Family Trips with the Meyers Brothers - LESLIE JONES Won't Go Back to Universal Studios

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

The iconic Leslie Jones is on the pod! This episode is full of so many laughs, a ton of great stories, and even more yelling. Leslie tells Seth and Josh about her early comedian days, roadtrips with her family, and why she'll never go back to Universal Studios. Thanks again to Nissan for sponsoring this episode of Family Trips and for the reminder to find your more. Learn more at NissanUSA.com. Thank you to McDonalds for supporting this episode. McDonalds is 'Now Serving.' Much more than orders. Bring in the fall right and Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code TRIPS at Manscaped.com.

This episode of Family Trips is brought to you by Nissan. Whether you want more adventure, more electric, more action, more guts, or more turbocharged excitement, Nissan is here to make sure you get it. Learn more at NissanUSA.com. Hey everybody, there's some swearing in this episode, so if you're hanging out with kids, driving in the car or something, maybe listen to this one later. Or if you curse around your kids all the time, just let it rip. Oh, yeah. Go for it.

Hi, Pashi. Hi, Sufi. How are you? I'm a little tired. I'm not going to lie. You are aware of my middle son, Axel. Yeah. No, I know him.

Your nephew. Yeah. Axel has been waking up a lot in the middle of the night. Uh-huh. And he woke up at five in the morning, and I had to go into his room and lie down with him because he had a question for me. And do you know what the question was? What's that? Why were Jack and Rose the last two to get off the Titanic?

Now, here's the thing. You know my lovely bride, Alexi. Yeah. We are raising our kids with very limited access to screens. They don't watch a ton of stuff. Right. And when I show them Disney movies of our youth that I think they'll love, Robin Hood, Jungle Book. Yeah.

The Rescuers, stuff like that. I feel like she looks at me sideways because those movies are bad, just have this bad influence on kids. I don't quite know why, but I just think. Yeah. Also, I've been with you and we've watched one of those and we only watched like half.

You said like, we're going to watch four songs and that's it. And then you finished up the other half later. Yeah, half a movie at a time. We're trying to introduce cinema to them in a way that's deeply unsatisfying. But here's the thing. The kids are obsessed. I don't think they're alone. They're obsessed with the Titanic.

Yeah. And so unilaterally, Alexei decided to show them scenes from the movie Titanic. Now, there is nothing in the Disney Robin Hood that is as scary or as haunting as any frame of the film Titanic. Yeah. I mean, well, early frames probably aren't as terrifying, but as soon as it starts going bad it's going bad there's a scene in the film i had forgotten this where a mom basically resolved to her fate just puts the kids to bed and basically like doesn't let the kids know you're about to you know drown and perish i see yeah Yeah. My kids had to watch that. And Axel woke up in the middle of the night?

Woke up in the middle of the night and had questions about Jack and Rose. And I didn't show him Titanic. Doesn't feel like I should be the one lying in a lower bunk at five in the morning trying to get my kid back to sleep after his iceberg-induced trauma. It's just, I'm just getting a raw deal is what i'm telling you yeah i saw titanic in a theater with mom and we snuck in i was with you

yeah it was a it was a christmas break break and the bed for mom yeah in the bed for mom yeah although i don't i feel like no one gave me a beer, but it does. We only had four and we needed two each because that was a long one. It was a long one. It does explain, I remember at the end of it, you guys were pretty, you were screaming at the screen. You were definitely pretty drunk by the end. I don't know if I was drunk.

You were. Remember, you were like, go down, you fucking unsinkable ship. I was rooting for the iceberg. You were rooting for the iceberg. You just didn't like the hubris of the ship's engineers. I remember that. The more you drink, the less you like engineering hubris. You know, one of our wonderful producers, Sam, she sent us some news about the Grand Canyon. You know, we do want this podcast to be, among other things, a clearinghouse for Grand Canyon news.

Sure. Yeah. You know what I'm about to talk about? Is it the beefalo? The beefalo. Also known as? Cattle-o. So cattle in Buffalo or Buffalo, and I guess beef being cattle, a dude named Charles Buffalo Jones, Buffalo nickname. Okay, thank you.

Yeah. It's in quotes. Yeah. And he brought, in the early 1900s, he brought a herd of bison to Northern Arizona to crossbreed with his cattle. This is like, he's like the Elon Musk of his day. He was a dreamer. So in the depths of the depression he abandoned the project i think the money ran out so all of a sudden he had to abandon it and uh he left behind some of the hybrid herd known as either catalog or beefalo i think for the purposes of this podcast can we agree beefalo is the better yeah it is the better

yeah so there's about uh 600 beefalo left and they're confined to a small space they do not migrate the herd is damaging the soil waters and flora of grand canyons kai bob plateau i probably said that wrong apologies i think that's right there's been a debate over the years whether the herd is native wildlife or wildlife that was introduced so in 2014 they were declared native since then things have changed and now they're no longer considered native but instead introduced and i think it's i think it's fair to say that's something where if if uh if old buffalo jones didn't show up there you were not gonna have beefalo right so it's a problem. Grand Canyon National Park recently made international news when it advertised a call for volunteers to come shoot

bison living on its north rim. This invitation sparked 45,000 applications. 45,000, that's a big number. But I guess I'm not surprised in America that if you said you want to come shoot a bison. Yeah. You want to shoot at something that you really can't miss? Yeah. Only 12 people will be selected by lottery. Each winner gets the right to shoot one bison and pack its carcass out of the park. This is a place you want to go. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to go when those 12 people are there. Oh, guess what?

They're not going to tell you when they're scheduled to be there. How bad I could find out. They're also, I believe, that peninsula is off the north rim, which is somewhere I do want to go. But I'll get to the north rim, and I'm just going to tuck right into that sweet canyon, lickety split, and be away from there. I wouldn't mind seeing the beefalo.

It sounds like there's still going to be a few left. I feel like you, for Christmas, maybe for my birthday. My birthday is around the Christmas episode. Maybe, you know, because you're writing these hit songs

for all our guests every episode. Would you maybe write me a song about the beefalo to the tune of Van Morrison's

Tupelo Honey? Maybe. Yeah, I'll give you a maybe on that. Beefalo Money? Maybe about how that dude wanted to make that beefalo money? Look, I mean, I'm doing most of the work here. Can I just point out, because you have to write a song every week,

you do so much more work on this than I do. And I really appreciate it. Yeah, that's fair. You can point that out. How many times are you completely under the gun when your song is due? I feel like you and I are the same in terms of procrastinating and then sort of getting it together kind of last minute. So I need to get these songs to the producers by the end of day on Friday, just to avoid

any sort of last minute stress for the editor to drop it in. So having that deadline is good for me. And I haven't missed one. And then I was just out of town last week. I went back to see mom and dad. And I saw you with a bunch of our friends for our fantasy football draft weekend. And so I had to write two before I left for that trip. But that was, yeah, that was all right.

