Fairy Tale Fix - 83: Classic Cross-Species Mpreg Situation ft. The Fairy Tellers

Episode Date: March 5, 2024

For our first episode of Irish fairy tale month, we’re joined by some incredibly special guests… Katrina and Geoff from The Fairy Tellers podcast! Strap in for this super-sized and hilarious episode where Geoff puts the fear of God into us with The Doom, and then Katrina takes us for a wild ride that literally none of us could have ever predicted with The Legend of Ballytowtas Castle, both by the illustrious Lady Jane Wilde.

I'm really excited because I thought I also had no Irish whiskey and I totally had some Jameson's. I walked by and went, yeah, fuck. Yeah. Yep. Cheers. Cheers. Very excited. Hello and welcome back to fairy tale fix the show where we take modern fairy tales and then we nope it's i always say that the show we take classic fairy tales for a modern audience

i'm changing the format you and i now write modern fairy tales and then a classic audience you know actually that does sound kind of fun doesn't that kind of sound fun maybe we'll do that as like an alternate like a special format episode someday we should have done that with Chadwick that would have been perfect that would have been that would have been perfect. That would have been funny. But anyway, I'm Abby. Irish fairy tales. Irish fairy tales. That's Irish fairy tales. And we are joined today. Hold on. Before we get started with the intro, this is the crossover of a lifetime. We are so excited to have these two very, very special guests here today. We're nerding out. We're so stoked. Welcome Katrina and Jeff from The Fairy Tellers. Yay. Hi.

We're also super stoked. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Thank you both so much for being here. So introduce yourselves and tell us where everybody can find your podcast and all that stuff. I'm sure everyone that listens to us knows exactly who and where you are. But, you know, just in case. We definitely mention you enough. But speak for yourselves.

Yeah, we deeply appreciate it. So I'm Katrina of the Fairy Tellers podcast. And you can find the Fairy Tellers anywhere where podcasts can be found, including we found out audible, which I was like, Oh, Oh, Amazon.

Oh, get away from me. I forget. I mean, just kidding. Thank you for broadcasting. And we have one review on audible and it's five stars. So I'm a fan. Oh,

you can leave reviews there. Well then yes. Amazon all the way. Please leave us five stars. I, I deserve it. Indeed. You do. I deserve it. Indeed. You do. I love it. So tell everybody a little bit about your format for the fairy tales,

because it's definitely different than ours. It is. It's smart. Even though I'm like in kind of like a jealous way where I'm like, oh, man, to take these and be like, actually, here's how I would like this written. But in our format, what we're doing is we're looking at the cultures that created the fairy tales and the folklores and the folklores. I love that I pluralized that. Very funny.

Delightful. But yeah, we look at, yeah, just the cultures behind it. Why these stories resonate with people? Why they either were important then or are less important now. And so, you know, we run into some of the same like problematic issues that you guys do when you're like reading a tale and you're like, oh, that's disgusting. That's horrible. Like, why would they do that and some of our like format is trying to answer like okay why were they okay in this culture like with this happening or this thing but then other stuff is like i don't know i don't know why they're into this yeah it's like the one of the big things of our podcast like whenever there's something that happens in a fairy tale that we don't understand we're like there's something or you know that seems really weird and out of place rather it's like there's something that we're not understanding here let's learn more about what this could be

and then we go in and you know like try to find out what that is um and also i mean i think a big part probably a majority of our episodes are like katrina does a ton of research she's like crazy knowledge about this stuff i just kind of show up and crack jokes but we retell these different tales uh you know like in our own words more or less and so we like add jokes and do stuff and we like put in commentary along the way as well so it's like we tried to like ride the line of like academic integrity almost but just a fun silly good time it makes for really engaging listening. You, you read that line really well between finding the humor in a story, but also giving people a really in-depth background on why a story might, might be told the way it is

or what lesson it might be trying to teach people based on that culture's like priorities. Do this isn't one of our standard questions. So if you don't have an answer for this, that's fine. But a question came to me while you were discussing the show. Do either of you have an example of something sort of wacky that showed up in a story that you were like, what, where, why is this? And then what the answer was. I've got one while Katrina thinks of a better one. This one is kind of obvious, but with John Battista Basile, he's an Italian fairy tale chronicler. And so, so many of the things in his stories are references to Greek and Roman mythology or

Greek and Roman history. So, he like make an offhand reference to something or like say like this and this happened just like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, okay, like this is a really weird situation. How is it like something else that happened? You know, and then, so there's a lot you can go into like with every single one of his fairy tales,

you can go deep into all the references he's making and like learn stuff. And then there's stuff that's like hard to find just because it's like that obscure of a reference nowadays that it's like hard to find things about at least in my experience yeah no i think that was actually a perfect example jeff just because like one of the most shocking recent ones was jean-baptiste de basile there was this scene at the beginning of like the frame story of this whole setup where there's a princess who can't laugh and her dad really wants her to be able to laugh and that's that's something that it shows up in stories

like as like a motif in a lot of different tales where detached from anything else it seems like a little weird but if you go back into the past it it's like, okay, no, there are these stories of people who won't laugh. And Jean-Baptiste Basile makes kind of like a direct reference, if you know the reference, to a story where Demeter in Greek mythology, she wouldn't laugh. And so in the story, the frame story with Jean-Baptiste Basile, story the frame story with jim batista basile the this old lady gets insulted and she like lifts up her skirt to quote show a woodsy scene and and i'm like it's and so you'd be sitting there reading that story and for whatever you know you'd get to that and this old lady is like like how about this and you as a modern audience you know would be like what why is she doing like why is she showing her bush like why is this woman going like full bush

like and how is this relevant to the story how is this like and then the the girl starts like laughing and like it goes from there and in the story with demeter when she like wouldn't laugh there was a goddess baobo the goddess of like rude and inappropriate humor which icon absolute icon new favorite oh i love the pantheon i'm like more a whole goddess for that i didn't even know there was a goddess for that amazing oh my gosh i'm like i'm like there's an app for that these days there's a goddess for that there was a goddess for that there was a goddess for that. Amazing. Oh my gosh. I'm like, I want more. Just like there's an app for that these days. There's a goddess for that. There was a goddess for that. There's a goddess for that. No.

And I'm like, Hey, we should bring back like, not, not, not cults now, how we view cults. Well,

we should bring back like goddess cults of ancient Greek times for Bow Bow. Cause I'm like, yes. Goddess of, of rude humor. I'm starting a cult for her. Absolutely. Restart her worship.

Yes, absolutely. Amen. One more. Yeah, like that's one of those things where it's like you'd be reading a story and be like, what is this? Like, these people are just nuts. This is crazy. But it's like, actually, this is a callback reference to like ancient Greek stories. That's awesome.

Another example that's super short and thematically appropriate to today's episode of your podcast is like in Celtic fairy tales. Like we were reading one and there's suddenly a talking fish in the bottom of a well. And it's like, just like, oh, yeah, yeah of course this talking fish is in the bottom of this well like spouting prophecies or whatever and it's like that's a really weird thing to come up and it turns out and they're not like making a deal about it because in some things like where it's something that's like unusually like oh this was this thing and it had this ability to do this thing it's like no this fish just is there and it's because when you go look at it further it's like that is a thing it's not like this one story that has this talking fish this talking fish thing appears all over the place which was one of

my favorite of those that has occurred now they've learned about those i'm looking for you know talking trout at the bottom of every well that i approach absolutely and yes i love a talking fish can't stand talking plants or flowers especially singing plants in particular are horrifying and terrible. Like, no, stop it. The illest omen. I'm like, is this Alice in Wonderland lore too?

Yeah. Game of Nightmares as a kid, the flowers, they attack her. It was very scary. No, and I'm like, Mean Girls style. Like,

why are we this way? or even like the flowers in the snow queen is it the snow queen hans christian anderson we're like yeah we're all really long time yeah let's what let's listen to our really depressing story real quick yeah creepy ominous stories yes they're just like oh to be a youth swinging on a tree until trampled upon by the feet of falling children. I'm like, what? Are we okay? What the fuck, Hans? Hans, are you okay?

No, he's not. Absolutely not. He was not. He was not okay. I still want that miniseries, though. I think the Snow Queen would make. We just did the Snow Queen, and I just, rereading it for after a while, that would make such a good miniseries though. I think the Snow Queen would make. We just did the Snow Queen and I just rereading it for after a while. That would make such a good miniseries.

Oh yeah. Did it like true to the story, you know? Yeah. Yes. I think my first exposure to that story was in like a Hallmark two or three part like movie series thing. And I like rewatched it because I watched it when i was like 12 and so i re-watched it like as an adult yeah to see what it was like and i was like oh this is really weird

but what i liked about it was that they kept the kind of like like sexual overtones of like the robber girl i in that story i love the robber girl because man, that like sexual tension. That's the Emmy winner when the miniseries comes out. Whoever plays that role, that's who's getting the Emmy nomination at least. Emmy noms. Yep. She is like the most fun, most fascinating character. That would be the character that like when you're in high school, you would want to play

Gerda, right? Like you'd want to be like, I want to be gerda because like she's the lead girl but then like looking back on it you're like no the best part in that whole thing would be like that little robber girl hell yeah robber girl kill you myself yeah like hey come snuggle with me oh yeah when it's just like she's like oh you should come sleep with me and i'm just gonna like hold this knife like up against you while we like snuggle i'm like a classic trope yeah snuggling at knife point is a very specific kink that it's hard to find you know your match in that one like the one that likes to hold the knife and the one likes it to be held it's a channel and

it's it's such a thing too too, with YA romance as well, of that sort of enemies to lovers, beautiful romance, where holding a dagger to someone else's throat is such a sexual moment. Yeah. And it's that borderline, too, between innocence and sexual awakening, where she's like like oh you're gonna be my new best friend we're gonna play together let's play together let's climb into bed together and it's like oh we're exploring this like like teenage prepubescent like coming into yourself exploring like your own body your own sexuality like, like type of thing. And I'm like, Hans,

remember when you wanted the main message of this to be like science versus like faith and belief. And he's like, but also, but also some of us have some repressed sexual desires. There every, it's all about sexual awakening in Hans Christian Andersen's story it's pretty much every single story it absolutely is

so speaking of like discovering these fairy tales a question we always ask oh way to bring it back on the rails Kelsey good job I know I feel like that was good, right? The queen of segue. We have to ask, what was your favorite childhood fairy tale? And also, of course, how would you fix it? Just keep that in the back of your brain. So what's crazy is I was not that into fairy tales just because I felt like all the ones that I was like running into, they seemed really like bland and boring. Like just because that,

like the predictable, you know, kind of like the, the Disney ones. Cause it was, yeah, just those were what Disney had created when I was like a kid. And it was just like kind of like boring. But what I was really into were cryptids. Yes. And like the Loch Ness Monster. And like that's I and ghosts. I loved ghosts.

