Fairy Tale Fix - 59: Gone Catfishin’

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

A skull from the spirit world catfishes the hottest, vainest girl in Cobham Town, Nigeria in Abbie’s story this week: The Disobedient Daughter Who Married a Skull. Kelsey tells a tale from Ghana called Friends For a Time we discover why humans and lions aren’t friends anymore, followed up by the Liberian story The Leopard, which we don’t want to spoil but will just say that every woman in the world is magic.

If something horrible happened to Steven or we decided or, you know, like I'm not trying to kill Steven off. If for whatever reason, Steven and I decided that we would no longer work together as a couple. And then he got to go on and live his life somewhere else, being perfectly happy. When Steven mysteriously disappears. When Steven mysteriously disappears. When Stephen mysteriously disappears. Hello! Welcome to Fairy Tale Fix. I'm Kelsey. And I'm Abby. And this is the What the Fuck Fairy Tale Podcast,

where we read each other classic fairy tales that are bananas and then we fix them for a modern audience so and here for ourselves yes mostly for ourselves actually for ourselves it started off as for a modern audience and it has become just to what we would find more entertaining yeah whatever we're feeling on a particular week. But a lot of people seem to like it. So we're here to bastardize your favorites. Hell fucking yes. How are you doing?

Oh, I'm doing amazing. I've just had a day where, and it's so rare to experience this when you have ADHD. But I am I am just having an a brain go brr day where I I got so much done this morning. I woke up in the mood to actually clean. So I cleaned the entire downstairs of my house, like completely changed out my cat's two litter boxes. I mopped, I dusted, I swept, I vacuumed, I did some dishes. Like I have just had, like I paid bills. I've just had a very productive day. Okay.

Yeah. So I'm doing great. Now I'm sitting here having a gin and tonic talking to my best friend and about fairy tales. So I'm, today having a gin and tonic talking to my best friend and about fairy tales. So I'm today's good for Abby. Wow. Fucking incredible Saturday. Yeah, I have done absolutely nothing. Love that too. Woke up. Adam made me breakfast. And then I scrolled on TikTok for an

hour. I guess I took a shower before this. Oh, nice. Nice, nice, nice, nice. You got something done today. You cleansed yourself. Yes. I think tomorrow's my, like, the Sunday reset. I've been trying to do that because I have not been cleaning at all. I've just been disgusting, I guess. There's been a lot of... Doing absolutely nothing. You've had a lot of other shit going on. I think, you know, take it easy on yourself. You've got a lot going on right now.

It's not quite spring yet. We did hit Imbolc, which, you know, bless Imbolc if you celebrate, which is the holiday between... So it's between the winter solstice and the equinox. Oh, I did not know there was a holiday. Yeah. So in bulk, also called St. Bridget's Day, is a Gaelic traditional festival. So it marks the beginning of spring.

Oh, okay. So a lot of people, this is when they start like spring cleaning. That's kind of where the idea came from. At least that is what I've heard. But yeah. And it's in February? Yeah, it's February 2nd. Oh my gosh.

That's so great. I love how many festivals pagan peasants have come up with. Fuck yeah. Pagans peasants have come up with. Fuck yeah. Just to give these cold, stupid, dark winter days some relief, something to look forward to. People that are celebrating the end of winter are my people. Or just celebrating for anything, even celebrating the beginning of winter.

Having any party. Yeah, exactly. Are my people any party because i am ready for 70 80 degree weather i'm ready for spring i'm ready for being outside and not having it be freezing i'm actually not wearing a sweater today because it's not fucking freezing in my house which is amazing like i've been so cold lately so i'm so happy it's also it's also when i close the door to do the podcast it gets extra warm but still yeah i'm pretty sure there's like a weird leak in my window because i always have to wear a sweater in here like usually the steam radiators keep it pretty, keep it pretty hot. Yeah.

But. They also have wood floors. Bad seal. Yes. Not exactly good insulation. Sorry. This is riveting content. I'm.

Spring cleaning. Spring cleaning. I love that. That's so exciting. I'm also kind of excited that, you know, usually we, we have a bit of a buffer of episodes built up just to make it easier on all of us as far as like if we want to take a break from recording for a while or if you know dustin needs some extra time for editing uh we usually have a bit of an episode buffer but it's actually kind of it's a little fun to be doing this episode so close to its actual release date of we are speaking to you from only a couple of weeks in

the past as opposed to you know a month and a half in the past yeah yeah i have been extremely busy um which is fine it's all it's all been like good stuff but just and then i think everybody's been busy yeah it's a busy time of year but yeah. But yeah, I'm really excited for you about the stuff that you've been busy with. Me too. Just kind of keep it super vague. But the point is, this is still February. So we're still feeling the romance. We're still in a romantic mood.

Valentine's Day. I've got pink sparkling wine yeah you do and you were eating some heart-shaped chocolate which you're right does make it taste better it does when it's in a bright red foil wrapper it just tastes so much better it's it's perfect uh and i think like i know my story that i'm reading to you today is very um it's romance themed oh it's it's i think it's going to be a lot of fun it's buck wild very bonkers and has a very obvious fix in i cannot wait my opinion but first like so we were talking i remember we were talking like a couple of days ago and you introduced the you introduced the subject of like romance or you were watching romance things.

Oh, yeah. It's because – so I sent Abby a TikTok with this – it was fake. It wasn't her audio actually. But it was like this – it's like somebody – some guy left a woman a voicemail and he was saying like – Yes. Oh, my God. You have two days to call me if there's not something obviously mentally ill with you or whatever. It was just so creepy and like, I don't know.

