Fairy Tale Fix - 82: Show Me Them Piggies

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

This one is for the #VillainSympathizers out there so…us basically! Kelsey retells the African American folktale Lonna And Cat Woman (we’ll let you guess who we’re rooting for here), and Abbie relates the story of Greek Cinderella - the most unreliable narrator of all time.

Ben sounds... Sorry, I had to conceal a burp. Ben sounds... Ben sounds like a real... Hello and welcome to Fairytale Fix, the podcast where I, Kelsey, and I, Abby, read classic fairy and folktales from around the world and then we fix them for a modern audience or however we think it would have been more entertaining to us, which is that last one. Our chief demographic. Yeah. Our chief demographic. Yeah.

Ourselves. Oh, and I am so excited to do another episode. So as you, our listeners, probably are aware, unless you're listening to this way later, this episode's a little late. We have been super fucking busy, and Abby's been sick at one point. Oh, I know, but she's feeling better.

Yes. Looking amazing. So beautiful. You're glowing. You're looking so beautiful. I was actually thinking that over the weekend when we were on with redacted, but I was just thinking, gosh, Kelsey's so pretty. Look at her hair.

Look at her eyes. Look at her adorable nose. Look at your beautiful smile. Just tell me. We're just so good looking. It's ridiculous. We are so good looking. Really?

Yeah, I'm super pumped. We recorded the episode that comes out next before this one because scheduling conflicts. And we have some very special guests for our first episode of Irish Fairy Tale Month that I'm so excited. Yes, cannot wait. It was so much fun. I'm so hyped on it. So I'm really excited to record another episode with you this weekend. Me too. I'm glad that we got to do one that's just the two of us because I feel like I haven't gotten to hang out with you just just us in a few weeks and I miss you. I miss you too. Yeah, we don't and usually we have time to like talk for an hour before we start recording too. But not today.

Not today. I got to go to the, well, I get to go to the gym after this. You get to go to the gym. Trying to do that thing where instead of saying I have to do something, I get to do something. Ooh, I love that. Like tricking your brain. Yeah. I get to move my body and hang out with Adam and lift marshmallows because I'm very, very weak. Hey, whatever. That's how you get up to lifting, you know, one rock. Yeah. Yeah.

So anyway. I'm proud of you. Good for you. Thanks. So last week I went to my co-worker'sentine's day cabaret and it was really fun and there was a shout out i know but no i don't think your co-worker in the cabaret yes yeah and that's so cool he was such i didn't know he was such an amazing singer first of all and it was really cute like it was just a really cute flirty valentine's day play not gay enough for my uh preference sure yeah and the other cabarets i've seen we've talked about

this we have talked about this i prefer a really gay cabaret personally that's how that's how they're you know supposed to you know, supposed to be. They're supposed to be very like the fringes of acceptable society, i.e. queer as hell. Yeah.

Yeah. This was a lot of like women are like this and men are like this. And while it was still like funny, it was also a little

made me roll my eyes a lot. Yeah. That's kind of I mean, it's like that is funny. There is there is humor to be found lot yeah oh that's kind of i mean it like that is funny there is there is humor to be found there but that's also just um heteronormative and exactly women are like cats and men are dogs and i don't know if i really believe in gender like that uh anymore at all

so um they did add one lesbian couple into the cabaret um i don't know if that was like the original that's good play but it was that made me happy but anyway the point i mean telling you that uh shout out any of my co-workers who listen to this they probably don't and they probably shouldn't but ben you're amazing just in case just in case ben sounds awesome ben congratulations on being in a cabaret that's rad as hell. I'm really happy for you. Doing community theater is the best. And lots and lots of people should do it.

It's delightful and rewarding. So the point of that was there was a singer there that I was, as soon as he started singing, I was like, okay, Josh Groban. And then my brain went, oh my God, we never talked about Josh Groban as Sweeney Todd. I did have to tell me about that immediately. Okay. I'm going to tell you about it right now. We're doing it. Okay. So I went to Broadway in New York and I saw Josh Groban and hang on quick go get the program I have my program and I want to make sure that I shout out the lady who played Mrs. Lovett because she was amazing too um and I want to make sure she gets her proper hell yeah

um not that she doesn't get her proper She's apparently actually kind of famous and she does Broadway a lot. So she's, you know, she's getting her proper roots. But it was Josh Groban and Ashley Ashford were the two lead cast members playing Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett respectively. Nice.

Okay. I love the idea of Josh Groban and Sweeney Todd because he seems like such a nice boy you know what i mean like uh-huh he does seem like such a nice boy i don't want to be a negative nancy that's okay um but i'm going to be is it because he's a nice boy the problem is is that josh groban seems like a very nice boy and that is not and that and and that is not um the vibe for sweetie Todd was it because you have that perceived idea of him already because that's what how I feel like it would ruin it for me or was it really like kind of his whole acting and

like I think it was his acting you know no no like and and certainly and certainly no like offense intended and then also it also could have been his director he could have been directed to play it this way so I'm also not even saying that it's not that it was necessarily Josh Groban yeah um and he can sing the part like he can sing it he was so good like he sounded beautiful nice um and he and ashley ashford had great chemistry they they were so cute together they were so funny the this the the the climactic song of act one where they sing you know have a little priest uh-huh uh which is which is a song where they're supposed to be falling all over themselves howling with laughter because of how gross and funny the other person is they nailed

that song so hard it was so good oh i wish i could live stream it i wish you could live stream it too like it like it was a good performance i had a really good time watching the show. My only kind of quibble with it is that Josh Groban played Sweeney Todd as if he was just very sad. Aww. And not mad.

