Fake Doctors, Real Friends with Zach and Donald - 210: My Monster

Episode Date: August 6, 2020

In this week's episode JD asks out the Gift Shop Girl while Dr. Cox tries to satiate Jordan's appetite for curly fries. In the real world, we're talking Beyoncé's Black is King, Donald's helicopter parenting, and the comedy panties Zach once gave to a co-star. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay, and me, Simone Boyce. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more. I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share. Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side. I'm Raquel Willis.

Join me on my new podcast, Queer Chronicles, a show where LGBTQ plus folks tell their own stories in their own words. This season, teens will share all about growing up in political battleground states. We will always exist and we will definitely not let them take away our joy, no matter how hard

they try. Listen to Queer Chronicles on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your most fabulous shows. Hi, this is Shannon Doherty, host of the new podcast, Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty. So in this podcast, I'm going to be talking about marriage, divorce, my family, my career. I'm also going to be talking a lot about cancer, the ups and the downs, everything that I've learned from it. It's going to be a wild ride. So listen to Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Alec Baldwin.

This past season on my podcast, Here's the Thing, I spoke with more actors, musicians, policymakers, and so many other fascinating people, like jazz bassist Christian McBride. Jazz is based on improvisation, directors, musicians, policymakers, and so many other fascinating people, like jazz bassist Christian McBride. Jazz is based on improvisation, but there's very much a form to it. You have a conversation based on that melody and those chord changes. So it's kind of like giving someone a topic and say, okay, talk about this.

Listen to the new season of Here's the Thing on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Joelle, I've been watching you on Twitter all day. Oh, no. And I am so happy that this Beyonce thing has come out because you seem like you're on ecstasy over there. Oh! I was just telling Daniel I've already seen it twice. I have plans to watch it a third time when I get off work at 7 today.

I'm probably going to be online with some friends doing a live watch. It is. Is it dope? We haven't watched it yet. We're waiting for the kids to go down. She's holding her eyes, Donald. Is it dope? Donald, when you get to brown skin girls and you're holding your daughter

and you're crying because you're like, look at this gorgeous representation for my child. It's so good. Should I watch it with the kids or without the kids? Because I know she can be risque at times. I don't have children, so I always tell parents to watch by themselves first. I have no idea what appropriate is for a child. Remind my father's children.

The last record that she did where she was in the thong the whole time and shaking her booty the whole time. I could watch it, but I don't know if I want my kids watching that, my babies watching that. This is a lot less sexualized because, let me put it this way, it's on Disney+. So it's, you know, the F-words have been removed

from the content. There's not a lot of ass and titties out. I think it's probably okay, but maybe don't check. I don't know if I want to watch it anymore. Yeah, well, Joelle, you just lost one viewer. Let me tell you about... I love the Joelle review.

There's not a lot of ass and titties out. Therefore... She does give us a lot of bodysuits and two bikinis, which we appreciate her for. Thank you. There's like 56 different outfits. It's perfect. You got to look at Joelle's Twitter.

It's like basically become a tribute. It's just Beyonce. It's tribute to Beyonce. Absolutely. You created an altar. You have a shrine to Beyonce. That is Twitter now. I don't have a bedroom right now, but when I do, there will absolutely be like a Beyonce photo mural.

I'm reading Joelle's Twitter and just smiling. When your friends are happy, you're happy. I was holding my heart for Joelle this morning. It's like, this woman is one happy human being right now. When did it drop? Last night at midnight or this morning? Did you watch it at midnight? No, I tried, but I was tired and I took my edible at the time I normally take it.

Then I was like, well, bed is happening. So I was like six watching. Wait, I have a question. It's a music video movie kind of thing? Is that what it is? It's called a visual album. Go on. So in 2019, Beyonce released the Lion King, basically, album.

It was great. So this is every single song off of that album gets a music video. But it tells like an overarching story. But there's not like a lot of dialogue stopping in between. So it's not like it's more visual storytelling. Wait, this is the music from The Lion King? The music, the album she did for The Lion King. So it's not like a Kunamatata. It's all original Beyonce songs.

I would have tuned in if it was like. Dude, you made it sound Italian. But at least, man, but at least, man, man, man,

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man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, I know as well represented I think Nigeria. So it's not because she got like a bunch of like artists like from south africa uh ghana i know is well represented i think nigeria so it's not just artists but producers get features on their dancers so it's like is drake on it amazing drake is not on this album kendrick lamar is on the

album okay there we go now we're talking is on the album it's always interesting to see what rappers Beyonce is going to put on her record because, believe it or not, lyrically, she could take them all down, pretty much. When Beyonce sings and puts it into

rap form or chat form, it's a rap for a lot of these cats man she's very slick with her with her lyrics i have a question and a lot of it could be because she's married to jay-z but she writes her own stuff man it's not anybody else writing it that was my question i didn't want to be yelled at by either one of you but i wanted to know if she writes her own lyrics absolutely absolutely yes she directed this movie yeah uh she's one of those people uh you know we talked about it back in the day my wife used to work with destiny child

and all of that stuff and worked on the first crazy and love record and everything yeah she her her her cousin is uh theresa lababara white? And she was the person who helped find and nurture Destiny Child and Beyonce. And, you know, she's done a lot of the musical production for her. I don't know if she worked on this album. Okay. She might have worked on this album. I'm not sure.

But my wife is her cousin. And so when my wife first moved to dalish she worked for theresa and i remember one time i went to meet beyonce and i brought my wife with me like i'm gonna introduce my wife to beyonce and beyonce ran by me and was like casey oh shit yeah uh so joelle's gonna cry because she's. Joelle's going to cry. Wow. Joelle's now one degree separation. She's going to start tearing up. Brilliant.

When she was working on the Crazy in Love record, she could take a CD and throw that thing in the Pro Tools, like take somebody's thing and throw it in the Pro Tools and start working on it and create her own music off of it. There's a dude from, what's the name of it like uh there's the dude from uh what's the name uh ryan from what's the name of that band too late to apologize it's too late ryan tatter something like that what's the name of the band uh one republic holding on your yeah ryan tatter ryan tatter ryan r Ryan Tedder. Ryan Tedder with an R, right? I said Ryan.

I didn't say Brian. I said Ryan. No, you said Ryan. I was wrong. Anyway, he said when he wrote the song, I'm not sure if it's Halo or one of these songs, it was completely different once Beyonce got a hold of it. He wrote a song, and it was completely different after she got it for the better. She's one of those people that's like, oh, that's what you're doing?

I'm going to add to it. Let me create something to it. And it turns out to be fire. So, you know, when it comes to writing her own lyrics, yes, Beyonce is up in there. Now I got to ask my wife if it's okay to tell this story. Of course it is. Of course it is.

Your wife doesn't listen to the program, so she'll be fine. Right on, right on, right on, right on, right on. How is everybody? How are you doing? What are we doing this weekend? What are you drinking? What's happening? What's going on?

This is a fizzy drink. Yeah. It's a lager. It's tasty. A lot of people were weighing in on our last episode saying that bourbon is a whiskey, Donald, because you had mentioned, I said, are you having whiskey? And you said, no, saying that bourbon is a whiskey, Donald, because you had mentioned. I said, are you having whiskey? And you said, no, it's bourbon.

Just so you know. Okay, so bourbon's a whiskey. Yeah, I think bourbon's a whiskey, but it's only made in Kentucky. Is that right, anybody? Uh-oh. Forgot what the guy said. I just like the people that. Listen, our fans and listeners are so passionate about the show that a lot of people weigh in.

And 99.9% of it's positive. I love that. I love that. There's a few negative people out there. I had a woman today. I had to laugh because she was like, you guys are getting way too much off topic from the show. And then it was like, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, might have to stop listening. And I was like, oh, shit, Susan from dot, dot, dot, might have to stop listening. And I was like, oh, shit, Susan from Duluth.

What the fuck are we going to do if you leave? True. Oh, man. It was like a warning. She was giving us a little warning, like, stay on topic, or dot, dot, dot, might have to stop listening. I had one guy say to me something like,

oh, great, you're going to talk about how you don't remember any of your lines. Can't wait. Yeah. Well, I believe it was the poet Taylor Swift who once said, haters are going to hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Yes, that was the poet Taylor Swift. By the way, that album, I'm just saying, I went on a walk today, and have you been listening to it? I've only listened to the first two songs. Those are

my two favorite songs. No, but dude, I always do that too. Whenever it's a new album, I fall in love with two songs and just play them nonstop and then don't even ever go to the other songs. That's my stage. But I went on a walk today with my doggie, and I went a little deep, and I wanted to tell you another good one I found. It's my stage. But I went on a walk today with my doggie, and I went a little deep, and I wanted to

tell you another good one I found. It's called Seven. Okay. Have you heard that one? Great song. It's a good, beautiful song. I like the first two songs. Yeah, those are good.

