Fat Chance Podcast - Are We Writing a Book? Ep.183

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

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being a house cat. Also, I think I fixed my camera for you. Oh, good. It doesn't look like you're on Mars. I think it's still going to look terrible, but I mean, I won't be on Mars anymore. I mean, it is night and day what my footage looks like compares to yours. I just need to get my own camera, and that's really what the problem is. I also have a production light on my face, so. Oh, for sure. And I can do that. I should do that.

You should, because you look grainy as fuck. There's so many things I could do, and I could get production nights. I could get all this stuff. But I don't. Ask Santa. It's about that time of year. See, I don't think Santa's going to bring me that. The camera I want is not a cheap gift.

Same. The camera I want for photography purposes now for work is not cheap. It's absurd. It is absolutely absurd what some of these cameras cost. Yeah, and I wouldn't use it to that value. That makes sense. That's true. I would.

Yeah. I would use it for, you know, shitty stand-up clips and me goofing off, which still is what I use cameras for. Yeah, that's still, like that to me, unless you're really truly traveling, it might not be worth it. um like just drop 3,500 on a camera it's it's insane when do you think cameras will ever have the is renaissance the word that TVs have had lately like do you remember when like the

nice like a thousand dollars for a TV like you're getting something nice for like a 55 inch a grand and now you could buy 56 inch TV for three 400 bucks I don't know if that's I don't know if that's good i the the thing is for for cameras you have to know how to operate like you give me a fancy camera and you give a really talented photographer videographer camera two two different things are going to happen you know two different projects are going to happen um and i have i have friends that are in the creative space that are photographers that can do crazy things with the camera and do amazing things with editing And I so badly wish I had that skill, but I just don't.

I just don't have that eye for it. It is, I agree with you. Like, you, if I gave, if you gave me a shitty camera and a good camera, you would probably barely notice the difference in picture quality. But if you gave me a shitty camera and a professional photographer a shitty camera, night and day difference. Like, they'll find a way to spice a picture. up and I'm I also

I'm not attacking photographers here because I do a lot of it for work but a lot of photography can be taught like online just like go to YouTube and that's most things in life like it's really one of those subjects I don't you can become

not advanced but proficient pretty easily well I mean I don't think YouTube's a bad thing I don't think you you know because how did you learn before you got taught

it by somebody or you read a book you were to streamlining that. Yeah, no one's reading books now. Yeah. No one is reading books. Hang. Absolutely. These cats, it's like, just

making sure I press record. I was oh, good. Why would we press record? Why would we do that? You know, but it's up early, you know, we fixed the lighting, but we didn't record. Yeah, we didn't record. Hey, the mics are on this time, but it's out of focus.

Yeah. Hey. I bet you 15% of these episodes have some sort of technical difficulty. I think the fans like it that way. I think the people come for that, especially, you know? Specifically our inaptitude at everything. I don't know what we're good at. literally not we're not even good at this it's no no all my stuff's probably going to get

unplugged because there are two cats currently wrestling with microphone cord right now we are bad at everything what are we good at what are we good at oh there there goes um well my laptops unplug now um hopefully I spoke that into existence. Yeah. That was incredible. Are we still recording? Yeah, we're actually still recording.

That baffles me. There we go. We're just, good thing we got a new laptop because it's just, I hope this episode ends after five minutes. I honestly don't think it's going to make a pass five. I do have a question for you. Did you watch Grind?

I did, but, I forgot completely, and I need to rewatch it before we talk about it. Okay. All right. I feel like I need to read the book as well. But there's a book? I understand. Just play along.

Just play along. You didn't watch it. No, not at all. Did you? Michael. We're going to get you to watch it. Next week, everyone, keep watching Grind. Next week, Michael's going to watch it.

We're going to talk about it. Okay. Did you watch it? Let's plead the fifth, but Michael, you're going to watch it. You're like it. We're going to talk about it. And we've said this a million times.

