Family Trips with the Meyers Brothers - AMBER RUFFIN Roadtripped the Whole Summer

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

The hilarious Amber Ruffin joins Seth and Josh on the pod this week! She tells them all about visiting Aunt Rose and Cousin Derek, what roadtrips were like with only 1 CD, being the baby in the family, how maybe we should have the  “Sometimes Corps,” and so much more! Sponsors: NissanGo find your next big adventure, and enjoy the ride along the way. Learn more at nissanusa.com AirbnbSupport comes from Airbnb your home might be worth more than you think find out how much more at airbnb.com/host to learn about hosting. FidelityThink about the tax smart move of opening and finding a Fidelity IRA you can get started today at fidelity.com/ira AG1Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs when you first subscribe. Go to drinkAG1.com/TRIPS  Check it out. "

This episode of Family Trips is brought to you by Nissan. Nissan SUVs have the capabilities to take your adventure to the next level. Learn more at NissanUSA.com. Hey, Pashi. Hey, Suvi. I have a question for you. Sure. It's sort of, I guess, based on the questions we ask at the end of every podcast,

because I feel like I would say my favorite way to travel is train. Yeah. But now I have a chance to put it to the test. I'm doing a show in Ottawa, Canada. Okay. The next day I'm doing a show in Toronto, Canada. Now it's a very short flight, say I think an hour, hour 20 minutes.

Yeah. Or it's a four hour train ride, maybe four and a half. What do you do if you're me you take the train okay i think it's you put it to the test because also you got to get to that plane an hour before yeah that's that extra hour right security yeah yeah i'm assuming you're not gonna check luggage but no i think if you get a nice seat against a window right Right. See Canada go by the windows. Yeah.

From everything I know, Canada is pretty, pretty. Yeah. All right. So it seems like we've decided. Yeah. Train it's going to be. Great. Love it.

Mom and dad are going to take a trip in about a month. They're going to Amsterdam. They're going to take this sort of like, I think a boat that goes from Antwerp to a bunch of Belgian and Dutch towns. And they're flying into Amsterdam, but the trip officially starts in Antwerp. And mom is very concerned about arranging that train and how they're going to go from Amsterdam to Antwerp. And I looked it up yesterday and there are several options. I would imagine a thousand options. Yeah. And she really wants to know what time of day they leave, when they get in. Again,

this is a month away. And she doesn't even know when they need to be in Antwerp, but she's pretty spun out about it. I would be spun out if this was true. They were taking a boat trip through europe and dad was captaining the boat if it was a little just a little two-seater yeah that'd be throwing their luggage in that would be bad yeah you did a thing that i feel like daughters and sons all over this great nation do when they go back to their house they grew up in oh sure you fix something on the television. Yeah. I try to sort of look at all the tech and try to write the ship. You want them to live their best lives.

I do. Like for mom, I have her Spotify login details and I will log in as her from Los Angeles and I will make mixes and then I log out and I log back into my own. But then when she logs in and she's never logged out, so these mixes will just magically appear for her. When I got here this time, she was like, I can't find those mixes. And I opened up Spotify. And I clicked on library. And then they were all there.

Yeah. And it's funny because she knows what a library is and knows that's where you go to find stuff. She's like volunteered at the library. Yeah. At the local library. By the way, and again, for our listeners, this is why I don't even make an effort. She's got one son who's going into her Spotify,

curating lists for her, and then going to find the list when she can't. I think I got her a Bruce Springsteen best of CD back in 98. That might have been the last. Yeah. My last effort. I will say dad and I went to go pick up food last night and we came back in. She was playing one of these mixes and she was dancing in the kitchen and then she and dad danced.

Oh, wow. Yeah. And he's still, is he still in the hospital? Is he out? No, but he did dip her. Oh, wow. That. And he's still, is he still in the hospital? Is he out? No, but he did dipper. Oh, wow. That's a good dipper. It was Bette Midler's Do You Want to Dance that they were dancing to.

Oh, that's good. Hot track. A track they've been dancing to our entire lives. I do have a true story about, I've told this story before about mom and Bruce Springsteen, which is Steelers went to a Super Bowl. Can't remember if it was 08 or 2010 season. But I got us tickets. And this is so exciting

because one, the Steelers make the Super Bowl. That's the most exciting thing. Then we got tickets. Anyway, I had this conversation with mom once. I said, I got us tickets to the Super Bowl. She was like, oh my god. And I said, and guess who's playing the halftime show? And she said, who? And I said, Bruce Springsteen. And mom said, are we going's playing the halftime show? And she said, who? And I said, Bruce Springsteen.

And mom said, are we going to meet Bruce Springsteen? And I said, no. How did you take this incredible thing and immediately find a level above it that was possible? Yeah, we're going to go down after the halftime show and say hey to Bruce Springsteen. Yeah. So my Spotify correction was one thing, but then... A success.

A success. Everybody appreciated it. I think so. Then last night we watched a show. We watched a new show on BritBox and it looked terrible. And I know that the British, they make great television, and it doesn't look terrible. So I pulled up the settings this morning because the old Auto Motion Plus or Motion Smoothing was on.

It's a real issue for cinephiles. A lot of people who make television or make movies will tell you, you got to turn it off because it makes our work look janky. Yeah. I mean, Tom Cruise made a video with the director of The Last Mission Impossible. And it was like-

McQuarrie, right? That guy? Yeah, like a public service to be like, hey, you should not be watching things with this on. And shame on the television manufacturers who put this dumb setting in. So I fixed it. And then dad was like, show me the difference and he was like yeah

i like it i like it on he likes auto motion plus and it's going to be very hard for me to leave here with it on because the it just it looks it looks so bad everything looks like a soap opera now do you think you could actually gaslight him and switch it back and do you think he would notice the difference if you left if he thought it was on do you think he would notice it was off he might and like my problem this morning is i you know i did it in the morning and so it's morning television that's on and so i just wanted to like put it on a movie and the end of uh ordinary people was on i just put that on as a thing to watch the last 20 minutes of. And I showed it to him on that. And it's very clear to me.

