Fat Chance Podcast - Garret Nygren Ep.184

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

Denver's own Garret Nygren joins me and the cats on this episode.

okay so you have a pill to extend the healthy years that answers the question because if you had a pill and you could say you could extend your life for 10 years but they don't tell you which 10 years you get expanded so like hey you could either relive your 20s 30s 40s 50s 60 70s 80s teens or zero through 10 would you take the pill hold on real quick there is no guarantee that it significantly extends lifespan Currently, the goal is to extend health span. What's the difference? Just your... Producer Rachel is a nurse. And what is the difference between lifespan and health span? I don't know, just the amount that you're healthy for. So maybe you get hip dysplasia later if you're like an old golden.

Okay, but if you're, I guess if you're healthier, longer, shouldn't that mean you'd live longer? Or do you just have a finite amount of time? I guess that no matter what, every dog. gets capped off around like 14 years 14 15 yeah i had a cat lived to 22 once oh my god that's that's this my aunt had a cat had a cat named hoochie hoochie mama hoochie mama and it lived to 26 and it just stayed up on the fridge and it wouldn't come down are you sure it was actually did was it on the fridge for 26 years or and alive or alive yeah uh i went over there for Thanksgiving a few years ago and I woke up in the morning to my aunt vacuuming

hoochie mama took hoochie off the top of the fridge put her on the couch and then took a vacuum to her it was just vacuuming the fur and then just put her back up there just lived up there at that point you're no longer a pet you are a decoration a breathing decoration yeah I don't know why the fridge became that designated location but I think There was also like two dogs in the house, so maybe it was just like a safe spot. It's also probably warm. Yeah, yeah. Which they tend to go to.

I swear to God, if you too, you're adorable, but if you ruin this recording and I have to do it again, I'm going to be pissed. So cute. But if you could, so if there was a pill for human years. Okay. And they told you you get to redo 10 years of your life. Oh, wow. But they don't tell you there's no game. guarantee which 10 years it is it's either you're doing zero through 10 over again

you get to 10 you go back and do it again would you take it knowing you could potentially just like you get through zero through 10 and you're like imagine you do 10 through 20 and you're like I'm about to be 21 like nope go back to 10 shit well that complicates things I don't know I don't know if I take it I need to know I need to know before I do What would be your, the 10 years you want? Would it be your 30s or your 20s, you think? Probably my 30s, just because in my 20s, I was just like, oh my God, I need money to eat three meals a day.

How am I going to do that? Yeah, but you could say after you did your 20s once, you know how to do your 20s now. No, I still would fuck up. But suddenly your 30s, you're just, boom. Something clicked. I don't know what it was. I'm hoping something clicks.

I got, when do you turn 30? Six months. Six months, dude. dude all right well something will happen good in six months maybe maybe i take that pill and i just do this all over again that means i actually i technically if i do it over again rachel goodbye if i had to do it again i didn't know you until i was 25 so in your mind you're dating just this idea of you would look crazy i'm like i swear i was dating this guy for four years he's my roommate they're like we've never heard of him there's never been a guy here

that'd be a fun movie yeah you're like actively disappearing it's it's kind of like back to the future but you have way more time exactly you're the only one that knows you're like oh shit and can you imagine if you don't go back and you're like you hit 30 and you don't go back to 20 well you're like oh okay so I might I don't get to redo my 20s am I going to have to redo my 60s and your 60s could just be riddled with like hip replacements and oh god well then you're you're actively at the golf outing being like, I think I'm going to take this hole off, trying to not tear the ACL. Yeah, do you redo it?

You get a chance at a redo, or do you just have to live it over again? Because that wouldn't be fun if you knew what was coming. Or it could be any 10-year period, not even a period that you experienced yet. So all of a sudden you wake up and now you're living from 60 to 70. And you haven't even done that yet. And then you go back to 30? And you're like, oh, this is so, oh, my back doesn't hurt as much. you just die at 65 and you're like well this sucks and even get the full pill

no no no that is the power cord to the camera that is the power cord to the camera you hey producer why don't you scaddle them out of here you got some young kittens in the house I know they're cute until until you're shirtless in bed and you're trying to try to go to bed and they think your armpit hair is a toy and so they're just munching it i woke up the first week and sheldon was licking my nipple i go i'm not your mother absolutely not and he was fine i'll bite it i go i don't you're going to be an aggressive one he's trying to latch on he is trying to latch on but you know what you're off the bottle feeding and mine i mean my i have really small nipples

like like abnormally small i would say i yeah look look at your chest they know i mean i think the proportionate because I've been looking at it my whole life. What do you think? If you had to give me a... It's a weird way to start a podcast. Probably a quarter size round. You need a quarter? Yeah. I feel like that's proportionate to your body.

I think so. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I feel like I come from a family of, like, fucked up nipples, to be honest. Picture in my grandfather right now for whatever reason. I've seen my grandfather's nipples. And it had like a, almost like a teat on it. They're always so pointed.

They're always hard. But they're just like little ends of the eraser pencil. You know? Oh, yeah. Like they have like a protruding. It's not even that he's cold. I'm like, dude. It's almost like frostbitten.

You're like, do you even feel that anymore? It's like dark? The round, the round, the round ariola looked like a bottle cap. Like someone pressed a bottle cap. Ooh, like the ridges on the end. Yeah. It's all this hair follicles. Is that what I'm going to look like?

Probably, yeah. At what point? When you get your hair from your, mom's father. Yes, the hereditaries. My grandfather had a pretty good head of hair, but I don't know. I never met my mom's father, my grandfather. My nipples, I would give it like a nickel.

A nickel? A nickel, yeah. Which is like a significant difference from a quarter. Who's on the nickel? What president? Jackson? Ben Franklin? No.

I have no idea. I don't know. Who's on the nickel? Is he? No, he's on the 20. Is he also on the nickel? Oh, look at that. We're getting laughed at from the peanut gallery over here.

And given their two cents, we need a nickel. Yeah, well, now that they've discontinued the penny, that's the second time Abraham Lincoln has been assassinated. But, oh, my God, it's like Judd's here. Dad jokes. Who is it? Thomas Jefferson, told you. it's i'm always right oh and on the back of it no oh that's ben franklin no yeah did they

monticello monticello is on the back of some who is monticello it's uh thomas jefferson's homestead in virginia so what is monticello where is monticello uh charlottesville charlottesville yeah this is like jeopardy over here they got like wineries and stuff you can tell you teach history Not just the Holocaust. I know. God. At what cost?

