Fairy Tale Fix - 87: Bats!

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

Join us this week as Abbie cold reads a couple of obscure Brothers Grimm fairy tales, including The Castle of Murder and The Carpenter & The Turner. Kelsey cold reads a tale that a listener sent specifically for Kelsey to read to Abbie. Can you guess where this is going? That's right – this tale is called The Cat and…erm… Rooster.

My second prediction is bats. Bats! And that's it. Hello. And welcome to Fairytale Fix, which I'm not sure who's on the intro. I thought it was you. I did it last time. Okay, sorry. I just edited the who's on the intro. I thought it was you. I did it last time. Okay, sorry. I just edited the episode.

You're right. Well, I just listened to the episodes. Anywho, regardless of who's supposed to be starting the intro, I am Kelsey. And I'm Abby. We've done this 86 times now and counting me and we're still having a little pointing war over our screen of like who's on the intro like me or you we just like pointed each other i was probably looking at last week's episode

for i because we don't have like who's on the intro. We have who's on the outro. You're right. It says outro done by Abby on episode 87. You're right. That was my bad. It's because I was – right before we started talking, I was writing – I started writing a description for last week's episode. Oh, okay.

Hang on. I'm going to read that. Welcome to the insider production talk for Fairytale. This is production corner. This is background. I also got distracted because I remembered we have a new Apple review that I wanted to read on the podcast. Oh, please do. Take it away.

Okay. So this is by, I think, Am okay it says we love you amused my amused my who left this review for us thank you for reviewing our podcast and giving us five stars we really appreciate that new favorite listener you have pushed rabia off the top of the mountain and it's you now favorite our new favorite. Our new favorite. The headline of this review is my 16 year old has sworn off this podcast. So I feel like we're off to a really strong start. It says Abby and Kelsey joined me on a road trip last fall to buy several hundred dollars worth of art supplies from an estate sale, when i first read this i was still sick and really confused by this i was like literally trying to remember me and abby going on

a road trip i was so sick i was like i took like a good like maybe like five minutes being like who is this you were so blurry the art supplies are still sitting here untouched but i have listened to every episode here since productivity i did share some episode listening with my 16 year old daughter but she has sworn it off since hearing the most of teeth in the wrong places which is fair yeah it's totally fair if there was an episode where you were like, you know what? I'm done with this. That would be the one. 100%.

They go on. I could feel her squirming and cringing in the car. I had to turn it off. To her great relief, she cried, ah, turn that embarrassment off. And I guess what I'm trying to say is this podcast isn't for everyone, but I'm pretty sure I need to convince Abby and Kelsey to go on another road trip with me. Amused my absolutely would love to go on another road trip with you. Literally any time.

And I'm so happy and like in glee that I got to help make a 16 year old cringe and squirm. Cause that's funny. It's truly a dream come true. It's podcast goals. I want to put that review on like a coaster. Oh, me too. It's so funny.

Yeah. So sweet and so funny. Like, thank you. I'm so glad we were able to keep you good company on your so funny. Yeah. So sweet and so funny. Like, thank you. I'm so glad we were able to keep you good company on your road trip. Yeah. Thank you so much for leaving that review. And we really appreciate you listening. We can't, we can't wait for the next road trip. And Hey, if you bought art supplies, share pictures of your art with us. We'd love to see it. Well, I mean, I think, I think, I think they were implying they haven't used them.

Well, I mean, I think they were implying they haven't used them. Yeah, but once you do, that's fine. You know, I like buy tons and tons of yarn when it's on sale, you know, and then save it for when I feel like crocheting. You know, that's fair. That's fair enough. You know, I am curious about what the art supplies were. Yeah, is it like paint? Is it about what the art supplies were. Yeah. Is it like paint? Is it? Yeah.

Paint, yarn. Yeah. What was it? Yeah. Send us a message and let us know. And also tell your daughter we said, sorry. Sorry. Like legitimately, sorry.

Teeth in the wrong places is definitely a special one. It's so special. It's so dear to my heart though. I think, I think very fondly of that story. I enjoy retelling it to people. It's very fun. I especially like the ending.

Coyote made that story. He's a fun, he's a fun hero. He's a perfect protagonist. We love him. So anyway, that's all I had to share. Luckily, I'm not sick anymore. And yay, I'm glad.

Much better. Yeah. How are you? I'm doing good. I did a lot of like yard work this morning. Oh, yard work. So I feel very productive. very productive yeah i have a very very small lawn because i live in a row house so you know i've i have my very very small lawn out front but it's on a horrible little hill so it's actually very hard to mow and steven and i have like a hand

like pusher mowing thing. So it's not electrical. It's purely just a mechanical thing you push and it's got a little blade. So it's a workout. It is a workout. Like it's also having to push it uphill. Yes. We were actually like almost done.

