Fat Chance Podcast - The Belly Button Fiasco Ep. 112

Episode Date: March 28, 2024

Finally back in the Basement!!! Jacks family has kept something very personal of his! Michael is about to do something very weird in his new socks. Judd races children for fun! SPONSORED BY: Booze Better Supplements: Use the link below to start drinking better and recovering faster! https://www.supplementsolutions.us/?ref=67FwapSjNHdTKo PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy Diego Avila - @trashpimp (photography)

If it's right... When my dad got his vasectomy, she kept his tubes in the spice cabinet. Why the spice cabinet? It was the only logical solution, I guess. I thought it was stupid, too. They're trying to spice things up in the bathroom. If you can read this, get me a beer. Oh.

I guess that's on the bottom, then. Yep. I already got's on the bottom then. Yep. I already got socks on. Yeah, if you can read this. $200. Please bring me a beer. I will put both of my feet in these and

stink them up and send them to you. $200. $600 for the whole lot. Or how about this? We'll give you a deal. $550. Jack's alone are worth $200. Judds are worth $200 if he wears them to play baseball. Yeah, I'm going to play baseball in all of these. My team is right.

That's going to be perfect. That'll be really good. What will you do with these on? I feel like these socks hold and stink. Yeah, they do. Those are sports socks. I got a right on a left. I'll jerk off in these socks, not into them, but I'll wear them, just only socks.

I think that'll help. Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll just be naked. No, no, no, no. Just naked with the socks on. Let him talk. Let him ask this question.

This is important. Let him talk. Let him ask this question. This is important. So when you say that these socks have been jerked off in, you're not saying that you're opening the socks and jerking off in the socks. No. It's on a vessel for coming. You're just wearing them as, like, game-worn socks.

No, I want people to know. Put that in his baseball card. I want people to know I was comfortable when I was doing this. You want to know what? You want to know what I think is weird? Wearing socks when you masturbate.

That's the weird part. Absolutely, which is why I'm going out of my way to do something special. That's ridiculous. That's insane. I don't know

if anyone would want those. I bet you someone does. Okay, question, and this is a total Jack thing, where this is clearly a conversation that I'd like to have.

I'm going to ask this question and everyone's going to go, oh, yeah, okay. Do you guys wear shirts when you masturbate or do you guys get completely naked? I don't do it anymore because I'm... You used to get completely naked, didn't you? I still get completely naked.

With a shirt on? Are you like Wait why Are you afraid? I wear oversized XL's Can you not Is it obstructing your view? Yeah Yeah

So I wear oversized XL's I don't want to get like Lotion Other stuff On my shirt Because typically I gotta wear that shirt For the rest of the day

So I take the shirt off Put it back on when I'm done. Wait, so on. What is the shirt you put on? Well, it depends on the time of day. So you're butt-ass naked. Yeah. You even go as far to take your socks off.

I never would do it with socks on. That's so weird. But if you're like, hey, I want to do it. Don't make me feel weird that I don't demonstrate in my clothes. You guys are the weird ones. Because that means if you do it with clothes on, you also go through your day wearing the same clothes you were just wearing

while doing it. I mean... You guys are like, Jack, you're being stupid, but also the way I just described you, you're like, ah, I might be right. I mean, you're not wrong. No, you're not wrong. No, you're not wrong.

It's like it also depends on when you do it. Yeah. It depends on morning. Noon. Before shower. Always before shower. It's one of my jokes. Always before shower.

And always before pooping. Before pooping. Because I... Nah, we won't go into it. Should we end this? Yeah, we gotta stop. I don't want this to be making the rounds. Because I know Kuz is going to clip it.

I'm going to be like, oh God, I hope work doesn't see this. Jack takes a shit. I like how you showed the back of it. Oh, I didn't know it was the back. No one or no one pays us. You should try one of those, Jack. I will try one of those.

PB&J. You got to try one of each. It's an uncrustable cookie. Oh, I did not know that. Yeah. Crack them open. I think you'd like those. I've never had PB&J before.

So many goodies we've been opening today. Oh, absolutely. I got nothing else for you, though. Nothing else? And you brought 20 cookies that are also simultaneously sandwiches, so. Strawberry or grape? What do you want to start with? I don't need one right now.

I just ate dinner. I'll have a strawberry. Eat one. Honestly, that's all I could do. My hands were full. Eat a goddamn cookie. These are wild. Wow.

Do you like oatmeal cookies? Yeah. So my favorite cookie is oatmeal chocolate chip. That's not my favorite. There's a lot of other good cookies out there, but if someone hands me an oatmeal cookie, I'm not going to be like, ew, oatmeal cookies. Okay, so I've never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

That's so sweet. Hold on. That's such a bold-faced lie. That's a thousand minutes true. I don't like peanut butter. Not a fan. My mom would never make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We can call Kate. So you thought as a kid, wow. Are you going to not like this?

I probably will not like this. I mean, why are they paying us then? Well, I mean, they're not going to pay us yet. You don't like peanut butter. I do not like peanut butter. I mean, I'll eat peanut butter, but I don't like it. I'm not a fan. I will not go.

