Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.44 Jake Heilmann

Episode Date: January 7, 2022

You ever seen two guys discuss colors?

Now we're recording. So, all right, Jake, tell everyone who you are. I don't think they know or have heard of you on the show before, but I need to respond to this text. Oh, shit. Okay. Jake Hyland, 5'10", 145 pounds. I'm nervous. When's the last time you think I've done something like this? An episode?

No, what I'm trying to do right now. Oh. A while. Two years. Pre-COVID times. Pre-COVID times for me, you think? Well, when were we at the Mecca? That one time. Oh, yeah.

That was a bad one. That was like this time last year almost. Was it a year ago? That was during COVID? I don't know. Whatever. Off to a hot start. I'm off to a great start to the new year, if I'm being honest with you.

I think. I don't want to get too ahead of myself. We're only, what, five days in? Yeah. What day is it? Happy New Year, everyone. The 5th. Are you in the center of the camera?

I kind of like this setup. I really do. It's easier than putting it in the garage and warmer warmer i'm more comfortable even though i don't have the heat turned on here but it's hot as balls in here i also wear a sweater can you imagine if he was actually turned on yeah dude imagine this place i mean again in the summer we've lived through it but this place sucks yeah wait where's your ac unit? It's still here. I had to take it out the window or else it would be freezing in here right now.

You might want that. I didn't even ask you what you did for New Year's. What did you do? I like house party, just local. I think I'm over going to the bars and spending $50 to get into a bar that you go to any weekend for free. I feel pretty targeted for that. Although I spent $50 for a bar in you go to any weekend for free i feel pretty targeted for that so although i spent 50 for like a bar in nashville so that's way different yeah i'm saying these are in our backyard so yeah the ones that are usually free to get into stupid um what bar

we didn't go to a bar oh yeah you didn't go to bar what oh i can't ask what house i don't want to do that yeah would you pay five dollars a cup? Well, it was probably more. I mean, we brought our own stuff, so yeah. That's nice. When we're older, you bring like nice bottles of champagne and stuff. It adds up. Is this on? Yeah.

I'm so bad at this. You definitely spent less money than I did this weekend. That's for sure. Oh, yeah. I didn't. I didn't spend $1,600 this time or $1,500. Did? I didn't.

I think I'm just underneath it. Dude, I can't go there and not spend at least a grand. Especially if I'm there for four days. Well, you can't just go to Nashville and then be cheap there. No. You're not going to have the same amount of fun. What's the point like you don't go then i'm also the kind of person that i hate um like i believe in the what goes

around comes around i think most of us are um when it comes to like drinks and paying for stuff like that like in a friend group but those people like venmo request you for yeah but i hate also waiting for the comes around sometimes so like if i finish my drink i'm not gonna be like hey i bought this one you guys bought that one or you guys buy the next one or like wait for them to even acknowledge i'm like fucking i'm gonna go get it and then you know what i'm just gonna get another round for everyone and then that starts adding up and that was me on new year's i'm like every time i put my card down, it was like 70 bucks. I'm like, motherfucker. Yeah. It depends who you're.

Sometimes it comes around in some groups, but yeah, ones like that. Also, what? You're the oldest. And for some reason that plays a part. But I don't know if that plays a part. Like, I no longer feel like I'm old in this friend group at all. Even though I am the oldest. Yeah.

I don't act like it. That's well times when nashville i play dad mainly because yeah i think everyone else will die how many people in the group though because that's a factor when that was in our group because you're buying around for everyone five that's six six six six six that's pretty it's a decent amount yeah um it's not that big of a deal i the the worst was is so i've we've been there plenty of times we've never been there for new year's and so i was thinking all right we got to get there at like eight o'clock that's pretty early for new year's i think here would be early right yeah we got there at 5 15 in the afternoon the sun i don't think had even set

yet and there was a line around the corner for like aldeans and like did you get tickets beforehand we're like we're fucked if we needed tickets before because we got nothing um then we literally just walked across the street and the kid rockss was wide open. $50 cover charge. $15 or $50? $50 a person, which I was prepared to spend more than that for a bar in Nashville on New Year's. Yeah. That's like the same in Milwaukee. You can go any floor. It was like three, four floors or whatever.

Yeah, it's fine. $50 for all that, fine. We stayed on one floor the whole time, the rooftop. Didn't move. 5.15, you were there for seven hours. Dude, we didn't leave till two. You were there for nine hours. I have never wanted New Year's to come quicker in my life.

Like the hours of nine to midnight, I'm like, this shit needs to fucking end. Because the best part about Nashville is like bar hopping. And also that bar is more fun i think during the day it might be i don't like but it was just i was like oh my god i'm gonna die and i was so tired when we got there too because we we drove down thursday afternoon we got in at 12 50 like 1 a.m with me ethan megan rachel okay and got in at one saw jake and brian and we went out immediately because their bars are up until three there yeah and we went out for an hour and a half everyone was hammered everyone in that hour and a half. Everyone was hammered.

Everyone in that hour and a half. Like playing catch up? Playing catch up and stuff. It was, I swear to God, Megan, we got to the first bar. We all ordered drinks. We walked from the bar to the dance floor. I turned back to the group, and Megan looks at us and goes, who needs another drink? I'm like, what the fuck?

And it was like, it was a gain switch. It was like, boom. I'm like, Oh my God, you are another one. And,

uh, yeah. So that was fun. The first night, um, as usual, like people lose things. So night,

do you lose your virginity? I wish. No, I'm still hoping on that one. I'm hoping to get it by 30 or lose it by 30. I think I'm going to get it back. So, New Year's night. Oh, boy. One second.

Unfortunately, I wasn't there, so I can't tell the story. Yes, I will take them. Is that all right? Deal. Okay. I'm just going to make sure because Derek just texted me. He's like, hey, does anybody want them yet? So I was like, yeah, I'll take them.