He's like, I don't really see the difference, but this is an old movie. So put it on something else. And I was just like, what's on? And the Steve Carell Get Smart from 2008 was on. So I put that on. But that's a bad test of something. Because it's not like it's not it's not like it's from this year and i don't know their channel listings i would have liked to

pull up like a law and order i feel like a law and order would be a very clear thing but i'm just i'm running out of time here and i don't know if i can yeah try to pitch it again here's how i would have dealt with it i don't care and i would have left it as is i do though like when something's a little bit off dad i mean do you remember how dad has i feel like he's constantly got his own telltale heart somewhere in the house like um do you remember there was like a whole year where he he heard a rattle in his car oh yeah and his uh he had wire wheel hubcaps on his Lincoln Town car. Yeah. And he kept saying, there's a rattle. And he would just come in all the time. He would make you go out in the car with him and drive around and see if you heard the rattle. Yeah.

It's amazing we still have him with us. I would have thought. I was like, no, I think that rattle's in your head. And maybe this is, maybe we should say our goodbyes. That was like 30 years ago. in your head and maybe this is maybe we should say our goodbyes that was like 30 years ago i will say he did last night on the couch he's like i went to uh rei and i was like oh because he before called it recreational equipment incorporated and i was like well you're still you're over pronouncing it he's like i did it for your benefit but so i don't know maybe maybe he'll hear this and be like all right i gotta give this another go maybe or maybe he'll just dig his heel in daddy style yeah gbd he likes what he likes he likes what he likes that's for sure uh who might have take that away from him exactly somebody we both uh we both like we've known her for years met her in amsterdam when we were working at the Improv Comedy Theater, Boom Chicago, Amber Ruffin.

She did two different stints in Amsterdam. She also worked at Second City in Chicago. And then when I put together the staff for Late Night, my very first staff, she was one of our first hires. She is a delight. The Amber Ruffin Show was a fantastic show of hers her sister lacy and her have a great podcast the amber and lacy lacy and amber show they've co-written a couple of books pretty prolific we love talking to her she's prolific does a bunch of stuff on broadway

she wrote the book for the whiz on broadway performances for that begin march 29th at the marquee theater she does a lot. Her name is Amber Ruffin, and you're going to hear our conversation with her right after this song from Jeff Tweedy. Family trips with the Myers brothers. Here we go. Hey, sorry. Yeah. I know, Pashi, I know I said right after the Jeff Tweedy song

we were going to get to Amber Ruffin, but while we were listening to the Jeff Tweedy song, I got a text from Dad. Oh, yeah? Uh-huh. And again, you're recording this at home and you're right down the hallway from his bedroom. I am.

Anyway, the text said, don't listen to Poshy's bullshit about my TV. Is that for real? That's for real. So, I mean, it's very rare we get breaking news during the recording of the podcast, but I felt like I should interrupt this broadcast with breaking news.

This is a report from dad's bedroom. Don't listen. This is a live text. Don't listen to Poshy's bullshit about my TV. I'm almost afraid to shut down my system here and leave my bedroom now. All right, now everybody can hear our conversation with amber

hey what's up sunshine hi how's it going good how are you good where you been la i've been around i've been around oh yeah amber the three of us you know know, we work together, you and I. That's why I haven't flipped out when I saw you. I don't want our listeners to be wondering why Josh was so excited to see you. But we all met in Amsterdam. So here's my question for you to start this right off. Josh and I never did passport travel with our parents when we were little. First time I got a passport was to move to Amsterdam.

Josh? I think it wasn't to move to Amsterdam. Josh? I think it wasn't to move to Amsterdam. I had gone to visit a girlfriend in London. You got to visit me, too, as well. Yeah. So what about you, Amber? Did you guys ever go on a trip overseas? No.

My first passport was also to do boom. Wow. Yeah. We also were just talking to Patton Oswalt. Her dad was a Marine, but he was referred to as an Army brat. Your parents were Air Force. That's true. Do you consider yourself an Army brat?

No way. They were way out of the Air Force by the time I came around. By the time everybody came around. I feel like they moved to Omaha and were like, you know what? This is as good a place as any. And then plopped down and had some children. And a lot of children, right? Five.

I'm the youngest of five. Youngest of five. That's why I'm so freaking bad. Don't give a rip. Josh, are you bad? I don't think I'm bad. You don't seem bad. Yeah, no.

I think I'm pretty good. I don't think youngest'm bad. You don't seem bad. Yeah, no. I think I'm pretty good. I don't think youngest of two is necessarily bad. I think when you get youngest of four or five, that's when you just become. No offense, Amber, a terrible person. Do you really think you were bad? Like, in what ways were you bad? I was bad in that I knew for a fact that the rules did not apply to me because I'm the baby. Also, I, you know, ran around with a lot of like, give it to the baby.

Let the baby eat it. Watch the baby do her dance. Let the baby have it. Like a lot. That's how I grew up. And it's a lot like being at late night. Yeah. It's funny with our kids now because our baby is finally turning into a person.

And the boys, I think, are realizing how the rest of their life is going to lay out because they thought she was a cute baby, too. And now they're realizing, oh, mom and dad are going to think she's a baby forever. Yeah. Like to them, she's, oh, kid rules, right? And we're just, no, she's always going to be the baby. She has diplomatic immunity for all things. Don't trip her. Don't pinch her. You better say she's doing a good job. All of it. It's great. How many sisters? How many brothers?

