Fat Chance Podcast - Faking Your Death & Top Christmas Songs Ep.148

Episode Date: December 12, 2024

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Wisconsin Badger State Brewing and Wisconsin Red Ale. I wonder if it tastes like Christmas. Brewed with malt sourced from Wisconsin and Uni-Kwe. Uni-Kwe. This suit is just small enough that when I sit down, it goes into my neck. Show a little show some chest then. Just unzip it a little bit. Yeah, or...

No, it's not that. Zip it all. It's a crotch. The crotch is going up. Zip it all the way down to the crotch. Here we go, now it's not in your neck. Hell no. DJ, play that beat. Uniqa, Uniqa.

American hops are red ale truly represents the forward motto. Here at Badger State, we are always crafting something new. That's what Badgers do, and that's what got this beer to you. Sam, Andrew, and Mike on the beat. Badger State Brewing can't be beat. That was beat and beat. Sushi egg roll. Aw.

That's the best hype made in the sushi egg world! It's like Migos going, mama! That's so funny. We the best! When you leave Jack, we're just going to rename this the Sushi Egg World podcast. You can be Sushi, I'll be Egg World, Judd. Yeah, well I mean, should we tell the viewers? Jack is hopefully temporarily leaving us

Jack is expecting his first child that's not true they're twins actually and unfortunately he will be leaving us I'll be gone everyone is now turning off the episode Someone get my chair, what is that president always sit down with a blanket? But since this will be my my last episode I will show bare feet Will you actually? Stay and comment yeah, otherwise doesn't show it yeah, it'll be it might think you're forever gone I Think there's a very good chance of that I do too There's also a very good chance of it not being forever, but I don't know the answer We got to figure out a work schedule but I don't know the answer.

We gotta figure out a work schedule. We don't wanna lose him. Might be lost. He is technically 33% of this podcast. That sounds very good, Michael. I don't even wanna get the brass tacks, yeah. 0.33. Sorry, 0.33, yeah.

33333333333. We're gonna miss him for a couple weeks, and then I'm gonna- I'd say I'm going 0.25, because I don't edit. Boy 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 I'm gonna be there fake my death cuz I've been wanting to fake my death We know you're gonna. We tried and we got yelled at We did we did try to fake your death, and we got in Mean it doesn't mean joke to do that up, but like you saw that guy from Lake Mills, right? Yeah, like the newer Like the guy went out on like the lake or a river and like flipped his kayak over and now he's in Europe Why by the way they instantly found him. No no not instantly no they didn't instantly find him. So basically there's this guy from Lake Mills and he was just like talking to

some lady online from Europe he had three kids a wife and just one day he's like I'm gonna go fishing and it goes out and They think you went missing they find a tipped over canoe in the middle of the lake and his trucks there and his keys Every is like phones and wallet keys. Everything's there. They think he died fell in the lake and drowned No, he's in Europe fucking his mistress now, well don't ruin the story I was still gonna he was taking me on a roller coaster. You just skipped the yeah Yeah, it was the end after that. Well, no, so instead this is what he did. He he He basically he said he'd lost his passport

So then he got issued a new passport So then left the other one that was supposed to be lost with the wife But didn't tell him that he got a new passport and then also put a life insurance policy on him for a bunch of money So that they will be fine when they when he passes Well, at least is yeah, that it. That's a stand up shitty thing to do. That's probably the best shitty thing to do. He parked a motorbike, like one of those small little motorbikes that you can fit in the back of your truck.

Put one of those on the shore of the thing and also brought a inflatable tube with him in the kayak and went out and fished, flipped it over, made it look like that, then inflatable tube to the shore, used the motorbike with the inflatable tube and went to Madison, which is like 30 minutes away, and tookbike. And then took a bus from there to Michigan or Minnesota, one of the two closest to the border of Panda. Is he paying cash for all this? I assume. I assume he's got you have to.

Carbon monoxide poisoning? You hear that, right? Yeah. We'll be taking a break as we assess the day right before the climax I'm getting flashbacks of DW. Oh, this is this is um exactly what was happening When I told you I went to my basement I was hearing this beeping and I just kept hearing the beeping and beeping and then I went down and decided to tell me the batters are low and I

Thought someone was in my basement and gonna kill me Do I thought someone was in my parents house? I had a show in Wausau and they're like we're gonna come I was like, but we're gonna go out the before so they went out to eat before and then I left me To get ready for the show And then I left me to get ready for the show And I'm in the shower I get out of the shower and I hear like things moving around in the house

So then I am butt-naked just scared shitless Well good thing you're naked. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. And I walk out there in a towel like, is anyone here? Is anyone here? And it's not that, uh, something like must've fell down that they put up for Christmas, cause they did Christmas

that day. Oh like a tree fell? Yeah. It like fell down perfectly that make noise. Yeah. That's tough. Yeah, that's tough Yeah, nothing will humble you quicker than when you're like, I'm gonna get murdered and you go downstairs like oh like the tree fell or like Yeah, this decoration nothing's worse. But also I was thinking myself If I die, I'm gonna be naked. Is that a way you want to go out? I do have a nice penis not probably naked wise cuz you should like if I if I die with a

flaccid penis that's gonna be but like it even if you have like the guys that are well hung and They have like good like the showers not growers. Yeah, I Mean die naked and someone was someone looking like damn then we lost a good one You want you want some blood flow going yeah But like you know, but imagine if it was like sizable enough that someone's are like Oh, can you imagine and someone's like wow we lost a good one and then yeah But then if I look die naked, you know, like that's okay. That's a real piece of shit. Was he Got a nice piece of meat on him