Do you think your kids like you? Yeah, I think they like me. And are you prepared for your kids to find this? Because I've interviewed one other teacher before. And once a month, I will get one of his students. And be like, bring back John Fauser from the original episodes. I was like, he was just one guess. It's not like he was recurring, but everything like,

that's my math teacher. and then he must have switched schools or subject. He goes, no, that's my history teacher. He can be both. This guy does it all. They were going to find you. They could roast you. Yeah.

Are you prepared for that? I think so. I got a lot of Thanksgiving cards this season, like when students write thank you notes to their teachers. They still do that? Yeah. It's amazing. I thought that stopped.

Did you ever do that as a kid? Maybe like the troops or something, but like not like. to a specific teacher yeah i never i never wrote a thank you note to a teacher but all of the thank you notes that i got were just like thank you for being chill and cool yeah none of them were like thank you for helping me understand the curriculum better it was all just like thank you for letting me turn my homework in late professor yeah thanks for giving me some extended time you know i needed that i was brainstorming i was oh my god what are the excuses now my laptop's not charged okay do you have a charger mr

Yeah, I have a charger. Do you have a power strip? I don't have a power strip. Do you have an extension cord? Oh, well, I do have a seat over here next to an outlet. Nah, I don't want to sit up front. I'm good. I'm like, okay.

And you can't just tell them, hey, no, you're sitting up front. You need to charge your shit. We'll just look on with a partner or, you know, keep it in your journal. I have them all. Does anyone write notebooks anymore? Yeah, a few. A few? Well, I also get out.

Are those the smart kids or the ones that are just drawing? Both. Both? Yeah. but yeah i don't know i mean the students have so many excuses more than they whatever it's like and i feel like you can get away with more now yeah there is no cut the shit right if i wanted to leave the classroom it was because i had to go to the bathroom or the nurse

and now they have like all this other stuff that they could potentially be out of the classroom for uh just the technology aspect with the laptops or the They left their cell phone someplace, and they got to go get it from the previous class they were in, and then they're gone for 25 minutes. I mean, yeah, I would too. The minute I'm allowed to leave, I'm gone. Only, like, one pass can be out at a time, one for the girls, one for the boys, and then one person leaves, and I just don't see them for a while.

And then they come back in 27 minutes into class with, you know, 40 minutes remaining or whatever. And I'm just like... What happens? If one of the, let's say someone goes, hey, Professor Nagrin, I left my phone in another class, and then some guy really has to poop. Is he not allowed to leave because the pass gone? I usually write a pass. I usually, if someone needs to leave the classroom, I never say no, because I've had teachers do that. This is why you're getting a lot of thank you notes, if you're never saying no.

Thanks for not letting me ship my pants, Mr. Nygrin. Yeah. Yeah, passes to the nurse, pass to get ice, pass because I have a stuff. stomach ache. To get ice? Yeah, so they could ice an injury if they're like a cheerleader and hurt their shoulder. Freshman. You don't have injuries.

I think I starting to get, as the older we get, and you start feeling some aches and pains, or you actually have, like, some of my friends have torn their ACL twice or shoulder surgery. And one guy knows I'm talking about him, but just he's broken everyone on his body. That guy's going to have aches and pains and needs ice and whatever. You got tackled the wrong way at recess or people. You're fine. You're going to be, the minute you leave classroom, you're totally fine. You got so much adrenaline because you're out of class.

It's like the new, the ice is like, I would say it's comparative. Remember when your friend had crutches or a cast and you were allowed to leave early with them, I was like, hey, I need to carry Ben's book bag for them. You guys can leave five, ten minutes early to get to the next class on time. It's like, how long do you think it takes someone to crutch? For real. And the person who they ask to carry their books, it's like, they have so much power. It's never like the same person carrying the books.

It's like, no, I'll let you leave 15 minutes early with me today. And they're like, come on, bro. It's either like best friends or, hey, Sheldon, get off to counter, buddy. Best friends or you could, you guys like, I got a crush on Shaley. yeah yeah i'm gonna ask you to leave 15 minutes away with me yeah she can carry the books and also my heart yeah exactly we got the paths to the elevator we're taking some floors up and down i can't i can't imagine school the phone thing oh my god we used to get crucified as your phone if your phone went off you like you have your phone on you yeah bring it here teacher's desk it's

yeah yeah we have like pockets in front of the classroom and everyone has to put their phone in there and it's just like and then I'm on my phone and I'm like oh what's up with it it's like that's not a good look it's like I know you guys wish you wish could be doing this you wish you could you're on Instagram writing a Holocaust joke like you know what Hitler is actually funny yeah he got he got thrown out of art school for not being a good artist but you know what I'm going to work on my craft as they learn about what he did. Exactly.

How often are you getting material from these kids? I feel like it would just be a gold mine. Yeah. But then you become the teacher comic, which isn't a bad thing. I really hold off on letting them know I even do comedy. Smart. I have my classes for just half a semester. So when I know that we're more than halfway through the lesson,

I just make sure that I tell them with like two weeks left. Like, oh, mister, you tell jokes? And I'm like, oh, yeah. Yeah, it's good. And I kind of leave it at that. And they're like, tell us a joke. And I was just like, no, I'm good. I did have a student be like, hey, mister, I just bought tickets for Locales, Taco Tuesday.

And I was like, oh, awesome, thank you. And he was like, oh, but it's 21 and up. And then another student chimes in and he goes, it's because he says dirty jokes. Oh, they definitely think they're the funny ones. they gotta be yeah yeah it's i don't know i feel like high schoolers could be way more ruthless than they're just so immature especially freshmen like i'm teaching them about like the holocaust and how like the german neighbors like they ended up like turning on their neighbors you know and then the the kids were just like oh they turned them on and i was like they turned on them they turned on them

you can't you can't say anything i was like they they betrayed them And they're like, oh, oh, okay. You almost have to go to, like, the old English. Yeah. Let's break out the Shakespeare again, and maybe you won't find this sexual. Yeah, it's just like, God, dang it. Like, I'm just trying to make a point, and then everything always, they throw darts up into the ceiling.

