Fat Chance Podcast - STEPHEN HAWKING'S FINAL DISCOVERY l Ep. 101

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

Judd learns a very important detail. Jack has a bone to pick with Michael. Michael did some questionable things on his work computer. PLEASE go to https://www.funnywater.com and use promo code FAT10 for 10% off your order. PATREON!!!! (Check out what we really got each other for Christmas) patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

All right. Jack's dad is dead. Drink funny water. Use code FAT10. www.funnywater.com for 10% off. It's delicious. 3.75% alcohol by volume. It's not bubbly.

It doesn't leave a weird taste in your mouth. It's delicious. It'll keep you hydrated and feeling good the rest of the night, and you won't be a pedophile at the end of the night. Congratulations. Drink funny water. It's like the cook's piss in it. Congratulations.

Drink funny water. It's like the cook's piss in it. I'm trying to take a check. Yeah, turn my mic up. Turn it up. Turn my mic up. Can you hear me in the back? You seem higher up.

You're not sitting forward today. Am I supposed to? No, I have it put to where you were. Okay. Fucking stay there. Gotta change my positioning? I don't like this positioning. You're too close.

Fuck. Jack will change his positioning because that'll happen through the episode. Jack will be over here. I just, I'm like water. I just take the, what is it, the shape of the container I'm in. And this container's open-ended. Did you watch the urine review at all? No, I have not reviewed my urine. I was like, I barely looked at it.

I just kind of found all the clips and put it in today. And I put half of it out today. Oh, on YouTube? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. And it was actually kind of cool to be like, holy shit, I forgot about half the stuff we talked about. I also forgot Ben Hoffman was on the show, technically, at the beginning of the year.

Well, what's one of your favorite moments that you forgot? Well, I wouldn't say forgot. Well, I guess forgot is the first clip in it. You're trying to describe Four Loko before it got changed, and then I was like, you're talking like you used to get candy for nickels, and you lose your goddamn mind. That's a good one. And then it ends, the second half's on Patreon,

but it ends with me saying I want to be taller in 2024. I thought it was a good transition to the new year, and then Jack being like, it's unattainable. That's such a good clip. That's so funny. There are a couple good ones. Do you think it's going to happen? Taller? No.

I think I'm just going to get shoes at Big Souls. You can. You can do that. Have you seen those TikTok commercials? TikTok commercials? There's commercials on TikTok now? Yeah, it's like people doing ads like, hey, would you make fun of a guy if he's wearing shoes to make him taller and it's all these like super hot chicks going no i wouldn't and they go all right well how do you feel if i'm wearing those shoes right

now and they're like what no way i can hardly tell and they look like heels and they look like man wedges and then he takes the shoes off and he's like so much shorter and they're like wow i couldn't even tell but it was like obviously your legs are tiny like of course you're small it looked like the people like the little people are you watching on tiktok that's your targeted dude it's funny i have a lot my tiktok is just all like mental patience and that's it and probably a little bit mental patience or my people that probably should be put in a home. And, like, my painting stuff in Legos. That's, like, what it is.

I told you guys I watch a lot of, like, mini golf. No way. My TikTok is just mini golf. Wait, is it, like, the three guys that compete in majors or whatever? Yes. I've seen these people. They're from Menominee Falls. I know.

I saw that. They golf around here. Yeah. I was like, I've seen these people. They're from Menominee Falls. I know. I saw that. They golf around here. Yeah. I was like, I should go see them on the course. That'd be so fun. They've been at the Moreland Center. Yeah. Right by me.

Yeah. And then they golf in the indoor one now because it's obviously cold. Indoor one? There's an indoor one in Greenfield kind of by my old place. Yeah. You know what we should do? There's a mini-golf bar where you kind of create

your own holes downtown. That would be fun to go do. That would be fun. Were you going to make a joke about creating your own holes? I mean, anything with a hole in the dark. Am I right? Especially my hole. That thing is open for business. It's like a whiskey my hole. That thing is open for business. It's like a whiskey jar.

That's not what a whiskey jar sounds like. Well, I'm picturing like one of those Nerf ball shooters where you go. Oh. I think you're good at clicking. Here, do that. There it is. That's what you need to do. I think you're good at clicking.

Here, do that. That's a good click. There it is. That's what you need to do. After that was a hot one. Next 45 minutes, we're just making mouth noises. Butt noises. This is my butthole after the hot ones episode. Did you actually have issues?

No, I'm just doing it for the camera. Don't make me be honest right now. I did have some poops later, but I could chalk that up to a couple of poops. We're going to have to do it again. I left the sauces in the car for when we do it again. Well, good. I'm thinking what we do is we dump all the sauces into a cup, and then we just got to fully submerge.

I think that's a good way to do it and then we just got to fully submerge. I think that's a good way to do it. Sharing is caring. We could just read the tea leaves and see the numbers and go, eh, don't need to do it again. Yeah, no. The numbers aren't great. You guys don't want to see us do it again. Honestly, it didn't look great.

It wasn't our most aesthetically appealing episode by any means, but we need to figure out a lighting situation. We need to go back to the colored chairs. Yeah. You can bring them here. We can set it up. I'm just storing half my shit in Jake's basement. You just move into that room.

You added a roommate. Yeah. Technically, I would have moved. Because he has one another roommate. Yay. Two dogs now. One from cats to dogs. You thought living with parents was tough.

Try living with... Yeah. Two moms. Now you're with mom and a dad. Well, she did make dinner. I wouldn't have had to cook. She does make dinner, and she made some delicious muffins. They were good.

I had a muffin. She doesn't make dinner. She made some delicious muffins. They were good. I had a muffin. She just gave me compliments. We talked about our weekends, our demolition plans for houses, and your guys' – all the work you've done on the house, which is a fun fact. Guess who didn't do cabinets this weekend? Can I guess? Can I guess? Yeah.

