Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.11 - Cody Gessner

Episode Date: April 27, 2021

Cody Gessner: Probably this show's #2 fan.   Unfortunately we had some camera issues this episode; so the last couple minutes of the podcast are audio only. We apologize for the inconvenience.

20s maybe 30s no children maybe 30s i genuinely cannot imagine having a kid in like at like 28 at 28 i can't imagine having a kid at all if i'm being honest yeah i'm very like i also would be totally fine with just like adopting one and never actually being pregnant like i would adopt like a teenager and just be like a teenager and skip all the shitty parts I think you'd want to uh maybe yeah like I just like I feel like I would have no problem adopting you know are you having fun so far yeah good we haven't even started recording that's the best part of it oh the best part is we have. The whole time you've been in the garage, we've been recording.

Nuh-uh. No, we've been recording for 50 seconds. Oh, okay, cool. Well, it's a test run because if you see your camera turn off at all, let me know. Is it like that or something? Do you like yourself in the picture? I can barely see her. But are you fully in the picture?

Yeah. Good. Oh, my. No and we're fine fucking beautiful cheers cheers flew all the way out just to do this show i know the daddy this tattooed on my body not to see wow we're getting to it already jesus christ i was not hoping like maybe at the end of it we just unveil no no just like lead with it like yes i got fat chance buddy tattooed on my leg i don't think you took it seriously when i was commenting on all of your posts saying michael you're so sexy let me on and then texting you being like michael i will get this tattooed on my body. Let me know.

It wasn't until the last post. You said, I'll get a tattoo to my body. I'm coming home. And I was like, oh, okay. And then you showed up. I, cause talking to Michael today, I didn't believe it. He didn't believe it. Yeah.

Until I actually saw the needle hit skin. I wasn't going to tease you with it. You have fat chance, buddy, on your fucking ankle. It was worth every penny. And it's worth my parents' disappointment. My mom liked it, though. Your mom. I have your mom's support.

And that's all that really matters. You know? She's a wonderful woman. Yeah. She's dandy. I like her. I love that the first thing she said oh god was that she wished that we would have dated in high school that means a lot let's add like one of her biggest regrets for me in high school one of her biggest regrets that's the best part it's not one of ours it's her biggest regret like listen he's screwed otherwise

it just that made my heart sore because i was like yes like that's what i needed to hear her saying that is like basically my best bet at finding a lady in my life is if your other michael dies r.i.p all right in bed. How long would it take? He leaves. Where you're like, alright, fuck it. Let's just do this. We made the pact. What was it? 30? But we extended it. We did extend it. Didn't we say to like

35 or 40? Yeah, it's because you met this other Michael. What is your deal with Michaels? There's only been two major Michaels in my life and you're one of them. Yeah, but also, I gotta turn this down. Um. deal with michaels there's only been two major michaels in my life and you're one of them yeah but also i gotta turn this down um see you can still hear it yeah that's nice it's not bad um yeah but like i feel like we're two pretty important people and we're both named michael yeah i hate that you guys have the same name what did i tell you what did i tell you

no i love that though because it was no come right through come right through oh it's a heater oh we will but we need you to close the fucking door so yeah episode third in a row now that someone just walks i mean that's what the doors i know i guess that's exactly why there's a garage door exactly like someone's got to come in and out of it at some point yeah this isn't a legit set where it's just like a fake door that goes to nothing people live here people this is just no this is literally just a backdrop and we're in a studio for all of it.

This would be one way too much effort to make this the backdrop. It really would. Also, the fact that I would have picked this as my backdrop. That would have spoke to the, you know, 70s show vibes, though. The, like, Foreman's Basement and then, like, the Kuski's Garage, you know? Like, I don't even move the trash cans out of the way. Yeah, it's a snowboard with a baby's face on it so that's a bit i that will be here that that and this table might stick with me longer than that tattoo will stay on your body this is never leaving i think

it's gonna be really fun to like reminisce on years down the road or even like one day just like i don't know whoever my whichever friend has a kid first i want to look at their kid and like their kid look at me one day and be like what does that mean and i'll be like something fucking stupid you know let me think let's think uh you know late 30s down the road you have a child yeah okay okay people want to know what their first words are like you don't know what's their surrounding your kids they're low to the ground they're constantly around your feet they can't read if that's their first word first off what if you have a genius baby okay which i will what if you're around enough people that ask you what does that tattoo mean and they point to it then

you say fat chance buddy that your baby's first words are either fat, chance, buddy, or all three of them? I would hope nothing more because I also think that I would have a little comedian on my hands and I can profit from that. Let's think about the profits. I feel like you're thinking long con too. You're trying to profit from me right now. Once this takes off one day, this is like, I'm going to have to be attached to everything because it should be like a copyright at the bottom of it like why didn't we add that should i go back in tomorrow and just say we need touch-ups i need the period at the end of mine you want the copyright at the bottom of yours honestly that would be that would make it even

better that'd be so funny it's not even copyright it's gonna be somebody else could easily take this name it's someone could take this name tomorrow. I'm pretty sure. No, I think... No. No. I should go buy the website domain for this and just... How much is it?

It's got to be like 50 bucks or like maybe five a month or something like that. You just can't change the name then because you getting it copyrighted then means that you literally cannot change that name because you're going to have money on it yeah so i won't have to worry about this yeah i still think changing the name of this show just for a week or if i just stop like i have to do this show the rest of my life yeah absolutely i don't think i'm struggling to find 52 people for this year granted i think i think i'm gonna have just yeah no you're just my co-host now we're going back to tending a list we got tending a tattoo now i do think though do you think that our tattoo artist would come on the show i think he he seemed interested. He asked for the name of it.

He seemed interested. He was a pretty cool guy. I enjoyed his company. He was nice. He was very easy to chat with. What I didn't like, though, was all the questions I was asking him. I was like, I think I should have just waited. If I get him on here, now I have nothing to talk to him about.

No, you can always reuse it. Yeah, but I don't like doing that. Okay, well then you guys can talk about other shit then i don't like starting with the hi guys and welcome back to the fat chance podcast like i think it's so like super it's so corny or like the hi guys like i i think it's so i don't like the starting of it because i want this to feel natural and initiate even though no one would care in my head of like all right this is already like an artificial conversation what if you had like a pre-recorded intro though i would rather

just have a pre-recorded song that someone made i feel like that would be kind of easy if i just if it just had a song or like intro music and then it just faded into us talking yeah you have about you having children in your late 50s or adopting a full-blown adult. I would adopt – Okay, don't phrase it like it's an adult. Like I would adopt a teenager. Teenagers need like places to live though.

Teenagers can also be 18. You creep. Well, okay. If you were like an orphan at 18 like can't you just like basically sign your whatever or isn't there something that you like say like i don't need any more foster parents or like adoptive parents or something at the age 18 i think you're your own legal when i think of like a like a high schooler like teenager you want you want like a 12 to 15 kind of thing you want to want to watch them go through high school yeah yeah i don't know i think if i had adopted him at the right age it'd be like

six maybe five no whatever fifth and sixth grade is right now like 10 or 12 just younger no third grade if i could just like skip the middle school because middle schoolers i think about myself as a middle schooler and i'm just like how did my parents just not like you know i learned that coaching i brought this up the last three episodes like i the seventh and eighth is it's tough they got added their nightmares they got attitude fifth and sixth great menaces third great like if i all right give me like three weeks for the newborn and like the new baby effect like the new car smell kind of wears off and then all right i'm done changing diapers give him back to me when he's six i'll take him till he's 10

yeah i'll take him till he's like 13 7th and 8th grade you can have him give me when he's a sophomore in high school yeah we'll get him to graduate and then i'm good to go because then he's on his own but like we'll keep him then it's not so bad i definitely like if i ever want to adopt a kid in the future and they look this up they're like i don't think so they're gonna use on his own but like we'll keep them then it's not so bad i definitely like if i ever want to adopt a kid in future and they look this up they're like i don't think so they're gonna use this against are you gonna keep him the whole time like they're gonna be like what was this a joke let's be why did you say it then let's be honest i mean me having them for four out of six years is better than no one having them for zero 10 out of 10 agree the audience question is though the audience question is where

would i where would you send them is it like a military school thing you just give them back like is it like is there is there like a two-year return policy put them with your parents oh yeah because that's what your parents want a random 12 year old coming in their house technically it's their grandchild though you know so i feel like they i feel like they should have to sign off on that be like oh this is your child but it's not our grandchild even though if your child makes a decision to adopt another child you're probably gonna be like yeah i'm all for it i feel like my parents would instantly be like welcome yeah you know like you are mine now ha ha ha because that's how they are with, like, Luna.

My dog, for the viewers that don't know. I think your dog has a bigger Instagram account than this show, myself. More posts than I will in my entire life. I don't even follow it. I just came across it one day and I saw that you have it. That's so rude. You don't follow her? She's a dog. Yeah, and she's a cute one at that.