They make these sticky notes with little paper clips in them that they can get stuck into the dry wall ceiling. So they still do that. Okay, they're still kids. Yeah, it's not necessarily hornets because they're not shooting them at each other. They're shooting them into the, ceiling to get them stuck. So I had probably about like 50 of these like darts made out of post-it notes in the ceiling.

And some, another teacher in my... They put in thumbtacks or like paper, you said paper clips in them? Paper clips and then they would wrap them with the sticky note and then they'd be like a dart and then they put them in their both index fingers and they look up at the ceiling and they go and they get it stuck and they get so proud of themselves. I would be too. Honestly, I'm kind of into that. I would so be into that.

And then they leave the classroom with like, 20 of the darts that they put in the ceiling and they just are like breakfast clubbing at home it's just like you know what it's building camaraderie and i'm all for it yeah i uh i don't know i i have to go up there onto the desks with a broom and get all of them down they're like falling on me and soot is coming off of the brush from the sweeper and i'm going up there and just like enough enough you're a chimney sweep yeah yeah yeah what have you given a can you give detentions or is that have to go through an approval process now because you don't want to hurt their feelings well i just i just send them to the freshman dean

i usually go all right well if you're going to give me a problem like we have the guy who's you're going to be having to talk to and it's going to be more serious i never uh you know talk to my students negatively in front of other students i usually say i'd like to have a word with you after class just one on one and then everyone leaves and it's a lot more scared and then, yeah, ooh, and then, you know, it's just like, I'm just letting you know, I'm warning you now that if this does continue, there's going to be repercussions and consider this a warning. So it's like gentle parenting before you break out the belt. Yeah, well, if I'm going to have them be held accountable for what I'm asking, I'd like there to be like a clear distinction that I've asked of them this prior rather than just like, expelled. I feel like that would be the fun part about teaching

I just feel like, I don't like you, I don't like you, I don't like you, detention, detention, detention. I'd like the dean that had to come to me like, you can't issue a detention every day. It's like there's 14 hornets in my ceiling. Yes, I can't. Yeah, it's a swarm. It's a swarm in there. It is. You got a full-on hive.

Who's Queen B? Can you tell the popular kids quickly? Well, some kid, like, revealed his pocket to me and he had them all lined up like there were pieces. of gum they were all just different color sticky notes with different darts he's dealing in class he's dealing hornets he has like ammunition and he's really good at it he found his calling i just didn't think it would be something so that that's your future drug dealer for sure you know i got a strain you got i got red blue green yellow double sided double sticky posting notes what you want well all the teachers now have to like make sure that their posted

notes aren't readily available on their desks like it has to be in their drawers of their dress. That's the contraband now is posted notes. Because they're just snagging the whole stack and creating these darts that they're putting in the ceiling. Where are they getting paper clips? I know you're not buying paper clips. Well, staples as well, just like staples from a stapler. So if you have like things that they need a staple, then they open it and they take a little bit. Also lead from a pencil, a mechanical pencil is also pretty sharp. So they put that in they. See, that I would buy. I feel like with how much everyone's on laptops now, it would be like everything I thought was just.

digital now like your homework's online you're it would just let me email you a PDF jason that's what your notes organizer like a notes organizer as you're watching a video take notes on this yeah i'm gonna collect it at the end of class grade it process grade something like that but yeah most stuff is on the computer no one really has a locker anymore you can fit like everything in your backpack and it still not be like extremely heavy yeah um a lot of people too are now like taking paper clips or whatever, staples, just something metal, and just jamming their laptop with it to, like, short-circuit it. So they don't have to do work.

Are these school-issued laptops? Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, that makes sense. The tech guys are just like, God damn it. Again, again. So, like, no, okay, no lockers. Where do they put their coats?

You just, does anyone wear coats? Like sweatshirts. Sweatshirts. I wasn't a coat person. I'm a layers guy. Maybe they do have lockers, but I never see anyone, like, hanging out at someone else's locker and being like, okay, guys, get to class. So you don't know if they have lockers. Do you just go straight to your classroom and are like, you stay there the rest of the day?

Just keep my head down, dude. Stay out of trouble. Don't get hit with the Hornet. I was at an assembly recently, and I was seated next to a new teacher. And she goes, oh, hello, you work here? And I go, yeah. Because, oh, I've never seen you before. Oh, nice to meet you, too.

Nice to meet you, too. I don't go the bathroom. I eat my lunch at my desk and I get in and I get out. I do have a movie club every Wednesday. Do you? During lunch. And it's only like one kid shows up. That's, what do you watch?

We're watching stop motion animation. By choice? This is just the genre that I'm doing until the next semester. So you chose stop motion animation. I can tell you why there's one kid in your book club. well if we're actually going to watch something like good i'd have to have them like sign off on like a parent slip because it's our you know but you could watch like you could get put on cars but oh come on we're talking fantastic mr fox you get like three people to show up oh you could triple attendance with cars yeah it is ca chow ca chow i just be toy story anything disney dreamworks Shrek. I would show up for Shrek. Ratatoui. Ratatoui, great. Probably top five cooking movies of all time is Ratatoui.

Oh, okay. What beats that out? The movie chef. Oh, with John Fairview. Ferreville? Favro? Yeah. Favro? Yeah, there it is. Yes, that one's great. He actually studied cooking culinary from a specific chef and the guy just had him do all. Roy Choi.

Yeah, menial work. Like nothing of substance. just so he could understand the way of the kitchen. Yeah, and then they had their own spin-off, like, cooking series, The Chef Show on Netflix, and it was like my favorite thing. It was just like, I don't know why, I love that stuff. He does the food truck. That's the whole premise. He has this really great background of being a cook.

Yeah, no, I know way too much about all that. So, yeah, I love that. So that comes in before or after Ratatouille? That's probably number one for me. Oh, wow. Um, and then what's the one with, um, Eddie's million dollar cookoff from Disney. Yeah, we could do that one. I've never seen it.

Is it, I don't think it's not heat? Burn. Burnt. Burnt. Yeah, Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper, Sienna Miller. Yep, that's a, that's a good one. Ratatoui.

