Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.52 - Matt Nielsen

Episode Date: March 26, 2022

Matt is both a stand up and improv comic based in Milwaukee, WI. @mertnarlson

Hot shot. Hot shot. It's actually nice. I'm just going to hold it like this all the time. You got to use your sternum. We did all that work for Headspace and we're just going to lean back and just do one of these. This is pretty golden right here.

Are we recording? We're recording, yeah. Oh, perfect. We got it all. Hot start. Hot start. I love starting like this Just don't tell people you're starting And it's most natural then

Yeah Yeah So being like alright ready and go talk Cause like we were You don't put on a face You know you're not like okay I'm going to do a podcast Here's how I want to look

I want to look smart I want to look sexy Let's try that You know they try these things Yeah and then you hit start And it goes out the window. And they go, ah, shit. What flavor of fluoride?

I don't know. That's why I started with the alcohol. Like, well, not for you. I know you and I are going to be very comfortable talking to each other. But it's like when my friends would come on, I would be like, oh, let's have drinks. And I'd be like, oh, let's have a beer. They would all be like, can we have a drink first before we start? I'm like, do you think one beer is going to make you just completely lose?

It's good. And they're on the air like air like damn i should have had that one beer i would have been great right now if i had that one beer i had a few friends that came they're like i'm not gonna lie to you i had like six before i we did this i'm like what the fuck you're like this is great fun yeah and for me you know i'm almost full-fledged alcoholic now i just have a few sips and i'm like boom i'm right back i'm here i'm in the zone feeling good i'm glad my drinking has quote-unquote like tamed like i can tell my talent has gone down so much since college like i'm not drinking thursday friday saturday anymore the occasional tuesday and maybe a wednesday now it's like all right i'm gonna get to friday have a few drinks doing stand-up saturday maybe i drink all day and then i'm good.

And I notice, too, like when we're at the high note or something like that, I have like three beers. I'm like, oh, fuck, slow down. You haven't gone on stage yet. Yeah, two is that like, you know, two to three. You can still shut it off at two. Well, that's the thing is I don't start with beer. I go straight to vodka soda.

Yeah. And now I'm comfortable enough with the bartenders and evan there that they're just like all right we'll just make it a double oh yeah yeah so i'm like shit what was that i dropped some ice out of my mouth i'm bad i have a bad accuracy rating at eating and drinking really yeah oh yeah like i would say yes or i I don't know Maria offered some ice cream And I was like glad I said no Both for my It'd be all over you

Yeah Not the fact But I like might get some on the shirt And then I'd be The show would be ruined I'm like I gotta keep going up there With this stain on my shirt We're no longer the pretty boys

You're all looking at this stain The outside's pretty But the inside Is a mess I enjoyed that show yesterday. I love how Maria's like, I did the show for me. Just watch all you guys out there. I'm like, all right, objectify us.

Kay was like, yeah, you guys get what we get all the time. You're going to get objectified. I'm like, I don't think we're going to get objectified. We're going to be like, these sorry suckers need help. I was saying, too. I was like, oh, I realized why the pretty boy is a comedy. Because we're getting treated like children. Or like objects.

I'm fine with that. I'll be a piece of meat. Yeah, but don't grill me. I'll be a piece of meat, but don't grill me. All guys kind of. Like, we want to be objectified. Just fucking tell us we're pretty and we're good. Not pretty.

If a girl came up to you and they're like, would you not take offense to pretty? Or what would you, what do you want a girl to call you? Cute, handsome, hot, pretty? Uh, funny. Funny?

I'm trying to think. Cute, handsome, hot, pretty. I don't know. Like, what are the best compliments? Don't even have to be looks-wise to get. I'm thinking right now, like, honestly, the weird thing is, is like, I'd rather tell you like or rather be told like, hey, I like your shirt. Yeah.

It's like, oh, because I made effort to put this on my outfit, you know? Well, I do get to like walking back into the high note. There were three people leaving and it was three of us walking in. And one girl was like, oh, dude, you have great hair. You know, one of the guy brought it up and the girl was like leaving and it was almost like she stopped and was like, Oh, I'm drunk. I wish, you know, I wish you were here five minutes ago. And I'm like, thanks.

You know, so I do get a lot of, I do get a lot of compliments on the hair and I don't, I don't know. It's weird. Cause I feel like sometimes I'm like, are you after my secrets? Yeah. yeah do you like do you think that's the number one thing you're complimented on definitely right now definitely my hair mine's my eyes I always get my oh yeah yeah sorry my eyes are going as we speak I was like let me focus in on these pools no I think some of the best compliments to get like I don't want if a girl comes like, you're cute. Like that just seems childish or like

you're pretty. I'm like, I'm not like a Barbie doll. I feel weird saying pretty. I like fun. Like you're fun. Yeah, that's probably. Good time. You're funny. And then I think if someone called you trouble. Like

you're trouble. You know that's fun. It's like, oh, Kuski's coming over. Oh, that guy's trouble. Because you know, it's like we're trouble you know that's fun it's like our cuskies coming over you oh that guy's trouble you know cuz you know it's like we're gonna do stuff we probably shouldn't but we're gonna enjoy doing it right right yeah a little bit of trouble you know never heard you know you don't unless you say like the only oh I'm in trouble with the law but even like that is like hints like, I'm on the run, you know? He's a bad boy. I'm in trouble. You've been arrested? No. Let's see. My most.

No, I have not been arrested. Have you been arrested? No, I want to, though. Okay. I was wondering. I was like, is this a story? I better ask. No, like, I have FOMO.

Like, I have two good friends, and I've said it on here so many times. I have two good friends that have been arrested, and, like, nothing bad has happened to them. Like, one's a nurse now. The other one works for a golf company in Arizona. Two good friends that have been arrested and like nothing bad has happened to them. Like one's a nurse now. The other one works for a golf company in Arizona. I'm like, I want that story now. Like, yeah, that's at least five minutes. I hear you.

If I got arrested. Okay. At least. And I think we feel like I want to have all the stories. I mean, like I did it all. I want to be arrested. It's weird FOMO. Yeah.

Well, that's the type of, you know, at least now your comedy is comedy is like this is my experiences this is my retelling of the event yeah which is cool I know I've gotten probably the worst is like one trespassing ticket which that is a story I was like oh maybe I should adapt but uh it was like my 21st birthday and me and my neighbor friend we lived on the opposite side of uh Willowbrook Park was the name of it. So we called ourselves the Willowbrook Boys. That sounds like a book. Yeah, right. And then there was always like a gang of kids riding their bikes.

I'd call them the Willowbrook Boys too. Like, look out. You read it in like grade school. Yeah, like the Stand By Me gang or something, you know. It's like a series. Skin it. Yeah. But there was this quarry growing up that we'd always go to this quarry, right?

And just to like walk around and see it because it was getting worked on. But then recently, they're like, we went to college and they're like, oh, they're filling in the quarry. They're done with it. They're filling in with water. And so we're like, oh, it's my 21st birthday. What do we want to do? During the day, we were like, let's go swim in the quarry. Let's hop the fence, swim in the quarry.

So we do that. We get our other buddy. So it's three of us. And it's only filled to the bottom. So we got to walk all the way down. And we get in. Obviously, the water's freezing, just cold. We're like, what are we?

Luckily, we brought drinks and everything. So it was a good time. You have to. Yeah. But we see cars coming. Because we know we hopped the fence. And apparently, it was like the contractors brought their kids to show the kids a quarry on the weekend, you know. And so we we see him. We're like, all right, we better start walking up because it's down.

It's this circle trail to like be like, all right, we know we're wrong. You know what's up? And we halfway they yell down down We're like Maybe 40 feet away from them They're like You better just wait right there The cops are on their way You know And we're like Oh Jesus

So we're sitting there We're like Alright we see exactly How these guys see us You know They think we're High school punk dweebs But we're actually

College punk dweebs And So much better So much better We've moved up We're legally drinking and doing this yeah yeah this is legal of this day you know and so we walk up to a pod we're like sitting there we're like all right he's gonna come so we bury you know what we need to bury super secretive

super smart and uh and we're like we go up let's apologize to him so then they at least know like hey we know how to be adults here like we know we're not supposed to be here but we're just having fun and being cool like yeah whatever. And so we apologize dudes like whatever. Thanks. Cops come talk to you like I get it but they want to press charges because apparently this kid ripped his arm open hopping the fence. It's a liability thing. Yeah that's why they're mad. Exactly.

