Fairy Tale Fix - 84: Our Ghasts Are Flabbered

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

We’re into some 100% real faerie stuff for Irish Fairy Tale Month with Abbie tackling the Harp of Dagda and attempting to coherently describe the Tuatha De Danann. Then Kelsey brings it home with a story that left our jaws on the FLOOR MULTIPLE TIMES: Hudden, Dudden, and Donal O’Leary.

we're gonna need someone who speaks irish whoever edits this episode either you or dustin you need to put some music in the background some like dramatic celtic music okay i'm sorry do some dramatic celtic music and then also like do some google translate of yeah if i will i'll do the irish and it'll be really bad I'll just whisper it. Hello, Fairytale Fix listeners, to another episode of Fairytale Fix. I'm Kelsey. And I'm Abby. And this is the podcast where, this month, we read Irish fairy tales to each other. Yes!

And then we fix them for a modern audience or you know for us I feel like I feel like we need to update that we just fix them we just fix them we make them better they're not necessarily for a modern audience but they are for our audience yes for you for you dear listeners We fix them for you. You're welcome. If you've made it to episode 80 freaking four, then you clearly like the fixes that we do. Yes. Yeah, and thank you for listening. If this is your first episode listening, if you're listening out of order, welcome.

Yes. We hope you enjoy the chaoticness that's about to ensue this should be a good case case study or test for whether or not this is for you correct you know i don't know if listening to is episode one have we changed we haven't really changed anything at this point but we i do feel like you know because like did you ever like listen to a podcast and episode one is so vastly different from when they get into their like episode but like at least by episode 20 yeah yeah like i think i think um we we have not changed format in any significant way uh also i've noticed that a lot of a lot of uh shows seem to like change their theme song after a couple of years. Like they get a, they usually get a better one.

You know, I have asked Adam to rewrite or rerecord our theme song, like for piano or like just a different instrument for fun. But he hasn't because. Tsk, tsk. He, he just won't do it.

He's slacking on the job of being our personal musician exactly rude rude he he plays with a band now and i've asked him i was like you should get the whole band to play it can we get the full orchestral version of it like that would be so cool that would be so cool but that would require him like talking to people and asking for things and i don't think that's ever gonna happen but maybe maybe next year after he's gotten much more comfortable with them maybe i hope so because i think that would be really fun that'd be so cool yeah i'd love to hear it in a different instrument because i love our theme i don't know how big of a fan i am of we've never talked about this on the podcast but uh I'm not a big fan of the fake French horn. It just, to me, when you have music that is played

by instruments from a computer, like he composed it, but he didn't have any like real musicians to play it, you know? So he recorded it through like uh and like a computer program and i just i can't believe you're giving her secrets away i know maybe we should cut this out no we're leaving it in people understand you need to know i can hear the fake french horn can you now you know you do i every time you say it i'm like that's a French horn I think so okay there's also some harp in the background that's really pretty it's like I can I can hear the harp I just didn't I just didn't know that the that the instrument going like was a French horn yeah I'm pretty sure it is all right I think I wouldn't know a real one from a fake one.

It just doesn't have any soul. It's like when you, for me, it's like when, when I play the keyboard versus the piano, keyboard doesn't have any soul. The piano's got vibrations. There's a resonance to like an actual instrument that.

Yeah. Digital just doesn't have. Anyway. That's fair. I wasn't planning on talking about today yeah different theme music i feel like uh people get more comfortable which i like i actually usually like starting podcasts by like episode 10 i feel like they've got their groove which i do think is true for us absolutely we've gotten way more comfortable like as as episodes went by of like relaxing into what we actually want more yep yeah i think we're

more um chaotic with our fixes yeah definitely maybe i'd have to go back and listen i haven't listened honestly i have not listened to like our early episodes ever i have listened to, I still really like that first one we did with the test that's on our Patreon, our episode zero, essentially where we didn't have any good mics. It was echoey as hell, but we were like, let's just see how this would even go.

And it makes me laugh. Cause we didn't have like how we were going to end the podcast. And I think I was like, what was your half? What was your happy ending this week? And I was like, that sounds so good. I can't believe I just said that.

Yeah. That was fun. Yeah. Like definitely, certainly our least polished episode was episode zero. Yeah. If you have thought about becoming a patron, that's probably the episode that I think it's worth signing up for.

It's so funny. It's so adorable. I love it. I love it so much. Oh, you know, something we have changed is we actually do an intro now. Oh yeah.

That's a significant way in which our podcast has gotten like more professional. We're just growing, getting better and better every day. As people, as storytellers, as podcasters. We hope you feel the same. I don't record in my closet anymore.

Yep, same. Yep. We came out of the closet. Out of the closet. Into the guest bedroom. Yep. What's new with you this week? I know you had stuff to talk to me about.

We talked a lot yesterday. Did I? Yeah, you were like, oh, I'm going to talk about that. Oh, yeah. How was Dune? Oh, yeah. I went to go see Dune Part 2 last night. How was it?

It was pretty good. Is that your official review? That's my official review of Dune Part 2. It was pretty good. Is that your official review? That's my official review of Dune Part 2. It was pretty good. As ever, like, I don't know. Did you see Dune Part 1? I did not. Should I?

Honestly, I don't think so. I don't think you'd enjoy it. I genuinely don't think it's your cup of tea. It's like, it's very, like, it's very high concept space opera. Ah, okay. And it's so, well, you don't, you don't like space. Not your thing. Unless it's Futurama, which is weird.

Well, yeah, but that's a different kind of thing. It's not really about space. And this is very serious. Oh, yeah. Like, so like, it's also, it's space opera in the sense that like the opera part is very like

dramatic and tragic. So it's like a big, tragic, um, cautionary tale about like charming leaders and the dangers of not questioning what you're told and co-opting resistance movements to get your own. Yeah. Vengeance.

