Fairy Tale Fix - 97: What A Team

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

It’s still spooky season in our hearts (and IRL apparently but let’s not focus on that)! Abbie regales three cautionary tales about traveling through bogs (which are always scary), and Kelsey recounts more millennial folklore with Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.

Hi, friends. Hello. Hi. This is the episode after the US election. We just wanted to come on here and talk to you a little bit heart to heart. This episode came out back in, or we recorded this episode back out in October. Early October too. Just last month or 1 million years ago. It does. It really does feel like 1 million years ago. Yeah. So we just kind of wanted to because we're obviously not going to reference the election at all in our episode, but we did feel that it was still important

for us to just briefly say something before we move on to the fairy tale escapism that we all really, really need such deserve right now. And I just listened to it yesterday and it's a pretty fun episode. It actually after a feeling, I mean, all week I've been just feeling sick and mad and sad and scared. Yep. All those things.

This episode did actually make, I kind of didn't want to listen to it to for you to approve it or whatever. And it actually made me feel better. And I felt better editing it. I was like, you know what? These stories are very good. They're kind of cathartic actually.

And I just love being able to share this with you and with our wonderful listeners. So if you follow us on social media, you already read our statement, but we want to let you know here that we know the 2024 election will have a devastating impact on our country and especially our community, which is made up of mostly women and queer folk and the people who love them. And we are here to tell you that you still matter. You were loved and you deserve better. Obviously we're Americans and so we're very focused

on US politics and the situation in the United States. We know that a lot of scary things are happening everywhere. So we just wanna make sure that all of our listeners who don't live in the US also know that we love you and we hope that you're doing all right. Please accept any American refugees that come your way in the coming months. Follow Chadwick over to Belgium right now. Seriously, seriously.

That'd be amazing. over to Belgium right now. Seriously, seriously. That'd be amazing. We are really heartbroken that just racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, all the bad things really won out in the United States last week, but just we are still here. We still love you and each other, and we're going to continue working towards freedom, equity, and safety for everyone who lives here.

Yeah, and given the current ugly, scary times that we're in, we're going to be giving the next three months of our Patreon funds to various organizations. We'll probably ask on Patreon what organizations you want, but we're thinking organizations that support queer kids, queer folk, the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, etc. So yeah, if you want some more escapism and you haven't joined our Patreon yet and you feel like you want to do something right now, join us. Join us, get some bonus episodes in exchange for donating some money to projects that matter.

And then if you cancel your Patreon subscription immediately, no hard feelings, not at all. But that is our plan and what we plan to do. We'll also be posting the organizations we're supporting so that if you want to support them on your own, you don't have to give us money to do it. But you will get bonus episodes if you do. So that'd be a nice treat. Anyway. Hell yeah. And we also just wanna say, you know, like, we love you guys and you're always safe here. Yep. So in times like these, having a place to escape

isn't especially important. We know that and we wanna continue to try to be one of those places for you. Yeah, to try to keep it light so it's not doom and gloom forever, all day long, all the time. Yeah, and this next episode should help with that for sure. Yeah, absolutely. But we're, basically, we're honored to be part of one of those escapes for you. We're honored to be a part of your community, and we're just happy to have you with us.

Mm-hmm. Absolutely. And as Kelsey, as you put it in our statement, we certainly have a fix for this ending. Mm-hmm. The story continues. It's ongoing. Yeah, as the amazing Sarah put it, the story is not yet finished.

Exactly. Which I love. We'll all keep working on it. And in the meantime, we love you guys. We love you so much. Stay safe. And yeah. Yeah. Enjoy this episode of Fairy Tale Fix.

Ha. I got my nails done for the first time in forever. I know. What color is that? They look black from here. They're like a dark green with black tips. Ooh, I love that. It's kind of hard to see.

But anyway, I'm very excited. I haven't gotten them done in like a long time because gel, like nail polish doesn't actually stick to my nails very well. And I found out why when I went to this manic, I tried a new manicurist. Yeah. And so for A of all, this is a structured gel manicure and not like a regular one, I guess, I don't know.

And it's lasting a long time. Like these nails look super fresh and I've been cleaning all weekend and they still look amazing. Nice. I know, It is nice. She told me that the reason why most manicures don't work on me or don't stick on me, because half of this would have flaked off by now. I am a damp individual. My skin holds a lot of moisture, including my nails. Apparently your nails can also retain moisture.

If they are wet, nail polish cannot stick to them. Nail polish sticks to dry stuff. And so if you were just sort of a generally damp person. Just a damp person. I'm just a damp person. I'm just generally kind of wet all the time. She's moist. I'm moist. That's great.

Anyway, so that's apparently one of the reasons I've had such trouble with manicures in the past. She did her best to avoid making contact with my skin and cleaning me up really well. Good. Yeah. If you can get a good manicurist or whatever it's called, nail tech. Nail tech, nail stylist. That's important.