Me and the show Unsolved Mysteries. Oh, hell yeah. Completely acceptable. And so it was like, oh, of like folklore. I think my favorite was always like the woman in white standing on like the side of the road. I always thought driving through like the swamp that like I was going to see this woman. And so if I could fix anything, it would be that i would find a woman in white and be scared crapless yeah i was like those stories never end well katrina you definitely do not want to find a woman on the side of the road like and then she went to the person's house or like the

the driver like went to the person's house like returned something they'd left in the cab and then they found out she'd been dead for 50 years. And then the story would end. And he was also dead. And I love it. They were definitely, that reminds me more of like the classic fairy tales. When did you,

do you remember when you found out that fairy tales weren't actually like Disney style? I think stories. I think the first time it was the little mermaid and my mom was reading the little mermaid to me and i was like this doesn't sound right and then i'd be like oh this does sound familiar this does sound right and then she like leaps into the sea and like turns into like foam. And I was like, wait, what in the world? Like, why is this so different? And my mom was just like, oh yeah, well, there's just like different versions and this is this one. And I was like, that one was

a really messed up version. Like not realizing that it was like the version. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. What about you, Jeff? What's your favorite childhood fairy tale? I was getting ready to pass on this question because I was like, I, like Katrina, wasn't really that interested. Most of my exposure was to Disney. But then I remembered actually that there was, like, I found this book that had belonged

to my grandfather that was the Arabian Nights Entertainments, which is like a collection of stories from 1001 Nights that I had belonged to my grandfather that was the arabian nights entertainments which is like a collection of stories from thousand and one nights that i had found yeah and i was interested in it primarily when i as a kid because the book was like super old it was from like 1912 so like it looked really cool and it just like looked old like wow this is awesome and that's what got me into like reading it and so yeah i started reading the stories in that and like they were just wild and i kind of knew like i was looking through, I was like, oh, Aladdin. For whatever reason, I kind of knew that like, you know, Aladdin, Alibaba, there were like these connections to this thing called the Thousand and One Nights, but I didn't know

any of the frame story. I didn't know anything like that. So I just loved reading these stories. And I think part of it was like knowing these stories that other people didn't really know about. So I could like, I mean, it wasn't like I wanted to tell, hey, here's this cool story that I know that you don't know. But like, you know, being exposed to something that I had not been before, that other people didn't really know about. So I could like, I mean, it wasn't like I wanted to tell, Hey, here's this cool story that I know that you don't know, but like, you know,

being exposed to something that, that I had not been before that other people hadn't heard of before and being able to like share that and like kind of retell it to other people. There's this one about like a thief, like breaking in places. And he's constantly like, I think he's like, he thinks he's killing someone because he keeps like accidentally like

knocking over this corpse, like knocking it down the stairs. And like, he thinks that he's like this murderer but really like someone else is this whole like it's like you know an episode of faulty towers like this you know french farce but set in you know medieval arabia yeah that would probably be it a plus plus plus plus reference for me bringing in faulty towers jeff thank you for that you. Sorry. Yeah, that painted such a picture for me. Like, it's farcical, funny, really, and just generally really fucked up.

Yeah. No, because I'm like, that story is a lot like Fawlty Towers because it is like they keep passing on this like dead body. And then the next person who finds it finds it in a way where they thought that they had just killed a person. And then they were like, oh, no, I've got to hide this body. And then they move the body to a different place. And then another person thinks that they – and then the person who originally had first thought that they'd killed the person finds the dead person again and thinks that the dead person is like somehow following them. Like somehow the gods are like forcing this like corpse on them. like yeah like somehow the gods are like forcing this like corpse on them and so it's just like it's funny in a way that you know normally dead body getting chucked around town isn't funny

and and it's funny with that like you know that humor of like people thinking that they've killed someone that they didn't kill and then also there's that kind of you know that humor yeah well and then freaking out and deciding to not do the right thing which is like report the body or like find out any more about it they're just like how do i escape right association with this and then in the end there's that element too of like there is a somewhat satisfying ending in the fact that the person that actually did murder someone gets like you know the crap scared out of them i don't remember actually how exactly it ends except for the fact that yeah they think that the dead body is like somehow following them around

and they're like creeped out it's like oh my gosh like telltale heart style like feeling the guilt like following them around this by the kill so they're it's it's really really fun and silly and like interesting and different but also it still kind of has like a cool interesting like message or you know something it's trying to say with it i guess yeah and what's what's funny jeff had kind of like forgotten about that story until we were making a bonus episode for our patreon and the tale type is like corpse killed five times and i was telling a story from england and then another story from japan that does the same thing. And Jeff was like, oh, my gosh. I'm remembering my childhood. And it's like, I'm sorry, what, Jeff?

Excuse me? That time when I accidentally found a body that I thought I had murdered. Weekend at Bernie and somebody. Oh, my gosh. Amazing. I love that that's a fairy tale type. Yeah. Yeah. I love that that's a like fairy tale type. Yeah. Yeah.

I love that that comes up a lot. That comes up enough to be a tale type. Yeah. I like that it resonated like across cultures where like different cultures were like, this story feels right to me. This needs to be retold. This can happen to anyone. Literally anyone. and it has funny how come we haven't come across that yet we need to find one i don't know well i mean clearly

we need to read more from the thousand and one nights yes that's very true yeah and there's a ton of stories in there there's all sorts of weird stuff and like great stuff like that's one of the things i loved about thousand one nights too and even the arabian nights entertains which like core well new not core memory but i don't know i i had not known because i like i remember distinctly that the book tie was arabian nights entertainments and everywhere we've been doing on this podcast talking about like oh it's called the thousand and one nights someplace some places they call arabian nights and i never saw like arabian nights entertainments i was like why is my copy of this so different and like it was also because it's just a selection of the stories it and it had some of the more obscure ones as far as i can remember except it did have like

aladdin and alibaba and whatever and it wasn't until super recently that we were doing an episode talking about andrew lang who was a and him and his wife i can't remember her name lenora lenora yeah like who put together this you know, the rainbow colored different fairy tale books. Yeah. That was, they were the ones that put together that collection of the Arabian nights entertainment by, you know,

Andrew and Lenora Lang. So it was like, I don't even think that episode has come out yet, but, but I had that discovery. It's like, oh my gosh, finally,

I've been talking about this on our podcast for years about like this mystery behind why is mine called that? And then we just discovered it. And it's crazy because because like his copy like he had said is like super old and it's from like 1912 like when it was published and i'm like oh my gosh because like one thing that i try never to have in my possession are old books or original copies oh my gosh i trash books like you should see mark them up like you should grab one off the shelf right now and show them no it's like like she writes in writes in it which is fine she doggers it she like glues other pieces of paper into it so that she can write her insane rantings on the margins that

there's not enough room for yeah i like that you're getting so much use out of it it's not like a collector's item it's like something you're actually using i love that yeah yeah unless the book is like an antique if it's if it's like your book that you bought with your money you can do whatever you want to that bad boy like yeah yeah because to me i need to work out through therapy that like i can't do that i support it i think it's great and i wish katrina all the best and i'm glad that she can do it but like even if i wanted to like i just really can't i would never do that to like a book that was old a collector's copy anything which is why to me owning it is useless because I don't want to own a book just to look at it or like like just just to see it on a shelf being old like wow look at me what's in it and how you can interact with it

yeah and how I can mark it up and write my own notes in it and some of her notes are hilarious like her notes are like episodes of our podcast where it's like here's a thing where she'll like oh i remember reading this in this other thing i need to go and like look that in some more and then there's like where she's making like dick jokes or whatever as well like of her own that goes along with what is being said in the story so it's like you know our podcast but on paper yeah a little insight into her brain where i argue i argue like in the margins of books where it tells the author why they're wrong wrong do either of you have a fix for the fairy tales that you just mentioned or alternatively if you don't what inspired you know starting a fairy tale themed podcast I find that I like that question is especially interesting considering both of

you said you weren't really sure that you had a strong childhood connection with fairy tales in general. So like what changed as you became adults? Why are you, why are you so interested now in mythology and folklore? So in answer to the first question of fixing like the little mermaid, I'm like there there is not a way to fix the little mermaid in a way that is satisfying to me where it does keep the author's

like original message of because he was writing very much about christianity and and it's like a different case because it wasn't it's not like folklore it's like true literary literary fairy tales it was like one person's vision and the very specific thing that's one individual trying to say but you can still fix it that's the podcast that we're on we did but for yeah i'm like for me what do you want really yeah no because i'm like for me to fix it it would have to be like this woman basically realizes that she does not need man to i mean i'm like we could get rid of like the soul thing too where it's like she does not need a man to realize like her full potential as like an entity whether it is a mermaid entity or like a human. Yeah. Half fish,

half fish, half woman. Like she can go and live a full life without the burden of this man. Yep. I don't have one for my tail specifically. Cause I, as you heard when I was semi retelling it, I don't remember one for my tale specifically because I, as you heard when I was semi retelling it, I don't remember all the specifics necessarily. I have a pet peeve that I've discovered on our podcast that I would like to fix across like all tales. And that is like giving our characters, especially like female characters, names right at the beginning.

This thing that happens all the time where they'll be talking about, and it's like it happens with men and women, but more common with the female characters, that they'll just refer to them as like the princess, the princess, the princess, or whatever. And then all of a sudden, it's a fairy tale. So there's another princess that comes in there and they're like, oh, crap, we can't just call her the princess. Oh, now we're going to give her a name. Her name is this, you know, thing now. Like, just give us that in page one. You know, just add a sentence in after. You can start it vague. Once there was a princess who lived in a castle, period.

Her name was was boom. And then move on. Like that's all I want, but it's so rarely happens. Jeff's like fairy tale fixes. He's like what I want. Second line, her name is.

That's it. That's it. That's a great fix. The connection to my, my tail and collection of tails is that, that is one thing that the Thousand and One Nights does really well is naming the characters from the beginning, which I love. Sometimes the names are longer than my mouth and brain can deal with all at once. And so it takes

a minute for me to get it all over. But they are there for you to stumble over. Yes, indeed. And you got to appreciate that and we but to the second question the thing that made me want to start fairy tale podcast besides being a like stay-at-home mom at the time that was like bored and like trying to like keep my brain awake and like alive is like, I, I find culture fascinating. I grew up internationally and I was exposed to the idea that people live very differently in different places. Cause like I,

as I was like creating my mental view of like what the world was and like what to expect from like, what foods are available, what where you go shopping, how people talk to each other, all that was being shaped like in Thailand. And then I moved to deep south Louisiana. And it very different culture. And that was like my first taste of like worldviews being completely different, how people live. It's like I went from a Buddhist country to very like Christian, but also like superstitious Christian voodoo ghosts and demons are they live among us like worldview which i'm like in buddhism also there are like other entities that like live among you but they that's less kind of like openly talked about than in like louisiana where it's like so much of that lore is steeped i say that but there are like spirit houses like all over thailand on like every corner but i'm like like oh you interact with it less i'm like except for when you are leaving offerings well it's interesting like you telling that brings up something really interesting it's

like it's less noticeable notable and noticeable because you were surrounded in it and then you move somewhere that it's like they're doing the same thing or a similar thing but they're doing it in a different way that you're not familiar with where it's like at the time it stands you're like whoa these people are doing something like really strange but then you look back at it and you can be like oh wow you know what like that was kind of a kind of a similar thing yeah it's like people do similar things in similar places they just do it in different ways and it's like their culture and their which is shaped by their environment and their geography and geology and all sorts of stuff around is like what shaped it into what it is in one place versus

what it is in another yeah it's super interesting and it was interesting too because like as it was like growing up because it's like i moved back to thailand then every time i came to the u.s a lot of people had misunderstandings about like thai culture or how things are done in other countries and kind of viewed it as like wrong and i was like no no other people's cultures aren't wrong they're different from yours like and like like putting a value judgment like on that is what's wrong and so i've always been very interested in trying to share the beauty of cultures with people like cultures that they might not be familiar with and then relating it to your own and then being like, now look at the thing that you do or that you believe. Can you see how that would be weird to someone else?