So are 90 90 of dogs they all deserve instas then she provides extremely great content for me extremely great i don't know if i phrase that rightly sometimes when i speak i don't know if the words that are coming out of my mouth actually sound good you know what i'm saying like i don't think I like say things right I know I don't say things right yeah I'll sometimes like in my head I talk way faster in my head than what comes out of my mouth and just I often like combine words I do that like absolutely have a stroke when you're speaking and you're like I don't know I will at some point in the next hour. Yeah. Even when I type, like, writing research papers in high school or college, and I'd often combine, like, if the, or if it was something the,

I would combine the two words just because, like, I didn't want to hit space or whatever. And, like, I would, every time I go back and proofread something riddled with mistakes like i've never had a clean run through the first try see i'm fine with typing it's when i'm speaking because i feel like sometimes i get overly excited about what i'm saying that i literally just everything morphs into one and there are so many times where my roommate ally will just be like you want to try again and she's so so patient. God bless her fucking soul. But, like, she has to put up with me, like, literally speaking random sentences all the time. Where I'm like, did that make sense?

And she's like, yeah. She's, like, deciphered me. She understands what I'm saying and she understands the language that I speak. A little illiterate nugget. Yeah, she's like, aw, she's so stupid. It's fine. Take one, let's not break the glass. That was real fucking close.

That was real close. And I knew it when I threw it. I was like, that's got to hit the back rim. You call yourself a... For someone who... Damn. Yolked. Fucking yolked.

Yolked. Yeah, you need to stop saying that at the tattoo shop. I was like, oh God, this is embarrassing. I mean, they did have... Sounds like I'm with a little frat star. They did have to move the tattoo because I was like oh god this is embarrassing i mean they did i'm with a little frat star they they did have to move the tattoo because i was so big can everybody see me like literally twitching right now like i'm cringing at that statement i no absolutely not never say that again am i lying though this is gonna really i hope this episode helps you get

girls do you think this is gonna talking about your muscles they're gonna be like oh oh my god michael apparently has a really big muscle so he keeps talking about his vein that pops out what he called a muscle oh good lord it'll be great it's need to We need to work on you talking to girls We need to work on me? I think I'm doing a great job Yeah It's usually like once every nine months One falls victim to like

Falls victim Oh god That's a bad way to put it The way you phrased it To my loving personality? Loving is very... That's a far-fetched statement for yourself. I'm so loving.

No, you're not. Not to you. You didn't even start saying I love you back to me until the last... I want to say two years. I still don't think I do. You have to ask for it. You said it once when you were drunk and i was like i'm gonna hold on to this shit for the rest of my life because i'm never gonna get it

without having to like literally pull it from you you know yeah it's tough okay i mean i'm not gonna say it if i don't mean it i I guess I meant it when I was drunk. You have known me since we were 15. And I've tried to get rid of you since we were 15. Okay, well, I wouldn't go that far. Because here I am. I'm on the podcast. And it's tattooed on your ankle.

We need to take it off. It's legit on the ankle. It's like right. You guys, I don't know if anybody's going to be, it's like right above the ankle. So like, you're going to be able to see it with any shoe I wear. We'll take pictures of it and we'll put it next to whatever we clip out of this. If you're doing anything funny enough for the Instagram post. Actually, to be honest, you're, you're in control of it now.

So like, you could just post a whole episode. I could literally just put clips of me talking not even you responding and it'll just all be a highlight reel of me well we'll both have we'll both have control so i'll do the initial monday post and then i guess i mean that's a lot of responsibility for you this is a pretty you know i used to run my company's social media i would like make posts randomly all the time so i feel like i i feel like i do well on like i feel like i could like do well on social media you know this is perfect because i only wrote three things down to talk about today and this is a good transition one was tattoos because we were doing this today two was your obsession with the name michael three it's national horny day

today national horny day horny day according to barstool i saw it so i took a screenshot i said all right cody today's national horny day what would you put on the social media account for national horny day me just you and i'm i'm going with the big head. Muscles. No, National Horny Day? Look at me. No, I'd be like, look at this guess that I brought on. I think I'm... Am I the first girl? No.

I didn't think I took the top. Fucking idiot. Technically, you're the third. Okay. There's Morgan has a released episode. And then Morgan and her roommate Camry have an episode that hasn't been released that I did two months ago about like conspiracies and how like they're flat earthers and stuff like that but it like it looks so bad so I just haven't released it

Morgan Morgan Rosencrantz and Camry Conley they went to Whitewater were you just too cool for them no I think I was so drunk that I didn't actually they were on the basketball team literally my best friend in Colorado went to Whitewater her and her now husband

both were at Whitewater she was in my class people gotta stop getting married no they are high school sweethearts they're high school sweethearts like it's so cute they're my favorite like they when i moved to colorado they were the first people who actually took me in and i lived on their couch for three weeks she made a bed for me on the couch like put sheets blankets like all this stuff they took care of me they got me pizza and beer my first day with them

paid for everything and now they're like my best friends in colorado i love them more than anything in the world i'm right here well say it back at least once do something to like make me want to say it more to you this tattoo yeah it's permanently well you've been you and I have literally been friends since you were 14 I was 10 years we have been friends for 10 years don't say that does that make you feel old or like no i don't feel old at all i do not feel old at all i don't like hearing the number i think i will mentally always be like 19 i feel like i'm always gonna mentally be 21 yeah no i'm saying 22 i think 22 is a good one okay and i think when i'm 30 i'd be like i think

i'm mentally 24 i think i'm always like six years behind kind of thing so like i just like i'm about to turn 19 yeah honestly kind of appropriate sounds weird when like six years behind is still in high school right now but when you're 30 and you're feeling 24 that's great yeah like that's gonna be a good feeling yeah if you can still drink like you can at like you're technically 24 right now if you can drink like you are right now at 30 that's gonna be impressive i i plan on it because i i mean technically worst fucking hangover is right now i technically don't drink like I did in college anymore. Like, I don't do, like, the sugary stuff. Yeah.

Because I realize that will give me a headache. But, and I think I realize a lot of the hangovers I didn't get was because I just rolled it into another day kind of thing. That's, you always did that. Yeah. Where you would wake up feeling shitty. Oh, thirsty. And then you would instantly crack a beer and start drinking. Okay, don't make it sound like I was an alcoholic. that. Yeah. Where you would wake up feeling shitty. Oh, thirsty. And then you would instantly crack a beer and start drinking. Okay, don't make it sound like I was an alcoholic.

No. No, no, no, no, no. You were dancing. You were dancing along it. Oh, I was having fun. I woke up drunk and I was like, let's go get like mimosas or brunch. And I'm like, all right, we did that. Yeah, let's fix this with more alcohol.

It wasn't I woke up and on my nightstand was a six pack of like Coors. I was like. You're telling me you never did that once. Promise you I never did. I don't believe it. I've had a few shower beers in my life. I've had a shower beer. I'd show you the video but my nipple, you can like straight up just see my nipple in the shower and I was like

oh this would be a fun post and then I saw it and I was like mmm. There you go. That's our National Horny Day post. We'll just blur it out. My one singular nipple. Just Cody's nipple. Is what makes people horny. We're starting an Only it out just my one singular singular just cody's nibble is what you heard in your first people know what we're starting in only fans let's do that um i have one technically i don't actually post anything but my thing is like i sell feet pictures i like i can make like a decent you can make good are you making money selling your feet right now

no like not at this current moment but like I have you made money sold yeah I think I made like a hundred on because like you have to send like whatever they ask of you so like one guy didn't want nail polish the other did so like you like just like take care of it whatever but like the foot pick biz 10 out of 10 i don't have to be in it you send up like and i the funny thing is is sam walsh in middle school and i literally just was looking at this he drew my toes in the yearbook and if they were like because i always get made fun of because my toes are so square so like he drew in my yearbook with like square toes i thought you were gonna leave with sam walsh and they were like because i always get made fun of because my toes are so square so like he drew in my yearbook with like square toes i thought you were gonna leave with sam walsh is one of

the ones that bought them my first customer was sam walsh sammy i was about to just not be friends with you anymore no 10 out of 10 for the foot pick business it's like a very real thing i tried to get i didn't really try and get him to but I mentioned it to Braxton doing an only fans account. I think Braxton and I could sell a few picks. I never judge people for only fans. Make your fucking money. I think I can make like 50 bucks a month. Me and Braxton.

50 bucks. I would actually go hard for it though. I don't know if I do like full on nudes, but like, I feel like I would do like, if I felt confident, I couldn't do it. I could not do it just for the sheer fact of someone actually,

like if someone told me pose and was physically taking a picture of me, I would be crying. Like tears would be rolling down my face. No, I get that. I feel like I'm so awkward in front of cameras that I can't do it. But the girls who can, I'm like round of applause for you because like I could never. Like I want that confidence to just be like, look at my fucking body.

And like know that people will pay for it. You know, would you not? Like if you could make money from just like posing and a few photos, like would you not? Like if you could make money from just like posing and a few photos, like would you not like sell them? I mean, ideally, yeah. If I could make millions of dollars just for looking the way I look, yeah, I think everyone would like that. That's so awesome.

I just. Could I pose? I can't pose for pictures. Like, no. I ruin half the pictures I take on purpose because i don't know what to do with my hands yeah i can see that with you you're awkward i am i could barely even get you to take photos with me yeah i was actually going through our photos because i was excited to see you and duh this is this is seriously this is a smear enough this is a smear enough. This is a smear.

I'm not the second one. I don't even taste some like the margarita aspect. This is a smear enough ice. Yeah. I'm not like, it would have been better if we made our own. No shit. Well, the margarita mix alone costs more than the six of these. Well, we had the right idea.

