Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.58 - Rachel Ramakrishnan

Episode Date: June 30, 2022

Everyone, meet Rachel

You Definitely doing drugs make sure Mike's on hi mrs. Rama Yeah, you're gonna have to talk way louder than that you need to have three of those You were the world's quietest talker. Hi. Hi. Hi. So the entire podcast is going to sound like this.

Honestly, you'll probably hear me chewing over you talking. Remember, into the top of the microphone. Do I have to hold it like this? Yeah. This isn't that bad. do i have to hold it like this yeah this isn't that bad it's just weird that you do this for somewhat of a living i know you get used to it i always am conscious when i look at other people performing as to how i'm holding the mic like i always wanted to be the guy that holds it down here you do hold it down there yeah i

never want to be the guy that's like so today i You do hold it down there. Yeah. I never want to be the guy that's like, so today I'm going to tell you some jokes. I hope you laugh at them. This looks too serious. This looks casual. Your voice changes, though. When I tell jokes? Yeah. When you do the podcast and when you tell jokes.

Which one's more me? Well, it's not the voice that I normally get. So, I feel like that's a good thing. What voice do you get? Hi. Hi. Can we cuddle? No.

Never have I said that. Yes, you have. I don't think I've ever asked to cuddle. No, but you just give me this look. And it's like, hey. Hi. Alright, this is not starting off how I wanted it to. This is too sappy.

Did you already start it? No. I'm practicing stuff. See? Not that hard. And I'm having my snack. You can't be mad at me. These are ten times better, though, in glasses with ice. What are these again? Carbless.

Carbless. But they look more fun. I think my favorite part about this is I like the color. That's what I mean, because you don't get to see it normally. Yeah, you know those pre-workout drinks I was giving? Yeah, they look deceiving. I gave you that made you stay up until 7 a.m.? I definitely think it was that.

Oh, 100%. I don't know. That should have worn off by then. I never have 400 milligrams of caffeine. Well, no, I didn't have coffee that day either. Are you ever concerned that I do that every day? Extremely concerned considering you have a large glass of coffee too it's only i do like 10 ounces that's still probably what 60 milligrams no it's probably

like 65 oh really yeah oh then i'm fine then i'm like one of these bubblers is equivalent to the cup of a cup of coffee 69 milligrams so you think my cup of coffee has more caffeine than that? No, it says 69 milligrams like a cup of coffee. Oh, my God. This is amazing. Shout out Megan Gain. No, the devil will not be mentioned in this entire episode, okay? She who shall not be named.

Stop looking at her. My best friend. One of them. Stop looking at her. My best friend. One of them. Sorry, Ava. No, it's like it was just a little last second there. I kind of tasted the booze, but it's it's this is delicious. Haven't you? Didn't you have one the other night?

Yeah, but it's you're right. It's way better in a cup. I feel like I'm drinking a thing of juice. It tastes like the movie theater juice. Did you ever get that? Like out of the fountain? You need another drink because you're still quiet. I'm going to show you your lines.

No, I'm not kidding you. I want an autopsy when I die. I think my voice box is more. And now that you've met my dad, I think it's true. You get it from your father. Yeah. A hundred percent. My mom has a teacher's voice. Oh yeah. Granted we were at a brewery

game and there are people screaming around us but I'm like, I'm if we split the distance between the two of us there was at one point that I was just like, oh my God, is this like talking to Rachel? Wow. Imagine that. It's my dad dad and i can't be rude because if i keep saying what what what what what and it sounds like i'm not listening yeah but now with me you just go yeah and give me a look i'm just like yeah like just with the the drinks you're like i'm gonna be honest with you just

didn't hear you even though you were just not gonna answer me in the first place yeah there's sometimes you gotta pick your battles because you don't want to hear what three times and i don't want to say what three times this is good how's the cranberry i really like it you want to try it i think you'd like yeah yeah you don't like black cherry though i like this color better it's more like um i think this is the color people wish grapefruit was not grapefruit passion fruit you know how it's like pinkish on the outside but then oh it's the white dots that is like bright pink michael that is like that's like the bubbler can

look behind you oh yeah okay i know what you're talking about this is like snow cone juice that's what it is this is your right juice yep that's a perfect description of it I want nine of these So we should get these before we go Absolutely And have these Where are we going? I know they have them at Woodman's

Sendick's I did not see my total wine when we were looking Yeah I don't know I'm worried they're Wisconsin brand You need to take this one back before I finish it That's delicious. I now want one. Imagine us in a lake drinking these.

We need to bring glasses. Let's do these, 4th of July. I'm fine being a little fruity. I don't care. I'm going to get wasted. Okay. Remember that Wisconsin. Never mind.

I don't drink. Yeah. Wisconsin drinking is so different than drinking down south okay i stand by that fair do you now know we have started i figured okay good the whole time though i was like no he's not gonna do it to me i'm gonna know when he starts how long ago six minutes and 36 seconds i was like even connor fell for it i was like no i'm not gonna fall for it yep no everyone falls for it you i honestly i think i could have let you go for 30 minutes before you would have been like chatty kathy over. But I like it because you see how easy this is.

We're just hanging out right now. Imagine if Jake was here. I was hoping that Jake was actually going to be here. I think I told him before I left this morning. I was like, hey, just giving you a heads up. I am doing a podcast when I get home, but I will be home at like 830. Did you tell me you were doing it with me? Yeah.

podcast when i get home but i will be home at like 8 30 do you tell me you're doing on me yeah so i was like it's gonna be a late night one um in case he wanted to go to bed early or something like that so if he does want to go back early he there's a good chance he's just sleeping at m's um at m's i don't want to say the full name because i don't know how much i can say i mean yeah let's talk about that for a minute jake's dating his cousin no you go she who shall not be named on your other podcast and then here i am now yeah i've had i don't want to show you to the world the devil has slept at my apartment like three weekends in a row who is the devil you know you know but without her we would not know each other and that's a fact fair but you know what after a while you're like you know you've done enough i did love walking out that morning and

seeing both of them and just be like hey so and so's seeing both of who oh the devil and ava oh oh military man no oh i was talking about her brother oh the devil and he devil gainer the one okay now you go ahead and say the name. The one true Gaynor. That is true, though. I told Jake this. He is no longer atop of the gain scale. The little one, Kayla, she's at like a 30. Don't say Mick's name.