I have three older sisters and one older brother. Gotcha. And what's the gap from oldest to you? Crystal is 10 years older than me. Well, I guess that makes sense with five, 10 years older. So did you ever have a seven person trip, two parents and five, five roughing kids? We had one seven person trip. In your life? In our lives. I mean, you, you would too. we had a lot of fun but we weren't like the travelingist mugs it's a lot of kids it's a lot of mess we don't want to be doing it yeah they don't want to be dragging us around so then later they would be like okay who feels like coming and then we had a couple of smaller trips.

And the baby, did the baby always feel like going on those trips? Yeah. Who are they going to give all their attention to? Yeah, exactly. Because I didn't go. Yeah. It would seem that your older siblings, like once you go teenager, you might be like, I got my friends here. I want to hang out here. Right. The older siblings felt that way. Yeah.

But me, no, man. Yeah man yeah i gotta be talking to mom and dad i want to know what they're doing what was this seven person trip do you remember the seven person trip was the trip it's why we don't go on trips anymore we all piled into our giant conversion van how old old were you? I'm five. Okay, gotcha. So you got a 15-year-old down to a five-year-old in a conversion van. That's right. And we drive to, from Omaha to Ohio to see Montrose, to Maryland to see Cousin Derek Derek down to Virginia and Georgia where mom and dad are from. Then I think we did a stop at Disneyland or World, whoever's in Florida. Then we went to El Paso and then we came back home.

It was the entire summer and it was so much fun. I mean, I had a blast. It sounds like several locations that you'd like punch into MapQuest and be like, is this possible? Like, what's the best way to do this? But it's that real circuitous travel across America. Yeah, just a giant circle. It was the only trip I ever needed. I was like, I get it.

Great. This is where grandma lives. Great. I love it. I was like, I get it. Great. This is where grandma lives. Great.

I love it. So parents in the front seat, do you feel like you sat in the same place in that conversion van for most of the trip? No, we had to take turns keeping dad awake. So then I was really eager to do that. So lots of times I sat in the front and would pinch dad and talk to him and sing him songs to keep him awake. Gun to his head at the end of the trip. Who do you think your dad would say was his favorite kid to have next to him? Lacey. Oh, interesting.

Lacey's the favorite. Okay. Oh, so you're the baby. Lacey's the favorite. That's right. And is Lacey the next one older than you? Jimmy, the brother is between me and Lacey. Okay.

Gotcha. Yeah. You and Lacey have a wonderful podcastcha. Yeah. You and Lacey have a wonderful podcast, I should note. You have written a book together. You are a wonderful company. Has Lacey earned her right to be the favorite? Yes, because Lacey was a very big nerd. Lacey and I were very big nerds. But Lacey also had natural fear, whereas I didn't really have a lot of that. And she worried about whether she was being a good girl or not, and I can't. You had no time for that.

I can't do it. Yeah. I would guess a nine-year-old riding shotgun might be, though, the sweet spot, too. Like five is a little too young. And by 11 or 13, they're a little over it. They don't really want to be in the front seat with their dad. Yeah. Lacey's going to be in the front seat. She's really going to do a good job. She's focused on efficiency.

I'm going to be in the front seat. I'm going to realize different rules apply up here. And I can bite you. And I'm going to bite him. That was the difference. Was there one listening system on the course of the drive where you all listening to the radio or was there something else or did everybody have their own headphones? It was always the radio, but that's this trip. Okay. So then there was one trip that was just me,

mom, dad, our three nieces and nephews and my sister. On that trip, we all got in the car, got so far, got to like Des Moines and then realized no one had brought a CD. So we tore up the van, we tore it up and then we found one CD. It was the single of Why Did I Start This Without Knowing It. Oh, it was where my girl's at from the front to back.

And we played it. And everyone was like, oh, what a nice song. Play it one more time. We played it again. We were like, dang, this song is hitting. We played this song a million times. And my dad knows every ooh and ah to where my girl's at it's just so happened that everyone in the van was like this is the best song i've ever heard so this was instead of

listening to the radio you decided to listen to the same track over and over again that's right so this ride it sounds like yeah maybe a lot more females in the car than males was your dad did your dad and again that, he had five daughters. Four daughters, one son. Did he like, did he kind of give it over to the girls when they wanted to do anything, wanted to listen to something? In order to get in trouble by dad, you have to have lit something on fire. And that's literal. And I only know because I did it. That is the only way on earth you could get

this man to pout in even the slightest way you can't there's nothing you can't do it's fine every year at the fourth of july we would go to mom and dad's house everyone would come over we would play this is every year since time began volleyball volleyball, boys versus girls, always boys versus girls. And the girls cheat terribly. And dad is on the boys team and dad goes, well, you know, let him let her do it over. And then we win because we cheated. Right. How does your brother take that? He's the same. He knows. He knows the score. We'll fight him right now. He knows the score. We'll fight him right now.

Do they come at it from a place of they love you and celebrate you? Or do they come at it from a place of we are defeated and we don't have any fight left in us? They're certainly defeated. They're defeated. And would your mother, is your mother easier to make angry then? It sounds like your father's pretty unflappable. Yeah, you could get under mom's skin, but you wouldn't. Yeah. I wouldn't.

She's in the backseat with the rest of you, with four of you. Is there keeping the peace that has to be done back there? Or what's her vibe on this drive? There is no keeping the peace. I'm not fighting nobody. I'm not crying. I'm not crying i'm being good now if it was just dad all right then we're gonna act bad but mom's in there we are keeping it tight we are saying please and thank you we are coloring in our coloring books because mom's

not gonna have it did your parents meet while they were both in the air force yes that's so nice they met in the air force isn't that cute it so nice. They met in the Air Force. Isn't that cute? That is cute. And did any of their children choose a military path? Yes. My brother is the sometimes Corps. The National Guard? The Reserves?