It's like, when this is over, I just, my brain's off. Like, I don't think about this at all basically once this editing is done. And I don't listen to the episodes anymore. I just need you to, I think I need you to, I mean, remind you. I think that's what it is. You do. I, um, what I need to do is.

I need to read you some emails I got recently and I want you to I want your opinion on something real quick so give me two seconds talk to the cats if they come to. Okay, this is going to be bad

I don't like this. Cats, come here. Sebastian or whatever their names are. Sheldon and Rory? Sheldon and Rory. Yep, Sheldon and Rory. Okay, so I have my

trusty little iPad here. and uh you got emails okay so the emails are from people that watch the pod no actually technically yes um okay i have it's well let's start with this because i haven't replied to one of them there's two people that have emailed me one person has emailed me multiple times i just need to find where the email app is here we are okay um email can you give me the subject line first Um, yes, let me find the first one. It just says Denver Living.

Denver Living, okay. Denver Living. And so I'm, I'm going to, I don't want to reply. Okay, but I'm more concerned. This is what I'm thinking. Let me pre-think. So Denver Living, I think the email is going to be of someone wanting to know the, the hot spots to go in Denver, and specifically which gay bar to hit.

Close. It's someone who is a big fan of fatchating. And I want to preface this. We need to figure out where my personal email is. I bet I could find it. Yeah, probably. And I was like, and take it off. Now, this is a nice email. This gentleman, I'm going to assume his name is Colton Neenhouse. Well, we don't put that out there. I'm going to address him directly. Okay, okay, okay. Big fan of fat chance.

I've been listening for a couple of years now. I'm looking at moving to Denver with my girlfriend. I was just curious of any advice or places to look to live or to watch out for. I'm currently in Minneapolis and been in Minnesota my whole life and just always wanted to move out of state. Hope to hear back from you and keep up the good work on the show. And he sent this from his phone. Dude, that's great. That's not about it at all.

No, not at all. And you know what? I'm going to address this now. uh colton if that is your name i will not tell you where i live um that's just i'm i'm gonna wait that's that's what you think that he wanted your address no no no just let me finish i'm not going to tell you where i live but give you a few good there's plenty of good surrounding neighborhoods um for Denver you can go to the highlands you go to lohi you can go to rhino You can go to Wheat Ridge, you can go to Golden.

You go to Boulder. That's a little farther out. I'm not sure how young, how old you are. I'm kind of hoping you're in your 20s and not an old man. But I hope you make the jump. I hope you move to Devere. I hope you move somewhere. I hope your lady is the love of your life.

And I hope you guys live happily ever after. And I appreciate you reaching out. But if you could reply to the email you, just sent me and tell me where you found my email that would be even more beneficial to me you're the you're the worst person you cold next time email me um but this is what you he wanted he wanted recommendations of where to go what to see and places the thing your response is hey asshole i'm not telling you where i live no no you can google a suburb and i i I want you to know where you got this email from.

That's basically what you just said. He asked for places to live, and I gave him the best neighborhoods to look at to live. I'm not going to tell him which neighborhood I'm in. And if I start replying, it's going to give more people incentive to email me if they already have it thinking I'm going to reply. If you entertain one,

you have to entertain all. So, Colton, with a K, you're a special boy. No, don't. First of all, Colton with a K? Colton with a K. K-O-T-E-N. I don't think I've ever seen that before. No, but I can't like.

Colton, Colton Wong. Colton was that way, actually. But yeah, Colton, thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Don't email Michael. He's the worst and thinks you instantly want to go live with him for some reason. He's very narcissistic that way. He thinks every email is secretly someone wanting to come live with him.

Well, keep that thought because it gets worse. Okay, I mean number two. Now, Coldon, again, thank you. I do really appreciate you listening. And I wish you the best. Yeah, Colton. Okay. The next one is from...

