Fairy Tale Fix - 80: The Snow Queen Pt. 2: Needs More Snow Queen

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Kelsey and Abbie finish part two of The Snow Queen, Hans Christian Andersen’s timeless tale of friendship, childhood innocence, the darkness of the human heart, epic quests, strange side drama, and the enduring power of love. There’s just one problem; where the heck is the Snow Queen!?

Could you hear me helplessly giggling as I went downstairs? No, but I was hoping you were enjoying that. I was laughing so hard that Stephen heard me from the basement and came upstairs to be like, hey, what's up? Good. I'm glad I can give you that giggle. It's a classic. It's a classic. It was incredible. I appreciate you. Hey everyone, welcome back to Fairy Tale Fix, the show where we talk about modern fairy tales. Nope, that's not right. The show where we talk about classic fairy tales and then we quote-unquote fix them for a modern audience. I'm Abby. I'm Kelsey. And then this is usually where we talk about it.

Yeah, we read classic fairy and folk tales. Sometimes we'll read more modern ones. I don't know. We just do whatever we want. We do whatever pleases us and whatever pleases you. Yeah. Yeah. Today we're doing part two of The Snow Queen, which is really exciting. Oh my God. I'm so excited to find out what happens next. I think we ended on Gerda getting stuck with that old witch and then the flowers tell a

bunch of weird stories and then she escapes and suddenly it's autumn. Yep. Yeah. And she's actually been there for months. You didn't realize it. She went to go find Kay like last spring. Yep.

And of course talking flowers are just confusing her and not helpful at all. No. Shut up. Telling very strange stories. So like last episode, I ended up tripping up a little bit. Maybe we can save this to closer to the story since we have other stuff we wanted to talk about. But I wanted to talk about the background for that where Hans Christian Andersen was

like, yes, this Hindu woman throwing herself on the funeral pyre. Oh, yeah. Did you look into that? I did look into it because it really tripped me up because I don't know. Something about that felt like Orientalist and racist. Uh-huh. Yeah. To me, which would not be unusual for a Victorian writer.

Yes, in the sense that it is very Orientalist in the sense that like he was definitely exotifying a group of people that he did not know much about and i highly doubt he knew very like anyone from that culture no in the sense that that used to be an expectation for certain for certain social groups groups yeah a while a while ago this was sort of pre pre-british colonization okay of india it was it was occasionally practiced by people from higher castes is that the widow would be expected to follow her husband into death this has not been a practice in India for a long, long time now. So that's not something anyone does anymore, as far as I could tell, which is good. Yeah, good. Yay, progress.

I hate that. Something else that I found out, though, is that in some groups groups widows are still not very respected and so there are groups there are certain monasteries throughout india where widows will go there and then live with a bunch of other widows and have just a monastic life following their husband's death where they all take care of each other and support each other. Aw. Which is like, on one hand, that's sweet. And on the other hand, boo that your families think you're a waste of space now. Yeah.

Crappy situation. But I don't know. It sounds like making the best of it and probably nice to be around people who have similar experiences. Yep. I'll put the sources for what I looked into into the show notes if anybody else wants to read about it. That's very interesting. I am also doing my best to like not be too judgy about cultural practices that I am not a part of and do not understand. Also that I have never seen firsthand. So but i i read an article in the bbc so

yeah it's also consider the source was also more english people yeah it sounds like hca was just trying to put like odd stories maybe from different parts of the world yeah this was the only one specifically from asia though and it's very and of course it's the worst one you know it's the one it's the one that tells the cruelest and most like violent sounding story i can out of all of them i see him being fascinated by stuff like that though though. Totally. It's very morbid. He was so dark. It's super morbid and sad. But anyway.

Maybe he resonated with it. I mean, love, fire, sacrifice. That sounds like something That totally sounds like something he'd be into. Be into exploring. But I'm also not going to let him off the hook for the fact that it was still Orientalist and kind of weird to put it in there. Yeah.

Not necessarily. He's being kind of weird. We'll see how the rest of the story fares. We'll see how the rest of it goes. First, I did want to talk to you about a book that I got you for Yule. I sent it and I wanted to give Rabia, one of our listeners, a shout out for recommending this book. I got Abby and myself a copy of Goblin Mode. Which is How to Get Cozy, Embrace Imperfection, and Thrive in the Muck. You got yourself a copy too? Yes.

I love it. I love that. I love like self-help books. I don't know if it's like considered a self-help book, but it's just cozy and it's kind of like, here's some craft ideas and here's why you could be like a goblin and you should be proud of it. And it's very, it's written by... Michaela Coyle, who was a lesbian writer from Anchorage, Alaska. Yes. And they are, I mean, I love this book so far. I haven't read all of it

yet, but it's very fun. It's like, this is what kind of goblin you could be. And they point out like, you know, like a goblin, like Jareth from Labyrinth. Oh, I just saw pop gobs. Yeah. Or Puck from Midsummer Night's Dream. Oh, amazing. I love that. Yeah. And it's just very fun. It's very inclusive, very silly. And I just thought it was fun and comforting and something I wanted to read for the months of January and February because they're awful and it's cold and I'm grouchy and I just want to get all the hygge.

And this seemed like a fun way to do that. It's the worst months of the year. Yeah. Yep. Absolutely. It's time to hunker down in your house and become a goblin. So thank you, Rabia, one of our amazing listeners and Patreon producers, actually.

Thanks for the recommendation. We love it. Yeah, thank you, Rabia. This is wonderful. I also love it too. Like I love, like just like, just kind of flicking through

like the first bits of this, like I loved the goblin code. Yes. Which is like, see beauty everywhere, embracebrace your weirdness. Get cozy. Be a good community member. Celebrate clutter. Thank you for saying that, Michaela. I know. As soon as I started reading it, I was like, Abby's going to love this. Yes, because Abby is. You're totally a goblin. I am a goblin already.

This sorry, it's quick tangent. This reminds me of I was hanging out with I was hanging out with a couple of friends the other week. And it's a it's a husband and wife. And the husband often refers to his wife Jen as his goblin wife, because she is also like, she a u a u a u d h d or whatever, like the combination of autism and ADHD. And she also like is a very like fun, creative, cluttery little goblin monster. So he was trying to get, he was trying to get AI to come up with what a goblin wife would look like. So he was like trying to prompt like being AI or something.

And the AI kept shooting back, like really hot green skinned, busty ladies wearing an apron that said wife. And that's a goblin wife. Wow. I actually love that. That's so funny. So freaking hilarious.

Dude, those AI prompts just freak me out, but I can never not watch them. Usually, like, I'll see it on TikTok. Like, it'll tell you what the prompt is, and it'll show you a picture, and they're so weird. That's very fun. Super weird, but truly the only thing AI is, like, super good for. What an endearing... Plus also writing social media for me yeah what an endearing nickname goblin wife it's adorable i love it you also got me another book that i just want to highlight really yes yeah i went a little book crazy i got everybody books for Yule, basically.

I love that. And myself. I got myself so many books. I got a few fairy tale books I'm excited to read from later. Oh, I'm excited about that. I got another African folktale book. Amazing. Okay, one that has better stories in it. I hope so. I feel like I haven't really read through it yet, but it seems really cool. I'll talk about it later. I don't have it with me right now. But yeah, I got that one. I got Goblin Mode.

I got, tell everybody what, what was it called? The book I got you, the other one that you have on your hand. Oh, the one that I have in my hand? This one? It's called Other Ever Afters, New Queer Fairy Tales by Melanie Gilman. Yay. It's like graphic novel style. So all of these are like illustrated riffs on various classic tales. I think my favorite so far has been The Goose Girl. Uh-huh. Which they changed the story to make like the main character is still the princess of a vast kingdom, except she's more of like a selfish,

a selfish, like imperialist princess who rides through the land on her horse and her fine clothes. And she falls in love with this sort of like peasant goose girl who tells her all about herself. And then she, she keeps trying to like do feet like more and more impressive feats to impress this woman and can't seem to do it.

Oh, that's cute. It's very cute. That sounds a little enemies to lovers. It's a little enemies to lovers. It's very enemies to lovers, actually. It's one of my favorite tropes. But the ending, the ending might surprise you. Did you say you got this one for yourself too?

No, just for you. Okay. Well, spoiler alert. Yeah. I want to tell me all about it. Spoiler alert.

