Fat Chance Podcast - Holiday Hot Takes Ep.149

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

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I would love your dad to just be talking to Diego and be like go back to where you came from It's 30 miles yeah Is it only 30 miles it's no change is gonna be closer to 65. Let's argue about it well It's far enough that when I match with a lady from James from like that's too far. It is way too far then again from James Bond, I'm like, ah, that's too far. That is way too far. Then again, less teeth, that's way too far to go. Yeah, that's the main issue. Yeah.

You need to have all your teeth if you're doing 45 minutes of distance. Or if you match with O.N. Ed. Hey, I don't like that. Yeah, there's like a teeth to miles ratio. There's a sweet spot in there somewhere. If she has no teeth but in the same apartment complex. It's fine. It's totally fine. Grandma? Alright. Sweet.

Sammy? Yeah alright. Man I kind of wish I had another unopened one and just because I'm afraid I'm going to spill. You're going to put it in that? Hell yeah. I bought this last year for the one episode we did with Christmas sweaters. Oh yeah. Yeah. It is the ugliest thing. Are you gonna wear this sweater on Saturday?

Yeah, I am. I'm trying to find a Buddy the Elf costume for Owen though. So... Would be really good. Why don't you just get the ears one? Well, if I don't have to buy one or whatever. Oh, you're trying to find one? Yeah, I'm just trying to find one.

It's easy to go buy a Buddy the Elf costume, but. OK. OK. There's this thing called Google? Yeah. It'd take me two seconds. But if I don't have to spend $35, $40 on a costume that might not fit Owen, I'm not going to.

It's a bit of a taller task. Can I ask what you mean by trying to find? Are you just asking? I'm just asking people if they have one. Someone has to, of our network of people, someone has to have a Buddy the Elf costume. How much are we hurting for cash, where it's like, please somebody, you gotta have one,

I need this. It's just the principle at this point. Right, that you don't want to spend yeah cold hard cash I'm not gonna wear it. I I'm feeling very attacked by both you right now. You won't buy me a fucking costume. You don't think I'll match with hot ladies I don't know Jamesville seven yeah What is your settings in your dating profile?

My settings yeah, well how far are you going? Oh dude, I'll tell you I it's You know I've been emailing them for weeks. I'm like guys we need to update the settings can we get a race? But you know there's been nothing eight my issue is is I'm spread across a multitude of apps So you can catch me. I'm on Facebook dating Wondering what is it like cuz I get asked all the time like you want to make a profile Yeah, I feel like you're just connecting with old high school teachers It's worse. I feel like yeah, it's bad because wouldn't just be your friends

No, dude. No they get separated that you get a separate little thing where it's like have a crush you can send it to someone But then it'll be yeah, but then it'll be yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's just a more sexual poke somehow, you know Like they hearted you I actually I haven't ventured into it. I'm very scared to send a crush to someone I'm very scared to send a crush to someone Facebook dating hinge tinder grinder Farms all know the last two the last two I was trying to see if you guys were paying attention Or if you just throw fingers up I want to see how high you guys could count. You know yeah, no, but it's just the big three I guess

No, bumble no bumble listen the ladies got to move first on that one. Hard sell. That's really rough for a little guy like me. You know, that's like. You don't like someone in charge. No. Not even a little bit. We're going to sell you tonight. We're going to have a nice little, do you want to date?

When you say it's a hard sell, they're just not messaging you at all? Dude, I go on Bumble. it's like I never installed the app. It's just I'm like, did I turn notifications on? And then it's like, oh, they're on. There's just no- So you don't match, but not even match? Well, the thing, I don't think you send likes on Bumble.

I got off it right away. I got mad because I was like, you know, usually I get a little song. This is killing myself. Usually I get a Janesville 3 and then I'm like,'m rip-roaring ready to go but just nothing on bubble. There was there. Yeah, it was a ghost town completely. You're more attractive on different. Do you use the same pictures for each app or do you try it? You're like hey, I got two shirtless pictures I want to use but I can only put one in my... That's Facebook material.

Yeah, yeah. Facebook's more of the shirtless stuff? Dude, Facebook is the wild west. You can put a shirtless picture on a dating app? Yeah, it's true. Oh my god. Mike, that is the most frat boy thing you could ever say. I've been on one dating app in my life.

And you were shirtless? No, it was Tinder Group. What the hell is that? Yeah. Is that prehistoric? What do you got? It's prehistoric. Yeah, pre.

You could, when we were in college, there was like, you could go and Tinder as a group of people, looking for other groups of people to go out with. Yeah, we're just like, it's just called orgies.us. I think it's called being Mormon. And we had One lady message us, like, hey gentlemen, welcome to, or Sarah's too busy eating out whoever but welcome to the Palace of Pussy What are you guys doing tonight? And I was like delete. There's so much to unpack there. I was like

Hello, there's like three girls like this isn't real. Yeah. Yeah, we're all scared now. We're all scared now I love how formal that started to hello gentlemen Eating out Jessica, but welcome to the the palace of pussy how may I help you you're like I don't know any of you you're like should Sarah be eating out Jessica I don't really know I can't tell you anything it doesn't look like a Jessica you so you had tinder group and you tender does it I was done yeah done and now you're on Facebook yeah t, Hinge. Got it. Yes. Now, how many of your pictures are you on stage?

Dude, really? Seriously? I think 80%. I'm serious. I think it's all of them. Shows you have personality and a hobby. Yes. It could also show you're unemployed.