We don't have to say these names. No, I'm going to. Okay. This is a gentleman named Simon Golden. And I'm putting this out here because... Do you think it's Matthew's brother? Probably. he is what

Simon if you truly are listening then you can reach back out again because I'm not buying these emails this one love the energy on the celebrity guess who episode shout out Jack for being in that one the way you and guest rift made the bit feel effortless and really funny

the pacing and quick callbacks kept it lively and totally bingable. Hell yeah. Yeah. Good. That's good. You're going to hate how this is. I'm loving how it ends right now. Looking through some of your content,

I couldn't help but notice that you have some valuable experiences and knowledge that you could share with the world. This might be totally out of the blue, but are you currently writing a book or considering it? I help founders create a legacy of information. impact and build credibility by writing a value-packed book i would love to help you on your journey to writing your next book would you be up for having a brief chat to explore simon j golden let's go fat chance the book let's go i can't wait not to read it i would be i'd make

you sign it i well one should i do a book write a book man for the bit i mean great bit funny bit okay hold on next email from simon gold titled Your Podcast on Fat Chance Podcasts Podcast. I really enjoyed the Fat Chance Podcasts vibe. Your stories feel honest and the game segments are goofy but grounded. Shout out Judd. That's easy to tell you. You care about the craft and the chemistry with your friends makes it warm and fun.

From what I've seen so far, your content is a gold mine. There's so much value in the way you explain things. And I can already see how it could shape into a really powerful book. It actually reminds me of a client, Joyce Martyr. Joyce, you're going to be catching strays, probably. She had tons of great material, but wasn't sure how to bring it all together. After we worked together, her book brought in over half a million dollars, and she started hearing things like, your book changed my life.

I've been thinking about how your content would do the same. Want me to share a few ideas over a chat? Koski, let's go. Fat Chance, the book? The book out? The book. Imagine just me struggling to read through that, you know, and I'm in it. That would be great.

No, I'll just, I'm going to change your name. Just halfway through the book, have me have like some games we can play that you play with the audience. But it's typed out the way you would read it. Yeah, just everything's a little bit spaced out. Next one from Simon Golden again. Cusky, is this another book one? How'd you know? Dude, you need to, Simon's a fan.

He referenced a Celebrity Guest 2 one again, and then I got another one on Celebrity Guest Sue and our podcast on the podcast, and then I, two days ago, got a last call. So again, Simon, this is me reaching out to you and chat GPT. I can tell from your emails. Hit me up again. Give me a last, last call. Simon, if you want to make this happen, we will make it happen. If it doesn't cost me anything, I will write a book or have someone ghost write it for me and we will pass it off as just, you know, the greatest thing since sliced bread.

And I will, I will put in a chance. chapter in the book just just like chapter 17 judd's part and it'd just be like a bunch of pictures and like and like maybe some crosswords but there's actually like or like a word search but you can't actually find the words because they're all misspelled right it's a dixoxic word search like some of the words are like a stutter yeah yeah yeah It's just the same. Oh, yeah. So, yeah.

You just have to find speech impediment. I guess my, the reason I brought it up is like, do I, I guess you answer my question. I'm writing a book. Dude, we have to write a book. Bad chance the book would be great. Simon, reach out. Also, Simon, no you're serious. I need a last, last call.

Yeah, also the Guess Who episode? Great. Love it. It's a great episode. I don't remember that one. I know what the thumbnail looks like. like that's it we've done a lot of celebrity ones but yeah i couldn't i couldn't tell you i mean i guess i know what the game is but is that the one where we put oh in your apartment where we put

it on our heads no no i know what that thumbnail is too we're all doing like the spider-man point at who finger guns thing yeah yeah that's that would be i i mean if this i I just, I need to know what the details of writing a book are. Dude, yeah, let's the upfront costs. Do I need to pay for the paper? How much do I need to actually write? Can I just say things into my phone and you type them out? Yeah, I think it would be awesome.

Let's get a book. Fat chance to the book. Be on a lookout bookshelves near you or I'm, I'm, I'm, 2027. Kindle, yeah. I think it'd be fun. If it literally cost me nothing, I would have someone, like I guess ghosts write a book

where I just send them a bunch of like they give me ideas and I just send you some voice memos and then I don't proofread anything I just it goes out and I'm like yep stamp of approval they could put whatever they wanted in there but I have a book that yeah it would be pretty cool

just saying you're an author would be hysterical yeah a New York bestselling author Michael Cuskey. I don't know if I'd make it to New York, maybe like a Kansas. Yeah, yeah. An Oklahoma best song author, Michael Cuskey.