Very. I'm happy for you. Yeah, and it's gel, so it should last you for your whole trip, which you're leaving on tomorrow. It should, I'm very excited. I can't wait to go. It's not until my flight doesn't leave until tomorrow night. So I'm trying.

I just feel like I'm caught in that limbo state. Yep. How long are you going to be gone for? Ten days. Why can't we do here about it? It's so funny you're going like a year after I did. I know. Almost like we should go together.

Dude, yes, let's do it. Except let's go to Ireland and Germany and find spooky fairy tale. Yes. Because I feel like we have to be spooky just fairy tale places. We'll both have already done London. Yeah. Fairy tales just are spooky. I saw a great Duel Hand Home Depot animatronic Halloween decoration today, which is pretty fun.

Nice. Okay. That's kind of fun. Yeah. It was cool that it was called a- What does it do? Does it pull its head off? It's on a horse, like a skeleton horse. It was huge. It's like a guy without a head. He's holding his head and I think it's a skull. And the horse is also a skeleton. And then you step on the like little try me button and then it does. He talks a lot. He was kind of chatty. I remember thinking like he's still talking. Like, what's going on?

Wow, it's still going, huh? Isn't he supposed to do something spooky and that's it? Like, he had a speech. What'd he say? Do you remember? I don't know. I wasn't listening at all. There were a lot of animatronics that I was testing all at the same time. And I did think that they were all pretty chatty. So Home Depot, great job on the design. Love that, but maybe rethink their long speeches. Yeah, shorter scripts.

Yeah, like kids are walking up to your door for Halloween, are gonna trigger that, it needs to be quick. Like they're not gonna sit there for, sit there for a whole minute and a half. It's got to be a cackle and then you're done. Yeah. I very clearly have very strong opinions about this. You do. Very strong opinions about this.

Do you even have any Halloween animatronics for your front yard? No. I have a big blow up spider though. She's cool. That is cool. I'm pretty lazy. I don't enjoy decorating my house. It feels like a chore.

I like it when it's done. Also, as I mentioned earlier in our conversation, it's been 100 degrees outside. So not exactly a festive. Yeah, not. It doesn't feel festive. It doesn't feel exciting. It just feels like holy shit. It's so fucking hot outside. Is it even fall? It feels like summer. Yeah. Yep.

Anyway, I'm Abby. I'm Kelsey. And this is Fairy Tail Fix, a what the fuck fairy tale podcast where we read each other and to you fairy tales and folktales from around the world. And then we fix them for a modern audience. We sure do. Although I gotta say, I don't think mine need any fixes today.

I feel like they're pretty good. Oh really? Oh really, I'm gonna make this bold statement right now. Although sometimes in reading them out loud to you, I think of things that I have problems with. Yeah. That happens to me all the time. I'll be like, this is a great story. And I'll start reading it to you and you're horrified. And then I'm like, oh, you're right. This actually is a lot more fucked up than I thought. Well, should we just get into it? Sure. Yeah. I mean, I think we're both in a bit of like chill, like let's just-

It's a chill Sunday. Like vibe-y sort of mood. It's Sunday night. I'm hungover from my epic. I'm going on a trip tomorrow and so I've got packing anxiety. Let's distract ourselves from- Let's do it. Let's get into it. What is your story? Our actual lives.

My story today, because I'm going to England, I wanted to get excited and I wanted to read from River Folk Tales of Britain and Ireland by Lisa Schneido. Amazing book. Amazing book. Have you read all of the stories in here or will I actually have an opportunity to surprise you? I don't think I've read all of those.

Amazing. But I have read a few, so you'll have to tell me which one. I'm going to be reading Meyer Mischief. Meyer Mischief. Which is actually three stories, three short little stories along a theme. Cool, I love that. And I'm reading from the running deep section of the book. And I kind of want to read you the little blurb because it gives you a couple hints and I'm kind of curious to see what you make of that.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I'll take any help I can get. Yeah. I mean, and we'll see how helpful this ends up. So this is three stories, three short stories, and Lisa put them under the heading, Meyer Mischief. Then the preamble is Boggs can be dangerous, very dangerous. Here are three cautionary tales for travelers. The first is from my local patch Dartmoor and it's a story I hear quite frequently. So perhaps it could be true.

The second was collected by folklorist Ruth Tong. And the third is an old Welsh fairy tale. I love that. Okay. You may have one prediction for each story. Okay. The first one is a ghost or haunting type story. Haunting. The second is some fairy nonsense. Okay. And the

third is... I can't actually, maybe the third should be fairy nonsense. I mean, it is the old Welsh fairy tale. All right. I'm going to take fairy nonsense for number three. Okay. That makes sense to me. And for number two, I predict that the protagonist has poor behavior. Okay.