And then our neighbor got home and like he parked outside his house and he like came up and like said hi and he was like he was like you know i've got it i have a small electric mower that you can borrow oh that's nice it was really it was really nice of him so next time i will be texting cameron you're like yep i will borrow his electric mower yes please because you've mentioned that your yard has been one of your like years goals steven and i have sworn this is the year we're serious we're serious i love that you should just like put a bunch of wildflower seeds or whatever that's what i would like to do because then that's like pretty low maintenance, but what Steven wants to do, which I understand where he's coming from. Cause it's lower.

It's a lower maintenance idea. Is just, is kind of taking out all the grass and putting wood chips down. Okay. Yeah. And then having like potted plants in sort of like a tiered fashion outside. That's what my parents did with their house in California before they moved

back to Pennsylvania. What's great. And it's lower maintenance. He wants the plants in those pots to have the extra step of also being fake because he doesn't want to take care of them. Steven's just like got the idea, like the longevity he does like whatever's going to last the longest and be the least amount of work he's probably being the most realistic to be

honest he is he is and he pointed that out to me himself when i poopooed fake flowers he was like he's like he said like i love, but when you suggest putting in real plants, all I hear is you suggesting more work for me because he's the one that usually takes care of our yard. Oh, that's so funny. Which is fair and valid. I don't like, I don't garden. I like gardens, but I don't garden and I'm too poor to afford a gardener. Gardens are hard, especially when you work full time. I so I live in a neighborhood where it's mostly older folks and a lot.

And I've actually like apologized for like how my yard looks because we just don't have the time and we don't pay somebody to come and like take care of our yard. Do a lot of your neighbors like pay like a landscaping company to come by? Yes. Almost all of them have a hired. That's kind of like where I live. It's all like older folks who are retired and they hire people to come take care of their yards. And they honestly told me they were like, oh, don't worry about it. They're like, yeah, you work all day. They're like, I don't. Like I will go work on my yard or, you know, hire somebody to do it. So well, that's good. I mean, I'm glad that your neighbors are like that, but reasonable people. Yeah, it's funny, because

actually, really recently, I was so my neighbors across the street moved, and they fixed the house up before they left. And they painted the front door like a really pretty color. Like it just looked really nice. I thought they did a great job. And then the house got bought. And the people who moved in painted like undid all this like beautiful work I thought that my ex-neighbors did. And they painted a door a really ugly color in my opinion and it's funny because i was complaining about it to adam and i was like oh and we have to look at it because it's like the

house across the street from us and then i just started cracking up because like i was thinking about what my house looks like from their perspective which is completely overgrown like dead trees we have a like a part of the lawn that's completely dead and all weeds. And I just started like busting up, like, oh my God. Like it was the real neighborhood eyesore. I have no leg to stand on here because they painted their door like a powder blue color that I didn't like. It was just painted their door like a powder blue color that I didn't like. It was just ridiculous. You know, that sounds kind of pretty to me, but you don't really like blue. Like, blue is not one of your preferred colors. It's not a flattering door color with the, like,

color of the house. Adam agrees with me. Oh, I see. Okay. Okay. We've complained about what color they painted their door before. What color is the house? It's like, it's like kind of like a light yellow. So like, Oh, okay.

It doesn't go well. Are you trying to call it a bird's egg? If you paint your door blue and you got a yellow house. Something like that. And they painted the garage a dark color so it looks like it's open all the time if we just glance at it. It looks fine. They take very good care of their house and they have people come take care of the yard. It looks way better than ours.

But, you know, ownership things again home ownership things steven and i you just reminded me that like yes you you actually have like an actual lawn to take care of i suddenly feel much better about like a steven and i were bitching so much this morning about like taking care of our postage stamp in front of our you know what but if you have a manual mower and it's like uphill and it's also tiny like why would you buy an electric one for that i get it there's no reason and we don't have an outlet in the front of her house so we would have to run an extension cord like out of our living room to get down our stair because like you know our you know you've seen you know our house like it's it's like it's you have to go up

a couple flights of stairs to get up to our porch because it's on a hill yep so we're just bitch oh also like the bush that used that like it doesn't the bush that's in front of our basement window is totally dead now because we we let a vine kill it like a vine a vine started covering it like two years ago we did nothing about it and this year no flowers bloomed on it like that that bush is officially dead that vine choked the life out of it the vine is doing great one plant to rule them all exactly so now we've got to rip that out steven was like i'm fine with it because it makes that it makes it easier to yank that out and then we can put some fake plants there fake plant you know what i like i like steven's ideas. I think. Worth it. Honestly, plants are so hard to keep alive. They are.

And neither of us are gardeners. But I like to pretend I could be. Same. I actually am buying. Not buying. I'm putting together another garden, like square foot garden plot. We already have one out there. And even though I almost fail every year at

actually making vegetables grow, this year I was like, let's do a second one. So I'll spend even more money on vegetables that I could buy for a wage cheaper at the grocery store. And I got Adam to get me wood to make a cucumber trellis because I'm like, now I'm going to plant cucumbers. I think spring just does something to the human brain. Agreed. It makes us think we're plant people when we're not. Well, it's so exciting. Spring is easily, I think spring is the most exciting month of the year.