If there's peanut butter in something, I won't be like, oh, that's not. There's no peanut butter in it. It's a jelly in it. But it's a peanut butter cookie. There's too much peanut butter in this. I'm going to have to tell you right now. There's a thousand percent peanut butter in this. It might be the first ingredient in this thing.

It's peanut butter. You've eaten the whole thing. We should not eat at the same time. Because now... Sometimes I wish there was more jelly in them. Yeah. But they're not bad. There can be other jelly.

Yeah. We need more jelly. But something tells me Bobo is not that great with measurements. This is from the clown, right? I used to have a stuffed monkey growing up named Bobo. Fun fact. What do you mean? Did it get sold in the Facebook marketplace?

No. It didn't speak meow. It's still stored away somewhere. It didn't speak meow. It's still stored away. Somewhere. I don't know where. Your mom still has your stuff, right? Oh, my dad. I don't know.

Somewhere. Do your parents still have your stuff? A lot of it's missing. Well, my toys are pretty much all gone. A lot of the toys that I would play with are at my grandparents. But my mom has all the standard baby the standard, like, baby book. Get my belly button, first lost teeth.

What was that second one? Umbilical cord. Or, like, the belly button when it falls off. You kept your... How did you phrase that? Belly button. But, like, what was before that? All the normal stuff.

All the normal stuff. Like, birth certificate, belly button, first lost teeth i have like a bag of teeth hold on dude dude's a necklace of teeth i have a bag of teeth do you think your belly button was just like popped off i have my belly button so i i think everyone has this is when you cut the umbilical cord you tie it it into a knot, the belly button. And then there's like some left and it dries off and falls off. I hope for the love of God is true true because that's what I've been thinking for ever. I've never seen him laugh like that. We gotta check this out now.

I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered. It's in a baggie You would find it That's what I have it about on the ground So your mom has that in a bag next to teeth Next to my bag of teeth, yeah Dude, I've never seen you cry that hard before i'm happy that happened because it really overshadowed the question like he made it

sound like he got a beer they took the top off and they just didn't give it back to you oh oh just checked it all right when your baby is born the umbilical cord is cut off and there is a stump left the stump should dry and fall off by the time your baby is 5 to 15 days old it turns black okay so like frostbite yeah i'm happy we got a good laugh in there guys but i'm I'm right. No, no, no. I was picturing like a four-year-old. No, no. That puts him under their pillow for like the tooth fairy, the belly fairy to find. It's a crisp $50 pillow underneath your pillow. What do you get for your belly button?

Probably a lot. We have a guest who used to come on this podcast is definitely afraid of his belly button being touched really yeah who my good friend oh josh oh that's dangerous information yeah he it's it's like it's his number one fear in the world like mine is snakes his is his belly button yeah rachel says that she'd break up with me if i ever gave her a wet willy i think it's the same kind of sensation that's weird yeah yeah but like when i don't like but when you tell me that guess what i really want to do yeah it's like in science class where they tell you not to look at the light and you're like

oh come on and look at it when they tell you not to shake the baby, yeah. All I want to do is shake the baby. What babies are you holding? My buddy's kids. I just want to get that belly button off it. Yeah. Let's see if I can break the record. As soon as it's cut, you start shaking the baby. You're like, come on, get it out of here.

I don't want to actually step on it. There's no way your mom has it. It's like one of those minute-to-win-it games. Your mom has your belly button. My dad got his vasectomy. She kept his tubes in the spice cabinet. Why the spice cabinet? It was the only logical solution, I guess.

I thought it was stupid, too. They're trying to spice things up in the bathroom. It was her favorite thing because the doctor was like, I don't want to open the junk drawer at your mom's house. You won't find it. You won't find it. I think she threw it away when we moved. Or we might be kept with my baby book.

Book, teeth, belly button, dad's tubes. Dad's tubes. The doctor, when he handed her the tubes, he goes, you can dip these in gold and make earrings out of them and my mom thinks that's the funniest thing she's ever heard in her life so every time we talk about vasectomies not that it happens often but like anytime like getting tubes like that comes up she's like oh yeah the doctor wants somebody to dip his tubes in uh in gold and she just thinks it's a funny shit however you met her you know she's like yeah imagine but i can see

your mom doing that like a hundred percent imagine imagine someone wearing just where'd you get those my husband my husband's genitals what is that a new jewelry store that's down on third street oh we need to i have like so many notes of like videos i want to show you guys we need to figure out i almost texted you today the tv situation broken okay well i think i might have another one but i thought we had it i saw this video of a kid watching um like the kentucky derby and he was practicing being a jockey he was balancing on like one of those blue exercise balls and he was slapping it the whole fucking race and it was after like um i sent like rachel, Rachel a meme of, like, a cute, like, relationship. The next one is just a 12-year-old going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, I'm a little concerned about my algorithm now. It's better than the amputee porn that was happening for a while. Is it? But I did want to bring up, so I've been looking at our our stats lately do you want to know the five um related search terms that the people who watch us also search for oh yeah yes i do there's nothing to do with feet well kind of this is off of our last couple reels so we haven't had feet in them but give it a go okay uh like google searches google like what else would they like related search terms that usually lead to us and other videos that our watchers also watch oh uh um beard no basement no bar no drunk no it's a lot more specific i'll give you a uh No. Basement. No. Bar? No. Drunk.

