Fairy Tale Fix - 91: Pedantic Dolphin Girl

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

This week on Fairy Tale Fix: Abbie reads the monstrous tale of The Man Whale, a story that tells us who exactly are the most terrifying and treacherous of sea creatures (spoiler: it’s dead beat dads). Kelsey tells the Siberian tale of The Maiden Suvarna from the now-available Ruth Manning-Sanders A Book of Ghosts and Goblins, where things aren't quite what they seem.

Okay, I also just want to say it's really funny that we're talking about decentering men for Greta Gremlin summer when literally the whole like, Greta Gremlin's whole thing is that she forces a man to marry her immediately. Oh no, wait, I think I accidentally, oh no, I just can't hear you. I think you're muted. I am, I'm less muted. Thank you for that. No, but I mean, she forces Amanda to marry her so she's taking what she wants. Greta Gremlin goes after what she pleases. But is that decentering then?

No. I want a whole, that's what Gremlins, because I think there's already a Gremlins three, isn't there? Is there? Gremlins three needs to be about the Gretta Gremlins all getting together and like destroying the Gremlins and just living as- I love that idea. You know what I mean? And they're in their own little Gremlin witch coven.

If it's not a power lesbian witch coven, I don't want it. That's all I'm saying. You know, I was actually just thinking. What? I really like podcasts that have cold opens where they're just already in the middle of a conversation. Why don't we do that? It sounds so much easier than the intro. I mean, we used to and then we switched to a more like quote unquote professional intro

model. Dear listeners, do us a favor and go to our Instagram real fast and comment on the last post you see and tell us, do you prefer cold open or do you prefer the more professional introduction? Let us know. Let us know. Also, let us know if you prefer cold open or do you prefer the more professional introduction? Let us know. Let us know. Also, in case you weren't aware, this is Fairy Tale Fix. The podcast, the What the Fuck Fairy Tale podcast where-

What the actual fuck? Where we read fucked up fairy tales and that's almost all of them. It's great. It's so much fun. Welcome. We're glad you're here. I'm Kelsey. I'm Abby.

And honestly, I also kind of personally, if we were asking me, I prefer for us anyway, if we're just loosey goosey and we like we get to the intro at some point. But yeah, there you go. You know what we should start doing? We should just start hitting record immediately and just start talking. And then Dustin or you or whoever's editing just decides when it starts. I love this plan. Let's just, you know what?

Screw it. I actually don't care what the listeners think we're doing that way. I feel like that sounds fun because we also say some pretty funny stuff while we're doing it that way. I feel like that sounds fun because we also say some pretty funny stuff while we're just talking like in the prerecord. I know. We have some great conversations and then we were like, damn, that would have been a great story for the podcast. It's also, it's been a while since I've seen your beautiful face. I've missed you. We had another semi-little break and it just feels like, you know, and it's also, I just love you so much.

It's always too long when we go like that long without talking. I mean, I've talked to you every day. I feel like on like Google Chat or whatever. We text every day, but like we, but it's just different being able to see your beautiful, beautiful face. I love you so much. I love you too. This like coming and doing this podcast makes me so happy because I get to see you beautiful, beautiful face. I love you so much. This like coming and doing this podcast

makes me so happy because I get to see you. Me too. And I'm so excited because I feel like there's so many like exciting things happening for the podcast. So, or, and just for, I don't know, fairy tales in general. So if you don't, if you're not aware yet, I guess like maybe I sort of save this as a surprise. Our beautiful, wonderful patron, Melissa, and librarian and awesome human overall,

who does Mab Media, they released Ruth Manning Sanders, A Book of Ghosts and Goblins. Is that already out? Yes. You can go buy a copy for yourself. I think it's on Amazon. I don't know if it's on bookshop.org yet. I will post links in the show notes and Instagram and stuff. You can buy a book of ghosts and goblins, which has some of our favorite stories in

it. I was really excited about that. She sent me one. Don't walk favorite stories in it. And I was really excited about that. So she sent me one. Ron, don't walk, like to go get it, jeez. She sent us one for free because she's amazing and so sweet. Thank you. And I'm definitely buying a couple more copies. And I know it's like really early in the podcast to talk about this, but I wanna do a giveaway.

So I don't have all the details of the giveaway yet. Perfect autumn giveaway. So I don't have all the details of the giveaway yet. Perfect autumn giveaway. Yes. To get your spooky season started, we're going to do a giveaway with a brand new copy of a book of ghosts and goblins. And I know I'm going to add other fun stuff to it, probably some spooky stuff. So spooky. So go check out our Instagram page. It'll all be on there. And you can get your own copy of one of our favorite books. It has some of our favorite stories, which I'm going to remind you real fast. OK.

I'm looking at my old copy, but the new copy has all the same stories in it. I double checked. Some of our favorite stories, The Goblins at the Bath House. I love that story. A classic. A classic. A classic Goblin story. The Skull A classic. A perfect goblin story.

The Skull, which is one of my personal favorites. The Skull was amazing. Yes. We have that in one of our episodes. And then it also has The Kindly Ghost, The Good Woman woman and the leg of gold. So this story. Damn. Or yeah, this book has so many great stories.

There's even more. Every single one. Yeah. Absolute banger. Love it. So definitely go check that out. Make sure to follow Mab Media and Melissa on Instagram so you can see when the books get released.

And I'm just, She's doing amazing work and we love her. We love you so much, Melissa. Thank you so much for keeping these stories live. Important work. Amazing, important work. We couldn't love you more, honestly. It was very exciting. I was really stoked to get that in the mail. That's wonderful news. Anyway, how is your Greta Gremlin summer going? Ah, yes. Well, we are recording this in July. So Greta Gremlin summer continues. I'm not going to lie, the past couple of weeks have not been very Greta Gremlin for me.

Oh, no. Why not? I need to get back into the spirit. Yes. This is your refresh day. Is my refresh day. Why hasn't it been Greta Gremlin? Tell me. Well, the major hindrance has been, I was just telling you about this before we got on the podcast, but I have been struggling with the double ear infection because I am prone to them because my ear canals are teeny, teeny tiny.

And if any water gets trapped in them at all, I have a horrible time. And it happened in both ears after the last time I went swimming. So I'm very sad. I can barely hear. It's not like I can barely hear. Like I can hear. It's just that I feel like I'm underwater. Everything is kind of happening at a bit of a remove. Which makes it really

hard. It makes it very hard to Greta Gremlin if you just kind of feel like everything is so far away from you. You know what? I feel like you should take it as like Greta Gremlins just not even listening anyway. Right? Oh my gosh. Maybe that's exactly it. Just put a twist on it.

She's not even listening to you anyway, so who cares? She doesn't care what other people have to say. It's so funny because you were telling me this before we started recording. Abby told me how regular earbuds don't fit in her ears because they're so small. I didn't know that about you. We've been friends for like 15 years or more probably. More. Yeah, definitely more. Probably like 20 at this point.

It's been a while. I did not know that about you. Yeah. I mean, it's the wonderful thing about friendship as new things happen, you learn different things about your friends. Yes. And you know, did you ever see those videos that are like, oh, you should ask or you should automatically know these three things about your best friend, like, and they'll list off some things.

I saw a video like that the other day and it was like, you can win a million dollars right now. You get to pick your friend if you know their favorite color, their middle name, and I don't know, it was like their celebrity crush or something like that. And I immediately was like, could I answer this about Abby? I mean, can you? It did take me a second to think of your middle name. I'm going to put some pressure on you right now. The hardest one, obviously I know your favorite color is green.