No, we didn't. What was the right idea? Margaritas didn't. No. What was the right idea? Margaritas? Yes. This is not margarita. It's sugar. Like, it's definitely sugar. You know?

Can I get copyrighted by Apple because my alarm's going off? Probably. I would hope so. Make something bad happen. I don't know. I get a notification on YouTube that just says, Apple has copyrighted your video. I'm like, Apple, you can go fuck happen. I don't know. I get a notification on YouTube. It just says, Apple has copyrighted your video. I'm like, Apple, you can go fuck yourself.

I own all your property. Apple, in this video is your charger, your adapter, your laptop, my phone, watch, her phone. Do you have an Apple Watch on? No. I'm poor. I'm really addicted to this thing. I could get rid of my phone and my laptop, but I would need this. See, I'm not a watch person, so I don't think I would enjoy it.

I love it. I almost feel like when I dress up and I need to put on a normal watch. Yeah. Do you just change your band or something? No, I think it's weird. I look at them. It looks fine, but I'm so used to this. I think this looks just...

It's very aesthetically pleasing to me. Yeah, I think so. They're very easy to just like match with things. Also, I don't know why people don't have more of these like sport bands. It's such an easy, like those giant like rubber clunky ones. It looks like it just like rips at your skin. I don't like it. I like the sport one.

The sport one's great. For the same band for three years. It probably smells. I'm being honest with you. Oh, that's gross. Thanks for that you wanna smell it? no not really

these ripped forearms I hope you lose listeners I hope they listen to this and they're just like my pussy sounds like a fucking prick it's hard to lose anything from zero so it's

I listen and then when I can't listen like I'll start it in the morning on my way to work and then when i actually get to my desk i just like because we play music over like the speaker whatever you put this on over the loudspeaker fuck no i play it at my desk but with the volume off so you get like you know oh that'd be i'm supportive i'm a supportive no shit sherlock you have the technically as we've mentioned multiple times the instagram handle on you might as well just had an at sign above it and just made it look like a christmas tree with a copyright at the bottom and then my signature like michael said that would have

been so much that i would have had to cut you off. I like it as it is. It honestly looks pretty fucking sick. Like it's actually like a cool tattoo. If that was any other three words, I would be like, Oh, that's a cool like tattoo. Like that's your thing.

But because I know what the three words are. Yeah. Man is walking around in socks and flops right now. It's like 50 degrees. The bold kind. But because I know what the three words areops right now it's like 50 degrees the bold kind but if because i know what the three words are i think it's hysterical everyone is to be honest i don't think have the until the picture is posted no one's gonna fucking believe this i know i just like that i bet your parents don't is that was that our tattoo guy's name tyler didn't it start

with this sounds so bad because if he comes on like i don't remember his name i don't think he told us his name i think it was tyler i think he mentioned his name tyler but he literally said to me he was like yeah like i liked it before i even did it like he liked the phrase like yours better than mine and mine was like a serious one yours were not really serious but but like yours is like a legit tattoo that you want people to see and mine is yours is like i really need to hide this i'm wearing pants the rest of my life i wanted to put it on my hip like yeah but let's be honest we know why you can't put it on your hip but like wouldn't have been wouldn't have been even funnier if it was like right here come on not to make this into

like a perverted show or anything but like that would be so funny michael that chance buddy if she got it here and you guys you know i'm a virgin yep and i'm six feet tall i told him today when he faced him he's like like, I, and I had this, I thought of it before he even called me. And I said, if you get it on your hip and you guys are doing your thing and he looks at it, I was good. I'm like, Hey man, I just hope you think of me. And I know he would, like, he definitely would be, you guys would be in the zone and then he'd catch a glimpse of it and be like, I got to stop. I can't fucking like, it'd be like one of those things out of a tv show where you're like hooking up with someone

you're kissing them and all of a sudden like a different face appears it's like their mom or their dad like that would happen to him all of a sudden to be like me right there i would hope that would happen that'd be so fucking funny if you don't have any idea of what i'm like as like a partner to somebody it's literally i just roast people like i'm mean yeah but i think you're not as mean as you think is that yeah yeah i'm nice like i'm kind but like i think i think so i'm where would you where would you put yeah i was gonna say where did you put me and you like where are you where am i like i think i think so i'm nicer than you where would you put yeah i was gonna say where would you put me and you like where are you where am i like i'm way nicer than you you're a little too blunt for people sometimes i think that's the problem do you think i'm more blunt or more awkward

blunt i don't think you're very awkward i don't think i'm awkward at all to be honest i think you just like have no filter which to some people would instantly cause them to be turned off by you and i feel like that's also sometimes the plan i feel like i can be like nicer though and i like soften the mood like if i if you and i were together yeah like i feel like that's my role in this friendship is like wing woman and like making up for whatever bullshit you say you know but it also had to be like you'd have to wing woman me and then when you get the lady to come here you then have to wing woman her to get me to be a nice person like listen he's probably like a constant he's basically it's like pong you're going back yeah hey i think she's cute

you bring her over and gets over and then suddenly i'm like yeah i really don't care anymore yeah no you would be like okay i'm gonna go like take a shot or something by yourself or i don't know oh not by myself i'm not anti-social by any means not anti-social you just like don't give a fuck that's the thing and like i care a lot more about that stuff than you do you know what i'm saying i have i think i've in life i've established nine or eighty percent of my friends that i will like for the rest of my life already me being one naturally yes we get it you're like a leech you just don't leave You just hang on for dear life you're a tick that I'd like didn't find quick enough You're just embedded in my skin only under like I got your body up, but your head is just like floating around. Yeah

Causing problems, right? I mean I have Lyme disease. Yeah from me. That's actually I know people that should have like I Am inside of, no. That doesn't work either. You are not inside of me. You are not inside of me. Penetration. I don't know why that came to my head either.

Well, we just said inside of me. Penetration. Anyways, I was actually thinking about this. Do you remember? It was our senior year of college um you were working at the w it was new year's eve oh this could be tough to remember if it's new year's you were working like you were behind the bar that night and i was in it was like all the franklin people we all were there i remember this new year's eve pretty

clearly well i was getting like i was literally talking to a guy like whatever and like the ball dropped all that fun jazz and instead of kissing this guy that i was like blatantly flirting with i ran straight to the bar and it was at the end of the bar closest to the bathroom and I was like Michael Michael and like I made you come over and I like forced a kiss on you yeah remember yeah I then kissed every other basically bartender those before no I did it I did oh yeah no we all just kind of swap spit that night but yeah no i remember that i remember that new year's that part very well i also remember and i've told the story i don't

think i'm here but um because yeah there were so many frank people there and like some of them i like to see some of them i don't yeah i think that's anything with high school like half the group that i was with that night like got kicked out well the thing is too is like I as people know I was very generous with what I did and didn't give away meaning like I basically just did give away um and so obviously like there are some people that like you were like whatever you want whenever you wanted good to go I wasn't upset about it no one annoyed me you were also nice about it whereas like you weren't like i need 19 vegas bombs for me and two friends you know kind of thing um but i remember at one point me and cory up front we both go to the same computer

like check someone out and then this girl mary comes And I said, can one of you please take the front bar? And she's like, can you not handle it? And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? But I was like, I can definitely handle this. The issue is, like, if you guys want to make money tonight, I can't be up here for the next 20 minutes. She goes, oh, I got you. And she goes, how many people do you know? I go, do you see both Red Bull coolers?

And it was like the bar, like, the bar. Like, we were here. The bar was, like, this. From Red Bull cooler, like, both my hands, from cooler to cooler, my entire section was someone from my high school. And, like, I was, like, if I turn around, I could name you every person from cooler to cooler. Every person and probably the people behind them. They go, we got it. And I just left. Yeah. And I went down and, like, served the people behind them they go we got it and i just left yeah and i went down and like served the people that like no one likes serving yeah

i mean you gotta do what you gotta do it's like because i oh i'm the kind of person that wants everyone to have fun and so when i go to a bar go out and i get like if want a shot, I'm never going to be the only one that takes it. Whoever I'm with, like if I'm with 10 people, we're getting 10 shots, which is not, I mean, if I had all the money in the world, great. But like it's also not, and when I worked at the bar and I could get the discounts, totally fine. Now it's like, hey, Michael, that fucking adds up. And so it's like, all all right what some people spend in two nights i spend on one round and i took one shot kind of thing so like that's that's how i always like i want if i'm having fun you're having fun if you're taking a shot i'm taking a shot and vice

versa and so if i see someone i know and even vaguely like it's like all right let's i want you to have fun i don't want you to spend your money like yeah i want this to be the most enjoyable night you can i can make for you and that was my problem at the bar i was like all right oh it make a lot of times it makes your night when you don't know a bartender they give you a free drink because you were cool yeah and you're like oh my god that's awesome and you kind of remember that at a certain place and so i was like i wanted to be that bartender the only problem is i was that bartender for like 400 fucking people yeah no i get that it's just it turns into too much at that point i do not like anyone having a bad time like it bothers the shit oh same i totally get bothers the shit out of me i don't like when like the good time ends so like

i'm always the a bar person like this doesn't need to end it's only two o'clock in the morning that was like when i fucking a barred with you guys one night in the summer and we ended up finishing my handle of tequila that night i had like a giant fucking thing of jose it's disgusting yeah and it was who was it it was you me cory mike connor, Connor. And probably Pape. Maybe. No. No, Pape and Zim weren't there because it was the summer.