I'm trying to think of other cooking movies I've seen. I haven't seen a lot of cooking movies. Julia Childs. Nah, not a fan. Merrill Street got an Oscar nom for that. I think she may have even won. what other cooking movies I've seen that I would really like This is Doubtfire

Sure, we'll put that one at four She-he cooks a lot And then What's another movie where they cook a lot I don't know Those like family barbecues and fast and furious We'll put at number five Oh man

Because it's all about family Talking family Talking family Yeah it's It's funny I want to circle back to your your movie thing my buddy is a guidance counselor at a school and he has do you hit first of all i guess the question is do you have to have an extracurricular thing you're involved with at the school no

it's just something you kind of came up with on your so it looks good yeah there's already two other movie clubs oh and i'm like the third and i they happen on like monday and wednesday and And then mine's Wednesday. So I think everyone's got the movie watching out of their system by the time my club happens. Yeah, is yours after school? It's during lunch. During lunch. So, you know, if you're on campus and you're a freshman, because freshmen can't leave.

Yeah. And you're just looking to chill and watch a movie and, you know, talk about it. But I didn't know there were two other movie clubs. I had no idea. That's good. And I was like, God damn it. You got to think of something else. do like a video game club my the guy i'm not i'm not good at video games he's the e-game sports

coach and he texts me he goes uh just completed an undefeated season onto the playoffs i was like hell yes their their game is mario card i go undefeas he goes yeah we just never lose a race i was like that's honestly insane and then i didn't know he did it and so it's a sport or is it It's e-sport. It's e-sport. What does that fall under as an umbrella? Sports? Sure.

It's sports in the thing. I think, you know, we're real loose with that term right now. But one of the greatest moments of my life is I, when I came to Denver with Rachel to tour apartments last December, we stayed at his house. And he's like, yeah, I got to come home. and then I got to coach e-sports. I go, what fuck are you talking about? He goes, we're in the playoffs. I can't be there right now.

And I'm like, Paraguayorikis, he goes, I got to give him like a, I'm online with them right now. I go, you're in like a, like a gamer clan thing. He goes, yeah, I go, I got to give him like a pump-up speech. It's half time. I'm like, I watch this man, a grown man, give 14-year-old boys and girls a pump-up speech to step it up in Mario Kart.

in their next races, and I was like, this is great. And then you hear on the other end, just some kid's voice goes, you know what, you're right. I was like, this is awesome. It's me, Mario. Oh, my God, he's like wearing the sweatbands around his wrists and head in solidarity because, like, they have, like, team colors probably, you know? Oh, I, uh, uniforms as you're playing.

I made him a shirt because, uh, we did a fat chance fantasy football league last year, and he won it and I was like whoever wins is going to get merch for me and I was like my buddy won it so my god I'm making this my own you can come up buddy and it's just it says fat chance March Madness or fans football

I forgot which one it was he goes I won March Madness and coached Mario Kart I was like this is your coach's shirt from here on out they got to respect you after that oh my God it is funny what we deem as sports you know like I'm really I'm really getting into pickleball pretty heavy i would call that a sport it is a sport but it's like it's

almost like you don't necessarily want to tell people that you play it's kind of like disc golf i feel like there's a line you can't be like you can't say i play pickleball i play disc golf you have to say i'd go play because it's it sounds like yeah that'd be a fun activity to do today like spike ball but it sounds like i play spike ball you're like what do you mean you play it like are you in professional leagues are you competitively playing this are you training have you made money off of this sport that you can buy for 30 dollars at walmart yeah actually i have and that's why i'm telling you i'm the number one spike ball leader of the world the r oi is phenomenal 30 buying, I've already made my money back tenfold.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I do love pickleball, but if I were to, like, tear my ACL playing it, I would probably tell people I toured a different way. You got up too fast, fell down the stairs. So many better options. Yeah, I just, I was playing doubles with this elderly couple and just one wrong step, and there it goes. I was talking to a coworker, and she goes, yeah, I'm really in the pickle.

ball and make sure that you wear eye gear when you play because I swung and hit myself with my own paddle in my eye and had stitches. And I was just like, okay, I think I'm a little bit more athletic than that. That's unathletic. You should not. The motion itself, if you swing, you have to deliberately bring that up and punch yourself in the face. I'm sure she probably didn't get the point after.

was probably just a follow-through, like, ah! Yeah, it's like self-harm at that point, and we don't condone that. It's, I don't know. I like pickle. Pickleball's fun. I played it a bunch of times, Rich,

and it's way easier than tennis. Like, if you think tennis looks good, go play pickleball. It's much easier to get the hang of. You're not hitting it as far. You don't. And if you don't like ping pong, because that seems too finesse,

pickleball. It does transfer, though. If you are good at pinka ball. ping pong. I'm very good at ping pong. I played pickle ball probably a little over 15 times. Yeah. I feel like with that, I know how to put spin on the ball. I know how to cut it. I would say ping pong skills transfer way better to pickleball than tennis does to pickleball. Ooh, I don't know. There are some nasty tennis players. I'm putting it out there. I would rather the Chinese Olympic team form a pickleball team. than Federer Nadal.

If I'm taking the Chinese ping pong team over Federer Nadal in a pickleball doubles match. Ooh, yeah, either way, they're still like 10 feet back from the court, just like wailing it. Yeah, they're not even on it. It's just ha, ha, ha. God, I've seen some matches where, like, God, professional ping pong players, they're so far away from the table.

You have to have like one of those wide lens cameras to zoom out. Wait, hold on. They're slowly, usually you zoom in in a sport to get real close. Like, well, if you'd like to watch this, we're going to keep this, keep zooming out right now. It looks like I'm trying to jerk off this microphone. Yeah, I'm pretty excited for Marty Supreme coming out, the new Timothy Shalabah ping pong movie. I did not know. That was the thing.

What is he not? He's in everything now. Yeah, yeah. He's even in my ex-girlfriend. I feel like we should put that out there more. We get a little claim to fame. Timothy Chalmay, boonked your ex-girlfriend. Oh, man.

Should you just start that? Eskimo, Eskimo brothers. People would think you dated Kylie Jenner. I know, I know. I was like, no, it was while he was in LaGuardia High School. It's fine. But yeah, that movie's going to absolutely rule It's from one of the Safty brothers

They did uncut gems I haven't seen that Oh, it's so good I used to be so into movies I still am But I just I used to collect Blu-ray DVDs Yeah

And what were you gonna do with them Well you know this was This was before You know all the The Netflix was super popular I mean it was popular But it wasn't We didn't have

It wasn't crystal clear It wasn't a crystal clear like that. You could still get the DVDs. I was like, and it stemmed from my buddy's stepdad had, they had a theater room in the basement. What a stepdad thing to do. But the theater room in the back, there was just a wall of DVDs. And I felt like in my house, like one day these Blu-ray discs are going to be like vinyl records. They're not.

