Fairy Tale Fix - 89: A Slow Burn

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

It's the end of MerMay, and wow, do we have one helluva story to end it with! Abbie cold reads a Cornish folk tale, The Mermaid's Vengeance, and it's a slow burn – you'll just have to trust the process. We're leaving on summer vacation for our #GretaGremlinSummer, but we'll be back in August. See you soon, Fairy Tale Fixers!

I just realized that my dog is very loudly chewing his bone behind me. And so I'm going to kick him out and then we'll do our minute of silence. Sounds good. Oh, Oh, B so cute. It's time to go. Bye. Hello and welcome to Fairy Tale Fix, the what the fuck fairy tale podcast where we, your co-hosts, I'm Kelsey.

And I'm Abby. Read classic fairy and folk tales to each other, enjoy them very much, and fix them for a modern audience, quote unquote, modern audience. Quote unquote. Fix them for an us audience. And it's fun. It is super fun. It's really fun.

And it's Mermaid. It's our last episode for Mermaid. And our last episode until August. Womp womp. Womp womp. Womp womp. Speaking of this podcast being really fun, it is. It is super fun. We do love it.

To keep it fun, we're going to take our usual summer break. Yeah, we're going on summer vacation. So you can expect us to think of a whole new summer theme. I think we did mermaids a couple summers ago. Or was it bog witches? Oh, maybe it was witches last year. It was definitely mermaids one year and bog witches another. Was the general vibe.

Yeah. So we'll have to think of another thing. This year. We'll think maybe something with goblins because I feel like I've had goblin brain. Ooh, yes. Lately. Goblin brain sounds goblin.

Goblin summer sounds good. I actually do. I actually do kind of love that because my friend Jen made me Greta Gremlin earrings oh wait who's greta gremlin from gremlins 2 oh you know what i haven't seen okay gremlins 2 you should absolutely see gremlins 2 i know you love gremlins this movie is somehow better and worse oh my god look at her she's stunning stunning. Isn't she amazing? That's so good. Listeners,

I highly encourage you to Google Greta Gremlin. She is the best. That definitely, I've, you know, I feel like I almost watched Gremlins 2 over the holiday season and I didn't, and now I'm regretting everything because that looks like I need to, I need to see it.

I think you'll, I think you will love her i think you will just love you will just love gremlins too in general it's honestly it's a very kelsey brand of very wacky humor it's extremely silly and kind of gross it's greta gremlin summer y'all that's what it is we've decided it's we're having greta gremlin summer that's the theme for our summer vacation and boy do we need a little vacation we have been burning what is it burning the oil at both ends or burning the candle at both ends i don't even know the saying that's how tired I am my little applesauce brain is fucking done it's not even applesauce anymore now it's just dry cinnamon blowing in the wind

yep you always come up with the best expressions to describe burnout oh that's how i feel i'm so tired i've had so much stuff to do and i know everybody's gonna love listening to me complain how busy i've been but it's it's starting to get to me so if i haven't gotten back to your messages if i haven't been posting on our like our instagram i think i forgot to post some artwork i said i would uh-huh sorry but also not really we're tired so tired so yeah i think a little break will do us some good and we'll come back all refreshed and we're gonna celebrate pride month in august Mm-hmm. We'll spend Pride month this year relaxing, resting, rejuvenating ourselves as we deserve. And in August, we will come back with some queer stories. So you will still get your queer fairy tales.

Oh, yeah. Then. But in the meantime. This is episode 89. We've also got our 100th episode coming up we will have to plan for our 100th episode maybe we'll do like a little maybe we'll do like a little poll

on what y'all would like yeah that's a good idea from our 100th episode I know we talked about a couple things but I can't remember what they were I don't have a memory beyond this morning anymore I am also burning the oil at remember what they were. I don't have a memory beyond this morning anymore. I am also

burning the oil at both ends. Oh, gosh. And I could use a little break. Just a small one. We are going to miss you and we love you and thank you for listening. We still have two stories today. Don thank you for listening. We still have two stories today.

Don't worry. Yes, we still have two stories today. Patrons, don't worry. We will still be releasing a bonus episode on schedule in July. Yes. So you will still get that. And then non-patrons, you know where to go if you miss us terribly on our summer vacation. We also may or may not release a couple Patreon episodes.

Yeah, we're still in the talks of that. We're still talking about it. So hit that subscribe button and you'll find out. Yeah. Gosh, I feel like there was something i was gonna tell you and i have completely forgotten i have something i want to tell you about okay good tell me i can go i can go in the meantime i had so we so for context listeners we one of the benefits that you get as a fairy overlord of this podcast is you get to command our attention and our appearance in some kind of google chat every every quarter and so we last attended the court of our fairy overlord giselle a couple of weeks ago we were kind of talking about like what our favorite concert experience

has been i have a new one i'm replacing my answer because i went to go see hosier on friday nice how okay how was it magical yeah it was so awesome we got we had lawn seats which honestly felt really appropriate for Hosier, especially this album because his album is very earthy and very dirty. And like, I don't know if you've seen the album cover, but it's basically like, yeah, his mouth coming up out of the out of the earth, like biting a dandelion or something like that. Anyway, cute. It was a beautiful evening. I successfully snuck a flask of whiskey into it, so I did not have to pay for Zabooz. It made me also feel like such a rascal. You are.

You little, you Greta Gremlin. I was a real little, I was a real Greta Gremlin about it, and I felt really proud of myself. But yeah, it was like, it was just, it was just really lovely. it was just really lovely it was a beautiful it was a beautiful evening he sang a bunch of my favorite songs out of his discography and like and he also like came out and performed a song in front of the lawn too so that we didn't feel completely like left out of the experience and the song that he performed was cherry wine which is one of his like earliest songs i fucking love that song that's a good one yeah and then i also like just really appreciated that he he like one of one of his songs is like a pro is like a protest song it's called it's nina cried power and he spoke really beautifully on like the power of protest and radical kindness and

solidarity with oppressed peoples all over the world so he talked a little bit about kind of like i the irish history of oppression because he's irish and uh and he also just i don't know he just spoke he just spoke really beautifully about just protest and Palestine and solidarity. And I just, I don't know, he just seems like a lovely person. He does. In addition to being a gorgeous musician. So it was kind of a flawless night. Our other Celtic fairy overlord came out from under his hill to sing sad, sad at us sad siren songs yep his sad siren

songs and i just i love him so much nice oh that sounds like a blast did you take any photos i didn't i decided to just like let the experience happen nice very we were up on the lawn anyway so it wasn't like i would have like i would have been taking pictures of him on the screen. Oh, yeah. But I mean, you know, pictures of you sitting and enjoying the evening. It was really dark. Oh, okay. I don't think I would have gotten anything good.

So I just surrendered and just kind of like let it happen. Let it wash over me. That's a great way to experience a concert, quite honestly. I love that. I'm glad you had a great night. That sounds awesome. Yeah, it was awesome. I just loved feeling so happy and soothed and also just really inspired.