This, the goose girl story actually ends with, you know, this, the goose girl keeps refusing the princess's hand in marriage, no matter what the princess does, but on the grounds that like, you know, lady, you sleep in a, at a gorgeous castle and you have all these nice clothes and you have

all this money and my parents can't really, like I still live with my parents in like a one room house in order to continue feeding you and all of your nobles and such. If you really loved me you you know would essentially dismantle your imperial regime and uh make and turn your it honestly reminds me of politically correct fairy tales like you would you would let us all into the palace and we would like invent some kind of i don't know democratic system or dare I say socialist system where we all mutually supported each other. I know. Le gasp. Le gasp. And so the princess is like, all right. And so the princess gets really angry and thinks about that for a long time. And then eventually dresses in peasant's clothes herself and visits the goose girl in the middle of the night

and hurls her crown at her feet, hands her the key to the castle, and then says, I'm going to go live in the woods by myself and think about the horrible way that I have lived my life. And you're under no obligation to, but if you feel like visiting me one day, that would bring me a lot of joy.

And then the princess rides away and the goose girl leads all of the peasants into the castle. Um, and that's the end of the story. We don't know if the goose girl ever goes and visits the princess in the woods. That's fun. That would be a great,

like full length novel. It sounds like, yeah, I want the, I want like yeah i want the i want the i want a sequel to the goose girl maybe very badly i want to know how it turned out because the only thing that made me because i like it it's a great story i put the great message that i totally get behind it's a fairy tale where's my romance yeah where's my kiss where's my happily ever after where is my well i mean the happily ever after is like there's peace and prosperity for everyone in this land now going forward so

i guess that's good but i guess where's my where's my kiss where are my two ladies smooching on each other that's that's what i want it wasn I want. It wasn't gay enough. It wasn't gay enough. Melanie. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it. I bought all of these books from bookshop.org. It's a great website. It's not sponsored. I just think they're really great. They give back to local bookstores and stuff. So I think it's really cool. And we have a little bookshop. So I'll add all of the links to our show notes and you can check out bookshop.org forward slash shop forward slash fairy tale fix.

And it's where we have all of the books from the show and also our reading list of books that we like or want. So yeah, check it out. All the books are there. And they're all golden and amazing. They're all golden. But anyway, thank you. Thank you so much for buying this for me.

Yeah, I'm glad you like it. I love it. It's a great book. I'm excited to hear more stories from it. It's an excellent gift. I know. It's not really like the normal fairy tale effects books that we read from, but I just I think it's fun to switch it up every now and then.

I got myself a book. I can't remember what it's called right now, but it's about it's not really new fairy tales, but it's kind of about fairy fairy tales and disabilities, which I think is really interesting. So I'll probably talk about that. Yes. Some other time. Oh my gosh. Yes. I'm so curious. Yeah. I went bookshop.org crazy. I love it. I'm never mad to get a book as a gift. Even if I never read it, I just,

I like knowing what my friends are reading and what they think I would enjoy. And yeah, books are great gifts. Speaking of gifts and birthdays and stuff like that, I wanted to also say happy birthday to Giselle, our fairy overlord. Happy birthday. I'm not actually sure. I can't remember exactly when your birthday is, but I know it's this month, so I hope you either have had an amazing birthday or are

having an amazing birthday today. Or are going to have an amazing birthday at some point this month. One of those. Giselle is a January baby. We know that much. Yes, and we're super excited to play our next game. Our next,

what is it called? What game are we playing? We're playing Pathfinder. Pathfinder. Yeah. And we're playing, we're playing specifically the fall of Plaguestone adventure. So excited to,

excited to do that. Yeah. Very, very soon. God, I love TT RPGs. You really do? I really do.

You're so good at them. You're, you're a great what is it game master game master i wanted to say dm for some reason i'm like that's not right that's d that's dnd calci i was thinking direct message i was like no that's what you do you dm someone, you're the dungeon master if you're playing Dungeons and Dragons. Okay. And some other gaming systems also say dungeon master. Many gaming systems, including Pathfinder, use game master and not dungeon because it's playing a game specifically

and we're not dungeon crawling. You could be a PM Pathfinder master. Ooh. Well, I mean, for when I do my Starfinder game, which is what my other podcast is. Far Beyond the Stars. Everybody go check it out. Thank you.

Everybody should totally listen to it. It's queer space opera, folks, and there's nothing wrong with that. I call myself the galactic mistress oh i like that for that one very cool because it's in space yeah that's the best one so far in my opinion i thought i was very funny when i jokingly said people should call me that and then they did and so it stuck not a it's not a joke it's not a joke i want you to call me the galactic mistress hell yeah or i am she and she is i getting us back on track we also have a new patron to welcome to

the team thank you so much carrie for coming on and welcome back tish which is apprentice we love to see this uh continuing your apprenticeship you will be an all-powerful witch yes and i will send you both stickers soon yeah oh yeah by the way for the just say chicken stickers i said i got an exclusive 50 and the printing company ended up sending me a hundred and I didn't realize until I had already stuck them in there. So we do have more stickers. That was really funny. I was like, huh, it seems like there's a lot still. There's still so many, even though it was almost exactly what we needed.

Yeah, I think they did it because my order ended up taking so much longer than it said it was going to. So they gave you extra as an apology? I think so. They didn't say that, but I'm assuming that's the only reason they would send me extra anything. Anyway, I hope everybody likes your stickers. I love mine. Good. I'm glad.

What cards did you get? I can't remember. What tarot card did I pull for you? Oh, actually, that was what I was going to do. I was going to actually open them. Ooh. Yeah, get it. Get it.

Get it. Get it. Get it. Hit it. Hit it. Hit it. Hit it. Bam.

Bam. Bam. Show them thing, girl. Bam hit it. Bam, bam, bam. Show them thing, girl. Bam, bam. Before I open these, I wanted to say one more thing before I forget to issue a little correction. Oh. Oh, my God. I ran up and down my stairs, so I'm also out of breath.

Catch your breath. Hang on a second. Take your time. Take your time. I've been sick. And also over most of December, I also have been drinking and been eating and been not going to the gym. So I'm very out of shape. Yeah. How's your dry January been going?

Dry-ish. My damp January? Damp january it's been going fine yeah hang on okay sorry real quick so kelsey all of this time when we go through when we thank our patreons patrons patrons of patreon our patrons of Patreon. We have been thanking Corey for his subscription. That's right. And I remember Corey saying, it's Kitty, who is actually our listener, Kitty. And I actually remember that after I sent the card and I meant to say something last episode. I am so sorry, Kitty. We're so sorry, Kitty. You're the actual listener slash patron of our show. We really appreciate you. We're so sorry. We've been crediting your partner this entire time. Yeah. He deserves nothing. We did get it for her as a gift, which is really sweet. I guess that's nice.

Yeah. So if I do get your name wrong or your pronouns or literally anything, or if I forgot to send you a card or a sticker or you just want more, let me know. I'm sorry. Hit us up. We do check our Patreon community. Yes. It's just organization for this has not been the best. Have you been busy?

Yeah. I've been a little busy with my other, with my job. With your job. Quote unquote. With your other job. Which is really fun. This is a job. A lot, but yeah, so sorry.

It's definitely not on purpose. My brain is made of applesauce. We all know this. We know this. I need a little help. And I'm not helpful. I think you're very helpful. I appreciate you reaching out to everybody.

Yeah. Thank you for that reminder. I almost forgot again. It's all good. It's all good. It's all good. This is what happens when I actually help. It's the best. Is we can help each other if I actually log on to

Patreon every once in a while and also read the messages. I appreciate you so damn much for doing that. You're welcome. All right. Let's do this. I don't even remember what cards I pulled for you.

And I don't know what most of them mean. I've been learning tarot, though. So I feel like I'm a little bit more. You pulled for me temperance. Oh. A nice reminder for damp January. Wait, what does temperance mean? So the temperance card,

if you pull it upright, which I'm just going to do upright meanings. Yeah. Because you can get like an upright or reversed meaning depending on how you pull it. Whatever. But the upright meaning

is balance, moderation, patience, purpose, combination. Oh, yeah. Yep. Yeah. Reminder for damp January. balance moderation patience purpose combination oh yeah yep yeah reminder for damn january balance moderation and patience i'm actually going to take this as my this is my tarot reading that you have pulled for me for this month i've decided okay i also got the sun, which is different than the star, even though the sun is a star. I know. The star is one of my favorite cards. I just think it's really pretty.

