Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.18 - Danny Voelkel

Episode Date: June 23, 2021

Danny Voelkel joins the podcast for this weeks episode! Listen in as we relive Danny's near death injury and the embarrassing results of his attempts at finding a cure for his deadly hangovers.

It's, it's pretty easy. Um, I have to, I have the worst technical difficulties with this shit though. Okay. Last episode, I had Andrew's microphone backwards. Episode before that, this was too close. So like, you saw me the entire time. I wanted you talking on camera. I mean, it's fucking bad.

I just, I need to, and so like this one, I think I got it right. It's like, I can't, unless I just completely reach over and you can see yourself there. Okay. So do you see my hand? No. Good. No, you're good. So before, before I had the cameras and I was like here.

Oh, okay. So you were getting all up in there? Yeah. Okay. That's funny. Oh, I think this, these are going to break too. What's up with the No Shoes Nation? Oh, yeah.

It's just a flag. It's a Kenny Chesney. It's a flag I had before the walls were just white, and it looked terrible. Fair enough. I have all this chaotic stuff behind me, the baby head. I'm a big fan. Oh, the baby head? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I love it. Get this. So, you know when you go into your pictures on your phone yeah and it i'll just pull it up and it kind of says like oh these are people who are in like commonly in your pictures that's hilarious the baby head they recognize as a person and when i click on the baby head. What does it register as? It's in. It registers as person. 44 photos. And I mean they're all videos from this. It's in.

It's in majority of my camera roll. They recognize this. It's the number three person in my camera roll. Besides me. That's fucking wild. Dude that shows how often you're podcasting. How often do you do this? Every Friday, I get one done.

I want to do one a week for now. I want to get two a week, but it's just tough with... Editing? Not so much editing, but just conflicting schedules with people and then other work stuff. I don't have time. I want to do two to three a week but i can't pull that a little closer to you all right there we go right here is it registering me

now yeah it's fine turn your body so you look at this there you go okay all right dude i got you now you got it you're lucky you got me on a good day this is like the one day off i have every i was shocked because i the last two weeks have been terrible about getting guests on here i've just since i got back from colorado i just said yo when'd you go two weeks ago i was there dude i went there at the last week in may same so like the 28th like memorial weekend yeah yeah i was there too we went up to it was uh my buddy connor's birthday, and then we went up to his cabin and went apart.

Okay, we were in Breckenridge. Okay. I don't know how far they are apart, but I guess. No, I was there for the powerlifting nationals. We were there with a bunch of kids, and we had off one day, so we all five coaches just got in the car and drove up to Breckenridge. It was cool as shit. Oh, you're coaching powerlifting now.

Okay. Yeah. How is that coaching high schoolers? You know, it's high schoolers. What sucks is I don't get to be – I used to like it a lot more because I actually get around and, like, interact with the kids, but now I straight up just show it to the mates.

So they're like, who the fuck is this guy? Every single time. I mean, I coach with Mikey, though, and they think he's, like, the scour it to the mates. So they're like, who the fuck is this guy? Every single time. I mean, I coach with Mikey though. And they think he's like the scourge of the earth. Good lord. Of all people to look up to. Yeah, pretty much he tells them every year. He's like, yeah, I'm the kind of guy you don't want to live your life after.

I get that though because I would occasionally show up to the high school lacrosse games here because I was coaching youth, which I've said so many times on here now. But I would try and – because I know the varsity coach decently well. He used to coach my brothers. And he goes, dude, if you want to say anything, go for it. Like, coach them up. You're definitely smart enough to tell them what to do. You've played longer than they have. so i was like okay and then i tell them to do something and they're like dude who are you exactly exactly i don't go to their practices

and like one kid knows me because he's the littlest brother of a kid who was a freshman when i was a senior because oh i recognize. And he's now a senior. Right. Which I'm like, holy fuck, am I way removed from high school. Oh, for sure. And then, so I'm like, hey, Jimmy, you should do this. And then he goes, dude, you could be someone's dad. Or, I mean, not dad, but I'm like, I don't know who you are. You're not a coach.

I'm like, oh. Yeah, pretty much. At one point, I went into a huddle, and I grabbed a whiteboard, and I was doing this, this, and this. And I had to end it with, oh, yeah, my name's Michael. I used to play here. And they're like, ah, okay. I feel that. I'm eight years removed from the sport, so I am so far.

I'm like two generations past anybody who knew who the heck I was. So I've got zero credibility anymore. So I go and I try to tell somebody to do something and they're like, yeah, you're not the head coach. Yeah, it's... Who are you? It was the toughest part. I can't blame them.

Oh, I'm right there with you. Especially if you're not at practices and you're not doing anything else with them and you just show up for a game like, hey man, you suck, do this. I'd be like, go fuck yourself, man yeah i don't want you here we were at the um we were drinking after one of the like because it's four like four or five days we were at the hotel bar and we were just hanging out and one of the lifters came through and i tried telling her to like go back to a room she's like

i'm and she's like why should i listen to you i'm like you old fucking man i was like i was like because i'm your coach she's like you don't even show up to practice you're barely a coach i'm like you old fucking man i was like i was like because i'm your coach she's like you don't even show up to practice you're barely a coach i'm like you're like touche it's like you're right i'm gonna just i'm gonna keep pounding these down yeah see you in the morning no i really was surprised you're able to do i was like he's gonna be at work or this is gonna be a uh have to be like a seven o'clock at night thing which i would have been fine with but then i made the tea time. No, you're cool.

You're cool. It worked out perfect. This is only an hour. I'm going to start cutting these off around like an hour. No, that's totally fair. I've got, I'm going to the beer garden after this anyways, so. Are there multiple beer gardens around here? Like what beer garden are you going to? I'm going to the Whitnall one.

Whitnall Park. Who are you going with? Izzy Osmani. She's a girl I went to high school with. Haven't seen her in like five years. This is just like a random thing you're doing? Yeah, she's back in town. She moved to like Michigan for college.

She's like, hey, are you around? I'm like, yeah, I guess. I'm off work. Might as well. This is like the tour to Danny today. Yeah, it is. I was at the beach with my sister and Big Mike. And then your niece is, right? I was playing in the sand and now i'm here this is quite the day i haven't seen michael

kuski in like probably a year or two a year we did the driving range two or three times that's about my birthday last year yeah heck yeah Dude, I'm almost 26. Dude, I feel bad. I just turned 25 and I feel old as fuck. I'm having this realization like, oh my God, I get kicked off my parents' insurance in a month, which I'm ready for it. It's kind of that you are absolutely an adult. You are 100%. It's the last one. 25, I can rent a car now.

26, I mean, kick to the wolves. You are on your own. Yeah. Figure it out. It's so weird. Oh, I'll be in a box by the time I'm 26. It's horrible. Living in a box, hands down.

That's okay. Like a double-decker box I could afford, but 26, I'm in a box. Do you need this to take off, or do you need to convince Christine to buy you a place to live? She's buying a house here soon, I think. No, and by the end of summer, I'm supposed to be, and I've said it so many times, but, like, committed to moving to Denver. You've been saying that for, like, two years.

Well, I was. I was. Yeah, it's so true. I have. Well, I never, I was like, I want to go for the last two years. Sure. And then last March was going to go. Mm last two years and then last march was gonna go and then like ronnie flights got canceled and then you know the whole covid thing happened

um and hey rona yeah rona kind of fucked me in the ass in terms of moving out there when i wanted to i will never forget them saying when my flight got canceled I'm like I don't know what to tell you Like Can I do anything virtually for you Cause it was content stuff They go Just like fly out in three weeks When this is over

No A year later We're We're finally getting to a point Where we can actually You know Go out in the world again Yeah I know

I feel I mean I feel back to normal now I mean there isn't Right Now it's like I see a few people with masks Do you still have to wear them at work? Oh yeah They said that like

That's going to be like an industry standard now Pretty much I mean we're probably going to have to wear them like seasonally Because they saw like the effects of wearing them So like during like flu season and what not We're probably going to have to wear them 100% But You're used to it now.

