Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.22 - Matthew McKenna

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

Pocket Skittles, Questionable Wingmen and how to out Alpa someone at the bar!

Well, we're just being super lazy not trying to do anything the right way. Well, we're going now. So, oh, are we great here? Pull this, uh, pull this close to you. Okay, so that's tape. Yeah, pull it with this And just is that better? You can bring it up a bit like you don't have to be like right next to it Yeah, dude, they're they're cheap stands. That's fine. Just talk., just, you're good here. Now I need a fucking beer. We are so behind. I'm pissed that it didn't work, though. Yeah. Because that would be so fucking fun.

Like, I don't know if it was, like, actually dripping, but, like, my shoulder was getting cold. I'm like. Yeah, that was a huge, well, the problem was is the, we took the ropes out, but the pipes that went in, once they went in, they're almost too long, and they kinked. So it was like Sniff them next time All right, well since we're going let's start off with this one cheers buddies nice seeing you again Didn't even pop yeah that that was a of... Did you get the whole thing out? Yeah.

And you broke the helmet. No, I didn't. Helmet's still good. This is starting off... Swell. No, this is starting off great. We're doing a fantastic job. I hope so, at least.

Well, since we have our key... Yeah, no, here we go. Again. I'm getting better at editing stuff, so... Maybe we just edit the first... Well, camera-wise, ten minutes out. Might leave it in. Seems like fun.

Blooper reel. Yeah. To be honest, there's actually a lot when i turn the cameras on because i'll turn them on before uh i turn the audio on yeah it's easier to match up and i have probably now 20 30 minutes worth of just like everyone like oh what the fuck do i do i need another beer um can we have another one for it and you're like you're lucky the microphone isn't on right now, but that's fine. That's why, like, I watched, what was it, Sam's, or someone's, when they were like,

oh, these mics are on? And you're like, yeah. You're like, oh, shit. If you listen to almost every episode, it's like, we're going. And you're like, yeah, that's the point. Because then, I don't know, you were comfortable right away. It's like, fuck it. Oh, see, we can do this.

I'm like, yeah, you've been doing it for, I had one where, like, we're recording. I'm like, you've been doing this for 20 minutes. Dude, this looks so... Does this look crooked to you? Not really. I mean, it looks... It just doesn't look straight up and down. You're talking about the camera?

Yeah. I mean, the camera looks like it's pointing down, but... Oh, yeah. No, I know it's pointing down. Oh. I'm in the camera. We're good. It's just...

Fuck, am I hammered already? I've had a sip of beer No my only thing is I wanted to make sure If I knew the mics were on So I didn't say anything stupid Yeah no I'll Please don't say anything stupid

But my mom was like Oh where can I find this She said I'm not telling you No no We had a So Sam's episode last week We had a We told a story about

How he got arrested. Yeah, I listened to it. And all of a sudden, I'm getting like a bunch of follows now from that episode. And one of them was family friends, like mom. And I go, yeah, I don't know. Because his dad doesn't really know the whole story. Yeah. So I go, yeah, we're going to block her right away.

She does not need to see all this. But at the end of the day, it was three years ago. Like, what are they going to do? Yell at him again? Yeah. He's going to be like, you guys were idiots. He doesn't live at home. Yeah, who cares?

I am sweating my fucking nuts off. I did not ice these down quick enough. Yeah, no. These are pretty warm. But dude, it's like, my truck's head was 90. That's gross. It's disgusting. Yeah.

It's disgusting. Give it some time time these will ice up we should probably throw the rest of the ice in the bag but like our shop doesn't have ac it is just doors open and fans it was 85 when i left in the shop that's almost worse yeah it's almost worse like you know what please just keep blowing the 85 degree air in my face when we don't have wet like we have two garage doors and they're like from there to the garage door away. And they're blowing like this at each other.

And I'm on like, it's just a wind tornado of fucking wet, moist, fucking shit of nowhere near me. You can't fucking breathe. Yeah. And I'm working and like, I'm running machines and they're making heat.

And every time I open the door, it's just full. And you're like, Oh God, I want to die. Have you taken a warm shower yet this summer? Warm shower? Yeah. Yeah. I would get home and be like, just give me an ice bath.

Just give me the AC. I would start my car an hour early, just turn that fucker on, and blast the cold air. Well, that's why every day I go home. And normally, if I want to get home quicker, I take the freeway. But I usually just take Ross and stop at the Quick Trip on 51st and Ross and pick up a Silo Coors Light and just drink that on the way home.

Yep. That's how you cool yourself down that way. Welcome to small town Wisconsin, everyone. Jesus. Shout out to Window Tint. Taking the long way home so you can get some, you know, road sodas.

Yeah. And make it home on a nice, relaxing back half of the trip. Yeah, and have really dark windows and, you know, tint half your front windshield and no one can see you.

I already, I'm already thinking like, well, I now have to click the not made for kids on the YouTube section of Don't you have to do that on everyone? Yeah, everyone. I, well, I now have to click the not made for kids on the YouTube section of. Don't you have to do that on everyone? Yeah, everyone. I mean, I got alcohol on everyone.

Well, alcohol. And if you like, isn't it? What if you drop like anything more than like shit more than twice? I have no clue. I am so dumb when it comes to all this stuff. So dumb. Well, the only reason why I know is because like we were we were talking earlier, like, the YMH Studios, they have, like, a nice boy clock.

Have you ever seen the Josh Potter show? No, I know it. I've seen, like, clips of it. So he has a nice boy clock where, for the first, it's either 10 or 20 minutes. He can't swear, can't talk about drugs, can't talk about alcohol, and then after that, he's, like, free to do whatever he wants to get monetized.

Really? Yeah. So that's his nice boy clock. And they literally put in a clock for him because he would think it would have been like 10 minutes and it's been like six. And he'd go, fuck. And they'd be like, come on, dude. You can't even make it? He goes, I don't know.

We could try that once. I should just get like a running clock right here. I've said so much shit should be right here. And I've done, I've actually lost stuff. Like the, the, oh shit. When did we get this? Bucks and six, baby. Where the fuck did this come from?

All right. So I have. Goodbye, Spider-Man. It's got to be like a, I don't know, six by five foot cream city. You're the dealer, baby. Yeah. Like gigantic cream city flag in my room. Yeah.

I don't even like the Bucs. Really? I just thought it was a hilarious thing to have in your room. Yeah. Never know what's going on in there. Good Lord. You don't like the Bucs? Did you not you not go like do you like a certain basketball team no i mean like i shouldn't say i don't like the bucks i just don't you're just not about basketball yeah you think you're still more football or baseball

100 like i mean i like all day long at work i have the mlb app and it's constantly like just telling me everything that's going on around the league see that's the one i'm not and i got so into basketball obviously this year but like in the last couple years because of uh cody's boyfriend and uh he's just been he's so into it i was like well at first like i gotta get to know this guy i liked him so i was like i gotta get to know him cody gessner yeah yeah and uh i ended up like falling in love with basketball again thank god because i mean dude it was so fucking fun down here are you kidding me yeah did you go out for it no i mean like i said like i i don't want to seem like bandwagon but it's like wisconsin is doing well

in like any sport i'm gonna watch it regardless but that was pretty much what it was nothing wrong with that yeah it'd be different if like all of a sudden you were um just like actually bandwagoning like uh golden state like all of a sudden you're like a steph curry fan it's like you've never even been to the bay area you just like they're good so i'm gonna like them because it's fun to watch them no it is uh it we had to get to the bar four hours early four hours just to get a table and we got got the last table there upstairs, and they held us like cattle. They herded us like cattle up into the steps that go up. I mean, it's this wide. In my head, I'm like, some five-foot-two blonde girl is going to get fucking trampled on the way up here

because every guy and their fucking father wants to go up and get a table. Yeah. I mean, two of our guys got up at the last second, just got the last table in the corner. It was fucking electric. I mean, they were so busy. It took you 45 minutes to get a drink. 40.

We got lucky, though, because our buddies came out from Chicago, and one of them is from Boston. And so he's seen enough championships and stuff like that. And he's like, I know you guys want to watch this game. So he bit the bullet multiple times. Like, I'll go get the drinks for you guys. Just like, we'll just take turns, cards and stuff like that. I'm like, that's fucking dope.

Yeah, that's sweet. But, dude, it was so packed. We were up there, no lie. I was getting drinks by myself once. And bars packed. I mean, they're over capacity. And the guy, the bartenders don't look like they're in front at all. Which is, I get it.

Because, like, you're so busy. I was there before. Like, I just want to fucking leave. But, and, like, and I bartended when the Cubs won the World Series after, what was it, 108 years? Yeah, I think it was, what, 19 they won? No. 17. 17 or 18, yeah.

So I understand why she's pissed, but in my head, I'm like, you realize you're walking out of here. Like, this is a big fucking ball. You're going to make it. You're walking out of here with a grand tonight. You still get to watch the game. And I don't know if you can drink or not, but, like, sneak it. Fuck it. It's not that hard to sneak alcohol as a bartender. I don't know if you can drink or not, but, like, sneak it.

Fuck it. It's not that hard to sneak alcohol as a bartender. But this guy next to me, trying to make conversation with her, the dumbest thing he goes, so, kind of busy tonight. I literally, like, stopped. I was like, what? She, like, dumbfounded. Like, you know the, because we were talking about how we like Tom Segura and his joke, like, one of his specials.