We don't want another lawsuit. It's a liability thing, too. That's why they're mad. Exactly. We don't want another lawsuit. And if the local, the younger Willowbrook boys hadn't been running around playing there, we'd have been fine. Yeah. But the funny part is I didn't tell my dad I got a trespassing ticket. We go out to dinner later, and I know the server for us went to high school and also lives in the area.

So I was like, oh, how was your birthday? What did you do? I was like, oh, I actually got a tresp What'd you do? I was like, Oh, I actually got a trespassing ticket. This is a good time to tell you, dad. Yeah. I did that with my first drinking ticket where I only got one at a music

festival, a country music festival. And it wasn't a big deal. I was in college. Like my parents didn't care, but I was like, there's no reason to like tell them like, Oh yeah.

Who cares? And so, but to get it removed and reduce the ticket i had to go to like a three-day class or whatever and so like it's the middle of summer on like a weekend or something like that my dad's like where the fuck are you going so early i'm like oh yeah i gotta get rid of my drinking ticket he goes what i go yeah i'll talk to you later he goes okay preemptive you know it's a preemptive like i think i'm gonna so i do the classes because i think i'm gonna get a drinking ticket that'd be funny if you could do that yeah i'm just prepping myself i'm

like getting them out of the way so if i do get one i'm already done yeah yeah but the funny part is with that story to cap it off the server's younger brother her name was claire her younger brother was the one who ripped his arm over so i? So I'm like, little Doug, who I've known since a kid, is the reason I got to try that. You know, small world, small world. How much does a trespassing ticket cost? I forget. I think it was like in between $100 and $200. Yeah.

Yeah. You charge like college kids over $200 for trespassing. You're just like ruining lives. It was. It was. It was. Do you know apparently cops can um like in college people throw like house parties and shit like that like we got tickets for

throwing on for my buddy's birthday and an apartment like the apartment's half the size of this uh i mean the entire apartment was probably the kitchen living room that's it and we're like we had like 60 people in here it was disgusting people were pissing everything off like throwing up off the balcony there's drugs in the bathroom we got tickets um big party big party it was big birthday really dumb party but the cops were like yeah you guys are getting noise complaints whoever is in the apartment gets underages and like whatever violations but thank god i was like peeing outside i didn't get nice but they told us they said if you guys don't they don't leave quietly like

basically single file line we can give you an underage for every person drinking here that's underage jeez i was like holy. Can you imagine like 60 drinking tickets? On one person? On one person. I don't know if that is, that just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. And the best part, this is like a fun, like I want to make this a bit too. It was like, we did the party.

There was literally like ecstasy on our bathroom floor that like we found the next morning. I'm like, you guys are not good cops. I mean, it's a bag of white powder on the floor. We found the next morning. I'm like, you guys are not good cops. I mean, it's a bag of white powder on the floor. But the last person who left was the guy whose birthday it was, and he is wasted. And everyone apparently had left quietly because I just stayed out of the apartment when this was happening. And my roommates were like, dude, everyone left quietly.

And then birthday boy looked at the cops and went, suck my fucking cock. Hell yeah. That's a good send off. And then left. And my room was like, we're fucked. And like, you're lucky that's the last fucking dude. Suck my fucking cock. I was like, all right.

That's awesome. That's funny. That was worth the $600 worth of tickets. Yeah. That's not. Split between three people though. Oh, okay. About $200 if my math is correct.

I think that's about right. That sounds about right. You still liking the seltzer? Yeah, it's good. I haven't been... I like it. It's refreshing almost. Topo Chico.

Did you write notes for this, by the way? No, I just like to have... I did write a few things, like, just in case it was like, Did you write notes for this by the way? No I just like to have I did write a few things Like Just in case It was like Oh you know If I'm doing

You know Topics that might be good for us Similar to talk about Hats is one Hats? Can we talk about hats? No it's terrible No

I like my hats As you can tell Although I'm wearing them less and less Yeah At shows and what not Like I Any actual show I don't wear a hat that i'm on right but i just kind of throw it on like i've never had like my hair used to be like buzzed or like crew cut and i wouldn't like put it on and

now like it's longer and whatnot it just shapes it and i got so used to wearing it trying to shape it and push it backwards i'm like i kind of like the look now i would wear And I got so used to wearing it, trying to shape it and push it backwards. I'm like, I kind of like the look now. I would wear hats a lot. I used to always have like buzz cuts too. And one of the reasons to grow out the hair too is like the backward hat look with the hair underneath. It was really fucking cool. And I pull it off like a king, obviously. But I don't want to do it now

because it's like, well, I wear the hat. It's going to mess up the hair because it's like, I don't know. I need to function with at least decent looking hair. Yeah. Like we did that photo shoot with Jesse at Comedy on State on Wednesday. And he's like, so what's your hairstyle? What are you doing?

And I was like, that's exactly what I'm trying to figure out. Thank you for asking me. It's just long? Yeah. He's like, because you're like, it's long in the back, but there's like, that's exactly what I'm trying to figure out. Thank you for asking me. It's just long? Yeah, he's like, because you're like, it's long in the back, but there's like, and I'm like, yeah, no, I really don't know fully what's going on. I've tried to do a bit of research. I'm still working mine.

Like, I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing. We're just figuring out this thing called life, you know, every day. Every time I go in to get a haircut, though, I'm like, at this point, I'm like, I need to do a bit of research. Like, I need to come in with pictures to show them here, you know, because every time I get done with a haircut, I'm like, I'm always disappointed. It was like I didn't communicate enough. And then I eventually end up just liking it. I go, I still go to Sports Clips.

I used to have a barber at Madison. And Sports Clips, they tell tell you they update your haircut information every time oh really it's also different but they're like every time they're like so you still want a two on the sides and like clean up the top I'm like does it look like I've done that in a while and they're like no I'm like when's the last time this was updated it's like this says 2014 I'm like yeah I think it's a little outdated so uh it says here we got the bowl cut from 1998. You still want that? I just fucking take it off. Yeah, I stopped going.

I was like, a couple years ago, I was like, I guess this is the time where, you know, this is one of the things, like toilet paper, where you got to shell out the money to get the good stuff. Like, this is an important buy. You don't skimp on a toilet paper haircut. The haircut is tough, though, because you want to find someone you're comfortable with like i had a guy named mario and madison like i look for someone i can like talk to as much as who's going to cut my hair decently um now i would sacrifice being able to talk to the person i know i'm going to get a haircut but finding that person like i can just like hang out with you while we do this and it's not as stressful because i used to get haircuts and i would grip my forearm so tight i would just sit here like this underneath the whatever the robe and because i'm like they're fucking it up they're fucking it up and i won't

say anything because i don't know what the words are um and i just i can't do it i'm like and then i get out and i'm like you're like i'm like're like, I'm like, yeah, it's great. It's great. Give me the fuck out of the chair. Yeah, it's good. Give me my lollipop. But it's like I used to have another host. I did a different podcast and we called him Jerry's like who fuck up your hair. He goes, I got he literally went got a haircut and he took it. I was like, dude, take your hat off.

Let me see it. It looks so fucking bad. You know, like who was it? There's a fucking Jerry. And I'm like alright I like it But yeah Haircuts are stressful

Yeah that's And you have one bad one And that's what like And I remember The one bad one I had that ruined it I was I came out feeling like

Looking like Julie Andrews I was like I don't I like Julie Andrews You know Respect to Julie And her great catalog of work But I'm not trying to have confidence in sunshine.

I am trying to have confidence in sunshine. Worst haircut I ever had. I went to a Veda. You ever heard of that? It's like a hair like school in Madison. Three different people touched my head. I was shampooed. Well, that's nice.

Three different, like, styles of cutting hair. Oh, yeah. No, that's not good. I was like, what the fuck is going on? I was shampooed that's nice three different like styles of cutting hair oh yeah no that's not good that was i was like what the fuck is going on i was shampooed twice first was like let's like you start with the shampoo you get your hair like all unmatted and whatnot and then i think the second one was like i think we need to like restart and so they wash i'm like what the fuck is going on and i got back home and I looked at the side of my hair. There was just a patch, because when I was doing, like, the real short on the sides, there was just a patch of hair above my ear that wasn't cut. Oh, yeah.