It's just a lot of money I made my parents put into the fifth. physical copy of a movie that we now pay $8.99 a month to watch on Netflix. What's the movie that you're thinking of? Name one. You got one on Blu-ray, but you also got one digitally owned, too. Fast and Furious? Oh, I definitely have Fast and Furious, for sure. Just ready to go at all times fired up.

How many Netflix is down? How many Fast and Furious have you seen? I am really not good at that. Fast and Furious, Too Fast and Furious. Tokyo Drift. God, does Shaw, Wallace and Shob or whatever? I think that's where I stop. Hobbs and Shaw.

Hobbs and Shaw. I didn't watch that. I think I stopped at like five. Yeah. And I feel I, when those first came out. Yeah. So far. How bad did you want to customize a car at the age of six?

Well, I thought that's like what was cool, not just like. wow okay small dick motherfucker you know what i mean like now whenever anyone drives something like around me and it's loud and obnoxious i'm like we get it yeah it's annoying it's annoying it's annoying but um yeah obligated to finish them at some point in my life but i feel like i can't get behind the whole yeah we dropped a car out of a spaceship and landed it on the freeway to rob how much how many more banks do you need to rob yeah how many more methods of transportation are you going to add to this? You have a car on a train, which is going so fast,

and now all of a sudden you're driving your car off it onto a motorcycle. You know, if your family keeps expanding, those movies keep happening. New kid, new movie, family. I don't know. I don't think I watched anything without Paul Walker. I just saw it as more of like a money grab. You know what I think? I think I saw the one after Paul Walker died, and then that was it.

Because I think that's when it should have ended. it yeah and then like charlie pooth like dropped that fucking hot track was like see you again that was so and then the whiz caliph it comes in i don't think is the whiz version come in in that movie at all i don't know i feel like that doesn't fit their their image yeah it's a it's a crazy franchise it is a crazy franchise well okay i used to say this joke where it was like fast 10 is coming out more like fast 10 your seatbelt No shortage of dad. Between you and Judd, there's no shortage of dad jokes.

The problem is, I haven't heard yours yet, so I entertain them. When Jud gives me one, I just go, I won't even acknowledge it. I go, absolutely not. Oh, brother. Would you consider yourself a movie buff? Mm-hmm. Okay. What would you say, okay, first of all, what's your take on a remake and a sequel?

Mm-hmm. Do you think they need to happen? as much as they are happening because I feel like for a while we were just seeing remakes of movies there's no new ideas so if it's an original series

I don't want a sequel unless it's like 10 years after the original it's like Happy Gilmore that's way too long way too long I mean like I just want the sequel to be done right yeah no don't rush it

we don't want to we don't want to money grab it's okay to have a sequel. If it makes sense after the first one. Sometimes like a movie comes out and then the sequel's already out and I haven't even seen the first one to see the sequel.

I'm like, so you always had two in the bank this whole time? Yeah. And the first one wasn't even prolific enough to have a second. Okay. I agree with you. I 100% agree with you.

Do you like the remakes where they're just doing the movie again? It was like a 1970s movie. He's like, we'll do our version. Like 21 Jump Street. I thought, I think it's cool. No, like I think it's cool. And, like, they use modern-day technology to retell a story, like Lion King.

You know, they use CGI and all this cool stuff that otherwise was just, like, cartoons. I think that makes sense. Yeah, I think I kind of agree. Kind of don't. I don't think everything needs a live-action version. Yeah. I mean, the Lion King, for me, it's the Lion King. That's how the Lion King was intended to look.

Yeah. That's how a kid, it was a kid's movie. Kids are going to like it. Just show them that. Yeah. What would you say is a movie that deserves a sequel that never got one? Ooh. Deserves a sequel that never got one.

Or you would like to see a sequel for. Um, hmm. Gosh. I don't know. I mean, I was more stuck on, I think, a really, remake that was done well okay start there yeah uh Thomas Crown Affair with Pierce Brosman never seen so good such a good heist movie he's a billionaire he steals artwork they're trying to catch him it's like a cat and mouse game I think initially it was

Steve McQueen in the 60s got remade to early 2000s okay so I like Pierce Broson he's my James Bond you know so you know I like James Bond man oh my Batman is definitely Christian Bail. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, so good. Not Ben Affleck? God, is anyone's Ben Affleck? I hope not.

And I like Ben Affleck. I just watched the accountant, too, on the plane. That didn't need a sequel. It didn't, but I think he portrays someone who has, like, a social disorder very well. He's just playing himself. Yeah, very well. Okay. If you think of something that needs a sequel, just blurted out.

wherever we are. Favorite trilogy. Ooh, I like the Born series. Born. That's great. That's great. I think it also changed the James Bond franchise because prior to it was like kind of corny how he was always getting out of stuff with this technology and the sexual innuendos

and it wasn't really taken seriously. Then you had like, you know, gold member and Austin Power spoofing it. And then it's like, where do we take this series? And I think, you know, born supremacy, born identity, born ultimatum, all of these borns, they, like, depicted it in a more like, these, you know, car chase scenes, these fight sequences, how legit it is. It just, like, totally made the Bond franchise go to Daniel Craig. And then he's just, like, this hard-ass bulldog. And you, like, you can see, which is really cool, just, like, culture throughout the years. just by watching a James Bond movie from the 60s.

Like, it's just how society kind of flows. You can see it through the franchise. I like the Daniel Craig. That's where I got introduced to the Bond movies. Casino Royale is great. I think he did great. Sorry, continue. Quantum of Solis is good.