You just said it too. Honestly, I'm here to bury people. I don't care anymore. Let's burn some bridges, lose some friends. Let's get maybe a 30-second clip out of this. No, I love my friends. No, of the gain scale, Mikayla's at 30. Jake is, I think he's still at a 75.

He's still high. He still has his moments. I did have to walk two miles to go find him in the grass on saturday um and then she who shall not be named is like a solid 93 i mean she's shooting an a minus right now gains c's get degrees michaela has failed but this is the one time it's like golf you don't want a high score on the gain scale well we are golfing tomorrow but you won't be there no i have work in the evening a sunset round so i have stand up i gotta try something um i thought of a new joke i'll tell to you after this you're either gonna think it's like kind of funny or hate it what's it about

kind of you all of your jokes are about me no there's not you but kind of but it's more so about like i think my phone's listening to me which it definitely is no for real i think so how about glitch in the system that we talked about we talked about i hadn't i mentioned my cousin kyle for the first time and i don't know how long just it came up in conversation the first people we saw when we walked into Miller Park when we got to our floor was my cousin Kyle, his wife, and their two kids. Yeah. I was like, what? No, I don't believe in most conspiracy theories, but I truly would die under a rock in saying that we live in a simulation.

Absolutely, we live in a simulation absolutely we live in a simulation but i want to get control of it so i can just like fuck with the world that'd be so fun imagine being in the matrix but no you're in the matrix i think that's a proper way to say it you could be an alien i think i'm an alien out of most people i've met i wouldn't put it past i'm a hundred percent at least 20% alien. Also, this is kind of off track, but on the same track with the concept of birds having eyes for the government, there was another dead bird outside of your apartment when I was coming in. And for sure, someone is shooting them.

Okay, there is a kid. So, I think it's the same kid that's pissing in the elevator. Did it happen again? No, but that elevator... Okay. This elevator, I think we've said said on here a bunch of times someone pissed like human piss in our elevator which they still haven't fixed still haven't fixed and then they're like all right we're gonna fix that elevator thinking oh they're gonna take the carpet out didn't take the carpet out i don't know what

the hell they did um Then they cut it up. Still haven't taken it out. Now the other elevator doesn't work. I think the kid who's peeing in our elevator lives on our floor. Why do you call him a kid when he might be your age? He's at least an adult. I don't think so. Really?

So there are families that live here. See, that's interesting to me they also rent out places here for an airbnb as well so there is a family near the trash chute um if you ever listen to this i'm looking at you because i saw the mother with a vacuum that like what's the kind of vacuum it's like using water to like help suck stuff up are those like the sharks i don't know maybe but she had it plugged into her apartment and was vacuuming the the elevator now i'm a firm believer in good samaritans i was gonna say maybe she's just sick of it good samaritans however if you are in a public building in which maintenance should be taking care of something, you're not stretching your vacuum from your apartment building to that elevator, holding it up, holding it up for at least probably 20, 25 minutes.

This water was black, by the way. Okay. How do you know she doesn't work here? Because it was plugged into a resident's room. There are outlets over there. Why are you yelling at me? I don't know. I'm trying to maybe get you to talk up because the line is still low.

But you don't do that unless you have something to do with it. And do I think she took her pants off and squatted and pissed in that little spot? No. That is a square spot that either it smells. There's no way it's dog's piss. Like that's a kid literally just dropped his drawers, I think, and just pissed in this elevator. Or someone came home drunk. Which is totally an equal probability.

But it'd be more in the corner. It was. But no, it's it's it's removed from the corner. No, immediately. Immediately picture you're you're facing this way. He's like a step. in the corner it was but no it's it's it's removed from the corner no immediately immediately picture you're you're facing this way he's like a step away god damn morning i never get the good elevator trust me it's you were really aggravated about it it bothers me because more days than not that i've lived here that elevator has smelled like piss. It's not great. Drunk guys, if you're going to pee, find a corner. They're like a little secluded. They'll at least be like,

oh, whatever. They're either going to piss themselves or they're going to pee in a corner because they think they're secluded. If they're that drunk,'s say jake is that drunk and needs to pee he'll just turn away and pee in the corner because he can't see anyone no one else can see him he won't just pee right there unless he's peeing himself if you peed your pants there wouldn't be that kind of spot i'm gonna let you have this one because that was just a two-minute monologue talking about pee. Yeah, well, I've talked about weirder things. I thought, like, I talked about with Joey Baumgart that we are cats or something like that. And cats are, you know, we have nine lives and cats are the last of the lives.

And that's why they're cranky. And then I immediately said, I think that's the dumbest thing i've ever said on this podcast and he goes yeah but then he also said his favorite singer was bon jovi and he's 18 so he also might be 40 i don't know i don't even know if he remembers me but i remember seeing him around on the playground and we used to think he was the cutest little thing. Little bomb guard was adorable. He also would tell on us when we start fires in the woods. Well, I think that's probably a good thing.

But his dad was a firefighter. You don't tell... That doesn't mean he has equipment at home. What, is he just going to have the whole fire truck gang come on? No, but he takes it more seriously. That's like telling your DEA dad that your buddy smoked weed. The dogs are coming. Do you want to know something funny?