Yeah, good. Gosh, what else can you ask from an artistic experience? Mm-hmm. From a like artistic experience. You know, I feel like I might have had an experience recently that seems a little similar to that. Ooh, like what? I got so I was having a really rough morning and I went and got myself a little treat, a little iced coffee. And I decided for the first time in my life to purchase a morning bun. Oh, what is a morning bun? I've never had a morning bun, but I've always

wanted to try one because they look, it looks like a croissant with like cinnamon sugar all over it. Okay. And that's basically what it was. I asked, I asked, I was like, so is it like a cinnamon croissant? And she's like, it's a cinnamon roll, like without the frosting. And it was somehow a million times better. And the experience was transcendent. I think my soul left my body a little bit for how good it was. You had a spiritual moment with this morning bun. I was mostly kidding about relating to that.

You're hosing a concert. But I did finish that morning bun feeling very inspired. It was delicious. Oh, my God. And it definitely fixed my rough morning. That was my rough morning. I messaged you about where everyone was just being rude and I was like, it's not even a full moon.

What is it with everybody? There was just, there was a, there was a energy in the air yesterday. I certainly felt it. I was, I was cranky yesterday. It was yesterday.

How I feel so long ago now. Oh, my gosh. It was a million years ago. It feels like a million years ago. And yet somehow only yesterday. It was yesterday. Everyone I encountered was in a bad mood. I ran into two separate couples in separate places that were having screaming fights at each other.

Oh, yes. You mentioned this to me. And my nosy ass cannot help but ask, what were they fighting about? Do you remember? I only heard one couple and like what they were talking about because I did kind of try to listen. And it sounded like actually, because I actually don't know if they were a couple. I meant like a couple people. Mm hmm. It sounded like they were fighting about i meant like it's like a couple people it sounded like they were fighting about a work group chat that somebody wasn't included in something oh okay

and she was just screaming at this guy like mad and i had it was in the dog park too they were like playing fetch with their dog or a dog i don't know if it's their dog like i said it's not like they work together i don't know but they were in a fight and then i just had a couple people that were like rude to me just one guy was just standing in the middle i was driving i was trying to drive into a parking lot and this guy's just like standing in the entrance and i'm in my car and i'm waiting but he's not moving and he's looking at his phone in the middle of the entry entryway to the parking lot so i kind of start slowly going around him like that's fine i have room and then he starts walking in front of my car again not looking and then he looks at me and looks at me like I'm the asshole and a couple other things

but like that just small things where people were in a bad mood yesterday and it put me in a bad mood and that warning button took me out evened you out completely it was nice that's all I'm going to remember about that day. Good.

That's all you should remember. Don't let these other people get to you. Hosea seems like the physical form of a morning bun, you know? Absolutely. It was a morning bun for my soul. I don't, exactly. And for your ears. I don't like, I don't know.

I just never had a morning bun. I'm going to say that a hundred times during this episode. I didn't know that was a thing. A morning bun. more pastries that I've never had? Like, have you ever like gone and looked at the pastry like little window and you're like, that looks good, but it's bad for me. So I'm not going to get it. I think this summer,

just get it. Try a different one like once a week. That's very Greta Gremlin of you. I think that's pretty Greta Gremlin. Because just look at her. She is a lady who does whatever the fuck she wants. And if she wants to try a new pastry,

she'll steal it from you. Yep. Yeah. You should just steal them. That's what she, that's really what Greta Gremlin would do. That's absolutely what she'll do. I've never seen the movie.

Actually, it looks like they would just give it to her for free. She's pretty hot. Yeah. She'll flirt it out of you. She'll, she'll sexually harass it out of you. If we're really going to be really true to the movie.

Oh gosh. That's so funny. So anyway anyway it's a great plan anywho you owe me a mermaid story i do owe you a mermaid story so team this is going to be my second week in a row cold reading a story because gang i'm too tired as we mentioned before as as previously mentioned i had i had two events at work last week one event the week before and then i have another one coming up this weekend and you know what you get what you get so i picked also i don't know who we mentioned this This episode comes out in one week. Oh, yeah. This comes out next Tuesday.

We're recording this Tuesday evening, May 21st, 2024. This episode is coming out next Tuesday. We're really behind. We need time to build our buffer back up if nothing else yes please keep us in your in your thoughts keep us in your hearts and thoughts and in your prayers if you do that um please we need it we truly appreciate pray for us pray for us. Oh, boy. Anyway, so I'm going to be reading a story from Tales of the Sea, traditional stories of magic and adventure from around the world. It's from the same folktale book series as other books that I've read from, I think, this year.

Have you read out of this book yet? I have not read out of this one yet, but it's from the same collection as Russian Tales, Tales of India, and Monstrous Tales. So this is Tales of the Sea. I love it. By the way, I bought that. So you know it's going to be good. I bought that Monstrous Tales book for myself, by the

way. Oh, you did? Ooh, I'm so excited. We've got to read more from that next year. Or not next year. Next... Next year. Whatever. Have a good summer. Don't change more from that next year or not next year next next year have a good summer don't change see you next year see you next exactly i'm thinking about it in terms of school years right now oh boy august might as well be next year it feels that far away brain broken anywho the story that i have decided to read, I picked purely based off the title. So I'm going to be reading to you from another, it's a tale from another kingdom in the British Isles, Cornwall.

Cornwall. Isn't that a fancy? This is a Cornish story. We got to do. We got to do. Oh, we got to do some, some geography corner for sure. I was thinking geography corner.

And then I was like, I was just England, but I'm looking it up anyway. Well, cause like the thing is, it's like, this is a re this is a specific region of England. It was a whole separate kingdom back before England was united by force by the British.

Oh yeah. Look, it's, it's just the tip. It's just the tip. It's just the tip. Exactly. Cornwall is just the tip of southern England, essentially. Yeah. Yep, that's pretty much it. I't know i don't know i don't really know what else to say about it it's it's there's lots of coast if it's lots of coastline yep it is mostly coastline i believe the cliffs of dover are in cornwall don't quote me on that

i feel like i want to say it's not because i actually saw the cliffs of dover oh look excuse the hell out of me um you're a fancy fancy bitch you saw okay then they're those are probably much closer to london oh hey that's fun i wouldn't have known that otherwise yeah dover is really close to london and the cliffs of dover are probably close to dover it's that makes sense it does have it's really close to some cute little islands called new grim grimsby which i love oh new grimsby that is cute oh yeah there's new grimsby oh and on the island of New Grimsby, there's a town called Old Grimsby, which I fucking love. Oh, I like how there's Lower Town and Higher Town.

And then Maypole and Old Town and Hugh Town. This isn't even Cornwall. This is a new podcast, actually. We're just gonna start describing what we see on google maps riveting riveting audio oh my goodness follow along if you want you can you can log into your own account okay so this is from cornwall and this and the story is called the mermaid's revenge are we finally gonna get a mad girl mermaid a mad girl mermaid a mermaid's revenge oh my god i'm typing it in okay that's first prediction mad girl mermaid

oh sorry i'm making my predictions first no go for it as you should mad girl mermaid and i also want to predict that gosh i was thinking about my predictions earlier and i still can't remember oh that there's a bad fairy tale dad love it bad dad bad dad mad girl and and a sad boy oh a mad girl a bad dad and a sad boy i fucking love these predictions that is so fucking good thank you okay give me yours as much as i would like this to be a mad girl mermaid story um i predict it will actually in fact be a sad girl mermaid story that's a really good prediction i i wish i wish it wasn't such a good prediction, but I'm pretty sure that's

going to be it. Bad mom. I'm just going to basically do the opposite of whatever it is. I like it. Do it. A glad boy? Jerk boy. Jerk boy.