The Bon Iver song is not the first two. You need to branch out to that one. That song is great. Okay, well, the one and then the one that comes after it is banging. And now I'm looking forward to Beyonce tonight because you know that's what I'm going to be watching. Now, do you think you and your wife might be intimate because of Beyonce's sexy music video movie? I am going to seduce the crap out of my wife tonight. Well, maybe the sexy Beyonce video will get her all riled up.

By ripping her clothes off of her. We don't need to know what you're role-playing. I'm going to seduce my wife tonight by taking all of her clothes off of her. Your wife looks really good, I have to say. She's working on her right now. She looks fire.

Inside and outside, she's working on herself. And so what you're seeing is that glow that comes with it. I'm seeing that glow. You married well. She is one. I hope it's okay that I say she is one foxy mama. Yeah, that's fine. She's fine.

I don't own her. She's just my wife. No, but I don't want to be disrespectful, but I'm here to tell you that she's hot. Okay. I'm sure there are you that she's hot. Okay. I'm sure there are other people out there that feel the same way. They do. They do. You know what she tells me when I'm like, but there are people that feel the same way about me, honey.

And she's like, no, they don't. Nobody wants you. She's like, nobody wants you. She's like, please, baby, baby, baby, please. She'd be like, you think J-Lo wants you? Really? Really? Well, you did think Brittany wanted you.

We can't tell that story? We can tell the story. No, I just want to know if you want to edit it out or not. We might have to edit it out. You can choose to edit it out, but all I know is Donald thought Britney wanted her. No, Britney did want me. Hold on now. And what?

Come on, buddy. Hold on. Did you have a chance with Britney? Dude, she would send dudes over, like dancers over to the table when we would be out and be like, Britney wants to talk to you. And I'd be like, what? And they'd be like, yeah, Britney wants to talk to you. Wait, Spears or Murphy?

Who are we talking about? Spears. Wow. Oh, yeah. Iconic. like what maybe like yeah britney wants to talk to you wait spears or murphy who are we talking about spears wow oh yeah iconic yeah and i was like donald had a shot and but i was dating my wife at the time so i would be like so i said to my wife i was like babe she should have given you a hall pass just let me get the let me get the let me get the go out on a date with her i'm not gonna i won't do anything i just want to go out on a date to be like yo and then afterwards we could talk about the date and what happened on the date and where she and I went and what we did. Yeah, right. Like, your girlfriend's going to be like, okay, as long as it's just a date. She was like, absolutely not.

And I was like, oh, right. And so one night, Brittany kind of crossed the line. Like, we were out and about. Go on. And we were at Hy about. Go on. And we were at Hyde. Go on. And Brittany was out with all of her dancers. And she was just coming back with Circus.

And it was about to pop, right? Look at Joelle right now. Joelle's crying. Circus is a dope-ass record, dude. It's a dope-ass record, dude. She was looking great. Right. And my wife was with me, and she sent somebody over and was like,

Brittany wants you to come over and say hi. And I was like, okay. My wife was like, yeah, let's go over there. So we walk over there. Yeah, let's go over there. And I was like, hi. I'm his girlfriend. I'm his girlfriend.

And I was like, yeah, that's my girlfriend. Amazing. Anyway. I'm his girlfriend I'm his girlfriend And I was like yeah that's my girlfriend Anyway Donald I think a lot of women want you I think a lot of men want you I agree with that I disagree with the women wanting me Do you have a lot of gay suitors I feel like That I have a very you know

Handsome and I think it's the butt. I have a safe face. It's very juicy. I do have a nice butt. That's true. I do have a nice butt. It's like a shelf.

You know, it's like a unit you could hang on the wall. I feel like you and I both are friends, and our friendship is very inspiring to a lot of men out there. And so it's only right that a lot of our fans are boys because we can teach boys how to love each other like they should. Yes, yes. That's just my point. And listen, I think this next generation is going to try way more things, obviously. I mean, it was so taboo to experiment. I think this next generation is going to try way more things, obviously.

I mean, you know, we were – it was so taboo to experiment when we were growing up. And now I think all these young people are just like, all right, let me try everything. You know, like let me see what's for me. What's for me and what's not for me. Yeah. You know, I think that's – I mean, if I'm not mistaken, you guys can correct me if I'm wrong, the women are more free to do that already. And I feel like the men are behind them.

I think like young, sexually active young people will be more experimental in years to come. Right, Joelle? Why are you looking at me like I'm crazy? No, I'm not. Sorry. Lost in a thought of my own. But yeah, no, they totally told me. You ate that edible too early, Joelle. I got too much espresso

this morning. Joelle, try and have the edible when the show's over. I don't smoke on the job, guys. Come on. Who does? You don't? No, I'm typically. Sometimes I'll be baked on this shit. I'm not going to. Oh, really?

You're over here having a beer on camera well it's not on camera I assume that you were high sometimes but it doesn't seem to mess up your performance because you're very entertaining

except sometimes when you can't finish a sentence that only happens when I've drank too much or smoked too much yeah you need to not drink too much you can have one like when I start getting

like tongue tied and stuff like that it's because I might have. There was a funny moment in the last episode where you went on this long-ass thing and I go,

well said. Oh my God. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Oh, man. I'm in a good mood today, I gotta say. Good.

You're happy about something. If this were a normal environment and the world wasn't ending, you and I would be going to the beach and skipping down the sand together. That's what we would do? I don't know. I'm trying to think of like if I could do anything with you this weekend. Disneyland.

No, fuck Disneyland. I would say Donald. No, no. I know you're Jones. Forgive him, Mickey. He knows not what he does. He does not. Oh, by the way, I saw these know you're Jones. Forgive him, Mickey. He knows not what he does. He does not. Oh, by the way, I saw these socks you're going to want.

You know the company Stance? Of course. I'm going to give them a free plug right now. They have Empire Strikes Back socks, a whole box of them. Yeah, I have a lot of Stance Star Wars socks. I know, but if you look, I was online last night looking for new socks. And Stance, if you want to send me socks, you can.

I ain't gonna blame you. But anyway, they have a whole Empire Strikes Back box set. And I was like, I would send this to Donald, but you know what's gonna happen? I would send this link and he won't reply. Well, that's good.

That's why I would send it. That's because I would be on the link buying the stuff. These are the things that I love. It's so early, by the way, bro. Sometimes I fucking text you at like 9.30 and you're asleep at 9.30? Like your wife's up because I'll text Casey and she replies.

Last night Casey and I were talking about some shit and you, I was like, I got no one, you're asleep. What the fuck's going on over there? Here's the thing about me and my wife. My wife likes to stay up late and wake up late. I like to go to bed early and get up early. So you take the kids, like, crack a dawn when they get up? When they wake up, I'll go downstairs with them. The problem is sometimes I get involved in watching television with them

and forget to make them breakfast and stuff. So she'll come down and be like, have the kids eaten? And I'll be like, uh, they were supposed to eat? Can't they feed themselves? Come on. They need to get at it. Cereal in a bowl. Pour some milk.

Listen, it's not that they cannot feed themselves because they can. I'm sure they can. Just put the cereal on the table. I want to watch. I need to watch them, though. That's my only thing, man. There are a lot of people out there who have experienced this, but when you watch your kid choke on something, it's very scary. And so, therefore, you know, and I'm not saying that cereal can't do it, but I just would prefer to be around them when they eat.

Like, my kid goes, I'll be in the other room eating. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, really? You got to watch him eat? I get like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, really? You gotta watch him eat? I get crazy. Look, dude, it took us forever to go outside. Are you a helicopter parent? You're a helicopter parent. I am a helicopter, yes. I hover over my kids. Yeah, you are.

I send a lot of lifelines down, even when they don't need it. I'm that helicopter. What's that badass chopper? Was it the Apache? Blue Thunder. I'm Blue Thunder. Is the Apache that badassper? Was it the Apache? Blue Thunder. I'm Blue Thunder. Is the Apache that badass chopper? No, I'm Blue Thunder from the movie or Airwolf. I'm Airwolf.

