Family Trips with the Meyers Brothers - PAULA PELL & JANINE BRITO Rented a Bad Omen Camper

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Seth and Josh welcome the talented and hysterical Paula Pell and Janine Brito to the pod! From their childhood stories of Paula fishing and Janine living in Hong Kong, to their roadtrip from hell across the U.S., and even the animal sanctuary they’ve created at their home, Paula and Janine came with a ton of fun stories to share! Sponsors: NissanGo find your next big adventure, and enjoy the ride along the way. Learn more at nissanusa.com AirbnbSupport comes from Airbnb your home might be worth more than you think find out how much more at airbnb.com/host to learn about hosting FidelityThe future’s coming. And so is retirement. Get ready to take it on at fidelity.com/takeon SquarespaceGo to Squarespace.com/TRIPS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain EightsleepImprove the way you sleep by using our link at eightsleep.com/trips for $200 off plus free shipping on their high tech Pod 3 Cover

This episode of Family Trips is brought to you by Nissan. Nissan SUVs have the capabilities to take your adventure to the next level. Learn more at NissanUSA.com. Hey, Bashi. Hey, Zupi. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Good. I was in Canada last weekend.

Oh, yeah. I did stand-up, and we discussed how should I get from Ottawa to Toronto. Yeah, and I leaned hard into you should take that train. And I took that train. And? I really enjoyed it. Now, I should say, I thought it was going to be a beautiful train ride. And I want to stress, I do think Canada is a beautiful country.

It was less beautiful than I had hoped it would be. beautiful country. It was less beautiful than I had hoped it would be. With that said, might be the worst time of year to go on a train, like early March. Yeah. This is like my fiance's mother calls this mud season. It was, you know, it was a muddy train ride. Yeah. And there was a nice stretch where you were sort of on the shores of Lake Ontario. But even then, I feel like it was the part of the shore where they had a lot of chemical plants.

Yeah. That can tend to happen around train tracks. Because some people don't want to live right on train tracks. And you get that. And chemical plants got no problems being on train tracks. They'll be anywhere. They'll be anywhere. They actually like being near train tracks so they can get their chemicals out of there when they're like, we made these.

Let's get them gone. Let's get them out of here. Put them on the train. The less time we spend with these chemicals, the better. Now that we've done the processing part, I also think they want to be near water. I think water probably helps with the chemical processing plant. But I had this thing where I was in Ottawa and then I went to Toronto and then I was doing stand-up in Toronto.

And I rolled the dice by basically making that observation on stage where I said, I came on train from Ottawa to Toronto because it's a beautiful country, and I thought it would be a beautiful train ride. And, well, you can't be right all the time. There was a big laugh, so I think everybody, even in Toronto, agrees that's a kind of shitty train ride. Yeah.

It's also like a lot of major cities, when you first leave them, it's not like a great ride. Like, if you've ever been to Los Angeles and you're like, let's drive to Disneyland, that is a terrible drive. Yeah. I mean, not only traffic-wise, but visually, it's a major bummer. Yeah. I think that while Disney was on to something, he said we won't even have to make the Magic Kingdom that magical if we just put it next to

shitty stuff. Yeah. It'll pop more. It's not that nice. Yeah, everyone thinks it's nice, but no. I was in Ottawa, Canada. You said, stop flexing. Well, it's just, you know, I think a lot of our listeners are going to be very excited to hear this.

And Pashi, where do you think is the largest outdoor ice skating rink in the world? Ottawa. Yeah. I wish I'd set you up for something different. You could have said which one of these, Toronto or Ottawa. But it's a long, it's a nine mile canal that freezes and people can commute to work on their ice skates in Ottawa. But I guess everybody in Ottawa

was in a slightly bad mood because it was a very temperate winter, so they lost one of their main commuting roads. Once again, early March, worst time to see the longest ice skating rink in the world because it was just sort of slushy. And they also fill it with water

when it's nice out, and so people take boats. So I saw it between the two nice things. Yeah. When we moved to Amsterdam, so like 97 and 98, you would always hear tell of this

famous race that would happen between like 11 dutch cities on ice skates through the canals the elif state of something like that that's right um and it's never happened since we were there like i yes because of the world just got warmed up and the canals never freeze in fact when i went there had just been an article about in the new york times and in a move that you will know mom does all the time she like cut out the article folded it up and put it in a yeah like a richard scary card yeah to me yeah so times they are changing everybody if you've got a little canal or a little river you want to skate on to get somewhere,

you better hope you're very far north and you better do it every year. You know what? Don't think next year is the year I'm going to start skating to work. No. Global warming is coming for it. Just get out there. Get moving. Enjoy yourself.

Yeah. Also, climate change. People are going to be like global warming. Why is it so cold then? It was like January and it was freezing cold in Chicago.

Right. That's the usually. Those people. If that sounds like you. That's the tone the way they talk. I bet, you know what,

I'm going to go out on a limb. I bet we have very few climate change deniers listening to this podcast. And if you are listening to this podcast, we really do appreciate it and stick around. We don't care who's listening.

We really don't. But also, come on, man. Come on, man. You know what? I'm going to say it. I'll go to the Grand Canyon if it fills with water and freezes. I'll skate across the top.

That would be awesome. I mean, probably catastrophic. I wonder how long of a skate that would be. I wonder what your width and length is. Interesting. How long? All right, that's a question for nobody, really. But how long would it take?

I think that's a question for Lauren Cisneros from the Grand Canyon Conservancy. Yeah, I guess so. All right, well, we're going to reach out to her. And by the way, I think I said it. Lauren Cisneros got great reviews from Dad. Yeah, she did. He really enjoyed Lauren Cisneros and all the Grand Canyon talk. I hate that we had her on the pod and we didn't ask her how long across lengthwise and width width if it were to fill with water and freeze over.

I know. It's always the minute they leave, you're like, ah! That was my one chance. This is very fun. We're going to have, I guess this is probably our first married couple. Well, no, other than mom and dad. We've had a pod. But we're having our friends Paula Pell and Janine Brito are going to come on.

And I'm very much looking forward to talking to them. Yeah. I mean, I'm confident this is going to be a good time. Well, let's get to it. But first, why don't you guys listen to Jeff Tweedy while we get our notes together. Family trips with the Myers brothers. Family trips with the Myers brothers. Here we go Hello.

Hi, handsome Jeff. Hello, Paula. I gotta trim my bush. Paula has a dog on her lap. But we can only see the top head of the dog. Oh, I forgot this is audio. Yes, I had a dog on my lap. So Paula has that, but we can always see the top head of the dog. Oh, I forgot this is audio. Yes, I had a dog on my lap. It is gray,

so it is accurate. I will say the most predictable thing is that when Paula's video came on that we would see a dog. Yeah. You guys are sort of like, I feel like you guys like to find dogs that like no one else wants, right?

Is that, yeah. I also currently, there's a three-legged neurologically challenged cat here next to me. Great. So any species that special needs, we're on board. Yeah. Well, good for you. We love any senior animal. We have a real addiction to it.

Like show us a cloudy eye and one smaller eye. Like, some old dogs have, like, one very tiny eye and one bigger eye. So they look interested in you. Like, when you look at the photo, I think they like us.

They like us. And this is, I mean, I know you guys aren't saying this to brag about yourselves, so let me brag and just say any animal that gets to spend their final years with you guys, or even months, has hit the animal jackpot. Yes. Well, we adopt them with weeks left, and then they end up staying three years. Yeah.