Yes. I love it. And that's so important to do because so many people don't. They just think, oh, that's weird or that's wrong. I hate that. I hate that. Yeah. Jeff, I believe you have the first story.

I do. For us today. So go ahead and tell us a little bit about it so what i'll do is i'll say the title of the story and then defer to katrina for all the interesting information we're gonna do on our podcast but the story i'm gonna be telling it's called the doom and it's about a young man named james linan and yeah some of the stuff i was about to say might be things that you would want to predict so i will leave it there but katrina you can give us some information about the so author reading history background so speranza wild absolutely love this powerhouse woman lady

speranza wild a lot of the time people are like oh yeah mother of os Wilde. And I think I only learned that. I only learned that. What was it last year when we did Irish fairy tale month? Yeah. Cause I did a, I did a story from lady wild last, last March. And what's funny when I was looking through,

cause I was like going through ancient legends, mystic charms and superstitions of Ireland is like the title of the book. One of, one of the stories that I came across where I was like, Oh, this island is like the title of the book one of one of the stories that i came across where i was like oh this is a like this is a good one this will be and i was like no i can remember the commentary that you guys were making as you were telling it like reading it and i was like oh nope they've definitely done this this definitely happened. Cause, but yeah, she was a person that was like, I'm going to record like Irish folk legends and superstitions. And I'm so glad that she did.

She is one of those kind of like lesser recognized names, mostly because like when she was recording it, she happened to be unfortunately a woman. Well, that'll really hold you back every time. It'll be your downfall. Just shouldn't be one of those. Yeah. What were you thinking?

Yeah. It's like they look at a book and they're like, oh, a woman wrote this. Okay. Then disregard. Let's start from scratch collecting stuff. And it's like, like dude she left this like beautiful collection there but yeah i picked this story that jeff is gonna retell so i don't have any predictions because i know what's gonna happen because you already know

okay i do have rewrite ideas okay kel, do you want to make predictions first? Yes. Okay. And this is The Doom, correct? The Doom. The Doom. Okay. I'm so excited.

I'm so intrigued by that title. But The Doom only appears in the first paragraph and then you never see him again. Yeah. And I'm being very misleading with what The Doom is. That's a solid prediction. It is. But I'm comfortable saying that because that's not true. So don't use that as your prediction.

Well, I feel like it's my first prediction of Irish Fairytale Month. So I have to go with somebody's going to make a snide remark about a landlord. Yeah. All right. I mean, and if that doesn't happen, I'm going to be very disappointed. They did not like landlords. Yeah.

Just, it's just something like that. Second prediction with the doom. I immediately thought banshees. So I'm going to predict that there's a banshee. And my third prediction is that there's a scary horse. We love a scary horse. We love a scary horse.

Love a scary horse. God, those are so solid. Thank you. I was probably thinking about them because I'm so excited for Irish Fairy Tale Month. It's my favorite. Like landlord, banshee scary horse scary horse my predictions the protagonist is the village drunk which i always feel is a solid one yep very often that is the case where the protagonist is like the village fuck boy

yeah yeah and like you know where are these these stories are being retold? Who's the person telling this like out of pocket tale of something in your town? Probably the town drunk is there saying some crazy stuff that people are spreading around. Or it's like some old lady trying to be like, do you know who you don't want to be? It's either, do you know who you don't want to be? Jim from County Cork. Yeah. I love how specific the names are like in this book because she was oh yeah spranza wild was like recording them and because

they have like specific names of people or some of them even have it's like specific dates where they were like in 1670 and i'm like how can you say so confidently that it was 1670 but whatever it adds flavor to the story it adds flavor it. It adds this very solid sense of realism that I love it. Okay. So the protagonist is the town party boy, town drunk, town you know that guy. That's my prediction number one. Second prediction, the devil is involved somehow. second prediction the devil is involved somehow and my third prediction is okay then uh my my third prediction is there is no mention of landlords whatsoever

oh wow bold i know that's a spicy choice for an Irish fairy tale. Yeah. Okay. All right. They're almost always about how the landlord is a bad man. Yeah. I'm so excited for the post-story discussion now. Okay. Let's do it. All right.

The Doom. There was a young man of Innesmore named James Linen. Name in the first sentence, the first clause of the first sentence. Cause he's a man. And it was collected by a woman. Yeah. Uh-huh.

And he was noted throughout all the Island for his beauty and strength. Never one could beat him at hunting or wrestling. And he was besides the best dancer in the whole town. Hottie. But. wrestling and he was besides the best dancer in the whole town hottie but so he sounded like a real gaston for a minute he did and the dancer was like no one dances i guess not i can't remember everyone was singing and dancing around him for sure i don't think he did much dancing no i think i think everybody else did the dancing and he sat on his throne. And ate eggs. And ate lots of eggs. So many eggs.

Yeah. And that's why that lady is freaking out that she can't buy eggs in the opening number. Because she's afraid that if she doesn't get there, Gaston's getting all the eggs. And she's tired already. He's going to come scoop them up. That's so funny. She's desperate. All right.

James Linen. Not Gaston. But he was bold and reckless and ever foremost in all the wild, wicked doings of the young fellows of the place, which is kind of vague. Yeah. Kind of vague. He sounds complicated. But painting a picture of this character. Yeah, absolutely.

One day he happened to be in chapel after one of these mad freaks. Mad freak, wow. The priest announced him by name from the altar. I did not understand. This is one of those things that I had wished – like, one of these mad freaks doing what? I'm so confused. I guess it was one of the wicked, wild, young fellows. One of their capers.

Yeah. One of their parties. One of their parties. Getting drunk. Getting freaky. And then going to the chapel for some reason with mad freaks. yeah one of their one of their parties one of their parties yeah one of their drunk getting freaky and then going to the chapel for some reason with mad freaks regular saturday into sunday saturday night into sunday morning that's giving us a clear time for when this must have taken place so yeah he gets in the church the priest denounces him by name from the altar. James Linen, he said, remember my words. You will come to an ill end.

The vengeance of God will fall on you for your wicked life. And by the power that is in me, I denounce you as an evil liver and a limb of Satan. And a curse of all good men. I love it's like evil liver of Satan. And I'm like a very specific part body part of satan well so evil liver and a limb of satan so i was thinking like evil liver not like the liver that's in your body but like it one who lives an evil life that's how i interpreted it ah that makes more sense an evil i'm gonna start calling people to start calling people an evil kidney. You are an evil liver.

How dare you filter the toxins out of people's bodies? You are the gallbladder of Satan. I want to start. I'm going to start calling people like limb of Satan if I'm upset with them. I love limb of Satan. Limb of Satan. And so at this, the young man turned pale and fell on his knees before all the people crying out bitterly have mercy have mercy i repent i repent and he wept like a woman which i can only mean

which i only guess means with emotional intelligence grace and poise that's what the author intended uh yeah absolutely um that's that's what they meant that's definitely what they meant it's like and then bravely and not holding it all inside yes and the way you said it very much zap randigan that might just be a joke for me and abby but like a woman like a woman, like a woman. So good. So at James Lyon is crying, go now in peace, said the priest and strive to lead a new life. And I'll pray to God to save your soul. So from that day forth, James Lyon and changed his ways. He gave up drinking and never a drop of spirits crossed his lips and he began to attend to his farm in his business in place of being at all the mad revels and dances and fairs and wakes

mad wakes like yeah so mad revels dances fairs and wakes in the i love that he sounds like a fun dude. Yeah. Awake should be a good time. It should be. And soon after this, he married a nice girl, a rich farmer's daughter, who I'm realizing in this moment never gets a name. That's going to be Jeff's fairy tale fix. He's like, let's give her a name. And this is an Irish fairy tale. That's not fair. Usually Irish fairy tales name

all the lads and lassies. Literally everyone, including the cat. Even the side characters, they're like, this guy was watching on the side and his name was... Tom O'Malley. And his grandfather was... The most offensively Irish thing I could think of was what was going to come from my mouth.

O'Malley the alley cat. That's exactly like my brain. My brain did that. So soon after, he marries a nice girl, a rich farmer's daughter from the mainland. And they had four fine children and all things prospered with him. But the priest's words never left his mind and he would suddenly turn pale and a shivering would come over him when the memory of the curse came upon him. But the priest's words never left his mind, and he would suddenly turn pale, and a shivering would come over him when the memory of the curse came upon him. Still, he prospered, and his life was a model of sobriety and order.

One day, he and his wife and their children were asked to the wedding of a friend about four miles off, and James Linen rode to the place, the family going on their own car. At the wedding, he was the life of the party as he always was but never a drop of drink touched his lips when evening came on the family set out for the return home just as they had set out the wife and children on the car James Lyon and riding his own horse okay all right an evil horse is Is it going to do something scary? Please tell us if it's a scary horse. His own terrifying horse. Just a normal horse at this point.

There's still plenty of time for it to get scary. But when the wife arrived at home, she found her husband's horse standing at the gate riderless and quite still. Ooh. I mean, that's scary. She she was scared but that was the case but that's a scary circumstance yeah i wouldn't call it not scary that's true like the riderless state is the scary thing about it they thought that he might have fallen in a faint and went back to search they thought he might have fallen in a faint and went back to search when he thought he might have fallen in a faint and went back to search. When he was found in a hollow, not five perches from his own gate, lying quite insensible and his features distorted frightfully, as if seized while looking on some horrible vision.

They carried him in, but he never spoke. A doctor was sent for who opened a vein, but no blood came. There he lay like a dog there he lay like a log speechless as one dead amongst the crowd gathered yeah i'm like he has no blood coming he has no blood coming out of him but they're like he's not moving it's like he's not moving and they're like it's almost like he's dead i'm like yeah like for real almost exactly like that that's terrifying it's like a dead person i'm like it sounds exactly sounds bang on the money like a dead yeah so though he lay like a log speech speechless as one dead amongst the crowd that gathered round was an old woman accounted very wise by the people.