Yeah, dying. Well, I mean so then I guess your greatest fear is dying with a small penis. It's a dying. Yeah I'd like to be closed closed casket from the waist down If you're hung it closed casket, but Top top up close it what I was working with where we've established we're afraid to die naked. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's crazy fear because I shit everywhere. I shit everywhere. We were talking about our penises are small. We don't want to see that. Here's the thing. You're going to, they're going to, someone's going to see anyway. Yeah, but you want at least a little blood flow down there. Yeah. But I, I'd actually rather be naked if I'm going to shit everywhere to make it

easier for cleanup. Cause then he really just got to move me away from the shit rather than changing my dirty diaper. Yeah, but no, no, you're going to be the hosed off I assume. Yeah, you're going to be still going to take your pants off. They're like oh, well. Here's the mudslide Yeah, but at least you got shit covering your peener Your little dead pecker I think it's more about who cleans it up cuz like either the corners cleaning up or you're gonna have like the paramedics Are you like we're just assuming there's gonna be a bunch of women around after we die being like wow No, realistically it's gonna be Jen she. I knew it was that small this whole time

It's like I've seen it a million times. It actually it actually looks a lot nicer now less angry That's a peaceful penis. It doesn't look like it's trying to bother me His balls went back into his body me oh his balls went back into his body all right I cannot wait till you're 65 and you're nuts touch your ankles yeah well thanks man it's gonna I'm excited for that too but I can't wait for the picture of your my balls look like the science balls the Newton ball the Newton balls But only two of them the fake new balls You know have you ever seen the the guys with trucks that have the ball sack on the back? Yeah, that's so dumb. Yeah

Unless you're gonna say it was cool. I was not But like that's kind of really jumped on that but that's kind of how I imagine what your balls are gonna look like They're They're just dangling in the wind. And behind a Ford F-150. He's got to like re-roll the fruit roll up just to spant on. You ever try to do that re-roll the fruit roll up? My hope for you is that one day you can just flip them over your shoulder. My hope? Like a tie that you're about to eat?

Tie over one shoulder, nuts over the other? We didn't see if you have any lumps under it. OK. you're about to tie over one shoulder nuts over the other. See if you have any lumps under. OK. Do you see anything? I don't either. No I don't see anything. Self-defense. I'm just using a sock with quarters in it. Indiana scrotum. They found him. So then he said he oh yeah. Michigan on this Greyhound bus from Madison. Can you imagine what he's thinking this whole time as he's driving. Well he doesn't have his phone or anything. So he can't like how bored. Yeah well he's

raw dog and I just like well then he then he gets over the border and then I believe he gets a phone, like buys a phone, a track phone in Canada. And then somehow figure out, I mean he must have used his card. No he didn't use his card. Because they didn't have the... You can't, you can't use the card. But how would he have gotten away with all that money? How would he get on a plane? Well he has his passport.

But how did he buy the ticket? With cash? I assume with cash. I do, I feel like at an airport, like like most places are like we're not taking cash also It's got to be a huge you bought the tickets for him Text it to his new number. Yeah, let's try for them. They don't have any kind of him buying That's why they didn't know where he was I feel like it's got to be a huge red flag at an airport if someone comes in

With very little luggage like I'd like to buy a ticket in cash. He has that inflatable tube. Yeah but I'm sure I'd be a little bit easier. I'd be like hey I have a business trip I just need to pay for my and they gave me cash. What is the airport going to say no? No they're going to take your money. They're going to take your money. But the airport and the TSA the security is is insane I feel like hey it might be a little you might take it you might get like your ID or anything like might get flagged for Like when TSA takes you through and get looked at because I recently had to send in legal documents to someone for no parent reason

And I had to send it through the mail and some guy tried shipping a package. It was like the size of a beer bottle but it was just wrapped in tape. Was it a choosing? And it looked like a giant pill. And the lady goes, what is this? And I couldn't hear him.

She goes, do you know what this looks like? And he's like, no, it's just like I just wanna send this. He goes do you know what this looks like and He's like no. It's just like I just want to send this use. I can't send it like this So you need it looks like a bomb yeah, and so like they're gonna be some red flags I feel like for that you I don't know cuz you're not buying a ticket from TSA. You're buying a ticket from American okay, Delta pictures a man with recently wet clothing and he didn't actually fall in and it will too. You're telling me you didn't get a little wet floating. He might have but also I'm sure he dried off by the time he got to Canada. He probably peed himself a little bit. You imagine just being wet for days. It's all for the love, baby. So he gets to Canada, he gets a plane ticket

and flies to Europe, somewhere in Europe. They will not say because he does not tell him. So all of a sudden his family is like, well, he hasn't came home. So we went fishing here. So then they go and up, they see that. So then divers come out. They are looking into it and all this stuff Everyone's they don't know where he is. So they're all super sad. They say he's missing and you know, he's in the lake stuff Cold search He's not like we'd search everywhere. We spent so much money and they're like, okay. Well, that's you know crazy and then they try to You know just get his belongings for the wife and, you know, kind

of like solar and stuff like that. And I don't know when they were alerted, but the FBI then was like, Oh, well, that's weird. Cause someone just used his passport to get over to Canada. And then his wife's like,'s not true his passports right here So that's when they were like, oh then that's weird. Someone must be using his identity So then it's like real fishy then they thought he got murdered or like, you know something like that Yes But then they found out that he requested the new thing and then they searched his computer then followed he was talking with his lady Somewhere I feel like if you're gonna fake your death, you can't go through Canada. You gotta go through Mexico