They live seven years. Gotcha. Because with anybody else, they had weeks left, but then they realized, they didn't realize there was a, you know, much higher ceiling to how good life could be. Well, because what you don't know is most, most dogs, I think, perish because their owners are like in the vet office and the vet is saying like, well, they're a diabetic and they need a shot every day. And they're like, yeah, we're going to put them to sleep. It's like, we really do always, we're like,

yeah, great. We have a large amount of animals we're pilling every day. Why not get them in line? Yeah. What's the total count right now of animals? Go for it, Janine. Three dogs, three cats, and two horses. So we're down to eight. Most people would say up to eight. We're down to eight. We're down to eight.

And we have taken a hit this last couple months. We've lost two of our very beloved, our beagle basset, William, who was in a wheel cart. So he had like a wheelchair and he hauled ass in. We lost him in December and then we lost another one oh and that's a yet another one that her her companion who looked just like her when we adopted the two of them they were sisters and they were how old like maybe 10 or something and they said they said oh actually we just checked the one is got a terrible, terrible shape with their heart cardiologically. Is that a word?

And they said, we're going to have to, you know, probably not adopt him out because he's she's like a hospice cat. And we were just like, no, we'll take her there. Like, it might be just a couple weeks. She lived over a year and was just like running around like crazy and happy. So we like to take the last chance things or, you know, no hope ones. But we also have animals we've just had for years and years that have now grown old. It does seem like the beginning of a Pixar movie about a bunch of old animals that pull off a heist.

Oh, my God. Don't you dare try to get credit for that when we write that next week. The milky eyed, the milky eyed bandits. Oh my God. The milky eyes. They're called the milkies. So you've been married

for four years now? Is that about right? We've been married for six years. Okay, gotcha. Right, Janine? No, we've been together for six and a half years. Oh, been married for six years. Okay, gotcha. Right, Janine? No, we've been together for six and a half years. Oh, been together for six years.

And married for... We broke up six months ago. But you committed to the pod. You committed to the pod. And now we just co-parent eight animals. And that's why we're in different places. There you go. Talking to you.

No, we've been together six years, and we've been married. Married for three. Three, yeah. Three and a half. Yeah, three and a half. Does that mean you had a pandemic wedding? We did.

Well, we had a half-ass pandemic wedding that basically came out of us watching the Supreme Court go down, and we were like, we got to make this legal because they're going to take it away from us. So it was real romantic. We were already engaged and had lived in L.A. We bought a beautiful little house that was very tiny. And we were just going to eventually get like a little place somewhere as a getaway place. And we just really were excited about paring down and living in this in this little 800 square foot house in los villas and then everything the shit hit the fan and then we had all these animals

in a tiny box of a house eight animals in 800 square feet so they each got 100 square feet and we we crashed at their places i'm guessing the horses weren't part of that. The horses happened after we moved east. And one of them actually used to be my horse, but I always boarded her before. And so everyone was like, you know, oh my God, if you have land where you moved now in New York,

like get a little barn put up and just keep your horse there. It's so much cheaper. That is completely untrue by about $1 million trillion. And also, horses don't like to be alone. They don't. So, we adopted another horse. We went to the sanctuary I used to volunteer at years ago when I lived here. And we went there, and they had the idea of bringing our horse there for a few weeks because the barn wasn't ready to bring our horse there and she could pick out who her

lover was. So it was like the horse Lorette. And she spent weeks there and they would send pictures and be like, she's kind of hot on Toby. No, it was all mares. You can't put the male and the female together because you can't fix a female horse. Did you know that? No, I didn't know that. And you know, Josh is in the horse game. Josh's fiance is a horse owner.

Yeah, she's full. Well, that's her whole career. She's a trainer and a rider and she's an inventor. Oh, that's amazing. So you're around some real fancy, beautiful, shiny ones. Yeah, for sure. And you're not around any money because

it's all gone, right? No, no money. We don't even live in our house anymore. We just come over from a yurt behind someone's house in town and then we come over to feed the horses on their expanse. This is very exciting.

Obviously, you're both in comedy, and we are going to talk about your family trips. But Janine, you wrote on this season of Girls 5 Eva, and Paula, you're one of the stars of Girls 5 Eva. And that must be just a very cool thing to collaborate on a show that's so funny. Oh, my God. We have had so much fun.

It's been a blast. Tell them what you came up with this year, Janine, in terms of my trajectory. My character this season really whores it out. She's on a tram page. I'm on a tram page. She really whores it out. She's on a tram page. I'm on a tram page.

So she really lives it up on the road, and she's trying to sleep with the 178 different types of women. She's trying to knock off the whole list. And I have a spreadsheet that I literally knock off in each town. If you're going after 178, you need a spreadsheet. You're not just going to keep that mental list. Unless you're, yeah, unless you got one of those weird brains. And you need vitamin infusions because I'm not young. So, you know. You got to stay hydrated.

Got to stay hydrated. And Janine also plays my ex-wife in the show. So it's a very enmeshed situation of her, you know, having me go on our tram page. And then she's also the one that's the recipient of my tram page as the person I'm still trying to get back with. So right. Right.

What, you know, as they say, we were like, what's real anymore? My video is shaking because the cat is chewing my screen, but she has no teeth. So she's kind of gumming the outer edge. I believe it. No one will ever see it. As long as she doesn't eat the microphone, we're good. So we'll start, Paula. We'll do a brief beginning with you.

Joliet, Illinois, until you were 15. Yep. So Joliet, is it middle state or southern Illinois? How would you describe it? It's about 40 minutes from Chicago. Okay. And I don't know what direction because I am 60 years old

and still, if you say to me, go left, go north over to, if you get on sixth, go north. I have no fucking idea what you're talking about. Yeah. I will say it's south of Chicago. I will just throw that out to our listeners. Can I swear on your podcast?

Please. Okay, good. Not please, but you can. But it's not like don't, you know. Yeah. There might be.

Question, assholes. That's true. I shouldn't have said please. I should say allow it if you feel it. Right. And so, one sister.

One sister, three years older. And my sister taught me how to read. She used to do school at home with me. And I came to kindergarten so past everyone else that they were looking at me like, what the hell? Are you an adult pretending you're a child?

Even though that documentary hadn't come out yet. And so my sister is amazing, and she lives in Orlando area, and she runs a huge part of Second Harvest Food Bank, which is a massive, like many blocks, city blocks, like they feed hundreds of thousands of people a day. So she does a less important thing than comedy. Yes, I'm glad we established. And those people who were doing amazing work all the time,

of course, the fact that they had that infrastructure set up during the pandemic was an incredible godsend. Oh my God, they just saved so many lives. They were incredible. But she's always been like that. She's always been the one that finds incredible ways to create service in the world. And she's also really funny. So we have always grown up laughing. And my parents are very funny. So I really came from

that kind of apple falling off the tree. And were you guys a family that would take trips together, the four of you? Yes, we always took trips, but we didn't have much money. So we had a little pop-up camper, like a little Apache pop-up camper, which I absolutely loved. I lived for camping. And so we always camped. So the only time we ever went in a hotel was if there was a tornado at the KOA. So my thrill to this day is to be in a hotel. I get such a boner for hotels. I love being in one because I always feel like I'm kind of being bad that we get to be in a hotel.