I do like the star. But the sun is good, too. The sun means positivity, fun, warmth, success, vitality, and enlightenment. Heck yeah. Excellent. I love this for me. Mm-hmm. And then finally, the yeah. Excellent. I love this for me. Mm-hmm.

And then finally, the lovers. Oh. So the lovers is love, harmony, relationships, values, personal beliefs,

and choices. Cool. All right. So basically, I'm going to have a really great January. Yep. Or what these three cards mean. I'm going to have a really great January. Yep. Or what these three cards mean.

I'm going to really start my job off on my new job off on the right foot. Good. All of these things. I'm going to have great relationships. I'm going to be very patient and harmonious. And everything is going to be really fun and positive. Thank you, Kelsey. Oh, you're so welcome.

everything is going to be really fun and positive. Thank you, Kelsey. Oh, you're so welcome. I'm going to put all three of those cards in like whatever new laptop I get for work. Oh, there you go.

Yeah. Those are all good. Yeah. Good cards to have cards. Perfection. I mean, but I, what did I really like about Tara was really,

there are no like bad cards really. If anything, even what I really like about tarot is really there are no like bad cards, really. If anything, even if it's like bad cards, it's still just trying to. I don't know. I don't know. Let's I'm ready to get into the story. Are you? Okay, let's do the story. But I but I totally I totally agree with you by like, you know, even if even if they're

bad cards, it just means that it's just something you need to think about. Yeah. And that's not, that's not bad. That's good. It's always good to think about these things. Yeah. Self-reflection is always good and helpful and et cetera.

Okay. Okay. Let's do it. Let's do it. So I'm just going to do a quick reminder that your predictions for the second half of the story was it's going to take multiple years to find Kay. It's going to take an act of true love to melt the ice in Kay's heart and that they escape the Snow Queen, but don't kill her. Okay.

Those were your predictions? I stand by them. And here is part two of the Snow Queen. We're going to start on the fourth story the prince and the princess and see how far we get there may be a part three i oh yeah we'll see we'll see the next time the girder was forced to rest a big crow came hopping across the snow in front of her for a long time he had been watching her and cocking his head to one side. And now he said, caw, caw, good caw day. I love that you're doing the voices. Hell yeah. He could not say it any

better, but he felt kindly inclined toward the little girl and asked her where she was going in the great wide world all alone. Gerda understood him when he said alone and she knew its meaning all too well she told the crow the whole story of her life and asked if he hadn't seen k she's really into doing is asking everybody and everything about k she is a child she is she is gonna find him she's making it she's manifesting this for herself. The crow gravely nodded his head and cawed. Maybe I have. Maybe I have. What? Do you really think you have? The little girl cried and almost hugged the crow to death as she kissed him. Gently, gently, said the crow.

I think that it may have been little Kay that I saw, but if it was, he has forgotten you for the princess. Does he live with a princess? Gerda asked. Yes, listen, said the crow. It's so hard for me to speak your language. If you understand crow talk, I can tell you much more easily. Yes, Greta, learn crow talk. Gerda.

And then she takes a year's sabbatical to learn crow speak. Fuck yes. That's what she should do. She doesn't have time for that. She says, I don't know that language. My grandmother knows it just as well as she knows baby talk. And I do wish I had learned it. No matter, said the crow.

Yeah, I guess her grandma knows how to speak crow. Her grandma sounds amazing. I'm going to stop interrupting you. No matter, said the crow. I'll tell you as well as I can, though it won't be any too good. And he told her all that he knew. In the kingdom where we are now, there is a princess who is uncommonly clever. And no wonder.

She has read all the newspapers in the world and forgotten them again. That's how clever she is. That doesn't sound clever to me, but well, not long ago, that sounds like me reading anything and immediately forgetting. Well, not long ago, she was sitting on her throne. That's by no means as much fun as people suppose. So she fell to humming an old tune. the refrain... She's bored enough to read the paper. Yeah. So she fell to humming an old tune

and the refrain of it happened to run, Why, oh why, shouldn't I get married? Why, why, that's an idea, said she. And she made up her mind to marry as soon as she could find the sort of husband who could give an answer when anyone spoke to as she could find the sort of husband who could give an answer when anyone spoke to him instead of the one of those fellows who merely stand around looking impressive for that is so tiresome so tiresome that don't impress me much

she had the drums yeah she had the drums drubbed to call together all the ladies in waiting and when they heard what she had in mind they were delighted oh we like that they said we were just thinking the very same thing believe me said the crow every word i tell you is true i have a tame lady love who is run of the palace and and I have the whole story straight from her. Of course, his lady love was also a crow, for birds of a feather will flock together. It has been said.

The newspapers immediately came out with a border of hearts and the initials of the princess, and you could read an announcement that any presentable young man might go to the palace and talk with her. The one who spoke best and who seemed the Okay, so this is what worries me. What? Someone who always has something to say, who would be at home in a palace, to me me sounds like sort of a podcast bro. Yeah.

Definitely. Could be a problem. Well, you know, she is she just knows she wants someone who can keep up with her. That's all. She doesn't want somebody who just stands around and looks pretty and is intimidated's all. She doesn't want somebody who just stands around and looks pretty

and is intimidated. Yeah. She wants someone who can match her energy, I guess. Absolutely. I get that. Someone who can match her intellect. This is the woman written by a man. Just keep that in mind. Absolutely. But also like, but I also like i i get it i think that's i think that's lovely she wants someone of substance i'm just making a crack about podcast bros as a podcast girly it's way better way better yes yes said the crow believe me that's as true as it is that i sit here men flocked to the palace and there was much crowding and rushing but on neither of the first nor the second day was anyone chosen out in the street they were all glib talkers but after they entered the palace gate

where the guardsmen were stationed in their silver braided uniforms and after they climbed at the staircase lined with footmen and gold embroidered livery And after they climbed at the staircase lined with footmen and gold embroidered livery, and after they climbed up the staircase lined with footmen and gold embroidered livery, they arrived in the brilliantly lighted reception halls without a word to say. And when they stood in front of the princess on her throne,

the best they could do was echo the last word of her remarks. She didn't care to hear it repeated. Oh, fuck. No. Yeah. Get out of here. Boring. It was just as if everyone in the throne room

had a stomach filled with snuff and had fallen asleep. For as soon as they were back in the streets, there was no stopping their talk. She's realizing she made a mistake. She's like, wait, wait, wait. An open call to men? And I want you to talk a lot.

And I want you to try to sound impressive and talk to me. The line of candidates extended all the way from the town gates to the palace. I saw them myself, said the crow. They got hungry and they got thirsty, but from the palace they got nothing, not even a glass of lukewarm water. To be sure, some of the clever candidates had brought sandwiches with them, but they did not share them with their neighbors. Each man thought, just let him look hungry, then the princess won't

take him. But Kay, little Kay, Gerda interrupted, when did he come? Was he among those people? First the flowers, then you? Like, can we stay on topic? Give me time. Give me time. We are just

coming to him. On the third day, a little person with neither horse nor carriage strode boldly up to the palace. His eyes sparkled the ways that yours do. He had a handsome long hair, but his clothes were poor. Oh, that was Kay, Gerda said, and clapped her hands in glee.

Now I found him. He had a little knapsack on his back, the crow told her. No, that must have been his sled, said Gerda. He was carrying it when he went away. Maybe so, said the crow. I did look at it carefully, but my tame lady love told me that he went through the palace gates and saw the guardsmen in silver and on the staircase the footmen in gold. He wasn't at all taken aback.

He nodded and said to them, it must be very tiresome to stand on the stairs. I'd rather go inside. The halls were brilliantly lighted. Ministers of state and privy counselors were walking about barefooted carrying golden trays in front of them It was enough to make anyone feel solemn and his boots creaked dreadfully but he wasn't a bit afraid That certainly must have

been Kay, said Gerda I know he was wearing new boots I heard them creaking in grandmother's room Oh, they creaked all right, said the crow. But it was little enough he cared as he walked straight to the princess, who was sitting on a pearl as big as a spinning wheel. All the ladies-in-waiting with their attendants and their attendants' attendants,

and all the lords-in-waiting with their gentlemen and their gentlemen's men, each of them who had his page with him, were standing there. I feel like I've heard this story before and everyone was there and i was there and i saw it i was there who always wore slippers were almost too arrogant to look as they stood at the threshold that must have been terrible little gerdalaimed, and yet Kay won the princess? If I were a crow, I would have married her myself, for all that I'm engaged to another. The fuck is this crow talking about? Okay, crow. They say he spoke as well as I do when I speak

my crow language, or so my tame lady love tells me he was dashing and handsome, but he was not there to court the princess, but to hear her wisdom, this he liked and she liked him. Of course, of course, he wants to hear what she has to say.

