Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.49 - Brandon Wein & Jack Cerasoli

Episode Date: February 17, 2022

Two more Milwaukee based comedians Brandon Wein - @Brandon_Wein_comedy Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1

How do you normally start it? That's the thing is I don't. Where did I put my other one? Your what? Your other ear? Yeah. I usually don't start or I don't like intros at all. I'll never be the person to say,

and welcome back to this show. Oh, it's just cringe worthy. No, but we do like... So anyway, that's how I found out the stripper was a man. Oh, hey guys. But yeah, usually I just, I don't tell people when i start and then yeah you can just talk over there and i just hit record and usually we start a conversation yeah yeah but yeah um i told avery this though uh on friday so i don't care if it's in two episodes

in a row but i got my first dm from a gay guy um congrats from the show yeah I uh he so like you know when you get uh request I don't know if you get like requests from someone that you don't follow yeah so that you have to request to message you and it's actually weird doing this without a microphone now um so I he just said yo so I clicked on it because this is new I want to engage with people so they continue to listen I'm like what's up and he said it to me two days ago within 10 seconds he replied

and he's like not much just hanging out working from home how are you? big fan I'm like I don't want to talk to you I'm like great glad you're a fan how did you find the show he said tiktok what's your venmo like what and i was like it's just my name why because like the

worst thing you could do is send me money yeah and he goes if i venmo'd you would you send me pics of your ass i'm like god damn it oh dude how much money would it be that's the thing what's your price we talked about. It's like, what is your price? Like, if my face doesn't have to be in it. Yeah. I put my face in it. You can always just send a picture of someone else's ass.

Exactly. But, like, you can also then just, like, look up other asses online. That guy wants specifically mine. And he probably has an idea of what it looks like. If it's not close, he'll know. That's not true. You're always sitting like if it's not close. True. He'll know. That's not true. You're always sitting on your podcast.

True. No idea. That's crazy. What would your number be? I've done this before. To actually send a picture of your book. No.

With your face in it. With your face in it. With my face in it, fucking 100 bucks. Really? Imagine if I spend five ass pics a day with my face in it.

That's $500 a day. Yeah. Okay, well if it's a consistence or a one-off. That's per picture. Per picture. That's what I'm saying. You're talking about making a business with this.

Yeah, I'm already thinking global empire. We're saying just one person wants it. After one year of ass photos, y'all reviews are going to go up. It's me quality. How many different angles can you do an ass pic? You can go above six. That would look good on a guy though.

Girls can do every which way. I don't think you're going for looking good. We don't think it looks good. I feel like the worse it looks, the better for gay guys. You could go straight back. You could go above. You could do this. That's a dirty one.

You're getting your hole in it. Spread apart. Yeah, you're getting your hole in it. Like, you're looking right. Would you wax or not wax before? No. Because you want an authentic, you want my authentic ass. Like, there's going to be a couple of dingleberries, a little bit of like, stains hanging off back

there, and that's what he wants. Oh, God. That's how much that's what you're asking for. You know what? I'm not going to manicure it for you. Your girlfriend's hair that you've wiped, you're like,

oh, there's a hair in there. Dude, that's happening. That's happening, dude. Okay, I pulled a long hair out of my asshole one day and that's like the best feeling.

I'm still chasing the dragon. Like, when you pull like a long fucking hair, you're like, damn, that felt good. Did you put it back

in the dude again? No. How did those get there? You like, give you a head or something and their hair just gets caught or something? I thought I ate it. How would a hair this long somehow get sucked up my asshole? Like, what would you have to do for that to happen? No, I feel like you have to eat it, but I feel like you would digest it, which also confused me. The science behind it isn't. You can't digest hair. There

was a girl who, uh, on one of those shows, you know, hanging from your beard and it's going to bother the hell out of me. Yeah, I think so. And she's like a buzz. There's a girl who was, who was addicted to eating her own hair. I've seen this. She had to have surgery because your body can't digest hair. Oh, so then, yeah. So it just was like clumping in her bowels. Was it my strange addiction? Yeah.

I've seen people eat ashes, which is absolutely insane because one day you're going to run out of ashes. And then you're going to have to find human ashes? Yeah, human ashes. Like they're dead. How do they find them? It's like they're dead dads run out of ashes. And then you're going to have to find human ashes? Yeah, human ashes. Like they're dead. How do they find them? It's like they're dead dads

or husbands or wives. I don't know who it was specifically or what their relation was, but every day they had ashes. And I was like, there's no way you can keep getting more ashes. That should be the lead suspect

for every murder case. Yeah. It's the guy craving ashes. Oh, there's a girl missing. Have you checked the guy that eats ashes? I'm sure he's at it again. I don't know where she went. If he's full, it might be him. He's always got a fire going. Do they bake with them?

I don't know. I just saw clips of it. If you did ash from a fire, would that be the impossible version of ashes then? Yeah, because it's not real meat. It's not real meat. Do you think?

It's fake. How do you think it comes out? Does it hurt or do you think it comes out smooth? Well, it's ashes. It's like sand, isn't it? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it would come out smooth. Watery, I would feel like. Yeah, you're not.

Yeah, because there's no solid aspect to it. Are you considered a cannibal? No. Really? No. Really? No, I don't think so. They're not... That's cannibalism. You're eating the remains of somebody after cooked.

But you're not like ripping into a bicep. You're like humans well done. Yeah. But you're not like eating a turkey leg. It's not like what you're picturing when you think cannibalism. I'm like, okay, he's going to chop my arm off and put it over a fire. No, you're, like, eating char. Yeah, but, like, a raw steak or a cooked steak, you're still eating steak.

Yeah, so they're doing, like, the overdone version of cannibalism. Like, the psychos that get their steak well done, that's them. Yeah, you're still considered a cannibal. I guess. I don't know. Cannibal. Inconclusive. How is that legal?

Because they didn't kill anyone, and it's their property. That's true. Well, does somebody own ashes? You're getting off on that. That's a good question. Who owns somebody's ashes? I don't know. So my mom has my dad's ashes, and the thing that confuses me is how the fuck she got into

the urn, because that urn is a trap. There's no hole for anything to come out. They're sealed? I don't know. It's like, maybe this one's special, but there's nothing to open. There's absolutely no way. So she had to be like, I wonder how this tastes. And break it.

And then do it. But why? That's what I'm saying. How does that thought even get in your head? How do you go, I want to eat these? And it was a girl who did it? I think it was a girl. What past trauma are you like, this is what I'm saying. How does that thought even get in your head? Like, how do you go, I want to eat these? And it was a girl who did it? I think it was a girl. What past trauma are you like, this is, this is what I want?

They just love them so much they want them to be a part of them. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know her reasoning. Yeah. It doesn't taste, there's no way it tastes good. That should be your first guest on your podcast is trying to find the ashes girl. Ash girl. You can just Google ash girl.

I would love if her name was Ashley. You can just Google Ash girl. I would love it. Her name was Ashley. I make too many puns for it to be, for it to be true. We should call this the three beanie podcast. Yeah. That was a good idea. You went and got yours.

Yeah. I had, I mean, I had to, you know, I'd look, it looks like we planned this. Yeah.

Who didn't silence their phone? I think that's me. Is it me? Oh, it's a hundred percent. You have to take a shot for every time your phone's not silenced. Deal. Who didn't silence their phone? I think that's me. Is it me? Oh, it's 100%. You have to take a shot for every time your phone's not silenced. Deal. I don't care. All right.

Is that starting now, or is that the first one? That's the first one. So do you need the shot? I'll go get him one. Well, my heart is just silenced, so I'll let you all just... When I woke up this morning... We should all unsilence it. And then...

Every time it digs. Yes, yes. All right. I'm going to go. We should all unsilence it. And then... Every time it digs. Yes, yes. All right. I'm going to go. I'm going to go in there. Do not disturb. I'm off. When I was...

I have so many notifications on. When I woke up this morning, I was like... Anybody want Sprite or Pepsi as a chase? What is that? Is that tequila? You motherfucker. You were going to bring the brandy. Where's the brandy?