Yeah. Heilman. We had ourselves a fucking night though. Oh, yeah. I was supposed to go home to the guy that I was sleeping with at the Times apartment. And I stayed at your place drinking with you guys. That's not the first time it's happened we were so well known

Avar we're going to Yellow House we went to our place that's where it always happened that's always a good feeling though and I enjoyed being known as that group of guys they're just having fun when it came down blowing down fraternity stuff

the group of guys that we all like chose to be with like we it just so happened that we were like the guys it's like we're going out and we're the guy group of guys is like they're dancing in the corner like obviously we're gonna talk to girls and stuff like that but it's like that's not our whole priority isn't like getting we want to get laid tonight we're getting girls or like it was like we're gonna or we're like we're smoking or we're like such big butt buddies that we're like our group of 12 moves and packs and we're like oh we're smoking cigs together we're like in the corner playing darts all the time we're like yeah we are constantly intermingling with everyone i was like this is to me for me to a t like that. Like, I love taking laughs and talking to, like, 19 different groups,

circling back, doing it again, dance a bit, go take a few shots. Like, you don't have to stay with the same four people the entire night. And then you go A-bar with your select group of, like, eight people you really like that night. It's like your roommate. That's when, like, oh, a few girls might come back. Or, like, a few other guys from the house. Like, all right, we're going back to. How many times did you have a few girls come back though? Like every – no.

I was going to say. I told you it's every nine months. I don't mean to make fun of you. Every nine months I'll talk to a female. Yeah. You're doing great. I'm doing great, yeah. I think – I mean I guess my like nine months was just

up and i just restarted again so like i got another nine months when i do facetime you and like before like what was the story of you yeah i actually haven't said it on here yet the fucking woman the 42 year old woman who helped paint and i literally yeah yeah or who tried to have pain didn't she fall on her skateboard in the middle of the road because you decided to go on a late night adventure with her should we just tell the whole story because you might as well because that is just like i expected to maybe hear about like meeting like a cute girl like 20s like well you have heard that like there's it was the same night like i got a girl's number yes but then that happens so it's like it's not like

this is how my head works i was like something really cool happened that never happens to guys like a girl came up to me gave me her oh i thought you were referencing the 42 year old that never happens to anyone ever yeah i'm just. I now have most people in their life. I think have one moment. They're like, how the fuck did I get here? Something needs to change. I now have two. Are you sure?

Just two? Well, there's the stripper in the parking garage in Madison. And then there's this now 42 year old. By the way. Hi, mom. Hey, mom. Yeah. No, it was like the night I got my Mom. Hey, Mom. Yeah, no.

It was like the night I got my brain works. Like something really cool happened. I'm like, all right, fucking ruin it because this not ruin it, but like, all right, this happened. Probably shouldn't have happened. Let's see how far I can like push this boundary. So I was like, oh, I'm talking to a mom. Like, wow, tonight's great. I got a really attractive girl's number.

Now a mom's talking to a mom. Like, wow, tonight's great. I got a really attractive girl's number. Now a mom's talking to me. And then it like, it got really weird really quick. And I got to a point where I was like, I need to take this woman home because she is like falling over. And not in like the cute sexual way. No, it was like, hey, I'm concerned for your safety.

You are going to walk into the street and a bus is going to hit you kind of way. And, but the problem is like, I made the mistake. Cause I walked her up to her apartment and she is like, I can't like always just say no. Cause like, I was scared that she was just going to like, you know, fall on her back and then she'd like, does a throw up and then dies. And then I'm the last person she like put her arm around for stability.

And my fingerprints are like on her and like, I'm accused of murder kind of thing. Yeah. So like I walked into the apartment with her she goes and i sat down on the couch and i just like i'm still super drunk so i just like kicked my shoes off and i was like fuck like i definitely should have done that she thought i was getting comfortable and she starts freaking out because she's like a starving artist kind of thing and she goes you don't get what it's like to want to do something creative and just not work out right away. I'm like, I mean, you're talking to the right person.

And so she takes the can. She also describes this can of spray paint. I'm like, what the fuck is she doing? And she kind of lives in like a hoarder apartment. Yeah, I remember hearing that part. And all of a sudden she just goes to the wall and just starts spray painting the wall. This like abstract looking face. What the fuck?

Which by the way, you'd think like she starts spray painting the wall, like all her walls are graffiti. This is the first time she's ever spray painted the wall. I looked around. I was like, has she done this before? Not once. Okay. Starts spray painting the wall.

I'm like, okay. Sits on her computer, starts playing music and a YouTube video at the same time. I this is you know really fun to hear she's got a lot going on and the whole time she's shaking the can shaking the can and i'm thinking nothing of it because i've never seen what she's about to do or try to do happen in my life in front of my eyes i've heard about it never seen it and she stands up and she grabs like a pick and save or a grocery bag, the plastic ones. And I go, what are you doing? She goes, oh, I'm going to, so casual.

She goes, oh, I'm going to huff this can. I go, no, no, no, no, no. I jumped out of this couch, almost into my shoes. I swear to God, I jumped on my shoes. I'm like, I could have just put those things on. And I go, no, no, no, no, do not do that. And I'm like, doing one of these things. I'm like, please stop, please stop.

And I get the can away from her, put the bag down put the bag down like you don't need to do this like this is not what you need to do like this is not how you should cope with like being frustrated right now and I'm like okay I'm doing I'm doing what's right and she like starts complaining again she goes away she goes I need cigarettes and i do i just go cigarettes we're getting cigarettes i would rather you eat a pack of cigarettes and start huffing paint which in hindsight i don't know which is worse but i don't know but like socially and what's acceptable i'd rather you just smoke chain smoke cigs yeah start huffing paint and so to which she then throws a skateboard at me like i didn't know like i i don't know or just caught the skateboard like what are we doing she goes we're going to the

gas station like on skateboards and she only i only had one i go are we doing this together she goes oh i have my own and it was like one of those like penny boards that are like this big and i have the full one i was like oh at least she's being nice because she doesn't know if I can skate. To which I am now skateboarding down the streets of Milwaukee, which is when I sent you the video of me. I was like, this is my first vlog. I'm a 42-year-old woman. She tried to help paint earlier. Don't really know how I got here kind of thing.

And I'm skateboarding down the street. And as we're going, she goes, oh, oh by the way i got stabbed here three weeks ago i was like oh good as she said it about 30 seconds later she falls and is now laying she goes ass over tea kettle just laying starfish in the middle of the road and in the video i'm like oh she's now laying in the street so i have to go get her up i was like carry the skateboard we get to the gas station which was two blocks away by the way we could have walked faster get to the gas station i get in the guy goes you need to buy something you're with this woman she usually says he knows this fucking woman and he goes buy something otherwise i think you're stealing and i'll call the cops i'm like were you stabbed or did you do the stabbing yeah like which one was it sorry so i i buy a bag of

chips and now i'm skateboarding back down the hill with an open bag of chips just eating it i'm like don't know how i got here call my buddy i'm like man, I know you're asleep. Open the door and get ready because I'm coming home. Like, I'm sleeping on your couch. Like, get up. Stay awake for the next 30 minutes. Get her, like, back in. Like, she took her forever to come down. I don't know if she ran, skateboarded.

I was like, I'm just getting my ass down. Call an Uber. And I get her into her apartment. And she goes, where are you going? I was like, oh, my buddy. I just lied to my ass. I was like, my buddy's locked out of our apartment. I need to get him in, blah, blah, blah.

Like, he needs me right now. Are you okay? Can you get up to your apartment? And as the doors are closing, famous last words, she goes, oh, honey, you were just a piece of dick anyways. And the doors closed, and I go, what the fuck was that?

And I just took the Uber home. Jake let me up the stairs, crashed on the couch. He goes, how was your night? I go, we'll talk about it in the morning. It was. You, yeah, you called me the next morning. And I was just like, what the fuck? Like, what the fuck?

Because you led with like, oh, I got like a cute girl's number, blah, blah, blah. And then it turned into that. And I was like. And then I think I left with like, oh, and i went home with a four or three year old woman but she huffed pain she tried to she didn't i stopped her so genuinely terrifying that nothing could happen i i love that phrase though that she used you were just a piece of dick honey like you're just a piece of dick, sweetheart. Yes, queen. However, imagine roles reversed. Uh-huh.

Woman is taking care of, I'm 42, and a 24-year-old girl is taking care of me. Yeah. And the elevator's closed, and I go, you're just a piece of pussy, sweetheart. You would burn me in the fucking streets. Men are disgusting and talk like that anyways so it's like i'm unfazed you know but you do get how it's like we can't be like oh power to the people and then if i to the pussy and then if i did it it's like no one goes you know power to the penises that's because we should never put power in the penises' hands.

No. You should. Terrifying. Fucking terrifying. We rise and fall all the time. Unexpected moments, too. If there's one thing I know, it's women. Women.