Definitely. Because winter is so bleak and rainy and cold and sad. And then in the spring, it's like, oh, my gosh, look at all these flowers. Yep. It just – it's like in Bambi. Like, I think humans get Twitterpated just along with everybody else. Twitterpated. Absolutely, they do.

But you know what? It's fine. Even though I haven't had luck in the past really with my vegetable i've had a little luck i feel like if i just keep trying maybe i'll eventually get good at it or get really into it i want to be like heather our friends have our friend heather is like has the most amazing garden and every time I've had the pleasure of being in her backyard, I'm just like, wow, I could do this. Yes. Because it's aspirational. You go out there and you're like, wow, this is so gorgeous. It's

so well-tended. There's so many different plants, both vegetables and flowers and fruit trees. Yeah. Heather's, master gardener. Yeah. Yeah. And it just feel like so like, as I used to house sit for Heather and her husband, Matt, when we were when we when I lived in Chico. And you know, so I would take care of her garden when she was gone. And I always felt like I was like, Oh, my gosh, I'm such a nature goddess. I'm out here tending to the plants for like a couple days. And I'm sure I could keep this up. I have been blessed by the goddess to meet her. Absolutely.

I'm just like, I'm spraying everything with a hose. I'm probably actually not taking care of the plants the way they're supposed to be taking care of. Oh my goodness. But yes, Heather is an amazing gardener. It's fine. You know what? You got to try stuff and you got to learn. It's hard.

There's a lot to learn with gardening. I feel like they're like, oh, you got to know what zone you're in and what plants to plant together. zone you're in and what like what plants to plant together and i'm just gonna throw some wildflower seeds on my on my front soil and call it good and be like that's probably fine you know what i think that's a good way to garden too just like chaos it's like what a green chaos witch except except i get fined if my yard is too chaotic like the city of baltimore comes by and goes like you owe us 50 we're having weeds that's so funny like baltimore city is the hoa that's rude it is rude what if yeah what if i also feel like that's elitist because what if you don't have an ableist?

What if you don't have the time, the physical capability, the money? The city doesn't care. That's problematic. It is problematic. Unless they came and fixed it for you and then they could be like,

they're not going to do that. With what money? Oh my goodness. They came and fixed it for you. And then they could be like, I'm not going to do that. They don't know what money. Yeah. Oh my goodness. But yeah. Oh, I killed a snake by accident. I feel really bad about it.

Oh, what kind of snake was it? How did it happen? Tell me. It was just a little garden snake. Just a little, just a little garden snake. I felt really bad because like,

and this is partially our fault because we let our grass get so tall. Okay. That's why they're charging you that's you're out of control lawn is killing the wildlife well no i think it's literally because they don't want they don't want your lawn to offer wildlife a home oh hmm interesting or for something for some reason, I don't know, like rats can live in there or whatever. I pushed our mower over it. Oh, yep. So it got sliced up by the blades. Oh,

that's so sad. It was really sad. I was like, oh no, I'm so sorry. Like that matters. Like, yeah.

After the fact, that snake is dead. So I'm going to try to keep my lawn more trimmed so that like snakes don't feel like it's safe to live there. Yeah. Going forward. Or send Obi through to like run around and scare everything off. Yeah, there you go. He's such a little fraidy cat though.

Like he gets out on her lawn and like if a car door slams too loudly he wants to go back in the house oh little baby it's a little wimp he's so sweet my big yeah scary pitbull exactly he's such a weenie aww little pity yeah wow I had a whole thing about May Day but we oh do you want to tell me anyway?

because that's tomorrow so I pulled out this book of superstitions ooh is there one in there? yeah there's the superstitions and traditions about May Day in there tell me. Yeah. There's, it just, it's, there's the superstitions and traditions about Mayday in there. Tell me that I wanted to share with you because I was initially looking through this to see if like,

are there any superstitions about accidentally killing a snake? Like, is that bad luck? Interesting. This book had nothing to say about it. So I'm fine. Yeah. I feel like no.

No, if anything, it's probably good luck considering like snakes are usually people usually don't like them. I'm fine. Yeah, I feel like no. No, if anything, it's probably good luck considering like snakes are usually, people usually don't like them. But I felt bad about it because I love snakes. I think serpents are fucking awesome. So I feel so sad. But anyway, this is from the natural order section of the Book of Superstitions by Shelby L. Otmani. And it's kind of, it's centered around like the morning dew in may and so for centuries people in scotland believed there was no better

skincare routine than waking up at the crack of dawn on the first of may which is tomorrow when this episode drop as of when this episode drops to wash their faces with morning dew. Oh my God, I'm doing that. Right? 100% I'm doing that. Right? Like that's such big brain thinking. Like it sounds, that sounds so refreshing.