He can be a jerk boy and a sad boy it's exactly um we could we could both still win yeah i think you could yeah you could be sad and an asshole both things can be true you can also be sad and then mad so we could also both be right about the mermaid that's extremely true and i love that me too and there could be both a bad mom and a bad dad what if we what if we all got three points what if we sweep it all right let's hear it for us. Okay. The Mermaid's Vengeance from Cornwall. There's already a word in here that I'm not going to be able to pronounce and I'm going to do my best. In one of the deep valleys of the parish of Paranzabulo, which are remarkable for their fertility and especially for the abundance of fruit which the orchards produce, lived in days long ago amidst a rudely civilized people rudely whatever the fuck that means

is this is that like the british people that are taking over probably is that the colonizers the colonizers it's those fucking those fucking Londoners coming in. They're very rudely civilized. Anyway, there's a farmer's laborer, his wife, and their one child, a daughter. The man and woman were equally industrious. The neatly whitewashed walls of their mud-built cottage, the well-capped graveled pans, and carefully weeded beds of their small garden in which flowers were cultivated for ornament and vegetables for use proclaimed at once the character of the inmates they're neat and they're practical i like that equally industrious in contrast with the neighboring cottages this one although smaller than many others had a superior aspect and the occupiers of it exhibited a strong contrast to those peasants and miners amidst who they dwelt.

It sounded judgy. Penaluna, as the man was called, or Pen of the Proud, as he was, in no very friendly spirit, named by his less thoughtful and more impulsive fellows, was, as we have said, a farmer's laborer. less thoughtful and more impulsive fellows was, as we have said, a farmer's labor. His master was a wealthy yeoman. And he, after many years experience was so convinced of the exceeding industry and sterling honesty of Penna that he made him the manager of an outlying farm in

this parish under the hind or Hein, the Saxon pronunciation is still retained in the West of England. Just in case you were curious i like the conversational style of this one me too like i can i can hear the the old man at the pub telling me this a fussy fussy old man for sure so he is the hein or general supervisor of this and numerous other extensive farms. Penna was too great a favorite with the squire to be a favorite of the Hein's. He was evidently jealous of him. And from not being himself a man of very strict principles, he hated the unobtrusive goodness of his underling and was constantly on the watch to discover some cause of complaint.

Because he's a judgy bitch. Mm-hmm. It was not however often that he was successful in this. Every task committed to the care of Penna, and he was often purposefully overtasked, was executed with great care and dispatch. Sounds like us. Does Penna? Sure. Overtaskasked but good yeah that's true huh yeah it is true with the wife of penna however the case was unfortunately different honor penna was as industrious as her husband and to him she was in all respects a helpmate her name

is honor i love it oh she had however naturally a proud spirit and this had been encouraged in her youth by her parents honor was very pretty as a girl and indeed she retained much beauty as a woman the only education she received was the wild one of experience, and this within a very narrow circle. She grew an ignorant girl amongst ignorant men and women, few of them being able to write their names, and scarcely any of them to read. Not ignorance on their part, because being able to read is a skill that often the ruling class has denied the peasants. Yep. It's a judgy storyteller. It is. That's why it makes me think

of like an old man. Like an old grouchy. Some some some asshole Oxford professor is telling this story like as snottily as he possibly can. There was much

native grace about her and she was flattered by the young men and envied by the young women of the village the envy and the flattery being equally pleasant to her yeah it is hell yeah in the same village was born and brought up tom channels who had in the course of years become hind to the squire tom as a young man had often expressed himself fond of honor but he was always distasteful to the village maiden and eventually while yet young she was married to penaluna who came from the southern coast bringing with him the recommendation of being a stranger and an exceedingly hard-working man who was certain to earn bread and something more for his wife and family. Hmm. A little love triangle situation.

A little bit, a little bit, but like, no, no, it doesn't sound like a love triangle. It just sounds like she wasn't into him. Sounds like she wasn't interested in an old Tom.

But why is he coming up? She wants that strange. In the relations in which these people were now placed towards each other, Channels had the opportunity of acting ungenerously towards the Pennas. This is some gossip. It sure is. I fucking love it. This is great.

Town gossip. Mm-hmm. The man bore this uncomplainingly, but the woman frequently quarreled with him whom she felt was an enemy and whom she still regarded but as her equal as she should i'm on team honor team on so far chennels was a skilled farmer and hence was of considerable value to the squire but although he was endured for his farming knowledge and his business habits he was never a favorite with his employer penna on the contrary,

wasn't a special favorite, and the evidences of this were so often brought strikingly under the observation of Channels that it increased the irritation of his hate for it amounted to that. Channels fucking hates this guy for being smarter and better and having married the girl of his dreams.

Yeah, of course he does. You know, whatever. Honestly, I'd hate him too. For years, things went on thus. There was the tranquil suffering of an oppressed spirit manifested in Penna, the angry words and actions of his wife toward the oppressor,

and at the same time, as she with much fondness studied to make their humble home comfortable for her husband, she reviled him not unfrequently for the meek spirit for which he endured his petty but still trying wrongs the hind dared not venture on any positive act of wrong towards these people yet he lost no chance of annoying them knowing that the squire's partiality for Penna would not allow him to venture beyond certain bounds, even in this direction. Penna's solace. Just living to be somebody's like shitty neighbor. Yes.

Just being a petty, petty, petty, petty bitch. You know what? I don't hate it. Me neither. Honestly, like I don't hate Tom either. Team Tom, Team Penna. Yeah. Sorry, Team Tom, Team Honor. Penna is being,

I don't know. Just being grumpy. Yeah. Grumpy, judgy. Ineffectual. Floppy. Floppy? Floppy. Anyway, floppy floppy anyway while this war of pettiness is going on that penna is attempting to keep his head above his

only solace is his daughter she had now reached her 18th year and with the well developed form of a woman she united the simplicity of a child ew that's weird that's weird that's weird yep that's a weird thing to say selena as she was named was in many respects beautiful her features

were regular and had they been lighted up with more mental fire they would have been beautiful what the fuck dude she's pretty but dumb geez oh no okay but the constant repose the want of animation left her face merely a pretty one barf pretty but boring i'm not team whoever wrote this no that's my fix for the story so far as we get a different narrator yeah somebody else tell it geez ruth manning sanders in there absolutely i don't like whoever this man is at least at least they do have names names are good her skin was beautifully white and transparent to the blue veins which traced their ways beneath it to the verge of that delicacy which indicates disease but it did not pass that verge she looks almost attractively sickly that's such a british thing to say sorry no i'm just kidding

no it's an extremely victorian thing to say that's what i meant that's what i meant you got it i said that i was like no wait this is absolutely some some victorian oxford professor Some Victorian Oxford professor who was recording this story. That's hilarious. She looks almost dead, but not quite dead. And she was pretty hot. Oh, my goodness. Okay. Selina was full of health as her well-molded form at once showed and her clear blue eyes distinctly told.