Yeah, just email them to me. That would be great. All right, sounds good. And then I'll just, I'll pay Derek $80. You just pay $60. That works. Because I think a bag of pelts is Derek $80. Yeah. That works. Yeah, dude. I don't know. It doesn't matter.

That's totally fine. I'm holding you up to the microphone, which is a bad idea. Box tickets, baby. I'll have Derek email them to me, text me your email, and I'll forward the tickets to you, and then I'll then move on. All right. Sounds good. I appreciate it, buddy.

All right. Yep. Will do. Bye. Okay. You need to keep talking while I respond to this again. This is the worst episode ever. I think you've said that at least a couple of times,

at least three times every time we do an episode. I know. Well, you need to talk because I can't do both at the same time. What was I saying before, though? What you did on New Year's and then I can't tell you a story. I was in there. Yeah. Well, how was the house party?

How about that? Let's go back to that real quick. It was fine. It's exactly what you expect. Is that all you have to say? Yeah. What did you guys do? Did you guys play Quiplash on the TV?

No, no. We did that the night before, though. Dude, my brain is having six different conversations right now. This is so hard. Dude, you need to talk into the i'm gonna wait for your story um there's so much to talk about but i'm not gonna jump we do have we have plenty to talk about after this that i don't want to talk about on here but like um so yeah so we had we had nine hours nine hours at kid rocks and to be honest like it blurred

for sure um i never i didn't like black out by any means but i don't remember hanging out with gain or kashik for most of it um and when i did find him um one of them i gotta stop using their names um one of them was like bowling a china shop he goes i lost my wallet dude i lost my wallet so i like spent 30 minutes doing circles on the rooftop looking for it um never found it never found it, never found it. Um, and then the other one was Mr. Cowboy Casanova. He thought, and thought every woman wanted to talk to him. I'm like, let's reel it back in here, buddy. Um, but then it was fine. Yeah. We, we made it home $80 Uber later. Um, which was surprising because every other Uber later that weekend was like eight bucks which was nice um next morning um the guy who lost his wallet woke up no which is yeah yeah

lost his wallet uh woke up and he's like i'll go get it. And I was like, all right. So he decided to finish a quarter of a handle of Fireball and two beers, go look for his wallet, had to pay to get like an online ID, which worked at half the bars later that weekend, didn't get his wallet, had to come back, was wasted. Then we went back down to Broadway. This man fell asleep at lunch lunch they didn't kick him out at all made it till four five o'clock in the afternoon i was like we gotta go we can come back out so me and two two guys walked to the parking structure he just lays on the floor

the parking structure is raining to which security came out and goes you guys can't do this for one two is he okay three this is a private structure get the hell out like oh fuck you have a thing for parking yeah oh fuck yeah i will never tell that one on here um and so go back they the other group meets us back out we go back out later that night second guy loses his wallet um he also gets kicked out of the very first bar we go into the very first bar we don't they won't even tell us why he tried like coming back up the stairs we are tootsies he tried coming back up the stairs he goes michael i'm like you're getting kicked out go like we're coming to you and he goes all right all right goes out i then i was like i gotta go get the um like ethan um and i go grab him like

hey we're leaving go downstairs and as i come downstairs the guy who got kicked out is trying to get back into the same bar just in a different door which to give you some context they're six feet apart so like the other bouncer definitely saw this man just get bounced because you're not coming in here why we're like what that drunk people think the sneakiest the sneakiest and the most like intelligent people in the world. And so, so we go to a different bar. I, at this point, it's like day three. I don't care anymore about most of their safety. We lose the guy that got kicked out of the bar.

I'm like, I don't even know where he is. He like was talking to a girl before. If you don't lose someone, then that shows up. So he goes, so he just like, we think he went to go talk to her. I'm don't lose someone, then that shows up. Yeah, so he goes. We think he went to go talk to her. I'm like, we'll find him later. Didn't at all. So we try a different bar.

Ethan can't get in because he doesn't have his wallet. Decoding the messages, he lost his wallet. And then we find another bar. we get into it redneck riviera we meet up with another person from our high school actually and three of us are hanging out downstairs two of them go upstairs one of which has no wallet the other which has 27 to their name and doesn't have her wallet either because the other girl is holding it downstairs so i get a phone call apparently according to them they ordered two drinks and hey one of them looks at him goes how are we gonna pay for this yeah and ethan yeah ethan goes i got this she's like i don't know how thinking he's gonna steal the

drinks he just calls me and goes hey man i need you to come upstairs and pay for my drinks like he was venmoing us money throughout the day goes he gave game 300 she was here my drinks for the night which is the dumbest person to venmo because he's gonna disappear um i go upstairs immediately like all right i'll buy their drinks. Go upstairs. Call. I'm like, where are you? He goes, we got kicked out.

I'm like, I'm done. Go somewhere else. They go home. Us three spend the rest of the night downstairs in this smaller. It was really nice. I had one of my favorite nights ever there. What? Redneck Riviera. Just like super fun.

How long have we been there? I had never been there before so i don't think you have either right on broadway yeah and it was just like a really fun band they were taking requests like through venmo and stuff like i didn't need cash ton of fun then sunday came around and gain had one of his famous hangovers like the the amount of times he said, I ain't never been down this bad was alarmingly annoying. And it must have been pretty bad then. Yeah. Brian was hungover for most of the weekend.