I was like, now I'm giving myself a haircut. So four people, including me, cut my hair that day. And you probably paid a decent amount. And it took an hour and a half. My haircuts usually take 20 to 25 minutes. Yeah. And, I mean, I get get it it's a school you know but but good god how do you you should get paid here for being the subject well that's the thing

is they uh i went to go pay and they're like we're actually doing a promotion today we're like the haircuts are free for students i was like i just watched someone pay in front of me you know you fuck my head up yeah Yeah, yeah. They're saying that. You're lucky day, bro. I mean, thanks, but now I got to cut my hair with my, like, beard trimmer. Yeah, right. I mean, the best part is definitely the shampooing, you know? You lay your head back.

I'm always like, you want to relax, but I'm like, I got to focus up because if I relax, I'm going to let out a moan. It's going to get real sexual. It's going to. Oh, what was that? Nothing. Just keep just keep going. Oh, yeah. No, it's nice.

But I still have a problem with people like just touching me who I don't know. OK. And so I like the towel over my face like that feels really good eventually like the don't be wrong the the head massage and shampoo feels good but after a while like like this is going on a while i'm like either you're taking too long or i do not clean my hair well enough when i'm showering at home yeah i always want yeah i always wonder i'm like are you actually like shampooing and like washing the same way I would? I feel like it's a totally different way.

Yeah. I mean, I do not shower the way they clean my hair. I'm like, there's no, I don't do that at home. Right. Because it's like, well, after I, you know, wash, and now I have a better shampoo, but it feels like I can't do anything with my hair after I wash it. And now you're going to cut it and style it. Yeah It's a mystery man. One thing I do miss about I mean my hair is still not Still not I thought the glass just broke

I before. We'll switch to paper. I'm just a fan of the coaster. These are all my roommates. Coaster boy. Guess how much this table costs. Oh, I like this game. Well, did you get a good deal? He got a good deal, yes.

He made me go down to Chicago with him to pick it up. That's fun though, a trip for furniture. I like if anybody's... No, this was when he lived alone, he goes, can you help me go get a coffee for free for no, he, he paid a decent amount for you. Like he's like, I'll buy you lunch or something. Yeah.

I mean, also it's like, it wasn't, it was like just at like the tip of Chicago or not Chicago, but Illinois, but, uh, 50 bucks Way low Way low Okay so this is a lot I thought you're like Cause whatever you say Is like dude Check out this deal I got

It's either like So 200 then Such a nice thing I was like either 50 or 200 So I Cause when he bought this And told me how much he paid for it

I was like Dude I could've I could've made you this Yeah I was like I could've made you this For 200 No I wanna say like 500 you know really yeah oh my god 500 and he got a deal on it it's some special kind of wood or something like that i talked him down from 800 it was it's a very nice coffee table i did notice a wobble though First off Yeah

So like It just rests on top Like this thing moves And so I want to Like I told him Cause he doesn't like That it moves anymore I'm like

Let's just bracket it off Like no one's gonna be able To see it Easily fix that problem And if you ever Want it to move again We just take it off Yeah

So I think we're gonna try that Here you go We got a lot of stuff We still wanna do What kind of artwork Do you think should go here? You seem to be pretty, like, well-intuned with all that. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I grew up on HGTV. I'm a fan of the Property Brothers. See, you got this. Tell me that's not like, okay. It's cool, but it wouldn't fit the living room. Yeah, it's cool. It's like it could be the one thing where, like, people walk in and they're like guys do live here okay exactly you can get away with one yeah one i thought i saw it at the state fair and i was like all right this is sick like i everyone knows the picture you want

to pull it up i was just gonna say let me just um you just lean over the couch if you wanted to too but so i saw it was in a podcast I've done already. But when I bought it, I was like, this is going to be great for, like, a podcast studio. Like, it very much fits. Like, if I just had a ton of artwork behind us. But, like, it's that iconic, like, with the kids or whatever, people are eating lunch on a high-rise beam. No one's strapped in, it's all like DC and Marvel characters The only problem I have

Is that And most nerds will be like what the hell We got Marvel here but then you're just gonna throw in Batman and Superman You know Cause it's like what They're different What is this oh I thought that was a box of White Claws.

Well, Flash is in there, too. Yeah, he's DC, too. I missed him. What's Deadpool? Deadpool's Marvel. Deadpool's Marvel. So we have DC, DC, Marvel, Marvel, Marvel, DC, Marvel, Marvel, Marvel. It's all Marvel except the Flash and Superman and Batman.

Which is, for this painter to say. I think those are some of the most iconic characters. I mean, Deadpool's in there because of Ryan Reynolds. I mean, he made Deadpool so big. Oh, yeah, for sure. A hundred percent. We wouldn't even know. Do you like the superhero movies?

Yeah. I mean, well, I, you know, I've had enough of them. Oh, Venom. Because everyone has. I didn't even notice Venom. Yeah, he's Spider-Man. Yeah. I like him like i'm

a nerd i like superheroes batman's my boy batman's your favorite i go back and forth between i like dc over marvel or something like that but um who would be your favorite from each i would say i would say and i think this is just for all like top two is just uh batman and spider-man spider-man spider-man's like the coolest spider-man and batman were my two favorites i grew up on like batman beyond the cartoons so cool i was like oh my god to be him would be awesome yeah i know batman beyond was sick yeah i grew up on cartoons for sure that's why like the justice league cartoon that was that was probably why i'm more dc i love the you know Manhunter. It's darker. I like that it's darker, too.

Yeah, they had that episode where some guy went back in time and gave the Nazis tons of text. So the Justice League was like, well, we got to go back in time now, too, and help. Yeah. It's also like if I ever was in – if I could play a movie character. Oh, yeah. I want to be – it might character, I want to be Robin. Yeah? To do a Robin movie.

Like just solo Robin? Just a solo Robin. Like in Robin Origin Story, I get to be Robin, and then that leads into a Batman and Robin, and then you have redo. The whole DC thing needs to be redone. Let the guys who did Marvel buy them out and let them do a DC one. It would be good.

The new Batman is good. I haven't seen it yet. I want to see it. I heard it's way too long, though. Oh, yeah, for sure. It does not need to be three hours. But I want – I think playing – I think I could do it, too. Yeah?

I'm like smaller. No, you're right. I'm smaller. I'm not Batman energy. I was just going to say you got the perfect height yeah the perfect build and crystal donald oh my god i could definitely be i really want to be robin and let it lead into a batman robin and then i'm somehow like make like a cameo in a justice league movie and like that's good and that's whatever else i want to there's multiple

robins you know and then there's one i think it might be like tim drake or something i don't know one dude becomes nightwing so i'm like that would be a cool movie but if you want to still be with Batman then I think well he works well he ends up becoming yeah all that I'll do all there's a couple different Robins yeah that's Zack Schneider I will be Robin okay if he's still if you come back to the DC I do want there's this because I like independent comics, because those are the ones you can get for like a quarter at places.

But there's this superhero called Badger, and it's with like First Comics. And I'm like, this is the one. Like if I ever got sway and like we want you to make a superhero movie, I'm like, I'm going to be Badger. And the thing is, is the dude, He's got like Multiple personality disorder But he's from Wisconsin Oh really And he's like

Real crazy And there's like It's a good comic It's fun And he's just like You know Knows tons of Whatever

Kung fu Judo It's tons of stuff You know Hand to hand combat That'd be the hardest part Is learning all that Yeah

You don't want to be Like hard You do have to a lot of practice but that's that fun stuff like oh yeah that's stage combat is a ton of fun yeah we took I took a class in college and that's the most of it but I wish to do more I did we did have some fighting scenes in that sex Demon movie I was in And that was really fun That was You could pay Like two dollars to rent it

It's called Grandma's Blood Don't watch it Is it actually Write it down Because I want to I'll buy it I want to watch it

Okay Do you get royalties at all? No The director Yeah No But I did get paid a lot For it

But I don't come in To like the into the second half of the movie. And luckily they learned, like, okay, this guy's the only good part of this movie. So we got off our heads. Just kidding. But the combat, it wasn't shot the best. Because the director didn't know what he was doing. He won't see this.

