Fat Chance Podcast - Judd Eats Cigarettes Ep.190

Episode Date: February 18, 2026

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without him. You got a bachelor party this weekend? No, I have it in two, not this week, in like three weekends. Okay. Where are you going for your bachelor party? For the batch. We're doing skiing in steamboat, so. Now, now, steamboat is a place, right?

Yes. Or is it a mountain? Steamboat is a place. It is, it's Steamboat Springs, and then there's the steamboat springs, and then there's the steamboat ski resort. It is in the Rocky Mountains, and so we will be skiing there. And we just kicked them out. You know, it's like, no, we're doing anything crazy.

Just, you know what? Hey, maybe I want to mention the guys we're going to pitch in, probably get them a gift, stuff like that. There's just a bunch of surprises. So, hey, you're a couple weeks out. You're done. Yeah. My thing is, there's all these mountains that have names that sometimes aren't the name of the

mountain or the town. what do you mean like you go skiing in aspen you don't go skiing in ass like aspen's not the mountain no it's just the rocky mountain range yeah yeah but then there's a veil yeah that's a mall resorts but yeah that's an actual resort you know that's an actual thing like place once again the rocky mountain range but that's not the tale isn't the town right veil is a town yeah oh yeah okay Yeah, they're all the towns, and then it's the resort is named after the town. Because, like, steamboat, I always think, like, when people talk about steamboat, I was like, is that the town? Is it the mountain?

What is it? Yeah, it's always the town and the resort name. So it's Steamboat Springs is the town. Steamboat resort is where you go skiing. It's their section of the Rocky Mountains. Got it. Yeah. Because I always get through, there's like Sturgis, too.

I know that's not skiing, but that's another one around. Is it the town? Isn't that in the Dakotas? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, hi, welcome to Fat Chance. We've been gone forever, and I'm now on my deathbed. Yeah, you were gone.

I was gone. So you were traveling? Where were you traveling? Yeah, I had a work trip. I was in Corsight, Arizona, in the middle of nowhere, in a wash, just doing some work stuff, sleeping out of a rooftop tent, my boss's truck. and didn't shower for, what is it, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, until Sunday morning. Did a few wet wipe showers, pretty gross.

But Rachel did walk in on me in the bathroom just sitting in the shower waiting for the water to run clear. It's very funny because, like, I know in the recent years, the van life stuff has begun popular. and being like showcasing this this vlog style lifestyle and I see that and I know people that do that and I admire the people that can do that but I know that they smell right like I know that they haven't had running water in so they definitely I've come to the conclusion they've definitely yeah they don't shower as often as they probably should or you would like them let's put it that way I'm sure there's some hygiene thing out there like you don't wash your hair every two days or something like that shouldn't shower your body you should shower your body once some of you twice

a day um i would say i've come to the conclusion working in this industry now and this might rub some people the wrong with the van life the majority of them are people who just don't want to pay rent and become YouTubers traveling the world and this truck camper life is people who have way too much money and they're they're retired they're like you know what one of my three homes isn't enough. Let's go camp in the middle of the desert. Oh, yeah. In a home attached to my $200,000 truck,

which is, don't know wrong, I love it. It's so cool. But there's very, it's very different worlds. Yeah, for sure. I mean, there's more of a, like a hipster, earth-friendly lifestyle that like van life. And then there's a glamping, want to bring my house where I'm going on a nice trip to see a waterfall

where you have the biggest camper you've ever seen the entire life and it's a biggest apartment complex. And don't be around. There's in the Venn diagram of the van people and the truck camper people, there's a good chunk in the middle that, like, we're not addressing. And we're not talking about it. The difference is like camping because I have to versus camping because I want to. Yeah.

sleeping on the ground or sleeping in something that's better than my apartment, you know, yeah. Oh, these these campers are insane. They're a lot of money. They're a down payment on a very nice house. And they have queen king-sized beds. They have kitchens in there. They got sofas. It's crazy.

Some of these are going for like full vehicles are going for a million plus. Crazy, right? That's crazy. And then they do like the MTV cribs where they take you indoors and you're like, they just keep popping out in rooms. How is it that big, you know? And this wall slides out. Yeah.

This wall slides out. This roof goes up and the car starts. I can go to the car from the bed. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's also like boats. Boats are kind of the same where like you can have a paddle boat, but then there's also a yacht, you know, that says crazy. You just keep getting bigger.

Yeah. Well, because my voice is gone, we're going to skip to the game early. Is that okay? Yeah. But since you were gone, I made a few things. So I looked up a bunch of headlines that happened in the past two weeks that we've been off. And there's some fun headlines. And I'm going to see if you can fill in the blank because you were traveling.

