Fat Chance Podcast - Jason Kelce, Bar League Sports & Marathon Frauds Ep.139

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

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Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 We're gonna see we're definitely gonna see Jason up in the Taylor Swift box Now is Taylor Swift coming I've been seeing this a lot are they together I think she's coming today, and she's gonna do a boob luge off of Jason boob luge Yeah, he's in a board you wish it was the other way around no. I want herob luge off of Jason boob luge. Yeah, he's an important issue is the other way around No, I want her to do one off of Jason. Yeah, be fun. I would rather reciprocate. No, I'd rather see Jason get a boob luge That's very fun. Yeah, and it's way it's the respectful way to do it to his wife and to Travis That's fair. Also about respect. Well, respect she on their tour right now. Yeah It's just a music tour. I mean, this is the Chiefs football We're all about respect. Respectfully. Well, isn't she on their tour right now? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:45 It's just a music tour. This is the Chiefs football game. Yeah, but her tour's got to take months and months of planning. Her tours have to be. Yes. She has like, there are reports that she's changed the economy in some places because of her concerts. You'd think Jason would dress a little bit nicer with...
Starting point is 00:01:06 You'd think, but we're week five and he is... He's still forgetting to bring his clothes. Just put on a suit coat, my man. That's not him. Honestly, if he was wearing that sweat suit that he wore to the Phillies game, that's what he should wear every week. He looks like he's going to go on a Tinder date to a below average bar with good lighting. That's what he should wear every week. He looks like he's gonna go on a tinder date to a below average bar with good lighting Yeah, but like as the worst dressed at the worst, but he know he it's his rehearsal dinner
Starting point is 00:01:35 He just doesn't want to be there He's a late plus one So this was on the beach. Made of honor's new boyfriend. So we're doing real well not bringing up the game today. Yeah, we're not even playing yet. Hi, and welcome to Fat Chance. My name is Jack Sarasoli.
Starting point is 00:01:57 I sit here with Michael Kuski. Diego Avila. I think I went for whatever you want to start right away what you guys did I okay you looked at me and go why are you doing this and I was close in like three or four games this week and I was like ready so you already already kind of like looked at what you what you know But I knew I was like I was so close to walking in here being like fuck you fuck you So you and now I'm like really in we have In first place Judd what at eight and five. Wow, good week for you. That's not good.
Starting point is 00:02:45 The next two teams are both under 500. Yeah, well, that would make sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you could have been at seven. At six and seven, there's a four and nine. Yeah. Oh, I'm probably four and nine. No, you're not.
Starting point is 00:03:00 Last place goes to Kuski at four and nine. Oh, my god. One of the worst weeks we've ever seen. I was going for it. I was I was trying to make a turnaround. The only times that we that we all kind of lost were the ones that we agreed on and tables turned. You made fun of me for like oh the 0 and 4 check. Where is really going to turn it around. Guess who won? Guess who's also 4-9. That's also very funny, because we should just
Starting point is 00:03:30 make fun of all the picks then. We should. Yes. And not agree and see who is. The problem is everyone's going to agree a little bit, because there's three of us making picks. You have to. OK.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Let's just get this over with. I'm going, how many games are we picking this? I'm going 14 for 14. He starts the podcast, let's just get this fucking over with. Let's go. I don't think I can come back. Yeah, you can. There's so many more weeks left in the season.
Starting point is 00:03:59 But I'm going to try and go bold on all of them now. OK. If you go bold, this is what's going to have a look at those Saints helmets. What's going on with you guys? They look like they should have the accomplishment stickers on, like Ohio State does. Yep.
Starting point is 00:04:10 I kind of like them. We did that with football helmets. We had lightning bolts. And then for linemen, if you got a pancake, you get a pancake. Oh, yeah, we had Mustang. Stacks of pancakes. I think we had Sabre. Actually, I don't think we did it.
Starting point is 00:04:24 We didn't do it. If we did, I never got any. I don't think we did it. We didn't do it. Yeah. If we did, I never got any. What's up buddy? You got you got two picks. Yeah. Two picks. One pick six. Yeah. That's cool. That's two lightning bolts. That's two lightning bolts. I had to
Starting point is 00:04:36 tackle once. Uh that would not ours. Ours for you to get the stickers. We also had to win. Yeah. Really? Yeah. So, if we lost, we would still and we did like did something you don't get the stickers Yeah, that's where we're so get someone complaining about not getting stickers and we had a run for like Plain about not get stickers you guys just lost. It's like who the fuck complained about these fucking stickers. All right Playing about these games kuski. Um, we have a San Fran at Seattle for the Thursday night game
Starting point is 00:05:06 Seattle games. Kuski. We have San Fran at Seattle for Thursday night game. Seattle. I might. I think I'm taking Seattle. I want to go San Fran. Jacksonville at Chicago. Chicago. Jacksonville. They're on a roll. They are heating up. Arizona at Green Bay. Green Bay. Green Bay. It's going to hurt to say. I'm going to say Green Bay. I'll say I just I can't go against them but smart smart. I don't I don't. We're going to be on a roll dude. Indy at Tennessee. Indy. Joe Flacco was not the problem. That's why I'm worried. I'll take the Colts. I'm going to Indy as well.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Houston at New England. Houston. Houston. Houston. Tampa Bay at New Orleans. Tampa Bay. New Orleans Hmm Tampa Bay New Orleans I'm gonna say
Starting point is 00:06:12 Cleveland at Philadelphia Philly I think Cleveland might be worse than Carolina Washington at Baltimore That's a good game That is a good game game I think Baltimore gets it But barely Washington just go that way. Yeah, I'm gonna Washington as well Chargers at Denver
Starting point is 00:06:37 Denver Chargers I Just forgot the Chargers were a team did they play this week? I'm gonna go Denver know they're on a bite. That's why Pittsburgh at Las Vegas Pittsburgh Go Pittsburgh as well Detroit at Dallas Detroit Detroit going Dallas at home Atlanta at Carolina Atlanta Atlanta I hate to say it hot Lana Cincinnati at the Giants
Starting point is 00:07:16 Cincinnati Give me the Giants. I think they're off. It's give me defensively. It's not gonna be great, but Cincinnati's offense looks very good. Yeah Buffalo at New York New York Jets, I'm going Jets every week I think we're gonna need another relax. That's why that's why they're true and I'm gonna go Buffalo as well. The Jets are not good this year. They're not going to be good No, what's gonna happen is I'm gonna go 14 and oh, OK. OK. Or 13 and 0.