I was stunned and couldn't believe it was real even though it turned out. It might have been real. It just wasn't her audio. Gosh, I don't know what to hope for. I sort of hope it's not right I don't want that to be true especially like some some people prize them like pride themselves so highly and like I think there's such a catch because they take like a shower every couple of days and that like that really puts them in an elite in an elite level

as far as their competition goes i have a very high iq oh god i might just not be smart enough to yeah stuff like you know it's because i love horror so much that's why I enjoy watching those TikToks. Because it's very scary. In a less objectively creepy and frightening way, the other thing that's making me like just laugh so hard and like really resolving me against ever dating again is I've been watching a lot of like reality television dating shows. Yeah. Over the past couple years. Which ones have you been watching? I am currently on a big Married at First Sight kick. a lot of like reality television dating shows yeah over the past couple years watching um i

am currently on a big married at first sight kick nice at the moment um it is so fun they have seasons 10 and 11 on netflix and have i have i told you about this show yet? I don't know. I'm assuming they just get, they like see each other and just get married and then see who goes. It's what it says on the tin. That's exactly what it is. You apply to be on this show. They kind of like interview you extensively

about what you're looking for in a partner. It's incredibly heterosexual so nobody no like every it's always a cis man and a cis woman so far so it's like an arranged marriage type deal yes it's essentially an arranged marriage type deal they quiz you on what you're looking for and then they match you up with someone who is theoretically compatible with you has it worked i mean um yeah they like they have like i think they have a track record of i think there there have been like 14 seasons so far and of those 14 seasons yeah this has been going on for a long time just now hearing about it okay it's been going on so long apparently it's a lifetime

show and i don't think either of us are traditionally lifetime people yeah yeah but it's been going for so long and i think like nine like eight or nine couples are still together so that's honestly a better track record than I was thinking. I mean, arranged marriages have worked for a long time for a lot of people. Absolutely. But usually there's a cultural component of this being how it's done. This is the cultural component for the USA, right? I'm assuming this is like an American TV show. I'm watching the American version

of Married at First Sight so it's a bunch of couples oh man I'm assuming there's Married at First Sight UK I haven't seen it but I imagine I imagine Married at First Sight happens in a couple different countries kind of like how there's like Love is Blind Japan and love is blind brazil yeah amazing amazing what a time to be alive what a time but yeah but so so then like you know they take you to the altar and you marry and you legally marry this person at first sight and then like you spend eight weeks of filming together and then at the end of the eight weeks you decide if you want to get divorced or not do you think they really get married like for realsies yes I think

yes I think they do I'm pretty I'm pretty sure they do get legally married because that's the whole premise of the show and like none of the stars have come forward to like debunk it in 14 years so I'm pretty sure that that could put –

14 years. Hold on. Wait. Hold on. What? Hold on. Hold on. It's 2023.

14 years ago, 2009. Okay. So back in 2008, when everybody was lobbying for like, you know, gay marriage to be legal, that was ruining the sanctity of marriage, quote unquote. But immediately right after – I was getting too – like getting too wacky strangers together. Nobody's funny. I mean, there's a lot of examples of how that's absolutely bullshit but um

but okay i don't know i know i know i think that's so funny oh my god i'm wrong there's 16 seasons of this shit so it was happening before yeah oh gosh anyway um anyway it has not that 2008 was like the only the first time anyone has ever wanted you know to legally oh sure we had over the fuck they want you know what i mean you know what i'm saying i know i know what you're saying the sanctity of marriage was ruined already i I get it. I think 2008 especially, that was the year that I became able to vote. So it was right in the forefront of my brain of like, I can make a difference. That was one of the first things I voted for.

It was fucking awesome. That was a wild election to have be our very first one yeah or maybe it was we were voting um to not get rid of because it was vote no on prop eight in california was that it was a prop eight oh yeah there are still people in town with that bumper sticker on their car oh really, really? Yeah. Wow. Well, the no on eight. The no on prop eight. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Well, still. Okay. It's been an eight. And the yes on eight bumper sticker. I do remember those, though. They were like, it was like, you know, a heterosexual couple, like, you know, those little, like, bathroom couples, and they're holding their hands up, and they have their kids, and there's like a little sun behind it.

Boo. Like, yay. Protect the children. Oh. Oh my God. From you, they're heterosexual parents who scream at each other all the time and suck a lot. Who just met each other the first day on a reality show.

Oh my God. So yeah. So watching this thing has made me even more like, just like, oh my God, there are some, I know it's a reality TV show and they cast it

in a certain way to make sure that like the people that are on the show are fun to watch, you know? So they're not exactly looking for normal people. Yeah. They want Jessica from love is blind.

She was amazing. And she was so fun to watch. She really did. What a bitch. I hope she's doing all right out there. I think they cut all the like parts of her interview and made her look way worse than she probably is. Oh,

100%. But it was also really fun to hate her oh yeah totally i i do hope she's doing well wherever she is i hope they're all doing well but man but like i'm just like i like they they married at first sight does the exact same thing that every other dating show always does which is, these are some pretty driven, pretty incredible women that you have married to these very nothing guys who the bar is on the absolute floor. And if they don't trip over it, it's like a fairy tale.

I take it back. Ivan's of the Ivan verse verse i'm sorry you're not you're better than them you're better than them fucking john who's the best from uh oh john is the best john's the best i would have i would marry john if I wasn't already spoken for. If you haven't listened to that episode, it is a bonus episode that we released last year when we were taking a break. It's called John the fucking best ever. Or I am John the fucking best ever. I can't remember what episode it is, but it's one of the best fairy tales ever. Yep.

One of the best ones we have ever read. And John is like one of the best dudes ever. Yep. John rocks John sets the bar and he sets it high oh my gosh anyway so that's my rant about dating shows and dating in general and for all of you that are out there

still being single write us write write in, tell us your stories. I want to know how it's going for you. Do you have a bad first date story? Because apparently I love those. Yeah, those so, so fun. And also, if you just need if you need someone to like, evaluate your situation with clear eyes and tell you that this is not the person for you we're we're here for this yeah write in dear abby yes oh my gosh yes please my dream my dream is to is to just give people advice i that is what i want an advice podcast oh my god i would do one if i thought anyone give if i thought anyone gave a shit what i think

If I thought anyone gave a shit what I think about their love life, I would absolutely want to run one of those. Okay. You can give the real advice and I'll give advice specifically based on fairy tale shit. Awesome. Which would be the worst advice ever. Oh, I think if you haven't listened to the episode of Textual Tension that came out two weeks ago, we are guests on their show and we have a list of fairy tale dating rules that we go over. So definitely make sure to go listen to that episode. And also we haven't mentioned this either. We were on But Make It Lovely two weeks weeks ago as well we were on three podcasts

uh two tuesdays ago yeah february was a big month for us yes yeah part of the reason we were so busy i think and um we made scream the 1996 classic classic uh, a very gay romance. Oh my gosh. It was a, it was a very gay musical theater rom-com. And it was glorious. It's not scream anymore. It's sing.