Kashuk didn't move. And then we just kind of sat there. We watched football, and that was it. But my favorite part of this, there's i i want to tell on here but i'm not going to because i don't think it's it's not that it's not appropriate and won't appreciate it no oh i don't give a fuck about this one this one the one i'm gonna tell you is worse the other one i just like i don't want to say something say it wrong but so this is where i'm gonna leave out names for sure there ended up just being two of us out from our original group the last night

at the Redneck Riviera. We're like, we should probably go back. I'm like, let's get a hot dog. Get a hot dog, walk a little bit away, call an Uber. It's eight bucks. We're like, all right, sweet. The other person's like, we should walk. I'm like, I'm not fucking walking to Jake's apartment,

Jake and Brian's apartment. I was like, eight eight bucks i will do that every day of the week yeah um we get back i'm like let's see if anyone's awake two of them are like passed out on an air mattress i open uh the door to one of the rooms and someone's awake and i'm like dude you're awake like yeah i walked home like it's a 35 40 minute walk i'm pretty sure i'm like what are you like why why like didn't god goes i don't know where my wallet is i'm like you still have your phone um and i'm like who are you talking to right now I'm talking to a girl and I spiced this up for a bit on Monday but I'm like really

basically he's like I think I'm sexting this girl and if you know this person you're like this has got to be the most entertaining sex ever I got to hear what some entertaining sex ever um oh my god do you get to see it i got to hear what some of what he said was and i will leave out like the beginning part but it came to a point where um i was looking at one he gets sent a spicy picture ish i think he said. And I go, I'm out of here. Like, I don't know. He goes, watch this.

To which this man replies, and I quote, jeepers. Jeepers? One word, just jeepers. That's like horrible. It's like, yikes. I'm not a female. Never have been. Never will be.

Yikes. I'm not a female. Never have been. Never will be. But if I was and I sent a guy a spicy pic and he responded with jeepers, that man would be deleted from everything in my life. Phone, memory, like never. In my head, I'm like, I've never even met this dude did he consult you before he said no he just goes watch this started laughing sent it and then i was crying like the that little

like what acronym or like raffle i was actually raffling i was rolling on the floor. Yeah, what is it? The text? What is it called? Yeah, it's an acronym, sure. But, dude, I was crying. I was like, there's no way this girl responds. Dude, he was out for another 20 minutes talking to this girl. She was fine. Yeah. How do you respond to jeepers?

Hey, man, am I talking to Charlie barron's all of a sudden like it was it was the the single greatest response i've ever seen to a text in my life and i will never be able to top it part of me wants to say it to someone but it would have to be like an inside joke yeah it like you can't now like was, like, your girlfriend or your wife and you said Jeepers and that's just, like, your guys' thing, fine. You're cross-country. You've talked to this girl, like, once or you've hooked up with her once and whatever, and you said Jeepers to a pick at 1.30 in the morning, 2 o'clock in the morning.

Yeah, you don't deserve to talk to this girl anymore any update on that no i refused to ask i was like i'm going to bed um but that was basically the weekend i wanted to do an episode down there we did none yeah took all the stuff down here you saw the suitcase it came in yeah we i opened i set the cameras up Drinking during it is fine Before drinking is fine After drinking Not fine That would be a pretty boring episode Well the last one I did like that was

In Arizona but we were also like Drunk and a little high but also Hung over at the same time And we were in Halloween costumes Still That was the pirate in the flash but that's it i mean we the car ride down oh yeah the car ride down 30 minutes in i go i'm not doing this on the way back i booked a flight you did yeah and i did not let the the rest of

the car ride you didn't lose your wallet. Oh, yeah. Did you think I was going to lose my wallet? No, no, no, no. If you go with a group like that and you know someone's going to be worse than you, you can almost guarantee yourself you're not going to lose anything strictly because you're mentally like, I can't, otherwise we all die. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Dude, I'm telling you this. Can you imagine a trip like We've gone to Nashville a handful of times That grew The worst person of every trip Going together on the same trip Those three or four people together I would love To put a dream The first person doesn't have anything

Two minutes away from where they Dream team together Of just the biggest fuck-ups we know. And take care of their news. Just to see, like, hey, how many of you guys have all your belongings? Like, just something simple. Have all your stuff at the end of the weekend. Who would you...

We got six people. Who are you putting in that group? We won't use last names. Our friends will know this. Is this their peak stage or now? Who are you putting in that group? We won't use last names. Our friends will know this. Is this their peak stage or now? I think peak stage could have been any of us. Dream team like now? Dream team like you get four people now, two in their peak.

What if they overlap? two in their peak. What if they overlap? Well, then if they overlap, they're in their peak and it's now, we'll call it as a now. Like, I'm putting Gain. Gain, Brax. Brax peak, not Brax now. Yeah, exactly.

I'm doing Ethan. Oh, he made it from this week. Oh, and Green Bay. Sam. Yep. Pape. He might be the other peak, though. Yeah.

So Braxton, Pape, peak. Yeah. I would still do Jake, Ethan, Sam now. There's got to be some dark horse that we're missing. I have no idea. Who would we do as the six? That's a hard one.

Or do you have to put a super dad in that group? And be like, hey man, do you think you could get them all home? I kind of want to throw Corey in there just for fun. Oh, yeah. So you do all of them and throw Jack in there. Like, hey, Jack. Oh, no, no. Then it's a tame weekend instantly.

It's not the same. Yeah, Jack would tame them a bit. Jack would tame, I think, Jake. Maybe. Dude, to be honest, if I could pick a specific weekend of you, you formal. Yeah, that would be bad. You guys wouldn't drive home, I'll tell you that. Your scheduled drive time would be about eight hours late.

Are you talking in the microphone, by the way? Because I'm looking. Yeah, you are. Just soft-spoken. I can't believe I'm going to the Bucs game. I can't believe I might be going to the Bucs game. You're not. Shit.

No, that's bad. That's fine. I was just recording a voice message that whole time to this person who's going with us. Didn't think. Don't send it. I didn't send it, but it wouldn't have been a big deal. Are the seats any good? I got a tip for you.