Starting point is 00:07:46 And then the Monday night game, he's going to actually put in just so I don't. And the Jets are going to lose. I'm going to be real pissed. How would I do that? You're just going to do it. I just have a feeling. I have a feeling we're going to record Tuesday next week.
Starting point is 00:08:00 How would that happen? I have a feeling we're going to record Tuesday next week. Ha ha ha ha. There's no world without that. Like I like this log in your computer and put in. Yeah. Just me. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:08:14 It'd be cool if I went 14-0. After, if to go 14-0 after a foreign whatever week would be great. That would be, but you're not gonna. Okay, well how about we have a little positivity in this okay? I positive I negative I'm positive you're not going to go 14, but that's a negative
Starting point is 00:08:32 Positivity okay, well I'm positive that you're still gonna have a fun time not going 14 and no okay. That's okay I'll take that thank you dork you nerd Does it feel good to start wearing pants again? No. Really? Jack has yet to do it. Wear pants at home. If I was, I don't know, I just, when it's cool enough and you can put on the sweats for the first time and you're like comfortable in them, it's kind of nice.
Starting point is 00:08:56 I like the layers. But right now is the season where it's cold during the morning, so you dress for the morning and then you go out at lunch and you're like, what the fuck am I wearing this for? It's cold during the morning, so you dress for the morning, and then you go out at lunch, and you're like, what the fuck am I wearing this for? It's the worst. I wore a sweater Sunday, and Sunday morning, I was like, all right, perfect. And it got to like 11, and I'm just dripping in sweat. But funny thing was,
Starting point is 00:09:23 the Milwaukee Marathon runs past my place and we have the like they run down the street and then they go kind of down this path but then they run back on the lake. So they run past us on both sides which is very kind of cool but. You can see across the lake? No no right next to lake. So they run? No, no, right next to the lake. So they run the street and then run right next to the lake. So my apartment is in between where they're running.
Starting point is 00:09:52 So then you can see the runners that are really good right away. You're like, oh, look at these people. They're having fun. They're really booking it. And then they come out and they're on the left side. Like, oh, there they are. Those are the runners that are really, really having a good time. And then you look to the right and you just see these people
Starting point is 00:10:07 that are just like having the worst time of their life just like why did we do this we're already like four hours beyond pace that's all fantasy football punishments right there is people dead last it was a lot of people just like walking and questioning their lives. It was very funny. Here's the thing, if you... you can do a marathon however you want. Run, walk, run, walk. Walk, run. Walk, run.
Starting point is 00:10:35 Jog, bear crawl, handstand walk, whatever. You can do whatever you want. But if you are to do majority of a marathon walking, does that really count? No, you're just going for a really long walk. Exactly. Like, hey, I'm just going to walk the marathon. You went out for a stroll today. You don't deserve the sticker and medal. You need to run, I think, maybe let's 65% of it.
Starting point is 00:10:59 Yeah. Now, no, we'll get to this, but I just don't think people deserve any recognition if you run less than 65% of a marathon or any race. I think if you run less than 50% of a marathon, no credit because at that point you didn't even run a half marathon. Fair, fair. Okay. So we'll go 50 is safe. I'd go 60 because you trained for it. You definitely didn't. Yeah. Then that's your fault. You're like I'm going to get there eventually. Yeah. I'll get there. What. He
Starting point is 00:11:31 looks so like he looks like a handyman. A bad one. Which gives us another. And I think who do you think would win in a race. Oh yeah. We're going to race like a distance race. Oh yeah we're gonna race like a distance race. Yeah like it does anything. It doesn't know a distance race. Yeah. You should reach. I don't think speed taking you down. I don't know man. I think I'm pretty quick. After my ankle brace. He says ankle braces and his roller blades on. Well he's on rollerblades. He's working to lose. Yeah because of fun fact cause he subbed for our wiffle ball team on Wednesday. He did great. I Counted for 33% of the runs or RBI's. I don't know how many runs only three people in the team We had no of the 15 runs. I had five of the RBI's I had two home runs
Starting point is 00:12:21 I pitched an entire nine innings. Yeah, you pitched the RBI's I had two home runs I pitched an entire nine innings. Yeah, you pitched the whole time. I pitched the whole time I only gave up three home runs all to the same guy because it's easier for us to like Scared and throw it to him. Yeah, but they need I had a few strikeouts I was starting to learn to throw sliders with the wiffle ball. It was great somewhere accidental somewhere accidental He would tell they look good. I didn't try to do that When he did so good, yeah, and then and then like He's like feeling himself. He's like very confident and then he comes up to me goes. Yeah two home runs
Starting point is 00:13:03 Yeah, pretty much the greatest. And I was like, I have five home runs right now. But I did walk into the bar, I go, do you think we're going to win? He goes, absolutely not. Did you? And we murdered him, yeah. Hell yeah. 15 to 5.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Good job, guys. Good job, team. It was great. Yeah, it was great. Good job to you guys. And we were a man down the whole time. Yeah, that's the whole thing. Oh, you played three versus four?