And then I should note, you also wrote a song for our fantasy football draft. And during COVID, when we were doing a weekly Zoom, you were writing a song a week. Just for a group of friends to listen to. Yeah. So, you've been very giving with your talents. And I've been very lucky to be a recipient of your gift. I feel like you're mocking it, but they are 100% gifts. I do them.

You have a gift. That's what I say. Oh. Oh, I it but they are 100 gifts i do them you have a gift that's what oh oh i say that they are when i play a song i am i am i have given a gift to the group we have um our guest today um is leslie jones who's a wonderful human being and by the time you hear this i will have i'm hosting a book event with her her in New York City at a place called the 92nd Street Y, which has done a lot of events over the years. It's a wonderful place where people go and see conversations between, you know, creative people. And I would say it's a very sort of well-educated sort of-class New York audience. And based on our podcast, I just hope they're prepared for how many F-bombs they're about to hear because they come pretty fast and furiously

with Leslie Jones and very authentically. Yeah. No, they really do. Yeah, she doesn't hold back. She doesn't hold back. She holds back in one spot in this episode because she felt like I needed it to be a little lighter. Sudden sort of 40 minutes into a podcast that she does have breaks.

Yeah. We hope you enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed talking to Leslie Jones. But first, here's a little of our friend Jeff Tweedy. Family trips with the Myers brothers. Family trips with the Myers. The Myers Brothers, family chips. The Myers Brothers, here we go. Why not, right? What's up, motherfucker?

Oh boy. Oh, shit. We are going to have to warn our listeners that this will be the F-bomb episode. Oh, God. Don't tell me that you don't curse on a podcast. No, we don't worry. We curse. Oh, go. No, I'm very excited because we're now talking to an author, Leslie just to speak just to speak to the amount of cursing you might hear today

leslie tell all our listeners the name of your new book leslie fucking jones bitch i should know bitch is not the title bitch is not the title but you were the bitch if you're listening you were the bitch in leslie fucking jones it's implied it's implied oh my god hey boo hi it's always so crazy when i see you again because it's just like hey i know well i will say i feel like i've seen you even more recently than i have seen you because i have been reading your memoir leslie oh you read it i've been reading it and it's so i mean the first thing i did leslie and i think you'd do it too search for my name josh how many times do you think my name comes up in leslie jones's book i don't think i said your name at all yeah i'm gonna say zero twice i don't think i did come up twice yeah is that because you write Is that because you write your name on the inside cover of a book when you get it?

So everyone knows it's yours. Oh, no, I didn't count when I did write Seth on the inside, but I didn't count that one. Wait a minute. I said your name twice. I don't remember those stories. I mean, they're not about me. First of all, I'm deeply offended. One was that you were talking to Melissa McCarthy at a party that happened to be for my last show.

And then you also quote me i said once when you were on my show that honesty is your main export so i made it in that way no mention of game of jones are incredibly popular i mean i can't believe you wrote a memoir and it didn't make i know and It's so much stuff. So much stuff that I thought about afterwards. I was like, oh, wow. Like, matter of fact, I had to go back and add Coming to America and the Cat Williams thing. Because I was like, oh, shit, I forgot I did that. I know. But I'm sorry.

Maybe you need another book called Leslie Remembered Some Other Shit. Exactly. And then plus two, the paperbacks are coming up and i heard that you can add stuff to the paperback you can add in a paperback so that's good to know feel free to to write on our time together i think i might mention gamer jones in the audible maybe i don't know i probably not because i don't remember say wait do you have you already recorded the audible book yes okay it's so. It's so good. It's so good.

I mean, that is the dream is listening to somebody whose voice is iconic, read their own memoir. How long did it take? It took me a week and we did three hours a day and I didn't say one word in the book. I literally did not read one word off the pages. I think I might've read two words and then just went into all the stories in each chapter. It's so good. Your Audible book is more of a companion. It's going to be something else. I'll put it like that.

That's great. I do love listening when authors and authors who are writing sort of autobiographical stuff write about their selves and then they read it. It's just the best. I remember listening to McC going to come with it so it's a lot of crying it's a lot of laughing it's a lot of just a just a lot of leslie jones yeah yeah oh that's good that's good i got audible credits to burn burn those credits baby i'll burn them well of all, what is this dark fucking like Mona Lisa set up shit you got behind you? Good God. I'm in a guest room and I'm going to tell you a story that I hopefully you guys will enjoy, which is I got in here like 20 minutes early and I decided to take a nap on the guest room bed. And then my wife walked in and could see there was an indentation. She said, did you take a nap? nap you gotta pull the corner of the sheet you gotta pull that blanket she saw that there was an indentation what does that mean that there's a call that i was laying in the bed and

she she did not care for the fact that i instead of spending 20 more minutes being a dad decided to sneak into a room and sort of steal a nap. Yeah, but she ain't telling you about the nap shit. She be stealing it. Well, when I see, when I come in, there's two indentations, Leslie. I don't think she's just napping. Oh, you better hope that's a ghost. All right, Leslie.

Obviously, we're talking about family trips. And there is a lovely family trip story that I want to start by asking you about in your book about how your dad drove through the night. He liked it. He liked to be a night driver. Yeah, he I think there was a lot of things I didn't know about my dad. I don't think he could sleep very well. I don't think he slept very well. So I like and then plus two, you always had late night jobs he always had a second job where he was working at night so he would come in and and i just started staying up because he was up so it became made me become a night person but whenever we would go on those trips we always left at nighttime we always left at nighttime because there's nobody on the road

i'm i'm assuming you know and he could speed or either get there fast or whatever. But, oh, my God, those was the best ones because he had the best music. So, you know, we always listened to music together. That was our thing that we, you know, pretty much connected together. And you singing while you're listening to music? Are you singing along? Yeah. Sometimes you sing.

Sometimes he would sing. It depends on what the song was. You know, back in the day, those songs would be like 14 minutes long. You have some singing. But there's a lot of instrumental part, too. But we used to always sing. I don't know if you remember this song, Need a Ward, Ring My Bell. You can ring my bell.

You remember that song? Yeah. Okay. So we used to sing it in the back seat, and we would fight over who was going to get to go, doo! Doo! So my dad would be like, goddammit, y'all stop fighting over that now. And pick who's going to, y'all take turns on who's going to do it.

Doo! Doo! So you were not happy sharing the do. No, they always wanted me to do the lead. They always wanted me to go, the night is young. They always wanted me to do the lead. But I always wanted to be like, do. You know?

But my cousin never argued argue my cousin would always be in the middle and he was like i'm gonna be the triangle ding ding ding ding ding when someone's like actively claiming triangles you gotta i got yeah i got appreciation so who's in the car who's in the car when you're driving, when you're on these trips? Well, I mean, when we were younger, it was my mom, my dad, me and my brother most of the time. But sometimes my grandmother would be with us and sometimes my cousin Joseph would be with us. All right. And your grandmother was in Memphis, is that correct?