It's sing. Oh God. It was so funny. And like, and, and then Sequoia did something that was actually rather lovely and kind of serious and also very bonkers. So it's a great episode. Highly recommend.

It's so much fun. Yeah. You could find that on the But Make It Scary feed. But every Valentine's Day, Sequoia does a But Make It Lovely. So go check those out. All right. Are you ready? I'm ready. Speaking of romantic stories oh goodness or otherwise um i so so first of all i wanted i am so excited that i finally have the opportunity

to read you a story from the book that you sent me for Christmas. Amazing. So Kelsey sent me a book called monstrous tales, stories of strange creatures and fearsome beasts from around the world. It looks so cool. Oh my gosh. And the illustrations are so fun. I can't wait to take a picture of the one from this story and send it to you. Every,

all of the illustrations are by someone named Sija Hong. Yeah. We'll tag them on an Instagram post after this episode comes out because the artwork was so gorgeous. I actually – or like as soon as I found that book, I immediately followed them on Instagram. Oh, they have an Instagram? Uh-huh. Yeah. Hell yeah.

Oh, my gosh. I absolutely have to follow them. Their artwork is so fucking gorgeous. I know. That was the main reason I got that book. It's one of those fairy and folktale books that it doesn't have the full version of most fairy and folktales. It has some that we've read in the past, but the artwork is so pretty. And I don't know, there's just so many cool ones. So we'll also link the book in our show notes as well. If you are interested in picking that up, I'm sure you can find it at bookshop.org. Oh, and by the way, when you buy books, if you buy books from our links in our show notes,

we get a little kickback from that. Oh, yeah. That's something we should probably talk about more often. Go buy books from our bookshop.org links and give us more money. You're supporting us and you're supporting local books, local bookstores. Go check out bookshop.org. They are the coolest. 100%.

Couldn't agree more. Had to get some business out of the way no I love it that's so that's so great um my my brain my brain is on like how do I want to introduce this story to you but okay so I think I'm just going to tell you the title and the region and then what section of the book it's from because i think that's cool okay so this is from the not as they seem section of monstrous tales and the title is the disobedient daughter who married a skull amazing uh-huh and uh this story is from nigeria most more specifically it's a story from the epic people of nigeria they're one of the ethnic groups that make up uh that are part of the country and they also um have significant populations in cameroon oh that sounds so fucking cool. Okay. So I'm going to guess the skull is not evil.

Okay. Because it says not as it seems. I don't know. Skull seems scary. Which is giving me vibes from one of our lasteen stories where the little girl helps a skull a screaming skull do you remember that one where it turned out she was a princess i loved that story that story was so surprising and super fun it was so good oh my gosh i love where your head's at skull's not evil i want to guess that there is an obedient daughter.

It's just not her. Okay. Ooh, that's fun. I'm like, there's an obedient daughter in the story. Okay. And maybe she's being compared to. Okay. But it's not the main character.

Right. And I'm also guessing she didn't want to marry. Well, no. Well, my guess is she did want to marry. Well, no. No, my guess is she did want to marry the skull. Okay. She's marrying the skull out of spite. I love that. That's my guess.

Okay. This is the disobedient daughter who married a skull from the epic people of nigeria effiong edem was a native of cobbham town he had a very fine daughter whose name was affiong um i also looked up what affiong uh means it means it's a it's a name that is given to a girl who was born with who was born under a full moon. I love it. It's also really pretty. Yeah, Afiong. Afiong.

I love that. Really, really pretty name. And then her father's name, Afiong, is just the masculine version of that name. Nice. Okay. So her name was Afiong. All the young men in the country wanted to marry her on account of her beauty, but she refused all offers of marriage in spite of repeated entreaties from her parents,

as she was very vain and said she would only marry the best looking man in the country, who would have to be young and strong and capable of loving her properly, which honestly, that sounds fair. She fucking knows her worth. She's not on a hinge dealing with all these yes yes 100 garbage men i love it prove you're worthy and i'll consider it and be hot i mean not asking for a lot here all right um most of the men her parents wanted her to marry although they were rich were old men and ugly ones so the girl continued to disobey her parents at which they were very much grieved find her someone young and rich if you're not going to be an advocate for yourself like nobody

else is going to be an advocate for you absolutely for yourself the skull who lived in the spirit land heard of the beauty of this calabar virgin and thought he would like to possess her so he went amongst his friends and borrowed different parts of the body from them. All the best. Oh my gosh. Borrowed? Yeah. He's planning on giving them back? Yeah, you'll see. Oh, I love this so much.

From one, he got a good head. Another lent him a body. A third gave him strong arms and a fourth lent him a fine pair of legs. At last he was complete and was a very perfect specimen of manhood. Yeah, he was fucking love this so far. Who would you, who would you cast to play this perfect man? Oh my God. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. I feel like, and this could just be because I've been seeing like-Man Quantumania trailers everywhere, but right now, Jonathan Majors would be a very strong contender. Jonathan, hold on one second. I have to look that up. I think that's his name, Jonathan Majors. He was also in Lovecraft Country.