Starting point is 00:13:23 Yeah. Oh. Have you been to the baseball diamond broken bat? No. Super cool. Super cool. Also I don't think there should be four people on a team. I think two is plenty. It allows for more you know action to happen. More playing. Even though we scored more runs when they had four on their team. They just weren't good. They weren't good at all. Was it a good way for you to show up then? Yeah it was a great way for me to show up. They had one guy who was good and he was a lefty.
Starting point is 00:13:49 I think he had a home run off of Cusky every time. No, not every time. Just three of the five. Those two, though, he held him. He had nine at bats, about nine at bats. I think he only had three home runs. But I knew every time he was taking me.'m like you're you're gonna you're gonna take it yeah that's Taylor Swift in attendance no mama Kelsey mama Kelsey mama Kelsey and her boyfriend I think she has a husband no there's there split up I
Starting point is 00:14:20 think I don't know though why's he smiling I thought they were cuz they don't sit next to each other you never see mom and dad in the same room yeah that's true yeah I could be wrong you're when okay so I have two stories one is do you remember when we did that flag football yeah that fucking I thought we were gonna be be so good. No. And then we showed up and everyone was in a uniform and numbers all matching gear.
Starting point is 00:14:52 And it was like all of us were just blowing the dust off our old cleats. Yeah, we had shades of blue as our uniform. I know. And I was like, this is going to be a rough night. And we actually only lost by one point. So that was fine. But I remember walking off like, man, I don't got it like I used to.
Starting point is 00:15:13 OK, here's the thing with that. The flag football team, you sub four and I sub four, because that wasn't my team either, was they're not good at all. I mean, we've done OK, but they're like all stubborn in their ways like I played receiver. I gotta play receiver I played this up with that. I'm like dude. So I'm like there were a few guys on the team I'm like hey, man, why don't you snap the ball and not me every time right? Jack and I would come to the huddle back you guys want to try this and we do it like oh first down touchdown Just do this and I drew the play up and it did I was the only one to score touchdown that we
Starting point is 00:15:49 exactly but the difference between flag football and I was telling you this at the bar after whiffle ball is a whiffle ball and I only played one team so my sample size is very small yeah but even them losing like it was just fun like drinking having a good time you can drink during that you could drink during flag football if you wanted to but not when those guys showed up when they're all they're in like mean machine longest yard and and all look very athletic yeah Sinanim. We're not a sin man. I should have drunk. I would have gotten put into the ground.
Starting point is 00:16:28 But like football was so aggressive. They're like so chippy. It's such like a I want to be alpha so bad. I just like play football. And having the refs there was so bad. They're on the biggest high horse of anyone. They're like this is the call.
Starting point is 00:16:44 This is where I my word is God I'm like, dude You're 65 You're like you're like running with the people trying to keep up you're taking it too seriously But you know, it feels like a little ball seriously Feels like a fun fun like Bar leak for sure. Yeah, it's a blast. It's a blast. He won't let me play again though. I Over I over show wouldn't you rather just be good for that one the best that never was That's that's a good one. They got away high note. I think he's embarrassed. I outshined him though. He did outshine you
Starting point is 00:17:24 No shine me. I'm a to it. I'm basically showing now. I'm a high note. I think he's embarrassed. I outshined him though. He did outshine you now shine me I'm a to it. I'm basically showing now. I'm I'm taking back everything Got a tone with the stay in the circle a lot In the circle like they didn't there's like a pitching circle. So then There for a while. He thought it was like lava to go outside yeah because I wanted to catch the ball when he threw to me but then but then like well then he realized he could just touch like just touch it well that's the other thing they didn't explain the rules to
Starting point is 00:17:58 me that's a second inning yeah you're like oh yeah when this happens like thank you for letting me know like we can explain to you a million rules But until you see it, then we didn't like yeah It sounds like even with minimal rule knowledge you turned out pretty good with it. Yeah, that's good modern day with a ball of time the reason he's not coming back is because we have our players back now Yeah, but I can't imagine they're as good We did me and my buddy had a sub in for a softball game as good. We did.
Starting point is 00:18:29 Me and my buddy had to sub in for a softball game back in college and we showed up pretty, pretty messed up, pretty loose. And he was pitching and I was catching. And so everyone else to be like, all right, whatever they fuck up, we'll be able to somehow like save it. And the guy that was pitching was very messed up, did not know any of the rules. And he's just launching sky ball pitches. And it's like, is it like six to 14? Yeah, yeah, like a group pitch? Yeah, so he would just launch these sky ones,
Starting point is 00:18:51 and these guys would line up and just whiff and complain. And he was very messed up, so he would just like giggle to himself. Like, he'd be like, oh my god. They just whiffed that. And I would be losing my shit, because he would be like crying on the mound. And they'd be getting pissed like six to fourteen and
Starting point is 00:19:06 he'd be like yeah I got you having no idea what six to fourteen meant. And the next one is so high. And it went for like five innings where no one could hit this bitch and no one was stepping in and being like dude keep your bitches down dude. They just kept yelling six to fourteen and he was like yeah. He what it meant and the whole time just laughing in their face so by like the fifth inning they were getting really chippy like almost stormed the mountain I was like hey dude he's really messed up I'll tell him what 6-14 means next time but everyone calm down we ended up winning but it was like we didn't go back we were like we can't go back they were very mad there was like people that actually play like oh
Starting point is 00:19:52 seriously oh that was one of the best laughs I had my entire life which is watching this guy have no idea what's going on around them? Man pretty good. I worked with a guy in high school that played slow-pitch softball competitively like he would leave work early to go travel for Tournaments, I don't really feel like this is something you should travel for there's also Saz's is putting a tournament on behind their bar Fast pitch Fast pitch and that's like crazy because they have to wear like There's a few people I know that do fast pitch. That would be so scary. Fast pitch. And that's like crazy because they have to wear like the masks and everything.