Jack. Yeah. I didn't – I wanted to do them. We just didn't do them. But instead, I did my whole office. It looks pretty sharp in there. We had this extravagant episode planned. We didn't say you're full of it.

We can't do it because I've got to paint cabinets. That was the plan. Instead, I had to do curtains in the living room and replaced the sink plunger. I don't know what you call it. And then I did my office. My office was a lot of work. The office does look good. All his figurines are out.

You gotta go check it out. We still have fun though. Yeah. And this weekend, guess what I bought? I went to Aldi. I've been eyeing this up for months because Aldi has an Aldi finds thing. And after a couple, maybe it was a month and a half.

Did you redeem all your tokens or something? No, after every week, they lower the prices so they get it off the shelves because they're just trying to sell it so many money. I bought a tech deck ramp, and I've been tech decking nonstop. Oh, my God. Not even a little bit of me. nonstop. Oh my God.

Not even a little bit of me. Honestly, the only thing Jack wants in life is miniature sizes of things. He wants to feel like he's the biggest person in the room. I'm giant. Which is why... Babe, look how small this skateboard is. Shit, I lost my skateboard.

That might be why he agreed to be on the show. You notice why he says to be on the show. You notice why he says all those short jokes? I like to feel big. That brings me to what I want to talk about, fetishes, today. I was going to say funny water. Wait, now you want to talk about fetishes? No, so.

You watching my fingers move like this? Yeah, does that turn you on? Look at that thing. Look at the dexterity of these little things. Are you happy? Okay. So I brought a pen. Oh, my God. You went to a local library and printed out fetishes?

You're like an old dude at a library doing the same thing they probably are. That's really weird. No, I did this on War Computer. So I don't get a new job soon. I'm getting fired soon. So obviously the Epstein flight logs came out recently. They did, didn't they? Bet you don't know where this is going.

Don't say obviously. Obviously. Well, they've been all over the internet. They did come over. Don't look like you're thinking hard about them. I hope you guys didn't see John Doe's number 138's name. Just kidding. When I flew, I was underage.

You were one of those kids apparented by an adult or a parent. The worst thing is, there's people on the flight logs that are like, I didn't know who the fuck that was. He took us on a plane ride. Now they're on a bliss forever.

It's funny because they were always like, if there's something that's coming out that's going to be a big news thing, it's going to be a distraction trying to take away from the bliss coming out. And just this week, I saw something. The FBI, the head of the FBI was like, I've never seen a more coordinated assault of terrorist attacks so obvious in my entire life. And I was just like, oh, my God, they're trying to cover it up.

Oh, my God. You're thinking of Kuski's dad? They're covering it up. Dude, no one wants to get caught. I know some people are like, hey, this guy's going to take us to an island. And they're like, oh, I'll tag along. It's like the worst Uber pool idea ever. Put your finger in this.

No, it's a kid. it's like the worst that might be something put your finger in this no that's a kid now that i've heard about uh your sweet baby girl's dad that might be something he would be interested in like just pay me eight grand i'll go do it found out um he does live a wild life but he would her dad just randomly got on a plane with dan patrick and went golfing in florida because he's like somehow in their circle he said i thought he was making it up all Christmas. He was telling me he was going to see Dan Patrick. And I was like, no fucking way. And he sent her a picture of him across him eating a sandwich on a private jet. I was like, this fucking guy.

Do you think that her dad's going to be in The Grown Ups 3? Dan Patrick's in The Grown Ups 1 and 2. Really? Yeah. That's not the main character I focused on in those movies. No, but he's in Sandler's crew. Is he really? He is.

Dan Patrick gets put on Sandler's crew all the time. You're right. Yeah. We're going to look this up. Dan Patrick has been in probably the last seven. Happy Gilmore. He's the one that punches him, right? No, that's Bob Parker.

Son of a bitch. R.I.P. Who? Adam Sandler? No. Bob Barker. Why is your phone vibrating? Why is your phone vibrating? Why is your phone vibrating?

Why am I vibrating? Is it your phone, right? What the fuck was that noise? It sounded like you were trimming your pubes. I was like, what are you doing? Brings us to our next ad. Manscape or whatever it's called. Well, John looks this up.

This is the perfect time to bring up our favorite beverage, the funny water. They're changing the way you drink at 3.75% alcohol by volume. It's alcohol-infused water, right? This is the drink in between drinks. If you're getting too close to blacking out, maybe going on a jet with Jeffrey Epstein, if you drink one of these, you're going to have the clarity to go, no, thank you, not today. I won't be a pedophile. And you're going to have the rest of your life to thank to funny water.

Check it out, www.funnywater.com use code fat 10 for 10 off at checkout thank you very much and now the portion where we correct everything so it's just www.not www.www.good on the promo code i love watching you read the can every time yeah um you look at it you say everything go let me just double check real fast make sure i get all the data i did also make one mistake you still might be a pedophile if you drink this it doesn't it's not a pedophile proof thing all right that's a disclaimer all right so if you're currently a pedophile this will not save you from the pedophilia but if you aren't a pedophile and you're getting into that possible opportunity to be one and you're hammered because of it, this is the way to get out of it.

All right. You ready? Fat 10. W-W-W-W-W. W-W-W-W-W. You ready for it? He's in Hustle. Remember that one?

Herbie Halloween. You'd be Halloween so funny. He's in The Do-Over. Ridiculous 6. He's in Blended. Underdogs. Grownups 2. That's My Boy. Jack and Jill, Just Go With It, Grown Ups 1, The House Bunny. I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry, The Longest Yard.

Dude, he's in so many things. I'm trying to remember what he was in Grown Ups 1 and 2. It's pretty much Dan Patrick, I bet. Why am I thinking pool scene in Grown Ups 2, correct? I've never seen either of them. Really? They're not bad. Shaq's in number two.

Is that supposed to make me want to watch it more? Why not? Shaq's a great actor. Yeah. Especially after you have a couple of these funny waters. Yeah, watch Kazam after you watch a few of these. That dude would be a fucking genie. Let's go.