That's not the feeling you're supposed to get when you watch Sweeney Todd. You're supposed to feel unsettled and scared. Because he's supposed to be losing it yeah not and not in a sad way in a manic way which is supposed to be genuinely pretty scary what a delicious character to play I bet just Oh, yeah. So, I like just losing it and like angry and I love that play.

I love it so much. I even liked the movie. I thought that was fun. The movie's great. The movie's fine. Is Alan Rickman in it? Yeah. Alan Rickman's in it.

I thought Helena Bonham Carter did a really nice job doing Mrs. Lovett because I feel like she played it. She certainly played it unhinged. Oh yeah. Which she's very good at. She's so good at that.

She's very good at that. That's her specialty actually. Yes. That is what you cast her for. Uh-huh. And as much as like, you know, Johnny Depp is a like problematic figure these days yeah or has

been forever i don't know i thought he did i thought he also did a nice job as sweeney todd like i didn't hate it i don't think i don't think he's got the pipes for it but i think he's got the um the attitude i really like that first song he does when it's, it's the, the world is filled. What is it? I don't care. It's something about like, it's filled with people who are filled with shit. Like,

yeah. And like the delivery for that. He's like, you can feel how pissed he is and how like, Oh yeah. Petty and resentful and bitter. And he did a good job of like losing sight of – he did a good job of losing the plot. In Act 1, Sweeney is still flirting a little bit with the idea of rescuing his daughter

and caring about what happened to her and caring about finding out what happened to his wife. He still cares. He's not totally gone yet. And then the flip over in act two, he has totally lost sight of everything. And now he just wants to fucking get his back. He just wants to fucking kill people. How fun.

How do they do? Do they do in the live live version was it like bloody did they have any fun props with like ribbons or something like i'm just imagining like streamers coming out of like um they did it pretty realistically actually like they they actually had um like uh groban must have been crushing like blood capsules or something in his hands. So the set was like, it was pretty minimalist. It was a big sort of like steel overhang, like you would have in a factory that like raise up or down, depending on what the scene was supposed to be.

And he had his barber chair. And so like, you know, when he'd be like, you know, shaving people and then he would turn the barber chair so that you would see him and his victim in profile. And then he would just drag his razor across her neck. And he would really make a show out of slowly dragging it as if there actually was skin and bone resistance. Oh, my gosh. It was pretty – it was my gosh um it was kind of it was kind it was actually it was pretty it was a it was an effective it was effective um and so and he

would be crushing blood capsules in his hand while he was doing it so it actually like you there was a lot of blood on everybody's like costumes oh my gosh can you imagine working in the like costume department for that play i mean no i don't know the first thing about how they made that work. My first thought when I saw it was like, wow, how do you get that out? Uh-huh. You don't. You just get a new shirt every night.

I guess. Maybe. But there's so many performances. Yeah. But, yeah, like, really, really great special effects. Like, really great singing. And, like,, really great special effects, like really great singing and like really good acting. Like I think I think Josh Groban did a really good job of playing him sad.

Mm hmm. I just don't think it works for the play. Yeah. I feel like that's not as fun. Mm hmm. kind of makes the plot not make sense because yeah if he's just sad if he's just depressed that changes the entire flavor of his relationship with mrs lovett yeah it changes the entire flavor of his relationship to joanna and his relation and and it makes him killing mrs wow sorry spoiler alert oh yeah for sweeney todd if you haven't seen it. It's a very old musical and a movie from many years ago, so if you haven't seen it, you know, whatever.

Him being depressed makes him flying into a rage at the end and killing Mrs. Lovett. It just doesn't make as much sense. Yep. It just doesn't track quite as well. If he's just sad, why is he killing people like this? You don't, you don't, you don't go around murdering this many people because you're pretty bummed out because you've had a rough life.

Like you do it because you're losing your mind. Yeah. Anyway, it was really good though. Like I had a wonderful time. Good. I'm so, like, glad for you that you got to go do that. That sounds like so much fun. It was really fun.

Yeah. I would put it – it was an 8 out of 10 experience. Nice. Did you do anything else in New York that was mention worthy? I smoked weed for the first time in some years. That's fun. How was that? It was not fun. Oh, no.

Sorry. I'm telling the story because it is funny. So, like, I was already like a little tipsy because we went to a bottomless brunch and Steven and our friend Alex, we went with a bottomless brunch and uh steven and um our friend alex we went with alex and nyla um they they wanted to smoke and so the and so in in new york you can just wander into a

storefront and buy a fucking joint and so and we smoked it as we walked down the street but they bought one of like the they bought like a really intense one that has like Keef kind of in the packaging, in the wrap. Which is like, so it just, it's an even more intense experience. And the wrap was so cloying and sweet that it made me cough more, which made me higher. I very impulsively like just like reached out was like give me a puff and they should have said no and i shouldn't have asked but that's what happened anyway i was high as hell for the next show we went to which was which was dracula the musical oh my god why does that sound like so much fun though it was that one that one was also a freaking riot like that was that was really good

they did a lot of fun things with like stage magic uh-huh in that one and like and they also it was like pretty queer it was really um it's like it's like a it was a reimagined dracula where dracula canonically has the hots for both Jonathan and Mina. Uh-huh. Oh, my fucking God. Yes, please. I need this so badly in my life. That sounds amazing.

It was pretty great. Although, like, I think my favorite part of the musical was, I don't know, you know, was it even a musical? I don't remember there being, like, any big songs. it might have just been like dracula untold the comedy or dracula the comedy or something like that because i don't remember any songs but my favorite part was i was so high so maybe that's why i don't remember any singing but so like it was it was six actors who did the entire play and played all of the characters. So each of them were playing two to three characters.