Starting point is 00:20:29 Yeah, no I couldn't do that. That'd be scary. I don't know if I'd be able to do that. I think Wiffle Ball is the fastest I could get pitched to. But they do some wild pitches though. They can like. No, that's. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:20:40 That's the other thing. It's not like that. That's separate. That's like Blitzball. Yeah, like you can really put some On it and does one of these those are so cool You get it to come in behind you and still touch all that's honestly what I first thought I could do It sounds like I actually try but I'm like this isn't working
Starting point is 00:20:58 Wicked spins on it. Yeah, so it's all pitch to hit so we're all there to have fun and experience That was a good time. Well, you guys want to play the game tonight? Yeah, let's play the game. Why not? What does pitch to hit mean before we play the game? It's just your lob. If you're playing back air baseball, you're just tossing it to them.
Starting point is 00:21:15 But you know. You got any straight cuts? Yeah. They were bad. Yeah, they were really bad. No, there was one guy in all red. I knew every time I had his number He kind of swung the bat like he swung at everything like I did but I hit it He also hit it twice. He also swung like he had a sword He was just like stabbing at it sometimes. Oh really?
Starting point is 00:21:36 That's how I would be I wouldn't know what to do when I got in that blender of a batter's box Well, they said like you're gonna swing we gotta stop talk about wiffle ball But like I swung early every time I hit it it went to left field every time or fall every time besides one Yeah, and then it was a home run center field Well, I do have a question to ask you guys. Did either of you watch the show glee? Parts of it actually yeah, my college roommate watched it sometimes so I've seen bits and pieces Good you guys would be great in this because this is this is is it a plot line In glee or not?
Starting point is 00:22:09 Okay, give you some false plot lines or some true plot lines You can tell me if it's a true plot line in glee or a false plot line in glee This is so dumb completely out of plotlines from other shows or just completely out of thin air plotlines? This is just glee? You told me this is a true plotline? Or not glee. To glee or not to glee. That is the question. Thank you very much Michael for ruining my question one.
Starting point is 00:22:35 Really? Alright. We have 18 of them. No, we have 17. There's 18. I just had a ruined question one. Well I'll just skip that part. Anyways someone throws a slushy with glass in someone's head. They have to wear
Starting point is 00:22:54 eye patch for the rest of the episode. That is glee. I remember an eye patch somewhere. I'm gonna say that's not glee because the eye patches for a different reason that is glee. That is to be glee. All right. Wasn't there a guy in a wheelchair. That could have been it. That could have been an eye patch that drank the slushy. It's crazy. There's just a slushy full of class. Yeah. Is that a slushy slushy. It was a fake slushy for the stage. Someone starts a school riot because the cafeteria stopped serving tater tots Knockley knockley that's high school musical that is a hundred percent glee her name is Mercedes Sounds athletic
Starting point is 00:23:52 Oh boy. Oh boy. All right. I want everyone to picture Mercedes in their head right now. I think we all. All right. There you go. I'm crying. One of the students goes to prison and builds a community with the inmates by introducing them to football and the other glee club members dress up as cheerleaders and sing jailhouse rock No, that is your longest yard kind of I'm gonna say it's clean Technically, it's not glee, but it is a show called Riverdale I know Riverdale. It's like a Glee light, I think. Yeah, Glee light, but with like magic. Glee light. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Yeah. And murder. Number four, Glee or not Glee, the cheer coach marries herself. Glee. Glee. As I'm saying, correct. That is Glee.lee as I'm saying correct that is glee Good job
Starting point is 00:24:46 Number five one of the students starts Directing tickle fetish films and they call him tickle Terry Riverdale How I met your mother so no glee no. No. You guys are both correct. That is Riverdale. Speaking of fetishes kind of we've gotten this comment a lot. Have you seen this or a topic for the pod? Have you ever gotten a wedgie and like why and how did it feel has been commented multiple times by a few people. All right, let's We'll circle back to the wedgie after game because I have to think about my most recent wedgie. Oh jeez. I don't
Starting point is 00:25:30 know if I can remember a wedgie. Do you remember a wedgie? I know. You never got wedgie'd? No, he gave the wedgies. He was a bully. I was not a bully. You were adopted. You were a bully. I was adopted. What are You were adopted. You were a bully. I was adopted. What are you talking about? Adopted kids were always bullies. You were trying to find another family. You were causing trouble. I bet you were.
Starting point is 00:25:56 I got a diaper before the trouble. You got a diaper before the trouble? Did you like nap time? Were you good at nap time? No, he's a bully for sure. You were in the office every nap time? Were you good at nap time? Yeah. I don't know. No, he's a bully for sure. You were in the office every nap time. You would be, I think if you were a kid now, you'd be a cyber bully for sure.
Starting point is 00:26:11 Yeah, you gave swirlies. All right. Before they were phased out. He definitely is the age putting people in lockers. Yeah, did you put anyone in lockers? No, I didn't put anyone in lockers. Did you get put into a locker? No, I didn't.