Your middle name is Faith. It took me a second though. I don't know if I could answer that under pressure if a million dollars was on the line. The hardest one is your celebrity crush because I feel like you have so many. Oh, I mean, I was going to say a fair answer would be all of them. Just everyone? I wanted to say that guy from Star Trek, but I don't watch Star Trek, so I couldn't remember his name.

I mean, which guy from Star Trek? Because the answer would also probably be all of them. All of them. Oh yeah, I could just say Alan Rickman and I'd be right. Just say, I mean, literally name a celebrity and I'd probably be like, oh yeah. Yeah, that's my celebrity crush. I was like, man, Abby has so many. I don't know if there's just one. And that's 100% fair.

I posted a video to my Instagram stories today, which is a woman singing about... I mean, and I say a woman, a femme presenting person, I have no idea what their pronouns are, but singing about how they want to kiss everybody and everybody's hot. And I was like, this is my sexuality. Yeah. Like if you think I don't like you, don't worry. I probably do. And that's me.

And that's beautiful. I love that. I think it's beautiful too. I want to kiss everybody. I love that for anyone who feels that way, really. Yeah, nailed it. You could pick me up. Let me see if I can. I know I've got, so your

favorite color is red. Your middle name used to be Anne, but you switched it to Taylor when you got married. Or did you keep Anne in there? It's actually Diane. Was it Diane? Everybody called you Kat because- I used to tell people my middle name was Anne. It was Anne, okay. I knew that story. So my initials were Kat. Okay, your middle name, is Diane still in the mix or did you pick it up?

Technically no, but it's a name, so I feel like that's all very, it's not official. Names aren't really real, right? Sure. So Diane's still in there. But what's your government, what does it say on your social security card? It says Kelsey Taylor horn. So I'm right. I couldn't, and my mom's really pissed about it. She was really mad that I got rid of Diane. But I couldn't let go of Kelsey Taylor because I was one of those people growing up where a lot of people called me by my full name.

Like I was Kelsey Taylor, not just Kelsey. Well, there were a lot of Kelsey's, so we had to do that. Yeah, exactly. And I couldn't get rid of that. I don't know. I needed that. So I love that it says Kelsey Taylor like first on my driver's license and then like horn down on the bottom. Down at the bottom. We're like, if you want to be technical, I guess. Yeah, I guess. Anyway, okay, who do you think the celebrity crush is? I'm gonna go with Lupita Nyong'o currently,

just because. Absolutely. See, that's also, I feel like celebrity crush is so subjective. You could probably be right multiple times. Right, there's a lot of them. I'm sure like. You could also say Amy Lee.

Amy Lee, absolutely. That also came to mind. Maybe, that's probably a better answer because it's more of your eternal. Lupita Nyong'o is so, I love you sent me a video of her like up really high and she was a little scared and I felt so seen. I was like, even beautiful goddesses get scared of heights.

I know. It's just celebrities. They're just like us. It really… They're just like us. That's so relatable. They're just really, really, really, really good looking. They really, really, really are. I love it so much. Having a crush on everyone is the perfect answer. I feel like that's just so good. I love that you shared that video yesterday too or today even. It was this morning. I love that we're having this conversation because yeah, that is so true.

Everyone is kissable. Okay, good. So I would win. But what you had, I think the problem is with it, like, you're doing it newlywed couple style where you like write it down first. So now we have a plan. You just write everyone. Everyone.

All of them. Whatever she said, yes. It's true. We would have failed them because you would have written down Amy Lee probably if we were doing the game. I don't even know. I mean, if we were hanging out, I might have picked Rothbart. He's not a celebrity. It has to be a real person. If we were going to venture into cartoon territory, who do they think the hottest cartoon is? My answer would have been different. Right, not a celebrity. Okay.

What story are you going to tell me? Today, I'm flipping a little bit back and forth. I don't know. I was going to read you one thing and now I'm thinking I might read you the other because we're in kind of like a we don't like men sort of mood. Always. Like I did a lot of research for one story because I think it's like it's pretty fucked up. You could always tell it next week. I might tell this one next week. I'll do this one next time and I'm going to switch

over to tell a different story instead. I'm for it. You know what? Sometimes it works out the best that way. Yeah. I changed my mind and I think we're in the mood for this instead. I do need to look up a couple of pronunciations real quick though. Okay, yeah, yeah, no problem. Because this story is from Iceland and I don't know how to say any of these words. Can you tell me what it's called so I can start thinking about my predictions? It's called The Man Whale. Oh my God.

The Man Whale. Yes. This is just the man-hating podcast now, but I feel like, of course, that's where the fairy tale podcast would go. I mean, come on. All right. You know what? I'm just going to do my best because I want to get to the story and there's a lot of different place names in it. It's a little Irish in that way. Oh, I love it. Okay. Oh, wait, I gotta make predictions.

Yes, give me three predictions for the Icelandic tale, the manwhale. Okay, here are my predictions. This manwhale fucking sucks is my first prediction. My second prediction, there is no happy ending. Oh, I love it. My third prediction, bubbles are important. Bubbles are important. Last time we… Important bubbles. I feel like every time we've read anything that has whales involved, there's a bubble aspect. Right, like an air pocket or an air bubble or something like that.

So I'm just going with it. Okay. All right. Who? Okay. Here we go. Buckle the fuck up. I'm scared. The only one who should be scared is the protagonist of this story. Oh no. Okay. In ancient times, in the south part of the country, it was the custom to go in a boat at certain seasons of the year from the mainland to the cliffs of Gyrfuglaskar to procure seabirds and the eggs which they were in the habit of laying there. The passage to these rocks – oh, by the way, sorry, I forgot to say which book I'm reading out of. I'm reading out of Monstrous Tales, that book that you got me for my birthday last year.

Love that book. Stories of Strange Creatures and Fearsome Beasts from Around the World. This is from the, I'm assuming Sea Monsters section, it's Over Water Under Water is the name of the section. Oh, fun. Okay. Anyway, so there's a rock out in the ocean. People go there when the seas are calmer to collect bird eggs. The passage to these rocks was always looked upon as an unsafe one as they stood some way out at sea and a constant and heavy surf beat upon them. It happened once that some men went thither in a boat at the

proper season for this purpose as the weather seemed to promise a long calm. When they arrived at the rocks, some of them landed, the rest being left to take care of the boat. Suddenly, a heavy wind came on, and the latter were forced to leave the island in haste as the sea became dangerous and the surf beat furiously upon the cliffs. All those who had landed were enabled to reach the boat in time at the signal from their companions except for one who was a young, active man, who, having gone on his zeal higher and further than the others, was longer in getting down to the beach again. By the time he did get down, the waves were so high that though those in the boat tried their best to save him, they couldn't get near enough and so were compelled for their own lives sake to row

to shore. They determined, however, that when the storm should abate its fury, they would go back to the rocks and rescue him, knowing that unless they did so and the winds were soon spent, the youth could not but perish from cold and hunger. Often. Yeah, it does suck. He's just stuck out there all alone and it's a pretty barren rock. We'll come back for you. We'll come back for you.

Maybe if we feel like it. If it's convenient. He's got bird eggs, you know? Yeah, totally. He'll be fine. He'll be fine. Just give it a couple days. Give it a couple days.

Does he turn into a whale? Isn't he the man whale? Hang on. Pause. Hold your whales. Hold your horses. Hold. Just hold.

Hold your whales. They often tried to row back to Gierbalglaskr, but the whole season through, they were unable to row back to Gierbalglaskr. They were unable to row back to Gierbalglaskr. They were unable to row back to Gierbalglaskr. They were unable to row back to Gierbalglaskr. They were unable to row back to Gierbalglaskr. They were unable to row back to Gierbalglaskr. They were unable to row back to Gierbalglaskr. They were unable to row back to Gierbalglaasker, but the whole season through, they were unable to approach them as the wind and surf always drove them back. At least they're trying.