I don't know why. Because I'm afraid of him. That's why. I don't know. Maybe this one i'm afraid of him that's why i don't know maybe this one we get a good clip out of this it blows up and yeah and then we can put the clip on and then i'll sue you and it'll be great because and then you'll lose all the money they gave you yeah yeah what are they gonna sue what are they gonna take from me the three cameras yeah that's all this is worth i got nothing to shoot off my back uh but no The combat scene It's like real cool And I'm like

I'm the lackey Like The The second in command To like the main bad guy So I like it to be goofy And fun And it's like

I'm like dude A lot of my like Manurisms and look Like I kinda You're bad guy Robin Yeah basically Basically And the comic relief

So it was fun But Like you know Valdo And what's it's face Soul Calibur you ever play that game never heard of

any of those words Soul Calibur is like a Mortal Kombat style game where it's like just two people fighting and the Valdo dude is like really fluid

like snake kind of movement he's got like he's like a I'd play it when I was little I'm like this guy's creepy like he's gonna I'm gonna have bad dreams so I kind of

played it off of that you know that kind of movement so I'm like and I'm like, this guy's creepy. I'm going to have bad dreams. I played it off of that. That kind of movement. I was like, damn, this dude looks like little Joker man. I could see you being like a... The people I know and we had to cast

a Batman Joker kind of thing. I could see you being like a Jared Leto Joker. Are you trying to insult me right now? Is it what's going on? No, you have the look. Yeah. A little lengthier and just like. Oh, yeah.

You could do the like, if you did like a weird laugh. Oh, yeah. I don't like the Jared Leto Joker at all. I could build a great Joker, yeah. But like that's the closest thing. Okay. Who else would play the Joker that we know? Right, you're not going to tell someone you could be Heath because that's just impossible. It's so

impossible. Or Jack Nicholson. I could be Robin. No one's Robin yet. I'm fucking Robin. Chris O'Donnell. He's still on TV. Miami. Vice, I think. No, he's on one of those crime shows now. He was fun. I'm going to speak this Robin thing into existence. It's going to happen. I mean, they teased it at the end of the other

ones and I was like, I know this is the end of the movie, but I like the Gordon Levitt set up I thought it would have been cool I like the idea of Robin I don't like him as Robin He just seems too old I don't think he would be a good superhero You're right

Yeah I don't think he's a good superhero I think Christian Bale will always be my Batman Of course I think Robert Pattinson has... That's what I love. He's got a look, but... That's my favorite part about the new movie, is just saying, he's not my Batman. He's not my Batman. He's not my president. Robert Pattinson's not my Batman, dude. Adam West is my Batman. Well, the thing is, everyone... There's been so many Batmans that... Yeah. The one person

I can see no onemer for a long time no in terms of character yeah is rdj as iron man oh okay like he looks like the comic book too okay he's got the whole like i don't see anyone replacing him yeah or chris evans as captain captain no he was very good so is thor you know you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was, yeah, the Avengers were successful for a reason. And I think, I really think the success of Robert Downey doing Iron Man in the Iron Man movies is the reason this whole exists. Oh, it is. I mean, what's his name? Jon Favreau produced that.

He goes, because I did so well, we're doing more. And we're like, that's why they redid the Hulk. Because technically the Hulk was the first one. And they're like, no, we're recasting this after the RDJ thing. Yeah, apparently he fought for, they didn't want RDJ to be Iron Man, but John Carrow fought for him, I think, yeah. Well, that's good. I mean, good choice.

That's always great when a director's like, no, I want it to be this guy or it's not happening. Or even the actor, good choice. That's always great when a director's like, no, I want it to be this guy or it's not happening. Or even the actor, you know. But enough about superheroes. Yeah, enough about superheroes. That's right. People are already sick about it. No.

I don't know. What do you want to talk about? We could talk about. I wrote RTF because it was like, oh, we both did. You were TV, film, radio, and I was radio, TV, film, different universities. But that's not, you know, I don't know, talking about colleges. Yeah, well, I've talked about college in here plenty. It doesn't matter.

I mean, we can talk as long. You went to La Croix? Eau Claire. Wow, dude. No, it doesn't matter. Oshkosh. Oshkosh. Fuck.

That's why I know. That's why I know. Yeah, it was fine. I had a good experience. You know, I had, I encountered a lot of politics in the radio, TV, film department, so I wasn't able to do nearly as much as I would have thought I would have done

or hoped to do going in. Like, I pitched so many shows, and, like, one finally got picked up by the time I was a senior, and they were,'re like in the the political hurdle like just like for the tv show for the for filming i ended up doing a crap ton more theater i did tons of theater because i'm like well this is the place where i can do something i enjoy i don't have to deal with politics and they respect talent here you know

what like did oshkosh just have like a tv like channel or uh-huh they had like its own studio and everything it's pretty cool setup you know it's like well at least they had yeah they had like a news channel and like sports titan tv they call it you know you can still which is funny yeah you can also go I found out all the tv shows I had been in because I'd get cast in shows um but not to make my own stuff and so all the stuff I've been in is on there. On Titan TV or whatever? Yeah, it's on the internet, which is hilarious. Do you have an IMDb account?

I do, but the Titan TV is not on there. Grandma's Blood is on IMDb, so you can go on my IMDb. There's no picture there because I'm not paying for the pro service and my free trial is done. What I noticed about the TV film and radio is... Radio TV film. No, I'm not paying for the pro service and my free trial is done. What I noticed about the TV film and radio is... Radio TV film. No, I'm just kidding. Honestly, it could be called radio TV film. It doesn't matter.

We need to find a third who's film radio TV. But for such a creative major, you were very limited. Like, hey, this is what you're going to be creative about it's like yeah what and so like the big one was for us is um this 350 class like you have to make a a seven minute short film and i was like in my head i'm like i could do like i want to do

comedy that's all like i was like i always want to do comedy stuff i like making people laugh and like no it has to be a dramatic narrative. I'm like, why? You're like, if this isn't what people, like, these creative people like, you're going to get shitty dramatic narratives. I get, like, you want us to focus on certain techniques or whatever, but just have them apply those techniques to whatever kind of fucking film they want to do. Instead of, like, I am not someone that can just come up with, my other buddy good friend charlie made an amazing one like he they take the best ones and

they have a showing of them at like a showcase and whatnot like philip theater oh yeah um and i'm like mine's not going to like he actually like it was suspenseful depressing it was great like that's his mindset. Right. Right. Mine is like, how do I make someone laugh? And so my dramatic narrative was like, I was, the whole theme was like, I was mad that my brother in high school was smoking cigarettes while I was at college.

I was like, and there's nothing there. Dramatic. There's nothing dramatic. Like I caught him smoking or something like that. And I'm like, and cause they don't like, he's going through trouble at home. that's right that's so boring and yeah like that's not my lane i can't do this and they're like nope you got to do it i'm like this isn't the point of why i'm taking this i want to be creative and like no this is what you have to be creative about right and it's like now i understand like sam's going back to film school now, Sam Barone, and we were talking about this too,

and I was the same way back in school. I was like, and that's probably why I did more theater because I was like, well, you're not letting me do what I want to do. But now, being older, it's like I understand. If I were to go to college, I would be able to do it way better. It's like now I understand, well, just do the best you can at this. Foot in, fill in your creativity where you can you know i get it you gotta pay your dues yeah but i think it can be better in terms of like hey this is what we want out of it no your own spin on it then too

it is your requirements like like you need this many like angles you need i need a a shot by i forgot like what is it like i don't even know the terms anymore i was such a bad student and like you need these kind of things like you need a like a pan zoom you need whatever like just make sure all that happens. You learned everything about the camera. Just make a seven minute film. That's it. It is interesting that they're like, well, it has to be this theme, this subject.

It has to be a dramatic narrative. This is fucking stupid. That's probably just because the teachers one time, one year, there was only one dramatic film and everybody tried a comedy film and they all were trash. He's like, that's it. You guys can can't be funny i'm not fucking sitting watching not funny

college films i would rather someone attempt to be funny and it'd be cringy than someone be like these are all gonna be sad like i'm gonna grade 500 sad seven minute films i'd want to fucking shoot myself after grading exactly that was the problem I had with my professors In radio, TV, film, well just one I'm mainly talking about this whole time I'm like your Job is to help us Grow and learn

Not treat it like a real station And play politics and such Like I had a friend who went in To ask for help And just a couple of questions and guidance. And this professor literally said, why should I help you? And we were living like your job description. Asshole. Exactly.

And it was I had gotten a whole bad rep because the first show I was on, I was like, great. I'm so excited. It was like a high school thing kind of. And I was playing the cool guy that the lead part had a crush on you know and i was like okay this script is level one i can bring it up so i do you know as you're supposed to do i do a take as scripted and then i start just going off just improvving just doing bringing tons of details more character stuff i never once heard stay on script. You know, no direction, no being told, hey, can you just stick to the script?

You say it, I would have. Fine. Never said that. What this person did was just go off and back talk me to the whole department. He doesn't know his lines. He's not doing anything. He doesn't talk to you at all either.