Um, so it's like, it's an interesting story. It just also like, it's really slow. Um, so you're like, Steven yawned his way through both parts because they're very,

very slow. Like it takes a long time for the action to get moving and it's long right like they're both long movies both of them are like two and a half hour films very slow paced i don't know i don't i genuinely i don't i don't know if it's for kelsey's yeah probably not no i don't know so no i So no, I'd say you can definitely skip Dune, both parts. If, however, listeners, you are like me and a slow-paced grand space opera is with like just truly gorgeous visuals. Yeah, it looks beautiful. And a score that digs its way into your brain and doesn't let go.

Thank you, Hans Zimmer, for bringing us another one. Then yes. And like the slow political intrigue parts of Game of Thrones was your favorite part. Oh, wow. Yeah, okay. Then you might like you might like dune anyway dune part two very like very good like gorgeous visuals gorgeous score um they added a lot to the story um about some of the female characters that are kind of on the edge of the story they they kind of gave a couple more of

those characters some more depth. That's fun. And some more character traits or actually showed them at all, as opposed to just sort of referencing them. Is there going to be more parts like part two, part three or four or whatever? I think so. Cause like there are like,

there are five books. Wow. And the first two movies were just covering the first one. Okay. And so they might, they might do the next two books. I think is the plan. I don't know if they plan on going farther than that.

Cause like shit gets real weird. After, after a certain point. It's fun. As spoiler alert, one character becomes a sandworm and becomes the god emperor of Dune. That sounds awesome. It is awesome.

Question. Did you get one of those dune worm popcorn bucket things no i keep seeing that on tiktok that makes me laugh i feel like i want to go to see the movie just for that hey i mean go for it like i haven't even seen the first one there is some cool stuff with the sandworms like i thought i thought the set pieces were really cool uh-huh um honestly there are clips of there are clips of this movie that i think you would enjoy very much when it comes when it comes out on streaming and like youtube like i will i will find i will find clip like a clip compilation i might eventually watch it.

I bet Adam would like it. That seems like something that he would be into if he hasn't already. I mean, obviously, he hasn't seen part two because it's in theaters. But yeah, two and a half hours just seems like a big – I might have to watch it in parts. I could do that. There were ways in which I was watching both films and I was thinking like, you know, this probably would have worked better as a miniseries. I think everything works better as a miniseries because like genuinely then it doesn't, it can end or it can keep going. Like it, depending on the story, they can do the full story the right way.

You don't have to cram it all in. I am miniseries, pro miniseries for like everything. 100%. I know you know that I really hope they do an ACOTAR miniseries eventually. Oh, they've already started casting for it. Have they? I heard it got like canceled again, somebody dropped or whoever was going to do it dropped it. Maybe. I don't.

Yeah, I guess. I guess. I don't know. I have not been. I have not been keeping up with it. But like I'm sure I'm sure someone will develop that into a TV show. I think that'd be really fun. I think they're going to do it as a full TV show, though, and not as like a miniseries.

Oh, yeah. I could see that, though, because it could be pretty long. It could be very long. Because isn't it like she might be making more of those books, too? She's writing two more. So there's already like four that are out, well, three plus a novella. Yeah. And then there are two more that are planned.

And they keep getting longer because her editor does not tell her no anymore i you know as long as like the story is complete like complete i think got there well i don't know i like the idea of being able to tell you the full story totally i it's not it's not the fact that it is long that i think is the problem it's that like when i was reading the most recent one there were just i'm just kind of like this is padding that didn't need to be here like i get that well that makes me that stuff out of the series i'm not even finished with that book yeah i've actually just started it yeah but i'm excited about it it was i mean it's a good book like i like that book book. I like but like, I was I was reading her

other series. Yeah. And this is the one where every single book in her other series is like 700 pages. Wow. Yeah. And that's the one where I'm just kind of like, girl, this did not need to be here. You could you could have cut there are so many scenes that you could have totally cut and the plot would have been better no okay fair your editor needs to start editing your books because you've got like like sarah j moss has some really fun ideas very fun ideas and then her execution just kind of goes sometimes. All right. This is my opinion about SJM books.

Well, hey, you're the big reader. I've been doing the audio books and I don't know. Sometimes I prefer reading the book. But with those, I like the audio version. It's just faster and easier. And I don't know, especially lately, because I want to be doing stuff. I can't know especially lately because i want to like be doing stuff i can't just like sit there i have to do something yeah absolutely audiobooks are great for that like you can clean and listen to the book yeah go for a walk yeah yeah or drive to

work or work or work when you're just like designing posters all day. Yep. Perfect design company. Well, I'm glad you had a good time at the movies. I did. It was excellent. I don't know. Now I'm curious.

If you do end up watching them with Adam, you should let me know if you ended up enjoying them after all. I will. In like five years, probably five years later, I'll let you know. I'll still be interested. Yeah. I'll still want to know what's up with you. Um,

I have some big news. I have a new favorite girl scout cookie. You said you were going to tell me about this. All right, go for it. So basically, I realized it was Girl Scout cookie season, and I got super stoked. And I had to rush to my nearest Safeway, where I know that there's always Girl Scouts hanging out. Because I don't organically get any Girl Scouts coming to me, which is, I think, very sad. Because I would buy so many cookies. I love Girl Scout cookies. And this year I just went kind of nuts and bought like

six or seven boxes. And I was like, but it's fine because I'm going to take them to the office and my coworkers will love me. And then I also get to try at least one of each cookie. Yeah. Okay. And discovered that lemon ups are my jam. I'm normally a Samoa girl. I love Samoas. Like I love coconut, but I don't know. The lemon ups were just like,

it surprised me because I thought it was just going to be like a lemon shortbread cookie. But damn. And it's not? I mean, it has like a little bit of icing on it. Okay. So it's got a little bit of like punchy flavor but then it does have that like buttery shortbread and it's really really fucking good oh no oh my gosh i want to go out and get girl scout cookies now you definitely should try some lemon ups hell yeah i was surprised i didn't think i would like

it that much um especially because normally i I mean, like, I mean, coconut and caramel and chocolate. It's delicious. They're still like, up there. Obviously, my second favorite cookie. Yeah, yeah. Samoas are excellent, excellent cookies. But yeah, next time I go, I'm getting a box of lemon ups. I'm getting a box of lemon ups. Okay. Gotta try that. Cause like ordinarily I'm a, um,

hang on. I'm going to look up a list of the cookies. Cause I forget what they're all called. I know. And they've come out with a few new ones too. I bought like the adventure foals, but I haven't tried them yet. Those are new.