Yes, she lived in Memphis. My grandmother was born and raised in Memphis. Yep. And you would drive, so where, you're driving to Memphis from where at the time? At North Carolina, we would, wherever we were living at, which was mostly North Carolina because my dad was in the Army, so Fort Bragg, you know, I think that's where he had to mostly be. So we would always drive from North Carolina to Memphis and Memphis back.

You know, I don't think I ever flew a plane until I was in college. And did you ever bring your grandmother back with you or did she? Yes. Yeah, we always did. And I just so funny because that's when we did the castle hotel room. But I don't know why I never put this in a book. I think we had this in the book. I think we had this in the book. I took it out, but we had a, my dad had this van and my dad was an electronic engineer.

Everything was wired up in that van. And he had these big, heavy speakers in the back. Like they were small, but they were, they were like heavy, you know, the metal thing that he hooked up. And one of them shits fell on my head, man. And I just remember my dad feeling so bad. He was like, are you okay? He was so upset about it. But I was just like, you know how you try to act like it doesn't hurt? Like, oh, no, Dad, I was okay. I'm okay.

I'm actively hurting so fucking bad. I will say a very funny song to have a speaker fall on your head to is You Can Ring My Bell. I will say a very funny song to have a speaker fall on your head too, is you can ring my bell. And I think that's what was playing. God. It just hit you and went. You, I do want to talk about,

so your dad was the one who loved the Ramada ends no yeah well my dad liked the best of everything and at the time ramada end was the best of everything i mean i come from a time where ramada end was a number one hotel okay now it's shit it's shit now okay it's shit now but ramada end used to be like what marriott is okay ramada end used to be like what Marriott is, okay? Ramada Inn used to be Marriott, okay? Gotcha. So we were driving and there was a castle. I mean, literally the hotel looked like a castle. So this is a theme hotel.

Yeah. And it just looked like a castle. And I was like, Dad, we have to stay there. And my dad was like, only if it's a Ramada Inn. And it was a Ramada Inn, baby. And we stayed there. Yep. Do you, do you recall how it was different other than,

was it just sort of a facade of a castle or did it feel different? Well, to a kid, it looked like a fucking castle. They had like the, the things in the, in the, you know, the sconces and they had the carpet that looked like a castle car we man i thought it was cast i mean of course now thinking back to it and think about the room i was like oh that that definitely wasn't the castle that definitely definitely there's very few castles between fort bragg and memphis that's not known as the Castle Corridor. I just remember us running up and down a hallway.

Running up and down a hotel hallway is the best. When you're a kid, it's the best. Yeah, it's like a fucking castle. We're running up and down the hallway. My kids have stayed in some pretty fancy places, and they would take a Ramada Inn over all of them. Like, a today Ramada in yeah because because like the barriots and all they got washing machine and dryers you know they got

coke machines like you know you got a whole room where there's a snack machine and a coke machine to a kid that's like goddamn carnival and my dad would give us a dollar each. We literally, we thought this, we can die now. You know, we can die. Those are obviously, so those are trips to see family. Did you go on vacations where the destination was not family? Yes. We went to, one time I remember we went to California. We went to California to see my mom's side of the family.

But while we were there, we went to Universal Studios. And damn, I don't know why I didn't put this in the book either. I'm telling you, it's not that I didn't forget. It was just the book would have been 1,700 pages long. Yes, I should note that stories that you put in instead are not boring stories. They're all great stories. So I understand why not everything.

It's an embarrassment of riches. An embarrassment of riches. But we went to and i remember this because i fainted i faint it was so hot in california i had we came to cali and we went to universal studios and i just all i kept saying to my cousins and them is like what's wrong with you because it's hot it's hot and why don't i why aren't y'all hot? It's hot. So we went to Universal Studios and they don't have, they don't have no roofs. It's every, the sun is just beaming. And, and I just remember standing there with my mom and I just was like, I don't understand

these people. So I went up to the shade to put my head on the, on the counter. Cause it was just so hot. And they said, I passed out. I passed out. on the counter because it was just so hot. And they said I passed out. I passed out, and I remember waking up to my brother hitting my head with the wax Frankenstein that we had got.

So he was hitting my head with it. And my dad was like, stop hitting that head. What's wrong with you? And the park attendant, they gave me, and she was like, yeah, kids faint all the time. And I remember saying this because my dad grabbed me because I was like if kids is fainting why don't you just do something about it that's a fair question my dad was like stop being rude she's trying to give you some cold water and I was just like damn

so then after this I was fine because they gave me water or whatever then we went on the jaws the jaws ride which this is enough already this is a fucking enough so we're riding i'm thinking i'm so happy that i'm not getting sick on the boat because i don't like boats so i'm just happy that i'm not getting sick then all of a fucking sudden a goddamn shark attacks the fucking i just look i look back at my dad and i just go can we fucking go back to north what what what what sweet hell is this you were so young that you didn't know that there would be a shark on the jaws ride i knew that there was but i wasn't it i wasn't mentally i was already just, I want this to be fucking over. We're in this boat.

Okay, I'm not sick. And then this motherfucker goes, run! I was like, God! Oh, I was so fucking mad. I just remember looking back at my dad and starting to cry. And he was like, stop crying. And I was like, I just, I don't go. I want to go.

I have not fucking been to Universal Studios since that goddamn day. And you worked for Universal's parent company for years. I did? Oh, okay. Well, I didn't know nothing about that. I don't know nothing about that. Yeah, there's a Jaws moment sort of in the studio tour when you're in one of those buses and you drive by it. And it's so annoying it's

annoying it annoyed the fuck out of me i was actually i was shooting something uh last year in a house um that was right near the sort of jaws feature of the tour and because we were shooting all the jaws stuff would happen but they had to have no sound on it so the shark would come out and it was silent and there would be like some fire but it would be dead silent and it totally it really ruined that moment for for everyone for a week as we were shooting in the house where the original it was the best little whorehouse in texas something like that like oh yeah she was in the best little whorehouse in texas no it's that we were shooting we were using the house that they used for that because i was like wow you are old it's funny

to think that that was just a title of a movie yeah it's funny that a lot of shit it's a funny a lot of shit you know i was looking at uh what the fuck I was looking at the other day. Danny Terrio. You remember Dance Fever? Mm-hmm. Uh-oh. I just saw a kid. Is that a ghost? Is that a ghost, Seth? That is my nephew, Axl.

Oh, that's an actual kid. Okay, because I was like, he's in that scary-ass room. You have kids. Like, I feel like we should report you or something. I know. Like, you should have been approved first. I know. Certainly a guy who can't figure out how to lock the guest room door shouldn't have his own children i mean especially one who doesn't know how to clean the indentation in their fucking bed

so that california trip was there any highlights other than passing out at universal uh eating all of the pickles i mean you know they had this jar of pickles. Later, I found out they were Vlasic. It was so good. Where were the pickles eaten? At my cousin's house in California. We went there for the Disneyland trip. You went to a state with maybe the most theme parks of any in America, and one of your memories is eating pickles at your cousin's house?