I forgot again. I was in a rush. Whose fault is that? I was in a rush. Whose fault is that? I drink tequila. When I woke up this morning, I was like, I don't know if I want to drink when I do this one. I was like, it'll probably wake me up.

And now I'm like, let's fucking do this. Something about drinking on a Sunday that I think is superior. Day drinking is the best type of drinking. It's the best kind of drinking. It beats out any Friday or Saturday night. Should we start it off?

Yeah, my dick is going to crawl up inside my body afterwards. Do you want some Pepsi? I can give you Pepsi to chill. No, I've got my IPA. I love how you're complaining and you're drinking IPA.

The big Rue one, I hated them for a while. Like, this is the grossest shit I've ever had in my entire life. And I don't win. That's a big one, too. Yeah.

I got two of them. I'm stocked. Now I see why you thought it was 19.2%. Yeah. Because I was like, holy shit, even though we just talked about it.

Yeah, no, it's a little spooky. It's only 6.3, but it's solid. What's the legal amount you can get for it? Are your phones in sounds? Yeah, they're all in sounds. I have no idea. You'd have to Google it. The legal amount. I've but it's a small amount. What's the legal amount you can get for these phones and sounds? Yeah, they're all in sounds. I have no idea.

You'd have to Google it. The legal amount. I've seen things go up to 10. Yeah. All right, let's take this real quick. All right. Cheers. You won't hear me talk for five minutes because I'll be gone.

Yum. 100% worse than an IPA. There are some days like, I can do like, I'm in the mood for tequila, which is really weird. Like, I go out and go like,

what shocked you? I'm like, let's do tequila tonight. And then there are nights where I'm like, you put that in front of me, I will throw up on the spot. Yeah, I feel that.

Let's establish the rules. Any time someone's phone goes off, the person has to take a shot. I'm going to start talking extremely loud so you don't hear my phone. You're not in frame on the main one. Let's hope my buddy does not follow up about the apartment and

Evan doesn't follow up about the apartment. I'm going to text Jen and say, you're talking to a girl right now. Do not. Ding, ding. Do not. Get him drunk. She just told me have fun.

And if I have too much fun and not. I wasn't in the dog house, but this weekend I went out after work Friday, which I typically don't do. And we A-barred. And I actually had a tequila drink and I liked it, which is surprising. But I got home at like four in the morning and she was like, dude, what the fuck? Why is it 4 a.m. and you're just getting home?

And then this morning after going out, she got up and she was like, bro, you only get one night off the leash. Like, take it easy, dude. And I was like, I know, I'm sorry. It won't happen again. TJ came out, told him, no, you gotta, I'm hoping I'm sorry. It won't happen again. TJ came out. I can't do three in a row.

I can't do three in a row. Have you ever tried Sincora or 1942 tequila? I've had either one of those. They're expensive. I've only tried them. I've tried different whiskeys. I love whiskey. Whatever tequila is there, I'll just drink it.

You would love 1942. It's the smoothest. St. Coral, too. They're so fucking smooth, dude. I've had the tequila that's in a blue and white weird bottle. Oh, yeah. Like a glass bottle almost. Yeah, it looks like a hookah.

Yeah. I was like, that looks pretty cool. I'll do that. There's tequila my mom brought back once from i was younger from like the dominican tasted like almonds it was the best liquor i've ever had in my entire life expensive tequila is good like i could drink it like it was juice yeah that's all i put it on ice like holy shit this is good it would fuck you up though yeah no i know like expensive tequila when i've had expensive tequila i've been like okay this is good and people sip on it

which makes which makes sense why it's why it's expensive but like shitty tequila is like anything under like

top top tier tequila is just tequila in my mind I don't know the name I don't know do you want to know

why I got this bottle why I've never had this Sousa Sousa Sousa Sousa's like yeah it's like real for. Sousa's like, yeah.

It's like real for most bars. Yeah. Well, you know why? No, I wanted to get like Jose Cuervo or 1800 or something like that. And I went to the store and they have all their nice bottles behind like a clear glass thing. Oh, you need to unlock it. With a key. Like not worth it.

And I go, no, I went up to the guy and I and I go hey can I get a bottle of Jose Cuervo and then go he goes oh well somebody lost the key two months ago and we haven't got a new one get on it dude so now I had to buy that so you've been just constantly selling $19 bottles just because you're too lazy to get off. This was 25. Damn it, 25. That's so ridiculous. Like, how are you so shit at your job that you can't just call, like, hey.

And it was a CVS. So it was like, you'd think somebody would be able to take your money. Actually, I feel like It's a chain. How do you not

have multiple CVS? Well, I feel like anything where it's a big corporation, it's harder to get shit done than when it's just somebody who owns it.

Because somebody who just owns the place would just they would have had that done that day I was like I'm going to sell this bar yeah

they're like the manager never called anyone they're not concerned they're just like whatever at least we don't have to leave why don't you not just

call someone and be like and make a key up like just yeah no that's that's a ridiculous business there's a profit margin on booze I'm pretty sure yeah

yeah it is 100% like I because i at least from working at a bar i'm charged people i would ask someone like what's this real bottle of vodka cost because that one right there 375 i'm like what yeah i'm like a single drink like one shot we charge four dollars like you pay it. You make money on one drink. He goes, I know. It's crazy. It's the smile he had on you. Dirty, dirty water. No, it's, alcohol is a, it's.

Everyone's going to have, everyone's going to get it. Like, people will always drink. Yeah. Like, food-wise, people won't, like, eat necessarily. But, yeah. Well, food is actually, like, huge profit for them. Like, they make a lot of money on food. It's not as much as alcohol.

It's significantly less than alcohol because the cost of food are much higher but it's nice for them when that starts rolling too but the thing is bars when so at the Improv whatever they're registered as I might butcher this but

it's like your liquor license is like a percentage they might need to sell a certain amount of food to keep their liquor license is like a percentage so you're they might need to sell a certain amount of food to keep their liquor license so they can't just have a hundred percent liquor license they could and that means they don't sell any food but there's so like the bar i worked at they have to sell like 20 of their profits have to be food gotcha okay so that's why like we love it when food sells like the game days when i excited worked in a bar at UW-Madison, we get all of it out in four days out of the month when game days come.

And then I don't have to worry about it the rest of the week. That's nice. What was the craziest thing you've ever seen while working in the service industry? Dude, so many. I know, man. I got one after. There's one. I got one after. There's one. I will one day

turn it into a bit. I'm running way too serving. But there was a dead night there. Or like, dead evening. It was going to be

busy later in the night and there was a place next door. It's like a club. And there was going to be a rave. And so the freaks started coming out and this lady came

in wearing what I thought was like a placemat for your food around her waist. You are hiding nothing. A bra and cat ears and a tail. I'm like, oh, here we go. What's the placemat?

It was her skirt. Oh, wow. Yeah, and she came in and I'm like, all right, I'm done talking to my friends. I go over and I'm like,

let's see how this goes and I'm like, hi, can I help you? And she goes, hi, meow. I go,

excuse me? She goes, meow, rum and coke, please, meow. I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

And then she started purring and I'm like, this is uncomfortable going on with your mom and then she started purring and I'm like this is uncomfortable so I gave her a drink and she's like thank you meow and then reached for my hand

and tried licking I'm like no that's fucking wild and she goes I just wanted to thank you I'm like

that was good enough the equivalency of like there's so many creepy men and then the equivalency of the female is there's just many creepy men and then the equivalency of the female

is there's just some weird chicks out there doing weird shit all guys are creeps not all girls are weird that yes

yeah but I'm saying like girls can't really be creeps they're just most of them can't yeah the guys will still be they can get creepy

and I'll be like you like it yeah you're weird I don't like it. But you want to come over and hang out? Let me get two more drinks. I'll be back. This girl, you know how cats rub themselves on people?