It's like, ooh, we weren't supposed to do this, but we get to be in a hotel. So I'm thrilled. And where would you go? Would you drive very far afield or would you sort of stay in the Midwest? We used to go to Florida, which is ironic because we moved there when I was a teenager and I couldn't wrap my brain around that we were going to Orlando where we used to go to go to Disney or go to Florida. I couldn't wrap my brain around it. But yeah, we we used to go to Florida, but we mostly went like to Wisconsin every year for a couple weeks during the summer. That was my great

joy. And then we would go like an hour away to some campground. And of course, it was just one of those wonderful, like all the couples that went there with their kids all knew each other for years and years. So they were all grown up together. I didn't even know about camps when I was growing up, like in terms of the East Coast where people send their kids on like a summer camp or whatever. I had no knowledge of that kind of world. So it was, that was my version of that. And I loved it. All the pictures back in that day, my sister is like wishing she wasn't there because she was older and not with her boyfriend. And she'd just be kind of pouting on a bench and I'd just be in a hoodie like, I can't wait to use my tackle box I just got that has my name engraved in it. And in a pop-up camper, is that, you sleep in that?

Yeah, you pop, what I loved about it, I tried to buy one as an adult, and it was a disaster. I never once stayed in it, but all my friends borrowed it for years. And then I still have it and can't sell it. But it just looks like a box. And then the top comes up and the beds go out. And so that when you're laying in bed, it's like an extended little shelf hanging out like this with the, I mean, I don't know why I said like this, because I wasn't showing anything. And I'm on a microphone on a podcast like this, Seth. Let me just show you silently for the next six minutes. I'll show you images. But it was so wonderful because you unzip it. So you unzip, you can unzip all the canvas sides when you're going to sleep and you're just,

you're safe from the bugs and the animals, but you're surrounded with screens. So you're just smelling the air and nature and everything. Now we live out in nature and we're like, did that tree just fall? Did that fucking tree just fall? We are not good nature people now like I used to be. Were you ever a nature person, Janine? No, absolutely not. Were you ever a nature person, Janine? No, absolutely not.

I appear to be the butch, but I hate all bugs and creepy crawlies. I am not a camper. I need a bed. She'll come in and just be like, there's a bug. There's a thing. I don't know if it's a bug or a spider or there's a it's up the, and then I come in there. I stomp in because I'm the secret butch and I get up on a ladder and catch it because we don't kill bugs in our house except if they're ticks.

Then we pound them with a fucking mallet. So we, it's so funny. It explains why I feel like there's been a hundred movies since the 20s about city people who moved to the country. Yes. Because it just does feel like everybody thinks it's going to be so peaceful and great and they're going to be able to think clearly and there's just a million problems. Ticks, I mean, with eight animals, you must just have them. There just must be a little parade.

I had an interview. We have a couple seasons a year that they get really, really bad. And we had someone come interview me for a very prestigious publication last year, and we offered him macaroni and cheese. And we each had a bowl of it, and we sat down to eat it while he was interviewing me. And I looked at it, and there was a giant tick trying to swim in the macaroni and cheese like this. Oh my God. While I'm talking to him and I just quietly threw mine out and I don't

think he ate any, but he didn't swallow any ticks. This is a real, Josh will be able to speak to my, I'm just, I don't catch red flags very quickly. Oh my God. And I was lying in bed in Connecticut with my wife and like felt like something on my peck. I was like, oh, that's sore. And I was lying in bed in Connecticut with my wife and like felt like

something on my pec. I was like, oh, that's sore. And I was like, literally touched it and I was like, oh, it must be a, must be a scab from something.

And then literally like was a full day later that I took my shirt off and I'm like, nope, a tick. It was an attached one. An attached tick that I gave an extra

24 hours to. Which is, yeah, that's what you want to do. Yeah. Also that you feel like a new skin tag 24 hours to, which is, yeah, that's what you want to do. Yeah. Also that you feel like a new skin tag and don't go check it out in the mirror. Immediately. I'm like, well, I think there's only one thing that could be. I cut myself in a way that I didn't notice.

And it was so bad that it has a big, round, painful scab. Oh, God. That feels weirdly separate from my body, except at one point. At one point, it does seem like real connected. Ticks are disgusting. And we really, truly, we take wasps. We catch wasps. Like, we get animals out of here.

Any kind of creature, any kind of insect, you know, snake, anything. We will get out of the house and set free. insect, you know, snake, anything, we will get out of the house and set free. And we just, if we find a tick, man, or a black fly, black flies are gross too. Everything else, we have a stove mouse that I feed. We have a stove mouse right now, guys. Dog pill pockets too. And now he's not afraid of me at all. He just sits in the spoon rest while I cook around him. He is a mouse that is, he's a mouse the size of a Tic Tac.

He is the tiniest mouse I've ever seen in my life. And I just, we just can't, we can't bring ourselves to do anything. Does he have a name? I haven't named him because at some point we are going to, the cats have their own room right now. At some point we're going to integrate them

into the rest of the house. And I'm too scared that if the cats do their cat thing, I would be heartbroken. I mean, I will name him right now, Jesus Christ. So that means when the cat eats it, it will return. Yeah, you just can't kill it. It'll just keep returning. Three days later. It'll be in a little just can't kill it. It'll just keep returning. Three days later. It'll be in a little cave and it'll come back out and be like, what's up, guys?

I'm a different mouse, but. The speed in which Paula came up with Cheesus is very in line with everything I knew about working with Paula as a comedy writer. These things happen very quickly, and when they come, you're very happy they arrived. I'm telling you, it's kept my heat on all these years. I hope I can keep that going. I hope my brain doesn't start to slowly dissolve. Hey, we're going to take a quick break

and hear from some of our sponsors. This episode of Family Trips is brought to you by Nissan. Hey, Pashi, ever wonder what's around the next corner? What happens if you push further? Seth, I know that's something you ask me every day. Sure do, because your answers are unsatisfactory to me. Nissan, on the other hand, gives us the answer. That's why we're excited to partner with Nissan,

because Nissan SUVs have the capabilities to take your adventure to the next level. You know, Sufi, we love celebrating family adventures on this podcast called Family Trips. So take a Nissan Rogue, Nissan Pathfinder, or Nissan Armada and go find your next big adventure. With the 2024 Nissan Rogue, the class-exclusive Google built-in

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Learn more at NissanUSA.com. Family Trips is sponsored by Airbnb. Hey, Bashi. Yeah, Sufi. You know my in-law's home. It's a beautiful home. Oh, gorgeous. So cozy and comfortable.

Cozy, comfortable, and they're's a beautiful home. Oh, gorgeous. So cozy and comfortable. Cozy, comfortable, and they're thinking about selling it. No. Yeah. And so my wife, my sister-in-law, my brother-in-law, they don't want them to get rid of it. And they said, why don't you consider it as an Airbnb? They're traveling a lot in their retirement. They're enjoying the world. But don't give up a beautiful home. Let that beautiful home be an Airbnb. Make money while you're gone and do not lose a house that your children are desperate to inherit. I think people worry about, is this going to be too much work?

And it's not too much work. If you've made your house into a lovely place to be, then someone's going to Airbnb it and they're going to be delighted to be there and they will be lovely, nice guests. I mean, mom and dad often will come to stay with me. And that's fine. But I'd rather they Airbnb our home. See a shrine to Josh Myers and one solitary photo of me. That's what you'd be getting if you Airbnb'd their house. And you know it's true. Yeah.

And again, another comfy, cozy house that anyone would be delighted to be spending some time in. And remember, you don't have to Airbnb your whole house. It could be a guest house. It could be a spare room. There's a ton of options. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much more at Airbnb.com slash host. Family Chips is supported by Fidelity. Let's talk retirement for a sec. To me, it feels like it's getting harder for people to reach their goals for the future. We hear about inflation, rate hikes, the changing market.

Are we even saving enough? And things keep changing. Here's where Fidelity comes in. Whether you're saving for retirement or close to living in it, Fidelity can help you get where you want to go, no matter your path or what happens along the way. How? Well, they help you create a free, personalized plan that adapts as your priorities change. How? All you need is take it on at fidelity.com slash take on. Expenses charged by your investments and other costs and fees associated with trading or transacting in your account apply.