At least it's only at work. I know. I bet. But at least it's only at work for you. It's not like we go home and you're like, Oh, gotta go to the grocery store, throw it back on.

You're not like, and I mean, it's, I still have three in my car that I just put in my glove box. I'm like one day I might need these. Oh, absolutely. Not throwing them away.

Like they're clean. Just threw them in my, I'm like, one day I might need these. Oh, absolutely. Not throwing them away. Like, they're clean. Just threw them in my, I'm like, and maybe, like, I'm probably going to be with someone when we're going to walk into one place that just hasn't had a TV on in three months. They're like, we're still wearing them. I'm like, well, fuck me. Here we go. Here we go. Let me go shuffle through my glove box and find one of these.

Yeah, every time, like, I'll throw them out, and I forget that I gotta wear them into work and it's like it's like you gotta walk through some of the halls for me to get to my department so like i feel like the scourge of the earth when i'm like walking through the hospital without a mask on like you're a piece of shit oh yeah i have one on right now i think there was the first time i didn't wear it into a grocery store, I did feel weird, which I hated that I felt weird for walking in like a normal human being. Oh, yeah. You feel like you're walking around without pants on. I was like – and I'm looking around, and it felt like I was missing something, and it pissed me off more that I wasn't comfortable being normal, than the fact that, like, that just pissed me off more than anything.

Like, I was uncomfortable being normal. Oh, absolutely. I guess my personal philosophy is like, okay, if you got the vaccine, good for you. Yeah. I don't care. I really don't care whether or not you did. I did.

I got left arm. Yeah, same here. But, like, if you didn't, more power to you. Good for you. But, like, I mean, the vaccine's been out for how long now? You could have gotten it if you wanted it. Three months. And if you don't want it, then you don't really care.

So. Who cares? Who cares? Exactly. Exactly. Like, if you got it, you're protected for yourself. If you didn't get it, you're not. But you also don't care.

So who cares? Yeah. Not me. Why would we care? you're protected for yourself. If you didn't get it, you're not, but you also don't care. So who cares? Yeah. Why would we care? We're protected. Exactly. I don't care. If I didn't get it, I mean,

it's exactly, yet it's, that's such a simple way to put it. Exactly. And it makes, and it makes, no,

I 100% agree with you. Yeah. Makes so much sense. Uh-huh. Yet we still argue, like, you're not, I'm like,

shut the fuck up. Who cares? Are you vaccinated? I am. Like, you're not... I'm like, shut the fuck up. Who cares? Are you vaccinated? I am. Like, if you're talking to someone else who's like, who is vaccinated and someone's not wearing a mask, like, you're not vaccinated, you could get... I'm like, you're vaccinated.

Who fucking cares? They chose not to. That means they don't care if they get it. So, who cares? So, both people just need to shut the fuck up. Absolutely. Let's move on. There is... We're past this.

For little things, sometimes silence is a good thing. Oh, absolutely. Just shut the fuck up. Yeah. This was like 2020. Worst year ever. Let's just write it off and move on. What is wacky, though, is I think 2020 just doesn't register in my mind.

And I'm like, oh, I went to Disney World last year, but that was like 2019. Because 2020 doesn't register in my mind. I'm like oh i went to disney world last year but that was like 2019 because like 2020 oh yeah i think last year is 2019 like if i see i think that happens though with every year still like because we're still kind of i mean we're halfway through almost yeah which is whack we are halfway through 2021 which is nuts and usually in the beginning of the year i think oh last year i did this'm like, that was two years ago, Michael. Like, last year is 2020. And that happens, like, if it's 2019, I think last year was 2017. But this one more so.

Because we didn't do shit. We didn't do shit. Like, we did nothing monumental as in, like, we didn't really go places. Or, like, nothing you can't do all the time anyways right yeah so like my and i don't remember i saw it a lot of fun last year oh yeah and i started all this shit last year like i actually had a semi-good 2020 like this is doing significantly better allowed you to focus on all the things that like you know normally you're like distracted doing all these other things but silver lining now you can just focus on this because you're not allowed to leave anyways.

Exactly. And, I mean, now I can. And I am leaving. But. That's one of the things. People are like. He's leaving. Oh, you should see.

Yeah. No, I'll show you later. But. We out. So. Yeah, no. Where were we we i'm drawing a blank now um years disappearing i'm disappearing years oh yeah years 2020 yeah the only thing we did last year for me was like i just drank in different places with the same 10 people that's it yep i either like oh i drank in this basement this basement someone's cabin at a lake on a boat back in a basement yep occasionally went to a bar but was like 90

feet away from like the closest rat like i didn't even waste my time going to the bars and i had just bought the house so like we just we hung out in my basement every single Friday. Yeah. It gets, it gets old. Yeah. It gets real old. I shut that operation down.

You're like, yeah, I've had enough of this. Yeah. You know what? You get enough Saturdays of cleaning your house and you're like, all right,

this is, this is enough. We need to find someone. Oh, I've had enough of those. Like just in college when we would have fraternity parties and you're the pledge, just a semester of like cleaning shit up. Let's when we would have fraternity parties and do the pledge, just a semester of...

Cleaning shit up. Let's say you had, like, 10 people over and you're like, I'm sick of cleaning up, like, 30 cups and a few empty, like, wounded soldiers. Imagine waking up, like, legit shit hung over. Yep. And you get texted and be like, boys, come clean the house. Like, not just the basement, the house. There were 200 people here. No one gives a fuck.

And only 30 of you lived there. No one gives a fuck about the house. Like, come clean it. We were squeegeeing the floor. Did you ever have any lingerers? Where, like, you wake up the next day, and there's somebody just, like, on your couch, and you're like, well, you let go.

We were pretty good. Unless they were, like, unless it was a hookup. Or I just either got there late enough that we didn't see anyone. in your life no well you like we were pretty good unless they were like unless it was a hook up um or i just either got there late enough that we didn't see anyone but usually um we were pretty good about uh kicking people out we had sober monitors not really we had no how do we put it basically liability people we're supposed to stay sober for the party, which I don't think anyone really did. Sober-ish. Sober, yeah. Only had a few.

They weren't in the mix of things, but they had a red solo cup with water. Absolutely. And they were usually probably more sober than most. And they're like, alright, people are starting to file out. We're like, alright. People pass down the couch. We're like, yo, you need to get the fuck bathroom just go like you we don't want you here also people if you're at a frat house you don't want to stay there dude i slept on your couch at the frat house

yeah but you were a guest nice couch great couch great couch The amount of piss and semen and shit and sweat that had probably gone through there is disgusting. Yeah, I don't like to think about that. Yeah. It was a nice place to sleep. It's a comfy couch, though. It's a great napping couch. You just, you lay down and like, oh, the memories that are in this thing. Yeah, I was drunk.

I tried not to think about it. Just passed out. Oh, you weren't thinking about it at all if you're drunk there no i still remember i was calling you for like two hours trying to get you back there and we were like standing at the door your people were like not letting us in that's great what day was this was this my birthday i don't remember i don't know because if it was my birthday i was gone i mean my 21st and we got separated my hometown friends my college friends and i got lost in basically the distance between the front of the garage and the end of the garage and then i just came back three hours later no one knows where i've asked um the hometown guys

you guys are like what we do last like, you weren't with us. I'm like, I'm like, what? And I was like, was I here? And I vaguely remember just crawling into my bed and Marco's laying there.