Three incredible solid predictions. Quick geography corner. Yeah, let's do it. Since Lisa, wow. I almost said Lisa specifically. Lisa specifically names Dartmoor as the location for the first story. Dartmoor is in southern England. It's on the tip of England's southern peninsula near Plymouth. Big old woodland over there with a river. Love it. That's where this comes from. A man was walking on the high moor one day

when he realized he was on a track next to bright green ground. He looked around him and saw whirls of spangam moss, tiny sundews waiting for their prey, yellow spikes of asphodel and clumped white cotton grass waving in the breeze. I love that she always adds like the actual plants and things. It's very fun. Me too. She always puts botanical notes in there.

He tested the bog with his foot and it quaked and rippled. Probably best to stay on the path, thought the man. Up ahead, he also saw a hat lying on the bog. He picked up the hat and underneath was a man's head. Just a head? Just a head. Ugh. Are you all right? asked the first man.

Yes, I'm fine, said the second man. But in truth, I'm not so sure about my horse. The end. That's amazing. That was such a good story. Oh, I'm not so sure about my horse. I mean- You should have predicted horse murder. I know. I should have predicted doula-han. I was just talking about that. I know. I mean, I think the implication isn't that he's a doula-han. I think the implication is that it was a regular dude riding. I think the implication is that like, it was a regular dude riding down the road and he got stuck and he sunk into the bog.

Oh, oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I was imagining a severed head. Oh, no, I think it's like a head, a man who was only visible from like the neck up. Yeah, that's, I don't think you're doing, I don't think you're doing well, but very optimistic of you. I guess you're alive, but how are we supposed to get you out of there? Okay. See, I completely was imagining a severed head. I'm in such a spooky season mode. I didn't get a point there, but whatever.

You didn't get a point because he's not dead. It's cautionary tales for travelers. Okay. That was cute though. Yeah. I think that's really funny. This is also the one that she says it could be true because she hears the story a lot. All right, the second story, it doesn't have another title, it's just the second story. So this one goes, and what was your prediction for this one? The poor protagonist has poor behavior. Fair enough. They say that ex-moor ponies can climb a cleave, carry a drunk, and see a pixie.

And that's just what old farmer moles pony did. Farmer mole wasn't like a mole at all. Moles are small, furry, agreeable creatures. No, farmer mole was a drunken old toad and he gave his poor wife and children a shocking life of it. Drunken old toad. Yeah. You know, I love it. Drunken old toad. Yeah.

You know, I love that for him. You do? Why not? Drunken old toad. Who mistreats his wife and children. Oh yeah, maybe not that part. He only came back from market when his pockets were empty and he'd be so full up with cider

that he'd roll off his pony and sleep the night in the ditch. So at least I got that point. He sure did. The protagonist is not well-behaved at all. If Farmer Mole's wife hadn't stayed up waiting for him, though, he'd beat her good and proper and do the same to the children, too.

Jesus, yeah, this is extra. Now why would you say he's a toad? Toads wouldn't be their wife and kids. Yeah, probably not. I just, I love a toad. Toads are awesome. This man is not a toad. Because he sucks and he's not a mole either.

He's a terrible human man. You fuck this guy. I don't care what happens to him. Now the pixies didn't like this. Yeah, no, they do not. And they decided to change things. They knew they could trust the old pony. He was foot sure and wise and he'd put up with farmer mole for years.

One foggy night, the farmer was wicked drunk and swearing his head off, riding down the track to home when he saw a light up ahead. Home already! roared Farmer Mole, trying to stop the pony and nearly falling off again. I'll tenor hide for lighting a candle! I'm not made of money! But the pony wouldn't stop. He could see the pixie holding up a light and knew that over there was the blackest,

deepest bog on the moor. It would eat up a pony in a moment, right or in all, if it were allowed. Spooky. Oi, fool of a pony, we're home. Stop, shouted Farmer Mole, punching and slapping about the pony's head. This pony, this poor pony.

Everyone that comes into his life has to deal with his horrible behavior. Him slapping them around. Yeah. Just fuck this guy. It's a good thing that everybody's in agreement about that. Fuck this guy. The pony took no notice. It rode straight towards the bog and then it planted its little feet in the ground and stopped all of a sudden. The farmer fell to the ground with a crack to the head, but he was determined. He walked forward towards the light, two steps, four steps, six steps. The bog took him and swallowed him up whole, and then there was silence.