Oh, nice. Oh, my God. That would be good. He's so fucking handsome. I immediately went to Michael B. Jordan. Oh, Michael B jordan would be another fantastic choice either one of them i think both both of them are super beautiful and also like jonathan majors is crazy ripped in quantum apparently

oh my god but yes either one of those men would absolutely i think be a perfect a perfect choice i love how this is like kind of creepy but also it's very i don't know it's very sexy i'm excited about it i don't have a good feeling about the ending because it's a fairy tale but you know maybe this is the fix maybe this is the very obvious fix maybe it's my very obvious you'll see you'll see okay we're going we're moving along so like jonathan majors and or slash michael b jordan perfect specimen of manhood and that is what this skull looks like now he then left the spirit land and went to cobham market where he saw afiong and admired her very much about this time afiong heard that a very fine man had been seen in the market who was better

looking than any of the native men she therefore went to the market at once and directly saw the skull in his borrowed beauty and she fell in love with him and invited him to her house. Yeah, she did. She's like, there he is. That's the one. She swiped right. She swiped right so hard on this guy. This is so relevant to this fairy tale. I love it.

Uh-huh. I'm glad you made us save that conversation. Me too. The skull was delighted and went home with her and on his arrival was introduced by the girl to her parents and immediately asked their consent to marry their daughter. At first, they refused as they did not wish her to marry a stranger, but at last they agreed. This is not married at first sight, apparently. Okay. He lived with Afiang for two days

at her parents' house and then said he wished to take his wife back to his country, which was far off. To this, the girl readily agreed as he was such a fine man, but her... Catfishing.

Seriously. He really is. He's a skull from the spirit world. I know. I feel like he. Yeah, I don't know. I love it because she's being shallow. So he's tricking her. Yeah, I know.

She's being so shallow. But I also hate that he's catfishing. I don't know. I'm very torn because. They're both. They're both not being super great. They deserve each other, maybe. It's an everyone's behaving badly sort of story. Yes.

Those are always so much fun. Yes. So he's super hot and she's still very much in lust with him. So she's like, yeah, that's fine. I'll move with you back to your country. Uh-oh. Back into the spirit world. Just get in this hole,

get in the hole. She readily agrees because he's super hot, but her parents are trying to persuade her not to go. However, being very headstrong, she made her mind up to go and they started off together. After they had been gone a few days, the father consulted his juju man,

who very soon discovered that his daughter's husband belonged to the spirit land and that she would surely be killed. They therefore all mourned her as dead. Aw, they just mourned. They're just like, well, she's gone. Yeah, like, well, the wizard says that she's probably dead by now.

We need the mother from Lubobo in here we do where is she get her over here because she does not take that for an answer she just she goes and she gets what is hers huh i miss her the best fairy tale mom we've ever come across, for sure. Phenomenal. After walking for several days, Afiang and the skull crossed the border between the spirit land and human country. Directly after they set foot in the spirit land, one man came to the skull and demanded his legs, then another his head, and the next his body, and so on, on until in a few minutes the skull was left by itself in all of its natural ugliness oh michael b jordan's gone it's just i i knew i should have i knew i should have predicted that she didn't want to marry a skull

dang it i have zero points for sure. Yeah, I mean, you know, I think there is a possible argument to be made that like she did want to, she wanted to marry the skull. She just didn't know. She just didn't know it was a skull. Yeah.

But she didn't want to marry him. No, she just, yeah, she just wanted to marry a super hottie she wanted to marry a mega hottie um who happened to be the skull in his borrowed beauty you know maybe beauty is skin deep maybe this is a lesson she's gonna learn yeah um oh 100 percent she's gonna she's afiang afiang is learning some lessons. Is she still going to love him? That's what I want. At this, the girl was very frightened and wanted to return home,

but the skull would not allow this and ordered her to go with him. When they arrived at the skull's house, they found his mother, who was a very old woman, quite incapable of doing any work, who could only creep about. Which I think is such a fun turn of phrase. That is funny. white and capable of doing any work who could only creep about. Which I think is such a fun turn of phrase. That is funny. Afiang tried her best to help her and cooked her food and brought water and firewood for the old woman.

She was very grateful for these attentions and soon became quite fond of Afiang. One day, the old woman told Afiang that she was very sorry for her, but all the people in the spirit land were cannibals and when they heard there was a human being in their country they would come down and kill her and eat her amazing I know I love this story

helpful mother-in-laws I guess yeah yeah this is this would definitely be her mother-in-law so good I love that you are such a sweet girl. I am so sorry that you're here because everyone else are cannibals. They're going to come eat you pretty soon.

Yeah. The skull's mother then hid Afiong, and as she had looked after her so well, she promised she would send her back to her country as soon as possible, providing that she promised for the future to obey her parents. Ah, oh, okay.

Yeah. This is, this is, this is the part where it's like, where I was like, Ooh, women helping women. I love it.

And then, oh no, you have to let your parents marry you off to him. Yeah. You should have settled for those old rich dudes. Yeah. But you know, considering her current situation and the the where her choices have led her

uh afiong readily consented yeah yeah for sure then the old woman sent for the spider who was a very clever hairdresser and made him dress afiong's hair in the latest fashion. Fuck yeah! I know! It's fucking awesome. She also presented herself... I know! Like spiders who are good weavers, they're good at doing hair. Fuck yeah, of course they would be! I love it. She also presented her with anklets and other things on account of her kindness.

She then made a juju and called the winds to come and convey Afiong to her home. At first, a violent tornado came with thunder, lightning and rain, but the skull's mother sent him away as unsuitable. The next wind to come was a gentle breeze, so she told the breeze to carry Afiang to her mother's house and said goodbye to her. Very soon afterwards, the breeze deposited Afiang outside her home and left her there. afterwards the breeze deposited afyang outside her home and left her there when the parents saw their daughter they were very glad as they had for some months given her up as lost yeah immediately yeah they're like well she's dead maybe we can catch her maybe we can catch her oh well she's dead she's dead that's too bad

the father spread soft animal skins on the ground from where his daughter was standing she's dead. That's too bad. The father spread soft animal skins on the ground from where his daughter was standing all the way to the house so that her feet should not be soiled. Afiang then walked to the house and her father called all the young girls who belonged to Afiang's company to come and dance. And the feasting and dancing was kept up for eight days and nights. Yeah. So they're really happy.'s not dead like they're eight they have an eight-day party shit i want an eight-day party that sounds as long as i could have lots of naps oh yeah you can't it couldn't be constant partying it couldn't be constant