Uh-huh. That's all. That's all we want. Of course it was K said Gerda. He was so clever that he could do mental arithmetic even with fractions. Oh, please take me to the palace. That's easy enough to say, said the crow. But how can we manage it?

I'll talk it over with my tame lady love. And she may be able to suggest something. But I warn you that a little girl like you will never be admitted. Oh, yes, I shall, said Gerda. When Kay hears about me, he will come out to fetch me at once. Wait for me beside that stile, said the crow. He wagged his head and off he flew.

Darkness had set in when he got back. Caw, caw, he said. My lady love sends her best wishes and here's a little loaf of bread for you. She found it in the kitchen where they have all the bread they need and you must be hungry. You simply can't get into the palace with those bare feet. The guardsmen and footmen will never permit it. But don't you cry.

We'll find a way. My lady love knows of a little back staircase that leads up to the bedroom and knows where they should keep the key. I love his lady love. His lady love. She even sent bread. She sounds like the MVP of the story. MVP of the story so far. It shouldn't be called the prince and the princess.

It should be called the fucking awesome crow. The fucking awesome crow. And his lady love. And his lady love. And his even better lady love. Mm-hmm. Then they went to the garden and down the wide promenade where the leaves were falling one by one. When one by one the lights went out in the palace, the crow led little Gerda to the back door, which stood ajar.

Oh, her heart did beat with fear and longing. It was just as if she were about to do something wrong, yet she only wanted to make sure that it was really little Kay. Yes, it must be Kay, she thought. And she recalled his sparkling eyes and his long hair. She remembered exactly how he looked when he used to smile at her as they sat under the roses at home. Wouldn't he be glad to see her? Wouldn't he be interested in hearing how far she'd come to find him and how sad they'd all been when he didn't come home she was so frightened yet so happy now they were on the stairway a little lamp was burning on a cupboard and there stood the tame crow cocking her head to look at gerda who made the

curtsy that her grandmother taught her oh i love it okay Show her respect. My fiance has told me many charming things about you, dear young lady. She said, your biography, as one might say, is very touching. Kindly take the lamp and I shall lead the way. We shall keep straight ahead where we aren't apt to run into anyone. It seems to me that someone is on the stairs behind us, said Gerda. Things brushed past and from the shadows on the wall, they seemed to be horses with spindly legs and waving manes. And there were shadows of huntsmen, ladies and gentlemen, on horseback. Those are only dreams, said the crow. They come and take the thoughts of their royal masters off to the chase. That's just as well, for it will give you a good opportunity

to see them when they sleep. But I trust that when you rise high to position of power you will grow you will show a grateful heart oh tut tut you've no need to say that said the forest crow now they entered the first room it was hung with rose colored satin embroidered with flowers the dream shadows were flitting by so fast that Gerda could not see the lords and ladies. Hall after magnificent hall quite bewildered her until at last they reached the royal bedroom. The ceiling of it was like the top of a huge palm tree with leaves of glass, costly glass. In the middle of the room, two beds hung from a massive stem of gold. Each of them looked like a lily. One bed was white and there lay the princess, the other red, and there Gerda hoped to find little Kay.

She bent one of her scarlet petals and saw the nape of a little brown neck. Surely this must be Kay. She called his name aloud and held the lamp near him. The dreams on horseback pranced into the room again as he woke and turned his head. It was not little Kay at all. No.

Nope. The prince only resembled Kay about the neck, but he was young and handsome. The princess peeked out of her lily white bed and asked what happened. Little Gerda cried and told them all about herself and all that the crows had done for her. Poor little thing the prince and princess said they praised the crows and said they weren't the least bit angry with them but to not do it again furthermore they should have a reward don't do it again but here yeah i feel like that's a little conflicting. Mixed messages.

Would you rather fly about without any responsibilities, said the princess, or would you care to be appointed court crows for life with rights to all scraps from the kitchen? Both crows bowed low and begged for permanent office, for they thought of their furniture and said it would be better to provide for their old age, they called it the prince got up and let her to have his bed it was the utmost that he could do she clasped her little hands and thought how nice the people and words are she closed her eyes fell peacefully asleep and all the dreams came flying back again they looked like angels and they drew a little sled on which k sat he He nodded to her, but this was only in a dream. So it all disappeared when she woke up. The next day,

she was dressed from her head to her heels in silk and in velvet too. They asked her to stay at the palace and have a nice time there. But instead she begged to let them have a little carriage, a little horse and a little pair of boots so that she could drive out to the wide world to find Kay. I love this. This is so magical. Yoohoo. Big summer blowout. Big summer blowout.

They gave her a pair of boots and also a muff. They dressed her as nicely as they could be. And when she was ready to go, there at the gate stood a brand new carriage of pure gold. I feel like that's a terrible idea. She's going to get robbed. Big old target. On it, the coat of arms of the prince and the princess glistened like a star. The coachman, the footman, and the postillions. Is that how you say that? The postillions? Postillions? I don't even know what that means. and the postillions is that how you say that the postillions postillions for postillions there were

all wore golden crowns oh postillion is a person who guides a horse-drawn coach or post chase while mounted on the horse or on or one of a pair of horses so it's like yeah somebody was actually like riding one of the horses that's attached to the carriage. She's got the whole team. Yeah. They're giving her the whole setup. The whole setup. They're giving her attendance.

Uh-huh. I thought she was going to have to go by herself. For breaking it instead of locking her in the dungeon. For breaking into their fucking house. Grinna has lucky girl syndrome. She does have lucky girl syndrome. But it's pretty privilege. Even the grandmother witch wanted her.

Yeah. She is cute as a button. And so therefore people will do whatever she wants. Aw. Even royalty who famously don't do what other people want. Uh-huh all right find my spot so everybody wore golden crowns the prince and the princess themselves helped her into the carriage and wished her godspeed the forest crow who was now a married man accompanied her for the first three miles and sat beside Gerda, for it upset him to ride backward.

What a little detail. It's an interesting little detail. Also, you're wrong. Riding backwards is so fun. Do you remember those vans or those cars before they, I assume assume put a kibosh to them for safety reasons uh-huh they had the seats facing backward you could wave with the drivers behind you yep i remember that what a time it was the best the other crow stood beside the gate and waved her wings she did not accompany them because she was suffering from a headache brought on by eating too much in her new position.

So relatable. Inside the carriage was lined with sugar cookies and the seats were filled with fruit and gingerbread. Fare you well, fare you well, called the prince and princess. Little Gerda cried and the crow cried too for the first few miles. And then the crow said goodbye. And that was the saddest leave-taking of all he flew up into a tree and waved his big black wings as long as he could see the carriage which flashed as brightly as the sun i love it oh so just gerda just going on a

little adventure this would be such a good series. Like a mini-series? It would be. I really like, I know we said this last time, but I want to see them actually do the Snow Queen. Yeah, me too. For real. I want to see it as a mini-series, though. I think it would be cool to like.

Yes. Like an epic mini-series. Kind of like how they did like the Tin Man. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Exactly like that. That would Tin Man. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Exactly like that. That would be perfect. Or the 10th Kingdom.

Maybe a little less cheesy with way better CGI. Yes. HBO, get on it. Maybe played a little more straight too. Like less like quippy. Yeah. Yeah, more like, i don't know i i like i like i like unserious stuff a lot i'm really into comedy and goofy shit but this would be like a really cool epic fantasy mini series i could just see it being really beautiful yeah because yeah because i also love comedies and pointing out how silly fantasy concepts are.

I do love that. I think that's a great time. I also love The Tenth Kingdom. But I would love to see someone take this story very seriously and do it very seriously because I think it would be just gorgeous. It would be beautiful. I'm getting like Narnia vibes too. Like the kind of CGI cinematography of that.

Very. World. Very. Yeah. All right. This is the fifth story. The Little Robber Girl. Yeah.

Oh, yes. I am excited. I have no idea what this means. The carriage rolled on into a dark forest. Like a blazing torch, it shone in the eyes of some robbers. They could not bear it. That's, what did I tell you? I know.