You have a tip for me? They suck. If they suck, what? I would like to hear this. Just go on any ticket site, TickPick, StubHub, whatever. You find all the tickets that haven't sold yet. And then you just go sit there. Because no one's going to come sit there.

Wait, I've just started sharing my location. I thought, how do you just send location? Oh, send location. There we go. Dude, I am. This is going to be interesting. I'm looking forward to it. What's my ticket tip?

What? What's my ticket tip that I just told you? Go on Ticketmaster, StubHub, see what hasn't been stolen. Not stolen, but, and then sit there. Yeah. If the tickets suck. I'm not going to really care where I sit. This is going to be my first Bucks game. Oh, don't order food there. Oh my

God. Do not order food at the game. I'm not hungry at all. Good. Or beer. I think you have to... Oh no. Beer is fine. Do I need a mask? If you need to order, probably yeah. Fuck. But I've been there I need a mask? If you need to order, probably, yeah. Fuck. But I've been there.

I've been to two or three games now. Ordered food every time. One time we ordered in the first quarter. Never even got it. Like, waited for two quarters at the thing. And then one time we ordered and it took like two quarters to get it. Is it a nice stadium? Yeah, it's nice. It's just an absolute shit show.

Actually, I've been in there. I've been in there once. It's a shit show though with the food service. We're doing well this year. I mean, we're like third place, I think. Average. We had some injuries.

You know, and it's got COVID. I think it's okay. COVID and like... We just lost to the Pistons, I think. COVID and basketball has to, I think, be one of the more detrimental ones, I feel like, because you're going to miss more games in a week. However, not as many games mean as much as the NFL. So if Rodgers were to get somehow COVID again,

because he can get tested again the week before the Super Bowl. Imagine he gets test positive before. I'm knocking on wood for that if the week before the Super Bowl. Imagine he gets tested positive before. I'm knocking on wood for that if we go to the Super Bowl. And that's the one game you miss. You're fucked. We'd be fucked. Imagine Jordan. They're going to have to be so careful beforehand.

Oh, yeah. I bet they do some. I know the bubble. A lot of the NBA i know like the bubble like a lot of the nba nba players complained about the bubble um but it worked but it worked that was like a month long right yeah but again going back they had more games uh yeah i don't know like i bet like some players probably just put themselves in their own little bubble and be like, I'm,

this means way too much. Yeah. And just, I mean, you're playing against people and you're in each other's faces and you're going to get it. It's so, it's,

it's so stupid. Not if it makes sense. Like, what was the thing with Rogers where like the, every interview has to be like six to eight feet apart and then they're allowed to give each other hugs afterwards. Like he hugged Aaron Andrews after the interview. Like, what's the fucking point of you guys my favorite is the plane everyone gets on the plane all masked up and they hand out like snacks and everyone's fucking eating

and drinking like or how about like everyone is playing like you're bumping into everyone by the way there's also what 40, 40,000 people breathing, screaming towards you. You're telling me some of that doesn't get to the fucking field. It's like a super, like, sneeze. And they go like, hey, can you put your mask on when we do an interview? But we're also 40 feet away from you. None of it makes sense. Part of it's for the look, the show.

Yeah, I care. I i care but you know what i also care about like common sense and it there is none i don't know it's dumb no looking back on this it's gonna be crazy do you think we're gonna look on back back on this yeah it'll come up it'll be in the history books and all that shit. Yeah, but, like, how much longer do you think this lasts? It's just the new flu. Yeah, well, if it keeps, like, decreasing and, like, what? So now it's more contagious, it's less severe. Now there's a new one in France, yeah.

There's a new one in France? What transform is this named after? It's I-H-O, I think. Or I-H-U. Yeah, I think it's... I-H-U? It kind of sounds like you're sneezing. I think it's i h o i think or i h u yeah i think it kind of sounds like you're sneezing i think it's hilarious yeah a brilliant mastermind came up with that one that that's all pretty sure it's something like that one of those I've never even heard of that. Yeah. I got the Omicron. That wasn't bad.

No. You have yet to get it. That's impressive. I think. Yeah. I've taken every test I've taken. It's been negative. I've taken one of the tests I've taken.

It's been positive. It wasn't bad, this Omicron. It was not bad at all. Yeah. That's weird. None of my other family members got it. My mom had to cancel Christmas, like I told you before, when I got here. And then it was fine.

Two days later, I said. Yeah. I'm glad I got it then and was able to do stuff for New Year's. Because Christmas at our house is, like, nothing too exciting. But it's, I mean, it's still nice to hang out with family every once in a while. But, I mean, like, every holiday now for us, it's like we're done by 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Like, we don't do dinner. We do, like, late lunch.

Do you do dinner for holidays uh we do for my because my brother's born on christmas so we get half christmas half birthday which is for christmas has to be first then right yeah christmas morning christmas brunch ish and the birthday how does that go with your brother for presents every that's everyone's first question yeah because i mean i feel like that's gotta be the oh that's gotta suck you just have one day like do you get double the presents on that day i mean it's like a middle school question but uh i still care yeah he kind of does um i think i don't know in the long run probably got gypped probably yeah especially oh my can you imagine it's your birthday and you're watching your siblings open up all these other great gifts

for christmas and then you you get them, and then you get some more. It just takes away. It takes away the birthday. You just feel like you're getting an extra Christmas present almost. It takes away the excitement around your birthday for yourself. Plus, you can never do stuff with friends on a 21st. You can't really go out to a bar. The birthdays between Christmas and New Year's kind of have to suck.