I just watched it last night. He goes, have you ever asked something so profoundly dumb to someone that they had to regroup? Yeah. And I thought of that. And this lady was just like, are you? She goes, we're 400 people over capacity. And you chose now to try and hit on me? Yeah.

Or like, she didn't. I found out later we were 400 people she goes we are well beyond busy buddy i go and it was two hours before the game and then i found out later where 400 people were capacity like holy fuck that's but who like in the bucks in six in milwaukee and you're like you're kind of busy tonight, are you? I don't know. Is the sun going to rise tomorrow, you dipshit? My thing is, like, I don't know. I've never understood why people, like, hit on bartenders.

Like, well, I shouldn't say hit on. Like, when it's super busy, you're like, what are you going to get in, like, four words and they're going to walk away? When it's that busy, yeah. You think they're just going to stop and talk to you? Oh, yeah. You. You're the one. You're the one out of like especially guys sitting

on girls because it happens all the fucking time well she'll let you know like she'll give it right back if she wants it yeah like they get it all the time like when we would like close out when i worked at a bar in college girls would have like each room like five six a fucking night yeah i got five six in three years okay and then you have one podcast blow up on tiktok and you got girls proposing to you yeah one we're not gonna shout out to that girl if you're watching this yeah we're not gonna bring that up let's just let's move on like that didn't even happen we gotta keep the ball rolling but yeah no that was kind of cool it is it's amazing what a one second video can do to change like an audience yeah i mean like i remember for a while i was doing them with my grandma i don't know if you ever saw those so yeah i want to talk about that you were doing

i thought it was hysterical i didn't have a tiktok but i swear to god they came up at the time well i shared them all to facebook and then like i'm sure people shared them the what was it instagram reels were they i'm pretty sure yeah because that's all i would like watch i never shared a single one on there like people reshare them like i'm just saying that's like i never even knew that's how far they went like that's crazy yeah well if you have you said you got a few like two million view tiktoks that was just on tiktok like i don't think if you share it to instagram i don't know if tiktok like i don't think if you share it to instagram i don't know if tiktok counts they don't they don't but when they're that viral yeah i think

i looked up once you hit i think it's either 500 it's like a million views you're considered viral i mean i had four over a million yeah like so um people end up like, oh, like other accounts, like a drinking account probably is like, oh, look at this grandma trying a white claw. I thought they were hysterical. Like, and that was me one day, like being that, like, I told you, I just come up with dumb shit all the time. I'm like, oh, let's see if this sticks. And I would just go out and buy beer every day and like, be like, fuck with grandma.

Like, here, try this one. Like, just be it like an IPA that I really like that i know she's 70 percent of people hate and she'd be like yeah that's terrible just tastes like the inside of a cigarette yeah and then i was like why don't i start like recording this shit and like putting it on tiktok or something like oh no i thought it was hysterical do you know like i like those accounts but like when you were talking about how um i had my little blow-ups like as long as you keep content soundly similar you can like grow it pretty well and i'm not worried about that because it's like it's just gonna be clips from this podcast it's not like i'm gonna fucking change so which is nice but i know i was always afraid of being like pigeonholed

whereas like your account now can only be your grandma really trying booze. And that's what it was. That's literally what it was. But like issue was it was going like great. Like my lowest views, I think, were like 130,000. Yeah. Like that was the minimum. And that was for-

Do you do it anymore or you're done? No. What had happened was it was the beginning of TikTok. Like when everyone was saying China was selling our shit. And I was getting like texts addressed to laverne like laverne you have a package remember when they were talking about the pet you have a package waiting no what oh yeah like there was the time when they were saying like oh you have a package waiting at this address like click this and this will happen like i was getting

those addressed to her and i said i had two things that were named Laverne it was my TikTok and I made her a Venmo like I just made a joke saying like oh send us beer money and I like um I wish I would have kept it longer because I probably would have started having people send me fucking money yeah did anyone ever send you anything no like it sucked I was like damn because I had a bunch of people in like oh like let me send you this let me do this i said just send me like 10 bucks yeah and i'll go buy myself yeah yeah and then i was like dude this is getting weird like i was getting like three four or five a day i'm just like you have a package here like just click this link do this that's a red flag hey click anything red well and that's why i'm like as cool and as awesome as this is like they're

putting out enough shit that my name's on there my email's on there my phone number's on there my date of birth everything is on there that's why like i'm not me i'm not gonna make a personal account it's just the uh the podcast account see this what freaks me out as i start hearing dogs they're gonna run in here um but yeah it's just the podcast account and it has my um like link to my personal socials but those are all private so you have to request to follow me and stuff like that and like like you said as cool as it is when all of a sudden it's like one thing kind of blows up you never expect it to it's weird you're like because I think my mentality with it is like, I probably,

I could like a video on any platform. It's never my thought being like, like it. Yeah. I don't know why, but like, so it doesn't register that so many people go and like you have like on your 2 million TikToks, you probably have like 100,000 likes.

It was, I think it was a hundred thousand likes it was i think it was around there like it was but that's usually 10 percent oh yeah a hundred thousand people like that i'm like i don't think i've liked 500 posts in my lifetime see and i've learned like especially with tiktok is because you can always go back and there's so many times you see a tiktok you're like oh i need to send this to this person yeah so that's when i really learned to start liking tiktoks but other than that like instagram unless a TikTok that you're like, oh, I need to send this to this person. So that's when I really learned to start liking TikToks. But other than that, like Instagram, unless it's like, you know, like stuff like this, like your podcast, especially, you know, like Connor Fernandez has his photograph stuff.

Like I always like those. Like all you guys, like boys support boys or boys support boys. Jesus. Yeah. No. Any of my like creative friends go for it. Like I'm so fucking proud of Connor for doing the photography stuff. That's, I mean, any entertainment stuff's hard hard, but photography I think is really fucking tough.

Yeah. Because it's like you're hoping your voice is coming through a still picture. Yeah. He doesn't get to really say anything with it that he wants to, but they're fucking impressive. Yeah. I like all those. I like all your stuff. And then people who I know who are trying to do businesses and stuff like mikey davis i always like and share his stuff other than that i don't like like

anything on you know instagram or whatever that's not to say i'm not grateful for everyone who does like it it's just like my mentality and why i always thought it was fucking weird yeah like that's mine too is like with the tiktoks and shit like the first one i remember when i posted it like i went and helped my buddy on his barn yeah and like my first one i remember when i posted it like i went and helped my buddy on his barn yeah and like my phone was blowing up and i'm like what is this and i look and like it was like 10 000 30 000 50 000 like 80 000 like 150 000 on the first video of her trying to cool his light and i'm like is this like a thing like is this gonna be what this is the other thing too and like we should get off tiktok at some point because i don't want to like emphasize too much oh god it's the worst it is

the worst thing ever it is such a tricky bastard because like for one i don't like doing social media like i do but i don't and cody texts me he goes unfortunately you're gonna have to start posting stuff on your personal account now because we're in a world that's run by social media. I'm like, I just started disliking all her fucking messages and what I had to do. I was like, fuck this. I just want to have fun. I mean, like, I don't think you have to do personal. Like, as long as you keep them completely separate, like, your personal is your personal.

Yeah. Because I learned that with my grandparents. Everyone that follows whatever account follows me. Well, and that's where you got to draw a line between, like like I know you have your regular Michael Koski Instagram and then your Fat Chance Instagram you need to keep your Fat Chance Instagram podcast Twitter everything together and you can have your personal attached to it

but you need to keep those three the way those three linked or whatever but it's just like fuck it's so much shit just to I don't know you gotta play the game so i can't complain i really can't complain it's just i've never been one to share online and now it is basically one of my jobs to do it yeah so i know it is fun but i like the fun side of it i obviously

the business side of it gets a little old. Because then you're like, fuck, is this going to work? This is what bothers me the most, and never going to end it, is when I go through these episodes, I clip anywhere between 10 to 30 things I think are funny or little snippets that I think would attract people to an episode and I think are funny. And now my brain is, am I going to think other people think this is funny?

Like, I'm like, oh, fuck, you're taking away, like, your enjoyment because you're worried about someone else? Yeah. That has to stop. That has to fucking stop. And that's where these come in is you just let it flow. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, I'm sure something funny will come out of it.

Like, it is what it is oh yeah it's i'm not i'm not worried about it it's just it's a lot what the fuck did you just pull out of your pocket do you have raisinets or something in your pocket no i bought some skittles you want them i do not want pocket skittles no sure do i have one No. Sure. Do I have one? I wish if I would have known you would have worn one.

If you would have snuck Skittles into the pocket of my shirt. Oh my God. I would have pissed my pants. And that's why once I saw you look, I'm like, that would have been one of the funniest things. One of the funniest fucking things. Yeah. Dude, how did I not hear Skittles just jiggling in your fucking tit pocket? I'm good at what I do.

Do you got like a napkin underneath there? No. No. You literally just have Skittles in your pocket. Yeah. On the way here. Again, these dumb shit ideas that I have. And I just caught that. Like the core of my eye.

I thought you saw me do it earlier no i've been digging skills out that would have been the first thing i said when we started this fucking video is why are there skittles in your pocket this is exactly why like was that one of your ideas you wanted to do that you've been thinking about thought about this one on the way here i was like dude i should fill my pocket with some garbage and just start pulling it out dude if you had other things in there too like all of a sudden you got like a q-tip and you're cleaning your ears i'm not gonna lie one thing i did plan on doing was i was gonna take like beef sticks and like break them just halfway through i'll be like you want one oh good lord

fucking matt mckenna raised by wolves here in the flesh jesus Christ. It doesn't surprise me at all. I mean, these are like, like I told you, dude, I just come up with dumb shit ideas all day long. Yeah, that's because we were talking last week. What are some of your other ideas? What? Oh, yeah, we were Snapchatting like three weeks ago. Yeah. Like three weeks ago we were hanging out in person.