You know? Power to the women. Power to the women. She's still terrifying. I'm not justifying anything But like That's a famous phrase I'm convinced she might have killed me in my sleep That is a famous phrase

And I love it Like I love it You're just a piece of dick Say that to Michael next time you guys hook up Honestly yeah Like you guys hook up Everything's over Just leave and go home

Say nothing to him He goes where are you going You're just a piece of dick sweetheart And just go home I would never i feel like imagine i'm a single i guarantee he might call me and go hey man what'd you say to her what the fuck did you do um no that i like i've always thought it was weird though like when people had hookups and they like stuck around after that's the worst fucking thing to do to the point where i was like absolutely not do not stay unless i'm interested in you then you can stay but like i

remember one time college so you know whatever yeah and we had sex and then he literally stayed in my bed butt ass no underwear or anything but asked naked my first time having sex with this dude and I was like what are you doing you actually asked him this yeah and he was just like what I was like you're not sleeping here and also like put on your underwear wait was it in the morning or like at night like that night like so that's even okay bars like go home go home you live close enough you can walk if you're both awake yeah just go home a lot of times like people just like pass out kind of thing and then you wake up i think it's even worse if like you guys kind of hook up

you pass out and then the next morning they're there till like one o'clock in the afternoon like hey man don't you have things to do? That's super terrifying and I would never. That's like my nightmare. I know Joe Quants have faked a class. I have. And the thing is like for me is like usually, and this is how I know if I'm genuinely into a girl. Yeah.

I want you there in the morning. Yeah. Versus if I wake up and i roll over it in my head i go get the fuck out like in my head i don't actually say it to you guys so like don't worry but also it's every nine months so like i got like four left um but i just look i'm like get the fuck out like i don't want you here like Like, this is like, yeah, this was like my drunk, like self, not like sober.

And I'm so, such a regretful like person when it comes to that stuff. I'm like, get up in the morning. I'm like, I kind of want you here. That's, that's a good sign for anyone though. But like,

that's, that's probably universal, but I've had someone who stayed a little longer than I wanted him to. Like conversation can be like 15 minutes and it's like i should probably get going it should come out of your mouth at least yeah i have gone like i have class in 15 minutes or i have class in 20 minutes 30 minutes something like that so like it may sound like i still had to get ready to go. Mm-hmm. Didn't budge. Didn't budge. I got up.

I walked to a building. Ten minutes away, circled back, and came back. Yeah. Finally gone. By the way, I left before they left the apartment building. Yeah. I just, it's the whole sleepover aspect. I don't like sharing my bed so like when guys would

want to like have sleepovers after even guys who i've like gone on dates with i was like don't do it don't do this don't make don't don't ask me to sleep over don't stay sleeping over at my place like it's weird i don't like it unless i'm interested in you. Yeah. Like, they're, or, like, if I'm super drunk. Like, I slept at one guy's house because I was drunk, and I also lost my phone in the snow that night. So, like, I had to go hunt for it the next morning. So it's safer, yeah. Yeah.

So it's easier to stay there versus walking home. But it's, like, even, like, it takes a second to, like, dive into the whole, like, sleepover sharing a space with you type thing because it's just even like it takes a second to like dive into the whole like sleepover sharing a space with you type thing because it's just like there is no in between with me with like having someone in my bed it's either i want your toenail can't be in this fucking bed or it's like please come over every night yeah kind of. There is no in between. You're fascinating. There hasn't been like a, oh, maybe?

Not even remotely close has there been a maybe. It's just like, which it sounds so bad because it makes it sound like anyone I've ever hooked up in my life, I think nothing of you, which is not true at all. But like when it comes to sleeping in my bed, I hate it. And I think most people, if we're not romantically involved, do we really need to be sharing a pillow right now? Yeah. Are you a cuddler?

College guys' beds. How many pillows do we actually have? Two? That's the two we use. I just got shivers down my spine thinking about college men's beds. My mattress, my senior year, my senior, was on the fucking floor. I ordered, to be honest, probably good because if I brought it up to normal height, me and Connor could probably have just held hands.

Yeah. But, like, we were still close enough. If Connor rolled fast enough, he would be in my fucking bed. He'd just, like, catch a little air and he'd be because it was he's here i'm here but i ordered a box spring yeah i had like the frame and everything i ordered a box spring amazon sent me an email a week later he goes sorry we can't send it to you i just said fuck it i put my mattress on the floor i was like i'll get another one soon never did i slept on the floor until the that. I did a full year, and then when we moved out,

I used someone else's box spring and my mattress. Sounds right. That was bad. Sounds right, yeah. But that's, like, guys are disgusting in college. They don't get entirely better after. We kept our bathrooms clean, though. We were better.

We were decent. I deep cleaned. I remember. Deep cleaned my bathroom. When I was talking to her, I was like, this bathroom's got to be spotless. I'm not having the weird grimy shit everywhere. It's weirdly just stained everywhere. And you don't know how to.

Cues are laying around, too. Yeah, you just don't know how. Yeah. It's really gross. No, I knew there was a substantial difference granted okay so i was it was my senior year like um i at the end of the year i had started going on dates with like this guy who was like three or four years older than me i think um this was like after because i had a boyfriend my like second semester of senior year

um then we broke up and I started going on dates with this other guy even though I knew I was moving to Colorado and I went to his house in Milwaukee and I walked in and I was like it's actually neat in here like this is interesting and I saw his bedroom and I was like huh he's got throw pillows like okay i don't think i'll ever be a throw pillow person throw pillows are so necessary you have no idea for what it just it i swear to god if don't you just throw them on the floor before you go to bed anyways yeah but it's all about the appeal like if i michael i get it like random like your sleeping pillows on the bed that's nasty that's nasty i guess we talked about we're always like it's the packaging it's yeah no it's it's what's on

the outside that you notice first yeah that might be one of the best things i've said in a long time yeah that was super deep and neither me or the tattoo artist were ready for that. Out of nowhere. I wasn't even ready for it. I was like, oh, shit. But yeah, we bought these for the packaging. How did you phrase it again? No, we were talking about how we bought these for the packaging, because when we were going to get margaritas, you said,

let's not be really poor and just get the cheapest tequila. Let's get an average bottle and some mix. And I laughed at you. I was like, like oh we did that and then you walk past the 8.99 glass bottles that came in jack margarita and we're like okay super poor but we bought it for the packaging i said yeah well we buy people for the packaging anyways don't actually actually some people buy people but um scary yeah um wayfair um but yeah no we are attracted like it is the packaging that's why we work so hard on our exterior is yeah our packaging because that's the first people

like first thing you gotta get bought first before you're opened up like it's which is like it's shitty when you think about that though because like what if they don't like what's on the inside you know it is but it's not like like to be honest like ever no one can i truly believe no one can say like oh my god i only married him because his personality i don't care what he'd look like bullshit like everyone like you were you're not going to talk to him if there's no not some semblance of like physical attraction there has to be something there has to be something that you want to like yeah the animal inside of us has to be like i don't like the way you phrase that but it's true we are fucking animals i just got the shivers well it's kind of cool but like

you have to be like i kind of like want to, and then get to know you. I want to bone them. Let's bone, then crack that rock open kind of thing. Oh. I didn't like that. I didn't like that. I didn't like it either. Actually, I liked it.

That's why I said it. But it's so true. Like, we are all we are. I really don't like these. Don't like it either. Actually, I liked it. That's why I said it. But it's so true. Like, we are all we are. I really don't like these. Don't drink it. After the second one. Or after the first one. I was going to say, I like how I've complained about it the most.

And thank you. But you finished yours. Well, I do that with everything. If I open it, I'll probably finish it. If I don't like it, I'll drink it even faster so it's gone. Yeah. I do that with food. If it's like a messy sandwich like a pulled pork

sandwich i will eat it so quick because i don't want it on my hands i savor that shit i'm like i want to relish in the messiness because like i like it's supposed to be meant as a sandwich i shouldn't have to use a fork if i eat a fucking sandwich i'm just going to eat it as quickly as possible this seems like you've had some poor experiences with pulled pork sandwiches. No, I love pulled pork. It's fucking delicious. It's fucking delicious. It just sounds like a personal

problem though that you're having. I might have to pee here soon which means you're going to have to do the first ever guest pee time monologue. What's that? Which means I leave for about 30 seconds and you just talk into the microphone. ASMR time with Cody Gester. Oh, good lord.

Please don't do that. I have to pee too. We'll let you go first. Do you want to do that? You can go upstairs. I was going to go outside. Can we just like cut it? Like can you not just like cut it to like edit it?

Edit me out or something? That way... I can cut it. I can cut it. Well. Wait, like, cut it to, like, edit it? Edit me out or something? Yeah, I can cut it. I can cut it. Well, wait, I can. Hold on. Maybe. And I am back.

Quick pee break. This is going to be a bitch to edit because I have no idea how this is going to fucking work. This continued. I paused this I should have put it at like a timer it was at 57 seconds this might be the number one guess that wanted to be on here instead of Piper or besides Piper. Or besides Piper.

Should we tell her the secret? Do you think she'll listen to this? Oh yeah. Cody, you don't know this, but I'm coming to Denver next week. I'll see you soon. Connor, I hope you're there. Joel, Michael. Don't worry, Michael. We won't ruin the surprise

Hello Until you walk inside Yeah That's why I just went outside And this feels warmer now Yeah You should just pee outside We're going again

This is gonna be a bitch to edit Cause I have no idea how this is gonna work We'll see how it works I guess This is going to be a bitch edit. Because I have no idea how this is going to work. We'll see how it works, I guess. This is going to take me a while. Okay. It's alright. I don't care. How long have we been talking?