they're really dedicated yes they're really happy when the rejoicing was over the father reported what had happened to the head chief of the town the chief then passed a law that parents should never allow their daughters to marry strangers who came from a far country. Oh, no. That sounds, oh, no. That is illegal now. That sounds like a very fairy tale king thing to do. Like this, this, this king is just basically just kind of just kind of like, okay, well, that's the one, one time it happened. One time a bad thing happened and it's it's it's

done it's over we're gonna eat him into the river then the father told his daughter to marry a friend of his and she willingly consented and lived with him for many years and had many children the end yay wow well obviously i knew it was gonna go that way i was hoping it wouldn't because i really loved the skull i was hoping the skull took her into the underworld and just had a really great personality and then she just ended up really loving him and wanting to stay and then maybe out of fairy tale magic he gets a fucking body and gets to come live with her and her parents get to know she's not dead i don't know something like that i do like that i think that i think that's a great uh a great

possible fix for the story another possible fix for the story that i that i like is you know everything happens pretty much the same um except at the end it's not that she meekly accepts marrying one of her dad's friends and it's more like she's learned she's she's just learned to be more discerning about who she about who she like maybe she she actually does reconsider maybe some of the other village boys or something if i were making this into a movie i would want to be like she initially is like this guy she really likes but she's like he's just not hot enough for me yes yeah you know and then he's like trying to save her and the and the mother-in-law also is trying to save her and then like and there's you know they meet up and fall and

she's like I don't know I should I don't know well yeah kind of like a 13 going on 30 sort of situation yeah exactly it's like her dorky best friend that she doesn't really consider for her but then like she goes and she has an experience that she comes back and she realizes that like inner beauty

is also important he was a skater boy she said that's the vibes i get except it's a happy ending yeah absolutely so so that i think ultimately that's my fix more than this more than like her continuing to live with the skull because the underworld does sound like the spirit world does sound like a very uncomfortable place from from mortal humans yeah i don't know i just love that i love her marrying a skull it's very fun for me but it is very fun i like i do i do like it like i would not be upset if that was the ending of the story but i think i think it's i think it makes it a nicer romantic story if she comes home and she's learned a lesson about inner beauty yeah um and learns

that like she needs to make sure that the partner she chooses is a good person and not just a hot person yes yeah for sure i i don't i don't like that the lesson that she learns in the original story is like I should have just married my dad's old rich friend like he wanted. Yeah, I can see how that's like a, you know, like a folktale that you tell your kids to get them to be like, oh, I'm scared of any strangers. yeah I mean well like and speaking of like kind of like arranged arranged marriage like that's kind of a more typical form of it which is like yeah like hey I found I felt like hey girl I found you some I found you some real security this this guy is rich and will take good care of you yeah that you may thank me now. That was so eerily relevant. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I'm so excited. I love that story. I love this whole book. I can't wait to read you every single story in this book. I already have read you one of the stories. My Lord Bag of Rice is in here.

I saw that. Oh my gosh. The artwork for that one is so good too. I think it's the giant centipede. I'll take a, I'll take a picture of it and we can put it up on the Instagram so that people can see it. Yeah. If you are a listener and you haven't checked out our Instagram, don't feel like you have to follow us, but definitely go on there and check out some of the cool fucking art that goes with these stories. Um, I always post them like a couple of days, art that goes with these stories um i always post them like a couple days sometimes maybe a week if i'm really lazy um after the episode comes out but i just love the artwork that comes with these so much and so so many people have different like styles and i don't know it's just it's the coolest so much good art my story is a hard like left from this i wasn't oh yeah i'm excited it's valentine's day is coming gone my brain isn't there anymore i spent all the romance i had

coming up with that scream movie to make scream into a romantic comedy i used up all my romantic brain power for that. I love it. I got a new book. Oh, I actually bought this book when I got your book. Oh, okay. Because it's a book I've wanted for a while and it has not been available at my local Barnes & Noble. It's African Folk Tales from the Pantheon Fairy Tale and Folklore Library. Awesome. Okay. Oh, I love it. We're both doing African Folk Tales today.

So I also wanted to give just a really quick shout out to a really great podcast. If you want more African Folkktale stories there's a podcast called afro tales podcast and it is really fun so he tells you a folktale like a african folktale and then he also does like a he always does like a recipe afterwards oh that's so fun yeah yeah and oh my gosh they sound amazing so he'll like go on and tell the folktale and then he pairs it with um like a african dish so definitely go check that out i really love him um yeah what was it called again afro tales podcast afro tales podcast okay yeah i've been wanting to shout them out for a while and we just haven't yet because we don't

do a ton of African folk tales. Which we should definitely do more because they're so fun. Part of the reason I bought this book. And yeah, but I also wanted, you know, obviously they're not our tales to tell. So I definitely think you should check out Afro Tales Podcast if you want to hear it from like an actual African person. All right. I love that we're both doing African folk tales. I know.

But it is, I mean, you know, it's still February, so it's still a Black History Month too. Hell yes, it is. We did not plan that at all. No, we didn't. you know it's still February so it's still a black history month too hell yes it is we uh did not plan that at all no we didn't I feel like that happens a lot though I'd be like hey I finally brought my uh Russian book out you're like so did I so did I we're just you and I just have a craving for a certain vibe every once in a while and we're just on the same wavelength about it i think so okay so basically i bought this book i am super stoked to read a couple of short stories from it uh the first one is friends for a time oh and they do have come in sections let me tell you the section of the story

oh yes please so this story is called friends for a time and it is from the crotchy people in ghana according to the book and um it is from the section tales of trickster and other ridiculous creatures tales to entertain your story fuck yes i'm just gonna preface that, I don't know if I would call this a trickster story, so I wouldn't rely on that too much. Oh, okay. That's quite a hint and I appreciate you.

I would say more, and other ridiculous creatures, tales to entertain. Okay. What was the title again? It's called Friends for a Time. Friends for a Time. Okay. And if I have to know it, so do you. Oh, my God.

Okay. Okay. Prediction one, this is going to be a story about the unlikely friendship of a human man. Mm-hmm. And some kind of, of like pest creature. Okay. Human man and pest creature. I love it.