At times, there was a lovely tint upon the cheek, not the hectic of consumptive beauty, but a pure rosy dye suffused by the healthy life stream when it flowed the fastest. Where's the mermaid? Let's move on. Where's the goddamn mermaid? Quit describing all these fucking people get to the mermaid the village gossips who were always busy with their neighbors said strange things of this girl

indeed it was commonly reported that the real child of the pennies was a remarkably plain child in every respect a different being from selena the striking difference yeah maybe the striking difference between the infant and the woman was variously explained by the knowing ones two stories were however current for miles around the country one that selena's mother was constantly seen gathering dew in the morning with which to wash her child and that the fairies and the towans had in pure malice aided her in giving a temporary beauty to the girl that it might lead to her betrayal into crime into crime into crime the fuck i don't know what that means also hey the morning dew thing that's supposed to make you beautiful could be it that could be it well yeah why this malice was never clearly made out the other story was that honor penna constantly bathed the child in a certain pool amidst the arched rocks of peren

which was a favorite resort of the mermaids finally damn yeah there we go and this was almost a fairy story i know like so close to fairy's vengeance to being the fairy's vengeance tale like it certainly seems like it was going in like a changeling direction. A favorite resort of the mermaids that on one occasion, the child as if in a paroxysm of joy, leapt from her arms into the water and disappeared. The mother as well, maybe supposed suffered a momentary agony of terror, but presently the babes swam up to the surface of the water.

It's little face more bright and beautiful than it had ever been before. Great was the mother's joy, and also, as the gossips say, great her surprise at the sudden change in the appearance of her offspring. Yeah. The mother knew- Is this the mermaid changeling?

Ooh, that's kind of like fun mashup, if so. That's really cool. Yeah, I'm into that. The mother knew no difference in the child whom she pressed lovingly to her bosom, but all the aged crones in the parish declared it to be a changeling. Oh, there we go.

Okay. That's fun. Yeah. Now the story is getting some steam. A little bit of buildup. Well, we had to, like, we really had to have the scene set for us. Because, don't worry, I'm sure Tom Chernow will show up again at some point to make mischief in this story. The tale lived its day, but as the girl grew on to womanhood and showed none of the special qualifications belonging either to fairies or mermaids,

she did not grow a tail. It was almost forgotten. The uncomplaining father had solace for all his sufferings and wandering over the beautiful sands with his daughter, whether it was when the summer seas fell and musical undulations on the shore, or when stirred by the winter tempest, the great Atlantic waves came up in grandeur and lashed the

resisting sands in great rage those two enjoyed the solitude together hour after hour from the setting sun time until the clear cold moon flooded the ocean with her smiles of light with the father and child walked these sands they seemed to never weary of them and the ocean almost every morning throughout the milder seasons, Selina was in the habit of bathing and wild tales were told of the frantic joy with which she would play in the breaking billows. Sometimes floating over and almost dancing on the crest of the waves at other times rushing under them and allowing the breaking waters to beat her to the sands as though they were loving arms endeavoring to encircle her form. Certain it is that Selina greatly enjoyed her

bath but all the rest must be regarded as the creations of the imagination i guess the most eager to give a construction unfavorable to the simple mortality of the maiden was however compelled to acknowledge that there was no evidence in her general contact to support their surmises. Jesus. The way this is written is just like, yeah, it's very academic. It's very academic, super Victorian. Like, is this a fairy tale or a like, I almost said James, yeah, analysis or some Victorian novel.

Did Tolkien write this? Because it's long and rambly and it's not getting to the point it does not say it does not say what the author who the author is the story goes on to say that selena is an only child and thus is spoiled she's a half mermaid would be and should be and should be as she deserves she certainly was allowed to follow her own inclinations that any check but her inclinations mostly revolved around working in the garden and to leading her father to the seashore i don't see how that sounds i don't see how that makes her spoiled but honor penna sometimes it is true did complain that selena could not be trusted with the most

ordinary domestic duty i don't know i didn't want to do chores when i was a teenager either yeah i feel like that sounds like something my mom would say yeah exactly love you mom yeah beyond this there was one other cause of grief that was the increasing dislike which Selena exhibited towards entering a church. Ooh, fun. Okay. Go on. Yes, yes. The girl, notwithstanding the constant excuses of being sick, suffering from headache, having a pain in her side and the like, was often taken, notwithstanding, by her mother to the church.

side and the like was often taken namestanding by her mother to the church it is said she always shuddered as she passed the church style and again on stepping from the porch into the church itself same when once within the house of prayer she evinced no peculiar liking or disliking observing respectfully all the rules during the performance of the church service and generally sleeping or seeming to sleep during the sermon when she reached her 18th year she was admired by many of the young men of the parish but as if surrounded by a spell she appeared to keep them all at a distance from her and about this time a nephew to the squire a young soldier who had been wounded in the wards came to cornwall to heal his wounds and recover health which had suffered in a trying campaign he needs to go take the sea air

make him righteous rain pip pip maybe fall in love with a half mermaid demon child. One can only hope. This young man, Walter Trewoof. Oh, that's a great name. It's a great name. Was a rare specimen of manhood. Oh, barf. Is that the person telling the story yes or his daddy or his mommy i bet it's his mommy

even now shattered as he was by the combined influences of wounds and unhealthy climate and dissipation he could not but be admired for fineness of form dignity of wounds and unhealthy climate and dissipation. He could not, but be admired for fineness of form, dignity of carriage and masculine beauty. Jeez. Everyone else has gotten like sassy, judgmental kind of rude descriptions. And this guy is just like,

don't, don't worry. Don't worry. Our Oxford professor has something to say about young walter thank god i was getting worried it was however but too evident that this young man was his own idol and that he expected everyone to bow down with him and worship it he was too pretty and he knew it. Yes, yeah, exactly. Those are exactly the vibes. All right.

His uncle was proud of Walter and although the old gentleman could not fail to see many faults, yet he regarded them as the follies of youth and trusted to their correction with the increase of years and experience. Walter, who was really suffering severely, was ordered by his surgeon at first to take short walks on the seashore.

And as he gained strength to bathe, he was usually driven in his uncle's pony carriage to the edge of the sands. And then he would get off the pony carriage and walk for a short time and he'd get tired fast. And then he'd get back in the carriage and go home. It's a very long sentence. On some of these occasions walter had observed the father and daughter taking their solitary ramble he was struck with the quiet beauty of

the girl and seized an early opportunity of stopping penna to make some general inquiry respecting the bold and beautiful coast so walter starts hanging out with selena and her father on their beach walking rambles he's not super serious about her but he is enjoying her attention and she's enjoying his they're having an okay time but they are never together unless selena's father is also there so they're they're almost they like, they're always chaperoned. They're just friends. They're just friends. But evil eyes were watching

with wicked earnestness to the growth of passion. Oh my god. Tom Channels hoped that he might achieve a triumph if he could but once asperse the character of Selina. Why is it going after the daughter that's just like that's because

because we are no longer team tom he's he's uh he's he's decided that he's gonna hurt her father by like ruining her reputation yeah that's a little mustache twirly yeah style that's we've officially entered villain territory and not

just like, you're a petty bitch, Tom. Yeah. Then again, didn't Maleficent do kind of the same thing? A little bit. A little bit. It is. But I mean, you know, it's straight up villainous to go after. Yeah. Okay, let's let's

see what we've got planned. I think he's just gonna start some rumors like that's it all right that's not so bad all right yeah and she's 18 also she's not like a child exactly so walter has apparently been like sort of shaping up his general behavior since meeting selena and so tom has factored this into his plans having noticed the change in the general conduct of his master's nephew he argued that this was due to the refining influence of a pure mind acting on one more than ordinarily impressionable to either evil or good with rapidly recovering health and with renewed strength, the manly energy of his character began to develop itself. He delighted in horse exercise and channels always had the best horse on the farms at his disposal.