Let me pull out the list here. I'm excited. How many ideas do you think you came up with? One before we talked about you having ideas and since you had. I think I've come up with like three total. Okay. But these are like three like, ah, no, that one wouldn't work. And then like.

So you've been. Three decent ones. So these are, you've narrowed them down. You think these are your best. And I think they're kind of all along the same lines but it's like host like a beer olympics and just buy like a fucking banner and just have it in the background for everything and then like charge like i don't know 20 bucks oh shit jesus christ dude i got fucking heels on you know how hard it is to click into it dude i was gonna tell you like it's gonna be fucking hot here.

I don't own shoes. Yeah. I don't own tennis shoes. So, like, this is just my life. But, like, one was, like, a beer Olympics. Like, just have something where it's, like, where you, like, chug a beer and then spin around on the bat. Oh, yeah. Games like that.

Yeah. Like, host a fat chance one of those. Fat chance beer Olympics. Well, I want to do a... So, I've thought about something like that, and I've talked about it on here, and it has... I've prepped for it for a while, and then it just couldn't happen. But the Fat Chance season one podcast, or not podcast, season one cookout, so Kuski cookout one, is just going to be now at the end of the fucking summer, when people are

done traveling. Because everyone that's from season one is like gone every fucking weekend so i like until i got like 50 confirmed that they'd come like over 50 i'm like i'm just gonna fucking do it yeah i've always been at like 20 30 40 so i'm like fucking we're just gonna like let's just i would start telling people like start planning for the end of the summer and let's do it like it could be like a last hurrah yeah and then we then we could, we can make it a beer Olympics. The only problem is I don't want to, the beat, like the,

the cookout would be behind the cameras and then people, I would just sit here for an hour and people would pop in and out for, uh, to talk. That's fine. Beer Olympics. I would have to like legit have someone come film. Yeah,

no, that's what I mean. Like do that. Like you have enough friends like to monetize have someone come film. Yeah. No, that's what I mean. Like do that. Like you have enough friends like to monetize the shit and do everything else. I have enough friends that'll participate. That's what I mean. Like, hey, 20 bucks from everyone. Like let's throw down.

Let's do this. Well, I would do a beer Olympics here. And then just do like a big winner takes all. Like a big pot. And then what was the other one? Also, you were telling joey that you thought eric was like 40 i wrote that in my notes yeah how old is eric's 32 okay i didn't think he was like 40 but i thought i thought he was on the back half of the 30s he's 32 tomorrow

i thought he was 36 37 32 tomorrow justin's 31 why did i think they were so old for a second that's what i thought too and i'm like i'm sorry eric like the age gap is like you and i for you yeah but like a year but like because i think you and i hung out have hung out more than me and eric and justin did i always view them as older like i bet when you were younger you like i may have only been what are i'm three years older than you i'm 23 you're 23 now oh yeah so two years older than you but i think you were three grades above me because when your birthday either way yeah well you were three grades above me so um dude i feel like i'm like losing my fucking shirt um that's welcome to hawai brother. Yeah. Feels like nothing's there. But you probably thought, oh, he's way older than I am.

Like when we're younger, I'm like, I always thought you weren't only two years younger than me. I'm like, you're little Matthew McKenna. Fucking, I had Joey Baumgart on here, who I now sponsor. I saw that. That was hilarious. It's fucking hilarious. And I'm legit going to do it. Connor textednor texted me he goes your council's in session let's sign a fucking athlete i'm like hell yes my friends are on board for this connor said like fernandez uh no my buddy connor

he uh he's in law school and so um i always joey little joey who told on us we're starting to fire in the woods to his firefighter dad okay love you Joey okay I love you to death but in my head I'm like

he's always 5-6 years old and we were always like 15 yeah like Joey I remember like he was even when I like

started high school he was I mean he's he's only 19 about to be 20 I'm like fuck dude well even Jacob and Andrew to me were like exactly they're both of age He's only 19, about to be 20. I'm like, fuck, dude. Well, even Jacob and Andrew, to me, were like...

Exactly. They're both of age. From when your brother could not say the word yellow. Yep, Lello. Lello. Lello Lamborghini. I don't think I'll ever forget that. Like that and for the fact that your parents never called any of you by your name.

Because you were Buck. Buck, Tarzan, and Featherfoot. No, Stephen was something else, I thought. Stephen was Featherfoot. We always called Stephen just Stephen. Putts. Stephen's Putts. That's Putts.

That's what it was. Stephen's Putts. Andrew. I think Andrew was always Andrew. I could have sworn. Your mother would know. But I could have sworn it was something else. But no, we call Andrew, I apparently.

Baby cakes. Baby cakes. That's it. Oh, he's going to fucking hate that. And I used to call him home skillet. I used to call him home skillet too. And he was like, he would like have a full fucking meltdown. If I called him home skillet, he goes, that's not my fucking name.

I'm like, relax. It's better than baby cakes. Fucking 16 and mom's calling me, what are you doing better than baby cakes fucking 16 and mom's coming what are we doing tonight baby cakes fuck you um yeah buck baby cakes and putts steven was also featherfoot to this day he's featherfoot see but i never heard those ones well so those are more in our house yeah names because he would do to this day he'll come up these steps and we won't hear him i come home my mom comes home andrew comes home door opens closes you hear you know you're home and you know they're home and

you know by the door slam and you know by the steps coming up who's home like when you live with someone that long you know their tendencies like the noises they make and all stuff steven dude i could be off the stairs kitchens right right to the right. I could be in the kitchen or standing next to the steps with my back to it. He could walk, open the door, walk behind me, turn the TV on, and watch a movie, and I would have no fucking clue he's home.

That's outrageous. And because we call him Featherfoot, he's like, adopted it. He goes, I have to. Dude, I swear to God, he opens this. Like, now he's like... No, he does it on purpose sneaking. No, he does it on purpose now. He 100% does it on purpose now. But then Tarzan. I think my mom said I used to rile Andrew up so much that his full name now is Andrew Tarzan Thomas Kuski.

I feel like that one I remember. But Stevens I never heard. But yeah, your parents for the longest time never called any of you by your name. Yeah, buck, putts, and baby cakes. And one thing I've adopted, which is super weird, from my father is remember how my dad would never go to your front door? He would just walk in. He'd be like, what's up?

I'm here. And he'd walk in through the fucking back door every time. I think he's the only... Our dads... They were boyfriends for a while. Oh, they still are. But like our... And they would argue.

That's all they did. It's politics, religion. We were like... They were best friends. The best friends, they'd walk in. They'd make cocktails. They were so close that at your house was gin and i forgot what your dad drank vo yeah it was at it was at our house handles of it yeah we're both of them and then they just come in and

they're like we're friendly and i loved seeing when your dad would come over i'm like oh it's gonna be a fun fucking night every time and we're going to the kuskies it's a friday night friday it's gonna get wild night games bonfire like our parents we didn't realize that time we're fucking wasted Around the bonfire Yeah We're doing night games Playing capture a flag

And ghosts in the graveyard Screaming at each other For someone cheating And shit like that We're like It's gonna be a good night And then it always starts fun And then at the end of the night

We're like Paul and David Are fucking screaming at each other Again about politics and religion And who they should vote for We're like God damn it I gotta go to bed at nine now

God Why do you guys Always gotta do this shit to me Or every time I'd come over To your house And hang out with Steven politics and religion, who they should vote for. We're like, God damn it, I gotta go to bed at nine now? God, what are you guys always gonna do this shit to me? Or every time I'd come over to your house and hang out with Steven, I'd be like, name of the father, son of the husband. We'd have to pray every time. Yep, oh God, yeah. This is not a thing to me. We never liked it either.

We were like, Jesus. And at some point, we got old enough, we were just like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And my dad's like, did you say it we're like yep yep yep my mom would say it loudly said my mom would say it louder just like drown us out i'm pretty sure because she i mean she wasn't like super catholic like your dad was yeah she's lutheran and your dad was like we gotta do this and then we were like oh this is why or every time i'd come hang out on a friday and during lunch your mom's, we're having cheese pizza. I'm like, what's up with this?

Why is it so cheap? Why is there nothing on this pizza? Yeah, I didn't like that. I never understood that. That's one of those BS rules. That's just like, you can't have meat. Like, what the fuck? You mean religion in general?

Yeah. No, it's... Not my cup of tea, really. By no means do I think I'm an atheist but i don't think like i was raised like that was another joke i heard is like why does everyone say they were raised catholic no one says they still are catholic everyone's like i was raised catholic well you ever watch like house like the show my dad did for a while but i never really got into it i don't like medical shows i can't see someone cut open oh see they don't really do that on that, though.

But the best line I've ever heard is, the dude's treating this little super Jesus girl, and she goes, don't you believe in God? He goes, I did. And then my curly hairs came in. Dude, I lost it. How old was the girl in the show? Like eight or nine.

Oh, fuck. And then he was like, yeah, I did. I am warm. Yeah, it's a touchy subject for a lot of people. And I have no problem if you believe in it or not. Yeah. As long as it's one of those things you just don't force onto me. Politics, religion, that's the few things I don't force onto me. Politics, religion, like that's the few things

I don't like talking about. One, politics, just because I don't know enough about it. I know where I lean. But, and religion, I give a fuck what your religion is. Just don't force it on me and be a good person.