You can get away cuz they'll let anyone down. They're not letting anyone up. Yeah, you go through Mexico Yeah, but yes, I assume that's a passport. Yeah, but Mexico. It's so much easier. I feel like well I feel like you get to the Mexican American American Mexican border. You're like, hola amigo I'm like that's white enough head on down over to the Mexican to the Canadian border other ways, too Right. Yeah, but they're a lot more locked down They're pretty like yeah, I don't know. They just have secure borders, man There's other borders very secure. So he's he's then obviously there ours will be too soon Who do you think he liked more his kids or his wife because he took out life insurance

I'm sure he loved both. I feel like he's got like his kids way more than his wife So then anyways, he he then put they like we're trying to find him in this and then they put all this stuff and Then they made him he made a video of him. Just like hey, I'm safe. Don't worry about me. I'm not coming home Yeah, that's what he said pretty much and he goes today is November whatever day it is and stuff. Yeah. Wow. Yeah He's not safe To think about it dad do all that work just to make that video like you literally could have just left Yeah, you're gonna be like honey

I'm gonna move in I'm getting out of here, But he's like put so much time into just being like Slowly ghosting also. Yeah another thing like you how Soon before the fake death did he take out the life insurance policy because that's also got to be a red flag They're like alright. He took this out Tuesday. He died Thursday yeah that plan had been months in the making Yeah, I think it was like three months or something like that I'd give him if we had to give him a grade on faking your death and leaving the country What would you give him zero you got caught? Up until like getting like it because what would you have done differently now you like I would give him a C plus

Went through proper steps. I think the plan was a execution went through proper steps. I think the plan was eh, execution, eh. I think the plan was pretty good. Yeah. Other than the passport. Yeah, the passport was a... That was the one thing that messed it up? It's a C. He got out.

And I think that's what gives him a passing grade, is he got out. So he gets a seven out of ten. No I give him a 7. I guess 7 would be a C. Well have you seen recently like the grading scale for America now? We're going to shit. Like 80 to 100 is like an A. You could get a 40 and it's like a passing grade. Are you telling me the American school system isn't as good as you thought it was Michael? I have an issue with- We're doing a podcast right now!

Education in the United States is not good. Listen here, kids. No, I always had an issue with the curve for certain subjects. Yeah, my lean's left. Yeah, I like curvy ones. Mine goes, does your left? No. Mine's pretty straight.

But I feel like some subjects in school shouldn't be graded on a curve. Would you not agree with that? Some schools shouldn't be graded. No, some subjects should not be graded on a curve. Like what? So you have, let's take two subjects. You have computer programming, and you have, let's take two subjects. You have like computer programming

and you have the medical field. If everyone in your computer programming class is getting like 50% on an exam and lower, they usually, if you get a 50% and you're the highest one, you get an A in that class or for the exam. Computer programming class is not like life or death. The medical field, if you're getting a 50% and they grade it on a curve, and they give you

an A in the class, and you're top of your class, but you only know 50% of the material. That's not how curve works. Yeah, it is. No, it's not. No, the curve, it's not like, hey, we're just going to boost everyone's grade up 30 points. It's basically like a calculation of like,

a percentage of people should be getting A's. Exactly, but if everyone's getting 50%, no one's getting 75s, 80s. Let's say the highest score is a 50. That 50's gonna get an A. I think they do something, it's probably a little bit different, but I also think that those, yeah, you're right. That 50's gonna get an A. If 50's the highest, that 50 is gonna get an A I think they do something it's probably a little bit different But I also think that those yeah, you're right that 50 is gonna get an F 50 is the highest that 50 is gonna

Yeah, so I agree that it is a percentage of people are gonna get A's in the class now imagine Your nurse or your doctor top of their class, but they only ever got 50% on the exam Can you imagine going I know but can you imagine going in you're like,, Hey, I only know half of what we're talking about. But also to be fair, did that computer programmer who did the dial later or the whole those all those programs, did they get 50% true? That's what I'm saying though. Yeah, they're both important. Maybe the other example was not great, but like you get where it's an issue. There's an English major and then there's there's what I went to school for and then hers doctors.

Yeah. How did we do last week. I think you guys did great this week. You guys did so good. I'm very proud of you. Okay, and honestly you did so good I want to not tell you how good you did. No, you could just say something really bad We'll beep it out and pretend like you know What is I can't believe that? Dude you gotta stop it's just Dude, you gotta stop. It's just nice. I'm you gotta stop That's on you for saying it we bleeped it out, but all right here we go for football games for week 14 Oh my god

Everyone just busted right? We're on week 15. We're on week 15 Thursday night is the LA Rams at San Francisco. Well, shit. I mean, Stafford went down with one of those Joe Theismann injuries, so I might have to give it. Yeah, dude, did you not see it when he was playing? Who did they play last week?

I don't remember. But he, like, right where Alex Smith got the same injury, Theismann got the same injury. The husband got this is it in Washington. Yeah. I've been to Stafford. Yeah. It happened to Stafford. Yeah. Fuck haven't I seen last week. So I might. You know what I think. I think they're gonna go. I think they're still gonna pull it out. Who are they playing. We're too dumb to do it. It's almost like it's like to the point where like we're so dumb that we even try the other one forget that we're trying. I figured out he fucked up. I was like fuck this run with it. We're so dumb.

It took you way too long. You have like a little hint of something. It's my fault for doing it on the very first one. Yeah, you started hard. It's my fault for doing it on the very first one. Or maybe you're too good of an actor. You're so convincing. Why haven't I heard anything?

He's calling his wife. Why? Did she hear? Stafford's dead. You get my desperate graded on curves. All right. Well I hope you're not a nurse. All right. Week 15 week 15 L.A. Rams at San Francisco. What a good giggle that was. All right. Sam No. L.A. I'm gonna take L.A. Yeah. Stafford being out. Give me San Fran. I'm going to do San Francisco as well. Kansas City at Cleveland. Kansas City. I'll do Kansas City. Cincinnati at Tennessee. Cincinnati Cincinnati.