Send for the fairy doctor. She said he has struck. So they sent off a boy on the fastest horse for the fairy man. Get the fairy doctor. Yeah. He could not come. I did not predict fairy stroke. Yeah.

I was surprised that no one guessed that fairies would be involved. Oh, I know. Why don't we, I didn't even think about fairies. I don't know. I guess like, I just, I was surprised that no one guessed that fairies would be involved. Oh, I know. Why didn't we even think about fairies? I don't know. I guess like I just, I don't know. Those were not the vibes. The doom screamed banshee to me, but in hindsight, it should have screamed fairies.

That was foolish. It should have. It's been too long since we've done an Irish fairy tale, I think. Yeah, we're out of practice. The month is just getting started. It's true. So the fairy man could not come himself, but he filled a bottle with a potion. Then he said, ride for your life.

Give him some of this to drink and sprinkle his face and hands also with it. But take care as you pass the lone bush on the round hill near the hollow, for the ferries are there and will hinder you if they can and strive to break the bottle oh my god then the fairy man blew into the mouth and the eyes and the nostrils of the horse and turned him round three times on the road and rubbed the dust off his hooves does that make the horse scary yet nope nope he blessed he blessed that he blessed the horse yeah it makes the horse less scary. Yeah. So that's like points going in the opposite direction now.

That's like a super good horse now. I get negative points. Negative points for Kelsey. For subtracting some from your current total. Now go, he said to the boy. Go and never look behind you no matter what you hear. So the boy went like the wind, having placed the bottle safely in his pocket. And when he came to the lone bush, the horse started and gave such a jump that the bottle nearly fell.

But the boy caught it in time and held it safe and rode on. Then he heard a cluttering of feet behind him as of men in pursuit. But he never turned or looked, for he knew it was the fairies who were after him. And shrill voices cried to him, ride fast, ride fast for the spell is cast. Love a good rhyme. Still, he never turned round, but rode on and never let go of his hold of the fairy drought till he stopped at his master's door and handed the potion to the poor, sorrowing

wife. And she gave it to the sick man to drink and sprinkled his face and hands, after which he fell into a deep sleep. How is that different than what he was doing before, lying as a log without speaking? It's unclear. Now his eyes are closed.

Maybe. That probably is actually it. Or maybe his eyes closed and his body relaxed because it kind of sounds like he was like stiff before like he might have been like like rigor mortis yeah like yeah or yeah that's interesting the thing i'm noticing about this in this reading now that i'm paying more attention to myself than just like skimming through it before coming on the podcast there's a lot of like little clues that tell us about the stuff like they're talking about like oh he was like stayed away from all the wild wakes and parties and raves on the island but they went

and he married a girl from the mainland so it's like oh they lived on like a little island like they don't say that it's just like in the context they do it's like really interesting there's a few things that happen like that that i that i noticed and this is probably one of them we're having to gather from the context that it's like maybe his eyes were opening out now he's in a sleep it's not like a freaked out state or whatever okay yeah he's he's relaxed into a deep restful healing sleep we hope but when he woke up though he knew everyone around him the power of speech was gone from him and from that time to his death which happened soon after. He never uttered word more. So the doom of the priest was fulfilled. Evil was his youth and evil was his fate.

And sorrow and death found him at last. For the doom of the priest is as the word of God. And they did not live happily ever after. That was so good. I hate this story. I know. Oh my gosh. So this story. I've got fixes for sure.

Oh my God. Oh my God. That was so fucked up. The end, it's like, this is so weird. And like so much weird happening, which is like, this is one of those tales. It's like, I'd read it and I'd be like, I am immediately drawn to this story because what the crap was that? But so many stories are about like pagan magic versus Christian magic and

like which one can overpower like the other. And like, magic and like which one can overpower like the other and like but this one is so bizarre to me because it's like the priest but like yeah well it's and like they both like half work because it's like the priest doomed this man uh-huh and he changed everything about his life and it didn't fix anything but then he gets fairy magic and fairy magic doesn't fix anything and i'm like what what are we doing like is it like the the power of the devil or damnation is the heart i was like what yeah no i mean i think that's literally it because that that the the point of the story is that you can struggle all you want against the

fate that like the voice of God has decreed for you and it won't help the, the other. And the thing that I really hate about this story is like, because it's not just that, like it's cause some, cause sometimes that can be an interesting story at that struggling, struggling against your fate. Won't change it.

Like sometimes that can be an interesting story that struggling against your fate won't change it. Sometimes that can be really interesting. But the thing I hate about this is that the Christian message here, that's a harp on Christianity, but the message of the story is if the priest, if you make some

mistakes as a youth, if you party a little too hard, if you get into a little trouble debate and and we can have debates all day long about whether or not that's all about whether or not that is also morally questionable or not but that even if you change your whole life around if you make amends if you become a different person if you atone for your wild and drunken youth and stay on the straight and narrow and are a good guy for the rest of your life, fuck you. Yeah. You're still going to be punished for the mistakes of your youth no matter what you do.

It fixes nothing. I hate that. Yeah. Boo. Boo. Bad story. is nothing i hate that yeah yeah it's kind of like boo bad story counter to what it would seem like it wants you to do because it's like oh it doesn't matter in the end anyway i'll just drink and party till i die like that's what i'll do so so my so it's like it's like it's like the good

place a little bit except there's no like there's no hope at the end that that becoming a better person means jack shit yeah the this story reminded me of salem's lot by stephen king just because it's like you have this idea and like story in so many stories where it is like Christianity or whatever like that group's religion is, can overpower all evils that come into the world that like whatever that set God's power is can like overcome like all evil. But then in Salem's Lot, it was like, nope. It doesn't matter. Like the vampires are coming, they're taking over like everything like it's it's not more powerful or even like exorcism stories where it's like oh no matter how much a priest or whatever tries to like get this demon out it's like no not powerful enough except that

in this story it's like the opposite where it's like god's wrath is coming for you regardless of whatever fairy magic or even like whatever good thing- And turn into your pagan magic won't save you. Yeah. And like, it's just so bizarre that it's like exactly the opposite of what we're used to where it's like,

nope, God is the aggressor aggressor like and it doesn't matter how good you are god is coming to kill you like if you weren't if you weren't pious from the start yeah start to finish if you tripped anywhere yeah any mistakes yeah sorry jeff i keep cutting you off nothing will save you from God I do a podcast with Katrina I'm used to being cut off just Katrina it's a just kidding Katrina it's how we show our love because we cut each other off all the time yeah well the thing I was going to say the offhanded comment then I'll segue into the other thing I was going to say was that like I did like how the fairies were true to their

nature there was like the fairy man that was like, oh yeah, I'll help, but watch out because these other fairies are probably going to try to mess things up. So it was like this good fairy dude. And then there's like, but watch out because these other fairies, like they just want to smash the bottle. Cause that's sounds like good fun to them. Chaotic neutrals. Yeah.

Absolutely chaotic. The other thing I was going to say was like the most charitable interpretation of this story that I can think of. And then also like segwaying that into maybe like a real world origin for how a story like this would be told is that he so he died in the end and i guess it says evil was his fate but sorrow and death found him at the last but it doesn't talk at all about like what's beyond like what is going to happen for him now once he's died does he he did he changed his ways which wasn't enough to save his life but was it enough when he gets to judgment that he'll move

up there's nothing there that's open for interpretation yeah um okay so that's a good point with that said it's like you know you, I don't, this story does not have enough evidence that this is what it was really trying to say at all. But I'm just saying the most charitable explanation I can think of is in life, we do stuff, we make mistakes, we do things and debatable whether what he did is even actually wrong or anything, you know. But it's like, there are things you do that you make mistakes and they're not the best things and you change your ways. But still, sometimes those things will have consequences later down in your life yeah tying into the real world thing that might be an explanation of this like it is not an uncommon thing for people who are alcoholics in their youth they quit alcohol still but they've done irreparable damage to their liver their evil liver and things happen as a result of like the of the toll that you know

excessive alcohol is done on the body where it's like people who are were former alcoholists die of strokes and things like that and it sounds like this guy had a stroke um so it's like even though you repent and change your ways and that is great sometimes we will still feel consequences of mistakes that we've made, even though we've, you know, we've changed our ways. I felt like this was a cautionary tale for priests. That's what I would hope is that this is a cautionary tale for priests where it

is saying like, Hey, if you are a priest, if you're a person who has like the, the powers of God, don't be damning people willy-nilly like don't be cursing people like just because they annoy you yeah yeah just for this like yeah because like just because some like 20 year old comes in on sunday after a mad freak drunken party whatever it was on like the weekend don't just be like look down at that person and

condemn them for this moment right now don't be that kind of a priest that would condemn somebody in that like one moment give them grace for their life but i don't feel like this story was aimed at priests to be like hey priests and like watch out you could really ruin someone's life't feel like this story was aimed at priests to be like, Hey, priests, like watch out. You could really ruin someone's life. I feel like the priest would have been a bigger character in the story if that was the intention. But, but Katrina,

I do actually kind of love that as a fix for the story. I like that as like the two of your interpretations as a blended fix for it. Cause like, cause Jeff, I also really like that that that is a very generous interpretation but i also like it like that yeah that definitely makes sense to me and there are fixes that we could apply that would make if we want to continue

on that if we were like keep it as true as possible and fix it then there are fixes that we could apply like going on and being like oh but he like lived a good you know he went on and after judgment and he was like saved or whatever the case may be you know there's things that we could do to make it or even like making more clear what the story would be having the priest be a character that you watch him kind of go through a repentance arc of some kind of realizing like i was a foolish young priest that did a horrible thing to this person by cursing him. And then he in some way is able to rectify for that man's afterlife something. But then he himself then has to learn to be punished in some way.

And I like the idea of the priest is at the guy's bedside as he dies and realizes what he's done. And then maybe like goes back to church and like praise for his soul. Yeah. Yeah. Or something like. It makes changes for how he interacts with people in the future. Yeah.

I mean. And it's like. Other people's lives for the better instead. Yeah. And like teaches all the young priests. Oh. And in like the cinematic universe it's like basically you pull back and you see he's like been narrating like the whole time and

he's like teaching the next like priest like in the seminary teaching the other priest and that's why you never curse someone in the moment i i inadvertently cursed a young man to death because he had kind of irritated me. He showed up hungover to church services. That kind of pissed me off. After I had to listen to him out of my window while writing this sermon, drunkenly riding his horse through the town. That is like a hilarious scene in my mind he's like just like sitting down trying to like write something and outside he's hearing like drunk laughter all this stuff people like peeing on the side of like the church or whatever and he's just like

and then the next day the guy is just like falling over half asleep hung over and he's like that's it cursing this guy you will come to a bad end yeah and then he's like uh-oh oh this guy becomes the pillar of the whole town and everybody loves him he's the most charitable wonderful person and then he like realizes like oh no I did this to this guy. But no, the story is so messed up. It's all messed up. It's aptly named the doom.