Franklin, Wisconsin, bestselling author. Yeah, Franklin, Wisconsin High School, bestselling author. I did look up this guy's website. And just to see if it's legit. I mean, there's a website attached to it. And I was like, all right, Are there anyone on here that has written a book with this company that I recognize?

And a lot of people that wrote books just have, like, jobs. They aren't. They're just like, Carol for marketing at Kroger Foods. Just not like VP or President. It's just. But Michael. At some point, Stephen King just had a job. You know what?

You're right. So it can happen. I'm going to flip my camera. Yeah. And we're going to, you know, be famous authors. We'll put a footnote on this book. We'll come back to it. We'll turn the page.

Let's turn the page. Also, you notice how he didn't ask me to write a book. Yeah. He knew. Again, where is my email on the internet? honestly it's not more places uh i i probably found it in my search for you remember i used to do a fun digging of your old stuff yeah probably i could probably buddy uh i would like i'll write a book i'll write a book right now um if so simon reach out to me but also those are very two good

emails i was shocked by those two emails yeah i would i would love actually you know what how about you write the book for me the words of michael by judd creating fat chance podcast i have a better one holly you write the book for me and i will just text it to you and then you can figure out what i'm saying i think you you you trying to dictate what i say is going to be way harder than me dictating what you say want to read this book buy some drunk glasses and maybe the words will straighten out yeah we'll we'll take some liberties on what he's trying to say there got for me today um we have some fun icebreaker questions because uh my or our friends i don't know one of our friends uh little sisters is um going on first dates right now you know exploring first

dates stuff like that and uh recently we were we were watching uh had tough time with icebreaker questions like the first date stuff like these people don't know how to talk outside of texting when they get in person oh yeah yeah so uh let's just do some icebreaker questions and i'm just going to interview you like we're on a first date you know all right i like this i like this should i answer truthfully yeah answer truth To me, or answer, like, I'm trying to get a second date? No, because, first of all, if you're truthful, you should get a second date. I mean, don't be anyone who you're not, and that's the fat chance.

If Dahmer answered truthfully, I don't think he would have gotten a second date. I've been trying to, I've been trying to write a joke with Dommer. Like, Dahmer had friends. Isn't that crazy? Like, people were friends with that guy, you know? Did they know him? They said Domler was a pretty good. good looking guy pretty looking dude i don't i mean i don't know i mean he got date he looks just like

um was it zach effron or who's the guy that played domer in the was i think so yeah i don't remember who played him uh evan peters i thought oh maybe no that's jack played oh no that is duny ted bundy ted bundy was the the the good looking one yeah tell me more about how sexy you think these killers are. All right, here we go. Number one, what is the thing you're most excited about buying this year? Well, this year's almost over.

Can I go next year? Yeah, Michael, you can't. The thing I'm most excited about buying next year, I'd be between two. I think I'm going to try and get a new car next year, which would please. many people in my life. Or I'm going to probably go to Europe for my 30th birthday.

Wow, that's very good. Carr, and that's very hard to... It's either or. It's either or. Yeah, for sure. All right. If you had to delete all but three apps, which one would you keep? Or if you had to delete three apps right now, which one would they be?

so if you could only use three apps your entire life would it be or you could delete off three apps that you would want to get off right now um I would keep three apps on my phone wow I would keep I would keep Facebook I would keep Gmail

and I would keep um the royal crush game the candy crush like game because i need to be entertained i need to know what my friend's birthdays are and what if that guy emails me about another book um if i had if i had to delete three right away and i'm going to say three that i use regularly um right away i would delete instagram i would delete I would delete Instagram