He was a good shot and channels was his guide to the best shooting grounds. He sometimes fished and channels knew exactly where the choices, trout and richest salmon were to be found. In fact, channels entered so fully into the taste of the young man that Walter found him absolutely necessary to him to secure the enjoyments of a country life.

Gay. I know. That's what I was just thinking. I was like, are they going to fall in love? And that heals his petty ass soul. I kind of, I mean,

awesome. Fix. We fixed it. They're done. Boom. Story's over. The story's over. Gay.

Having established this close intimacy, Channels never lost an opportunity of talking with Walter respecting Selena Pena. He soon satisfied himself that Walter, like most other young men who led a dissipated life, had but a very low estimate of women generally. Walter is a fuckboy. Acting upon this, he at first insinuated that Selina's innocence was but a mask. And at length, he boldly assured Walter that the cottage girl was to be won by him with a few words

and that he might put her aside at any time as a prize to some lowborn peasant. Channels. Channels, Channels. You petty bitch. You petty, petty bitch. Channels never failed to impress on Walter the necessity of keeping his uncle in the most perfect darkness

and of blinding the eyes of Selina's parents. Channels thinks penna is easily managed but there's more to be feared from honor i guess walter however with much artifice having introduced himself to honor penna employed the magic of that flattery which being properly applied seldom fails to work its way into the heart of weak minded women. Oh, barf. Our Oxford professor also, I believe, has a low estimate of women generally. I think so. Because so far, all of the most prominent women in this story are either like ignorant or stupid.

Yeah. He became an especial favorite with honor and the blinded mother was ever pleased at the attention bestowed with so little assumption as she thought of pride on her daughter by one so much above them. So Walter eventually is able to occasionally get Selena on her own. And the witching whispers of unholy love were poured into the trusting ear guileless herself this child woman suspected no guile and others least of all one whom she had been taught to look upon as a superior being to herself this is i do not like where

this story is going me either this is upsetting i thought this was going to be less upsetting. I want a mermaid to come drown them all, actually. Me too. Except Selena, maybe. In honor. Maybe. In honor.

Like, I want the women to be okay. And all the men can drown. Amongst the villagers, the constant attention of Walter was the subject of gossip and many an old proverb quoted by elder women ill-naturedly implying that evil must come of this intimacy. That sounds like a little town. That sounds. Yeah, basically it's,

it sounds, it sounds about right. Tom channels was now employed by Walter to contrive some means by which he could remove Penna for a period from the home. And he was not long in doing this he lent every power of his wicked nature to aid the evil designs of the young soldier and thus he brought about that separation of father and child which ended in her ruin okay just in the interest of kind of speeding the story along i might just kind of skip over some of the like how they got penna

to like not be around his child yeah that works for me penna gets sent on a work trip bye penna yeah penna goes away for weeks and weeks to do something on a different farm owned by the same guy work trip walter needed not any urging on the part of channels though he was always ready to apply the spur when there was the least evidence of the sense of right asserting itself in the young man's bosom i'm sorry wait read that again basically as soon as penna leaves channels like encourages walter to seek out selena as often as possible and get her alone as often as possible at any time walter is just kind of like well i don't want to ruin her reputation channels will be like don't worry about it and walter will be like you're right i won't worry about it i'm so handsome i'm so handsome i'm so handsome and pretty i'm too

pretty to worry about her reputation week after week passed on walter rendered himself a necessity to selena without her admirer the world was cold and colorless and with him all was sunshine the world was cold and colorless and with him all was sunshine this goes on for three months penna is only able to visit home twice before having to leave again to continue his work trip there's no outward evidence that something is amiss but he began but penna begins to feel uneasy about their relationship so on the last father's due yeah absolutely he's got good instincts maybe penna doesn't have to drown sure it's all drowned maybe are there any mermaids in the story like for real i don't know girl we'll fucking see so far this is a long gossipy story about how this girl's reputation was ruined which i'm enjoying like i'm having fun but

there was an aged fisherman who resided in a small cottage built on the sands who possessed all the superstitions of his class man this this author is so shady dude he is except for fucking i already forgot soldier boy fuck boy yeah except for the fuck boy he's like ah right young rascal though what a manly man this young rapscallion is. This old man had formed a father's liking for the simple-hearted maiden, and he had persuaded himself that there really was some foundation for the tales which the gossips told. Oh, I love that for him. To the fisherman, Walter Trewoof was an evil genius. Man, more compliments. compliments i know but i don't i don't think this i don't

think this author thinks that's a compliment okay he declared that no good ever came to him if he met walter when he was about to go to sea so he thinks walter is like an ill omen oh cool with this feeling he curiously watched the young man and maiden, and he, in after days, stated his conviction that he had seen merry maidens rising from the depths of the waters and floating under the billows to watch Selina and her lover. He also said that on more than one occasion, Walter had become terrified by various sights and sounds. terrified by various sights and sounds certain however it is these were insufficient and the might of evil passions were more powerful than any of the protecting influences of the unseen world okay so i'm picturing this old man to have like an eye patch and he is like got a pipe and a big white beard and And he's really, you know, like. He is crusty.

Yes. Super crusty. He's been at sea way too long. I'm actually, I'm naming him crusty. That's his name now. Captain crusty. So after another three months go by walter walter leaves the beach he goes back to the city and rarely if ever dreams of the deep sorrow which was weighing down the heart that

he had betrayed no it was a summer fling he fuckboyed right out of there. As they do. As they do. Penna returns from his work trip and Channels has no longer any reason to keep him away from his wife and daughter. Clouds gathered slowly but

unremittingly around him. His daughter retired into herself, no longer as of old, reposing her whole soul on her father's heart. No, like he's no longer enough to make her happy. Well, yeah, that's she's,

she's a big girl. 18. Like, and she just had her half at this and a half. It's been six months. And she just had her first summer love and her first summer heartbreak too that's growing up it is rough his wife was somewhat changed too she had some secret in her heart which she feared to tell the home he had left was not the home to which he had returned

it soon became evident that his daughter is not in a good place. She is pining and Penna was awakened to a knowledge of the cause by the rude rejoicing of channels who was, who declared that all people who kept themselves so much above other people were sure to be pulled down. Yeah. Says the guy writing this story. Yeah. Yeah. were sure to be pulled down yes says the guy writing this story yeah yeah on one occasion he so far tempted penna with sneers at his having hope to secure the young squire for a son-in-law

that the long-enduring man broke forth and administered a severe blow upon his tormentor he punched him this was duly reported to the squire and added thereto was a magnified story of a trap which had been set by penna to catch young walter it was represented that even now they intended to press their claims on account of grievous wrongs upon them where it could be proved that walter was guileless that he was indeed the innocent victim of designing people who thought to make money out of their assumed misfortune all right i think that i think that means that like channels is spinning the story that they were that they're trying to trap walter into marriage with oh i see

okay a penniless farmer assist farming assistant essentially yes i. He was doing whatever he wanted, but now he's gone. Yeah. The squire made his inquiries and there were not a few who eagerly seized the opportunity to gain the friendship of Channels by representing this family to have been hypocrites of the deepest dye

and the poor girl especially was now loaded with a weight of iniquities of which she had no knowledge. Yeah, of course. Of course. This all results in Penna being fired. What? And he and his family get kicked out of their house

because the squire owns the house. Wow. This is pre-labor organizing. Yeah. Of which I'm sure this author would disapprove. Although thrown out upon the world, the disgraced man, Penna faced his difficulties manfully.