I'm like, fuck it, man, move over. And I was like, I came home at three o'clock in the morning and I got kicked out

of the bar, I think at 1230. Dude, every time I visited you up there, it was like you would, you did terrible things to me. Yeah. I, I would black out every time I visited you up there It was like you would You did terrible things to me I would black out every time I saw you

It's not You're not the first one And you won't be the last one I think I will be that person Till the day I die Alright we're drinking with Kuski Buckle the fuck up I saw you at the bar and I'm like

Oof You were bartending Oh I remember fuck up. I saw you at the bar and I'm like, oof. You were bartending. Oh, I remember. You were with Paul, weren't you? I think it was Halloween. Those are the only times I ever showed up to Madison. Steven keeps moving these fucking trash cans.

We'll just leave them here. Stephen lives here too? Yeah. There's a whole crew here? Kinda, yeah. But kinda, I mean, we see Stephen. I see Stephen when I cook him dinner. And I'm like, hey, are you hungry? He goes, kinda, kinda not.

I'm like, do you want food? Like, that's the question. Like, are you hungry? He goes, eh. I'm like, do you want me to make you something? He goes, eh. I'm like, fuck. I don't understand people like that. Exactly. And I was like, just answer's the question. Like, are you hungry? He goes, eh. I'm like, do you want me to make you something? I'm like, fuck. I don't understand people like that.

Exactly. And I was like, just answer the damn question. And I'll see him when I make dinner, give him his food, and then he's gone. Then he's gone. Then he goes to work. He's in bed early. I mean, he's uphead. I mean, he's doing construction stuff.

So, but that's like But that's so him. I mean, if GQ had a construction part of the magazine, that would be him. He is all looks but manual labor. I don't get it. GQ construction version. Yeah. A little open flannel. Exactly.

He'll have chubby stuff on but a hard hat. Like, I don't know. It's interesting. It's so Steven. He's always been like this. He's a, I call him a brand whore. I mean, he is like, if we're dying of thirst, okay, we've been walking through the Sahara for three days. We haven't had a drop of water.

And we were offered a handful of Voss water versus a gallon of Dazani. He would take the Voss. If it came in that little Voss glass cup, he would take the Voss versus a gallon of designing just because it looks cooler you know what the gas station yeah I'm like dude that's a more power to him it's a six dollar bottle of water that one's 99 cents and it's twice the size which grabbed the 99 cent one exactly I know there is does he have a reason behind it or is it or is he just like I just looks better the looks the looks he's a brand whore.

But that's, I mean, we all know people like that. I think if we let him, if we gave him, like, a credit card with no limit in the Gucci store, he would walk out with the Gucci store just because it's Gucci. Whereas me and Andrew are more, I don't like the look of any of this weird freaky shit i don't want any of it i don't care if it's a thousand dollars yep if we walked out with as much stuff as steven it would be the purpose of selling it again oh hell yeah versus steven's like this is mine and you know what like that's just that's his personality he likes more fashionable stuff than us i mean i'm in a toy story t-shirt with a cowboy hat on right now dude kohl's

no marshall's home marshall's and home goods and then tj maxx okay eight dollars for t-shirts like these like graphic ones i'm a big fan of the graphic tees. I do the 80% off at Kohl's, and I've gotten N64, Zelda, Lion King. Zelda would be cool. I would like a Zelda one. This has been my thing, though, is I wear a cartoon t-shirt every episode.

You should have told me, man. You should have told me. I could have fired up Zelda for you. Yeah, I should have, but at the same time, I'm glad you dressed like you came from the beach, which you did. Dude, if you would have told me, man. You should have told me. I could have fired up Zelda for you. Nah. Yeah, I should have, but at the same time, I'm glad you dressed like you came from the beach, which you did. Dude, if you would have caught me, like, literally, if you would have been like, you can come over now, I was about to show up in my swimsuit. I would have been fine with it. Yeah, I was just out swimming.

It's so fucking hot in here. I had to end the last episode at an hour, and I could have gone longer with Andrew and his buddy. Sure. But I was like, dude, I keep doing this with my shirt. I'm sticking to it. Like, it's – that one I was drenched in sweat. Hot and steamy. I almost came in with the hat on.

I should have wore it. I have that – you remember that camo hat? Maybe. Camo bucket hat. Yeah. Camping hat. Oh, yeah. I remember that one.

I have the matching backpack, I think. The camping hat, dude. That hat reminds me of you almost dying. Yeah. yeah yeah oh yeah i remember that one i have i have the matching backpack i think the camping hat dude that hat reminds me of you almost dying yeah you know i'm halfway good now by the way how is that like what is is there any updates in that stuff do you get checkups on it no no it's uh pretty much it is what it is just hope it doesn't pop back out that is literally like the most scared i've ever been in my life like do you want me to you want me to give a quick quick version quick quick explanation what's going on here yeah let's do it and then go for it so long story short my brother young mike taps me in the ground dislocates the collarbone

and the way that works out is it kind of like popped back into my chest tore all the ligaments that hold it together when they pulled it back out now it's just kind of like a free floating thing that could pop back out at any minute that was real short let me uh elaborate a little more on that one jesus christ that was the real technical like doctor wants to get out he's got a tea time version you don't know mikey picked you up and like slammed you to the ground yes because he was in full rage mode mikey don't get me wrong you were poking the bear oh absolutely you were poking the bear i stuck my hand in the bear's mouth oh yeah and he bit it off so he he and you could say i'm the guy it's not like we were we're at a campsite i think like you think

a campsite it's maybe a little bit of grass some leaves and just dirt and a tree and it's right it's the end of summer it's barely rained here it's rock hard it's at the base of a tree so you got like a root or something but you got slammed in and it popped in and it just stayed there right yeah and you came and you're like i don't feel something like that but there was a nurse there was it miss straight yeah she's pt assistant yeah so she's like lay on the table blah blah i'm thinking holy fuck like i thought like all right he broke his collarbone i think everybody including me was like i broke the collarbone looks like this is gonna be a rough like start of the school year for you kind of thing. Yeah.

It'll be fine. We were in college. So it's like, you weren't playing sports. No, I was, I was ready for it. I was like, ah, you know what it is, what it is. But then slept on it. But then like we had, by the way, we had been drinking and we'll get to another story, but like we have been drinking all day.

Yeah. And so we've already pissed off the parents enough, so it doesn't help that we... This is cherry on top. Yeah, this is, I mean, cherry on top and then a firework inside the fucking ice cream. Oh, yeah. And it blew up right in Big Mike's face. He's an unhappy camper. So eventually, you have to go to bed, but you have a history of Pedialytes after drinking because your hangovers are so bad. And then you have to pee.

That's why my mother bought him Pedialyte. So you have to pee a lot. And sometimes you're too drunk and you pee while you're sleeping. But not in your bed. You stand up and you go and do it. You don't pee in the bed. You just pee and other things. We'll get to that um not my finest moment so you're not going to sleep though at this point so you're like you have to help me get up to pee uh-huh i am shit

tired drunk i am ever like trying to stay awake i think i woke up two or three times to help you pee i think four or five and six okay. Okay, let's clarify help me pee. It was that I was laying back and I couldn't sit myself up. Yeah, I had to sit me up. Yeah, I could pee on my own. Yeah, you could pee on your own, but I had to sit you up and get you, which was a process. It took longer, I think, to sit you up without hurting you.

And looking back now, like us sitting you up the wrong way could have really fucked things up. It could have killed me. Exactly. I could have been internally bleeding up. It could have killed me. Exactly. I could have been internally bleeding that entire time. That entire time. And so, you, I mean, you are close to death at this point. You did not barely slept eight hours.