The doom. That was the doom. The doom doesn't appear till the very end. It like teases you with the title rather than giving it to you in the beginning. I'm like, oh yeah, but the doom that this story is named after it doesn't appear again. We're,

we're done with it now. I'm surprised it didn't have the words like it's a fairy stroke. Cause I feel like I've read about that a bunch from different, I don't know, books with Irish folktales in them. Cause it's like a common thing. Like I feel like it was like a Christian stroke though. This one, cause the fairies were trying to like,

you know what I mean? The fairies were the only, we're trying to cure it. They blamed the fairies, but then they like, you know what I mean? The fairies were the only ones trying to cure it. You know, that's true. They blamed the fairies. But then they kind of said, no, this was from the priest. Yeah. I don't think they ever blamed the fairies. But I think the fairies didn't actually solve it.

Yeah, they were like, oh, like, fairy magic will fix this. Probably because they thought it had been fairy magic that had done the damage. And then it was like, no. You know, the more we talk about it and the more i think back on the story the more i think the more the more like i like your interpretation of it jeff like about because especially of like you know he it really does sound like someone who like stroked out you know were unconscious for a little bit and then when they woke up they never spoke again like that's like that part of their brain was just wrecked and that's really like the the rigid the rigid to like relax like they're sleeping but then never being able to speak again

it does it sounds very much like he had a stroke and bodies do that whether you have like a history of like alcoholism or whatever but it's one of those like questions that every society has to grapple with of like why do bad things happen to good people yeah he changed his life he changed his life around why is something bad happening to him now and he kind of had a wild youth but who hasn't you know like and it's like we even me and my my charitable interpretation like maybe and in the structure of the story, like misattributing the cause of this stroke to his alcoholism as a youth. It's like, there are a plenty of people that live like healthy lives. They eat a vegan diet and they still have strokes when they're older and they've raised kids and gone through a whole life.

You know, those things don't actually necessarily have to be connected. But because he's been a good man, he went, he was the life of the party, but he's able to party without drinking anymore. Why on the way home from this, when he didn't drink, when he didn't do anything wrong, did he, is he being punished?

Why did this happen to him? The only thing we can think of is, Oh, remember that priest cursed him when he was like a drunk young man. Oh, that's so sad. I'm so glad I could bum everybody out with this story. Yes.

Thank you. Thank you so much. And you told it beautifully, Jeff. That was really well done, Jeff. No, but I,

I loved the, the prediction that it's like the protagonist is going to be the town drunk. I was like, Oh yeah. Was it? Because he started out at the beginning. I'm like,

they didn't three points no mention of a landlord for the village drunk the devil because the devil was definitely in that story and no mention of landlords my god zero so i tried i tried to twist it so that the horse was scary but you know we were like nope, nope, now the horse is just extra good horse. Maybe you can have a three-point sweep on her in Katrina's story. Yeah. We'll see. Who knows?

Usually if I immaculately catch the vibes of a story, then I really flame out on whatever the other one was. Whatever this next one is. I've used all my brainpower predicting the other ones. All right. All right. Yeah. Katrina, you're up.

So I have the legend of Ballytotus Castle. And what I want to say about this story before you make your predictions is as i am reading this out loud just know that when i was reading it at no point did i ever know where this story was going it is one of those stories where it seriously was like never let him guess your next move i was like i'm like where where where is this going? I love it. Those are the best stories. All right, Abby, I'm going to make you make predictions first this time.

Okay, great. Prediction one, this castle gets destroyed and rebuilt a few times. Ooh. Prediction two, there's a g-g-g-g-g-g-g-ghost. G-g-g-g-g-g-g-ghost.

We're like in Scooby-Doo, maybe. And prediction number three, the fairies are involved. Ghosts and fairies. I know. I'm going for twofer. This is what I want. This is what I want to see.

Okay. Jeff, are you making predictions? I would like to make am i allowed to make predictions absolutely i'm gonna let you go first so i'm a novice predictor of these tales but that's okay i'm gonna say all the time you need and i feel like this is a long shot but it could be what what wins me a bunch of points if it happens i think the story takes place all in one crazy night which is not really from the stories that i am aware of is not the norm normally they take place over like a whole man's life but there are those ones yeah it's the ones that you never know where they're going like crazy a bunch of crazy stuff happens and it's always happening in one night it's like a the season

episode of 24 or something um happens all in one night that's's like an episode of 24 or something. Happens all in one night. That's a really old reference to a show that I didn't actually even watch. I watched like the first season and didn't be on that. Because I couldn't get past the fact that his daughter got kidnapped by different groups of terrorists three times within 24 hours.

What? Anyway, okay. Happens in one night. You took the two best I was gonna say ghosts but oh man again

is there a rule that we can't make the same predictions it's all right I'll put a twist on it yes okay and this is basically

me like giving up on trying to win any points but just what I want in a story I want it all to take place in one crazy night I want Doolahan

to show up at some point probably Doolahan to claim the man point probably very specific okay i'm not in it to win it apparently and then think of something super generic because your other your first two are pretty specific catholicism period catholicism period you're like something very general catholicism rears its ugly head all right my first prediction is that there's going to be a ton of names oh fine that's a good one it's like there's either a ton of names or no

we had one in mind which i wouldn't even fix that about mine because it was like there's either a ton of names or no or no we had one in mind which i wouldn't even fix that about mine because it was like it was the main character and no one else had a name if it was like they just gave all the men names i'd be like okay hold on exactly like you know it's fine if no one has a name but if most of the characters are named except the ladies yeah and no character was like really reoccurring it was like yeah anyway so we're moving on to katrina's story sorry i'm done with mine spotlight off of me and now on kelsey's actually making predictions ah so yeah a ton of names and oh my gosh i don't really want to predict fairies on this i want to i want to roll over scary horse scary horse love it like give me a scary horse. Scary horse. Love it. Give me a scary horse.

I want a scary horse. And if Doolahan is in it, there will be a scary horse. So we both can win. It's way too specific, but I kind of wanted to predict Pooka. But I feel like it's too specific. I don't even know what that is.

You need to listen to their Pooka episode. You have a Pooka episode? Oh, it's so much fun. I will. Not right now. Just mischievous. Just mischievous little guys. They're a type of fairy.

And sometimes they turn into a horse. So, you know, that would be scary. Okay. A ton of names. A scary horse. And, oh, can I make this prediction that if I look up this castle it's there's an actual

place like on a map where I can find it I I think that's like the fact that it's about a real place I think that's a valid prediction that's a totally valid prediction because that happened with what the giant steps is one of those stories in the past

and it's like an actual place that you can like go to and there's pictures and i feel like that's the coolest especially because what's her face is like so like specific with like names and places islands stuff i don't know about this one, though. And I feel like we'd have to research that after this. I feel, yeah. I'm like, I feel. Yeah. But it'd be.

Katrina will have to Google it because none of us are going to know how to spell it just based off how she says it. Balletotos. You're like, Katrina doesn't know how to pronounce anything. And Katrina doesn't know how to spell anything. These are two things. Bad mix. Yeah. Okay. thing and katrina doesn't know how to spell anything these are two things that are bad mix yeah okay the legend of bally totus castle the next tale i shall select is composed in a lighter and more modern spirit which i thought was good following we like that and modern spirit. Yeah, because this

podcast has now changed to being about modern stories instead of about classic ones. Exactly, as I stated at the beginning. It's about modern stories that we change for a classic audience. Yes. All the usual elements of a fairy tale are to be found in it, but the story is new to the nursery folk, and

if well illustrated, I love Sprinze wilds like notes in here she's like this one should be like turned into like a book which i'm like maybe maybe and if well illustrated would make a pleasant and novel addition to the rather worn out legends on which the children of many generations have been hitherto subsisting. So I- I eat Cinderella. Yeah.

The fact that she's like, oh, children are being forced to subsist on Grimm's Brothers Fairy Tales. These poor children. I love that for her. Robbed of culture. I'm like, love it. robbed of culture i'm like uh-huh love it in old times there lived where ballytautus castle now stands a poor man named totus it was in the time when manna fell to the earth with the dew of evening and totus lived by gathering the manna and thus supporting himself for he was a poor man and

had nothing else one day a peddler came by that way with a fair young daughter. Give us a night's lodging. He said to TOTUS for we are weary and TOTUS did. So next morning when they were going away, his heart longed for the young girl. Gross. Of course. I'm like, I wish they'd kind of like told us this guy's like age just see and how young is she what do we mean by young girl that that's a pretty wide range that could mean a lot of things yeah

i'm like please be more specific in my mind it means she's somewhere between 16 and 20 and that's young girl yeah i'm like since they just said for him like he was a poor man i'm like okay so he could be young theoretically i want to be under 30 yeah so i'm like i'm hoping he's like 25 and she's like 20 that would make me more comfortable. Uh-huh. You know, that's a fresh young girl. Yes. Yes.

Still fresh. Still in the bloom of her youth. Indeed. Still in her maidenhood. Yeah, sure. So his heart longed for the young girl and he said to the peddler, give me your daughter for my wife. How will you support her? Asked the peddler, give me your daughter for my wife. How will you support her?

Asked the peddler better than you can answered totus for she can never want, which I'm like, okay, rude. Well, I do love that. The, the peddler is like,

how are you going to support my daughter? And he's like, how are you supporting her? Like, like, wow, guys. Then he told him,

then he told him all about the manna how he went out every morning when he when it was lying on the ground with the dew and gathered it as his father and forefathers had done before him and lived on it all their lives so that he had never known want nor any of his people i'm like jeff this is like an allusion to some judeo-christian stories this manna but i don't know if it counts yet as catholicism i should have been less specific manna from manna from heaven is very old testament so i very old testament so i'm like I know that there are some like saint stories that include it, but they don't specifically say anything about saints. So not Catholicism. Okay. Fine.

Then the girl showed she would like to stay with the young man. Oh, good. Consent matters. And the peddler consented. I like to hear women consent, but okay. Yeah. And they were married. Totus and the fair young maiden.

And the peddler left them and went his way. So years went on and they were very happy and never wanted. And they had one son, a bright, handsome youth, and as clever as he was comely. But in due time, old Totus died. So Jeff, again, it didn't happen all in one crazy night. I'm so sorry.

Are you sure? Cause I'm like, now the main character that we were introduced to dead. Yeah. And still far, still the only one with a name. Yes. You could get married,

meet someone, meet someone, get married and then die all in one night. But you didn't have a child. It takes nine months. Sorry sunk not this time so in due time old totus died and after her husband was buried the woman went out to gather the manna as she had seen him do when the dew lay on the ground but she soon grew tired and said to herself why should should I do this every day? I'll just gather now enough to do the week, and

then I can have rest. So she gathered up. Works smarter, not harder. Exactly. Works smarter, not harder. I love her. I know. This irritates me so much. Like when somebody gets punished for being smart. Smart? I'm like, what in the world? They're like, oh, it's greedy. I'm like, is it greedy?

She just serves rest? She bore a child? She looked after these people? Yeah. She's got other things to do. She's a very busy woman and she hasn't got all day. She's a single mother. Yeah, she's a single mother.