And they were really making a meal out of like it being very obvious when they had to go change into a different character. It was really funny. Oh my God. And so but like the entrance for Dracula, I can send you a clip of it because it was all over the internet for a little while. Yes, please. The actor playing Dracula, very tall, very handsome, very blonde, ripped, like just shredded with muzzle. And he's just wearing leather pants and a vest. And the doors to his castle open and like all of this mist pours out

and then the two two of the the two women who play um mina and lucy are on stage playing like dracula's attendance and so they've got these little bottles like these little spray bottles of like yet more mist and fog and they're like spraying him with it as he walks into and he walks in like he's strutting he's doing some like fancy shit with his arms he's running his hands through his hair he's like flexing those muscles like it was very funny and really nice to look at anyway that's what i did in new york it was a good time. Oof. I could never, I don't think I could ever set foot in a theater while high. I think I would lose my like ever loving mind. Cause I regret doing it.

Like I just be dry. I would just be uncomfortable and dry mouthed and like stupid the whole time. I don't know. I don't, haven't gotten high very often in my life, but the times I have, I usually just like, I'm't know. I haven't gotten high very often in my life, but the times I have, I usually just like I'm just boring. Like you just shut down. I just shut down. I'm just kind of boring and

my mouth is really dry and I'm uncomfortable and I want to draw. I want to like color stuff. And I feel like being in a theater where you're around all these people and you can't move and I can't drink water like every four seconds and then I'd have to pee every four seconds oh my god yep and it was exactly like that like I um shouldn't I shouldn't have done it I made a mistake I it's a funny story I enjoyed it yeah I mean because like I I think that there were in some ways it enhanced the play for me because there were some parts that like i possibly found even funnier than they already were um but like but it was also like i don't remember the play very well one of the reasons my one of my one of the reasons my favorite part was in the first five minutes is because the middle is the middle is pretty fuzzy for me like i don't remember it that well um so i so anyway

don't go don't go to anything you haven't already seen a million times hi kids yeah being high is for watching a movie you've already seen 17 times yeah and that's the moral of the story and that's the moral of my story today oh well i enjoyed it i. I'm sorry you had a rough time, but thank you for telling me that story. You're welcome. It was a really good time. Like, it was still really fun. Good trip overall, I think. Good.

Yeah. All right. Well, before we get into the story today, I do want to give a shout out. A special shout out to someone who emailed us. Logan, thank you for emailing us. I wanted to give a quick shout out to Logan's amazing, wonderful, amazing, fantastic princess fiancé,

Shelby. Yay, Shelby! Shelby and Logan, thank you both so much for listening to the podcast. And congratulations on your June 1st wedding. That sounds very exciting. Yes, please send us pictures.

Absolutely. We do require pictures of your nuptials. We love weddings. Oh, yeah. I love – gosh, I love weddings. Please send us everything, everything you do. And thanks for listening to the show. I know.

I love getting that email. That was really great. I know. I also love how many delightful adjectives there are in front of Shelby's name. Yeah. Shelby sounds like the fucking coolest. You sound really amazing. And it sounds like Logan is pretty into you. Pretty into you considering you're getting married and she is pretty into

you, I guess. So it is, even though this episode is a little bit late, it is still black history month. It sure is. So I was really excited to find this book called Her Stories, African-American Folk Tales, Fairy Tales, and True Tales by Virginia Hamilton. And if you don't know who

Virginia Hamilton is, she is a prize-winning children's author. Amazing. Yeah. Okay. Amazing. Yeah. Okay. My cat's meowing at the door. I love you. But go away. Oh, my God.

She was so annoying. Get out of here. This morning, she literally would not stop chirping and meowing at me all fucking morning. And I gave her treats. I gave her cuddles. I played with her. I paid attention to her. And it was not enough. I don't know what she needed.

But I was not giving it to her, clearly. Nope. So anyway. You were ignoring her suffering. Yes. Poor thing. You monster. Anyway, this tale is called Lana and Catwoman. It is from the supernatural section of the book. And I really highly recommend this book. It has some really fun stories in it. I had a hard time picking which one I wanted to read. It has sections from her animal tales, her fairy tales, her supernatural, her folkway and legends, and her true tales. So it's a really cool book and it has a lot of it's

one of those books where it retells the fairy tale or folk tale and also has some information about who uh originally not originally told it but who told the person who wrote it down about it okay excellent yes some information on like the theant, as they like to say. Yes. Yeah, the informant and also some tales or some information about like where you can find more of these tales in African-American folk tales. Yes. Or if they come from Africa. Sometimes there's a really great mermaid tale that I really liked. I'm not going to tell it today, but it's like African Portuguese. So it's really fun. Anyway. Oh, wow. I love this book already. Okay. I know. It's awesome. It's one of the ones I got

during Yule when I went crazy and bought a bunch of books. So yeah, give me three predictions for Lana and Catwoman. Catwoman is evil. Evil. Evil. Evil. Boom. Hmm. Hmm.

You gonna backtrack on that one? Nah, I'm gonna let it ride. I'm letting it ride. Trying to think about what do I want? What do you want? What do I want? Lana and Catwoman.

It's funny when I read this story, I feel like to read it, I have to, I really have to like kind of give myself a little, just a little bit of a Southern accent. Cat woman was once a normal human lady. Okay. There will be important food.

Ooh, important food. Ooh. Important food. I just spent a long time this morning talking to one of our merchants at the market about traditional African-American foods and their importance. Ooh, I love that. I'm really on an important food mindset. Okay. Well, let's do it. This is Lana and Catwoman. Pretty Polly was to marry young Samuel from way up the road, but there was a girl named Lana said that Samuel belonged to her.