Because they were really good pickles, homie. Had you never had Vlasic pickles? No, I had pickles before, but these pickles, something special about them, I don't fucking know. They were Vlasic. I had never had those. So I was just like, and my aunt was just letting me eat them. So I was just like, this is fucking great. You know, this is fucking great.

But I did get to um i went with my mother to see her mother she hadn't seen her since she you know she abandoned her i was there with her when she did that but um yeah which was very weird because i didn't know who she was and um she kept telling me that i was named after her and that i was her grandmother and i was like you're not my fucking grandmother. My big mama is my grandmother. And that's my, like, I don't know who you are. And she had these white gloves on.

And it just seemed like she was scaring the shit out of my mom. And I just didn't like her. How old were you during this trip? I think, because I was very young. Yeah, it only gets weirder the younger you are. Yeah, I think it may have been like 10, maybe 9 or 10. I know I was old enough to know. Your mother decided she needed to do this trip?

We was going to just go to California to see her side of the family. I didn't know she even had a side of the family, which is hilarious. You know, as a kid, I only knew my fathers, you know, the aunts and the uncles and all of them, my cousins, but I didn't know my mom's side. So it was all always so weird. Like, oh, oh my, you got a mama and daddy too. Yeah. I guess we got to go find that out. And I, we didn't meet, I think her father had passed away. So we met, we met her sisters. I met her brother. We met, we met her sisters. I met her brother.

And then, you know, we went to visit her mother. We went to go visit her mother with, with me. She didn't take my brother, but she took me with her. And I just remember her saying, oh yeah, you know, cause my first name is Annette. She was like, you know, you was named after me. And she just, I just, I knew whatever was going on. Cause you know, I don't find out until later, you know, parents do not tell kids shit. You know, you don't find out until you talk to cousins and all of that shit that they had some kind of weird relationship, you know, cause my, my mother's mother abandoned her and her brother and raised the sisters, but

sent her and her brother to her aunt in Arkansas. So I think that might've been the first time that she saw her since that. And I just remember that I didn't like her. She had these white gloves on and she kept, you know, she just was doing things that my mother was, you could totally tell my mother was fucking scared. And I didn't like that this woman was making my mother was, you could totally tell my mother was fucking scared.

And I didn't like that this woman was making my mother scared. So I was rude as fuck to her. She had to grab me a couple of times because I was just like, I don't know you. And I don't like how you're making my mom feel. I just remember saying, I don't like how you're doing my mom. Like, you're being mean to my mother. And she was telling my mother oh you need to you need to watch that one you need to watch that and she i just remember my mother grabbing me like it's okay and it's okay it's like yeah i don't i don't know who you are like but you're

not my grandmother so and it doesn't seem like you were prepared particularly well to know that your mom was about to be scared by this yeah i didn, I didn't even understand it because my mom wasn't scared of nothing. I had never seen my mom scared of shit. Well, it sounds also like you were a bit of a security blanket for your mother going into that circumstance. Probably. Yeah. Probably more of like, yeah, this is my daughter,

and I had a daughter, and I'm here for her. You know? And, you know, so, you know, my children were the, were, I loved my children. You know, I think that that's what it was a lot of. So. Did you ever see her again? My grandmother? Yeah. No, I just remember when she died and my mom cried and I just remember thinking,

why are you crying? She was so mean. Like, why do you care you i didn't understand death so i was just like it's great good she's gone it's fucking but my mom was really sad from it she was very sad and that was a cross-country drive yes that's that was a car so yeah we drove from memphis to california wow how long does that one take oh boy yeah well you know you don't know when you're a kid it's like are we there yet but it didn't take days because my dad would drive straight through. I do remember, though, that my dad was tired and my mom was like, I'll drive. And he was like, OK, just stay on this. And I think she took us two hours back. is back. Because I just remember my dad's like, God damn it, Diane, you went the wrong goddamn way. We're back two hours. My mom was like,

I thought it was a shortcut. Hey, we're going to take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors. This episode of Family Trips is brought to you by Nissan. Posh, these days too many people have to settle for the next best thing, especially when it comes to choosing a car. Yeah, but at Nissan, there's a vehicle type for everyone,

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I'm never happier than when I have sort of a full car a roof rack on my car makes me happy and all i need is a cup holder for an iced coffee and nissan can provide you with both of those things so thanks again to nissan for sponsoring this episode of family trips and for the reminder to find your more learn more at nissanusa.com this episode of family trips is brought to you by McDonald's. Hey, Pashi. Yeah? Did you know that one in eight people in the United States have worked at McDonald's?

That's a lot of people. That's a ton of people. That's 12.5% of the U.S. population. One in eight Americans have probably experienced the art of throwing a McDonald's birthday party, or they know the feeling of the calm before the McDonald's lunch storm. That one in eight people, I've worked in some restaurants in my day, never at McDonald's, but I love the camaraderie of working at a restaurant. And I imagine that the camaraderie of a sort of shared experience

that one in eight Americans have has got to be pretty great. And there are also a lot of cool things McDonald's does as an employer that people might not know about. McDonald's offers flexible hours and a schedule that works around your life, means more time for life. They have the English Under the Arches program, which are classes offered to employees looking to improve their English speaking, listening, reading, and writing skills. Career Online High School, where employees can graduate from high school by taking classes online. And the Archways to Opportunity, which is a program that offers financial support for employees trying to graduate from college.

McDonald's is now serving much more than orders. How were your parents in the car together? Oh, my mom slept most of the time. My dad was always just listening to music we we were the problem me and my brother were the fucking problem so it was more of trying to keep me and my brother from killing each other and just you know keep us from not being bored you know i'm saying we we were the problem how did they try to um keep you interested and not bored books a lot of puzzle books i used to i i didn't

know see i think my mom got me a diary after she discovered this but we had these books and you know like highlights and stuff like that but i would write i would write in these books i think my aunt kept a couple of them but i would write in these books like they were a diary and um and i think my mom bought me a diary after that because I had just started learning how to write. But I also cut my ponytails off one road trip. I would cut it. There used to be this doll where you can cut the clothes out and then you pin it on the doll. So I had those scissors and I just was like, yeah, I got my ass whooped. Oh no, I got my ass whooped yeah oh no i got my ass oh no i got my ass whooped that was that was an ass whooping right there she pulled over and whooped my ass she was like have you lost your

motherfucking mind she pulled over and then she got back on the road going in the wrong direction no she wasn't driving my dad just took a break and smoked a cigarette while i got my ass whooped now do you think you did you keep those ponytails you still have those somewhere i think she had to keep them because she was so fucking mad she didn't know what to do with them i have a picture of of when i cut them off too i look fucking crazy it's so funny oh my god it's i have i have a ponytail that i cut off and it's in my sock drawer at my parents house oh wow yeah for real ew but here's the thing leslie josh had a way nicer bedroom than me for some reason and i've sock drawer at my parents' house. Oh, wow. Yeah. For real. Ew. But here's the thing, Leslie.

