Fat Chance Podcast - 2 Truths 1 Lie Ep.163

Episode Date: April 10, 2025

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easy breezy lemon cheesy yeah that's a saying definitely definitely that thanks you know that saying easy breezy lemon cheesy yeah easy breezy lemon cheesy because here to you a lemon cheese wouldn't taste that bad okay it has be like a lighter cheese. You can't do a cheddar. Lemon cheddar? Absolutely not. No, that's too sharp on both ends.

Too sharp. If you're going to do a cheddar, it's got to be a mild cheddar and a white cheddar. I don't think you could do a sharp. Although is orange cheddar just colored cheddar? Because isn't all cheddar white cheddar. I mean, you used to be a big Wisconsin boy, but now, you know. Now I'm just eating granola, walking the mountains. Yeah, hiking.

Yeah. Yeah. And making friends with lesbians. That's it. Well, you could do that in Wisconsin. But I think the big thing is what is your favorite cheese? Hold on, there's a homeless fight definitely going on in the alley. There's a good chance it's just one guy yelling at himself, but he's not happy. What is my favorite cheese? but He's not happy what is my favorite cheese

We've done this I have Mmm. I'm a I like a good pepper jack. I like a Gouda I don't mind brie if it's got the right crackers Yeah, Cheddar's all right. We have a nice block of cheddar right now Yeah, cheddars all right. We have a nice block of cheddar right now There's a port wine cheese that comes in a wedge you can get at Costco. That's pretty damn good Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because they do like those like merlows type stuff. Yeah, it's like the out Yeah, I'm not a swiss guy. It's okay Provolone Not great. I mean, it's not bad. It just doesn't do much

It just seems like if there's a baseline for cheese, I feel like provolone is it Yeah, and I think I mean people that say it like Swiss I mean, there's probably some holes in that argument too Anyways that argument too. Alright, moving on after that one. Anyways, everything I ask you is just a long con of how I can put a shitty joke to it. It's just a little dad joke in there. And I shut it down instantly. As soon as it starts. Yeah. I have news for you. I've updated medically. I have an update on the medical forefront I have upgraded from a JP drain which looks like a little grenade to a full-on

colostomy bag attached to my my little tube coming out of me what is going on with you well it's I'm not shitting into this bag it's just the same drain but they put a bag at the end of it, so there's no suction. Stuff is just falling out of me now, I guess. So I guess it heals better? Who knows? But I have another appointment Wednesday, and fingers crossed, knock on wood. You better find some wood. This thing comes out of me Wednesday, because now it's... This is the second week for this term of drainage. I will be completing three full weeks come Wednesday.

Yeah, you're gonna be drained. I'm gonna be drained. I've spent 25% of my time here in Colorado with a drain in me. It's not, it's not like boating well. Like you're like as soon as you leave, Wisconsin. You just fall apart, man I don't know what happened like every time I came here in the past. I loved it I never wanted to leave and now I just I was sitting in the hospital But that was a quick little update medically, but I'm feeling great. I'm putting my weight back on I lost like 15 16 pounds. I was looking like skin and bones. Yeah a little POW action over here and Yeah, you you don't have that many pounds to lose

No, I don't and it was bad even I was taking we were I was about to shower and I can't shower normally either Cuz I can't get this thing wet. So we have to saran wrap my torso Like a mom then we have like some tape to like get some water on it. It still gets a little damp, but, um, I was getting saran wrapped by my in-home nurse and I looked in the mirror. I was like, this, this doesn't look good. This doesn't look good at all. I was, I mean, skin and bones.

It was bad, but now, now I'm looking pretty healthy. I've been eating a lot more. Honestly, it looks like I went on a sick diet and I'm kind of toned Kind of shredded and Wow honestly my advice out there to you guys you want to lose some weight and you don't want to Do it the healthy way Get an abscess or ozempic like that's I mean, I fully don't endorse it either one of them But for the bit go go to the hospital you'll do is pounds is abscess the new of Zempik is everyone talking about it Yeah, abscess is the new of Zempik because guess what they they go in there, and they literally they liposuction that shit out of you

I lost granted. I gained weight with the abscess, and I lost it right away, but it's a it's a slow burn It's a slow burn, but you'll you won't want to eat it's just it's like nicotine it's an appetite suppressant okay yeah that's wild yeah and oh you know what also helps I'm not drinking yeah that's it I mean it's a big part you know but also you're not also like drinking and then also late night eating or, you know. So it's like. Yeah. But now that I'm eating and I feel

like I want to put it back on, I'm eating whatever. There is no like, I'm going to the grocery store and before I have my strict meals for the week, maybe a small treat on the weekend. And now it's like, just grab the ice cream. Just grab it. I had Rachel make banana bread chocolate oatmeal cookies Yesterday so I could have my butter pecan ice cream. I bought oh my god. I felt decadent and

65 at the same time that is Can you say that again? What kind of cookies they were? banana chocolate bread oatmeal chocolate chip That is you're just mixing four cookies in there. It's wild. I mean, it's an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie with bananas.