You may not have saw the headlines. So I'm going to give you a headline and you have to fill in the blank, okay? How many did you start with Epstein? Oh, one. I tried to stay away from the big ones. Yeah, the crazy, terrible things that are happening in the world. Yeah, yeah. The only, I did Voyager Tuesday, last Tuesday,

and I forgot the joke I wanted to do. I did a bunch of others, but the joke I wanted to do is I wish Bad Bunny would have brought out Nancy Guthrie. Okay. Go to the game. Okay. Clip it. A blank was rescued from a storm drain in Florida.

A blank was rescued from a storm drain in Florida. I'm going to say a baby alligator. That's actually a pretty good guess. A manatee. A manatee. Okay, okay. You know, an alligator was too easy. That was too easy.

Yeah, 400 and 10-pound aquatic mammal. is on the men's after a rescue effort, downstream from a sea world in Orlando. That's a big storm drain from 400-pound manatees getting through there. How'd they get them out? I have no idea, but it's crazy. You didn't read the article, just the headline, okay. Yeah, I can't read.

All right. At the Australian Open, Rory McRoy's golf ball rolled under what that was tossed away by a spectator? Banana peel. That is correct. Yes. That was a good guess because that's plausible. It's also very funny because it's the most Mario Kart thing ever, you know? It is.

But also, when you grab your banana peel, how do you not feel the golf ball inside? You're just... Wahoo! Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very like Bowser's getting. It's a me, Mario. All right. Natalie Payne, number three.

Natalie Payne played what instrument while stationed in Antarctica, making it the first time this instrument has ever been played on that continent. I don't know who that probably very talented woman is, but I'm going to go to the recorder. That is a really good guess, and you're so close. It's just as, you know, you're getting farther away. The French horn. The French horn.

Yeah. Is the French horn really close to the recorder? Also, why are you bringing it? Yeah. Just because we're running out of things to do. Yeah, it's like, you're packing your suitcase. You're like, I've got to leave room for the French horn. That's an extra $75.

Check bag. Probably more, it's international. You know the people who are traveling. They're like, Natalie's got to check that stupid bag. Just got to play the French horn on every continent. Yeah. It's just a way. weird, that's a weird Guinness Book of World Records thing that you're doing.

Yeah, it's crazy, but good for her. Congratulations. I would love to get in the book someday. Trying to grow my fingernails. All right. A $99 talking teddy bear that uses open AI was recalled after finding out it was telling kids what. Is this a really bad thing? there's three answers for it but I'll give you any one of them if you get it

is any of it have to do with harm I'm not gonna go I'm gonna go I just I don't even want to say it it's uncomfortable I'm gonna I'm gonna say I don't know like pee and their sisters Cheerios but also the bad thing you're you're talking about the the bad things it shared how to find knives in a home close enough

How to light a match and talked about sexual concepts such as spanking and kinks. Oh. Yeah. So it was probably just reading our comments, you know, on our YouTube. Come on, man. I know you want a wedgie. Yeah. Isn't that funny?

Also, it's so funny to get a teddy bear that does AI. Like, what are you doing? Why do you need that? Please go to the kitchen drawer. or you keep your utensils and grab the sharp pointing one. All right. So there's a solid, number five, there's a solid gold toilet up for auction.

How much money is the starting bit? 1.2. 1.2, what? Mill. Eh, higher. Higher, 2.8. Eint higher. 6.4.

Eint higher. What? Yes. I've found a lump on my body Oh God We're dying in front of the cameras I have no voice You have lumps on your body

Yeah I don't know what that is Spider bite You turn the Spider-Man Probably probably a bug bite 10.2 $10 million is correct The reason that it's this much

Because there's only two of them in the world And the other one was stolen in 2018, and two men were convicted of stealing the toilet, but the toilet was never found. I hope someone's using it. Yeah. Imagine also, imagine having Taco Bell and be like, oh, got to use the cold toilet.

Imagine having that much money. Like, yeah, I have both gold toilets in my house, and either we don't use them or we use them religiously. If I was, like, the housekeeper, I'd feel so upset, having to clean that gold toilet. Like, really? This is what you spend your fucking money on? I just start slowly, if it's solid gold,

you just start slowly shaving parts of it off. And it's thrown into like a gold trucker bottle? Yeah, because if the whole toilet's $10 million. A couple shavings, several grand. Yeah, yeah. Crazy. Number six, the Winter Olympics is upon us. Recently, the village became scarce of one free item.

What was that item that needed to be restocked in the village? Is it condoms? That is correct. Yeah. The villagers were temporary depleted due to the higher than anticipated demand of condoms. See, that's a headline every year is the Olympic villagers be fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every year they, I see it all over.

It's like when you put a thousand of the world's most fit people in the world, they're probably going to touch you. Yeah. Yeah, that's funny. Number seven, Los Angeles Lakers Center, Jackson Hayes, received a one-game suspension

on Wednesday for what? I don't know, like being out past curfew because he was Twitch streaming too long? Incorrect. Hayes pushed the wizard's mascot during pre-game introductions. Why?