Yes. Sixth grade, guess who won the dare essay contest and had to read it? You. Yeah. I remember getting called up there, and I was like, no, please don't pick mine. Please don't pick mine. And they picked mine in front of all the parents everybody had to read that and now look who I'm with now look at what who I'm with I know

I know you should get a dare shirt actually I now have a separate show where I just take edibles and bake what do you think of that idea how often are you gonna take edibles like every week then i wanna we're so i'm banking an episode so i have it i kind of want to do it most once a week so like a sunday thing so make it a sunday like relax i don't do a ton avery rips a bunch but then my talent goes up so i can start doing and then i get used to it my time like it's not great we know that i after we did the first one where we made mini pies and you showed up and i was like i'm fine and then all of a sudden you and i are sitting on the couch and i had to hold a pillow up because you were looking at me i was like stop looking at me, and I can't stop laughing. You looked like this.

I didn't like it. I was like, what? And I took like none. You looked like the faces. I think I told you that that night. Like the Oompa Loompas. Oh, my God. That was. Wait.

Say it, and then I'm going to say what I told you. No, go ahead. No, go to your face. I don't know what I was going to say. Oh. Do you know how alarming it is waking up to that? It's one of the new things I wrote. I haven't taken a lot of drugs in my life.

I really haven't. I've smoked weed. That's a lie. And I've done psychedelic stuff or anything like that. I haven't done any of that. What I imagine it's like is me waking up to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at 2.30 in the morning. It was not 2.30. It wasn't 2.30.

But for the sake of the joke, it'll be like 2.30. Do you know how alarming it is waking up to like 12 orange midgets in an edible sweatshop singing songs? You're like, where? And then i look over and you're just dead like i'm like they killed her well when you think about it all of the children's book authors were 100 on psychedelics or had schizophrenia or something they think the christianity christianity as a as a religion i'm having a stroke right now Christianity as a religion could be Basically centered around Psychedelic mushrooms

I would 100% believe that Yeah It's something from like the Dead Sea Scrolls I've heard it a bunch It's also me listening to a bunch of Andrew Schultz and Rogan And all that stuff I was going to say you definitely heard this from Rogan I know I've actually, YouTube videos pop up.

You watch one podcast and it listens to you listening to that podcast, and it's like, Christianity, mushrooms or no? And it's like, oh, okay, let's click on this. I fall for those all the time. And then I know anything from the History Channel on YouTube. It's like, alien encounter in 2017. Were they abducted? And I'm'm like i know they weren't but i'm gonna click on it anyways because like what if this is the one time the history channel actually has an answer it's like still it is so bogus you know that stuff aliens

no the history channel i did my 23 me it literally says what are you part no i read your 23 me yeah alien and sexy no what it was like 100 white oh i'm so white european no i have ancestors from eastern africa doesn't mean no i'm not white where like the one percent no i'll show you. Where's your phone? I have no idea. Oh, it's over by the... We'll do it later. Tequila. The tequila. Why don't we do it? Can we do another one?

Do we only have three? Yeah, we can split the lemon line. Oh, no, I have more in here. I didn't finish it. This doesn't fit. You know what the best part is? This drink, I will feel, because I've been up since 4.50. Yeah, you need to have a snack.

I worked out with you. I did a little one when I got to West Dallas because I was bored. I worked out Anthony. I worked out Tom. And I worked out Steve. Didn't have group. And then I did lacrosse practice. And I haven't eaten dinner.

I am killing it. You sound like a tryhard, but it's my job. You sound unhealthy. No, that sounds pretty healthy. You know how many people would kill to work out that much in a day? That's an unhealthy amount. No, it's not. When you actually look at it, yes.

Not really. If I eat enough, it's just fine. But I haven't eaten yet. I'm going to it's just fine. But I haven't eaten yet. I can't. I'm going to murder some food tonight. What would you like for a snack right now? I just had peanut butter pretzels. You had four.

No, I had about 20. They're good. What if I said I want a snack? You can go get one. The hospitality. snack you can go get one the hospitality do you have to naturally bring up the joke you wanted to say or no it's not a joke it's not a joke is it a topic you want to talk about no you haven't even introduced me what's your name how would you like to be introduced well apparently i apparently I said, would you like to interview me? And you said that you know everything about me, so you could just get my whole life story. No, that'd be no fun.

How would you like to be introduced? You look into the camera, and you say whatever you want. My name is... What did Jake do? He was like, my name is Jake Hallman. I'm 5'9". Oh, yeah. 150 pounds.

Michael Kuski, 5'9", Culinary Institute of Technology. From the Ohio State University. From my mother's couch. No, I think you should introduce me, Michael. Okay. This is Rachel. Rachel. Rachel. Rachel, I met. okay this is rachel rachel rachel rachel i met in nashville on new year's seven months ago yeah if anyone listens the podcast i did with heilman right after nashville and i'm stressing

to go do something that I haven't done before, I asked Rachel to go to a Bucs game with me. Last minute. You asked me maybe 30 minutes before the game. I got the tickets 45 minutes before the game. That means that I really liked you, that I said said yes yeah i will come with you yeah and it worked and to which he didn't pick me up either i was already you made me drive to you i specified when i asked you would you want to go to a bucks game i'm already downtown driving there now would

you be able to drive down here if you wanted to go realistically i would have offered i would never have made you come get me yeah if i hadn't already been driving down there to record a podcast be like yes i will go get you and then i took her to a bar in which four months later someone was shot at 11 times oh yeah and about two weeks ago last week last weekend it closed Wow, that was a month after we went, actually, wasn't it? Or no, no, I'm thinking March when I was home. It was a month. Yeah. Yeah, it was after you visited again. You can't call it visit.