Fidelity Brokerage Services member NYSE SIPC. You mentioned Tacklebox. Does that mean that on your camping trips you were actually going and actively fishing? Oh, my God. I was such an avid fisherman when I was little, and it just boggles my mind now because somewhere along the way, I just immediately 180 turned. And Janine's never really – have you ever gone fishing, Janine? Yeah, I used to go fishing.

Oh, okay. Because whenever my dad's here, I'm always like, will you go fishing with my dad? And she's like, yeah, I'll do it. I just cannot – I really, truly cannot anymore. Like, recently we went and we do eat fish we're pescatarian and we went ordered fish in this really beautiful restaurant and the new thing now in la and new york is that the the fish comes like in motion but it's been fried so it's like pompeii it's like a pompeii body that's like Pompeii. It's like a Pompeii body that's like swimming. And it's got its fins out and everything,

but it's covered in batter and a little Parmesan. And you're just like, I can't eat this while it's acting like it still wants to live. I need just fillets. But I can't do the hooking and the... I used to clean fish. I used to do all of it. But I also used to pretend like I wanted a boyfriend, guys. So, Janine, if you will go fishing with Paula's dad, are you still cleaning fish? We haven't yet gone. We haven't yet.

I feel like I could. Okay. She's an incredible chef, so, like, she— Yeah, I handle stuff. She has that part of her that can just go— I mean, not on anything else but seafood, but I think she can detach. I can't do that. Yeah, I look at the fish, and I'm like, you were a jerk, I can tell, and then I do it.

Yeah, a lot of fish are. That's the— Yeah. It's a good sort of animal to be judgmental of. Yeah, none of them look empathetic. No. They're very dead-eyed and judge... Yeah, totally judgmental.

Dead-eyed and judgey is really true. Yeah, you're right. There's a lot of fish-eyed comedy writers, I think. Yeah. They're like, that's actually funny, but they have a really dead face. That is the worst. I think we, I think we could each name six people that we're thinking about. Oh my God. That's really funny. Actually, the word actually in front of something like you're,

you're actually, I mean, I grew up being a big woman and I would, you know, go on a date and someone would go, you could, you could actually be a knockout if you, you know, go on a date and someone would go, you could actually be a knockout. If you, you know, it's like, oh, thanks for pointing out my potential. You could be seven inches taller and not have a shiny scalp under your comb over. I don't know who I'm even talking about that I was always. He does. I hope he's listening and he does. Janine, you grew up in Miami? I'm? Yeah, I'm originally, I'm from Miami and we were there until I was about 10. And then my mom met my now stepdad. So we went from Miami to Paisley, Scotland. We were in Paisley, Scotland for 10 months, refused entry into the country

because they said we were living there illegally. So then we had to move in with my grandparents in Oakman, Alabama for a year and a half until my mom and stepdad could get married. Once they got married, we moved to Hong Kong and I was in Hong Kong for a little over two years. And then I went to high school in Louisville, Kentucky. Wow. You really like ping-ponged back and forth between exotic places in the South. Yes. Was your stepfather Scottish? English. He was English and he spoke Cantonese. So that's why we were in Asia.

Got it. He's in the liquor business. Gotcha. Do you have memories of Paisley, Scotland? I have fond memories because when I moved to Paisley, it was pre-internet. Like, it existed, but no one had access to it. And so when I moved to Paisley, everyone thought

I was cool because they could get in touch with the kids in Miami and say, this guy, no, she is not cool. So I could just pretend. You got to reboot. It was a nice reboot. Yes. It was a nice reboot. Yes. It was a very nice reboot.

And then I moved to Oakman and they did not think I was cool. Yeah, and they didn't. They were like, we don't even need to check with Miami. We feel like we can clock this on our own. Will you tell them our connection many years before we ever got together?

Yes. So I had cancer in high school and my make-a-wish was to go see a taping of SNL. Oh my God. And the organization I went through couldn't get tickets to the taping. So they got me tickets to the dress rehearsal where my mom and I were sat in the bleachers behind a set wall. So I had to watch the whole taping on a tiny screen. And I told Paula this on like our second date and she asked me which episode it was. It was Rob Lowe, Eminem as the musical guest. And it turns out Paula had a line in the monologue. She had a whole back and forth. I was in the monologue. So she saw me

standing up on camera talking. And that's where our souls met well before it was legal for me. Our souls were like, let's swing back around when she's of age. That was your argument to the cops, Paula. You were like, she was sitting behind a stage wall. I couldn't see how old she was. Also, maybe if you had a better seat, maybe you would have been like, all right, now I can go.

But because you had more to fight for with the cancer, they put you behind something. It's like, I'm going to beat this because that wasn't good enough. I feel like that was not a wish. If I can see my dreams dashed in this vicious a way, I can get through. I can get through.

Now I have to live. Yeah. She was homecoming queen and she always told me that she was just homecoming queen because she had cancer and it used to really make me laugh. Yeah, but thank God

that somebody's manager got a good seat that night and the Make-A-Wish kids were behind a plywood. Doesn't it seem like something you would believe Laurenne had said, which is like, no, I think you put the Make-A-Wish kids. You want to give them something to fight for.

Look, if you put them in good seats, then, you know, it's almost over. I told him when we first were at a dinner with him and we told him that story, he put his head straight down on the table and just kept it there for a long time. He was like, oh no. No, no. It is funny that I think

that a thing that is people don't fully wrap their heads around Lauren is with each successive day there's three more people that he has likely aggrieved just by going about his daily. You know what I mean? Not he is without malice.

He is just there's another because his world just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger. It just it just gets keep. And also, he as a person is very sentimental, tender about, you know, anything like that, that he would just be like, oh, no, put them in the front row. Yes, of course. So whenever you point out something that went terribly awry, it's pretty bad. And it is funny, too, because there are so many things

that are happening outside his control. You would not want a world where Lauren also is, like, going through the seating jar to be Justin. No. So it's deeply unfair to ask. But it must haunt him that he can't control everything, you know, because he has, his world is still, it's still very, very big. Like he has a lot of projects and a lot of shows and, you know, has got both late night

shows. I mean, it's just crazy how much he has to trust that other people are representing him. You guys don't have to defend him. I know he did it to spite me. We don't even have to talk about him. Oh, boy. We don't even have to talk about him. Josh is very, Josh wants to get back on the road and away from Dirty Rock.

So, Janine, what were your before 10 and the big move? Did you take trips? We would do, so my parents both worked, so I would go to summer school, even though I was a straight A student. That's great. And I got extra school. But then for like a week or two in the summer, we would drive from Miami to Oakman to go help my grandparents on their farm. So my road trips were to go be free labor out in the field, out in the August sun. And then when we lived there for two years, I helped my grandparents a lot. And then in the summer, I had the option of either helping harvest crops or going with my aunt and my cousin to help them out at the Star Diner. And I picked the Star Diner because it was indoors.

But then when we got there, my family realized the only way to have me legally help out was to put me in the kitchen. So for two summers, I was an 11 and 12-year-old line cook on a flat top grill so that no one would come into the diner and see that child labor was happening. Now, I think the good news is Alabama has now, oh no, maybe I'm thinking of Arkansas. Someone has made it easier

legally for you to just be front of house. I mean, I feel like if anyone had walked in, they'd be like, yeah! Like, they would be pumped to see me there. Nobody was calling 911. No. They did have her wear a beard, so. But you are a good chef now, yeah?