Wake up. We make breakfast. You're just sitting there like this on the picnic table. Remember you had to help me put my shirt on? Yep. Then we have to go to a different campsite, what an hour away oh yeah we spend the entire day there well you're at the hospital you're at two different hospitals we spend the entire day at this other place you come back we're thinking he's gonna be better it's replaced like he's gonna be in a cast come back

like you're in the same position just like this like it doesn't help over you also drive a stick shift car and we drove your car up there yes we have to drive your car back no one else drives stick mikey kind of yep so you're in the front seat trying to coach your little brother who has almost killed you at this point yeah it was bonding experience to drive you drive us home he's freaking out like i almost killed him well he doesn't know that yet i'm in the backseat like this is fucked up you guys just dropped me off at home we find out later from what like the third or fourth doctor yeah fourth that it was like near an artery or something and that if they pulled it out it could cut that artery and then you would die correct that's that's right so

finding that out i mean we went at that time well pokemon go was a thing and you and mike you were really into it ah i was not but i was like i will do whatever the fuck you want dude that was like my last week of life i literally but i was like i will do whatever the fuck you want that was like my last week of life i literally thought i was like this could be my last moments with you and i'm catching pikachus in the park with my phone yeah that's what i do in my last week to live is uh go play pokemon go and i that is like in all seriousness probably one of the most scared i've ever been in my life to go to bed one night because i was like i'm either waking up from a text from you in a good way or from

someone else like he didn't make it yeah dude and i think i woke up every half hour on the hour like on the dot from like three to 9 and just like waking up. And I think your text to me was, I'm alive, bitch. Dude, I still remember coming out of that surgery. Them putting me down was like the weirdest experience of my life because, I mean, I've had a fair amount of surgeries at this point. So like I've been knocked out a few times, so I kind of know how it feels and, like, how it goes. Well, first of all, they, like, threw me on the table. They had me scooch over onto the table,

and it's, like, this, like, cold, like, metal table, and they, like, strapped my arms down, and then they threw belts across my chest, and I'm like, dude, I weigh 130 pounds. Relax. Yeah. Where am I going? I'm 5'4".

Like, I'm, like, the size of your children like i'm not going anywhere and they keep they strap me in and then they give me the anesthesia stuff which pretty much makes you feel just like numb across the board and you pass out well like as it as it was going in i started like coughing and i'm like oh fuck this is it i'm dead i'm dead i can't breathe right now i was like i've never felt like this but shit I can't breathe right now. I was like, I've never felt like this before. Shit, I can't breathe. The doctor kills you with anesthesia before they do this, right? Oh, man.

I don't know, man. But, I mean, I guess it really didn't take them that long. Like, they pulled it out, and they had, like, a whole cardio team scrubbed in, ready to go. Yeah, I can't imagine the actual, like, part. I was like, they knew what they needed. Like, it was just like a, just pop it out. It was the risk of what happened when they popped it out, which was the problem. Yep, pretty much.

Mm-hmm. That was so fucking scary. Heck yeah, man. So fucking scary. Yeah, what they did, they, like, they, like, took, like, something like a clamp, and they just grabbed my, they, like, dug in, they, like, cut into my skin and, like, just clamped my collarbone. They, like, hyperextended my arm back and just pulled it back into the joint.

But now, it, um, there's four ligaments that normally hold it together. Just free. Just free. Just free. So no more extreme anythings for Dan. I was going to say, yeah. I'm going to live that old man lifestyle for the rest of my life. Dude, at least that means the rest of your life means you have a life.

Yeah, dude. I'll drive the boat, not be on the tube. Exactly. I mean, driving the boat is kind of the fun part. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I still like being on the tube, though. Yeah, no tube.

I went tubing, and my dad from the shore was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I'm like, I didn't even think about it. Yeah. Well, that would be my biggest worry is I would have a lapse in judgment and be like, yeah, fuck it. I'll go bungee jumping, skydiving, and tubing all the same day. Like, yeah, what's the worst that could happen? And then your dad's like, I don't know, death?

How much do you think about might actually cut something open this time around? Yeah, just it's crazy kind of like looking back that like, dude, I was so lucky. I slept for eight hours on that, eight hours. Yeah. On something. I think you peed like 95 times. Well, yeah. I mean, that's just, that's classic me when I drink.

I got to pee like every half hour. I got the bladder of an old man. You don't have a bladder. It's just like if it goes in, it goes right out. Also true. And you know, you mix fireball into the mix, dude. And it's like, I don't remember who I am. How are your hangovers, Ben?

Dude. Still bad? Fun fact, i'm endorsing multivitamins now because they're not half as bad anymore really you think multivitamins are helping your no joke no joke you know my you know my hangovers they were like 24 hours of death oh every single time i don't get that because i'm not like since since day one it's been like i get the flu every time i blow it it's like four beers and you're done. Yeah.

Four beers. Back then, if we had all these. By the way, do you want to keep drinking Landsharks or do you want. Oh, dude, I can do whatever I want now. They're all cold. So if you want Landsharks, let's put them in the bucket of ice. Sure, man. Someone, I do think we need to put that Viking helmet on, though.

Which one? I'll toss it. Well, then, if you're willing to drink two more beers, you can stick the straws in there. I'm not drinking two more beers. Yeah, I know. I'm staying here longer than I should. Yeah, I know. Here, dude.

Let her ride. I'll toss the Viking helmet on. All right. Anyways. Anyways. Anyways. So, basically, you know how, like, everybody... Is it centered enough for me? Let's tuck the straws behind the ears.

Okay. There we go. All right, dude. Yeah. So, like, you know, as you get older, everybody talks about how their hangovers get, like, worse. Fun fact. Mine are actually getting better.

So, from, like, day one one got ripped out of my mind at like 17 years old death for like a day that could be part of the problem it could be like mental too you're like oh this is how i feel when i drink yeah no it's not just it's just i died yeah it's just i died like i mean it was like the worst like nausea, puking all day long, can't keep food down ever. But like, I guess I found the things I can drink and the things I cannot drink. And hard liquor is definitely on the no-go list unless it's Jager. And then multivitamins, dude. Ugh.

Multivitamins. Trust me. I don't take multivitamins. You probably should. I take enough single vitamins to make a multivitamin. No, you don't. Yeah, I probably don't. This is me endorsing multivitamins right now.

I take. Because they've changed my life. But I also, yeah, your hangovers. Whatever. I mean, I'm good. If I could go on like the late night special of like any multivitamin, like and just endorse it for him, be like, just so you know, if you're getting drunk drunk tonight you should take your multivitamins because one a day men's one a day is going to keep you from getting hangovers in your late 20s believe it or not see my sold at

all sam's clubs my thing now is is sugar so i can't i can do like a sugary shot here there but the minute someone's like if i did an entire night of ramen cokes vodka sprites whiskey cokes a long island i'm dead that's that's when i get hung over it's headaches because i probably then i forgot to eat too so i got nothing in me and then i want to throw up and i'm dry heaving if i do i can mix every liquor in the world with beer and take like yeah i know a few kamikaze shots like my sugars from like triple sec or lime juice which isn't even like terribly sugary i'm fine i'll be if i don't if i sleep plenty be fine might have like a minor headache have some coffee i'm good which thank god my dad's like my dad still didn't get hung over and he drinks a decent amount still

apple doesn't fall far from the tree on that one so thank god i asked him that the other like month and he goes yeah i don't get that hungover. I was like, lucky bastard. I'm actually good these days. That's good. I'm good these days. I mean, I can't go balls to the walls. Like, if I go buck wild. Then you'll get hungover.

But, like, for the most part, like, six, seven, eight beers, which is a lot for a guy my size. If we did six, seven, eight here in in two hours we'd both be drunk for sure oh fuck yeah yeah uh oh yeah that's the thing too like how like if six seven eight beers when people say that that either sounds like a ton but then you have like hey when'd you start when'd you end because if you're like true you're like hey i had six seven eight beers i started at seven i was done at nine you're like yeah but you're pretty drunk if you're like i had six seven eight beers i started at seven i was done at nine you're like yeah but you're pretty drunk if you're like i had six seven eight beers i went to the brewer game at the game was at three we started tailgating at one game ended at eight dude those are dangerous games yeah but like seven hours six seven eight beers that's one an hour you're golden you didn't even feel a buzz at

all you're just i think what you feel at that point is just like word vomit. You just don't stop talking. Yeah, that's me. Yeah. Yeah, that's me. Clearly, same. Yeah, yeah. I feel your pain.