Yeah. They're delicious. And then pecan ice cream. Butter pecan ice cream, yeah. It was, I'm gonna have it again tonight. I'm going to. Because there's some cookies left. There's plenty of ice cream left. And it's been a great time. I've kind of been enjoying this recovery now with the food. But yeah, I'm just free

rain with the food right now. It's great. Well, I mean, you're also, it's a great week. You know what this week is. It's master's week, baby. It's master's week. Master's week. Yeah. It's your time to get your vasectomy. Yeah, I might just get another abscess. Yeah, just for this week. Round three baby! Yeah, it's gonna be fun.

I'm so like golf, it's now ingrained. I got a person that passed away, no he didn't pass away but a family friend that just got some like health news that he couldn't be no longer in golf and stuff and he had some nice clubs and he gave me some clubs and a couple balls from his thing and kind of gifted my family members each with one of them and with one club each like here's a kind of I know it's a kind of gifted my family members each with one of them and With one club each like here's a kind of No, it's a kind of like uh, they're mostly wedges like here's a 56. Here's this here's that so Um, and then I he gave me a 60. I already have a 60 but I mean it's whatever

I don't want I don't want to be like, uh, excuse me. I already have this one But they're all like cleveland wedges. They're nice. Yeah, that's not hey golf clubs of golf He's really angry back there like why do you have the door open because it's 65 and sunny here And I haven't been able to go outside yet today after this I'm going on my walk I'm going on my geriatric walk for the day. Are you kidding me? Yeah, you're putting your sketchers on going I'm looking for yeah, the ones that are like shaped like this on the bottom great art support No, it's rock. I'm looking forward. I'm looking forward to finally being able to golf

I got friends being like are you going to be healthy soon so we can least go to a driving range and I hope so. I really do hope so I definitely I mean I lost a lot of muscle already, so I'm probably driving as far as you are now. And. Okay, all right. But it's. That's funny.

I gotta put it back on and I'm pumped. We got the golf outing, three teams have signed up already. And things are, they're on the, I keep saying, I told Rachel, the start of this week or last week, I go, hey, we are on the up and and up all right. We've had two possible things you scraped your car twice now We are it's been a hellish month. Okay. We haven't been normal people We are on the up and up from here on out and I like that attitude Yeah, we're on the up and up because you know what I'm a firm believer

You can't have good without the bad and if I've had my bad for the year I think so it's all up. It's all good from here. The good that's coming is going to be great Frosted yes, so I'm at a show Thursday yeah show I did Thursday and After the show, like all the comedians and like the crowd were kind of hanging out. And one of these people come up to me and they're like, Hey, do you know Michael Kuski? I was like, I was like, yeah, I know Michael Kuski. And they're like, don't you do a podcast with him? And I was like, yeah, I know Michael Kuski and they're like don't you do a podcast with him? I was like, yeah, I do I do and she's like, how is he? I was like, oh, he's in Denver

She goes, oh, I didn't know that that's crazy. Yeah, I Like that they knew you did a podcast with me and they still were like, do you know me? I think I think they didn't want me to be like, do you know my cut? Do you do a podcast with my kuski and you're like I who? You know, if I'm not the same person, you know? Do you know who it was, the name? I didn't ask their name. We just talked about you, so. What else did you say?

It was, yeah, they must have went to high school with you, or like that way. It was a lady who lived with her boyfriend. So they must have been, the guy, I didn't talk talk to the guy just the lady approached me and that was it But they both blonde No, brunette both brunette Who was were they I could tell you where I'm not gonna blow up their spot of where they live No, I'll tell you after the

Unless you want to do some bleeping No, I really don't you can tell me afterwards. I have a few ideas I think it's people I just I went to college with her Have met Since maybe not high school who knows I don't know Yeah, but yeah, that's I don't even know what you're talking about Your shows no yeah, you Yeah, you just brought, yeah. Are you doing any comedy since the abscess? I did my first mic in a week since this abscess,

and I did it with the drain in, which is uncomfortable. I can move totally fine now with the drain, but I don't like being super animated. So I'm up there, and I've been getting more, I've been moving a lot more and now I was just like sitting there like dead stills like this kind of sucks and it went I would give myself like a B- on the set for not doing it a week and a half and tried some new things and yeah it was just nice to be on stage and in the atmosphere of people again but

yeah when you're you feel like i'm trying to hide the drain too because like it goes in my pocket and i'm like don't raise your arm up don't do this because you don't want something to be like ew what the fuck is that there's like the little things that i do on stage that annoy me that are like almost like no one else really notices it, but I do it's like If my shirt has like a hole in it or like Or anything I like will cover it What during this like an insecurity with stuff and then it's your overall performance? Yeah, it doesn't even perfect like I said doesn't even affect my performance, but it affects me when I watch it back Stop doing that you know like like put your arm down