That's nice. Yeah, they're trying to get back there, but it's like, it's super, it's rough out there. And so they eventually give up. They're like, well, there's no food, there's no water on that rock. It's been weeks. Yeah, he's probably dead. He's probably dead. We- Womp, womp.

Womp, womp. We're moving on. Yep. That's fair. Poor guy. Although I have a feeling. I have a feeling he's not gone yet. Yes. That's a good feeling you have. Just a feeling. That's a great hunch. It's like you've read a fairy tale a time or two. I know. Just saying. Or just any story ever. He died and that's the end. We wouldn't have a story if he was dead. He died and that's the end. We wouldn't have a story if he was dead.

Yeah, he died, the end. Well, I mean, some stories are like that, but... Sometimes they are, and it's really shocking. It's always shocking when it's like it's a two paragraph story about how that actually, indeed that is very dangerous and you shouldn't attempt it because he died. And all the children are dead now. The end. The end. Anyway, so time passed away until the next season for Seeking Seabirds came

around. And the weather being now calm, the peasants embarked in their boat for Gyrfuglaskr. When they landed upon the cliffs, great was their astonishment at seeing come towards them a man, for they thought that no one could live in so wild and waste a spot. It's like Castaway. He's played by Tom Hanks. It is. It is. He's just been talking to a volleyball or a rock this entire time to keep himself safe. A bird egg. It's got to be a bird egg.

Yeah. That he painted a face on with his little smiley face. Exactly. Or what if he's friends with all the birds? Okay, I'm sorry. needed a face on with his little smiley face. Exactly. Or what if he's friends with all the birds? Okay, I'm sorry. I love that too. I love that too. That's not what this is though.

He'd be a much nicer man if that was- Oh no. What went down, foreshadowing. Uh oh. When the manager near them and they recognized him as the youth who had been left there the year before and whom they had long ago given up as lost, their wonder knew no bounds, and they guessed that he had the elves to thank for his safety.

I love that so much. Me too, right? They asked him all sorts of questions. What had he lived upon? Where had he slept at night? What had he done for fire in the winter and so forth? But he would give them none but vague replies, which left them just as wise as they were before. He said, however, he had never once left the cliff and that he had been very comfortable there, wanting for nothing.

He's just like a psychopath that's like, yes, I was fine. I actually quite enjoyed. I've done terrible things. That would be the horror movie version of this story for sure. Just a vacant, I've done terrible things. I wanted for nothing. Then they rode him to land where all of his friends and kin received him with unbounded amazement and joy, but questioned him as they would, could get but mighty little out of him concerning his life on the cliffs the whole year through. With time, the strangeness

of this event and the wonder of it had passed away from men's minds, and it was little, if at all, more spoken of." Nobody talks about it anymore. This is written so strange. Well, he's not really giving them a lot to go on. Yeah. And they're like, okay, you don't want to talk about it. Fine. Like he's probably traumatized. I don't know, I want to feel bad for him. But at the same time, I would curb that instinct. Because initially, it seems like he's gone through something traumatic, living on an island by himself. Like a barren wasteland island.

Like how did you survive? That had to have been hard. But he insists it wasn't hard. Nope, everything was fine. And he's back now. It's just a little weird. Super weird. But he won't talk about it and everybody eventually just stops pestering him. Mm-hmm.

Maybe they do think he's traumatized and they decide to leave him alone. Yeah. One Sunday in the summer, certain things that took place in the church at Volsnes filled people with astonishment. There were large numbers there and among them the young man who had passed a year on the cliffs of the Gierbusklauqer. When the service was over and the folk began to leave the church, what should they find standing in the porch but a beautiful cradle with a baby in it? The coverlet was richly embroidered and wrought of a stuff that nobody had ever seen before.

But the strangest part of the business was that though everybody looked at the cradle and the child, nobody claimed either one or the other and seemed to know anything whatever about them. Last of all came the priest out of the church who, after he had admired and wandered at the cradle and child as much as the others, asked whether there was no one present to whom they belonged. No one answered. Then he asked whether there was no one present who had enough interest in the child to desire him to baptize it. No one either answered or came forward. Mystery baby. Mystery baby. At this moment, the priest happened to cast his eye upon

the young peasant concerning who sojourned on the Gierwusglocker rocks he had always felt particularly suspicious, and calling him aside, asked him whether he had any idea who its father was and whether he would like the child baptized. But the youth turned angrily from him and declared that he knew nothing whatever about the child or its father. "'What care I,' he said, whether you baptize the child or no father. What care I, he said, whether you baptize the child or no, christen it or drown it, just what you think fit. Neither it nor its father nor its mother are aught to me."

Okay. As these unnecessary details. Yep. Absolutely. All right. You could have just said, no, I don't know. Yep. You're being a little extra about this. Yeah, go ahead and drown it. I don't care. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You seem defensive. Or maybe he's trying to get them to drown it because it's a man whale.

Dun, dun, dun. Half baby, half whale, and it needs to go in the water. And he's like, please throw in the ocean. I'm just making wild guesses. I don't know why I'm rooting for this guy so hard. You are really making some very kind assumptions about this man. I'm just trying. I'm trying to understand. I have a problem. I love this about you. I think you're such a lovely person.

Very empathetic. He went through something traumatizing and now he's like, I don't know. He won't talk about it. He won't talk about it. Okay, keep going. Well, we're about to find out why. I'm a little scared, actually. As these words left his lips, there suddenly appeared in the porch a woman, handsomely appareled of great beauty and noble stature whom no one had ever seen before.

She snatched the coverlet from the cradle and flinging it in through the door of the church said, be witness all that I wish not the church to lose its dues for this child's baptism. So she's essentially saying like, oh my God, I'll fucking pay for the baptism. So she throws this beautiful. I like that so much better. Oh my God, I'll fucking pay for the baptism. That is essentially what that boils down to. That's so good. I'm glad you explained that because I was kind of confused. I was like, does she not want to... Because the way you said it made it sound like she doesn't want to hinder the church, But like, that's probably- Right. I mean, and that's kind of how it sounds.

When I first read the story, I had to read that a couple of times to be like, what does she mean? But no, she means this cloth is so beautiful. They make special mention earlier in the story that no one knows what it's made of. It's very beautiful and very valuable. When she tosses it into the church, she's saying, here are your dues for baptizing the child. Oh my God, I'll just fucking pay for it.

Who is she? We are about to find out. Then, turning to the young peasant and stretching out her hands toward him, she cried, but thou faithless coward, disowner of my child. Sorry, no, she doesn't say disowner of my child. She says disowner of thy child. Oh, shit. But thou faithless coward, disowner of thy child, shalt become a whale, the fiercest and most dreaded in the whole wide sea." That's debatable, but. Well, you'll, I mean, we'll fucking see. We'll fucking see, won't we? It's a monster story. Yeah. I just mean like be nice to the whales.

Why are whales so dreaded? That seems rude. Whales sink boats. People love whales. Whales don't love people. What kind of whales in an orca? Because that's not really a whale, by the way. I'm sorry.

Yes, I know, Kelsey. Am I being a pedantic dolphin? You're being a little pedantic. But yes, no, they're not a whale. Because those are just going to be straight orcas, not whales. Everybody's going to be a little pedantic. But yes, no, they're not a whale. Because the Lizard Sky and the Big Straight Orgasm aren't whales. Everybody loves whales, okay?