They're going to be like, well, we want a recent picture. And you're like, well, the recent thing I did was only do comedy. This is all I've done. Yeah, like this is all Sleeping Yeah, I don't know Facebook's a wasteland though. I'll tell you it's it's all either just single moms or You know just a little classic little Janesville number Which is like it's crazy because they throw you like they're like, you wanna meet this girl from

Dayton, Ohio? And it's like, I- Well they suggest it like, hey, you might be friends with this person. Yeah, yeah. I mean it's Facebook marketplace for dating, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything is used and a lot of it's like,

hey, do you want these free AirPods? They're in Florida, surely what? I noticed you've clicked on brunettes a lot, here's 25 more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Out of your area. Exactly. No, every single time I see one where it's like,

I'm a little pumped. You know, like I got a like from a hot lady, and it's just like 1,200 miles away. It's a cruel little trick they pull on you, dude. And they're called lucky picks, which is awesome. It's your lucky pick for the day. And so I'm like, get the lucky picks out of here. And then it's just the wasteland again.

So lucky picks are the only thing that keep me going. That's really all I got. Who uses Facebook? And who would use Facebook for dating? The Venn diagram can't be granted. I was so curious. Like, how does this work? And it really is just marketplace for lonely people. Yeah, it's yeah, so I was so curious but like how does this work and it really is just marketplace for

For lonely people yeah, it's it's the best thing ever yeah, yeah, someone's just like hey you need 78 shrimps And I'm like yeah, I could use I got a bucket you know like you want it we can meet halfway That's that's what my brother does Probably on tinder or hinge feel like hinges the adult first I first of all I don't like that You just threw Facebook out of there right away. What if I was killing it? Because you keep calling it a wasteland.

If a wasteland is successful, God forbid, what is Hinge? I'm Mad Max. I want you to know that. I'm the road warrior, so I do great in the wasteland. I want you to know that. All right, fair, fair. Probably Tinder, though. Realistically, Tinder is my best.

That's where I do my good work. I thought Tinder died for a while bumble got so big in college. I think well I think With the pitbull song it was pretty good. You know Oh, is that the Kesha one? Yeah, okay moving on Scrap it Awesome yeah, he'll throw in a dad joke a few times a day. And Michael will instantly shut it down with what he loves to do. I just like to kill joy. Yeah, you hate joy.

I like to kill joy. I love Christmas, but I hate laughter and anything funny. You're just a life Grinch. It's not like just Christmas. Christmas is, I turn it around. I'm a reverse Grinch. Whoa. Yeah.

So like Christmas, I'm in a great mood, but the other 11 months out of the year just ruining kids dance. Yeah, let's ruin it like Santa's not real Don't like the premise yeah, guys, what do we think of the sweater? I'm really kind of pissed at this thing. I won't lie. It was one of those things, like I went up to my friend I was like, hey you got a Christmas sweater, I need one. And he was like, yeah dude I got you. And he's like a little twink guy.

And so I was like... This is Evans, isn't it? No, it's not Evans. I got my own little like, Evan that I live with. But like, this guy. I'm sorry. It's not it's not I got my own little like Evan that I live with but like this guy I Was prepared I'm prepared to be like I'm too fat for the sweater. That's fine, but I'm like too round Which is like a very weird thing that I was not like it's like it should be pointy. I think there should be points And there's like no I should like if a sweater fits you really well, like a Christmas sweater should not fit you.

This doesn't fit me well. It's true, it helps. This sweater doesn't fit you. Yeah. It's a sweatshirt. That's not a sweater. What is this? Yeah, but that's not even a sweater.

Who wants to see this? What are your arms? There's not a sexual thing about this. You've got a hairy wrist. I know. I think, honestly, I didn't even notice it was a Christmas sweater. I don't even know if it's really Christmas. I'm gonna say this because It's not your sweater. Yeah, it's a terrible Christmas

It's an ugly sweater Yeah, yeah a color and why cannot be the Christmas color that is like the primary color Well, it's like you're like trying to be a cool guy, you know, I don't really it's a winter sweater Yeah, dude, what the hell man? It's a winter're screams like I was forced to go to the holiday party But I don't want to stand out. Oh, yeah, it's exactly Like exactly I'll participate I'm gonna get fired, but I might wear this in two months, too I'll tell you what if I'm at a holiday party, I know no one. I'm approaching the great sweater. It's more appropriate to do with a cat with glasses.

With the pouch. The pouch is also problematic. Dude, I used to work at a bar. Uh-oh. I am the annoying guy at a holiday party, for sure. That brings me to, I wanted to go over your holiday hot takes kind of thing. Just gripes in general. I think we need to stop calling them ugly Christmas sweaters.

They're just Christmas sweaters. They're all ugly. They're all ugly. Yeah. It's just a Christmas sweater. I don't like, that's not a sweater. That's just a cool sweatshirt. Yeah, but it's Christmas.

That's ugly. This is ugly. Do you know like a good Christmas sweater? They're all ugly. Well, you you heard my grandma story, right? One time I was it was probably College and we were having a loose sweater party at our college and I asked my grandma I was like grandma. She has a bunch of ugly sweaters like grandma. I'm gonna raid your closet I'm gonna get an ugly sweater for this party. I got going on this weekend and I picked out this ugly like it had like just snowmen popping out and it was just like a vest and then I was

doing a turtleneck and said Merry Christmas nice I laid out in the bed I'm like grandma this is what I'm gonna wear and she goes you can't take that I was gonna wear that tonight I was like oh yeah she rocks with this all the time that For her, that's just a sweater. Yeah, it might be ugly, but they're always Christmas sweaters. So we can just call them Christmas sweaters. We'll drop the ugly. Yeah, we need to drop the ugly.

It's redundant. I like that, man. I like that. I like that a lot. Not a hot take. OK, cool. So we agree with this. Lukewarm take.

This is our overreaction Monday. What was the other one I had? We agree with it, because we talked about it about beforehand if you get offended by Merry Christmas I think you should get hit by a train also yeah yeah that's fine like fuck saying happy holidays all the time I know someone who and I hate that I do it sometimes and I'm like yeah you say happy holidays and I go oh I should go get hit by a car I I know someone who I won't out them But they like to watch Hallmark movies Hallmark Christmas movies. It's shut

Very recently they've been making ones about Hanukkah nice and they're very upset about it Jack yeah, he's racist. That's why he's gone. Oh, yeah. Well, I guess. We should address that we're not in Jack's base if we don't have Jack. I haven't told them, but yeah. Jack is taking a hiatus while he's lost fantasy football.