That's a very fun like superstition. I think so too. So the thinking behind this is originally a druidic practice, like a Celtic spiritual practice. Druids believed in cultivating close relationships with nature and the environment and would therefore perform different rituals to raise the odds of better harvesting seasons. And one of their main beliefs was that moisture produced in the natural world was innately holy and a necessary element of vitality and growth. You know, so, you know, the ritual at the center of the May do belief was a festival known as Beltane, which usually took place on May 1st to celebrate the transition from spring to summer. And this celebration involves massive bonfires and feasting.

massive bonfires and feasting and all the houses in the community would douse the fires that had kept them warm over the winter and then light a new one using flames from a communal bonfire clearing out the old to make way for the new and then on beltane morning which is may 1st people would wake up early in the morning head to the nearest field and cleanse themselves with the dew produced after this festival doing so was said to ensure beauty, good health, and good luck for the new year. I love it. That's awesome. Isn't that beautiful? I love that.

It is. I think that's such a great tradition. I'm doing it. Also, I want to throw more parties with bonfires. Yes. I wish I had a bigger plot of land to do that. That'd be so cool. More fire.

Yeah. I need to go. I actually really want to get like a little fire pit so I can do mini celebrations by myself for things like that. You know, like the solstice and there's usually like a fire element to all of them. Humans like fire. Fire is very cleansing. Fire is a very important tool to keeping us alive. Well, thank you for sharing that. I love that. That was really cool. You're welcome. I also thought that was nice. So, you know, maybe tomorrow morning

we'll all go out and wash our faces with some morning dew. Maybe my lawn will have grown back by then. Well, for this week, I think we are both doing another cold reading sure are we're taking very gentle care of ourselves this april yeah i i was sick so i feel like we've also been a little bit behind on recordings and our next episode might end up coming out a week later we'll see i'm just been really busy.

Yep. Absolutely. So we'll, we'll make an announcement on our Facebook or Instagram or whatever. We'll make it as make some kind of announcement somewhere. If we do push our recording schedule back by a week, but we've just, we've been having a time over here on fairytale fix.

We're still going to keep producing all of the excellent content that you have come to love slash take road trips with. Yep. But we might be, we might be a week behind after this one. Yeah. Be patient with us. We appreciate your patience.

Thank you. Thank you. But I think I am on the first story today. You are. What are you reading today? Do you have one in mind? Are you doing like a random one? Oh, I'm doing a cold reading, baby. And it's going to be from The Brothers Grimm. Oh, I love that so much. Yeah. I'm just, you know what? I'm not trying to think too hard today. I'm just here for a good time. Those are usually some of our favorites. Absolutely.

I'm here for it. The Brothers Grimm stories are the reason we got into this in the first place. All right. Tell me when to stop. Okay. Stop. Oh, I'm doing this one. What is it?

The other one was a poem and i didn't feel like it this one is called the castle of murder and i oh my god yes i want to do that one real bad so the castle of murder we haven't done that one have we we haven't done this one i don't remember anything called the castle of murder okay you're right i'm looking it up just why does that sound so familiar i bet it's because i've seen that title and i've like wanted to know what it was about well we're gonna find out today the castle of murder it's about two pages long. Okay. So I think we can still make three predictions on this one. Yeah, let's do it.

You go first. A little quick and dirty episode. Yeah. My first prediction for the castle of murder is that there's an angry skeleton. Yes! Oh my gosh, that's an A++ prediction. I love it. Thank you. My second prediction

is that in the castle of murder. That's such a good title. Is it? My second prediction is Bats. Bats! And that's it. And prediction number three.

My prediction, my third prediction is that there's a key. Ooh, yes. An important key. All right, what are yours? There's a g-g-g-g-g-ghost! Yes! I hope so. What if it was a love story between a ghost

and an angry skeleton? Oh my god. I think it's way more fun the ghost i'm just i've just decided there's a ghost of this i don't know that's fine is trying to warn someone oh ghostly warning very ghostly warning yes very very hamlet oh i love it perfect and the third one is that there is only one murder only one murder in the in the castle of murder i know it's a hot take but i think there's only one murder all right tell us i'm so excited about this. Tell us. I'm ready. Tell us. Tell us. Okay. The Castle of Murder.

Once upon a time, there was a shoemaker who had three daughters. One day, when the shoemaker was out, a well-dressed nobleman came with a splendid carriage and servants, and he appeared to be very rich. He fell in love. Don't listen to him. It's a lie. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap and a trick.

He's going to take you to the castle of murder. This is going to be a blue beard variation. I know it. I know it in my bones. He fell in love with one of the beautiful daughters who thought herself fortunate to have found such a rich gentleman. And she gladly agreed to ride off with him. Don't do it. Don't do it.