I don't love whales. It's one of the reasons why I picture this story. Okay, it's not that I don't love whales. I think whales are lovely. I think whales are important animals and they should exist. One of your biggest fear is getting swallowed by a whale. I am scared of it. I get that.

I get it. I understand. Someone sent me, because people like to tease me, someone sent me an Instagram reel of a giant blue whale doing a feeding lunch where they lunge for the surface with their mouths wide open and swallow a school of fish or whatever. I was like, oh my God, my nightmare. I've had like two women on a kayak because I think I sent you that. You did send me that one.

I was like, have a look. But he spits them back out immediately. Whales are like the best. I'm sure they do. Okay. Can I just, this is my whole thing, is whales are giants of the sea and they're just misunderstood because they're big,

but they're not like mean. They just don't know their size. But that's what's scary about them. That is very scary. I don't think whales are malicious. I think whales are lovely. They should exist. They are good animals. I'm glad that the world has whales are malicious. I think whales are lovely. They should exist. They

are good animals. I'm glad that the world has whales in it. But they are so huge that they might, they just might not even notice. Yep. No, they're like, oh, what's that? That they've done something to you. It's too big. I can't swallow it because they eat the tiniest fish. They do. So I know that it's also it's a rational, but it's also like, they're so big, like, they probably don't even see you if from certain angles, because they're passive. Well, I'm

picturing an orca now because I mean, go on. But the way she's like the most disgusting sea creature, a whale, which like, you know. No, no, she said fiercest and most dreaded. Yeah, most dreaded, oh, maybe. Yeah, an orca, it's gotta be an orca. She probably means like some kind of killer whale. Yeah, killer whale. Anyway.

Go on. I am going to move on now. We're leaving whale corner. OK, fine. With these words, she seized the cradle and disappeared. The priest, however, took the coverlet, which she had flung into the church, and made of it an altar cloth, the handsomest

that had ever been seen. As for the young peasant, he went mad on the spot, rushing down to the holmer cliffs, which rise sheer from the deep water, made as if he would throw himself from them. But while he hesitated for a moment on the brink, lo, a fearful change came over him, and he began to swell to a vast size, till at last he became so large that the rock could no longer bear him, but crumbling beneath him hurled him into the sea. He's a were-orca. He's a were-orca.

A were-whale. A were-whale. I was trying to do like a howl, but it's a whale sound. No, I got that. He just starts like, he starts morphing and makes a whale sound. I love that the cliff is crumbling beneath him because now he's all heavy. So cute. That's so good.

Does it only happen on the full moon? because now we saw heavy. So cute. That's so good. Does it only happen on the full moon? I have so many questions. We'll see. Sorry, sorry, sorry. No, please, make that noise again. Amazing. He's a were orca.

This is amazing. Were orca? I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go with were orca.

I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go with were orca. I'm going to go a were orca. This is amazing. Were orca? I'm crying. Okay. So he falls into the sea and there he was changed into a great whale, and the red cap which he had been wearing became a redhead. After this, his mother confessed that her son had spent the year with the elves upon

Gyrbaglaskr. On his being left on the rocks by his companions, so he had declared to her, he had at first wandered about in despair, filled only with the thought of throwing himself into the waves to die a speedy death rather than suffer all the pangs of hunger and cold. But a lovely girl had come to him and telling him she was an elf, she asked him to spend the winter with her. Don't do that. That was a mistake. I mean, if you're not going to take care of the consequences, you know, you should have flung yourself off the cliff. She had borne him a child before the end of the year and only allowed him to go to shore when his companions came again to the cliffs, on condition that he would have this child baptized when he should find it on the church porch. And she threatened him that if he failed in the fulfillment of this, the severest punishment

and most hapless fate. So he tried to deadbeat dad his way out of caring for the child that he created. He was like, I'm not paying child support. I am not baptizing. You can go ahead and drown it for all I care. Yeah. So like, ugh. This guy sucks. This guy sucks. I got a point. You do get a point. This guy sucks. Yeah. Now Redhead, the whale, took up his abode in the Faxefjord and wrought mischief there

without end, destroying boats innumerable and drowning all their crews so that at last it became unsafe to cross any part of the bay and nothing could either prevent his ravages or drive him away. After matters had gone on like this for some time, the whale began to hunt a narrow gulf between Acharonis and Cure... Cularnis. Sorry. My apologies to Iceland. By the way, Dustin got back to us already. We've had 32 total downloads in Iceland. You asked the question? I did. Dustin got back to us right away.

Okay, so there's one person who has downloaded 32 of our episodes. I hope. Maybe. Or 32 people that only downloaded one. One number like, ew, no. Honestly, that's probably for the best considering I cannot say any of these words or names. Whatever. Iceland has some of the best folk and fairy tales.

I love the story so far, actually. Isn't this great? It's so good. Tell us more about the elves. So he begins hunting this narrow gulf that they eventually name after him. At that time, there lived at Saurbor, an aged priest who, though Hale and Hardy, was blind. He had two sons and a daughter who were all in the flower of their youth and who were their father's hope and stay, and as as it were the very apple of his eye. His sons were in the habit of

fishing in the Gulf and one day when they were out they encountered the whale redhead who overthrew their boat and drowned them both. When their father, yeah, it's a bummer. Someone should really kill this thing. He's a, Orca. He can't help it. See? Why am I still defending this man? It's his nature. Yeah. Why are you still on his side? I don't know. This is, if anything, I think that the elf let him off too lightly if he's being allowed to swim around ravaging the coastline. All of these other people are now being punished for him not wanting to pay child support.

Yeah. You know what? I've got a fix for this story. Okay. Oh, I can't wait to hear it. When their father heard of their death and how it had been brought about, he was filled with grief but uttered not a word. Now it must be known that this old priest was well skilled in all magical arts. And not long after this, one fine morning in the summer, he bade his daughter take his hand and guide him down to the seashore. And when he arrived there, he planted the end of the staff which he had brought with him in the waves, and leaning on the handle, fell into deep thought. After a few minutes, he asked his daughter,

How looks the sea? My father, it's as bright and smooth as a mirror. Again, a few minutes, and he repeated, How looks the sea? She replied, I see on the horizon a black line which draws nearer and nearer as it were a shoal of whales swimming quickly into the bay. When the old man heard that the black lion was approaching them, he bade the girl lead him along the shore toward the inland end of the bay. She did so, and the black surging sea followed them constantly. But as the water became shallower, the girl saw that the foam arose not from a shoal of whales as she had thought at first, but from the swimming of a single huge whale with a red head." Whoa.

Like he's fucking huge. Geez. This is Abby's worst nightmare whale. For real. Like this is not a whale, it's an eldritch nightmare in the shape of a whale. So this huge- He's a jerk too. It's not even like just a regular whale. No, it's a whale who used to be a regular schmo human jerk and has now decided- It's a vengeance whale. Vengeance whale. He's coming for you. He's coming. He's coming. And he is coming. He's swimming rapidly towards them along the middle of the bay. And he's doing it as if drawn by some unseen power. So the old man has worked some kind of charm on him. I love this wizard.