We kicked him off. It's his punishment. It's exactly what happened. And now we are in the basement of the wonderful Natty Oaks. Shout out to Natty Oaks. Shout out to Natty Oaks. Shout out to Natty Oaks. This is a wonderful basement. I wish you could see the rest of it and I could easily just do a little.

It would be so easy. I could just turn the camera around but I'm not going to do that. No this is a big production. This took too long to set up. They're not on tripods you can just swivel it around. No that would be impossible. No not at all. They're mounted into a wall.

Although I will say what's worse the wall. I although I I will say What's worse the guy who's like I can't say happy holidays anymore or like the people? Who are like the guy that's too mad that they can't do it or the person that gets offended I think that guy might be worse. The person who's mad. Yeah, that guy might be worse. I don't like it I'm not gonna like have an aneurysm over it, but like I'll say happy holidays, but Can't say Merry Christmas. I hope you know that no I know and I do say Merry Christmas But I've had I've had times where I say Merry Christmas, and they say happy holidays back, and I go fuck you That's my exact response back. I said Merry Christmas. You say Merry Christmas back to me because I obviously celebrate Christmas

No, you're a real Grinch. You're a real Grinch celebrate Christmas. No, you're a real Grinch. You're a real Grinch. I say English to you. You should not say Spanish. That's how it should be. We are at Taco Bell. God damn it. You live with your dad too long. It's seeping in through your brain cells. No, but when you get like a disgusted look, you say like Merry Christmas, like happy holidays. I was like, oh, I don't like that. Just someone who's who really loves Kwanzaa. Yeah, it's the best holiday ever Yeah, I'm my private my hot take is Just making Christmas Everything is too much like a lot of like the drinks that you go to these bars now

It everything has to be Christmas and like just give me some good stuff stuff. I don't need eggnog in every one of these IPAs. Let's not do that. Yeah. Are you lactose intolerant? I'm sensing jealousy. You don't just not order those drinks. They still serve vodka, sodas, and Busch Light. You'll be all right.

They do the special stuff. That would be rude if, like, hey, Christmas time, we don't serve any of the normal stuff. It's all eggnog and cranberry cocktails for 30 days yeah I went on to Chicago and we went around saw some some of the Christmas bars there and they're all everything you go is a theme it's just like I don't need that we're getting elfed up it's like shut up get out of here elfed up is the word that makes me want to be on the news To six o'clock I'll be on there someone told me I'm elfed up yeah, I like when bars decorate for Christmas I like when people just genuinely like put in effort like if like if you do I can't clock you I don't yeah

I don't know what to say about you. You just it wanes your Christmas cheer. Yeah, I don't know what to say I think just whatever the opposite is you're like I'm riding with that I Told you I like I love Christmas, it's just With I think just it's not just the you go all out for Christmas decorating bar. I love a good Christmas decorated bar I think that's great but it's like going to a Halloween party and Everyone really tried with their costumes and it's fun cuz like alright we put an effort we all want to be here

You have the one guy that's like I? Don't know what's it like it's just cosplay at that point. Yeah, it's just a guy doing cosplay. Put in some effort. You don't have to go all out, but go to the Halloween store and get the giant Teletubby costume. It's an easy costume, but you at least tried and did something. You're not a firefighter. You tucked your white t-shirt into jeans and got a hat from the dollar store that sucks oh but I always want to be that guy I always want I can't shit on him too much you know because I want to have the option to be like what is a white t-shirt I'm Greece yeah like yeah oh yeah

this is like a not that hot of take snowmen shouldn't be part of Christmas they suck yeah that's not I don't think. Think about the snowmen. That's a winter thing, which I get. But not everyone has snow. True. And also it has nothing to do with Christmas. Yeah. It's very inclusive of you.

Yeah. Well, Frosty the Snowman. It instantly shuts it down. It instantly shuts it down. Getting too inclusive. I mean, what? Because Frosty the Snowman came out, like it down. Instantly shuts it down. It's getting too inclusive. I mean, what? Because Frosty the Snowman came out, like, when? I wasn't even a thought. And he's been holding it down for Snowman forever.

And I don't like Frosty. I'll be honest. He's like, just hanging out with kids all day. I'm like, what's he doing? How old is Frosty? Did you see the Netflix documentary hot frosty It's crazy they made a movie and they're like, yeah, this is what we want like Craig Robinson is in it, okay and The premise is like all the premises. It's just a snowman came to life. Yep, and

It's a hot guy great and now everyone in the whole finally town wants to fuck this guy really it is old women are they're crashing cars of course this guy's does he like turn back into a snowman at midnight or something on Christmas well the thing is everyone's fucking but he has to he can't melt so we can't be going into these places for long. So he gets taken in by this lady who has a broken thermostat and then but but the whole time she's like I'm just trying to get it in with this guy and I'm like first of all you're gonna melt his penis. Yeah. Yeah. Number one. I want to melt this guy's. Yeah this is great for two seconds. No one has thought about that. The whole premise of the movie they want to fuck them, but yeah, that's a great excuse. I'll use that it melted

What do you want? I don't know what to say. I am check your phone you So it's it's a snowman though, that's hot frosty to know I just the tip wait Shut that down Michael you piece of shit. That's great. But you made a good point too. So is he a snowman? Yeah, is he a snowman? I don't...so he's a snowman. Is he just like somehow magically attracted to snow? No, he wasn't. He was a snowman. So the whole thing is magical scarf, apparently, that they put on the snowman. Oh, turned him into a human.