Yeah. Like, Sam's birthday is the 27th. And, like, when you're in college, I don't think it matters that much. I don't actually know when it would matter. But, like, I think most people are like, all right, Christmas. And then you don't really do anything the day after Christmas. You're kind of, like, unwinding depending on what you do with your family. And then at that point, you're like, all right,

I'm going to maybe try and be semi-good until New Year's. So the idea of, like, oh, we got another weekend, especially if, like, Christmas is Thursday, your birthday is, like, the 27th, and then Saturday is your birthday, so you're going out Friday, Saturday, and then New Year's is Tuesday. You're like, holy fuck. By January 2nd, you're like, I think I, and then New Year's is Tuesday. You're like, holy fuck. By January 2nd, you're like, I think I'd rather just not go through this year. Yeah, it's a lot.

Yeah, Christmas is like the rarest birthday you can have. I think the least amount of people are born on Christmas. Really? Yeah. According to my brother. We'll see. I think that's your brother. I have not.

Yeah, that's your brother blowing smoke up your ass um i almost i was gonna go see him perform at the jazz estate last night no i didn't know he's performing last night last week and got canceled i was about to go down because then i was like i'll just do the open mic tonight and as i'm like getting in my car he responds and he's like nah i got canceled because of covid i'm like all right i am not going down right now because i am fucking exhausted yeah we were gonna go to that too but yeah um he texted me on monday he goes are you at the bremen open mic and i saw it when i got off stage i was like fuck otherwise i think he might

have showed up you got off stage so like i went i like when i'm there i don't really like i get there kind of just put my phone down and i like i'll try and talk to people or i'm watching other people perform and oh but you were there but i was there and so then i i went up and then i'll like i'll look at my phone and uh I saw that he texted me I was like damn come on he hasn't seen me perform yet only you and Emily have yeah yeah um but that would have been cool this this bothers the shit out of me looking at this on the uh the screen because the microphones don't pick up sound as well just flip the oh i got questions for you actually okay kind of let's go um sure so i asked this when simba was on um

which some shit has started because of that um so first question, if you could have a number be above everyone's head. Okay. So like you're walking through everyday life and everyone had a number just projected above their head. Yeah. What do you think the funniest thing that number could represent would like be? Oh, so like not, not everyone has the same number it's like so like if like how attractive they are of you out of 10 like something like that no so like

i got i posted this video on tiktok i got taken down right away from my idea which is dumb but like if uh so if you're if i'm walking down the street and everyone has this number of their head and all represents the same thing but the number like that i chose that day was like how many times did this person jerk off today and so like it'd be real funny if it was like seven o'clock in the morning someone's at like two and you're like dude was this a late night thing or was this like early morning how lonely are you you got a guy that's up to like four. You're like, I am not shaking your hand. Um, yeah, I gotta get creative.

I was thinking like their net worth or. That's what Simba said. Like, that's why I was like, cause the question that it came from was like, what would be the funniest thing it could be? Yeah. Cause like,

obviously a lot, so many people would be like, all right, how much money does this person have? Or I like, like how many times they bought plan B or how many like or like i what if it was like how many days you have left to live yeah that'd be fucked you someone's just like you're walking someone's just like oh i'm like oh my god i'm gonna die somehow you couldn't somehow you couldn't see your own

or so you can't so that would be my idea too is like you can't see your own i also somehow someone couldn't tell you can you imagine you see someone in the seconds are just ticking down jesus and you're looking for cars and shit that'd be terrifying um and you realize you're the only car you're like i'm gonna fucking hit this dude um no so i think the the i think it'd be a cool concept for a movie actually so when you wake up in the morning you choose what number you want represented above everyone's head maybe you can't do it twice not that you can't do it twice but so i chose to jerk off it It's Monday. I chose jerk off. I really want to know what freaks are on Monday morning.

Who's jerking off twice before noon. But you were roommates. You choose something different. So I don't know what you're seeing above my head. You don't know what I'm seeing above your head. Yeah. It's not like you're gonna tell anyone so like you can't wake up and be like i'm not gonna jerk off today so i'm a zero all day right

yeah yeah so you could jerk off and be like what if his thing is is like how happy am i on a scale of one to ten and then you're like whatever but then just like going throughout you so then you could be like it doesn't have to be a number or it could be like an intention or something like that. I think it'd be kind of fun. The amount of looks people would get in public would be absurd. It'd be really weird. All the numbers blend together at a bar. It would cause mass chaos.

Mass chaos. It'd be so impressive. Somehow in the movie, someone learns how to turn their number off or change their number or know what they're doing. So I'm walking up to you and he's looking at jerk-off numbers and I'm like,

all right, dial that the fuck down. I think that'd be an interesting movie idea. Sounds complicated. Didn't we have another movie idea when we were talking here once? Yeah. Were we talking an episode though?

No. I think we were just shooting shit. We might have. How many times do you think I've slept on this couch? I already forgot it.

I don't know. More than me. My sweat's in this couch for sure. Yeah, I want to get rid of this one. I got a new one. I kind of want to

get Connor's couch or something like it just make do the l here oh no or would you put it over there not here oh for somewhere else um i could do it but i don't want to move it in um yeah if you stay in milwaukee i found a place but we can talk off yeah i'm thinking about it um and that's even if i stay here yeah well where you would go in san francisco i think that's where you think you're gonna end up i'm not gonna be easier to be over there instead of flying there every other week true um i don't think i want to live in california though all right i don't know if i i wouldn't want to live in california right now no i think everyone's leaving i mean there's still there's always plenty people going there

and like texas would be sweet too i understand that been there a couple times but i think it's for i'm not even saying now maybe it's prime time but i don't want to be there like forever no i can i'd see myself moving more than once in the next six years for sure yeah i hate moving though like i moved how many times did you you moved every year in college didn't you i think moving is like the worst thing in the world i love it's always way worse than you think it's gonna be it is i love setting up though when we're done so you get everything in the room and then it's like a puzzle and you're like all right where do i want everything to go yeah i like planning ahead for it though too yeah but it's also kind of fun we're like all right all right um oh i could see myself having this year or whatever like what would be your favorite room to decorate not even decorate but like plan out like what do you want

the best room in your house to be mine is the kitchen hands down see i was gonna say living room but my kitchen this kitchen is like yeah exactly like i don't know like but the kitchen is different because like living room it's like what people are gonna more interact with kitchen it's like little like fucking trinkets and shit yeah but like the kitchen also is where people interact too like if you're having a party well yeah and you have a nice enough kitchen we're like we're cooking and we're eating in there that's why i hate this one because it's not open yeah i wish this if that was walls open this would actually be kind of cool. Yeah, it would be fine. I still think you should maybe put something on the walls. Yeah.