She said Polly had tricked him and that she was going to get him back. I should have guessed Lana was the villain. I don't know. You don't know that yet. Maybe Polly really sucks. Probably not. She got named first. She's pretty probably. Polly's probably great. And she's pretty, which means she's good.

Yeah, that's usually how it goes. She went to the conjure woman named Catwoman. Fear her. Woman had money to goes. She went to the conjure woman named Catwoman. Fear her. Woman had money to burn. She had the power. Everybody knew about her and most stayed away from her. For her life depended on something all of us have, but few of us will sell. Ooh, what?

Oh, my God. Read that line again. For her life depended on something all of us have, but few of us will sell. Oh, my God. That's so intriguing. What do you think it is? All of us have, but few of us will sell our integrity? No.

No, lots of people will sell that. Yeah, I was going to say. Our souls. Okay. You're going to say. Our souls. Okay. You're going to find out in this next couple sentences here. Lana had got word that Catwoman would help her.

But first, Lana had to give Catwoman a suck of her blood. Catwoman. I was going to guess that there was going to be important blood. God damn it.

You should have. Catwoman, she of albino skin, was a her vampire. And she fooled Lana and said she needed her blood to make charm against the pretty Polly most powerful. It won't be much, Lana girl. Those pale-skinned vampires. Yup. It won't be much, Lana girl, Catwoman said. She forced her sharp teeth into Lana's neck and sucked her fill.

I'm telling you true. Afterward, Lana went on home, dragging her legs as limp as a dishrag. So like. She didn't kill her. She just drank some of her blood. Yeah, but she couldn't walk. Like she had to drag herself home. She should have brought a snack.

Like what Bloodsource gives you. She should have had cookies and juice. Exactly, cookies and juice. And just hang out for 30 minutes. Yeah. And Catwoman hadn't even taken some money. She lana to buy some food with it and fill her belly when they lay away that poly girl murmured cat woman never did talk loud you come back for a charm it will spring your samuel closer to you than a sick puppy to a warm fire cat woman laughed

they say the sound of her laughter came off a breath that had no life to it, only death and darkness. Ooh, gosh, I love Catwoman. Me too. She also sounds like she's on the up and up because she took a lot of her blood and then she gave her money for a snack. You know what I mean?

Kind of really just like Bloodsaurus does. So you fed a lady who needs your blood to live. That's not her fault. And then she gave you money for food. And she's going to get rid of your romantic rival. This seems like a really good transaction. When Lana got home, she laid down at once and could hardly lift her head from the pillow.

But she was satisfied. Soon, pretty Polly grew sick and tired and took to bed. down at once and could hardly lift her head from the pillow but she was satisfied soon pretty polly grew sick and tired and took to bed the rumor was that polly wouldn't ever have old bones in her body oh i'm like shy i think that means she won't grow old wow so poor polly poor polly young samuel was frantic over poll. The doctor came to look at her. He said there was nothing he could see. From then on, Samuel knew the worst. He knew that Lana had put a spell on Polly.

Oh, he immediately suspects Lana. Uh-huh. So he knows. No question. Yeah. Samuel went to the city to find the conjure woman Lana had gone to. He would pay for a better spell than Lana's. Word about the her vampire cat woman was on the street. Samuel found out where she lived. Ooh. The descriptions of Catwoman are the best.

I love it. Ooh. The descriptions of Catwoman are the best. I love it. Samuel felt his flesh creep, said that her vampire's arms moved like a bird's wings opening and shutting on a warm day. Her nails would sheath and unsheath like a cat's claws. Yeah.

But it was her eyes, Samuel said later. They bulged out at you, wet, shiny, like marble. You. Okay. Well, no, I love her. I absolutely adore cat woman,

but also not, not us adoring the white lady who eats all of these young black people. Oh no. Yeah. I guess that's a good point. We're like, yes, yes. Hashtag villain sympathizer. Villain sympathizers.

She told him, I know why you come here, but I want to hear you say it. Then Samuel told her about Pretty Polly's poor state of health. The Herb vampire murmured, my price for saving her is a suck of your young blood. Are you willing to pay the price? You can get as much blood as you want from the slaughterhouse, he told her. I want it strong

and fresh from young veins. She grinned at him. Everyone who loves a vampire story knows it tastes better if it comes from humans. Yeah, it's not going to be filling or satisfying if it comes from an animal. Duh. Duh. She grinned at him.

It was then Samuel saw her pointed cat's teeth. She led him to her couch. I was most hypnotized, he was to say. She sat down beside him, her arms around his chest. He felt her teeth break the skin on his neck and sink in. She seemed to purr and then she sucked his blood. Here, before we go on too further, I want to show you a picture of her. And obviously we'll post it to the Instagram.

Isn't that great sherry does look badass very cat-like very cat-like like she looks scary i love the robes too how they're like draping down and like ribbons. Mm-hmm. Also, I love the detail in the picture of Samuel's silhouette on the bottom of her robes. This is really cool art. Oh, yeah. The artwork is amazing. I will definitely be posting all that.

After she drank her fill, she told him, your girl will be well by the time you get home. Just remember, I can spell her whenever I want. You will come back here many times to give me more blood. Don't forget. Samuel barely made it home,

but he found Polly sitting in a chair and eating everything in sight. Yay, good for Polly. Meantime, Lana was beside herself. She'd heard Polly was well, and though Lana stuffed herself like a pig, she seemed to be drying up into an old hag. Oh, so like reverse? Mm-hmm. Uno reverse. Uno reverse. Samuel just uno reversed that.

He did. So she dragged herself to Catwoman's door. She drags herself everywhere. She's not well. Is Lana. Maybe she's just dramatic. I don't know at this point.