That's where I got my love of cooking, so I don't begrudge it at all. Yeah. She's a really good chef. I will say that is maybe the funniest bad summer I've ever heard from a kid, which is you either went to summer school or had to go harvest crops. Like, that's a real, like, lose-lose. Or work as a line cook. And also, you did the work.

You're a straight-A student. You did the work. Like, you should be just sitting watching, you know, watching the Golden Girls and making Hot Pockets, and you're having to, like, still show up as an adult. What is the resentment for the straight-A student who's also at summer school? Like, how do the other, how do the, let's say,

for lack of a better word, dummies feel about the kid who ran laps around them all year is now just like rubbing it in their face in August? Just answering questions. We covered this. I know my times table. Knew it then, know it now. No, I was actually pumped to be in summer school because I have a summer birthday. No, I was actually pumped to be in summer school because I have a summer birthday and it was like I got to have a cupcake day, which was very exciting for me.

Were you put into like summer, like if you were in, let's say, you know, fifth grade, would you go into fifth grade summer school or would they have to bump you up to like, you have to be in summer school for sixth graders because you're ahead of everyone here. Well, that was the summer after my fifth grade is when we moved to Scotland. I feel like I would have just done fifth grade because that's when you moved to middle school. So I feel like I would have done just fifth grade over again. Okay. So you're just doing stuff over again. You're not doing like extra stuff. It's like. Yeah.

Yeah. Just over again. It was the God bless my parents. It was the cheapest option for them as far as like child care in the summer. So it was sort of like, all right, it's either this or fend for yourself in the streets of Miami. Yeah, I certainly can understand the choice. And I would have been eaten alive in Miami. And you said Hong Kong?

Is that where you were? Yeah, we went after Alabama. We went to Hong Kong for two years. And how are your memories of there? That was wonderful. It was so safe. So like, you know, going from Alabama, where like the nearest house is acres away. And I was hanging out with my mom and her 70 year old parents on a satellite TV that only got PBS. It was a big welcome of like, oh, people and cool stuff and not just talking to a cow with a homemade bow and arrow. That's incredible. You were in the big city in a high-rise, right? You were like in an apartment in a high-rise?

Yeah, 35th floor of a big building and a lot of international students. And it was just a really cool experience. What a dramatic change that has to be. Yeah. And so you get to this international school and is it, I mean, have you found your people at that point? Like what's, or is it weird to integrate just because it is a cultural shift, even though it is an international school? But what's that like for you? So I was cool in Scotland, not cool in Alabama.

And then at the international school, it was kind of messed up. The Western kids, like the English Canadian, the white kids basically were the popular kids. And then like the East Asian, South Asian kids were not popular. And so when I got there, I was rejected by the cool kids. So all of my friends were from Japan, India, Portugal, Pakistan, because I was a fat, awkward kid. So I didn't get the privilege of being a white kid. But that's how uncool I was. That centuries of oppression, they were like, not you, get over there, fatty. But it was very, very cool. I really appreciated it. And I had great friendships and ate a lot of

very different foods and learned about a lot about other cultures and religions. And I really enjoyed it. She's very daring about food too. Like I only can have breakfast food in the morning and we'll go somewhere and eat some really amazing Asian fusion type cuisine and she'll be in the morning just eating a big long shrimp or something for breakfast, like out of a foil thing. And I'm like, nope, nope. Cracking open a sea urchin at 8 a.m.

It's just like, no, absolutely not. She's very daring about that. I was just going to say she's half Cuban and half Icelandic. Yeah, I'm an ice cube. Her dad used to call them ice cubes. I mean, I feel like maybe a hundred people worldwide. I mean, how many ice cubes are there? I only know of me and my sister. There have to be other ones out there, but it has to be. Yeah. One person on Twitter, I think way back in the day, messaged me.

And my dad could be her dad. Who knows? It was just a story about a cruise and all the people that were on it were born on Leap Day. And it was just like all these Leap Day babies. And I feel like maybe there's a get together that needs to happen of ice cubes out there. A Facebook page at the very least. to happen of ice cubes out there. A Facebook page at the very least.

Yeah. Cuban Icelandic people, ice cubes only exist just to shame me about my skin. It's just only, they're only here for all of us to go, really, motherfucker? Really?

Like every time she ever sees a makeup artist, I'm in there for like three hours and you hear like, like Sanders going on and then you go, she goes in and they're just like, I think you're good. I think you're good. We don't even need to.

Yeah, you're good. You're good. I like, we're going to find out that ice cubes were started. It was the cosmetic industry was crossbreeding trying to make perfect skin. And so wait, who's Icelandic your dad my mom your mom

and did you ever go back to Iceland was there ever family trips when I was a year old I have no memory of it whatsoever

have you guys been to Iceland yes we have yeah we went together we went for a New Year's with our girlfriends at the time

now Seth's wife and my fiance. And it was great. And then my fiance's been back with her father for a trip that looked incredible, like where they had a lot more daylight in the day. Because at New Year's, you're maybe five hours of daylight. But it was beautiful. We really, really dug it.

I feel like Polar maybe tells this story on stage in Restless Leg, but we had it too where we rode those Icelandic ponies, and they're like the dumbest horses you've ever seen. I mean, they're hilarious because they run straight, right? Am I remembering that, Josh? Yeah, yeah, we've talked about this. They don't bounce up and down. No, yeah, they have a unique gait.

They have a tolt. A tolt. Oh, yeah, we have talked about this. A tolt. Yeah, that's the gait. They have a tolt. A tolt. Oh, yeah, we have talked about this. A tolt. Yeah, that's the gait. Unique to an Icelandic pony. So is it smoother for you or because they're going so straight, are you just all over? Like you're doing bouncing for both of you.

It's remarkably smooth for you. It is worth a Google. There's a guy on an Icelandic pony with a glass of champagne, and it's hilarious. And it's not hilarious because these horses are stupid, Seth. Right. The other thing is, when you ride it compared to other horses, it's a little bit like the first time you get in a Tesla, where you go, well, it's a car, but this is a totally different,

like, everything sounds different. And then one of them blew up, remember? One of them exploded. What? That's the other way. Hey, we're going to take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors. We are supported by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform for building your brand and growing your business online. Stand out with a beautiful website, engage with your audience,

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Yeah, and I mean, they have so many different templates. And they give you a lot of different choices when you're trying to set up the right site for you. Yeah. And, I mean, they have so many different templates. If there's something you don't like the looks of, they got something you do like the looks of. So look no further than Squarespace, which is just going to help you create a beautiful site where you can do so many different things. Like sell custom merch, which we keep threatening to do. It's very easy to sell your custom merch. Create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand.

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Their buzzworthy mattress cover called the Pod can be added to your existing mattress like a fitted sheet to automatically cool down or warm up each side of your bed and in turn improve your sleep quality dramatically. I got my 8 Sleep Pod and then I got another 8 Sleep Pod for my in-laws because they are, much like our parents, two lovely people who like to sleep two different ways. And I feel like you're really seeing the difference in both how well-rested they seem and the fact that they're also getting along better. Also, that deep sleep. You're a big proponent of the deep sleep, Pashi. I am. I got one hour and 47 minutes of deep sleep last night, and that's a lot. That's a lot of deep sleep. Because I bet that's 34% more than you got before 8sleep, because I just happen to know it's proven to give you 34% more deep sleep per night.

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plus free shipping on their high-tech pod 3 cover. That's 8sleep.com slash trips for a better, smarter sleep. And then what about, I mean, I guess Cuba is almost impossible until recently, but never went back? No, never went back. My college did like an option to do a semester and then I got revoked under W. So I didn't get to do that.