You came home. Well, I came home for spring break, basically. Saw me perform. You're not very good luck, I'll tell you that. Every show Rachel's come to has gotten progressively worse. Yes and no, actually. Maybe I just booked the show out because I want a private event for myself. Yeah, that's not it.

That's not fun. You did. I think you bought out that bar, the last one we went to. First one we came to was geneva which wasn't terrible but the crowd i still didn't think new comedy was coming then he saw me host at laughing tap which i actually didn't think was terrible but i was up for three minutes and then things got weird i've never seen wallace dump water down his pants before i'm like where are we you also did not feel good that day i was so sick yeah so i was like i'm getting in and out

actually you were not so sick you were acting like you were on your deathbed but you maybe had a mild cold but i know that you didn't feel good no uh monday i felt like living hell it was so bad but i was like no i'll be fine because i also didn't want you to freak out like you were going to get sick. And then why was I sitting like that for the last 25 minutes? I don't know. I can't get comfortable. Are you in the middle of the camera? I think so. Okay.

And then the last one we went to two weekends ago, we drove me, you, and Brandon Wine. We drove an hour and 45 minutes. By the way, Avery, thank you for the show. I'm hesitant on the thank you. I am. I made $50, but it cost me $70 to get there because gas is $95 a gallon. It is going down, though.

I think I saw like $4.50 something, which is good for our road trip. Yeah. But how many people did we perform to that weren't comedians? We. We. Honestly, it felt like it was a we thing because half the time I was looking at you, half the time I was like...

Honestly, it just felt like I was talking to you. It was... There were how many people on the car? I call it car. We're doing a fucking fight. Four people. And then we performed to those three people. You, I think two people that the host brought.

They were nice. They were encouraging. Yeah. And then the two drunks that had been there since Tuesday. What did he say to you? then the two drunks that had been there since tuesday what did he say to you i asked him what his thoughts on the aaron rogers devonta adams situation no i first said hey man do you guys know comedy's going on to your left and he just goes without even looking up i don't give a shit and i asked him one other thing and he goes i don't give a shit and then i go what do you think of the davante adams aaron rogers situation and i go hold on let me guess

you don't give a shit i thought like i honestly had so much fun i think you riffing in the beginning is that the proper terminology yeah you did the best that's all we could do yeah material wasn't gonna do any well it went okay for some of it well no backtrack a little bit i've seen you do comedy every time i've been home which is nice and we've done a lot of good meals we've done a lot actually since i. We've done a lot, actually, since I've been home this time around. Yeah, it feels like you've been here for three months. Excuse me. That's a good thing.

I mean that in the nicest way possible. Did it sound like a good thing? I feel like you've been here forever. No, I have almost been home for, what, two months? Almost, yeah. Was that your comment? We've done meals and you've seen me do comedy? And concerts.

And Brewer Game. What's your favorite concert we've been to? I was thinking about this actually. Rank them. I was almost just going to rank them right away. Go ahead, rank yours. For me, Kenny, Eric, Whiskey Myers, Zach Bryan. I feel like we've been to one more.

I don't think we have. Oh, just kidding. I went to the Chicks. Yeah, I didn't get to go to the Chicks. I wasn't invited. Sorry, it was a family event. I would say, atmosphere-wise, Kenny. Like, he will hands down be one of the best performers That we ever see

Yeah That was one of the most fun I've ever had at a concert In my life Was that weekend You were hammered No I wasn't I don't drink

I'm talking to One specific person right now I'm a good person I'm talkative Thank you I forgot to say that like me continue kenny eric because i've been waiting he was on my like top five list to see zach bryan i think would have been

would have been two probably Would have been two? Probably. Oh, really? Just because I've been so excited about his new album. And then Whiskey Myers. Because Whiskey Myers was, honestly, I just wanted to go for... Drake White. Yeah, Drake White opening. And then we were late and saw like three songs.

I don't think that, but we saw a story and it's now one of your favorites. Yeah, it's a really good song. And that's what you say. That's the moment you knew. Oh, he's kind of fun, actually. He's not just an asshole. No, you've always been nice to me. This is like my coming out episode.

You haven't even introduced me as your girlfriend. This is my lady friend Rachel Sir This is my Special lady friend Rachel We'll see if you have one after this This is Rachel Rachel everyone

It's getting progressively worse Okay I want to hear this thing you discussed With Baylen No that's so staged It was staged from earlier today Okay so you know how When Connor was on here

Cheers to you He doesn't like that we're friends I think we're friends I don't know if you think we're friends Rank my friends after this He doesn't like that we're friends. I think we're friends. I don't know if you think we're friends. Anyways. Rank my friends after this. Absolutely not.

I will never do that. I love all of your friends. Okay. There hasn't been one that I've been like, they've all been super nice to you. There's one that gets on my nerves a lot of yours. But he loves you the most. Don't worry. I really don't.

Okay. Continue. How are you. I really don't. Okay. Um, continue. Oh, how you guys are doing copyright trademark. Yeah. So we came up with this idea. Imagine that you're going to a bar.

Okay. Picture yourself about to order. And it's a bar like where we had our first date. And you go up to the bartender and they say you said can i have a beer he goes no sorry you're standing under under you're underage and you look up and you see under what i feel like i freaked it up valent had it so good maybe it was age that was supposed to be on the ceiling yeah because you're under age you're under under what dang it i screwed it up

that started over try it again no you know you know what i'm talking about can't you're under age you just had the word age above you yeah you. You just look up and you're like, oh, this is stupid dad pun. But when he said it, I was like, this is hilarious. And Chrissy just rolled her eyes. Yeah. Come on. Not even a laugh. I laughed more at the fuck up then.