Jeez, come on now. So she gathered up great heaps of it greedily and went her way into the house. But the sin of greediness lay on her evermore. She wasn't even planning on interspersing it throughout the week. It wasn't like she was planning on eating it all in one day. I have issues. I know. It's like this wasn't gluttony.

She wasn't like, oh, you know what I could do is gather up a whole bunch of this and then all night long like didn't want to have two deadly sins just one of greed but not gluttony which i don't think it was greedy i don't think yeah it's just yeah it's time management yeah the same it's the same amount they always accrue yeah because i If anything, she's working harder. Like, it probably took more energy. Yeah, front-loading the work. Yeah. Really? We're all in agreement.

This woman is intelligent. How dare. But she's about to be punished. And that was her real sin. Yeah. Bitch. Yeah. Okay.

So, but the sin of greediness lay on her evermore and not a bit of manna fell with the dew that evening nor ever again and she was poor and faint with hunger and had to go out and work in the fields to earn the morsels that kept her and her son alive and she begged pence from the people as they went into chapel and this paid for her son's schooling. So he went on with his learning and no one in the country was like him for beauty and knowledge. So now we're moving away from the woman. Now we're moving into the man's story.

I'm like, what is going on? Like at what point I'm like, what this is just going to just hopping down the line. One day he heard the people talking of a great Lord that lived up in Dublin who had a daughter so handsome that her like was never seen, and all the fine young gentlemen were dying about her. They were just dying about her. Dying about her.

You were dying. They're like, please, you're so hot. Look at me or I'll die. It's like, okay okay calm down and he came home to his mother and said i shall go see this great lord's daughter so i can die about it too maybe the luck will be mine above all the fine young gentlemen that love her go along poor fool said the mother how can the poor stand before the rich but he persisted well they should write a book about him excellent they should and yet he persisted and yet he persisted if i die on the road he said i'll try it all right he's like what's the worst that can happen i'll die i'll die yeah all wrong no biggie that is the you know

literally that's the worst that can happen yeah he was like probably yeah he was like i was gonna die anyway i might as well yeah dying about her or i'm dying on the road yep one way or another wait then she answered till sunday and whatever get, I'll give you half of it. So she gave him half of the pence she gathered at the chapel door and bid him go in the name of God. He hadn't gone far when he met a poor man who asked him for a trifle for God's sake. So he gave him something out of mother's money and went on. Mother's money. Also, good fairy tale rules when somebody asks you for something very smart that was one thing that i was thinking about when i picked

this was you guys talking about like hey gotta follow fairy tale rules if somebody asks for something you're like okay well yeah just in case yeah just in case he's not a fool god what oh jesus or a fairy hiding on the bus i don't know there's a goddess for that yeah there's a goddess for that like watch out so again another another met him and begged for a trifle to buy food for the sake of God. And he gave him something also and then went on. Give me a trifle for God's sake, cried a voice. And he saw a third poor man before him. I have nothing left, said Totus.

So this is Totus Jr. This is the first time we've heard that he has a name. And it's the same as his dad. Totus Jr. Totus Jr. Little Totus Jr. Is it Jr. Little Totus Jr. Is it their last name? Little Toady.

Or first name. Just their names. They only had one. Their name. Yeah. They were too poor to afford two names. A second name. Yeah.

I was like, what happened? I flipped to another page. Okay. So, I have nothing left, said said totus but a few pence if i give them i shall have nothing for food and must die of hunger but come with me and whatever i can buy for this i shall share with you and yeah which i was like that that's good thinking where he's like listen if i give you this money now i'm begging money, and then you have to give me the money back, and then we're just going to go back and forth begging for this one pet. Uh-huh.

And because we have to follow the rules of when someone asks us something, we give it to them. It is just going to go on forever. Yeah, we'll be trapped here forever and ever. Yeah. So as they were going on to the inn, he told all his story to the beggar man and how he wanted to go to Dublin, but had now no money. So they came to the inn and he called for a loaf and a drink of milk. Cut the loaf, he said to the beggar. You're the oldest.

I won't, said the other, for he was ashamed and Totus made him. And so the beggar cut the loaf, but though they ate, it never grew smaller. And though they drank as they liked of the milk, it never grew less. Then Totus rose up to pay. But when the landlady came and looked oh landlady but when the landlady came and looked how is this she said you have eaten nothing i'll not take your money poor boy but he made her take some and they left the place and went on their way together now said the beggar man you have been three times good to me today for thrice i have met you and you gave me help for the sake of god each time see now i can help also and he reached a gold ring to the handsome youth

wherever you place that ring and wish for it gold will come bright gold so that you can never want while you have it then totus put the ring first in one pocket and then in another until all his pockets were so heavy with gold that he could scarcely walk but when he turned to thank the friendly beggar man he had disappeared disappeared like god walks among us no because i it very much had like those vibes of like uh there's only one set of footprints on the yeah wow but it also i'm like i feel like because the man was like oh give me money for god's sake. I'm like, okay, so this is related to like Christianity. Catholicism, perhaps. Maybe.

Which is interesting for later. It's a bit of knowledge for later. That's just Catholicism explaining fairy magic to pagans. Really? Yeah, where it's like. It was a fairy. Yeah like it was a fairy yeah it's a fairy which can still be true and i can still get my point because he chose to use catholicism to to veil it if that's true i'm arguing that anyway just in the retelling but anyway yeah if all this is certainly co-opted this story to change it to something more christian-like so i think in that sense catholicism is very much present very much a part of the story so wondering to himself at all his

adventures he went on until he came at last in sight of the lord's palace which was beautiful to see but he would not enter in until he went and bought fine clothes and made himself as grand as any prince and then he went boldly up and they invited him in for, they said, surely he is a King's son. And when dinner hour came, the Lord's daughter linked her arm with Totus and smiled on him. And he drank of the rich wine and was mad with love.

But at last the wine overcame him and the servants had to carry him to his bed. I love that for him. He partied hard. Way too hard. And I bet she is about to do something to him. Yes. As punishment.

And in going into his room, he dropped the ring from his finger, but knew it not. Now in the morning, the Lord's daughter came by and cast her eyes upon the door of his chamber. Yeah, she did. Hey.

And there close by was the ring. She had seen him wear mama. Like she's like, I like my men finally dress and drunk. Yeah. Freaking wasted. They're close by. it was the ring she had seen him wear. Ah, she said, I'll tease him now with his ring.

Which I'm like, that's so relatable. Like girls like in high school, like take a guy's like hat and they're like, ha ha ha, I'm wearing your hat. Are you going to like fight for it back? Yep. I hope so. Everybody is like, oh, secondhand embarrassment of just remembering like, oh, gosh. Yeah. What? I've never done that. It was also fun. I don't know. I'm not embarrassed.

I thought it was a good time. We all had fun. Yeah. Please, I'm going to get the guy that I have a crush on to jump on me to get his hat back. Interact with me. Touch me a little bit. Yeah. Get on to like jump on me to get interact with me touch me a little bit yeah get his axe body spray on me so that later in the night i can be smelling it oh gosh oh man was that guy hot or was that just axe body spray it's hard to tell sometimes. One in the same. One in the same. Yeah. Ah, she said, I'll tease him now about his ring.

And she put it in her box and wished that she were as rich as a king's daughter. That so the king's son might marry her. Because she thought that he was like. That he outranks her. So she's like hoping she'll catch his eye. Yeah. Aw. And behold, the... Just pages ago had only one penny to his name

that he was going to trade back and forth with a beggar to infinity. I love this for him. He seems fun. You think he's a king's son though? He's coming up. And a nice kid. Yeah. He's like Kelsey.

He's like the opposite of the Ivan we read about last episode. Exactly. He's still like not. What's the opposite of failing up? He's in an upward spiral. He's in an upward spiral. From doing a good deed. He's doing amazing.

He deserves it. He does. He's it. He does. He's worthy. He is. What I love about this ring is that it just fills up whatever container it's like put in. Hell yeah. And so it's like the biggest bank vault that you can think of.

Yeah. So it's like anytime they hide it in something. So it's like, she chucks it inside of a box to hide it. And it's like, surprise. Okay. to hide it and it's like surprise okay so she put it in her box and wished yes that she was as rich as a king's daughter that so the king's

son might marry her and behold the box filled up with gold so that she could not shut it and she put it from her into another box and that filled also and then she was frightened at the ring that's fair yeah she's so smart like did i break it what did i what did i do like oh no like where do you put it yeah like and then she's like oh no now that box is too full so i can't keep it like in in

that one so now i'll put it oh no now where am i gonna put this fuck fuck fuck fuck again nothing comes for free so if there's this much gold that's appearing for no reason what is oh no, now where am I going to put this? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Nothing comes for free. So if there's this much gold that's appearing for no reason, what is the payment going to be if it eventually comes? Yeah. She's so smart. Yeah, that she's like, oh, I went to like jokingly like take this ring and now things are like escalating.

And she's like, oh no, because like, I don't know, maybe in her mind she's like, yeah, she's like, am I stealing all of his money? Is that what I'm doing? Now I'm like a thief. This is like escalating. I'm embarrassed. Oops, oops, oops. And she put it at last in her pocket as the safest place. But when Totus awoke and missed the ring, his heart was grieved. Now indeed, he said, my luck is gone. And he inquired of all the servants and then of the Lord's daughter, and she laughed, by which he knew she had it. But no coaxing would get it from her. So when all was useless, he went away and set out again to reach his old home.

Wait, what? Come on, girl. Like, I thought you wanted him to be interested in you. No, I know that like oh i don't know maybe i have it i don't know and he's like okay if you have it can you give it back and she's like i don't know if i have it yeah maybe you should make me and then instead he's like she must not like me. Well, I guess you're keeping it. Okay. Yeah. I'm like, all right. Bye. To which point she's like, oh, no.

Wait, wait, wait. I don't know why she was doing that. I don't understand her thought process behind that decision at all. At no point in this story did I know where the story was going or like, why? I was like, what are people doing? And now the story is going to be about her. No. Or maybe. Oh. Oop. going to be about her. Or maybe.

Another protagonist shift. So he set out again to reach his old home. And he was very mournful and threw himself down on the ferns near an old fort. Waiting till night came on for he feared to go home in the daylight lest the people should

laugh at him for his folly. And about dusk three cats came out of the forest why didn't we guess talking cat I thought about it and I was like that never happens that never happens when I wanted to damn it for talking cats

oh my god what I love I'm like he threw himself down on the ferns he sounds like he has the worst anxiety like he's probably not used to partying that hard and he's like what did i do i lost my ring and the princess hates me and i'm just gonna really embarrass myself don't look at me i'm gonna show up at home at night so that nobody knows that i crept back into the town i'm just gonna sit here and cry for a bit oh until three cats came out of the fort talking to each other oh my god love it

how long our cook is away said one what what can have happened to him, said another. And as they were grumbling, a fourth cat came up. What delayed you, they all asked angrily. Then he told them his story, how he had met Totus and given him the ring. Yes! These are fairies!