Skyfall with Adele. Did you ever play the James Bond video games? Golden Eye? Yeah. Yeah, pretty fucking good. You said you weren't a big video. game guy no i just i grew up with two older sisters so i didn't have brothers to play video games with more of a Barbie doll playhouse yeah get put in a skirt easy bake oven yeah you still do that

yeah how'd you know well you brought me some bake goods they're all real tiny i wasn't a skirt when i did it uh fuck i had another another question okay who do you uh james bond i love the series this see this is where i'm torn on these things is but ultimatum like supremacist identity for the born trilogy is so fucking good so that is like a favorite of mine for sure that would i have so many movies i could just do movies with you um for a while um that's a great trilogy if you had to do one off and i you know i'm gonna do the bond stuff first so what my thing with these like trilogies and all the stuff and like the remakes is eventually the best part about a story to me is that it ends where but the bond

series is a little different where you kind of bond to me is like a level of agent you are you are bond you are top guy MI6 it would it there's an ability for it to continue and do multiple movies with multiple actors and stuff like that right versus some movies are I'm like hey end it and it would be so it would be remembered so much better you're squandering it yeah all that to say who do you think the next bond should be i think arin taylor johnson is already slated is he yeah he's built like a brick shit house i think he'd be great i think he'd be great too uh i don't know so like the broccoli family is the family that owned the bond franchise for years and they just sold to amazon they the people who created broccoli well yeah the broccoli production company the family

who makes all the broccoli all the broccoli all the greens they even made that song rolling up my broccoli yeah just wild I don't know you own this character you have the rights to James Bond it's like Sony and Spider-Man

yeah and then you give it up to Amazon it's like okay you can have Lord of the Rings too Amazon owns everything for real and everything is just so easy it's so hard not to go through them for things well the thing is it's like they feel like they can just throw money at it and it's going to be amazing and it's like i'd rather it be a little more throw money at it and it could be amazing but if you have the you need the right creative people behind it right right i mean i think

the move for a lot of things when they do have a large budget is not to rely heavily on cg i the computer generated images like go the del torre route with like the most recent frankenstein with uh jacob alorty right and you have everything tangible in the room like nothing is CGI. It's so much better. It's so much work but the guy come, the Del Toro comes from the makeup background

so he's really into practical effects. I just, I feel like we can, that switch seems so practical in our heads but it's a business. So they're like, we're in the business of making as much money as possible so we can cut costs

or not really cut costs. CGI is expensive. It's but they also in my head's like all right there's you don't have this big budget production CGI effects here there

I feel like you're just creating a watered down movie rather than something that's like timeless which I think at the end of the day is only you're creating a legacy and then you just it lasts longer you have more of a return later on

there's a longer shelf life to those movies oh yeah like we're still talking about Lion King or any of the Jurassic Park. Jurassic Park is a great example of that. Jaws.

Spielberg on Jurassic Park when it was the first one that came out in 94. He was working on it and he said this is going to be like the last major production movie with practical effects. Like everyone let's soak this in. They had those animatronic, you know, leaf-eating dinosaurs. They were just like crazy. Yeah, I wish. The scale. The scale.

of the sets and everything and it yeah it looks fake but it's real and the actors you know able to actually react and know what's in the room with them rather than just like a guy wearing green and just like screaming in your face and you have to pretend it's a dragon like and then he's like oh sorry i really got into character there you're wearing green maybe i could learn how to do some green screen stuff and just make you like a floating head yeah exactly yeah that would be great um yeah i love movies i always like just growing up uh my family and i we'd always have like you know all of the oscar nominations printed out and then everyone would initial who they thought would win for each category oh that's fun all the way from like

sound mixing to special effects to everything so you know best picture best director best actor Yeah, supporting actor, just like all of these different categories. It just got me to know movies very well because I always wanted to win, you know, going up against my mom who likes movies too. It's always good to just know what movie's going to win. Well, it was also a different time where you saw movies on TV. Yeah. And there were more ads for it being in theaters.

and with there being more limited theater runs, I miss the trailer. Yeah. I miss seeing a trailer for a comedy movie on, or like on the TV, and they show you every funny part that's in the movie. You figured it out when you're older. They're like, well, I just saw every funny part.

I need to go see it again. Yeah. But it was so enticced. Like, I'm going to go see, I'm going to go see the hangover. Yeah. I'm going to go see Get Hard with Wilfair. and yeah 100% I miss that

yeah well I just think they tell you too much in the trailer now they do it's like I like some mystery I want majority mystery I want I miss the voice where it's like now coming to a theater near you the trailers prior to a movie in the

theater and you're sitting there with your popcorn or whatever with whoever you're with and you're like huh and you're there to see I don't know pick a movie

too fast too furious yeah in theaters and you're like all right what's coming out I'd see that

I'd see that that looks stupid yeah fuck no dude I don't like scary movies that one looks good that one looks good

and you're like oh shit then you're pumped to come back you're like dude that'd be a stick one to see in theaters

yeah yeah and then your movie starts like this is fun this is fun yeah and it's always

smart too that they include movies at least now, like I'm not a big horror guy, you know? Neither mind. And I went to go see a horror movie in theaters and like, all the previews

for the movie were horror movies and I was like, this makes sense, but like, I'm already scared. Oh, my God, that makes that happened to be seen by that. Mischief. Mischief in the making. Mischief and mayhem.

Project Mayhem. That is literally what I call them is mischief and mayhem mr they already have nicknames mischief mayham pancake and monkey they both get called bubba sometimes is that what trump was doing oh these two are they're they're a lot it's like some crazy cats you know i'll never i'll never be the guy that says hey i know what it's like to have kids i have two kittens but you can put a kid in a crib yeah you Someone came and they were like, hey, you got both your cats in a tiny cage. You're not letting them out.

Someone would come. But if I put a kid in a crib, you're like, ooh, he's taking a nap. Yeah. And I wouldn't have to worry about them right now. Yeah. Maybe they'd like it if they weren't put in a crib but a cardboard box instead. Well, my favorite part is, is I'll have to get up again in about 30 seconds to remove them again from where I just left to take them out from. Yeah, they're intrigued.