You're under under. What the fuck are you talking about okay you're under age you would never get that though what do you mean i would never get that would you think to look up i was surprised i was like i've never actually been into a bar no that has i walked into a bar and some guys like you're underage i'm like what the fuck are you talking about they let me in here they check my id exactly you would see so many men get just pissed off for no reason and then the bartender every time could just be like yeah you're playing with fire with that i think it would be fun yeah for the ladies but let's imagine you have just the hothead guy and you're like can't have

it you're underage you're underage and some guys don't take no very well well i think there you go that's the lesson that men need to learn we're teaching people lessons drunk at a bar right now absolutely respect who are they respecting the dad joke no the bart. People that tell them no. Who's the biggest asshole you've ever seen at a bar? Then rank my friends from best to worst. I will never rank your friends. Biggest asshole I've seen at a bar?

What's the biggest asshole thing you've seen at a bar? Well, we could go the, like, really rated which is like offensive or like the pg version let's do pg just like douchebag what are you doing i think it's the guys that are so cocky about themselves of like oh like i'm gonna end up with her i'm gonna go home oh okay and just don't actually don't take no for an answer and just surround you the whole night and keep bothering you. Like the leeches. Yes, yes.

That is so obnoxious. How many different categories of guys do you think there are at a bar? You got the leeches that stick around you. The fun guy. The fun guy. How does he act? I would say you're the fun guy at the bar yes take that with the green assault but no just the guy that's there to have fun with his friends okay all right so you have the fun guys the leeches

the leeches are always the ones that know they're not going to go home with the girl though the leeches so they're just trying to make up for it by just being around them all night i think so we're hanging out with so many girls last night yeah but in reality yeah they were just in their proximity i don't know who else though i would would say even you have the quiet guys, the ones that are like, you have the dart players. Let's categorize them. They're like pool, dart. They can be hit or miss because I was the dart guy too where we would just go off.

They can be, I think, the fun people. Like, let's go play darts, but then they socialize as well. You also have the guy that is standing at the bar the whole time. Yeah. And just stares and never leaves the bar. Oh, it's so creepy. We had one guy like that is standing at the bar the whole time yeah and just stares oh never leaves the bar oh it's so creepy we had one guy like that in madison but i think dark guy or like the game guy basically yeah they just the group of guys that know they're not gonna talk to women either but are just going to play games the whole time which one just shows up i do appreciate that

though too because when all of my friends would leave me to go talk to guys I could just play games with guys okay here's a good one your ideal bar okay age on the ceiling dad jokes on that we'll call it dad joke bar puns. Okay. Okay. We'll call this bar puns. You get. There you go. There's your comedy bar. You look like you're going to kill me. Okay.

Go ahead. What are the two activities you, if you could, you know, my question, like what are your three toppings on a bloody? What are your three things at a bar that they have to have? Oh, gosh. Your ideal bar. Cards. So the bartenders have to have cards.

Yeah. Okay. Oh, gosh. I don't know. Give me one for one. One for one? Darts. Yeah, that's an easy one.

But I like electronic dart boards. You get too drunk, you don't want to be the one. You do it, then you got to write it. It just loses whatever. And make it a dollar if it's going to be whatever. Don't be like $4 for a round. Go fuck yourself. Does it have to be an activity?

No. I think the layout of the bar, you have4 for a round. Go fuck yourself. Does it have to be an activity? No. I think the layout of the bar. You have to have a patio. And you have to have levels. Girls in elevated surfaces. No. Why? You want to be up top?

I would just say patio at least. So an outdoor feature? Okay. So you have what? You have to be up top? I would just say patio at least. So an outdoor feature? Okay. So you have what? You have cards behind the bar. And outdoor feature. I have darts. And so it depends, I guess, for me and my mood.

Like, I think my ideal bar is I like day drinking better than I do night drinking 100 so but we don't drink yeah I just have water when I'm out um like my favorite thing about W versus KK for day drinking it was like KK was like a casino you go in and it's nighttime W is there's giant I know you don't really know what I'm talking about no I was just gonna say can I interrupt you for a minute because every time my friends would say wkk wkk whether it's madison minnesota i'm like where the hell are they going to school like what why are we just repeating letters yeah we're done and they were texting me they're like at kk at kk again you need the simple names when you're drunk right yeah yeah well it's better than chapel

hill which is like who's not here at the library yeah like the library is so old school kind of thing but i would go like i like the outdoor feature i would agree with you there outdoor feature and windows yeah like i want like big wind i want the light to come in so if i'm inside i still know i'm drinking during the day. So I want to go with outdoor feature. You don't get to steal mine. Fine. Rooftop bar. Oh, that's a good one. Last one.

I know my last one. Go ahead and say yours. No, it's your turn i think activities at the bar like on the actual bar like beer dye and stuff like that not beer dye but like bar dice bar dice tic-tac-toe like anything even simple just something stimulating when you're there okay so because that would that makes it 10 times easier to just hang out there for the five minutes that you have to wait okay so my my last one was i'm torn i know what i I'm going to go with, but my

honorable mentions were basically there has to be food deals. Okay. A happy hour. So like happy hour draws a crowd in or like the free popcorn or free peanuts kind of thing. Because when you get to like, I'm a big dive bar person. So if you just get there, you have a beer and it's like, oh, that's just

popcorn. Murder baskets of popcorn. Do you know how many people have touched those? Either way, I don't care. You're at a dive bar. I already got syphilis when I walked in. Okay? My last one is bartenders that can drink. Okay.