That was a spoiler alert. Target. Spoiler alert. That's a gold. She's going to get robbed. They cried. Also, also, this is the point I thought you were going to make until you made the also excellent point that she's going to get robbed. But gold is also a very soft metal.

It is not good for travel. Yeah, that's a really good point. It's just gold plated. It better be. The part in the 10th Kingdom where they're melting the dog and they're like, this isn't real gold. This isn't real gold. It's so good. Perfect. They sprang forward, seized the horses, killed the little postillions. They killed the coachman and the footman and dragged a little Gerda out of the carriage. Well, that didn't last long.

Shit is going down now. So this is also a story of rich people are stupid. And not everyone is going to be nice. No. How plump and how tender she looks. Just as if she'd been fattened on nuts, cried the old robber woman, who had a long, bristly beard and long eyebrows that hung down over her eyes. Okay. I love that so much. She looks like a fat little lamb.

What a dainty dish she will be. And as she said this, she drew out her knife, a dreadful flashing thing. Ouch, the old woman howled. And just at that moment, her own little daughter had bitten her ear. The little girl whom she carried on her back was a wild and reckless creature. You beastie brat, her mother exclaimed. But it kept her from using the knife on Gerda i love it oh my god like this half feral other child she shall play with me said the little robber girl she must give me her muff and that pretty

dress she wears and sleep with me in my bed and she again gave her mother such a bite that the woman hopped and whirled around in pain all the robbers laughed and shouted see how she dances with her brat i went to ride in the carriage the little robber girl said and ride she did for she was too spoiled and headstrong for words she and the story not think she's cool as hell not think she's cool as hell? You into it? You like it? She seems awesome. She's actually the leader of

everyone. She's my favorite character so far. She's in charge. She's biting her mom. She wants a playmate. Hell yeah. Okay. She and Gerda climbed into the carriage and away they drove over stumps and stones into the depths of the forest. The little robber girl was no taller than Gerda, but she was stronger and much broader in the shoulders.

Her skin was brown and her eyes coal black, almost sad in their expression. She put her arms around Gerda and said, They shan't kill you unless they get angry with you. I think you must be a princess. No, I'm not, said little Gerda and said, they shan't kill you unless I get angry with you. I think you must be a princess. No, I'm not said little Gerda. And she told all about that. It happened to her and how much she cared for little K.

The robber girl looked at her gravely and gave a little nod of approval and told her, even if I should get angry with you, they shan't kill you because I'll do it myself. Then she dragged Gerda's eyes and her own hands into Gerda's soft, warm mouth. Aspirational. Fuck little Kay. You're my friend now.

Don't make me mad. I'll kill you myself. The carriage stopped at last in the courtyard of a robber's castle. The walls of it were cracked from bottom to top. Crows and ravens flew out of every loophole and bulldogs huge enough to devour a man jumped high in the air,

but they did not bark for that was forbidden. So they're good boys. They're good boys. In the middle of the stone paved smoky old hall a big fire was burning the smoke of it drifted up to the ceiling where it had to find its own way out soup was boiling in a big cauldron and hares and rabbits were roasting on the spit tonight you shall sleep with me and all my little animals the robber girl said. After they had something to eat and drink, they went over to a corner that was strewn with rugs and straw. On sticks and perches around the bedding roosted nearly a hundred pigeons.

They seemed to be asleep, but they stirred just a little when the two girls came near them. That's so many pigeons. Oh, that bed is covered in poop. 100 million pigeons. 100 million billion pigeons. Well, now you're getting outrageous. That's an unbelievable number. Do you remember the, what was the crows from the other fairy tale where it was just

like, yes! Yes, where it's like one million pigeons. A little callback, but they're pigeons this time. Thank you for reminding me about that. They are all mine, said the little robber girl. She seized the one that

was nearest to her, held it by its legs, and shook it until it flapped its wings. Kiss it, she cried, and thrust the bird in Curtis' face. Those two are the wild rascals, she said, pointing high up to the wall to a hole barred with wooden sticks. Rascals of the woods they are, and they would fly away in a minute if they were not locked up. and they would fly away in a minute if they were not locked up. And here is my old sweetheart, Bae, she said, pulling at the horns of a reindeer that was tethered by a shiny copper ring around his neck.

We have to keep a sharp eye on him or he would want to run away from us too. Every single night I tickle his neck with my knife blade for he is afraid of that. Hot damn. She's a menace. She's a menace she's a menace this girl is trouble from a hole in the wall she pulled a long knife and rubbed it against the reindeer's neck after the poor animal had kicked up its heels the robber girl left and pulled girded down into the bed with her are you going to keep that knife in bed with you girda asked and looked at it, a little frightened. I always sleep with my knife, the little robber girl said. You can never tell what may happen.

But let's hear again what you told me before about little Kay and about why you're wandering through the wide world. Gerda, Gerda's favorite thing to do. Yep. Gerda told the story all over again. to do. Yep. Gerda told the story all over again. While the wild pigeons cooed in their cage overhead and the tame pigeons slept, the little robber

girl clasped one arm around Gerda's neck and gripped her knife with the other hand, fell asleep and snored so that one could hear her. But Gerda could not close her eyes at all. She did not know whether she was to live or whether she was to die the robbers sat around their fire singing and drinking and the old robber woman was

turning somersaults it was a terrible sight for a little girl to see oh gosh it's fucking okay i this needs to be in the miniseries i want to see it i want to see the old woman like turning somersaults well i want to see her eyebrows so long that it covers her eyes yes i must also see this that's fun then the wood pigeon said coooo, coo, we've seen little Kay. A white hen was carrying his sled, and Kay sat in the snow queen's sleigh. They swooped low over the trees where we lay in our nest. The snow queen blew upon us,

and all the young pigeons died except us. Coo, coo, coo, coo. What is that you're saying up there? Cried Gerda. Where was the snow queen going? you know some do you know anything about it she was probably bound for lapland where they always have snow and ice why don't you ask the reindeer just to the beside you yes there is ice and snow in that glorious land the reindeer told her you can prance about freely across those great glittering fields the snow queen has her summer tent there,

but her stronghold is a castle up near the North Pole on the island called Spitsbergen. Okay. Okay, little Kay, Gerda sighed. Lie still. Time to steal some reindeer, Gerda. Lie still, said the robber girl, or i'll stick my knife in your stomach oh what a sweet little thing in the morning greta told her all that the wood pigeons had said the little robber girl looked quite thoughtful she nodded her head and exclaimed leave it to me leave it to me do you know where Lapland is? She asked the

reindeer. Who knows better than I, said the reindeer, and his eyes sparkled. There I was born, there I was bred, and there I kicked my heels in freedom across the fields of snow. Listen, the little robber girl said to Gerda. As you can see, all the men are away. Mother is still here, and here she'll stay. But before morning is over, she will drink out of that big bottle, and she usually dozes off for a nap. As soon as that happens, I will do you a good turn. She jumped out of bed, rushed over, and threw her arm around her mother's neck,

pulled her beard bristles, and said, Good morning, my dear nanny goat. Her mother thumped her nose until it was red and blue, but all that was done out of pure love. As soon as the mother had tipped up the bottle and dozed off to sleep, the little robber girl ran to the reindeer and said, I have a good notion to keep you here

and tickle you with my sharp knife. You are so funny when I do, but never mind that. I'll untie your rope and help you find your way outside so that you can run back to Lapland. But you must put your best leg forward and carry this little girl to the Snow Queen's palace, where her playmate is. I suppose

you heard what she told me, for she spoke so loud and you were eavesdropping. The reindeer was so happy that he bound it into the air. The robber girl hoisted little Gerda on his back, carefully tied in her place, and even gave her a little pillow to sit on. Oh, okay. Wow, I keep going back and forth on this robber girl.

Like, on one hand, I'm just kind of like, wow, she's feral. She's feral. She's a menace. She's trouble. She's complicated. She's a complicated. What a complex, morally gray character. What a fun character.