Yeah. and they they are cats are like humans they realize they don't want you in somewhere or you don't want them in there and they're like that's all i want to go that's the only place i want to go i'm not allowed there nope i'm going to get there yeah yeah go go go go put up something that uh you think will mitigate the problem i'm tearing that down knock it over yeah speaking of lying king uh i saw a funny meme really recently where it was like we can't really fault scar for like knocking mufasa off the cliff because like cats knock everything off the cliff exactly just doing in their nature yeah I I thought that was like a learn or like just like a

a nature was a nature nurture behavior I don't know and I was like oh because they would get on some things they weren't knocking shit over for a while and then last weekend i swear to god i'm gonna i'm just gonna turn the camera to these cats this is now a solo podcast you ready you talk give him a monologue yeah just let's do a mid-episode uh where are you next yeah got two got two cats here uh very young mischief cats obsessed with a little bit of a plant oh man so small so tiny

just on the couch by themselves is like so much couches left it is it is adorable they'll just like put their their paws together and you're like you're just so tiny

just little mittens right when you think you're out they bring you back in again you're like you know what I can't be mad at you They're making little biscuits and stuff Like they just started making biscuits Oh my God, junior biscuit makers I'm gonna love these guys

They're great employees, great employees Look at that, I took the plan away All right, I got another question for you I always wanted to know this But like you give a lot of We always got a lot of homework Going back to the teacher stuff Yeah, a lot of homework

Yeah, okay There's no way It's like a 10 page research paper or like three pages here, four pages there. Are you reading all of it? Are you like... And you can nod your head like this and say no, or you can do whatever.

No, I... Are you read every word? Are you reading... I probably read, like, the first 10 to 15 that I grade. Okay. And then I have like a good understanding of like a spectrum of where someone else can come in at. And I go, oh, this looks very similar to...

what I gave an A. This looks very similar to what is a B. This looks very similar to a C. And then just by kind of looking at it, you can go, they miss this, they miss that. Because you have the rubric in front of you, and you also have some good examples, some okay examples, some bad examples,

having those in other tabs, going, yeah, they hit the point like that. So does it benefit a student, if they're your student, to be in that first 15, or in that latter half 15? We're like, I might be able to get away with some shit if he reads this in the back half. Yeah, but it really, with the relationship that I have with a student, too, where I'm like, this kid usually wants to try and get away with some stuff.

I might read it a little harder yet. You put a little target on your back. Each student is different, but there are systems that you can go through that. To expedite the process of these things? Expedite the process, yeah. I was wondering because I was like, especially in college, and I know you have TAs and stuff like that, but you had a class where you had to do like a 10-page research paper. And there's 300 students who go, there ain't no fucking way out.

I was that teacher. There's no way I'm reading that. Yeah, yeah. I mean. It's 3,000 pages. Yeah. It's a lot of the same thing. Over and over and over again, yeah.

So when you get more well-versed in the same thing. you know what to look for. But it would be different if everyone was writing something different. You know, it's like, oh, I really got to lock in. But then I guess it's my issue with, like, the writing assignments. I know there are definitely good papers and bad papers, but I also firm believer that a lot of this is subjective as to what people think is good and bad.

And it always pissed me out, especially like I'd read some of it. It says basically the same thing. And you just, you don't like it. Like, what, do you not like me? Is that, is that it? There's also, like, just, like, some dead giveaways if people are using AI. There's also some dead giveaways just, like, if people rushed through something. Just, like, just having a good structure, having good, like, indentation for a new paragraph.

Having, like, good transition words. Like, just things that will get you a little bit further. Yes. Mix it up a little bit. Doesn't all start with I, I, I, I, I, I. Yeah, yeah, just things that are like, okay, if you did do that, eh. What's your, what are the AI clues? I know one for sure, because we'll use chat, you bet, the dash.

The dash, the M dash for sure, the colon's and the listing and the parentheses. Yeah. But even if you were to put that into an AI checker, it wouldn't be definite that that person did AI. But I'm sorry, no freshman I didn't is doing that dash. Right. anything like that right um yeah so that's a dead giveaway also just like sometimes i will put some things into like an AI fact checker yeah and with social studies it being like so fact based yeah uh that it comes back as it not being them because they because it's facts it's gonna be

in other publications it's gonna be in other forms yeah and that maybe it's often citing it Yeah, that's interesting. The AI stuff, like, I remember, even when I was in high school, there was a, there was a website that you put a topic in, and as long as you just started typing on your keyboard, I don't know if you know this website, you just started typing on the keyboard, it would start writing a paper for you. Like, I could just do that little, AGF, G-G-A-S-D, whatever thing, and then it just starts typing paper. As long as you're typing, it writes. What? Yeah. And maybe I dream this, but, uh,

but no, it was definitely a thing. And I was like, oh, that's, and kids would use it. And now I, I can't imagine. In college. I would be so enticed to use that. I use it for work. In college, I had a student, well, not a student. I was also a student, but, you know, classmate that just had like all the answers on

their Apple Watch. Like, that wasn't even a thing to look out for yet. Yeah. I know I'm showing my. age but like now it's like no phones no smart watches yeah no laptops no this know that it was do they still still got no cards what's up do they still allow no cards like you get one three by five no card you can put anything you want anything you want on it both sides yeah i remember cramming some stuff on oh my god i would i learned to write so small you get those

like tiny ink gel pens and you're just like ah fucking you just redo it yeah yeah like some major themes not a lot of key terms i was always good about key terms but it's always like what is this overarching theme yes oh i i always found it to be like a puzzle or a game like how much of this textbook can i get on then you get fancy with it and you have like green red purple this is all purple is this all green oh you're you're abbreviating shit like the night before you're like oh topics of topics of like the primary colors and you just do the

first letter and you're like I'll remember that's red blue and yellow and you're like what the fuck does RY and B mean FC Fertile Crescent that's right That's right Ripatia? What's a rib? Yeah you're going to Taco Tuesday tonight? No I'm not going

tonight but I am going to stand up tomorrow I just got to figure out where. Joe Willys, dude? Oh, yeah, I always forget about Joe Willys. Where do you usually go on Wednesdays? I don't. Usually I'll do downtown comedy works, Monday, Tuesday a lot, thick skin, whatever, because I've had some good luck there.

And then I come hang out with my boys on Thursday. A little peber and a pickle night at the good old monkey barrel. That is hands down. This is probably a little circle back to comedy, which is great. hands down one of my favorite rooms open mic rooms i've ever performed in it is thanks man the first when i moved here i got so excited about doing comedy here when i moved here one because like you can do old stuff and you're more excited for it because people have heard it or haven't heard it yeah and then i show up and i'm like i'm gonna go check out with this monkey

barrel's all about it's like it's a bar show usually when you hear bar show you're like it's so hit or miss yeah so here and I go in and dude it was packed I mean the bar was packed the room was packed

there were comics every I mean it was it's winter when I was here so yeah February so people aren't like there's no football football was over

um on Thursdays at least and I was like holy fuck is this what mics are like or at least this one here and Obviously, it's not like that every night, but, like, there are people consistently there that do want to watch comedy, and it's so fun.