The pony trotted home, and when Farmer Mole's wife and children saw him back at the farmhouse with peat muck all over his legs but with no rider, they lit every candle in the house and they danced. After that fateful night, Mrs. Mole left a pail of clean water out every night for the pixie folk to wash in, and she swept the hearth clean for the pixies to dance on. They all prospered wonderfully, and that old pony grew as fat as a contented pig. The end." Women supporting women. I love it. Absolutely. I love it too. That's why even though Farmer Mole sucks, he gets swallowed up by a bog

because of his clever pony and the pixies. What a team. Great story. Yeah, that was amazing. Loved it. And then everybody has a dance party. That's cute. So the third story, which is the old Welsh fairy tale. Mm-hmm. Which... Although I will say there was definitely some fairy nonsense going on in that one too. I mean, there absolutely was, yes.

That was for sure fairy nonsense, absolutely. The best. I love that shit. So you would still have been right. I love that shit. You would still have been right. It's just that- I love pixies. I love pixies and fairies fucking people up when they deserve it. Me too. Gosh, it's the best. It's my turn to be naughty. Is that from something?

Yeah, that's from the 10th Kingdom, one of the little fairies in the swamp. Oh, shit. I forgot about that. It's my turn to be naughty. Just causing trouble, even though they didn't deserve it, but still it's funny. They probably kind of did. They kind of did. Yeah, I don't know.

And also, you know who does, like, pixies deserve to cause mischief. It's in their nature. Yeah, that's basically their job. They deserve that. Tell me the third story. I'm really excited. Anyway, the third story is a Welsh fairy tale. Geography Corner, Wales is located in Western England. It is a very large region of England. In fact, it used to be its own kingdom. It is right across the Celtic Sea. It's right across the Celtic Sea from Ireland. No. I've's, that's Wales. Okay, this is the longest one. Okay. It's Welsh. Welsh.

Welsh is all consonants? Okay, all right, I think I've got it. It is not spelled like it sounds. Okay. A young harper near Bala was asked to travel toburi, Ifan to play at a wedding party. The day went well and he played well and long into the night, but when the evening was done, he had nowhere to stay. Oh, I know. Is the puka going to help him find a place to stay?

No. That would have been awesome. There it is. That's the fix. Okay. It's well into springtime and the good weather is with us, he thought. I'll be fine in the dark. I may as well set off for home now. As the harper walked across the hills, he had only the light of the moon to travel by, and that was quite romantic. But the path soon disappeared as a thick mist descended all around him. He could barely see past his own feet now, and he held faith in the well-trodden track as far as he could see it. But when the ground became very sodden and springy underfoot with moss, he soon realized

that he and the path had parted company. One more step forward and his foot couldn't find solid ground at all. It sank into the mire. His weight was on that foot, so he couldn't regain his balance, and the poor harper found himself sinking into a thick, soupy bog that seemed to have no bottom to it. He yelled and grasped onto tufts of rushes, but they came away in his hands. He tried to use his harp as a life raft on the surface of the mire, but he only lost his beloved instrument as he himself sank lower and lower. I know it really sucks. That's a bummer. I hope he lives.

I bet he does. He'll be fine. He'll be fine. He'll be fine. Also, I love a bog. The bog of eternal stench? Not that one. The bog drew the harper down until only his head was above the surface, and then he gasped for air and made the effort of a final desperate scream for help. The cry died away in the thick night mist

and all was hopeless. Then the fog cleared suddenly and by the light of the moon, the harper could make out the shape of a little man at the edge of the mire. Well, a little man. Little man, we love a little man. Not a sexy, sexy lady. Maybe he's a sexy little man. Whatever.

Yeah, he could totally be a sexy little man. So hottie, he's got like a deep V neck with like lots of chest hair. Amazing. And an eight pack. Yep. Things are looking up. Things are looking up for the piper, the harper. Harper.

The little man threw him a stout rope and the harper struggled to fasten it under his arms. Then the little man pulled and pulled with the strength of someone four times his size. He totally has an eight pack. Yep. Gradually, with much squelching and oozing, he drew the harper out of the mire and he stepped onto solid ground, tired and thankful. Come with me, said the little man.

He led the harper along a thick track into the middle of the mountainside itself. There were lights blazing and music playing and little people dancing. The harper was given clean linen clothes to wear and a big goblet of honeymead to revive his spirits. Nice. All right, Kelsey, here you go. Then a little lady came forward, the most beautiful lady the harper had ever seen. I was waiting for it. Yep. Dance with me, she said, and he did. They danced all night long, and the only regret in the back of the harper's mind was that he had left his beloved harp behind in the stinking mire. And when the whole company retired late, the harper was

given a bed of soft goose feather down with the lady next to him, and he thought he was in heaven. The following morning, the harper thought at first that he was waking to a kiss from the lady, but he opened his eyes and realized a shepherd's dog was licking his cheek. I love that. I know. I love it so much. He rolled over on the rough heather and grass of the mountainside, and then he sat up rubbing his eyes completely bewildered. There was the big, treacherous bog stretching out below him. He was lying in the grass and heather next to the rough wall of a sheepfold with no trace of a doorway to the place where he had danced the night before. His clothes were covered in mud and peat, and lying next to him, plastered in the same stuff, was his

harp. Yay, he got his harp back at least. Yes, he got his harp back. He was safely transported out of the bog. He got to dance with a beautiful lady. It's a rare occasion when drinking the fairy wine ended up and turned out very well. Yes, very rare indeed. Fairies love musicians.