I love her. I don't do things halfway, she said. Here, take back your fur boots for it's going to be bitter cold. I'll keep your muff because it's such a pretty one, but your fingers mustn't get cold. Here are my mother's big mittens, which will come right up to your elbows. Now put them on. Now your hands look just like my ugly mother's big paws. And

Gerda shed happy tears. I don't care to see you blubbering, said the little robber girl. You ought to look pleased now. Here, take these two loaves of bread and this ham along so that you won't starve. Queen! When these provisions were tied on the back of the reindeer

the little robber girl opened the door and called in all the big dogs then she cut the tether with her knife and said to the reindeer now run but see that you take good care of this little girl gerda waved her big mittens to the little robber girl and said goodbye then the deer bounded away over stumps and stones, straight through the great forest, over swamps, and across the plains as fast as he could run. The wolves howled, the ravens shrieked, and kershaw, kershaw, the red streaks of lightning ripped through the heavens with a noise that sounded like sneezing. Those are my old northern lights, said the reindeer. See how they flash. And on he ran What a journey. Wow.

That was a great chapter. Uh-huh. Yeah, that was a good one. One of my favorites. I love it. There's some real Lost like, Lost Boys energy. Yes. In there.

Aw, and she told her this story, and the little robber girl just, like, loved her. Aw, so sweet. I love it. That's so sweet. I shall kill you myself. I'll kill you myself. Unless you tell me a really sad story, and then I'll feel bad bad for you and I'll give you a reindeer and a lot of food. The feral little girl with the heart of gold.

My favorite. The sixth story. The Lap Woman and the Fin Woman. They stopped in front of a little hut and a makeshift dwelling it was. they stopped in front of a little hut and a makeshift dwelling. It was the roof of it almost touched the ground. And the doorway was so low that the family had to lie on their stomachs to crawl in or out of it. No one was at home except an old lap woman who's cooking fish over a whale

oil lamp. The reindeer told her Gerta's whole story, but first he told his own, which he thought was much more important. Of course it is. I think they're equally important. It's more important to him. Exactly.

Besides, Gerda was so cold that she couldn't say a thing. Oh, you poor creatures, said the lap woman. You've still got such a long way to go. Why, you will have to travel hundreds of miles to the Finnmark, for it's there that the Snow Queen is taking a country vacation and burning her blue fireworks every evening. I'll jot down a message on a dried codfish, for I haven't any paper. I want you to take it to the Finnwoman who lives up there. She will be able to tell you about it more than I can.

than I can. As soon as Gerda had thought out and had had something to eat and drink, the lap woman wrote a few words on a dried codfish, told Gerda to take good care of it, and tied her again on the back of the reindeer. Off he ran, and all night long the skies crackled and swished as the most beautiful northern lights flashed overhead. At last they came to the fin mark and knocked at the fin woman's chimney, for she hadn't a sign of the door. It was so hot came to the fin mark and knocked at the fin woman's chimney for she hadn't a sign of the door it was so hot inside the fin woman went out almost naked she was small and terribly dowdy but at once she helped little girder off with her mittens and boots and loosened her clothes otherwise the heat would have wilted her then the woman put a piece of ice on the reindeer's head and read what was written

on the codfish. She read it three times, and when she knew it by heart, she put the fish into the kettle of soup, for they might as well eat it. Never waste anything. I love it. True. The reindeer told her its own story first, and then little Gerda's. The fin woman winked a knowing eye, but she didn't say anything. You are such a wise woman, said the reindeer. I know that you can tie all of the winds in the world together with a bit of cotton thread. If the sailor unties one knot,

he gets a favorable wind. If he unties another, he gets a stiff gale. Well, if he unties the third and fourth knots, such a tempest rages that it flattens the trees in the forest. Won't you give this little girl something to drink that will make her as strong as 12 men so that she may overpower the snow queen? Ooh.

Okay. Twelve strong men, the thin woman sniffed. Much good that would be. She went to the shelf, took down a big rolled up skin and unrolled it on the skin strange characters were written and the thin woman read them until sweat rolled down her forehead the reindeer again begged her to help gerda and little gerda looked at her with such tearful imploring eyes that the woman began weeping again she took the reindeer aside in a corner and while she was putting another piece of ice

on his head, she whispered to him, Little Kay is indeed with the Snow Queen, and everything there suits him fine. He thinks it's the best place in all the world, but that's because he has a splinter of glass in his heart and a small piece of it in his eye. Unless these can be gotten out, he will never be human again, and the Snow Queen will hold him in her power. But can't you fix little Gerda something to drink that will give her more power than all of those things? No power that I could give would be as great as what she already has. Don't you see how men and beasts are compelled to serve her and how far she's come in the wide world since she started off in her naked feet? We mustn't tell her about this power.

Strength lies in her heart because she is such a sweet, innocent child. If she herself cannot reach the Snow Queen and Red Little Kay of those pieces of glass, then there's no help that we can give her. The Snow Queen's garden lies about eight miles from here you may carry the little girl there and put her down by the big bush covered with red berries that grows on the snow then don't you stand there gossiping but hurry and get back here she knows this reindeer i love how much like, I love all of the side characters that have been in the story so far. Yep.

Also, I love just how many, like, it's just so many women all across the land. Like it's, it's Gerda and like, she just meets all of these witches and wise women and like feral creatures and princesses all the way to the snow queen and

i'm all about it i'm loving it i really want to see this mini series i want to have like a little fan casting call oh yes please we'll have to brainstorm who we think should play everybody but i think i know i obviously feel like gerda and Kay would have to be like young unknowns yes yeah but definitely like like a Dakota Fanning type back in the day or Millie Bobby Brown because she's such an amazing actress I think yeah she's great she'd be good and then the little robber girl as who's the actor that does In the Last of Us? Oh, Bella Ramsey. Bella Ramsey would make a great little robber girl.

Yeah, they would be so good. That would be awesome. But like when they were like the age they were on Game of Thrones. On Game of Thrones. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, yeah. I would love to see that.

Hell yes. Okay. Oh, cried Gerda. I forgot my boots and I forgot my mittens. She soon felt the need of them and the knife like cold, but the reindeer did not dare stop. He galloped on until they came to the big bush that was covered with red berries. Here, he set Gerda down and kissed her on the mouth while big shining tears ran down his face. Then he ran back as fast as he could. Little Gerda

stood there without boots and without mittens right in the middle of icy Finnmark. She ran as fast as she ever could. A whole regiment of snowflakes swirled toward her, but they did not fall from the sky, for there was not a cloud up there, and the northern lights were ablaze. The flakes skirmished along the ground, and nearer they came and larger they grew. Gerda remembered how large and strange they had appeared when she looked at them under the magnifying glass.

But here, they were much more monstrous and terrifying. They were alive. They were the Snow Queen's advance guard, and their shapes were almost strange. Some looked like ugly, overgrown porcupines. Some were like a knot of snakes that stuck out their heads in every direction. And others were like fat little bears with every hair a bristle. All of them were glistening white for all were living snowflakes. It's like the giant snowman

that's protecting Elsa's castle. But he looks more like the stay-puffed marshmallow man. Yeah, so he's just huge. He's just huge and pillowy looking. He's kind of cute though. Adorable. I love this image of just all of these like weirdly weirdly shaped like snow animals though i think that's guarding the castle

it was so cold that as little gerda said the lord's prayer she could see her breath freezing in front of her mouth like a cloud of smoke it grew thicker and thicker and took the shape of little angels that grew bigger and bigger the moment they touched the ground. All of them had helmets on their heads and they carried shields and lances in their hands.

Rank upon rank, they increased. And when Gerda had finished her prayer, she was surrounded by a legion of angels. Hell yeah. They struck the dread snowflakes

with their lances and shivered them into a thousand pieces. Little Gerda walked on, unmolested and cheerful. The angels rubbed their hands and feet to make them warmer, and she trotted briskly along to the Snow Queen's palace. But now, let's see how little Kay was getting on. Little Gerda was furthest from his mind,

but he hadn't the slightest idea that she was just outside the palace. Oh. And on to the seventh story. This is the final one? Mm-hmm. Okay. What happened in the Snow Queen's palace and what came of it? The walls of the palace were driven snow.

The windows and doors were the knife-edged wind. There were more than a hundred halls shaped as the snow had drifted and the largest of these extended for many a mile. All were lighted by the flare of the northern lights, and all of the halls were so immense and so empty, so brilliant and so glacial. There was never a touch of gaiety in them. Never so much as the little dance for the polar bears at which the storm blast could have served for music and the polar bears could have waddled out on their hind legs to show off their best manners there was never a little party with such games as blind bears buff or hide the paw kerchief

for the cubs nor even a little afternoon coffee over which the white fox vixens could gossip empty vast and frigid were the Snow Queen's halls. The northern lights flared with such regularity that you could time exactly when they would be at the highest and the lowest. In the middle of the vast, empty hall of the snow was a frozen lake. It cracked into a thousand pieces, but each piece was shaped so exactly like the others that it seemed to work a wonderful craftsmanship.