He doesn't. Exactly. That's the big thing for me. Just confront me about it. Don't confront everyone else Yeah No this happens to me a lot In life

It's frustrating It happens to everybody Everybody Yeah Cause everybody People are judgmental People want To get a rash opinion

It's like oh I know you I know you You know And then they feel Like they know themselves We're all judgmental It's just how you handle it True

Yeah Like everyone That's a part of the process Like you're going to judge No matter what It's just how you handle it. True. Yeah. Like everyone, that's a part of the process. Like you're going to judge no matter what. It's just that you internalize it and then learn or you immediately go, here's my judgment. I need to tell you or I need to tell someone else. Yeah. It's that separation from your thoughts.

You know, like you can have tons, thousands of thoughts come in, but it's like, these are just thoughts. We all. There are funny judgments. If I see like a random person walking, like, but guy's at a bar and he's in like a thong and a bikini. I'm like, I'm going to tell my friends. Like, I think that's kind of weird. I'm going to be honest with you.

But if it's my friend, I'd be like, all right, we need to talk. Yeah. Yeah. Like, dude, explain yourself. I just want to know. Yeah. And it's, I don't like that at all. That bothers me.

I'm going to grab another seltzer. Would you like one? Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm going to use the bathroom too. Okay. I'll wait till you're done. And then actually I'll just have to grab another seltzer. Would you like one? Yeah. I think I'm going to use the bathroom too. I'll wait until you're done. Actually, I'll just have you grab the seltzers when you're done with the bathroom.

This is when I should do ad reads if I had ad reads. Today's episode is brought to you by Tapo Chico. Go to the bathroom. You're good. I can hear you. I can hear you from... I think the cord's long enough so you can hear you i can hear you i can hear you from well just yeah i think the cord's long enough so you can hear the stream

you ever like you're in a public bathroom you hear someone stream you're like i think he's got a huge dick you're like fuck like this guy's got a way bigger dick than i do just because it's like way more powerful like i used to just like push really hard when i've had it go really bad. I'm like, I definitely got a bigger dick Weird guy things weird guy things Maybe make a whiskey ginger here. We're sending matt off to work after this. This is the best part I don't really know what he's going to go do at work, but What's your favorite seltzer?

Comment below. Can you imagine that audio took off? Hey, for the next 30 minutes, do you want to just try and brainstorm weird audios that everyone could like use for social media? He can't hear me. He washes his hands. That's good.

All right, you pick the next flavor. Should we get more ice? You want more ice? I was going to say, I think we need to do some work. Give it a quick chug. Should we get more ice? You want more ice? Give it a quick chug. Here, do you want to add some more into there? Alright, I'll get mine. And then, what flavor do you want?

I'm going to go with lemon. Pineapple is probably my least favorite of like flavors for. Oh, sweet. Yeah. I'll get more ice for both of us when we when you're done with yours. What? When did I tell this person? They just text me, how's the depression? What? What? Is this just general?

Yeah, I have depression. How's the depression? How's the depression? Hey, what's up? How's the depression? You mean like the dust bowl? Well, do you remember, were you texting someone? Like, I'm bummed right now.

I forget I wonder if I told Cause I told a few people at work Like my dishwasher Cause sometimes they could tell It's like you look tired today And I've learned that it's easy Because like it totally is just

A chemical imbalance for me Like I've found out that A third of the time Is like A third of the days But it's in like weeks Like one week out of three

i'll be like okay this is just a depressed week gotta you know fucking forage through so it's easier just to tell people like you know i'm i'm fine but you know it's just a down day yeah you can just feel it and you wake up and you feel it and you're like ah glad this happened to you know and that was friday i woke up and I was like, great. One of my biggest comedy weekends to date, you know. Well, that was this Friday or yesterday? Yeah. No, I felt, and I think it came and went because I'm feeling good. Good show last night.

So, you know, all the good time with friends, drinks. Hopefully you're having fun right now. Starting to come back, you know, actually. That should be a good question. You just, so how's the depression? How's the depression? It's good. I'm, you know, actually. That should be a good question. You just, so how's the depression? How's the depression? It's good. I'm feeling good.

Thank you. No, that's, it definitely is. Like some people have it obviously way worse than others. It's a topic I've covered on here a lot. I'm sure. Because it's, I've had people around me that have become very depressed, but I also, because I've seen like serious cases of it, I'm skeptical of other people who say they are. So like when people go through, like, like there are different types of it.

I've noticed people go through, like if you have like a week, like it's just maybe it's not as extreme, but it's longer. I don't like that people use depression and anxiety as a crutch um or an excuse and it's only hurting yourself when you do you know exactly well like like someone's saying like everyone has bad days that does not mean you're depressed like you might be sad but i think in terms i think we've all kind of assumed like depressed now is like the lowest of low when it comes to sad days and an imbalance like it's like a problem sad days are not right and i think anxiety people i'm like no you're lazy like you're depressed and anxious because you know you have stuff to do you haven't done it you're procrastinating and now you're freaking out and now because you have none of it done

and you didn't get what you want for something or or you didn't put enough effort into it. Now you're sad. You're not depressed. You're lazy. Right. And you're using it as an excuse. And you're belittling people who actually go through serious imbalances. Right. And like,

I've gone on this rant so many times on here and it just bothers the shit out of me when people like, no, I'm just anxious. It's like, no, you're not like you can't like, I have anxiety.

I'm like, you can be anxious and then not having, it sounds like I'm not agreeing. Like, you can't. Like, I have anxiety. I'm like, you can be anxious and then not having. It sounds like I'm not agreeing. Like, you get what I'm saying. I exactly hear what you're saying. It bothers the hell out of me. Like, I have anxiety. That's why I'm like this.

I'm like, no, you're not. You're anxious because you're not doing stuff on time. I get anxious. I get sad. Like, I've gone through. I've had like one month in my life where I'm like I'm not happy I'm like I probably had a small bout of it

but by no means am I like do I have either one of these because I know people and I've seen people who have legitimately gone through it and I know I'm like I'm nowhere near that so I'm not going to use it as like

this is my personality people use it as a personality cue like it's like the new like oh I'm not smart shut the up yeah why is it cool to be like in bed like no one you don't want that it is i mean i do think this is part of it too but this isn't the whole like some people it's like oh everybody's got their thing i'm this i'm this and it's like well some people like i have nothing except my anxiety so that makes me unique you know oh i'm so ocd or like i mean you can have like bouts of it like spouts of it but like when you use it as your entire personality go fuck yourself it just comes something you brag

about right and i don't think i don't think it's bragging i think it's more using it as like an excuse like are you going to it is let it bring you down or are you going to cope with it and learn skills? And that just means like you need to grow intelligent emotionally, you know, and figure out which it's hard to do. And because I only started doing this a few years ago where it's like, OK, you have your child self and that's what's winning when you're like, oh, I'm depressed. And then you have your like adult self who's you're like, well, I'm going to take care of me. You know, like you have to tell the kid it's going to be OK. And like, we'll get through this. You know, there are so many people that just like we said, we use it as a personality trait.

They're like, oh, I have anxiety. And then they smile when they say it. And they're like, I'm doing nothing about it. It's like there are people actively trying to fix this for themselves Yeah, and this is like this is me friday night. I mean Why I understand too is because like that i'm afraid of people thinking that for me It's one of the reasons I took so long to start doing stand-up because like what eventually I want to talk about Is you know what I experience, you know, and I feel like people are going to look at me up there and be like

What what do you you know, what do you have to depress be depressed about look at you you're you know and i feel like people are going to look at me up there and be like what what do you you know what do you have to be depressed about look at you you're you know but that's why i think i i found the juxtaposition the fun of it is well the fun of it the jokes is that you know it's like i'm such a positive happy fun loving person yeah and then there's the dark side you know because everybody has sides yeah No, it's a it's a big that's probably like my number one thing that bothers me right now is like when people do that. Because it's real. And yeah. And the thing is, too, is those it needs to be treated with a certain way. Like I'm like I said, just a few years ago, I started on this is like I have so much stupid things that I did when I was younger in high school when it's like, oh, yeah, I was just super depressed and I had nobody to talk to, not knowing what to do.