Yeah, he did. He cast off, as it were, the primitive simplicity of his character and evidently worked with a firm resolve to beat down his sorrows he's too good a worker to be unemployed for very long and they end up getting a new home and he's like this is fine there's no problem well good for penna i'm proud of him selena does not think this is fine she grows weaker and weaker and it soon became evident to all that if she came from a spirit world to a spirit world she would soon return this makes her parents very sad

it does not make her father very sad. It's her mother is devastated, but it says, but the effects of severe labor and the efforts of a settled mind appeared to tranquilize the breast of her father. Okay. I mean, she's just a heartbroken teenager. It sounds like it's being a little dramatic.

Well, she's literally wasting away. Like the, the, the story now says that she's dying like literally she's like literally she's dying not just in spirit no time passed on the wounds of the soul grew deeper and there lay on a low bed from which she had not the strength to move the fragile form of youth with the countenance of age. She's literally getting weaker. And it says the dying girl was sensible of the presence of creations other than mortal. And with these,

she appeared to hold converse and to derive solace from the communion. Penna and his wife alternately watch her by her bedside. And anxiously, did they mark the moment when the tide turned in the full belief that she would be taken from them when the waters of the ocean began to recede from the shore. So even they're kind of on board, like the mermaid theory at this point,

thus days passed on. And eventually the sunlight of a summer morning shown in through the small window of this humble cottage on a dead mother and a living babe holy fucking shit holy fucking shit what the fuck happy this story sucks i i don't know if there's anything i hate more than the surprise pregnancy trope surprise this story fucking sucks i hate it so much hate it hate it hate it hate it okay a little way to end mermaid i'm sorry i thought the mermaid's revenge was going to be yeah what less fucking sad story i knew this was going to be a sad girl mermaid story.

It always is. Okay, so she wastes away into nothing and also somehow gives birth to this child. Okay. She gets buried in a churchyard on the sand and the living went on their ways, some rejoicingly and some in sorrow. Yeah.

And that summer, Walter Ticingly and some in sorrow. Yeah. And that summer Walter Trewoof appears back in town. Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo Walter! Penna would have

sacrificed him to his hatred. He emphatically protested that he lived only to do so but the good priest of the oratory contrived to lay the devil who would I don't even know what any of this means basically the priest says don't worry about it bro God will

take care of it in time yeah okay Tom Channels had his hour of triumph we are no longer team Tom because he thinks it's actually, he thinks it's a hilarious triumph that Selene is dead. What the fuck? This story is fucked up.

This is fucked up. This is much less amusing. This is a what the fuck fairy tale. This is a what the fuck fairy. I mean, honestly, I think we're actually heading into our summer break true to form. We haven't had a truly what the fuck is this fairy tale in a long time jeez okay tom channels thinks everything's super good but after selena dies everything starts going

wrong for him too the crops failed the cattle died haystacks and corn bricks caught fire cows slipped their calves horses fell lame or broke their legs just a succession of steady evils pursued him trials find but a short resting place with the good they may be bound to the earth with the weight of a sudden sorrow but they look to heaven and their elasticity is restored evil people are crushed at once and grovel on the ground in irredeemable misery. As we know, bad people always have bad things happen to them. And good people always have really short troubles. Yep. Yep.

Yep. That's definitely, definitely how the world works. Yep. Yep. Yep. That's definitely, definitely how the world works. Anywho, Tom gets fired.

Good. None because he becomes an alcoholic because he's so sad because of everything that's happening to him oh man walter attempts to intervene and say no channels is fucking awesome and he's like no he's not he's still fired and you're not allowed to talk to him anymore but walter is like fuck that i fucking love tom assholes have to stick together so they stayed walter continued they're in gay love they are in they are in very strange woman hating gay love oh yeah they really they They really prefer other men to the exclusion of anyone with a vagina or boobs. You know? Women boo. Men only.

I feel like they really prove that they do hate women. That's for sure. Yeah, they really sure do. They have a very low opinion of women generally. Okay. Yeah, they really sure do. They have a very low opinion of women generally. Okay. So Tom Channels is able to afford a small cottage on a cliff with a severance pay. And around it, a little cultivated ground, the produce of which was his only visible means of support. But he and Walter have lots of drunken carousals there.

And there are the vicious young men and the no less vicious young women of the district went after nightfall and kept a high carnival of sin. All right. Okay. Walter Trey Wolf came frequently amongst them. And as his purse usually defrayed the costs of a debauch he was required he was regarded by all with a special favor non-stop partying on in this cottage by the sea that would be so cool if the people hosting it weren't like woman hating

assholes yeah one midnight walter who had been dancing and drinking for some hours left the cottage weary with his excesses and although not drunk he was much excited with wine he wanders off over the around the edge of the cliffs not over them although i wish i wish that he would i'm still waiting for the vengeance part. I know. Tell me it's coming. I have a funny feeling we're about to get to it because we're coming to the end of the story. He wanders about in the moonlight and wanders off the main path and starts heading down to the seashore. But he's not he did.

He doesn't know that he's left the main path. Yes. To the sea. So he finds himself on the sands by the sea. By mistake, he is upset about it. He curses his stupidity and uttering a blasphemous oath, he turns to retrace his steps. Oh, thank God. The most exquisite music which ever flowed from human lips fell on his ear. He paused to listen and collecting his unbalanced thoughts.

He discovered that it was the voice of a woman singing in melancholy dirge. The stars are beautiful when bright. They are mirrored in the sea, but they are pale beside the light, which was so beautiful to me. My angel child, my earthborn girl from all your kindred ribbon by the base deeds of a selfish churl and to a sand grave driven.

How shall I win the back to ocean? How canst thou quit thy grave to share again, the sweet emotion of gliding through the wave. It's kind of beautiful. I love that. It's beautiful. It's very sad. Drag him under.

Absolutely. Walter. Yes. i love that it's beautiful it's very sad rag him under absolutely walter yes led by the melancholy song advanced slowly along the sands yes fucking finally excellent he discovered that the sweet soft sounds proceeded from the other side of a mass of rocks which project far out over the sands and that now low water, there was no difficulty in walking around it. Without hesitation, he did so, and he beheld, sitting at the mouth of a cavern, one of the most beautiful women he had ever beheld. She, yes, of course. Finally, though, a fucking mermaid. Yes.

She continued her song, looking up at the stars not appearing to notice the intrusion of a stranger walter stopped and gazed on the lovely image before him with admiration and wonder mingled with something of terror i love it i love that also he i feel like he's not like actually listening to the words of the song that's telling him specifically like well i just i just don't think he ever thought about selena that much yeah that's probably true he probably doesn't recognize anything in this song because he just didn't really think about her ever yeah because he's a fuck boy he dared not speak but fixed as if by magic he stood gazing on after a few minutes the maiden suddenly perceiving that a man was near her uttered a piercing shriek

and made as if to fly into the cavern walter sprang forward and seized her by the arm exclaiming not yet my pretty maiden not you no i fucking hate Walter. I really hope he dies. I hope she eats him. Oh, that would be even better if she ate him instead of just drowning him. Absolutely. She stood still in the portion of flight with her arm behind her, grasped by Walter, and turning around her head, her dark eyes beamed with unnatural luster upon him. Impressionable he had ever been,

but never had he experienced anything so entrancing and at the same time so painful as that gaze. It was Selina's face looking lovingly upon him, but it seemed to possess some new power, a might of mind which he felt it was impossible for him to escape. Walter slackened his hold and slowly allowed the arm to fall from his hand. The maiden turned fully round upon him. Go, she said. He could not move. Go, man, she repeated.