She was going up and doing that to people's chest. And finally, we're like, do you mind leaving? And coming home to your place is what you said. Here's my key. Wait for me on the bed or wherever you want to curl up in a ball. She went outside and she found a dude. No way.

She was rubbing his head and then they just started sucking face outside of our bar. I'm like, what the fuck? I was more concerned with that guy. I'm like, hey man, what are you on that you're not seeing what we're seeing? He's seeing a quick lay. Yeah, that's exactly what he's seeing. I didn't know it worked. She just got kicked out, came right to me.

When you used the placemat, I was picturing she had like a baby high chair. Like a TV dinner was on her wrist. I never used them growing up. Literally, it was the size of if I folded my computer out and then she just tied it around. It was this long. Jesus Christ. So she was, this was not Halloween?

No. This was just this random, This was like a cat. This was like March. I thought it was, I forgot you didn't say it was Halloween.

No, I was like, okay, costume party. And then I was like, I don't know. What if she just normally dressed like that in regard to this? She probably did.

I bet she does. She's like, oh, she's a furry. Yeah, definitely a furry. Furries are a, She meowed at me. One of she does. She's like, oh, she's a furry. Yeah, definitely a furry. Yeah. Furries are a... She meowed at me. One of the worst...

So disrespectful. One of the worst things, oh my gosh, a girl, it was like the innocent chick who worked out with you at a movie theater and she,

she walked in the female's restroom to clean it if you were an usher, you had to clean bathrooms and whoever saw, the rule was whoever saw the mess cleans the mess fair enough right yeah uh but she got away with

everything so she went in there and she's like no i'm not cleaning that yeah and she's like brandon look that was in there so i would go look at it and i did and i was like fuck that i'm not cleaning this up and i went and hid because my manager at the time didn't like me. So I knew he would make me clean it up. I'm not joking. I went in a movie and just sat in the theater.

And he found me because we wore tuxedos. Like it was... Oh, yeah. Tied it off. No, Marcus. So I'm just sitting there and he's like,

what are you doing? He found me in the theater and he goes, we got a mess for you to clean up. What this lady did was either it overflowed or she took a dump on the floor and then put her used tampon, like a cherry on top, on top of the mound of poop. A toilet sundae. And then it just went everywhere. And he's like, you need to clean this up.

Dude, it was awful. Fuck that. It went everywhere. And he's like, you need to clean this up. Dude, it was awful. Fuck that. It was everywhere. As a manager, he was probably like, I fucking love that this is a thing. Because I don't have to do it. It's not what I was doing. Yeah, dude. And then one time I had a guy who, I don't know why.

Like, you know, most people wear normal clothes. But every now and then there was like a dude who would come in with like a nice ass suit. So this black dude came in with this nice, like a fucking pimp-ass suit on. And he goes in the theater and he sits down and somebody spilled nacho cheese all over the seat. So he sat in this nice suit and he came out with this. And he's like, yo, man, look, he's upset, obviously. But like it's dark. We didn't see it.

We would have cleaned it up. And he goes, I need you know, he's upset, obviously. But, like, it's dark. We didn't see it. We would have cleaned it up. And he goes, he goes, I need you to take care of this. And he turns around and bends forward like I'm going to wipe it off his butt. And I'm like, sir, I'll wipe your jacket if you take it off, but you got to take care of yourself. I'm not wiping your nacho cheese off your butt. They paid for his dry cleaning and stuff. But I was like, man, service people really think that getting paid minimum wage at that time to wipe cheese off your butt. It's amazing the shit you go through in the service.

But it's also so fun. It's a double-edged sword for sure. Yeah, it is fun. It's a very chill, fun, fast-paced environment. I like it more than my day job yeah and i like the past people yeah for the most part then the days you don't want to be around people though then it's the worst fucking job it's just the worst people the mean people that just have no it's always i swear the people who i would assume have never had a job in this industry

entitlement the way they talk to me i'm like like, dude, I'm a person and like, your food isn't coming because 400 people just packed into here and we're all ordering at the same exact time. If you want to go look in the kitchen

and see how stressed the cooks are. They expect me to do something like I'm like, how do you, like, it's just. I'm sitting there

with a ticket right on your 15 behind. I can't do anything. And I don't want to bother them because then they don't want to make my shit if I don't. They don't want to make your shit?

Can we swear? Absolutely. Where we work right now, we had a cook. I don't know if he's still there. He might be. He would leave mid-shift because we were too stressful.

But we were so short-staffed that he'd always come back. We wouldn't care. We were so short-staffed. He would back and we wouldn't care we were so short staffed and so you would like leave mid shift because it was like too stressful for him

and so like I'd have to like hop behind the kitchen and like be making pizzas like I have no idea I'm like burning shit like spiking pizzas on the ground on accident

because I don't know how to take it out of the oven it's the kitchen shit is stressful because I was I did the chef stuff too there yeah

and that was game days you'd have like we'd have our like ticket thing would be like on a thing up here. Yeah. And it would just, it wouldn't stop running. Yeah. And so like it would be, it hit the floor. It's like six, seven feet in the air, hit the floor.

And then in front of me, cause I was the one that had to assemble everything. I was like the lead. It would just be probably the guy that quit like what he was doing it from eye to eye like i lose it in my peripherals of like tickets and then the owner's like we need 10 minute ticket times i'm like 10 minute ticket times fuck this thing hasn't got stopped for the last 30 i'm like there's a stack next to me i see 30 and this is just going off it's stressful and it's like now for eight straight hours. I understand why they're like, fuck this. Yeah.

Well, he would, he was not stable. It was, yeah, no, it was. Oh, it was easy. Most of those guys are the guy I replaced. We found out like his coffee every day was not just, it wasn't even spiked coffee. We opened it one day and it was just vodka. It's true. Just, it wasn't like an Irish coffee, nothing. It was just vodka. It's true. It wasn't like an Irish coffee.

It was just vodka. Imagine trying to sip on just a glass of vodka and not make it look like you're drinking vodka. That's when you know you're at full load of alcohol. We open and I'm like, what, is this water? I'm like, fuck. No, it's not.

I was a cook and I don't know how I got hired. I'm not a good cook. I could cook, but not at the quality somebody wants at a restaurant. Oh. Oh, and I had. I'm not a good cook. I could cook but not at the quality somebody wants at a restaurant. Oh. And I had this job.

Not a good this guy. Yeah. And I had this job. I'll take his job there. We'll do it on the weekends. Dude. Dude. For real.

Yeah. I've never cooked before. I went in the back and it was just throwing a pizza and just like wait 15 minutes. It was pretty chill.

Yeah. It's just when the rush comes in but I was new there. It was like my second weekend working as a cook at this burger place pizza and just like wait 15 minutes it was pretty chill yeah it's just when the rush comes in but i was new there was like my second weekend working as a cook at this burger place and it was two for one burger day so like that's when everybody came into this place and the cooks were like you described like we we would you know people would smoke weed out back people would uh the waitresses they never fucking tipped us out but what they do is they just bring us pitchers of beer so we were just drinking

we were just drinking which I was always like you're really not gonna they'd give us like three dollars dude but it was whatever it was fun

but it was my second week there and I was getting I just had the guy that was with me was named Dallas he'd worked there a while and he

was just not happy he wanted to watch Game of Thrones which was on that night so he was not he was not he was just not happy he wanted to watch Game of Thrones which was on that night so he was not he was not he was not happy

it's not like you miss it it's not like a game it was on it was on that time so he was upset and he just goes and he's just in there and then orders

keep coming through coming through two for one burger day coming through you know you hear that eee eee eee eee that printing noise dude that's worse than I don't know how I'm clocked that ee-ee-ee-ee, that printing noise, dude. That's worse than an alarm clock to me.

That's exciting, dude. The ee-ee-ee-ee, I'm not fucking... Especially on a dead day, too, it was almost worse. You're like, I just want to do nothing. And you hear one, and it's like an exotic order. Like, fuck you. I got to turn on everything now. So he was upset because tickets were coming.

