boat came screams of rage screams that merged together into one huge scream as if all the winds of the world were whistling through one gigantic keyhole the lake rose up in waves the island sank down down. The waters of the lake rose high, high, high. They

washed over every little boat. They washed over the topmost crag of the rocky island. Now there were no boats. There was no island. Now there were no more waves, and there were only calm waters of the lake shining softly in the rays of a rising moon.

And Farmer Black. That's all you had to do was invoke, like, God? Really? Boo. Boo. There were so many witches there. This had so much potential. And Satan himself, apparently.

This story had so much potential. It did. Leave it to Farmer Black and Susan. Farmer Black ruined it. You know what? Ultimately, this is Susan's fault. You can't trust the man to understand what he's seeing. He would have been so happy if he had not known.

That's why you leave them out of stuff sometimes. Yeah. And Farmer Black turned and staggered home. The next morning, Father Brown and Farmer Gray were astonished to find, instead of their wives, a broom lying on each of their beds. And astonished too when they went downstairs

to find no fire lighted, no breakfast ready. Wow. No wives on either side of the house or upon his neighbor, but one was no wiser than the other. So they went to call in Farmer Black. What can Farmer Black do but tell them the whole story? And though they did not believe him at first,

in the end they had to. Their wives never came back. Oh, bummer. And I suppose, said Farmer Brown to Farmer Gray, if they really were witches, we are well rid of them. Even though I had a nice lady in my house waking up early, making me breakfast. Making me rich

yes I reckon so said Farmer Gray sadly but to think oh to think that all these years I've been living with a witch it would have been better to have been poor like neighbor black than to have prospered by means of a special woman so ends our little story By means of such a woman.

So ends our little story, except just a word or two about Farmer Black and his good wife, Susan. Susan. From that hour, everything prospered with them, because fucking of course it did. Because now God blesses them. Because he never does something for nothing and since neither farmer gray nor father nor farmer brown ever married again oh

i don't know just susan was able to do them many kindnesses in the way of settling disputes among serving maids and in seeing to the washing and mending of their linen. And then she became known far and wide as the good mistress of the three farms. Fuck you. The end. Fuck that story. So you.

But, oh, oh, I get it as her reward for not serving satan she gets to be she gets to do all the cooking and cleaning for three guys now she gets to be the wife duties of fucking three fucking wow yay for Susan, I guess. Well, I think I know. Fucking boo. God. Okay.

That story was so good, yet so frustrating. Like, there were so many elements of that story i really enjoyed oh except for the i do not love how it ends that these two men just sort of like oh my wife is gone oh well i guess there's another woman here who's willing to make me breakfast and do my laundry. Fuck you guys. So they were replaceable. Just the – wow. That was the worst. Okay. Well, the lake water wasn't magical.

Witches weren't living on an island. There were witches on boats. It was Satan. I think they were good witches. They were. You get a point for that. They were good. I get a point.

They were doing all the work. And I also get a point because they were also good witches. You get a point for that. They were good. I get a point. They were doing all the work. And I also get a point because they were also bad witches. Yes. Both of us were right. Oh, and they all were on a boat. They were on a boat. I got two points for that one. No, like.

Very nice. I think there's an obvious fix for this story, which that susan shut her trap around her husband and just also became a servant of satan because really that's just medieval talk for wow these women are getting awful chummy don't you think god damn it that is the most frustrating that yeah okay sorry i'm like at a loss for words for how make your man rich yeah well those women are getting pretty chubby right yeah be in community with your fellow witches do spells serve hell i don't like do whatever you fucking want because you're doing all the work yes oh man Don't like do whatever you fucking want because you're doing all the work.

Yes. Oh, man. Yeah. What a way to be, Susan. Fuck you. That story had so much potential. Are you kidding me? They were inviting you. And then she just listens to her man and she's like well whatever you think and he's like no i'll pretend to hate i hated that tale yeah i hated and loved it so much this is why they

didn't invite you before susan this is why they didn't invite you in the beginning this is why nobody likes you This is why nobody likes you. This is why nobody likes you, Susan. Just let us serve our own God in peace. Thank you. Narc. All right. Well,

I think that's going to do it for us today. Boo! Sorry. I think that's gonna do it for us today Boo! Sorry I think that's gonna do it for this episode of Fairy Tale Thanks we hope you enjoyed the stories Please make sure to subscribe

and follow us on whatever wherever pods are cast wherever you listen and if you want to support us, you can get extra episodes and merch and books and, you know, just extra, extra content at fairytalefix.cash. We love our patrons. And you can also find us on, if it still exists by then,

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at our email, which is info at fairytalefixpod.com. And so the straw horse was more deliberately manipulative of the animals and more trickstery and lured them to the old woman and the old man's house. Because that horse was rad. Hell yes. And fucking Susan was just chill and didn't narc on these witches and got accepted into an awesome coven where she really got to build a community with her witches.

And they all were rich and happy. And she didn't have to do the work for fucking two other women. And they all lived. And they smashed the patriarchy. And then they smashed the patriarchy. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.