Starting point is 00:26:22 I'm surprised I didn't. I can fit. You could fit. I could fit. could feel you get to me in there You're a locker size Jim locker Jim locker Jim All well big ones because they're also wide to Jim lockers you can fit football pads in ours is pretty deep I could go in sideways. Let's be skinny buck 20 in high school Now buck 40 all right graduated soaking wet Now a buck forty. Alright.
Starting point is 00:26:42 I graduated. Soaking wet. Alright Santana gives Finn Mono to prove that Quinn is cheating on Sam. That's glee. That's gotta be glee. Wait! Yeah it's glee. That is glee.
Starting point is 00:26:56 Very good. Finn's the guy that died right? We'll see. No like in real life. Sure. Write in the comments. Alright. The choir director's wife fakes a pregnancy and tries to buy a student's baby from them. Yeah, I'm going to say that's Glee.
Starting point is 00:27:16 No, that's South Park. That is 100% Glee. Most of these are Glee. What a wild show! They singing this, right? I guess I guess when you yeah, is that the when you like to actually say a premise out loud It is kind of wild that that's like episode to episode what they yeah, okay All right, the high school the high school football coach accidentally hits his star football player with his truck before the homecoming game That's not glee. That's not glee.
Starting point is 00:27:45 That's not glee. That's Friday Night Lights. Blue Mountain State. That is not glee. Yeah. What is it? You just made it up. I mean that one. I uh uh it's technically a loose plot in Friday Night Lights. Holy shit. That was a good guess because I've never seen it. Yeah. The coach hits hits not his star player but somebody before the game. But anyways the wife of the choir director volunteers as a school nurse and gives all the students speed so they can do better at Glee Club competitions. That's Glee because this choir what this choir teachers wife seems like a riot. I know I think I bet it's Jane Lynch. I think this is pitch perfect No, this is glee doesn't harm simply I
Starting point is 00:28:30 Believe the choir teachers Jane Lynch was the principal. Oh she was no, I think she was the football coach Yeah, I think she was the gym teacher all right, are you looking at stuff right now? Yeah, I just want to see what Yeah, but she's coach some come on the cast and crew All right, Sue Sylvester. Yeah, she's definitely a coach All right, go ahead. All right girl gets pregnant but doesn't know who the father is the glee so Doesn't know which glee member it is So they have a singing competition to decide who's the father of the child Glee that's glee member it is So they have a singing competition to decide who's the father of the child
Starting point is 00:29:08 Glee that's glee Correct, that's loosely based on something happened in the gym class one time in high school In your high school We need first and last name and who did you wedgie know the girl like faked that she was pregnant and then like had to get to guys fight over it. She's like you know you guys do you guys should settle it by like just doing like this like weird stuff and I was like she's not even pregnant. What's so like do she like manipulating these two guys. Yeah yeah. Do you guys remember seeing your first like
Starting point is 00:29:44 pregnant person in high school? I just being like whoa Well, life comes at you quick All right number 11 Rachel sends someone to a crack house So they missed their audition because she's afraid of losing her the spotlight Yeah, I don't know who else but it sounds not glee Wait, you're saying not glee. You're saying glee. I'm saying glee. Yeah a lot of drugs and This right thing is crazy. Yeah
Starting point is 00:30:13 Seasons are is glee six six seven. I just looked it up. That's why Finn becomes religious and starts praying to a grilled cheese sandwich. That looks like Jesus No, that's that's no Isn't as you classified. No no it's. This is Napoleon dynamite. Nope. That is Glee. Oh shit. What the fuck. This show is ridiculous. This show makes no sense. All right. Number 13. Britney's character asks out a guy to prom. He dies in a car crash before the dance. So she slow dances with this ghost and later has sex with him. That's glee. That's for sure. Glee. No not really scary movie too. That is not glee. That is loosely based on the plot line from Grey's are They ran out of shit to write about there like 45 We're gonna do so many brain surgeries before we can start talking about ghosts having sex with people They needed to keep the ratings up a rival from another school glee club
Starting point is 00:31:32 Pretends to date a girl then breaks up with her by cracking egg over her head Lee Feel like that's one of the tame episodes gonna be like a money release. Yeah Yeah Let's see what we can get away with. Number 15. The show kills off a main character before regionals only for their twin to come in and sing all of their parts. Yeah. No no. Perfect. No this is a friends and Drake Ramore Joey's character but know that he's on a never mind. It's just not glee days of her lives days of our lives yeah it's not glee yeah I wrote that one myself I
Starting point is 00:32:09 thought that was a real like days of our lives yeah not a bad not a bad it's kind of like the plot of you know what I'm talking about I don't want to repeat myself all right the choir sings to a sick boy who has a brain tumor, but he still dies after the concert. Glee. Glee. That is incorrect. That is also made up by me.
Starting point is 00:32:30 Also made up by me. Real morbid. You definitely give people wedgies with that plot line. Alright, number 17, Finn pretends to be in a wheelchair to get a job. Glee. Glee. Incorrect. That never happened.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Damn. No, there's another guy. Real nerdy. Yeah, I had a little offensive. I remember watching it in real life. I was nosy. I'm like, is he actually in a wheelchair in real life? He wasn't, so he got canceled.
Starting point is 00:32:57 Really? No, I just picked that up. Could be. All right, last one. A student drops a gun in the school causing everyone to think they're a school shooter. A teacher takes blame, gets fired, and becomes a personal trainer. Not Glee. Glee.
Starting point is 00:33:14 That's how much spent Glee. That is Jane Lynch's character. And that's how you play Glee or not to Glee. That's the story arc of Jane Lynch. I'm sure she was kind of bitchy and then she took the blame. We kind of like her now. She would go like this. Yep. It was like this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,
Starting point is 00:33:34 this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, a wedgie? Well, first of all, I've never also on the record, I've never seen Glee. Ha ha ha. Who's the man?