I didn't know the menu at that point. I didn't know. I was barely new. I was just doing, like like little things to help him. Prepping plates for the food. And he just gets up and he's like, stop fucking whoring. And he just snaps and he goes to the window, which is this like two foot by like two foot window. And he just sticks his head in there.

And excuse my language and what I'm going to say. But this is literally what he said to everybody in the bar. Stop being such a fucking fag. Stop ordering. And he just starts yelling, you guys are fucking fags. Just out of the gate. You know, it's just like, what the hell? And he's just yelling obscenities at, horrible obscenities,

and slurs at people that are in the dining room. Over game of thrones. Over Game of Thrones. Like, what a nerd. Some people are just eating, and they're hearing, stop being fucking clankers and ordering, and then it's turning around. And he... Meanwhile, like a three-year-old,

I'm going to watch Game of Thrones right now. Fuck you. So he goes, fuck this. I'm going to watch Game of Thrones. And he leaves me as tickets are still printing out. No idea what to do. Luckily, this dude, Ben, nicest dude ever. Most helpful guy ever.

He recently just passed, unfortunately. But nicest guy ever came in when he didn't work and helped me get all that stuff. So got to plug Ben. Dude, the kitchen is a roller coaster. Yeah. Because when it sucks, it sucks. But when it's fun, the kitchen staff is rollercoaster. Yeah. Because, like, when it sucks, it sucks. But when it's fun, like, the kitchen staff is... We used to try and get people kicked out, which I don't think our owner liked.

But also, we just weeded out the people who weren't paying for anything. Yeah. But so we had, like, a counter. And it was, like, on the way to the bathrooms. It was a little tucked back. And people would think they could just take people's food. So we ended up having to put, like, a gate there. But late in game days, I would just put, like a thing of like soggy fries and like if a

server came back and had like chicken tenders and she'd eat it like half it and i'm like all right here's a half chicken i basically just put like the most disgusting food in a basket and when you're that fucked up like some college guys i'm gonna steal food and so we basically just watch and they go and we put it so you could steal it outside of the fence and they take it and we're like go get them to the like go get them and they kick them all like why are we getting kicked out i was like you stole food and it's like again soggy fries half eating chicken tenders and like ranch that hit the floor and then we'd put the same basket back and like there's one day we got like 11 people the trap soggy fry trap dude when you're

hammered let's be honest when you're hammered that's your day drinking you're hammered and you see a what you think is a fresh basket of fries and chicken tenders that's your never take you're going for it and you're broke for it. And you're broke. Yeah, for sure. You don't want to wait for any food. Oh my God, everyone's taking it. Yeah.

No, you'd get me. There are people who are like, it was Jack, he was all 11. You might have picked me out. People would double take and I'd be like, I had friends

that would come by and be like, don't. Don't get me started. I mean, you know I work here. I'm the guy at the counter. The first person you see, why are you trying to do this? I don't want to kick you out.

The first person I ever kicked out working at that bar was one of my friends. Oh, no. And I had to walk him home. I literally left my job, walked him to his house, and came back to work. That's crazy. This is brutal. That's crazy. One of the best decisions I house, and came back to work. That's crazy. This is brutal. That's crazy. One of the best decisions I made though in college was working at a bar.

Yeah. I recommend that to everyone going into college. Go find a bar. Work at it. I wish I would have because I would have known way more people. Yeah. I kind of... Is he blowing his hair?

Dude, Ryan blows his hair? Yeah He's hair But dude Ryan blows Oh he does Yeah he's got a He's got that I call it I call it the

What's it You ever seen the mascot On the Milwaukee Wave? I have no idea What the Milwaukee Wave is It's our soccer team It's our soccer team Yeah

He's got that Is that so thing? Yeah man Really I thought it was a swim team Dude I used to get I used to go there That would sound better actually Yeah Because I thought it was a swim team you know I used to get I used to go there I would sound better yeah I saw I saw a Milwaukee wave like unsigned when I was down except I lived downtown so I would like see walk away

we go oh swim team soon good ever done good What state just has a swim team? They play nobody. I thought it was like they're undefeated. I thought it was like a high school club team. That has that much advertising. I was like,

these guys are killing it. I go to their camps because I played soccer. And it was this guy named Michael King who was a long time Milwaukee Wave fan. And if you didn't know

Milwaukee Wave for a while. I know who you're talking about because I went to a few games. I have like pamphlets because my buddy's dad took me once. I have like autographs from all of them. Yeah, and Milwaukee Wave, if you didn't know,

they used to be the patriots of indoor soccer. And I met the coach and I said that to him. He loved me for that. They won the championship multiple years in a row. But it was so funny because he took it so seriously. So we're like 10-year-old kids and he's British. No fucking way. And he would just be yelling at you.

So your parents would be like, what the hell are you doing? Dude, it was so, but he was so intense, dude. It was so funny. Just getting yelled at by a British dude. And your parents were like, like well maybe you shouldn't and they'd be like get the fuck on the sidelines

to the parents dude I did soccer for like two years and I quit I never played it after like grade school

yeah it's fun though I like playing pickup soccer yeah no I I always enjoyed it it was

what's funny is it was my main sport for it not being my favorite sport but I was really good at it or good at being a goalkeeper that's why it was your favorite you didn't have to run miles I really enjoyed playing in the field

but I was so good at keeping it because I was just really good at it but I'd rather run in the field I like scoring too, it's fun scoring is way better than... Although when you make a ridiculous save

and you just dive, that shit is... It feels good. That rush from a goal though where it's like you black out for a second and you're like, ooh, I just scored again.

That's it. I played hockey and I played football. I was a lineman in football though. Yeah. You look like a lineman. I did football and lacrosse. Defense and football.

I was like, it's fun, but then I was like good at offense and lacrosse. I was like, this is like a lineman. I did football and lacrosse. Defense and football. I was like, it's fun. But then I was, like, good at offense and lacrosse. I was like, this is way better. You actually make a difference, it feels like. Yeah, you're like, this is sick. I played tight end for a little bit. And I caught, like, the first touchdown of the year, my first, like, time scoring in football because I played line the whole time.

And I just remember, like, having the ball thrown to me and then me catching it in my face mask because i was not like i didn't i was like exactly dude i like football i was like i remember going up for an interception once i just went through my hands bounced off my helmet the guy caught it i was like maybe i i'm this is why i'm not starving. Whose is that? Whose phone was that? No. Was that you? No. I was just about to say, too. I was like, we haven't had a phone in a minute. Damn it, dude. All right. We're doing good. Damn it.

I was hoping. I like my lady for respecting my time. He put his name in like that on my phone, too. Like, not his actual name. Evan's a nice kid, dude. I do like Evan. That doesn't make sense. I've got to grab a napkin. You have to Zamboni that. That's your fault.

What? I've never heard that terminology. Zamboni that? That's hilarious. Try not to get a splinter, dude. Just sucking up wood and whatever else has been on this table. That's the only thing. I have a... That's like the only thing...

So I really don't care when I... The setup I had for the podcast when I started. But I told myself, I will do it around this specific table. So like... Oh good, now you're fixing it. One day I will... We're 30 minutes in, dude. Take that table I do it with and I'll just take the top off and I'll build a table around it.

Yeah. But like it's the table I had I got it as a sophomore in college and the amount of like drugs and alcohol that have gone through that table and store it. This just seems like the table that we need to tell dumb stories around.

Oh for sure. Yeah. You know how like the paint starts chipping away like this here? It's literally from people like lining up lines and shit like that. It's like credit cards are just scraping away. There's stickers on it and shit like that. So Maria did one of these, and she had stickers. I think it says her media thing she's starting.

But she put one on there. I'm like, anyone have stickers? Throw it on now. I want this to look the most disgusting but fun table. People are like, snorting paint. The paint job is not super quality. So just be careful. It's one of those room essential tables you get from Target.