Really? Yeah. So the whole program got revoked? Yeah. Okay, gotcha. Right after I got there. But, you know, I've had friends that have gone. It's a little bit of a mixed bag. I feel like it would be very bittersweet for me to go there. Iceland, I would love to go. And I still have cousins named Bjork and Snorri and Magnus. That's great. And would love to meet them and see what their life's like.

But nobody in Cuba anymore. What's your age gap with your sister? My sister is nine years older. And then I have a brother who's 13 years younger. So my mom popped out kids from 17 to 40. Wow. Wow. Good for her.

Yeah. What a flex. She kept it going. She was like, I can still do it. Just to prove everybody wrong. Yeah. She had to prove them wrong, baby. Don't dare me.

Don't dare me. I'll pop another one out. That's such a wide disparity. Have you been on trips with both your sister and your brother? Not at the same time when he was like a baby. I went to Florida and he came with me, but not often. But you could have been his, well, 13. I mean, that's pretty grim.

I was thinking 17, sorry. Well, he is a year younger than his niece because my sister had my niece and then a year later, he was born. So it's one of those weird families where none of the ages match up. Right. My dad used to say he was born with rank,

which isn't fair. A child shouldn't be born with family rank. It goes to their heads. And I don't want to get political on this podcast, Paula, but I think if you're old enough to work in a diner kitchen, you're old enough to have a baby. And I'm just going to say that. I mean, you know, if you can get a hairnet on an embryo.

Get it to work. I say get them back there. Paula, you are very close with your parents. Have you taken trips with them as an adult Paula, you are very close with your parents. Have you taken trips with them as an adult? Have you ever taken them anywhere? Yes. We've gone on a lot of trips throughout, you know, locally.

Like when I lived in the city and we'd come up into the Hudson Valley. We would drive quite a few places together. But my dad and I took a road trip to bring, when I moved out to L.A., he drove me with two of our dogs. When I went, Janine, was that when, when did I do that with my dad? That was with you, right? That was before, no, that was before we met.

We met after you were already in L.A. You're my third or fourth wife. But my dad and I drove, that's right. I was moving to LA after being divorced. And I was moving with my two dogs. I had my friends take my cats on the plane, which I've done before and is a fucking nightmare. And so I let them do that.

And I drove across the country with my dad. And he still talks about it. He's in his 80s. And he still talks about that trip. And we just had so much fun just seeing all the, you know, you drive straight across the country like that. You just see so many different kinds of climates and visuals. And it had been a long time since I've done any kind of road trip.

Now I always fear road trips because I have to pee every hour. And so I just always am like, have that anxiousness with anyone on a road trip where I'm like, hey, is anyone hungry? Does anybody want to get, do we need gas? So I just am not always like, well, I gotta pee again. I feel like a lot of people might fantasize about going on a road trip, you know, as an adult with a parent. Did you talk? Did you listen to music? How did you fill that time?

Yeah, I think we talked, we listened to music. And my dad just always was the driver. He just, you know, we went on a lot of vacations where he just was always the driver, the designated driver in our family. And he just loves to explore. And, you know, I have the fantasy of taking my parents harder when they're in their 80s and not very mobile. And it's harder, you know, when they have to get up a lot and kind of walk around, like they couldn't just sit and vegetate like you could years ago in a car. But Janine and I have like a lot of fantasies of tricking out some kind of vehicle and like a sprinter or something and having it just be super ultra comfortable.

I know J.B. Smoove, I'm always asking him about his big motorhome because he has like a crazy deluxe motorhome. And when he goes and does all his tours and all his comedy, he just drives in this deluxe motorhome that's got everything in it you could ever want. So we don't want a motorhome because we had the bad experience in the motorhome that we had a couple years ago. But we do want to do something like that. So we could take people that wouldn't usually get to go travel anymore and like see things, you know, I don't like when older people are like, well, I can't do that anymore. I just, I want to, I want to figure out a way to do it.

Were you stopping at a lot of places with your father when you drove cross country? Yeah. And it was a bit of a blur because it was right after I, I got divorced and I decided to just like, I'm just gonna, you going to leave my house and I wasn't going to sell it yet, but I just like packed everything away and I sent boxes out to LA and I was like, I'm coming out to be near my close friends and I'm just going to start a whole new life and meet a lot of new, young, beautiful, not young. I wasn't going for young. I was like already in my young, beautiful, not young. I wasn't going for young. I was like already in my, you know, 50s. But I was just like looking to have a new, fresh life because I was very depressed. And so the first, probably first half of that trip, I was probably a bit of a zombie. And then my dad is

just so funny and wonderful. And I think we laughed on that trip. And occasionally I find pictures of it. And he's just living his best life, driving through the mountains and everything. Because he just hasn't done that in a long time. So he still talks about it. Was he the kind of parent who was very tuned in to what you needed emotionally on a trip like that? When you were a zombie, was he sort of letting you be a zombie? I mean, I think he doesn't necessarily want to constantly talk. So it wasn't like he was, I wish you would tell me yet another anecdote, Paula, because I just can't,

I can't get enough of your voice. So I think sometimes he does like to just zone out when he's driving. And he's very interested in when he's driving in just noticing things that I just, you know, and then I think we played word games. You know, we played my favorite word game, which my friend Sue Nagel gave to me years ago that I still use constantly, which is the two words that rhyme is the answer. So like obese feline fat cat, you come up with a clue, and then they have to give you the answer, which is two rhyming words. And it's such a fun thing to do when you're driving. And also even just to text people that clue is funny. You get on a roll of playing it, you can't stop.

And then you just like send them the clue. That's just the only text is just the clue. the only text is just the clue. Back in the Apache pop-up camper days, what was the sort of the family dynamic when you pulled up to Wisconsin when you got to sort of this campground wood? Well, we stayed every year at this place called Beardsley Lake. And I looked it up years later when I was at SNL. I looked it up and I found out, I think, that the woman who owned it died maybe the year before. But I was so addicted. I'm just looking out. There's

someone at my gate. Hold on one second. Oh, boy. Hold on one second. Wait, what? This would be so, and again, I hope it doesn't happen, but if this turned into one of those murder podcasts. This is the clip.

I mean, knock on wood, heaven forbid. I'm carrying my laptop and you just see me and Paula fist fight a stranger. Coming back in. I got her in a reflection. It was the guy that fixed our chimney that was coming back to see how our chimney's

doing. Oh, okay. Checking up on his work. Yeah. But he also said, I was told you would be out of town. I came in my black turtleneck on this 80-degree day. We won't get into this because we don't have time, but Janine and I had a guy the first week we moved here that was covered in blood standing in our front porch

in the dark. We had no internet yet here. And he was just standing with this big wound and just standing there totally drugged out and staring at us like a- At like 10 at night. 10 at night. Was he there to set up your internet?

No, he came to do drugs back in the trailhead behind us. And then he freaked out and broke into our little guest house and then cut himself badly. And then came to us so we could nurse him. Oh, my God. And give him a tourniquet. I think a stray dog obviously got word to him that you guys were the place to go. Yeah, we have a lot of tourniquet. I think a stray dog obviously got word to him that you guys were the place to go. Yeah, we have a lot of tourniquets. They'll take care of you. You can pee anywhere you want.

Yeah. We have a tourniquet dispenser. We've got, you know, if he needs anal glands, clothes, anything you need. You will express an anal gland. Oh, my God. I mean, that's just... I actually don't.