Because that is such, that is way more of a fun atmosphere when they're, it makes them want to serve you too. Instead of the bartenders like, nope, i just have to be here yeah no like if they want to drink they can drink so they have they having the opportunity to be able to engage with the customers other than just as a middleman but you get to be a friend makes it so much more entertaining both for them and for the customer you are going full bartender michael absolutely okay sir let's transition this conversation away i don't have a transition no this is usually when you would think of something because i just came over the last question well you don't like my questions anymore you used to love my you have the weirdest questions okay yeah but they're i i'm not a huge small talk person like 100 i will a small talk just because i like being

around people being social like yeah getting to know people it's an easy conversation transition but i think that we would never have gotten to know each other as well no our talks i think is what like kind of sealed the deal for both of us not no but i would say yes just that i didn't feel but how just like where i'm one that's gonna just give you i'm gonna word vomit stories about me and you're gonna ask me weird questions that's gonna prompt like i did like when we were doing the facetime thing which we unfortunately have to go back to. Which you always call it the thing. And to this day, I don't understand why.

I don't know. When we're done with this thing. Yeah. When we finish this thing. I don't know why. It's just whatever. But you like tell me a story. And I liked it.

I was like, just give me a theme and I will think of a story. So this time when I was held at gunpoint. Yeah. It's like, whoa. And you're like something like cars. You'd be like cars. You're like, well, this guy held me at gunpoint when he got out of his car once. You're like, how did you go from that to this?

But your questions now. Like, I will always go back to this one because it was out of nowhere i mean we literally i don't even think we were talking for that day yet or that night like we haven't we hadn't talked that day in a while and out of nowhere she just goes where's one place you would never want to visit but they're stimulating questions because it makes you think okay i should prioritize other things i know but like i also then in my head i'm like okay what does she want out of this because i could go like the cheap route and be like afghanistan iran you did do yeah but i also was like okay maybe she wants somewhere in the states so i said new hampshire and then immediately you're like why the fuck do you not want to go to New Hampshire?

I'm like, I don't know. Because Sammy, if she listens to this. Who the fuck is Sammy? It's from New Hampshire. And it's beautiful there. Who's Sammy? She's from Boone. You might meet her.

Not from Boone. Went to school with me. 21 and a half's friend. We played soccer together. 21 and a half. Have we played soccer together 21 and a half if you ever listen to this i've never met you i'm sure you were a nice person great gal all i can tell you is if i have a daughter and she ever celebrates her 21st and a half birthday she is not welcome home but i think it's what it was like a celebration because covid she didn't really get to celebrate her 21st birthday you know what tough titties that's

the way the cookie crumbles no you know what i did for my birthday in covid i got two friends we went golfing okay shocker we then came back sat in my mother's garage around a space heater and had a few drinks a space heater in may it was freezing well this is wisconsin that doesn't make sense and then we got a text saying hey we're drinking here so we went to someone else's place we ubered there went there told no one it was my birthday oh wait was this your favorite birthday no god does this sound like my favorite birthday excuse me let's be honest does it sound like my favorite birthday no my favorite birthday we never really need to talk about well like we can talk about it we just don't need to talk about here because now i think someone

might listen to some of these episodes and i'm starting to freak out because you're here and she might listen to this one. Oh. Her mother. Wait, what is your favorite birthday this one, then? Even though it wasn't your actual birthday. This is up there in, I would say, this last one. I think we just did it over a weekend kind of thing

because Connor came to visit between having you here and me, Jake and Connor together, I would put this in this was the most entertaining birthday celebration weekend thing I've ever had and then I believe

22 is a number 2. 21 I don't remember. Did you tell me about 22? Was that the random place that you went and then didn't tell anybody? No, that was my 21st. We don't know where I went. There's a good chance I hung out with the homeless

people for 3 hours. It's the one where I got lost from here to the camera that's recording me basically like do you see your friends over there i go yes and then according to duncan i got into a three-point stance if you played football you know what that is got into a three-point stance and like are you gonna run there i go no i can't stance. And they're like, are you going to run there? I go, no, I can't get up. And they're like, oh, boy. I'm like, we're going to leave.

I'm like, you're good. And then I remember crawling into my bed at 3.30 in the morning next to Marco Martinez. And then waking up, looking at him, going, what did we do last night? He goes, where were you last night? Oh, Michael. I'm like, I was with you guys. No, you left us at 1230 after you got chirped by a cop for tackling Corey outside of the bar.

Michael. Yeah, the cop, literally, according to them, said, I remember my first beer. Oh, rats. The cops were looking at security cameras at the bar we were at and cory was back there trying to help him and i just went behind the bar i was like cory can you hang out with me right now cory is a great friend he's basically like please don't arrest him oh

i was like dumping shots on the ground i had so many of them oh michael it was iced 11 times before i went out 21 is rough it's tough yeah but it's just you know 21 is the one birthday that isn't for you oh when is all your it is for everyone else. Even though I was guaranteed fries on my 21st birthday and I never got them. That is why I went to the last bar that we went to. I wish I would have known you on your 21st because I would have given you the Kusky Long Island. Don't think I want to know what that is. It's not bad. So it started with what? You were talking about drinking again. What's not bad. So it started with... What?

You were talking about drinking again. What's wrong about drinking? This is the whole podcast. What do you want to talk about? Butterflies and rainbows? Sure. Okay. I'm not a huge fan of the color purple on the rainbow.

Why specifically purple? Did you know I didn't know the colors of the rainbow? I still don't. Roy G. Biv. Huh? Roy G. Biv? Yeah. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet?

Violet. Is indigo a one? No, I think it's violet. Now I feel really stupid what's the eye and biv didn't go to a private school yeah we learned about jesus more than we did our colors i i got the art teacher called my mom the biv the art wait back up the art teacher Did you go to her mom? Yeah. Why? Because I didn't draw my house right, according to her. This is how she. See, that's the part that I never understood.