Oh, no. The table is wild. This setup, you can't really see it in the videos. So the table is this high off the ground and so i have three two by fours on each side that i put them on top of so it's higher and then i have the mic set like it's the most janky thing but it works sick no good doc thank you that's funny oh yeah oh i was I like asking this how long do you think

we've been doing this for 32 minutes oh have you been watching no I'm I'm really good at that shit I guess I'll say 30 34

usually like my like my friends I guess cause like we're used to timing ourselves out a little bit when I just have friends on I'll show them it and I'm like

we're 50 minutes and they go 50 I thought we were talking for 50 minutes in. They go, 50? I thought we'd been talking for 15 minutes. You're almost done, dude. You're going to have fun stories. You might want to break them out now. No.

Do we have any T-shirt moments here? There might have been a couple. I don't think so. I don't know. Maybe. Eating ashes. Eating ash instead of eating ass. Oh, yeah. I can do that

ass pics like what's your price yeah what's your price yeah what's your price okay so I've done this let's start a little

group chat when we're done with this we can hash it out we got like two days and then two three days and I'll just have my brother

mocked on another street IP gay fuck off drink your shitty tequila this one beer costs more than that whole bottle so who's the stupid one dude because you drink a shitty tequila person. This one beer cost more than that whole bottle. So who's the stupid one?

You, because you drink your water. I can make that in my toilet, dude. Like, that's insane. But, okay, so we did the price on ass pics. Yeah. I've done this before. I did this on my old podcast that I stopped. But it was like, what's your price for like a second date?

And that's where we're going to find out a lot about yourself. Because you're going to learn if you're honest with yourself, one. And you're going to learn how key you are. You're going to figure it out.

I feel like it depends on the guy. Nope. Really? So it's a mystery guy. Let me lay this out. Let me lay this out. So you have the opportunity to make X amount of dollars

sucking one dick a day. What's your price? Why one dick a day? Dick a day? That's a price. For how long? As long as you want. You're making...

Oh. You know what I'm saying? Oh, like a prostitute, essentially. Are we getting taxed on this? Like, dick a day, the IRS stays away? They might come for you. They might come for you to save 20% of that profit. So for one dick?

Per day. That would be... If you see something too high on me, I'm so pissed at you. Because it's completely disrespectful. What is the... But it's not about the quality of what I do or how

attractive I am. It's more so me bending on what I'm not about, which is sucking dick. I don't like pickles, but I get Cuban sandwiches every once in a while. You know what I mean? That's completely different. That's not the same thing at all. No, dude. Just think about it.

One day a day, you can quit whatever job. You're making good money. You don't have to worry about anything. Okay, take a day. I need to be making, obviously, six figures. I was going to say $1,000 per dick. Per dick? You would suck a dick for $1,000.

That means you're making six figures. Yeah, but I also like for being honest. I'm going to have you suck my dick just out of power. Not even out of pleasure. You're doing a dick a day. You're going to get numb to it after a month, aren't you? It doesn't fucking matter anymore. It doesn't make a difference.

How much is that first month going to be worth? The first month is going to be hell. I'm going to come home like, hey honey. Just like shaking. That's a day. If I'm making a job, I'm saying at least 10k, dude. A day? That's your job. Are you doing it morning, night, afternoon?

I would do it in the morning because if you have to think about sucking a dick all day, it sucks. Yeah, but you do it in the morning and then you think all day, like, I've got to do this again tomorrow. Yeah. And you can't sleep either, but I've got to suck a dick when I'm up.

I'm going to sleep just fine knowing someone gave me a grand to give me my shitty blowjob because I know I'm not good. I'll get good eventually. Where are you taking the load? Wherever they want. You're not going to charge more for the face versus the mouth or whatever?

Right. It's a flat rate. It's a flat rate. Maybe once I get a little bit more of my name out there, more customers want to come in. I guess they're doing two a day after a year maybe if they're happy with it. You don't have to work your job. That's what I'm saying. I can just quit.

What do you think? $365,000 a year to suck one dick a day. And sometimes maybe if your schedule doesn't allow you to double up. I don't know.

It's like half a mil. So how much is that per day? Just divide $500,000 by $365,000. It's filled. We do math on the 3 Beanie's podcast. 3 Beanie's podcast.

We can just start another podcast. $1,369.86, 301. So, yeah. So, with taxes, it would probably come out to $300,000, right? I don't know. I'm terrible with math. I don't know taxes either. Actually, I'm good at math, but't know actually I'm good at math but the

taxes I'm taxes are confusing so google it I'm like they don't like neither like no site lines up but I still think I'm getting

fucked either way but yeah a thousand dollars I got a buddy last night he's like did you figure out if you can write off all

your we talked about that you you could possibly write off your equipment yeah no you definitely can you just have to create a company. Yeah.

So I'm thinking of doing a creating company for my shows. Create an LLC. So like I don't even have an LLC, but he said you could probably still write something. You should do that. You should put everything under that. I just have to prove. Well, his thing is when I, last year before I even started doing stand-up, I thought about moving. Because I was like, it'd be, because I wanted to do stand-up no matter what.

I was like, comedy scene would be great in Denver. Milwaukee's a great scene to start in. To start in. So that's what I've realized. I mean, so it was like, but I did a lot of research. So it's Denver, they're very good at getting new comics out and stuff like that. And there's a lot, you'll get way more opportunities in local shows. Like, I run three. You keep going, I'll put you

on them. So it's, there's so many more opportunities for just knowing people. Well, that's why I'm signing the lease for the next year. I'm going to do my best to, quote unquote, not conquer, but like feel like I have. You have like some feet under you and shit, yeah. And then

go elsewhere. because if you try and be the new guy everywhere it's not gonna work out yeah well Ryer that's the only person

that does work out she's a riot though dude she's amazing yeah she's incredible happy birthday Ryer yes

happy birthday Ryer was it yesterday right yeah yesterday from the day we yeah recorded she's a lesbian

and she asked us to take she asked all the male comics to take her to a strip club I was so upset It was fun She was like You know how you see a baby experience Ice cream for the first time That's what it was like

That's sick But the best was just Sawyer Who was just sitting front row We forgot his credit card So he had no money but he's just sitting Sawyer who's just sitting front row. We forgot his credit card, so he had no money, but he's just sitting there. And he's just this hard, like, just smiling at the strippers. I can't get into a strip club anymore. I don't know what it is. No, I agree.

I never enjoy it. I go for other people. I like watching other people, yeah. It's like I'm looking at them. It's like butt, boobs, okay? And I get to their face, and it's like I'm looking at them it's like butt, boobs and I get to their face and it's just sadness and they're like dancing

you gotta make it fun for them I used to be big into strip clubs I used to love strip clubs I feel like they like it more when it's an attractive guy like you man you want to sell my dick for $1000? what's going on? when it's an attractive guy, you know, like you, man. Oh, fuck. No, for real. You want to sell my dick for a thousand dollars?

What's going on? When you make it fun for him, you're like, honestly, it's more of like a hang. It's like more fun that way because it's like, I'm not trying to have you drag your tits in my face.

That's not what I'm there for. But if you make friends with him, I remember one of my buddies was so hammered, he fell asleep at the front of the stage. And this chick, what I'm doing, she goes like, if you make friends with him, I remember one of my buddies was so hammered, he fell asleep at like the front of the stage. And this chick went up to him and she goes, come here. And she turns him around

in his seat, lifts his shirt up, licks her hand and slaps his stomach. He had a handshake on his stomach for like a few days. And I was like, see, this is why we come here. Like, this is where we go. That's our reason. I'm not going there to find a good one

we went to we went to one in PCB right before there was a year before they shut down PCB for spring

break and we went to PCB in Florida for spring break and all the guys were like we're going to a strip club and I was

like oh I can't not go and my girlfriend was there with me at the time and we go to it did she go too

no no she wasn't about that but I was so stupid my lovely girlfriend has come to me No. No, she wasn't about that. But I was so stupid. I was just here. My lovely girlfriend has come to me after the clubs and she's more fun

than I do. She's a trooper. So I go there and I get distracted. I didn't realize my friends got kicked out because he meant to put a single

in her G-string. He was trying to harass her. But he put a $100 bill and he went no and then he grabbed for it and poked her asshole and grabbed it and then and then they got kicked out while i was going to like bathroom or something so i didn't know so i didn't come out until like 20 minutes after everybody else so i looked awful to her was like, everyone came back and you were just sitting in there. I didn't know where they were. They had food I was eating.