That's it. My thing is you want to argue baseball? I got you. Exactly. That's my new religion. I don't even know what I'll fucking argue with you. Like, the other day my dad like i was telling him i said like the brewers like he was like like right after the bucks won the finals i was like all right milwaukee

you're up next let's go get some hitters he goes walk he's doing great this and that and i said we have the worst op like one of the worst ops pluses if you know what that is like that's on base plus slugging percentage yeah and ops and OPS pluses factored to each park. So, like, Miller Park is, like, a neutral park. There's hitters fields and... And OPS pluses factored to the fields. And I said, we have one of the worst OPS pluses amongst the third teams in the MLB,

and we're still doing this well because we have one of the best pitching staffs of all baseball. See, I know that. I know enough about baseball. I don't know the OPS Plus bullshit, but I know we have a good— Yeah, that's how much you fucking listen to. I mean, I listen to six hours a week and talk in baseball.

That's a—they have three a week, and they're two hours each. I listen to all of them. I listen to another hour-and-a-half-long podcast, and, like, that's two hours each. I listen to all of them. I listen to another hour and a half long podcast, and that's all I do is I listen to baseball shit. See, mine is just all comedy podcasts to try and help me write and do shit like that. But I listen. Okay, so every Monday morning, first thing I turn on is Two Bears, One Cave. Every Monday morning.

Yep. Love it. Love it, love it, love it. Your problems make sense. The Tom Segura koozie. Every Monday morning. Yep. Love it. I mean, I got the... Love it, love it, love it. Whatever. Your problems make sense. The Tom Segura koozie. Dude, he is... I would venture to say... No, he is probably my biggest comedic influence.

Yeah. He's 100%. He's one of the funniest dudes ever. He's so fucking funny. So funny. I love my dogs, but if they bit one of my kids... I'd have... Without question and without hesitation, I would drown that dog.

In front of my kid. Like, this is for you. What the? Dude, I've seen all, like, and he is like, if I'm with a group of people, and we're watching Netflix, or it's like, it's one of those Sundays, you went and visited a group of guys or something like that and just throw something on Netflix, throw some comedy on. I'm like, I got it.

Right to secure it. And we watched, I was in Chicago three, four weeks ago. We put him on. Dude, the whole fucking group of guys we were with were like pissing themselves laughing. Oh, and I showed a dude at work literally yesterday.

And he was like, this isn't funny. I'm like, what the fuck do you mean this isn't funny? Yeah, everyone has their preferences. like some people like clean comics some people like the dirty comics some people like i like when people push the buttons well and then i turned on you know the fat piece of shit burt yeah and i turned on the machine store and he laughed his ass off i'm like this this is what you got like that's a good story yeah but like as fans of him you're like i've heard this so many fucking times and i think that's what it was like that's a good story yeah but like as fans of him you're like i've heard this so

many fucking times and i think that's what it was yeah it's like when you hear it for the first time you're like this is a great fucking story and then you know you put it on for someone else and like you hated sagura but this this is what you like you love i was like yeah i mean it's a good story i laughed my first time i'm sure oh the first couple times i saw it i laughed and i showed it to people um but yeah it's just like because it's a story then you're like i've heard this story it's like um when your friend like and i am victim of it so much and heilman will call me out on it um my buddy jake he goes if i like with a new group of people and I'll go into comic mode, I'm like, oh, I've got to impress. Or I'll try and tell jokes or something like that. And I have a set, probably 10 stories in my arsenal easily that I can like, you guys are going to love this.

And Jake goes, oh, fuck, here we go again. And it's like, oh, yeah, quit fucking hanging out with me then. It's the equivalent of that. Obviously, I like you as a comic but like i've heard your stories come with something new right now and i mean burke probably he has plenty of new stuff it's just well he does that literally every show at the end of every single show that he does on all of his like tour dates well that's because people that's that's what comics always say they wish they could musicians, and musicians wish they could be comics.

And that's like going to see Garth Brooks. You're not going to not see or hear Friends in Low Places. Exactly. So every musician was like, listen, I'm so sick of playing X, Y, and Z. Can I please play A, B, and C that you've never heard? But you want to hear all these, whereas comics is like, it's something new again, again. It's like, dude, you need something new every goddamn day.

Yeah. Or the musician's like, nope, I will hear Friends in Low Places Monday through fucking the day after Sunday. Yeah. And that's, his is, his, the machine is Friends in Low Places. It is. It's Friends in Low Places. It's She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy. It's any top hit song you can think of.

It's fucking Baby by Justin Bieber. Also, do you love how much Tom Segura hates Garth Brooks? Oh, yeah. It's fucking hysterical. Dude, oh my God. He's shadow banned? Oh, yeah. It's hysterical.

It's hysterical. Do you ever comment on anything for him? No. Oh, dude, I think about it all the time being like, free Tom on all of Garth Brooks' posts. No, I mean, that's the other thing, too. It goes back to the TikTok thing I think it's funny that

that's all happening but that does not register in my brain to go do it it's like because I don't give a flying fuck about half the shit that's put out I'm entertained by it I think it's funny and very few things I will send to people even the funniest things

I find on the internet I still won't send my best friends. I'm just like, well, if I meet them, if I hang out with my friends one day and this subject happens to come up, I have something to go. Yeah. But I think it's because it's like so I have something to talk about when I see them. That's like a – so you know how like, let's say you're dating someone. If you talk all day, every day, and you're set,

like you live together. Okay. And you talk all day while you're at work and you get home. You're like, what the fuck do you have to talk about? Nothing. Whereas like I have my long distance friends. If I sent them everything I found entertaining and everything I did every day,

it wouldn't be such a treat to go see them. So like, friends, if I sent them everything I found entertaining and everything I did every day, it wouldn't be such a treat to go see them. So like if I sent Connor everything I thought was entertaining, he lives out in Denver, me flying out there would be like, he's like, dude, I've been fucking hanging out with you. It feels like I've been hanging out with you for three months. I'm like, yeah, this isn't as fun then. I mean, I would, don't get me wrong, I would still have fun with him, but it's like having stuff to talk about and catching up is part like that's part of the fun if you tell everyone everything all the fucking time you get so bored so quickly you ever go well go ahead no you're good you're good you ever gone like a car trip when you're with like your buddies and then your girlfriend and you never talk to your girlfriend but you

talk to your buddies in the backseat the whole time? It's the same thing. Well, I would say yes, but I haven't had a girlfriend in... My last official girlfriend was the beginning of junior year of high school. That was the only girl you've ever dated? I've dated three girls in my life. One for an extended weekend.

One for a month. Oh, I'm a walking red flag. When you dated the Poms girl for a while. Yeah, and one for nine or ten months. Oh, I didn't know you dated someone for a while

in high school. Yeah, Holly. Yeah, the Poms girl. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she has a name. It's Holly. I didn't remember it. Yeah. I just knew she was a Poms girl. So, like, I've Yeah, the Poms girl. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she has a name. It's Holly. I didn't remember it.

Yeah. I just knew she was a Poms girl. No, it's like, I've had, yeah, I've had three girlfriends and they add up to less than a year. And this is another story. My friends be like, we've heard this fucking enough. Well, yeah, we were talking about it. The one when you saw me at my birthday and you're like, is this your girlfriend?

I said, fuck no. And I go, yeah, maybe a better way to say that one. And the funny thing with her is we've been best friends since we were like 16 or 17 okay so that's like me telling if someone asked me and cody guessing are you dating i'd be like yeah fat fucking chance we're dating and what's funny is like if someone i know asks us i'll be like the fuck we are and then if someone asks her she'd be like, he's gay. Yeah. Well, I don't think Cody would be like, he's gay. Cody would 100% pimp me out if she could. Oh, Des would too. 100% pimp me out.

And she would take all the profits. She goes, I did all the work. Yeah. Des would too for sure. If she could, she would walk me around town. Like, who wants him? I would hate it. Well, part of me would like it if you're starting to get attention but it's like it'd be real unfortunate if someone's like

how bad would that be like it's an ego boost to have people start liking your shit on media if someone tried pimping you out and no one wanted you like you'd be real good and be like you'd be a real good hoe and And they just, nah, we'll pass. Fuck. That's why I got one friend. We dated for like two months when I was a junior and she was dating this dude forever. And I never really talked to her just the respect of having a boyfriend thing. Recently broke, they broke up. We went out and I was like, we need to hang out more. Cause you're like the best wing woman ever. Like she's the, I'll go talk to that girl. I'll make out with her and then I'll send her back to you when I'm done.

Like, and she is like without fail. Like that girl. Yeah. She's with us. Yes. That's nice. That's nice. Yeah.

And the rest of them, they are the worst. My best friend is the worst wing man ever. He's been in a relationship since he was 16. He has no idea how to talk to girls. He knows to talk to one just the one yeah he's real fucking good at it better than everyone else yeah i mean we're they've been dating for like seven eight years i'm like jesus that was like uh hey sometimes people just find it. That was like Fernandez. He started dating Alyssa in eighth grade. Is that when it was?