We did agree Friday night when you refused to hang out with us that you probably are the best at just like when we give you an ad read, you're off the cuff. We just let you go. I could be in the WWE, I think. Yeah, that's what we said. It's definitely like a WWE announcement style kind of ad read, and it's great.

There's a time frame you have. You have about 15 to 20 seconds of really good and then you cross that threshold and all of a sudden Epstein's Island cooks piss in the water. I thought that was a good one. I thought that's a good one.

They said be funny. They're changing the way you drink. Just keep talking about that. I did and I added my own little twist onto it. I think everyone everywhere. I'm not complaining. They're not going to stick around with us. They might.

They're not watching this. If you clip this ad read, send it to them and say, you're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. All right. So where I was going with this. Let's hear where this dude printed on a list of um fetishes so i saw a tiktok about whatever and how like i think the most talked about person on this list is stephen hawking

can we agree oh my god yeah and the funny water this guy put up on the back of a tiktok um where are we going so in the log i pretty sure, actually I know this is made up, because the first comment says, I've scanned through all of this, and this line does not show up anywhere. But I thought it was funny. It said, question, did Jeffrey ever talk to you about Stephen Hawking's proclivities? Answer, yes. He liked watching undressed midgets solve complex equations on two high-up chalkboards.

Which, by the way, if that's what he's doing there, maybe we'll give him a pass. That's pretty fucking funny. That's so funny. The best part is he can't giggle. So he's literally typing in ha, he, he, he, he, he, he. Honestly? H-A, H-A, H-A. I mean, that would solve equations like it's Good Will Hunting.

It's very funny. Also, if they walk into the room with a trench coat over them that's also i pictured how they got there lmfao you suck at this um so it got me thinking all right what other weird fetishes are out there i feel like we've talked about them but we never actually looked them up. These were weirder than I thought they were going to be. Were these the ones on the list? These are the ones on the list. I'm going to go through.

I was going to highlight ones I found interesting. Oh, yeah. Tell me the ones you like. You fucking hornball. You creep. Yeah, you fucking went to a public. Nope, I didn't go to a public library. No, you went to a local gym.

And watch people do things. Yeah. Well, you looked up fetishes. They're busy grunting. You're just figuring out what furries are into stuff. Nope. This is... I'm going to give you the name.

I want you to guess what they're into. Okay. Abaziophiliacs. Abaziophiliacs. Abazio. Abazio. Oh, they like to have garnish up their butt when they have sex. Like basil.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. They're into leg braces or other orthopedic appliances. Oh, that's fun. So let's continue with this game. How do you think you got into that? What switch flipped is now sitting halfway that you're into leg braces? You were fucked by a peg leg.

Was your first hand job like a guy or a girl in a cast? Maybe. Oh, yeah. It's funny. Did you get some rug burn? Did you get some rug burn? Because those things aren't comfortable. I haven't been jerked off by one.

You're trying to jerk off. Honestly, maybe it was because you broke your arm and you were trying to jerk off. That's probably what it is. Yeah, or you had like the... That seems more reasonable. What did Forrest Gump have? He had legs that were... That's literally what it says.

These people probably love to the first half of Forrest Gump and then shut it off once he starts running. It goes most of us do, actually. Honestly, it also could be... I just kept running. It could be the only people that can fornicate with them if they break their legs. Drink funny water, kids.

All right, easy one. Hobophilia. Hobos. Into homeless people, yeah. Which is just normal people, but they just haven't showered in a bit. Yeah, you're into dirt. I'm into dirty. You're dirty. Coprophilia.

Snakes. Copro? Copro, or copro? Copro? C-O-P-R-O. Can only fuck with the copper feels on. No, they have a sexual attraction to doo-doo. Feces.

Oh, shit. Poopoo. Have you seen Two Girls, One Cup? Yeah, it's the grossest thing ever. Dude, you're killing it with their descriptions. There is, however, a subcategory called coprophagia, which is a sexual fetish of eating doo-doo. Two Girls, One Cup makes so much sense now.

I printed out just as much. Same stuff. I researched before I came. What if you had this printout, too? I have a game to play today What if I somehow Somehow infiltrated your Your fucking work computer And I was like

I'm just gonna give him targeted ads On TikTok Until he prints this out And it's all me I wrote all this shit Made them all up Who's giving you targeted ads then? I don't know.

All right. A child. Axolism. Axolism? Yep. Oh, they roll into guns and roses. That's so dumb. I love that one.

That's a good one. I'll give you that one. That's probably what it is. You got a guess? That's probably what it is. That's a good guess. It is the desire to have sex with someone's armpit Question though

These have to be fake How do you enter? Are we going between? Or are you going right in? You like close it tight You go in between Imagine you're like hey tighter It's like titty fucking

Except no nipples Which is kind of the whole point of it. Wait, that's the whole point of... This might be one of the hardest I've ever seen him laugh. That's so stupid. The doctor. Which

Normal fucking No nipples Teddy fucking Has nipples Yeah but that's not the point Yeah You're not like You're not like

You're nipple adjacent If you're fucking the armpit You're nipple adjacent Yeah like you wouldn't If anything your hands are closer Maybe you... You're nipple adjacent if you're fucking the armpit. You're nipple adjacent. Yeah, like you wouldn't... If anything, your hands are closer. Maybe you only want one nipple. No. Because you're one side.

Also, do you go at it from the front or the back? Yeah, it's so fucking stupid. Depends on if you want to see their face or not. So stupid. All right, I don't know how to say this next one. Colonophilia. That has to do with poop, too, like colons. No, you want to be knocked out.

You have to give yourself chloroform. You got to think for turtles. Well, that's just easy. You watched the Ninja Turtles when you were a kid, and you got fucking boned up. I like turtles. I like turtles. Honestly, I don't see anything being attractive about turtles. There's nothing.