I love that energy for her too. Lana's such a drama queen. She fusted Catwoman for not taking care of her. She got sassy with the her vampire. Why'd she have to do that? I like how the her vampire. Why'd she have to do that? I feel like I was asking like that. Why'd she have to do that? It's definitely, you can hear the like oral storytelling in this story,

which is always really fun. You can hear the auntie who's telling you this story. Yes, which is also why I feel like I need just like the slightest tinge of a Southern accent to be able to tell it correctly. But it feels really awkward too. We're not southern no or african-american catwoman grabbed her and shook her like a wet rag lana fainted

catwoman thought she'd broken her neck she lost her head sent for the hymn vampire between them they carried lana to the canal to dump her. A policeman happened by and saw them. The she-hymn vampire... Sorry. The she-hymn vampire. I wish.

The she-hymn vampire. Oh, no. The non-binary vampire. The hymn vampire took off. The other police couldn't catch him. They managed to hold on to Catwoman. She went to jail and was given no bail out um well i guess thus ends her reign of terror the circuit judge wasn't due for

a while the newspapers had all the pictures of her just awful to see yet the story ended just about the way you'd expect lana got well but she never tried any more nonsense over pretty polly pretty polly went courting her samuel and baking cakes and pies with her mama and roasting turkey and hog goodness so cute doesn't say goodness in the story goodness goodness how cute i want to see the old woman telling this for sure like 100 so cute and the her vampire cat woman in the end she stayed in jail so long that she had no way to get blood she died of course people said it was foolish to mess with the poison weed said just pull it up and throw it in the sun and let its roots die cat woman the her vampire was sent back to the bad she come from and good riddance the end so dang i know wasn't that fun

that was fun obviously my fix is that cat woman escapes and continues her mysterious rampaging. As she deserves. Keep eating people, queen. I mean, although I do, I love, I love Samuel. And he can't like, he knew immediately and saved his princess. Me too. I do love that he like, so this also, I feel like it's also like a good like spooky valentine's day story it's a good double yeah definitely i'm so on top of it yeah you are just so thematically just on it for all for february i love themes can you tell i work in marketing

because i love gimmick stupid gimmicky stuff okay uh so there's a really cool pair a couple of paragraphs after the story that tells you a little bit more about it so it says this her vampire tale may be the only one of its kind for bloodsuckers man woman or child are rare in african-american stories but not voodoo women and conjuration so the setting of this story is on the west bank of the mississippi river the time period is not long after the civil war but before splitting up of the area's large sugar plantations new orleans was famous for its voodoo or conjure women such as marie laveau who is the most powerful of the new orleans voodoo oh uh is that the same character as in the American Horror Story, like, witches season?

Yes. Yeah. Cool. Voodoo, also known as Vodun, is a religion derived from Africa and religious cult worship. Her vampire in the tale above is described as a conjure woman who deals with magic spells and voodoo. So it's kind of like a rare tale, which is kind of fun that they included it in here. Yeah.

Like vampire stories aren't as common, I guess. Mm-hmm. So anyway. I, that's so exciting. But I also like, I love, I love stories about like voodoo women.

Hell yeah. Right? Wasn't that great? I think voodoo is so cool. I want, I feel like I wish it would have been longer and more, had more, I loved the descriptions of cat woman i thought that was really fun

um yeah i agree with you that the perfect fix is cat woman uh kills a guard and gets away she mysteriously escapes and other mysterious things happen and we get more stories. Yeah. That's what I want. I want the saga of Catwoman. Absolutely. As usual. I got one point.

I got one point. One point. Catwoman was certainly quite evil. She was evil we don't know if cat woman was ever once a normal human lady not part of the story no and um i don't know there really wasn't any like featured important food so no not really goodness goodness. It's all good. Goodness. She makes him a lot of important food at the end, but it's not like the food was not important to the story. No. I guess the important food could be blood.

It could be. It was important to Catwoman. She needed it to live and she died in jail. You know what? I'm going to give you half a point. Ooh, okay. Let's say you get one and a half points so the story that i am about to tell you was um suggested by our redacted guests from this past weekend. Woohoo! It is the story of Little Saddle Slut. Little Saddle Slut.

Fucking amazing. I can't remember anything redacted said about this. So, do I get three full predictions? Yes. It is a Greek story. And that is all I am going to tell you. It is called Little Saddle Slut. It's a Greek story.

And I like saying saddle slut. Okay. Actually, I'm remembering one thing. So I won't use that for my predictions. I mean, it could be wrong too. But anyway. Oh my God. Saddle slut.

That's so good. So I'm going to predict a talking horse. Love it. Okay. I want to predict a curse. Okay. Oh, and you said it's a Greek story. So I want to predict there's a goddess. Ooh, okay. Okay, hit me with it little saddle slut

um i do want to just say real quick so i got this story um off of fairytales.com amazing shout out to fairytales love them um this story was collected by a german uh named edmund martin geldart and he collected it in 1867 uh when he was traveling to greece he worked as a teacher in greece for a number of years and really fell in love with greek. And he collected a lot of Greek folk tales while he was down there. And so this story is from his collection, Folklore of Modern Greece, The Tales of the People. Oh, strap in. Okay, hold on. I'm going to get comfortable.

Lean back. I'm ready. Stretch. Get ready. Stretch. Get ready. There were once three sisters spinning flax, and they said, whosoever the spindle falls on, let us kill her and eat her. Oh, my God. It's such a strong start. Just starts off real strong. Yeah.

So good. The mother's spindle fell, and they left her alone. the mother's spindle fell and they left her alone again they sat down to spin and again the mother's spindle fell and again and yet again oh well said the sisters let us eat her now oh my god cool no said the youngest do not eat her eat me if flesh you will have. Of course, the youngest. The noble one. I know.