Yeah. And they got married when they were 23. Jesus. So eighth grade, you're 14 years old. Yeah. You got married when you were 23. That's six, nine. That's, I mean, that that's over like at the time like it's already

over a quarter of your life that's like michael and amanda they dated for like seven or eight that's almost 50 of his life he's been dating this fucking girl or i i love eat but like holy shit my dad always told me never date the first one or never marry the first one well they say you you get three loves it's like the one your first love it's like what i forgot what it is your second one fucking hurts you learn your lesson the third one comes out of nowhere and usually works like there could be like weird tangents in between but like you have three big ones we had different rules in our family i mean i learned uh there's oh no shit you had different rules your family dude at times i didn't even think you had parents i remember i was on a

vacation in texas for spring break and i wasn't even in college i just took a week off of work my brother michael texted me he goes hey kid don't forget any port in a storm like there's there's one thing my father taught me that I won't say on here because it's not super PC anymore. But, like, yeah, let's keep it off. Yeah. I'll tell you after. Yeah, that's good. I'm excited to hear this one because I know it's going to be fucking good.

But, like, I mean, he literally always says, never marry your first one. Yeah, because you don't know any better. Yeah. your first button yeah because you you don't know any better yeah and like if you if you fall for like everyone like experience and i mean i'm stumbling on words right now but what's up it's probably slow down you're fine that's five since i've been here jesus christ um i've had two yeah don't forget i had the tall boy twisted to in there. As long as you're feeling good, you can have whatever you want. Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, if you want to reload the cooler, go for it.

No, I shouldn't have more than eight. Been your friend. Well, five and plus two is seven. You don't need to tell everyone that. I'm good at what I do. But no, experience is good because then you realize like really realize what you want if you think you know everything

you're gonna want at the age of 15 16 you are so mistaken are you kidding me like I've noticed in my personal life not just like

romantic life growing up I hate I hated public speaking I now like doing stand up well that's why I got intoxicated before I did this I like doing this shit. In the start of high school,

you fill out that health form, and they get to you when you're a senior. What's your thought on weed? What's your thought on alcohol? And all of them are like, never going to do it. Don't see the point. What's your sexual thing on condoms?

Shit like that. I'm like, dude, I have fucking failed every one of those since high school. For sure. Since high school, I'm fucking terrible at all that shit. And I would chastise TikTok on the first 15 episodes of this. And now it might be one of my best fucking assets for this show. I don't know.

You learn. It's like, I think, honestly honestly things you hate right away you end up loving the most i didn't like a lot of vegetables i love vegetables no that's a real dumbed down version from fucking condoms oh i have so many comments for that that i'm gonna leave out but i wish even now i could see that fucking 14-year-old Matthew when he was 5'7", a chubby little fat nerd, played first base and had glasses. Do you know how many times we played catch in your fucking yard? Yeah, I loved baseball. Yeah, I know you did.

Except— I mean, I loved it too. Like, we were—in your yard, I'm like, give me a diver, give me a diver me a diver we just do that for fucking two hours i did it when i fractured my foot and i'd be running with my fucking boot trying to play catch with you and i'm glad i'm really glad this came up because i saw a drobot who was the at the time he was the freshman baseball coach when i was trying out and he didn't remember but i did i didn't make the team because he caught me smoking cigarettes in the medals room. That's fair. No, no.

I get it completely. Oh, yeah. Like, this kid's not going to be able to run to first base. Like, we were doing, like, I remember, like, the pitching drills and shit like that. And Jacob Ehlendorf was number one at 81 miles an hour. Parker Plume was second. And there was a couple other. I was, like, top between six and four i was in there and like throwing speed when i was 14 and i was short

i was like five foot nine i'm six two now yeah short that's me now you fucking shit i'm sorry but i was short for my size watch all the followers i just got just leave now sorry short kings doesn't doesn't have six in front of it? Yeah, sorry. Nah, y'all are Short Kings. Don't worry about it. But, like, and I saw him the other day at the Ross and Pub. He's like, I don't remember that.

He goes, honestly, if you would have done that now, I would have been more impressed. Instead of these fucking turds smoking these smoke, like, little pretend cigarettes now. He goes, I probably would have let you on the team for smoking real cigarettes. Yeah. Dude, I hate. I'm not a fan of, like, the vapes and shit like that.

I never have been. I honestly, honest to God, when Juul first came out when I was in college, I thought it was going to be a trend because it came out at the same time as Fidget Spinners. Yeah. I was like, oh, I just hate trends. I think I said this last episode. But I was like, I'm not fucking doing this shit. I've hit a jewel, obviously, like, when you get drunk.

Like, I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't do tobacco. Like, cigars is my tobacco, nicotine. Like, that's my whatever of choice. Yeah. Everything else, I just don't do it. Obviously, dip because my dad did it and shit like that. Oh, you mean.

But, like, but let's be honest. Like, when you get a little hammered or you're on spring break and you end up chain smoking a pack of cigarettes that you found outside of a gas station just like puff puff pass with all your friends like a whole pack with one other friend no matter of 45 minutes yeah it happens but i've had a jewel like probably less than 15 times in my life and i just i don't like it i don't see the appeal and it's actually kind of scary seeing the addiction people have to them it's almost i can't i'm not gonna go and say it's worse than cigarettes but but i see people who kids our age fiending for a black USB drive. Literally.

With a little liquid in it. They're like, where the fuck, I need my jewel, I need my jewel. And they find one on the floor like, dude, fuck, I found one. It's like, that's fucking gross. Yeah. I've seen people take them off the bathroom floor and hit them. I'm like, nope. I mean, I've dipped since I was like 14.

Like freshman year of high school i started dipping and now i've been getting to the area of like quitting where i'll buy a can once a week and i will use a stupid little electronic smoke sticks but it's like i mean i've had doctors say like do that instead but if that's but if that i am obviously i have no problem with anyone doing, do whatever the fuck you want. I don't care. Yeah. Like as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, you can hurt yourself, whatever.

Well, let's not go that far. But if electronic cigarettes are just the first step to quitting something worse, then fucking do electronic cigarettes. Like I said that really weird, but. Yeah, that was. Cigarettes. But, I mean, like a doctor literally like, he was like, no, quit chewing. Just do that instead. And then just quit that.

I was like, all right. Yeah, it's. I'm going to check what time we're at. Probably well over an hour. No, we're not. Really? How long are we at? 49, 50 minutes.

Oh, so we started right around four. Yeah. I suppose I talked to your mom for a while. Yeah. Not really. I cut that off real quick. Because I Yeah. I suppose I talked to your mom for a while. Yeah. Not really. I cut that off real quick. Because I knew, like, my mom really wanted to see you. So I was like, she's going to catch up, and something's going to come up that I'm going

to wish we would have fucking said before. And honestly, it probably would have been something about your dad. I'm like, remember when you used to come over all the time? And that would have been, like, 10 minutes we just didn't have. Say hi to her after and talk to her after. Yeah, obviously. You can say whatever you want. But the other thing i was going to tell you on my list was oh yeah we only got to two um do you like a fucking golf outing i saw one that it was

every beer you drink is minus one stroke yeah yeah i'm sure you saw that video too oh i our friends alone have had this idea. When we do scrambles, we'll be like, should we just add this rule in if we want to have like a boozy Saturday? But then the problem is we end up golfing with guys that are semi-decent who are trying to play semi-well. So then it's like...

But then you get this. Yeah. Dogshit golfer. So you always need one guy that's just so fucking bad. So you need like... Sorry, Connor. You need like a need one guy That's just so fucking bad So you need like Sorry Connor You need like a Gdowski Who's just like

Fuck it I don't care And he's put down Half a 30 rack And we're 15 under already Oh No no no I'll do the whole 30 rack

Yeah but I mean You're fucking insane Like I went out For my boss's It was his birthday party He has one Every year on Big Muskego Lake

I showed up With a 30 rack He showed up with a 30 rack. He showed up with a 30 rack. They were both gone by 4 o'clock at night. I should say afternoon. We started at 6.37. Like, you know, not... Yeah.

Like, it's a good span. Yeah. But we killed two 30 racks and then went to the bar. That'll happen. Yeah, but we killed 230 racks and then went to the bar The most I've done and like And like this is like I'm trying to wean away from just like bragging about drinking Because I can't do this anymore. Like I can still put them back enough But see it's still a little in me to make sure I'm not I don't want to come

be perceived as a little bitch when it comes alcohol but uh on my 22nd four of us went golfing and we all shotgunned a bud a warm bud light orange every hole and we we got on the uber went to the bar we literally put our golf clubs in the back of the bar we worked at at the time like yeah we're just gonna leave these here ordered we were fine we went home showered changed went back out yeah like we were fine when we went to the bar yeah and then that's when the real party started that's when the hard alcohol comes out and you're just like we're ripping shots and like and i won a fucking trophy that day i still got it to this day it says first place panfish champion yeah see

and I broke it so we have our ideas our golf outing my cookout and beer olympics turns out my drunk ideas

are the same as your friends all of these would be fun the problem is I have to record them. And I want to participate in all of them. I will never be the guy that's like walking around like, I can get you people.

We got Joey. Like, oh, yeah. Joey's underage. Joey can't be. Yeah, we do have Joey. True. Joey, hold the stick. Shout out to Joey.

Hold the stick. No, I'm not going to make Joey hold the stick. Joey's my athlete. I treat him like royalty. Give out to Joey. Hold the stick. No, I'm not going to make Joey hold the stick. Joey's my athlete. I treat him like royalty. Hey, man. $30? Uh-huh. Yeah, that's out of his sponsorship, too, son.