Hot scarf. Okay. Alright. So why, wait, why is he melting if he's a human guy? Right This brings me into my other one and I wouldn't necessary a hot take but I think the iconic Christmas movies. I think we've We might have one max two more in our lifetime. Oh, I mean Yeah, it's controversial like elf was like the last one. That's like, holy shit. It's that's a iconic Chris Yeah, I was great for that. They're in like early 2000s Late 90s like that. That was that 10, 15 year time period

and then the claymations. Yeah. That's it. Because you're not getting more Christmas stories. We have Rudolph, we have hot frosty. We have Santa Claus, anything with elves. You can't, it's just Hallmark. We're gonna get Hallmark for 10 years

and then we need the next Will Ferrell. I can, I mean you're not gonna like this, but I don't like, like a lot of the big holiday, oh, these are the classic, Christmas at the Cranks, that's not, that shouldn't be a holiday movie. I haven't even seen that one. Christmas Cranks is just a movie about them not wanting to talk to their daughter.

That's pretty much what it is. His daughter moves off to go joins the Peace Corps. Yeah. He's like, all right, babe, for this holiday, we're going to go have a Jamaican Christmas. We're going to fly to Jamaica. And then all of a sudden, the Peace Corps daughter more actually comes back the day before Christmas. And they're like, oh, no, we're in Jamaica. We're no we're going to leave for Jamaica, but she's coming back for Christmas.

Yeah, we're going to we got to but she's coming back for Christmas. Yeah So they're trying to rush around last second not getting all the stuff Because just because they don't want to tell their daughter we have a vacation. Yeah I stick with my like I know I said with my classics and three I don't think any of the. Oh, what? I don't understand it, yeah. If I stick with my, like, I know, I stick with my classics. It's three. I don't think any of the, like, I like the Christmas movies. You're new here, my favorite is Santa Claus, Tim Allen, big Tim Allen fanboy. That's, yeah, okay.

It's my favorite one. It's not a bad pick, yeah. The first one, the third one, Kick Rocks. No, Murr's Santa. Is that what Jack frogs? He doesn't murder. It's an accident. Well, either way, he brings the child out

to see the dead body right away just as great Yeah Learning life lessons early Okay, he gifted him a perspective Presence tomorrow appreciate life For secret Santa I got 20 years in prison that That's what I got. It's all nostalgic is what it is. I like just the nostalgic feeling of Christmas. It's not like oh this is the greatest movie. It's not Interstellar. It's not, which have you seen that? They're re-releasing

it on IMAX and tickets are going to like $250. Okay, alright. Yeah, I got an OKTV. Get it on Blu-ray. You know, I'm fine. I don't need that. If you want to see Interstellar on IMAX and you don't want to spend $250, get it on Blu-ray and just sit this close to your TV and just have to move to watch it. You're like, yeah, I got the front row seats.

It costs you probably $12. It's also probably on Hulu. I've never seen Interstellar, but I get it. It's also probably on Hulu I Never seen interstellar, but I get it. It's pretty you seen Christmas through the cranks. I've seen Christmas the cranks. Yeah, that's really fucked up Yeah, I don't know Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. I got three more talk about wicked. I saw that Real or fake Christmas tree And we'll go quick. Don't get me started on Wicked. Real or fake Christmas tree? Fake. Grow up.

Get a fake tree. I don't care. Like, wherever you get your Christmas trees from. Lose the Grinch now. So I grew up way different than you guys. Yeah? You probably went to. On a farm, where you just go get one in your backyard.

Yes, exactly. So that's different. I have trees all over the place. I mean, I got trees all over. I like a real tree. So I got a fake tree. Wait, do you go to a parking lot to get one? A parking lot? Where do you get your trees? You go to a parking lot to get one a parking lot?

I went to I think it's called Buffalo Bills in Franklin and we cut our own down. Okay. Yeah, that's fun Yeah, I do. Oh, where you fashion. Yeah, I was a green acres in Kenosha, Wisconsin dude I used to I lived right next to it and there was a big old dirt pile and you play in the in the dirt pile, and you'd go to the top, and you'd be like, that is gonna be my tree. And then you go and you pick your tree, and then they would be like, yeah, you can move it, right?

It's like the house is right over there, and it's like, I'm five, so I don't really think I can handle the whole tree, you know? And that was about it. And then I think, I mean, it was a real tree, so we would just be sitting there, like, miserable. The cat would, like, go lick the bowl, and like, fuck the the tree and shit. It's just it's not worth it. Grow up get a fake tree I'm sorry guys. I don't have to say

I went back to that like Buffalo Bills place two years ago to get a tree for my old apartment and in my head Growing up we went to the middle of the woods And there was just like this camper there that served hot chocolate. In my like, when you're a kid everything's so much more grand. Of course. And I was like, we're in the middle of it. I remember hiking through the snow. My dad's got the saw and we cut this tree down and I got there.

There's like 50 cars on a like dirt parking lot. There's one guy not dressed as Santa, just handing out hot chocolate, and then just rows of trees. Does that make you not trust him? No, no, and I was like, oh, this isn't the same, but like, I need a real tree. I need it. That's awesome. It's more corporate than anything.

Oh, yeah. Having a real tree? Like, but like, the nostalgia of it. Oh, yeah. It's like, it's all just a business. Yeah, for sure. I just feel like a kid again. Yeah, I guess.

God, wow, that's really funny, man. Thanks for bringing a kid again Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, that's that's really funny man. Thanks for bringing that up I just miss being a kid miss my you Yes or no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't love eggnog What do you like? Put you on the spot the cranberry ginger ale's or like the the spot. The cranberry ginger ale or like the holiday punches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like those.

I'll fuck with those. Alright, you know. Okay, last one. I won't get mad I guess. He's fuming right now. With an answer again. I know. Just let him go.