You were eating at a strip club? No. I got kicked out of a strip club once. It was on Halloween. I took a couple of my friends that I've never been before. And I was dressed as Ariel from The Little Mermaid. So I had a wig on, makeup. Looked like a fucking... You looked like you might be performing. Yeah. You was dressed as Ariel from The Little Mermaid so I had a wig on, makeup, looked like a fucking...

You looked like you might be performing. You were dressed as Ariel? That's hilarious. Do you have a picture of this? Yeah, I do. Send it to him. You need to put it up. All of our friends ended up, all my roommates ended up dressing as characters from

The Little Mermaid and we wanted to originally do Scoooby-doo because my buddy looks just like velma like if we put him in like a orange sweater and a skirt he would look just like velma but he was that's what you want to hear from your friends like you look like i'll show you a picture of him i'll show you a picture of him he'd be like yeah that's like you will you would be like yeah he was not about it he didn't even come out for halloween that uh that year because of that. But my other roommates wanted to dress up as someone. They were not going to be happy unless someone cross-dressed.

And I was like, I'm your guy. And so I walked into the strip club with some guys that haven't been before and they're a little bit more timid. And I went up to the stripper and I slapped way too much money than I could afford on her. And I go, I want you to drag your slug across my friend's faces. And she went straight to the bouncer and she's like dude you gotta get this guy and you're a cross yeah yeah I was dressed as Ariel I was over 15 minutes 15 minutes and my friends were like well we're not gonna spend money because Jack was gonna pay for us I knew they're like I'll give you all your covers back if you just take him home right now to pay for it.

And they're like, I'll give you all your covers back if you just take him home right now. This guy's opening line. I think it was the fact that

you used slug. Yeah. Because it's not like a beautiful flower. Like, that thing's got some like,

drag your slug. Yeah, like you're going to see some like residue after that. Jesus. Oh man.

Yeah, I was like, oh shit. I didn't know I had that in me. I thought, I don't want to go to a strip club with you. Usually I like going, man. Yeah, no, I was like, oh, shit. I didn't know I had that in me. I don't want to go to a strip club with you. Usually I like going, I just tell, like, I like seeing people freak out,

so I tell them, like, the shirt, like, it's my buddy's birthday and it's definitely not his birthday. Oh, yeah. So that's why, like, going for Ryer's birthday, who wants to be there,

would have been like, like, you would have been like, it's her birthday, and she would have been like, fuck, yes. I'm like, oh, it would have been so fun. I think my buddy once hit a full-on panic attack when we got home because he thought he's like

I have something like you don't have anything but he did like the whole like the dollar bill thing but instead of putting it in her she literally tried putting it in you're so inexperienced he He's like, what do I do? And he's like, yeah! He rolls it up. Shoots it like a spitball. There was another strip club experience that was, like, fucking hilarious. There was this place in the Dells that they do shower dances. Bean Snappers. No, the Bean Snappers aren't in the Dells.

Bean Snappers are up at my neck. No, what is it? Chubbies. Chasing Chubbies? Yeah, Cruising Chubbies. Cruising Chubbies. Yeah, they do shower dances., Cruising Chubbies. Cruising Chubbies. They do shower dances. You ever shower dance?

I see the posters on the wall. No. So basically, they have a locker room shower. Sounds clean. They have girls come in, and everyone comes around. They're just like, hey, take off what you don't want to be wet. And so one of my friends took off all of his clothes. I'm like, dude, you can't be fucking naked in here.

Put your clothes back. He's like, I don't want to get wet. Wait, why are they? I thought it was for the women. No, they turned on the shower. Just wait for it. So there's like a ledge where the shower starts. And there's like a stadium seating.

So anyone that doesn't want to do the shower dance can stadium seat watch the shower dance. And so like you lay down with your back on the shower floor and these chicks turn on a shower and like step on your face and beat the shit out of you like shove your toes their toes in your mouth and shit and they were just like fucking going after you no so that was the best part that was the best part is because we were like i mean if i know the girl but just rip her feet no i don't care if i know i hate feet it's like the one thing we wanted to like send like our buddy because he was his bachelor party and he's like no like i really don't feel good about doing it and like my buddy that when they got completely in it he was like oh well shocker so he just got the shit beat out of him for like

15 minutes while he was drowning in shower water waterboarding pussy boarding it was hilarious that's like the

best that was the most entertainment I've ever seen in a strip club it was just like I'm just gonna go and it's not even

involving the women that's the fun no they just beat the shit out of him imagine that's your first time in a strip club and you're like

we gotta surprise for you and then you go into a bathroom and and your buddy's like, we got a surprise for you. You go into a bathroom and you see a shower and you're like, I'm going to die. I'm going to get murdered. It was insane. There was no lights. There's a bar in Minneapolis.

I lived in Minneapolis for about two years. There's a bar in Minneapolis and you go there and it's like a BDSM metal bar. Not joking. All these guys are volunteers and there's a dominatrix and they have like one section where they just have um rows of chairs that people are just sitting and watching and then you volunteer and then the dominant like she puts you dude she like just starts beating a man in front of everybody and everyone's just watching and there's another

section where they put this guy who just loves it who has no arms or legs and he's he has no arms or legs

and they put him in a box in the floor with an opening and he just wants people to walk on him and people just walk on him

dude people some people are messed up did they step on his back like he's just in there with people just walking

on him. How is he in a box though? What's the box? It's in the floor and it's got like a glass plastic cover. He's a quadriplegic. No, no. He doesn't have feelings. He has no arms or legs. He has quadruple amputee. Yes. And he's

in this box. He's there because he can't get out. So basically they just put the action figure back in the box and everyone stepped on it. Yeah. It's the weirdest place I've ever been. So there's just men volunteering to get beat as people and women are just like, yay. And then a dude in a box. And then there's shitty DJ music that's mixed with corn. You know, the band.

How do you get... How do you apply to get to that job though He volunteers I feel like you just End up there He was just there I was the cook Ten years ago

Now I'm Now I lost my arms I can't flip patties No more He's just grabbing Toast from the toaster And putting it on there He's there

Because he can't escape That's why He reminds me of my buddy Dude I don't blame him He's just trying to Experience something Because he doesn't Fucking know arms and legs He can't feel, literally, unless someone touches him.

Yeah, and no one probably fucks a guy who doesn't have arms and legs. Dude, that's got to be awful. Bring that up. That reminds me of my buddy in college. Like, have you ever seen nugget porn? I'm like, no. What is that? And I thought, I was like, chicken nuggets?

He goes, no. He goes, I saw porn. This girl had no arms, no legs. I'm like, I'm done here is it was this guy got done not with us go back and then put her on a shelf Put another show. Put another show. Dude, that's a... Because you've never seen it?

I go, no. Why? Why is it on your recommended page? You go to the hub. Yeah, that was interesting. You're like, you like weird shit. Here you go. Yeah.

Man. I'm always curious. I love to know how people function. I took a lot of psych classes in college. But that, I want to know how you get into any of what we have talked about today. Yeah. I think you're just weird and you're just different. But it's got to be something has triggered.