It's like it's creative and abstract. So how is it right? How is art right? It's not. I also don't understand how people grade some papers when it comes to, like, literature classes. How did you interpret this book? This is how I interpreted it. Unless you read To Kill a Mockingbird

and you're like, this is about the cat in the hat. Then you're like, all right, Dumbledore, you idiot. Being a potty mouth. I censored myself there. I actually didn't say it. I'm pretty good at that. Are you kidding me? That is a cool talent of yours, I will say.

But the art teacher, the task was, I've said it on here before, it was to draw our house. And the teacher came up to me, I will never forget this, and she's like, I think you should do it this way. She was guiding you. What? She was guiding you. No? She was guiding you. No, like adding features to my house.

Oh. I go, that's not on my house. She goes, I think you should do it this way. I'm like, but that's not there. I don't want to. And apparently I gave her enough attitude that she called my mother in the middle of the workday. And my mom goes, what are you calling me for? Because your son will not listen to my instructions on how to draw his house.

And she basically was like, go fuck yourself. Do not call me for this. This is art class. Your mother, to which I have not met. Is a lovely lady. Have you had any one of my friends be like, good luck? Oh, absolutely not. Yeah.

I did get that. I can't believe you haven't met her, good luck. Oh, absolutely not. Yeah. I did get that. I can't believe you haven't met her, though. That one's on me. I wonder if I started all the cameras. This one's been flashing a little bit. Is that normal? Okay, we're fine. Oh, like the red dot on the screen?

No, the time. I think it's the time. I'm blind, so I can't actually see. Yeah, you are blind. You're blind, you're deaf, you can't talk. Not deaf. Blind and soft voice, I'll give you. Blind and super soft voice.

Would you rather I be obnoxiously loud, though? No. Like, if you had a high, squeaky, pitch voice. Also, I've always wondered this yeah so you know on our first day at the bucks game when we did the ideal person you totally rigged it there's no way you were answering things you didn't lie about a single thing or that wouldn or that wasn't how you would have answered it in the first place, or that was how you would have answered it. Had I not been the one that you were asking the questions to. I'm pretty sure you could cross-reference it with the episode with Sam, and if they've changed...

Maybe it's like foreign versus domestic. No, that one's for sure you for sure i think said foreign to you no you didn't yeah i did no you didn't yes i did no you did not i did how do you remember this because i first said domestic. I was like, wait, no, foreign. Like, I corrected myself. And you're like, oh, boy. Like, you're just saying that.

I'm dead serious. You can look at it. I've done this question with that survey with Andrew. Both of us were like, foreign. Wow. Your face was so excited there. Seriously, you could go back to that episode. No, I believe you. What were we just talking about?

Drawing a blank. How long do you think we've been doing? I like asking new people this. Asking what? How long do you think we've been doing this? 30 minutes. 51 minutes. 51 minutes?

Yeah. See how easy this is? You got nine minutes left minutes 51 minutes yeah see how easy this is you got nine minutes left eight minutes i feel like we haven't talked about anything though i want you to talk for the basically the remainder of this because i've talked a lot seems to be a common theme in our relationship yeah but no i would like you to list some facts about me. List some facts about you? Yeah. Mr. I know everything about you. Graduated in nursing this year from Boone. No, from Boone. From Appalachian State. Your favorite color is yellow.

Let's see. That's all I know. That's it. Favorite tea is the peppermint tea from Trader Joe's. Yep. These are really random facts about me, but sure. But I listen. You have a shark and a husky stuffed animal on your bed.

You lived with the same girl for three years. Yep. you lived with the same girl for three years yeah you have a friend that celebrated 21 and a half year old birthday let it go nope i think it's so dumb um give me like a category like and i'll start listening like your 20 questions my 20 questions or just the typical 20 questions you're an arms over abs girl oh boy um favorite food is mediterranean you gotta pick a cuisine trying to think of the questions country music is your favorite i'm your favorite person. And that's the end of the episode, everyone. No, no, no.

Okay, I was actually wondering this, because I want to talk about this before I leave. What would be your best moment we've had together since I've been home? Your, I wish we would have done this. Okay. And then your least favorite moment. Okay. All right.

Oh, no. That's work. Best moment. Does it have to just be me and you? No. Okay. I feel like we've had a really good balance with us and our friends too um since you've been here or just since we've been together like since i was in you can do both i'm curious we can talk about this after too i think my favorite moment so far is the day of Kenny Chesney.

Oh, that was a good day. My favorite one-on-one moment was Mediterranean food in the mountains to cinnamon roll with ice cream. Though what I wish we would have done while you were here um i do we have to go to this below nine place once it's not like my number one thing i saw that it was it's right next to beans and barley you know where i got the burritos yeah like literally you go down the steps it's right there um i wish we would have done like oh like an activity day kind of thing yeah we haven't really done that but we have been so incredibly active together so active though um yeah he punched me in the face i'm very happy yeah i did punch her no i

didn't you did you just admitted it no i punched her glove and her no she's got a weak guard so it's just i was learning yeah to which avery said your guard is getting so much better yeah he has to say that because then you'll come back and you'll pay him more no he says he prefers training women yeah because you guys listen better than we do but he also shocker he called me a great student you heard that you can admit that right now one thing i wish we did i don't think those are kind of it oh here's one i wish um i got the banana bread and lemon bars i told you i'll still make them for you okay sweet yeah there we go left yet and then what's

the last one your least? Your least favorite moment. My least favorite moment? Oh, boy, where do I begin? Let's see. Is it the emotions, the constant nagging? I am none of the above. Your workouts suck. Honestly, I don't think I have something Where I'm like It sucks

I think Oh I was gonna say Take this with a grain of salt but golf You are so Crabby It was the worst situation We could have had for golf