Me too. God damn it. I love this wizard. Me too. God damn it, I love a wizard. Just randomly popped like peppered in at the end. Yeah, yeah, just a random side, a random like, you know, here's a random story about the whale that we just heard the origin story of the whale. A river ran into the extreme end of the Gulfulf, and the old priest begged his daughter to lead him still along its banks. And as they went slowly up the stream, the old man feeling every footstep before him, the whale followed them, though with a heavy struggle, as the

river contained but little water so vast a monster could swim in. Yet forward they went, and the whale still after them, till the river became so narrow between its high walls of rock that the ground beneath their feet quaked as the whale followed them. And after a while they came to a waterfall, up which the monster leaped with a spring that made the land tremble far and wide and the very rocks totter. Did he jump in the river? He's not stuck on land though. He's still in the water. He leaps up over this waterfall and lands in the river at the top of it. He's still swimming after them. At last they came to a lake from which the river rose, whose course they had followed from the sea. Here the heart of the monster broke from toil and anguish, and he disappeared from their eyes. When the old priest returned home after having charmed the whale

thus to his death, all the people from far and near thanked him for having rid their coasts of so dread a plague. And in case anyone should doubt the truth of this story of Redhead the Man Whale, we may as well say that on the shores of Lake Volvaton, mighty whale bones were found lying long after the date of this tale. The end. Ooh, that is kind of Irish-y. Yeah, because it's explaining why did we find some huge ass whale bones over here. OK, wait, what was the lake called again?

Valvain. It's a lake. And it's spelled H-V-A-L-V-A-T-N. Sorry, say that again. H- That's V-A-L-V-A-T-N. Ooh, yeah, it's a real lake. And it's a real island. I looked it up.

We'll do geography corner. Oh, we forgot to do geography corner. Well, I should have. I actually was thinking I should have predicted it was a real island because it is a tiny Gilsuglasker. Is that how you were saying it? Gilsuglasker? I'm sure I'm saying it wrong. Gilsuglasker. It was a tiny, tiny island on the southwest of Iceland. And yeah, the Havlaten or however you say it is a real lake. I want to see how. Yeah, it's pretty close to the island.

It's not super close, but it's on the southwest coast. Right. It's really far inland though. Well, the whale was charmed to go so far that it like eventually like gives out because of the exertion. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, super cool.

I love it. Man, I love this place actually exists. Folktale, that's so good. Yeah, me too, of like actually getting to hear like one of the stories that sort of surround a good. Yeah, me too of like actually getting to hear like one of the stories that sort of surround a place. Yeah, that's awesome. That was great. Yeah, I'm glad you enjoyed that. I think I thought this is a great story. That's really cool. It was super fun. Let's see. The man whale did fucking suck. Yep. Was there a happy ending?

Not for the whale. Not for the protagonist. But would you give me a point for there's no happy ending? I don't feel like there was a happy or sad ending. It just ended. Yeah, it just ended. And there were no bubbles. It wasn't a sad ending because the old wizard triumphs over Redhead, but a lot of people are dead. Yeah, for real. The townsfolk are all really glad that the whale is dead, but also like, you know, fucked up shit happened. I'd say one point. Yeah, that was cool.

I'm still looking at the map, but that's really neat. I love that it's like two real places. That island is tiny. You can't even see it when you're all the way zoomed out. Yeah. It's very little. It's just a rock that's in the middle of the sea. It has two Google reviews that are both five stars though.

Five stars? It's got some pretty pictures of the rock but also a sea bird on it, which I think is fun. I love that. Oh, actually, I think that's like a statue. I don't think that's a real bird. Oh, that's funny. It's like a rock that looks like a bird.

Anyway, yeah, A plus story. I love that. My fix for it is that the elf punished him a different way. I feel like her punishment was very... She did a lot of widespread damage over one man. Yeah. She just made him a werewhale. Now he's more powerful. Exactly. You just gave this man more power with which to just be shitty. She should have just fed him to a whale. Yes. Feeding him to a whale. The thing is, is that I still really like the body horror of it. Yeah. Of him becoming something else and becoming a monster. I almost kind of wish

she had turned him into some kind of plant. I kind of wish that she had turned him into evil tree. An evil tree. A were tree. Yeah, a were tree. Something. He should have elected him into a whale on a full moon and he can never leave the ocean side or he can never leave the island because of that reason or something. Oh, that's a good one. Okay. He's a good one. Okay. He's chained to the island because he turns into this whale. I love it. Okay. No, no. He's okay. No.

Instead of killing just anybody, he just kills the sailors that come to that island to steal the sea bird's eggs. He gets put to use as a deterrent for any other men coming to this island to be sure. But then you have to still have the like, he follows somebody to this island to be sure. But then you have to still have the like, he follows somebody to this other island because the whale bones thing. Because the whale bones are there, yeah.

So maybe, okay, so okay, here's how it goes in my new version. Okay, that's exactly what happens. The elf woman curses him to instead become the guardian of these rocks. He can only come ashore once a year. He can only come ashore once a year on the anniversary of the day that he both was lost and then got rescued. Some other woman tricks him into following him and she just kills him instead. Yeah. I love this. Okay. And some other woman tricks him into following him and she just kills him instead. Yeah, I love this. Okay.

And she's going to have their baby, but she just tricks him into following him to this lake where she can murder him. So he stops killing all the sea sailors. Sorry, the sea bird killers. I don't know what I'm saying. Nope. Love it. That's it. That's it. That's new story.

Because the whale, this was years later, but the whale killed her lover who was trying to get the bird eggs. She tricks him into falling in love with her and catfishes him to follow her to this other lake. I don't know. I feel like that's so much drama, but that's fun. It's so fun. I love it. That is the new ending. We fixed it. Perfect.

We fixed that so good. We did. I love us. But yeah, that's the man whale. Okay. The man whale. The were whale needs a different name too. I feel like were whale probably would have given away. Although man whale kind of gave it away. I just didn't really know what to expect. Well, I also feel like man whale implies like a certain sort of like Cronenberg monster. Definitely.

You know, which this isn't it. He fully transformed into a whale. So I think where whale is more appropriate. Yeah. Imagine like a giant whale, but it actually has like a creepy human face. Right. Exactly. Anyway, tell me a fairy tale. Okay. So because of the new release of A Book of Ghosts and Goblins, I decided to read from A Book of Ghosts and Goblins. Yay, I was hoping you would.

Which by the way, huge shout out to our, one of our favorite listeners of all time, Chris Otto, who sent us some old Ruth Manning Sanders books. And we, it's just so nice to like have these old versions and it's so exciting to have the new versions from Melissa. Love you guys. You too. And I really mean like, I don't know, I just think having these books now that

they're available again in your collection is so exciting. So if you enjoy the show and you like the Ruth Manning Sanders books like we do, please just go buy one like support MAD Media and yeah, support MAD Media keep keep these keep Keep these amazing stories in circulation. Yeah. I messaged Melissa and I was like, I hope you sell one million copies because I genuinely think they're the greatest. They are the greatest. I read all of these Ruth Manning Sanders, not all of them, obviously, but all of the ones in the A Choice of Magic one. I was obsessed with

those as a kid. I think these make great presents for kids or for people with kids. You should be reading these to your children. They will love it. Yeah. Or just, I don't know, even just read them for yourself. I don't have kids and you gifted me A Choice of Magic. It's one of those books where literally I had to evacuate my house because of a wildfire at one point and that was one of the first things I grabbed. It's one of my houses on fire and I can grab one book. It's that one. It's a choice of magic. And now it's all of the old books.

I would scoop all of the old library additions like off of my shelf and into my arms. Yeah. Because like they're irreplaceable. Yeah. They're so good. They're so much fun and I just love them so anyway. So I'm going to read out of this book.

And I am reading, hopefully you haven't heard it, The Maiden Svarn. Okay. I might be saying this wrong. This is a Siberian fairy tale and it's the maiden Svarna. It's S-U-V-A-R-N-A. It's like S-U-V-AR-NA. Svarna. Svarna, yeah. Cool. Pretty name, I assume. Yeah, I like that, Suvarna. Yeah, that's prediction number one. Suvarna is the protagonist's name. The maiden Suvarna is the protagonist.