I'm Blue Thunder or Airwolf. What's the big military badass? Black Hawk. I'm a Black Hawk. Yeah, you're a Black Hawk. I'm a Black Hawk. You are a Black Hawk. I'm a Black Hawk and I will freaking unleash the thunder if you mess

with my family that's how i feel about it and so well we know food too i will fucking chop the shit out of some food i will chop the shit out of some food what do you chop up cheerios you take the cheerios and chop them up i will let them sit in the in the milk a little bit longer before i give them to the kids oh my god that's the level of helicopter parent you are. You let the fucking Cheerios get soggy and you're like, you may eat now. Now you can eat these. I don't have to worry about them scratching your throat

on the way down. I can't help it, man. I can't help it. I love my kids so much, it's ridiculous. I love them so much. Sometimes at night, I'll be in my bed and I'll just be thinking about my kids and I will have spent the day with these little fuckers. You know what I mean? These kids are bad sometimes.

And even after they're bad, I'm in bed at night. I love that little shithead. That little fucker was so mean to me today, but I wouldn't trade it in for the world. It really is that way. That's sweet. I can't wait to have little children one day. They change your life. Should we get into the show?

Yes. I think that's a good note. Do you want to count us into America's favorite song? Five, six, seven, 8. Stories about a show we made. About a bunch of docs and nurses in a Canada who love to hate. I said here's our stories that we all should know. So gather round to hear our, gather round to hear our Scrubs Rewatch Show with Zach and Donald. This is such a good episode. It is a good episode. It is a good episode.

Only problem I have with it is the outline of the episode. Like, the outline of the episode that I have to do, I went away and I was going to write some stuff down. This is your second attempt at it. Well, it's my first attempt at it. Well, it's my second attempt. Well, we had a misfire with Johnny C. And now this is your second pass.

This is your first opportunity to do it again. Okay, well, it's my second attempt. Well, we had a misfire with Johnny C. And now this is your second pass. This is your first opportunity to do it again. Okay. Well, it's not going to work. But I'm going to do it anyway. Okay. But I did my... As you know, I watched this. But this...

Tell me when you're rolling. Hold on. Let me get my timer ready. Tell me when you're going. And go. This episode's about sex and relationships. And the workplace, really. At the workplace, it's about sex and relationships and the workplace, really. At the workplace, it's hard to maintain relationships.

And especially after work, it's hard to maintain relationships. JD and Elliot in this episode find each other in the inn because really they don't have anyone else. And it's all because it's very difficult to work long hours and maintain a life. That's 30 seconds, but it's not your finest work. But it's the truth, and that's what this episode is about. But it was just meandering. It was like, this episode... Because it's hard to write about sex

and relationships because that's what this episode is, really. It is. It's about... It's like you gotta do one of these every year. We gotta do a sex and relationship episode and how it's tough it's like you got to do one of these every year we got to do a sex and relationship episode and how it's tough to do it at in the workspace every year i might be so bold to say donald it's donald right i might be so bold to say that this is the biggest uh sex scene i did the whole run you guys get hot and heavy in this we do do. We do. And I remember shooting it. We shot it a long time. And I remember shooting it going, are we going to air this?

Like, this was, like, they didn't, they cut some stuff out. Because we were, like, just going at it. Like, this was, like, full on, like, we were kind of just hooking up. Right. It was like, we're going to pay you two to hook up with each other. Yeah. I mean, I know it's acting, but it wasn't. I mean, we were acting. We weren't, like, in a relationship.

But, I mean, what you see is, like, we did that for, like, a full day. And they only cut some of it out. I remember thinking, like, we were just going at it. I was like, they're not going to air all of this on NBC. But, you know, we're, like, ass grabbing, and I'm kissing her breasts, and we're just, like, dry humping. Dude, you're, like, grabbing her. Not only are you grabbing her ass, you're grabbing a cheek and then inside the cheek.

It's not just the out. You don't grab the outside cheek. You grab the inside cheek. Yeah. This is like some straight up soft core Skinamax stuff going on here. Yeah, it was totally Skinamax. If you saw that on Skinamax, you'd be like, oh, I'm watching Skinamax.

I'm watching Skinamax tonight. Yeah. If you saw that on Skinamax, you'd be like, oh, I'm watching Skinamax. I'm watching Skinamax tonight. Yeah. Like even the way the show opens up with Turk and Carla making out and how wet that is of a kiss. Like the kisses are super wet. Yeah.

And – It's juicy. It was a sexual episode. It was sexually charged. You in a bathtub with gift shop girls. Yeah. God. Sarah Lancaster, what a beautiful gal i gotta say and um i just as i said with the johnny c episode i have been so stressed my libido was zero have you right

have i been so stressed that my libido was zero yeah no that doesn't happen to you does it no i don't think no because you just have like a mega libido well anyway i personally want to personally... Do you want to get into this right now? Because we could totally get into this right now. Well, I mean, I personally, and I'm sure there's listeners out there, like if I'm directing and I'm stressed or I've got family drama or my brain is not thinking about sex, my libido is zero. And I think that's what's happening with JD in this episode. He's...

Wait, why are you shaking your head? I disagree 100% with that. Okay, can I finish my fucking thought? It's Donald, right? He's got the thought of his sick patients and the wounds that they have on them. He's preoccupied, of course, with leftover feelings from Elliot. We establish he hasn't hooked up in a while with anybody. And now he has arguably one of the prettiest girls

that was ever on scrubs in front of him. And he's got nothing going on. Now you can't just say it's because, oh, he's obsessed with Elliot. That's bullshit. A knockout of a woman like that in front of him would still turn him on if his brain was present in the moment.

She initiates a kiss with him and he's and he has nothing happen so his brain is somewhere and he gets really um anxious about it as i'm sure many men do when they go oh my god what's wrong with me why why is nothing working what the fuck what i liked about this episode that it didn't it didn't make that a taboo subject men can't talk about because um i think it is a taboo subject that men feel they can't talk about. I would have at least given it another shot. I would have been like, okay, it's not happening here. Maybe we should go back to my place and try it.

Or maybe we should go back to your place and try again. And if it doesn't happen there, I'd be like, okay, well, maybe we should try again at the door before I leave. Let's try one more time. But that didn't work. Why don't you walk me to the car well, maybe we should try again at the door before I leave. Let's try one more time. But that didn't work. Why don't you walk me to car? I think we should try one last time. I agree. Because that is some bullshit.

I'm very with you. I don't think there's any world in which JD would not have continued to try and hook up with Sarah Lancaster's character, Gift Shop Girl. Especially after one hour or two hour date, however long the date was. He went to kiss her goodnight and realized at the goodnight kiss, oh, it's not going to work. I can't do this.

But she was the aggressor. She was like, kiss me. And then she is talking about his erection. She's like, ooh, is that a roll of quarters in your pocket? Are you just having a good time? And he's like, actually, it's a roll of quarters. Laundry day. Yeah, bullshit.

Bullshit. But what were you going to say about libido? Because I know that you have a very strong libido. I, I, I, I. Let's phrase this tactfully. You are a man who can't be satiated. What? You can't be satiated. What? You can't be satiated.

What does that mean? That means there's never come a time where you've had enough sex in a day where you go, you know what? I'm good. Correct. Poor Casey. Poor Casey. I have no. I love my wife tremendously, and I've learned to curb my appetite when it comes to that,

and I try my hardest to not make her feel like a piece of meat in the house. But you can't be satiated in the house. I think my wife is fine, dude. She's sexy to me. Her curves, everything about her is sexy to me. You know what I mean? And it might be a little too much for her, it's the truth it's the honest to goodness truth she is you know she is everything i've ever wanted in a woman before i knew what i wanted in a woman

it's like you know now i know what i want in a woman and she's everything that i've wanted in a woman like you know you have dreams when you're a Well, it feels like she was the girl of my dreams, you know what I mean? And now I got her and, you know, I want to beat. No, I know. But what I'm saying is I'm not negating anything. I think that's wonderful. And I'm not negating anything you're saying.

I'm saying it's impressive, libido-wise, that at 46, you don't ever go, okay, that's enough for me for the day. No, I don't. I don't. And you're right. It is unfair to my wife. I don't think that that's a super common thing. I have a very, very, very, very strong libido, yes. Yeah, we do. Can we get that on a t-shirt for the merch? Donald Faison, I have a very, very, very strong libido.

Another one. Another one. What's going on with this ringtone, Joelle? We can't get the new... The people are clamoring for what you're talking about, what you're trying to get into, a Daeshoon song. It's a slow-moving train, this ringtone train. We're one step away.

We're so close. Trying to give the people what they desire. They also want Donald and I saying another one. We don't own another one, though. I think we're allowed to say another one. No, because we're just doing DJ Khaled, man. Should we do an Ask DJ Khaled and see if we're allowed to use it? Are you going to do it in the Aaron Neville voice? Of course. Okay, yes. We should doing DJ Khaled, man. Should we do an Ask DJ Khaled and see if we're allowed to use it? Are you going to do it in the Aaron Neville voice?