No, I got that breathalyzer. So, like, there have been a few times where I've blown it where I think I blew like a.11, which is pretty decent. That's like two or three beers above the limit to drive. Yeah. And now water now, wake up in the morning, a cup of coffee. I'm glad I started drinking coffee. I'm glad Cora got me into that my last semester of college. What are you drinking?

Are you a creamer guy or just black? Straight black. I went straight to black. Yeah, don't ever put the creamer in because then you get addicted to it. But mine was strictly out of health crazy, health nut reasons. Oh, same here. Because I was trying to not be Pillsbury Doughboy Michael anymore. And I was cutting out in such unhealthy ways.

Yeah, but I was like, I'm done. I was like, I don't want to be this person anymore. I was like, all right, I just cut all that stuff out. But I did it cold turkey in a drastic way. My body was like, you probably need some of this right now. Yeah, a little bit of sugar and carbs is good for the soul. It is. Well, it is.

When people say when you do a really intense workout, a little bit of sugar is good for your body oh yeah like it's like it burns it exactly so if i i have this bag of jelly beans upstairs and if i i'll come i'll do my workout a bunch of other stuff when i come home and have lunch or whatever i'll have like four or five jelly beans just put a few grams of sugar in my body and that's it okay let's i'm like just a little to put it back I'm not doing Floyd Mayweather workouts where I'm like where he's down in like a bottle of coke afterwards which is how much sugar do you think is in a can of coke dude honestly I have no idea you want to take a guess uh I'm gonna say probably like 100 grams I'm going 60 milligrams. Is it milligrams or would it be grams? Probably grams.

I think 100 grams. I'm going to go 100. How much sugar in a can of Coke? Dude, I've been eating, so I get ice cream. 39 grams of sugar in 12 ounces. Yeah, 100 would be a lot. Okay, but think. 39 grams of sugar in 12 ounce.

Yeah, 100 would be a lot. Okay, but think. 39 grams of sugar in a 12 ounce, like a normal one. I think the recommended grams of sugar in a day is 30. Yeah, isn't it? 30. Yeah. One can of Coke and you are 30% over. That's why we are fat.

Everything we eat has sugar. Everything. Mm-hmm. Yeah. over yeah we are fat everything we eat has sugar everything yeah um it's the biggest thing we're addicted to too besides coffee and you don't realize how much sugar is in everything we eat until you go like overseas where they don't have sugar in their stuff and you're like wow this is really bland really bland yeah yep it's i got real conscious with the sugar stuff so like i'll try and let's be honest we're probably even if we are conscious with it there's sneaky sugars we're like we're probably all over 30 a

day oh absolutely i i am um that wasn't even like close you know what i thought it was gonna sit in it it did not it bounced you're kind of high up i need to get lower chairs no the barstools are nice dude they're to break here soon. Dude, I bought some off Marketplace. I got four of them for $20. Really? Yeah. They like this?

They do not rock like yours, no. Yeah. Well, these have been through the ringer. I bought these. I think they were $15 a piece back in college. Yours is a little taller than mine. When I built this bar well this jack daniel's bar no the it was the jack daniel's table okay and then this is a palette bar

and then connor and i built this with my dad last night well kind of connor threw up in the bathroom for most of it he's pretty hungover yeah sounds about right so he helped paint it i'll be honest i can't wear this anymore man it's hot as balls oh yeah you don't need it if you didn't have beers in there i was like you don't need to wear that at all i bought that today just like someone's gonna wear it and drink yeah if i would have known in the beginning maybe i would have slapped two bush lattes in there and gone for it see i wasn't sure like i didn't know what when you said light beer i think i use i don't like dark either. Oh, dark is not my thing, but I'll drink anything

light. Same. I like bush. Anything that doesn't, like, punch me in the teeth when I drink it. Or doesn't make your mouth go like this. Mm-hmm. Or you're like, you, like, kind of swallow it down and you're like, it's bitter as all hell. Yeah. It's like, I could do maybe, if someone did, like, uh,

like, we went to a brewery like you should try this this is like oatmeal-y or like i'll have one but i want it like give me like a taster glass like i'll try a bunch of the different because they're good but they are not like when i'm drinking beer i want to have four to eight of them oh absolutely i don't want to be like and if i have one of those oatmeal-y, dark-looking beers, and it sits there, it's also 10% alcohol,

and you have one, you're like, if I have nine more of these, I'm going to be on the roof. Oh, dude. I went to a, I went to a brew house in Germantown after our powerlifting banquet for the kids, right?

So, of course, we go to the brewery afterwards. The Brewhouse. I had a liter of Oktoberfest. That put me on my ass. So good. Every sip of it was amazing, but, like, oh, my God. I finished that out, and i was like stumbling it's the content too like i'm full and it's i mean because you're it's heavy it's heavy and i

think the problem with the not problem i'm never gonna complain about someone handing me a liter of beer ever for absurd 10 bucks i love it so someone you get that liter of beer you're so conditioned to be like whether we think so or not in my head i'm like this beer needs to be gone in a certain amount of time oh actually otherwise it's gonna get warm otherwise it's gonna get warm yeah so you have that mentality but with a liter of beer so you are you drink it you see nothing gone you're like fuck so then all of a sudden your sips become gulps oh absolutely and then that liter of beer which should be like an should take you an hour to drink takes you 25 minutes yep true and then you go and you get another one because you're

like oh i've only had one beer yeah well we got we got half liters because we're like oh let's just do a half liter well then they're like oh by the way we're closing in half liters because we're like, oh, let's just do a half liter. Well, then they're like, oh, by the way, we're closing in five minutes. And you're like, oh, let's get as much as I can before they don't serve me anymore. Hand me another liter. So you have a liter and a half of beer in under an hour, which is, I don't know the ounces. I'm not going to guess. But it's probably like four to six beers. Yeah, that's a lot.

I have no idea how many, but it was a lot. And you're like, shit. I'm a little guy. I'm not a little guy. I'm not small. I'm not a big guy. You, your family is the only family I know

where I feel tall. Yeah. Well, yeah. When I used to go camping with you guys, I would be like, I was like, holy shit, I'm like,

I'm a big guy right now Well yeah Never in my life Nowhere else in my life Am I gonna find that Yeah dude We're little people Little people

Big world People are gonna think You're actually like A little person No dude I'm 5'4 I'm technically I think

I think 5 foot Is the midget for a guy Your sister is though Yep Legally A little person. Correct term. PC.

She's a little tiny, tiny. Yeah. She is technically the tallest midget. Yeah. The tallest a midget can be. Or a little person can be. Sorry. Heck yeah.

Absolutely. You can use little people, man. It's offensive. Apparently. Last episode I said I took a five milligram edible, and I wanted to veg out and just relax. And Andrew goes, did you say veg out? No, I'll say that no more.

And he goes, that's offensive to other vegetables. You can't say that no more, man. You got to watch your words these days. I don't think veg out is that bad. I would say on probably the ranking system, that bad i would say on the on probably the ranking system that's probably pretty low that's probably one of the lowest if not the veg out yeah i don't think the the veggies are gonna come after you for it well they can't so we're good on that part that's it's okay it's okay we'll give you a pass this time around the

day a veg tries to cancel me we can cancel them for claiming they're a vegetable when they're not really a vegetable. But what if they were a veg and they came out? Then they're not a vegetable, so you can't cancel me. Fair enough. Fair enough. But they're the spokesperson for the former veggies. Pick your fucking battles, man. They're the spokesperson for the veggies, dude.