Josh had a way nicer bedroom than me for some reason, and I've gone back and visited, and I'll sleep in Josh's room, mostly because my parents also turned my old bedroom into a home office. And so I go into Josh's room, and one time I needed a pair of socks, and I open it up. And let me tell you, when you see an old ponytail, you feel like you're in a serial killer's house. Just like

a trophy. Did it make you throw up? It was pretty. Wait a minute, first of all, who's the oldest? Seth. Yeah. Oh, so yeah, you were the kid that was just supposed to take it. So yeah, Josh was definitely going to have the better room. Josh and also Josh had

a better capacity to be impossible. Like Josh was stubborn. Like, I feel like we were probably both pretty scared of my dad, but the way I was scared of my dad is I would do what he said. And the way Josh would be scared of the dad. No, the second kid always was the fucking diff.

Are you kidding me? The older kid, the older kid, we got the, we got the overprotection, but we were the trial. Like we were the trial like we were the the the same like they tried everything out on us like so we are soldiers like we're capable of being hurt you know i'm saying we're capable of of fucking like not crying and shit like we we have impossible skills. The second kid ain't shit.

I will try to take no disrespect from that. It's a very nuanced take, Josh. I think it's subtle. The second kid be fucked. Fuck the second kid. The second kid gets all of the freedom like a motherfucker. Like we did this with the first one, Will. They just get tired with the second kid.

They just get tired. Well, Seth's second kid is the one that just walked into this podcast. Yeah, that's true. His nose is big. See, that's why he did, though. But that's why he did. Because, see, the first kid would know not to do that. I will say, my bedroom, I used to share a wall with our parents.

Ew. Oh, God. And when I became a teenager i moved i took over what was like the guest room and the room next to them became the guest room and so my room now it sort of was the guest room it's not really it's yes it's my room i suppose but like the walls are peach and it's very like, like there's like an upholstered chair at the desk and none of like my kid stuff really is on the wall. I guess some, but your room, Seth, is sort of preserved.

I would say. It is true. Yeah, but the privilege of that whole statement that you just did is so second child. So I had one room but then i decided that i wanted to be another part of the house so i moved and they use my the day i found out he was moving i remember reaction being, I didn't know we could move rooms. Exactly, because I would have kicked your ass and took your room, right? Yeah, he had a great room.

Yeah, his room was great. Yeah, he had a great, yeah, did he, did he. Also, our parents started, because the dogs would want to go in and out of the bedroom, so they've started sleeping with the door open. So you would have to walk by and like you will hear my father snoring. And then my mom like lays there like the dead. And I didn't want to have to walk by that anymore. So now I don't have to, to get to the bathroom.

Yeah. Yeah. But you, you saying it like it's a choice. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to see my parents. So I decided on my own that I was going to relocate. If I said that as a first kid, they'd be like, you move out that fucking room if you think you will.

I swear to God, your motherfucking ass will be sleeping in the backyard. Did your mom and dad get to see you do a stand-up no my mom had a stroke when i was in like the first year of my college and was bedridden till she passed but my dad got to see me on bet he got to see me on bet perform once uh before he passed did your dad have uh an appreciation for comedy was he someone who oh my dad my dad what that which is so funny how when i told him i wanted to be a comic and he was like what the fuck who the fuck told you you was funny like all the all of the albums literally that he would listen to were a lot like he had a whole row of comedy albums he had all the richard pryor albums he had all the red fox albums millie jackson mom's mabley

i can't think of this you remember here come the judge here come the judge everybody quite good here come the judge uh sweet for sweet foot or some something like that but he used to listen to that every fucking night and like anytime anybody was doing comedy we watched it like i was introduced to richard prior through my dad it's like just because he was watching him and i well he was listening to him and he was dying and i was like damn what is and i was sneaking listening to those albums and the first time i remember hearing richard prior i was like this damn, what is it? And I would sneak and listen to those albums. And the first time I remember hearing Richard Pryor, I was like, this guy fucking knows my life. How does he know about switches and all of that shit? And it just was very intriguing.

So, yeah, my dad was a DJ, too. So he had all of those albums. We watched all of that shit. We watched Lawrence Welk. My dad would make us watch Lawrence Welk. Like, he thought Lawrence Welk was a G. He was like, just the way he ran that fucking show. My dad literally just, we watched so much stuff.

So when I became a comic and told him I wanted to be a comedian, I was so, I thought he would be happy. He was like, you must be out your fucking mind. Like, who told you he was funny? You've never made me laugh, ever. And I was like, thinking in my head, when we finally had the talk later, when I became a comedian or whatever established, I was like, I used to make you laugh all the time. He was like, yeah, but I'm not going to tell somebody that I want to be in college that's on a full scholarship. Yeah, give up your fucking scholarship and become a clown. Like, no.

You know, I was worried about you. So, you know. You started playing sports late, right? No, I started playing sports in the sixth grade. I was just when I hunkered down to basketball was like the seventh grade. Okay, gotcha. And so was that you were a full ride for basketball? Well, yeah, when I went to high school and this stuff, I got a scholarship.

And it started off as a partial. I had a partial scholarship to Chapman College. And then I got a full scholarship to Colorado State. Gotcha. And did your parents ever visit you? Well, I guess your mom, you know, so she has a stroke when you were a freshman. Yeah, no, but she got to see me on campus, though.

Oh, good. She used to actually sneak up and clean my room, which was very frustrating. Very frustrating. Sneak up from California? Well, you know, Chapman, Orange County is like an hour from Linwood. So she would just jump in the car. I see, I gotcha. And come up on campus and go in and clean my fucking room.

That sounds like some first child kind of treatment right there. You know what? You know what, Josh? Hey, Josh, you can take a long walk on a short pier, okay? And I said that in a white way, and I didn't say what I was really thinking, which was go fuck yourself. Yeah. I will say that the last thing I expected in response to that was a long walk off a short

i reckon that's the first time you've said that oh you reckon hey we're allowed if we're allowed to start talking away we don't usually talk then i reckon exactly exactly like i like to tell flat earthers like go take a long walk on a short earth just walk the fuck off of the side you idiot but um yeah yeah my my mom my mom got to see me because my dad would come to my basketball games he would sit way up high in the bleachers and shit. And he'd come to all my games. Was he a good sports dad? Was he the kind that would cheer for you no matter what? No, he just was dad. He always gave me pointers and stuff about basketball. But I think my dad really was a more of like, find your own way type of shit. And I'm a girl playing basketball. I

don't think that he knew I was that good until I got a scholarship. And he might've knew, but didn't know. So when I got a scholarship, he was like, oh, it's a big deal. She's playing college ball. So he would come and see my games. But he wasn't like the type that's like,

he didn't do that. He didn't do that. He just sat up there and watched me. And how long did you play once you got to Colorado State before you? Oh, I was redshirt at Colorado State. So when I went to Colorado State, which was in 87, it was in 87, and I was redshirting. So I didn't get to play at all.