Of course. Okay, yes. We should ask DJ Khaled. DJ Khaled, would you be upset if we used another one? Not at all, Donald. You can use it any time you like. Another one is yours to use. I don't know much, but you can use it.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh boy. Oh man. I really hope that we're not the only ones. I know, but I hope we're not the only ones that think this is funny. I truly hope that the four of us are the only ones who laugh at Zach's DJ Khaled impression. Listen, there is no one else in the world who does a DJ Khaled impression like that,

and I think it's unique to the show. Should we talk about the episode? Or we should go to break or something? What's going on, Joelle? What should we do? A break would probably be good. All right, good. I need to cool down

from all the talk of Donald's libido. He cannot be satiated, ladies and gentlemen. We'll be right back while Donald attempts to satiate himself. No. No. No. No.

We'll be right back. Oh, my God. Hi, I'm Martha Stewart and we're back with a new season of my podcast. This season will be even more revealing and more personal with more entrepreneurs, more trailblazers, more live events, more Martha, and more questions from you. I'm talking to my cosmetic dermatologist, Dr. Dan Belkin, about the secrets behind my skincare. Walter Isaacson, about the geniuses who change the world. Encore Jane, about creating a billion-dollar startup.

Dr. Elisa Pressman, about the five basic strategies to help parents raise good humans. Florence Fabricant, about the authenticity in the world of food writing. Be sure to tune in to season two of the Martha Stewart podcast. Listen and subscribe to the Martha Stewart podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I used to have so many men. How this beguiling woman in her 50s She looked like a million bucks.

with zero qualifications She had a Harvard plaque. tricks her way past a wall of lawyers and agents. She's got all of these Maseratis and Bentleys all in the driveway. Is it like a mansion? Yes, it's a mansion. That this queen of the con uses to scam some of the biggest names in professional sports out of untold fortunes. About six million.

Approximately 11 million dollars. Nearly 10 million dollars was all gone. Employing whatever means necessary to bleed her victims dry. She would probably have sex with one of her clients. Hide your money in your old rich man because she is on the prowl. Listen to Queen of the Con, Season 5, The Athlete Whisperer,

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you've been following the news, you know that from healthcare access to safe schools, LGBTQ plus rights are under attack. And it's about time

queer and trans youth get the microphone and tell their stories in their own words. I'm Raquel Willis. Join me on my new Tell their stories in their own words. I'm Raquel Willis. Join me on my new podcast, Queer Chronicles, a show where LGBTQ plus folks tell their own stories in their own words. This season, teens will share all about growing up in political battleground states. I wish I could feel more comfortable in my own body here,

but that's just not the case. And follow along as they discover what queer and trans liberation means to them. This isn't running away from yourself. It's running into who you want to grow into. Listen to Queer Chronicles on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your most fabulous shows. As important as choosing the right destination when traveling is choosing the right travel partner. Gene! Eugene Fodor!

Gene! Much of the joy you will find on the road comes from the person you share it with. But be careful and choose your travel partner well, because the worst trips result when two partners have two different agendas. down. I'm not stupid, Gene. Something is going on in its high time. You tell me the truth. Freeze, Americano. Gene, run. So travel before it's too late. Your money will return. Your time won't. And we're all too quickly approaching that final destination.

Listen to Fodor's Guide to Espionage on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, let's get to the episode. It's a very good episode. I like it a lot. I like it a lot, too. I wondered about that, and you already touched on it and pretty much answered the question. That had to be a hard scene to shoot, regardless of what you're doing in the scene. That had to be one of those things where it's like we're kissing again no it wasn't like that i mean

well i mean listen sex sex sex scenes are are you know can be awkward and um particularly awkward if you don't have chemistry with the person and you don't feel a genuine vibe um i think sarah and i loved each other and were crazy about each other. And we were like best friends, just like you and I were. I think it's safe to say we were genuinely attracted to each other. I think that came across in the show. So, yeah, making out for a full day was at times awkward, but also at times fun. That's my answer to that.

That's really interesting. You know, I've been an actor for a really long time i don't think i've ever had makeout sessions for a full day while working as an actor i've done kissing scenes and i might have like maybe one or two like comedy sex scenes but i don't have any genuine like makeout i had. I had another one. I had another one. Yeah, I know. You have a bunch of them. I had a few in this show. But with Rachel Bilson, I had like a- Bilson and Last Kiss, right? Last Kiss.

That was almost hard. Oh, my God. Yeah, that was like my, like, softcore porn moment for a second. That has to be nerve wracking, though. Like, there's so many things that come into play. Rachel and I bolted shots of booze on that one because we were nervous. I bet. Because that was supposed to be like the-

This was like at least comedic and, you know, it's NBC. Last Kiss is R and it's supposed to be this like erotic, you know, height of the movie. We like, I go and we just have this like intense, crazy

sex scene in her dorm room and that was, yeah, I think that was nerve wracking. That's why we did shots to calm the anxiety. I couldn't imagine doing something like that. I remember doing Wait and Exhale, and it was the scene where the girl's performing oral sex on me.

And you don't really, you don't even see the girl doing it, but I was just so nervous. I'm in my underwear. I have a thong on. You know what I mean? We're in a room that's not air conditioned so now i got musk coming from the the areas of my body where musk forms did

you put a little um deodorant on your ball sack no i didn't put no i didn't i didn't do that. But you know what I mean? It's just like, I remember being so nervous. And she's there. And it's like, what the, how does this, you know, this is not, this doesn't feel comfortable. And then somebody breaks into the door and you got cameras in your face. And you got to pull your pants.

Like, it's all, it's just all so. And you got to pull your pants. Like, it's all, it's just all so, and so I was wondering, like, how, it would have been nerve-wracking for me to have to do that for a full day. That's just me, though. Yeah, the Bilson one was, this was like fun, and I think that Sarah and I would say it was awkward, of course, but we had fun. You know, I had to do, I was in a play with Ari Grainer, and the joke was that I was going down on her in the play, and there was covers over me, and the joke of the play is that she's so bored and so not into whatever my technique is

that she's above the covers reading a book. Cool. And she's like going, oh, yeah, that's great. Keep going. And she doesn't know. Now, in the play, I'm supposed to be like, have my head like bopping around under there.

And so like eight shows a week, she's in her underwear and I'm down there like inches from her business. And I'm like, my head is supposed to be bouncing around but strategically not touching anything. And for opening night, as a joke, I gave her this pair of underwear that had the scene printed in white on the groin of the underwear.

In case I ever forgot my lines, I could just read it off. And she laughed so hard at that. And then we did the whole run of the show. And on closing night, I got down there and she was so hard at that and then we did the whole run of the show and on closing night i got down there and she was wearing them in the scene hilarious hilarious hilarious all right now i think we should talk about this wonderful moment of me washing rowdy in the bathtub i think of all the scrubs gifts that are on the interwebs this is my favorite one is is jd ford lorne lee uh washing rowdy in the tububs gifts that are on the interwebs, this is my favorite one, is J.D. forlornly washing Rowdy in the tub.

I think that's one I often send to people. Now, it's a metaphor also, though, isn't it? Isn't it supposed to be J.D.'s not doing anything tonight, but he's going to wash the dog in the tub, meaning he's gonna... Masturbate? Yes. No, I didn't get that at all. I think it's like he's... Because then when he gets in the tub with gift shop girl, Rowdy's still in there. Well, the joke is like, oh, I know what we're gonna do tonight.

We're gonna wash Rowdy. Like, he turns it into something. Oh, I didn't think of it as a metaphor. Rowdy meaning we're gonna wash... Oh, I didn't think of that at all. No, well, you have a libidinous mind. I think it's... Is that a word? Libidinous?

Yeah, libidinous is. It's not like deservant, the one you made up the other day. Deservant is real! Deservant is not a real... I looked it up. It's a movie. It stars... That's Divergent. Oh, Divergent. Who's in Divergent? Who's in Divergent. Oh, Divergent. That's what it is. Who's in Divergent? Who's in Divergent? Oh, my God.

By the way, I have no memory that there's a bonus fart joke. Scrubs, man, Scrubs loves a good fart joke. I had forgotten how many there are in this show. We're so fucking childish. But I did giggle when all of a sudden in the tub you hear like, blurp. And then I go, rowdy. All right. hear like blurp and then and i go rowdy all right how about this really low budget version of the hospital as a monster like no offense to whoever did

it but like that's the best effect we could muster up with our budget of the hospital turning into a monster it didn't look bad all that happens is like it turns green and like fire comes out of the entrance. Yeah, but until it turned green, you don't see a monster. You know what I mean? Like once it turned green, like you could see the eyes.