As they were on their way, it turned dark. And he asked her the moons shining very bright. My horses are dashing into the night. Sweet love. Are you having any doubts oh i love it is he the ghost he's the ghost the ghost no why should i have any doubts i'm well taken care of by you

said the girl who's known him for six hours sweet baby sweet baby angel but she was lying because indeed she did feel a certain uneasiness when they were in a large forest she asked him if they would soon be there yes he said do you see the light in the distance that's my castle vampire oh my god i hope so no he was out in the daylight we didn't predict vampire that i know we're very we're silly people something's happening this is very intriguing so at last they arrived and everything was very beautiful the next day he said to her that he had to leave her for a few days because he had to take care of some important and urgent business. However, he wanted to leave

all the keys with her. Yes, Kelsey! Yes! Important key! Important key! So she could see the whole castle and what treasures she, as mistress, now possessed. When he was gone, she went through the entire castle

and found that everything was beautiful. She was completely satisfied until she came to the cellar where an old woman was sitting and scraping out intestines. Oh. Oh. I love it though.

Intestines of what? Surprise old woman in your new castle. Scraping out guts. Yeah. My goodness, granny, what are you doing there? I'm scraping intestines, my child. Tomorrow I'll be scraping yours too. No!

Oh my God. I love her. That's so good. The maiden was so terrified by her words that she dropped the key she was holding into a basin of blood and she couldn't wash the blood off the key yep it's bluebeard i can't believe i guessed key like i'm really proud of you for guessing important i'm so excited because i was kind of i was still listening to our episode from last week and i was really upset about the amulet thing. So I was a little surprised. You're like re-upset. Such a specific item, but uh-huh.

Now your death is certain, said the old woman, because my master will be able to see you were in the chamber and no one is allowed to enter here except him and me. And who are you? His mommy. Maybe. I bet. Like a wivvitch witch. I don't know. I'm saying things. One must indeed know that this was the way her two sisters had lost their lives before her.

Did we know that they were dead? Nope. Okay okay i'm reading back through what we've read so far no it just said the rich guy fell in love with one of the beautiful daughters i assume they were all still alive but yeah um i guess not i guess he has married all three of them and killed them. What a player. Absolutely. And if it's like the same, he keeps coming back.

Are you not curious what happened to your sister? Just then a hay wagon began to drive away and leave the castle. The old woman told her the only way she could save herself was by hiding under the hay and driving off in the wagon. And this is what the maiden did. In the meantime, the nobleman returned home and asked where the maiden was. Oh, said the old woman, since I had no more work for today and since she was due to be slaughtered tomorrow, I decided to kill her. Here's a lock of her hair.

Who loves a woman? Me too. At first I thought she was being super creepy but then she gave her like an escape route i know and now she's covering for her she is this is sort of like a what might have happened if bopaluchi had been able to be cool uh-huh for real instead of just murdering her immediately murdering her it's also very like the devil and the three golden hairs, like the devil's mom or the giant's mom is helpful to the. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that one. So the old woman says he, she gives the nobleman a lock of the maiden's hair and continues to say the dogs ate up the heart, the warm blood and all the rest.

I'm scraping out the intestines. The nobleman was glad she was dead. He's like, good. I didn't have to do it. But don't, isn't that. I went to all the trouble of marrying everybody.

I'm glad she died. What part of the murdering process do you like? Just that they're dead or... I think he just likes it when women are dead. I have so many questions. Meanwhile, the maiden arrived in the hay wagon at a nearby castle where the hay was supposed to be delivered she climbed out of the hay and told everything she knew then she was asked to remain and after some time had passed the lord of this castle invited all the gentry of the surrounding

region to a great feast since the nobleman from the castle of murder had been invited, the maiden, hmm? Oh no. Oh no. The maiden changed her features and clothes so that she wouldn't be recognized. Once they were all there, everyone had to tell a tale.

When it was the maiden's turn, she told the particular story that concerned the nobleman and made his heart tremble with fear. And he tried to force his way out. That's fun. I know, that is fun. I like that. It's a good twist. I like that murder. He's like, that guy kills people. I've seen his murder castle.

However, the lord of this castle had planned ahead of time to have the authorities ready to take our fine count to prison his castle was destroyed and all the treasures were given to the maiden for her own yay yay okay afterwards she married the lord's son in the house where she had been so well received and they lived together for many many years the end yeah that was like a very spark notes style fairy tale where a lot of details were left out also what happened to the old lady what happened to her related to that guy yeah it was a it was the wish version of bluebeard the wish version or what is it tamu i don't know how to say yeah you know the wish.com version yeah exactly one of those knockoff websites yeah Yeah, absolutely. That was like, that was, I think that the inclusion of the old woman was a, like, that was a fun deviation.