Where are you going to put it in? Would you go as far to say they're cute? No, they're actually really ugly. I used to have four pet turtles. I used to race them in my basement in high school. Oh, yeah. They were all awful. They were all awful.

They bit. They hissed. One escaped. We couldn't find him for like eight months We found him eventually in the Christmas wrapping paper And instead of being a turtle He was just a skeleton And then after a while

The tanks started to stink So we released him into the wild of the Wisconsin wilderness During the winter And this is brought to you by PETA Drink funny water kids Because the turtles didn't. We brought them to a pond. Holy shit.

No. You did have this. Tall, ripped, sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Ones. Judd wrote this article. I am fucking killing it. Do you know Tyler Lemko? This was published in 2015. Who knows how many fetishes there are.

You were like, what, 24? I was still alive. That was your age. I don't know if they're as good anymore. You've had much more intellectual writing pieces than I have. I published only one. Formicophiliacs. What?

Formicophiliacs. Formicophiliacs. Formi... What? Formicophiliacs. Formicophiliacs. Squirrels? Oh, uh... Oh, this is my favorite one. This is one you're into? Formicophiliacs? No, this one definitely not.

They're in the foxes? Close! But no, they're really into bugs. And, like, bugs crawling on you during You watched A Bug's Life That's just Wait wait wait Honey I shrunk the dicks

Nope nothing about that This one is this is my favorite Uh Climacophiliacs It has to be cold Climate change yeah they like the earth You guys are kinda Not close at all

But like Climaco Nope Don't think climate Mountains Climbing mountains Closer Oh they don't like the climax

No They You're the closest They achieve sexual arousal From seeing someone fall down the stairs They would love a nursing home They achieved sexual arousal from seeing someone fall down the stairs. They would love a nursing home. So all those domestic abuse cases, it's just a little kinky foreplay.

That's probably what it is, honestly. And she just didn't know because he's too ashamed of his fetishes. Have you ever seen the movie The Staircase? I have. What is that? I didn't see how it ended, though. I just watched the first three episodes. Wait, he asked about the movie.

Yeah. I know some of it, but I just didn't know who did it. And honestly, earmuffs, you don't. You kind of like... They just leave it like that?

Yeah. They show you two options. Of who it could have been? Because of what he says and then what other people think. Why are you guys

acting like, one, I'm going to go watch this tonight. Two, I'm the little kid at the kids table at Thanksgiving. Your mouth's buddy. Parents are talking right now. No, it's like this woman. Play with this.

This woman died on the staircase and a lot of blood was there. Except an owl did it, right? Yeah, so there's like all these theories of how it happened, whether her husband did it and the blood splatter was different. There was like a bat, I think it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like a bird might have flew in. That's what they said or something like that, that she fell down the staircase.

It was all these different things, and they really don't know. But at the end, the husband is is being tried for it on and he all his emails get like he was on like gay sex sites and stuff and they're like oh that's why you killed him because she found this and everything and then he's like no no no and then they at the end they show you two possible ways she could have died and one was she actually fell and that's how she died. And that's how the blood got. Spatter got that way and stuff.

And then there's another one where the guy kills her. And then it ends. And then you have to figure out which one you're on the side of. I don't need to watch anymore. That's why I said earmuffs. See you fucking ruined it. Last one. Salismophilia.

Salism. Salismophilia. Salismophilia. You're only in Lizzo videos. Shooting bananas out of your pussy. No, it actually worked out the way I tried. That worked out pretty good. Is arousal by stuttering. Oh, man.

You love the water boy. Today, Junior? Well, it's not really a game, but I did want to show you guys. I like that. If you think you're weird out there, there are plenty of other weird people. No one's hard. I think everyone's weird in their own way. What's the weirdest thing that turns you on?

Jack? Small skateboards. Small things? Small things. All the small things. Mine's big things. Big things, small things. All the small things. Mine's big things. Big things, small things. Just right.

Just right. Blink-182. I got a game. If you guys want to play the game, that's fun. You guys want to make me horny like the last one? Wait, the last one made you horny? I'll leave this literature here with you. Nice light reading for your guests.

The first picture is a grown man in a diaper cuddling up. I feel like we've all heard of the fetish of people liking to dress up as babies. But it's still funny every time you see it. Yeah, it never gets old. All right, my game's fun. It's going to be Michael versus Jack. Shit. Fuck.

And it's going to be guess this person, but I'm only going to give you one word. And if you get it from the first word, you get four points. Do we know these people? You know all these people. Are they local to us? You will figure that out during the game. Brain cancer and stroke.

Can you redo it? So basically, you're just going to guess who these people are from the words I'm saying. I have four words for them, all different words and describe them differently. But if you get it from the first word, then you get four points. Second word, third point, second one, two points, fourth word, you get one point.

Boy, am I glad that I have this funny water in my hand because I was hammered before and now I have a clear eyes. Full heart, can't lose. So, you have to buzz in by saying buzz. Something we can't do with funny waters is buzz. You can keep the buzz going, though. There you go. All right, I'll start you off with an easy one. Buzz.

Shit. Nelson Mandela. Ooh. No points. All right, here'll start you off with an easy one. Buzz. Shit. Nelson Mandela. Ooh. No points. All right, here's the first word. Hair. Buzz. John Stamos.

Incorrect. You're out for this round. Beyonce. Incorrect. All right, next word. Soup. Wait, am I in general? No, no, no.

You can go. Now you can go. Buzz. Chef Boyardee. Incorrect. Campbell's. Incorrect. All right.

Here's your third word. Iowa. Buzz. A.J. Grill. That is correct. Past guest A.J. Grill. That is correct. Past guess, A.J. Grill is the first person. Kuski gets two points. So stupid.

You paint miniatures. Shut up. All right. The next one is Renegade. Buzz, Charlie D'Amelio. Incorrect. Next one is Renegade. Buzz. Charlie D'Amelio. Incorrect. Look at me and my pop culture.