No, it's a lot more specific. I'll give you Aiden Fucci. You know who that is? No. Okay, we'll skip. Ben Shapiro. Oh. You're Ben.

Wait, he's Jewish. You're little. He's Jewish. I know what WAP means. When he rapped in life. I know what WAP means. When he wrapped her alive. I know what WAP means. These are the lyrics of WAP. This next one could be related to you, Jack. What's the first one?

Biden's speech. Actually, no, I remember everything I say, except for after that parade. That is the real lost footage. That is the lost footage. That will never come to light. That needs to be deleted. No, that's saved forever, but it won't get released without anyone's permission. Next one, Bigfoot caught on camera.

I like that one. That one's me. That one's I got. I like that one. I love just trying to find if he's out there yet, you know? I don't think he's going to break the news, but we got to keep looking. We got to keep looking. He's got to be out there.

Last one, Gillian Keeves. That's the only one that I'm proud of. Somewhat adjacent. Even close. Who's the other one? Aiden Hutchinson from the Detroit Lions? Is that the first one? I thought it said Aiden Fauci, but it's like

Aiden F-U-C-C-I. Does anyone know who that is? I'm looking. I hope he's cool. Oh. Oh. Alright. Let me see. Is that a mugshot? I'll show you a picture. Yeah, it's a mugshot.

And I'll tell you his crime. He's 14. That's not good. This is a bad one. This is a bad one. We don't want to be associated with this one. But Gillian Keyes kind of redeems it. Aiden Fucci, then 14, was arrested on first degree murder charge in the death of bailey um must be a girlfriend um in

february 2023 just before jury selection was to begin fucci changed his plea to guilty um he's sentenced to life in prison so we have a murder jewish dementia conspiracy comedy i would say Jewish Dementia Conspiracy comedy I would say the fact That one kind of is a conspiracy too But I mean Yeah Seems about right Some of the facts

Yeah That's not bad That's not a bad search history No Not at all I'm pretty I thought it was going to be a lot different I thought it was

I mean for a while it was like Foot Men's foot Sock Shoes Nike We're happy you guys are here but but we don't want to be all. That's not all we're about.

We're well-rounded. We are. Three well-rounded white guys. Yeah. Three straight well-rounded white guys. Honestly, we've been down too long, guys. Our time. All right, you guys ready to play the game?

Time to play the game time to play the game triple h we're playing that at the comedy cabin when we play judd's game oh absolutely that's a good we got our first idea we just announced we're going to the comedy cabin we should also come out to stone cold sea boston yeah, we just start pouring beers on each other. Or Cowboy Kid Rock. Drinking Bud Light. I like that one. Judd doesn't because he likes these sea salt lemon lagers. By Indeed Brewing Company.

This is a good beer. Judd, we have a lot of people who ask if you're gay, and this is not helping your cause. People think you're gay? Yes, I've got a few messages. Like, is Judd gay we have a lot of people who ask if you're gay, and this is not helping your cause. People think you're gay? Yes, I've got a few messages. Like, is Judd gay? I don't think he is. To those people, yes, I am. And a few people ask, does he know?

Oh, do I know? Is he like, we know. Does he know? Oh, yeah. I feel like you can't say that. I feel like you can't be like, oh, I'm gay, and I know he's gay. Because it's also like the exact thing that they're mad I feel like you can't be like, oh, I'm gay and I know he's gay. Because it's also like the exact thing that they're mad at, like straight guys are going like, no, you're straight.

Talk to Jesus. You know what I mean? It's kind of the same. That's a good point. Pray that I'm gay. I am delivered. I like men. Men, men, men, men, men, men, men.

All right. We're going to go back to some games that we played already, but you guys were terrible at. I hope you got better. That's a recipe for success. Yeah. Get ready for a silly. Okay. All right.

Brain teaser. Oh, no. Oh, fuck. All right. First one to answer will win. First one to answer Will win What is seen in the middle of March And in the middle of April

But that cannot be seen in the beginning And the end of either month What is seen in the beginning of March What is seen in the middle of March The letter R That is correct But in the what In the middle of March. The letter R. That is correct. But in the what in the middle of either month?

What is seen in the middle of March and in the middle of April but cannot be seen in the beginning or the end of either month? Oh, well, yeah, the letter R. That's a stupid one. Yeah, there's also not R in the beginning of March or April. Well, good. They're all going to be very stupid, Jack. I was thinking you had a deep one. I thought you were doing more research.

I guess we're playing to the smooth brains. You see a boat filled with people. Thank you. Probably filled with water, too. Is it water? Is the answer water, Judd? Can I finish? Yeah.

Sorry. You see a boat filled with people. It is not sunk. But when you look again at the boat, you don't see a single person on the boat. It's not sunk? Because it's on fire. That could be the answer. There is.

And they burned up. They burned up, yeah. It's not the answer. It's a boat filled with people. When you look closer, it's not even a boat. When you see a boat filled with people, it is not sunk. But when you look again, you don't see a single person on the boat. They all jumped into the water because it was on fire.