Watch your words these days, man. It's a tough world we live in. But why is he a spokesperson? Why would... I assumed it's a he. Why, uh... Why are you assuming it's a he? Yeah.

Assuming genders. This episode. Fuck the PC and assuming genders. Next episode. Yeah, watch yourself, man. It's a tough world. I don't know if I'm gonna

clip that one. That's going right on TikTok. My TikTok gets shut down after like six months. They're going to come after you. That's not even bad. Actually, I know like all episodes just completely racist too. Let's just get it all out of the way. Yeah, I know.

You're going to be canceled before you get to 100 episodes. That'll be crazy the day i get to 100 episodes i think that's gonna be cool you gotta get a what are you at right now if you combine the two shows i'm at 35 that's not bad no that's not bad that's 35 basically straight weeks of episodes my your first non-franklin er no god to be honest. You had Madison boys, right? No. Actually, it's a lot of Greendale guys that I've been hanging out with, which I love those guys to death, and I thank them a lot for coming on here.

When I started this, it was one kid from Greendale, Braxton, the tending a lisp thing. That's over. Oh, that shut down? Yeah. So this is technically, you could call it tending a lisp without Braxton. So I can't do, in my head, I could call it tending a list without braxton so i can't do in my head i couldn't do tending a list because the list part was braxton he had a list so i was like all right i just ended the show i was like all right you know what that's just put it on the

resume i co-hosted created edited produced all that show this is where I wanted my own thing anyways too so I was like let's just start my own and this is it quick and easy dude it's quick

I mean I had everything and then when I started my own I was like fuck it buy the cameras you've been saying you wanted to do it

the whole time with Braxton I think I did two episodes without cameras and then they came and I haven't looked back since

it's so much cooler with the cameras oh it definitely so much cooler with the camera it definitely is because every time i check it out on the gram dude i'm like wow dude this is this is pretty cool this is kind of cool isn't it yeah i love it i love it i've been waiting to see the setup it's oh it it's so simple it's so simple i want so much more but i have to appreciate what i have now yeah once you move on out to uh denver yeah how are you gonna manage that i just do it in the apartment okay which is gonna be like bittersweet because the garage is a sweet place yeah it started here and i like the layout don't be wrong i wish this could look a

little better i like the idea of looking like a cluttered garage, but this is too real almost. Mm-hmm. So, I don't know. We'll figure it out. I have... I want Steven to make me something. Ooh, I made that. Shit. So, where does your... Does your mom park right here normally?

Yeah. Is that her? No, that's Andrew. So, I just... I push the cars back, park some on the street, and set this up. I was crunch time.

I got home. I was like, I need to eat. I haven't eaten yet. And then it's like, usually it takes me, if I set up at a normal pace, it takes me 20, 25 minutes. I hadn't showered. I looked like shit from the workout. And I think I did this in maybe three and a half minutes oh dude good luck man good luck i was like i'm pumped but yeah i was like i need because i i never want to be the person that's like when you guys show up i'm still set i'm not ready yet it's like this is my shit i should be

ready when you get here when you get here you should sit down i should hit play and we should go and so like a few times i have been like just give me like five more minutes i'm like i hate that right i hate it i feel rushed and then i don't feel like as comfortable starting it right as i normally do and so like the first like 15 minutes sucks then and like the first 15 minutes need to be semi-decent for people. Right. Because that's how things get rolling. Exactly. And so, like, it pisses me off.

It changes my mindset. It's a good thing to have for yourself. This is pretty easy, though. Were you nervous at all coming to do this? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I didn't really know what to expect, to be honest with you. I was like, I didn't really know what was happening happening and then the fact that we just sat down and you're

like you didn't give me anything you're like all right let's just start talking it's easy yeah i'm like all right and then to be honest once you once you get a few of these rolling you totally forget that this is even even here yeah it's now it's just you and i occasionally you look at the camera yeah yeah we're uh we're shooting the shit and um we're reminiscing about the past exactly now we're we're at 50 minutes here do we want to tell because i want to eventually i'm going to tell your story about the last time you were ever inside this house oh we can we can dive into that i eventually want to tell on stage but i think we should i think we should talk about this you well you i'll let you tell it so you can give as much detail as you want well you were asleep during it so i i'm i'm i am

this has all been told third party because i don't remember what happened so this is totally on you all i know is i woke up the next morning and i was like yeah that was me that was me it was it's the moment this entire bit like i i think it's the moment i realized you're never gonna come back inside this house on your own and my mom is an absolute savage oh it's absolutely hilarious i have never seen my mom laugh cry before and it's fucking hysterical and she so like i mentioned earlier you during your prime of like hangovers your first thought to cure on was pedialyte yep and you started with one like before you stop drinking or once you stop drinking and for you into bed you down a pedialyte and you said it helped like the first

couple times it helped I did it did it's still it's still honestly it still does but my problem is is I don't have a bladder so it's like you throw you're just throwing another 30 ounces in exactly So it's like, you throw... You're just throwing another 30 ounces in there. Exactly. So it's like, what was going to be piss all your beer out is now take that

and get rid of that too. So yeah, and then you're like, okay, these aren't working as well anymore. So you would down two of them.

Yep. So you have everything you drank that night and it's just me, but like, so you have, you start drinking. And then I can have, I can probably do two more of these and I'd be like, I need to pee.

And you break the seal and you pee every half hour. Then you get to a point where you're decently drunk and you just forget that you have to pee. Yeah, it doesn't happen to me. Then you're just like, oh, for me it's like, after I break the seal, it's like an hour and a half fiasco where I'm like, I'm going to the bathroom every 30 minutes because I just keep putting stuff in me. And then it's either like I unconsciously just like, subconsciously just slow down, or I just get drunk enough where I'm like, I just don't need to pee. I don't feel it. Yeah, I know, man. For me, it's the seal and then half hours the rest of the night.

Yeah, so. So I got to be close to that bathroom. Yeah. feel it yeah no man for me it's the seal and then half hours the rest of the night yeah so i gotta be close to that bathroom yeah i will when i gotta go i gotta go fair so you have everything you drank that night you've been constantly emptying it but eventually you remember when we were ubering home i like ran out of the car and pissed in a tree right yeah and so we get back and you down to pedialyte yeah and we're in this garage oh good lord we're with all your franklin buddies yeah we had this we have people don't know i have this jack daniels ping pong table that my dad and i painted it's super cool i want to bring that out soon but we have this ping pong table we're playing on that all day we had like chicken we're just basically just I

called everyone or was like you guys just want to get drunk in a garage hang out and go do something I was originally what was gonna happen yeah and then we went to someone's house came back it was your buddy from Madison yes and then we come back here and we go to bed and so at the time upstairs was i was in college and steven was in college so i think steven's away i don't have a room here and andrew's like there's a bonus room upstairs so i put almost everyone to sleep in this bonus room yep and then it gets too crowded and then this extra room has this bed where you can pull another mattress out from underneath it trundle action exactly so i'm like

danny sleep on the floor i got the one up top and it's almost like leading up to it is hysterical too because i remember waking up and you are standing over me and it was like you were trying to get into my bed and i'm like and i go what are you doing he goes huh what are you doing and you're just standing over my bed and like you have my blood i'm like go to bed danny goes oh okay okay see that's that's see that's one thing i like about my drunk personality is most people are like, absolutely not. No, no, no, no, no. I am able to realize I am no longer capable of making my own decisions. I will trust whoever I trust. Exactly. You're like, I'm kind of the same way too.

If I get too drunk, if someone pushes me slightly, like I'm not walking this way. Yeah. Or they're like, hey, you need to sit down. I'm like, you're right. You're right. You're absolutely right. I should sit down. I can go both.