Now all I can think about is like trickster, trickster shit. Sorry. The human is going to learn a valuable lesson at the end of the story. Okay. Alternatively, this is my third prediction. The story just kind of trails off. Story trails off.

And just kind of, you know, and then blah, blah, blah happened. And then it was over. Not a bad prediction. A lot of the stories I was telling Abby, I think right before we started recording a lot of the stories in this book, they're fun, but they also kind of are nothing. It reminds me a lot of the Russian Pantheon book. I'm just maybe I'm wondering if the pantheon books aren't the way to go. I've also been probably not great. I'm keeping my eye out for the Korean fairy and folk tales pantheon book. I really,

really want that. Oh my God. Korean, Korean fairy tales are so fun. Like honestly my favorites, but I'm wondering if the pantheon, it's such a big book. I'm wondering if they just condense it so much, my favorites, but I'm wondering if the Pantheon, it's such a big book. I'm wondering if they just condense it so much, you know?

To try to squeeze as many stories in there as possible. Yeah, because a lot of these are really short. So this one's pretty short, so I'm going to read you two, but I'm going to go ahead and get started with this one. Friends for a Time. A certain hunter no longer wanted to live in his own village, but decided to make a little home for himself in the far bush. He searched for a nice place and there built a small house made of a little farm of yams and cassava. Cassava? Cassava?

Cassava. That sounds right. Yeah. I don't know if I am right, but that just, that sounds right. I think it's a fruit. Yeah. Cass don't know if I am right, but that just, that sounds right. I think it's a fruit. Yeah. Cassava is a root vegetable. It looks like a yam or sweet potato.

Oh, it's not even spelled the way I thought. I thought it was spelled with a K. All right. Cool. But that's not important though. The important part is that he lost his gun and was unable to get any meat. So he was eating a lot of potatoes. One day he returned to his house and there he found a young lion who said to him,

I have come to see you. This is my country, but I like you and we too will share this house. Oh, I love it. The lion just tells him i'm moving in and what are you gonna do are you gonna tell the lion no you lost your gun you cannot well back then i mean does a lion count as a pest creature no definitely not damn it i should have i should have just left it at unlikely friendship with an yes damn it because lion is a majestic creature yeah who wouldn't want to be friends with a lion i mean it seems like this one is potentially going to be a pest if it's just showing up and saying i live here now we'll see okay like i, if I have to know this story, so do you. Oh, geez.

One day, the man returned to his house. Oh, sorry. Hold on. I already read that. The man did not mind at all and agreed that the lion should live with him, which is so cute. Now, every day, the man went out and looked at his farm and watched the crop growing, while the lion went away into the bush and killed meat, which he brought back shared with the man because he's the best roommate ever okay this is great thus they became fast friends of course this is perfect what if he's on our side but one day the lion said to his friend, you told me you were a hunter.

And yet all this time that we've been together, it is I, not you, who have killed our meat. I love that they are having a very traditional roommate altercation, which is someone feels like they are not like, I feel like I'm doing most of the chores. Yes. Then the man told the lion that men killed with their guns and the lion said nothing. I'm imagining the lion actually rolled his eyes super hard like, ugh. Never takes any responsibility. You wanted to be his roommate though, so also. Yeah.

So the lion set forth and came near the dwelling places of man one day he saw a band of men come out to a farm and all begin to hoe the field together first though they had set their guns against a tree so the lion rose up and went to the tree and took away one of the guns with all the little bags of powder and medicine attached to it. These he carried home and gave them to his friend, the man, the hunter went out every day and killed me until they were both tired of it. Then the man said that it was now time for him to leave the bush and return to the villages of men.

Huh? Okay. It's a little sad, but you know, he's probably like ready to settle down and I guess, but, you know, he's probably, like, ready to settle down. I guess. But, like, you already have the coolest roommate in the world. He stole some guns for you.

Yeah, who stole some guns for you. And, like, that's dangerous. That is so dangerous for a lion to do. He was so sick of getting all the meat that he went out to, like, steal steal guns for his roommate now you have no excuse now you have no excuse you have to go do it yourself the lion said he was sorry but that the man knew best and that he the lion would never forget him and would remain his friend so long as he never told other men that he had a lion as a friend oh he's gonna go tell all the other men, isn't he? You can't tell people that we were buds.

It wouldn't make me look good. All of my friends will make fun of me if they know that I was like, that I had to rely on a human for company. Aw. The man promised and left the bush and settled in a village where he married and had many children. So good for him. Good for him. Yeah.

One day, the lion, remembering his friend, decided to visit him to find out if the man was still faithful to their friendship. He came down to the man's farm and hid himself near some rocks, pretending that he was asleep. When one of the man's youngest children found the lion, he told his father to come quick and kill it. Then the man went... I'm so nervous for this lion. Don't make that face. If I have to know this story

then the man went to see and he looked and he remembered and said maybe it is my friend i will not take its skin the lion got up and thanked his friend and said that now he knew truly that the man was his friend and that he could go to the and that he could go back to the bush happy. Okay. So not long afterwards, the lion again wished to visit his friend to show him his eldest son. So he took the lion cub with him to the farm and again hid himself pretending to be asleep. But this time he did so in a different place. And the cub was told to keep away but to watch how his father's friend was a good man.

When the man and his children came to the farm, one of the boys saw the lion and told his father that there was meat lying there. The man then took his gun, went to the spot, and thinking that the lion was not his friend friend since he had chosen a different place to hide himself in shot the lion why would you think that any lion is just hanging out by your house like why would you assume yeah i agree why would you assume that's probably your buddy also why do you know what your lion friend looks like either? Do you think all lions look the same? And why are you just killing lions? Like, geez. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. And his cub is in the trees. Oh, my God. It's a Simba and Mufasa situation and i that cub is gonna run away yup then he saw that it was his friend and he began to weep yeah yeah which he should as you should you killed your friend gun happy trigger happy bastard seriously but the lion's child who had watched his father killed was angry yeah he swore that from that day onward he and all other lions would never again look on the face of hunters with pleasure that they would kill them whenever they had the chance

good and that is why that to this, hunters and lions hate each other. Oh, I love that. What an interesting, that's a very interesting, like, this is why humans and lions aren't friends. No, isn't that sad? Origin story. That's super sad. I love that story so much until I hated it. Yeah. I'm very upset.