There's some weird event that's happened. But I want that event so I can get the fuck away from it. Same with comedy, though. Everybody in comedy, it's like we have something. Comedians are such unique people and it attracts a weird crowd

and most of them are really great people and that's why I like comedy because they're so unique but I mean I feel like all of us we have a reason

that night after night we want to get on stage in front of ten people and look awful you know what I mean tell personal things

that are embarrassing exactly yeah there's times where the meeting on the drive home in Iowa looks really friendly like you're like

oh god that looks nice oh I've said it so many times in here there's like Friday nights where you leave and you're like

all weekend you're going to ride that high the rest of the weekend and then you go do like a Tuesday mic and you're going home and you're like do I even want to do this yeah that's that's that's monthly for me yeah it's like just like your cycle yeah but then you get great days man yeah like yesterday like the show was

was fantastic man i was it was packed it was so fun yeah it looked like so much fun yeah bibs comedy hall Check it out. I definitely got to pee. Go pee. I'll be fast. Go pee and then we have... Ryan. Eight minutes.

Ryan, we need a quote, Ryan. We need a quote. Just grunted like that. I forgot about my one job we asked him to do. We got no quotes. Yeah. Ryan, we need a quote. It's got to be a good one.

I'm working on it. I'm working on it. The only thing I have. Oh, actually, no. I'm fucking up right now. So I break this up into seasons. 16 episodes a season. And Avery was the finale for

three. So it's the first one for four? This is the first one for four. Welcome to four! Yeah. Usually I have a question that I ask. I either try and be serious or just a universal question I ask anyone. You think of that question while Jack's peeing and then give it to us.

I used to write them down. It helps. We need a quote honestly the more random the better do you have so this will be out in two weeks do you have so if you have any dates now and you want to

I can clip that for you March 26th at Copper Comedy March 5th at Bibbs Comedy Hall February 19th up in Menasha Wisconsin

March 11th at Brew Fitness a gym yeah we're doing a gym show they're Brew Fitness it's a really cool venue so they have like a warehouse style gym, we're doing a gym show. They're Brew Fitness.

It's a really cool venue. So they have like a warehouse style gym. Okay. And we're setting up a stage and a backdrop and then seats and it's going to be a fun show. And essentially they're a gym that's like about community and they have taps. So they serve beer. So there'll be beer. There'll be wine and coffee.

No, at Brew Fitness. And yeah, and then they're Getting somebody Because they have Relationships with The restaurants To cater Like snacks Oh that'll be cool

So it's gonna be Like a pop up Comedy show At Brew Fitness Called Brew After Dark Those are all On that show What

Tucker I forget his last name Really funny comic From really Fucking funny comic From Chicago David Lewis Hilarious

Very good Ryer Cameraman Darryl Cochran And myself That's a really good show That's a really good show Yeah Chicago, David Lewis, hilarious, Reier, cameraman, Daryl Cochran, and myself. Okay, good show. That's a really good show. Yeah.

That's good. Okay. Do you have a quote, Ryan? Oh, yeah. We got a random quote for the audience. Random quote for everyone. You're not on the scene. You're not in the frame.

Duck. Duck. Duck. All right. Both of you. And you're not in the frame, too. Fine. Wall sit. Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own. All right. Both of you. And you're not in the frame, too. All right. Wall sit.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own. All right. Get out of here. Go learn them. He fucked us. That was actually perfect. We need one to end on, so have another one ready to roll. All right. I don't have a question.

I can just... Maybe I just ask you guys all the last two I did. No, that's boring so basically so like the last two seasons the season I didn't do it

for season one but season two was what's something you need to do before your next birthday so like and it stemmed

from me being like before I turned 25 I had to do stand up because it's something I know I could just do it's not like something that like you could do it tomorrow if you really wanted to and then season three Because it's something I know I could just do. It's not like something that,

like you could do it tomorrow if you really wanted to. And then season three was what's something you live by. Just trying to get to know, like feel like why you get up, why you function,

why you act the way you do kind of thing. That's not a Miller. There's no more. I drank them all. So if you want to answer any of those go for it I don't know what I did not have any questions written down my notes are so sporadic on this I think for me like it's the surprise of life you know like it used to not be that where I when I worked at a

corporate company in sales I was super. I weighed like 250 pounds. Jeez. Yeah, and so I lost. I was just not healthy, not happy, and I just knew. I've always knew I wanted to be a comic, and I always knew I wanted to do comedy, and I always have a business sense. For me, once I'm up, it's like I've got stuff to do. It's just working towards something that I enjoy,

and I'm trying more and more to actually just be in the day I got stuff to do. It's like, it's just, just working towards something that I enjoy and trying. I'm trying more and more to actually just be in the day and not worry about what, what's happening or where it's going, but worry about what's going on at the moment. Yeah. Just enjoying, like, like I'm on my third show.

I've sold out every show that I've started so far, which is for me, it's exciting. Yeah. And, and I enjoy marketing shows. I enjoy writing jokes and I enjoy making people laugh. And finding a way that I can make a career out of something that I like is what excites me. Yeah, I mean, that's a big one.

I would second that. I mean, that's kind of my big goal here. I've been doing a lot of miscellaneous things. I've done podcasts. I stream for a while. I had a lot of miscellaneous things. I've done podcasts. I streamed for a while. I had a lot of fun streaming. But my big one is I've heard, I'm fucking an idiot,

so this quote doesn't make sense for someone like me, but it was like, you're not going to be truly happy if you're just being stagnant. If you're working for something, you're going to be like, you're not going to be happy. You're challenging yourself.

Yeah, and so that's just what it is. So I'm always trying to be like okay I'm gonna keep trying to do this next thing this next thing this next thing so like I have like a list of like a couple things um one was to do my first show where I would get paid that's gonna be happening in March so I'm excited about that and then the second one was um save money because my girl and I went on a trip to Europe. So I had like an X amount of dollars I wanted to save for that. And then the other one was pay off her engagement ring. And so that's coming up real soon.

So every time I cycle through those three, that's like going through. And she knows it. So if she watches this, she knows that. Yeah. If I pick that shit up for her, she'd be like,

why the fuck? It's amazing how you can try hard. I've been in that fuck dude it's amazing it's amazing how like you can try hard I've been in that where they like and it's like you still just they'll look for

something that's like no this isn't what I want just take it you know so like her and I went shopping for it but that

was like those are my three things right now and like they're all like just about not shop and then I'll do like another

three that's like my next thing so that's just kind of what I do yeah I mean my goals too I want to next thing. So that's just kind of what I do. Yeah. I mean, my goal is to, I want to have five shows by the end of this year. So I have three right now and I want two more. So then I'm getting stage time every single month.

But then also my other goal is to get booked by comedy clubs. So in the Midwest. So like I'm expanding outside of just not only what I do, but reaching out to actually, you know, getting booked by other places and specific established clubs essentially yeah so yeah mine I mean I've said it on here not but like the quote that hit me the hardest recently was every man lives two lives mm-hmm his second starts when he realizes he has just one so that was like the stand-up things like i'm only here once do what i want to do yeah um and then my goal wise um i didn't i don't know if i really had um when i started that question but at the start of this year um on new year's

people were with were like what's something you want to do or like what's your New Year's resolution I'm like I don't know like the resolution thing but I have like more like goals and that was the first thing I said is like I want to be

booked on a show so I had just started I literally like I told you consistently doing this for two and a half months exactly yeah and

I got it two weeks ago which was great so like and then might do my second one next Friday so it feels I mean I was like great. And then might do my second one next Friday. So it feels, I mean, I was like, great. So now I got to think of another one, which sucks.

So I want to be able to, maybe by May, do at least one a month. Yeah. Just focus on your time, dude. Get five. That's what other people told me who are established. Give five minutes that you can just go to. And then get another five minutes. And then you who are established give five minutes that you can just go to yeah and then get another five minutes and then you can

switch around those five minutes but like literally just focus on time and get like alright your first goal should be get five minutes

yeah solid five minutes you can go to and then get a new five minutes and then just keep adding five minutes to yourself

that was like I forgot who told me that within the first month like you there have been a few people who've actually been

like actually give constructive criticism which I appreciate and I think people should do more often me that within the first month like you there have been a few people who've actually been like actually give constructive criticism which i appreciate i think people should do more often you are one of them um you were there for the first time i ever did comedy too by the way he was there for mine too um the only your sets i had a pop virgin's what can i say the sets i think you actually posted the friday mic at high note oh no i sang the guitar and the awful song and everything i think that was that yeah you brought the guitar out yeah i wrote a song i wrote a song for everybody was there for karaoke and i was like it was just like i hope you're not here for karaoke it's like i said welcome to the double

treble open mic at high. I hope you're not here for karaoke. This is how I sing. I got off and you're like, I like one of your jokes. Here's, you could use this for a punchline too.