You see where the mouth is. Like everything kind of took shape when they did that. So, yeah, it's a bad – That looked like a student film. I feel like – well, again, this was 20 years ago, and now it's easier to do that. You could do it on your iPhone now. You could probably do it on your iPhone with an app. But I was like, this is supposed to be like a central character of the episode,

that the hospital is like a big evil monster, and I just thought it was a little low budge. Well, you know, hey. No offense, Bill. I know that the money was going elsewhere. Yeah. Rob Maceo's thongs. Did you laugh when I go to hit on gift shop girl and I go, dry spell, prepare to be moistened. Oh, my gosh.

And she goes, JD, I can't give you gum, which means that JD often tries to get free gum from her. Right, which means JD often tries to talk to her. Right, but he's never hit on her. He's never asked her out until today. Today is the day because Judy says, doesn't she say, when was the last time you got laid or something, Carla says that?

So he feels like, okay, you know what? I'm not out there. I'm not hitting on anyone. I'm not asking anyone on dates. I'm going to ask this girl out on a date. Do you believe in that? Do you believe in relationships at work? I think if you're someone who, you know, if you're a doctor, and I mean, obviously,

what goes without saying, one needs to be appropriate and respectful in all the ways one should be. But I think if you solely work in a hospital, and that's where 90% of your life is, and there's a beautiful girl who works at the gift shop, there's nothing wrong with asking around on a date. Absolutely. I agree. The only thing that I worry about is when it all comes down and you break up and the awkwardness between, like,

some people are really good about it and some people are not. Like, I'm one of those cats. Like, I'm one of those cats that I can't really tell you how many ex-girlfriends of mine I'm friends with. You know what I mean? And it's not because we just stopped. It's not because I don't want to be friends with them. It's just that we're not dating anymore.

So why should – I think it mostly becomes inappropriate for your next partner. Like you might still shoot the shit on text with someone you dated and it's good. But then when you get to be committed to somebody new, I think it can be disrespectful if you're still shoot the shit on text with, with someone you dated and it's good. But then when you, when you get to be committed to somebody new, I think it can be disrespectful if you're still chatting. That's my take on it. But I, but a lot of people are,

I don't know about you guys, but a lot of people still shoot the shit with their exes. Do you think JD and gift shop girl still shot the shit after this? Uh, no. Is she in another one though? Don't I don't, is she in more?

I thought she was in the next episode, but I don't think so. Well, is she? I'm not 100% sure, but I can look it up. I think she did more than one, Sarah Lank. I think it was just one. She does a lip bite, which made me think of the founder of the sexy lip bite, which was Alicia Silverstone. No one did a lip bite.

I want to have Alicia on the podcast to talk about the founding of the lip bite. I don't know if she founded the lip bite. In my mind, as a teenager, I didn't know what a lip bite was until I saw Alicia Silverstone. You weren't a teenager when you saw Alicia Silverstone. I'm talking about... When were those Aerosmith videos?

That was maybe a year before clueless came out. Joel, can you look up, um, when, uh, the first Aerosmith video with a, with a lip biting Alicia Silverstone? You had to be at least 20. Well, anyway, who cares? Who cares if I was 15 or I was 20, they were, they were, I'm just saying you weren't a kid. It's well documented that I had a. They were... I'm just saying, you weren't a kid. You was a grown up. It's well documented

that I had a crush on Alicia Silverstone and she was a great lip biter. You know, Donald? Yeah. Do you want to get back into the... What's that?

Well, we're moving on up. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, we talked about this at length in the last episode, but you don't last very long. Right.

And because you're tired? I don't get it. You're tired or what? I think it's because he's tired. I think he's tired and he wants to – crying came out in 93. What year did you graduate high school? Oh, yeah. I graduated high school in 93.

So there you go. So you were 18. Okay. I was 18. I was 18 and Alicia Silverstone was my crush and she was throwing lip bites left and right. Do you think we can get Alicia? I think we can because we're both friends with her. Let's get her on the podcast.

I know she has nothing to do with scrubs, but we could do a little side thing that's like just talking Clueless. We can talk Aerosmith videos. If she's down to do it, yeah, we could totally get her on the show. I mean, she was just in my short film. She's an awesome person. Clueless is on Netflix. It's a perfect time. You guys don't even know, Alicia Silverstone was my background through most of college.

I too had a crush on Alicia Silverstone. Listen, we haven't gotten into it yet. Clueless was everything to me as a young babe. Oh, you're hiding this from Donald, Joelle, all this time. God. Obsessed with Clueless. Obsessed. The opening scene alone with the Joelle, all this time. Oh, my God. Obsessed with Clueless. Obsessed. The opening scene alone with the rotating closet, like, peak. Please can we get Silverstone on the podcast?

She can't even talk. Wow, look at that. She's tongue-tied. Yeah, she can't even talk. She's fanning herself as per usual. Oh, my God. She's just... You know, this is like three Joelle fanning herself moments for this episode already.

Yeah. A lot of fandoms today. All right, Donald, I'm putting out there. I'll text her now. Yeah, text her because this is my idea. We go, listen, as you know, we both love you and we both talk about you a lot. Why not have you come on and we'll do a digression from Scrubs and we'll talk about Clueless and we'll talk about the aerosmith videos well this is exciting ladies and gentlemen i know i can't i i don't see why alicia would say no

because uh the only person she loves more than donald faze on is me and uh we're gonna make it happen i just don't understand why she'd be on the show but yeah absolutely this is why she'd be on the show you are in like many people's favorite comedy of that era and we happen to know the star um and she was also one of my biggest crushes and she invented the lip bite and she was the star of my short film with uh ms florence pew uh in the time it takes to get there which if you haven't watched you should go watch on youtube right now okay um tell me you didn't laugh tell me you haven't watched you should go watch on YouTube right now. Okay How about laugh tell me you didn't laugh when I said baby, you know, I get nervous when you start chanting Yeah He's a good man. He's a good man. He's a good man, baby

You know, I get nervous when you start chanting right? Yeah, how about with the how about when you go player hold me down? Yeah, do you remember where that came from? No. Well, you and I used to say that to each other in real life, but I don't know what the origin was. I don't know what the origin was either. That's why I just asked you. Do you know where that came from? Bill put it in the show.

We put it. We improvised it on the set. No, but it was something that we came up with. Player. Hold me down. Yeah. Well, you made that up because I don't even know what that means. Hold me down, player. Oh, now I know.

What the fuck does that mean? Oh, of course. Does it mean, like, keep it real? Yeah, man. It means hold me down, man. Support a brother. You were the one who was teaching me the cool kids' expressions. Remember when I told you you came in and you said, oh, the new thing is?

What was it? That one I told you? That's What's Up. That's What's Up. And you've stuck with That's What's Up a long time. That's What's Up has stuck with me ever since. Yeah, you love That's What's Up. Because that is What's Up. I'll be like, Donald, you want to get to dinner tonight? That's What's Up.

That's What's Up. Now, what's funny, when the janitor is reaching his hand into the candy machine, for those of you who aren't in the business, there's this thing called the Greeking, which means you can't show a brand without permission from the brand. And so they do this thing where they disguise all of the labels, which is tricky if you're showing a full candy machine. But if you go look at the episode, there's all this really weird Greek-ing that was done, probably by our friend Patrick Bolton, where it's like there'll be a Snickers bar and then it'll just have like,

it looks like there's a leaf or something stuck in front of the label. In front, to mask it? Yeah, go back and look at it. Every single label is just weirdly disguised so you can't see that – I mean it's obviously a Snickers or a Kit Kat or whatever. But like the labels are quote-unquote Greek. That's what they call it. I thought they were Greek in ways like they would take Sharpies and connect things or –

That's what they often do. But maybe Patrick was late to the day, late to work that day. I need a leaf. I'll go outside. It almost looks like it's either a leaf. A leaf would make no sense. It's like brown cardboard or something that's been cut to hide the labels. Sorry, just a little behind-the-scenes weirdness.

Shout out Patrick Bolton. Yeah, Patrick Bolton, who was the on-set dresser. Now, for those of you who don't know, the on-set dresser is the guy who, when you're shooting, is constantly moving stuff around. The DP will say, the cinematographer will say, hey, can you move that painting? It's giving me a glare. And he's like, I'm on it.