Wasn't there a picture there, though? Like, you at least moved that. On the ground? Yeah. I hung that one up. Oh, you did? Yeah. There's nothing on these walls, is there? Uh-uh.

Your furniture blends into the walls, too. I don't spend a lot of time here anymore. This is just like a storage unit for me. You're spoken for now this is a storage unit and i work at the i work in the office now and not here yeah i don't even spend a lot of time at home myself it is i'm home for wake up leave come back eat but goes to stand in a weird spot because I'm not spending time here, so it's like I don't want to move to a nicer one because I'm not spending time here,

but maybe it's because I don't like it. I think it's a good 50-50. Like if you had a nicer apartment, I'd much rather have people here than feel like I need to go somewhere else to enjoy being comfortable. Yeah. Like I've gotten used to the temperature in here and it's been way worse but even i would be like i mean if she's got ac we're going over there yeah this would be way more comfortable especially like you have someone over

and it's summer i'm like we can't sleep next to each other or four dudes or four dudes like we had here for what uh what was it the game seven dude it just reeks of yeah yeah and oh my god just reeks of sweat and body odor yeah never again i'm trying to think of it. This has served its purpose, though. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. When, okay. What was the other question? Oh, this is a dumb one. But what do you think came first, the color or the fruit, orange? Theoretically, weren't they both created at the same time?

The color. The color? Yeah. Okay. Because theoretically, weren't they both created at the same time? The color. The color? Yeah. Okay. I've had... I asked them in the car on the way down. Which kind of doesn't make sense, though, because apples aren't called reds except for reds apple oil. Or grapes aren't called purples.

True. But like... Greens are called... But if orange came first, what do we call this? Orange. And then they're just calling this fruit? Like, that's now a color, too? Like, I guess, like...

Like, how often are colors... Maybe the orange... I think the orange came first, then. Because colors are named after, like... I don't know. Like, what color is that underneath that tree? You want me to say snow? No, the blue. Oh, yeah, blue.

Like, what kind, though? It's like a baby blue. Sky blue? Or sky blue? And that's because the sky, blue. Like what kind, though? It's like a baby blue. Sky blue? Or sky blue? And that's because the sky is blue. They didn't look at that and then name the sky blue. No, but that's like a different version of blue. Yeah.

So, like, what was the first blue, then? Some really sad guy? Yeah. Who's, like, dying, so he's blue? Yeah. Yeah. really sad guy yeah who's like dying so yeah that was morbid as fuck i'm feeling really blue yeah you look blue uh boom and then so now yeah what's the first like because then we have variation so like the what are the original colors so we've cracked it the original orange blue yellow and red okay but no i'm talking about all the colors. What do you think the original colors

are? So if the original blue is a dying man, the original orange is the fruit, what's the original red? Because there's... Blood. Blood? Maybe. Yeah. Like it's... But it's blood red. What's... No, blood orange.

Blood orange. Maybe it is blood. It's blood red. What's... No, blood orange. Blood orange. Maybe it is blood. It's blood red. It's red blood. What else? Green? You gotta think really basic. Green.

Well, that's just like trees and shit. Is that like a drunk guy? Like you're really green? I mean, it's more fun to think that. Yeah. It's just like some guy's stoned off his head. Yeah, red is just a really angry guy. Yeah.

A nervous guy. So it just has to be emotions of people. That's where colors come from? Maybe. So like death? Yellow is like a liar. Yellow's got to be like kidney failure or something. Yeah.

Or like dirty fingernails. This is a dumb conversation. White. That's just the first albino. Yeah. So we have green. What's green? We didn't figure out green.

You said some drunk guy. Yeah. I don't like that. Wouldn't purple maybe be closer to, like, a dying person? Don't you turn more purple? Purple and blue. Maybe blue is hypothermia. It could be, but I thought it was black.

What would black be? No, that would be someone burned alive. They were savages back then. Yeah, the first naughty person on Christmas. they were savage back then um yeah the first naughty person on Christmas that's where it came from

it's just you don't get coal for Christmas you become coal you become coal um alright I think we need to we've uh

we've run through that question there was another one I asked this hunting and i asked this and we can end it um oh fuck i gotta send him my email um is if you could have one question answered um like about anything in the world um whether it's a thought i mean it can be philosophical it can be like does two plus two actually equal four is bigfoot real loch ness like anything like what would it be That's a long list I love how it's just nothing

It could be anything Maybe why Should I be basic as fuck And be like What is life What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? Yeah, I try and avoid that one.

That's not fun, though. Hunting, I had one guy. I got to pretend that I'm hammered sitting in a cabin just freezing with a bunch of dudes. One guy, my buddy was like, I want to ask this, but I know it doesn't go. Because I have more religious family members like i know it's going to spark a conversation that none of us want to have but his question would be like is god real yeah like if you'd have that question answered like is there life somewhere else i also think a lot of people's questions wouldn't be answered the way like you would want them to so like if your question was like is god real and they gave you an answer they'd be like no but yes in a sense like what you think of god yeah like yeah i'm

like that did nothing for me thank you um it's like the three wishes when you if you fuck it up yeah a little bit they couldn't twist it yeah like can you make me taller and instead they just make everyone like two inches tall yeah or they make your knees like four feet tall exactly mine would be uh you need to think yours i want to hear yours um and it's it's very abstract but because i've had this thought my entire life but why am I in control of me? Like, I will never know what it's like to be you. So why do I, why am I this consciousness? Why am I in control of this body?