I don't know who this is. Skip. You know who this person is. But if you want to skip, we can go to the next one. Skip next one. All right. Next. Three mistakes.

We can go to the next one. Let's get back to one. All right. Next. Three mistakes. Buzz. Epstein. Incorrect. Trump.

Incorrect. Next one is sweet. Buzz. Lizzo. Incorrect. Buzz. Cardi B. Incorrect. Buzz Cardi B. Incorrect. The last one is fruit snacks.

It has to be someone that was on a different guest. Buzz, my mother? That is correct. Kuski's mom. Oh, the Jeep Renegade. That's her car. And she had three mistakes since Michael has two brothers. Oh, that hurts.

I like this. He hated it last. And she's sweet and has fruit attacks. All right. The next one. I don't know if I want to go in order. I'm thinking it's all people we know locally. No.

Not, well, you'll have to see. So this next one. A decade. Fuck it. My Sweet Baby Girl. Incorrect. Buzz. A decade. Fuck, man. My Sweet Baby Girl. Incorrect. Buzz. Beyonce.

Incorrect. That was close. Did you see his face there? Yeah. This next word is toss. Toss. Dude, I don't have a fucking clue. Decade toss?

Aaron Rodgers. Incorrect. That was a good one. I had to wait to hear this answer and have it not be close. Buzz. Jordan Love. That is correct. Jordan Love.

You're welcome. I just might as well leave that. The next one was going to be former Aggie. Okay. And then the last one would have been silly body. Wouldn't have gotten that at all unless you said Aaron Rodgers. All right. Kuski is wiping the floor with you.

He has five points. New Year, new champ, baby. It's about his mom. And I gave him. He has five points. New Year, New Champ, baby. It's about his mom, and I gave him the last one. Okay. New Year, New Champ. The next one is One Finger. How long can we be silent? Pass.

Okay. Buzz Jack. That is correct. Why my one finger? Hand thumb. Thumb isn't a finger. The next one was going to be one knee. Red.

Painting. All right. I don't like this at all. I like the... New year, new champ. I'm going to have to murder you. We need to get a belt. He's up nine to nothing on you.

How many more we got left? We have a lot more left. Let's rifle through these. All right. The next one is fury. Fury? Fury. Buzz Vin Diesel.

Incorrect. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Buzz Vin Diesel. Incorrect. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Pass. The next word is even.

Fury and even. Buzz The Rock Johnson. Incorrect. Buzz the Grinch. Incorrect. Next word is holes. Fury even holes. Fury even holes. One of these times we're going to get to four and it's going to be like,

my hairy buttholes, what he gets us to say. Fury Even Holes. Fury Even Holes. Fury Even Holes. Fury Even Holes. Fury Even Holes. What's his fucking name? Nick Fury.

Buzz. Nick Fury. Incorrect. Shia LaBeouf. That is correct. Oh! Two points for Jack. Nice. The last one wasia LaBeouf. That is correct. Oh! Two points for Jack. Nice.

The last one was going to be Transformer. And I would have gotten it. I would have said Dave Chappelle. No, that would have been Trans. Hated Transformer. All right. See, you're getting the game. There we go.

Now Jack's back in it. All right. You got one point. Two. Two points. Okay. You wouldn't have two points if it wasn't for me just bringing you the water there. Three points.

Actually, you got three points on that. Hope you feel good about yourself. Drink funny water. 3.75% alcohol by volume. Next one is 25. Buzz. George Washington. Incorrect. That's a good one.

Buzz, Andrew Jackson and Abraham Lincoln. Incorrect. Next one is can't catch. Buzz, Keyshawn Nixon. Buzz Keishon Nixon Incorrect You gave me a little side eye there I'm on the right track Buzz

Ryan Grant Incorrect You both are way off The next one is bear. Dude, I don't know. I don't know. You guys are definitely different in the last one. Buzz.

Swine flu. Correct. Bear. Buzz, Justin Fields. Swine flu? Incorrect. Bear? Buzz, Justin Fields. Okay. The last one, Titanic. Buzz, Leonardo DiCaprio. That is correct.

Oh, yeah. He doesn't date anyone under the age of 25. He doesn't date anyone under the age of 25. Bears, The Revenant. Definitely can't catch. Yeah. Can't catch. Catch me if you can. All right. That was a good one. That was a good one. Bears, the Reds. Definitely can't catch. Yeah. Can't catch. Catch me if you can.

All right. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. See? How many times can I say that? All right. The next one is drugs.

Buzz. Snoop Dogg. Incorrect. Good guess. Who else knows? Buzz. Matthew Perry. Incorrect.

Another good guess. R.I.P. The next one is B.D.E. Buzz? Buzz. Matthew Perry. Incorrect. Another good guess. R.I.P. The next one is B.D.E. Buzz. Buzz. He thinks he's got it. Wiz Khalifa. Pete Davidson.

That is correct. Ah, damn. Then the next word was going to be sunken eyes. You guys think of that? SNL. That would have been the last one. That would have worked, yeah. All right.

Let's go with old. Buzz, Judd. That is correct. Next one is going to be short. We know where it's going. All right. Mine would have been old, dying, ancient, orphan. You've got to get to humor about it.

Next one is tattoos. Buzz. Cusky. Incorrect. It can't be him again. So, Buzz, my little brother. Incorrect. Next one is Sunflower.

Buzz Post Malone. That is correct. Nice. I should have done the microphone. Sorry. Next one is going to be Dirty. And then White Iverson. Should be a country singer.

Should be the fifth. I think he might do it. I think he's going to. I'm seeing him in May. You are? Yeah. Him, Noah Khan, and Stevie Nicks. The same weekend.

That's a wild pairing. That's a great weekend is what it is. Noah Khan's great. So I'm impressed. Next one is Circus. Buzz. Hugh Jackman. Incorrect.