Our friends are vets, so they'll come over and have martinis and be, you know, laying down a tarp. And they're like, okay, this one needs it. It's the lesbian dream, guys. Janine named this place Brasschester for a reason. Brasschester. So Beardsley Lake, quickly, if we can get back to that, Paula. Yes. So you'd get to Beardsley Lake and your parents do what?

You do what? Do you like, everyone runs in different directions? Beardsley Lake was my heaven. It was the most glorious, beautiful, natural spring lake that was not gigantic. You could see all the periphery of it, but it was just lined in beautiful trees. It had a huge amount of fish in it. It had a whole swimming area. It had a giant slide. And then it had a lodge that had a big grand piano in it and like a pizza counter where you could like go also rent a boat. And I got very deeply in love with

the owner there who was like an older Audrey Hepburn sort of character, but with black hair. She was very eccentric, very, you know, she was kind of like Ruth Gordon. And I just my favorite kind of personality growing up of that kind of theater broad. And she just took me under her wing. And I would write full variety shows on the piano with my cousins and all that. And we'd perform these things, which I wish to God somebody had recorded on their old little camera or something because we thought we were killing it. It was probably very torturous to watch. But the whole thing was just everything I love. It was like nature and music and camping.

I just absolutely loved. And also, you know, at that time, we all in our neighborhoods would just go explore. That's how I was there. I would just go for the whole day. I'd just go. I'd get in a rowboat. I'd go fish. I'd go kayak.

And I just was always busy doing my thing. You know, I was always discovering some critter. And my sister was not so happy because she couldn't. It was pre-cell phones and she couldn't text with her boyfriend. But she just wasn't as much into the camping at that point because she was older than me, but I loved it. I don't think it was age-related, but I was definitely less camping, less critter than Poshy.

I just enjoyed the outdoors more than Seth in general. And now I've gotten to be definitely more of, like, I hate ticks. I hate mosquitoes. You know, I definitely, if I'm in a screened area, I can. But back in the day, I used to just cover myself and off, like just spray myself head to toe and put that little hoodie on. And I would just go forever. And that's why I loved when I moved to L.A. There were no mosquitoes.

And then the mosquitoes came to L.A. Surprise, surprise. And now there's mosquitoes in L. LA. Yeah. I love the outdoors. I've got no love for ticks and mosquitoes. I'll say that. Yeah. And I don't think anyone loves them, but. So you guys, since you guys are family now, what is the best trip you two took together? Well, we're going to tell you real quickly about the worst trip that we've taken together. Yeah, even better. So we had this little 800-square-foot house with eight animals. It was perfect.

We loved it. In LA. And when the pandemic hit and we couldn't go anywhere or like it was at the time where like people were scared to walk around their blocks, we got very stir-crazy very quickly. We got very stir crazy very quickly. And so Paula just randomly was looking at rentals just anywhere in the country that we could go to to just have more space with all these animals. And somehow found a listing for a house in North Carolina with two acres that the listing said, bring your goats, donkeys, horses, anything you have. And she told me about it. And I said, you call them now. And while she- Newly renovated, fenced in yard. It was so beautiful. I was like, are these people fucking crazy that they're letting animals, like dogs, cats, and everything in a rental? It was crazy.

Yeah. So we were like, we got to get in before rental. Like it was crazy. Yeah. So we were like, we got to get in before they wise up to what they've offered. And so while she called, I rented a camper one way from Cruise America. And we went and got it. And the first bad omen was the day after we brought the camper back to the house to load up, it wouldn't start. So I had to jump it and then drive it back to Cruise America. And they were like, oh, the wire was off and we fixed it. And so we set off on the road thinking it was going to be the most fun, like, let's see America trip. And like, one of us can drive and the other one can sit at the table and write

and we're like let's get the table one because one of us can sit and write and then while the other one's driving and it sounded like the door to the back was like not working so the whole drive it was just like pop pop pop pop

the whole way it sounded like there was a bike and a blender the whole time. Yes. So it was us and at that time, five dogs and three cats all falling all over each other, freaking out. Two open litter boxes on the floor for four days across America. Torrential rain every day. Oh, my gosh. We couldn't shower.

I don't know. I don't remember why we couldn't shower in that shower. But we were basically, we were covered in cat food, wet food, and dirty litter every day. I think we pretty much thought we were going to die, so it didn't matter if we showered. Because they shower a body once they embalm it. I think we were like, we're going to let the people do it that are getting paid from our insurance, like our life insurance.

Yeah, because no matter how clean you are, they do still shower it before they embalm. Yeah. And it was one of those times in your life where we've all had them where you really pick out all the stuff on the website and you just have this image of what it is and it just could

not be more polar opposite. The other thing that every single time any kind of truck went by us, which was every three seconds, the entire motorhome would just shift where it felt like it was going to tip over. So we were pretty sure we were going to die numerous times. We almost died in Tennessee. It was one of those things where it's like two four lane highways cross over each other. And for some reason,

they designed it to where like you guys on the right side got to get all the way to the left now. And you guys on the left better cut it. Just for fun. Just for fun. So it's like eight lanes of highway,

semis all around. And I'm like driving this rickety camper. And from the left, an old red like Trans Am comes perfectly horizontal in front of me, hits the semi to my right, ricochets spinning it was like a slow-moving michael bay film where like the red car spun out in front of us and i barely missed getting crushed by a semi and this spinning red car and at 15 miles an hour just like got over a bunch of crunchy glass yeah and it was the most terrifying it felt it by day three we thought we we had died and were in purgatory. Yeah. Because we were like, we're never going to get to our destination.

This is our, we did die in that crash, and this is the rest of existence for us. The internal terror was that we had animals on the trip that should have never been on that trip that were quite ill. So, her beloved cat, who was by that time, what, 15 or something, he was actively dying. He was actively like having like respiratory distress pretty much the whole time. So I'm just staring at his face going like, we are not going, like Janine is going to have to be hospitalized because if he dies in this thing on the way there, you know, it was so horrible. And then we got really delirious and thank God we make each other laugh because we think very similarly in terms of what, you know, what makes us laugh. So we, we both really by,

by about day two and a half, we were, we were starting to get super punchy. And we stopped to see my niece and her husband in Kentucky or Tennessee. And she has a beautiful hair salon there. And it was pandemic. So we were like, we'll pull up and just wave to you and pull up our cars and just be like, hi, we miss you. We love you. We hadn't seen her in a year. And right before we got there, we looked at each other and

I said, I told her to put on Monster Mash because I was like, I want to pull up playing Monster Mash. We were so hideous. So we literally slow rolled through the parking lot, blasting Monster Mash. We're like, hi, good to see you. These two crones pull up with like a couple half dead animals in the back. That is, I mean, the biggest nightmare of this whole trip, which is why it sounds so awful, is because you have this giant rental and all these animals. There's no exit ramp for this trip other than to make it. No, we have to get there. There's no, and you know,

cats should never really be traveling in a car. I mean, litter boxes are, you know, not pleasant to be around in a small space. And we had them, we also realized how little room we had when everyone had their space. So we took the table that we were going to be writing, you know, a new treatment for a new project. We had, like, covered in, like, a Tempur-Pedic mattress and just had a charcuterie of animals all sleeping because they were half-drugged. Unfortunately, we were not drugged because we had to drive.

And then William the Beagle Basset wanted to climb in between like the driver's seat and then missy the one cat decided on the dashboard in front of the steering wheel in your line of vision was her that's where she was yeah yeah it was just it was a nightmare and i found i found a video of when we got to our destination and my hair looks like the Gary Busey mugshot and I have a full mustache because I could not wax and I am Cuban. So it's just such like the worst image of me whatsoever.