And then I became a comedian. And then I went off to become a comedian. Wow. I love college. Yeah. And now we're going to take a quick break to hear from one of our sponsors. Josh, were you aware that fresh ball fall is upon us? Oh, yeah.

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as to the sort of trimming that you think is necessary. Gardening, if you will, of that special area. Maybe you're getting tickled by your man's short and curlies. You, of course, know I famously proposed

by trimming the words, will you marry me, into what at the time was just a hedgerow. Yeah. We have a friend that we were just hanging out with, and we mentioned that we might be doing an ad for Manscaped. And I don't know if we're allowed to say this on the podcast, but he said, I fucking love Manscaped. Yeah.

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Here you go. It was not an overnight success, which I know from when you... Abso-fucking-lutely not. So you leave in 88, basically. No, I leave in 87. I came home in November. Okay, so 87 you start to do comedy, and then I guess you get hired at SNL in 2014.

Exactly. So an overnight success. Overnight. But these are work trips. These aren't family trips. But you, I mean, you put some miles on this country going to do clubs. Oh, my God. It's so funny when you hear Mike Tyson talk about how many fights that he had to fight before he got his first real fight.

It's the same thing with comedy. I can't even, I used to think that I would be able to count my gigs. Man, after 500, I just stopped counting because at this point now, I'm performing everywhere. I'm performing at little dives. I'm performing at cafes. I performed in a hair salon once. I mean, you're doing all these crazy gigs. You stop counting after a while. You know, it just becomes, you know, that. So, yeah, I have burnt this motherfucker.

I remember that I used to have the travel miles of a goddess. Oh, and I had everyone, American West, South West. I had all of the goddess. Oh, and I had every, I had everyone, American West, South, I had all of the cards. I pulled every motherfucker out, put my miles on that shit. I stopped fucking with Delta for three years because I had got 97,000

fucking miles on Delta, right? But for some reason, I was flying American West, it was short things and I wasn't using Delta. And them motherfuckers said, if you don't book a flight, we're going to take your points.

And I got on the phone with that bitch. And I said, let me explain something to you, bitch. I pay for those flights. I earn those points. You can't just take my motherfucking points. They mines, they fucking mines. And that bitch took my points. Yo, 97 97 000 fucking points

delta i never forgave him i never forgave them i want to say something leslie i feel like almost all your stories are about you telling somebody you fucking listen to me right now and i feel like half of them break your way and the other half go exactly the opposite. But at least you say your piece. You say your piece. Exactly. That's what I'm trying to tell you. You have to understand that a closed mouth don't get fed.

And I am that bitch. I will ask. I will ask. I mean, only thing you can do is say no. That's all you can do. You can't come with my ass. You can't do none of that. Only thing you can do is say no no, Leslie, that is not possible.

Well, actually, in this case, they said no, and they took your miles away. So there was something else they could do. I told y'all, I said, let me tell you something, Delta, you'll never get another goddamn penny from me. And Delta didn't give a fuck. You've flown Delta. You've flown Delta since. I had to, yeah. Yeah.

It's a nice airline. But I don't like them. I don't like, you know why? Because they fly in a spiral when they take off they spiral when they take off they do like this so i get really sick now america just goes up to the left i do not believe you that different airlines take off i promise to god i promise to god i had to research this because i was getting so sick when it's on the takeoff.

And I was just like, why? And I've got a pilot in the fucking airport once. And I said, dude, why am I always sick when it takes off? He said, oh, well, what you don't understand is that the airlines are different parts of the airport. So they do have to do a different thing to get into the air so they won't run into each other. Delta happens to use a spiral. They do use a spiral to go into the air so they won't run into each other delta happens to use a spiral they do use a spiral to go into the air if you if you're on a delta flight look at how many times they turn when they take off i really i'm so upset that our viewers can't see what you're doing the whole

every time leslie says spiral she makes a spiral shape because she thinks i don't know what a fucking spiral is it's like a it's like a tornado kind of thing but but you didn't know what a fucking spiral is. It's like a tornado kind of thing, but gentler. But you didn't know what zigzag was. You said some super team shit. I was like, that's zigzag? Oh my gosh. And an American takes off and goes to the left. All right.

Is this at a particular airport or is this everywhere? No, it's every airport they have a different flying pattern so leslie when you when you first start making money and you start to go on the vacations you want to go on where were the places that you first started uh spending money on vacation oh the first place i was with cecily and them at the first a real trip i ever well you know i had already been out of the country, you know, Amsterdam and all that stuff, you know, but for work.

But when I went on my first vacation, it was to Italy, and I went with Aaron Dole and Cecily, Cecily Strong, and it was fucking hilariously fun. It was so fucking fun. And then we went to Cabo. I think we went to Cabo.

And then I went to Cabo with my friends. I think that's about the only vacation. Did I take another vacation? I'm pretty sure I did. I just don't remember. Jamaica. We went to Jamaica. Jamaica was so fun. Is Jamaica the best? That's on our list. Jamaica is the bomb. And make sure that you have mangoes. Oh, my God. You will never eat a mango in USA again if you have a mango in Jamaica. The best thing ever. Did Lauren tell you to go to Jamaica? Because Lauren has always told me to go to Jamaica.

Let me tell you something. Lauren got so many bitches everywhere. Lauren got bitches in France. He's always telling me to go to France. I was like, what you be doing up in France? And he's always in Jamaica. I was like, what you be doing? You know you And he's always in Jamaica. I was like, what you be doing? You know, you got a couple of bitches here now.

Can I tell you, did this ever happen to you? And I know that you had a very unique relationship with Lorne. Yes. It was special. Part of it, and tell me if you think it's true, I think Lorne knew you were almost immediately an adult in the room. I think he had a lot of respect for the years

you'd put in doing this because a lot of times, you know, he hires people who are very green and young and he has to put some space between him and those people because he can't be their friend right away. He felt like he, you guys had a nice understanding early on,

but I don't know if this ever happened. Lauren, I remember like my second year on the show, he said, you know, I think we should go to St. Bart's, you know, go for a couple of weeks. You get a house, you relax. The thing I want to I remember, like, my second year on the show, he said, you know, I think we should go to St. Bart's.

You know, go for a couple weeks. You get a house. You relax. The thing I wanted to say is, oh, you have no idea how little you pay us. You have no idea. If you think I can go to St. Bart's and get a house, I can't even afford a flight. No, he told me. He told me.