Oh, the Reserves. There we go. Okay, gotcha. We found it. The sometimes Corps. I feel like that is a way clearer. You might get more people to sign up if it was just called the sometimes core. It should be.

They'd catch me sometimes. Ooh. What about when you were just, if it's not a summer where you're going to visit every family member you have across America, what is a summer in Omaha? What do families do? What do the rough-ins do? Fourth of July is the big deal, okay? That's the fun. Everyone comes over. It's a lot of food. We're all having a blast. And this had been going since, you know, since I can remember. And then we just kind of stopped doing it because my parents moved. But this was my entire life, that Fourth of July party and now i have a fourth of july party sometimes but uh we did start a fire

here in new york you're you started a fire there yeah how whose fault i know a lot of our writers were there were any of them to blame it might have been a sparkler dropped by one of us okay but we ran down there with a fire extinguisher and we extinguished it oh you really you didn't it wasn't even a water situation you had to there was also a bucket of water water didn't get there in time but the what's the name did it couldn't tell you what we started talking about to get me to fire extinguisher just summers in omaha and fires and fourth of july yay how many nieces and nephews do you have now 13 wow wow and how what is how old is the oldest of those if i'm you don't have to say 45 then zachary is 34. So my oldest nephew is 34. He's a man.

And he used to be my little baby. And he looks all old. It's great. But then the youngest is Ava is eight. And that is a statement that I think is true. Now, when you said if I'm 45, I want to do it a different way for you, especially seeing you on Zoom.

If you're 45, I want you to write down your skincare routine. Because you look as young as the day I met you. I hope so. I can see it. But hey, you know what? Seth, we can all look like this, baby. Go to stop video. Hit that up, baby. Go to stop video. Hit that up caret.

Go to video settings. Did you up caret yourself? Touch up my appearance. Did you do it? No, I didn't. Okay, good. Because I feel like when I touch up my appearance, my eyebrows disappear. Small price to pay.

Yeah. I mean, if you're 45, Seth is 72. 72. Not a day over, 72. I'm going to date when we're recording this, and I'm going to tell Amber's a writer on the show, but she will not have seen this because she doesn't watch the show, correct? Never seen it.

It's not for me. Josh Brolin was on the show last night and took his shirt off because he brought out these two charity T-shirts he was selling, and he took his shirt, and I was this close, Amber. I didn't do it. I just remembered. However good I'm feeling about whatever physical shape I'm in right now, I don't look good under those bright Studio AG lights.

It was not. But God bless Josh Brolin who just ripped it off. His shirt? That guy's looking pretty good for his age. Took his shirt off. People went crazy. They lost their minds. Oh.

It is really funny how even in an age where literally anything you want to see about a person's physical body is like a button away on the internet, right? Like the amount of nudity that's available to us and yet a dude takes his shirt off. People are like, what? Like literally. I didn't have to go to Google. So when you drive and on this big road trip, your Aunt Rose is first stop in Ohio. That's right. And then how long you spend in with Aunt Rose? Does she join you for any of this trip?

She absolutely doesn't join us. I do not remember her. I could not pick her out of a lineup. I feel like she's in no way related to us. She's one of mommy's best friends. And Crystal, my oldest sister, her middle name is Rose. We're all named after our godmothers. That's not true. Crystal and I are named after our godmothers. And that not true. Crystal and I are named after our godmothers.

And that's why my middle name is Mildred. That's all the information I have on Aunt Rose. Okay. Do you remember when you rolled into Aunt Rose's town or home, whether the seven of you stayed with them or stayed at a hotel? Any memory? I am certain we stayed with everybody. Wow. Because, you know, it was back then and that was more normal. But also we want to be in there mixing it up. Yeah. Because then otherwise mom and dad would have to drop us off and then go out

with everyone. You know what I mean? And that's less convenient. I remember that we stayed with everyone because one of my very, like, I guess not first memories, but worst. Maybe I was four instead of five. Whatever. I'm taking a bath with Jimmy. And this is one of my first memories. And we're at Uncle Palmer's house in El Paso. And we're just in the bathtub. pass out and we're just in the bathtub jimmy sneezes and the amount of snot that came out of his nose made like a big like bubble in the water between us and i started screaming bloody

murder and dad runs in, bursts out the door. And he's like, you know, he's unflappable, this man. And his face just went like, ew. But he didn't say ew because that's not something he would say.

And he just gently picked me up out of the water and just scooped the snot out of the water. That was the freaking grossest thing I ever saw in my life. And that's why I know we stayed at people's houses because I remember that. And I was like, hmm, I think we're at the end of baths with Jimmy. When back in Omaha, did you have to share a room or did baby Amber have her own room?

I shared a room with Lacey. Oh, wow. Me and Lacey shared a room. Jimmy had Amber have her own room? I shared a room with Lacey. Oh, wow. Me and Lacey shared a room. Jimmy had his own room. And Crystal and Angie were downstairs in the basement doing God knows what. Oh, yeah. That's the dream. That's where the good stuff happens.

Because you can get out that window. Obviously, you and Lacey get along well now. Were you good roommates growing up? Absolutely. Yeah. And Lacey would treat me like her little doll baby. And like, if I was feeling sad or if I had hurt myself in any way, Lacey would be like, oh, oh no. Like once I hurt my thumb and she was like, oh gosh, what are we

going to do? And she took me and was like, mom, Lacey or Amber's going to bed early. And mom was like, all right. So she laid me down and then got out James and the Giant Peach and read me James and the Giant Peach all week to nurse my thumb back to health at bedtime. Yeah. So that's Lacey. It's really her fault that I'm terrible. Hey, we're going to take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors. Family Trips is supported by Airbnb. Hey, Pashi.