The noble one. Always. Boring. Boring. Lame. She won't even eat her own mother. What a bummer. But they would not. And two of them killed their mother and cooked her for eating nice still a strong start strong start yeah it's a strong opening

when they had sat down to make a meal of her they said to the youngest come and eat too but she refused and she sat down on a saddle which the fowls were covering with filth and wept and upbraided them wait what she sat down on a saddle which the fowls were covering with filth and wept and upbraided them so upbraided is just she yelled at them. And I assume there's a lot of chickens. I heard braided and I was like. She braided them. What?

She's like sitting there braiding their feathers. Many a time they said to her, come and eat, but she would not. And when they had done eating they all went away then the youngest whom they called little saddle slut gathered all why does slut mean something different in this story i don't know it must i couldn't find i couldn't find why or how old greek Old Greek. Word slut. Maybe it'll become clear later in the story. The only other thought that I had for this was like, it could just mean like dirty. Okay. But like,

but I don't know, but like dirty in a sexual way. I don't know. Like. Maybe messy where we're goddesses sluts. I Googled it. No, I found it.

I, you know what I did? I found it in the Wikipedia in a Wikipedia article. It originally meant a dirty slovenly woman. Oh, okay. There we go. woman. Oh, okay. There we go. Okay. Little saddle slut. Still funny.

Hilarious. She gathered all the bones together and buried them underneath the grate and smoked them every day with incense for 40 days. And after the 40 days were out, she went to take them away and put them in another place. And when she lifted up the stone, she was astonished at the rays of light which it set forth, and raiment was found there, like unto the heavens and the stars,

the spring with its flowers, the sea with its waves, and many coins of every kind, and she left them where she found them. coins of every kind, and she left them where she found them. Afterwards, her sisters came and found her sitting on the saddle and jeered at her. On Sunday, her sisters went to church. Are they allowed in a church anymore? I know. I mean, so did that witch.

That one witch, but from Buttercup, so. That's true. Who knows? Gotta keep up appearances. Oh, we're not totally cannibals who ate our mother so on sunday her sisters went to church then she too arose she washed and attired herself putting on the garment that was as the heavens with the stars and went to church taking with her a few gold pieces in her purse. When she went into the church, all the people were amazed and could not gaze upon her by reason of the brightness of her garments. She just blinded them. Wow.

When she left the church, the people followed her to see whether she went. Then she filled her hand with money from her bag and cast it in the way, and so she kept throwing it down all the way she went that they might not get near her. Then the crowd scrambled for the coins and left her alone and straight away she went into her house, changed her clothes and put on her old things and sat

upon the saddle. You'd think they would follow her more if she were just throwing out money. Right. That was my first but you know. I feel like you'd get a lot closer, but maybe she stopped throwing money at a certain point and then just kind of left after they were all scrambling for the coins on the ground. Oh,

there you go. Like they're fighting over it. Yeah. That's kind of the vibe I got. All right. Her sisters came home from church and said to her, where are you? Wretch.

Come and let us tell you how there came into the church a maiden more glorious than the sun who had such garments on as you could not look on so brightly did they gleam and shine and she strewed money on the way look see what a lot we have picked up why did you not come to worst luck to you i do like love that they call her like a wretch but they also refuse to eat her like they're like no we're gonna eat mom uh-huh there's some sisterly affection there probably maybe maybe they just think she's gross oh too gross to eat maybe that's it you are welcome to what you picked up i don't want it said she next sunday they went to church again and she did the same then they went another sunday and just as she was flinging

the money she lost her shoe among the crowd and left it behind her now the king's son was following her but could not catch her the story is like so random like it's just filled with like little like now this is happening it doesn't even explain why they ate their mom like it doesn't like not even a throwaway line if they were very poor yeah I just like the idea that they are like scary monsters

actually they're just like little spider kids and they're like nasty i like that spooky so the king's son was following her apparently but he could not catch her and he only found her shoe and he said to himself whose foot this shoe exactly fits without being either too large or too small. I shall take her for my wife. So this is a Cinderella variant.

Oh, yeah. I'm getting that. I'm getting that vibe. And how specific just like your shoe size won't fit anyone else in the whole town. Yep. Also, like, how does he know that when he just sees the shoe like you don't see any flaws in your plan there buddy nope nope all right that uh that meme of like i don't remember if it's a meme or a cartoon but it was something like he's just really into feet just really really into feet he knows feet yeah and he wanted to hold

a lot of different women's feet yeah and they're like the handler is just like prince that doesn't make any sense and he's just like you shut up i'll cut your head off show me your feet he's like just using it as an excuse to look at his feet i think the more that i'm talking about it i think it was just a tiktok skit somebody did but i think i've seen the same one but it was like it was hilarious like that's that's a you probably sent it to me i probably did or someone did or vice versa it's that's a perfect Cinderella joke show me them piggies or something show me those piggies oh gosh oh okay so the prince went to all the women he knew and had them try it on. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. I love this.

I love this so much. That is a perfect interpretation. He just wants to look at a lot of ladies' feet. That's the only thing that makes sense, honestly. It's his excuse. Okay, so none of the women he knows uh fit this shoe so then little saddle sluts sisters came to her and spoke as follows you go and try perhaps it will fit you okay so they're they do love her i don't know i'm just giving her a hard time. Yeah. You're just calling her a wretch for funsies. Yeah.