And then he'll move it. And hey, this table needs to go because we need to put the camera here. And he moves it. And they're the ones that are responsible for anything that the art department has going on in the set during the actual shoot. I used to love how we used to make fun of Patrick because Patrick was always around and he always would have to set the clock or – One of their main responsibilities is setting the clock in the room

because if there's ever a clock in this set, you don't want it to move, so they don't have batteries in them, otherwise it will never match. So then they have to talk to the script supervisor and say, okay, what time is it? What time is it in the day, in the world of the show? And then he was always usually a one-man band, which was hard. So he figured out a way to put wheels on everything. So we made up a song for him.

Do you remember? It's me specialty. Dealing with clocks and wheels. If it's a clock, I'll set it. He was British, by the way. If it's a clock, I'll set it. No, wait. If it's got wheels, I'll move it.

If it's a clock, I'll set it. No, I think it was, if it's a clock, I'll set it. It's me special deal with clocks and wheels that used to make me laugh so hard oh my god that's how fucking much time we spend on our little make up songs no no no it's not it's my specialty it's it's me it's me we did a

little more Mary Poppins Mary Poppins did a little of a Mary Poppins thing. Mary Poppins. We did freaking Bert from Mary Poppins. Yeah. It's me specialty. Whenever I'm over there trying to do my British accent, my girlfriend's family says I sound like Dick Van Dyke and Mary Poppins. Yeah, don't do it.

Don't do it. Dealing with clocks and wheels. Dealing with clocks and wheels. Oh, Patrick. We should have him on the show. Oh, that would be great, man. I'd love to catch up with Patrick. I'd love to catch up with a lot of these cats, man. There are a lot of people out there that work so

hard on this show. I wonder if the listeners would want to hear from some of the crew people. Let's ask them. Guys, weigh in on it, man, because we got a lot of people with some very interesting stories that I think you would love to hear, but, you know, we're nervous. We're still, you know,

we don't want to let you down. We don't want to tease that we're going to have Alicia Silverstone and then bring on Patrick Bolton. You know, we don't want to. Right. So let us know.

Let's bring both. Yeah. Do you want to hear from our crew members? Because I'm sure they got some wonderful stories for you guys to listen to. They do. They do. They can talk about how Donald took forever to come to set. Yeah. Do you want to hear from our crew members? Because I'm sure they've got some wonderful stories for you guys to listen to. They do.

They do. They can talk about how Donald took forever to come to set. No, that's not true. So how about how I call him Perry at 8.04? You got to get a little ballsy. I got a little cocky calling him Perry. He goes, Perry? I go, I'm trying it out.

Trying it out. And then I go, AQ, any questions? I love Jordan on this i love the curly fries situation yeah because you can relate oh i could totally relate and at the end when jordan says curly fries and the face that she makes where it's like it's hopeful that he did it but also please don't disappoint me she has the the fear that he disappointed her yeah and she's like, it's hopeful that he did it, but also, please don't disappoint me. She has the fear that he disappointed her. And she's like, curly fries? And he pulls them out, and she's so happy.

That's real deal Holyfield, man. I remember when Casey was pregnant with Rocco. She would eat oatmeal every night. And so at one point, I would be like, do you want to go out to dinner? And she would go, oatmeal? and she would go oatmeal for dinner yeah for dinner oatmeal like yeah absolutely whatever you want baby you just gave me an idea i might have a beyond burger today for lunch have you had beyond burgers they're really good no you know i've i've stopped eating red meat i know beyond burgers plant-based i just get a little nervous that it's

gonna taste like it's going to taste like. It's delicious. And by the way, this is not one of our sponsors. I'm just, this is totally true. I'm not being paid to tell you this. Beyond Burger is delicious. Now, granted, you want to put a little salt and pepper and all the things you would do.

You put the relish and the ketchup and the mustard, but it's really good. So for me, I was always like, I want to give up red meat, and I won't crave steak the thing i'll crave is a burger yeah i still crave a burger i'm telling you will you try a beyond burger for me i will i'll i'll i'll postmates you some i'll send you some over yeah you know somebody hit me up somebody hit me up and was like you know red meat's not bad for you it's good for you etc etc it's my personal choice thank you yeah and i i i have to be honest

i've been struggling personally i'm not broadcasting i hate when people fucking prostatize their shit i'm not trying to tell you to do whatever you want to do i personally have been struggling a little with the ethics of eating animals and anytime i see video footage of how they're treated i want to change my ways and it's it's it's taken forever and um my girlfriend has inspired me a lot and i'm really kind of um starting to do it hey bud what how's your penis what do you mean how's your penis my penis is delightful why are you asking i'm just trying to get back to the show. How's your penis? Oh, now you don't like digressions?

Fucking asshole. You sound like Susan from Duluth. We not only lost Susan from Duluth, we lost the co-host. All right. All right, let's bring on the fan, Donald. Here we go. First, let's go to... Before we do that, let's go to break. We're going to go to break.

We'll be right back. Do you want to say something wise going into break? Something... Just impart the fans with something that's just wise so they can think about it during the break. Three licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop. That's all I'm going to tell you. Three licks.

Way more than three licks. Not according to the owl. Thanks. We'll be right back on That Note. Hi, I'm Martha Stewart, and we're back with a new season of my podcast. This season will be even more revealing and more personal with more entrepreneurs, more trailblazers, more live events, more Martha, and more questions from you. I'm talking to my cosmetic dermatologist, Dr. Dan Belkin, about the secrets behind my skincare. Walter Isaacson, about the geniuses who change the world.

Encore Jane, about creating a billion-dollar startup. Encore Jane about creating a billion-dollar startup. Dr. Elisa Pressman about the five basic strategies to help parents raise good humans. Florence Fabricant about the authenticity in the world of food writing. Be sure to tune in to Season 2 of the Martha Stewart Podcast. Listen and subscribe to the Martha Stewart Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. place in it. Crying in public. Two 20-something college women living in NYC dive into growing up at a time when there was no distinction between what's public and what's private. Best of both worlds. A discussion on work-life balance, career development, parenting, time management, productivity, and making time for fun. Hear these podcasts and more on your free iHeartRadio app or

wherever you get your podcasts. As important as choosing the right destination when traveling is choosing the right travel partner. Gene! Eugene Fodor! Gene! Much of the joy you will find on the road comes from the person you share it with. So you ride the books, Gene.

I have a lot of stuff on the business. I understand now. He's a wise man, Mary is a wise woman. But be careful and choose your travel partner well, because the worst trips result when two partners have two different agendas. Get down! I'm not stupid, Jean. Something is going on in its high time, you tell me the truth.

Freeze, Americano! Jean, run! So travel before it's too late. Your money will return. Your time won't. And we're all too quickly approaching that final destination. Listen to Fodor's Guide to Espionage on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I used to have so many men.

How this beguiling woman in her 50s. She looked like a million bucks. With zero qualifications. She had a Harvard plaque. Tricks her way past a wall of lawyers and agents. She's got all of these Maseratis and Bentleys all in the driveway. Is it like a mansion? Yes, it's a mansion. That this queen of the con uses to scam some of the biggest names in professional sports

out of untold fortunes. About six million. Approximately 11 million dollars. Nearly 10 million dollars was all gone. Employing whatever means necessary to bleed her victims dry. She would probably have sex with one of her clients. Hide your money in your old rich man, because she is on

the prowl. Listen to Queen of the Con, Season 5, The Athlete Whisperer, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's David Cannon! David Cannon. It's David...

Hey, guys. Stop it. Oh, David, I'm sorry. Keep it going. Okay, David, I apologize for that. I loved every second. That was... I'm sorry, David. I gotta do something. Did loved every second. I'm sorry, David.

I got to do something. Did I get it right? It's Conan? Is this Conan or Canon? You got it right the first time. That's very rare. David, I'm sorry, but my AC is broken. I'm going to have to take off my shirt.

I'm almost MSO. This is getting special. Where is your shirt, Zach? I have pants on. It's fucking 90 degrees in here. David, do you mind if I remove my shirt? David, I'm so sorry. I'm about to do the exact same thing.

No, don't you do it. David, before you came on. Because if you remove your shirt, then we're all going to have to remove our shirts. Listen, David, before you came on, we learned that my AC is broken, and I have to keep the doors closed because of the sound. So this is what's happening. How are you, David? Where are you calling from?

I'm in London and I'm feeling similar to you right now, Zach, because it's 30 or 35 degrees today. So being London, that means... I'm guessing that's Celsius. Yes. Yeah. That's very, very hot, actually. And it's still 25 degrees now.