You know sort of thing or like don't anytime like I always know and when it's filming with someone when you're filming something or anything And someone just grabs the mic stand to just like either put their hand on it and talk I'm like oh, that's gonna look awful in the film Yeah, just like either put their hand on it and talk I'm like oh that's gonna look awful in the film yeah just like little things like that I'm like watch yourself back you're you know the jokes you're not listening to the joke you're just watching yourself and so you're a hyper critical of other things which I guess is good and bad because you could change certain motions and be like hey man stop being so stiff but you gotta cut yourself a little break dude this guy I think is gonna shoot someone.

There's a big homeless population in the alley back here. That's great, good, good. Yeah, they're usually friendly, but this one seems to be not as friendly. Not as friendly. Not as friendly. So you have the Masters coming. Are you staying in? Are you going out to go watch it? Or what are you doing?

Well, I'll probably stay in Thursday to watch it. Saturday, Sunday, maybe. I might might be me and Rage are talking about possibly doing a little road trip or going outdoors somewhere this weekend. I'm not really sure. We'll see. But I'm finally off antibiotics Thursday. Now, when you have a stay at home nurse, apparently once you're off antibiotics It doesn't mean you should just start drinking right away But I would like to maybe go to a bar watch a little bit maybe Sunday afternoon watch the end especially if it's close But Thursday I'll be in I'll be doing some work on stuff and I'll have it on and I'll enjoy myself

Maybe I'll find somewhere to go work that has it on just to get out of the apartment. Yeah. I mean, so tonight's the national championship. Yeah. I honestly couldn't care less. So well for the, for our March Madness bracket, we have two people that are, that are really going to be watching the game close. Michael Kelly and whoever the hell the other guy is. Michael Fisher. Bracket we have two people that are that are really gonna be watching the game close

Michael Fisher Yeah, the same guy who won last year Is really hoping Florida doesn't when I think I think Keeps getting every year not fun is like Everyone's team is out except for Michael Kelly everyone. Yeah team is out and What sucked is my team was in Duke colossal collapse great game to watch I still couldn't have won even if Duke won the whole thing which is disappointing

But I'm rooting for Michael Kelly. I really am I'd like to see a Florida win I'd like to see someone else sharing the fat chance wealth and And I wouldn't really need to ship it to anyone else because Michael Kelly is basically my neighbor so I can just go Oh This is more of a personal my neighbor so I can just go. Oh so this is more of a personal preference. I mean either way I have to ship it to me but I don't want to coordinate with you or someone else get this shirt to him. I can give it to Fish. My buddy Fish is very he won last year and he must have a foolproof plan of well the thing is my

mom she She doesn't she makes a bracket every year and she doesn't know basketball But she was in it till last till the Auburn game if Auburn would have won She would have won all the money which has been very funny Yeah because you know how many people were probably in it when they shouldn't have been or actually now I'm not gonna say when they Shouldn't have been because it was all four number one seeds and people were like, well, they're the number one,

they should go to the end. And then they just picked whatever colors they like best for the winner. Yeah, there's probably a lot of people who are like, there's no way Mrs. Johnson is in the top three of our bracket this year. And it's like, well, she picked all the top seeds. Hey, that's the best part.

That's the best part, man. Yeah. You never know. I do think March Madness is gonna die a little bit though I've seen like a bunch of people saying this and I agree with the NIL and the transfer portal and all that stuff you're not gonna see a lot as many upsets I think I think you're gonna we're gonna get a lot more of these number one seeds number twos and number threes all in the final four going forward. Yeah cuz I mean I mean a lot of those teams that were like 12

seeds or 15 seeds, you notice that all of their best players are now jumping up to the bigger schools. Yeah. And I have people making money for their name, image, and likeness, absolutely. Do I think some of the All is Disappearing for a lot of these things. Yes, I do