It's just cute. And she is a little she sits on that little dirty saddle all the time. So she's a saddle slut. Whatever. Sisters fight, Ted. Sisters fight, Ted. Get away with you, said she. Do you think he will put the shoe on me and get it covered with filth do not make fun of me the prince had taken all the houses in turn so he came at length to the house of little saddle slut and his servants told her to come and try on the shoe don't make fun of me she says

however she went down and when the prince saw her he knew the shoe was hers and said to her do you try on the shoe show me them piggies show me those piggies he likes some dirty like oh yeah you're a dirty girl i'm I'm also just remembering that Cinderella was like the mean nickname. Like her name's not Cinderella, but like the cinders. I totally forgot about that. Yep. Yep. Cinderella is her mean nickname.

Yeah. I like Saddleslut so much more. Saddleslut's hilarious. Like Saddleslut's a great name. Cinderella is too close to like what someone's actual name could be. Like obviously her name is Ella. Yeah, it sounds pretty. You know? name cinderella is too close to like what someone's actual name could be like obviously it sounds pretty you know maybe that's just because we grew up with it like hearing maybe the name it's totally totally possible but ella is a totally normal name to have

yeah you know it sounds saddle slut takes some creativity it's got like it's a very funny word mean older sisters saddle slut so with the greatest of ease she put on the shoe and it fit her then said the prince to her I will take you to wife. Don't make fun of me, she answered.

So may your youth be happy. She's so insecure. Yeah, she is. Were you talking about me behind my back? I know it. Nay, but I will marry you, said he. And he took her and made her his wife then she put on her fairest robes when a little child was born to her real time jump here like

huge fast forward okay her sisters came to see it and when she was helpless and alone they took her and put her into a chest and carried her off and threw her into a river. And the river cast her forth upon a desert. What? The story has some twists and turns. This is fucking wild. Jesus. That's why I told you to buckle up.

Her sisters are confusing? I mean, I kind of love them, though. It's fun. They're fun. They are fun. They're just being silly. They're just having a good time. They're just being silly they're just having a good time just being silly gooses sister spite ted let's eat our mom let's let's steal our sister let's steal our niece you should marry the prince slut

so wait hold on they threw her into a river and then what happened i heard something about a desert but i think oh yeah the river cast her forth into a desert okay and in the desert there was a half-witted old woman and when she saw the chest she cut it up for firewood and took it away for that purpose and when she had broken it open and saw someone alive in it, she got up and made off. This is, you're coming home with me. No, no,

she just left. She leaves the, she leaves. Oh, saddle slut alone. Oh, little baby saddle slut. Baby saddle slut.

Yeah. Isn't this the baby? No, no, this is, this is, this is the little saddle slut. Oh, I thought little saddle slut? Yeah. Isn't this the baby? No, no, this is, this is, this is little saddle slut. Oh,

I thought little saddle slut had a baby. She did have a baby. This is the story is not very well like written. I'm sorry. No, it is confusing because there's a lot of jumping around. Um, she had a little child. Her sisters came to see it.

And when they got her alone, they, they put her in the chest. Oh, I thought they put the baby in the chest. Nope. They put Saddle Slut. That makes it better, I feel like. Because they're still just giving their sister a hard time.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry. I thought they stole her baby. And that was... Yeah. Okay. Nope. The baby is fine. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry. I thought they stole her baby and that it was. Yeah. Okay.

No, the baby is fine. Okay. Her sisters are like diabolical, but like thus far, not baby killers. Thus far. Thus far.

Okay. So the princess was left alone and heard the wolves howling and the swine and the lions and she sat and wept and prayed to god oh god give me a little hole in the ground that i might hide my head in it and not hear the wild beasts and that's not how it works but i and yet god still gave her what she asked for the The Godspeed, little saddle slut. Little saddle slut. Again, she said, oh God, give me one a little larger that I may get in up to my waist. And he gave her one of those two.

And she besought him again a third time. And he gave her a cabin with all she wanted in it. And there she dwelt. And whatever she said, her bidding was done forthwith. Dang. Okay. Yeah. She should have just asked for the cabin up front immediately.

Yeah. Or just, can I go back home? Thanks. Can I go home? I want a traveling ring. Thanks. Yes. Yes.

I want a teleportation ring. Please. For instance, when she wanted to eat she would say come table with all that is wanted come food come spoons and forks and all things needful and straight away they all got ready and when she finished she would ask are you all there and they would answer we are now she's beauty and the beast princess talking to the furniture are you all there? And they would answer, we are. Now she's beauty and the beast princess. She's talking to the furniture. She's just actually

like losing her mind. Yeah, I think she's just None of that stuff's happening. Nope. She is hallucinating. She actually killed that old woman and she's living in her house. Yeah.

And she's like surviving off of like her corpse. Oh my God. Kelsey, I thought the exact same thing when i first read the story i was like she's hallucinating this is a mirage amazing she's like dying of dehydration in the desert and the only thing that's keeping her alive is like eating this old woman that's definitely a fix one day the prince came into the wilderness to hunt and seeing the cabin he went to find out

who was inside and when he got there he knocked at the door and she saw him and knew him from afar and said who was knocking at the door because she decides to be coy why it is I let me in said he

he's still hallucinating she's still Why? It is I. Let me in, said he. He's still hallucinating. She's still hallucinating. And in a twinkling, the doors opened and he entered. He went upstairs and found her seated on a chair. Good day to you, said he. Welcome, said she. And straight away, all that was in the room also cried out, welcome. Oh, no.