Why do I think? Because, like, that thought in my head is, like, you can't help but think, like, you're semi, like, important or special, which sounds so vain. But if I've only ever known me, like, I't know if you guys are actually like real, real. Like are you like we're all just living in Michael's movie. Are you in my head? Like and so like other people have those thoughts. I think everyone has said that. Exactly.

But I don't know that. Only I know I've had that thought before. Exactly, but I don't know that. Only I know I've had that thought. Yeah. I could be telling you to tell me that to give me some sense of calmness. Yeah, I've had that thought too. But the idea of why am I conscious the way I am conscious? This is a very high conversation. Yeah.

the way I am conscious. This is a very high conversation. Yeah. Hmm. Mine would probably be like, how did even space start? I know, back on the space, but where did that come from?

Yeah. That was what one of someone's answers was this weekend. Someone's answers? Well, no, they're like, their answer to the question. Oh, okay. It was like, they're their answer to the question. It's like how, like where did this come from? Yeah.

Because everything starts somewhere, right? You think. Like our idea of like life is... Because like space is always expanding all the time. It's like, they always say like, it's like a glass of milk

that's built on a table and it's just spreading. Like that space, it keeps going and going and going. But you, like the way we think is like, it's got to come from somewhere right yeah who spilled the milk and then where did that person come from and then who made that i mean that's the most basic you can have any other question you want but like that's the only one that really matters that would answer like everyone's questions, basically, I think. Or, if I had

another one, what was it going to be? I forgot it. Oh, well. Okay, let's do something more not philosophical. Let's do something fun. Like I said in my solo one, if I could have answers, I would want give me complete access to the Vatican library.

Like I want to know what the fuck is hidden down there. Or what's like, I want the Egyptian answers. I want them all. Like what? All the government secrets. I could give a fuck about our government secrets. They probably know a bunch of shit. Yeah, but I bet like we, I mean. All the government secrets. I could give a fuck about our government secrets. They probably know a bunch of shit.

Yeah, but I bet like we, I mean, compared to like other things, I bet we're low around the totem pole in terms of history. Yeah. Because like we're influenced from other places around, like from all around the world came here and then made America. There's so much influence i got so into the templar thing it's ridiculous like the first world it's ridiculous i am there was like a little conspiracy nut for a while not not when when was that this was like a month ago i watched i think seven hours of templar stuff where it's like how they got kicked out. And like where Friday the 13th kind of stems from, too, and how they think the Templars turned into the Freemasons.

Yeah. And then that could be also. And how like they also could have like communicated with Egypt because there's obelisks in New York and then there's obelisks in Egypt. And there's just it's a lot of stuff. There's also like the I forgot what show I saw it on where they think there's a whole archive in like the left paw of the Sphinx. And they just won't look it, look it up or like excavate it. I don't know. I think there's like,

people are trying to hide some shit. I want to know what's going on, dude. Should we go to Egypt? That is the bucket list place of all places in the world. That is my number one. Yeah. Really?

Number one, number one. Where's yours? Why aren't you going to go? Well, um um i'm poor and i i wouldn't i want to go with people take it alone take it alone i don't feel safe alone i tend to run my out alone take out alone but yeah take it alone too good luck i don't feel safe alone i tend to run my mouth so no that'd be a cool trip egypt and then i think top three egypt italy

to be like basic yeah and then somewhere in Asia. Probably Japan. Yeah. Where do I want to go? I really want to go to Australia. I really want to go to Prague. I think they just have a fun nightlife.

Bring this closer to your face for me. And I don't know about a third. Oh, skiing in like the French Alps or in Japan, actually. That's up there. So you want to go for like activities? I want to go for more like history and food. Yeah. I could give a fuck.

Like when we were in college, everyone was like, we're going to Spain because we could like party all night. I give a fuck about that anymore i really don't care like it'd be fun for a night or two true a whole trip but a whole trip of that like no that's why we're europe's nice though you can just fly around i still haven't been to paris paris would be cool that'd be good could you do you think you'd go on the catacombs Could I go in it Yeah Yeah It wouldn't freak you out It'd freak me out After seeing As above so below

The movie Oh boy I don't know that one Go watch it tonight What is it As above so below As above so Okay

Dude I usually laugh At scary movies And I've said this on here A few times This one I shit I don't think I'm gonna Watch this movies, and I've said this on here a few times, this one. I shit my pants. I don't think I'm going to watch this one by myself.

I shit my pants. And I watch it with a group of people. Like, I was sitting on top of the couch, like, in the James, just, like, tucked against the wall. I'm like, I don't like this. Because it's real. Like, I had this conversation with Braxton. Scary movies that have some semblance of real life yeah like those are way creepier like that's a real place and then it had like religious stuff

so creepy to me yeah so like they basically go and they like invert and they're in hell have you seen midsummer yet midsummer no yeah that's similar to this where it's like could be real. It's like a cult. And it's all based during the day. Midsommar. Yeah. Is that a Netflix movie? It might be.

Cult stuff's creepy too. Yeah. How do you get into a cult? Like you got to be like the greatest salesman. Like you get tapped on the shoulder. And you're like hey. Or do you just meet someone at a bar and just disappear? I'm looking for 19 wives. disappear yeah i don't know you got to be like

the greatest salesman ever or just like really good at finding the most vulnerable people yeah probably the latter which is sad yeah that is sad where are we at for time? Oh, on that note. On that note. Watch the microphone. Dude, we went way farther than I thought. Why is it just making an hour? We can make it an hour, yeah. I got time to kill-ish. I got five minutes to kill.