I've never seen those before. Yeah. I think they're like new since maybe last year or two years ago. And a gluten-free caramel chocolate chip. Oh, hey, Caroline. Yeah. Caroline can have Girl Scout cookies. Oh, man. Okay.

Well, I've always been like a peanut butter patties girl. Oh, nice. Yep. And honestly, the basic bitch shortbread cookie. Oh, yeah. Like. Classic. Classic. nice yep and honestly the basic bitch shortbread cookie oh yeah like classic classic those are those have been those have been my girl scout cookie choices but i'm okay i'm gonna try some lemon ups now yeah dude they're good and it's different than lemonade there's so many have you ever i've just and i realized that they were in season because there's like this wine person I follow.

And she's like, here's what cookies to eat with which wines. Like she does like a pairing. And I think that's really fun. That's really cute. So what goes good with lemon apes? I have no idea. I'm going to guess they're maybe like a Pinot Grigio. Something kind of lemony.

Yeah, not as tart as a Sauvignon Blanc, but still something a little crisp to go with it. You heard it here first, folks. That would be my first recommendation. Ooh, maybe a rosé. Ooh. Yeah. Ooh, no maybe a rosé. Ooh. Yeah. Ooh, no, definitely rosé because then it has that kind of like – especially if you get like a fruity rosé because then it would be kind of like pink lemonade kind of.

Anyway. Gosh, that sounds – okay. Well, now I want rosé. That's what's going on with me. Cookies. Cookies. Oh, and they also –yi oreos i don't know if anybody's tried but they have that space dunk where it's like um what it's it's it's a bisexual cookie

too it's pink and blue but it has pop rocks in it and if you've never had oreos with Pop Rocks in them. They're so good. Don't sleep on the Pop Rock Oreos. Oh, right. I hated that. Like I got them. Oh, you did? I did. I got like the 4th of July ones that had like Pop Rocks. Not a fan. Huh? Nope. Oh, man. I thought that was so, like, exciting. It was like, ooh, creamy and delicious, but also what? Yeah, fireworks in your mouth.

Yes, absolutely. And I can see why people would like them, and I love that for you. Me too. I love that for you. Me too. I hated it. Oh, well, you know, different strokes for different folks.

I like, I like my Oreo cookies. That's why they have so many flavors of Girl Scout cookies. Hmm? That's why I have so many different flavors of Girl Scout cookies. People. Everybody is different and unique and yeah i've got to run out and find like a local i've got to go i've got to run out to a grocery store and see if they're out front

that's what i did i specifically went to safeway for the girl scout cookies they're all and i told her that she and she was the cutest little girl oh my gosh i like told her i didn't have any girl scouts that i knew and she was like well you know me now and she's like showed me your troop number and was like that's so cute she was so adorable little baby i'm pretty sure that's a i'm pretty sure that's a pretty good organization. They do a lot of good stuff for underprivileged people. Yeah, absolutely. There's one Girl Scout troop also in New York City. It's a Girl Scout troop specifically for kids that are living in shelters.

It's specifically to give them something to do and uh you know give them a little give them a little structure and uh make them a little money i love that yeah so i'll see if i can locate because that's who i usually buy girl scout cookies from if i don't if i don't have like a co-worker whose kids are doing it um yeah so I can I'll see if I can find that troop and we can put it in the show notes or something uh if you're if you are a parent with a girl scout let us know let us know I think you can buy them online now you can yeah that's how I bought mine from that new york that new york troop that's great hell yeah go buy some girls got cookies and feel good about it i love girls got cookies it does make me feel good i'm like see i'm helping uh-huh and i get this

delicious treat i get rewarded for spending 50 on cookies for my good deeds. Yeah. The cookies are expensive. It's fine. Um, yeah. Are you ready to, uh, get going on Irish fairy tale month? Yes, I am. I am so excited. Okay. I think, are you first? Yes. I think I went first last time time so it's your turn um okay well then this is perfect because like so you brought up um you brought up akatar uh-huh and so i want to preface this story and also to kind of give you a direction to go on for your predictions that i am doing something a little different today okay and this is going to be less like Irish folk tales as we usually tell them.

And this is like sort of like, you know, during the era of English occupation, this is going to be more like Irish Celtic myths and legends. Okay. So think gods and heroes and less landlords. Okay. For this. So I'm going to be telling you the story today of the Harp of Dagda.

The Harp and Dagda. The Harp of Dagda. The Harp of Dagda. Well, then I think the harp is sentient. Mm-hmm. And I think the harp is played for a lover. A lover. A lover.

a lover a lover and my third prediction oh my gosh I've been doing so bad on these predictions lately too and now you're coming at me with a weird one oh gosh a harp is

sentient a harp is played for a lover and there's a curse A harp is sentient. A harp is played for a lover. And there's a curse. And there's a curse. Okay. A curse. Perfection.

That means it's wrong. Whenever you're too, like, happy about my predictions. Yes. Good. That means it was wrong all right well we'll let you decide okay tell me tell me tell me the story okay so i want to give some background about this first so i brought i brought up akatar again so and for those of you who haven't heard of this series or don't recognize the acronym, this is Sarah J. Moss's A Court of, you know, blank. Yeah. Series of novels.

So, like, A Court of Thorns and Roses. This is that series, which has very much details, like, stuff having to do with fairies and sort of, like, the ancient, like, fae. And she- Sexy fairies. Sexy fairies. Yeah, not the wee folk. Yeah, sexy tall. Although they can be sexy fairies.

So a lot of what she drew inspiration from was sort of these older Celtic myths and legends and conceptions of the Fae. So I want to just kind of talk about some of the major players here that are part of sort of this old Celtic pantheon, essentially, of gods and heroes. So the main characters in our story are going to be people who were known as the Tuat de Danann, which is Irish for tribe of the gods. And the tribe of the gods are, they're like, they're a supernatural race, kings, queens,

druids, bars, warriors, heroes, healers, craftsmen, they have supernatural powers, they're all superhumanly beautiful. And a lot of these figures are who, you know, a lot of stories like where these sorts of fae are described are like, that's what these are. That's these stories are where that's from that idea. Like also a lot of like Tolkien's Tolkien's elves were based off of stories about the two at the dawn. Yeah. Prominent members of this group include the, the Dagda, which is who we're going to talk about in this story.