Come chair, she cried, and one came at once. Sit down, she said to him, and down he sat. And when she had asked him the reason of his coming, she bade him stay and dine and afterwards depart. I don't know why. It's because she's hallucinating like this isn't really happening this is not really happening oh her brain is inventing a reason for him to be there and then and then for her to not leave this place immediately and go back to a real house yeah not. Not in a desert. Aww. He agreed, and straight away she gave her orders,

come table with all the covers, and forthwith they presented themselves, and he was sore amazed. Come, Basin, she cried. Come, Jug, pour water for us to wash. Come, food, and ten courses, and immediately all that she ordered made its appearance. Afterwards, when the meal was ended, the prince tried to hide a spoon and put it in his shoe,

because he's a klepto in addition to a foot fetishist. And when they rose from table, she said, table, have you all your covers? Yes, I have. Spoons, are you all there? All, they said, except one which said, I'm in the prince's shoe! Narc, shut up!

Isn't that his voice? Like, why does he have to steal a spoon? I know, I don't know. It's unclear whether or not he recognizes her at all. That's fair. And it doesn't really get clearer. Then she cried again as though she had not heard.

Are you all there? Spoons and forks. And as soon as the Prince heard her, cause he hadn't heard her before he got rid of it on the sly and blushed i thought he was gonna have to murder her for reasons and she said to him why did you blush don't't be afraid. I am your wife. Then she told him how she got there. Like you taking the silverware isn't stealing. We own the stuff together.

This is our stuff. You can have the spoon. Anyway, sorry. Go on. Oh my God. Then she told him how she got there and how she fared. And they hugged and kissed each other. And she ordered the house to move. And it did move. And when they came near the town, all the world came out to see them. Then the prince gave orders for his wife's sisters to be brought before him.

And they brought them and he hewed them in pieces. And henceforth, they lived happily. And may we live more happily still the end yes may we please live more happily than that because geez and that is the tale of little saddle slut amazing that was super good i loved it yeah it was a ride a wild ride i think she went into the desert and was just hallucinating and 100 that's my story like none of the rest of this happened like because it increasingly and i feel like the text supports it because it increasingly just doesn't make sense. Uh-huh. Yep.

It starts off kind of weird and just gets weirder. And just gets weirder and people behave in very strange ways that are not explained. Like, I don't understand why she goes to the church and scatters money around in those nice clothes and then changes back into it. Like, usually a story will give you a little more info on like yeah what the point is and also we don't know why god is helping her because usually it's because you did something especially pious yeah well it's also like she doesn't seem to really remember like that. She did that. Ooh. I,

Ooh. Okay. Here's an angle. When he comes with like asking about like with the shoe, that whole part, like she seems surprised and like, don't make fun of me. And it's like,

but couldn't you just be like reveal. Oh, and like have your shoe, right? Your clothes and money. And I was expecting that we were going to get like a detailed treatment of her wearing every outfit a la all for yeah what is the what's the origin of this story did you talk about that um this is i told i talked about the guy that collected it he just collected it in Greece. In Greece.

I tried to look up like to see if there was like a Wikipedia article for Little Saddle Slut and I did not find one. Yeah, I was wondering maybe there's like a little bit of a translation. There may be. If anyone found it, it would be the fairy tellers. Yeah, that's true. I believe they have an episode on Little Saddle Slut. All right. We're going to have to go listen to that one.

Yeah. We'll have to go listen to that one and then report back because I haven't listened to that one. Do you know what episode it is? I don't. Little Saddle Slut. Little Saddle Slut. I don't little saddle slut little saddle slut I don't know I kind of like the angle that like

maybe she's always been a little yeah not quite all there did they really eat her mother or did she just imagine that and maybe her sisters this entire time have just been kind of like afraid of her and trying to appease her or trying to foist her off on other people um and then when she has a

child they're worried about the kid and so that's why they shove her in a trunk and ship her down river yep oh i like that one too i think that might be my i think that might be my fix yep i think that's the one yeah that's the one yep little saddle slut is an unreliable narrator that was really fun i enjoyed it i did not know what was coming i think i got zero points you got zero points i am really falling behind on these points i'm pulling ahead there was kind of a curse the sisters were the curse or if like maybe she's cursed with madness. She's cursed with madness.

With madness. Hey, you know what? I like it when I don't get a point, but I get a point for the fix. Yes. Yes. That was an excellent fix for it. So. Oh, my goodness.

Yeah. Well, because sometimes you have to fix it with what you were hoping to see which is why we make our predictions of like that's what we wanted yeah and if you don't get it sometimes you have to fix it with what you want to give it to me give it to me give it to i am really doing poorly on these points it's a good thing we don't keep track it's a good thing well on on that on that note uh we're we're done we're done with this episode a bit of a bit of a short one for y'all today um but two incredible stories so i hope you will forgive us thank you for listening to Fairytale Fix. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe, leave us a review on Apple or Audible or five stars on Spotify, pretty much anywhere. They'll

let you leave us any sort of feedback. We would appreciate seeing your feedback and it helps other people find the show. If you love the show, like really love it and you want to support us, you, uh, can get extra episodes, merch books, and other bonus content at our Patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash. And you can also find us on social medias of various types at fairytalefixpod.

And as always, we are reachable through our email. If you have a favorite fairy tales, folklore, nursery rhymes, any thoughts about our stories, just want to say hi, want to shout out, you know, on the podcast, you can send us an email at info at fairytalefixpod.com. And Catwoman mysteriously disappeared, escaped from jail, killing, sadly killing a guard but he totally deserved it because he was a dick and kept you know

causing trouble elsewhere around Mississippi and it was awesome that fix rules and little saddle slut is an unreliable narrator who was always quite mad her sisters did their best to appease her and they were content to let her live because they did love her despite it all up until the very end after she bore a child and fearing for

their sweet little niece or nephew's life. They put little saddle slut in a chest and shipped her off to the desert where she hallucinated the whole rest of the story. The end. Murdered that old woman. She definitely murdered that old woman. And they all lived except for little saddle slut. Happily ever after. The end.

The end.