Is that too obvious? You're gonna give me that one? I'm gonna give you that one. Because you're wrong, no, I'm just kidding. I mean, the thing is, it could be. Suvarnak could not be someone's name. You know what? That's 100% fair. She could be mentioned in it once and then never again. Might not be the protagonist. Yeah. All right. What's your second prediction? All right, what's your second prediction?

This is gonna be a ghost story. That's a good, that's a good, cause it's a book of ghosts and goblins. Right, exactly. All right, you got one more. Haunted house. Haunted house. Perfect. Okay. I'm going to do geography corner real quick. Yay.

Because we almost forgot about it last time. I'm glad that you remembered. Well, and I don't... Hold on. So Siberia is like an area in Russia, and I'm trying to see, does it really still exist or is it just Russia? Well, I mean, it's a Russian province. Yeah.

But it's like the super icy bit. And I'm not seeing like an outline of it. Oh, maybe it doesn't form. And I'm not seeing like an outline of it. Oh, maybe it doesn't form. Here's Siberia. So I'm wondering if it's even like. Maybe it doesn't formally exist anymore. Yeah, that's what I was wondering. Let me.

Okay, hold on. Siberia. I'm going to go on the Wikipedia page. You can keep all this in. Okay. You know what? We're all learning together. You're right. Uh, just in case anyone is wondering, I'm not an expert in Siberia.

How dare you? You represented yourself as an expert in all things geography. Okay. So, yeah, Siberia. Ooh, how do you pronounce it? There's like a thing, hold on. Is it not Siberia? Well, it sounds in Russian as Sibir. Okay. Sibir is what it sounds like. So it's an extensive geographical region comprising of all North Asia from the Ural Mountains to the Pacific Ocean in the East. So I think

it is still part of Russia. But it's huge. Yeah, it's really big. But Russia is huge. Yeah, it's real big. Yeah, it's real big. Because Siberia is a geographic and historic concept and not a political entity, there is no single precise definition of its territorial borders. Okay, so that's why it wasn't showing up in Google Maps. Gotcha, okay, that makes sense. Cool, well, that's really interesting.

All right, so yeah, Google Siberia and kind of look at, you can kind of see where it is. It is a giant region, so that doesn't really tell us anything about the story. No. And it's not really important to the story, I promise. Oh man, I am very excited to hear the story. Okay. Lay it on me. The Maiden's Cervarna. A man and his wife lived under a hut in a mountain. The land about their hut was a waste and desolate, and they were poor, none poor in the whole wide world.

But they had a daughter, a maiden, whose beauty outshined the whole wide world. Of course it did. She was super hot. She was super hot. Yeah. The fairest of them all some would say. One day they had nothing to eat and the maiden whose name was Savarna went out to look for mushrooms, which is so cottagecore, cottagecore queen. And what should happen? But a king saw her as he rode by a hunting and he was always do. And what do you think he was? Abby smitten.

Smitten in love with her. Astonished at her beauty. Astonished. Maiden, lovely maiden, will you marry me? Oh, he asked. I like that. Immediately. That's the first thing he says to her. At least it was a question.

That's true. Fair. If my parents say yes, sire, then I will marry you. And of course she will also, whether she wants to or not, because they're poor as fuck. I mean, at a certain point, you make decisions based on survival. Your parents are obviously going to say yes. Of course the parents said yes. Literally, that's the next sentence. The king gave them a purse full of gold and Svarna rode away with the king and now she was a queen. But I feel like she was always kind of a

queen. And by and by, she had three beautiful little sons, but people began to grumble. sons. But people began to grumble. Oh. Do you know why they're grumbling? Bigots. They hate poor people. Yes. Yep. She's not from a rich family. Yeah. That's exactly right. Our king has picked up a wife out of the gutter. Who knows

what vulgar blood runs in the young prince's face? Oh, we're throwing vulgar blood into in the young prince's princess's veins. Oh, we're throwing vulgar blood into it too, so. Uh-huh. Wow. Bleh. Bleh. Shall one of tainted blood rule over us

when our good king dies? No, no, let the king drive the scum away. Let him take a new wife, a lady of high lineage, that he may get an heir worthy to succeed him. And the growlings and grumblings grew louder and louder. They reached the king's ears, and he became sad and thoughtful. And though he said nothing to Savarna, whom he still loved dearly, she found out what troubled him." Is he trying? God, he better be trying to spare her feelings and not secretly being agreeing with all of the... Yeah, he's definitely sparing her feelings. Okay, good, good, good.

She's not stupid. She knows and she's like, the people hate me. The king would be happier without me. I had better take my little sons and go home. No, don't let them win. I know, right? It's so sad. So she left a loving note for the king, took the three children and set off for her home. The king sorrowed. Also, this is treason.

You stole all of his heirs. But he does, he loves her, which is really sweet. And the king sorrowed, but he thought, maybe it is all for the best. The people are fickle-hearted and out of sight is out of mind. I will not take another wife. I'll wait until the people forget their grievance and then I will fetch Svarna and the children back to the court. So he's kind of like, I think he's more worried for her than he is about anything

else. That's good. That's good. Okay. You see, I like this king. This is a good, this king, as fairy tales go. Yeah. He's doing all right. It's all right.

I feel like he also just let her leave, which kind of sucks. Yeah, that's true. But he's doing it. If you're worried, yeah. If you're worried about Ashley. Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should have sent her with a compliment of guards to a country estate or something.

Yes. Sorry, what were you saying? Just to have somebody follow her along. I get where he's coming from, but it's also not the best option you could take. But anyway. Toast fair. It was a long, long way Savarna had to go to reach her home. The children got very tired and the smallest of them cried. But Savarna took him on her

back and trudged on. Look, said she, do you see that great mountain? Under the mountain there is a dear little hut and there your granny and granddad live and they will be oh so happy to see us. You left your parents in a hut under a mountain? Do you remember the king left them with a purse of gold? Sure, he bought her with a bag full of gold. Yes, he bought her and then they went bang. Yeah, I mean, but you're not going to move your parents into a nicer house?

Like, that's fair. We'll just wait. Closer to you? All right, I'm waiting. I us wait. Closer to you? All right. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. But what was this?

As they drew near the mountain, where all, as Svarnia remembered it, had been waste and desolation, she now saw rich farmlands and clusters of pretty houses and lush green meadows were immense flocks and herds grazed. Very nice. Yeah. birds grazed. Such sleek cows and oxen, such magnificent shining horses, such mighty droves of thick-walled sheep, such a multitude of merry skipping lands, Svarna had never seen before. No, not in all the king's realm that she had left. This place is way better. Damn.

And then they came to a host of laborers tilling fields, and watching them was a little lad, very handsomely dressed. And the little lad stepped up to Zivarna, bowed low, and said, Madam, may I know your name? My name is Zivarna. My parents used to live under this mountain, and I am journeying with my little ones to visit them. The little lad clapped his hands and fairly leapt for joy.

Then do you know who I am? he cried. I am your brother. Oh. Born after you went away. Come you shall eat and drink, you and my nephews, and when you are refreshed and rested I will take you home. He led her to a silk pavilion standing in a green meadow and the pavilion and ivory table was set with all sorts of delicious food and drink. And there on a velvet cushion golden chairs, Savarna and her children ate and drank, waited on by, I don't really know this word, liveryed servants. Livery is like a servant's uniform that are usually in a specific house's colors. Okay. That's very fancy.