So it is. It's a warm night. Very, very hot, actually. And it's still 25 degrees now, so it's a warm night. Do you often find that Americans who do a British accent sound like Dick Van Dyke and Mary Poppins? It's getting better. There was an era where that was the staple accent. I feel like British actors are English, excuse me,

English actors are so good at doing American accents, and I find that whenever we Americans try, we sound ridiculous. I mean, Hugh Laurie, for example, was a surprise to most Americans, I think. Yes, yes, yes, good point. It's either the Dick Van Dyke accent or it's the guy from Mighty Python. How many are there? Did you say four rabbits? Well, you're saying that that's what Americans sound like when they do their accent.

Those are the two British accents they do. They either do the Dick Van, hello, Mary Poppins, or the how many did you say? David, where in the UK are you? I'm in London. Oh, you said London. Yeah, London. Near Stratford, kind of way. East London.

Are you near the Mary Bourne Station? Mary Bourne Station? Marley Bone, Donald. Marley. Marley Bone. Marley Bone. I stayed at that hotel. Oh, okay.

That's further in. I love that area you just wanted to say Marleybone it's a great name it is David thanks for coming on the show

do you have a question thank you for having me this is nice thank you you have very nice headphones you have a nice camera I'm sensing you have a better camera

and you have a Moscow Mule in your hand do you have a Moscow Mule oh I mean this is actually it's a take on a Moscow Mule this has been I mean, this is actually a take on a Moscow mule. This has been made with a GT's

kombucha. Oh! Shout out, GT's! But listen, Donald and I are researching releasing the Adeo Shun Moscow mule, and I'm really happy that you're representing. Because, you know, it's always a great answer,

what you're trying to get into. Adeo Shun. I don't know that we can call it Adeo Shun, though, because here's the problem. what you're trying to it's always a great answer what you're trying to get into adeo shun i don't know that we can call it a day of shun though because here's the problem unless you're an avid listener of the podcast you're gonna be like what the fuck is that so it might have to be called it might have to be called like the fake doctor's moscow mule or the real friend's moscow mule i like you looking at me like that? You look so disappointed. Because I like the ad for it. What you trying to get into? Adeo Shun. What you trying to do? Adeo Shun.

I just feel like in our very first marketing meeting, they're going to be like, no one's going to know what Adeo Shun is. They will if we market it right. Anyway, I digress. Sorry, we digress. David, how are you? Give us a question for us, please. David, before you begin, can you tell them what you do?

Yeah, sure. So, I mean, I work in film. At least I used to until COVID happened. It's been quite a few months there now. And I guess I kind of got into film actually when I was working in like corporate media. And then at the time I spent all my holiday and I guess I kind of, I got into film actually, uh, when I was working in like corporate media. Uh, and then at the time I spent all my holiday,

uh, being a extra in the solo film. That was, uh, yeah. Donald, this is a present from Joelle. I got that.

I got that. Look at his face. Look at Donald's face. It's like, you just gave him the present of his life. Which Star Wars film? Shabbat Shalom, Donald. Solo.

You said Solo. Oh, in the Solo film. In Solo, yeah. So, David, are you in a position to tell us what the fuck happened on that set? I mean, I was only at the time an SA, like a background actor. So, I mean, I was far away from all that. Yeah, but you saw both versions. Did you see both versions?

Did you see Kevin Kennedy coming in and saying, you're fired! Get the fuck out of here, you two! I'm sick of this shit! Roll in Ron Howard! I told you! I told you I want Star Wars! Yes! And they roll in Ron Howard on the Silence of the Lambs dolly, and he's got and they bring him in and they're like, go to work!

And he goes to work and he takes off the mask? Yeah. And like, oh lord, get the fuck out of here! I was lucky enough to work with, I mean, not exactly that. I got to work with both, I mean, I got to see both directors do that job, which was amazing.

But again, I mean, also like the very terrifying Disney NDAs might stop me from saying anything else. NDA? It stop me from saying anything else. NDA? It already came out. No, but you can get in trouble still. But maybe you and Joel and Donald could hop on a different private Zoom and you could give them the dirt. That NDA shit, man.

That's that bullshit right there. No, we're not trying to get our new friend David in trouble by breaking his NDA. No, I know, man. But listen, man. I get it. I get it. I get it. You're not supposed to spill the beans. But sometimes, like, dude, it's me, man. I get it. I get it. I get it. You're not supposed to spill the beans.

But sometimes, like, dude, it's me, David. I fucking said your name until I lost my breath. You can't give me no fucking information. I said your name until I couldn't breathe anymore. That's true. And now you sit here and you tell me that you can't give me. Okay, ask a question, David. Let's see what I give you.

Ask a question, David. Let's see what I give you. Ask a question. He's going to say, he's going to say, he's going to say he signed an NDA. So question one, question one. So you guys have said like several times,

Opie's podcast, that the writers were always having to get ideas and scripts cleared by the network. And it often get changed or shot down. Like whole medical marijuana idea i think was happening in season one and they were like nah you can't do that yeah yeah um so mike my question is um if you had total control of the show uh like say it's like a netflix film yeah like you were you were the makers you had all the power is there a storyline and no idea that you think would be fun to play with that a network would just never allow i don't know if there's a storyline but i definitely think that there's a oh wait i signed an nda i knew you're gonna do it that was a good fake out that was a good fake

out because in my brain it went oh good he's gonna be mature and then no fake out no uh no in all honesty uh i do i i i don't know i don't necessarily think storyline, but I think format of the show. I would make it more risque, like curb your enthusiasm, you know what I mean? Or something like that. If we could come back and do it on a network where we could do all of the jokes that we wanted to do from the gate, I would like to see that. I would like to see a more riskier version of Scrubs

with maybe more, it could be blood, it could be guts, it could be cursing, it could be sexual content. I agree with Donald. I would also go darker into the world of medicine. I mean, we've touched on it. Obviously, Scrubs touched on it. But there's a lot of fucked up shit that goes on. The bureaucracy, obviously, we touched on. The pharmaceutical reps, obviously,

we touched on. But, you know, there's literally decisions that are made being like, hey, this person has insurance, that person doesn't, so we're going to go. Again, we touched on it in a network safe kind of way, but I would say let's go darker into it. By the way, I didn't know that you guys have universal healthcare there.

So it's a completely different system there. But here decisions are made on the quality of your insurance, which means that you had a good enough job to get enough insurance to live. And people are sent home because they don't have the right insurance. And decisions are made based on so many factors that are inhumane, I think, in a lot of ways that are foreign to someone who lives in a country with universal healthcare. No, that's a great answer. And it's like, that's one thing I kind of like, I guess I started to learn from Scrubs, which is how different our two countries were with how we

like went into healthcare and yeah the NHS is lovely I'm very happy to to have that so next question this is this is to Donald actually so Donald Star Wars now at Disney are going to be making films pretty much around all of the lore and the expanded universe of Star Wars for many years to come my question is if you were to try and pitch yourself in a lead role to Katherine Kennedy and probably her twin sister at the same time, what kind of character would you be?

What would you want to be? What do you want to see yourself as in that universe? What would be your backstory? What would you be doing? That's a great question. I would like to see myself, not necessarily as a moisture farmer, but...

That's where you start out. That's how it always starts. Some form of farming, whether it be junk or moisture. Is a moisture farmer a euphemism for something? No, so he lived on a planet that's dry as fuck. It's a desert planet.

And so Luke Skywalker and his family would you know uh farm atmosphere moisture from the atmosphere okay i didn't know that yeah uh and that's how they got water and stuff like that so what's your ideal character kathy kennedy or her twin sister who's punking you they come to you and they're like donald whatever you want, who do you want to play in the universe? I'd say to them, I'd look them dead in the eye and I'd be like, I want to play the lead. Okay, but who's the lead?

Is it... No, I don't give a shit. No, no, no. I want to play the lead. I'm surprised you don't have an answer. From one to five, I want to play the lead. I'm surprised there's not a character in mind. No, because it's a

universe man there's no real there's no you know anybody can be anything in the star wars universe i you know i i don't want to sit here and be like i'd be a smuggler or i'd be a well you do tend to like um the han solo vibe so maybe you'd like to- No, I like Harrison Ford. What I really, you know, in watching Star Wars, the stories that really speak to me are the everyday person. We get to learn about all of these supernatural individuals and all these people with these crazy jobs and elite, you know, and have elite status in this gigantic galaxy. You know what I mean?