So I'm like, was that guy working for God? No! He was a fairy disguised as an old man working for god he was a fairy just it is disguised as an angel disguised as an old man yes i love that that's fun it's one of those things where it's like like did catholicism take this story for itself and do like abby was and be like, oh, no, we're putting Catholicism on, but it didn't completely overlay. Yeah, they're going through a chronology like, oh, it's like this fairy. Okay, we'll just make it like an angelic being or something like that. It's doing it for God.

And it's like, but it's a talking cat. And like, that doesn't really fit with our theology. What do we do? Just leave it. Let it go. Just leave it. just leave it right the cat works for god it's whatever yes what if cats were one of us like what what if god was a cat on a bus trying to make his way home yeah because the other three cats are like if you don't get home in a timely manner they're on a bus trying to make his way home. Yeah.

Cause the other three cats are like, if you don't get home in a timely manner, they're going to be like, what delayed you? And he's like, I gave some guy my ring. So how he had met Totus and given him the ring. And I just went, he said to the Lord's palace to see how the young man behaved.

And I was leaping over the dinner table when the Lord's palace to see how the young man behaved. And I was leaping over the dinner table when the Lord's knife struck my tail and three drops of blood fell onto his plate, but he never saw it and swallowed them with his meat. So now he has three kittens inside him. What? What the heck? What?

Pregnant with kittens? Yes yes immaculate concept kitten conception this might be the best story ever told on this podcast at no point did i know where this so now he has three kittens inside him and is dying of agony and can never be cured until he drinks three droughts of the water of the well of Bali totus. So when young totus heard the cats talk, he sprang up and went and told his mother to give him three bottles full of the water of the totus well.

And he would go to the Lord disguised as a doctor and cure him. He just, well, are the kittens okay inside you are three kittens who will one is sleepy one just wants to play but they're killing him literally they're literally killing him and i listen even when this is resolved i have questions we will get to my question so many already okay i love the question are the kittens okay we'll find out they're trapped inside someone else's body. Can they breathe in there? No. And also- Is it like an amniotic fluid situation?

Yeah. No. I'm like, by what mechanism will the kittens come out of this man is one of my concerns. If they're in his stomach- Alien style. Because he swallowed them. Bursting out. Yeah.

But also, are these kittens angels? I don't know. Are they fairies? They're fairies. This is some fairy shit. Because he swallowed them. But also, are these kittens angels? I don't know. Are they fairies? They're fairies. This is some fairies shit. Do the kittens work for God? No. These kittens are fairies.

Only fairies would like accidentally impregnate some dude because he swallowed drops of their blood. There's an episode of Blood. No, I love that he impregnated them with with cats not with like the holy spirit or whatever yes no i love that the cat was like oh i went to go check on this guy and while i was there like somebody like knifed me and so i left but also now that guy back there has kittens in him. Oops, my bad. It's a cross-species empreg situation. Classic. How did no one guess that? I never would have guessed that.

Like, nope. Okay. So off he went to Dublin. And all the doctors in Ireland were round the Lord, but none of them could tell what ailed him. Because they didn't guess the classic. They also did not guess. A cross-species impregnation situation.

Yes, like a cross-species impregnation situation. Am I pregnant? Like M-Preg too. It's not even like the usual pregnant gender. Yeah. Yeah. It's like someone that would most likely not be able to get pregnant just in any case. In the usual course of things. Yeah.

He just is a feline very well. So, I mean, that's not on the doctors. of things yeah he just so i mean that's not on the doctors have you guys seen like that that like song where it's like am i pergante yes possibly that i'm pegrant pegrant like based off of like the yahoo questions i've seen the Yahoo questions memes. Yes. Perganant. Perganant. Like, or am I okay? He's not. He is not okay. He is pergante. And not okay.

He is not okay. Title of the episode. And he is not okay. People will be listening to this entire story. like, how does this end up there? And they won't know. They won't guess and they won't know and it's never okay. How does it end? I still have no...

God. When you say you know you're going. I'm like, listen, are we even close to, is this going to end? Is anything going to be okay? Yeah. So we continue on. None of them could tell what ailed him and how to cure him. Then Totus came in and said, I will cure him.

So they gave him entertainment and lodging. First course of business, of course, entertainment and lodging. First course of business, of course. Entertainment and lodging. He's got the cure. Yeah. He's like, I've got the cure. And they're like, yes, yes. You don't want to dump one of those bottles down him first?

Yeah. They're like, no, let's entertain him. Let's make sure he's nice and comfy. Party first. Yeah. Of course. Always. And when he was refreshed, he gave of the well water three droughts to his lordship.

When out jumped the three kittens, and there was great rejoicing. And they treated Totus like a prince. Yeah. They jumped out from where? From where? From where? Definitely his mouth. He just barfed these kids yeah i'm like i'm like did they jump out the way that they went in yeah or did they phase through his skin

through his body or did they just eviscerate this man on their way out did they come out did they come out his butt a but butthole? Or a pee hole? Ooh, a pee hole. There's been a lot less rejoicing in those situations. Like, which hole did they come out? I have questions. Look, first fix, his mouth. Put those questions to bed. It's his mouth.

Your first fix is you're like, no, we're going to answer this question just so that no one's upset i wanted like an alien like versus predator is that the one where it's like just like yeah they jump out of that's what i wanted to imagine but again i love that your thought was alien versus predator and not the alien franchise for yeah like it was an alien like an alien it's like an alien versus predator i haven't seen the one where there's two guys and one i haven't seen any of them and a predator pops out of the other one and then these infant alien and infant predator fight each other you haven't seen that one no is that the second one is that like alien versus predator requiem i have not seen that one i haven't seen you want to i do love alien versus predator like

alien versus predator is probably my favorite horror movie and i'm like i've never i've never seen any of them all i know is from memes watching watching it happen hey you know watch alien versus predator i highly recommend it it's a fantastic film nice is that the one where it happens no no it happens in all of them oh like well the chestburster alien is from is from the alien franchise sorry quick quick sci-fi no this is important for posterity stuff the alien chestburster is from all alien movies including alien versus predator but also from alien aliens alien 3 and alien resurrection and i assume alien versus predator requiem which i have not seen Aliens, Alien 3, and Alien Resurrection. And I assume Alien vs. Predator Requiem, which I have not seen.

And 2 Alien, 2 Predator. 2 Alien, 2 Predator, yes. The very famous conclusion of the Alien vs. Predator franchise. Indeed. Perfection. But that's how I wanted the kittens to leave his body. But regardless of where in your imagination they jumped from, they did indeed jump from this man. And they rejoice.

Okay. All right. And there was great rejoicing and they treated Totus like a prince. But all the same, he could not get the ring from the Lord's daughter. Still not good enough. So he set off home again. disheartened i would tell this girl to

cough it up like yeah like give me my stuff back we're not playing anymore yeah this isn't cute you stole from me next time your dad gets impregnated with cats, I'm leaving him for dead. If you don't give me my ring back. To be fair, we should have seen it coming with like the rule of threes. They're not going to succeed on the second attempt. That's, you know. That's on us. But also I'm like, why is this woman playing so hard to get? Unless she doesn't want to be got.

Because she's got a ring that can give her endless wealth. Yeah. At first she thought it was like a flirty fun joke at first. And now she's got a ring that can give her endless wealth yeah she at first she thought it was it was like a funny fun joke at first and now she's like well i'm rich so yeah she's like married anymore the reason to get married is to increase your wealth yeah oh my goodness you don't have to do that anymore is this an anti-greed message because of the whole greediness at the beginning and she's going to not be greedy by giving the ring back. Well, she got more chances than Totus's mom. That's true.

Yeah, for real. Like he's getting more chances than God gave to Totus. I don't know. This episode we're going real hard against like the messages. God will get you. No matter how good you are in life, God will beat you down. God's going to get you. No matter how good you are in life, God will beat you down. God's going to get you.

Yep. He will assume the worst about you and never give you a second chance. I feel like that's just religion. We're like, oof, it's rough out here. Okay, so he headed off home again, quite disheartened and thought to himself, if I could only meet the man again that gave me the ring,

who knows what luck I might have. And as he sat down to rest in a wood and saw there not far off three boys fighting under an Oak tree, shame on you to fight. So he said to them, what is the fight about? Then they told him. Our father, they said, before he died, buried under this oak tree a ring by which you can

be in any place in two minutes if you only wish it, a goblet that is always full when standing and empty only when on its side, and a harp that plays any tune of itself that you can name or wish for i want to divide the things said the youngest boy and let us all go and seek our fortunes as we can but i have a right to the whole said the eldest and they went on fighting till at length i know but also man then it turns into like the question of like oh which object is most valuable or who gets to decide for i'm like oh this is like a nice little like brain teaser but then we're not we're not doing that that's not what the story is doing no brain teasers for you teleporting ring versus

a cup that's never empty you can just drink as much clear choice i know which one i want and i think we might be thinking of different okay and then it's like oh and a harp that plays any tune i'm like i already have a cell phone so i'm like yeah hey but back then yeah come on yeah that's true just like turning to like the phone and be like or not the phone, turning to the harp and being like, can you play WAP by? That'd be weird on a harp. Are we all imagining it?

Or beautiful? Yes. A hauntingly beautiful WAP. See it? Grab a bucket and a mop. Okay. Macaroni in a pot. A hauntingly beautiful wop is what i a hauntingly beautiful wop another title possibility for this episode

there are so many oh god all right continue let's we gotta we gotta wrap this up at some point come on you're like the story has to end. Keep it going. I'm so sorry. I picked like the world's... This is amazing. I keep having stuff to say is the problem. Yes. Okay. So fighting over this stuff. So they went on fighting till at length Tota said, I'll tell you how to settle the matter. All of you be here tomorrow and I'll think over the matter tonight. And I engage you will have nothing more to quarrel about when you come in the morning.

So the boys promised to keep good friends till they met in the morning and went away. When Toto saw them clear off, he dug up the ring, the goblet and the harp and now said, I'll be right. And they won't have anything to fight about in the morning. What a selfless act.

He's like, I'll solve this problem for them personality change up i know he had been like so kind selfless giving up like helping others and now he's like well free stuff for me off he set back again to the lord's castle with the ring the goblet and the harp but he soon bethought himself of the powers of the ring, and in two minutes he was in the great hall. He was like, why am I walking? Why am I walking? I have a teleportation ring. Yeah, like, what am I doing with my life? So in two minutes he was in the great hall

where all the lords and ladies were just sitting down to dinner, and the harp played the sweetest music, and they all listened in delight, and he drank out of the goblet, which was never empty empty and then when his head began to grow a little light it is enough he said and putting his arm around the waist of the lord's daughter he took his harp and goblet in the other hand and murmured i wish we were at the old fort by the side of the wood in two minutes they were both at the desired spot he was like well that's enough partying now kidnap but his head was heavy with the wine and he laid down the harp beside him and fell asleep and when she saw him asleep she took the ring off his finger

and the harp and the goblet from the ground and was back home in her father's castle before two minutes had passed by. Okay, bye. She was like, sorry you got so drunk and wasted that you could not carry out your plan efficiently. That seems like a personal problem.