And it's like, well, there's so many things in high school. Like if I knew how to have good hair, then great. My life would have been so much better. If only. My locks. Yeah, I mean, and that goes for everything you know you don't uh it's a learning process that's where other people i think my other problem is like hey people grow and change we have to let them i know it's so easy to just we're all guilty of it like i'm not perfect by any means i am do exactly what i'd say i don't like but like

with cancel culture and stuff it's like when we dig up past things from other people it's like hey they could be living an ideal life that like society deems ideal right now but because they did something 10 years ago and they're fucking 17 they're like no they're done it's like i think we should not celebrate but recognize hey bad in the beginning he or she probably realized it doesn't do it anymore actively a better person now why are we taking away someone who grew and changed versus like yeah if someone did it now like all right yeah not good now but we need to allow people to learn and like because we are learning ourselves like you said like oh this is i was probably just depressed that's the way i acted on it now you're more

emotionally intelligent but we're not letting people get to that point oh yeah at all no and it's well what you see is it's one thing to be your whole brushstroke your whole painting and it's like well no let's i don, let's, I don't know. You know, I don't know this person. I shouldn't jump to judgment on that. You know, it's like you don't have a big enough sample size to know the story. So that's like with all the news and everything in the years, a lot of it is just like, you know,

and it's good to err on the side of I just don't know and that's okay. You know, like with bigger picture, higher power stuff and everything it's like here's what i like but like truthfully like i i don't know all i know is i woke up today like god we did some good drinking last night you know i'm kind of glad i didn't stay well part of me i was bummed like i'm getting i need to hang out with everyone more at high note whatnot but like my buddy's like we're finishing up the Badger game. Like I went to school there, like,

Oh yeah. I told him I joined him and it was fun. And I was like, and back of my head, I'm like, maybe I should have stayed, but also like, I didn't like blackout and drinking,

which is good. I came home, I got a good amount of rest. Yeah. I'm good to go this morning. And we're getting a podcast in before noon. Well, I just won 30.

Now we started at like, no problem. We got you at like a duration, you know, who cares before noon well it's 1 30 now we started at like no problem we got you at like a duration you know who cares but no it's great but yeah the uh if i would have stayed at high note last night i think i would have been wasted yeah i i mean i was just thinking just like if i did have my own car and my own transportation i probably wouldn't have stayed so long i probably would have just went back because i was like you know what i know i want to work a little bit this weekend yeah and i'm just gonna end up spending money um but which i have done that you know there's been some nights where i just can't and i'll and i'll like you know what i just want to walk home yeah um i'm looking forward

to summer because it's a 15 minute walk to high note from here i cannot wait where i can just i i'll walk there like i don't have hopefully i'm doing more shows on fridays like and throughout the year but if like don't have one on a friday walk to high note like have a few drinks with my roommate walk to high note maybe he comes perfect do my drink, I can be as drunk as I want and then just walk home, like a sober walk home, kind of cool outside, it's the summer,

just go to bed. Oh my God, that sounds amazing. Sounds like the best way to start a weekend. It's going to be nice. Yeah, I mean,

this, you're really in, you know, downtown. It's all around and I'm close enough to be, it's like, yeah,

you know, and that's the cool part about living in a city. I mean mean Milwaukee is the biggest city in the world and you have every experience you can have here in Milwaukee city that's the city right city that never sleeps, I want to get more of the comics. We should do something before either shows or open mics or whatever. Just bring people here. I think I have the space.

It's close, yeah. Yeah. Good point. Good point. We should utilize it. A lot of stuff. I think it should happen. I like hosting things, too.

I like hosting things, too. I think it's fun. I want to do a Christmas party. Oh, yeah. I want to do a comics Christmas party. I love Secret Santa's. I like hosting things too. I think it's fun. Like I want to do a Christmas party. Oh, yeah. I want to do a comics Christmas party. I love Secret Santas. Love – dude, I already – You're already in a few Secret Santas?

No. No, I already was planning the Christmas party when we were like moving in here. Hell, yeah. Like when we toured it, I was like – look at my buddy Jay. I go, both of these poles, they're going to be decorated like candy canes. Oh, okay. Like it's just going to happen. Where are you going to put the garland?

What the hell is that? The green Judy. Maybe we could do one candy cane, one garland. Or we could put it on the pipes. Yeah, true. We could wrap lights around all the vents and stuff. I want a tree.

I want a tree. I'll put one right here. Oh stuff. There's a lot of decor. I want a tree. I want a tree. Oh, yeah. I have... I'll put one right here. Oh, yeah. That's a perfect spot. The place was made for a Christmas tree right there. Exactly.

I want to load it with... I could do fake presents. Dude, I love Christmas. I can do an entire podcast on Christmas. I like the spirit. I like the Christmas spirit. The best part about Christmas is it's a month. People complain, like, holidays, they take so long. Like, I hate Christmas because it's a month. People complain like, oh, holidays,

they take so long. I hate Christmas because it's a month. Just because they're downers. I think that's the best part about Christmas. It's a month. It's a season. It's a month where everyone is happy. They're looking forward to something and they're focused on other people too.

What do I get them? I want people to be happy like i want them like this present like it's more like giving them receiving it's oh my god everyone's so much happier i do love giving you know but i'm you say that and i think of all the people who just don't know how to access the fun part of the holiday like oh they say exactly what you just said but they're like oh i gotta get this person that what if they don't like it then i wasted money and it's like no who cares It's the idea

That you thought of them Is awesome Someone like If my roommate even gave me Like hey man I know you like Oh hell yeah Fucking

What is it Landshark I love Landshark beer He's like You got me a six pack I'm like great Yeah The idea that like

You even like Went out of your way You got it Even if it was On your way from where I'm like I like it That's what's great Like that's

And like There's no pressure And like don't You know there's no expect that's why i'm like don't don't give people gift cards all right don't no gift cards don't fucking get weak out on it i think i'm a good gift giver too because i i'm very observant very observant yeah and so like it's little details where i'm like oh my god like. Like, uh, someone would be like, Oh, this broke or like, I really want to do this. I would love to have, um, like, I don't know, like this would be a great decoration. Like I'm looking for something for like a painting that'd be like funny in my bathroom. And I'll register that in like July and be like, I'll make it come by. I'm like in

November. I'm like, are they clearly aren't getting anything. I'm like, I'm going to get them something for their bathroom. Like, holy shit. You remember talking about that? Keys are keeping a list. Yes. When you hear it. And then also just knowing the people.

So, and when you go about throughout the year, you're like, oh, this person would love this. I'm gonna get it now. You know, cause I might not like stuff at like Goodwill or like, you know, one item that you're not going to see again. I have learned if I'm like, if I see something out that I know someone would like as like a gift, I'd be like, oh, this would be, I should get it for them around their birthday. I'm like, no, just get it now. So you don't forget. Because you're going to forget then.

Yeah. Especially if it's not on the list. You're like, oh, I just saw it. And then you'll be so pumped about giving it to them. Fuck yeah. If it's waiting in your closet, you're like, oh man, I can't wait till Greg gets this pizza chopper. Exactly. He's gonna love the pizza.

He broke his last one. He broke his last pizza chopper. Gotta get a good pizza chopper. Today's podcast brought to you by pizza choppers. What the hell is a pizza chopper? I just put up two words together. I just put up two words. Actually, you know what?

I have a pizza chopper um my cousin hold on let me get it okay oh yeah you need to try this one because um so we want lemon lime right tangy lemon lime when you try it i just want you have you ever had fruity pebbles yeah oh no Dude, you've never had them? No, I have, but I'm like, oh, I don't want it to taste like Fruity Pebbles. It doesn't taste like it, but the smell is like if you put your face in the box of Fruity Pebbles. I want you to think that, okay? I've had a lot of things that smell like Fruity Pebbles.

And then I'll load up your drink, too. You know what? Now would be a perfect time. Everything you're going to do, make a little clip for it. Tell the world what you do, what you should look at. All right. Well, you can go to my YouTube channel, which is small, but I do Jish Report. It's like weekend update style, but it's more silly.

A lot of jokes end up being about movies. But this Sunday, I know it will come out, but I just want to say I'll be at the laughing tattoo and the hangover show, it's gonna be fantastic, I'm on screen everywhere you can see me, no, not everywhere, places you go, I will have a short film coming out, it's gonna be called Somebody or Somebody, you know, a little wordplay there, You don't, you don't know what it's about. You can't guess from it. Um,

when I was there, just basically stand up right now, doing a lot of acting, trying to do, that's it. You know, that's it. Well,

when are the next shows? We got a March 31st show at high note, March 29th show in Madison. There's the pizza chopper is a pizza chopper. Pizza chopper. You is a pizza chopper. That's a pizza chopper. You come in two-handed. One motion. It's like the paper cutters at school.