Uh-huh. But yeah, no, like, so her sisters are dead and like, you didn't think that should be mentioned earlier in the story? Who is the old woman like you said like how is she related yeah so i got one point for an important key you sure did which is exciting i got no points only one murder was there any there was no murder yeah not like in the story all the murders that already happened story all the murders that already happened yep all the murders had already taken place yeah yeah that was kind of disappointing

it needed a ghost what if the fix is that the old lady was a ghost that's funny i love the old lady as a ghost that's. And our sisters came back as angry skeletons and there were more bats in the story. Absolutely. Ooh. If the old lady was a ghost, there would be a ghostly warning. I know. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So the, the old lady is a ghost. Yeah. Yes. And her sisters are angry skeletons.

Sisters are angry skeletons. And there's some bats. And that would have made the story better by far. Oh, and the, the guy who does the murdering gets murdered. So there's only one murder. And that way all of our fixes would be in our fix.

I love that. That's awesome. Yeah, because he goes to prison in this when like, no, no, no. No, no, no. No prison. Kill him. Because I also like how it doesn't say anything about how where she runs off to

that they know he's a murderer. She just tells the story so he's worried but then it's like oh but the guy already knew that he was a murderer and was yeah yeah this is badly written that was a story is bad that was a mess ruth manning standards needs to get in there fix it up fix this one roof yeah trying to see if there's like a really short one that I can do to make up for it. But like how, what book were you planning on reading from? I am reading a story that some listeners sent us. How long is it?

It is very short. Okay. I would say if this were in a page, maybe like a page and a half. But I also could read a different story if you don't want to read another one. No, no. I do want because I just flipped to the next to the next story. Yeah. That would be that would be shortest after this.

So this one's like like four paragraphs. Let's do it. The title is The Carpenter and the Turner. OK. The Carpenter and the Turner. And then I think we get to each make one prediction. What's your prediction? There's a murder.

I'm going to make you go first. Oh, there's a murder? Yeah. There's a murder. It's called the carpenter and the turner. Mm-hmm. I think... That doesn't help me at all.

I don't know what a Turner even does. I was just about to say that. What is a Turner? Let's look that up. The carpenter is the protagonist. I like it. Because Jesus was a carpenter, so... Okay. A person who was skilled in turning wood was a carpenter. So.

Okay. A person who was skilled in turning wood on a lathe. So like two bros. Oh no, I want to make it. It's a bro. What do they call that? A buddy road trip like story.

Okay. A buddy comedy. Yeah. It's a buddy comedy. I hope. I want them to be friends. I want them to kill each other. What if they're friends and they kill somebody else?

Ooh, that's fun too. It could be both. Weekend at Donald's. Except they're the heroes instead of donald yeah a carpenter and a turner wanted to see who could make the best piece of work the carpenter made a dish that could swim by itself what well it can swim by itself pay attention that made perfect sense I'm the stupid one you're the stupid one I don't know what that means

but you know what it's fine maybe it will become clear just we're gonna leave it alone. The Turner made wings that he could use to fly. That makes sense. Actually. That's way cooler than a dish that can swim by itself. Swim by itself?

Who wants that? Come on, carpenter. Everyone said the carpenter's masterpiece was better. What? Maybe because they could use the dish that swims by itself, but they couldn't use his wings because it was like the Turner's wings for himself. Well, but why would you need that?

When like, who doesn't want to fly or think that flying is cool? Maybe what if it's like a dish that washes itself? That would be something better. Let's pretend that's what it is. I agree. That at least makes sense. Because that doesn't, yeah. I'm wondering if that's just a weird.

I think it might be a translation thing. Yeah, it might be just a weird translation thing. Because like objectively speaking, being able to fly is way cooler. Yeah, definitely. A hundred percent. But for whatever reason, everyone says the carpenter's thing is better all right so they're the stupid ones so the turner took his wings put them on and flew out of the country he flew the entire day until

he came to another country where a prince saw him flying and asked to borrow the pair of wings because that prince is very smart very smart he's way smarter than those townspeople absolutely the prince knows a genius when he sees one since the prince promised to pay him well the turner gave him the wings and the prince flew to another kingdom there he saw a tower illuminated by many lights. You can see that the wings are already more useful. Yeah. Than the stupid dish. I still don't know what a dish that swims by itself means.

I don't. I don't get it. I just don't know. And who cares? Who cares? Flying would still be cooler than a dish that cleans itself. Yes, that would still be cooler than a dish that cleans itself. Yes, that would still be cooler. Okay.

So he sees a tower illuminated by many lights. He decided to swoop down to the ground and find out what the occasion was. When he learned that the most beautiful princess in the world lived there, he became very curious. All right. lived there he became very curious all right in the evening he flew through an open window and was able to be with the princess but not for very long because they were betrayed and the prince and the princess were sentenced to die at the stake oh my god there's your murder abby there's my murder. Why? I love so many details. I love these short ones because things happen so abruptly.