Yeah, Sufi. Sometimes friends of mine will ask to stay with me. And of course, I'm happy to have them. But what I want to say to them is, hey, you have a beautiful home. Why not when you're on vacation, do you not explore hosting? Your house is Airbnb. Make money while you're gone and then use that money to get a place to stay that is not my house. Yeah, you might even come out on top. Yeah, you might make

money. You might go on vacation and make money. We've got a trip. I don't know if we're going to take it or not, but we were just invited to go to this trip in Puerto Rico for a friend of Mackenzie's 40th birthday. And I was like, well, I don't know, like, where are they staying? She said, they've got an Airbnb and there's a room for us. And it's like, oh, well, that kind of makes it a no brainer. And then on top of it to think like, oh, well, we could Airbnb our place out when we're away. And that's a total cleanup. If you're somebody who's put a lot of time and care into attention in your home, why not share it with people who are looking for a place to stay and you will make some money when they do.

And you might be thinking my space couldn't be an Airbnb, but that's not true. If you're concerned about the time commitment, you can even just Airbnb your place just a few weeks a year when you're traveling. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much more at airbnb.com slash host.

This episode of Family Trips is brought to you by Nissan. Ever wonder what's around that next corner? Or what happens if you push further? Seth, I know that's something you ask me every day. This is why we're excited to partner with Nissan. So much of this podcast is about families getting together in a car and taking adventures. The car becomes a home away from home. It becomes a wonderful, warm place.

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getting to our house? And they would still say, I don't know, maybe an hour. That's if they answer the phone. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. So thanks again to Nissan for sponsoring this episode of Family Trips. Now go find your next big adventure and enjoy the ride. Along the way, learn more at NissanUSA.com.

Now, how did your parents feel about, first, I guess you moved to Chicago. Yeah. From Omaha. How did they feel about you taking that adventure? Could give two shits. Really? They could give a shit. And I'm the youngest.

They don't care. They already got four. Uh-huh. Does everyone else still live around Omaha? Or when you moved to Chicago, were they all close? No, man. Okay. My oldest sister had lived in, I believe she was living in Panama when I was in Chicago. And then right

before I moved to Amsterdam, my second oldest sister moved to Namibia. So me living in Amsterdam wasn't anything at all. Yeah. Yeah. But they wouldn't have cared no way. Did your parents ever travel to Panama or Namibia or Amsterdam? My mom did come to Amsterdam and it was the freaking best because I rented this house, this apartment for her on the, Josh, across the park

from where we used to live right there. Okay. And it was the nicest apartment that I could afford. And I thought it was nice. Then when we get there, the people had given us the mansion on the top of the building we were like holy shit so that it was like the the most beautiful apartment i've ever seen in my life and uh the doorbell

sang a different song every time you pressed it and we spent two hours pressing that doorbell did it ever play girls in the back it played all american songs that's great which is another thing we would do to pass the time like not to pass the time it was just a thing we were obsessed with is when we were young, my mom cut out an article that was like 42 songs every American should know. And we made it our business to learn all those songs. So then the doorbell was singing like oh danny boy you know like songs like that it was like there's no way any dutch person knew any of these songs why why why is this what it is so that's why we spent two hours playing doorbell playing doorbell was great what was the name of

the when josh and i went once with a bunch of snl people to amsterdam what was the name of the, when Josh and I went once with a bunch of SNL people to Amsterdam, what was the name of that? Pada Pada. Pada Pada. There was this weird, I feel like it was before Airbnb, where there were just independent rental companies that had crazy rental units that were basically built for people coming to Amsterdam who were going to party. Yeah.

Yeah. And this was a themed, like, rental. What was the theme? It was African themed. Yeah. I bet knowing what we know about the Dutch, Amber, it probably was well over the line of what was acceptable for an African themed apartment. I believe it.

It was fabulous. I mean, it really served its purpose for giving us a good time. But the doorbell played this like, it was like, bum, bum, bum, bum, buh, buh, buh, bum, bum, bum. And then there would be an elephant noise

and some like monkey noises. Yeah. Seth and I slept on a square bed. I don't know. With a like sort of loose curtain around it. And then above the bed, there was a shower that you would sort of shower up on this platform and then have to like come down these steps. I've seen that before. That's right.

If there was ever a room that you walked in and thought, there have been orgies here, that was a room, and it's a real drag to be sharing the orgy room with your bro. I don't know if you were sharing

it with your wife, if your wife would appreciate it either. All I know is that again, and also if you're on your square bed looking up at sort of a spiral staircase down from a shower like if you're if your sibling was walking down you kind of after one mistake you learn not to like glance up to see who was coming down because that was a real nothing is worse than see-through showers. Why is that ever a thing? Shame on every hotel. Shame on that Airbnb. It is nothing sacred.

Can I get one minute to take a freaking shower? Did your mom love Amsterdam? It was a stop on a cruise with her and Aunt Bootsy. Aunt Bootsy, once again, not my aunt. So her and Aunt Bootsy. Aunt Bootsy, once again, not my aunt. So her and Aunt Bootsy came and they really had a really good time and they got to see me in a boom show and that was cool. And then for some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to take one of those pedicabs home. Oh, yeah. Man, these women, old as time, freaking jiggling around in the back of that mug.

That was the single dumbest thing I've ever done. They hated it. They hated it so bad. And I kept being like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I do picture a phone call

where Lacey calls you to say, and the first thing she says, you put Aunt Bootsy in the back of a pedicab? Aunt Bootsy. On cobblestone streets? On brick streets? It wasn't smart. I had a good time, but I'm prone to. Yeah.