I can go both ways. You think I should drink a water? Absolutely. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. You're absolutely right. I should sit down. I can go both ways. You think I should drink a water? Absolutely. You're right. Probably a good move. So that's the first time I wake up. And you are – I mean it's light out and you are – you're over my bed and you're like trying to get in. I'm like, what are you doing?

What are you doing? I'm like, go back to bed. It's like – Not my finest hour. It's like 7 o'clock in the morning. You go back to bed. I wake up again. And this is going to be tough to do on this chair.

Oh, yeah. I think I'll sit in cross-legged, right? This man is crisscross applesauce on the other end of his bed like this. And his arms are out like this. And he is staring at his – like he's sitting where his feet normally are. And he is staring at his like he's where he's sitting where his feet normally are and he's staring at his pillow and i'm already like thinking if i wake up and he's standing over me again he's getting knocked out i wake up and i turn over and he's just like summoning his pillow and i go danny what are you doing he goes huh, Danny, what are you doing? He goes, huh?

I'm like, what are you doing? He goes, just come to me. I go, what? He goes, I'm trying to get it to come to me. I'm like, you're trying to get your pillow to come to you? He goes... And nothing came out. I go, what?

And he's like, just come to me. I'm like, Danny, put your head on the pillow. The pillow's not going to come to you. He goes, oh, okay. And then he just lays back down. I'm like, all right, what the fuck is going on? Dude, I don't know what I drank that night, to be honest. I know it was a lot of Budweiser, and there was probably some liquor that got thrown on top of it.

Oh, for sure. Because that's usually what happens. Oh, with me, yeah. I'm good with just beer, but you throw liquor on top of it, and it just throws me into a tailspin. Oh, for sure. And I black out and i don't know what happened so at that point i think i was like i need to wake up because i've seen it all danny tried summoning a pillow and tried crawling into bed with me so i've had enough

of this morning and i think this was within 45 minutes of each other most likely so i wake up and i go into the bonus room we're all watching netflix stuff like that you wake up a little after you come join us and we're just hanging out and i should preface in this room that danny and i slept in just separate from the bonus room there's this. And my mom kept her extra clothes in there because she basically lived by herself at the moment. Plus Andrew. And so, and Andrew didn't sleep in this room. He slept in the bonus room on the couch. And so she's got all this stuff in here.

And she, and I think people know we're wrong with this. But she goes in there and she goes to get shoes. She has this bucket of shoes in there i mean girls you have way too many fucking shoes to have a bucket of shoes yeah in your extra closet let's add and my mom just screams goes what the fuck and she goes who peed oh no actually she didn't see the bucket first she's like the floor is wet who peed danny shoots up and goes not me it's not me and i'm like what the or i'm like i know i didn't and we go over and danny's on the floor, and you smell it. And you're like, it doesn't smell like anything. It's water. It must be water.

I'm like, I did grab us waters. Like, maybe you got up and, like, spilled your water because you tend to get up sometimes. Yeah. And we're like, all right. It doesn't smell, blah, blah, blah. We think it's water. We let it go. Everyone leaves.

My mom goes back into the closet now to get shoes she goes to her bucket and i have never heard a bigger scream in my life and she is like she's like what the fuck she goes this is piss there is about two inches worth of piss in the bottom of... Which I don't understand how. Well, let's be honest. The shoes displace it. So it looks like two inches. Yeah, because I don't think...

Dude, you got two Pedialytes and 19 fucking beers in you. Yikes, dude. Maybe I thought that was a toilet. At the bottom of this bucket. And some of these shoes, they aren't all open-toed. I mean is she takes the bucket out and my mom is taking shoes and dumping piss out from the toes of her shoes she is crying and laughing at the same time i can't talk i'm laughing so fucking hard

i have to text him like, dude, you peed. He goes, fuck. Dude, I think I offered to come over and clean the entire room. Yeah. No, I felt terrible about it. There was so much piss in this bucket. And my favorite part about this story is I think two, three weeks later, we're hanging out again. And I need to come back here and get something it's the summer i think we were with sam too no it's just we were gonna go see sam yeah and

you you're driving so you come and you know i'm like come in say hi to my mom and you're sitting the car like nope nope i'm not going in i'm not gonna do i couldn't do that like i was like you have to come in and say hi you mom. You got to face this. It's been three weeks. She's not mad. She was mad. She'd be like, I don't want to see this kid again. But my mom realized this is a funny story, blah, blah, blah.

And this is when I realized my mom is a fucking animal. I was like, okay, mom, Danny doesn't want to come inside. She goes, no, he has to come inside. Yeah, she didn't let me in. She didn't have a choice. She she didn't have a choice she wouldn't let him give me a choice at least and so i opened the door first and this door right here and i see like a few shoes on the steps and sometimes we leave our shoes there i'm like people are just throwing their shoes everywhere but then i like look farther up There's one on every step. Yeah, lining the sides of the stairs.

It's a different shoe on each step. It lined, and you don't know, the steps go up, up, and then it's kitchen, living room. There was a shoe from that door up the steps, up the steps, through the kitchen, to the living room, where the bucket of shoes was on its side with the rest of them just, like, hanging out, and my mom was sitting there cross-legged with a glass of wine. I'm pretty sure she had a piece of paper on it that said, Target here, too. Exactly. Yeah, she did.

She goes, how are you, Danny? I don't even think I made it to the living room. I hit the floor. No, yeah, and I had to do the whole walk I had to do all the walk I was like this is fucking phenomenal my mom is the living version of that Kermit the frog sipping the tea uh me like that was her she did it first oh she was it was it was hilarious and I'm like glad that it happened in her house because you know it may not have gone as well in other places but i will say can you imagine only two times i've ever like randomly peed it's been with me yeah yeah two times you've missed my roommate's paper garbage bag yep did that too yeah yep i i should be i have stopped you on that one though i don't

i don't know why um i don't know why like i'm pretty sure especially at like your apartment it was like the bathroom was right behind me it was literally next door yeah yeah i don't know what happened it was i've got no explanation yeah it's tough yeah no you know what it is what it is oh well man it's it's a good story can you you imagine if that was like Big Mike or my dad's like bucket of boots? Oh, I wouldn't be here today. You wouldn't have a head. My dad would be like, I'd break that other fucking collarbone. I'd break the other side of it.

Oh, you would kill me. Yeah, absolutely. I would kill me. Yeah. I wouldn't even come home. I'd be like, I don't know him. Not me. Who's that guy?

Shaving my head. Who's that guy? I don't even know who I am. Who are you? Yeah, no. I don't know him. I'm not me. Who's that guy? Shaving my head. Who's that guy? I don't even know who I am. Who are you? Yeah, no, I hear you, dude. It was, um, those are some hilarious experiences from like the old college days. They are. And it's, I don't like, okay, I don't want those times to happen again.

Like I don't want us to be peeing places again. But those college days, they're not. It's hilarious to talk about. But I'm... Don't talk about it, but I, like, I'm still all like, all right, dude,

I act like I'm 19. And it's... I'm gonna keep doing it. I'm not gonna be... Yeah, dude, to be honest, I'm the opposite right now. Yeah. I'm an old man.

It's all right. Everyone has different paths. Dude, I'll be honest... That's the beauty about this is, like, two different mindsets, still best of friends. Oh, heck paths. I'll be honest. The beauty about this is two different mindsets still best of friends. Oh, heck yeah, dude. Heck yeah. Dude, I get excited to mow my lawn.

I think the oldest thing I can say I do is I get excited to grocery shop and cook. Cooking is fun. I like smoking meat. Same. Are you smoking meat for your. I love smoking meat. Are you smoking meat for your dad on Father's Day?

We're doing four racks of ribs. Racks of ribs sounds really good. I gave him some pulled, I made pulled pork on Sunday. Made that for him. But on this Sunday, I think I'm going to do chicken wings and legs.