I would delete the ESPN Fantasy Football app because I suck and I would probably delete See I don't want to delete YouTube YouTube I should have kept But I'll delete YouTube

Yeah I feel like I'm just wasting time Yeah oh yeah for sure Like for me I would get off all social media If I didn't have shows to promote or like comedy to do I would be off those so quick and I would be like I don't

you kept it for looking at people's birthdays I don't need to I don't need that don't I if I see you and you're like I just turned 30 I was like happy birthday you know I don't need to unless I really know you I don't need to know what my third grade teacher's birthday is I don't need that

that's fair hey knock it off yeah But otherwise, yeah, like the time wasteer ones, like the TikToks and the YouTube's. Absolutely. That was probably good on the phone. Maybe my calculator. I rely on that too much.

I should be better at mental math. Yeah, calculators are going on. I use, I mean, my alarm or my timer the most probably. Oh, I would love to delete the alarm if I knew I could just wake up naturally all the time, which I kind of do. But, okay, hit me on the next one. What family member are you closest to? Oh, am I closest to? Probably my mother.

Probably my mother. Yeah, there's my mother, which I think is a red flag to a lot of women. I think that I think a lot of people in their head right now are calling you mama's boy, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. But, I mean, it's my mother. I mean, it's my mother. It's mommy. Quit that.

I don't like It is I just Not in a weird way But I'd probably be close to my dad I think my dad Me and him

We text every single day Yeah So I think of my dad For sure But All right Next one That one's dumb

What was it? What was it? Dream job What would be your dream job If money didn't exist Con artist Stealing art. I would have been like people that stole

from the Louvre. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I would love to be a bank robber or a composer, you know. Just something with a little excitement. Because it's just one big score and you're done. Exactly. I'm not addressing that.

Okay, that's fair. That's fine. If they made a movie or a book of your life, what genre would it be and what kind of character would you be it'd be a comedy for sure I've gotten so lucky in so many things if you're writing a book

can it be nonfiction oh wait fiction can it be fiction that'd be so cool like if I like a weird nonfiction fiction oh yeah a secret agent thing would be so I love to be like James Bond what was the question like what would the genre be

and who would the genre be yeah Yes. I think it'd be comedy, but I would want, like, I would want Jeremy Allen White to play me. So you're assuming a tight white t-shirt all the time, like he's in every movie? Yeah, I want to look ripped, and I want to scream. I think I might have said this before. I think you give off big Dave Franco vibes. Oh, I've got, yeah, I've got Dave Franco.

I've gotten Jeremy Allen White, and I've gotten baked. or Mayfield. Shoot me in the head. All right. Do you have a bucket list and have you completed anything off of it? No. I mean, you saw it. I have not completed the full list.

I do have a bucket list, but I don't think I have like a set in stone where I think a bucket list is constantly added. You get added. I can't talk. You add to it as you get older. Have I checked anything off of it.

You help me check one off. I got to perform in a theater, which was really cool. I want to skydive. I don't know. I want to go to Egypt. I got a jar full of cash back here. I'm waiting for that to fill up.

Well, if you're waiting for it to fill up, you don't have a jar full of cash. It's a... I have a jar with cash in it. Yeah, that's what it is. I don't think I'm getting the second date. Yeah, well, better luck next time. Maybe when you read your book, you'll get some.

What's one thing that never fails to make you cringe? Cringe. Cringe. Ooh, a lot of things. Aggressive PDA. I hate that. I think it's disgusting. I don't want to see that you're in love.

Just pretend like you hate each other Like everyone else does in public I don't like it You ever seen a guy put his hand down to his ladies It's always an older guy Probably got off a motorcycle But he's got his hands down his wife's ass crack I think that's disgusting

What else makes me cringe My producer is talking to me what The guy at the comedy show Oh Oh, yeah, Rachel, it's a quick story. We went to go see Jim Norton. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a couple weeks ago.