But you know what? I mean an upset might mean even more now Yeah, that's true. I mean Kansas gave AJ store who was at Wisconsin the biggest NIL deal in was in college basketball last year To have him come to Kansas and he stunk so much so that he is not he's now transferring out of Kansas Yeah, well Wisconsin stinks, too. We lost to a bunch of Mormons They were good They were good. There's some good BYU players. We were worse. That was heartbreaking. That was the one day I could go out in between abscesses and they broke my heart. That's probably why I got a second one. That's probably why you're stressed. And my body didn't heal properly. Thank you, Wisconsin men's basketball team Well, the women's hockey team won the championship. So you should have been a fan of those good win That was a good win. Did I watch any part of that game? No

But for today's game we're gonna do tooth truths and a lie To truth and a lie. Tooth, truth, and a lie. Yep. To, truth, and a lie. To, truth, and a lie. Now we should go back and forth. So I have five questions. Well I thought it's very fun to have just like some truth and some lying. So let's see like if I can pick out either A when you're lying or A if I don't know this story. Okay. I want you to dig, dig a little deeper to get to know each other. You know? Okay.

Do you want me to start? Yeah, you can start the first one. Go ahead. Okay. I'm going to have to make sure I like organize these because I didn't, oh no, I did mark which one's a lie. I lied about all of them. It's just which one's a bigger lie. You're like, you don't know, I did mark which one's a lie. I lied about all of them, it's just which one's a bigger lie.

Yeah, you're like... You don't remember? So yeah, two truths and a lie. I've spent one night in jail, I've been held at gunpoint, and I've been pulled over for a stolen car. I'm gonna say you've never been held at a gunpoint. I know you gunpoint. Oh Well, then it has to be been pulled over for a stolen car. Nope. I've been pulled over for a stolen car as well Wait, you didn't spend a night in jail when you got your No, you got your mugshot. No

No, I did not spend a night in jail was I put into a holding facility at Country USA for maybe an hour 45 minutes an hour. Yes. Did they take my mug? Try yes, but did I spend a night in jail? No, absolutely not. I have been held at gunpoint by a Franklin police officer Because they thought we were ding-dong ditching and disturbing the police when in reality It was a different group of neighbor kids running around Turns out police officer works security at our high school basketball games and Then I did get pulled over for a stolen car, but not with the stolen car so next time listen to the words Because you might have changed your answer but my very first car I got in high school the one my parents bought me

we bought it off of Craigslist or whatever and we paid the guy sent all the paperwork in DMV and whatnot I'm pulling out of the mall and I see a cop hole right behind me and I was like, oh my god Did I not have my seatbelt on something like that? And I made another turn I panicked and he turned his lights on I go Oh my god He's gonna get me for a seatbelt or something and I pull into a bank parking lot and he parks me in he goes Sir, do you know this car is stolen? I go. This is not a stolen car. Absolutely not and Turns out when my dad dropped the paperwork off at the DMV the DMV

Just lost it in a pile of paperwork on their desk and never filed it So it was never registered and they're like you stole this car. This is not a real life And they're like you have five days to figure it out. Otherwise, you're gonna get a hefty ticket I was like, okay, so so you just went to the DMV is like hey you guys lost this paperwork So what happened I drove my stolen car back home told my dad my dad got livid and then Basically probably cussed out the DMV and they settled it. I think the next day That's funny. Yeah. All right, so here are my three.

I went to NASA camp as a kid. I went to a Catholic camp called Camp Ticklewitha. My mother drove a 1977 Ford Pinto. Camp Ticklewitha? Camp Dicklewitha. Dicklewith? Camp Dickawitha. Dickle with ya? Dickawitha. Dickawitha.

Like Dicka, like Coach Dicka, and then witha. Dickawitha. So, Catholic Camp, NASA Camp, your mom drives a car. A Ford Pinto, 1997 Ford Pinto. Ok. 1997? No, 1977. I'm gonna go with the Pinto that is incorrect my mom drove a burnt orange 1977 Ford Pinto and she loved that

thing she used to work at a car dealership and that was her pride and joy she loved that I never went to NASA camp yeah that was good that was her pride and joy she loved that I never went to NASA camp. Yeah, that was good. That was my first Initial thought sounds like I don't I don't think you knew what NASA was What's all I can yeah, you just thought wow that's a bright sky at nighttime I Don't think I mean you were homeschooled correct up until high school No I don't think I mean you were homeschooled correct up until I Know If I would say anything I'm less weird because I wasn't homeschooled

Yeah, all right, you're next okay, all right. All right my next one my next two troops in a lie I don't know what I graduated with GPA wise from UW Madison I only toured one college before deciding which college to go to and I made a half-court shot inside the Cole Center. I Think the half-court shot is the lie wrong You don't know your grade point average. Wrong. Who played you to? I never toured a single college before deciding where to go.