Wait. Oh, yeah. Game's at seven-ish, I think. I don't need to show up on time who are we playing no clue oh the raptors sweet yeah yeah that'd be a good one actually it should be fun i'm looking forward to it i got my wallet right yeah that would have been bad bring it full circle yeah i i how many times you lost your i lost my wallet a couple days wait did i tell you that no on my trip yeah oh yeah you did tell me that that was you trying to pay for shit that was uh they made fun of you in your work email

yes it's all good i got it there's like no worse feeling i got i only lost it for like an hour oh okay oh you left it like an uber didn't you no i thought i thought i left it at a restaurant i ended up leaving in a lobby somewhere and i figured it out thank god for covid because i they're like oh it's your vax card i had it the physical one i had in my wallet didn't have it it's like driver take me to this restaurant the restaurant was closed and they didn't have a number i was like oh my god so we rushed over there i knew they were just closing up because i was that guy that was like sorry can i use the restaurant even though you're like closing right now like 30 minutes before that went, was knocking on the door.

Some guy was, like, just about to leave. Actually, it was like a movie. When I was running up, they turned the lights off. Really? It's like, no. My wallet's in there. My need is. Like, holy shit.

Like, I was supposed to check into a hotel that day. I wouldn't have had ID. I don't know what I would have done. But I knock on the door guys like oh you guys were just in here no wallet like it's like oh my god oh my god like there's only one other place that i like came from the airport to here and then went to one other place and then went to this other restaurant it's it has to be here it's got to be at this other place. I go to this lobby that I was in. I'm looking around over here sitting.

Nothing. That's when it was like peak defeat. Yeah, it's like I'm fucked. Oh, there's a moment where you're like you actually accepting like whatever it is, what it is. You go like, it could be worse. I'm not dead. Yeah, feels like it. That's how I felt on my worse. I'm not dead. Yeah. Feels like it, though. That's how I felt when I lost it. My phone, I think phone's worse.

But yeah, I looked across this long, huge lobby. And the security guy kind of gave the littlest, faintest wave. It almost looked like he was talking. I don't know. He wasn't trying to get my attention that much. And I was like, you know what? Maybe the off chance someone brought it over there and i walk up and they had it which is good and there's nice people there i had one guy reach out

to me on facebook and linkedin but the worst part is that my id wasn't in there because i was rushing to get to a flight and i gave them my id going through security and then i just threw it in my bag oh so i didn't put it back in my wallet so it was tough so when i got my wallet back it was like dug through because they were trying to find like names and pictures and stuff they didn't just look so it looked like someone just like took it well i mean i had multiple in there so they were probably trying to find the most of it. I guess, yeah. It's a bad feeling.

Phone might be worse, and that was a great story. We actually had that conversation. We had that conversation. What would you rather lose, your phone or your wallet? So that's... It's complicated, but for me, it down more to like the pictures and like the passwords and my notes app if you're not backed up so if my phone's not backed up i want my phone but if it's backed up i don't give a fuck i don't give but i have like some polaroid pictures and

like random stuff in my wallet that are like memories that i would never get see your my phone's backed up enough that i don't think i'd lose much or even remember so the only reason i want my phone is my stand-up notes that's it yeah otherwise every time i choose wallet because i mean you don't like i have my phone like i can contact people yes i can't pay for anything i don't have identification you don't like I have my phone like I can contact people. Yes, I can't pay for anything. I don't have identification. I don't like no one buys the like picture on the phone thing or whatever. Like you can go places with ID and money and I can go get a new phone.

True, but not having a phone like you literally feel like you can't contact anybody. And also, yeah, you have like your parents like that's a product of our dependency though true but you have some people's numbers memorized but not like everyone like i think that says more about us being so dependent on the phone than anything yeah if you feel like you if you can't figure out a way to get to where you were you have no like i feel like just it shows how much we just go through motions like we have no awareness like, I feel like it just, it shows how much we just go through motions. Like, we have no awareness. So much is on there. I mean, like, yeah, you don't even need it to, like, get a ride home.

You could get a cab, but you got to call a cab. Or you could just take an Uber, but you don't have a phone. Fair. But that's a, too, like. You can't Venmo somebody. Like, how quickly do you forget where you live? It's a weird trade-off, though. You should always have, like, a certain amount of cash in your wallet, too,

because I had the opposite happen, where I was taking a Lyft down from an airport down to downtown LA. It was our ride. And this lady's Lyft driver's app crashed in the middle of the highway. She freaked out because apparently it happened earlier that week, and the previous rider stiffed her and didn't pay her. She freaked out and was about to drop me off. I'm like, oh my God, no.

I will pay you in cash. Can you just take me there? She ended up doing it, but I didn't have enough cash on me, so I had to convince her that I was like, please, I'm going to go to this ATM. I'll take it out and give it to you and it ended up working out but like having like i don't know 40 to 60 bucks in there where like if you lose your wallet that sucks but like could save you very ideal it's always like in hindsight like i was listening to pat mcphee on the here. Like hindsight always wins. Yeah. Like that's the,

it always wins. And you know what? Yeah. Like if you really want to be safe, have an old ID and some cash in your back pocket, your wallet in another pocket, your phone and the other one and a burner phone strapped to your sock or something,

you're good to go. Yeah. But if you're some of our friends, you're going to lose all of it and we're going to say, fuck it, walk home. But if you made it to the end, back up your phone right now, because yeah, I don't think a lot of people do that no i i had to

start paying for more and more storage or i just got a cloud thing i know i'm i gotta get rid of all the clips on my phone from this fucking show yeah it just takes so much time to go through it it's just not worth so much space. All right. I got to go. Thank you for doing this. You're welcome. All right. Until next time.

Until next time.