He's like, Leslie, make sure that you get a nice place to live here in New York so you can feel really good about what you're doing when you go to work. You know that you come home. It's nice. It's nice. You know why you work so hard, Leslie. Seth's first summer after SNL, he slept on my couch in LA. Really? Yeah.

In an exceptionally shitty house. I went and slept on my brother's couch. I just was like happy I was paying my bills. I paid off my student loan. That was vacation to me. The day that I got that letter that said you are officially paid up in student loans, I was like, motherfucker, Bartz. Like, are you kidding me? I don't owe the government anymore.

are you kidding me i don't owe the government anymore so i mean i lived in harlem for four years that i was at snl and didn't move into a good apartment into the last two years that i was at snl the you mentioned it in your book and i i don't know if that was as exciting for you as it was uh for me when they because i was in la when got the job, when they tell you they're giving you money to relocate. Oh my God. It's fucking Kenwood. Yeah. You can't believe it, you know, cause we, you know, when you're a comedian, when you're an actor, you've never had a job where you get money to relocate. And so not that much money.

I think that is still the most excited I've ever been about a financial number. Well, again, Seth, I had had money before because I had been on tour. So it's not like I had never seen big amounts of money. But yes, when he said relocate, I was like, relocate? Motherfucker, I didn't have no money. And Cameron was like, oh, yeah, we're going to give you $9,500 to relocate. And literally my first question was, why not $10,000?

It's just fucking $500. It's very hard to satisfy you, Leslie. Just give me $10,000. Why the fuck would you give me $9,500? This is a perfect example of Leslie Jones' life. She thinks it's zero. You tell her it's 9,500 and she does it.

She was like, just make it 10. No, but I'm just like, I was happy. I was, look, I was happy, but I was like, deposit at 9,500.

It's like, they're going to be like, why didn't they just give you 10K? I asked them. And I'm going to be like, I asked them. I asked them. But I was happy to have the 95

because I spent, I think I spent 3,000 total to move from LA to, because Neil Brennan gave me a job and I made him fly me first class so I can pack all my bags and bring all of my bags. What job did Neil Brennan give you? It was some sketch. Some sketch he wanted me to do in LA and I was in New York and I was like, you fly me first class, I'll do it for free so I can get my bags back. So I was able to get like four bags filled with clothes on the plane.

And that day they said, hey, we need you to know Delta can't do our normal spiral takeoff because we have so much luggage. I didn't fly Delta, god damn it. How about something way cheaper? I mean, at that point, what's the first class? What's first class on Frontier? I think that's the first time that I had first class. No, it was America. That's the first time I got introduced to first class.

I was like, oh, I'm not going back. Yeah. I think I got flown business class when I flew out to audition. And that was thrilling. The first time I flew on a private jet was with Cat Williams. And I'm going to tell you, that shit was crazy. And then when he called me to the back

to smoke a joint, and I was like, first of all, I do not feel good about smoking weed on a plane. It just doesn't feel right. But, okay, you know? And it was just like, we on a private plane, that bitch bringing us food. Like, she bringing us food, man. Like, you know, And it was just like, we on a private plane, that bitch bringing us food.

Like, she bringing us food, man. Like, you know, that shit was cool. I was like, at any time, I could be like, hey, can you give me some tea? And she was like,

and she'd be like, do you want sugars, honey? You know? It was fucking dope. You could sleep anywhere. Did Cat have his own plane or did he charter? I think he chartered.

I think he chartered. I think Live Nation chartered for him. Oh, great. So it was a couple of gigs that we would have to fly. I mean, I would guess private plane with Cat Williams. It's hard to imagine anything being more fun than that. Oh, my God. It's so fun.

So fun. And just because everybody's doing their own thing on a private plane, everybody's doing their own thing. That's just like a first class. their own thing on a private plane. Everybody's doing their own thing. That's just like a first class big, it's just, but the gangster thing that happened to me was when me and Kate did Ghostbusters and you remember, I think it was Julia Dreyfuss was going to be the guest that week. And we had to go do some kind of crazy thing in Vegas. And Lauren was like, y'all need to be back for the table read. So we were like, we were in Lauren's office like, what the fuck? How the fuck?

How are we going to do that? And he was like, I'm on the phone right now. They're going to put you on a jet. And me and Kate was like, oh, OK. Oh, we'll be there. I was like, OK, Daddy. Know that? OK, so here's the thing.

I have a question. So you finished shooting your thing in Vegas and now it's you and Kate, just you and Kate on the private plane? No, it's me, Kate, my hairdresser, Melissa, her people. It was a couple of people on it. I would imagine it's the bummer, right? You get on it, you're going to work.

What you should do is go to bed right away. But it's such a, isn't that a, it doesn't that feel like such a waste of a private plane to just sleep? No, that's just like your own bunk bed in the sky. Like, what the fuck? Like, where else, would you just want to sit up and fly? Just because, I definitely want to sleep on a private plane. Hell yeah.

I mean, at that point, and Seth, maybe I was being a little cocky, but I was like, this ain't going to sleep on a private plane hell yeah i mean i mean at that point and seth maybe i was being a little cocky but i was like this ain't gonna be the last time it was a little bit like when you're like i'm never gonna fly delta again yeah it's like yeah i'm never good like come on this is it you know but yeah me and lauren me and lauren had a very special relationship i could because i think it was because I was very honest with him. I just was never that person that was like, because Lauren has that thing where he walks in the building and people run and shit. And I used to notice that. I used to say to him, like, God, that's got to be very lonely that motherfuckers are so scared of you.

And I was like, do you like people that are scared of you or do you like people that love you? And he said, I like the fear that turns into love. And I was like, that is the most gangster shit I have ever heard from anyone. And I'm using that. And, um, I just would text him and just,

just, you know, that treat him like a baby daddy. He loved it. He loved it. It's a very good observation i think everybody because he makes this life-changing choice for people of putting them on the show and so everybody reacts around joe uh or treats lauren like they're they have everything to lose and i felt like you never walked around like you had

well because because that's i don't have everything to fucking and I felt like you never walked around like you had anything to lose. Well, because I don't have everything to fucking lose. Plus, too, Lauren is a Scorpio. He doesn't suffer fools. You know what I'm saying? He don't have time for that shit. A lot of times that people that would get ignored by him was people that was coming to him with fuck shit.

I could see it on his face. He's turned. You could totally turn. When we're at the table, you know when Lauren is not interested in a fucking sketch. You just know. You just fucking know. You could see the light go off. You could just see the attention go to another place. He just doesn't suffer fools. To me, he, you know, to me, he was so normal but so complicated at the same time. Like, I used to get so mad at him, but then I couldn't get mad at him because I loved him so much. I have, like, a love for him in my heart.

It just, you know, it's just like the most complicated relationship I've ever had with anyone. You're not alone. I feel like a lot of people's most complicated relationship might be with one. But I love him, though, to death. I love him, too. It's crazy. Do we want to drop some questions on Leslie, Josh?