The Snow Queen sat in the exact center of it when she was at home, and she spoke of this sitting on her mirror of reason. She said this mirror was the only one of its kind and the best thing in all the world. Little Kay was blue, yes, almost black with the cold, but he did not feel it because of the snow queen had kissed away his icy tremblings and his heart itself had almost turned to ice. He was shifting some sharp flat pieces of ice to and fro, trying to fit them into every possible pattern, for he wanted to make something with them. It was like the Chinese puzzle game that we play at home, juggling the little flat pieces of wood about into special designs.

Kay was cleverly arranging his pieces in the game of ice-cold reason. To him, the patterns were highly remarkable and of the utmost importance, for the chip of glass in his eye made him see it that way. He arranged his pieces to spell out many words, but he could never find the way to make one word he was so eager to form, and the word was eternity. The Snow Queen had said to him, If you can puzzle that out, you shall be your own master, and I shall give you the whole world and a new pair of skates. But he could not puzzle it out. The whole world and a new pair of skates.

And some skates. Wow. That's what he really wanted. Now I'm going to make a flying trip to the warm countries said the snow queen i want to go and take a look at the black cauldrons she meant the volcanoes of etna and vesuvius i must whiten them up a bit they need it and it will be such a relief after all those yellow lemons and purple grapes and away she flew. Kay sat all alone in that endless, empty, frigid hall and puzzled

over the pieces of ice until he had almost cracked his skull. He sat so stiff and so still that one might have thought he was frozen to death. All of a sudden, Gerda walked up to the palace through the great gate that was a knife edged wind. But Gerda said her evening prayer. The wind was lulled to rest and the little girl

came onto the vast, cold, empty hall. And there she saw Kay. She recognized him at once and ran to throw her arms around him and held him close and cried, Kay, dearest Kay, I found you at last. Oh. Oh. She sang where roses broom so sweetly in the veil there. You shall find the Christ child without fail. Oh, well, because it's a little song they sang to each other in the very first part of the story. Kay burst into tears.

He cried so freely that the little piece of glass in his eye was washed right out. Gerda. He knew her and he cried out in his happiness. My sweet little Gerda, where have you been so long? And where have I been? He looked around him and said, how cold it is here, how enormous and empty. He held fast to Gerda, who laughed until happy tears rolled down her cheeks. Their bliss was so heavenly that even the bits of glass danced

about them and shared in their happiness. When the pieces grew tired, they dropped into a pattern that made the very word the snow queen had told Kay he must find before he came to his own master and received the whole world and his new pair of skates. And a pair of skates. Woo. Gerda kissed his cheeks and they turned pink again. She kissed his eyes and they sparkled like hers.

She kissed his hands and feet and he became strong and well. The Snow Queen might come home now whenever she pleased, for there stood the order for Kay's release, written in letters of shining ice. Hand in hand, Kay and Gerda strolled out of the enormous palace. They talked about Grandmother and about the roses on the roof. Wherever they went, the wind died down and the sun shone out. When they came to the bush that was covered with red berries,

the reindeer was waiting to meet them. He had brought along a young reindeer mate who had warm milk for the children to drink and who kissed them on the mouth. Okay. Gross. Reindeers are better than people. It's true. Then these reindeer carried Gerda and Kay first to the fin woman.

They warmed themselves in her hot room, and when she had given them directions for their journey home, they rode on to the lap woman. She had made them new clothes and was ready to take them along in her sleigh. Side by side, the reindeer ran with them to the limits of the north country, where the first green buds were to be seen. Here, they said goodbye to the two reindeer and the lap woman. Farewell, they all said. Now, the first little birds began to chirp, and there were woman. Farewell, they all said. Now the first little birds

began to chirp, and there were green buds all around them in the forest. Through the woods came riding a young girl on a magnificent horse that Gerda recognized, for it had once been harnessed to a golden carriage. The girl wore a bright red cap on her head and a pair of pistols on her

belt. She's the little robber girl. Woo woo. Yeah. Rock and roll. Who had grown tired of staying at home and who was setting out on a journey to the North country. If she didn't like it there, why the world was so wide and there were many places that she could go. She recognized Gerda at once and Gerda knew her too.

It was a happy meeting. Aww. Aww. Aww. Did she threaten to kill her again? You're a fine one for getting about, she told Lil' K. I'd just like to know whether you deserve to have someone running to the end of the earth for your sake. Excellent question, does he? Uh-huh.

You know, that's a really good point. The little robber girl is so completely punk rock, and I'm in love with her. Absolutely. Best character, hands down. Absolutely. But Gerda patted her cheek and asked her about the prince and the princess. They're traveling in foreign lands, the girl told her. And the crow?

Oh, the crow is dead she answered his tame lady love is now a widow and she wears a bit of black wool wrapped around her leg she takes great pity on herself but that's all stuff and nonsense now tell me what's happened to you and how you caught up with k and gerda and k told her their story. Snip, snap, sneer, bassler, said the robber girl. Okay. And no, I'm not having a stroke. I'm not sure what that means. What does that mean?

I wonder if that's like a Danish saying. Hold on, I want to look it up real fast. Bless you. Bless you. God bless. Snip, snap, Snip, Bassler. What the fuck does that mean?

Hmm. It's in other Hans Christian Andersen stories. It looks like. Okay. But translation. I mean, if it could be translated, it probably would have been.

So it's just some nonsense words. Probably. Okay. would have been so it's just some nonsense words probably okay because this girl lives by her own rules and is inventing her own language yeah she does okay anyway snip snap sneer bestler said the robber girl so everything came out all right she shook them by the hand and promised that if she ever passed through their town she would come to see them. She rode away. Kay and Gerda held each other by the hand, and as they walked along, they had wonderful spring weather. The land was green and strewn with flowers. Church bells rang, and they saw the high steeples of a big town. It was one where they used to live. They walked straight to grandmother's house and up the stairs and into the room where everything was just as it was when they left. And the clock said tick tock and its hands were telling the time.

But the moment they came to the door, they noticed one change. They were grownups now. The roses on the roof looked in at the open window and their two little stools were still out there. Kay and Gerda sat down on them and each held each other by the hand. Both of them had forgotten the icy, empty splendor of the Snow Queen's palace as completely as if it were some bad dream. Grandmother sat in God's good sunshine, reading them from her Bible. Except he... I love you. Sorry. Amazing. Grandmother sat in God's good sunshine, reading them from her Bible. Except ye become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Kay and Gerda looked into each other's eyes, and at last they understood the meaning of their old hymn.

Where roses bloom so sweetly in the veil there you shall find the christ child without fail and they sat there grown up but children still children at heart and it was summer warm glorious summer the end what was that? We did it. We did it. Oh my God. We did the snow queen. I'm so proud of us. That was long. Yes. So long, but so good. So fun that when they get back, they realize that they're adults now. Yeah. So, okay. So what is your interpretation?

Does that mean that they were away that long? That it really did – that this journey really did take multiple years? Yeah. I would guess that, like, if you wanted to analyze this story, I am guessing – I would guess that it's kind of about or keep keeping the the innocence of a child as you grow older that seems about right to me that like keep that kind of innocence and keep that kind of innocent love where i don't know yeah trust in someone else and i don't know yeah i don't know i i had I had a, I had a thought and then it, and then it disappeared out of my head, but yeah,

that kind of innocent open. Yeah. And her, her kind of non-wavering love for him and she never gives up and it melts the ice in his heart. Oh, it's really sweet. It's really sweet.

And all the people that can help you along the way. And like, she never strayed really. So, yeah, she stayed on task. And then also she opened herself up to strangers. And even if they seemed like they wouldn't be the kind of person who would help her, they were moved by her story. And probably converted. Yeah, probably.

I don't know. If you ended it on a miniseries, how would you end it? Such a good question. It's kind of sad to me that they only remember it as like a bad dream. It's like, where did all those years go? Yeah, because so if they are, if it is that it took literal years to complete this journey what does that mean that like they forgot their childhood but i mean but also like that could be part of the extended metaphor is that we we forget our childhoods and they kind of fade into sort of like a fuzzy more watercolory dreamlike experience yeah i guess i don't know so so i don't

know i i guess like yeah i don't know i'm trying to think of how i would how i would end it how is their grandmother still alive i guess people's grandparents are still around even if you become yeah they're probably young adults i'm assuming they're're like, you know, 16, 17, 18-ish. That's true. Especially by like Victorian reckoning. Yes, yeah. Not like old adults. They're not like in their 30s or anything.