And there was a couple in front of us that they would have been better suited in a private room. Just fucking. Like, we, I think half the show I was watching this guy try and make out with her the entire time. And he put at one way. At the show? Yes. Like, I don't think they watched a single second of the show. And at one point, he puts his arm around her.

and I'm like, all right, this is going to be good. And he goes down, and I watch him try and grab her ass. But he was like, I'm going to grab it, and he committed, and he just grabbed chair. And then it was like, all right, we're not doing this. So I think PDA might be my one, or I'm like, you just stop it. That's funny. That is so funny. Yeah, I mean, there's, what about you?

makes me cringe I mean I took it in a different You have an actual like cringe one Like I hate Like just seeing needles Go into people's arms on like TV I don't like That makes me cringe

I don't know But as for like just something out in the world That makes me cringe Someone who sneezes without putting Like their hand in their sleeve Just like an open mouth Yeah sneeze. Yeah. What are you doing? Just

die. I hope whatever you have kills you. Even pre-COVID, that's an aggressive mood. Yeah. Remember when COVID, we just got out of COVID and you heard one person cough? You're like, kill him, kill him. Yeah, exactly.

Someone shoot him. All right. If you had an unexpected day off tomorrow, what would you do? I'd expect a day off tomorrow. What would I do? I would set no alarms tonight.

I would then get woken up by Rachel snoozing her two alarms three times. So get up at the same time as I normally do. I would then feed the cats, play with them a little bit. Probably work out earlier than I wanted to or earlier than I usually do. maybe play 20 minutes of a video game thinking this is what I want to do get bored instantly make some food Rachel will get home fuck around a little bit

go to bed if someone told me I had off tomorrow I can't make plans that quickly so basically you have a lazy day you're having a snow day in I'm having a snow day in yeah maybe I'll go for a walk there you go get out in the world touch some grass be up there yeah i mean i'm being honest with you i'm just gonna just gonna i'm gonna enjoy a slow morning oh yeah and i'm and you're just gonna go from there i'm gonna let the breeze take me i i am the

same way where it's like you tell me have a day off i'm going to do a lot of chores like it's like finally things i can get done it's gonna be the most boring thing ever but yeah it's like the things that i would do i'll just do that I would normally do Sunday, so hopefully I can do nothing Sunday. Yeah. Yeah, just get, oh yeah, I need to clean the dishwasher stuff. Let me prep.

Oh, all right. This is funny. The last question, number 10, if you hosted a podcast, what would it be about? Nothing. A lot of ifs, and,'s, butts, coulda, woulda, shoulda, and nothing about books we would have, won't write jokes

we can't tell yeah we're gonna write this book and and in the book I guess are you going to explain is this what you thought the podcast would be how many years past you know

is it yes yeah you know you let you be talking to this loser and over over Skype or FaceTime or whatever we're doing I honestly had no clue.

I mean, we've been awarded. It's going on what? Six years? Four. Started in 2022? Yeah, so three or four. I, it's, this is just fun for me. Yeah.

And I've done a lot more with it than I ever thought I would. So literally, there is no worst case scenario anymore. I've gotten the best case scenario. Well, not the best, but it's a... The book. The book. Honestly, we write the book and then we just sail into the sunset. Yeah.

Once we write the book, we are done for it. It is over. Retired, yes. You have to read the book to find out why, though. I think I told you. Producer, someone asked me if I'd like to write a book. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's going to be a murder mystery. Tell her that. It's going to be a murder mystery. Yeah. who started the podcast who killed judd who killed jack it's going to be the story of um where did jack go where's jack why is colton in his place and why is michael's email still out in public we need to get that we need to find that someone if you find my email let me know where it is if you find his email email him some more questions yeah let me just announce that everyone

I want you to just go start looking for my personal email. Or I have it. So if you ask me for it, I can give that to you. No, thank you. Well, this has been a good episode of Fat Chances. You need to still watch Grind. We will do grind. We will.

We will. Ain't nothing wrong with a little bump and grind. So if we learned anything from Robert Kelly, I think that's No, that's the wrong, Robert Kelly. Yeah, well, let's clap our way out because I don't know what we're talking about anymore. So three, two, one.