Yeah, please. All right, Leslie, some quick questions here. Vacation questions. You can only pick one. Is your ideal vacation, is it relaxing, adventurous, or educational? Oh, go fuck yourself. Why?

It's just, you know, why do people go on vacation for education? I don't get that. No. I want to sleep in. I want to order room service. I want to sit out on the balcony. I'm a relaxer, relaxer, relaxer. Do not wake me up to go on some adventure shit.

I'm a whoop your fucking ass. I did it once. I did the zip line shit. And let me tell you something. That's where I found out that I don't have to do that type of shit because my life is a zip line. I swear to God, I was sitting there and there's about to cut the rope for me to do that little Tarzan thing. And I was like, I don't need this. I don't this.

I, my life is this. I don't need this Tarzan shit. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah. You know what happened to Josh on a zip line? I got dropped out of a zip line.

I'm broke my leg and my back and my jaw. But good news. He was in Mexico. Yeah, it was, it was bad. We were in Mexico too. Was it the same zip oh my god i would have sued the fuck out of them well i asked i didn't i didn't have like a lawyer lawyer but i asked my

entertainment lawyer and he was like well let me look into it and he said best case scenario you will own a zipline course in mexico and wait for someone to sue you and take it from you oh well that sucks. Yeah. Yeah. But I agree with you, Leslie. I don't want to be on a zip line ever in my life anywhere. Ever.

And look, and then like when I did the thing, I was like, okay, you guys, I don't want to do the rest of the course. Just take me back. And it was like, well, you got a zip line to that side. That's the only way to get down. And I looked at him. I said, why, Pedro? Why?

on the way to get down. And I looked at him. I said, why, Pedro? Why? Were you between Ixtapa and Zewatanejo by chance? What, motherfucker? Did you just say? This is in Mexico. This is... No, I was at Baja. Whatever that is. Cabo. Whatever.

See, that's why white people... That's why we don't like y'all. Those are Mexican names. No, but is why white people, that's why we don't like y'all. Those are Mexican names. No, but you, like, don't nobody know that shit. We know about Cabo and Kento. Can I tell you a true story about

Leslie, one of my favorites? When Leslie, because people forget, Leslie started as a writer on the show. And it didn't take long for the situation to be rectified and realized that Leslie as a performer was her best value and someone wrote a sketch for drake that was based on the glass menagerie and we were rewriting it do you know this we're writing this rewriting this glass penasri sketch and leslie's like

can i just say something this sketch isn't gonna fucking work because nobody knows what the fuck anybody's talking about and someone was like the writer was like well it's based on this play and you were like nobody knows that fucking play this is gonna bomb so hard and i as the head writer i was like leslie we're actually just looking you know we're trying to find you and then um and then it went up address and it bombed so fucking hard because what the fuck is a glass menagerie and then and then what pissed me off is when you explained to me what it was I was like that's even fucking worse

that's worse so she got a club foot or some shit and that this guy is being nice and he's dancing with her because she has a club foot this is fucking sad and to be called the glass menagerie I like, y'all white people,

this is when I was like, I'm dealing with some white motherfuckers, man. This is really white. It certainly made it all the worse that it had been written for Drake. Drake, he was so sweet. I'm just going to gung-ho do it. Yeah, I'm going to do it. I was just like, motherfucker, if you start rapping, maybe if you start rapping maybe if

you would have wrote a glass menagerie rap that shit probably would have saved it sesley was great sesley was great in the sketch she was actually great but there was no saving that shit you called it all right i mean i called a lot of shit i called a lot of shit you called delta and they took your miles away. What a fucker. If you listen to Delta, you owe me 94,000 points. What's your favorite means of transportation? Trains, planes, automobiles, boat, bike?

I like to drive. I like to drive. Yeah, I like to drive. I like to drive. And if I had to, then I guess plane because it's quick. Yeah. But I don't because it's quick. Yeah. But I don't like flying at all. Okay.

Okay. If you could take a vacation with any family other than your own family, what family would you like to go on a vacation with? They could be fictional. They could be historical. They could be current day. Oh, but like Fred Sanford? Oh, my God. How fun would that fucking be?

Yeah. Oh my God. Sanford and Son and then the dude Archie Bunker together. Oh my God. Great. Fireworks.

Oh my God. That would be the best trip ever. Done. We're going to make it work. We're going to make it work. If you could be stranded on a desert island with one member of your family,

who would that be? Oh, Jesus wept. I guess it would be my aunt Pat, because I love my aunt Pat, and she can cook. And I can stand my aunt Pat. We probably argue a lot about church and stuff, but it's cool. And you said North Carolina? Is that where you were? That's where you mostly grew up?

North Carolina. Memphis is where I'm from. Oh, Memphis. All right. Would you recommendphis as a vacation destination i mean bill street just stay on bill street they stay on bill street go to elvis mansion that type of stuff get some barbecue but just try to you know try to stay away from the hoods you know yeah i went to nashville though i went to nashville nashville's off the chain oh yeah sorry memphis i went to a wedding in nashville a couple years ago it's great really yeah nashville is off the chain um and seth has

our last question my question for you is have you been to the grand canyon yes we fly over to all the time seth i mean no i know you flew over i'm not counting big hole in the ground have you gone that should count that should count though That should count, though. That should count. Because everybody said they haven't seen. You're saying you've been to the Grand Canyon. No, everybody's saying that they don't see the Grand Canyon. But if you flew over, you have seen it. So I don't know if I've actually been there. Maybe I haven't.

Just don't remember. I think I did. I think I did when I drove to California. When I drove to New York. Based on what you saw from the window of your airplane would you want to go uh no okay no it's a big hole in the ground thank you and i don't understand have you you could see that anywhere you could go to california you can go to north hollywood and literally see the same mountains that you would see in the grand canyon it's just a big hole that's gonna get filled with water.

So just know that we're all going to die. All right. Well, that's a very nice way to end this. Leslie fucking Jones is the title of the book. It's also the name of one of my dearest friends. What a joy to spend time with you as always. And I can't wait to read the paperback, which I guess is probably going to have a few more mentions of me. I can't wait to listen to the,

the audible version. Yeah, I know. I want to read along with the book. It's not going to happen. You're going to be like, you're literally going to put the book down and go, you're not needed here.

Congrats on the book. We love you,'re not needed here. Congrats on the book. We love you, Leslie. Thank you, Leslie. Thank you. I love you too, babe. This was so fun. I always like talking y'all crazy, so it's always a good interview. Bye, cuties. Bye, Leslie. There is a castle, Ramada.

A magical place where you can stay Delta won't take your points away Not at the Castle Ramadan There is an awesome ice machine So you will never get too hot there is no fear of passing out not at the castle ramada there were two different vending machines one, one with drinks, the longest hallways where children roamed, and one said, bitch, I'm Leslie fucking Jones. Your ponytails would grow right back

You'd never find the slightest flaw Not at the castle Ramadan