I'll do Cincinnati. Washington at New Orleans. Washington. I'll do Cincinnati Washington at New Orleans Washington I'll do Washington as well Baltimore at the Giants Baltimore Baltimore as well if I could be a good week to bet Dallas at Carolina Carolina Carolina Carolina as well Giants no Jets at Jacksonville. Jets Jets. Trevor Lawrence can cussed again. I'm gonna let him play. Can cause no more arms. I'm going to do it. I want to do the Jets Miami at Houston Houston is I think they're kind of they're kind of frauds where are they playing Miami out of Houston Houston that doesn't matter they're both warm I'm gonna give it to Miami I will go with Houston I will go Houston as well Indianapolis at Denver Denver I'm gonna do Denver Buffalo at Detroit. What a game. Oh good game Buffalo Buffalo

I'm gonna Detroit Pittsburgh at Philly Philly That's a fun one. Yeah, Philly. No, give me Pittsburgh Okay, I'll do Philly then, that's a fun one. Yeah, Philly no give me Pittsburgh Okay, I'll do Philly then New England at Arizona New England Do Arizona Arizona? Tampa Bay at the charges charges

I'm gonna do Tampa Bay Green Bay at Seattle Bay by a billion Green Bay as well we have a tough schedule yeah going forward Chicago at Minnesota Minnesota Chicago I'm gonna do Minnesota Atlanta at Las Vegas I want to root for them because if we're doing well I'm gonna do we need Chicago to win. True. Atlanta at Las Vegas. Atlanta. All right, and those are the games for week 15. The week we are on right now.

The last pick, it doesn't matter, because it's the Monday night game. We've got the Lions, Seattle, New Orleans. We play the Lions. We play the Lions, the the Lions the Vikings the Bears Seattle We have all playoff teams and the Bears I Believe right no and the Saints and the Saints which aren't that bad of a team the way they come marching in

There I think we might be marching. I mean oh when they do. Oh, they are marching Yeah, they will be marching in December 23rd When they come marching like calendars, you know Or Matt everyone the Saints Are you proud to be a part of that number? Is it To be in that number An American? When the Saints go watching it

Is that what we were not doing there? No, you said something I didn't think you said number Oh, what did I say? I thought you said Ember No, that's him who says Oh, you thought you said the Enver?

I thought you said the Ember At least turn your mic off like we did when we said it I thought you said the Enver At least turn your mic off like we did when we said it No, he's Jewish it's the Nazi symbol Christmas music trivia Jingle bells pumpkin pie Sorry, it had as he said once okay. I'm happy you said it cuz I would have forgotten So you're gonna be man. Are you are you good at are you good at Christmas music? Do you Carol? I don't care, but I have an aunt named Carol

So someone does caroling in your family. I don't have an aunt named Carol. Don't you dare talk about my sweet aunt Carol like that. That's a Cuskies mom joke. Don't go that far. My uncle Mike's gonna kick your ass. Also you can tell my mom doesn't listen to the show because you guys got gifts. That's very true. Or she doesn't. Carol listens to the show because she doesn't send us any. She doesn't listen a lot. Buzz send us some gifts. What was I calling her? Bruce? Bruce. Oh yeah. I forgot what her name was too. I think we called her Bruce for an episode and we were like oh shit. Buzz. You're going to be done a viewer. Alright here you go. She might still listen. Buzz. You're going to be done if you were.

All right, here you go. She might still listen. Christmas? We're going to lose literally everyone. That's not true. You're so handsome. We're all handsome. Go ahead, judge.

Music trivia. You guys ready? Yeah. How old is this game? What is Frosty's nose made of? Carrot. Both incorrect. Button nose. It is a button nose. No, he's got button buttons no this carrots frosty

snowman no sing the song hat sing the song in no sing the song and frosty the snowman that's all I know holly jolly with a corn cob hat and a button nose. Oh, yeah, and He won't show his toes. Hey show your toes for already did All right next one. You should do just like five minutes. We're just gonna put your feet up No, cuz they're just gonna they're just gonna time stamp. All right, here we go. No one's What will her father be doing in baby it's cold outside would worry him. I start to worry. I have choices for you. Wait did we always had choices. Yeah. You just jumped the gun. But to be fair the choices

you said carrot button coal. So yeah you guys are right around it. All right, the choices are you gonna start to worry And and what does her father be doing in baby cold side waiting at the door? pacing the floor Banging down the door pacing the floor waiting at the door Jack is correct it's be pacing the floor quick question can you get these carts you think the song it's a come up I'm fucking board game says Christmas music trivia it's like why do you have that game is wait to do what I'm asking why does he have that sweater what do you just ask why the Sun rises it's Christmas season I don't know I have a butt nose. I do something holiday

Jolly like in your you're the Grinch You make me look jolly you look grinchy. That's not Christmasy at all. This is your wearing you're wearing a Care Bear outfit What is the Abominable snowman have to do with anything with Christmas looks a lot more like it I'm the one who rolled part of the snowman down the hill that looks way more like an albino slot, okay What my mom bought this for me? All right guys ready for this in rocking around the Christmas tree, what will they be eating before caroling? Do you want me to give you do you know, yeah we get options

Jack is correct I'm going to roll. 3-0. It finally happened. I should have put that one at the bottom. That would have been the greatest ending ever. Jack could have just rode up in the sunset. Alright. What did Bing Crosby wish your days would be in White Christmas. Options? Options are, Happy and light, cheery and white,

merry and bright. Merry and bright. That's correct. White Christmas. Wait, hold on. Top 3 Christmas songs, go. Top 3 Christmas songs for me. Yeah The hippopotamus one, okay, what's that one? I want a hippopotamus for Christmas

The the trans-siberian Orchestra one the the Trans-Siberian Orchestra one God, God, he's awesome That's a good one That's a good one And you can't believe they're all playing because they're all like No, you can believe they're all playing Well, I was gonna say a joke but I

we shouldn't say it on here but are you gonna be in the hell if I say it? Sure You have to bleep that out You need to bleep things out when people ask to bleep them out. That's like legitimately an important part of asking to bleep things out. That's the only thing that's been asked to be bleeped out. That's not true!