I have a very, I mean, you know, we have an obvious fix for this story, probably, which is that, you know, look before you shoot. Ask some questions first. Maybe learn to tell your best friend lion apart from other lions. Also, if the lion is, okay, here's my my thing is that the lion is just sleeping there, like just sleeping and not doing anything. Do you really have to just pull it? Like,

which if, which if you do, why are lions and humans friends at all? Anyway, if like you're prone to just killing lions that you see, maybe it was a bad year. It was a bad year on the farm maybe and like his kids are hungry i don't know i guess i'm making excuses for him the second revenge story of the little cub heck yeah killing one of his sons i don't know down with all humans this should be a lion's world friends for a time until one gets murdered right yeah by the other

one because he just wasn't paying attention yeah that's where he made me super sad i loved it first and then yeah so sorry we have the re like the reason why all of us don't have a lion companion is this man's fault and i will never not be mad about it i know i would have fixed it by they just stay friends but i guess i don't know that would change the entire ending of the story yeah well yeah and the entire course of human history yeah so the rest of uh the story for my so my fix is like the rest of the story is all about how the other the lion cub gets revenge basically okay by killing one of his sons i think that's only fair so we just start a blood feud between this family of lions and this family of humans.

That's, I don't know. That's definitely not my fix. My fix is he does not kill his friend and then each of his children makes friends with each of the lion's children and then it's just like this super rad family who lives in this village and they all have lion best friends. I love, that's what i prefer for sure yeah

i think that's way better that's such a bummer i know that's what i was like if i have to read this so does abby you know sometimes it can't always be the nice ones that there are a lot of really sad. What are podcasts just about? And they, and only some of them lived happily ever after. True,

true, true, true. Oh man. It's this guy and Susan that are just out here ruining everything for the rest of us. Oh, Susan. I'm not even ready to talk about that yet. All right.

So this next story. Okay. Maybe a bit of a palate cleanser is called the Leopard Woman. Are there dead leopards in it? Because I don't want to. Okay. So Leopard Woman is from Liberia. Okay.

And it is from this section. Hold on. Are there dead leopards in this one? From the section. Hold on. They're dead. This one, you know, I honestly don't remember at this point. Okay. No more dead big cats.

This one is from a, from a different section. This is called stories to discuss and even argue about. Ooh, that's fun. That's a great title for a section. Oh, hell yeah. Okay.

It's really short. It's like one page. So I'm just going to give you one prediction for this. Okay. That's good because I can't really think of any for the leopard woman and it's supposed to be something I argue about. Yeah, you're, let's see, you're, you got, did the human learn a valuable lesson it didn't really say i hope he did so i mean i would i would hope he learns like not to shoot

first and ask questions later but really um but that but that that was not explicitly in the story yeah so this is your redemption point time. My redemption point. I think the leopard woman is a witch. I love it. Yep. Leopard woman is a witch. That's my prediction.

It's what I want. I want the leopard woman to be some kind of like magic user that's what we deserve it is what we deserve after especially you said palette cleanser give me a witch give it okay i deserve it i deserve a witch i'll do my best okay the leopard woman a man and woman were once making a hard journey through the bush. The woman had her baby strapped upon her back as she walked along the rough path overgrown with vines and shrubbery. They had nothing to eat with them, and as they traveled on, they became very hungry. Suddenly, emerging from the heavily wooded forest into a grassy plain, they came upon a herd of bush cows grazing quietly.

The man said to the woman, you have the power of transforming yourself into whatever you like. Fuck yeah! Yes! Oh, I love that. I like that he's just telling her this. He's like, you can turn into a leopard. Do it. You go take care of that.

Well, you know, when you're the one that can turn into a leopard, that is your job. Okay, that's fair. He's a weak, stupid human man and cannot turn into a leopard. Men don't know what they're missing, really. man and cannot turn into a leopard. Men don't know what they're missing, really. All women can turn into a leopard. All women can turn into some kind of big cat. Change now into a leopard and capture one of the bush cows that I may have something to eat and not perish. Change into a leopard and kill him.

selfish change into a leopard and kill him the woman looked at the man significantly and said do you really mean when you ask or are you joking i mean it said the man for he was very hungry oh yeah i don't feel like he's gonna learn a fucking lesson i don't think she knew that she could turn into a leopard. Like he literally is informing her. Because I thought he was just mansplaining to her about her own powers. Okay, so she genuinely might not have known that she can turn into a leopard. I feel like she was like, wow, okay. Okay. I can. Let's read the rest okay so the woman untied the baby from her back and put it upon the ground

hair began growing on her neck and body she dropped her loincloth a change came over her face her hands and feet turned into claws some animorphs shit right now i know it's so good i love that i love um i love the imagery of like it being painful to change yeah well it's very like an american werewolf in london i really i'm always thinking about blood and chocolate it's a werewolf book that i grew up with it's one of my favorites go read blood and chocolate i'll actually attach that to the show notes too um it's a werewolf book that I grew up with. It's one of my favorites. Go read Blood and Chocolate. I'll actually attach that to the show notes too. It's a werewolf teen romance novel, but it's

so good. So in a few moments, a wild leopard was standing before the man, staring at him with fiery eyes. The poor man was frightened nearly to death and clambered up a tree for protection and just left his baby on the ground apparently.

Oh, what a shit bag. Boo! Boo! When he was nearly to the top, he saw that the poor little baby was almost within the reach of the leopard's jaws, but he was so afraid that he couldn't make himself come

down to rescue it. It. Rescue them. Yes. Good. Good fix. When the leopard saw that she already had the man good and frightened and full of terror, she ran away to the flock of cattle to do for him as he had asked her to do.