What happened? Why is this called the carpenter and the turner? Why was it called the white snake? However, the prince had taken his wings with him. And as the flames flared, he tied the wings on and flew with the princess to his homeland, where he descended to the ground. The wings are so cool and useful and good. Yeah. Wings win, hands down. Since everyone had been sad during his absence, he revealed his true identity.

Okay, was he in disguise and oh my god oh my god i love this so much and was elected king it's democracy i love that it's a democratic monarchy? They elected the prince to be king after he also revealed who he was. Oh my god. What the fuck? This makes no sense. None.

Oh boy, okay. After some time had passed, the father of the maiden who had been carried away by the prince made it known that whoever brought back his daughter would receive half his kingdom. When the prince learned about this, he gathered together an army and brought the princess to her father who was forced to keep his promise. So I guess this is a story about how this particular kingdom expanded it's it's something

the the end that's it wow that's the whole story that was zero points for both of us they almost murdered you you were so close. I was so close. And I think I would have liked the story more if they both died at the stake. Me too. Yeah, that was really weird. I would fix that story by not including it at all. Same. Same, same, same, same, same.

Well, those were two kind of nothing stories from the brothers graham you're welcome everyone i enjoy it that's how the cookie crumbles on a cold read sometimes i hope our listeners sent you a much better story we're gonna find out logan our good friend logan and his i don't know if you remember his lovely, beautiful, wonderful fiance, Shelby. Yes, Shelby. Sent us a story specifically for me to read to you. Oh, I'm, oh no. Should I have you make predictions before I even tell you what the story is called?

Yeah. I think we should do that because I think I've got – I think I have a guess. Maybe make one prediction before you know what it is. This story will feature a cock. Huh. Interesting prediction. I'm going to tell you what it's called now. Shelby, you're on my shit list.

I think it was Logan who sent it. Oh, Logan, you too. Both of you. Both of you. It's called The Cat and the Rooster. And it is a Ukrainian folktale. Okay. How many more predictions do I get? Two more. It's pretty short, but, you know, whatever. Okay. How many more predictions do I get?

Two more. It's pretty short, but, you know, whatever. Okay. Okay. Oh, boy. Okay. The cat kills the rooster. Oh, okay. I want a murder. I want a murder.

You deserve one, too. I do. someone should die there's important jewelry no i like it important jewelry right i also have not read this story so i'm gonna make predictions i'm doing a cold reading because I feel like that's more fun. Absolutely. I love cold readings. So I am going to predict that, sadly, the cat and the rooster are not friends. Oh, that is sad. Yeah. I want them to be, but I don't think that's it.

That's fair. My second prediction is that it's an origin story of something. Ooh, fun. Okay. And my third prediction is that somebody tries to eat someone. Nice. I don't know. Maybe the cat tries to eat the rooster or vice versa. I mean, I hope so because I want the rooster to die.

Without further ado. Lay it on me. I'm excited. because I want the rooster to die. Without further ado. Lay it on me. I'm excited. The cat and the rooster. Once upon a time, there lived a cat and a cock who loved one another dearly. It's funny because it says rooster in the title but a cock and a pussy who love each other dearly oh dang it i should have predicted they were friends fuck okay the cat would play his fiddle and the cock would sing the cat would go out to get food for the two of them and the

cock would stay at home and look after the house. Every time cat prepared to go out, he would say to the cock, You mustn't let anyone into the house, cock, or go out yourself, no matter who calls you. Man, I really wish it were called the pussy in the cock me too a little bit i won't don't worry cock you can't no matter who tempts you i won't don't you worry the cock would reply and he would get into the house and yeah for real he would get into the house for real he would get into the

house and stay there till cat came home now a fox his pussy came home a fox once saw the cock and decided to lure him out and catch him yeah oh okay a fox? She crept up to the window of their house when the cat was out and called out, Come out, cock, and join me, and I'll give you the grains of wheat and some water, clear and sweet. But the cock called out in reply, Cock-a-doodle-doo, I'll do without, for I promised puss I'd not go out. I love this so far the fox saw that this was not the way to go about things so one night she crept up to the house threw some wheat grains under the window for cock to see and hid herself behind a bush by and by the cat went out hunting usual, and the cock opened the window and looked out.

There was no one about, he saw, but there, scattered on the ground, lay some luscious grains of wheat. The cock was eager to eat them, and he said to himself, I think I'll go out and peck at those grains for a bit. There is no one about, so no one will see me or tell puss on me. But no sooner did he step over the threshold than the fox was upon him. She seized him by the scruff of his neck. It's a trap.

And away she ran to her own house, and the cock called out to cat. Save me, brother puss, I pray. Foxy is taking me far away. For her bushy tail, I can't see the trail. If you don't come, friend, I will meet my end. Now, Cat was a long way off, and he did not hear the cock. And by the time he returned home, it was too late for him to go after the fox.