You know, the huge thing. I guess they have it in offices, too. Those are so satisfying. I always see how much paper I could put in one of those. And you're always thinking someone's head. As a kid, you're like, I could put my finger in there. How hard do I got to chop? Disciplinary.

Pizza cutter. Official name. So you just make a company called the Pizza Chopper and have some good marketing and then you're golden. Dude, I have every cooking utensil you could think of. Yeah. Everything. Well, I'm so into into it like it became an obsession and i was like i i mean i love it i mean dude half the stuff in our kitchen i would say more

than half is mine yeah and it's like nicer stuff like i really like it grab some ice if you wanted to yeah the show we should We should talk about that. We'll wrap this up. I usually only do these like hour, hour 15-ish. We're at like 58 minutes. Let's talk about potential, like this high note one we're doing, and then maybe doing something with Central Waters, and then I don't want to – and then maybe the cooking show.

I want to hear your ideas for it. Cody thinks it's a good idea, too, we were talking about. For the cooking? Yeah. Yeah. See, my friend Tanner, very successful model, actor, everything. He did his pandemic show that he started. It was called Tanner Tries.

And it was him trying the cooking-like stuff. And he didn't know much. He's just such a fun person and personality to try new things. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if he's still doing it, but it's like, oh, man, you're going to end up getting paid. Yeah. So it's just a big, you know, it's about fun personality and trying things, you know, openly. Just like comedians do. Oh, yeah. I forgot I wasn't in the mic the whole time.

I thought you knew because you were talking louder than usual. Naturally. I'm a natural performer. Natural, I just naturally got louder. Natural performance. I find the light. I find the frame. Look at this. I'm totally in frame right now.

You're out of both. I find it. Make your way over into my camera. Yeah, so I like to. No. I'm thinking about. Welcome back to the podcast. We will not be on camera anymore.

It would be fun. It would also be fun to have, like, something over here to throw back to because anything you can throw to, like, the show, like on the Jish Report, I've found myself acting like there's a crew around. I need more cameras is what you're saying. No. No, I mean, yeah.

Three more cameras. Six cameras is the least amount you want for anything. Well, that's the thing is if I'm going to do a cooking show, I want it to be like well-produced and edited. So like I think maybe get a GoPro and you attach it to the top of the microwave so you can see like if I'm cooking anything on the stove, you can – like an aerial view of the food getting cooked. Yeah, I mean that's a good shot, but you can also have just someone come in there with the camera and hold it while it's going i think i think you i mean you have more than enough cameras to do it yeah oh we can do it with three do a wide shot with the whole thing exactly one that has um uh the two guests facing the guests and then someone can have a handheld one and that we can cut to that whenever you want.

I think if there's, hopefully there's stuff like if you need like a tomato to be diced up, then there's just like a little another island over here, someone who just does all the cooking. So you're like, alright, we're gonna have Bernard over here, Bernard our dicer. Get up to it, and then you can throw it to him

like, you know, whenever it's, what do you think about it? I think it's great. Just like a sidekick on a leash. You do it, you know I mean, who do you think would be the a good sidekick good sidekick or like the first fun guess to have on? There's this really funny guy in the scene Well, if you're gonna help produce this you're gonna be here every goddamn time yeah yeah for sure yeah that is true um and well that's it well obviously this is a lot but it could be well the the best way to do it would be live to tape you know where we record it live yeah and then i gotta figure out how to do that yeah that, that would require more, you know, you'd need a... And I would need someone to do that.

You know, to be like, okay, take camera three, you know, go back to the Y. No, I think... Which that shit is fun. I want to get... That shit is fun.

I think it would be fun is we get Avery here. We'll cook for Avery. He would be fun. Let him take... He would be a good sidekick. Let him take an edible and he's just like...

Because this food is great. This food is great. Rye would be a good one. Yeah. So I think you're the host, and then a guest, and then a sidekick. And then maybe someone who always does the taste. Yeah. My first thought was that would be a great sidekick. I're producing. Who always does the taste. Yeah. My first time was, I'd be great.

You're the sidekick. I always want. And I love dicing veggies, too. I want to rotate guests, though. Like, it can't be the same people all the time. No, no, that's the thing. But also, if we can't get a guest, you and I can just do one. Yeah.

That's a beautiful part of it. We got this hot new recipe. We didn't have time to find a guest. And we got to eat. It's a PB&J j sandwich it's a pb this new jam no let's do it i'm excited discovered this new jam but i need help yeah i've thought about doing like like people i've talked to like just take pictures of your food and then post it on instagram like i can start doing that and just like maybe try and

and that would also just be help marketing for the show everyone Everyone and their mother does cooking stuff, and I understand that. I'm doing this simply because I think it's going to be fun. I heard everyone and their mother does cocaine. Everyone and their mother does cocaine. Everyone and their mother has tried cocaine. If you haven't, go for it. That's our health tip of the day. Give your mom a call.

Say, hey, Ma, I got this great new stuff we should try out. I got an 8-ball. I want to hang out. Let's put it in the corner pocket. Good God. Yeah, let's do it. A lot of stuff.

Yeah, you just need a team to do stuff. I need a team. Well, that's the beautiful part about finding a group of people.

So, comedy, everyone there I know likes being semi-creative at least a little bit. So, finding like-minded people is very tough. Like when I was in college, I wanted to do a podcast so bad,

but not all my friends were that into that stuff. I had to get them drunk to do one. It's still on my very first podcast I ever did. It's still on my phone. I just put the phone down on a table, and we made topics and shit like that. It was so fun. But I was like i want to keep doing this so like this isn't like our avenue so i'm like i need to find other people

that are like-minded and i'd like now that i'm finding people here that like it i'm like i get excited again and like it makes this podcast fun again it doesn't feel like a burden like i enjoy the hell out of this and it's it's been set up before because it's like anything like with improv show like we were talking there's like a form it's like as long before because it's like anything like with improv show, like we were talking, there's like a form. It's like as long as we have directions, like we don't have to be nervous about it. Like, you know, there's a cooking show. Are we going to do this recipe?

Like people could be relaxed, you know. It's not the cameras will be rolling. You know, it's not like you're going to do 20 minutes, you know. Oh, that's why I want everything to be like this. This feels normal. This is just a conversation for you and I. Oh, right. It might feel a little heightened because we know cameras are here, but like this is

just a conversation. I want that to be like, oh, my friends are coming over. Mm-hmm. You guys are going to watch me cook. Because I have an audience now, I'm going to fuck it up. I know I am, but that's going to be fun. Right. Right.

And then eventually I'll get comfortable cooking in front of an audience. I'm like, this shit might actually look decent. And like, honestly, yeah, the fun, it would be hard to get, but like's going to be fun. Right. And then eventually I'll get comfortable cooking in front of an audience. I'm like, this shit might actually look decent. And like, honestly, yeah, the fun, it would be hard to get. But like, if we just have four or five friends come and watch, like an audience, a real studio audience, it'd be hilarious. But yeah, no, this is totally conversational. You could do like at the credits is like them actually trying the food and have them like this fucking sucks.

Chicken's dry. Rice isn't cooked through oh maybe did you really just make me chicken rice and broccoli yeah maybe this might be too much but the thing is like at the end of the day when we try a guess is this a real recipe or not like we make up something like this is chicken cordon masala with broccoli rube. You know, and then it's like, what is this? And then we try to pull it off. I like this. Well, we just made it up. It's golden. And then we also become Michelin star chefs.

The show might get a little expensive buying food but true true but also i could just treat it as like i get the ingredients that i could also just treat as like i make enough i'm like all right this is my dinner for the next two days true true true i mean watch me make dinner for the week yeah this is i'm gonna portion it off too this would would be a great Sunday thing for me. Because I'm very structured with my eating throughout the week. And Sundays and weekends, I'm a little like Saturday, I'm like, all right, I'll try and do well. But Sunday, I'm like, eat whatever the fuck you want.

Because you do so well. Sunday is such a take-off day. I work out all the time. And so I can eat what I want on Sunday. If we do this Sundays, I'm like, let's fucking binge. It'd be sick. We could do like a dip day. Like chips and dip. Oh my God.

Oh, okay. I thought you meant tobacco. I was like, I try that once. I've never done it. Never done it. I did high school at a party and I threw up, of course. Because they're like, you're going to throw up your first time because you accidentally swallow it because you don't know what you're doing.