Chicken? Have you done chicken before? Mm-hmm. The one time I did it though It was really watery Chicken is tough I like the The smoking But there is such thing

As too much smoke with chicken Sure Because it's not as potent of a taste as beef I think Which can mask it a beef, I think, which can mask it a bit and I think matches it a little better, in my opinion. Mm-hmm. Whereas, like, a nice smoke ring looks good on brisket or pulled pork, maybe a little

bit of ribs. Sure. If all of a sudden, like, your tiny chicken breast is like, you've got a thick smoke ring, it's just a little bit of white. I'm like that's too much. It tastes like I'm sucking on a cigarette. Oh, fair enough. Fair enough. I think all I'm doing is just wings and legs.

So those are real quick. Have you done salmon? Keep it simple. Yeah. Have I done salmon? No. Good? Do you like fish?

Oh, yeah. Salmon, cure it the night before. Okay. It takes an hour and a half. That's it. Oh, that's not bad it's so quick so like if you if you want to do a day of smoking and you're not doing like a 12 hour 8 to 10 or 12 hour like brisket or pork belly or something like that i haven't done brisket yet it's tricky

it'll take a few times like you can get you can get it right the first time second time i promise it's gonna be bad or it's gonna be vice versa it took me three times to get like a good one um the problem is it's expensive it's like if you get a full brisket they're like 90 bucks well that's heavy yeah see that's why i like to but also it feeds 15 people right right well i like doing pork pork shoulder pork butt so good because it's like i I think I did, I went to Meijer and I bought 7.75 pounds. 14 bucks. So cheap. Woodman's is pretty good too.

Woodman's, their meat's a little questionable sometimes. I got brisket from there. It wasn't bad. Oh, okay. Yeah. The pork belly. Sendix. Or surmix.

Super expensive. Oh expensive so expensive i've been making beef jerky too i bought a dehumidifier i want to do that yeah i had i had a bunch of cabela's points and i was like it looks like this is the only thing i want so i got a uh i got a kitchen aid for my birthday that's that's my oldness right there it's like that's what i like my mom still is like and i love it she's like i'm gonna give you guys presents till you die and i like that um which is what do you want i don't want anything and i click i'm like i want to like kitchen aid like that's that's what i want like i'm gonna use that for the rest of my life it's like a yeti cooler is an investment like i'm

gonna have that the rest of my life is that yours yeah dude that's nice i bought that hammered um good move it's a 400 i believe i like that you got this spiked um spiked bad there too that's yeah i don't that's steven but like the kitchen is an investment i'll have that for you sure but like i the other day i made eight pounds of homemade butter i want to do a whole butter thing but like well that's a side conversation oh dude i love it but i love cooking and it's part of what i want to work for this butcher shop in boulder down and uh dude that'll be sweet yeah so that'll be fun and then i can do do uh depending on where i live but i'm gonna try um i want to do the book i want to do like that stuff during the day comedy at night like comedy takeover and then uh cooking cooking be a

a hobby that i could make money off of one day i don't want that to be a full-time job that's so daunting well like what what's cool that you can do with it is if you just post it on like instagram and stuff like everything that you're cooking. Yeah. Like, I do that with the meat I smoke. Yeah, I know. I look at it. Which I think it's good.

Yeah, and I mean, it's just fun for me. Like, I've got no intentions with it other than the fact that I'm like, dude, this is. You could start a separate page, do it, and just see what happens. Mm-hmm. You should. Why not? Document your process. Heck, yeah.

The, uh, I don't have a good process yet i kind of just let it ride that's that's the way i do so much prep work i watch like 20 cooking videos and i like just average out like what i should do for each cut of the only thing i've ever like the only thing i would say i'm confident in right now is a pork shoulder and that was just because it was like the first thing you should learn because it's the easiest one not to screw up it's very forgiving yeah if you jack it up it's not bad like the um throw some barbecue sauce on there if it's dry barbecue sauce makes it wet if it's wet it's right better but like the one i bought was seven seven point seven five and i just chopped it in half oh just chopped it in half and that's three and a half hours cook.

Actually, I think it was five and a half, but either way about it. It's fast cook. And I think I just sat outside. I bought a little kiddie pool. Sat outside, smoked meat, sat in the kiddie pool, spritzed it every two hours.

Easy money. You are an old man. All right, let's end it with this. I want to start doing this because I had my moment before I turned 25, and I guess before you turned 26. What? August what?

Dude, it's July. July. July 8th, man. Less than a month. God damn it, yeah. Oh, God, you are less than a month. Yeah, dude, I'm an old man. It's all good.

Okay, so we could do... Most of my friends aren't 25 yet. And because I had my mom where I needed to do stand-up before I turned 25, and something took over my body, I was like, just do it. I'm in love with it. It's what I'm going to do. And I'm happy love with it like it's what i'm gonna do and i'm happy i did it is there something

or what is something you want to do either before you turn 26 or in the year of 26 that i can hold you accountable for in the year 26 dude i don't know or is there something you kind of want to do before you turn 26 but i got like i got like one i know but you have three weeks okay like that's obviously reasonable like you can't die i got one i got one okay all right so every year i do a firework show right okay july 3rd place is disclosed um uh i do a firework show where i've spent a grand on fireworks the past two years. Each year or total? Each year.

Damn. I mean, we split it up. Yeah. We split it up. So I probably spend about $250. This year is the year where if you spent a certain amount, you get a G free. So we're going to go two Gs down on the fireworks for July 3rd, and I'm going to throw the biggest firework show

this place has ever seen. Hopefully the cops don't come. So that's what I'm doing pre-26. Okay. Do you have a goal? Like something you've always wanted to do that you haven't done yet? Anything you can think of that I can...

When you turn 26 26 as an adult like just like something I thought like I'm gonna ask everyone that's on from now on I

not just cause I did mine like there's plenty more I wanna do like if I give you one like I wanna somehow I'm halfway through the year and I like when I started this

I was it's tough to get it off the ground but like I wanted to have at least 52 episodes one for every week i don't think that's gonna happen i want to hit at least 40 by the end of the year and i have to do at least 40 more open mics before the end of the year okay that's that's

like for the end of the year mine yeah when you're gonna invite me to one probably 15 more in okay all right i got you um i would say uh for pretty much the first 25 years of my life here i've pretty i've like i've been nose of the grindstone getting my life together yeah and i think i need to like let loose a little bit so like i would say one thing i need to do is i need to go on like a vacation elsewhere just me and i gotta just get out there just you or just you and friends or I would say one thing I need to do is I need to go on like a vacation elsewhere. Just me. And I got to just get out there and do something. Just you or just you and friends? It could be just me and friends, but I need to not be with family.

No family. No family. No one to be like able to rely on. So I need to go do something for me. Yeah, so you need to be like, hey, I kind of want to live my life, not our life kind of thing. Not like your family is unreal. I love them to death. But you kind of want to feel like, hey, I'm doing my own thing.

Right. Like I want to go down south, go on a week vacation with me and friends are cool. But outside that, no family, no one to be like, oh, I'm going to plan the trip. I'm going to take care of you. Like I need to take care of me. That's what I need to do. In the year of 26 or by the end of the year? I'm thinking August because that's when my vacation is.

Alright. I'll hold you to it. Yeah. I don't know where I'm going, but we'll figure that out. We've got two months. Can I come? Yeah. Where do you want to go? Well, I want to move by then. South? So, Denver? I'll go to Denver. I'll go to Denver for a week. Let's do it.

I'll hold you accountable. Lock it go to Denver for a week. Let's do it. Lock it in. I'll hold you accountable. Lock it in. Denver for a week, buddy. There you go. Thank you for doing this. I really appreciate it. No problem, dude. No problem, dude.

This was fun. When's your tea time?