Capturing a large young heifer, she dragged it back to the foot of the tree. man who is still as far up and it's top as he could go cried out piteously begged the leopard to transform herself back into a woman uh-huh slowly the hair receded and the claws disappeared until finally a woman stood before the man once more but so frightened was he still that he could not come down until he saw her take up her clothes and tie her baby to her back. Then she said to him,

never ask a woman to do a man's work again. Fuck yeah. Yes. Oh, I love that. That's so fun. Women must care for the farms, raise breadstuffs,

fish, et cetera, but it is a man's work to do the hunting and bring the meat for the family. The end. The end. Yes, absolutely. Say it again.

She's just like so pissed. She actually does it. You cannot ask me to do all the fucking goddamn work around here. Does it? You cannot ask me to do all the fucking goddamn work around here. I thought that one was so fun. I love her. That story is so good. I can just picture the genesis of that story.

The genesis of that story is women getting super fucking frustrated and being the only ones that are doing any fucking work around here. If you don't do your goddamn job, I will turn into a leopard and I will just take care of all of it myself and then kill you. What's the point of you? If I have to turn into a leopard to get the food i love it so much um that's great i don't i don't love the whole like a man's work but like i but i also get where she's coming from like yeah i mean like if if that's how, if that's how work is traditionally split in, in your culture,

then, then absolutely. I'm 100% on her side. Oh yeah. No, you can tell it's, that's not like, that's just like kind of a modern, like, yeah. Yeah. Take on it as like, you know, hunting could be anybody's job really. But i do love the fact that she's so pissed she's just like 100 never asked me to do your fucking job again absolutely because the thing is it's like yes she's perfectly capable of doing the hunting she can do it it's it's it's not that she she can turn into a fucking leopard and and take care of business but but the point is is that that's not my fucking job oh i love it i thought that was so much fun i'm glad you liked it oh i love that story no fixes actually yeah me neither really maybe just like a little bit of

the wording like yeah yeah yeah maybe a little bit of your job instead of a man's job no rest to do your fucking job absolutely like the only thing i would change is like yeah like a traditional gender roles yeah yeah exactly but uh but beyond that no fixes for that one that's a flawless story i agree like and i and i and that makes me wonder like if what she meant instead of like oh what do you like oh i can turn into a leopard i had no idea i think it's more like what are you what excuse me what are you asking excuse me do you want to run that one by me again like

i was wondering because i when i read it i wasn't totally sure like how that was coming across because i was like does she not know she can turn into a leopard he's just like hey guess what did you know you could do this and she's like holy shit so he was so that's another reason why i love this story he was mansplaining he was like did you know did he like hey you can do this thing so you should do this for me and she's like i already i already do everything else around here i i know i can uh-huh yeah i'm aware i like but that's and like oh'm sorry. I'm only busy carrying our baby through the fucking woods. And he just leaves the baby on the ground. What a useless man.

I think this section it's in to discuss or even argue about. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah. Although what's to argue about he's i can see people arguing a lot about this me too i can i know we agree but i can see people arguing about it but like i think those people people who would take the opposite side are um wrong which i guess is why it's something to argue about. Don't be a pathetic loser and we won't have a problem. Perfect.

Oh, I love it. I feel like this episode really had a theme. You know what? I really, I feel like you did get that one point because she's obviously a witch. Yeah. I feel, I mean, but in like the special way that all women that all women are yes it still counts perfect thank you i appreciate it um so we each we each we each got away with one

point no i didn't get any points really because i feel like it counts like that because i said wait what what was the that she wanted that she wanted that she wanted to marry the skull she didn't know he was a skull but she didn't really you were gonna give me that point i was gonna give you that one yeah no i also put marrying the skull out of spite because i i changed it to be like she's marrying the skull out of spite to like her parents for being like, that's how she was being disobedient. You're very kind though. I think it still counts. But.

You want to, you know what? If you don't give me a point, I want to put that on there. Give it. Take a point. One point. I think you deserve it. Thank you. So I think that, that were, that were, those were three pretty perfect stories that had some fantastically

relevant themes for this time of year uh and we're gonna we're gonna rest on our laurels and end the show now so thank you very much everyone for listening to fairy tale fix if you enjoy the show which obviously you do since you listened this long, please subscribe and leave us a review on Apple or anywhere else that they will let you do it.

You can also leave us like five stars on Spotify. You can go on Google and leave us a Google review. You can leave us five stars on Facebook. We have one five star review on Facebook, which is very nice. Go leave us reviews on Facebook. We have one five star review on Facebook, which is very nice. Go leave us reviews on Facebook. Do that.

If you also want to support us in other ways and you have a little extra money, you can get extra episodes, merch, books, and other bonus content at our Patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash for about what you'd pay for a latte

a month. You get a lot of bonus episodes for $6. So go check that out. Yeah, I think we've got like, what, 19 or something now? 18. 18. It'll be 18 when this episode comes out. Oh, but we also have the

very first episode we've ever done, so technically it is 19. Technically 19, because we've never repeated those stories and we will and we will not so 19 get 19 bonus episodes 19 whole hours of us talking plus a little more because we go long baby you can also find us on twitter and instagram at fairy tale fix pod if you still haven't had enough of us talking but you know like kelsey mentioned she finds incredible art to go with our stories every week so go check out our instagram page in particular and also email

us your favorite fairy tales folklore nursery rhymes and other such things. Oh, dating stories. That's our new thing. That's what we want now. Dating stories and or requests for advice from two people who have no business giving advice to anybody, but will do it anyway if you want. You can send us messages at info at fairytalefixpod.com. fairytalefixpod.com and so Afiang having gone to the spirit world with all of the cannibal spirits and met a really awesome

granny who helped her get back to her family learned that in addition to searching for someone you were attracted to to marry you should also be looking for someone who is a good person and not a skull pretending to be Michael for someone who is a good person and not a skull pretending to be michael b jordan

and she married a nice boy from her village and they had many children or not depending on what she wanted yeah exactly and the rest of the story was about the lion cub getting horrible revenge on the man by killing one of his sons and how their feud still goes on today at least that was my fix and the leper woman said never ask me to do your fucking job again

and they all lived happily ever after except the lions except for the lions the end