Very fancy. Scarcely had they finished their meal when a rumble of wheels and a scamper of hooves were heard outside. A serving man drew back the curtain entrance to the pavilion. Savarna's young brother took her by the hand and let her outside. What did he see? A golden coach drawn by eight white Arab horses waiting to take her home. Ooh, okay. I know, so fancy. Her parents came up in the world, okay? I guess she doesn't need to move them closer. So they all got into the coach. The postilion cracked his whip, and the eight white Arab

horses trotted merrily. Savarna could scarcely believe her eyes. Smiling men and women crowded the roadside and waved to them as they drove by. And then they were bowling through a great city where the streets were strewn with flowers and all the houses decorated with flags. "'Our Lady Savarna has come home to us!' "'Our Lady Savarna has come home to us. Our Lady Svarna has come home, cried the people who thronged the streets."

How long has she been gone? Literally. This is like a fairy tale. Right? It's giving very... Absolutely. Really? Absolutely. Yeah. There is magic afoot for sure. It's magic. Probably means this is a goblin story and not a ghost story.

And there beyond the city stood a magnificent palace whose walls were of ivory and whose golden pinnacles glittered in the sun. And on the steps of the palace stood Savarna's father and Savarna's mother, dressed in such clothes as a king and queen might envy. And they ran to fling their arms around her and laughed and wept for joy. Oh, how good it is to see. You know what's so exciting is every time we read a story like this where the princess goes off and like marries a king,

you never really hear about the parents again until the very end of the story. Yeah. Yeah, usually. Which is what I really like about this one. Yeah, and I like that she, yeah, I just think this is great. Like this is very like family, heartwarming family stuff. And like, and everybody like still loves each other

and is really excited to see each other. Yeah, it's like really sweet. I don't know, I like that. It's very sweet. So they fling their arms around her and laughed and wept for joy. Ah, how good it is to see you again, our darling Savarna, they cried. How good it is of you to come and visit us before we die, which is such a parent thing to say, honestly.

Absolutely. The guilt trip. For real. It's a sweet thing to say, but it comes with a side of guilt. The three little boys were put to bed in a beautiful room where everything that was not gold was silver and everything that was not silk was satin. And Savarna sat by a blazing fire in the great hall and told her parents about the scorn of the king's people. Now she had left the king, lest his people should rise in rebellion against him." Damn.

And Savarna's father said, well, as you see, we have prospered greatly since the king left us that purse of gold. One bag of gold turned into all this. That's crazy. Oh, yeah. And there's a Robin Jaque, like illustration of the castle that's really beautiful. Can you see it? That's really pretty. I love that. Yeah, it's like all the spires and. Yeah, it's kind of extravagant. And what I love about this too is it's kind of a different illustration from Robin Jacques that we usually see. He usually picks out like one random, really random detail. But this one's like kind of just like a landscape of the

whole palace and it's really pretty. Yeah, it's much more traditionally fairy tale illustration as opposed to like, he's like, there's like a throwaway paragraph about a strange little man and he'll be like, ooh, I'm going to draw that. Or a dragon and they draw like the weirdest, fattest dragon ever. I'll never forgive him. You love it though. Does the dragon so dirty. Man, I feel like Robin Jacques might be like second, maybe third and like, cause it's like, gotta be Hans Christian Anderson, Ruth Manning Sanders,

and then Robin Jacques on my list of people I wanna talk to. I very much wanna talk to all three of these people. Ooh, well, maybe Robin Jacques and Ruth Manning Sanders as multiple people at lunch, talk to them at the same time. They become packaged together as a singular concept. Right? I want to ask, did Ruth, did you have any, I want to ask like, oh, did Ruth, did you have any say in what the problem was going to draw? Right, like how, was the creative process for like illustrating these stories and yeah. Or talk to them separately and get the tea. Anyway,

so Savana's father is talking about how they've been doing super well since the king left with him with a purse of gold and they have even turned into royalty. We will write and invite the king and his court to pay us in a five days visit. He's basically like, don't even worry about it. You're royalty now. We're going to have the king come and it's going to be like whole thing. Like we're the king and queen of this tiny kingdom now. Like, yeah. The message was sent and the king greatly wondering

accepted the invitation and arrived soon afterwards with all his court. Right royally, they were entertained by Savarna's parents with banquets and tournaments and balls and every kind of amusement. Yay for the rich people. Hooray. The king's ministers whispered to one another,

we were very wrong. Our notion was that our queen was basically born was false. Her people's estate is a mighty one and their wealth is even greater than our king's because that's really what matters. That's what matters. So when the five days visit came to an end, all the king's court were eager that Savarna would come back with them. As for the king, her husband, his delight knew no bounds. But Savarna's mother came to her and said, Let the king take your little sons and set

out for his own domain. But do you, my darling daughter, stay with us yet another day and night that we may have you to ourselves? For who can tell when we will see you again?" "'I will stay if the king is willing,' said Savarna." Which I hate that answer, but... Uh, yeah, me too. If my husband says it's okay.

I guess if my husband's... And the king was willing because he's actually kind of the best. He's a good dude. Well, maybe not the best, but he's not the worst, which kind of makes him the best out of Fairy Tale Kings. In a fairy tale, he's actually being a pretty great husband by fairy tale standards. Yeah. He's like, yeah, don't worry.

I'll take the kids. You spend some quality time with your parents. Yeah. He's like, yeah, don't worry. I'll take the kids. You spend some quality time with your parents. Yeah. That's, you know. I mean, he asked to marry her. He didn't just say, get on my horse. Yeah, he didn't just pluck her off the sidewalk and be like, we're getting married. Or more like, how does henchman snatch her.

I love Galladhan. Oh, me too. So much. So the king was willing and indeed he was pleased because he was planning to give Sivarna a royal reception into his kingdom and a day and night's delay would give him time to arrange it. Oh, he's throwing a party, he's all excited. Okay, I like him. So taking the three little boys into the royal coach with him, and with his court following in carriages or on horseback, he set off for home, leaving Savarna with her parents. And all that day, Savarna and her father and mother

and brother talked lovingly together. And it was late at night before Savarna went into her soft bed in a handsome room next to her father and mother and brother talked lovingly together. And it was late at night before Savarna went into her soft bed in a handsome room next to her father and mother's. Softly stepping maidens waited on her. They took off her gorgeous garments and folded them neatly. They dressed her in her embroidered night clothes and they blew out the lights and tiptoed away, fitting her to sleep well and sweetly. And Savarna lay on her bed of silk and down and smiled

and fell into a dreamless sleep. I have a feeling things are about to take a turn. You are feeling correct. Because also like where are the ghosts and goblins? Oh, you remembered what book this was from. I did. I feel like I forgot whilst I was reading. But when she awoke in the morning, her pillow felt hard and her bed cold, and there were no softly stepping

maids coming to wait on her. There was no handsome room. There was no gorgeous palace. There was nothing. Nothing. She was lying on a stone slab outside a ruined hut. Mother, mother, mother, cried Savarna, leaping up in terror. Oh! At least there was her mother. But how strange, how insubstantial she looked. Savarna ran to fling her arms around her, but her arms met empty air. Oh! Mother! Mother, mother!

And the strange and ghostly form answered, darling Savarna, do not grieve too greatly. Your father and I died and went to our rest, oh, many years ago. You never had a brother, but from the world of worlds, we were permitted to look back and see your troubles and we were permitted also to return to earth. We might right those troubles. Now you can go back to the king, your husband, and be honored as you should be, and your father and I will rejoice over

you in the world of worlds." Oh my God, I'm getting chills. I know. Me too, actually. And I already know what the story is going to end. And when she had said that, the ghost of Sivarna's mother faded in the light of dawn and Sivarna rose up and went back to the king. And when she drew near the king city, a great concourse of people came out to welcome her with music and singing and led her to the king's palace where there was feasting and merriment.