Also, for a bonus point, can you name the wizard's mascot? Wally the Wizard? It's even funnier. Wizard the Wizard? It's just G-Wiz. I don't hate that. I don't hate that. Yeah, you got a one-game suspension for pushing the mascot.

that's honestly it could have been worse I take a one game suspension over like a $50,000 which actually I don't know if you don't get your game check it could be worse Yeah I mean he's not a huge flare So that's pretty funny now

All right Everyone's favorites Epstein files have been released And on the internet And it has been joked That an unusual name Has been tied to them Due to it the beginning of February

What is the unusual name? that is going around the internet. It's saying it's in the Epstein files. Is it Elmo? You are, you're on, you're on smoking down. But it's also the beginning of February. That's a good clue. It's also the beginning.

The unusual name. I don't know. Bill Cosby? Martin Luther King Jr. Pucks a tonny, Phil. Dr. Phil? No, Puxetani Phil, the, the groundhog

and see the shadow every year Phil the groundhog is in the files that's what they've been saying like people are putting in him in there and like putting screenshots and his names in there it's very funny oh people are definitely

photoshopping stuff in there and have fun with it yeah absolutely so he's so after he said that there would be more winter they're like oh well we should we believe him he's in the Epstein files That's a good little Ha ha ha Yeah

Number nine We have two more left What event is back by popular demand On May 22nd At Indianapolis Motor Speedway Oh the three-legged race It's Indianapolis Motor Speedway

Yeah well Is it Oh tractor race racing? You're getting closer. It is the weenie 500. Oh, I honestly was going to say weiner dog. Like the Oscar Meyer

Weiner Mobile? It's where the Oscar Meyer Weenermobile races around the track in hopes to make it in the weiner circle. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Remember when we tried to get the Weenermobile that we kept messaging them and try and let us drive it? Yeah, well, there's a better thing.

For bonus points, how many weiner mobiles are in existence? Oh, it's less than 10, isn't it? Is it 10? No. Six. That is correct. There's six of them.

They're all regional, too. So if you see one, it's because that one's in your region. There's the Chai Dog, which is in the Midwest, the New York Dog, which is in East, Slaw Dog, which is Southeast, Chile Dog is the South, Seattle Dog is in Northwest, and the Southwest Dog is a name I can't even. pronounce. So we are not going to try it. Yeah, I feel like I just see the regular dog all the time. You see the tri-dog.

Which is, would that be a Chicago-sale hot dog? And you'd have like the pickle. No, no, I think it's just named. I think it's just named. Ah, okay. So they're all the same. It'd be cool if they put like a Chicago-style dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Seattle dog, all that. That'd be fun. Great branding idea. There we go. Put it on a t-shirt. It's just like a bunch of weanermobiles and different crowd on it and stuff. A group of Brazilian women who are behind bars put on what kind of contest that is designed to spotlight talents and boost their confidence. What t-shirt?

Easy. Ask the question again. A group of Brazilian women behind bars put on what kind of contest. designed to spotlight talent and boost confidence. What do you get? What utensils? What can you use behind bars? I don't know.

Handstand competition, origami competition. Food, like a locked up versus food kind of thing. They put on a singing competition. Oh, that was... See, it's... When there's that in front of me, I just... I can't do it.

You thought they would be scared of the judges, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I got it. Okay, I got it. Thank you.

Sometimes I think these things you make up just to run by one of your cheesy dad jokes by me. And if I laugh, you're like, oh, I can put it in my set. If not, you're like, all right, we'll keep that one close to the chest. That's funny. I probably could.

Yeah. You could have a... You could do the whole one-liner thing next year with just the cheesy dad jokes. Yeah, I do have a lot of the one-liners I didn't do that night. So, um, I could do it. One of them was, uh...

Oh, they're making another movie of Spider-Man. Are they real? Oh, yeah, they are. Isn't that crazy? I thought we had enough pictures of Spider-Man. No. No. That's why I didn't make the final cut, you know? Yeah, I think I might be a good filter for you or I just, you get like a little chuck of like, you know, it might be something there.

Oh, you mean the guy who says no to everything? Yeah, yeah, you'd be a good filter. Yeah, absolutely. Hey, that means when I do say yes, it means something. That's true. I don't think you ever said yes to joke. No. Yeah, I haven't said that.

Yeah. But, no, it's good to see you. I hope that you have some fun travel. I hope that I get healthy and we'll be back next week for... Yeah, we're just going to keep us short. We'll just do little ones, maybe do every other... You know, once you feel healthy, we'll put out a three-hour one. We'll make up for everything we miss.

Yeah, for sure. A feat only. This is going to be our feet to the camera. Feet only, drawn little toesies. and yeah no go go rest go have some warm tea please i'm gonna get some warm tea for sure a throat lozange maybe gargle some salt water a um is that a cup of pop a podcast we don't a yes oh please don't do that guess what's going on the thumbnail is that image right there all right uh rach you you got any uh final uh health advice for someone with the sore throat

Salt water. Look at that. I'm a doctor. All right. Clap our way out. Three, two, one.