Everyone throws up. I've never done it because my dad did it growing up. Oh, yeah. I was like, it just always seemed gross. It's just why. It is. Yeah, it is. And I'm thankful for it.

I'm like, I'm not doing this anymore. Yeah. Or not anymore at all. I've had a few cigarettes in my life, but, you know, first time I took a hit of a cigarette, I thought I was going to cough my lung up. Yeah. I don't know how to do this, I think. Everyone else makes this look so fun and cool.

By the way, Fruity Pebbles? Yeah, definitely. I definitely almost said two. Yeah, I smell it, and the aftertaste is two. Yeah, it's fruity. I don't mind it. Well, it did say tangy. Is it tangy?

Oh, yeah, that's the tang right there. That's the tang. That's the tang. Not to be confused with the drink. Do you think you smell it now because I told you to smell it? It smells more like Fruity Pebbles than it tastes. Yeah. I just was going off the drink with, you know, that little drink with.

So Tapo Chico. I'd probably be saying that so white. Tapo Chico. I think it's Tapo Chico. No, I'm just kidding. I tried to say it more white. The more times we say it, it's going to get more and more racist, I think. Two Poach. Oh, it's Two Poach more and more racist, I think. Two poach.

Oh, it's two poach Ico. Oh, there we go. That's it. The tangy lemon lime is more like the box of fruity pebbles. Tangy. I didn't mind strawberry guava. Yeah, that was good. The only thing with seltzers is, like, if I'm going to drink a lot of them,

it's because I'm committing to just drinking all day and getting hammered. Otherwise, you drink them slow. Like, you feel like the roof of your mouth kind of get, like, dry. Okay. Dry? Yeah, I don't know. Not dry. I do actually not drink seltzers that much.

I haven't either lately. Because to me, it feels like. But I'm a vodka soda guy. Right, right. That's why I'm like, well, this is like a step down from like beer kind of. It's more like a perfect fit for a day drinking. You know, it's like, wow. It's nice out.

You don't feel like it's going to. They feel like they don't fill you up as much. Yeah, that's what it is. That's what it is. Even like you could have light beer, which is probably the same amount of calories, but they don't feel as filling. Yeah, Miller Lite at least is like just two or three less calories yeah 100 i wonder the volume appears probably more added minerals

for taste well thank god that's what it says gluten-free added minerals get your minerals in america get your minerals in. America, get your minerals in. To Pochico. To Pochico. All right, we can wrap this up here. I still haven't thought of a question. I used to think I was going to ask questions for every season, so I break them up into seasons. Every 16 episodes, I ask questions.

I don't really have questions for this one. I asked Cody. I want to get serious for a second i wish i was doing this the whole time this shot looks beautiful i just want to say i'll take a screenshot of that and then uh you can have all that for everything you want for this i want everything there you go i feel like i'm your therapist right now like the most comfortable casual therapist so let me ask you your serious question matt nielsen yeah why did you get into comedy why did i get into comedy and this question i hate and actually

no i have a i have a better one no that's that's okay. No, no, no. Like one that I think it bothers me a little bit when I hear it from comics and I think it's like them trying to be funny. I don't start something unless I think it's going to work out. Okay. I think you kind of need – I understand it's not going to work out for everyone. But you kind of need that like blind confidence i think for things to work out it bothers me when i'm like they're like what we're all here like no one's going anywhere blah blah is do you believe that like you doing this do you actually think like oh i'm just doing this

because i like it which i hope you are or you're doing this because you want this to work out. It's for me, it's it's both definitely. And like I think it should be. Yeah, I know. And coming in, it's like in this some there's you know, there's confidence and then there's ego, you know, but there's it's good to have that confidence. Like I'm learning sometimes you got to toot your own horn. But like I'm the real you know, i i say to my i'm the real deal like i'm there's been a few situations in my life in like time where it's like in high school like

the director because i was seen as like a goof off and it's like oh you're just doing theater because you want attention you're one of those you know and i'm like no i'm going to be doing this for the rest of my life like i'm I'm committed. I'm real, you know? The only reason, yeah. And so I do think both, and that is an interesting question that certainly should be asked of all of us in Milwaukee, right? Because it's like, well, we're doing comedy in Milwaukee.

The scene is growing spectacular. You know, we have clubs coming in, and what a while, just the improv. But it's like, it's pretty cool. So it's a lot's pretty cool so it's a lot of stuff going but then you i think about the vets you know and when i started out here i had a lot of conversations with some like like trying to be like hey man like you thinking about moving out to like you know atlanta new york la chicago right because it's like at a certain point it's like it's now yeah Texas too Denver

it's like if you're all if you're really serious about it then you know and this is just me I don't know poop but uh I do know poop uh but like if you're really serious it's like you're not going to make just a living off of it from Milwaukee. The only way to do it is the Baron's way, you know? Yeah. And is that really what you want? Like, you know, do you want to be cast as that character? And that's really—

You eventually have to move on. People, like, it's getting out of your comfort zone, just try it. In Milwaukee, I think it's a great, like, thing. And I always struggle with, like, trying to, like, by no means is this advice because I'm still very new to it. Yeah, and me too. And I think, like, it's gone well enough for me in the beginning. Well.

But I think if you're going to take it seriously, like if you actually believe you can do well at this when you have the opportunity to, like like maybe move to a bigger place, you got to take it. Oh yeah. Like you're going to have to make a leap. Like you might have a security blanket with work here, but like if you really want to try this,

you got to make that leap. And that's really what I was thinking next was like, it's like really, it's about following opportunity. Like you can't be afraid to make the jump if it comes to you. Exactly. Like you might be like I'm having success here. I really enjoy this city.

I'm going to stay here. It's great. And that's great. You know. But like if something comes to you like hey talent agencies you like I want you to shoot this pilot. You know. And then it gets picked up or something. It's like well now you got to move.

Don't be like, I'm staying in Milwaukee. Obviously, that's a dream scenario. None of us are getting on pilots here and getting picked up for CBS. Although, I did just have an interesting phone call yesterday. No, I'm just kidding. With NBC. With NBC. They, if you fill out forms for NBC,

they make you Check the box that you have no political Aspirations now Really? I don't, I have zero political aspirations Zero It's like well if I'm filling out forms for NBC Then yeah sure I'll say I'm not going to run for president

You know because I won't I just pulled my neck So How's that depression? Yeah. How's the depression, huh? It's feeling good, man. I tell you.

This depression and me, we're called best friends. I say we wrap this up. We can talk more afterwards. But what's the name of your podcast? Fat Chance Podcast. Fat Chance. I think I was actually thinking about that the other day. It stemmed from a story in San Francisco where I said I basically was like Fat Chance Buddy to some weird guy.

But I, for some reason, called it Fat Chance Podcast. I think I'm – but no one's name is always like podcast. Like podcast isn't a name. So technically this is the Fat Chance Podcast podcast. That's funny though. Fat Chance Podcast podcast. Yeah yeah so i don't know part of me wants them like you just do fat chance buddy that's that's fun like people like one day i'll be like you listen to fat chance buddy today buddy yeah um so yeah that's uh and that's like character you know it's like fat chance is fat chance but you say buddy

you can picture someone saying it. Exactly. Are you calling me a buddy? Well, I want to get back to this and then we'll end it. Do you think I like to make I have my brothers very good with graphic design and artwork and stuff like that. And he'll he's made a lot of T-shirts for me for this. Do you think we had any T-shirt moments today? T-shirt moments, good moments. Because if we – I want – you have until Tuesday of this week to come up with what you think is a brainstorm.

Or like a T-shirt idea. I'm going to come up with something because I want to buy the shirt. No, no, you get it for free. Oh. You get it for free, yeah. Oh, that's tough. You know, knowing – and that's the thing with being prepared. I was like, had I known going in, it's like, oh, this is a great T-shirt.

Well, that's what I don't like. Pizza chopper. Because I've noticed. Oh, yeah. Pizza chopper could be good. That could be one. We had some fun bits. We had some fun.

We'll talk about it afterwards. But thank you for doing this. Yeah, thanks for having me. We tried for a while. Thanks. We made it. There we go. I think there's some like thumbnail maybe i don't

know the thumbnails always look terrible for this suit but i bet we got it was fun i might just make the thumbnail you just sprawled out on the couch i don't need to be in this shit anymore yeah you give me give me a pose once people see me too they're like like, we want more. Give me a pose. More right here. Photoshop. There we go. Bad chance, buddy. Bad. All right. We're done. Thank you.

All right. Get out of here.