I'll have a ginger ale. And it puts me right to sleep. Christmas decorations on the inside of the house Would you rather it look something like this or it's kind of all over the place in here? Or do you like the houses that are like perfect? Like they had someone come in and like a wreath goes here every six feet up putting another one Where are we out with that? I I got a roommate who's like a real clean freak and he just goes all out for every holiday

So I get like just the best of every world where I wake up and it's literally like it's Christmas wonderland in my house But I have to do zero of the work And so all I have to do is like respect the wreath and not like fuck with it And then my house is perfect and people come in there like oh and great job on the decorating I'm like, thank you I worked very hard on it but like if you had to have like do you like this kind of Christmas or if this was like OCD there's a wreath everywhere I like the imperfectness of it yeah definitely yeah I mean I do not care either way but having a bit but for me the whole thing is I

Love to judge I love to go on judge like drive In my set for ten years But the peak of my game, that's how you know. I'm going to bring it back out of my retirement. But I love going past people's houses and be like, can you believe how shitty that is? I didn't put up any of that stuff. I have nothing up. But I'm like, oh, a manger?

What the hell? I'll give you that. There's two houses by me that there's, between the two houses, might be a hundred and twenty Inflatables in their front yard. I don't like that's too much the outside can be perfect inside Inflatables are lazy. Yeah, I don't like that all no work ethic I'm great at renting. I kill it at renting. The one I hate is where they shoot it on the house. Yeah. The flood light on the house.

Do the flood light onto a tree, not the house, but there's also going to be lights on your house. What's great about those is it spawned this awesome crime where you accidentally like bring down a plane because you were too lazy to put lights on your house Which is like this really cool like thing because the lights they shoot up into the sky and planes are like hey You're shooting lasers at us, and they're like what I didn't want to put fucking bulbs on my house What do you want from it that actually happened? Yes? Yeah, people people are like they they were talking about banning these lights What engineer dad had like the strongest? Can I can shoot out a Christmas hot take I got one I got one I think I don't even know this is really a hot

Take I think Divorce is like the greatest thing that can happen to a child for Christmas not like you know not like your parents are like Okay, this is your present. It's fine. I'm totally fine. I'm totally okay with this I was peeing and I was like I got it. I was totally I solved comedy so check this out divorce Okay, if you're like young enough, it doesn't matter like you don't really care about it like me Okay, all I got was like five Christmases Thank you mom and dad this was the best present you could have ever given me you know what I'm

saying it's just I get like ten Christmases I'm like mom I want GTA she says no dad I want GTA boom you get GTA and you just go down the line of people and I think that's really the greatest basis for holiday cheer yeah yeah yeah as long as you're like you, like a little baby or something, you know, any more than that, it's like. That's good, I mean, I won't question that you did five Christmases. Mathematically, that means.

Lot of grandparents, lot of grandparents, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right, so even, yeah. Lot of grandparents. Dude, well, I mean, it's like, you know, every once in a while there's a little fight for Christmases, fine, I won't complain. You know, but I'm still I'm winning I had a little bit my parents got divorced and then we'd have two separate

Christmases, but then like my parents are now like best friends again, so we I have Christmas has won again So it was like oh great to Christmas trap them in Christmas. Yeah They scammed you dude. That's sucked. No, they're like, this is financially irresponsible. Ha ha ha. Let's make it look good for the kids. These kids are too expensive. Secret Santa also blows. That's my opinion on that thought.

I don't like the elephant either. White elephant's a little better. Because there's the fun game where the first thing somebody grabs, and then you're like, ha ha ha, I'm going to take it. White elephant's better because you don't have pressure to get the right thing for the person yeah you can just throw in something like a gag gift or some booze agree I agree white elephants better I think white elephant is a lot like fantasy football you can only be in so many of them yeah yeah like two white

elephants a year max yeah if some If you start getting three, four, five invites, you're like, I'm sorry, I just, I can't afford this. I also- Are you also bad at white elephant? No, I'm great at gift giving. You're terrible at fantasy football. I'm great at gift giving. For the record.

For the record, person in first place thinks Michael is terrible at fantasy football. Look at you guys. I'm not good at fantasy football. I can't do that. I just live vicariously through my father. He comes up to me and he's like, oh, and I'm killing it in fantasy football. And I'm like, you go, dad. You're the best.

Yeah, yeah. Are you not a sports guy? Dude, not. Cool. Let's make our picks for this week. I can't even. We'll make our picks of the week. So we are pretty fucking close. I can't even yeah picks the week so

We are pretty fucking close last week Jack went nine and five yeah Me and you win 11 and three nice so I think that's good You're trying to turn me against you Jack is a hundred and thirty four and seventy six. Yeah, I mean you hundred and thirty three and seventy seven cool. Well We basically beat him cuz you're not here anymore. So I got his fix. He's detected you absorbed his picks Yeah, we could just like omit them

No, I said, what's let's do it through the end of the year. We have three games left. Or three weeks left. Three weeks left. Okay. Alright, let's rifle through these. Alright. Um.

Guess with your heart. Guess with your heart. I got it. I'm gonna kill it. Do you know the teams? No, we'll tell you. Like in the NFL? Yeah.

Dude, you literally just pulled, like, it's like I was wearing a Metallica shirt and you were like, name every album. What the fuck is that? Man, I, okay, I know some of them.'s like I was wearing a Metallica shirt and you're like name every album What the fuck is that? All right, we have Denver Broncos at the Los Angeles Chargers Chargers all day First by the way, I don't know if you knew that. No, he's second. Yo, he's second by the way.

Second's the best. Houston at Kansas City. Houston. I couldn't point out Atkin City on a map, so it's going to be Houston for me. No, Atkins City. Atkins City. We're going Atkins City. at Kin City on a map so it's gonna be Houston at Kansas City at Kin City we're going yeah we're going at Kin City one for two I'm not doing bad the first one I got the Chargers I got it Pittsburgh at Baltimore Baltimore I'll go Baltimore

I they live in the roughest place ever so They can play some ball Giants at Atlanta Going the Giants dude cool name. Yeah, I'm gonna go Atlanta Detroit at Detroit Detroit so I can so bears fans can be sad. I know that one Detroit. Yeah, Tennessee at Indianapolis Indianapolis not even give him a pic Like I'm gonna go

I'm gonna go Indianapolis La Rams at the New York Jets Rams Rams I won with them in Madden once I'm gonna go Jets Okay, let's go with an upset here. Okay, Philly at Washington Philly Yeah, I'm real Philly Arizona at Carolina Carolina I'm just gonna default to whatever Michael says Yeah, okay. Well, then I'm just going to default to whatever Michael says. Oh, okay. Well, then I'm going to go Arizona.