And did your parents, have they made it to New York in the 10 years since you've lived in New York? No, they have not. My parents are now a little very old. And they would rather never leave the house. So, like, they'll go to, like, the store maybe. But since COVID, I think COVID really solidified. These people are not leaving. Because now they know for a fact they never have to. Right.

You can almost get the doctor to come see you in your house. So they're in there. How much family do they have locally in Omaha now as far as kids and nieces and nephews and grandkids? They have the three original grandkids, which was an era. When those kids were born, we had a really good time. They have the three originals. They have my brother and his two. They have my oldest sister. And that is it. Oh, and they're great grandkids.

So, like, two of my nieces and nephews have children. So, they're my grand nieces, grand nephews. I don't know. Great, great nieces, great nephews. I don't know.

No grand. I think grand. The grand. The grand. The grand. The Maggie, the Maggie Smith of nephews. I'm going to keep trying to bring it back to this,

this big loop you did earlier. Your uncle, Derek, probably not your uncle. Cousin Derek is our cousin okay he is like you know how sometimes people are well I started now you know how sometimes people are so wide and so muscular that they can't put their arms down. And also certain parts of them seem small. Like his hands seem small. There's no possible way they could be small. They're on the biggest man I've ever seen. It's just, he's so wide and so muscular that it looks like he's

got little hands. It's not a nice thing to say. But I imagine that has to be when you're, you know, four or five going to see the biggest man you've ever seen. That has to be a thing. We had a very big uncle, our Uncle Kurt, big man. And I just remember like crawling up and down him like a jungle gym. Yeah, they know the score. They know what they're there for.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's fun and he was maryland are there any any specific memories you have of that stopover we went to go see derrick in a football game because he was in college at that point i might be mixing up my trips but i think i'm right might be wrong but we went to go see him in a um football game it see him in a football game. It was the only college football game I've ever seen. I think that's true. And we had a big cowbell for every time he made a touchdown. Why did we have a cowbell?

I don't know, but I was straight ringing that mug. It's hard to give a kid a cowbell and tell them when they're supposed to ring it and when they're not for very specific purposes only no no i'm ringing it it's loud yeah um yeah that's fun do you remember where derrick played college he played football at flippy flap university it's funny i know you as someone who knows not one thing about sports. And so it's always jarring to me where I realize they did try to introduce you to it. And it just didn't take. No, thank you.

I don't want that. I did a little bit of gymnastics. End of list. Okay. But you were good. And then you coached gymnastics. I was absolutely not good in any way. But I did end up coaching it.

And like cheerleading a lot. If I had started out with cheerleading, I might be a cheer coach. I was very mean. Oh. Yeah, you would recognize me. I wasn't having it. Do it. Do it now. Do it because I said to do it. You lazy little. I wasn't having it. Do it. Do it now.

Do it because I said to do it. You lazy little child. You can do it. Give me 50 push-ups one time. I wasn't a terror, okay? I was down to have fun if you did your work. But one of these kids was like, when you're dealing with cheerleaders, they're like, look at 18 and they're mean and they're bad and their hormones are raging.

They're wild. So you gotta just, you have to run a tight ship. So one time this was near the beginning of one of my cheerleading classes. One of the girls was like, you know, I'm just running them through the warmup. It's the same warmup we do every week. One of the girls goes, we have to do this, but you don't. This bitch just sits there. And I said, hey, everybody, go ahead and continue the workup. I said, I just sit there, huh? We're going to do pushups till I get tired. And I never did because I'm very strong. Wow.

I was like, going through a pushup as a child is like wheezing and sad because she was complaining because she was tired in the first place. It wasn't a nice thing to do. And I simultaneously don't regret it. I feel so I have so much. I don't know if empathy is the right word about this, but I watched that documentary Cheer on Netflix, you know, and you realize when the lights are on,

cheer teams have nothing but enthusiasm and all the rest of the time, they're moody and complaining and sore and teenagers. Yeah. Every time the coach turns their back, they're going to be snarky and shitty about them. And they're just so tired. And a lot of them have been dropped on the ground a bunch of times. There's a lot of dropping kids, man. The thud of a kid hitting those mats.

It hurts. It hurts so freaking bad. One time I was coaching gymnastics and I was coaching my little baby three-year-olds who were so perfect. I loved so bad. I let them do whatever. You cute. But then that class was at the same time as the elite gymnasts. So we're on the beams. The elite gymnasts are on the floor. And one of them does a roundoff back handspring, you know, laid out double back.

And she lands and puts her hands behind her, which is the first thing you learn in gymnastics. You don't fall like that. You fall like this. You fall with your hands across your chest. And she puts her hands out behind her and the bone just shot up through her elbow. And I snatched all these children. It was like, we're going in the pit. Yes.

All these children in the pit. They like drag her off the thing and the ambulance comes and they put her in the thing and get out. I mean, it was the grossest thing I've ever seen. It was pretty great. Hey, we're going to take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors. Family Trips is supported by Fidelity. It's that time again, time to start thinking about your taxes. I know, not the most fun time of the year, but this year, when you think taxes, think about this tax smart move for 2023. Open and fund a Fidelity IRA before the tax deadline. Why? Well, you could reduce your taxable income in a traditional IRA, or you could

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I'm getting run ragged. I got a full-time job. I got three children. Yeah. I needed to get a little kick in my step. How'd you do that? I did AG1 and I really three children. Yeah. I needed to get a little kick in my step. How'd you do that? I did AG1 and I really enjoy it. Once I started drinking AG1, I just feel like I have more energy. And also I just like, I feel better getting so many vitamins in my body. And it's one scoop of AG1 and my little AG1 bottle.