That's worse. I never toured. I was just like, you know what? I got into Madison and I applied to Minnesota just to say I could get in somewhere. And then I got into Madison. I was like, that's where I'm going, because that's where we can afford. And not out of state anywhere else. And yeah, I didn't tour a single college.

But yes, I did make a half court shot inside the Cole Center. They used to do a thing called Make Bo Pay when he was our coach for men's basketball. Yeah, I know that one. Back when we were good. And you get a half court shot, a three pointer, and a layup, or something like that, or something in the realm. I made the layup, missed either the free throw, the three point

shot, and then I drilled the half court shot, and Bo had to pay $1,000 because of me. Oh, you didn't win anything? No, I didn't win anything. But I technically helped donate money. So Billy, you should put them in your taxes. I should. I donated a thousand dollars 10 years ago. I made a half court shot and Bo Ryan paid for it. Yeah, I genuinely do not know what

I graduated UW Madison with, but I have a diploma. I graduated. We're good to go. Yeah, that seems about right. Yeah. All right, here's the next one. I remembered all the Disneyland monuments and guided my parents by memory because I read the map on the way down.

I was in my late 20s when the first time I rode a horse. I also rode with both hands until I was seven years old. I don't think you've ever ridden a horse. Ooh, that is incorrect. I definitely rode a horse. I dated a horse girl once, so. That's not what I was thinking when you rode a horse. I dated a horse girl once. So. Oh, that's not what I was thinking when he rode a horse. Um, is it the, it's the hand one then? It is the hand one. I, I, yeah. That

Disney one's too specific for you to have just made up. I've been trying, I've been trying to like throw specific ones in here and not specific ones, see if I can trip you up. But yeah, that one's, yeah, I'm very good at reading maps and directionally, I'm very good directionally. You can put me in the woods, I'll get you north, I'll get you south, I'll figure out how to get out. So that was when I was a kid, I learned that. Oh, that's good, but you did it at Disney? I did it at Disney, yeah.

So I just looked at the map a little bit when on the way Down there and then when we got in Disney, I didn't even need the map. I was like, oh, I've seen that I know where this is. I know where that is. So that's are you like a Savant probably no, not even close to what I was gonna ask Genie some people are visual learners. Some people like to hear it Genie some people are visual learners some people like to hear it with directions some people are good like our parents are like head north and then Do east you get an i-40 whatever and they just like they can picture it But then a lot of us are landmark people like get to the Johnson Creek outlet malls once you get there take a right

You're gonna see John Deere, but if you've hit lows you've gone too far are you landmark or are you more I'm more landmark I mean that's how that's how like my parents my dad used to always do these like get to the Smith farm take a right you know and yeah it was always just like person as well yeah are you good directionally mmm yes and no once I get the lay of the land like in my head it'll take me a little bit and I have to basically I'll picture the whole area at once but until I can do that no it'll take me a minute. But once I get the picture down, I've been enough places and I've come home

from multiple different directions, then yes, I get it. Okay. All right. Your turn. Okay, two truths and a lie. I pooped three times this morning. Yesterday I got two haircuts and I paid nine dollars for my ticket to the Brewers Rockies game this Wednesday night at 640 p.m.

you pooped three times today no I did poop three times this morning you have what well I'm on so it's really fucking with my my probably all the ice cream. That's fair The ice cream might just be lactose intolerant. Who knows you paid? less than nine dollars for the first yeah, I paid seven dollars and fifty cents to go to Yeah, to go to the Rockies Brewers game this Wednesday, and I did get two haircuts yesterday Okay, so you got a bad haircut right away? Yeah, so I went to I'm a sports clips guy and usually my hair grows fast So I'm not like if it's nothing if I don't love it. I'm like alright. Give it a couple days. It's all yeah

I would say 80% of the time the haircuts pretty decent. I just need to go home shower style it. We're good to go yesterday I Got a haircut from a lady and it's one of those haircuts We're like does it look good and I was like so stressed because she just kept cutting it and I'm like this is I know This is wrong and she was good. Oh, yeah, and then I just got out of there And then I tried tipping her less because it was such a bad haircut But usually at sports clips they give you three options and then an other and I usually just do the cheapest one $7 like 20% already and I hit other and I tried to type in like four dollars, but I typed in

400 so then I panicked and I just gave her the normal tip and I wanted to give her nothing I wanted to ask for a refund, but she made me look like emo Tim Tebow is what I would consider it. Where the upper part of my hair, she's like, you got a nice colic here. It wants to go this way. But my hair longer has been growing the other way. So she just keeps cutting into it.