Cleveland at Cincinnati. Cincinnati, more fun to say. Yeah, Cincinnati. Minnesota at Seattle. I want Seattle to win, but Minnesota. Seattle so you never lose. Minnesota. So I get both things.

Yeah, exactly. New England at Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo. Yeah, Buffalo. Jacksonville at Las Vegas. Vegas. San F- Oh.

Oh, no, you were doing the right thing. I'm running out of funny things to say. What was yours? Jacksonville... You gotta say yours. Vegas. I will go Jacksonville. San Fran at Miami. San Fran. San Fran, dude. Yeah. I'm gonna go Miami. Tampa Bay. They scored nine points last week. What are you talking about? I didn't say anything. I saw your face. Tampa Bay at Dallas. Tampa Bay. Ooh okay. I'm gonna go Tampa Bay. All right, and the last game of the week is Nolens At Green Bay Green Bay Nolens dude, I'm gonna I'm gonna be an inside man Green Bay and that's how we do for picks You guys won't play the game this week. Yeah, so all right

Since Michael Michael has never seen Four Christmases. Have you seen four Christmases? I haven't seen for Christmases. Have you seen for Christmas? I haven't seen for Christmases Do you know the the meme where they played taboo where they have to do like? Basically, yeah, bro. You get a word or saying and then you have to like try and get the other people to Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, are we playing taboo? We're gonna do that. Oh fuck I've always seen the videos of this and I'm like, I don't get it, even though I can read the rules. So basically it's just like charades but with words. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

So I do not know what's on these cards, but they're all Christmas related. Who wrote that? I had my coworkers, I had three of them give me five Christmas related cards, and we're gonna do basically a thing. So five each, and then Will reward who gets the points okay?

What do you mean all right? What are you confused about? You go first I will start okay God all right. I will start go back and watch some of the games Jack and I play. We look. Yeah, you do. Alright, so I'm gonna try to make you guess what's on my card. Whoever guesses it gets the point. Pocket of pie. Alright, let me just get my scoreboard out so I can keep track because God knows you're gonna complain.

I think I'm alright if you don't keep track of the score on this. I'm good if you don't keep track. No, one person isn't- That's okay Ready set He talking do you prefer one two three or like three two one we can count down Yeah, yeah, that's all they talk man All right, here we go

All right, we can talk, man. All right, here we go. All right. We can see through it. All right. You can't read backwards. I'm a savant. All right, so it's a fat man. Santa Claus. Coming down the chimney.

Yes. Whoa. Damn. All right. See what happens when I can see that's a lot of word. Yeah It's something you drink I nod I know but non-alcoholic Shirley Temple, it's brown whiskey It's warm hot toddy old-fashioned. I

Said non-alcoholic Tea no, it's a coffee Christmas Christmas. So you'll have this some of our bombs you drop stuff in it That's well feel like you could do way better with that. I agree sweet hot treat put a marshmallow in it You're wasting time This goes at the tip of a triangle of the star cut down yes, okay, but Where where treetop star the treetop fucking tree topper stop treetop You're trying to sneak in a point at the end. They get out of here full sentences I feel like this should be you just throw out all the words and you'll win eventually Why would I complain if I all right?

You want Owen to dress up as buddy buddy the elf fucking again. I can see Fine. Oh My god now buddy the elf fucking again i can see alright oh am i going now? okay you're so in what the fuck is this? can i skip? sure dude come on

i don't know dude yeah no you want me to try and um you wore it in a play oh uh little drummer boy what the hell did you did you pay michael off i don't get what the hell You wore it in a play. Oh, Little Drummer Boy. What the hell, did you pay Michael off?

What the hell kind of hint is that? Not 25. 24. Okay. It's a song, but you count down. 12 days of Christmas. Yeah. I gotta lower my IQ by like 30 30 and then I think I'm there

with you guys I'm not sure why what what what what what Paul Santis lay reindeer cool baby reindeer I don't know what that is. Oh, that's a show, isn't it? Yeah, that's baby shark. No, what are you talking about? What the hell is that? That's also not a show, that's a song. You can't tell me I'm wrong. I didn't say you're wrong.

It's about comedy and everything. You should study that. Oh, yeah? Okay, well reindeer is good enough. It's what parents are doing to scare their kids or get a laugh. Oh, I'll finish off. Yeah Sweet do I ever been doing Christmas wrong? I don't It's a small gift you don't give stocking stuffer That one there we go. All right, that's a bar family classic You know that one there we go all right. That's a bar family classic Okay, it's me the scores are kuski three judd three oh and four okay um

Movie he puts on aftershave oh Santa Claus nice. Yeah, he's Judd. That's Judd every time Santa Claus dude come on. He's got a beard. There's a. He put on after he shaved a bunch. This one is okay it's a parental figure doing something to. I saw Santa kissing. I saw mama kissing Santa. I don't know who to give that to but that's why I don't I'm just thankful you guys got me out of that. Yeah, that was What am I supposed to do with mommy kissing Santa Claus hot this next one is hot gingerbread man. I read it Okay, so okay. Yo guys. Yo everybody chill. I was like yo, I'm a genius. I got it

Yeah, i get excited okay uh... this one classic song there's also a movie about it uh... it's uh... white christmas deck the halls there's an old lady uh... and she could be covered by insurance for uh... the the accident uh... grandma got run over by a reindeer nice

yeah good good good good We done oh Michael Oh short elf Grinch the Grinch Good good good. I don't know how many we've done. Sorry. I was accurate. Yeah, that's the same Well, you're all the same one twice. Oh, we talked about this at the top Hot takes no dating apps tender. No, it's Christmas Hot takes no dating apps ten. No, no, it's Christmas Lights There there was a there was a season. There was a movie where the The snowman fucked the process. No, man. Yeah, okay So are we done now, no

So now we just did that yep now We're gonna do it with one word We're gonna shuffle them back up, so you start okay, and then the next round we're doing actions only no words. Oh fuck Well we should by that time we already know what's in the pile. So we should be better with it. I feel like we've done this before, haven't we? Yeah, but not with Christmas. Not with Christmas.