57 minutes. 59 minutes. Well, we talked for 57. I talked by myself for about two. About what? Were you talking shit? Oh, yeah. Big time.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Saying what? Saying what? Oh, my God. What are you doing the rest of the night? I don't know. Do you want to do something?

What do you want to do? I don't know. I don't know what to do. Is there anything to do? This is like, yeah, just, yeah. I don't know. I don't, like. See, part of me wants to, when I do i get so like when i said it earlier i genuinely

am the happiest when i know i'm going to do this stuff yeah like i because it's the first thing i'm doing that i truly enjoy doing yeah but because i get into that mood and i'll do like everyone gets their drink of choice. This is your episode. My show, your episode. Yeah. Kind of thing. Like this is your time to shine. Go for it.

Yeah. Like you can, if you wanted to bring up whatever you, oh, should we? It's been an hour. Yeah, it's definitely been an hour we've been doing this. Oh, good. Yeah. But yeah. So like when I get in this mood, like I said, like I want everyone to have fun, but like

I'm a part of that everyone. I also don't want to stop. So we do this, and I'm having a good time. The idea of just stopping you going home, and I go sit on the couch does not compute with me. Oh, my God. You know what it kind of looks like? I really like it, but it kind of looks like, you know, one of those like fruit roll things you just like put on your top.

Yeah. Stick on. Do you like it? I think that's all that matters. Yeah, I'd fuck with it. I probably want him to touch up the E, but that's it. Well, we have till Monday. Yeah.

Oh boy. Okay. So what is the routine to take care of because i have no fucking clue use i would like honestly i'm probably gonna just put some like aquaphor something on mine tonight i don't have aquaphor do you have like an unscented lotion wait i might have aquaphor lotion yeah that's it so i thought. I thought aquaphor sounds like aftershave. No. It's literally like I use it as chapstick.

And I like put it on my shoulders when they're super, super, super dry. And I see you smiling at it. I see you smiling at your tattoo. I love it. I've wanted this since I was in college. That's so fun. Before I graduated college, I remember saying before I leave, and I remember telling like Connor and like Zim and Pape,

I said I want these tattoos, and this was like wanted us four to get this. Me and Connor have it. And it worked out that of the four of us that could get it or that I would want to get it, only three of us can get it. Of the three of us that can get it, two of us have it. Wait, why can't... Sam's Jewish. Okay.

They get tattoos. Hitler, you know, kind of... You know, Hitler wasn't the greatest person. Oh. So, yeah, of the four of us, three of us can get it. Of the three of us, two of us have it, which is cool. So, like, but, like, great to... I said I wanted this, which I thought about getting it, like, I don't know where.

And then I wanted this for sure. I like it. I think it looks so good. Life lessons, douchey origins. It looks so good. No one can fucking see this. No one can see mine, but it's on my foot. But I think if I get him to come on and if he like actually because we gave him

the name of the show he asked for it and if he genuinely listens to this in two weeks and listens to this episode buddy i want you on i think it'd be fun we talk tattoos whatever and i think it'd be cool if he gave me one during it i just don't know how we would make that work. Because he wants to do everything from his spot, which makes sense. Yeah. Now I feel that. Okay. Also, you're now in control of social media. Shouldn't we be doing something like while we're...

We can take a picture. Here's the thing. I need to give you... I don't know all the vlogging information. So... Let's figure this out oh this is one like the show starts getting dead when we just, the last three minutes we've said like four words or I'm the only one talking. What? No, I'm just laughing at that. Like it starts getting dead.

Like you can just like tell. You sound like, oh, I think they've all wrapped this up kind of thing. Do you have, cause this is your episode, anything you want to bring up? Anything you want to talk about? Um, God, that's hard. Um, how great I am. We could give me some attention. I don't know. you want to bring up? Anything you want to talk about? God, that's hard. How great I am? Give me some attention.

I don't know. You got it tattooed on your leg. Do I have to give you a compliment? How about three things you like about me? It shouldn't be this hard. I want to be sincere. I want to be sincere okay i didn't think you would actually take it seriously so now i'm like mentally preparing my shoes thank you that's not that's not good um i like that you're persistent i'm stubborn so I need someone that's going to basically be as stubborn back with me. When I said, when I left high school and I said just to everyone but Chad, I said, I'm

probably not gonna be friends with you. And this has been probably a million times. And I truly meant it because I honestly thought I was like, I'm probably not going to see you. And that's why I said it. Did I word it right? Probably not. I was like, we're not going to be friends.

We're not going to be friends after this. But to be honest, I was right with 90 not gonna be friends we're not gonna be friends after this but to be honest I was right with 90% of the other people yeah so I'm glad you're equally as stubborn I genuinely

do love you take that it's now on film okay it is everybody else you've all you've all heard that.

You all heard. Every single camera heard that. You all saw it. Oh, cord. You know what's awesome is every single camera saw it, but your microphone didn't fucking hear you going on. No, they saw it. They saw it.

Um. Does that count as one? Yeah. Okay. I'll make that count. Can I give you a non-compliment? What? Up until your last one, you have poor taste in men.

Okay. You know what? I'll take it. I've said it drunk every time, but like that. Are we just talking about men that I've actually liked or men that I've slept with? Both. Oh, jeez. Okay. Cody, the amount of times I've had to stop working because you've called me crying is alarming.

Okay? Maybe men should stop being assholes then. It's not on me. Because I trust them because they seem nice yeah maybe should i just the third be your trust um you're extremely trustworthy i'm well i'm trying to be like very nice so like and but like specific at the same time so it's not like i don't like three things about you i am trying to think very hard uh that means a lot thanks that this is me being nice okay i know i know you're putting an effort right now and i appreciate

that that's the thing is like i would say like 40 of this is an act for me kind of i think i genuinely am a nice person. It just takes a lot. I have to genuinely care about you. Like I said, there is really no in-between for me. Yeah. Which is funny because this tattoo makes me say I need to be in-between at all times. Absolutely.

But yeah, it's a balance of things. So I'm either like, all right, we're going to fuck with you or I'm super nice with you or kind of thing. But I don't know, Cody, what would be a third compliment I could give you? How about this? You are very supportive. And not just, not just the tattoo, but like you're willing to do this. I haven't gotten, I wait i want once like i do will ask you just like just start ripping on me a little bit for it i'm probably gonna give it

right back but like at the end of this i'm gonna ask for your constructive criticism but okay don't be super critical because you are now a part of this venture you are part of the uh you're part of the group now i know so you're now criticizing yourself absolutely i do that enough anyways i do it just about every talk about that in therapy shout out to my therapist dash dash like from incredibles no ash from pokemon yeah you gotta catch them all all your feelings yeah we gotta do something take care of what's going on here. I wonder how therapy, if I did therapy, what that would... What was the first thing you talked about?

Jesus Christ. Am I allowed to ask that or is it like patient? Now it's like patient Michael. No, because it's like it's me. Like it's my stuff. So I'm allowed to talk about it. I'm drinking so fast. Is this going gonna be on the podcast oh my god okay well oh my god you know um okay so no uh i should ask you three compliments about me it's i it's like you talk about like just like things that like you don't even realize. Like I didn't like we talk about a lot of like childhood trauma.

We talk about like my different assaults and like all that fun stuff. And like we unpack it in a cool way. I don't like when you're smiling and saying traumatic events. That's freaking me out. It's I cope with like humor and happiness. Like that's my thing. You know. I cope with humor a lot. like humor and happiness like that's my thing you know i go with you i was i was told to like

literally relax it from my therapist because he was just like yeah you don't always have to like crack a joke right after you say something traumatizing oh that i would have i should probably go to the same therapist time because i will crack a joke i crack a joke over anything he would like you i'll tell him about this i'll tell him to listen thanks ash you've helped me a lot if i get like a dm from someone named ash be like hey man we should talk i will lose my fucking shit i'm like can i invite my friend to therapy with me this day he he might next time you see him he goes hey uh your friend michael might want to bring him in get him on maybe convince him to see one as well.

Yeah. I'll talk to him. Free charge for the first one. I think it'd be good. It'd be good. I think everybody should go to therapy. Like, honestly. Yeah, a lot of people.