So you know how Tim Tebow's, the side of his head kind of goes to the top of his head? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of had that in the back and then this side she just didn't cut or blend so I could fly away but would be in circles so then I went to a different sports clips because I had to go pick up Rachel from work I should have went to the other one and like demanded my money back and they fix it but I didn't want to go and just get

butchered again so I went to this other lady at a different sports clips where she told me her best friend and cousin died And she had to go put makeup on a dead body so they could bury her in two days I was like this is too much. She goes. I'll fix your hair Yep, and then I was like, please just cut this part. Don't touch anything else. She goes no she butchered you I was like, okay, you're making me feel really good And then she's like you got a dark spot here and then she's cutting more back here I'm like holy fuck and then out last time I've had this I've had this happen one other time before they just were

like you can go we're sorry they fucked up your hair sports clips to sports clips there she charged me ten dollars for a beard trim and then five because she cut my hair. So then I paid another $15 for a makeup job and I then went to pick up Rachel and she goes, why are you so angry? I go, this has been a fucking day. And I just, my hair was gross long. I wanted a haircut. I wanted to feel good.

I didn't want to have to put on a hat and now I'm like, I gotta put on a hat. Yeah. Do you just look like Vin Diesel under there or what? No it's not it's not as bad as the one before the West Bend theater where they basically shaved my head but it's like it comes to here and you know my hair usually like it like it'll blend in and it'll flow this way. Yeah. It just stopped. I'm like, mother fucker. So yeah, I'm not real thrilled with it. But yeah, I did get two haircuts yesterday. That's great.

I usually just like, they fuck it up, they fuck it up. I'm just going to have to look at it for a couple months. It was like, usually if it's something I'm, all right, I'm not thrilled, it's pretty's pretty short like I said the hair grows out but this one I was like it was crew and then it was Tim Tebow on the left, Adam Lambert on the right is what I was rocking with. Yeah the scars remind you you know the past is real. It was like I had to wear this Green Day t-shirt and hell yeah. Scars remind you you know the past is real Hell yeah

It's alright My truth truth is in lie My brother owns a python that is named squeeze I Wear the same cologne. I did when I was 10 years old I randomly collect rocks that are cool in the wild the rocks one that is true that is right yeah I do not click rocks I feel like you do you know kind of I feel like you're kind of a germy person or you think it might be a little dirty? Really? Yeah, you do strike me as a bit of a germaphobic person not to the extreme, but yeah be like if you had kids You definitely would always like put that down put that down. You don't know where it's but like no Yeah, yeah, I feel like I'm not very germy, but also hygienic. I like to be clean.

You're a pretty hygienic guy. Yeah. Yeah. From what I've heard about your brother, I'm surprised he doesn't have two snakes. He's got a python and his name's Squeeze and he was like, so like he lives in Green Bay now and I was gonna stay with him for the draft. I was like, Jay, I'm gonna go up to the NFL draft, go see it. He goes, yeah, you can come on, stay. He goes, yeah, you him for the draft. I was like Jay. I'm gonna go up to the NFL draft go see it He goes. Yeah, you can come on stay He goes. Yeah, you sleep on the coach and I was like, okay

He's a yeah, you just there's a snake there, and you know, I don't like snakes so Hate snake hate snakes never really see me a snake That's what I made it sound like. But I think it's probably in a cage. But either way, I'm not taking the chances. I'm not going up there. I'm staying somewhere else now.

Yeah, you can't do, if it's a loose snake. I don't think it's a loose one, but it's definitely. That's a wild snake. Yeah, it's a python. I'm not gonna just hang by it. Can you imagine going over to someone's house for the first time, like like you have a pet snake Like oh, can I see it? Yeah? We just got to find him first like yeah, no come out. I'll come out when you're

Hungry absolutely not yeah, well he has a feet of mice. I know that so Mike this I think you can get him from the pet store Okay All right, I'm gonna keep going here Ready? Yeah, okay. I won a lacrosse championship in high school I took first place in the pommel horse when I did gymnastics as a kid and I have sat in a suite at all three Of our major sports stadiums Lambo Miller andam Field whatever you want to call it and Pfizer Mmm, I'm gonna

Guess You didn't win a State championship in the cross As incorrect technically I did win a championship in the cross. It was a JV championship in the cross, but we did win a championship I don't know if it's technically a state championship, but we came out victors for the Medium-sized they you know the not not varsity team Then is it the is it the stadiums no I have been Then is it the stadiums? No, I have been, I went to the Friends and Family night

and the Packers Lions game. Got to sit in a suite, thanks to my mom. I've sat in a suite at Miller Park. I've even gone up and tried to get on the slide with Bernie Brewer. They wouldn't let me go down the slide, but I did go up into his chalet now. I did go into a sweet Pfizer.