Yeah. I've met some good people there. I don't know what's going on. And it's just a genuinely good time. Like, I do. Thanks, right. Yeah, five years of doing it, so I think it's now, like, somewhat of a staple in the comedy scene in Denver, and people go there knowing what it is. I'm not telling them it's something else.

They know that it's comics workshoping trying to get their tight five. And sometimes it's like, oh, yeah, come through. Yeah, it's comedy night. You know, it's free, free to perform. And they're like, is it an open mic? And I'm like, it's free to perform. Yeah, you never say open mic. It is.

I do have to admit, though, so that was the first comic, or open mic, I went to go see. And I was like, I'm definitely coming back. Yeah. The first one I went to go perform at was Locale's Taco Tuesday. It's tough. It was tough, but there was a decent crowd the first time I was there. I was like, okay, like people are showing up. It's always weird in a new scene.

I don't know anyone. Literally anyone. Yeah. And I sign up. I get there. And you don't know what time to get there. Like, oh, Mike starts at 7.30. List goes out at 7.

Do I need to be there at 7? Can I be there at 715? I mean, I got there at 715. It was like 25th on the list. Yeah. I was like, okay, stick it out, stay. And I just watch people like dwindle and leave. And I was like, all right, we're getting to like 25.

And there's a good amount of people. I didn't go until 43rd. I got bumps from 20. Because no one knew who I was. I had Taco Tuesday. That's like a record breaking list. 25 to 43. We usually crack like probably 13.

It was, there was so many people there, and they just kept showing up. I think the underground came, because Aaron came, and he saw me perform, and he's like, come to the underground. I was like, cool, I'm like starting. I ended up, there was like 25 people in that room watching to start, probably 15 when I should have gone. There were three people who were trying to leave when I ended up going on. And I was like, okay, maybe this isn't, it's going to be as good.

It was tough. Yeah, we're going to reach two years there at Taco Tuesday, December 12th. September 12th. So the longer that you're in a space doing comedy, the better the room will be ultimately. People are used to it. Used to it. Locals seek it out. Comedians kind of know what's up.

But, yeah, it's just like, you know, the longer you're in a space, hopefully the room builds. But, yeah, Tuesday night, we pushed it. back too we pushed it back a little later because comedy works has their new talent night yeah at seven 30 so we pushed it to eight to kind of you know have a 30 minute cushion to allow people to get over if you didn't get on standby yeah get on standby but yeah it's good hudson hills fun too start trying to build that room uh you guys joe willies joe willies is good just reached one year there November 6th, so that's good. So a baby, it's the littlest room of them all, you know?

It's fun, though. The youngest room, yeah. Second floor, owners down for the cause. Jack Comstock now hosts. I'll be hosting tomorrow night because he's in Omaha doing comedy at the Funny Bone. Funny Bone. Good for him. Yeah.

I love Jack. Jack's great. Jack doesn't really know me, but I talked to him a few times. He's nice. Very welcoming. I hope his ACL is doing well. I know. Dang, I was right in the vicinity of when it happened.

We need to get him some health insurance. He came down on it. Ooh. I was like, did you hear a pop? And he goes, yeah. At least it wasn't pickleball. At least it wasn't pickleball. Exactly.

Yeah. All right. Why don't you tell everyone, go through that list again. The other podcast you're going to be on, this will be out Friday. so people can go watch your other podcasts you'll be on and any shows you have coming up word yeah so uh right on cue yeah um yeah so uh pallet city is something that i produce uh we do it tuesday wednesday and thursday tuesday at localec it's a taco tuesday spot on a 11th across some whole foods in cap hill and uh yeah it's super fun start at uh 8 o'clock, sign up at 7.30. Tuesday, that's the taco spot.

Wednesday, Joe Willys, it's on South Broadway, and it's on the second floor, and it's also really fun, starts at 8.30 for an 8 o'clock sign up, and then Monkey Barrel every Thursday, which is kind of the home base, and that's 7 o'clock sign up, 7.30 start. Just all kind of geared more towards open mics and, you know, trying to. fine-tune the craft of comedy and then uh sunday december 7th the first sunday in december i'll be at hudson hill uh for a show december 5th i will be uh at sterling ranch it's a good show it's gonna be a fun one and then uh the 19th i'll be doing my first don't tell oh really yeah in denver i just got asked i've never asked i've never asked before

But I got asked, and I was like, okay, thank you so much. Who's running the don't tell us here, BK? Yeah, BK. Yeah, I got a, I've done a few don't tells in Milwaukee. They're so fun. Yeah. They're so good. I did my first one in Colorado Springs.

I did ask to be on that. And, yeah, did very well. And then I had a good set at Comedy Works when BK was hosting. And then he hit me up. And I was like, thank you. Yeah. So that's something to look forward. two kind of rounding out the year uh you know it's always it's amazing what the december vibe is

and then what the january vibe is for comedians it's like oh my god i can start anew and it's only like been one week difference yeah it's the same shit you're just you have more energy for the same joke you've been doing for six months you're like oh new year new me i'm gonna write this year yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna create good habits that lead to better material that's more authentic to myself wrong no you're not you're going to do the same hacky shit over and over if you have to tell yourself

you're going to do that as a new year's resolution you ain't going to do it what's the deal with doing new material at mics I hate bombing if you ain't bombing you ain't trying yeah but if you're bombing all the time stop sorry

all right we'll wrap this up thank you buddy it took us months to do I know. Thank you so much for having me. We'll do it again and I'll be more prepared. No, this is great. If I would have been able to see your text prior to Sunday when I got service, I would have prepped something. But I'll do, I'm trying to do more of these in person and slowly just trying to get rid of Judd. Just slowly trying to get rid of him.

You'll be the Judd of that. Judd's time is up and I hope he watches this. I'm just kidding Joe we love you And no He also thinks we should do a lot more in person So we'll have you back on And we'll do some more fun stuff Have fun of your other podcast

Happy Thanksgiving Happy Thanksgiving Happy Thanksgiving Happy New Year Happy New Year Merry Christmas Laheim Happy Hanukkah

Are you Jewish? No Could be Bye Thank you.