That's what Star Wars is. I want to learn about the people that we don't see. You know what I mean? That's what Star Wars is. I want to learn about the people that we don't see. You know what I mean? That's more important to me. Like, you know, not that Broom Boy was... No, Broom Boy wasn't... I didn't think Broom Boy was important to me because at the end,

he turned out to be a fucking superhero. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, okay. So Broom Boy is special because he can fucking make a broom fly to his hand. That wasn't dope to me. What's dope to me is learning about, you know, the characters that don't have the force and are living everyday lives. And out of nowhere, these guys in the white suit bust into wherever they're hanging out and shoot up the place.

And then they have to deal with it from there. We never deal with that. All we deal with is they come in, they shoot up the place. The aftermath is the Rebel Alliance fights them back. You know what I mean? I don't care about all of that stuff. What would you do if Kathy Kennedy called you

and she's like, hey, Donald, we'd love you to take this part. It's very exciting. You're going to be Chewbacca's cousin. No, I'd be like, no, I get the fuck out of here. You wouldn't voice Chewbacca's cousin? No, I'd be like, no, I'd get the fuck out of here. You wouldn't voice Chewbacca's cousin? Sure, I would totally voice him. What if you don't have to be in the suit?

What if they're like, Donald, we'll have a stuntman do the suit, you just have to voice him? No, I've totally... Look, absolutely, if they ask me to do that... Like Nick Nolte in Mandalorian, you know? He's just doing the voice. There's a little bit more to that though you know what i mean that's that's chewbacca just go all right what if you were what if chewbacca's

cousin was fluent in english so chewbacca's cousin has a speech impediment and can speak english well it's not an impediment it's a what's the opposite of impediment that's what it would be it would be it's a gift He has a speech gift. Right. I just assume that Chewbacca just didn't know English. You're saying that he... He totally knows English. He can hear. Oh, right. And when he growls, Han is like, oh, you stop complaining.

Right. Okay. So let's say that you're a Wookiee, but you have the ability to articulate English and you can speak. Would you do that? Sure. Why not?

There we go. I found them apart. But that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for, in a Star Wars movie, like I'm very excited to see Lando's movie. Even though Lando is a part of the lore and everything like that, he's not in all the movies. He's only in three of them. You know what I mean? You don't know much about him.

You know that he's a con man and you know that he's a hustler in this galaxy and you know that he's going to deal with people that don't involve the Empire, don't involve Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia and Han Solo. It's a story. That's why The Mandalorian is so dope,

and that's why everybody's loving The Mandalorian so much, because it's not the normal story, and they're not trying to say there are only 17 people in this universe. They're saying the universe is bigger. Okay. Well, there's your answer, David. And Zach, same question. No, I don't. I would love to be in it but I have a feeling if my agent called me

and said hey you're not going to believe this they want you to be in the Star Wars universe I'd say listen I can't take this from my friend Donald Faison No, if you did that I'd kill you Could the character be African American? Then I'd be like yeah yeah no no he's right do that shit, listen to what Zach's saying

But if they offered you sincerely if you were offered a role in Star Wars and you said no because of me I would punch you in your face I would say listen Miss Kennedy is there a world where this character you're offering me

could be African American and have a giant rack of a bubble butt. This would be you right there. You right there. And this is why we're best friends, people. This is why we're best friends. That is called loyalty. That is loyalty on the highest level.

She's like, how big? Like a shelf shelf? And I'm like, shelf shelf. And she's like, how big? Like a shelf shelf? And I'm like, shelf shelf. And she's like, let me think about it. Like you could put a plate of cookies on his ass, on the top of his ass, and eat off that shit. Maybe put some milk on it. Does he get the part or not?

And then she's like, I don't know. She's like, maybe if the character was constantly high and late to work, I'd be like, yeah, yeah. was like constantly high and late to work, I'd be like, yeah, yeah. See, now you make it sound like I'm uninsurable. Oh, no, you're great. All right, David, we got to go.

Even though you're British and we love all things British. Thank you. Thank you so much. It's been great. We're so happy you came on, man. And it's a great shirt you're wearing. I love your shirt. Coming on. Enjoy your drink.

All right. Shalom. That's all I'm going to say. See you guys. Oh, my God. Take care. Shabbat. Shalom. That's what I say. See you guys. Oh my God. Take care. Shabbat. Shalom.

Shabbat shalom. Hey, shabbat shalom. Hey, shabbat shabbat shabbat shabbat shalom. Listen, it's been a blast. It has been a blast. I was thinking today, Donald, I thought we could play the new bop by Charlotte Lawrence. I love it. Because it actually is a really good song.

I'm not just saying that because she's our pseudo-niece. That is my niece, man. She's not my pseudo-niece. She is my niece. We just don't have the same blood. Okay. Well, listen, for those of you who don't know, Bill Lawrence, the creator of our show, and Krista Miller, who played Jordan, have an amazing daughter named Charlotte Lawrence.

And she has a really great singing career. That's blowing up. Her producer is Andrew Watt, who is like the current biggest hit maker in the world. And she's got a new song called slow motion. And I'm about to talk it up. Are you ready? Anything you want to say to the listeners,

Donald, before we wrap it up, shout out to all the frontline workers right now. You know, we, we haven't shouted you out as of late and we need to frontline workers right now. You know, we haven't shouted you out as of late, and we need to do it right now, once again.

You know, thank you for all your service. Thank you for putting your lives on the line to save other lives. We totally appreciate you. Yeah. Amen. Amen. Thank you everyone, and thank you for being our listeners. Please don't forget to

subscribe to the show. Don't forget to rate the show. Give it five stars. It's the only option we're giving you is five stars. And tag your friends when we post it on Instagram. Tag your friends. Tell your friends. Blow us up. We're having so much fun doing this. We're going to tour. It's going to be so exciting. Just imagine Joelle, Daniel, me and Donald on a tour bus clam baking. We would bake clams? I think that's an expression that means filling the bus with ganja. We would do that.

Yeah, we would do that too. 100%. Is it legal overseas? It's probably more legal overseas than it is here. No, it's not unless we're in certain places. But we'd have medical certificates. Ready? All right, here's my talk up. Ready?

I love you guys. Have a great weekend. Thank you for listening to Fake Doctors, Real Friends. Here is the brilliantly talented Charlotte Lawrence with her new song, Slow Motion. Take it away, Charlotte. The colors are fading out. Is it quiet where you're sleeping? Your records, my empty house I wish I knew what you were feeling Fighting every instinct while you hold your pride

Back to the beginning, it swallows my mind Your role that I think about I even see you when I'm dreaming I wish that I could hate you, my baby I wish that when I left you to chase me I didn't wanna change, but you made me Now you're telling all your friends that I'm crazy I don't believe that you ever really loved me

I made believe that you cared when you touched me I know I'll be moving on In slow motion I've never been good with words But you didn't try to listen Could call but I won't be the first To remind you what you're missing Fighting every instinct while you hold your pride Back to the beginning, it swallows my mind You never learned how to hurt

But I didn't try to fix it I wish that I could hate you, my baby I wish that when I left you to chase me I didn't wanna change, but you made me Now you're telling all your friends that I'm crazy I don't believe that you ever really loved me I made believe that you cared when you touched me I know I'll be moving on

It's the most I I need you more when you are not around, not around Maybe I crave the way you let me down, let me down I think I want you more than I need ya Avoid the places I see ya Killing me slow, killing me slowly I wish that I could hate you my baby I wish that when I left you to chase me

I didn't wanna change but you made me Now you're telling all your friends that I'm crazy I don't believe that you ever really loved me I made believe that you cared when you touched me. I know I'll be moving on. It's the motion. Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine.

Hosted by me, Danielle Robay. And me, Simone Boyce. Every weekday, we're me, Danielle Robay, and me, Simone Boyce. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more. I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.

You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share. Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search The bright side.

I'm Raquel Willis. Join me on my new podcast, Queer Chronicles, a show where LGBTQ plus folks tell their own stories in their own words. This season, teens will share all about growing up in political battleground states. We will always exist and we will definitely not let them take away our joy,

no matter how hard they try. Listen to Queer Chronicles on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your most fabulous shows. Hi, this is Shannon Doherty, host of the new podcast, Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty. So in this podcast, I'm going to be talking about marriage, divorce, my family, my career. I'm also going to be talking a lot about cancer, the ups and the downs, everything that I've learned from it. It's going to be a wild ride.

So listen to Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Alec Baldwin. This past season on my podcast, Here's the Thing, I spoke with more actors, musicians, policymakers, and so many other fascinating people, like jazz bassist Christian McBride. Jazz is based on improvisation, but there's very much a form to it. You have a conversation based on that melody and those chord changes. So it's kind of like giving someone a topic and say, okay, talk about this. Listen to the new season of Here's the Thing on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.