Me saying the N-word, you have to bleep out? You said it though! Stop saying it! On Christmas I'm releasing an episode, It's just the beat and the song Happy New Year For Christmas's Yeah, it's a fucking banger. I love that time everything on my list, baby It's it's only once for Christmas. You did say you listen to like doesn't even a whole Christmas album

I think he's on a Christmas album Rosie O'Donnell Christmas album that full one. I fucking love that and then you can't go wrong with the absolute classic Rock around the Christmas tree. Oh, yeah rock around the Christmas tree blue Christmas Michael buble and I

Don't like jingle bells. I've been on a romantic And then Achmed the Dead Terrorist and Jeff Dunham collab jingle bombs. That's the same person. They're not collab. Oh my god Is it really it's not a collab. It's just Jeff Dunham He's too young to learn that it's still you know, no like awkward his own person No, but you're telling me Jeff Dunham speaks for awkward. No awkward speaks for Jeff Wow the perfect cover. Oh

My third one is last Christmas Do you think slits is the best gotta be mine there's no way there you have a puppet in yours I Have a world-renowned rapper yeah, and Rosie O'Donnell We go to jail? No. Maybe. She's more street cred than Little John? She did something. I think she does. No, she's racist. Oh yes. That's it. Your dad would love her. My dad's catching strays. Everyone's catching strays how many laws get you straight with it and what's going to stay today on christmas how many laws are after the fire

index the halls fun la la la no good no no father la far la la la la la la la seven eight caski is corrected eight la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la I Got nine of the last one I forgot it goes faster Is great it on a curve. We got it. It has to be great on a curve. If 50 of us 50 percent of us get the right answer we all get the right answer. My God that was insane. Imagine what I got though. I got 100 percent. That one you've been fucking hitting duds. The second verse of Which Christmas Carol begins with, still those cloven skies they come.

He can't read anymore. I don't know this one. Still the cloven sky? Give us the options. It came upon the midnight clear. That sounds like someone talking about cloven skies. O little town of Bethlehem. Ding dong merrily on high. No not that one. I'm going to hammer that. I'm gonna go a cost is correct is a it came

upon a midnight clear. Yeah that makes more sense. Ding dong and cloven cannot be in the same song. Oh the fun fact I did a solo to this song back in the day. Fun fact you're gonna do the solo immediately after we answer this question. In Little Drummer Boy what did the ox and lamb do. I think you should show us what they did Do you agree I? think you should show us what they know the song anymore, but I wore I wore a sack over me and Played the drums like a bongo. I had a bongo in my bucket. I played in front of the church Who put the hole on their pocket?

How big was your pocket no anyway it was like Yeah, were you the drummer boy I was a little drummer boy What was the question in the little drummer boy? What did the ox and the lamb do options, please? Hey, they nodded B. They kept time C. They danced I think they kept time see they danced Think they kept time that is correct cuz he they kept time who's struggling now We're on a team. We're on a team. Oh Can you sing a little bit of a little drummer boy? Oh, that's that yeah I brought these gifts for you. Hey, how many ba ba ba ba ba bombs are there?

Do you said too many? One of my favorite family guy callbacks is when he talks and talks about it's like a Christmas thing. It's like my favorite, like this is worse than the last time Peter went Christmas caroling and he's like, Christmas thing It's like my favorite like this is worse than the last time Peter went Christmas Carol And he's like I am though I brought these gifts for you. They're up in my bum I thought was the funniest shit I've ever heard my entire life Imagine some knocking how you doing me I got shit in my ass you want it All right, how many geese are laying in the 12 days of Christmas don't Google it I'm not so it's the first day of Christmas which would have gave to me

a partridge in a pear tree two troll doves three French hens and or French horns There's a lot of French five golden rings No French rings six Six turtle does no seven turt it's seven turtle though. There are doves in there so turtle doves Oh and a partridge in a pear tree three Three Because that's the best part yeah a partridge in a pear tree three three three Three French I feel like eight because ten geese would be too much do you mind do you want me to you? Oh, yeah

Hey four B six C eight eight Geese a lane Geese a lane or the ones again Four six eight. I think it's eight eight or six. Give me six Jack is corrected as soon as so six keys a lane five Four turtle does no three French hands to turtle does and a bar What is the four? French hens no

And I want to Google this probably question about it my fate okay Last year I went to New York for Christmas with Rachel. We do like a yearly trip every year. This year we're going to Denver. Last year we went to New York. My buddy Jake took us all around to like go to every Christmassy spot we can. He goes, we got to go to this one bar that has like, it's like one of the oldest bars in New York. They serve two beers.

They serve light beer and they serve dark beer. That's literally what they call it. I think I've told you guys this. But we went in. Did I tell you this? Yeah. We went in, and it's literally the whole bar sang top down the 12 days of Christmas.