He was powerless. Go to the grave where the sinless one sleepeth. Bring her cold course where her guarding one weepeth look on her love her again i betray her and wreath with false smiles the pale face of her slayer go go now and feel the full force of my sorrow for the glut of my vengeance there cometh a morrow oh fucking awesome yes yes queen that's spooky very spooky i love i love the scary poetry yeah me too i just i love the line for the glut of my vengeance like that's yes i love it walter was statue-like and he awoke from this trance-like state only when the waves washed his feet, and he became aware that even now it was only by wading through the waters that he could return around the point of rocks. He was alone.

He called. No one answered. He sought wildly as far as he now dared amidst the rocks, but the lovely woman was nowhere to be discovered. was nowhere to be discovered. There was no real danger on such a night as this. Therefore, Walter walked fearlessly through the gentle waves and recovered the pathway

up from the sands. More than once, he thought he heard a rejoicing laugh, which was echoed in the rocks, but no one was to be seen. Eerie. Fuck yeah.

Walter goes home, goes to bed, but he is not able to sleep. And in the morning, he arises with a sense of wretchedness, which was entirely new to him. Good. Yes. He feared to make any one of his rough companions a confidant, although he felt this would have relieved his heart. He therefore nursed the wound, which he now felt until a bitter remorse clouded his existence.

Awesome. Awesome. Good. You feel bad. You should feel bad. And then die. After some days, he was impelled to visit the grave of the lost one. And in the fullness of the most selfish sorrow,

he sat on the sands and shed tears. The priest of the oratory observed him and knowing Walter Trewoof, He tells him the whole story. The only result being that the priest felt satisfied. It was but a vivid dream. You were drunk. Just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream, you little shit. It's just your subconscious trying to tell you something. That's the sound of your conscience, Walter.

So he counsels the young man, gives him some religious instruction, and dismisses him with his blessing. Walter is somewhat relieved by this. He does not venture to visit his old haunt. He just absolutely kind of fails to appear at any of channels parties. And when channels like hunts him down to ask, Hey man, like why are you not partying with us anymore? He finds Walter and altered man.

This was not the same boisterous hilarity as formerly he no longer abandoned himself without restraint to the enjoyments of the time if he ever led on by his thoughtless and rough-natured friends assumed for a moment his usual mirth it was checked by some invisible power on such occasions he would turn deadly pale look anxiously around and fall back as if ready to faint on the nearest seat he starts wasting away i was going to say i hope that's not it i hope it's it better not like he deserves to die his uncle who was really attached to his nephew although he regretted his dissolute conduct became now seriously alarmed doctors are

consulted he continues to waste away and the old gossips came to the conclusion that walter treywoof was ill-wished and there was a general feeling that penna or his wife were at the bottom of it are you sure for sure are you sure about that maybe he just fucking sucks and he's getting his comeuppance. Isn't that what you preached at the, after the girl died? Don't worry. People who suck get their comeuppance. Such as the will of the Lord.

That or it's a witch. Or it's a witch. Walter can really only think of one thing and that's the beautiful woman that he met on the beach who reminded him of selena and he resolves to go back to the beach where he met her yes that's a good that's a good idea walter go he lingered long ere he could resolve on this task, but wearied, warned by the oppression of one undefined idea in which an intensity of love was mixed with a shuddering fear. He at last gathered sufficient courage to seize an opportunity for again going to the cavern. On this occasion, there being no moon, the night was dark, but the stars shone brightly from a sky, cloudless save a dark mist, which hung heavily over the Western horizon.

Every spot of ground being familiar to him, who boy and man had traced over at many times, the partial darkness presented no difficulty. So he scarcely reached the level sands that he heard again, the same magical voice as before, but now the song was a joyous one. Join all hands might and main weave the sands form a chain he my lover comes again he could not entirely

dissuade himself but that he heard this repeated in many voices but he put the thought aside referring it as well he i can't even fucking read anymore the story is so goddamn long but we are on the final few pages okay we're giving we're giving we're giving the folks a real whopper of the story before we head into our supper prank it's a good one though like i'm enjoying it yeah yeah yeah it's getting there it's getting better at first oh boy okay so he thinks he thinks he hears this song being sung in numerous voices but he thinks that he must be hearing things he reaches the cave from which the tide is slowly subsiding.

The song had ceased and the wind is moaning low along the shore. Walter trembles with fear and was on the point of just absolutely bailing. When a most flute-like murmur rose from the other side of the rocky barrier, which was presently molded into words. From your couch of glistening pearl, slowly, softly come away. Our sweet earth child,

lovely girl died this day, died this day. Memory told Walter that it truly was the anniversary of Selena Penaluna's death. And to him, every gentle wave falling on the shore sang or murmured died this day, died this day. this day that's spooky spooky the sand was dry around the point of the rocks and walter impelled by a power which

he could not control walked onward the moment he appeared on the western side of the rock a wild laugh burst into the air as if from the deep cavern before him at the entrance of which sat the same beautiful being whom he had formerly met there was now an expression of rare joy on her face her eyes glistened with delight and she extended her arms as if to welcome him was it ever your want to move so slowly towards your loved one walter heard it was selena's voice he saw it was Selina's voice. He saw it was Selina's features, but he was conscious that it was not Selina's form. Come, sit beside me, Walter, and let us talk of love. He sat down without a word and looked into the maiden's face with a vacant expression of fondness. Presently, she placed her hand upon his heart. A shudder passed through his frame, but having passed, he felt no more pain,

but a raw intensity of delight. The maiden wreathed her arms around his neck, drew Walter toward her, and then he remembered how often he had acted thus towards Selina. She bent over him and looked him in the eyes. In his mind's mirror, he saw himself looking thus into the eyes of his betrayed one. You loved her once said the maiden i did indeed answered walter with a sigh as you loved her so i love you said the maiden with a smile which shot like a poisoned dart through walter's heart i love this right now this is so good i know my eyes are so wide she lifted the young man's head lovingly between her hands and bending over him pressed her lips upon and kissed his forehead walter curiously

felt that although he was the kissed yet he also was the kisser kisses she said are as true at sea as they are false on land you men kiss kiss the earth born maidens to betray them. The kiss of a sea child is the seal of constancy. You are mine until death. Death. I'm just waiting for her to actually. Oh yeah. He's going to be,

he's about to be very upset. I'm skimming ahead. Death almost shrieked. Walter, a full consciousness of his situation now broke upon walter he had heard the tales of the gossips respecting the mermaid origin of selena but he had laughed at them as an idle fancy he now felt they were true for hours walter was compelled to sit by the side of his beautiful tormentor every word of assumed love and rapture being a torture of the most exquisite

kind to him. Holy shit. He could not escape from the arms, which were wound around him. He saw the tide rising rapidly. He heard the deep voice of the winds coming over the sea from the far West. He saw that which appeared at first as a dark mist shape itself into a dense black mass of cloud and rise rapidly over the star bedecked space above him. He saw by the