I was like, cool. And then I was like, all right, I didn't do terrible. I blacked out the entire time. The first time you go up, yeah.

I did too, but I forgot everything and I offended everybody when I started Minneapolis. Yeah, I remember I went up for my first time and I don't remember anything. I remember getting laughs and for my first time and I don't remember anything I remember

getting laughs and feeling good about it and I got off the stage and Elijah was like there's Jack way too confident and I was like

damn it and I still felt good though that's just comics it's always humbling is when the next comic comes up and is like I

got something for you that was Drew Drew and I were cool but he was like he would just tear into me every month. He would just tear. Elijah goes into me, for sure.

Well, that's just because they're seeing if you can take it. You know, and they're seeing if you keep coming back and you can take it. Well, part of me wants to go after Elijah because I got a few fucking words for him. Don't, don't, no, just know that it's like, everyone will come around. But definitely write some jokes for him, because that's when Drew kind of stopped a little bit, I feel like, because I wrote a few jokes for him. Yeah, I got him.

And I said like... Oh, I don't. It's part of the game. I like it. I think it's fun. I like getting roasted. Why not? Dude, that's what's missing from a lot of comedy.

You're dishing it out. You better be able to take it. That's what's missing from a lot of comedy is... That was my favorite back in like 90s thousands or like comedy cellar where they'd just sit down and they would just roast patrice o'neill just roasting all that stuff was like my favorite of all comedy yeah i remember like the first time where i like did uh like i called back to one of like another comic stuff was it was tan and he was talking about how he like dressed up for halloween or something like i mentioned his joke and he that was like the first like time where someone i didn't talk to regularly was like oh

shit like you're the guy that did that like fuck i remember you now like that kind of thing so i feel like the more you talk shit like the more people are like hey this guy's good this guy's funny like confidence and yeah yeah yeah i've gotten way more confident i remember when i got done with my like first couple five minutes, instead of me saying, like, thanks, guys, good night, I would just be like, no, no, I'm not. And I would just, like, leave. And I was like, oh, shit, that's embarrassing.

Like, I just might. Oh, yeah, the first couple times where you really don't know how to answer. You're like, I've been, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then you just, like, fumble with the mic. And I'm like, oh, dude. The worst part is taking off the mic when you're, like, first there. You don't know if it's going to be, like, an easy pull or if it's, like, a fight. First couple times I remember, like, taking off the mic when you're first there. You don't know if it's going to be an easy pull or if it's a fight. First couple times, I remember taking off the mic and then I wouldn't move the stand.

So it's just in front of me. I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah. You told me that after my first time where I would move the fucking stand. Otherwise, you're just staring at the mic stand. I'm not looking at you. It's little things, but that's why I think it's important. And it's hard to just go up to someone randomly and be like, you should do this, because you don't know how they're

going to take it. I tell comics because I always want to make a criticism. If they're going to be, and it tells me about them, so if they take it bad, it's like, well, I'm not going to tell you anything anymore. And you'll figure it out. Or you won't. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's like, and everything you say to somebody is just, you can do whatever you want. I mean, you could not move the mic stand and make it into something. Yeah. But if you were really creative about it. You've got to be confident. Yeah. You have to. It has to be part of it.

You can't just stand behind it and go like, wow, I wish this was in here. Like I told you, don't sit until you're more established. You caught me at like the one time I was like, I was doing something sitting. I've seen you sit a couple times. The first time I did it. Once you're up there like you're performing almost the sitting

is an aspect of the comedy itself or like unless you're fucking Dave Chappelle like who can just everyone will just listen to him they're like

you're trying to get their attention especially in an open room I know two times I've sat and it was the one time I was like remember sitting at home doing the computer and then I got up

because you were in my head before I'm like I should not sit and then the very first time I did comedy I sat before I'm like I should not sit and at the very first time I did comedy I sat down yeah I was like you sat down a little bit though at high note a couple weeks ago yeah that was that was that one time and then I stood up afterwards yeah yeah that was like the first time I think I've seen you go up and I was like this guy's fucking funny yeah you got a hickey on your neck what is it Jenna's choking you she got scratches where is

it oh I just scratched my neck oh I'm a little itchy boy. You want crack or cocaine or something? I wish. Tyrone Biggums? Snow's a dangerous drug for me. I can't do it. I can't know any dealers. He's a hell of a drug. That's fun.

All right, let's wrap this up. He announced anything he's doing. What's your March one? March 4th, I'm going to be doing Puddlers. And that's going to be my first one. It'm going to be doing Puddlers and that's going to be fucking size me my first one it's going to be me

Cody Heck Eric I forget his last name Eric Smith Eric Smith and then Gary Zajikowski and AJ Grill

it's going to be a really fun show so definitely come up for that AJ's fantastic Gary's a great guy Eric's fucking funny there's another another yeah

there's another there is another there's another there's another there's another girl that's there too. I want to say it to you. No it's not Maria. I don't I've never seen her before. No.

What about the Copper date you're on? The Copper date I'll be there April 30th. Copper Comedy. Copper Comedy. Before yeah.

And I'm excited for that one. That one's in Green Bay though isn't it? No it's right down the road here. What's the one you said I'm doing one in Green Bay. What? You told one's in Green Bay though no it's right down the road what's the one you said I'm doing one in Green Bay what

you told me one in Green Bay what are you talking about you told me Green Bay I'm not making

this up I never did you're right you're right it's at Dugout 54 a block away from here

Copper Comedy is a block away from here are you doing one in Green Bay I'm doing one in Green

Bay which one is that yeah I already mentioned it Olivia Witt it's in Menasha in April that one's not so He's a block away from here. Are you doing one in Green Bay? I'm doing one in Green Bay. Which one is that? Yeah, I already mentioned it. And Olivia Witt. It's in Menasha in April. That one's not so... Olivia Witt.

I have no idea. Do you know Olivia Witt? Yeah, she's really funny. Okay, yeah. She was here for a bit, and then she moved out to Chicago. Dude, she was always into improv. And dude, she's very funny. Yeah, I figured if I don't know her and she's there, she's probably like funny and just

lives somewhere else. So I'm not in Green Bay. I thought I was in Green Bay. No. So I'm Copper Comedy. You're Copper Comedy. Copper Comedy, April 30th. Which is a dugout on the corner here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that. You will be doing jokes. Yeah, that's the plan. You get five minutes. Okay. Don't show your ass. That's it.

I won't, but I'll suck some dicks. Yeah. Thousand dollars. All right, Ryan, we need an ending quote. All right, all right. don't show your ass that's it I won't but I'll suck some dicks yeah thousand dollars alright Ryan we need an ending quote alright do you want to talk about you broke it yet oh so

after Ryan after Ryan goes we'll talk about you no no also we're starting a podcast well the name will be announced soon I don't know

we haven't secured anything so I'm hard for you bro yeah I know yeah well we'll have to figure it out but we're starting a podcast so announced soon. I don't know. We haven't secured anything. I'm hard for you, bro. Yeah, I know. We'll have to figure it out. But we're starting a podcast.

We're doing a podcast here. We're working on the studio downstairs right now. We're going to be doing a couple things. I know Brandon's

working on fixing some walls because it's in a basement here. Going to be setting up to make it look nice and pretty for all y'all.

And we'll figure out when that's going to be coming out soon. I'm sure Michael will be around. Ryan, give us our ending quote. I like the bucks line up. You got the shirt and the wall.

Obviously. Well, life's a bitch and then you marry one. Well, life's a bitch and then you marry one. Alright guys, thanks.