They do. They do. They're into it. That was some fairy nonsense that I love every second of it. Amazing. I know. I thought that story was so nice. I liked that it was so nice. So no fixes for any of them, I don't think. Yeah. I don't think so. Those were all't think they're all there. Those were great. Those were perfect. The wicked were punished, the good got honey mead and got to dance all night. Yeah. Meyer Mischief, I love that. Meyer Mischief.

Oh my God. I love it so much. Very fun. I love a bog. I know. That would obviously have a lot like spooky shit happen around it. It would. Excellent.

I love River Folk Tales. Everybody go buy that book if you haven't yet. It's such a good book to have hanging out on your coffee table. Yeah, because like stories are short enough you can read them like just real quick or you know, a little fairy tale break. They're quick to read. The covers are beautiful.

The writing is just really good. Lisa Schneider was awesome. Yeah. And you've got what? The botanical folktales, woodland folktales, river folktales. I think there's another one. Is there? Or maybe Woodland was the one I was thinking of. But there's a few and they're amazing. Yeah, you read me a couple of fucked up ones

from the Woodlands. I did. Most of them are not fucked up like that. I was looking for a spooky story. And you succeeded. Well, guess what? I've got some more fucked up spooky stories for you today. Please lay it on me. Because guess what? It's still October bright now while we're recording this and I am still in spooky season. And I know by the time that this episode comes out, November 12th, yeah.

I'm gonna be sad that spooky season is over and everybody's. But it doesn't have to be. Yeah, it doesn't have to be. Autumn continues, the trees will lose their leaves. Things will get creepier. We just had Samhain, so everybody take a collective breath. Yeah, death is all around us.

Like. Death is all around us. And listen to me tell you a few stories from scary stories to tell in the dark. Oh, yes! It was so much fun last year. I decided to bring it back, baby. Please.

Oh my God. I'm so fucking excited. Okay. I'm glad. I think a lot of people really liked those stories last year. If you are interested, if you have not listened to all of our episodes, I do a few stories from Scary Stories to Chill in the Dark with episode 72 called Millennial Folklore, which it is. Millennial folklore at its finest, absolutely.

Yep. Okay. What nonsense are you telling me? Hang on. I need to take a fortifying sip of my cider. Yeah, please do. I also had, we posted this on our social media last year. I forgot about this and I thought it was really cool.

Hold on one second. It was, oh, it was an article that you had found from Smithsonian Magazine. So apparently, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark was, it scared 90s parents so badly that it actually became one of the most challenged books of the 1990s. It beat out Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings and Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men. Wow. So, like, I don't remember if we talked about that. I don't remember if we talked about that during

the episode, but we did find that article. We were kind of talking about it in our chat, you and me afterwards. Yeah, I think we talked about it afterwards because it's kind of crazy that this book was like it scared people's kids so much that it overruled the moral objections they have to kids reading the very complicated Maya Angelou and Steinbeck books. More than having a conversation about of mice and men, I don't want to comfort them after reading this book. I swear, again, it's because of the artwork, not necessarily just the stories because the stories really aren't that scary, but the artwork is really f-ed up.

The artwork is up, well, I don't know. The one you told me about the spider eggs under the skin last year. Oh, yeah. That was pretty spooky, huh? And then also the woman trapped in her own trunk after her wedding. Okay. You know what I take it back. These stories are fucked up, okay? The scarecrow story, they're scary as hell and they are helped by the art.

You know what? Maybe it's just because I like spooky things so much. I'm like, they're not that scary, but maybe they are. You're built different. You are... I watched a terrifying finally because that one, I've been waiting because that one seemed really scary. And then I watched it and I was like, oh, like it was scary, but it like really lacked a plot. Is this the tarot card one? No. Oh my God. That was so dumb. I can't even finish that movie.

Terrifier is the one with Art the Clown, that like spooky black and white clown. That's like spooky clown. Yep. Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent. You're right. I scare stuff. It's because I was scared all the time as a kid and now I'm into it on a tangent. You're right. I scare stuff. It's because I was scared all the time as a kid and now I'm into it and nothing scares me. That's good. That seems like a healthy reaction. And obviously it would scare me if it was happening in real life. I mean, of course it would. Or maybe we would all rely on you to get us through it because

you're the only one that's just kind of like, eh. There's so many times in movies I'm just like, I don't know. I am the one, I'm the person screaming at the television, don't go upstairs. I get so mad when it's like they have the upper hand to kill the bad guy and then they don't. I'm like, no, you hit him until he stops moving forever. You just don't stop hitting him. Right. Like don't pause and check to see if he's dead. Hit him until there is no head left. Yep. Like just never stop.