He tried to overtake her, but could not. So back he went home and wept and cried. Aww. But he got to thinking after a while, and taking his fiddle in a bright-pictured sack, set out for Fox's house. Now, the Fox had four daughters and a son, and

before going out hunting that day, she told them to keep an eye on the cock and to heat a pot full of water so that as soon as she was back, they could kill him and cook him for dinner as they should. Roosters are terrible. Poor, poor cock.

And that poor, poor cock. And mind you let no one into the house while I'm away. She said, and away she went. And the cat came up to the house, stood under the window and began to play and sing the following song. Foxy's house is big and tall.

Her four little daughters are beauties all. And Pilipko, her only son, is very sweet to look upon. Step outside, young Foxy do, and I'll sing some more for you. Oh, OK. Now the fox's eldest daughter felt that she must go and see who's playing, and she said to the others, Stay in the house, and I'll go see who plays so well. She came out of the house, and the cat wrapped her smartly on the nose,

whisked her into a sack, and began to play and sing again. Foxy's house is big and tall. Her four little daughters are beauties all. And Pilipko, her only son, is very sweet to look upon. Step outside, young Foxy do, and I'll sing some more for you.

I, yeah, love how flirty all of this sounds. Just sounds like a big... It does. This is very flirtyirty i feel like this is very like somebody did something on purpose i just i can't help but feel and this is just this is probably just because just because i find the words cock and pussy so funny uh-huh when there's a reason i just i just can't i just it just all feels to me like this is like an elaborate folk tale that i've been that has been woven out of someone's very messy relationship

oh absolutely i love it the fox's second daughter went out to see who was playing and the cat wrapped her on the nose and whisked her into his sack. And the very same thing happened to the fox's two younger daughters. There sat their brother, Pilipko, the only named one in the whole story. Obviously. I guess the cat's name is Puss. Yeah, we've got Puss, Cock, and Pilipko. There sat their brother, Pilipko, in the house and waited for his sisters. But they did not come back.

I think I'll go out and get them to come home, he said to himself, or our mother will give me a good hiding when she gets back. He stepped outside and the cat wrapped him on the nose too and whisked him into the sack. Then he hanged the sack on a dry willow tree and ran into the fox's house. He found the cock and untied him and the two of them ate all of fox's food, overturned the pot of boiling water, broke all of the dishes and ran home. Oh my God. And the cock did just as the cat told him ever after and never, never disobeyed him. The end. The end. The end.

Absolutely. This is what happens when you make mistakes. You know, you gotta, you gotta listen to your puss. Yeah. Gotta listen to your puss. You know,

sometimes cocks make really stupid decisions. This story was collected and edited by Michael Turletsky. Oh my gosh. And it's on Russiancrafts.com. I'll post it in our show notes if you want to look through. I think there's like more folk tales and other like fun, cool stuff that you can check out so yeah thank you logan so much for sending us that story that was really fun that was really fun i love that yeah they just they just really fucked up fox's home afterwards like they just yeah that's you're trying to home wreck

where we're literally going to wreck your home that's the best part i love it it's like not just that they ate all fox's food but overturned the pot of boiling water. It broke all the dishes. Yep, absolutely. And also they didn't hurt any of Fox's kids. They just trapped them. Sorry. That's good.

No murder. No murder. But that's fine. I'll take it. I wasn't like hoping for kids getting murdered. Yeah. It was very wholesome. Very wholesome. I liked the story.

That was a great story. Yeah. That was a really cute like wholesome story. It's very enjoyable. Thank you, Logan. All right. That made me giggle. Yes.

It's still tickling me. So I take it back. You're not on thin ice. And let's see. Oh, somebody tries to eat someone. I totally got one point. You totally did. Damn it.

You got a point because it features a cock before I even told you anything about it. Yeah. Well, if it's a story for me, I know it's going to be someone trying to fuck with me. I love it. You held it together really well, I think. Thank you.

I was trying. I only lost it a couple times. All right. I think we're good't i just can't help but picture not a rooster i know me either especially when it's like cock and puss like come on somebody was doing something there absolutely well thank you for that, Logan and Shelby. Much appreciated. And that's going to do it for us today on Fairytale Fix. Thank you so much for listening to the show. We very much appreciate all of you.

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If you have any other thoughts or any questions or just want to say hello you can always email us as well at info at fairytalefixpod.com and so in the castle of murder the young maiden encounters an old lady ghost who offers her a ghostly warning the skeletons of her sisters who are now living their best lives as skeleton ladies. And there are a bunch of bats. Just a whole mess of bats. What if the ghostly warning is in the form of bats? Yes.

And then instead of going to prison, the murder lord is murdered himself as he richly deserves. And the second story just no one bothered to tell it because it was nothing and the third story was pretty much great i don't have any fixes honestly no fixes yeah they just wrecked up the place and that was pretty funny. And Fox learned her lesson. Sure did. Don't homewreck.

Yeah, exactly. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.