And it might be in the top five Christmas moments I've had. It felt like, what do they call it, the flash mobs? It just happened in the middle of the bar. I'm like, this is what Christmas is about. What sucks is once you're done, the bar sucks. bar sucks like it was like well now what do we do now what do we do it guess I'm gonna drink my dark beer in the jingle bell rock what is Jingle Bells what is it the right time for yeah to Bob the night away to dance the night away to rock the night away Hmm Options please yeah

To Bob the night away to dance the night away to rock the night away rock the night away rock the night away That is correct to rock dance the night away is Which creature is not mentioned in your mean one mr. Grinch a crocodile a snake, an eel. Snake. Snake. That's correct, a snake. We're doing so good.

Also, such a good song. It wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole. Yeah, such a good song. That might be Eel Up in My Top. Yeah, I like the Darius Rucker version of... Oh, he does more covers? Listen, he's as old as you are you should at least be friends. He's older and he I like the bluefish better. Yeah, the bluefish the redfish bluefish greenfish bluefish

Where is the dancing and prancing in the Jingle Bell Rock? Set again, where is the dancing and the prancing in Jingle Bell Rock? Dancing and prancing and. Say it, I'll know it once you. Oh, something air. Time square, Jingle Bell square, Telco square. What, it's not that one, I'm gonna say B. I don't know what the fuck that is.

B probably, yeah. Oh, yeah, B. Jingle Ball Square is correct. What was the third one? Jack, read it for me. T-R-A-F-A-L-G-A-R Square. Can I see it? Yeah.

We'll put it at the bottom. I skipped around. Trafalgar? I have no idea. Let me see. The United States education system is All your square. Yeah, but that's fucking he could have said it he did say it correctly. Yeah That Aussie said by the way, that's what you sound like most of the time

By the way, that's what you sound like most of the time. Yeah, I know. So I think I'm doing great today. You're doing really good right now. You're doing good today. I'm killing it in my head. In the song Winter Wonderland, how should you frolic and play? Galey. That's probably in there.

That's part of it. Give me the options. Yeah. Okay. The North Pole way the Eskimo way the reindeer way. Eskimo way. I'll go reindeer way just to Eskimo way is correct. Michael's back on the board way off round Michael's back on the board I think we're about even I mean it rhymed. That's right. Thought it was gonna be They always have that word sprinkled in and Chris does rhyme with way we do this for next 20 minutes I'm a good time please something on the last one. Where are they rocking around the Christmas tree? literally around the Christmas tree Frosty air or something It's the right time to knock the Christmas party jingle bell time is a swell time to go right.

Away. You both said. We started a different versus. Different versus. Do you want options? Yeah. At the family party top, at the celebration bop, at the Christmas party hop. I'm going to say Christmas party. Why are none of these frosty air? Frosty air's in. Take a breath, Ron.

It's swell time. Ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh. I'm gonna say Christmas party, Bob. I'll say something Bob-a-Dap. Michael, you are correct. Michael, you are correct. I'm listening to Christmas music the entire way home. In the carol, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Christmas. In the lyrics what is the prettiest sight to see. Is the holly

that will be. Something like that. That's not bad. Keep it up. At your fraud door That's correct We didn't even need the options Here's some heel lefties lefties Big breeze why take the sock off that's usually what happens if you up with clothes, it will get cold if you take it off. Maybe. You know what? I'm glad you're leaving. Oh, wow. Fight, fight, fight.

I would lose that fight. Actually... You would 100% lose that fight. I would dismantle you quickly and efficiently. I don't think so. That's not very jolly of you, but I will kick your ass. I think... Have you ever done one of Avery's classes? I used to do... Let's go fight each other. That's not very jolly of you, but I will kick your ass. I think have you ever done one of Avery's classes? I used to do it. Let's go fight each other. I used to do jujitsu

Same no more than you yeah, no shit I tried for about ten weeks I think if you ever want to fight someone is like hey, you ever took an Avery's class? Yeah, I will never forget the first time I went to his class. He goes, all right try and kill me I go why he goes no you can try it's not gonna happen Yeah, that that that makes me feel real good. I do remember after class three. I was like I could take anyone Yeah, that's exactly what it is blind sense of confidence. How long did you do it for? I did it for Probably a little over a full year They did cut kickboxing with you give me enough beers

I'd still feel like I could at least keep up you could keep for a little bit You keep up for a little bit, but I think I got the reach on you You do have the reach, but my buddy of the reach on me He's a little bigger than you and I used to make him I used to wear him like a backpack. I Would just slam me I'm a turtle but I totally like this bang no it sucked is like I had him once and he literally he's like six four and just like picked me up as I had him and I had like he just picked me up and goes I'm gonna drop you Right afterwards Avery watched and then he stroked that

Yeah call back call back a week later it's in a holly jolly Christmas the lyrics tell us to have a cup of what Options Yeah, you don't want to sing it right away? No, I am. Cup of options. Eggnog whiskey cheer. Cheer. Cheer. That is correct.

There is no Christmas song that references, no mainstream Christmas song that references alcohol, really, at all. Yeah, but know what they all reference? Cheer. Cheer. And cheer is a holly jolly time. Forward for whiskey. We only had it out of three. But know what they all reference cheer. Yeah, and she's a holly jolly time for

Whiskey sorry, I was going to booze better for when you had a good Christmas time Hit one of these blue packets and you're feeling right the next morning Let's say you get after it and have one of the orange packets and you feel good. That's gonna stay there for probably months Do you know Santa's an alcoholic? That's gonna stay there for probably months. Do you know Santa's an alcoholic? That's why his cheeks are so rosy, it's just gin blossoms. Is he Asian then? Because usually you get the Asian blush. They get the Asian glow.