Cause it's like, it's the harp of Dagda. And he is sort of like the, the great God, sort of like the, the King of the gods. A lot of his, he was portrayed as like a father figure,

a King, a druid, and was associated with fertility, agriculture, manliness, magic, druidry, and wisdom were sort of like his things. And he was like a god king. And then also like, you know, he is pretty badass. He's kind of a big deal around here and then another another character who might be familiar to either people who have read um sort of books like books about fictional theories or people who are familiar with um like various arthurian legends would be the morrigan um who you know her name translates to great queen or phantom queen and she was mostly associated with war and fate especially with foretelling doom death or victory in battle and she's often depicted as a crow so it's kind of like a war goddess or leader and then also like a fortune

teller and a witch. Yes. Queen. Yes. So those are, those are the, those are the two Atadanan. And then the other major players in this, um, are, uh,

group of people called the Fomorians or the Fomori who are another supernatural race. So these are sort of like more like dark fairies who are, they're bad fairies. They're bad fairies. I want to be a bad fairy. Listening to Rob Zombie. Sorry. Is that like-

That was a throwback to episode zero. Because we're talking about bad fairies. We are. How does Rob Zombie factor into it? Because bad fairies we are how does rob zombie factor into it because bad fairies listen to rob zombie obviously oh okay okay sorry that episode a long long time so these are like hostile monstrous beings um originally said to come from under the sea or under the earth um and they're also like a supernatural race in irish mythology so that's the background and now i'm going to relook up a name that i had already looked up but promptly forgot how to

actually pronounce and it's one of those Irish words that does not sound like it's spelled. Yep. There's a lot of those for sure. All right. Well, I am not going to be able to pronounce that. I don't think that that is not a sound that I have ever made before, but I'm going to do my best. I mean, it's spelled U A I T H N E. Um, but the pronunciation is like, or, or,

or, okay. So, you know what? I'm just going to do my best. The name does not come up that often. Okay. Okay.

It'll be fun. Um, if you know how to pronounce it, uh, send us a voice message on Instagram. Yes. Please correct me. Please correct me about any of this.

Cause this story is wall to wall full of like Celtic Irish names. Yeah. I avoided a lot of those actually when I was picking out my story. This did take me much more research than I usually do. But I'm excited to tell you this story. Me too. I'm excited you wanted to do the research so you could tell me this story. I appreciate you.

Yeah. wanted to do the research so you could tell me the story i appreciate you yeah i mean i think it's so exciting because like i love i love um the whole concept of like there being like a tribe of the gods and that like there's all these like mysterious figures that they were i love that they were the basis for like told for like elves in tolkien um and then also like you know i i dunk on akatar a lot just because, but I also really enjoy those books. Yeah, it's also fun to dunk on. It makes me think a lot of like True Blood, but with fairies. Yes, very. It's so fun, but also very, there's a lot of silliness. It is very silly. Oh, there's only one bed at this lodge you know stuff like that it just kills me anyway but so fun and like and the world building is really fun and i just love

i love fairy shit um because like and i i love that uh she sarah j maas like obviously did some research it sounds like and built her story around like kind of more maybe not more authentic theories but somewhat I don't know I guess I'll find out but like of like kind of like this this sort of how just one of the ways in which the

Faye show up in in various storytelling traditions yeah she definitely did research and like did callbacks and like named a character the morrigan yeah yeah that's so cool yeah like definitely she did a lot of research for this and i've just been a big fairy fae person ever since like i saw a midsummer night's dream for the first time oh yeah oh such a good play. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm excited to do like real ass fairy shit today. Real ass fairy shit. That's the title of the episode.

Real ass fairy shit. I'm just kidding. But it's a contender. I think it's a great contender. I'm writing it down. It has too many curse words in it, I think. Probably. We could do scars.

Real asperity shit. Okay. Here we go. So this is the story of the Harp of Dagda. After the second battle of Moitura, Nuwata, the high king of the Tuat Dadanan, was grievously injured. Nuwata, the high king of the Tuat Didanan, was grievously injured. And as it was law among their people that a king must be whole of body, Dagdamur took his place. Oh, so good.

So good. But I already have a fix for this story. Oh, what is it? Ableist. Oh, yeah. Yep, yep, yep. But otherwise, we wouldn't have a story. I feel like you need to be talking more like the beginning of Lord of the Rings.

Ooh. And with some really dramatic, slow background music. And then someone else should whisper my lines in Irish after I've already said them. Oh, my gosh. Okay. my lines in irish after i've already said them oh my gosh okay so mighty dagda of whom the ballads are sung he was called the father of the tuat the lord of knowledge the many skilled the maker and the man of the peak had in his possession many beautiful and wondrous things. He had a deadly club that could kill nine men with one blow.

Nine men with one blow? Are you sure it was men? Are we sure they're not flies, Dagda? Are you sure it was men? Did he put it on his belt? I do love a headcanon of this where Dagda is just some guy

who has really spun a legend about himself and become king. My fix. Yeah. Sorry. He is the tailor from the other story. Oh, gosh. That's a pretty badass club, though. It's a great, it's a really cool club.

We'll take him at his word that it kills nine men with one blow. Okay. It's a really cool club. We'll take him in his word that it kills nine men with one blow. Okay. He also had a tree whose branches were forever bent with fruit, two pigs, one of which grew bigger while the other was roasting.

Wow. And the cauldron called Undry from which no man could walk away unsatisfied and which was said to be able to heal all wounds. Ooh, I'll take the cauldron. Right? He also had a magical harp, the four angled music named Unhe. Unhe, that sounds right.

That also sounds like pretty, Unhe. It is really pretty. There's just like a certain like lilt to it on the like pronunciation guide that I just, I cannot reproduce. So Unhe is what, is what we're going with.