That was going to be my guess. Buzz. Zac Efron. That Jackman. Incorrect. That was going to be my guess. Buzz. Zac Efron. That's correct. What's up with his face, by the way? He got into an accident. Oh, okay. I just saw the iron claw.

Yeah. I heard that's like emotional as fuck. Oh, Jen cried for 45 minutes. Really? It's that bad? I thought it was just a wrestling movie. Don't tell me that. What the fuck?

It's like the staircase all over again. Don't ruin it, kid. It basically starts out saying his family's cursed, and then you just go through it. I'm not going to tell you who dies. You just said everyone dies. The next words would have been basketball, Baywatch, musical. Okay.

Why Circus, The Greatest Showman? Yeah. Fuck, Hugh Jackman's definitely the one for that one. Yeah, I agree. I can't use the first word that I would use for him. I can't use it as the first word, then I would use it for him. I would use it as the last word. That's true. You know?

All right. Do you think he's most known for that movie or Wolverine? Wolverine. It's got to be Wolverine. Yeah, I guess. But Circus, who's the most clear picture you think of when you see Circus? Yeah, fair. That's a good point.

All right, the next one is R. Buzz, Quentin Tar is R. Buzz. Quentin Tarantino. There's a lot of R's out there. Some good R's, some bad R's, some funny R's. Buzz. Richard Nixon. Incorrect.

The next one's football. Buzz. Roger Goodell. Incorrect. The next one's football. Buzz, Roger Goodell. Incorrect. He's not a sports guy. Oh, that was a hint. He's not a sports guy. Randy Jackson. Football and R?

Yeah, Randy Jackson. He's black. They're usually good at football. His name starts with R. He's not good at football. He's actually a shitty singer, too. Black people are usually good at football. He's a shitty singer, too.

R. Football. Oh, shit. I know it. He's a shitty singer too. Our football. Oh shit. I know it. What's the guy that does the I'm just going to pass. Okay. Next one.

Oh wait. Buzz Kevin Costner. Incorrect. Next one's roommate. Buzz Incorrect. Next one's roommate. Buzz. Ray Lewis. Incorrect. Oh, Buzz Brock Pretty.

Incorrect. Next one's Kangol hat. What the fuck is a Kangol hat? Elaborate. It's like a raccoon hat, I think. No, a Kangol hat. What's a Kangol hat. Elaborate. It's like a raccoon hat, I think. No, a Kangol hat. What's a Kangol hat? Like what?

Like you wear it backwards as a Kangol hat? Like what Samuel L. Jackson wears? A do-rag? No. Oh, I know what you're saying. Oh, what my dad wore. Buzz, my dad wore. Buzz, my dad?

That is correct. What's the R? Republican. Republican. Okay. I like how I talked myself through the answer, didn't I? That's my dad. I like how I said roommate, and you're like, what the fuck? Brock Purdy is a roommate.

He's a tenant. All right. The last one. I have won this game hands down. Yeah, you killed it. New year, new champ, baby. Last one, hat. Me, buzz.

Buzz me. That's correct. The, buzz. Buzz me. That's correct. The next one is still here. What's the next one? Short. That should have been the last one. Wants his shirt off. I'm grabbing a drink.

Champ deserves a drink. Congrats, Champ. That was a good game. That was a good game. That was a good game. That was a good game. That was a good game. I have another game, but it was... I might just save it

for the next, because... Because Kuski had a nice... On your left, two. Nice one. One. Yeah. Can you announce the game?

Our game is called... I have to read the top of it. It is called I have to read the top of it It's called Chug Buddy Where we all put our can in here I pop a hole in it And we chug it as fast as we can Dude have you seen the shotgun ones? That's it

That's what this is No have you seen the shotgun ones? That's it That's what this is No, have you seen the shotgun ones? It's a shotgun Oh, yeah Oh, yeah You pump it and Yeah, I'm gonna get that for the golf course That's pretty sick

I have a big beertha Which is like a beer bong But it's shaped like a golf club Oh, I like that That thing gets dirty Yeah, yeah All those get so dirty I, uh

What was it? Remember when you had a funnel And you were in, like in college and you're like, oh, hell yeah. That's how simple guys are. If you think about it, looking back, that was the dirtiest thing. Let's get extra long piping

and do it from the second story. Wait. You should probably put this the opposite way. Right? Right? Nope. Nope. There you go um but wait wait hang on i'm just trying to think you want the you want it up yeah okay you want to i'm just trying yeah wait wait how do you do this you push it down and then it just goes into all of them at once is it gonna spray

yeah let's move it towards the electronics it down and then it just goes into all of them at once. Is it going to spray? Yeah, let's move it towards the electronics. I didn't want to get on your couch. Let me get a blanket. Get the blanket. Alright, how are we going to do this? This is the tiniest hole I've ever did see. Oh, this is not bad.

I thought we all had to almost kiss. Have you seen the... Oh, shit. I'm all over the place. I thought we all had to almost kiss while we were chugging these. No, I've seen... Have you seen the... Oh, shit. I'm all over the place. I'm leaking. I'm leaking. That'd be a pretty cool finish.

Yeah, I thought we were... Let's all kiss while we drink beer. I thought we all had to be like... Three, two, one. I thought we all had to hurl around that thing and try to chug. My only complaint about this device, and maybe it's because you didn't push it hard enough, it's a very tiny hole. Definitely didn't push it hard enough, I can confirm. Yeah, okay.

That's okay. It was an unsteady surface. I was holding it with my hands over a couch. You know what's one of my complaints about Kosky? Tiny hole. Wasn't complaining last Friday night. What does that mean? You fried his fish.

I did fry his fish. We cannot call that place a speakeasy. Are you kidding? Especially because after you're done with him, he wasn't speaking easy at all. I learned that Kuski hates games. Kuski hates games. Kuski hates games. I only like the ones I like, which checks out. I don't like learning new games.