But no, he just gets gin blossoms. What are gin blossoms? Gin bean blossoms. Your face gets kind of red and rosy if you drink a lot of it. I just get, we have a friend that does that. Josh. Josh looks like the guy that like, you give him too. Yeah, he does get really red. Yeah, that's why I know Josh Oh, I can't wait to see him looks so hot. Am I starting over him on Wednesday hot temperature wise

I get a play Wednesday. That's the first question. Do I get a play? Yeah. Yeah, I think we got does not sound convinced Yeah, you'll be in the lineup You know who's in the lineup a lot of people who don't play You'll play how much though you? if your are So we'll have one sub and then we'll rotate size that sub You probably won't pitch chicken bacon or maybe you will pitch to Italian nightclub You probably won't pitch. Or maybe you will pitch. Dude.

Italian nightclub. What? Maybe just like meat lovers, Mike's way. I just want to be accepted. And he just like, he just, sometimes he hurts my feelings a little bit. What do I do about that? You want to know what I think we do? I think you guys wrestle.

Right now. I would kill him All right guys I'm gonna take my slippers off. I was gonna hold up into the camera. Will you guys go at it? I might be our most viewed video we get three views. It's just us wrestling and you are over a knife and I'm screwed up. Yeah They would just clip it to that moment Where someone has something in their neck? You gotta dart in your neck Would you ever fight me? No

See? What do you mean see? I'd kill him then. Oh I mean if you're trying to kill me But I'm not gonna fight you just like normal. I played your little baseball game. Little baseball game. Let's go to the Mets. Let's rassle a little bit.

Okay. Will you film that Jack? I'll come out of retirement. Will you film that for us? Can you pull the tripod up and film it? Can you just stand next to it please? I wanna fight. Alright, last one. I don't even know this one. What is the wish of Janice and Jen in the beginning in the song it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas like Christmas. Options please. Options a pair of hoop along boots and a pistol that

shoots toys from every store. Dolls that will talk and go for a walk. Dolls that will talk and go for a walk. That's true. Good job guys you guys are good at those. Thank you. I should walk No, we were loving that was a good one It's weird I didn't say that last week's energy compared to this week's energy different different different Probably one whole beer different Yeah Yeah Different. Probably one whole beer different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I got us to pee again. The zipper ends just high enough that I have to lean over a little bit. Leaning on you. Just to like not hit the back of your toilet seat. Ah. Yeah, it's tough. I still hit the back of your toilet seat, so I'm sorry.

That's all right. It's okay. We'll forgive you. Well. I'm good. I feel like if we... Jack, looking back at your time with Fat Chance, did you...

Can we stop saying that? That's harder. I don't want to believe forever. But looking back, like when you first started it, till now, did you think it was gonna be what it was? No, I thought we were doing it for a summer. Yeah. Drag us along every week. I was like guys, I'm going to be moving soon. So I know here we are two years later. One year. This is our second Christmas. Second Christmas a year and a half. Yeah. It did start with, Hey, let's promote the golf outing and then I think we can all agree that

We had fun. We had enough fun doing it. Oh, yeah We know we're not saying we didn't have fun. Yeah, but yeah, it was I Was like quit after the summer. Yeah No, I think there's Right before it's I have it saved Um, no, I think there is, right before, I have it saved, we were talking about, we were in this basement, but in there, and it was, I think, I swear to God,

it's like the episode or two before. They're like, well, where do you think we could be in a year or whatever, and you're like, I think I'm right here on this couch. We moved a little bit. We did move. We were like, I don't think, we were all like realistic, we were like,

I don't, like this is like good supplemental stuff. Then two weeks later we got the sponsorship. And I was like, and I was like, I'm definitely saving this video. I'm like, if something cool, like cooler happens afterwards, I'm just gonna rub it in Jack's face yeah I'll be right here in this corner asleep it because when we were in that corner we were just saying you were you were like this you just sink and just like yep Judd you can't read Chad it was so why is

it so cold down here it was cold remember when that oh god that was a day ruiner yeah you were not happy No, we mean cuz he had to do a full episode by ourselves Well, you guys are upstairs figuring out how to work a fucking fighting over a furnace Yeah Well, what is something that's gonna stand out from it like that you remember looking back? You have a top three moments Looking back. Mmm. You have a top three moments

Top three moments because he's gonna clip admit One of one of the top three moments was not part of the podcast, but it was when we went to Tiki bar That was good time. Oh, yeah, that was a good time. Good time. I woke up to a note on a pillow I'm like, thanks for the good time. See you buddy Well, so we did play we went back and we played Bill Wartow 100. Yeah, Bill Wartow 100. Yes. No, that before the Brewer game for me is one of my favorites. That was actually, yes.

That one goes there. and then probably I would say the St. Pat's parade. Yeah, that was fun. That was a good fucking time. That was a problem. What I like about that is we did not know what we were getting into. No, not at all. We could have been well-versed about it. Like, they could have told were getting in. No we could have been well

versed about it like they could have told us and we still wouldn't have understood. You got a shitty text message saying get here on this time we're getting into the back of a van. We literally got into the back of a van and drove to where was it Aaron something Aaron. Yeah Aaron. Town of Aaron. Town of Aaron. Yeah. And what do you guys see. What what they would the video that came from it? Yeah, that is what we could literally do on the fly. It was all us Trying to make if we didn't have Diego taking some of it and also taking turns running around with the camera like It basically it was the quickest

I'm gonna almost say blackout. I've had It was the quickest, I'm gonna almost say blackout. I've had it. We got pretty fucked up. You were hammered. I was hammered. You fell asleep on the chair and we came back to try and record. Oh yeah, that's what we don't tell people.

But then, I'll tell you what, those booze betters worked because I quickly was like, we're good. And uh. You guys went on after that. We went on afterwards. Yeah, we went and got wings after that. And we had a second wind. We were ready to go.