Starting point is 00:33:49 I think I've seen the first two or three seasons. But as for a wedgie, I don't think I ever really got a wedgie before. Have you ever given one? I bet you've given them. I don't think so. I've given wedgies to my siblings. I've given one to my dad.
Starting point is 00:34:02 I think we did as a group. Yeah. Oh my god. It gave giving one to my dad. I think we did as a group. Yeah, oh my god. It gave my dad a wedgie, all three of us. It like ripped his underpants off. It's a good one. It's a good wedgie, yeah. It's a really strong wedgie. I think I've gotten a wedgie from my father.
Starting point is 00:34:15 I've gotten a wedgie from my brothers. I give him a good friendly wedgie. I get wedgies a lot from the wife. Really? Wow. Yeah, she likes to kind of bully me. But yeah, I get some good wedgies. That was at interception, and it's a live ball.
Starting point is 00:34:36 Oh, I like how we all just froze. Yeah, that was wild. Yeah, the wedgie thing, I don't remember the last one I've given, but it had to have been to someone I cared about. You can't give a wedgie to just a random person. That's, that's an embarrassing move. Yeah, it's not good. It's not good.
Starting point is 00:34:57 You can't be wedgier. I imagine it was more of a wet willy guy. Wet willy. I've been told by my lovely lady that if I ever give her, this was told to me within maybe the first week of us talking or dating, not sure which one, that if I ever give her a wet willy, she will leave me on the spot, like straight up. And she is so serious about it.
Starting point is 00:35:16 I think it's worth trying. I've tried to put just a dry finger in there and she goes, don't fucking do it. I go, but it's not wet. It's just a willy. And she's like, I was like. It's just a willy. She's like out I was like, it's just a willy. I've also been talking to the micro this He sniffs a little bit of a white claw and he gets a little wild
Starting point is 00:35:41 No, I think we have a science infection That's why she doesn't want science infection science. Yeah sign this now I thought it was a I Thought I was a pollen but it's been a week and I was like this is a it's also only when I sit down When I'm when I move and I'm I'm beep bopping around I feel great. Oh, we forgot to tell you Michael's a beep bopper Big beep bopper. I beg do you know ray gun from? You wish our fantasy football up there is yeah When I was a child the big thing with we didn't do wedgies. I mean, we was always like
Starting point is 00:36:20 joking around our dad like One time I remember we thought it was very funny if we got him brown underwear. That'd be so funny. So we got my mom in on the joke to get him brown underwear, you know? It's just, like, but in new brown underwear. So we're like, ah, dad, look, already your underwear. You booped already. Yeah, yeah, we thought that was so funny.
Starting point is 00:36:40 And then, obviously my mom told my dad, because she's a snitch And she said told like yeah, the kids get your brown underwear for Christmas. So then he got all of us brown underwear. Oh So we all are laughing when he opened his thing. You guys open yours. We open ours and we're pissed We got double crossed by the mother. Jesus. Did any of you cry? No, I did. I think I did.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Probably did. Yeah, it was rough. Christmas is ruined. Yeah. Also, we have a rule where we can only open one present on Christmas Eve. Oh, yeah. That was the one we had to do.
Starting point is 00:37:22 So we all just opened brown underwear. It was just like, uh. Worse than coal. That'd be so shitty. Oh, yeah. I remember, I'd be, oh, god, imagining being a kid and just being like, well, fuck. This is how Christmas Eve went.
Starting point is 00:37:36 I would have loved if your mom really messed with you. I'm assuming she probably wrapped the presents, is if they wrapped your brown underwear and then she swapped your dad's out real quick and put white underwear in there. I'm like, what the fuck, we messed up. Mom! No, dad, these are supposed to be yours.
Starting point is 00:37:59 In all four sizes. These are all way too little for me. How many siblings do you have? I have an older brother and younger sister. Come on, dude Just another okay. How many siblings do I have you have two younger brothers? Okay? How many do I have zero I have a younger brother. His name is Jimmy You could have picked a better name. No, he's my mom's new dog. He's my younger brother Jimmy it was his last name. I
Starting point is 00:38:31 Say my last name I say my last name Jimmy my mom's last name the show or movie were like honey kiss the dog I don't kiss the dog oh yeah I was picturing the Amanda Bynes show that's what I was thinking that seemed like one of those bits that they would do I can't kiss the dog. I love the Amanda Bynes show. That was fun. Isn't that that and Drake and Josh? That just called all that No, it's the Amanda Bynes show. I Think like peak television was the Amanda Bynes show Drake and Josh that's so Raven Sweet life is acting Cody courage a cowardly dog like spongebob Ed and Eddie those were You can't beat that now you have paw pals or Paw Patrol Paw Patrol. That's really not the same level
Starting point is 00:39:18 Yeah, but also you know close. Yeah, but you're also not seeing at the same as you saw the other ones No, it's just a quality cartoon should be cartoons They're not yeah, let's let's have a bunch of grown men talk about cartoons and how the quality Yeah, I did where I think we don't quite get all of it, but have you ever seen cocoa melon? Don't know what the hell's going on during that you told me that a baby shark didn't come out when you were a kid You wouldn't just fucking go crazy. No. I think my dad would have shot the TV Dude, you'd be Also the kids that grew up with that when they're at the club like years from now
Starting point is 00:39:53 I'm at the club and all of a sudden be like you ready for this and just baby Okay, here's like do to do if we were kids Now what trend or annoying thing do you think you would actually Unfortunately be a part of. I'd be a fortnite dancer. You'd be a fortnite person. Yeah Did you ever do fortnite? You ever play fortnite? I did a little bit I didn't like it because I had to build I don't like the building things You you literally paint figurines and build them, but you build in fortnight. Oh, yeah, same thing Yeah, I never played a game of fortnight
Starting point is 00:40:30 When it was like not popular yet And that was fun and then like it started getting popular and there then people got way too good at it and it just wasn't fun people once it's like a Your stream in it kind of thing. You gotta stop playing it. Yeah, I probably doing some tick-tock dances. Yeah. Yeah something like Either they know when I'm in the end zone maybe or something like that like just celebrate. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. I Don't know what I would do Can you see I like refused to try like to do it took me until I was in high school to do Facebook Like when my head like little the trends that came out like remember what fidget spinners were a thing It took me until I was in high school to do Facebook.