Incorrect. There's a hole in the boat. Incorrect. Everyone is married. There's not a single person on the boat. I think fire could have been also the answer. I think we'd murder him after this. We'll put him on the boat.

Are you assuming that marriage would kill him? No, I was thinking the fire that I just lit on the boat. What English word has three consecutive double letters? Mississippi. Consecutive. Oh. What English word has three consecutive double letters? No.

This is going to be, is it consecutive? No. I don't... This is going to be... Is it consecutive? No. No. What English word has three consecutive double letters? Pudding.

Pudding. Bookkeeper. Oh. Could... No, not zookeeper. Nope. That's just two with a K in the middle. Zookkeeper, though, would work.

Zook. You ever been to a zook? Lookkeeper would work as well. Lookkeeper. Shookkeeper. Lookkeeper. We just changed the first two letters. We are smart.

I think we are the smooth brains. A woman shoots her husband. it's about time we spice things up then holds him underwater for five minutes next she hangs him but right after that they have a lovely dinner together how shoots her husband drowns him then hangs, and then they have a lovely dinner. He was a diabetic that needed a bath. Is it a lobster? Shoot.

Incorrect. Oh, she ate him. She ate him. She's a cannibal. Cannibal to cannibal. Shoots him, drowns hims him hangs him eats with him they have dinner together did he get a hole in his shirt

and then she drowned him into a little bleach and then hung it out to dry and then after he was naked jerking off they had dinner no she took a picture of him and then she got the film developed and then they had the film developed. And then they had dinner after.

Shut up. Our generation didn't have film like that. All right. What disappears as soon as you say its name? Judd. Just ran out, just knocked over all the cameras disappear as soon as you say breath name you're so am i there you're so close it's like the but not like first. First Breath? No. Your name? No. Breath.

Breath of the Wild, Zelda. Silence. Silence. Oh, okay. It would also be like Breath when it's cold outside and the smoke goes away. And then it's there. Breath and it's gone. But Silence is a much better answer than ours.

But I think Breath would be a good second place answer. What if you say fire while also using a fire extinguisher on the fire? He doesn't like it. He doesn't like these ones. All right. I have a key, but no locks. Space, but no rooms. You can enter, but you can't go outside.

Keyboard. That is correct. We each got one. Keyboard on fire. Alicia Keys. That goes on fire. What are the next three letters in this combination? D-E-F.

O-T-T-F-F-S-S. O-T-T-F-F-S-S. So two T's, two F's, two S's, one O? O-T-T-F-F-S-S. That's what I just said. O-T-T-F-F-S-S. That's what I just said. O-T-T-F-F-S-S. What is the next three letters in the combination? O-T-F-S.

O-T-F-S. O-T-F-S. Well, it can't be fire because that's four. F-F-I-R. Q-X-Y-A-B-C-D-E-F-G. And I'll tell you them, and then you have to tell me why. O-T-T-F-F-S-S. On the top, fire forms suddenly Santa Claus.

You're on the same lines. All right, so here you go. So here's the next three letters in the combination. Okay. E-N-T. Up on the... Rooftop. Santa really got it.

E-T-S. E-N-T. E-N-T. O-T-T-F-F-S-S-E-N-T. E-N-T. O-T-T-F-F-S-S-E-N-T. Offset? Say count. Count for me. 1-0-2-F-2.

No, just count. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. Now tell me. Are you getting any of this? Yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. That's the first letter of every number. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Look at the shit-eating grin on his face when he's like, Yeah, I know the answer. Pussies. I... All right. This belongs to you, but everyone else uses it. My penis. My penis. I was going to say Kuski's mom, but...

Those answers do not coincide. You said coincide? I don't think not coincide. You say coincide? I don't think it coincides. This belongs to me, but everyone uses it? Yeah. This belongs to you, but everyone else uses it. Name. My time.

Jack is correct. Oh, name. That's a good answer. Next. This is a quick one. This is a hot answer, okay? Tell me the first word that comes out. Ready? First, think of the clouds. The color of the clouds. Next, think of the color

of snow. Now, think of the color of a full moon. Now, quickly, what do cows drink? Milk. Water. That's correct. I knew that's where I was going. It's like the bread toast one. How is seven different than the rest of the numbers between one and ten?

Well, seven, eight, nine, so it's a cannibal. I would love for that to be the answer there's a V in it I mean yeah that's it that's the answer it's also the only two syllable one 7 1

1 3 this is the third One. Not a one. Two. Three. Three. This is the third. No, that's... It's been three days since you've texted me back. Three.

You know? What comes once in a minute? Me. Twice in a moment. Me. But never in a thousand years. My girlfriend. I'm just kidding, Rachel.

Once in a moment, twice in a minute. Once in a moment, twice in a minute, ever in a thousand years? A lifetime? No. Once in a lifetime. What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment. It's a letter in the word. I just didn't think of how to spell it yet.

So if you can fucking do it for me, that'd be great. I just don't want to think about it. N? The letter N? Moment? T? M. M?