That's cool. I've never been, I've been Lambeau sweet, never the other two. But didn't like a weatherman break his like wrist or something or his arm sliding down Bernie's slide? Yeah, I kept asking him they I think they were pretty annoyed with me and my buddy because we just kept like can we we it was rigged that we won we knew or my buddy knew the person who did the promotions and so we each got a $50 gift card to the Pro Shop and each got a $50 gift card to the Pro Shop and We've got a 50 I gift card to the Pro Shop and gotta go meet Bernie Brewer up there

Which is to track to get up there, but they don't oh, yeah go down the slide Yes, you had a trek all the way back down That was just the brewery game Saturday I'll be at the brewery game Wednesday. Hopefully without a dream Hopefully knock on wood All right, so it's my turn I once broke my toe jumping off a bridge My left heel has a scar from when my brother threw a pair of scissors at me I almost cut off my ear on a pig pen roof

Bridge at me I almost cut off my ear on a pig pen roof bridge that is incorrect is it scissors it is the scissors yes okay that'd be a pretty yeah it's pretty poor aim uh technically that happened to a friend of mine actually that's why I got the idea. Yeah. His brother was like mad at him and threw scissors at him and stuck him. My brother, when we were kids and I would watch them, um, would, you know, I'd be like, Hey, I'm going to call mom and dad or like, they would threaten to call mom and I'm like, this is going to make it worse. And I would try and get them to do their chores.

They would run downstairs with the phone. I go, stop trying to call them. And then they would go into my dad's workshop and I'd open the door and he has Like a hacksaw and a knife he goes don't fucking touch me Alright fine, yes, I'm not doing the dishes Yeah, but I did I did break I did break my toe jumping off a bridge because there's water down below. And that was like our swimming holes.

We'd jump off the bridge, and it's like 13 feet down and in this water. And I was running late. And I was getting my stuff off. And everyone was like, get quick. Get in the water. Come on, Judd. And I was running.

And I was going to flick them off while I jumped up in the air. And I was worried about that and I kinda mistimed my jump and I just basically hit my toe right on the railing and it just snapped it. So then I'm flicking them off. So I'm flicking them off but I'm just flick going like a somersault circle. Just like going into the water. They thought it was hilarious they thought I did on purpose yeah yeah they thought I did on purpose that I was

like oh sweet you know but that little didn't know I broke my toe you're doing the pig pen one yeah I almost cut my ear, almost sliced my whole ear off on a pick pen. Interesting. On the roof. Yeah. See, now that I'm hearing some of yours, I have other ones I could have done, but I think five's enough. I'll give you my last one. I've been skipping around. All right.

On average, I eat 20 to 25 eggs a week. I got food poisoning on my two-year anniversary with Rachel. And my favorite food is warm bread with butter. Man, these are hard. That's a hard one, because food poisoning on your second anniversary, that seems the most Michael thing ever.

Yeah. on your second anniversary. That seems the most Michael thing ever. Yeah. Um warm bread and butter. I can see you loving that. So, I'm gonna go the first one. You don't eat that many eggs. I do eat that many eggs. I have I basically have three to four eggs almost every day. Um or every day. Or every day, yeah. That's wild. Eggs are like a super food, they're great for you. They're like a perfect food. And everyone's worried about your cholesterol.

Shut up, there's good and there's bad cholesterol. All you fake online nutritionists, eat a dick. I have three eggs, and lately I've been having more, and now I have three eggs, turkey, sausage, piece of toast, delicious. delicious yes that is true my favorite food is probably warm bread and butter you give me a nice piece of well toasted sourdough bread with some butter on top I could eat the loaf I used to make toast with butter four to six slices as a snack in high school

And then there is some truth to the food poisoning I did get food poisoning But on my one year anniversary with Rachel Rachel learned I could pee out of my asshole Yeah, it was a rough one, you You know it's bad when you're throwing up and you're worried about shitting on the wall. Dude, yeah. When it's coming out of both ends, that is a rough time. When you don't know, and then there's nothing in you, so you're dry heaving, so you drink water just for something

to come up, yeah. Yeah, that was, someone just told me recently drink apple sauce or apple juice, apple juice. Really? If you want to throw up just so you do that because it's supposed to not be as tangy or kind of soothes the throat a little bit. So it's not like, you know, it sucks about throwing up Is if your throw up is not liquid based? But it's from like you just recently ate and then it's that chunky you're like oh god I might choke to death and it's like there is my entire Jimmy John sub like that that That's terrible if you just um before the the night before the gophoting man

It was I don't think I could look worse I was just yeah, it was Insane you know what sucks is like the selfish part of me when you came and you're like yeah I'm not really having a drink. I don't feel good. I was like upset like you kidding me You're fucking food poisoning the day before this outing Do you know how hard we've worked for this and you decided to just not come 100%? Oh man. Yeah, like I was like, yeah, I'll come to my best.