Yeah. And then back out of the room with your weapon extended in front of you. So just in case. Anyway, it's very fun. I did Yelp during that movie though. There was a part where there was an obvious jump scare coming in. I was waiting for it, but it still got me and I was like, and I was like, what the fuck just came out of my mouth? It wasn't one of those ones where it's like knowing it was coming actually made it worse. Maybe, maybe it was the anticipation. It's like she's trying to yell at some guy working somewhere. She's like, help me, help me. And of course he has like his headphones on so he can't hear her. It's like, okay, well, you know, you know the jump stairs coming, you know the bad guy's about to pop up behind her

and grab her right before the guy turns around. And when it happened, it made me yell. Anywho, just a reminder to everyone, scary stories to tell in the dark is by Alvin Schwartz, amazing author. And then the illustrations are by Stephen Gammell. So, okay. Go check those out and I'll post some stuff to our Instagram, probably, unless I forget. Or don't feel like it.

Or don't feel like it. Precisely. All right. I think I've got time for three stories because I couldn't choose between these three. Yes, please. Please lay them on me. Tell me all about them. We've only got 45 minutes on the recording so far and at least some of that was tangential. So, let's do it. So this first story is called The Thing. Okay. So give me, hold on, these stories are all like maybe like one or two pages. So for this one, just give me one prediction. One prediction? Okay. So give me, hold on. These stories are all like maybe like one or two pages. So for this one, just give me one prediction. One prediction? Okay.

All I can see is the John Carpenter movie, The Thing, starring Kurt Russell. Body switching is my guess. Is that a John Carpenter film? Hang on. I don't know. I actually haven't seen The Thing. Oh, you haven't seen The Thing? Uh-uh. Oh, Kelsey, if you like a scary movie, the thing is very effective. It's really good. Ooh, and it's 80s. I'm on it. It's an 80s sci-fi horror movie starring Kurt Russell. It's fucking awesome.

And it has Keith David in it. Yes, Keith David is in it. Oh, I love Keith David. Oh my God, it's so good. The effects are still, the effects actually really hold up. I'm down. Oh my God, Keith's so good. The effects are still, the effects actually really hold up. I'm down. Oh my God, keep taking social. Maybe you'll have a different reaction, but it scares the absolute pants off of me.

It's a very effective horror movie, in my opinion. I'm doing it. I'm stoked. Do it. Anyway, okay, so body snatching is my guess. Body switching, snatching. Woo! Okay.

Woo! The thing. Ted Martin and Sam Miller were good friends. They were just friends who spent a lot of time together. They're just gals being pals. Gals being pals. Gals being pals. On this particular night, they were sitting on a fence near the post office talking about

one thing and another. There was a field trip. There was a field trip. Sorry. There was a field of turnips across the road. Very different. Why did I say field trip? My brain. I don't know. That's very

funny. I'm tired. Okay. There was a field of turnips across the road. Suddenly they saw something crawl out of the field and stand up. It looked like a man, but in the dark, it was hard to tell for sure. Then it was gone. But soon it appeared again. It walked halfway across the road. Then it turned around and went back into the field. Can't make up its mind. Do I want to kill these two? I don't know. Maybe.

He's just in a silly, goofy mood. Or do I want to try to grow the biggest turnip that's ever been grown? Definitely that. Do it. The largest turnip and then sell it to the king. Then it came out a third time and started toward them. By now Ted and Sam were scared and they started running. But when they finally stopped, they decided they were being foolish. They weren't sure what had scared them, so they decided to go back and get a better look,

which is always a good idea. Don't do that. Don't ever do that. Just leave. Just go. You don't need a better look. What are we doing? We are men.

We are manly men. Pretty soon they saw it, for it was coming to meet them. It was wearing black pants, a white shirt, and black suspenders. Sam said, I'm going to try to touch it, then we'll know if it's real. Again, Sam with these great ideas. He walked up to it and peered into its face. It had bright penetrating eyes sunk deep in its head. It looked like a skeleton.

Ted took one look and screamed, and again, he and Sam ran, but this time the skeleton followed them. When they got to Ted's house, they stood in the doorway and watched it. It stayed out in the road for a while, and then it disappeared. A year later, Ted got sick and died. Oh, time jump.

Mm-hmm. Toward the end, Sam sat up with him every night. Oh, because they were just good friends. Right, yeah. That's what you do when you're just good friends, just buddies. I mean, I'd do it for you, but you know. It's true. You know what?

It's fine. There's a bunch of different types of relationships. But the fact that it sounds like they're living together and like, I don't know. Yeah. The night Ted died, Sam said he looked just like the skeleton, the end. Oh my God.