It was the video to send to our family. And she goes, well, we smell like shit, but we're here. That was the opener. It was rough. And then I think we got to the house and we couldn't get in. The lockbox didn't work for the keys, so we were trapped. You just have all the images

of when you arrive somewhere and it's just never the thing. But like you said, we had to get there. We had to get there. We did it. Thank you, guys. We so appreciate. It's been so lovely to chat to you, but you're not off the hook yet because Josh has some quick questions.

Quick questions. Yes. You can only pick one of these. Is your ideal vacation relaxing, adventurous, or educational? 100% me, relaxing. I no longer want to learn about anything, guys. I just want to I want to learn when the restaurant opens and I want to put my put my fat feet up.

Everything for me is let's eat good food and somewhere pretty and then sleep on a nice bed. Great. Oh, yeah. That sounds relaxing. That's perfect. But I do like shops. I do like going to cute little shops in a town. Okay. What is your favorite means of transportation? Train, plane, automobile, cruise America, janky, camper, boat? I do love a road trip that's medium long

through beautiful places with someone I love. But I do love a beautiful plane ride that is easy and I can put my feet up. Yeah, I like the shortness of a plane ride, but I am very scared of flying. So I think I would have to say car. I feel like in theory, I would love a train, but I've just never had an excuse to do that.

It sounds nice. Maybe it would be another Cruise America situation. They're not bad. I don't think so. You have to live somewhere where it makes sense, you know? Yeah. If we didn't have the animals with us, I'm sure it would have been a lot more pleasant a ride.

But we did learn that, like, motorhomes are, if you get a really good motorhome, it has a structure to it that doesn't make a thousand horrible noises every second. So I don't know if there's a good train option to go from L.A. to North Carolina. I just don't know that that's a thing. But if you're going from A to B and they have a train, it's worth it. Yeah.

If you could take a vacation with any family, alive or dead, other than your own family, also real or fictional, which family would you like to take a family vacation with? I mean, they're friends, but I'd like to go with the Golden Girls. Yeah, that would be... We'll give you that. I thought when you said they're friends, they were going to be your friends, and I like that it was just

no, they're friends with each other. They're everybody's friends. They really are. The Golden Girls? Janine, you're welcome to have a different one're everybody's friends. They're my dear friends. They really are. The Golden Girls? Yeah. Janine, you're welcome to have a different one or you can also go with the Golden Girls. I mean, I love that one.

I'll say, it just popped in my head, I'd love to go with the Addams Family because they're spooky and scary, but if you think about it, they really loved each other. Like Morticia and Gomez. I mean, that just isn't ideal. This is a very in-line choice with someone who blasted Monster Mash out on a mobile home.

If you had to be stranded on a desert island with one member of your family, who would it be? No, brother. I would say I would probably want to be with my sister because we would figure it out together. We each have different skills, and I think we'd figure out how to survive. My mom and dad would be like, where's the place we can sit down? I don't like sitting on this log. It's not comfortable. They come here, and my couch is kind of not comfortable.

But then my dad would probably, like he did with that road trip, he'd get out there and start making fires and he knows how to do all of it too. I was going to say Paula. No pressure. That's sweet. No pressure.

I was going to say Paula just because she's... Wow, I'll hear about that for 18 days. Well, Paula's the only person that I can be around 24-7, 365, and I still enjoy being around. No, of course I would choose you. I mean, that would be... It's fine. It's fine.

It feels like, of course, of course is a tough sell after you just gave a different answer. Of course. If that's what we're going with here, yes. And Paula, would you say Joliet is your hometown? Was your hometown as a child? Yes, it was hometown, but I was so young when I left, and I just don't have a recollection that much of a lot of my life running around Joliet,

and I definitely didn't spend much time in Chicago unless it was a field trip. running around Joliet. And I definitely didn't spend much time in Chicago unless it was a field trip. So I really think of Orlando as more my, because I moved there at 15. And that seems like my freshest memories of my childhood were, you know, the ground of my making was a lot was Florida too.

And would you recommend then Orlando as a vacation destination? I mean, I still love to see my family there, but the current state of politics there right now just makes me want to vomit. So I do not like to have the news on when I'm there. I'm like, turn him off. I'm not looking at his slimy ass face. And Janine, what do you consider your hometown? Is it Miami?

Yeah, I still, because I spent, even when we moved away, I spent every summer and Christmas there with my dad. So I would consider Miami my hometown. And my whole dad's side of the family is there still. And would you recommend Miami as a vacation destination? I mean, Paula, would you recommend, Paula's been to my house. My Miami is very different from like the beach Miami. Sure, well, if you're recommending, I don't think that people are going to go to your parents' house. I mean, it would be a blast.

It's like seven on TripAdvisor. It's the number seven thing to do. My family hosts Christmas Eve and we go there. And when we went the first year, my brother-in-law's 80-year-old uncle really pulled Paula aside and was salsa dancing. I did a lot of Latin dancing with him. He was, and he was very appropriate, but we did some really good, dirty dancing. It was fun. He was trying to do something. So, if you want to get wooed by an 80-year-old Cuban man, that is the place to be. I do love Florida so much. Growing up in Florida is really fucking fun because you're outside all the time. You're going to the beach all the time. You're not going

to the mall. I mean, we went to the mall because I worked there all the time. But in terms of just fun, Florida is a great place to grow up. So I do enjoy going to vacation there for sure. Gotcha. And then Seth, last question. Have you guys been to the Grand Canyon? I have been to the Grand Canyon, I believe twice. And I actually flew a helicopter. I didn't fly the helicopter, but I was in a helicopter over the Grand Canyon. And would you say the experience of the Grand Canyon is worth it, Paula? Yes, I think it's very beautiful. I do know a lot of people that have gone

when the weather's bad and it's a supreme disappointment. But so if you can plan it where you can actually see it, it is breathtaking. So you think seeing it's sort of key to the whole, would you say? Being kind of a mini expert now? Yeah, you have to see it. And Janine and I are both kind of a little bit afraid of heights. So I don't know, Janine, I think you would probably lose it

if you had to look down into it. I have a no helicopter. No, I will not get on a helicopter. There's too many moving parts. No, she's afraid of helicopters. Absolutely not. Gotcha. And you have not been to the Grand Canyon moving parts. No, she's afraid of helicopters. Absolutely not. Gotcha. And you haven't,

you have not been to the Grand Canyon also. No. I'm good. Thank you. Is this all leading to a trip to the Grand Canyon for us? It was until Janine blew it. Oh, fuck.

No! Thanks, Janine. All expenses paid. We were going to helicopter all your animals to the bottom. I'm going to helicopter your horses down, and then you ride the horses out. They'll love it. John Letts and I used to write a bad swag bag sketch where the people on a low-end award show would get a bad swag bag, and it would always be like,

two nights in New Zealand, no flight included. What a delight it is talking to you both. Congratulations on the new season of Girls 5 Ever. The first two seasons you can also see on Netflix and it's a wonderful show. And Paul, I'm going to see you in person soon.

Yes, going to see you soon. And all three seasons on Netflix. Yes. Perfect. All right. Love you guys. Thank you. Thank you.

Bye. Bye. guitar solo Paula grew up out in Illinois Her family pop-up camper gave her tons of joy Her name upon her tackle box she was a fishing queen But nowadays she doesn't hook a clean When Janine wasn't crushing it in summer school The kids in Paisley, Scotland thought she was so cool She took Dinah cooking for a spin

Her Hong Kong friends were all Asian She's an ice cube and has the nicest skin In the pandemic They got cabin fever Found that at B&B Packed up their animals And rented themselves an RV Five dogs and three good kitties We'll see you next time. Thank you.