I drink that down. I love how it tastes. I feel like a lot of things that I've taken in the past, I don't love the taste. But AG1 is great. Yeah, fires me up. I also enjoy getting some vitamin C, zinc. I'm really looking to improve my immune health. And also, this isn't just a guy on the street that gives you AG1.

It's got a team of doctors and scientists, and that's why you can trust it. Yeah. AG1 is a foundational nutritional supplement that supports your body's universal needs like gut optimization, stress management, and immune support. If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com backslash trips. That's drinkag1.com slash trips. Check it out. And Pashi, can I say something? Yeah.

You look better. Oh, did I look bad? Let's just say AG1's made a noticeable difference. Well, cheers to them. What about these later in life elective trips that were just some of the kids? Always Amber. Yay. Where would you go for those?

Were those also drive around see family? That's right. Okay. Always drive around see family and it's fun. Always in that van? Was the van sort of a constant? It was. It was in the van. But one time we took the three the

original three nieces and nephews to disneylander world it had to be it had to be orlando right um and aaron who is now like the like oh man aaron famously said like we had gone on the cat in the hat area and then we're going through the um gift shop and aaron has been wanting a cat in the hat hat this entire time we're all waiting outside i think lacy's in there with aaron and everyone's waiting for them aaron and lacy come out holding hands and a Aaron's bawling and Lacey goes tell him what's wrong and Aaron goes this hat's too small for my big old head all of the time this has just been so sad it's honestly heartbroken he'd been talking about it the whole time but too fucking bad you got a big head. I love that Lacey made him say it.

Tell him. Tell him. They did say he could buy two and we could sew them together. To make it more like a silo. It would be sort of silo width. Poor baby. silo with poor baby we had a really good time with those two kids at disney because they're scared of everything so we went into the terminator one which is my you know you just go in there you sit in the theater and people like be hopping around

and then there's a big screen that's like explosions and then there's smoke. And sometimes it's like misting a little bit like one of those. Almost nothing happens to you. So we get in there and sit down and Big Arnold Schwarzenegger comes out. It's like, we got the goal. Everybody, this is animal. The children start screaming. They don't understand that this is a ride because it's a movie screen. But there's a man in front of the movie screen.

He's telling us we're in danger. So they fucking lose it. Just like I threw all the three-year-olds in the pit, I had to take a kid and take another kid. Dad took another kid. We ended up there. Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry.

We're freaking out. We're having a small freak out. Sorry about that. So when the three of us all lived in Amsterdam, there was an amusement park in Holland called Efteling that we went to a lot. And I will admit that sometimes we took drugs at the amusement park.

And they were legal. They were legal. They were legal there at the time. Were you there the year Josh's girlfriend flipped out and he had to walk her back the opposite way down a line? Like a really long line that had sort of gone under tunnels at that point. Yeah.

I think Amber froze. Hold on. We got a freezer. Freeze machine. All right. So Amber. Yeah. I'm just going to say real quick for our listeners.

If you sound different, it's because what happened? The power went out. And then also the internet went out. And now I got to talk to you on my phone. Oh, no. I'm sad. It's okay. Josh, can we tell the story I was teeing up before power went out?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm not going to use names. No, you shouldn't use names. But much like Amber had nieces and nephews who got scared by a fake Arnold Schwarzenegger, you were with a girlfriend in sort of like one of those long lines to an amusement park ride where you kind of go underground and it just starts doubling back and it's getting darker and and danker yeah and the uh the fear set in the sort of the drug-induced fear set in she was like i have to uh get out of here and i was like okay and we left the line and then she's like no i need to leave this whole place

and i said okay but we had taken a bus down with like 40 people, 50 people who all worked for the theater. And I was like, let's give it a minute. And she's like, no, I got to get out of here. So we left the park. I left all my friends. Mind you, I was also in sort of an altered state. And I was like, I don't know where to go this this is an amusement park in the middle of Holland I don't know anything that is around here and

our solution was going to be let's go to the bus and we're going to sit on the bus for four hours and we walked outside and our bus was driving away because the guy was going to get lunch or something like that. And then we were just in a neighborhood. And the only thing I know that's near there is the Efteling Hotel. So we walked down this little street past this little, you know, charming Dutch neighborhood. There were all these Dutch kids playing soccer on this field or whatever. And I was like, see, this is nice. And she was like, none of that is nice. And she was like,

none of that's real. That's not real. This isn't real. And she put her purse on the ground and walked away from it. It had her passport in it. And she's like, I don't need any of that. None of that's real. None of this is real. And I picked it up and I said, I need it. I need this. And she's like, okay. And then we went and we checked into the hotel and we laid down in a dark room. And four hours later, when everyone was leaving, I was sort of furiously texting with Seth and all my friends. You know, they're like, hey, we're going to the bus. And at that point, things had settled down. And I was like, can we join our friends on the bus? I don't know how to get back to Amsterdam from here if we don't go on the bus. And we got on the bus to great applause.

But boy, it was a bummer. It was a rough one. Everybody on the bus chanted, none of us are real. None of us. I can't tell you how many times I have been the person to talk someone down from having taken too many drugs. It's always me.

I love doing it. I'm great at it. But this last trip to Efteling, I took too many drugs and I went utterly insane. And me, my best friend many drugs and I went utterly insane. And me, my best friend Lana, and our friend Tamara had to sit at, had lit the part, the white horse, outside at a table. And I just ate as much food as I could physically eat while being like, this is nice. This is nice.

Yeah, this is better. This is much better than going on rides. Yeah, this is nice. This is nice. Yeah, this is better. This is much better than going on rides. Yeah, this is nice. We went on one ride. In the middle of the ride, I was like, oh, great. I'm going to have the worst day of my life. Like I said, almost nothing. And we were there for four or six hours, the whole day.