The letter M. Yeah. My answers are better. No, I think mine was because it was the right one. Moment on fire. Yeah. What can you hold in your right hand

but never in your left hand? My penis. Please let one of these answers be my penis. Pumpkin butt. Fully naked. What can I hold in my right hand

but not my left hand? Yeah. My left hand. That's true. That's true. That's the answer. Is it? Hold your left hand. Hey, true. That's true. That's the answer. Is it? Hold your left hand.

Hey, do me a favor, Jack. Can you, with your own hands, try and grab your own wrists and then bite your ear? With your right hand, grab your right wrist. No, right hand, grab your right wrist. Right hand, grab your right wrist. I just did. Right hand, grab your... And then bite your ear.

Right hand, grab your right wrist. I just did. Right hand, grab your... And then bite your ear. How can you... All right. Here's the last one. How can you physically stand behind your mother? Try and bite your ear.

All right, bite my ear. Grab your wrist. All right. Bite your ear. All right. How can you physically stand behind your mother? Nice way. Go ahead.

Sorry. How can you physically stand behind your mother while she is standing behind you? My mother always supports me. And then she was front line. We're sitting back to back. That is correct. Oh. I think Jack won that game.

He definitely won that game. He was on fire. That's a good one. I like that one. That was a good one. That's good. All right, let's go home. Let's get out of here.

This was curious because I've seen this a lot now on my feed. You know how, like, people say, like, hey, enter this contest, win a lifetime of whatever? Yeah. What to you would constitute a lifetime of something? Because it is – Have you seen that? Because it's like – You get, like, X amount a month.

Yeah. So, like, if someone's like, hey, you get free hot dogs for a year, lifetime hot dogs, how many hot dogs a year would you need to get for you to feel like, oh, I got hot dogs for a lifetime? I never need to. Because I don't need one every day. I would have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. So I would need at least eight hot dogs.

A day? Yeah. You can't do that. Yeah, you could. Your full intestines would be just hot dogs. And bread. And bread and toppings. Who are you, Joey Chestnut?

No, he eats 1,000 in 15 minutes. I have two for breakfast with eggs. With eggs. Three. For lunch. Three for lunch with probably carrots. And then for dinner, I would have another three in my mac and cheese. Yeah, hot dogs and mac and cheese are great.

It's a top-tier combo. And it's so cheap. I literally lived off that in college. I would have a box of mac and cheese, and I'd have three hot dogs and a mac and cheese. And I would eat that, and I'd have three hot dogs in the mac and cheese and I would eat that and I would, I wouldn't have to eat breakfast. I like hot dogs that look like the non gourmet way. Like give me the ones that I get ballpark, just saran wrapped, kind of a shitty boiled hot dog.

That's gourmet though. That's gourmet. Cause what, what's not gourmet is the shit you make at home. Like the, just like the microwave. Yeah. The microwave. I'm fine with a microwave hot dog. Like the pan fry. Sometimes I'm just not a fan of.

But like back to my original question, what would like if it's – we're not going to do hot dogs because he wants fucking a billion of them a year. Give me another one. Give me another one and I'll tell you something you don't want to hear. If it was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. No. If it was – I was going to say, if it was Rogues,

what's a lifetime, what's a year's worth of Rogues for you that you'd feel comfortable? You're going to grab another one? Yeah. Will you please grab another one? Can we do the cream ale?

My lifetime of Rogues is I typically, I try to stay around five a day. Five tins, not tins. Five pouches a day. Five pouches a day.

How many are you in a pouch? Around 20. So you do like one a day five pouches a day how many are in a pouch around 20 so you can do like one a week one and a half a week yeah one and a half a week typically I'll get

some I'll get one on let's call it five a month you need 60 a year to feel like you got a year's worth of rogues yeah but here's the thing

give me 65 because there are going to be days where I drink you're like a fiend for it yeah yeah no it's not like fiending just like when like for example the St. Give me 65 because there are going to be days where I drink. You're like a fiend for it, yeah. Yeah. No, it's not like fiending.

It's just like when, for example, the St. Pat's. Yeah. Like I was throwing them in constantly. Maybe that was a product of your demise. Although we all were. No, it did not. Can we bring up how bad that went? What are you talking about?

Because in the span of a week we crashed the st patrick state parade we interviewed zach brian's dad and we have not a lot to show for it well i mean i can tell you why we don't have after the parade and it was entirely our fault no we were so intoxicated we do have after the parade it's just, I didn't know we recorded in the van back. We tried to. Yeah, it didn't, it doesn't sound good. We also thought that you were

shooting like a picture. Yeah, I know. Um, that's I thought was the safest way to end that video. What I wanted to do is there's a video of Jack sitting here looking probably at G-Spot and going, I'll fucking kill all of you.

That's fun. That's pretty spot on to really drunk Jack. Honestly, we're going to send that to all our haters. What, you think we're a dumb podcast now? We got aggressively way too drunk, but it was a good time. Was this good? Yeah.

Pretty good time. That was fun. But it was not a product of my demise. The product of my demise is probably the fact that right before we left, I had probably three beers and then someone gave me a shooter or a shot or something and then we get in the back and there's still more drinks.