"'For our queen is a lady of high lineage,' said the people. "'She has distinguished relatives "'and her sons are of high lineage said the people. She has distinguished relatives and her sons are of noble birth. The end. Oh my gosh. I might cry. That was so sweet. Her ghost parents came back to help her. I know. Oh my gosh. That's so sweet.

I know. And then they have like one last day together to talk. It's so sweet. I know, Abby's crying. I'm literally crying. That was so sweet. Isn't that such a good story? Yeah, that's such a great story.

I love that. That's so, that's so, that's a great ghost story. That's my favorite kind. I know all of it. The fact that whenever the maiden gets to marry the prince and the parents aren't mentioned until hardly at all, it's like, oh, they bought them a nice house. That's what I was expecting. Oh, he left them with a purse of gold. Yeah. We never hear about them ever again. She gets to go back and they get to meet their grandchildren.

Yeah. So sweet. That's very sweet. There are parts of the story that also make me very sad though. I mean, the fact that they died, that bag of gold was not enough to help them live. Yeah, they should have gone and lived with the king, like you said. He should have brought them. Because I wonder what killed them. Was it just they got older and their bodies couldn't handle couldn't handle the low quality of everything? Probably. Poverty. Any more? Did they die of exposure because they just got too cold?

And they never had a son, but that was so important to her having royal lineage. having royal lineage, you know? I don't know. Right. Yeah. So that they invented this whole other kid. And then also, I also hate that this is us also, all of her troubles are born out of all of her new peers being fucking classist. Oh, yep, 100%. And they still are, nobody learned a lesson. They're like, oh, thank God she comes from money. We don't have to worry about it.

Yep, so I guess there's a fix for the story in that, because I do think it's like, I love the story and I think it's so sweet. It was a twist that I really wasn't expecting when I was reading it. It's a beautiful twist. I love it. It's so sweet, but at the same time, it is still so sad and so true. People are so classist and have expectations and they're violent about it.

And even the king was like, it's probably better for her to go so they don't rise up or she doesn't get murdered or whatever, you know? Right. It's just all bullshit. That my nobles don't stage a coup over who I married. Yeah, exactly. Which too real. I married. Yeah, exactly. Which too real, I bet. Mm-hmm.

So I feel like it's a perfect story in the sense that it's also kind of realistic. And very sweet. Yeah. It's so loving. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh, I love it. And I hate it.

It's perfect. Yeah. Oh. I love it. And I hate it. It's perfect. I know. That was so good. I loved that story. I think I would fix it by having the nobles. They all come to the palace and I want the nobles to have a haunted house experience. And then everything is soft and lovely. Everything is soft and lovely for people who see the loveliness in her despite her lineage. And then it's a hellish haunted house experience for everyone else. Her parents come back to make it good for her, but make it horrible. They haunt everybody else. Yep. Like everyone who has hate in their heart for people of low birth have a terrible time.

Ooh, I love that. And we've seen that before in a couple of folktales. Yeah. Yes. Because also like, I don't know, why are people so upset? Did it specifically say the nobles or was it just like, I think the like townspeople were upset, which is like, why are you upset? You're poor too. Yeah. I mean, but that's also how capitalism and classist systems work is they turn poor

people against each other. They convince you that other people of your station are the reason for your suffering and not the rich people. It's also just so interesting because that's really what I feel like how fairy tales came to be is just the idea that you're poor and that you could become something more. Right. That's what a lot of fairy tales are based on, like why the maiden gets married by a prince. That's such a good point.

So it's so interesting in this story that there are so many people against it. Right, and that way it's also more realistic, because like there's such a great point that fairy tales are kind of subversive in that way, because they are, most of them are about upward social mobility. And the fact is that the class you're moving into, realistically, they hate that. Yeah. Like, it's gonna really happen.

Yeah. So, oh man, maybe I'm going back on it. And I actually kind of love this story. And then she tricks all of these people into thinking she's one of them. You know what? Here's the fix. It happens exactly the way that it does. But then she works. She, as a queen and her sons change the system.

You know what I mean? That's the fix, baby. I love it. She starts working for the poor people, so there's less classism. And, I mean, that's the only thing I could think of, I guess. Yes. You know what? Why not both?

Let's smash our hands together here. The rich people get tormented. If their class is jerks, then they get punished. Then everybody comes back and she and the king and their children start working towards more equitable. And even if you are a poor person who originally hated it, maybe her working for the poor people helps them. Get over it. See that, you know, yeah, like it just helps them kind of see whose side she's on and that it's not like, I don't know. Well, I mean, yeah, because like, I don't want to, we're not blaming the victim, you

know, that's just kind of how these systems work. And then the king's like, who even needs a kingdom? And they, I don't know. They completely changed the structure of their government. And then it's perfect. The end. Happy ending. The end.

Okay. So I love this because Savarna was the protagonist. It was a ghost story and there was 100% a haunted house. You got three points. Damn. Look at me sweeping it. Three out of fucking three. Did you read the story?

Three for three. By the way, if you do end up reading anything out of this book, I have probably read them all. Good to know. It's one of the best books. anything out of this book, I have probably read them all. Good to know. It's one of the best books. Please go buy this book. I really genuinely, like we're not sponsored.

We don't really get a kickback or anything. I just really want Mad Media to sell a million copies of this book. Yep. Or all of them. Just a book of anything. Yeah. Buy it.

Just get your, get every book that comes out, get yourself the complete like RMS like set, you know? Yeah. Join us in our collection. Oh, join us in our obsession with these stories. Oh, that was so good. All right. Wasn't that fun? So yeah, we'll be giving away that book plus some other really cool stuff, which I can't tell you about right now, because one, I don't have all of it. But also, I'm sending you one, Abby.

OK. What is part of your present? Oh, thank you. So I can't tell you yet. But go check out our Instagram. And it's probably going to be like, you know, like comment and tag somebody or whatever. So go do that for a giveaway and get this book for free. We'll have it figured out by the time this episode comes out. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. Well, on that like glorious note, we're going to sign off for the day. Thank you so much for listening to Fairy Tale Fix. Please remember to rate, review, and subscribe wherever you listen to your podcast. It really does help our little show a ton, especially if you rate on Apple and Spotify. The almighty algorithm might actually recommend our show to other people if you do so. So that's a great free way to help us out. If you have a little extra change and you would like to give it to us, you can go to patreon.com forward slash fairy tale fix pod. You can get bonus episodes, stickers, other fun content, you know, go check that out. Uh, socials, you can find us on the Instagrams and the Facebooks and you can occasionally find us at TikTok at fairy tale fix pod.

If we feel like it, um, we post fairy tale art clips from the show, important updates and a lot of other cool stuff. And we really appreciate you and thank you for listening. The elf woman transformed the horrible man into the redhead whale to guard their special rock from all of the other sailors that might come. I don't remember the name of it anymore, the Great Auk Rock, to guard it from other horrible sailors that might come and do wrong to the Elvish people. Until one day, one Elf woman decided she wanted to take a human sailor lover, and so she lures the Redhead Whale away to a lake far inland where he just collapses under the weight of his own mass and dies.

And Suvarna, the only named character in the story, by the way. Love it. Which I forgot to mention. And her king dismantled the whole fucking system and helped all the poor people and I don't know, disperse income as it should be. I don't know. Hell yeah. I love it. And there are no more poor people and everybody is happy and they all lived happily ever after. The end. The end.