Starting point is 00:41:07 In my head, the trends that came out, remember when fidget spinners were a thing? I wanted to murder all of my friends that had them. And they would custom order fidget spinners to come into even the fraternity house. I'm like, what are we doing, guys? What are we doing? The jewels, when jewels first came out, I was like, This is gonna die
Starting point is 00:41:31 It's taking over the world. It was I I don't think I do take talk to him. I'd be too embarrassed cream hunt I Told you should have bet it told you do Judges lose his fantasy football So definitely did dude I would uh I would like to say the guy that was 0 and 2 to start the season is now tied with both these schmucks. Hey, even a mind squirrel finds a nut, buddy. I think I did beat the last place team.
Starting point is 00:42:00 Oh, yeah. Yep, you lost, buddy. You're hoping for a fumbler? He doesn't touch the ball anymore. Yeah. You you lost buddy. You're hoping for a fumbler. He doesn't touch the ball anymore. Yeah You lost buddy. I think yeah somebody somebody find out Can he do something bad? Are you gonna write a strongly worded? I think he punched the shit out of his girlfriend I think he kicked her. I think he yeah, maybe
Starting point is 00:42:20 Difference big difference. Yeah, Ray Rice definitely punched the shit out of her. Yeah, whatever happened to him? He's back up running back for the Kansas City Chiefs. Ray Rice? Yep. Did a bank remont. Ugh, that sucks. Did that ruin your Monday? Now you know how I felt when Cusky beat me.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Yeah, but at least he didn't lose to me. He will. He will. You think didn't lose to me. He will. He will. You think he'll lose to me? I don't know. I think he just had a couple good days. You think I had a couple good days? You got a couple lucky days. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:54 Loser gets wedgied. Last place out of us three gets double wedgied. And you have to explain it in vivid detail. How the fibers of your underwear felt against your puckered butthole? You think I'm gonna pucker you're not gonna. You're not gonna open up my you're not gonna open up. What do you open up? That's bad. I need a deep cleaning Do you keep those on these afterwards no you get rid of rid of them. Because they're going to be ripped. We probably could send them to a few people.
Starting point is 00:43:27 We're not giving poopy butthole underwear that got ripped from a wedgie out to people, unless it's for a good amount of money. Like a grand? Yeah. Have we sold those socks yet? No, we could. I just don't want.
Starting point is 00:43:41 The effort to go get them and then send them. It's not that much effort But here's the thing is once we sell one pair of socks. It's It's a slippery slope slippery slippery sock slope. Yeah 200 now Five Me to consider it I Had there was a video that your feet aren't that good no intent
Starting point is 00:44:05 I when we had the toe socks up and I'm here and I mean the foot is like in the whole shot and My dad sent me a message. He goes don't want to go down that road, buddy He goes not worth it I go I'm not trying whoa whoa whoa whoa How does he know your dad been down there? Down that road I've discussed husky thing. Yes, it's a kusky thing where we just sell our feet now My dad's like don't become the guy the units selling his body. I'm like it's my socks to start Let's sell them the minute. I start selling my body price goes slightly up, but
Starting point is 00:44:44 We're not gonna go into it again no but I know my price for oh yeah we don't need go into that again no but I think that's a reasonable thing yeah I think it was reasonable make a good living so comfortable yeah I was a guy that got wedgie by my wife you're a guy that gives wedgie so your price is definitely higher. Yeah, and I watch Yeah loser out of us three has to get double wedgie by that is that our punishment no double wedgie I thought the loser That's right, that's right or loser loser should have to buy each of the other two a stroker I think it's a good thing to do or loser has to use the stroker after the first place second place Yes, second place. No second place first place goes first second place. Go second
Starting point is 00:45:38 Third place has to use it after no cleanouts. No cleanouts And we all have to watch and make sure you do it no but now that I'm not sent I lost everyone out like the highest place team is only three new yeah yeah sucks yeah honestly I'm pretty happy you lost yeah you would be yeah I i would see myself rise in the ratings will find out tomorrow you just want to give wedges to give money to what you have my dad because he makes the ranking people for yet i make the real face of what he is p n says
Starting point is 00:46:17 you could fact-check it i have to fact-check myself because i get it wrong like twice you're wrong because i can't read. No I can read. What? Been there. Been there buddy.
Starting point is 00:46:29 No you can't read. You can read it. You just can't say what you're reading. Been there. Which is okay. It's okay. No I'm looking at multiple images at a time and I'm like um they were here. No I don't get the rankings wrong.
Starting point is 00:46:41 What I get messed up is and I have to check myself is when I go oh you moved up three down five and I'm like that don't get the rankings wrong. What I get messed up is, and I have to check myself, is when I go, oh, you moved up three, down five. And I'm like, that don't make sense. But I'm curious to see where everyone's going to be. You've been in fourth place for a while. Don't think you're going to be in fourth place after this? Well, everyone's three and two. Everyone's three and two. Oh, yeah, you were in fourth for a while.