Yeah. And we're like, whew. I think that the booze butter supplements gave me a second wind, 100%, because the minute we left and we got back into the car, I was like, let's go to the bar. I was fine. Sitting at Natty Oaks, I was like, this is a great time. I think getting up out of this and going somewhere would definitely, like, have made a difference for me. Oh, my God, yeah.

Where as soon as you guys left, I was like, I'm going to go lay on the couch and just out immediately. I think, yeah, I think we were fine. I mean, I didn't take any. I was fine. But, like, remember when Kuski put it in his drink and it foamed up? That was really embarrassing. Okay, but, like. I was really embarrassed to be your friend.

In my defense, I've never added the liquid IV and it's foamed over like that. really embarrassing. I was really embarrassed to be your friend. In my defense, I've never added the liquid IV and it's foamed over like that. It does do that, though. Have you ever put a... I've also never had a liquid IV.

You should have led with that. Yeah, that's right. Have you ever had an emergency? Yeah. They foam up. I haven't had one in a while. Okay. He hasn't gotten

covered in a while. Well. He hasn't gotten comfortable in a while. Well, that's plan B. I think it's plan vitamin C. Plan O. Oh, fuck. Honey, drink all these tangerine creams, please. I like this a lot. That's great.

It's a beautiful beer. I mean, hell, excuse me. Sorry, Kentucky. It's, but like... How do you make it? It has a cream soda taste to it. The cream is always what throws me off. Dude, they put the cream in cream ale. I think that should be their slogan. Dude, they put the cream in cream ale.

I think that should be their slogan. What do you put the cream in? Donuts. We should get donuts one weekend. I heard that Jack and... I can crush them. We're just going to wait on Quick Trip to respond to that one. Yeah, Quick Trip, your move.

Yeah, your move, all right? You're about to see the pinnacle. DW backed that one. They did. They respond to that one. Quick Trip, your move. Yeah, your move, all right? You're about to see the pinnacle. DW backed that one. They did. They did back that one. Honestly, as a friend, I don't want to see you eat 100 donuts. No, I moved it down to 50.

But as someone who's going to edit it, I 100% want to see you eat 100 donuts. I think I can eat 50 donuts, drink a four-pack of brand new, drink what sounds to be brand new at Fashions, and run and rollerblade two miles. No. I'd probably rollerblade them two miles well.

You can't eat 50 donuts. I could. Glazers going down quick, dude. I think I could eat, I could eat two dozen Krispy Kremes easy Okay so Think about this That's half of 50

Almost I know I know 24 And he's Twice my size Twice your size And And

I'm pretty good at rollerblading Okay So That's what's adding into his I guess if you do it and rollerblade you're just burning them off so you just keep I do no no if you're rolling if you're rolling while throwing donuts in your mouth it's not gonna work what you're gonna do is you're gonna eat the 50 donuts you're going to already have your rollerblades laced up, and you start going, and I have a fanny pack with four DW Brandy Old Fashions, and I drink them as I roller blade.

I have to wear goggles because I'm going to be going super fast, and I don't want anything to get in my eyes. And I'm going to need a helmet and knee pads and wrist braces. I think we should do it. Because my roller blades don't have brakes on them. I'll pay for the 50 donuts. The thing is, if he gets- Do you have roller blades? Yeah, they just don't have brakes on them. I'll pay for the 50 donuts. Do you have rollerblades? Yeah, they just run out of brakes on them.

Do rollerblades usually have brakes? Usually they have a stopper on the back. Mine are hockey skate blades, so they don't. It's like taking the governor off your car. I feel like the golf cart. It's like taking the stopper on top of it. You and I have to do a challenge if he does it.

The thing is, he's so confident with his challenge. I know once he gets to the roller blade parts, it's going to be fine. Because also, it's not timed. Let's add some time to it then. How long does it take? What's an average roller blade mile time? How fast do you think you can have 50 donuts down your gut? That's the thing is I don't know how long that will take, but it will happen.

And I think the marvel is that I did all of it in the same day. I think that's what we should be focusing on. I think six hours is a good time. That's too many donuts, man. I think that's too long. That's too long time. You've got to give me probably two hours. Two hours.

Because rollerblading a mile is really quick. Because I can run a mile in probably like six and a half minutes. No one's going to challenge me on that one? You're going to challenge me on the donuts? I just shook my head. I went, no. Not a chance. I can run.

I said I can run a mile in six and a half minutes. But for rollerblading, I can definitely do this. I can run a mile in six and a half minutes. I think you can rollerblade in six and a half minutes. Oh, I can definitely do that. But also, how about this? I rollerblade until I finish four brandy old fashions. That's fun.

Actually, that will be four seconds of rollerblading. I got it. We beer mile it, but with brandy old fashions. So you do a lap, brandy old fashion. Do another lap, brandy old fashion. And then we give you the 50 donuts. All right. So no.

Yeah. How about 25 this? 25. Yeah. I will throw up at All right. So. No. Yeah. How about 25? This? 25? Yeah. I will throw up at that point. There's something that happens. We'll tailgate this. With hot dogs.

There's something that happens on July 4th in my hometown. Fireworks? Mine too. No. There's basically a mini marathon. Okay. A mini triathlon, I should say. The town's not that big.