Definitely not. Not super old. They're probably youths. So you did get that point. It did take multiple years to find Kay. Yeah, I guess so. So how would you film it then? Would you film this with the child actors the whole time until the final episode?

Or would you gradually start aging up the characters as the story continues? That's what would make it really hard. You'd have to have because if it was a mini-series i don't know maybe just find young-ish looking actors and make them look younger yeah okay i mean that's that's what a lot of people do and they did it with benjamin button they made brad pitt look super young and it was really weird. That was, I mean, and it looked weird. It did look weird.

I bet with like all the, you know, special effects, they could do it pretty effectively nowadays. Yeah. But I think that's also part of the story is that it's a surprise to all of us at the very end too. I agree. Like, I think that's part of the magic of it.

So like you keep the kids the entire way through and then at the end when they're standing in the garden, like the camera maybe pans around the garden and then when it comes back to them, they're like a pair of teenagers instead. Oh, okay. So that's how I would do it. I would film the whole thing as like the kids, the kid actors, and then have that just ending scene be like, it's like a shock that it's the adult, that they're adults that would just look vaguely like them. And that's the only shot I would shoot like with the adults. It's like at the very end, at the very end.

Yeah. That would be kind of cool. That would be so cool. Yeah. I mean, it wouldn't like, and it would be kind of magical too, because you're just, and a little confusing.

Just as how we are sitting here right now saying how that was very magical and also kind of confusing. Like, how does that even work? I know. I'm going to have to ruminate on that one for a while. I mean, I've read it before, but it's, I don't know. It's such a good story. It's very beautiful it's and it's not one of those stories that's like completely clear i think and the message the hca is trying to give

did you pull anything new about it from this reading versus the first time that you read it no but i did kind of forget about the little robber girl. Like I remembered her, but I don't remember how funny she was. I remember really liking the reindeer a lot. The gossipy reindeer. I think it's funny. He's like, yeah, my story is way more important. He's the main character in his story. I love that.

I do love that like the Finn woman is just kind of like, so go drop her off and then leave. Don't stand around gossiping. I've just met you and I can already tell that you never shut up oh that's so funny super funny that's also what i want to see in like an adept in like a sort of like a full length every episode is one story adaptation of this yeah that would be cool um also more snow queen yeah she's barely early in it like they do with fairy she was like off on vacation yeah she left like i i honestly am a little i'm a little sad that like they don't there's no final confrontation with the snow queen. Oh, and she's just like, Oh, you got it.

Okay. Well, bye. Bye. Like she's busy. Yeah. What did you cast as the snow queen? Tilda Swinton.

But that's just because she played the white witch and Narnia. And that's where, that's where my brain goes automatically. That's exactly who I picture as well. Except also, I don't know. Maybe Tilda Swinton is wasted also i don't know maybe tilda swinton is wasted on such a small part and tilda swinton should be like the robber woman mother or oh that could be fun because like tilda swinton is so good at playing like bit characters that steal every scene they're in uh-huhhuh. Yeah, she's fantastic.

Yeah. So I'm changing my mind. She's either the witch that captures Gerda in the first place, in the second story, or the third one, or whichever one that was, or she's the robber woman.

Hmm. Hmm. Yeah, I don't know. Whoever plays the Snow Queen, I feel feel like for me would really have to be like a little aloof like who played who played the sorceress in stardust michelle pfeiffer oh yes that would be so good that would be really fun that would be really fun. That would be really fun. I love that idea. I'm going to have to think on it too, but we'll come up, we'll come up with a fan cast.

Yeah. Always, always. Like if we were being serious, I'd always love for unknowns to get a chance. Of course. But you know, but since Hollywood isn't going to listen to us anyway,

we might as well. No, they should. Can I ever make a Snow Queen miniseries? That would probably never happen. It would be so good, though. Why do they keep remaking Cinderella every two seconds and Robin Hood? People need to give up on Robin Hood.

It's not going to happen. Stop trying to make a good adaptation it happened one time we all really enjoyed it leave it alone i think i like men in tights is my favorite okay it happened two times carrie ellis makes a great like men in tights to be the to be the goofy version and then the adventures of of Robin Hood with Errol Flynn. Those sparkly, sparkly outfits. In the sparkly, sparkly outfits. Those are the two Robin Hood adaptations that matter and were good.

And everything else can be shoved off a cliff. Yeah, we can be done. We're done with Robin Hood. Yeah, quit trying to make Robin Hood a thing. And Cinderella. I'm so, yeah. We're over Cinderella. They did it. Brandy and Whitney Houston got it.

Yep. And then Ever After did a really good riff on it too. We're done. It's over. Yep. Yeah, there's so many good fairy tales. I want the Snow Queen and I want Tatterhood the most of all. Oh, I still want Tatterhood

so bad. Tatterhood could be like all. Oh, I still want Tatterhood so bad. Tatterhood could be like an ongoing series because it's just like pirate boss like having adventures. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. With her sister. That'd be so good. That could go on indefinitely.

Uh-huh. Like they could even have the ending happen with my fix, obviously, instead of a wand, it turns into a giant sword. Yeah. And then it keeps going. Like, it'd be perfect.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Agreed. Do the original fix that we have as, like, the first season. Yeah. Just in case it gets canceled. And then go. And then endless other ideas.

Anyway. I'm with you. So you got, I think you got all those points by the way. I say, I agree with you. I think, I think I nailed it.

Yeah. It took years to find Kay. It took an act of true love to melt the ice in Kay's heart. Oh, and they escaped the snow queen, but don't kill her. I mean, they,

yeah, I envisioned these things happening differently. Like I thought that the act of true love was going to be confronting the snow queen but i kind of like it in the way that it's like no the act of true love was attempting this journey at all like that was that was her act of true love yep was going on this quest in the first place. I really thought that there was going to be a major confrontation with the snow queen in which in like, where like Gerda melted the snow queen's heart or something like did,

did something that convinced her to give Kay back. Yeah. Just had any interaction with the snow queen. Had any interaction with the snow queen at all. I wonder if she was a little disappointed. didn't get to meet her yeah i would be maybe she met her it did say that the snow queen had to like come and release him or something that's true i so i wish more details would be i guess as always i would like more details just more please and thanks again yeah sometimes hc's endings are like that they're a little fast and vague yeah he told the story he he told the story he wanted to tell and then

he was like and then they went home and then they went home in the end they're adults now. I don't know. All right. Whatever. The end. Well, our next episode doesn't come out until February. Mm-hmm. And then, I am sorry, I am already just really, really excited for March. I'm so excited for Irish Fairytale Month. I've been thinking about that nonstop lately. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Well, then, yes, I am also excited. I also just want to say that like we're finishing up the Snow Queen on this January day and it is actually snowing. Oh my gosh, it is? So it feels really magical. I'm just staring out the window right now at just my snow covered street with some snow gently falling on it and it's so perfect well yeah let us know what you think of the two-parter we were thinking about making it one super-sized episode but it is so long and i'm yeah i'm glad we broke it up i am too i think it worked out for us for sure all right and that's gonna do it for today. Thank you so much for listening to Fairytale Fix. If you enjoy the show, please subscribe.

Leave us a review on Apple or you can go on Spotify and leave us a star rating, which I think we're up to 81, which is really exciting. If you love the show and want to support us, you can get extra episodes, merch and books and stickers at our Patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash and you can also find us on social media at fairytalefixpod we're on instagram and threads and we have a facebook page so yeah check that out and please email us your favorite fairy tales folklore nursery rhymes and other cool things at info at fairy tale fixed pod.com and so the snow queen actually makes a real appearance at the end of the snow queen and she and the main character gerda have some kind of confrontation or contest in order for Gerda to win the right to try to get Kay back. Yeah, I love it. And also somebody decided to make the Snow Queen into a miniseries. That was

awesome. And each episode was like a chapter from the book. Perfect. And or maybe two episodes. And they also hired us on as consultants because we're awesome. Because we're awesome. Yeah. Okay. That's the best fix. And they all lived happily ever after.

The end. The end.