Oh no, that's the end? So it was like they were looking into Ted's future. Oh, spooky. I don't know, not exactly body switching or snatching, but like- Not exactly. But kind of like close, like, I don't know. I kind of want to give you a half point for that yeah yeah the vibe is there you know yeah because that is him yeah like oh it was just him but he was already

dead it's like you're it's like um what is that the haunting of Hill House where it's like your future ghost haunting you? That's fucked up. Don't haunt yourself. I know, but it feels like cheating and rude and why would you do that to yourself? I would never come back to haunt me because I want me to have a nice life up until whatever happens to me. That or maybe it wasn't him and it was like, because is he the one that touched it?

No, I think Sam's the one that touched it. If Sam had been the one that died, I feel like that would have been like a, he caught the skeleton. Oops, I accidentally closed out of it. Okay. All right, this next story I'm reading you is called The Guests. I really like this one. The Guests, okay.

I like all of them, but this is also one page. So I'm gonna give you one prediction. Stranger danger. That's such a good, always good. So I'm going to give you one prediction. Stranger danger. That's such a good. Always good. Stranger danger. I feel like we should rename the story now.

Hell yeah. I caught the vibes. We'll see. Okay. The guests. A young man and his wife were on a trip to visit his mother. Usually they arrived in time for supper, but they had gotten a late start and now it was getting dark. So they decided to look for a place to stay overnight and go in the morning. And I'm imagining it's like raining really hard too.

Yeah, absolutely. 100%. This is like the beginning of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Exactly. Just off the road, they saw a small house in the woods. Maybe they rent rooms, the wife said, so they stopped to ask. Oh, maybe. Yeah. An elderly man and woman came to the door. No, keep driving. They didn't rent rooms, the wife said, so they stopped to ask. Oh, maybe. Yeah. An elderly man and woman came to the door. No, keep driving. They didn't rent rooms, they said.

That's a bad sign. What? I'm just saying that's a bad sign. It's a house, the middle of the woods, it's raining, an old couple comes out. I like the idea that they just pick a random house and they're like, maybe they rent rooms. Maybe they rent rooms. I'm like, really? An elderly man and woman came to the door. They didn't rent rooms, they said, but they would be glad to have them stay overnight as their guests. They

had plenty of room and they would enjoy the company. Oh, I guess that's nice. The old woman made coffee and brought out some cake and the four of them talked for a while. The young couple were taken to their room. They again explained that they wanted to pay for this, but the old man said he would not accept any money because they're old and they want company. Oh, okay. Are you sure that that's it and it's not because you're going to pay some other way?

Definitely. The young couple got up early the next morning before their hosts had awakened. On a table near the front door, they left an envelope with some money in it for the room. Then they went on to the next town. They stopped in a restaurant and had breakfast. When they told the owner, the owner.

The owner? Why did I say it like that? They stopped in a restaurant and had breakfast. When they told the owner, the owner, why am I saying that? They stopped in a restaurant and had breakfast. When they told the owner where they had stayed, he was shocked. That can't be, he said. That house burned to the ground and the man and the woman who lived there died in the fire. I've got literal chills right now. I know. The young couple could not believe it. So they went back to the house only now there was no house. All they

found was a burned out shell. They stood staring at the ruins trying to understand what had happened. Then the woman screamed in the rubble there was a badly burned table like the one they had seen by the front door. And on the table was the envelope they had left that morning. The end. Ooh, I got goosebumps. Oh my goodness. Isn't that fun?

I love that. Yeah. That reminds me of that fairy tale you told about like the parents who like created like a whole castle scenario for their daughter. I was just thinking that. I love a good like you find out that it was just Friendly Ghosts helping you when you needed it. I know, that's lovely.

I'm such a sucker for those stories. Yeah. But I like that this was nice and they genuinely just like, the ghosts just genuinely wanted the company or enjoyed the company. I know, is that sweet? Super sweet. I love that. That's great.

Friendly, I love Friendly Ghosts. That's great. I love friendly ghosts. That's one of my favorites. I just think that it's nice and I don't know. I like the idea of ghosts just being like, let's help these people out and then let's haunt these assholes. You know what I mean? Yeah, like haunt the people who deserve it

and then give nice things to people who deserve it. Mm-hmm. Okay. And this one, the last one I'm going to read today, I picked out specifically for you, Abby. It's called... Okay.

I'm going to find it. Horse ghost. It's called a new horse. A new horse, demon horse. Demon horse. That's my new thing, I think, for Scary stories to tell in the dark. I was going to yell out the trope that I think it is. I love it. All right. A new horse. Two farmhands shared a room. After a while, the one who slept near the door began to feel very tired early in the day. His friend asked what was wrong.

An awful thing happens every night, he said. A witch turns me into a horse and rides me all over the countryside. Oh my God, that's so cool. Also, what a confession. Like just telling your friend straight up, I'm so tired because I was a horse all night. Yeah.