I think just, I think therapy is a bad. I think everybody can benefit from therapy. But, like, people view therapy as, like, oh, I'm broken. I think therapy can just be, like, an outlet. I think so too because like i never really thought i was like fucked up i thought i like handled my things like the way i did but i it's also helped me a ton i'm like and you still could handle it like you still are handling it it's just like think of like intergenerational trauma like that's all that's a whole thing is inter intergenerational trauma

and it's like passing things along are there do you believe there are things that like are things just because we start putting a name on it no i i think this is something that like is genuinely because like think of like um my grandma grew up super poor. So my grandma has, like, tendencies that she does because she was poor. And, like, certain traumatic things that, like, stick out to her, which were then passed along to my mom. Because it was, like, what she practiced with my mom. And then it was practiced with me, you know? Like, it's just, like, little things like that. Like, problems that, like, you don't think about that, like, just passed along and like is trauma the right word for some of those things though there's a huge

debate right now actually with like the use of the word trauma because like some people overuse it oh we're overusing a lot of things right now we are so fucking soft it's ridiculous yes like i i agree i never want to disregard what people think is trauma because i'm just like it could be totally different like think of just like your socioeconomic status like something like oh my dad lost his job we can't afford the boat anymore we had to sell the boat like that's not trauma but like that could be like something that like your family goes through and you watch your parents do it and that could be traumatic for you. But like then you have like the super far end where it's like my parents couldn't afford dinner so I barely ate dinner when I came home. I get that. The idea that hey the worst thing that's ever

happened to someone like alright a normal Tuesday for me could be like oh I didn't get to eat but yeah and that's the worst thing that's happened to me kind of thing but like the worst thing that ever happened to you is like I failed a test like people like you can't really compare like I mean mm-hmm yes you can compare them okay but you also can't I get where people, I understand why people say you can't. Like, that's the worst thing they've gone through. That's why they're freaking out so bad. But you can't try and tell me that, like, yours is worse than the other.

It's not even fucking close. Yeah. I, there's like, I would read about intergenerational trauma just because, like, I feel like it's explained, like, way better than I'm explaining it right now because I'm not a licensed therapist I am and I don't study this stuff like if you'd like to talk let me know we can do an hour at a time by the way there's no patient he'll give you alcohol too there's also there is no patient doctor confidentiality this is straight to you too you're like you don't know how great he is. There is no patient doctor confidentiality. This is straight to YouTube. You're like, you don't,

like, I'm not even going to make you sign anything. You're just going online. Just know that. I would be sued so fucking quickly. Yeah. But yeah, if you guys want to talk your problems out, just,

there's a, there's a bar stool here. Three cameras. I'll come for a few episodes too, so you get some heart in it too. What do you think? I'm not going to give him heart? I think.

I'll probably just sit there like, mm-hmm. the test whatever you're like oh sad bummer all right i do think we we overuse a lot of very i think yeah because it's so at our fingertips that like you can hear something online that is like like something people want to feel important though and yes forever it's always cool to be the loser yeah what yes like in okay not always cool to be the loser but like it's cool to be the one that oh you like being the one with the broken leg because you got attention you like not being the smart one because people thought you're oh i just didn't care like yeah like being the one with issues because like people gave you attention again. It's like everyone will always say like it's cool to have a fucking problem.

And I don't understand that at all. See, I just like there's the people though that like don't talk about it. Yeah. And you're like, oh, you've got the real problems because you don't broadcast your stuff. You know? you've got the real problems because you don't broadcast your stuff, you know? Like, and it's like, those are the ones where I'm like, okay, it's real. Yeah, there are some legitimate cases, but they're also like,

this probably isn't going to be received well by some people. Depression. Yeah. Some people aren't depressed. They say they're depressed. Just had a bad day.'m i'm pretty sure i read something though that was like every person in their life is going to be depressed at least once yes in their life there is like the difference between like clinically depressed all the time they're like hey man it was cloudy for five straight days i just not feeling life

right not life but like like, not feeling motivated. There is a huge fucking difference. And like that kind of stuff, then belittle us to people that are legitimately going through something. Yeah. Stop looking for attention. Actually, stop looking for an excuse.

Because you don't like the way you're acting doesn't mean you're depressed. It means you're fucking lazy. Yeah. Yeah. you're depressed it means you're fucking lazy yeah yeah it it definitely depends on like people but like but like the amount of people i've seen like oh i was i was like super like i've seen depressed people very depressed people and i've seen people like i was depressed but like i was like super depressed like what for a, what, for a weekend? Yeah.

And then like that defines your whole life? No. People go through it for like months at a crack. Like that's not good. They make drastic life changes to try and fix it, and a lot of times it doesn't work. Like that's a problem. Yeah.

You being bummed for like a weekend and a half kind of thing? Like no, you had a bad weekend. I'm sorry you failed the test. I'm sorry. I love that it keeps going back to the failed test. I'm sorry your baseball team didn't win the playoffs or whatever. Like, you're not depressed. Like, it's just you had a bad day.

You didn't get a promotion. You're not like, oh, good Lord. Like, let's bring it down. Let's not stop trying to put all ourselves all ourselves on like the pedestal of problems. Like people, it's like, yeah, I feel like that's the thing.

Like, I feel like people are constantly comparing, like, it's like those people that literally compare whose life is worse. Like where, you know, like I'm, Oh,

it's a competition. Like, Oh no, I had it harder. Everybody knows. Everybody has had at least one of those friends where you tell them something shit. Like you tell a shitty part of your day. Like've also all probably done it ourselves yeah like i i failed

an exam like this sucks and then they don't even acknowledge it but they're just like yeah i failed the entire semester so and i got into a car accident today yeah like and my dog died you know like it's those people where you're like okay sorry like i wanted to just vent for a second but you just turn this into this is this is about you yeah it's so it's like those competate it's a competition i can't say the word competitions yeah i don't know why that was really hard for us probably one of the easier words we could have said that was definitely one of the easiest but i still struggled um yeah, it's like those people that have that competition of like, no, my life is harder. And you're like, Jesus.

Okay, here's a fucking medal. Like, your life is so hard. It's also like everyone they want. Again, it comes to attention. So it's like, oh, my life has to be harder. Yeah, but the people that say like my life is harder are also, I think, the people that are fighting the most. Like life, like everything needs to be perfect kind of thing. Like listen, we will never have perfect.

I think people need to get that through their head right now. Perfect doesn't exist. We will never have perfect. It will never exist. Also, as human beings, we create problems. Okay? We're animals and we like to solve things. So if everything was perfect tomorrow, we would have a problem five minutes later.

You would find something. Because if everything was perfect, you would have nothing to fucking do. You would have nothing to do. All we do every day is solve problems. Go to work. Imagine how boring it would be too. You go to work because your problem is you don't have enough money. Okay.

You go out on the weekends because you're not having enough fun. Okay. You eat because you're not full. Like it's life is problems. You solve it. If everything was perfect, what's the fucking point of being here? Like it's so stupid. Yeah.

And we just, it's competition. I've come just to see who has the worst life yet. Everyone strives to have the best life, which it's so. It's a weird balance. It makes no sense. It makes, I don't. And it's. There's such a disconnect.

But that's where we're at right now. And I fucking hate it. It's like, why are you complaining about life sucking when you're competing to have the worst life? Yeah. It makes no sense. If you're competing to have the worst life, we're living in a great fucking time right now. yeah it makes no sense if you're gonna be at the worst life we're living in a great fucking time right at least like be the person where if your life is crappy especially in that moment like if

you're having a crappy time laugh about it i feel like that's the best thing it's easier to say than do like when i'm even going through hard times like for example my car got stolen and absolutely totaled in nove. I was miserable. I was being threatened to be sued, like all this stuff. And I wasn't even the one driving. Like my car got stolen. So like I didn't do anything and I cried about it. But now it's like something that I can like literally joke about because I'm just like,

yeah, it happened. And it was life. Yeah. Like it happened. We're moving on. Keep going. It's a, you know, it's a burden. Don't get me wrong. But at the end of the day, it, it happened. We're moving on. Keep going. It's a burden, don't get me wrong. But at the end of the day, it's fucking life.

Like, all right, your car got stolen. You're still, not saying this is the greatest thing you can do in life. But the fact that, like, right now, do you have a worry in the world? Like, I have none. Like, I'm having. I don't want to be hungover tomorrow. That's my worry. Good Lord, so you have one.

But, like, we're drinking here i am we're drinking talking hanging out like yeah you didn't it's like what could go wrong at this moment oh good lord that was a mini rant and i liked it that was a mini i liked it i think i wanted to get that out for a while that sounded like something you had to get off your chest do you feel better no because nothing's gonna fucking change okay well i thought i'd ask also but like sometimes it feels good to just like vent though that's the other thing too is like nothing's gonna change nothing ever like there are changes but like we're just like until this until we hit like the sun like we're just we're gonna there's no point no i think aliens are gonna pick us up first let me check the time before we get into the aliens.

Because I will talk forever. 121. All right. We got another. We got a couple minutes. I just. Aliens are real. I love it.

I fucking love it. Aliens are absolutely real. And I. Like somebody did. Like kind of just like was word vomiting. And I saw their video. And they were just like, I always think about it. Like they're watching us like, you know, the movie Truman Show with Jim Carrey. Like we are Jim Carrey.

We are Truman in this situation because I genuinely think we're all just Sims. Like I think you like the simulation theory. Yeah. Like I feel like we are just being controlled and like they're just sims like i i you like the simulation theory yeah like i feel like we are just being controlled and like they're just kind of like watching shit happen and like like someone's controlling you right now you got a weird fucking guy at the controller yeah like who the fuck is doing this that'd be great like all right so let's say someone is at the control of each one of us why am i sitting like this um if you like could meet the person at your control wouldn't that just be meeting you i don't know or is that like what's real or what is actually real or is it like

if it is like sims yeah and like you do what you actually want to do in Sims, imagine... I would have had a life hack and had millions of dollars at this point. Exactly, exactly. You know? Okay, imagine. So like Sims, you have the life hack, you want the rich life, whatever, what you don't have kind of thing. Wouldn't meeting who's controlling you be pretty fucking sad? Because this is theoretically their better life.