Uh-huh. No. That's fucking 60% of his sponsorship, too. No, I just don't want to be— I'm doing this— When I sponsored Joey and people started asking

thank god that's died off asking me can I be the next Fat Chance athlete I'm like I'm not Barstool I don't want to be Barstool I like doing this

this is fun it was a joke oh yeah it's not I mean it's a joke but it's not a joke like

I told Sam I was like I think it would be fun to just sponsor random professions. Like, you can be my Fat Chance construction worker. Tell you what, you put a, redo my tailgate.

It's like 300 bucks to get it wrapped. I'll have that whole thing saying Fat Chance. I'll take all the stickers off of it. We'll talk after this. Dude, yeah, so stuff like that. And I'm just fucking everywhere then. It's just like weird advertising and marketing. But I don't want to be barstool.

Love barstool, don't want to be them. You got to do something else. I don't want to be the guy that vlogs. Like no offense to the guys that do vlogging all the time, but I cringe when they're like okay this is the challenge i'm doing for today it's like no one gives a flying fuck that i'm trying to give away whatever and i don't i mean they do some good but it's like oh it's just cringy to me and that's just not me and I think anyone like knows me like if I

I have friends that I swear to God if I posted a vlog would text me like take that shit down you fucking loser yeah again

no diss to anyone who does it but I just that's not me and I don't want to this is for me this is fun I get to hang out with people

eventually I think I get to start hanging out with people I don't know which is awesome and I get to learn more stuff with people like whether it's chefs and stuff like that like I want to hang out with people. Eventually, I think I get to start hanging out with people I don't know, which is awesome. And I get to learn more stuff about people, like whether it's chefs and stuff like that. Like, I want to get that guy who owned the restaurant in Madison back on. But he's been fucking busy forever.

What was that one? Did you have an episode with him? No. Or did you just meet him somewhere? I was supposed to. He was supposed to be, like, episode three of this new show. But, yeah. And then I do my other stand-up stuff and so i can ask strangers for you i know i dude i know everyone yeah that's okay there's a difference between like people

i don't know like and strangers no no i mean like i can find you people who do things yeah like entertaining things like i don't want like your boss at whatever you do i don't want like the boss of like chad fry's welding company and like I could fucking care less what they do what you do but I know like people get so confused like I know people from like downtown Milwaukee to like fucking Kenosha people get like

how do you know that person I don't know I just know everyone like I don't know how this works I get drunk at bars a lot you're social you're social I get drunk and I meet people

no that like that's what I love and I love meeting new people and I want to learn new things too. Chad's girlfriend's dad, big, I'm hesitant on the conspiracy word, but like conspiracy guy. And has a bunch of interest in shit like Bigfoot and UFOs and stuff like that. You know how fun of a conversation that would be to have a few drinks with him? Fuck yeah.

Like he loves vodka. If we just took back a few shots of vodka and And I just go Give me the weirdest shit you got Oh my god I'd be a kid in a candy store Or a pervert Kid in a candy store Just fucking having the time of my life Tell you what

I'll get Michael Like my brother Michael Give him to give you His fucking nut job stories We're gonna talk about Sam's story getting viral I'm sure Michael's got plenty Oh yeah Dude I would have the entire dude not can we get up like three or four mckenna podcasts in

here i'm not gonna lie i i have four mics i can get three mckenna boys at once i get you michael eric i don't know if adam would do it but adam's your least likely i think we might be able to for sure we could get a me and michael yeah we might be able to, for sure we could get a me and Michael. Yeah. We might be able to get an Eric. It'd be, you get you and Michael and Eric would be here like,

why the fuck am I here? What are you doing with your life, Michael? But Eric's now got a full-time DD because his wife's knocked out. So, Eric likes to party. Feed him a few beers. Be like,

hey, let's record this. I mean, I haven't seen him. Last time, no lie, last time I saw him was when you graduated high school. Yeah, I i mean now him and adam live 13 houses apart adam's got his two crib midgets eric's got his one that's like a year and change and then another one on the way

yeah no eric used to be i mean him and justin were you know he's 40 now how fucking yeah he's 40 now god damn it he'll never listen to this But whatever No No he never will No It Looking back now That him and Justin

Were my two role models Growing up Are you fucking kidding me Like Just cause they're old The older guys In the neighborhood Are like

I wanna be like them Cause like Justin had all the Cool basketball shoes Eric and him Played football Yeah Oh yeah Do you think he's changed No Thousands Thousands and thousands Of dollars in fucking shoes Like, Justin had all the cool basketball shoes. Eric and him played football. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Do you think he's changed? No. Thousands. Thousands and thousands of dollars in fucking shoes. Yeah, that's just not me. I own, I've worn, I have three different pairs of shoes I wear. I don't own, I own one pair. I work out in these.

I have a dirty pair of white Vans, and then I have a high top pair of white Vans. My problem is I also buy white shoes, and then they're ruined within a month. And then I know where to buy shoes. White. I was talking to him. White shoes will never go out of style. It's like one of those things that will never go out of style. Jake told me that.

I'm like, you're a hundred percent right. And they're my favorite, favorite shoes. Everything I own. They look so clean. They go with everything. Problem is until they look like that. Well, this isn't, I mean, this isn't that bad. Those aren't bad, but they're not great. They're with everything. Problem is until they look like that. Well, this isn't, I mean, this isn't that bad. Those aren't bad, but they're not great.

They're not great, but like this has been, every podcast, this has been working out. So it's like weights hit them and stuff like that. They're dirty. This is, I guarantee you, I could clean these probably in like two hours and they'd look almost brand new. Except for the mesh. Because I'm a huge fan of ice white everything. Like when I play softball Which Actually I gotta go play After this

I have ice white cleats Ice white batting gloves Ice white like everything Everyone's like Why do you buy white Because it looks good as fuck When it's clean Yeah

And then you get it dirty And you're like How long is it clean It's like I don't know Two days That's why I bought Like I got Bryce Harper Fours or something

And they're like plastic But they're really comfy. So you can scrub them with a fucking brush, and they're ice white every game. Well, the thing is, like, when I got these, these were strictly just for, like, indoor lacrosse when I was coaching and then working out, and so I was, like, really careful with them. Then you get, like, one dirty spot, and you're like, then you're upset. Then you're upset.

Fuck it. And then you get the second. The second is when you're like, fuck it. They're junk. Fuck upset. Fuck it. And then you get the second. The second is when you're like, fuck it. They're junk. Fuck it. Not junk. You're just like, you know what? I can wear them to more things and they get a little more dirty.

Now they're just like, fuck it. These are my gray shoes now. Mm-hmm. Mine are brown because I wear them to softball. These are my dirty whites. These are my dirty whites. I mean, I said I had no pairs, But I have one pair And they're not Presentable These are my only

Presentable shoes Yeah And then I have My I get I have dress shoes Dressier shoes That if like I was going

Somewhere nice For like a date Which I haven't done in What's What year is it? Eight years Take a guess on what my Like wedding shoes are

White Air Force Ones Polished black shit kickers Alright Yeah I I don't That's the other thing is I don't like black dress shoes either They're cowboy boots

Black polished cowboy boots Yeah that's what I wear But like anything nice Anything Like for me But like actual black dress shoes Is where I was going with it Not a huge fan

Like I'm I don't like I've gone away from khaki pants I am now For me, actual black dress shoes is where I was going with it. Not a huge fan. I don't like... I've gone away from khaki pants. I am now strictly blue, maybe black, brown shoes. I look like I'm going to a business meeting every time I dress up. Very, very, very rarely do I look nice. Dude, this is like this is the nicest I've looked in a while. I have two styles.

Like I can go full cowboy. Like I have these pants, my boots. I have like a super nice You look like cowboy on vacation right now. You are vacation cowboy right now.

Giant fucking skull belt buckle with a tobacco problem. Yeah. But like, dude, I mean, what? You are so, you're like Andrew. He just, you, I don't know. I've been going slow today, but Andrew deletes beers.

He just deletes them. I won. Control out, control out, goodbye case. Yeah. Gone. So there was one night I was playing softball in Waterford, or not Waterford, I won. Control out. Control out. Goodbye, Case. Gone. So there was one night I was playing softball in Waterford. Not Waterford.

Walkshot. Saratoga Park. Afterwards, we went to some bar in Saratoga. By the way, what time do you have to play softball so I can get you out of here in time? 7.30. Okay, you're fine. I have 6.30 and 7.30. I gotta be somewhere at 7.30 anyways, too. In the 6.30, I don't have to play.

Oh, yeah. We're fine. But I went to a bar And this dude was like I bet anyone in here That I can chug a beer Faster than them I said you're the fuck on I can't chug

I'm terrible at it I'm terrible at it So we did three The first one was for ten bucks I said you know I'll take you on for ten bucks Smoked him Second one he goes

Double or nothing I said alright Smoked him Third one he goes double or nothing i said all right smoked him third one he goes 100 bucks i said please tell me how to do he didn't damn that would have been a great store if he just fucking i said well what i thought was i've lost i've tied three of these in my life i've never lost chugging a beer i've never. I'm sure there's people out there who can beat me.

But, like your average dude who thinks he can chug a beer. Yeah. And there's people who have like, like, yeah, that was good. Like, I've never lost either. I'm like, yeah.

100 bucks. He cheated. Because I said, we touch, we go down, we go up. He touched, he went up.

I still went down, went up. It was went down. Went up. It was the fastest chug I've ever done in my life. Because you saw him go and you're like, I got to. You went full. We timed it. It was like 1.8 seconds. Okay, that's impressive.