And every 20 minutes, I would look up and go, guys, I mean this. The two of you are the most beautiful human beings on planet Earth. And I feel so bad for all of the people who aren't looking at you right now. And then I would just go back to silence. And then 20 minutes later, I'd say the same thing. I remember once we went to Jazz Fest in college in like a Winnebago. And we'd gone out in the morning and afternoon and watched music and day drank. And then we went back to the Winnebago and someone had pot brownies. And they gave me two and they said, don't take them both now. And I said, got it. And I took them both right away.

And then like 20 minutes later, everybody said, okay, we're going to go out to bourbon street. And I said, I'm actually not feeling great. I'm going to hang out here in a hot, literally a Winnebago parking lot on a hundred degree night.

And they said, you can't stay here. And I'm like, no, I'm just a little tired. I'm going to, and the guy goes, did you,

did you eat both? I'm like, I tell you both. And he goes, what you eat both? I'm like, I ate both. And he goes, what are you, dummy? And I just like lied on my back in like a bunk above the driver's seat in Winnebago, just sweating myself to death.

Rough stuff. That's horrible. Yeah. Pashi? Yeah? We have some questions for Amber. Do you want to fire away? Alright, Amber. Here's some questions. Some traveling questions. You can only pick one. Is your ideal vacation relaxing, adventurous, or educational?

I guess it's certainly not adventurous. It has to be relaxing because I hate learning. What is your favorite means of transportation? Train, plane, automobile, boat, bike, your own two feet, something else? My own two feet. I love to go for a little walk. I walk anywhere. I like walking too.

You see so much more when you walk. Even in Amsterdam, we're so used to riding bikes around that city. But if you walk, you just get a totally different perspective. You see so much more. It's nice. I like it. In what other place would you do this? You would prefer to be on a plane? Who wants to be on a plane? Did anyone say yes to plane? That means some people. I feel like some people that probably have status like planes. They get to board first and they get the specialty cocktail.

Planes. Yeah. They get to board first and they get the specialty cocktail. I'm actually flying later today and I'm not going to be super psyched about it. But c'est la vie. You should walk. You should walk. You'll see so much.

Oh my God. You can't believe everything I saw. It took me a year. All right. If you could take a family vacation with any family, alive dead real or fictional other than your own family what family would you like to take a family vacation with thank you for asking i guess i really enjoy i mean you you you would have said the cosby show that's what you would have said once upon a time i mean if you wanted to go with the cosby family before any of the trouble yeah that's a that's a fine i mean look yeah the cosby family before i knew of the

trouble yes because there was always trouble baby that's part of the problem um okay before you knew anything that's great if you had to be stranded on a desert island with one member of your family who would it be so it can't be bill cosby you'd be so sad if you got stranded on a desert island because you'd either have to watch him die or take care of him so there you'd be taking care of someone you hate and the way you get him is because he can't see while you'd every day you'd be like oh it's a boat so it's lace face lace face no close second right lace face no close second lacy's my favorite guy and omaha, is it Omaha proper as your hometown?

That's right. Would you recommend Omaha as a vacation destination? Don't go there. We have nothing for you. Don't go to Omaha unless it is to go to bars with me. You don't need it. Don't do it. You're doing, you are now talking like the Arnold Schwarzen need it. Don't do it. You're doing, you are now

talking like the Arnold Schwarzenegger. Don't do it. Don't go to Omaha. We gotta get out of here. Omaha does have, and this is real, and I brag on it 100% of the time, the world's best zoo.

Technically, we're third in the world, but I think we're the first best i didn't know what zoos were like so when i went to like chicago and shit i was like what kind of animal jail is this right because our zoo is luscious man because you got space yes and omaha has the most millionaires per capita so they love to give an animal a dollar. So I think that's why our zoo is so special. There is no zoo anywhere close. It's so good.

Okay. I also just read an article that said one of the top five sushi restaurants in America is in Omaha. And I mean it. I mean it. Like there's this crazy great sushi chef who's from there. And yeah, so Google it. Google it. But apparently there's this crazy great sushi chef who's from there. And yeah, so Google it. Google it. But apparently it's very hard to get a seating.

There's like 12 seats a night. What? Could you, Josh, will you do your impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger calling the Omaha Sushi Restaurant and trying to get a table? I like the table for two tonight if you have it. Two people, like, do you really have good sushi in Omaha? Is that possible? It's great. Josh, that's very bad.

That was great. The lusitura was great. I want to eat it. No, I wouldn't keep doing it. No? It was really good. No, I wouldn't keep doing it. No.

It was really good. All right. And then Suf has our final questions. Amber Ruffin, have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? No. Yuck. Don't I know Grand Canyon? Big old hole?

No. For what? Well, do you want to ask the second part of your question, Suf? I feel like I have my answer. The second part, just FYI, is would you ever want to go? No. I feel like I made myself clear in asking the second question was unnecessary. No, I'm never going. What a horrible idea.

Also, people fall into that thing. No, we know. No kidding. Although, you know what? Very bottom of the Grand Canyon, there's an incredible zoo. I'm going. There's a place called Zoo and Sushi at the very bottom. All right.

We love you, Amber. Love you, Amber. I love you, Josh. I love you, Seth. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Amber and her family took a tour around the whole country to visit family. But they weren't all family like when they went to Ohio to see her Aunt Rose,

who was not her aunt but just her mom's good friend. If they were driving, Amber was the youngest of the five. Mom's good friend. Yeah, they were driving. Amber was the youngest of the five. And she would sit up front and pinch her daddy. Because the baby gets to be a baddie. That's the way it goes in El Paso. Amber and Jimmy were in the bathtub.

Jimmy sneezed and it was a disaster. Snob was everywhere. It was master. Daddy scooped her out. Ew, ew, ew, ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew. Master Daddy Scoopger out!