This is actually called fishbowl. Play. Oh. Play? Play. Production. Oh. Oh Play play Production oh No, I see the snowman Grant I want to help you guys so bad give us a different word

Already cheated with I already gave two words. Yeah, it's all a production. He gives a third I already gave two words. Yeah, it's a production It's not what's the what's the one answer? All right pass pass do I show you do you want? Put back in the pile do this. Oh Fucking sock stockings Scary Grinch off on the shelf. Oh Okay, you said that

Eat me Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. Oh, baby reindeer here who that's good um fuck dude why are you doing this to me you're making me think I gave this game this is terrible what have you done many words it's my issue I'm just too intelligent I can't play this fucking shitty yeah okay well I'm so mad do what is this these aren't even real things. Uh, drum. Little drummer boy. Alright, um. Fuck me. Somebody else. You're done, you're done. Thank God I'm free. So now take the ones out that you skipped and put it still in there.

Yeah, I'm fucking grabbing those. So grab the two you skipped out of there. Put them still in there because we can still get them. Alright, so it was... That one. And... yeah, yeah, it was just the one. The one skip. Oh wait, the first skip. Yeah, good luck just a one. The one skip. Oh wait, the first skip. Yeah, good luck with that one, dude. Have fun.

What about the one you just gave me? That was the other skip. So you skipped three? Skip two. Gave you two. Oh no, there you go. You gave me that one too. We'll throw these in here. There we go. Alright. One word. Feral. Elf.

Elf on the Shelf? Elf the movie? You're close. The elf? Buddy elf. Oh, feral? I would say, oh. I was talking like a creature. Like a rabbit. That oh, I was talking like like a creature like rabbit

Too many words dude once again, it's just right topper start Beverage eggnog I don't do it he could have slipped one in Entrance doorway Entrance what would have picked for that? What would you have picked for that?

Coal. Santa? Can't say that. chimney? Can't say that. Fireplace, maybe. Fireplace. Yeah.

That's two words, actually. I think that's one. Is Fireplace one or two? I'm just trying to see if you guys believe me. Um. Callback, sexy. Frosty the Snowman. There you go.

Son. That's it. Come on. Nicely done. Thank you. That was how I would do it. McCulkin. I'll home alone.

My dad just sent the entire family an Instagram DM link through text messages so Through text messages God your dad send in reels Carry the Grinch I can see it Where am I gonna look where am I supposed to look you you were bleeding and I didn't look cuz I want to play Wings Angel Buffalo Wild Wings Santa Claus Sugar Palm Fairy yeah, okay

What is the sugar plum fairy yeah, okay, I remember I got that one yeah What is the sugar palm fairy? It's like a character in a? Sugar home fairy dancing in your head. It's in that like the night before Christmas And all through the house seen any of those I've seen that one either. it was a night before Christmas next Geese 12 days of Christmas, why is that geese a lane somebody help? There's a lot of French things They they basically they 12 geese of laying at all time it is keep going down yeah it was bad

but they do not know where the french ends are uh... to french ends accident uh... graham got ready to write here thanks man for the pity point iraq and i think i need to know what's the win these games uh... jared doesn't win, he cries. He cries, yeah. And then it's awkward.

Yeah, I leave early. You set up the cameras. Edible. Christmas cookies? That wasn't one of them. That wasn't one of them. No, no, no. We already got hot chocolate.

Yeah. I want to help you so bad. God. Edible? It would have been nice if you helped us with the first word. We already got hot chocolate. Yeah Well, yeah, it would have been nice if you helped us with the first word yeah Kissing grandma. No. All right. We could be a baby reindeer looking like a snack. Okay Give us a different word. I'm gonna give you another hint. There's a word that was not played because they decided all-out fucking all all-in-all say do it i'm just too good at reading it was just came out right away candy cane lane

icing cupcakes gingerbread house Yeah, I just read it Killing it Kissing kissing kiss Yeah, yeah kissing Santa. I'll go with that one. What the hell is that? Where is that? Are you just putting fan fiction down on like

a little piece of paper? I'm not going to do any of this. Oh true. Oh so you got to mess up coworkers. This is so on Mom. Anyway. Um. Uh. These take me two words but but I'm gonna do one. What bandits?

Home Alone. That's correct. Hello? I'm so on it with Home Alone. Yeah, you are. You got Home Alone. That's every time. You're lucky to be in your 20s.

Yeah, yeah. I would love if your coworkers were like, Home Alone. Home Alone 2. Home Alone 3. Lost in New York. Lost again. Down the hall to the left. Donald Trump.

We have to act these out now? All right. Let's do it shit. What a fucking God after three rounds it is Judd or after two rounds Judd up by two over Owen and Cuskies in last place jeez Can I get that point back or does that change anything if i take that point back would i be a second to promulgate i don't know if i wasn't last by a lot i don't know if i was in last by a lot i was asking for change the dynamic

giveaway that point uh... given that would have changed yes when the grants sometimes this is it yeah It's good. You got a happy elf by at all times. It's hard not to be the Grinch judge the dog No, I had notes at my Like desk at work. I was like our what could we potentially do for this show? I was like, we should make this a theme. All right, it's the Grinch, and we're doing that.