Okay. Perfect. Of all the eldritch artifacts at his command, the harp was the most revered for with it. He put the four seasons in their right order and could ready warriors for battle. Carved at the first Oak tree and inlaid with gold and precious jewels, its music was fit to make an angel weep or dance.

Sorrows of the heart, mind and body melted like ice under a warm spring sun at the sound of its delicate tones. It's a really cool harp. Yeah. Well, it's so happened that during the second battle of Moitura, the wicked Fomorians heard the sound of the harp and were caught in the magic of its music,

and a Fomor chief knew he must have it. So himself and his men waited until battle was again joined, and the Dagda's house was left unguarded before creeping silently within and stealing the harp. They're stealing the harp and not the cauldron that literally heals. They want that harp. I mean, they're fancy. The cauldron that keeps you fed and heals all wounds? Yeah, they're fancy and not practical.

Yeah. Then again, I haven't heard the harp. They want the harp that puts seasons in alignment. Oh alignment oh yeah that is pretty cool it is it's super cool it's a very cool magical artifact don't don't diss them for taking the harp maybe maybe the cauldron is just better guarded because it's worth so much more i you know shade being thrown at this harp i'm just saying out of all that cool stuff the harp sounds cool but it sounds like that's it's fancy it is fancy it's like it's a luxury and not a need yeah i guess i'm just practical it's fair enough so it's not it's not as splashy

yeah cauldron it's just ugly it just looks like a gross cauldron just a stupid cast iron cauldron like so they steal the harp and not the cauldron and they leap out the windows of the dagda's house and ran as though their heels were on fire leaving behind the battle and making their way to an abandoned fortress nearby although their terrible king balor was leading their forces they left him behind too so enchanted were they by the harp oh it's like um the magic's just getting to them yes like it's definitely a lure it might be another reason why they went after the harp instead of anything else. They weren't using their brains. Yeah.

Ooh, that's fun. I like that. The harp wants to be stolen. Ooh, oh my God. Because the harp is sentient. Or it's like the ring. This is so Lord of the Rings. It is very Lord of the Rings.

I love it. You can definitely see just where. Okay, is it a small harp or like a like a big harp i mean they took it and ran you know that's unclear okay in it's unclear in the story i'm imagining like probably not like a floor like like standing harp. Definitely something you can pick up. Okay. Very cool. So they hung the harp on a wall and waited to see the outcome of the battle. Baelor, the Fomori king, was slain and the Fomors broken.

And the remnants of their army trickled into the fortress in dribs and drabs, drawing comfort from the harp. So that before too long, there was a large muster of warriors encamped, their golden-bronze spears still red with Tuat blood. The Dadanan, flushed with their victory, full of food and mead from the cauldron undri, called

for music from Dagda's harp, but were aghast to find it had gone missing. Oh no. The golden tongue of my harp has been stolen, said the Dagda, but it will sing no sweet songs for the thieves, answering only to my touch.

Who here will help me get it back? Ogma, the maker who first wrote the runes of Ogam, stood up despite his exhaustion and said he'd joined the rescue, added loo of the long arm and off the three marched brandishing spears sharp enough to wound the wind and set it to wailing i fucking love that like little bit of imagery imagery like sharp enough to wound the wind it's pretty sharp it's all like so very magical the trio came upon the dark and mournful

Fomorian camp and saw their enemies were many and Ogma and Lou wondered greatly how they'd get the harp back. But Dagda stood up boldly and cried out, come to me my four angled music. And what did the harp do? But bound from the wall and

crashed straight through the Fomorians killing seven and wounding more. Jesus. Yeah. Seven in one blow. Yes. Yes. The harp can do seven in one blow.

So that club ain't no big deal. To the very hand of Dagda and Flew, but the Fomors weren't to be cheated at their last prize and they were close behind it. It's time for some music, said Ogma, and Dagdamor agreed. Putting his fingers to the strings of the harp, he began to play a merry lilting tune, which set the advancing Fomors to laughing and dancing. So hard did they laugh that their goblets of wine fell from shaking fingers and their weapons dropped to the floor.

I don't know why that's a little cheesy, but it's funny. It's time for some music. It's so cheesy. Do-do-do-do-do-do. And he was so good that he made them laugh until they dropped their shit. What a superpower. It creates a superpower it creates a superpower what well like what what really makes me delighted with this detail is that like it's an it's it's an ancient story but this is literally

a spell in dnd for like bards yeah like if you play a bard you can cast you can play your harp or your fiddle or whatever and cast a spell on your enemies that makes them laugh uncontrollably that's so good this is where it's from 100%. This is this is the inspo for that spell. So but when the music ended, they picked up their weapons again and advanced with a grim gleam in their eyes. It's time said Lou for some music and Dagda nodded playing this time. I know. Hey, buddy, keep playing. Yeah, seriously, why'd you stop?

Why'd you stop? So this time, Dagda plays a sorrowful song of mourning. The Fomors sat on the ground, holding their heads and weeping. For although they were a cold and hard people, not given to sentimentality, they couldn't help but recall all the warriors slain in the recent battle. And they were overcome with misery. No, it's the power of music makes even hardened evil underworld beings cry.

But when the song ended up, they got and came at the trio with rage and furious oaths on their lips. And it is time said Dagda for one last melody. And with that, he began, hmm, play it, play it,

dude. Why don't you keep stopping? Imagining him like just wailing on his harp like it's an electric guitar hilarious like thrashing his head long long hair like oh I fucking love that idea because like yeah

harps are such a hardcore instrument that's what makes it so funny to me I want to see this movie well especially so and with that he began playing the sweet soft music of sleep no man among the fomors was strong enough to resist and they curled up where they stood fast asleep and from that day forth none ever tried to steal the daggis harp again um and then of course you know this being an irish fairy tale uh they leave like

they had there's like a map at the bottom of the story that marks the spot where the foam oars tried to hide the harp oh hell yeah that's so cool this is a real place that is in northern ireland and it's sort of to like the northwest cool it's on our of the country on our bucket list of places to visit when we go there absolutely now we've got to go check out like where the Fomores had the harp yeah our fairy tale fix um tour I love it that was that was amazing that's the end of the story um the end and I got this story from by the way emeraldisle.ie which i think is also where kelsey got her stories so we'll link it is we'll link them all in the show notes but yeah that's the story of the harp of dagda that was awesome so good i want to see that