Like it was your choice to get food poisoning? Yeah. Yeah, no. That's, the food poisoning, it sucks. But I did learn the magic of- I will not get it this year. Better knock on some wood. I did learn the magic of Zofran Yeah, they didn't nurse it's got its perks I was I couldn't throw up anymore and she's like I have some Zofran like I don't like taking meds But this is one of those times where like this is what we train for this way

Don't take meds because when you do need them they fucking work and I took that Zofran and I was like I'm not nauseous at all anymore That's great. Yeah Alright I believe I believe Yeah last one my first car had a plow on the front of it My pregame meal before basketball games was a chocolate shake shake and I've never rode a moped. Oh you definitely scream moped in college to me you were one of those kids going to your club baseball practices with your moped and your backpack oh god you scream moped to me.

Your first car had a plow on it. Very possible with you growing up homeschooled on a farm. Like you just, that was your way of making a living. Your parents were like, listen, you can have the family truck, but you got to learn to take the plow off. And pregame chocolate shake. You are such a sweets person. person I mean you haven't had a normal coffee a day in your life your vanilla lavender frappe mappe bullshit So this is a tough one I'm going to say your pregame was not a chocolate shake Incorrect I've never rode a moped in my life you have such moped energy it's not even funny maybe that's why maybe I would like it too

much like it would be my old personality you strike me as a Vespa guy he just yeah crap dude I would love to go to like a foreign country and ride around those little bus for boom. That'd be so fun Moped like there's no I you think I'm walking the class no way Yeah, but so so so the incorrect one is My first car had a plow on it. That is not true. My first car was a Ford Escort little two-door Boom, and it was and it was a was a Ford Escort little two door, boom, and it was a lot of fun. I thought you were going to say, like, my parents, like, listen, you can have the family truck.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Well, I did, I mean, that was what I learned to drive on, was the farm truck. But my first car was a little just little sports car-esque sort of thing. You got really good gas mileage. Yeah, well, your car, good gas mileage, mine stolen. Yeah, so we kind of bookended that. Yeah, it was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

I tried to think of other ones, but I think five's perfect. I like it. It's a good way to get stories out of people. I try to do these where I know I've told, I think, basically every one of these stories for the most part on this podcast before, but maybe not with you. The gunpoint one has been such a famous story amongst our friends for the longest time.

That one was like, that one will tell high school friends to the day we die. They just absolutely insane Still in car. I think it's funny, but I actually have never gotten I Don't I've never gotten pulled over and Ticketed before I think I think I've I think I've gotten out of everything I What a what a what a privilege life you lift I think I'm not sure actually I might have had like one I Don't know if it's speeding ticket or something like that but Michael Kuski he's gotten out of everything

white boy gets away with murder you know how like people are like kind of roast our podcast sometimes it's like these idiots just get a mic and just talk and like we're like just leaning into it Yeah, I've never gotten in trouble Yeah, I'd never gotten trouble. Don't you like not get the Super Bowl halftime show What else can we do that's inherently leaning into two white guys with a microphone dude women women work into two white guys with a microphone. Dude, women, women? We're, we gotta be alpha's.

Women, can you, can you believe them? Like, I'm sick of this, I'm just- Beta. This beta cuck bullshit from all these simp ass dudes trying to be like, oh, I'm a good guy, pick me. No, be a man I I don't know what he's even what is everyone hating about the Cybertruck. I don't get it It's functional and great for the environment

The control one of the smartest people I've ever met in my life Yeah, I know he's from South America, but he's a true patriot to me dude did you hear what Joe Rogan said I totally get what he's saying about the whole alien vaccine thing like yeah like the moon not real now the earth is flat I mean it's until you show me otherwise Otherwise, sports. Yeah. Drink booze better. That's it. Buy some.

Don't. No. Buy some merch. Buy some merch. Come to the Gulf Outing. Buy some merch. August 23rd. I guess my ending stuff here.

Gulf Outing, August 23rd, 2025. Deer Track in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, year two there. Please come. If you're looking to sponsor or you're looking to play, please message either one of us or fatchancestudios.gmail.com. We're going to keep posting about it. Look for a website coming probably in the next week.

Look for a solid set of about five pieces of merch in the next two to three weeks. Please support that. It's gonna go a long way in making this better. And then we're looking to do some events here in Denver. For some reason you're in Denver, you've made it to the end of this. You listen. Let me know. I'd like to throw kind of a party here. I think it'd be fun. So hit me up with ideas. And if you're in the Denver area and you want to do this and you're fun to talk to, let me know. you