But once I get the hang of it, it's not bad. We won our game. We won the game, and he was still like, whatever. We'll have to talk about this game. It was Euchre. Was it Euchre? If you don't know what it is. Exactly. I was asking a bunch of questions, and fucking Josh is like's a tough game if you don't know what it is. Exactly.

And I was asking a bunch of questions, and fucking Josh is like, oh, of course you don't know what it is, too. I'm like, I told you in the beginning. I don't know what I'm doing. If you don't know how to play Euchre, the people that make them play with you cannot make you feel bad for not knowing the game. That's a problem. Exactly.

Because Euchre's like, you'll figure it out, but Euchre's like, if you don't know it, you're like, wait, what did I do wrong there? Like, all the time. I'm looking at it. They're like, no, that spade's actually a club. I go, in what fucking world? It says club. I'm like, no, it's a jack.

I go, why? He goes, because jacks are in power. I go, the fuck? But that says spade. He goes, exactly. I go, I don't know what you're talking about. And then I just didn't know when to play what. All right, let's do this.

I don't want to. Shotgunning, not my forte. It's not the same as it once was. No. I don't think that as it once was. No. I think I got a little left. Yeah, that's fine. You can just start out in there. It doesn't matter.

But, yeah, Euchre, Euchre not the game you just, like, start playing with people. We did play, what's itre, not the game you just start playing with people. We did play, what's it called? Close the Box. That one's pretty easy. Shut the Box. Same thing. There's synonyms. They played that on Jeffrey Epstein's island, too.

No, they opened the box on that island. They opened their box, and they went inside the box. Oh, boy. I just got a text from my sweet baby girl when we first started this. And she was saying, she FaceTimed me actually during this. Really? Yeah. And I was like, what's going on?

Probably something serious. And I was like, what's going on? And she goes, the girl from the podcast I'm listening to is pregnant. The influencer girl who couldn't have a baby is finally pregnant. And I go, oh, my God. And she goes, I'm literally crying. pregnant and i go oh my god and she goes i'm literally crying yeah what podcast and she doesn't listen oh no she does sometimes sometimes i mean she's listened to the first two he was on and i was like oh they're gonna do this every week i don't

care she didn't listen to the first she didn't listen until i think we actually started doing them over here really yeah because i used to do one with my buddy and that was bad that was a bad one you think i say pretty well and shit here you you go back in the archives oh her name is jc marie smith from i think what's the podcast jc marie smith podcast probably no i think she's a Mormon Call me daddy No the first podcast I ever did Is where I put my phone down Like on a table like this And it was like six of us just talking Recording on my phone

And it was like the weirdest Like we released it And I was like I don't think anyone's ever going to talk to us again What we said podcast What we said podcast That's what it's called. What we said.

What we said. Yeah. I think this one could get a lot more raunchy. And I'd be down for it. I don't care. I'm down. I'm super down for it. Yeah.

But here's the thing. When I start getting raunchy, I feel you both pulling away. Like if we were in a fuck train, you guys would be backing out. And I'd be up in front letting you guys... Backing up. I'd be in the front being like, come on guys. Get in this train with me. Get in this train with me. Here we go. I'm talking about Jeffrey Epstein and Funny Water,

3.75%, not being a pedophile. I say wild stuff and everyone goes, well, that was pretty fucked up, Jack. And then you highlight it. And then the one time he does a Hitler salute, he cuts him out. And I said some pretty fucked up things, Kuski. All right.

So I've got a bone to pick with you. You can put your hand up in the air. And guess what? If I put my hand up in the air doing an Adolf Hitler salute, guess what? Wouldn't be cut out. No, that one would. That one would. After the show on Saturday, Trash Pimp was taking pictures.

And he goes, Hey, Judd, how about we don't do this motion anymore? And he caught me mid. I was just raising my hand. I said, raise your hand if you've been to Don't Tell before, and he caught me mid raising my hand. Maybe let's not do this motion. Maybe you had a serious face, too, and you were like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trash Pimp, I'm going to take some good pictures. The only thing I will ever blur out is if there's any visual evidence that could spread for your employment purposes. What about the fucking audio? You know how much more work it is to get audio than it is visual? You know how much more work I would have to do? In my defense, there is video out there where you'd be like, yeah, Martin Luther King, did he really die as a hero?

And then after he's like, well, that was pretty good for likes, right? I was like, no. No. Maybe if your dad's the only one that watches. I was like, what? All right, Jack, you have 10 minutes. Get as bad as you can get. No. I'm just kidding.

It comes with the flow of the convo. I know. If you just start and say, get as bad as you think, it's going to go like, he thinks about this a lot. That's what I was hoping for. Finally, I get a platform. Kickflip. Oh, I landed it. Did you seeip. Yeah. Oh, I landed it. Did you see that?

No. I didn't land it. I have a whole skate park. A whole skate park? No. You have a whole skate park? Yeah, it was for $12 at Aldi. I thought you just got the skateboard.

No, four boards total, whole skate park. It's in my office. You got four boards. I mean, that's one for each of us. Could you actually skateboard when you were a kid? No. I got actually skateboard when you were a kid? No. I got a skateboard for Easter. The Easter Bunny forgot that I have glass ankles, so I don't do it.

You do have bad ankles. I got a skateboard for Christmas one time, and I live on a gravel driveway. The orphanage. No, that was when he upgraded. He got me to do a gravel driveway. That's where I got to go live on the farm. No, that was when he upgraded. He got rid of the gravel drive. That's where I got to go live on the farm. Man. Yeah, I'm like a dog at the end of its life.

That is kind of funny that they said the orphanage. He just went to go live on the farm, guys. They shot him! I'm like a dog at the end of its life. I get to go live my life on the farm. Everyone, all the kids are like, oh shit, John's dead. I'm a farm. Everyone, all the kids are like, oh shit, Jen's dead. I'm a rescue. Were you rescued?