They can't put a full triathlon on. It's called the Leopolis Triathlon. And basically, they swim the Leopolis Pond. They bike 12 miles and run five. Holy shit. I can't do that. That's how it goes. But then there's like a kid's division.

And then there's also something called the beer belly division. They swim a puddle. Now, the beer belly division got started because someone challenged them to do it but they'd have to drink beers in between running and doing all that so they would swim in the apples pond they would drink a beer they would run or bike five miles drink a beer then run two and at the end they would have to finish another beer at the end that was the beer belly division that's a fun that's a fun thing so people try so pete so beer motivation is still there but sometimes like for the most part people do not drink they're gonna be like beer but they just do the smaller version of it gotcha uh there are some people that still do it um and yeah uh like

drink the beers and stuff which is kind of cool that a fun. I've won it twice in my life. You've done it. I've won. I've won it twice. This was a setup just to tell us you've done it. Yeah. I've done a lot. I've done a lot.

I've done it twice in my life. And then I challenged my buddies. Who's, uh, it's your two for two. I know. I know. I'm not two for two. I've done it many times. I've also lost many times and my buddies want it three times.

Uh, so he's wanted one more than me me, which is he loves to bring them up. How many people are in your town? 40, but like how many people are in the triathlon? A thousand. There's a thousand people that get entered in the triathlon, you idiots. You think they only let people from in the town? You dumb idiots. You think no one else goes there?

You think all the marathons you see are like, oh, these guys are all from Boston. you dumb idiots. You think no one else goes there? You think all the marathons you see are like, oh, these guys are all from Boston. You dumb idiots. You stupid, stupid people. That's why the swimming pool is so... Yeah, the Chicago Marathon is only Chicago people. That's just so funny. How many people?

40, but yeah, more people are definitely going to go. I'm just picturing if there was a 40-person triathlon. Some of those are kids and old people that can't do it. That's four families is what it is. Me and my siblings are racing it out. Is the pond the biggest body of water you got? It's the only body of water we got. What are you talking about?

Once we win the – There's more than one pond. Once I win the – There's a church of ours. What are we going to call this? The quick trip challenge? No, they probably don't want 30. They don't want it.

I've seen their marketing lately. They're rolling rotisserie chickens down street walks. I think they're alright if we... They just did a new chicken thing. Yeah. New branding for their chicken. It looks good. Does it?

They have these raspberry limited edition dunker donuts i really want to try them would you so if i got you the donuts would you want me to interchange a few different flavors no i just get glazers because if you start throwing in cake donuts no no but like they have chocolate glazers don't they no no they just have regular glazers because here's the thing is you could probably ball up six glazers and just... That's what my... That's what Krispy Kreme does. That's what I would do. I would just take like eight and just go boom.

And make like a normal donut. Because there's some area light. I'm a Quick Trip Rewards member now. I want to... No. Yes, I am. Stop. All right.

So he says he is. I am. But I get in the car going to the... We get in the car to go to the Aaron Parade. And we're going to stop at Quick Trip maybe. I still haven't downloaded the app. And he hands the card to his girlfriend and he goes, I'm a member but they keep telling me my card doesn't work because I haven't like – Because I wasn't a member.

Can you just do this? And I'm like, what do you mean you have the card? He goes, yeah, every time I swipe it, they say, no, it doesn't work. And I was like, why? Well, I haven't signed up or logged in or anything. You just have the card, and you keep thinking it's going to work. In my defense, I never use it. I said, every time I go up to the gas station and check out, they're like, are you a rewards member?

I go, I have the car, but I haven't set it up. And they're like, well, do you want to? I go, I do. It's in my passenger seat. I'm going to do it right now. And it happened, I think, eight times before Rachel was finally in the car. And I was like, hey. Can you do this for me?

Rachel, also, it's not our thing, but. She does everything for him. She works his ass in. Every time she comes to visit, my car needs an oil change. Like it's at the 3000 mile mark. So I'm like, and she hadn't been here in a while. And I kind of forgot about it.

And I looked down, I go, Oh, Rachel, she was what? I need an oil change. I thought she was really happy. Also for you,

don't know. His car always sounds like it needs an oil change. Rachel got pulled over for a legal tint. I bought it that way. I don't think they could sell the car if it had a legal tint. I've gotten pulled over for that as well for a legal tint. Same thing. Bought it that way.

That's wild if they sell it that way. I was like, this car is like Lady Gaga. It's born this way. I don't know if I told you guys this. You are, Gabe. You might be. You might be.

I don't know if I told you guys or Diego this on Saturday, but so I got pulled over again because my license wasn't renewed. I just forgot. License plate. License plate. Sorry. wasn't renewed. I just forgot. License plate. License plate, sorry. Wasn't renewed. Now, I got pulled over, pulling in, and she, like, knocks on Rachel's window

because I'm picking her up from the airport. She goes, first of all, why didn't you pull to the right? I go, because I was already turning left. I'm not going to go across three lanes. And then she goes, all right, ma'am, what's your relationship to this gentleman that's fine and she goes can i have your id and i don't know why i got defensive i was like why are you asking for her id you pulled me over and she didn't like that one uh we're just like calm down it's fine she goes what's your relationship and she's like, I'm his girlfriend.