brilliant edge of light which occasionally fringe the clouds that they were deeply charged with thunder. There was something sublime in the steady motion of the storm. Now the roll of the waves which have been disturbed in the Atlantic reached our shores and the breakers fell thunderingly within a few feet of Walter and his companion. Paroxysms of terror shook him. And with each convulsion, he felt himself grasped with still more ardor and pressed so closely to the maiden's bosom that he heard her heart dancing with joy. At length,

his terrors gave birth to words and he implored her to let him go. The kiss of the sea child is the seal of constancy walter vehemently implored forgiveness he confessed his deep iniquity he promised a life of penitence give me back the dead said the maiden bitterly and she planted another kiss which seemed to pierce his brain with its coldness upon his forehead the waves, said the maiden bitterly, and she planted another kiss, which seemed to pierce his brain with its coldness upon his forehead. The waves rolled around the rock on which they sat. They washed their seat. Walter was still in the maiden's grasp, and she lifted him to a higher ledge. The storm approached. Lightning struck down from the heavens into the sands, and thunders roared along the iron cliff. The mighty waves grew yet more rash and washed up to this strange pair who now

sat on the highest pinnacle of the pile of rocks. Walter's terrors nearly overcame him, but he was roused by a liquid stream of fire, which positively hissed by him, followed immediately by a crash of thunder, which shook the solid earth. Tom channels cottage on the cliff burst into a blaze fuck yeah and walter saw from his place amid the raging waters a crowd

of male and female roisters rushed terrified out upon the heath to be driven back by the pelting storm oh damn man nature's vengeance the climax of horrors appeared to surround walter he longed to end it in death but he could not die his senses were quickened he saw his wicked companion and evil advisor struck to the ground a blasted heap of ashes by a lightning stroke that sucks for him and at the same moment he and his companion were born off the rock on top of a mountain it's wave on which he floated the woman holding him by the hair of his head and singing in a rejoicing voice which was like a silver bell heard amidst the deep bass bellowings of the storm come away come away or the water's wild our earth born child died this day, died this day.

Come away, come away. The tempest loud weaves the shroud for him who did betray. Come away, come away. Beneath the wave, life the grave of him we slay, him we slay. Come away, come away. He shall not rest in earth's own breast for many a day, many a day. Come away, come away come away by billows too from coast to coast like a deserted boat his course shall float around the bay around the bay

myriads of voices on that wretched night were heard amidst the roar of the storm the waves were seen covered with a multitudinous host who were tossing from one to the other. The dying Walter Trewoof, whose false heart thus endured the vengeance of the mermaid who had in the fondness of her soul, made the innocent child of humble parents, the child of her adoption. The end. Damn. Oh, my gosh. Yep. That was worth it. That was a slow burn, but it was worth gosh. Yep. That was worth it.

That was a slow burn, but it was worth it. Yep. Absolutely. I now appreciate all that context. Holy shit. What a payoff. Yes.

Thank you. That was good. Yep. I love that. I want that movie. Yes, oh my God. And it's written so cinematically. Yeah, it really is. Like the whole ending storm

and like the cabin going ablaze. Yes, yes. Like, and like, I love the slow, just the slow feasting on his fear uh-huh yep like moving him up to higher and higher rocks just so that he can continue to be afraid yep and him like at that point wishing for death and not getting it and not getting it and i love that at the end he's still alive and they're tossing his corpse around singing about how like he will not be buried damn damn don't piss off a mermaid don't piss off mermaids yo like okay you know what i don't think i have any fixes after all i think my that was that was a very satisfying ending yep agreed that was awesome and great job reading that very long story by the way

thank you thank you it was really good oh you know what okay i have one fix different storyteller yeah yeah someone more sympathetic to the women in the story i would appreciate as a storyteller really that was the only thing like the just the judgmental like snotty writing especially in the beginning almost the end seemed almost like a different different story yeah yeah because it got more lyrical i love the introduction of the mermaid's poetry and her ominous singing it was very poetic at the end and much less like i don't know just mean spirited mean spirited and honestly it was a little confusing yeah of like who's our cast of characters?

Who does what? Like, yeah. Yeah. Great job. The ending was not confusing. The ending was sublime. No, the ending was perfect. Sublime.

That's the perfect word for that. Do you have any fixes outside of changing the storyteller? No, not at all. But that's, that's definitely a big fix is that rms adapted this one for her own collection i think is my my ultimate fix there i don't know even rms i think would have made it less dark that's fair the end was so good yeah becauseMS, RMS like definitely adapted her stories with children in mind. Mm-hmm.

I mean, they're obviously my favorite, but maybe they're so good, but maybe like a Hans Christian Anderson. Mm-hmm. Well, he would have made it. Yeah.

No, I think he would have had much more sympathy for. Yeah. But like, keep the ending almost the same. Mm-hmm. Cause it did. The end kind of did remind me of his like very just visual

and melancholy I mean it was still sad it was very sad but also really angry and ominous that was so great chef's kiss at least at the very end the ending made and ominous. That was so great. That was chef's kiss.

At least at the very end. The ending was the payoff we deserved for the rest of the story. And honestly, maybe the payoff for Mermaid. I don't know. Do we need another story? It was a good payoff for Mermaid, right?

I think maybe we should end on that story. This episode is... We have been recording for two hours, so... I think gang, we're just going to have to save Kelsey's Mermaid story for next Mermaid.

Yep. And it's a good one. But it's not like long, long, but I want to give it the time it deserves. So I think we should end it on that one. And it's not going to be as good want to give it the time it deserves so I think we should end it on that one and it's not going to be as good as that I'm telling you right now that was a perfect mermaid story

honestly that was everything I wanted from a mermaid story I was a little worried we weren't going to get it at first me too the setup was extensive. But worth it. Alright.

Mad Girl Mermaid. I got that point. Certainly. Did I get a bad dad? Was he a bad dad? I don't think he was a bad dad. And I don't think her mom was a bad mom. But I definitely got a sad boy. He was a real sad boy by the end.

And I get jerk boy. Yeah, I get too. Also, I think I get sad girl mermaid. You get sad girl and jerk boy. So we both got two points. We both got two points off that one. Honestly, the vibes of that story were immaculate at the end yep that was very fun flawless okay and on that note that's gonna do it for us for i guess this is like season

three of fairy tale fix i or season four i don't know it's probably season four this this is the end of season four of fairy tale fix. Thank you so much for listening to the show, hanging out with us, writing us, giving us all your feedback, suggesting stories for our patrons. Bless you.

Thank you so much for supporting the show. We literally couldn't do it without you and you will still be getting your July bonus episode when we get there and probably a much a much more awake and present abby and kelsey in the future for i mean guaranteed yeah guaranteed just take a little break and we'll come back much refreshed yeah if you want to keep talking to us throughout the couple months that we're going to be taking a little break, you can email us at info at fairytalefixpod.com. You can find us on Instagram at fairytalefixpod. You can join our discord by going to fairytalefix.com.

fairytalefixpod.com. One of those we own both. Yeah. Oh oh and then you can also go to fairytalefix.cash if you know what you just can't bear to part with us for the couple of months that we'll be out for six dollars you can get all of our bonus content yeah so that'll be pretty cool and so the mermaid's vengeance was written by hans christian anderson instead of this snotty oxford professor i like it and no one lived happily ever after the end