From touch to gone. That's impressive. And I won 130 bucks. You know that could be your next TikTok account. Did you see the guy? Apparently. I fucking hate that I'm on TikTok. God damn it. It's the worst.

It really is. It is the worst. And because, and honestly, I never really scrolled on it until this last, you know, little fiasco thing. You don't have a glass in here. You need a glass? I was going to show you a cool trick. Like a... Like just anything with a large mouth.

Oh, don't worry. I have a... we'll have someone bring one down we need a glass yeah easy um i'll show you how good i am at chugging beers where was i going with this oh yeah so because of this last little fiasco thing um i was i was constantly refreshing just because it's an addicting feeling that's the worst yeah and but, and – but so all of a sudden, like, now I'm scrolling because it's, like, past the time for a bit. So I had, like, nothing going on. Like, I finished all my stuff, like, all, like, the podcast and stuff.

The next thing I got to do that's – is Friday, and that's open mic and this with you. That's what else I was going to ask. Where the hell do you do open mics? Downtown Milwaukee. I'm doing one tonight at 730. Like, when will you be able to make it tonight? Like, dude, tonight like did you gotta post this shit like i would love to come no no that's the problem is like a lot of places aren't recording right now so and i need to do i haven't

done what do you mean so not a lot of bars record the people doing it yeah but i just want to know like where you like i want to come yeah yeah i know well that's the thing is I'm still very new at it, and I want to get my feet fucking Skittles. Just to feel like I'm part of the group. You want a couple? I got some extras. No, no. But there's a guy where, fuck, I've been trying to get this out for a while,

who I think is from Milwaukee, and he's a bucks fan and his thing was just chugging beer i think because of the bakhtiari like chugging beers he was just deleting like literally up and gone and like i've seen him multiple times on instagram tiktok whatever now i mean you could easily do that now if your thing was just like challenging people at the bar yeah and then you just

only post the ones where you win oh yeah I'm not gonna post me losing fuck here's one win and 19 losses fuck

these guys were way better than I thought they were gonna be but I mean literally this dude like and it wasn't like he saw me do it like I was just sipping beers

yeah and he was like I bet anyone in here and I'm like all my friends went those are the worst guys dude like he saw me do it. Like, I was just sipping beers. Yeah. And he was like, I bet anyone in here. And I'm like, all my friends went. Those are the worst guys too. Those are the worst guys too.

Like, no one wants, like, you think you're gonna make friends doing that? Well, he was a really nice guy. He was cool. Do you know what friend, know who's gonna make the most friends?

Is the fucking quiet kid who's gonna kick your ass is now gonna win the bar over and you're going to look like a colossal fucking dickhead. I was a fucking hero. Exactly. You're like, oh, shut this fucking guy up. Like someone beat him.

So he sits the fuck down or goes home. I mean, literally there's like for the first one, it was like no big deal. Second one, you know, getting bigger by the third one. People heard that he bet me $100. you know getting beggared by the third one people heard that he bet me 100 the whole bar is like and you can hear all my friends like god fucking he cheated but he's still lost like no lie if i was like a bystander didn't know you two and i heard that guy be like i bet i could beat anyone in a chug off and you just were like and your friends pointed you like i didn't even nominate myself and you were watching me like,

yeah, I'll fucking do it. I would've been like, I hope this guy fucking kills him. I hope he does. And then to watch you beat him three times in a row, I would've walked up and been like, can I buy you a drink? Thank you for shutting this fucking dickhead up.

He was like, but he wasn't like a dickhead about it. He was like super cool. Like, he kind of said it as a joke. Like, he wasn't being, that's what it was. It was, yeah. Dickheadish, but he kind of said it as a joke like he wasn't being that's what it was it was yeah dick haddish but he was being like as a joke now did he pay you yeah i got all 130 dollars i'll give him credit for that because most guys like he literally lost then went to the

atm and said here you go good for him good for him he was super like he was on his word about it did you text christine no sorry oh i was like it's hard for me to talk and text at the same time. No, I got you. But I saw you pull out your phone, and you're like, I'll get you one. I guess I just got to show it up. I used to have them down here. I mean, I can't say how I won $130 checking beers and then not. Oh, no.

Yeah, now you have to do one. And we, like, when we're done, like, we're going to do this, and then I have a final question that i ask everyone at the end now have you been thinking about it i already know it you good you've been listening i love it so don't don't say it yet we'll do the chug and then we'll say it deal deal um but we i mean we got to fill some time now because i had to come up with two because the one that i had a question about or the one that i wanted to do i fulfilled so i had to come up with a second one so i have one that i'll tell you that i wanted to do and then i

did and then the new one that i came up with that's actually kind of cool that like you actually fulfilled something did can i ask did you listen to me ask that question and you kind of be like you kind of have to do it or it's just something you always want to do and you did it on your own no so the first one i heard was joey's yeah i believe was season two i don't remember which no yeah joey season two he wants to put on and joey's young so like yeah i didn't want anything like philosophical like he was like no i want to put on 15 pounds i want to actually like take this fucking lacrosse thing seriously i'm like all right well you'll lose your scholarship if you don't put on 15 pounds. I want to actually take this fucking lacrosse thing seriously. I'm like, all right, well, you'll lose your scholarship

if you don't put on 15 pounds by next fucking year. I'm going to take away your fucking shirts, Joey. Yeah. I've got to be looking this way. You're going to lose your fucking shirts, Joey. And your $50. Dude, I think I might just throw in $50 at the end. The only problem is I've got this t-shirt lady.

She's got a... I sent her some designs. I can get you some decals for that gmc outside we'll talk i'm telling you you fucking want to at a minimum i'm not gonna pay for your fucking bumper but i think you need the bumper replaced no no no my truck's good to go oh my window got smashed in oh when i saw you i was driving my brother's pickup because some dude broke into my truck and smashed the pillar from my door and broke out the window.

At a minimum. I'll just... So, that's the other thing is I'm going to order just a fuck ton of stickers and decal stuff. Throw it on. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, throw it on. I don't care.

Dude, I think I might just give them to my friends and be like, when you go out tonight, just throw them on every bathroom stall. Dude, I told you. If you pay to get the badges removed and polished so it doesn't have the sticky bullshit on there, you can cover my whole fucking tailgate and I don't care. This could be fun. I don't... Go ahead.

You got to start playing loud on the radio, these podcasts. I like to Blair 90s hip hop. I know. Do you really? Tupac, baby. Jesus. First off... See, I think you're you're playing You're getting that mood where it's like every sad country song just hits the spot minor extreme love songs or sad boy songs What's it will be a sad boy example?

You want you want to talk about country playlists i guarantee you i can top you whatever playlist you have for length guaranteed my newest one so this is within three months is seven hours long okay can i think better than that that's within three months michael okay i did this one i've i've been okay i've added to it in spurts in the last four years but i did 85 percent of it in two days do you want to know how long this playlist is hours wise 73 hours and 14 minutes it is just country music see i wish i looked like I'm more of a fanatic than Jake Gain. But I decided, like, I got so sick of just, like, constantly, like, oh, what do I want to listen to? So one day I sat in my room in college, and I wrote down every artist I liked in country music. And because I was in my country music zone.

Like, I go, go like different spurts. Like randomly I'll get into like a John Mayer spurt. And I'll listen to John Mayer. Or OAR. Like OAR is kind of around now. I listen to OAR a lot right now. Who the hell is that? So I was in my Upper Revolution.

They're fucking phenomenal. I want to send you some of those. Never heard of them. But I will. They're kind of like Dave Matthew-ish. Yeah. I'm to send you some of those. Never heard of them. But I will they're kind of like Dave Matthew ish. I'm out. Yeah, exactly. I'm not 50 and I don't swing, so.

I got no pineapples here, boys. But so I literally sat down on my bed and I wrote down every country artist I could think of that I liked. Which free time do you have? Do you have more than me? In college. Oh, in college.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In college. In classes, I got nothing going on. Made myself a BLT and just started writing shit down. Then I just went down. I just Spotify, clicked on Kenny Chesney, was the number one. And I went through his all-time greatest hits, went through every album. Yep.

And I just like, I was like, add, add, add, add, add. I go, cross off Kenny. Next artist. Add Toby Keith. Add, add, add, add. Tim McGraw. Add. And I did that for, dude, I had like 100 artists on there.

How long is yours? How long did you do yours? 73 hours and 14 minutes. I'll do one Monday at work. I don't do anything at work. Dude, you could listen to this for three days straight and not hear the same song. Yeah. I'll do it at work on Monday.

I will go through every single artist I have because what I do is now, like, I don't have a lot of artists ever or just one. This is one genre. Oh, I'll go through all of my country. Okay. I go from 1960 to now yeah oh the latest i go i think is like early 90s all right i tell you what i'll do late 80s early 90s and i'll go all of those artists till now i'll make one on monday i'll tell you how long it'll be good yeah and dude like i constantly add it now so like midland just came out with like five songs of their new album i like three of the five but i was like i always like there's like my

one of my favorite artists of all time now yeah i just i'm gonna add the uh add them all like i was like whatever i'm gonna give a call because right now i'm not getting a response from christine christine where can i take a like dude gotta, can we take a fucking pee break? Oh, yeah, you can just go outside in the bushes. Actually, if you want to just go upstairs, go to the bathroom and then ask for a glass. That makes more sense. I feel like I'm cool in the house. Oh, you're definitely cool in the house.