Instead of just a Christmas overarching theme. And I had wrote down that you were gonna be Cindy Lou Who, and I was gonna be the Grinch, and we were gonna find someone to be Max. But now that I think, I think you have the face for Cindy Lou Isn't she like a 12 year old girl careful with called Cindy Those trap card

No, I think that no, but have you noticed like... No, let him walk it back. Let him just leave it. You would be the Grinch. You would be the Grinch? I would be the Grinch, yeah. Why do you think you should be the Grinch? Have we not said it the entire time? He's the grinchiest guy ever. Yeah, okay, that's fine. Let's be honest, our two sets that we're gonna do this weekend is gonna be like a naughty and nice list. Oh good and bad yeah. You left it right on the table dude pretty good. See we've been doing this for a while. That's why he does it. Baby reindeer. Third time through I'm pretty good. Give me three how that works. Three tries, guys. I'll still say, like, Sanacock, Frosty the Snowman, Grinch. Wow. Yes, Grinch. That's when you went with the body first.

Yeah, like the pudginess. You're like, well, he's kind of fat. What else would you? Yeah. Yeah, I was going to do the little hat. Anyways. Fuck. Yeah, that's right.

Sugar Palm Fairy. La la la la la. Star at the top of Christmas tree. Tree topper. Star topper. Stocking stuffer. Eating? Grandma got run over by a reindeer.

Making Christmas cookies. Gingerbread men yeah, yeah You know I get the I get this now yeah Get the answer like oh I get all the stuff you were doing you're kind of a genius Grandma got run over by a reindeer that's correct Yeah, get one 12 days of Christmas yeah nice, okay. It's good. You're the numbers guy. I get it. Yeah, I'm a big numbers guy Yeah, I don't know. No, I'm done.

Okay. Not really. Can I have the cards? I don't need the box. Alright, ready? Oh. Home alone! Alright, that was pretty fucking good wasn't it?

Yeah, fair enough, fair enough. Santa coming down the chimney. This one's tough. Sugarplum's dancing? No. Your penis. Smaller. Oh, buddy elf. Elf on the shelf. Nice. Okay. Stocking stuffers.

I knew that. Home Alone. You have it twice. What do you want me to do? I didn't make these cards. You could have vetted them. No, because then I wouldn't know the card. It's cheating. Ready?

I know you like cheating, but. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Grandma kissing Santa Claus. Wait. Kissing Santa Claus. Mom kissing Santa Claus. Yeah, it's fine. I love it.

Honestly, I don't care if I got zero points. The fact that I got that one to act out, I'm good. I Love it honestly Points the fact that I got that one to act out. I'm good Use your microphone baby reindeer sugar plum fairy. Oh, yes, that's sugar come back Frosty snowman dude Frosted Snowman. Dude. Holy shit. Woo. Santa coming down the chimney.

Oh my god. Are you? Can you see them? No, I actually can't. I don't think he's cheating. I'm kind of trying. Hot chocolate. Holy crap, dude.

Woo. Sugar plum fairies. Tree chopper. Yeah, top of the tree. Oh Sure, it's on very Tree chopper top of the tree We're really running through these dude um Grinch no Go back buddy the elf last one Buddy the elf Last one

Little boy, I'm sorry, but I was I got the little drummer boy you asshole. I think I still want guys. Wow Wow fucking rattled off for in a row. Yeah, you're welcome. I thought I had a little run there and then there was nothing What's the final score? Final score is Kuski with 5 10 15 17 Judd with 5 10 15 16 Owen with 15. All right. Let's see you know for a first showing We did pretty good. It's not bad Well, we just need more home alone questions. We just need to be Home Alone one, two, three. Isn't there a four?

I think there's a four. Don't bring that one up. It's a completely different kid. Yeah, it's like Tana Claus. Three is the- Three is a different kid. Is it? Yeah, different shitty kid.

Yeah, fucking hell. That kid could get lost. I don't give a shit. Yeah. Home Alone, good. We can wrap this up. You got to get to stand up. Yep. I wish get to stand up. Yup.

I wish I was going tonight. But one quick mention to thank Natty Oaks. They do have a sister bar down on Henry what is it? I'm sorry Natty Oaks. This isn't a great plug for you. He'll cut it. Don't worry.

No I won't cut it. Cut the whole plug. This is the shot down. God damn it. for you but no I won't cut it because they have a sister steakhouse that doesn't feature any shitty candled fashions down the road at Henry Fletch at 9140 West National Avenue so go check out that steakhouse. We do have a show this Saturday. This will come out Thursday. So our lineup is set. The wonderful Owen.

Yep. Judd. It's me. And then me. And then Santa Claus. Yeah. Which I don't think we've talked to you about, but like, yeah, Santa Claus will be there. I heard.

Santa Claus will be there. It's at Dougal 54 at 8 PM. As of Thursday, I doubt there are tickets left. Okay. So, fuck off. As of today, there's 8 PM. Just want to let you know we're doing a show. You can't come. We're bragging now.

It's going to be so fun. It's sick. There's actually six Home Alone movies. Wow. Yeah, there's Home Alone home alone two lost in New York This is the worst thing I've ever home alone three home alone four home alone the holiday and Home alone no home sweet home alone. We're the first Four not holidays. It's just home alone. It just happened to be some alone. I think so. Yeah

Heist it was it was cut off at holiday height. This is the same villain and all Just two I think one and two he got out while the getting was good. Yeah, that was smart on Joe Yeah, good call. Yeah. Well, let's wrap this up. Do you have any dates that you wanna do? I mean quick clip cuz we'll send you all any dates that you want to do? Do you have any quick clip? Because we'll send you all this. Saturday. Do a dance.

Fucking, yeah, I don't know. I have a podcast, too. It sucks. Look up my name. It'll come up. Bobpac podcast. Yeah, because you can put it right in the top right right now.

Click on that. Yeah, and then that's it. I don't know. I'll see you guys later. See you Saturday. Yeah, see you Saturday, fellas. One of my things to the show, clicking this link right here. That's it. I don't know. I'll see you guys later. Yes Click in this link right here

There's like the bare minimum of all we do. Like if I have to beep something out. But yeah. We're good boys today though. We're good boys today. Oh, and then you wanting race on Facebook. Thank you.