I feel like I rescued them. Oh my God. She was looking at a bumper sticker that said, I hurt my rescue. And I was like, she's probably not going to put it on there. We don't like bumper stickers. She put it on and I was like, fuck, I hate that bumper sticker. Oh, she's probably not going to put it on there. We don't like bumper stickers. She put it on, and I was like, fuck, I hate that bumper sticker. Oh, if she's got that, that's a gateway sticker to having the stick figures on the back of your car. That's not happening.

That's not happening. I hate bumper stickers. Nothing's worse than fucking up your nice car with a bumper sticker. That's why the Prius has a flat back, so the more bumper stickers you can put on, you know? It is one of my favorite. So it's really easy to put the, what is it, the stencil of I'm gay on the back of it, right? That's the low-hanging fruit.

Coexist, that's what that is. No, you don't know what that means, so... Do you not know what coexist meant? Isn't it the Jewish thing? I know. It's got every single religion on there. Yeah, it's got all of them. I think it's even got, like, a... I knew it was religious. I didn't think it was gay. I think it's even got Satanist. Well, Yeah, it's got all of them. I think it's even got like a...

I knew it was religious. I didn't think it was gay. I think it's even got Satanist. Well, no, it's not. I'm just being a smart... You're the one that said it was gay. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did.

No, I wouldn't have... Okay, so this is like a person that I see on a daily basis, their car, and like I always thought that they were maybe like you know a little gay and what their bumper sticker says i'm so gay i can't even drive straight and i think that's a perfect thing that's a good that's that's honestly a very funny that's a really good one and i was like like one confirm my suspicions and two is like all right you're cool you're cool the guy i hired to clean our gym has a bumper sticker that says, Bongrips for Jesus on the back of it.

That's why. That's why. And I found that out from another member. It's like, do you know who that is? And I'm like, no. And then my cleaner got out of the car. And I go, well, he's going to clean this gym very well today. It's so funny because they thought it was so good that they needed to put it on the back of their car.

Everyone should also see this. Because you don't even even see it you don't see a bumper sticker ever do you like the people that put do you have any on your car no i'm not i'm not a bumper sticker person either like the people put their like school sticker on there i don't even like that i've got my school i don't even have my diploma hung up and i might i don't know where my diploma is in the mail i might not have graduated my grandparents got me this beautiful frame know where my diploma is. I have a gotten line in the mail. I might not have graduated. My grandparents got me this beautiful frame and in my office is the frame with like the stock part of it. Is it hung up?

Yeah, it's hung up. Because they always ask me if it's hung up. So if I just flash it really quick to them in a FaceTime, then they can see it. You should just make a fake diploma and put it in there and make it a lot easier. I took the dealership sticker off my car. I'm not giving them free advertising.

They're making me pay for that car. That's true. You take money off the car, then I'll keep it on there. That's true. I don't even like parking stickers. I hate those things. What about the sticker for your oil change? Do you put that on the inside of your car?

I keep that, yeah. The most recent oil change I got, I think the guy was dyslexic because I told him. I remember because I thought it was so cool. My mileage was 121, 121. And he wrote 122221. No, that's for your next one. No, no, no. How does that make sense?

That's when you go back. You go back from 12221. 121. You go back in 3,000 miles. I'm going back in like 600 miles? Yeah. No, I'm not. You go back in 3,000 miles. I'm going back in like 600 miles. No, I'm not. And he wrote that.

He thought either way that would have been what he thought was my actual mileage. That's weird. I was like, all right. Luckily, I'm weird like that, and I just remember the number. Well, that's a good number to remember. Also, do you feel like you just look down at the right time when you need an oil change? No. I do.

I'm like, oh, fuck. I need it in like 100 miles no i never all the time all the time oh shit i should have done it four months ago are you a miles person or are you like months person miles i drive a lot yeah i do miles i drive a lot too so i don't look at it and i'm like i'm just like ah i should probably get an oil change i just feel it i just feel it in my bones, you know? You usually take every month and a half. That was my biggest worry when I first got my license was, am I going to remember to get gas?

That was not my biggest fear. That's your biggest fear is you're forgetting. When I first got my license because I was like, I can't believe you had this fear like two months ago. I wish I got my license two months. Actually, no, I don't. No, getting your license because you have probationary. You get double points.

No, we just enacted my rule. You have to drive with your grandpa. And then hopefully they both die. So we just kind of start weeding out the population. No more probationary period. It is. But that's not an active law right now. We're going off of the real laws michael not

the ones you just made up because you shotgun to beer and think you're smart right now the real laws are i want to go home double probationary and i got my license taken away and it was bullshit oh that's back when he had a mow the roof remember because he didn't have one yeah i had a roof do you remember when your dad was gone? That's got to be on the... It's on there for sure. I think. I don't know.

I literally just went there. My dad was gone. My mom was worried about the rain. It was so annoying. She was like, it's going to rain. We can't move along. I was like, Mom, it's not going to rain. She's like, just do it.

I'm like, I have to go to football practice in four minutes. Fucking psycho. Oh, man. That guy hangs out with dan patrick who thought no that's not my dad her dad oh yeah my dad's dead what did you say my dad's dead do you know that no i didn't know that yeah if i was actually thinking you were gonna say dead dad for mine i was like that would have really given away but yeah my dad said i killed him in the arena i know the tactic arena i didn't know you guys said yeah wow that makes a lot more sense about things what things elaborate on what. What things make more sense? What makes more sense? Is this funny water?

We are. Should we end it there? I think we should. Jack's dad is dead. Drink funny water. Use code fat10. www.funnywater.com for 10% off. It's delicious.

3.75% alcohol by volume. It's not bubbly. It doesn't leave a weird taste in your mouth. It's delicious. It'll keep you hydrated and feeling good the rest of the night, and you won't be a pedophile at the end of the night. Congratulations. Drink Funny Water.

It's like the cook's piss in it. Good night. I think that was a good description.