Seems like a personal problem. Burn on you. Yeah. She's like, remember when you had everything but you were too dumb to like carry out the plan so good when totus awoke and found his prize gone and all his treasures besides he was like one mad and roamed about the country till he came by an orchard where he saw a tree covered with bright rosy apples being hungry and thirsty he plucked one and ate it. But no sooner had he done so

than horns began to sprout from his forehead and grew larger and longer till he knew he looked like a goat. What is this story? I know. Like, who is telling this bedtime story? So, and grew larger and longer till he knew he looked like a goat and all he could do

they would not come off now indeed he was driven out of his mind and thought how all the neighbors would laugh at him that's his biggest worry he's like yeah i'm gonna laugh more anxiety and as he raged and roared with shame he spied another tree with apples still brighter of rudy gold i love that he was like oh my gosh what am i gonna do what am i gonna oh look at those apples how about them apples if i were to have 50 pairs of horns i must have one of those he said and seized one okay i mean you know yeah he was like well i'm already ugly i might as well eat for a penny yeah in for a penny like like let's go all the way man but in no sooner tasted it than the horns fell off and he felt that he was looking stronger and

handsomer than ever now i have her at last he exclaimed i'm like no in what way i'll put horns on them all and'll never take them off until they give her to me as my bride before the whole court. I cannot tell. I cannot stress enough how much I am enjoying that. This story has turned into a cat and mouse like game between him and the Lord's daughter. Yeah.

But this is very funny to me. Yeah. Yeah. This plan is foolproof. It's foolproof. I've got her now. And like, she has so far won every single one of their encounters. Yes.

Very easily. Also by him like just being like, oh, man, I give up. Because he's fucked up usually. Yeah. It is usually him just being like, oh, well, I got too drunk, lost my ring. Got too drunk, lost everything. Lost everything. I love the I've got her now energy.

Yeah, when it's like, do you? You go, Glen Coco. Like, buddy, okay. Maybe. We'll see. I'm rooting for him. I'll put horns on them all, and we'll never take them off until they give her to me as my bride before the whole court yeah without further delay he set off to the lord's palace carrying with him as many of the apples as he could bring off the two trees and

when they saw the beauty of the fruit they longed for it and he gave them all so that at last there was not a head to be seen without horns in the whole dining hall then they cried out and prayed to have the horns taken off but totus said no there they shall be till i have the lord's daughter given to me for my bride and my two rings my goblet and my heart all restored to me and this was done before the face of all the lords and ladies and his treasures were restored to him. And the Lord placed his daughter's hand in the hand of Totus saying, take her. She is your wife. Only free me from the horns. fell off and he took his bride and his treasures and carried them off home where he built the castle of Bali Totem in the place where stood his father's hut and enclosed the well within the walls.

And when he had filled his treasure room with gold so that no man could count his riches, he buried his fairy treasures deep in the ground where no man knew and no man has ever yet been able to find them until this day. And that's how I'm. Wow. Clean forgot about the castle. Yes.

I love that the whole story is like. The title is the legend of. At no point until right at the end, they're like, and there's a castle that got built there. It's like, wow, that was the whole story.

I mean, wow. What was that? I am in full agreement with Lady Wilde that this would be an excellent longer novel or illustrated something. I want the show. I want the cartoon. I think this would be a very good cartoon.

Yeah. I want to see the cartoon of those cats coming out of that man. Yes. I must know how they envision that happening. Yes. Yes. I must know how they envision that happening. Yes. I want a little more personality and agency on the Lord's daughter,

but that's literally my only fix. I love, love, love, love, love the rest of it. Yeah. No, because I'm like, what I want to see is more of like her personality being like, no, I'm going to screw over this guy. I want her to be an equal participant in this game. So that when he says, I've got her now, there's more of like, she really was trying to outdo him in some way.

Yeah, that it's like she wanted to outdo him, but she also is okay with like being caught. She's pleased to be caught, but she wanted to play this game first. She needed to meet her match. Is he really good enough to be with me? Because if she's this like super hot

lady and all these guys want is to like, oh, I really want to marry like this, the Lord's daughter because she's super hot. And she's like, no, not interested in that. And she's like, oh, but playing this little cat and mouse game with this like man. Perfect. Doesn't it just make you feel

alive yes she's like ah this in in her mind it's like this like chess match but he's just like a bumbling idiot just like falling up the stairs and she thinks that's pretty hot yeah she's like i like how messy this guy is. Does anyone have a casting? Like, who would you cast as these two characters? Audrey Plaza. Oh, yeah. Just because, like, I can see her, like, watching, like, the kittens popping out of her dad. She just, like, got, like, some wine and she's like, oh.

Yeah. She's like, that's crazy. I think she would also play that scene of where he asked her do you have my ring like i and she says no i think she would play that scene so well so i'm like yeah no yeah it's like no no god she could make the like not actually doing anything to win like interesting seem interesting it's like like she planned it all along like she was just being patient like that her plan was to let him ruin himself every step of the way i can even imagine her at the point where like she eats the apple and like she like grows horns her being like not mad like this is also a slay look on me. Not mad. For him.

It's like someone that can pull off like looking pathetic and like downtrodden because he keeps messing up. But then also someone like believable enough that the princess or whatever Lord's daughter would be like excited to end up with him. Yeah. And because I like Parks and Rec, my brain now is like fighting from just saying like chris pratt but i'm andy dwyer's chris pratt yeah i'm thinking more of like a like a tom holland maybe yeah that could work where he like looks someone someone kind of like wayfish who looks like he'd be some poor boy from the country but like he's like charming and kind of bumbling yeah like the fact that he's dumb is like endearing you know it country but like he's like charming and kind of bumbling yeah like the fact that he's dumb is like endearing you know it's like oh he's like a little dumb but just because

he's young and he doesn't know a lot that's cute but he's also scrappy like he's got like a yeah like a scrappy feisty energy yeah love it yeah that was amazing that was such a great story what a great story thank you like it seriously it was like a great story. What a great story. Thank you. It seriously, it was like a story where I'm like, at no point do I know what's happening. Yeah. No, that was dead on. Yeah. So points wise. Yeah.

Abby got one for the fairies are involved. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't explicitly say, but... And weren't... A lord got impregnated with kittens. I think the fairies are involved. It wasn't until the end when they specifically

called them fairy treasures where it was like fairy wine. No. Not goblet, but no, not the same type of wine. But yeah, it was like fairy treasures. So I'm like, no, that's fairy stuff. Definitely. Fae nonsense all the way.

Fae nonsense. I don't know. I feel like Jeff could get that point for Catholicism because there was a lot of that. I concede. I concede that I don't get a point for that. that no i mean i think there is an argument to be made that this that the first part of the story was co-opted by a try by trying to have there be a godly reason for this story to be told as opposed to like which witchcraft reasons yeah but yeah so very much i felt like it was like trying to put catholicism onto like the story so i'm looming specter of catholicism does overshadow the story so looming specter in the first half all right i will go they had us in the first half granting of the point um

yeah i got zero points again no names no scary horse and i did look it up i tried to find bali totus castle but i did not so i'm like every castle in our minds now in ireland can't be that one so good amazing it was the what was the fix oh yes our fixes were mostly like we want to have this lady getting more of a role more autonomy like even more of like her character but it seriously is like no i love this for like a mini series of like yeah how is this guy going to get this woman where like each episode is like he is back being like oh what am i gonna do and then finds some ridiculous scenario and he's like maybe this magic object will help me and then he goes gets the magic item stolen and then he's like okay okay well that didn't work and the next episode is like a new magic item yes like very tom and jerry

yeah but like it's a romantic plot line i love it this lady just like ends with like a whole bunch of like magic rings and like a chest full of like random objects that she's like buddy come on another fix i think we could do is like getting more into like the good part of the story like it started off with like it's the dad and now it's his mom and now the guy's born it's like punishment yeah it's like we didn't need to see all that actually it didn't really play into it at all yeah it's like just have this guy starting out like on the road you know he goes to seek his fortune yeah okay we're done we got it yeah i do also want more of the you know know, the beggar man fairy cat. Yes.

And what's his deal? What's with the deal with the cats? Yes. Tell us more. More talking cat. Yeah. Introduce us to your whole gang of talking cats. What happens to the kittens?

At what point? That's such a good question. Are they fairies? Are they being raised as cats? Yeah. Are they cat changelings? Where the fairies replace other barnyard cats with fey cats? Yeah. Are they cat changelings? Where the fairies replace other barnyard cats with fae cats?

And the mother cats are like, this isn't my baby. And they're like, you're going crazy. You're an insane, hysterical cat woman. But to be sure, you have to burn them

just in case. Yes, you have to burn them. The fairy test. that's how we'll know we're like inventing side cat quests 10 out of 10 would watch well that was so much fun oh my gosh i think that was definitely one of my favorite episodes we've ever had. Thank you so much. Always the goal. So much for coming on. It's been way too like we waited way too long to ask you on the show.

So we're so happy to have you here and remind everyone where they can find you and all that all your handles and stuff like that. Yeah, so we are the fairy tellers. And you can find us on Instagram at the fairy underscore tellers where hopefully I'll be posting more content than I have been lately. But yeah, you can listen to us wherever your podcasts can be found. Amazing. Yeah.

Go listen to them. And thank you so much for having us on. This was awesome. It was a blast a blast yeah it was really wonderful like both of you are such great storytellers and so like such pleasant charming wonderful funny people we really appreciate you coming like as are the two of you oh thank you all right well and thank you all so much for listening to fairy tale fix as always if you enjoy the show, please subscribe. Leave us a review on Apple or Audible. Apparently you can leave it on Audible.

Very exciting. Nice things only. Or actually, you know what? Sometimes when you say mean things, y'all are really funny. So feel free to say something mean too. Just go with your heart. Be honest, you know. If you want to support the show you can get extra

episodes merch books and other cool bonus content at our patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash and you can find us on instagram at fairytalefixpod and every now and then we post a tiktok also at fairytalefixpod and you can also email us your favorite fairy tales, folklore, nursery rhymes, and other such things at info at fairytale fix pod.com. Where the priest realizes that what he did was wrong and cursing that young man.

And he gets a redemption arc and is able to pass on knowledge to others to not be like him and make the same mistake in the future perfect we love a repentant priest we do and my story 100 i just want more cat info i want to know everything about these cats and and I want the Fae to mess up these people's lives even more. But more importantly, my fix would be having this woman be the most in charge of this man's chaos. And because I just love seeing stories where women get choice, women are in charge, and

so I would just love to see this woman play this little cat and mouse game with this guy until she feels good and ready to marry him. And lets him catch her. Yes. Perfect fixes. And let her keep her horns, because I think that's a

hot look. It is a hot look. And they all lived happily ever after. The end. The end.