as like i maybe a cartoon would be kind of fun but i do i just imagine like him wailing on the guitar on the harp all metal as hell but yeah having them fall asleep that's that's the smarter that was the one solid choice solid choice there's a spell for that in all ttrpgs as well for bards that's so good do you have a fix no um i i think it's a i think it's a really it's a really good story it's pretty straightforward it's very magical my only fix is that um the two are apparently very ableist uh yeah that happens a lot in folktales exactly where it's like if you get if you get injured at all um you know you can't be a leader anymore uh so that's my only fix for the story okay it's like uh he just decided the old king decided he just wanted to retire and that's why dagda is king now there you go That's a good fix. My fix is that the harp is sentient.

Or is it? I mean. I think there's an argument to be made that the harp is sentient because. It only played for him. Yeah. It only plays for Dagda. So. Yeah.

And then like when he calls it back, it like murders some people. Yeah. Do I get two points for the harp ascension and a curse? Yep. I think we'll go ahead and we'll give that one to you. I feel like they're pity points, but I really need them. They are not pity points. I feel like there is an argument that the harp ascension.

And it was not played for a lover. Certainly not. Although I would like to see that story. I bet it has been in the past. Oh, I'm sure it has. Absolutely. Play that harp to all kinds of effects, I'm sure. There's lots of stuff you could do with that harp.

Yeah, my fix is definitely, I would like the harp to be more ascension. And I think what if the harp was like in love with Dagda? Ooh, aw. i don't know i just that'd be cute right and he has to go save her man it's maybe it's not like in love like they're lovers obviously but like maybe like you know just like she loves him yeah i love the idea that idea that the harp is very emotionally attached to him. Then she gets stolen. Or it could also be a fun story. I feel like this is a different fairy tale I'm talking about where the harp is sentient. I think it's like Jack and the Beanstalk where isn't there a harp where the jack steals from the giant and she's like, take me with you?

Clearly I haven't read Jack and the Beanstalk. Maybe? I don't know that does sound familiar maybe we should read that one this summer oh yeah let's do jack and the beanstalk this summer we haven't done that one yet that'd be fun and i know there's like a lot to it i think there's like a couple stories that go along with that so anyway like a couple sequels i think so i think there's more to that story than just like the main storyline where jack goes up the beanstalk but i think there's a harp that like wants to be stolen like the giant originally stole the harp and she's like save me but that also might

just be the cartoon i don't know so anyway we'll have to find out because i also don't know i'm trying to think about it and i've and i've got a vague memory of like the harp talking, like the harp being like the long piece is like shaped like a woman. I think so. Yeah. But like I also don't know if that's in the original story or not. Maybe she's cursed. Can you imagine all of our listeners that know that story so well that are screaming at us right now? I – yes.

But I also like, I like to imagine this. Like, we can't hear you. No spoilers, friends. We'll do that one soon. I think that'd be a fun one.

Oh my goodness. So I am so incredibly ready for you to tell me your story. Did you pick the, um, did you pick the one that's just like bazonkers? Yes. Okay. You're telling me about so i also uh got my story from emeraldisle.ie which is really funny because abby and i were both really worried that we picked the same story and luckily we did not i actually had three different ones

and i'm gonna tell you hudden dunnan and, and Donald O'Leary. Oh, my God. Because this story made me go, what the fuck, many, many times. And I think I have a very fun fix for it. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. Okay. Wait, so is it hidden? Oh, Hudden.

Sorry. Okay. I wrote that in there wrong. Hudden, Dunnan, and? Oh, Hudden. Sorry. Okay. I wrote that in there wrong. Hudden, Dudden, and Donald O'Leary. I'll give you a little hint. Hudden and Dudden are two different people. Okay. I don't know if that's helpful or not.

It is helpful because I was wondering, like, is Hudden, Dudden a person? Or are these three different people? It's Hudden, Dudden, andden Dudden a person? Or are these three different people? It's Hudden, Dudden, and Donald Leary. So it's three different people. Hudden, Dudden, and Donald are brothers. Okay. Brothers. Brothers.

Donald is the hero. Donald's a hero sorry there's a kidnapping there's a kidnapping that's a great prediction there's a kidnapping okay without further ado here's hudden dudden, and Donald O'Leary. Oh my God. Yes. Tell me. And I love how this starts off. Long ago in Ireland, although not so long that a white oak might not remember, there

lived in County Roscommon, if I'm saying that right, Roscommon, Roscommon, a farmer by the name of Donald O'Leary. Now, Donald was known far and wide as a crafty fellow, or cute, as we say in Ireland. Cute? He was cute? He was cute. We'll say cute and crafty. Donald is cute. Good to know. And a skilled hand

with the cards to boot. But he made one mistake. He played cards with two farmers who lived on either side of him and won half their land. Okay. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. In those days, a bet was a bet and people kept their word.

But the two farmers, whose names were Hudden and Dudden, were furious and plotted to kill Donald as he slept. Oh, man. I thought that all three of them, like their last name was O'Leary. Oh, man. I thought that all three of them, like their last name was O'Leary. Oh, nope. I thought it was Hudden O'Leary, Dudden O'Leary, and Donald O'Leary. You know what? I could see why you would think that. I feel tricked.

Hopefully the story makes up for it. Go on. So one dark night, not long after that fateful game, Hutton and Dutton crept into the farm up the old stone stairs and into the big bedroom where they strangled the person they found asleep. Unfortunately for their scheme, little did they know that Donald's habit was to sleep in the barn and they had accidentally strangled his poor old mother. Oh no. His poor old mother. Oh no. His poor old mother.

You didn't notice you were strangling an old woman. I know. Must've been real dark. Damn. Well, Donald was distraught and beside himself the next morning, but not knowing much of the ways of murder, he thought she had passed away naturally.