And you go meet them. I'd be like, oh, Jesus. How fucking sad it is. Like, they're like in their alien, like, mom's basement. Just like eating their like alien Doritos. Yeah, whatever it is. But like this is like. Space chips.

This like low budget podcast show in someone's garage is someone's like ideal life or like you think about like oh maybe there's like oh they want a cool origin story or kind of thing like this better be a cool origin this better be i invested 80 dollars yeah so it's still something did we tip enough yeah 30 we did 33 percent that's really good okay i don't know they got a good tip i wasn't i wasn't i was expecting spending like 120 bucks i don't know why because mainly i like i had i trusted you to find a place and i thought i was like oh you're gonna find like a decent place which was it was a great place it was a great place but like a lot of places i don't know like minimums i guess 60 i've seen minimums here are so much better like my minimum at like when i got my ribs done

was 150 dollars i was like okay i guess i'm doing this but like there's not many cheap places there so any dollars like that's that's easy that's so easy yeah like this is my cheapest tattoo and i've had in three years but it has the most meaning it has my heart and soul to be honest that tattoo grows in meaning with every episode. Yeah. I love it. I think it's so fun. Every week, that tattoo gets another hour plus of content.

I love it. I do, too. I love this shit. Do your friends know you have that? Yeah, I sent people a picture. Already? Yeah. Actually, I wonder if anybody knows.

I'm afraid that I keep touching it. I don't know how this works i have one unprofessional tattoo and one you're so cute i love this i know i don't know why how am i not a catch that's why right there that's why i was gonna say let's think about what you just said so fun. Hi, ladies. Erica said she loves it. Fat chance, buddy, or mine? Mine.

I sent it to Nick and he said I need to shake my legs. I don't think Bobas... I think my legs look fine. They're a little prickly, actually. Does Bobas even know what that means? I don't know. will now i'm gonna plug you so hard i hope you know franklin's gonna fucking love this shit frank is gonna hate this

i don't care i don't care it sounds so bad like okay i i rip on franklin enough and I don't think it's because I hate it. I think it's because I have this desire to just be everywhere kind of thing. I want to experience everything. The idea that I always say, I can always come back. Go experience something else, be uncomfortable. Even if I still am, last two weeks, every night i have looked at cooking jobs in denver i am actively trying to move out to you guys and i really am like and what like hit hard and like the fact

that i have heilman here telling me hey maybe let's like shoot for the end of summer kind of am i like that's the shirt okay i i thought i had like something wrong with my chest but okay sorry add right there um no and heilman who like is probably like if i could take heilman and chad fry with me to denver yeah knowing that like gaines already leaving and like my other friends are very content being here but like if i take them with me i would take them and heilman is like oh let's think the end of summer and then i talked to connor last weekend he goes what are you doing man are you gonna move here or what and i like it just like hit hard i was like oh someone actually wants me out there kind of thing it's like not that you haven't asked enough i was gonna say

not pretend that i haven't but like i genuinely like if i brought those like we all went i think 95 of my favorite people would be in the same place and like it just doesn't it makes sense it doesn't make sense to not be there yeah kind of thing um but even if i did go there i would still be the same person that after like two years be like dude let's go try austin yeah like let's try something new let's do like i always like i like new i like change it's different you meet new people it's whatever like might be another reason why i don't talk to females like oh that's what i knew but to be fair like i feel like we're constantly growing and so to believe i'm not gonna pretend to try and toss i was gonna say that was brutal the first time

but to pretend that you are just going to stay friends with the same people your entire life your entire life some people can do it some people can't and that's just because you grow into new people so interests change values change morals change like you know like shit like that so it's just like it makes sense that you grow apart from people i never think think it's anything bad. I think it's just maturity. Well, I predicted it in high school. Like trying to, you know, get rid of you kind of thing. I didn't though. Like I thought I was going to be like best friends with like everybody from like childhood,

all that stuff for like. I did not. Forever. And I've grown apart from so many people and it's not like, there's nothing, there's no bitter feelings. There's nothing like. You nothing there's no bitter feelings there's nothing like you just kind of moved on it's not like if you met like if you like saw tomorrow like i would say hi give everybody a hug i'd be like tell me everything tell me about your life but

we just grow apart and that's just because like it's a matter yeah it's a matter of what you're doing where you're at yeah and also distance like distance does cause problems with people sometimes and like yeah and they're all i think there's always going to be like one or two like oh i came back i will pick up right where i left off absolutely there's always one or two which i think is like you and i distance like you come back it's like all right it's like we live together or like we're next door neighbors forever me and chad i can go to his house tonight if i hadn't if i didn't see chad in like six months or connor or jake or sam yeah and i just showed up at their house it'd be like hey man

i saw you yesterday what's up kind of thing like it'd be that easy yeah like that is also rare like it's very select few people like that's five people or whatever i named up in my life yeah amongst all my friends that there are other people it's like oh we're just it happens i'm still friends with you i'm just not gonna talk to you every fucking day like yeah also it's like different school's over yeah so like i don't i don't see you every day kind of thing where it's like i should be friends with you because i have to like family i see him every day kind of thing where it's like, I should be friends with you because I have to like family. I see him every day kind of thing. Or I talked to him every day.

Yeah. We're like, Hey, we're required to love each other. Like for the high school, it's like, if we're not friends, like school is going to suck kind of thing.

Yeah. It's not like, that's why you're friends with someone. It's like a survival thing. But in college, like I see you every day. I see a class. We go out,

like we're gonna be close. We stopped seeing each other. It's like, you kind of realize like, Oh, we weren't really like that into each other it's just like a matter of proximity a lot of it is convenience a lot of it is just convenience it yeah it's distance and it's literally convenience because i thought so many more people would be in my life as like best best friends like right now and it's just not that way and like I have my close friends I have my close girlfriends I have my close guy friends and it's just like I am so much happier now because I'm like

I'm not trying to maintain 50,000 friendships. It's just the ones that come, like, naturally. Like, and it's, like, so much more. It still is fun meeting new people. I love meeting new people. Like I said, I think I've met 80% of my, like, friends for life kind of thing. Yeah. But, like, knowing my head, like, there's a potential every time I go out, I find one of those 20% people.

Yes. It's so cool. Like, even just, like like the girls that I've met in Colorado I'm just like I didn't think I'd meet friends like that like so quick or even like one of my friends I just met in 2019 so like a year after I had already known like my group and she is like one of my best friends like we just click we get each other like all this stuff and i'm just like it's so fun because like that's why i like miss like truly having like full-on bar experiences because it's the talking to random people oh it's the best and like getting random people's numbers

and then texting each other the next day like it's so fun and just being like hey let's like do this together i don't know it's fun i love it i love it it's like fun. And just being like, Hey, let's like do this together. I don't know. It's fun. I love it. I love it. It's like my favorite feeling. All right, let's end this.

Give me, Oh my God. I forgot we were recording. Okay. That's the best part. That's a good episode. Yeah. Um, how much criticism do you have constructively?

I have a, I have a, I have a little bit. Yeah. Let's hear it. Okay. Um, okay. So. Okay, so I think...

Like, the random things that we do, like peeing, I feel like we shouldn't have peed in the middle of an episode. Well, I can definitely edit that out, but yeah. Yeah, I feel like we shouldn't be, like, throwing away bottles during it. I feel like we should, like, almost, almost like control our conversations a little bit better. Okay. In like a way that we can like make it, it sounds so natural. Like I think, like I'm literally just thinking of the podcast that I listen to right now.

You don't think this was natural? No, not, it was natural, but it was like almost like too natural that like we were getting off topic and like see i like that i i do it's just like i feel like we should be able to like edit it then to like to the point where it doesn't sound like it's just like one continuous streak like we should like piece together some of it and like make it like and i may maybe like stick to like talking points for some of it but it's so fun to go off of it so it's like it's really hard i'll tell you right now that will not change the going on tangents that's the point of this i just want this to be casual and like that's the thing like going on tangents is good but i feel like

you having those i had no idea you had like talking points to like bring up during this yeah and you didn't even know but i brought them up i had no idea but yeah that's a good idea though to like constantly have something to chat about because those will lead into those tangents so that's a really good idea that's what i do like okay i had three of them it was the obsession with our name yes me and michael and then uh what was it horny day horny day yeah no i think it's good though i feel like this is fun should we like edit it down though like do we want it like shorter you're an hour and a half you're probably on like your average it's like between an hour and whatever oh so we're like still in like. We're good.

Yeah, we're good. I'm not like, I'm not, I personally don't want to edit past two hours. I got to sit there and do this. I got to listen to this. I got to listen to you talk again for another hour and a half. All right. I'll let you do final thoughts. Otherwise I'll just hit stop.

Final thoughts. Actually give me three compliments. No. That's so on the spot because you have none um and yours wasn't i like how blunt you are with me because i need somebody to keep things real and not sugarcoat things like you literally have always be the most like affectionate person but i feel like you show me a good like amount of affection that makes me feel special and like a good friend okay and you make me laugh because you are just like one of the like weirdest quirkiest people and like how you bring things up sometimes that just like makes me like so like genuinely

happy and like genuinely laugh you know I'll take it I like it love you love you thank you let's end this okay