And then we told, like, we were fine. I got a warning. And we told her parents. She goes, yeah, the cops have been out everywhere. They're checking for trafficking. They thought I couldn't land Rachel and that I was trafficking her. I'm not going to lie. Yeah.

That adds up. That's a compliment to me, though, right? No. That's not a compliment to you though, right? No. That's not a compliment to you. That I have an attractive lady? No, that you had to traffic her to get her. Just because she passed their inspection. That was good.

Also, it's a fun way if you didn't know where you sit with your significant other. Yeah. I found out. Getting pulled over. Do you think people are just like, hey, pull me over and ask what your relationship is. We can figure this out. We need to see who's in the bright dynamic here. Who's the prettier one?

I'm convinced every guy reaches, every girl settles. Have you ever been to an airport? No. No. There's some ugly dudes in there. That's what I'm saying. Every guy reaches. Most guys.

How many guys do you know are like, I'm going to settle for someone that's significantly uglier than me? You want to know why you say that, though? Because you don't look at a guy and go, I'd fuck him. But some girls, you could be like, eh, maybe I'm not. Yeah, but also how many times have you... Not that I look at a bunch of girls and I'm like, I would.

But how many times have you been to the airport and you're like, how the fuck did that happen? That happens a lot, yeah. Yeah. That happens, not fine. We'll give you like... That's what it is. High school sweethearts.

Or he has money. You know? High school sweethearts. Yep. Or he has money. You know. True. High school sweethearts. But also I think it goes the other way. I've seen some. How many? Not many.

I was just trying to get on the other side. Sorry. I believe you. I believe you. Because there definitely are some. There's got to be. There definitely are. Megan Fox and MGK.

Yeah. I'll give. That's the point. Megan Fox is. I'm not attacking. I'm not attacking. I Megan Fox Here's the thing That's not attacking I'm not attacking I'm not attacking Yeah Cusky's not getting

That I'm not attacking Pierce Brosnan But 007 His wife Who is Beautiful in her own right Um

Is a little bit larger By definition Hey we're going down The wrong path Right now with this But I'm saying That's like But he's

He's a fucking Cool dude He's like That's my wife I love her it doesn't matter what the thing is so i think she trafficked him what i'm saying is i think what happens is people change after marriage people change all right that's what i'm saying. Because you have a couple babies. You get married. You turn 50. Guess what? She's going to be fine. But also, guys stop working out. They start losing their hair.

Before we started? I'm not talking about that. I'm not getting in trouble again. Not that I got in trouble, but I did get a little bit of attitude, which was well-deserved. I did talk a little bit. It was a joke that was on her expense. And Jack thought

she was gonna pipe back and she didn't she didn't pipe back she didn't which I think was the ultimate pipe back yeah yeah

if she doesn't pipe back if she doesn't pipe back I know I have to apologize immediately if she pipes back then it's like alright she took it the way I meant it

but sometimes you know it doesn't happen sometimes yeah the silent treatment is always way worse than anything yeah she's like, all right,

little dick. I'd be like, oh, I love you. I love you. It's like, oh, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Shouldn't have said that. But, those are good beers. I know, I can have a few of these,

which I shouldn't, but I want to. These are some good beers. Mother of the house spoken here, man. We should see how many beers it takes us to speak meow. Meow.

One. One and a half. For Kuski. For Kuski. That's my second language. Speaking meow. Oh, yeah. Do you think that you're the best?

You know how they like the... The best meow or barker? Yeah, like they have like the pig calling kind of thing. Give me your best meow. No, no. Do you think that like a cat is your best? Noise? Noise.

Probably. Okay. What do you think your best call or animal sound is? Chimpanzee. Chimpanzee? Really? Let's hear that. Nope.

Let's hear that. We can't get that on the internet i was pretty good at turkey i was uh i used to can we hear that one i don't know if i can do it you cannot both give me i gave you a meow oh yeah yeah meow good job dude i have to get into character i need to get on all fours into, you got to get into character. I need to beat my chest. You need to be naked. Masturbate. I need to shit in my hand. That's like the most cusky thing. It's like, no, how about we just use the chairs they have there?

You know what? Let's paint the comedy cabin while we're down there. Just paint it all. Let's open it We can put it on camera Why are you holding onto your mic? We're recording right now You're the reason why we have mic problems

Can I borrow your keys? I am not the reason we have mic problems Yeah you are You don't want to know why? Because you don't talk into your mic No that's that one over there I have talked into my mic 100% of this episode So the only thing i think

in there for me is something all three of us got herpes yeah i'm also putting in our new contract that i need a replacement sweatshirt for the one i gave away and three dollars but you still rocking that uh no you're still rocking that. No, we're going to frame that. Like a jersey. You are making mints mean a lot. This is fun. Judd got a cool color. What?

It's yours, buddy. Oh. That's very much a Judd. Oh, you guys got the waffles. You know what? Are we supposed to just fight over what you guys get? Yeah, we're going to talk about it. I think there's sizes.

Then one half.