Oh, he's didn't even suspect that she'd been murdered because who would do that? Yeah, who would do that? Jesus. He was bringing her down to the graveyard when a fierce thirst came upon him. So he propped her up beside the well and went into a nearby house for a taste of water. Which is such a choice they had they had no water handy so they sent the little girl down to the well to fill a jug thinking on his feet donald told the girl to shake his mother in case she had fallen asleep

but when she did what happened to his mother sorry but when she did what happened but his mother's body toppled over and fell into the well donald feigned great outrage to this poor little girl and said he i'm sorry why though why indeed donald fane great outrage and said he was going to the constabulary i don't know if i'm saying that right but he went to the post constabulary he went to the police he went to the police he got the police involved but the father of the house told him he would pay a hundred pounds and bury his mother themselves so donald took the money and went on his way. What the fuck?

Was he that distraught? And also he traumatized this poor little girl for life. Now this little girl thinks she killed that old woman. And contaminated the well. Because he dumped a dead body in it on the way back who should he run into but that very same Hudden and Dunnan and he boasted that he'd

been paid a hundred pounds for the body of his mother which he had spent on a great bag of snuff tobacco wow wow wow of tobacco. Wow. Wow. Wow. The two looked at each other and raced back to their own farms where they

promptly killed their own mothers and dragged the bodies into town. Dropping them up and proclaiming who will buy the bodies of these old women for a hundred pounds so that we can buy snuff? Right?

What the fuck? Abby's, uh, gassed it as flabbered. It, yes, my gassed has been flabbered. Yes, my gassed has been flabbered. Flabbered. Yeah. Everything about the story just screams huh? What? What the fuck? Also, my gassed as flabbered

is an episode title. Contender. Yeah, I read this and I was just really confused and a little scared of all three of these men that they're so excited. Like, for 100 pounds, like, to get snuff.

Like, they kill their mothers so that they can sell their bodies to get money for drugs. What the fuck? what the fuck what the fuck i you know kelsey i was going to predict and i wish that i i wish that i'd done it and then i didn't i i was going to predict something terrible happens to a woman yeah i feel like and a man boy oh boy i would have been right on i have a fix i think i can tell you now it's that all three of them come back and haunt the shit out of these men yes as they deserve that doesn't happen well you'll see lots happens this is just the beginning

jesus christ i don't know if i can handle this story i think that might be the worst of it though i should have given a trigger warning. Okay, keep going. They were quickly collared by the police, but made a great struggle and escaped, for although they were not the brightest of candles, they weren't short of brawn. Now, even angrier that night, they went again to the O'Leary farm and killed all of his cattle. and killed all of his cattle. Having taken up residence in the now empty bed in the big room, Donald didn't hear a thing and was terribly upset to find all his cattle dead in the morning.

Not to be... So much violence in this one. Not to be undone, he got an old cowhide and stitched little pockets inside, filling them with golden coins, and went to a commonly trodden path there he hung the hide from a tree branch and began beating it letting the little coins fall like golden rain a wealthy fellow who lived nearby was passing and he asked donald how much he would take for his golden hide not a penny less than a thousand pounds said the bold donald and a thousand pounds he got okay this man's making bank he's making bank off some very like tragic circumstances yeah um but like very much and but like he's making he's doing it in the most macabre way possible. Uh-huh.

Was he distraught over his mother? I don't think so. And he traumatized that poor little girl. He's like, oh, shit, what am I going to do with the body? I know. Yeah. Amazing. Wow.

Yeah. But also, I do love the continuation of Irish stories saying rich people are stupid. Yes. Yeah. Rich people are stupid. Oh, that's where gold coins come from. Perfect. Oh, I see you've got a golden hide. It wouldn't occur to me at all that you just stitched some gold into the hide. Or maybe even to check it.

Yes, did not check the product first anyway. Back he went whistling a tune. And who should he meet along the road but the very same pair again, Hudden and Dutton. Wow, Hudden and Dutton go everywhere together. They do everything together. They're boyfriends. They are boyfriends. They are boyfriends. Or brothers.

No, they're boyfriends, Abby. Donald tipped them a wink and a sly smile and boasted that he had just sold a cowhide for a thousand pounds and the rich man had begged him for it in the end well not to miss a trick hudden and dudden went home as quickly as they could and what do you think they did abby did they kill all their cows and so fucking gold coins into their hides that is what they did except they didn't know about the gold part. So they just began. So they just took the hides. They just take their hides. Wow. And started beating them and shouting.

But the rich man had since discovered the deception and got a good group of his bully boys and farm laborers to violently beat the pair. Having had enough. No, if only they were as smart as Donald. Because Donald's our hero, obviously. Donald is our hero. Oh, my God. Having had enough, aching with bruises, and now short a few teeth, Hudden and Dunn decided they would be done with O'Leary once and for all.

So they said that drowning him in the well would be a fitting end. They hastened to his house without waiting for the night to fall done with O'Leary once and for all. So they said that drowning him in the well would be a fitting end. They hastened to his house without waiting for the night to fall and swept a great bag over his head, dragging him toward the well. Honestly, I'm not that sad for him. That probably is a fitting end for him. Along the way, for it was a hot day, they stepped into another public house for a quick pint murdering is thirsty work they left donald in the bag outside and who would come along but a

local shepherd with two dozen sheep you didn't even finish doing the murder finish the murder before you stop for a break oh my god they're so lazy they needed a pint they're like oh my god murdering is thirsty work we're only halfway done with this one noticing the wriggling bag the shepherd asked what was the matter to which donald replied mournfully i'm going to heaven you see the shepherd fell to his knees and asked if he could come to, are you? I don't know, Donald.

I think if they do murder you, you're going somewhere else. So the shepherd fell to his knees and asked if he could come to, and Donald said he could, if he let him out of the sack and gave him the sheep agreeing to these terms, the shepherd went away happy and Donald went away. Many sheep richer leaving only one sheep behind him in the bag oh god hudden and dudden staggered out three sheets

to the wind and dragged the bag to the well where they unceremoniously dropped it over the edge listening to the deep splash it made with satisfaction certain of a job well done they were on their way home when they happened to pass donald's farm complete with donald counting his sheep in the field dumbfounded they looked at one another and gulped asking where he had gotten the sheep he told them it was at the bottom of the well where he met a man with sheep and cattle and this man said he could pick the best of them. Okay. The pair started fighting each other.