Starting point is 00:47:00 Then you went to first. And then, yeah. We have people at three and two left and right right now. Yeah, I think everyone is Standings yeah pretty much everyone be three and two there's three teams that will be two and three yeah, yeah and Or wait is anyone gonna be? Is there any shitty shitty teams? Everybody Charlie. Sarah's team.
Starting point is 00:47:28 Sarah's team. That's what I'm playing. I got my nice win. Sarah's team is two and one and four. Well, we start wrapping this up. If we're just going to look at rankings. So on my phone it has this. And in Caleb, we trust is going to be one and four. Good. That is my buddy Charlie You're the worst fancy who will fire Charlie
Starting point is 00:47:58 That they had to go to quarterbacks. No, that's his friend. Yeah, that's my friend Charlie. Wait, there's two Charlie's I've been so confused. Oh and Skinner and I forget Like I'll tag everyone and I'm like I get through I'm like Iarrow and Skinner. And I forget. I'll tag everyone. And I get through. I'm like, I'm missing. And Sarah can't find her on Instagram. But I'm like, I'm missing one. And I always forget Sparrow. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:48:14 He doesn't care. Yeah. He took Cale Williams, and he's like, all right. I think it's cool. And he's just hasn't probably looked at his team since. That's all right. Wow. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:48:24 I feel like they did pretty good last week. Do you have any ideas? So we're coming up on this in about two weeks. In two weeks, we are filming Halloween. And we're collectively picking yours. We have a good idea. I like it. We have an idea for him, too. We like it. We have an idea for him to. Yeah yeah yeah. We got yours. If I'm if I'm
Starting point is 00:48:48 Lord Farquaad if you would have read the text messages from him and me it was very funny because Jack the big Jack wanted to get you. I was like yeah you don't have to actually do that we can just make that costume look like you know, no, no, we gotta get it I do it like you wanted like this but more way more money than we needed to I think here's thing we need to Go all out for it. So like I mean don't go spending 150 bucks on anything. Okay, okay But like these need to look good like no, we're not doing the Ted Lasso hot dog, whatever the hell you, uh, questionable wrestler. I was a wrestler. If you saw my underwear, the problem is we were sitting.
Starting point is 00:49:34 Yeah, we were sitting. We were sitting in a library. So, like, we have to take that into account. We're sitting, but we should make this fun, and I think to do it, we all need to change privately and like come in here and just wallow in it. I think it's going to be fun. We need to talk about yours. I have some ideas. We might need to re-talk about, I might need to re-talk to each of you about yours.
Starting point is 00:49:57 Because I may or may not be trying to set you up so you guys are matching. Oh Jesus. I may have had you guys matching. You guys both said yes. and now I feel bad. So I'm stopping it. So then I know what it was. Yeah. Oh thank you. I thought you guys are going to say no. No I know I feel weird. Oh then can we say it. Yeah. Yeah. So obviously if it's the same one, it's exactly the same one you want to speak You know what he said he was we get him the football sucker and he's be having around his dick I was like also we get his cut of football it so that's why he's like, yeah, we should get it
Starting point is 00:50:38 And then he goes actually we could just cut a football Have sex with this That would have been so funny love we're here for love go love it would have been funny is like if we talked enough about his and like ours came out we made him do the same thing too just all fucking footballs No, I think I mean that's a great inside joke for us But I think we should probably try and find characters or something that that fit well for okay the personality like I really Yeah, I I mean I Want to go in on Judd. I don't know what you look like. Judd I don't know what Judd looks like yeah I don't know what Jewish and racist. Gene thinks that you look like Ross yeah I'm friends but that's
Starting point is 00:51:35 not how hard are you gonna make it my dinosaur David Schwimmer yeah tell me to pivot a lot I don't think you look like Ross, though. Just so you know. Creamhunt's really just going to put you in a body. I'll tell you what Rachel thinks you look like off camera. But now that she knows, I'm going to tell you. But she thinks you look like the coconut or volleyball from Cast Away.
Starting point is 00:51:57 Wilson? Yeah. Can you pull up a picture of Wilson? OK, can you pull up a picture of Wilson? Can you pull up a picture of Wilson? That's not where we're going to end the episode. It's just a picture of me next to Wilson. We'll pull it up, but I'll just put it up there. So everyone look at Judd.
Starting point is 00:52:13 Well, I've never seen it, but she said you look like the coconut. Is that Wilson or is it the volleyball? Both of them are Wilson, I think. Both of them are Wilson. OK. What is going on, Rachel? Here, let me end this before we. Both of them are Wilson. Okay. What is going on Rachel? I thought you liked me.
Starting point is 00:52:28 I thought we were cool. No. I thought we were... She's gonna murder me. She thinks you don't like her. Not really, but she's like... Maybe because you say I look like the coconut from... There's drama! She goes, does he...
Starting point is 00:52:44 Sometimes I think we have beef. I go, there's no beef. Oh, we got beef. It's fucking like Arby's in right here. We got beef! We got beef. Speaking of fast food chains, Chains. Wendy's. What the fuck did you just do?
Starting point is 00:53:00 I always take the tab off. You've had one of these and you are in shambles. Don't put it back in there! Don't do it again! Just do I always take the tab off you had one of these It's so stupid your dumb boy Wendy's is bringing the Krabby Patty to life October time. Yep. Just you know if you guys want to have a Krabby Patty always fresh never frozen beef at Wendy's take a look At Judd next to the Wilson coconut and tell me he does not look exactly like him. The Krabby Patty or the Coconut? Coconut. Bye.
Starting point is 00:53:27 Bye.

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