I would have no issue No issue of you taking 9,623 swings to get to the hole. No. If it was just you and I on the golf course. Sir, I told you I had a good day the day before, and then it was going to look like I never swung a club before after that. You were the one with the poor attitude. You were the one with the poor attitude immediately after the first hole so no it was before the first hole i have we're both efficiency people yeah we're

both i think kind of as much as i am go with the flow of things i think there are times where i'm like okay this was my go with the flow thing i want to do yeah there is some etiquette especially when golfing the things should go smoothly people are going there to relax play a sport is a frustrating sport but it's relaxing frustration but and if you're adding to that to be lose my shit to be devil's advocate in this i think there is an element where you wanted to play quicker like i would say relaxing would have been the speed the guys were playing in front of us to a little bit lesser of a degree like if you weren't trying to rush them i felt like a little bit you were rushing them like you guys were the guy who was playing a single in

front of us oh i wasn't rushing him at all. No, I know. But he was playing even, I think, a little bit quicker than our relaxing paces. No. Yes. No. That's because you take a bunch of swings. You know what? I'm telling you right now, the people, for the golf people out there,

if you're doing two people, okay, this is a pet peeve of mine two people and one of you buys a cart the other person get in the cart okay this is at me do not no no don't get a bag oh yeah you walked a little too much like why do we have a car because it's a golf course it's like five feet from me. There's no point in getting in the cart. You're frustrated, though, and you're like, I'm going to go walk the 60 yards. Because it was a beautiful day out, too. I think that is very valid.

Well, I didn't get upset because we were going nowhere. That didn't bother me. It was. Your face said so otherwise that day. I was still so annoyed with the people ahead of us. So you have a walker and a rider, okay? I need to see your medical card that you have to walk, okay? If someone else has a card.

Get in the damn car, okay? That's the thing about golf, too, though, is I think you guys, everyone is in each other's business. You're not just there with the people you came with. People, like, if you're hitting into people and stuff like that yeah and everyone's watching you if you're behind and then you're like looking behind you to make sure that you're not going too slow for the people like well that's what i'm saying if there's if you if the course schedules proper spacing in between tee times and people play at a normal pace that's not an issue. There should never be four groups on one

hole of all like a two, a one, a two, and a four. Like that just shouldn't be a thing. Yeah. But let's get off this. I want your three and then I'm going to ask you the final question and then you made it through your first podcast, my lady.

Thank goodness. Now I can stop being nagged about it. And I can eat. No, sir. Okay. What are my questions? The same thing you asked me. Your favorite thing.

My favorite thing. Your what I wish we would have done, and your least favorite thing my favorite thing your what i wish we would have done and your least favorite thing i think my favorite thing i think okay my all-time favorite meal we've ever done together this is not but when i'm home is sushi that will always be my favorite meal we've done um i murdered that day you really did that was That was a deal-sealer for me. 100%. My favorite activity we've done. Don't eat sushi.

Continue. I think it might also be Kenny for me, actually. It was such a great day. It was a great day. It feels like a lifetime ago. It was a month ago. And what was the second question it was a great day it feels like a lifetime ago it was a month ago and what's the second question over a month ago uh something you wish we would have done i'm thankful for all the things that we did do though Like I think I got to try kickboxing

Jiu jitsu Work out with you Like Okay sorry I'll get back on track No no speak up My least favorite thing No

This one's my Wish we would have done I wish we would have had a lake day oh my god i think that would have been amazing we're kind of doing that though this weekend we are but lake days in wisconsin yeah that's different yeah um and i was talking about this with my mom actually the two things that i haven't done for a wisconsin summer which hands down will always be my favorite summers are state fair because i'm missing it in irish fest which my family always does otherwise i've done summerfest brewers game concerts maybe would go to thunder or something but fuck no okay and my least you're getting

nancy your least favorite thing my least favorite thing i think would just would probably be zach bryan yeah that was just because of the situation yeah i think that the concert wise being with friends and everything was incredible but what was my last question that was it i have oh i have your last question yeah what is your meaning to life? Oh, boy. I think you kind of knew this one was coming. I did, but I forgot. I think I might have told you this.

If we could just give one-liners, because wasn't yours a one-liner? Mine's to live, Connor's empathy. I think mine's balance. Balance. Yeah. Yeah. It's like work hard to play hard Yeah

That's good Nice You wanna tell anyone anything? I don't think you Like we even chatted about who we were That's my only worry We just talked about What we are?

Your drinking Yeah my drinking We didn't even talk about our activities that we did together. Our first meeting. First meeting we met in Nashville. She came on to me. Absolutely not. Instantly.

That's not true. And then first date was Bucks game. Best meal sushi. I agree. Yeah. Homemade ramen I don't think was bad but you had two bites because i was nervous that was the first time i had come over yeah sushi was so fun yeah i was a lot more comfortable murdered that rice that dressing for the sushi rice how many youtube videos did you look up you know how many i watched so many youtube videos come like prior to you getting here that i didn't know tori the other

manager at work would uh look up like just the search history just because she would clear it just so our boss would be like oh are they actually working when they're at work and she goes how many hummus sushi and ramen videos were you like why yeah dinner date that's how i know you care but for me it, it's also I enjoy it because I like cooking. Yeah, I know. Because now I can kind of do it without. I can make the homemade hummus. I don't even need to look at videos anymore. I got that now.

Pat. Tell them something nice about me and then we're ending this. Something nice about Michael. Speak loud and proud. What do you always say? Which I think is 100% true. I thought he was a you knowknow-what when I first met him. An F-boy?

Yeah, 100%. Because all you said to me was, you don't talk much, do you? Fair. And I thought we were going to hate each other the whole weekend. But since then, you've been, what is it? Jolly rancher on the outside? Oh. Cotton candy on the inside?

Jawbreaker on the outside, cotton candy on the inside. Yeah. Take it. Thank you. You're welcome.