Okay. The pair started fighting each other to see who could go down the well first, but Hudden landed a swift right hook and belted Dudden off his feet before leaping headfirst into the well. As he sank into the deep waters, bubbles arose bearing indistinct words. And Dutton looked at O'Leary asking what he was saying. Hurry up and give me a hand with them,

said Donald. And Dutton leaped to his doom right after Hutton. And that was that. Donald O'Leary may have lived near the spot marked on the map below. Sorry. We'll just say,

and that was that. The end. The end. That's, wow. near the spot marked on the map below. Sorry. We'll just say, and that was that the end, the end. That's wow. Huh? Okay. It wasn't as long as I imagined. I felt like a little bit longer than usual.

That. Okay. What the fuck? What the fuck was that? So clearly my fix is that all three women come back and haunt these men to their deaths instead of the original way that they die. Yes. Yeah. What?

And that poor little girl, that poor kid, like I'm traumatized. She had a long and happy and untroubled life after that yeah for real um oh my god

yeah well I mean because that also like I mean I know that this isn't the point of the story or anything but like so much well water contamination

oh yeah yeah is there a dead sheep in there now these two guys are gonna drown in there like your dead mom a sheep your there like your dead mom a sheep

your dead guy dead mom a sheep and two and the two farmers next to you like you can't drink out of that well anymore no that well this is how bubonic plague spreads i wonder it does have a picture of a well i'm sure that's not it but there is a map it's also so like abby's story there's like a little map at the bottom that says um donald o'leary may have lived near the spot marked on the map below so we could potentially definitely not go there because it's for sure haunted uh that's for sure haunted but it wouldn't be haunting us they wouldn't be mad at us i hope not probably jeez yeah what the fuck anyway i read that and um it surprised me a lot so i wanted to tell it to you let me see uh there was a kidnapping yeah i get one got one point there was a kidnapping good for me

they weren't brothers and donald is not a hero yeah no well i mean i think technically he was the story i think the story thinks he is like the story thinks he is. Like the story thinks he's very clever. Uh-huh. But he is not our hero. Maybe one and a half. Give me a one and a half on that. One and a half points. Because the story thinks he's a hero, even if we don't. No.

Terrible, awful. That's awful. In my opinion, not enough fairy nonsense in this story but definitely lots of human nonsense so plenty of human nonsense pretty much no fairy nonsense yeah and if you need some fairy nonsense uh we are going to be doing a patreon bonus episode this month which i'm really excited about so we promise to do more fairy shit i think you actually had another couple stories locked locked and loaded right that have um i do but i might keep looking i want i don't know i'm i love irish fairy tales and i want to do like a

i don't know i really i don't know i just i have to read all of them we'll have to go spelunking for more but wow I like your fix for that story which is all three women come back as ghosts and haunt the shit out of all three of those dudes until they

leap off a cliff or something yep into the well not into the well not into the well they don't fuck up anybody else's life it's very much like the ring oh my god i'm like what anyway yes it's like the ring they crawl out of the well it's terrifying they're so they're poor mothers. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That story is so funny. Oh, yeah.

It's really cute. It says the tagline is murder in mysterious company. Okay. It's definitely. I thought it was fun i liked it i liked hudden and deaden seemed very um i like that they weren't the brightest of candles no but they were like what was what was what was the second they weren't short of brawn but they weren't short of brawn i love the way like these sort of like irish folk tales are told. That's the best part is like the just the little jokes, little asides.

Yeah. Well, it kind of made me think a little bit about when Jeff was talking about like bodies, like a dead body that people think they killed, like that multiple think they killed. Yes. Which is another reason I picked this one. Because I want to find more tales like that. Obviously, his was from the Arabian Nights. Or 1,000. I can't remember what we decided.

I think it's both. Yeah. Arabian Nights or 1,001 Nights or something. 1,001 Nights. But whatever it is. But that's. I wanted to find more stories like that. And this reminded me that only happened once but or maybe three times because they think they killed someone else and then he goes in and things that happen naturally and then the little girl thinks she

killed she killed oh my god no i guess it does happen like three times so fucked up i was blown away to know that that to like learn that that's a tail type that that happens like three times. So fucked up. I was blown away to know that that, to like learn that that's a tail type, that that happens a lot. Cause I feel like we haven't really come across it yet. It's classic. The classic weekend at Bernie's tail type.

Oh, awful, awful, awful, but also kind of funny oh my god don't think about the horror of it all i know i want to call this this episode weekend at donald's weekend at donald's thank you so much everyone for listening to fairy tale fix we love march march is one of the best months of the entire year on this show because we get to just read some just crazy ass irish fairy tales that was so amazing um if you also really enjoyed that story and you want to support us there are a couple of ways that you can help us out uh free ways include subscribing to our show on any podcast catcher you're on. You can also leave us a review on Apple. You can leave us five stars on Spotify. Or Audible. Or Audible. Yeah, you can leave us a review on Audible.

That would be really awesome. It helps other people find the show. If you have a little extra dinero and you feel like throwing some of it our way, we'd really appreciate it. And you can sign up at fairytalefix.cash. You get extra episodes if you do that, including an extra episode this month because we're just going to keep this Irish fairytale train rolling for our March bonus episode. we're just going to keep this Irish fairytale train rolling for our March bonus episode. So you'll get access to that when it comes out, as well as to all of our other bonus episodes we've already recorded. If you sign up at fairytalefix.cash. And you can also find us on the social medias at fairytalefixpod.

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Yeah. And so King Nuwata of the Tuat Dadanan, you know, he'd just been ruling for a long time. He decided to retire. And that's how Dagdemore became king. And the rest of the story proceeded as normal. And the three mothers decided to haunt the shit out of those Huddin, Duddin, and Donal O'Leary. And they actually killed them. As they deserve. In in the well in my version

because i think that's really creepy creepy and spooky like they lead each of them to the well and the three mothers and my fix anyway and everybody else all lived happily ever after the end