We had like three, four drinks in the next place. Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah, that was a good time. What else you got? We got third one. And if you don't have any, it's OK. I'm sure I have had one.

I'm trying to think of another good one. But also, if you don't have one, Jack, there's just going to break my heart. Yeah When we got lady and we were in your theater room Yes, yeah, I didn't do it. I think she peed a little bit. Oh, yeah Yeah, that was you like I have a dog. Is that right? Like I forgot we did it in my theater room It was a great time. That was a good it was nice or choosy with choosy I came oh that was like dude you're electric you're a completely made-up person that just like showed up here doesn't exist we're doing a podcast right now

and now we're gonna go out and like drink and do a role this man flew out for us and I think it's one of your last comedy performances was that night. One of them. Yeah, because I've done a lot of roasts. Those were all to my. Yeah. That was one of my last roasts because that was my roast against. RV. That was my last comedy performance. Yeah. Wow, Choosy. You killed Jack. But I think he's the only guy trying to big back baffle. Yeah Have you seen those he really wants push Apple back like and he's on the hunt for zins

Oh zins are out there. Yeah, I heard there's no idea. There's a shortage How is there such a shortage of zins and actually it's a shitty product. Just get rogues My buddy recently switched to rogues It's a shitty product. Just get Rogues. My buddy recently switched to Rogues. Did he say it was better? Yeah, he's like, I have to wait in between pouches because I have to let my skin regenerate.

Yeah, because it's aggressive. That was my favorite part about Rogues because it made your lips tingle. Just like real dick. We're literally in the car ride back from hunting. And he goes, I'm like, do you want, because he's driving, I'm like, you want me to open this? You guys, now I got to let my skin regenerate a little bit. I'm like fuck dude. I go wow these things do work. They're crazy

Never don't start with pick it up and I would pull my lip out I drop it so high up and it would never touch my lip and go I'm like cool man. They hate it every time but it's a good bit. I don't like to chew but I do like the beef jerky in a can because then I would when I was a kid I would pretend like I chew like my dad. I'm sick. I asked for that for a stocking stuffer from Rachel I give me some beef jerky I asked for big league two and beef jerky in a can she goes you can get big league two. I Guess you can you say more kids things in the onesie. It is so fitting I want a Lego big league two beef jerky in a can coke and Mentos and

One Power Ranger one Power Ranger. One Power Ranger. I have, my mom did an advent calendar for the wife and I. And it's just like, every day you open up a bag gift. And so today we opened it up and it was a toilet timer. So it's basically like when you play Pictionary, you have that sand timer. But it's a silhouette of a guy pooping. And so the sand comes out of the Pictionary, I got that sand timer Yeah, but like it's a silhouette of a guy pooping and so the sand comes out of the butt

Oh, I like five minutes and once the sand comes down is all the bait on then you figure out the toilet So it's all these like gag stuff, but I know for a fact there's probably like a box of probably a roll of rogues in there because She asked me what I what I do and I told her and so I'm hoping that one of these days I just find it. Just like a log of rogues. Just a log of rogues and I'm gonna be so jacked up. Oh yeah, she's gonna be pissed but.

Yeah, no she'll be fine with it. And then so we got Oreos yesterday. Oh nice. That's why we have those. Yeah the Oreos are great. Jen opened them and she was pissed. She was like god damn it. Is she not a cookie person?

Or she just doesn't like junk food? Do you remember the times you've been here and she's like juicing just anything that's green? Yeah. The paint from the house, celery, an apple. Like anything is usually making green juice. We don't have anything like that ever. I mean, good.

I mean, people like to be healthy. She gets excited about not, it when it's in here because she thinks I want to eat all of it. But like if I have it, I'll just I'll have like a lot the first day, maybe like four or five cookies the first day. And then I'll be like, I don't want it anymore. That's usually how it goes. Hey, you just got to get the craving out of the way.

I feel like as you grow up, you're like, I just have a craving, let me have it once. And then I literally don't want it anymore. Like if I had, I want have a craving, let me have it once, and then I literally don't want it in a month. Like if I had, I want Taco Bell, and I got it that night, and someone showed me Taco Bell the next day, I'd be like, this looks disgusting. Yeah.

That's a once every six months thing. Like every once in a while, like the McDonald's thing, when my father-in-law gave me that coupon for a free Mac, did it once, and I was like, not as good as I thought I was gonna be. I as I thought I was gonna be I'll wait till I'm absolutely starving in my home city and get it again there. Yeah, that's it Right either way, but lots of good times. Yeah, I Mean I think there's a plenty like memories that are come back though when we were in Cuskys apartment when no furniture just those three chairs.

Everything was bare. The last episode of my apartment. The last episode in your apartment. I was like, this is insane. Like we're just like in the middle of the room. I set it up so it's literally just that. The cameras are just directly on us. I was insane.

I liked that setup though. It was kind of fun. It was like friends when they passed the JR owned. Yeah, that's where I went. The 70 show. Yeah, that's what I like wanted to do it as. I was like, oh, this would would be fun and then I don't edit to make it look like it's swiping to the next word.

That would have been really funny if every time someone's oh god. I would also don't talk like we don't wait for everyone. Yeah we don't wait for everyone. Yeah we don't. What? We don't wait for everyone. We don't wait for everyone. Little, little, little.

It's like we're finishing each other's sandwiches. Sandwiches. it. Everyone. Little, little, little. It's like we're finishing each other's. Sandwiches. Sandwiches. Yeah, dinners. Dinners. Potatoes.

You say potato. I say tomato. All right. All right. Where are we at? Your final message until your first message, your second first message. Yeah, your second first message.

Yeah, your second one. Alright, Merry Christmas, pumpkin pie, keep your toesies spread. Signing off. And when are we going to see you next? you