I feel like we had a fairy tale like this, where this happened to a dude in a story. I feel, well, that sounds familiar. Yeah. But I can't remember. All right, I'm going to keep going, though. Go, go, go. His best friend in the world, who's a good friend,

it believes him, it doesn't question anything. Right, like the, oh man, I think I'm so tired because a witch turned me into a horse. I'll sleep in your bed tonight, his friend said. We'll see what happens to me. That's a good friend right there. That man. That guy loves you. Also, you could have just hid under the bed or I don't know. Both slept in your bed. Maybe he was like, I want to be a horse. Maybe I want to be, I mean, I do want to be a horse.

About midnight, an old woman who lived nearby came into the room. She mumbled some strange words over the farmhand and he found he couldn't move. Then she slipped a bridle on him and he turned into a horse. The next thing he knew, she was riding him across the fields at breakneck speed, beating him to make him go even faster. Geez. Yeah, she's not very nice, but. Okay. I mean, yeah, she's not nice to her horses. She's just in a silly, goofy mood. Soon they came to a house where there was a party going on.

She hitched up to a fence and went in. This is so funny to me. I'm sorry. This is amazing. Just so random. She's just like, hold on, I got to go party for a second. I'm going to go to this party. You were my conveyance.

This was so much more convenient than getting an actual horse. While she was gone, the farmhand rubbed up against the fence until the bridle came off and he turned back into a human. Then he went into the house and found the witch. He spoke those strange words over her and with the bridle he turned her into a horse. Then he rode her to a blacksmith and had her fitted with horseshoes. After that, he rode her to the farm where she lived. I have a pretty good filly here, he told her husband, but I need a stronger horse. Would you like to trade? The old man looked over her and he said he would do it.

The farmhand picked out another horse and he rode away. Her husband led his new horse to the barn. He took off the bridle and went to hang it up. But when he came back, the new horse was gone. Instead, there stood his wife with horseshoes nailed to her hands and feet. Oh no. The end. And I gotta show you like the drawings. This horse is so, this is my, one of my favorite drawings from this book because it's not scary. This is just like, like derpy weird horse. Oh my God. I can't wait to see it. Why is that horse's head so big?

It's so big. Oh my God. I love that the horse is wearing a high heel on its back leg. She's in the process of turning into a horse at this point. Oh, I guess so. That's why it's just totally distorted. Wow, that's weird looking. Okay.

Wow. What an upsetting... I mean, she was just harmlessly taking these guys for a ride. So random. She had to go party for a minute. Yeah, she had to go party. I like that the friend just believed his friend so quickly. He's just like, what? Let me see. Me too. He's like, I believe this is happening to you and I will take your place. Hey, why are you so tired? Well, I was a horse all night. He's like, absolutely. I mean, that does happen, my bro.

So anyway, I hope you enjoyed those spooky, scary stories because I'm still in that mood. We'll see if it fades for our next recording. I hope it doesn't. I want more. I want more. I know that was kind of a quick and dirty episode, but... I loved it though. I think we did great. It was fun. I always love it when you tell scary stories in the dark.

Thanks. I'm glad. I thought it was fun. I feel bad for you. Lady with the shoes nailed to her hands. I know. So fucked up. I mean, I guess it's fucked up.

She also turned some dudes into horses against their will. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think these weren't as bad as the last ones I read. No. I don't really have any fixes for them necessarily. I forgot about that part of our podcast. I don't have any fixes. I like them. I think they're fun. They were great. Yeah. Everybody- Which kind of got what was coming to her and- She deserved it. Yep. Ooh, the horseshoes though.

It was a nice couple of ghosts that actually gave me like little goosebumps. It's good. Yeah. Anyway, thank you so much for listening to Fairy Tale Fix. Please remember to rate, review, subscribe. It helps our little indie podcast a ton when you rate the show or leave a quick review. It can even be two words. It can be horse murder. Can be your review.

I think that's pretty good review for our show. It's a common theme. Horse murder. Very nonsense. Very nonsense, yes, absolutely. The witch did nothing wrong. Another common theme. The world just hates old women. Yep, definitely. Yep. So go leave us some reviews along those veins. If you want to find other ways to support us, you can get bonus episode stickers, other fun content, etc. on our Patreon at patreon.com

slash fairy tale fix pod. And you can also find us on social media on Instagram and Facebook and sometimes TikTok also at fairy tale fix pod. We post fairy tale art clips in the show important updates and just other cool stuff. Thanks again for listening. Sometimes. Like it? Let. You like it? You know, let me feel like it, you know, as we should. And all of our stories were pretty perfect. No fixes. Yeah. We really failed in our mission today. So, truly everyone lived happily ever after. Except the witch.

The end. Oh, except the witch, I guess. The end.