I've only known her for my whole life. Yeah, your whole life. She really did want to see you. I'm gonna have to finish my fourth just to make it look like I can keep up. Holy shit. This is the first episode, I think, since episode five. I haven't worn a cartoon t-shirt. I like this Hawaiian.

What's also nice is my nutsack isn't showing for this fucking episode. No blur for this one, bitches. That was uncomfortable i did not think i'd get a lot of attention for blurring out my nuts muy pequeño micro michael just shorts a little too tight unfortunate choice of wardrobe but that was a fun episode i think sam's gonna have to be a recurring guest i haven't done a monologue in a while i gotta do five minutes later tonight though i'm excited i haven't done one in two weeks i got i think i have like four solid minutes.

Four new minutes I wrote this week. But, we'll see. Hopefully I get one laugh. Even a pity laugh. I'd be fine. Just give me a little dopamine rush. I'd be good to go for Nashville this weekend. Fuck Nashville.

Nashville is tough. Oh, Andrew, how are you? You doing a podcast by yourself? It looks like I'm doing it by myself right now, aren't I? No, Matt McKenna's here. Oh, that makes so much sense. Do you want to say... Morning. There we go.

Do you want to fill in until he's here? Not really. No? Do you want water? Yeah, I feel disgusting. Yeah, you've been at work this whole time? Yeah. Dude, it's fucking hot outside.

It is hot as fuck outside. Domino, hurry up. He's gone. It's a long monologue. Hopefully, I don't have to cut this out. And please don't turn this off yet. I mean, we got like five, maybe eight minutes left. He's going to chug a beer, tell us what he needs to do before he turns 24.

And we're good to go. Also, I hope this kid can be fucking drunk. Here. Holy shit, do you sound like Andrew? Or does Andrew sound like you? Yeah, well, I mean, we're related. I don't sound like Michael, Adam, or Eric. You don't think so.

I don't think I sound like Andrew, but apparently I do. He goes, Matthew. I said, what's up, Michael? He goes, Matthew? How nasally am I? No, he did, like, the nasally on purpose. Oh. But I was like, what's up, Michael?

He goes, it's not Michael. I'm like, holy shit. Also, I didn't even ask him out. I just felt bad. Dude, my voice between this episode and the last one is vastly different because I'm not fucking losing it. All right. So you're going to chug and then tell us what you're going to do before you turn 24. Oh, God.

I got like a whole year for that. Exactly. You got a whole year for that. Exactly. You got a whole year. Wow. Everyone else has been clipped, and I'm going to... I'm not going to chug this. No, no, no.

I just got to do something before I do it. Oh, can I teach you something? Yes. Let's get away from my computer. It's called Ass Titties. What does that even mean? I suppose i'll be on that one you'll be fine no can you do it while sitting down or no yeah we'll just this i'm just gonna stand you sit down i'll come to you i can take this okay so you go like the bottom of the glass

ass titties ass ass titties okay so we're gonna do it it's full speed don't like bring it back every time okay ass it goes ass titties ass ass titties drink oh I go yeah that's pretty impressive I would say it's a little longer than one probably Probably not your best. No, no, no. I'm out of... You're full. I mean, you've had plenty.

No, I'm also out of practice. Oh. I haven't done that probably a year. We had COVID in there. I had a lot of... That's pretty good. I would still be chugging it. I'm fucking terrible at it.

I mean, we had COVID in there. I lost a lot of valuable time. That's usually when people became alcoholics is during this COVID. But I wasn't challenging people to chugs. Fair. Okay. I lost a lot of valuable time. That's usually when people became alcoholics is during this COVID. But I wasn't challenging people to chugs. Fair. Okay. I lost a lot of valuable time. Because I have to pee here soon.

Right. Let's get it over with. What is, we'll start with this. What is the thing you did already that you wanted to do? And then what is the thing you have to do before you turn 24? All right. So the thing I wanted to do was get a new job, which actually I put in my two weeks on Monday. Okay. So I got a new job at Butters Fetig.

Local 601. I'm going to be a fitter. Okay. Good for you. New thing is I want to get some ink. Don't have any yet. You want to get tattoos. All right.

I'm looking at now is it's called Seuss Sith. It's a dog. Okay. But it's the Irish bringer of death. Little sadistic, but it's more of's a dog okay but it's the irish bringer of death a little sadistic but it's more of like a hunting thing so it's not like it's not like the i mean for humans it's like like a hunting thing for me yeah like it's like the dog the bringer of death like i want it either on my chest or on my arm okay i haven't decided yet if you i will give my opinion to you if you give me like a mock of what you want whether or not it looked good better on a chest or like how like is it just

the head no no it's gonna be a full dog like oh that could be tough that could be tough so i want a combination of this so i want a dog with a skull face that could be Do you want it in black and white or do you want it in color? And also like kind of combined with this. Like a mix of the two if that makes sense. Dude. Not without the bullshit lines. Okay. How about you did it in that right there?

Like so for people who obviously didn't see it, it's like, that was a coyote just running on their... Yeah, it was like a wolf, but it's like running on the forearm. Running on the forearm. Do that, the first picture in that here, instead of here, here. Because let's be honest, if you're gonna put a dog here, it's gonna be short going this way,

and it's gonna look weird going up and down here. But they wanted it here, or like here. I don't. I'm not a huge fan of forearm tattoos. Really? See, I like forearms better than biceps. My thing is you need to start here to get here. See, I start here and I go up.

All right, we're different. So then maybe I like your chest better. So when you have it on your forearm you can move it in different directions and it looks fine your your bicep unless you're doing some douchey thing like this to flex it's your dog is always running straight into the ground when mine is i wanted tattoos for me yeah i like i always wanted a tattoo but i wanted it for me not to show other people like i don't give a shit if anyone else ever sees it. Fair, but you still, you're going to look at yourself,

and you want it to look good. And that's why I wanted it here, you know, like, upper arm, like, torso, and not forearms, because I don't want to see people like, oh, what is that? Yeah. Like, my buddy literally said, like, I thought, oh, either, you know, shoulder blade, chest, or arm. And he goes, don't do shoulder blade. Here?

Yeah, like, on the back. And he said, don't do it, because you'll never see like on the back. And he said, don't do it because you'll never see it. He goes, get something that you're going to see. Because he said, the best tattoos I have are the ones that I get to see every day when I look in a mirror. Yeah. So that would either be here, here, you know, like chest, arms. If I can give you my point of view on my tattoos, I mean, I don't have, I have three. I have this, which is actually the ass titties sheer we just did.

I'll explain that later. I have two thirds, which are three of my best friends I've ever had, and then a life philosophy on my thing. The only one I ever see right away is this, and it's tiny. the only one i ever see right away is this and it's tiny i like that i have tattoos but when i do things they just pop up yeah so like i almost it looks like i don't have them and then i see him whereas he's like i always see them kind of thing yeah you have to figure out you have to decide either a balance between the two or like i want them hidden at all times or i want them to be seen all times that don't make a decision because this is a permanent thing for sure obviously so you need to make that decision what you think not what your friends think of their

tattoos well that's what he that's he said you know it's not my body like yeah he goes this is just what i have learned like i said my favorite tattoos are the ones that i see he didn't say necessarily like when i look in the mirror he said my favorite tattoos are the ones that i see he didn't say necessarily like when i look in the mirror he said my favorite ones are the ones that i see not the ones that i don't see yeah he said i forget about the ones that i don't see he said i forget they're there because i don't see them i kind of like sometimes that i forget about them i mean but look i mean i've waited till 23 to get some tattoos because i've literally always said i i didn't always didn't like tattoos but i went i want one it has to mean something it has to want it and it has i have to want it too and it has to

mean something this is a fun one yeah these two mean a lot to me like a lot and these are the only three that i've ever been like i want these and i've wanted these since i graduated college all three of them in the last two years we of them. In the last two years. Well, this one we designed after, but. In the last two years, I've really dove into hunting. And I either wanted a reaper, like holding a bow, which sounds just super fucking hillbilly, and I kind of hate how hillbilly it sounds. Yeah.

But it's like creative hillbilly. Like, no hillbilly has that. But either that or that I went, like, I'm Irish, so I thought, like, let's look up Gaelic folklore. Yeah. And then this one was a dog, and I, you know, love dogs and wolves. Wolves are probably my favorite animal ever. And then this one is, it's a wolf, but it brings death.

I'm like, that's the one. When it hits you, it hits you. All right, so let's end it at that. You have a year. It could be anywhere. You have a year it could be anywhere you have a year just find the right artist find the right artist my brother michael's got a great tattoo artist in wind lake shout out to that dude if anyone's listening do you know his name or his company because you can give him a shout out uh i know he works in wind lake he's uh probably the

only tattoo artist in wind lake he's off of Loomis Road. He's right across the street from the Shell. My brother's gotten two sleeves done from him. Great dude. Which brother? Michael. Michael's got two sleeves. Well, then, thank you.

He also does a very famous dude, Cody D'Aquisto, in The Haunting World. That dude's got a shit ton of ink. Got it from that guy? Yeah, and they all look great. He's a great tattoo artist. Well, someone shoot us a comment. If you end up watching all fucking hour and ten minutes of this. You know who that guy? Yeah, and they all look great. Someone shoot us a comment if you end up watching all fucking hour and ten minutes of this. You know who he is? Tag him.

I don't know who he is, but I think I'm going to go to him. Alright. Good for you. I like that one. It's a fun one. It's nothing too serious. Cheers, buddy. Thank you for doing this. You're going to hang out a little bit afterwards now. Let's hope we can clip some cool shit out of it.